#So I wanted to journal about it
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Rambles On Femininity And Gender
(Wow this turned out longer than I thought. I guess you're getting some prose/vaguely poetry-esque writing tonight. WARNING: it's all pretty mild, but I do bring up derogatory terms for women, as well as vague references to sex, sexual assault and suicidal ideation.)
*clears throat*
My relationship with my body, and with the idea of being a woman, is so fascinating to me - because for years I did feel like a girl, but when I turned 18 I couldn't call myself a woman. It felt weird. I still can't call myself a woman. But I don't remotely feel like a man, either. I also don't feel comfortable thinking of myself as non-binary or genderfluid. For a long time, I haven't really known what I am.
Lately, I've started to play with the idea of that, and why I feel that way. I was allowed to be a tomboy when I was a kid, to relate to male characters, to help my dad with physical chores since I didn't have brothers - then the moment I turned 13, I needed to wear make-up and act like a lady. But I couldn't draw sexual attention; I had to wear modest clothes, to be gentle enough, to be polite enough, to be the exact right balance of everything.
"Oh, don't wear that," I'd hear, "you don't want to look like...well, never mind." There was an invisible word there that I wasn't old enough to know. I learned it when I went to high school; the word was slut, or some variation of it. And how do you deal with growing up as a girl, when you like playing in the dirt and pretending to be an action hero, but deep down you're also dreaming of being loved? What do you do when the only way to be loved is to abandon all the things you like in service of some person everyone else wants you to be? What do you do when you want to talk to boys, but your friends tell you stories about being sexually assaulted by their boyfriends? What do you do when old men whistle at you, and when the boys you sit in class with say vulgar things about the girls they want to fuck? What do you do when all the adults in your life tell you to look like a lady but not to dress a certain way, not to even think about sex...and on the other side, most girls in your town lose their virginity by age 15?
You are given a choice, essentially, between being fuckable and having autonomy. It sickens me that I even put it into such black and white terms; removed from the environment, I realize how horrible it was that I thought that was so normal. I chose to have autonomy, partially because it seemed safer at the time but also because I had squashed down every ounce of thoughts about sex I'd ever had. It wasn't a woman's job to be interested in sex; it was your job to be interested in having children. But obviously, I wasn't going to even have that, because I'd made painstaking effort to not draw the wrong type of attention. That meant that when I actually drew the right type of attention, when a boy was interested in me, I couldn't recognize it.
When I turned 18, they said "you're a woman now!" Outwardly, I looked like one. But inwardly, I didn't recognize that. I knew what my body was, but that body wasn't a woman.
Eventually, once I got out of that town, I started to change. Sometimes for the better (I made friends who were comfortable with whatever version of me existed, with whom I could embrace whatever side of gender I felt like), and sometimes for the worse (I craved a relationship, so the replacement for that was toxic people that gave me extreme depression to the point of suicidal ideation). And then, after that all passed, it started to hit me that I hadn't kissed or had sex with anyone and I was in my twenties, an old maid by my hometown's standards, so I started going out to bars, putting on a performance, finding a guy here and there to flirt with, and sometimes more than that...but the more men I kissed, the emptier I felt. So I didn't know what to do.
Now, I'm starting to enjoy things I never thought I would. I wear make-up every day, because I like it. I cut my hair short because I wanted to, and now I'm starting to grow it out in a way I think I'll enjoy. I write smut fics, and I enjoy it; it channels something I haven't historically thought about. I like dancing at bars with my friends. I wear things that sometimes show a little too much, that maybe make me look like a slut. I've learned to experience things for my own pleasure. I've learned to watch movies and say, out loud, that guy's hot, and not feel like a shallow teenager for saying it. This might seem really weird to the rest of you; but that's something I've struggled with for my entire life, and even saying that little bit feels like a huge victory. Scratch that, to think about sex at all is a victory.
And the thing about it is that I enjoy it when I'm doing it for myself. I might not have found a boyfriend yet; a depressing part of me thinks that maybe I never will, that I'll just drift through life craving touch and connection and love and not be able to get it. But I do know that when I do those little things, I feel just a bit happier. I like myself just a little bit more, because it helps me to tell myself - I deserve love, I deserve happiness, I deserve to feel pleasure, I deserve to look pretty. I want to be soft, and I don't want to lead all the time, and none of that is going to put me in danger if I find the right person. And it's okay to want it.
If 14-year-old me could see me right now, she'd be betrayed. She'd think, how could you? Don't you still want to be like Indiana Jones? Don't you want to have your own job? And the answer is yes, I do. But maybe I would've liked doing feminine things too, wearing lacy lingerie and low-cut tops and make-up, and flirting with boys, if I hadn't been pressured to do it for someone else's idea of a woman.
I still don't think I can call myself a woman, though. I'm not upset about it in the slightest; it's just probably something that's never going to change.
