#THEY JUST REALLY GOT ME DOWN BAD
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Some part of me must have died The first time that you called me “baby” And some part of me came alive The first time that you called me “baby”
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This is my favorite hobby~♥️
As long as I’m still interested in the things I make, then I’ll still share whatever I draw into this space :)
It’s nice to have other folks interested in the stuff I create because it’s exciting and fun to chitchat about it. But that’s all just bonus. I’m gonna make whatever I want whenever I want, no matter if others are interested in it or not lol
#I know that it used to be a rareship before episode 5#but even after ep 5#I got so many messages or comments across platforms that were along the lines of ‘boo radioapple boo!!’#but I just kept at it because 1. i was now a possessed woman and 2. i liked writing n drawing radioapple#I’d also get messages when I draw radiohusk like ‘ew mare is pro ship’ and after I learned what that meant#those disinterested folks still weren’t gone stop me lol#toxic yaoi is good shit#anyway all this to say everyone should just have fun with their hobby#I think if I had 2 followers I’d still post just as much#but the quality of my art would probably be pretty bad LOL#a huge reason why I started feeling motivated to improve was because really talented hazbin artists followed me#and suddenly I was like *OVERDRAMATIC ANIME GASP* ‘I can’t let them down…’#haha no but there is something about having an artist you admire start to follow you that makes you like ‘I must get stronger’#this is fun in its own way haha#i do try to keep that element from making me feel pressure tho#I mean yall have seen my chicken scratch doodles#ight enough rambling it’s 3am#(I went to bed too early T_T)
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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they just want to be one...
commissions @jolyonvane did for me where i asked if he could please please please make stan look as desperate and exhausted as he usually does but is being kept together by all his love for his sbf kyle
#south park#sp style#THANK YOU AGAIN AND FOREVER JOLY!!!!🫶💫#also around the time i comms this i was inspired by @stancsh's post about the necklaces AND THEN spencers released the stankyle ones.......#literally like... stankyle only forever and ever always#i had planned on just on piece but i was sent so many beautiful and amazing sketches 😭 i had to ask for two to be finished at least !!#i really love joly's art and animations and i think i still wouldve ended up a stan girlie but seeing that high animatic?? LIFE CHANGING#and just 🤧🤧🤧 means so much to me he accepted my stanky comm and theyre so <33333333#kyle is holding stan so delicately and carefully and like every touch is so so meaningful and can break and put stanley back togetherrr#sob so much love here💘💘#their necklaces connected in the second one??!!!! they both look so pretty and SO IN LOVE#stanley is like so puppy dog down bad heart eyes i love you i love you do you love me? and kyle is like of course i love you i got you.#WAAAAAUUGHHH AND THEN THEIR COLORS and keeping each other so close...on them#LOOK AT THEM!!!! loooook theyre so??? fhdjkjhjs ough in. the mood for..love.....and stans tummy<333#i seriously love stanky so so much ;; 💙💚
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STOP I'm thinking about the part in Gravity Falls where Stan shows up with freshly bought (stolen) light bulbs only to see Ford screwing a new one in surrounded by family.
And OH my GOD. AGH.
Stan gets a little (ir)rationally upset about this because... It's.. Guys,,,
Stan perceives it as Ford once again easily receiving the praise and love of their family when he had to fight tooth and nail to receive even half of it.... I'm not well ✋😔
#listen I might be too deep in the fandom space and i might actually be mischaracterizing them completely#I'm not saying that Dipper and Mabel don't appreciate and love Stan because they definitely do!!#I'm saying Stan is seeing Ford reintegrate into their new family and he's seeing him do it. so. easily.#So easily When Stan had to PRETEND to be FORD to get even a chance to be a part of their family again#Stan FOUGHT to be a part of this family#and Ford just gets to slide in and... just. be a part of it.#and i mean duh but also... man Idk#Stan had to pretend to be Ford to get even a smidgen of a foothold to be able to even just... interact with his family#Stan's a family man that HAS to look out for everyone but Ford's just.. family. He gets to just... be a part of them with no real obligatio#And I'm not saying Ford doesn't love his family I'm saying he's very repressed and bad at showing it sometimes#It's just that... Stan fought SO hard to be a part of his family. THIS family. That is all he has EVER wanted#and FORD- who had it and took it all for GRANTED- gets to waltz back in and just.... take it for granted AGAIN#hang on guys i think I'm starting to take this a little personally i need to calm down wow#Okay.... I think I'm good#But you get where I'm coming from#cole's talking#gravity falls#grunkle stan#stanley pines#grunkle ford#ford pines#stangst#stan twins#These tags really got away from me huh#Ahem-- all that to say I think Stan's vague resentment in that scene is valid!!
