the-midnight-in-me

[the-midnight-in-me]

I'm so fucking tired, y'all.

[the-midnight-in-me]

[the-midnight-in-me]

Kinda numb over the election. Scared. Because either A: the majority of this country really is that awful/stupid and it's just getting worse instead of better. Or, B: Really terrible people have found really insidious ways to rig elections and we are at their mercy. I keep hoping some big bombshell will drop that there was blatant foul play and something will be done about it. But I've also watched this fuckwit get a pass for the most heinous shit over and over again for the last 8 years so I'm doubtful that anything would be done about it even *if* something's uncovered. Either way, we are fucked.

I feel like I'm in autopilot mode. Like there's a buzzing under the surface that I should DO something, but I realize there isn't anything I can actually control about ANY of this outside of vent my frustrations at pro-T bullshit I see online and through art. There's this weird sort of feeling of resignation; I see the waterfall edge getting closer and all I can do is continue to be loudly and unapologetically me until I go over the edge.

[the-midnight-in-me]

♥︎𝓞𝓻 𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓽 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓰𝓮𝓽 𝔀𝓱𝓲𝓬𝓱 𝓯𝓮𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓱𝓲𝓬𝓱♥︎

[the-midnight-in-me]

Been a minute since I got out the tarot cards; feeling anxious about the election on Tuesday and was hoping for some reassurance. This looks fairly optimisitc...!

[the-midnight-in-me]

Your trauma responses once kept you safe. Thank them, then gently let them know their job is done. It's time to grow.

[the-midnight-in-me]

Mom called me today and I am just realizing that I didn't ruminate over it at all...!?

JFC I should have tried prozac sooner

[the-midnight-in-me]

healing involves a lot more grieving than you’d expect. progress hurts. you’re moving on from things that happened but also things you wished would happen and never did. mourning does not mean you are not getting better.

[the-midnight-in-me]

May have just commentators cursed myself

[Bone tired tonight, fml]

Physically I feel like absolute garbage lately, but I am still riding the high of feeling stable emotionally/mentally for maybe the first/longest time in my life to really mind all that much

[the-midnight-in-me]

Physically I feel like absolute garbage lately, but I am still riding the high of feeling stable emotionally/mentally for maybe the first/longest time in my life to really mind all that much

[the-midnight-in-me]

Could really use a decent night's sleep, just sayin

[the-midnight-in-me]

Holy hell the prozac dreams last night were wild

[the-midnight-in-me]

There's a certain kind of irony/cognitive dissonance in wondering if going back to daydreaming about ChanDon as I'm going to sleep is a sign that I'm starting to go down hill On one hand: Comfort characters, yay~ On the other: Why am I turning to that? What is going on subconsciously that I have gravitated back to self-soothing with hurt-comfort themed daydreaming?

[the-midnight-in-me]

Something I've noticed is some brain fog/headaches/migraines? on and off, especially the week following my period. Idk if it's just one of those "getting older" things or if it's related to the meds. Flouxetine apparently can cause low sodium levels so maybe I'll try to up the salt intake for a bit and see if that helps at all. The hyperfixation on TCGs is waning which...is probably the best for my wallet tbh. I can't keep up with the rotating formats in Pokemon (at least not the physical format--the competitive cards are all so expensive and there's a new expansion every month it feels like), and it has gotten old playing against the same hyper-competitive guy at Lorcana league every week because there's only four of us and the other two generally play against each other all night.

Overall I'm finding it harder and harder to *want* to go anywhere and be around people at all on the weekend with how drained I am. Maybe that by itself is a sign that I need to up my dosage.

[the-midnight-in-me]

[the-midnight-in-me]

[the-midnight-in-me]