Now, I don't know if this is a unique experience, or something anyone else can relate to; this is the most personal, in-depth post I've written about myself, but I wrote it partially in the hope that, if this resonates with anyone, it makes you feel seen. Or maybe this really is a completely original experience, and I've just lived a weird, insane life. Either way, it really does help to own up to how I feel and write it out - usually I channel that in fanfiction, but this has been cathartic in a way I never could have imagined.
(Could this have been way shorter? Yes. However, I'm not a concise person, so I don't really care.)
#femininity#feminist#womanhood#gender#tw sexism#tw sui ideation#tw sex mention#I feel so so old sometimes#But I literally just realized all of this like four days ago#So I wanted to journal about it#trauma dumping on tumblr#never fear though I am also going to tell my therapist all of this#I was nervous to post this#but I really just wanted to get it out there#tw sex assault#tw sexualisation
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i canāt show it to him bc itās basically my personal diary he went āoh so I canāt see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??ā he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#Itās just so different#even though itās public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head Iām also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts Iād feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. Iām not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile Iāll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. Iām already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. itās so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& Iāve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc Iām surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least itās hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and Iām part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#itās nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and itās low stress and people get me#I donāt have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. itās just nice to have this#so idk thatās why I think Iāll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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I have what you're looking for. High quality. Befitting a man of my tastes. I have a room over on Divisadero, not too far a walk.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#danlou#iwtvedit#tvedit#dailyflicks#*#dont know if i can articulate my thoughts well#but something about how daniel at first is so closed off from louis when he sits down near him#doesnt really want to talk at first but starts opening up pretty quickly#then louis is buying him a drink and it's easier to talk. mostly what he wants to talk about is his journalism work#because its so important to him. but when louis starts getting too personal (i know what you're here for danny) he starts backing off again#maybe some combo of shame for how quickly he felt attracted to louis and the flirting and the diminutive louis uses#the bartender uses it when asking if hes got money tonight. hes used to exchanging sex for things he needs but cant afford#above all it's like a sharp reminder of what louis wants & what daniel wants too even before the offer of drugs#and he's trying to hold onto the denial and excuses. it was a good place to score he did what he had to#sex with men has to be in exchange for something he can't just want it on its own#the lie he tells himself about himself#also these tags are getting long but i think you can see the moment louis decides he might not just fuck and kill this guy right away lmao
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Gravity falls httyd au, is that anything? Transcript under the cut, more thoughts in the tags
Texts says āredā āvery protective of Stan, messes with him a lotā ādoing much better than in canon bc he isnāt alone + has someone to take care ofā
#I have about zero ideas for actual plot#I was thinking fords dragon would be a stormcutter based off his journals#unsure of a name tho#Mabel would have a gronckle named waddles ofc#and for dipper I was thinking a terrible terror#his struggle to accept his dragon being so little and weak would be a parallel to his struggles with manliness#bill I havenāt decided#heāll either be a character like drago bludvist#wanting to take over the world with an army of dragons and humans#but for a party instead of dragos motivations#or heāll be a dragon like the red death#but able to telepathically communicate#actually yeah I like that more#hes stuck somehwere (magically?) and he wants ford to free him like in canon#I think Stan would lose a leg like hiccup would#i had no idea for a plot when I started writing these tags but now I do lol#gf#beetlart#gravity falls#gravity falls stan#stan pines#stanley pines#httyd au#hmm au nameā¦#dragon falls au#eh could be better#art#gravity falls au
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@tazmiilly and i talked for no fewer than six hours today about parallel ford and his mobility aids. here's some of what i came up with
you can barely see it but credit to @badwaves for the institute logo (link to a drawing he did with it)
image IDs are in alt text; design notes below the cut
Image ID: a screenshot of writing on a digital whiteboard. the text reads as follows:
wheelchairs - 2
foldable chair - easily transportable - designed for manoeuverability in high traffic/urban areas - mostly used at the end of a long day
motorized chair - for long treks/field missions - ridged metal frame - designed for rough terrain - souped up by fiddleford
two or three canes
fancy cane for formal events (mostly for fashion)
everyday cane (sturdy, classy)
field cane (collapsible, has a concealed weapon)
mabel puts stickers on all of them
end image ID.
#this is . merely a fraction of what we came up with LOL#i just mostly wanted to focus on the aids themselves#gravity falls#artwork of the damned#stanford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#journal 3#i'd love to write about all the hcs we came up with but idk how lmao#oh and of course it goes without saying but they are super married#i just happened to draw them both facing right so unfortunately you can't see the rings on their left hands. SAD
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congrats on the milestone sophie! i'm so excited to read what you have to share with us! For your 1k celbration, if it's not too much, I'd like to ask for ABXS for Jason and Dick uwu And if ur feeling particularly sharing I'd also love an L from all of them owo
Strei!!! Thank you for the kind words, here's what you asked for. I even did the L's as well for my dearest most beloved mutual <3
Warnings: 18+ MDNI, gen yandere behaviour, murder, stalking, worshipping/weirdly religious undertones for Dick, um pet play sort of?? Jason would bark if you asked him to is all I'm saying.