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hi! I absolutely love your art and I get so happy when I see it come up on my feed! 🥰
if I can ask, why does cyra use a cane sometimes? I just saw your art where gale and cyra are with their newborn and cyra is walking with their toddler and she has a cane and I was curious.
have a good day! 😁💚
thank you so much!!!
i don't think i've said much about it other than 'she almost died' aksdhsh but everything went very wrong when the first one was born and she got sepsis, which can really fuck you up long term and she developed chronic fatigue.
she definitely tells the children that she's got a sword hidden inside it
#ramble#bg3#galemance#it's probably got bones or blood vessels carved into the side of it#aLSO uhhh question for mobility aid users bc i'm not a cane user right now but i'm considering getting one and i need to know if it's? ok??#it's not a pain or fatigue thing but i have really bad agoraphobia+vertigo and the only thing that helps is holding onto something?#example: i can't really walk my dog anymore bc it's that bad but i can get by a bit better when i'm holding his leash#anything that sort of connects me to the Ground otherwise i feel like i'm falling#but if i had to walk across a field by myself i would literally shut down#idk i'm not sure if it would help but even a placebo thing would be better rn#i would like to be able to touch grass without having a panic attack skdjhdshsd#i just don't want to like?? appropriate??? idk if that makes sense i'm just word salading right now
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The Final Color Code
Okay here is the final color code. I will be honest I didn't solve it all but here is what it says
TWO DIMENSIONS TO AND FRO / YOU ALWAYS NO WHICH WAY TO GO / IF YOURE LOST DONT BE AFRAID IN EUCLYDIA / YOUVE GOT IT MADE / RUN TOO FAR RIGHT OF FRAME YOULL APPEAR ON LEFT AGAIN / JUMP TOO HIGH DONT CRY OR FRET / YOULL POP UP FROM THE GROUND I BET / IN THIS PLACE THERE IS NO FEAR LOVED ONES WILL NEVER NEAR / ROLES AND RULES ALWAYS CLEAR / EUCLYDIA WE HOLD YOU DEAR
#gravity falls#bill cipher#the book of bill#book of bill#okay I'm gonna be honest I got the first two lines and saw someone else got it and I was like welp that's it for me 😅#I really don't know what to think about this#bill's world just seemed like a little strict and probably looked down on any weirdness#and probably ostracized bill for his mutation#and considering they loved roles and rules i assume bill didn't have any and probably thought#his role or purpose was showing everyone the third dimension and get his people to loosen up but...#he killed everyone instead#i wonder how fast it happened#god damn i can't believe i'm feeling bad for a floating triangle
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mornin, boothill be upon ya. original screenshot 👇🏾
#honkai star rail#boothill#myedits#myart#not bad for my first procreate edit looks about as good as my others#his eyes look nicer darker to me so i got rid of the red in the reticle and cut the highlight down a bit#we'll just say they glow when hes locked in on something specifically#dialogue isnt really a spoiler for anything it was something i saved for me ignore it
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Whenever people who are entrenched in diet culture talk about how terrible chemicals are, I just want to whip out this:
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#diet culture#diet culture tw#described images#image description in alt#'it's got CHEMICALS in it' and so do you! and me too! IT'S ALL CHEMICALS ALL THE WAY DOWN#instead of running from this world we must learn to embrace it#i'm not particularly angry at people who say this because it makes me think that they're incredibly invested in diet culture...#...i just don't want the whole 'food = bad' or 'bodies = bad' to go unchallenged...#...part of the reason why diet culture seems just as prevalent now (if not moreso) is partially because it isn't really...#...challenged or questioned without provocation. it's just assumed to be correct because it makes you 'feel in control'#when chemicals are bad you can control what chemicals you consume. it's individualistic and places the blame onto you for 'being good'#it places responsibility onto the person in such a way that it becomes impossible to fulfill#it isn't that i'm upset that people want to treat their bodies in a way they think is responsible...#...moreso that the *way* they go about it ensures that they're stuck in a cycle of self-blame and even self-hatred#because the METHOD is ineffective. not the desire to treat your body well#also the state of ohio looks stupid and i do Not respect it#it looks like a ball that is simultaneously deflated and over-inflated#also their state flag looks silly to me#it looks like the person who was making it fell asleep making it#i'm just clowning on ohio at this point. have never been to ohio but. are you guys okay
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feelin kinda sad so eating an obscene amount of pasta
