#toxic mothers

[x3nshit]

“you can’t heal in the same environment that made you sick”

i didn’t get this until someone put it into words. i’d never understand why i always felt better when i locked myself alone in my room rather than spending time with my toxic family. i never understood why i was bubbly and outgoing when i was with my friends but my energy was immediately drained the second i got home. i didn’t understand why regardless of the effort i put into healing i would keep getting triggered by people in my family. i never understood it until i read that sentence and it all just clicked. i can’t heal in an environment where the people are benefiting from my suffering. where the people don’t want to change the behaviour which affects me negatively.

[pain-is-my-game]

One of the worst realizations that I have ever made is realizing that all I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. I never would've turned out like this if they just loved me unconditionally.

[yuki-sage]

Enmeshment and Parentification

Here are some mental health links about enmeshment and parentification. I hope it helps someone. Mine is mostly on the perceptive of my mother.

[hazelhymns]

“Bless the daughters who sat, carrying the trauma of mothers—“

Mommy issues.

/creating.sophie/Class of 2013 (Mitski)/Lady Bird (Greta Gerwig)/Persephone Made Me Do It (Trista Mateer)/Ijeoma Umebinyo/Wildflower Wildfire (Lana Del Rey)

[justabittraumatized]

revelation of the day: women who experienced a prolonged loss of girlhood and had their childhood innocence robbed are often the bitter mothers obsessed with “the feminine” and passing their flawed notion of femininty onto their daughters. this of course also applies to women who were exposed early on to society’s ideas of femininity 

[x3nshit]

me when i have to do another breathing exercise and count to 10 after my mom says the most vile, traumatizing thing to me because if i say what is really on my mind it would make the situation 100x time worse

[pain-is-my-game]

It's so funny to me watching my mother react whenever I say I'm getting treatment for an issue that I've had since childhood

"Why didn't you tell me? 🥺"

Ma'am you don't really care about me as much as you think you do.

[darkk-stallion]

The thing about a mother's hate is that it's not that different from a mother's love

Sam Gordon, “A Mother’s Hate

[the-midnight-in-me]

The funny thing is...the spankings aren't what stirs up from the muck when I think of bad childhood memories.

It was the yelling and screaming and guilt trips and the reckless driving when she was upset and the storming into my room and the angry outbursts whenever I had to ask for something for school. It was the way the energy changed when she got home in the evenings and how she criticized my friends and how she threatened suicide whenever faced with the truth of how she had hurt me. It was the way she would be always be the aggressor when my parents fought and how she'd scream at me to call the police on my own father and how I wouldn't because even then, I could plainly see he wasn't doing anything to harm her, merely yelling back in defense. I think the difference for me was that the discipline spankings were nearly ritualized. It was an 'uh oh, we fucked up. Line up. Okay, we're done, move on with your day'. VS never knowing when you were going to set her off and never knowing when the onslaught would end once it started. And when mom was the one who got physical it was usually so buried in the emotional crap that it didn't even phase me, except in one case where I legitimately did not understand she was being sarcastic and got kicked hard from behind and with no warning over it.

[t0rschlusspan1k]

The way my mother is trying to destroy every bit of personality and enthusiasm I still have left is both terrifying and indescribably gross. She's a very ugly, horrible, evil, jealous person who should have never had children. I'm so completely speechless and once again shocked by her absolute depravity that I can't even find the strength to explain. I wish I had someone to talk to. No one has replied to my message in... 6 hours, I think. And the next time I'll see someone it'll be a friend of hers who is dying of cancer, the sweetest, most unlucky and unhappy person I know, and I'll have to put on the mask again in order to not be depressing to her too. I have... nowhere to turn to. There is no relief. It's just emptiness. Nobody hears me. I have no one to talk to. Nobody hears me. Nobody sees me. Nobody sees me. Trauma after trauma I'm all alone and the people who are paid to help me traumatise me even more.

[llvrgrll]

I love my mother.

I think about growing up with her.

I think about her growing up with me.

I wasn’t a perfect kid but I was nice.

I used to be so nice.

She loved me.

She also broke me.

She caused me so much pain.

She said things that I’ll never forget.

Some good.

Most not.

and I know it was hard.

and I know she was hurting.

but I was too.

[thatoneidiotyoulovesomuch]

I just love it when my mom complains about doing mom things like taking care of her children she had and being a mom.

[leftdetectivepolice]

My mother just did the most mother thing.

She goes " Americans eat food for a very long time, even it's 6 months. Especially turkey.

I go " I am hundred percent sure that's not true lemme google it ma"

She goes " I JUST HEARD IT, JUST HEARD IT

I go " Well ma, don't spread misinformation "

She goes " IT IS TRUE THO!

I - lemme look it up then-

She literally says - I am better than Google, mothers are wayy better then google, believe me.

And this is how my mates, mothers manipulate their kids.

[x3nshit]

ignorance really is bliss because if i had never done any research on generational trauma and healing, i wouldn’t be crying on the floor because i know exactly how my mom is hurting me but i can’t escape it while also crying about the fact that she also went through her own trauma but but also that doesn’t give her the right to treat me so badly but also she doesn’t know any better but whyyyy couldn’t she have tried to be better but also but but but

[pain-is-my-game]

I know that other people have it worse. I could've had a mother who's physically abusive. I could've had a mother who didn't provide me with food and clothing. But it still hurts knowing that I will never be good enough for her to love me unconditionally.

[immortalspacelesbian]

i love crying while i’m writing. it really adds to it, yknow? it really adds to the authenticity of my writing. it really adds to the spelling mistakes because i can’t see what i’m writing over the cloud of tears blurring my vision and stinging my eyes like alcohol dabbed onto a wound