A = Affection (Is Their Love All-consuming, Expressed Through Possessive Gestures and Overwhelming Intensity With No Bounds?):
Jason: Spreading my Jason Todd Loyal Dog Agenda here but heās so unbelievably loyal. Way, way too loyal. It doesnāt matter if he personally agrees with whatever your decisions are, heās listening like the loyal hound he is. Will push and prod at you, but at the end of the day, heās devoted. While heād always prefer to be as close to you as possible, heās willing to stay away if thatās what you really want. Simple guy, aware of himself, and mostly in control of his more fervent tendencies. He refuses to lose control of you, to take too much, so he doesnāt take any. Just giving, giving, giving. He only hopes youāll take him.
Dick: Dick is probably one of the most clingy yanderes out there. While others might stalk you, or protect you from afar, thatās not Dickās methodology. He wants to be with you all the time, and make you happy all the time, and he spends his afternoons daydreaming about sitting between your thighs for hours at a time. All the time, if it was possible. While heās trying not to overwhelm you, heāll stay as calm and charming as possible. But eventually, heās going to have to start confessing his love to you because he feels like heāll explode with it. Along with acts of service, physical affection, and verbal affection, he also really likes buying you things. Heās an all-rounder. Still, he prefers buying you experiences rather than items, like holidays or trips to the fair. He decides against buying you a private island to visit for the summer, but only after staring at the property page online for three hours straight. Like I said, he really is trying!
B = Blood (How Messy Are They Willing to Get in Pursuit of Their Darling? Would They Embrace Chaos and Revel in the Crimson Tableau Painted by Their Actions?):
Dick: Iāve mentioned before that heās pretty hesitant to kill. Heās gotten over his wild younger years, and is now more mature and in control of emotions. Now, all of that is one huge lie he tells himself that only lasts as long nobody ever tries to hurt you. Dick wears his heart on his sleeve, and then it gets even worse when you come around because his heart is just walking around outside his chest, with no aknowledgement for the dangers of the world. He does try, he really does, but when he snaps, he snaps hard. Heās not too bad of a sadist (also a lie) but when he easily catches whoever has been bothering you, heā¦ well, he might play with them. Just a little bit. He doesnāt kill, heās very careful of that, but honestly if I was that poor soul, Iād rather be dead. And then the next day, he goes back to being the cheerful sweetheart we all know and love!
Jason: Iāve also mentioned that Jason, unlike Dick, is very, very eager to get bloody. In canon, he enjoys punishing sinners and whatnot, and when heās fallen for you, uhā¦ So, basically, Jason would rather die than admit it, but he thinks of himself as your protector, your knight in shining leather armour. And along with that previously mentioned possessiveness, he totally lets it get out of hand. Heās aware you probably donāt want him slaughtering everyone who has ever harmed a single hair on your head, but unless you specifically tell him not to, heās not going to stop. But if you do, he will. Heās loyal, heās fervent in that loyalty. He wants to destroy anything that could ever hurt you. But heād never go against your ruling, your will. He might complain about it, though. Loudly, very loudly. However, if you do want everyone who has ever annoyed you dead, heās totally up for it no questions asked. Would probably consider it a date night of sorts.
S = Stigma (Can the Roots of Their Obsession Be Traced to a Dark Past, a Blend of Childhood Trauma, Twisted Curiosity, and a Skewed Perception of Love?):
Dick: Oh boy, this guyā¦ Heās the poster child for childhood trauma affecting your perception of love. When his parents were murdered, he latched onto Bruce. And when Bruce kicked him out, he latched onto Bludhaven. And now when even Bludhaven canāt bring him any semblance of comfort, of home, youāre fucking heaven-sent. He latches onto you like a benign growth, and god help anyone who tries to tear the two of you apart.
Jason: Oh boy times two. Not the best childhood, raised on the streets. Taken in by Bruce, things are looking better and then- Well, we all know what happens then. After the trauma of literally digging himself out of his own grave, he feels a bitā¦ disconnected from the world? He feels like a ghost, like heās still dead, like his death never even mattered and the world kept going after heād been gone. And thatād fuck up anybody, but someone personally trained by the Batman? Woof. We see in Under The Red Hood that Jason really does think vengeance is proof of love, at least in his case. To him, love is bloody and ruthless. Itās cannibalistic. A give and take. But since he doesnāt want to take from you, heāll just give himself over wholly.