#YukiPri rambles#it's nothing serious#just have had a stream of unfortunate disappointments#nothing major and each time i'm like well ok that could have been worse and i'm glad it wasn't#but the cumulative result is just me kinda feeling droopy inside despite trying to continue lookin chipper outside#'wilted' i think is best descriptor for me rn#trying to tell myself that retail therapy isn't the answer here#In case folks are curious#the disappointments are:#1) dad was in a car accident and no one was hurt but gave me a huge scare#2) was given a day off at work in exchange for working a weekend and was looking forward to both#but they asked me last minute nevermind come in instead and i had to cancel all the plans i'd made and couldn't reschedule#3) movie i wanted to see on said day off is no longer playing in local theaters so it's either convince mum to drive an hour or give up#4) had an afternoon tea planned with mum and her friends and was looking forward to it for a month and only eating out this month#had reservations and outfit picked out and everything#but then a few days before landlord scheduled repairs for that day and wouldn't listen when we said we had plans#so i stayed home so mum could go and i'm glad she could go but sad#5) went to work this morning and there'd been a flood in the office from a customer leaving the bathroom sink running#and the torrent of water came down on my desk specifically ruining all of my books/personal stuff#i got reimbursed but it's just really sad bc some of those things were free/gifts that i can't get back and i hate throwing out books#especially ones i never got to read but they were completely drenched through and unsalvageable...#6) had an outing planned this weekend i was really looking forward to but we probably can't go bc weather is bad#i think there were a few others but that's most of the big ones#i am wilted and just want to curl up and not move
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What Mahito did: Manipulate Junpei into being his friend and then killed him in front of Yuji, laughed about Yuji's desperation to save him, killed Nanami, got Nobara into a coma, destroyed one of Todo's hands
Yuji with Mahito at the end:
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What Sukuna did: Threaten to kill Yuji's friend multiple times, ripped Yuji's heart out of his chest and then tricked him into making a Binding Vow that he would have to forget in order to bring him back to life, laughed at Yuji when he desperately begged him to try and save Junpei, told him over and over again that his mere existence would bring destruction simply by being his vessel, destroyed Shibuya and killed countless of innocent people, ditched Yuji to make Megumi his new vessel, then sinked Megumi's soul as deep as he could in darkness in order to keep control of his body, killed Tsumiki, killed Gojo, killed Kashimo, killed Higuruma, killed Choso, almost killed Yuta and pushed him into using Kenjaku's CT to get into Gojo's body, kept praising literally everyone else but Yuji (while still trying to kill them), who he kept talking shit about instead, got pissed when Yuji showed pity and told him that he would kill every single person still left alive that Yuji cared about before finally killing him
Yuji with Sukuna at the end:
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#personal#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen spoilers#sukuita#like whaaaaaat#Sukuna: did much more evil things to Yuji#Yuji: don't worry pookie I love you anyway#Mahito: looks at Yuji the wrong way#Yuji: I will rip you apart piece by piece and watch as the light vanishes from your eyes and-#-I will track down every future reincarnated version of you to do the same over and over until the end of time#like#I don't even like Mahito but my boy Yuji was WILD#he's down BAD for Sukuna I just can't see it any other way bro#also I might have forgotten some thing but tbh Sukuna has done so much shit to poor Yuji I can't remember it all#the point still stands lmao Mahito did a FRACTION of what Sukuna did and got no pity I love my absolutely whipped son#Yuji and Kenjaku both absolutely obsessed with their respective Ryomen twin the apple truly does not fall far from the tree lmaooo#Yuji really said he'd keep living with Sukuna no matter what anyone else might say or think and that he'd stay by his side till the very end#they make me absolutely and completely feral#these bitches gay#(good for them)
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Idk if he’s indeed the prince that was promised shouldn’t he be able to overcome his team’s errors?
#people expected ‘washed up’ daniel to do it so why not the prodigal phenom?#this is me being an unfair hater so just look away#this goes down to people using this as an excuse if LL not getting to really show what he’s got because the team is bad#that’s what they’ll say#but the completely ignored it for daniel
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I love you guys. I hope you know that.
Like.
