#eldest sister

[hephaestusshield]

man of the house (eldest daughter)

[x3nshit]

another shitty thing about being the eldest daughter who based her worth on academics and how useful she can be to others is that it physically hurts to ask for help even when we desperately need it. it's an internalized belief that we should we able to figure out everything on our own and it sucks

[mad-girlslove-song]

"my mother" by lea jane

[muskaanayesha]

I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I am a sponge that absorbs all the trauma of the household. Life is spilt milk and I am a kitchen cloth burnt at the edges. I am falling apart at the corners, threads coming away, rips and ripples like I am torn and trembling in an ocean of nothingness. I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I empathize with everyone. The love of my life marries someone else, and I find myself hoping that he loves her the same. My brother wishes hell upon me and I toss and turn in my sleep over the tears I saw in his eyes. Life is an accidental fire and I am water. I attempt to stop a tragedy I did not start, to go blindly into a catastrophe that I cannot halt. I am the eldest daughter, which is to say that I am silent in my needs. My father asks me what I'd like to eat and I say that I am not hungry. I will chew on my guilt and swallow my pride before I even think of asking for anything. I buy myself a sweet and nothing tastes as bitter as it. Life is a metaphor for debt and I am drowning in the desire to be as insignificant as possible. I demand nothing and nothing demands me.

[raisunii]

Eldest Daughter; Surrogate

After the Ball, Carl Thomsen / Light of Love, Florence & the Machine / God Complex, Rachael Allen / The Split Man, Victor Langheld / A Poem for Women in Rage, Audre Lorde / on being chi hai, Kimberly Nguyen / The Convalescent, Willard Leroy Metcalf / Swear to God the Devil Made Me Do It, The Front Bottoms

[dontthinkorjudge]

i hope my little siblings grow up knowing that i'm their biggest fan. i have seriously never loved any other being as much as i love them.

[wordedarchive]

can we talk about the eldest sibling guilt that comes with leaving home? the one where we question our decision each possible second. asking ourselves if it'd be worth it leaving the younger ones on their own. from being a third parent to always keeping them first - there is that bittersweet reminiscence of a childhood well spent. arguments, fights and unnecessary drama. who knows where that innocent time went. stop doubting every single action. you deserve choosing yourself for once.

[orgasming-caterpillar]

When your card declines at therapy so they bring out your mom in her early twenties pregnant with her first child (it's going to ruin her life forever and you can't help her)

[huellitaa]

makes me so sad to see people who dont get along with their siblings. being an elder sister is exhausting but i adore my little brother and would protect him with my life

[bluetalepost]

i would never be a therapist because that's who i've been all my life. i wonder if i would ever let myself be a mother.

[unofficialpoet]

siblings are really like: the darkest parts of us are the same. no, you cannot play your music in the car, all your music sucks; i think all of your interests are unfathomably weird, actually. we cry about the same things. all of us each thought the other was dad’s favorite. you taught me love. you taught me warfare. oh my god, how were we ever so mean to each other as kids? come over here, i’m going to punch you so hard you’ll have to get braces again. holy shit, all of us looked so bad with braces. you look so small in that picture. i’d kill anyone if they hurt you. how did i ever share a bathroom with you? you’re the most horrific slob i’ve ever met. i need a roommate. want to move in together (again)?”

[x3nshit]

the eldest daughter urge to have an abundance of knowledge and be the smartest person in the room and excel in multiple hobbies and still look sexy doing it all

[theatregorl]

oh my fictional eldest daughters, what would I do without you?

[muskaanayesha]

Watching the eldest daughter take on the second mother role in a family (cannot interfere, it's a canon event)

[wonderouswillows]

The curse of being the youngest daughter is dying with nothing to your name. You are born # of years behind the others, destined to be compared to different people at different stages of their life, all ahead of you— given an advanced start. Your parents say you learned how to walk early to keep up.

You’re raised going to academic award ceremonies for your siblings, but when it’s finally your turn, it’s not as special. Someone else already did it, and your parents don’t grin as broadly as you remember observing for your siblings. What once was exciting for them is an expectation for you.

Bonding time is filled with, “I really can’t tell you if you’ll be as good as them, yet. You’re at different stages of life,” and “You need to do more sports, fill out more scholarships, be more likable” than your siblings. It feels like you’ve been in high school since the day your siblings entered freshman year. They show off your report card (the closest thing to validation you’ll taste), telling your friends that the rivalry you’ve had with your siblings is the reason for your inflated GPA.

Your self worth is tied to a goal that neither starts nor ends, because even if you are “better” than your siblings, it’s too late. Nobody remembers how your siblings were at your age, they only remember the thrill of uncharted territory, newness.

Don’t cry about how you will never see the fruit of your labor, you simply don’t have the time. They’re already ahead, and you have no choice but to compete.

[golden-letters]

i was helping my mum send an email. and in her drafts i saw so many letters to my dad. i didn’t know how to react. maybe we’re much more similar than i thought. in my drafts too, mum, lays letters to my dead father and even some to you.