X = Xoanon (Does Their Reverence for Their Darling Border on Worship, Reaching Extreme Lengths to Prove Their Devotion and Ensure Unwavering Loyalty?):
Dick: He sees you like the sun. Powerful, brilliant, beautiful. And youāll probably burn him to cinders as he loves you, but he doesnāt care. He probably enjoys the idea a little. Wouldnāt it be nice, to die in your arms? To close his eyes and disappear into you, where heād never be apart from you again? He realises that sort of thinking is a bit creepy, but itās one of the few things he simply canāt fight against. Not even the littlest bit. Heās self-aware to know heās putting you on a pedestal, that youāre not some god or something, youāre just like him. Human. Maybe that makes him worship you even more. He canāt tell, itās too blurry these days. He just knows youāre important, more so than he is. More so than anything is, really. Also, gotta mention body worship kink. Like, heās really way too into it honestly. Heāll service you for however long you can last, and then place a hundred kisses against your exhausted body telling you how good you did, how perfect you are. When you look at him after a session like that, you can always see something a little too intense, too crazed to be called love. He knows heās trying to hide it. Heāll do better next time, okay?
Jason: Youāre his master. The hand around the leash. Heās angry at the world, so fucking angry. He wants to destroy it all. Assuming here, you probably donāt want the entire world blown to smithereens, so youāre hisā¦ conscience. Whatever you say goes. If you say Joker dies today, then he dies. If you say he can never kill another soul, then he wonāt. Heās sassy about all of it, but itās painfully obvious to literally everyone that he will follow every single order you give. And of course, he wants it that way. Maybe he really should get a collar for himself. He thinks itād be cute, with your name on it in brilliant gold letters. He certainly thinks that the reaction his goons would give would be worth the effort, never mind your own reaction. Call him your good boy and you will get railed so hard you break the bed, lmfao
L = Love Letters (Is Courting an Intricate Dance Marked by Obsessive Letters and Gestures That Blur the Line Between Devotion and Insanity?):
Dick: I canāt see Dick ever actually sending you the letters he writes, but my god, he writes them. At first, itās just little doodles in the corners of his very important paperwork, and then heās scribbling on sticky notes, and eventually, he just gives in and buys a fucking notebook. Theyāre long winded and silly and heād absolutely rather die than share them with you. But they make it just the slightest bit easier to choke down his devotion to you, so it doesnāt strangle him right then and there. He almost finds it as addicting as you are, almost being the keyword here. Itās genuinely pretty embarrassing, from an outsiderās standpoint. Itās like what a middle schooler would write in their diary, just lots of your name and hearts and very ridiculous poetry. Heād be good at it if it wasnāt about you, okay?
Jason: Jason, in direct contrast to Dick, writes very good poetry. Especially when itās about you. Itās the sort of stuff theyāll put in museums, that future historians will write about. Of course they wonāt know half of his more demented metaphors are justā¦ straight up things heās done for you. Itās flowing and beautiful and itād make you tear up if you ever read it. You probably wonļæ½ļæ½ļæ½t just because Jason doesnāt really care if you read it, so he wonāt share it with you on purpose. However if you find him one day in the library, and you ask to see whatever it is heās made, youāll be so very, very lucky. And Jason will turn tomato red, so thatās another plus.
Tim: Everybody knows that when Tim starts a list again, his mental health is on the decline. The list about you is concerningly long. And Iām really not saying that lightly, for Mr āI stalk literally everyone at least a little bitā. Itās something at four hundred thousand words by now, heās not sure exactly. The little note app on his phone has had to suffer through hundreds or even thousands of hours of Tim writing down the most minute details of you and your life. How do you like to sit best? Is your posture okay, or should he worry about it? When youāre hungry, what food do you go for first? What about when youāre sick? If heās ever around, tapping away on his phone, and you think heās not paying you any attention, youād be very, very wrong. Would probably share it with you just to laugh at your horrified face.
Damian: Damian was raised to perfect every form of art, from martial to dance, to even the more traditional ones. Heās always had a fondness for painting, and youāre most certainly his muse. Instead of letters, he paints you. For every memory he has of you, he has at least a sketch. He doesnāt care for almost all of them, as he doesnāt think they capture your beauty properly, so he doesnāt really care what happens with said drawings. Your first meeting has been drawn at least twenty times, and your sleeping face probably double that. Yes, he does draw you in more passionate poses as well. Your face all fucked out, drool leaking from your lips, is a personal favourite of his. Heāll probably share those ones with you, enjoying seeing you squirm. Asking if you want to help him find some extra inspiration because heās all irritatingly smooth like that. Will laugh if you crush the lewd drawing up, agreeing it doesnāt do you justice. Heāll just have to try again.
#Event:1kCelebration#yandere batfam#batfam x reader#yandere dc#yandere batfamily#yandere x reader#dick grayson x reader#nightwing x reader#jason todd x reader#red hood x reader#tim drake x reader#red robin x reader#damian wayne x reader#robin x reader#the way i want to write a full fic where reader finds dicks journal and he has a full blown meltdown about it#hes just so cute idk#i wrote all this in like 2 hours so im going to go pass out now thx <3
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I have been so cooked for this man lately that I need to talk about himā I genuinely think that with a ADHD/autism/AuDHD partner Ford takes notes on your stims and quirks, even before any serious relationship. Just little things like āwaves hands when excited :)ā and āprefers baggy sweatersā just like a little way of understanding you better š„ŗš
yesss definitely! as an AuDHDer who stims a lot myself, this is everything!! jfskhfshsk
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"Aaaahhhhh oh myy-" the rest of what you were saying was incomprehensible because the words slurred together in an excited squeal. A gleeful expression upon your face, you waved and shook your hands in front of your body, then pressed them over your mouth, to stifle another squeal.