Ok so I posted the new TRT chapter the other day. Obviously. And I had to force myself to do it, to click that final, 'post' button because at that last moment, this big wave of imposter syndrome hit (that had already hit on and off as I'd started working on the chapter again). And it was just this cycle of, 'It's been like 6 months since you posted a chapter or anything other than a couple one-shots and you're out of practice, I bet it's bad, it's probably terrible, I bet everyone's left and no one cares about this thing you love so why do you? What if no one likes it, you're gonna drop this and everyone's gonna god 'wtf is this, pasta? what happened?'' And so I forced myself to post it, took my meds to ensure I slept, and then kinda just bunkered down and slept/hid because I was halfway convinced that all the trauma in the previous six months had just bopped any ability I had to write.
Instead I got this outpouring, of just like, 'WELCOME BACK' and people telling me they're happy that mom is ok (which made me cry but in a good way) and they're sorry Cato passed away (more tears, but comforted tears), but also delightful jokes about the funny lines I put in or screaming over that romantic line or about missing Jane and the dynamics and comments about being eager for the next chapter, and how now I can be one of those AO3 authors with those notes of 'yeah my life blew up so I was delayed, but hey I'm back!' which... yeah. And much like when I first started TRT, I didn't... really expect that at all, and it's made me really emotional.
So if you've dropped into my ask box or the comments or the replies, seriously, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, because the excitement and love and just you all being the best little fam and continuing on this journey of TRT with me - a journey that has now included both Matt and Jane's journey, and a real life journey through a pandemic, a huge move, a passing of two of my pets, my mom's hospitalization and recovery, some heart issues, the cancellation and resurrection of the show, me meeting Charlie Cox and getting him to hold a red thread, my first wood carving event, etc - and I know I say this a lot, but you all really, really help me keep going when things get hard. I'd write TRT for nothing, I would, because I love this story and I intend to see it through, but ya'll just... I love you all tons. I'm hoping to get through the asks and fic comments and replies in the next few days, but I just wanted you guys to know that.
#i cannot understate how much i cried when i woke up and saw all the comments#and then when i posted about the chapter being up and got a bunch of excitement i just like#i was SO convinced i'd lost something after all the bad things and that some part of me had been lost in it#especially writing a chapter without my old kitty who had sat with me through every goddamn chapter#since the day i first sat down to write it#but the reactions have just... they were really comforting#so thank you#the red thread#and now we look forward to so much more <3
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I love Chris so much you guys.
#detroit become human#gavin reed#chris miller#neither of them is my overall favorite but i do really super love chris - hes up there#also i went into playing this knowing one (1) thing and that was you get to knock gavin out cold in the evidence locker#thats the only thing i knew about this game#ive read some fanfic (before i played the game) and i appreciate that the fics i read that had chris in them#were all like youre the straight friend or just youre the only straight i like#almost unanimously ???? like ? hes got a son and i like that you (fandom) allowed him to be a wife guy#chris was chill and i appreciate that#i missed a lot of the interactions and i messed up a lot somehow though i thought i was being nice and good#shocking no one my favorite guy is a side character and not one of the protags#i want to draw him but i couldnt think of anything dialogue wise for him and i really wanted to draw Stupid Men#and for my run at least im like wow gavin isnt even that bad of an antagonist lmao#like granted i never had a coworker aim a gun at me but i have been threatened for a stabbing before so#anyway sweats nervously at posting dbh content after being known for ... not that sort of game#good lord the stress i felt every interaction that i got an affection down ?? my otome exp is only positive reinforcement signs#where you get lil blossoms or hearts when you make the correct route choice and get nothing if not#the red downs were awful
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Growing closer than expected (Patreon)
#Doodles#Pokemon#Kabu#Larry#Firebland#Silverstreakshipping#To the shock of no one this is Zarla's fault (lol)#Bad influence! Too inspiring! Stop this! I'm totally not culpable for Being Inspired for the [X]th time now definitely lol#I kept finding little ideas popping into my head with them and I mean if I've already doodled them Once I guess I could try a couple more#Learned them just well enough to keep finding things for them pft#Although I am surprised by just how easy I find Larry to Draw - not necessarily that I'm fully Confident in drawing him yet but like#There's very little struggle to the shapes I put down here and I'm fairly pleased with their configuration haha#Kabu on the other hand!! Why is he so hard to draw!!! What!! Like I know his clothes are complex but no his face!#He's got a really cute and difficult-to-draw face! Why! I cannot figure him out#It's probably the do with the shape and size of his head...his hair........ I really enjoy fluff and he's Kind of but Not Really fluffy??