Ford smiled to himself as he watched you from the other side of the room, where he propped his notebook open to scribble something down.
"Heeyyyyy Grunkle Ford, watcha got there?" Mabel's voice rang out right beside him.
He snapped the book shut and whipped his head around.
"Mabel!"
"Waves hands when excited." she cited what she had just read, "Were you talking about-"
"No, I was certainly not!" Ford said, while his cheeks started to turn a deep red colour.
"Are you suuuure? Because to me it looks like you diiiid." she said, a cheeky grin on her face and dragging some of the vowels.
"You are mistaken, dear child. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do." he excused himself and stood up, holding the notebook close to him.
Without letting her get another word in, he moved past her and made his way into his study.
There, he propped open the notebook to the page he'd just added a new note onto.
- likes to hum when no one is around - seems to prefer more loose fitting clothes. possibly because the don't restrict movement as much - will subconsciously play and fidget with any jewellery they're wearing - sorts and eats their food in a particular order - would rather not eat at all than something not appealing - skin irritating clothing causes great discomfort. remove tags!! - wants to talk but holds back. encouraging them has positive effect - avoids eye contact but will look at faces when the person isn't looking at them - do not touch without warning and do not force contact! expressed great discomfort to me after being forced to physical contact by someone else - repeating phrases and noises (quite endearing) - easily startled by sudden and loud noises, as well as irritated by high pitched ones, almost too quite to hear - shows behaviours similar to felines. has stated that they would be delighted to posses the ability to purr (he would be delighted too)
Ford smiled as he looked up and leaned back. He really hoped Mabel hadn't seen too much, otherwise she might figure out how interested in you he really was. And we wasn't sure if he was ready for that.
For now he would be very much content continuing to dreamily gaze over at you and notice all the little things, so he could understand you better.
Maybe one day he could work up the courage to ask you out.
-------------------------------------------------- thank you for reading <3 reblogs are appreciated
#i'm sorry if this is too ooc - i haven't read journal 3 or tbob#his notes are in no particular order#he didn't necessarily notice or wrote them down in this order#is it unconsciously or subconsciously? english isn't my first language so please pardon any mistakes#did anyone ever knew about the word 'interlocutor'? because this is the first time i'm seeing it#asks#anon ask#requests#stanford pines#ford pines#stanford pines x reader#stanford x reader#ford pines x reader#gravity falls#gf#my writing#stimming#stims#adhd#autism#audhd#actually autistic#maybe i went a bit overboard... anyywaayyy#not proofread#it's late#i need to go to sleep but i wanted to post smth today#requested
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"are you sure that's a poem?"
d.b.a
#there's something seductive about a mystery.#didn't mean to be so scandalous#but i thought it would be fun.#if you want a real poem#you'll have to take it from me.#poem#poetry#literature#writing#writers#writerscreed#spilled thoughts#spilled words#journal#tumblr authors#spilled poetry#spilled ink#poetic#lit#writer#spilled writing#creative writing#poeticstories#poets on tumblr#poems on tumblr#prose#writeblr#writers and poets#writers on tumblr#twcpoetry
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youtube
The Cipher Hunt Documentary
I had the honor of participating in (and helping with) the production of Keyan Carlile's massive Cipher Hunt video. It is an incredible deep dive into the story of the Cipher Hunt, from start to finish, told by the Cipher Hunters ourselves!
We had the pleasure of interviewing Alex Hirsch himself for the video, along with some other amazing guest stars that were involved in the hunt.
Regardless of if you followed the hunt closely back in 2016 or weren't in the fandom back then to experience it, I highly recommend you watch this video. Keyan did some incredible investigating to uncover the truth behind the remaining mysteries of the hunt and it's really cool to hear from the people who participated in it 8 years ago.
Behind the scenes photos under the cut!
I helped out on a couple of the shoots (primarily the ones in LA) by camera operating, lighting, and set dressing! I also helped color grade the entire video and of course was in front of the camera for some of it as well! It was a dream come true to work on this project with these amazing people, I'll never forget this incredible experience.
Plus, a photo of Alex and I taken on my 35mm film camera. It's slightly out of focus, but that's what you get in film sometimes. Makes it more authentic!
Finally, one more bonus shot for fun...
#gravity falls#cipher hunt#keyan carlile#youtube#documentary#cipher hunt documentary#gf#youtube documentary#this entire project was life changing for me#I've wanted something to recap the Cipher Hunt in this way for years#and this is above and beyond what I was imagining#fun facts about the shoot include#alex hirsch and I finding out that we wear the same size shirt#jason ritter hiding in the back of my car#alex writing season 3 concepts in my personal journal#and more#please watch this video I'm begging you#it's so so wonderful#Youtube
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shout out to that au in my head where these two experience manmade horrors beyond their comprehension together š£
original image down hereš
#postal 1#postal 97#postal 1997#postal redux#postal dude#postal 1 dude#p1 dude#postal redux dude#redux dude#digital art#digital drawing#digital doodle#drawing#doodle#art#my art#fan art#fanart#image edit#Like an hour ago or something I was thinking about them in the trenchesā¦ they are struggling#I think my version of redux dude is so far removed from the original that heās basically an ocšš oops..#I mean his still looks like that version of redux dude with that hazbin hotel bob.. itās fiiiineš
š
#I draw two redux dudes for a reason..#Ok but like I literally created a whole different narrative for this redux dude in my headšš#Iāve been thinking about how I would write his journal entries and what made him go postalā¦ Iāve been thinking about an alternate gameš#I just donāt want him to be like a bootleg p1 dudeš¤·#Whatās with me and ranting in tags today my goodness šš
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Had a lot of fun using the template by anikiri._.6 on insta and my most recent comm from @sunflowerpin to show off my baby more š
#our life#our life now and forever#olnf#ol2#ol mc#olnf mc#mc nova#i love her dearly my precious baby <3#also loooook at her art!! she's so beautiful and perfect and charming and sweet and-#her step 3 is just gorgeous too but I'm gonna wait until the full game comes out to make one of these for that age#sunny killed it as always šš«¶š¾#the encyclopedia they're holding in step 1 is a ref to another comm from them!!#and of course she's a fucking nerd so they're holding journal 3 from gf and my fav hoo book in step 2 <3#one thing about me is I'll sneak in refs to my fav books games and shows whenever I can hehe š#yes their bday is during the step so she's actually 9/13/17 during the prologue and has their bday after 2 or 3 moments#imagine they skipped a grade or something idk. really I just wanted to give her my bday#and yeah i wrote chubby as their body type in step 2 bc I couldn't remember the word used in game and was too lazy to check šš¾#nobody say anything i swear... chubby is not a bad word!! it's just a descriptor and the word i thought fit best!
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Just a girl who wants to be her motherās daughter in the ways that matter
#Such a tenacious go getter & the smartest woman ik#Has NEVER looked back at a man twice. Knows sheās beautiful & that attention is guaranteed. Never desperate for male validation ever#The best fashion sense ik. Sheās the epitome of classic & vintage#Doesnāt gaf what others are doing / is always tunnel visioned on her own goals#A mega workaholic and like. Maybe Iād rather balance but still sheās still an overachiever#I feel im becoming more and more like her by the day but still I have some work to do#Need to be more focused & to stop entertaining little boys fr#I just want to move w the unshackling confidence & elegance she seems to emanate effortlessly#I swear that woman was born that way!!!! So unfair for the rest of us mortals#Why does no one talk about the psychological torture that comes w having a naturally gorgeous genius mother#Iām dying over here I just wanna be like her but im pushing that boulder up the hill all the time#Meanwhile sheās always just On#HOW#Just an eldest daughter having a crisis about her mother who is also#The eldest daughter out of her and her two brothers#I need to journal about this I need to meditate#How to manufacture the drive that your mother was simply endowed with at birth#Not even joking I just got off my internship and now im sitting on a swing under the late May sun having a crisis about this
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Eddie x fem!reader (reader wears lingerie, no other descriptions of reader given except mentioning hitting that spot just right)
Contents: lingerie, both are a lil pervy tbh, humiliation, crying, praise kink, sub!Eddie, this is literally just horny ramblings
18+ only
It wasn't every day you came back to your house and your best friend had broken in. Maybe, every other week at best.
Usually, Eddie would be high eating your snacks (you were thinking about getting a lock for the cabinets). Or he would be watching whatever show you recorded and tease you about spoiling it (you threatened to use the VHS to beat him over the head and strangle him with the VHS ribbon if he did).
But, you had no clue Eddie was even in your house today. His van wasn't parked in your driveway when you came home. His shoes weren't in a haphazard pile at the front door. You had 0 clue he was there.
Not until you heard a thump coming from your bedroom. Which, your first thought went to the knickknacks you had that someone could be stealing (they wouldn't cause to a normal person it was junk but to you they were memories).
You grabbed a knife from the kitchen (you weren't gonna die without a fight, besides you learned a thing or two from the horror movies Eddie made you watch). You quietly pushed your bedroom door open and-
Shit.
Eddie was standing in your room in front of your mirror. Miles of pale skin just on display, scattered with contrasting dark tattoos he had. Nothing on, save for your lilac lingerie.