#And his white streaks aren't intuitive to me - but Larry's floofs are??? I don't know#The only thing I can figure it that I Kind Of draw Dexter the same way - Larry's streaks are like an exaggerated version of how I floof Dex#And then a suit is second nature by now but I've already talked about my difficulties with Kabu's clothes lol#Didn't stop me from putting him out front for this hug tho! It's cute... Kabu asking Larry to come play with him but Larry has stuff to do#May or may not have felt a little that way myself - made most of these doodles during Requestober haha so busy!#The brightly shining brilliant glow boyfriend setup-payoff returns ♥ He glows like a fire! Overwhelming!#I still really love that glow cutaway style around the low-bouncing flower haha - just don't draw there and it gives the impression! Fun :)#Hugs <3 Unsurprisingly been in the want of cute fluff and sweetness and hugs were very on the menu#It really is fun to think of Larry being just a Little weird about how much he feels for Kabu#Acting childish as that part of him hasn't had the chance to grow and mature! Stuck awkward and gangly in otherwise full development#Feelings so big and strong and immediate for the first time in too too long <3 Gotta express them all somehow#And ending off with a bit of silliness haha - was Kabu prompting him just to hear such an answer? Who knows ♪#Larry just too straightforward haha - why else would he do or say things unless he felt like it! Pfsh obviously#Haha
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on masks
so shockingly miracle mask has huge mask theming in like every aspect. basically every significant character is 'wearing' a mask literally or metaphorically, except for luke who remarks in ludmilla's costume shop that he doesn't think any of the masks suit him (since the events of the previous game luke can be authentically himself now.) this is fun to notice on its own, but there's more to be discussed than just the presence of masks.
every mask in miracle mask backfires on its wearer to some degree! the most obvious case of this is descole and the masked gentleman straight up underestimating their own mask/s and failing to see their plans to the end, and the resulting consequences. dalston and henry's masks of stoicism turn out to have kept them from years of friendship they could have enjoyed, and paint them both as suspects in the masked gentleman case. angela's aloof facade and distance from everyone around her allows her to be kidnapped for a significant portion of the game without anyone but the professor noticing (and even then, he notices that something's up with her, but chalks it up initially as not knowing her anymore). less obviously, emmy's mask only means she'll end up hurting the people she has come to care for even more when the time comes.
most interesting to me, though, is hershel! even as a teen he's remarkably reserved, though clearly passionate. he keeps himself very controlled, and seems to care very much about coming across to others as helpful, grounded, and 'normal'. the interests that we know he has he keeps locked up, literally hidden away in cupboards, not to be acknowledged aloud to himself or others. he never gets angry or ever really displays any stereotypical teen behaviours apart from awkwardness.
now what this means is he is treated as the reliable one who will nonetheless go along with whatever randall wants him to do. he's never particularly assertive (something he will learn to be as an adult) so his willingness is taken for granted. he's put in mortal danger in akbadain because it never occurs to randall that hershel's protests are anything more than for appearance's sake.
and when randall falls and hershel is alone, he yells! he falls to his knees, completely overcome. he cries. he pushes through. and when he reaches angela and henry, alone, covered in dirt, looking completely haunted... they don't even ask him if he's okay. angela bodily shakes him. in the past and present, nobody treats hershel as if he's been through something traumatic - to everyone else, he was either a bystander to or complicit in randall's death, but controlled, mild-mannered and rational hershel is never considered a victim in his own right even after years have passed for everyone to think on it. years after the fact angela apologises to hershel... when she realises she needs his help. and henry immediately accuses him of betraying randall's memory and abandoning him.
and to be clear this isn't me saying oh they're evil or whatever but it's significant that they acknowledge how the trauma affected them and their behaviour from that point forward but it doesn't occur to them that hershel's behaviour and life trajectory was also altered forever! because hershel has for his whole life masked so well that to everyone else he does not have an interior life that isn't puzzle solving.
and the absolute funniest thing about it is that when hershel confesses this all to emmy and luke.... it's immediately back to the investigation, "where do we go now professor!" i'm sure there's no reason to ask if hershel's okay, he's probably unaffected by all that, let's go! readers i laughed out loud. tfw you mask so well everyone forgets you're a person
#take this with a grain of salt since i just finished akbadain got thru all that and then saw luke go okay anyway!#genuinely laughed aloud like damn. we're just gonna move right on past that huh#scribbled this down and am now going back to gaming#wait fuck i hope i don't have the morning shift#thank god i have the late shift okay back to gaming#professor layton#meta#hershel layton#and again this is not any character neg it's just really funny that they're like yeah that whole thing affected me so bad i founded a city#not hershel though i think he's totally fine#miracle mask
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