The palest purple lace bra, you can see from the back isn't even clipped correctly, missing the hook entirely. But the color is striking on Eddie. The lace thong cuts high on Eddie's ass, and you try not to gawk at the little black heart tattooed on his cheek. Eddie's scars seem softer amongst the lace.
How often did Eddie do this? Come over and put on your lingerie? Stand in front of the mirror and rub his fingers over his one hardened nipple. You couldn't see from where you were, but you knew his cock was hard. He'd be leaking all over your underwear, marking them.
Eddie lets out a little moan and it ignites a fire in your gut. You lick you lips as you watch Eddie, which maybe makes you a pervert but really it is your house and he is wearing your clothes so if anyone is-
Fuck why is it so hot?
"So-" you clear your throat. Eddie let's out a screech (that you are pretty sure ruined your eardrums) as he whirls around. He tries to cover himself with his arms, curls in on himself. And Holy cow he is hard.
He is big, so big, the tip just peeking out of the waistband of the panties. You can see the pearly translucent precum already dripping onto the underwear.
"I- fuck, I'm aha listen I can exp- i can explain!" Eddie fumbles over his words. You blink a few times tearing your eyes away from his massive dick (oh it would feel so good it would hit every spot just right).
Eddie's face is red, tears welling up in his eyes. "Oh Baby, no," you rush over, pausing when Eddie flinches. You gently put a hand out on Eddie's shoulder, drawing him into a hug, " It's- it's okay. Please don't cry." "Don't hate me." You gasp in shock, pulling back to look in his eyes," I could never!"
Eddie's eyes are wet, filled with unshed tears. His nose is turning a bit red, from embarrassment, shame, or sadness you can't tell. But his cheeks are such a pretty pink you think it'd look nice elsewhere on his pale skin.
Eddie hides his face with his hair, shuffling his feet a bit. "So..." you pause unsure how to ask it politely so you just go for it," I can see this is a kink thing...but like, what kind?"
Eddie shrugs," Wanted to feel pretty..." You frown," You are pretty Eddie." Eddie shakes his head and gestures to his abdomen," Not with these."
Eddie really should not be drawing your eyes any further south then his face. Cause your pulse kicks up and the fire inside you lights back up your spine. You can't help but notice his dick is still hard as a rock.
"You are too pretty." "Not really." "Yes!" Not-" You shove Eddie lightly, causing him to stumble back and fall onto the bed. Eddie's eyes widen in shock as he peers up at you.
"Don't talk about my best friend that way! You are too pretty. And handsome. Funny. So talented," You sigh and step forward, into Eddie's parted legs. Eddie leans up on his elbows and blinks rapidly at you. "You're so fucking pretty Baby." You murmur, hand reaching out lightly touching his thigh.
Eddie let's out a whine before looking startled at himself. You can't help but notice his dick twitch under the pale purple lace. "You like being called pretty?" You smirk. "Like when you call me Baby," Eddie replies softly.
You aren't sure who moves first, but suddenly your arms are wrapped around each other. Your lips meet Eddie's without hesitation. His are slightly chapped but still soft, molding perfectly against your own.
You run your hand down Eddie's neck, to the pale bra strap and snap it. He gasps and you take the chance, slipping your tongue into his mouth. He tastes of weed, mint gum, and just Eddie.
Eddie moans against you, hips bucking forward seeking friction. You pull back, gasping for air. Eddie let's out a whine," No, come back-" "I ain't going anywhere Baby."
Eddie's eyes flutter shut as he bites his lip. He hums as you kiss his jaw, lightly nipping at his pulse point. He shivers against you, hips bucking forward again. You suck lightly as you decide to give him some relief.
Your hand snakes down, grasping him firmly. You lightly squeeze through the lace, giving just enough friction as you move your hand.
"Look so good in my lingerie Baby, you should wear it more often." You murmur between kisses. Eddie nods absently, gasping and moaning beneath you. "Got a red pair that has some nice straps, you'd look so metal and so so pretty."
Eddie freezes, mouth falling open. His brow wrinkles slightly as he moans, pleasure overtaking him. His hips spasm, even his thighs twitch, as he comes. You can feel your underwear get soaked along with part of his stomach.
You stroke him through it, extending his pleasure until he whimpers and pushes at your hand. You pull back, smiling softly at his face. Eddie's eyes flutter open, darting down to your lips. "Kiss?" He asks quietly, unsure. You simply smile and kiss him again.
#So listen...I wrote this in a feverish state and then sat here and stared at a wall for about 5 minutes#I am sure I could add more contents but uh my brain is not working#Literally just sitting with this scenario and nodding to myself whispering āyea...yeahā#Eddie would look so good#He tries it on all innocent but then likes the way it looks and feels and he is like OH#He is like ya know what I can wear whatever the hell I want he could buy his own but he doesn't cause money#But also something about wearing yours gets his blood pumping#He really never expected to tell you anytime soon and was definitely not expecting you to come home#But as he lays in bed next to you he can't help but be glad#And plan your future wedding but hey what happens in his mind stays in his mind...#And if he writes it in a journal with hearts and your names mashed together so what!!#He is still all mean and metal even if he wants to be called baby and held and look pretty#I love him he is rotating in my brain rn just sitting with his arms wrapped around his knees spinning in the microwave#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson/reader#eddie munson#sub!eddie munson x reader#sub!eddie munson#sub!eddie munson x you#Jade is talking
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ngl being a kid was so hard for me bc I had such big feelings all the time and didnāt know what to do about it
#all I wanted to do was grow up because I was convinced Iād finally be able to deal with them#and like yeah sort of#but I remember reading my journal from when I was 9 a few years ago and being like damn kid nothing was ever light with u was it š¬#like one page I was absolutely lamenting about this girl gabby who didnāt like me and I wanted to be her friend so bad#then the next page was me like I wonder if wobbles which was our class salamander ever feels alone like me#like okay!!!!
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In Stars and Disco
(Disco side of the swap)
#in stars and time#ISAT#Odile#Siffrin#Isabeau#Mirabelle#Bonnie#disco elysium#The origins of this crossover came from my playthrough journal in which I wrote down āI think Siffrin should play disco elysiumā#Something about failing forwards in general - but some scenes would *shatter* them. Maybe in a good way.#I think they would get to the first dream and need a few months before picking it back up again.#I am not sure if the developer of ISAT has played dDisco Elysium but Odile & Siffrin as a duo have strong HBD & Kim vibes.#Which I am so here for. Accidently or purposefully - it scratches an itch I never thought I would get scratched again.#Both are really good games with gutpunching writing and I want to spread the word. I am doing my part!#Yeah I put Bonnie as Cuno. I know exactly what I'm doing.#Isa is Titus - hard to tell because I gave up on drawing the hat.#This AU in any form is really fun to write comics for so I will be back.#Thanks to all the ISAT fans who have been really friendly so far! Hello hello!
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Everything I learn about Rose Wilder Lane makes me more and more aware that she was a hilariously outrageous person who needs a movie made about her immediately.
After leaving Missouri, she moves to California and marries a real-estate guy who once tried to get her to help him con the railroad.
She gets hired at a San Francisco newspaper known for its yellow journalism, where she does things like writing a series of columns featuring the "real-life stories of a police detective" who, in real life, was a high-end jewel thief.
Her first book is a first-person "autobiography" of Charlie Chaplin that she (after a few interviews with Chaplin) completely made up, and that Charlie Chaplin immediately threatened to sue her publisher for.
Her second book is a biography of Jack London, which his wife only reluctantly allowed her to write because Rose presented herself as "someone who had never written for the newspapers before and needs a chance to break into the magazines." This book was also almost entirely fictional, and her publisher also almost got sued over it.
Third biography is the first-ever biography of Herbert Hoover, also a heavily-fictionalized account. (Doesn't seem to have been sued for this one. Steps in the right direction!)
Traveled as a reporter through Europe (to places like Albania and Poland) post-WWI. (If we want to talk about legal things that she did).
Wrote a book based on Laura's late-childhood pioneer experiences while Laura was writing the early books of the Little House series, and did not tell Laura about it. (Laura was ticked off).
Kept trying to insert a story into Laura's memoirs (and Little House on the Prairie) casting Pa as a member of a posse that hunted down the infamous (and never-caught) serial-killing Bender family (despite the fact that this was historically impossible). (It got to the point that Laura herself told this story to the public as an example of "a true story I couldn't out in my children's book." Despite the fact, I say again, that this was historically impossible).
During WWII, endured a minor incident (it involved one cop coming to her house) where the FBI investigated her as a potential communist based on a postcard she sent that was critical of the government. Turned this into a short story that presented herself as the righteously-outraged American citizen fighting against an oppressive government, and used this to whip up a nationwide media campaign against J. Edgar Hoover for spying on American citizens.
Flew to Vietnam as a war reporter when she was in her seventies.
#history is awesome#rose wilder lane#little house#i finally finished pioneer girl perspectives#to think i didn't even want to read the essay about the bender family#i skipped over it and left it til last#cuz i thought it would just rehash the fact vs fiction stuff i've seen covered elsewhere#turns out it was about the history of yellow journalism and provided most of the facts i've listed#(i was today years old when i learned that 'yellow journalism' was short for 'yellow kid journalism')#(and it came from a popular 'yellow kid' cartoon character that hearst and pulitzer both fought over to get into their papers)#also it turns out the bender family was a popular yellow journalism topic (because they'd never been found so people could make stuff up)#usually the stories centered around posses that found and killed them#but my favorite is the story that they made a hot air balloon from a natural gas deposit in a swamp in kansas#and escaped over the gulf of mexico#until their balloon popped and they landed on a passing ship where one of them could make a deathbed confession#history is awesome but the history of fake history is its own special kind of awesome
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