#Now I have to be an actual adult and make huge life choices that will affect me for the rest of my life 😭

[lei1600]

After 15 long years TODAY WAS MY LAST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOOLLLL WOOOOOOO!

TIME TO BRING OUT THE ROOT BEER TO CELEBRATE!

[eveningepiphany]

something about the legs | h.s oneshot

summary: something about your best friends legs really does it for you, especially in skinny jeans…

warnings: besties with unexpected and very impulsive benefits, oral sex (mrec), lots and lots of talk about those mfing legs and thighs, dirty talk, h not expecting you to be like that until you are.

a/n: so it’s been a hot minute… hi again🤪 but something rlly just sent me spiralling with this pic of h’s fucking legs. look at them. anyways, enjoy me being a slut and channeling it into some fine literature, enjoy xoxo

———

Ovulation week is a curse. An absolute, utter curse.

Between the multitude of random fluctuating symptoms and skyrocketing hormones, you feel dreaded enough as it is. But the worst part, is every fucking month you become absolutely manic with need.

Some are increasingly better or worse than others, but this month is something off the charts.

There is no warrant for you to be this fucking horny at 9:32pm on a Thursday night. Yet here you are, squirming because you’re around someone that already riles you up enough as it is.

Harry is your best friend. Has been for years. Since the awkward starting phases of middle school. All braces paired with horrendous fashion choices. And into the ages of highschool throughout all the drama and predictable thematics. Into the present, where life throws you curveballs as you enter the world as young adults, and now that he’s in one direction. You can’t imagine going through all that with anyone else.

Actually, maybe it’s fit to mention you’re almost certain that this man never went through an awkward phase… despite the fact possibly everyone else on the planet did. Harry did not.

He was cute from the day he was born, it’s evident in the pictures, up until he hit puberty, then he became some ungodly mix of both cute and ridiculously hot.

It’s disgusting that someone can do both things at the same time. And also revolting that they can have no idea at all.

But tonight, he is all hot. Between the way he’s dressed, the way he’s walking, and the way he’s talking. It’s close to killing you where you’re sat.

Thighs clenched together like there’s a thousand dollar check between them, you sit on a outdoor couch at your family’s holiday house.

It’s just the two of you outside on the large decked patio. It’s a huge house by the lake that your parents and grandparents own, so you invited Harry to come stay for the week. Your family were thrilled you invited him, but have already turned in for an early night. Since they planned to be out on the lake for a day of water activities almost before the damn sun was even fully up.

Harry has a glass of alcohol in his hands— one that is completely dwarfed in his hold. It’s condensation forming small droplets over the ridges of his fingers.

He hasn’t realised the staring you’ve been doing, as he paces the deck talking about something to do with a recent song he’s been writing.

You’re sliding in small hums of agreement at the appropriate times without even hearing what he’s saying. Only the pleasing lilt in his voice that tickles your ears as it enters them.

He’s got those black skinny jeans on, the pair that cling to his hips for dear life. And not only are they fit to his hips, but they hug every single curve on his legs. The thick of his thighs all the way down to the muscle of his calf.

And if anything was the killer for you tonight, it was those.

You’re surprised you’re not drooling on yourself. Which is fucking disgusting, but fact. As there is an over-production of saliva in your mouth right now just looking at his legs.

He is so muscly there. The presumed strength of his thighs makes you actually pant, and you never thought legs did it for you like this. But my god right now, they certainly are.

“But I jus’ dunno Y/N,” he turns to you, causing you to snap your gaze from the curve of his ass which you were shamelessly just staring at, back to his face.

It doesn’t get better for you anywhere you look. The man was built and sculpted by a god. Every feature was painstaking to look at, and not be able to touch.

“What d’ya reckon would sound better?” He asks, nonchalantly, unaware you were just eyeing him up.

You feel some shame now, as you scramble to find an answer for the question you don’t even know the context for.

“Well, i think whatever you feel flows better. Yknow?” You swallow, praying to god it’s diluted enough of an answer that he’ll just take it without question.

He nods, and relief floods through you, “i s’pose you’re right.”

However that relief hardly lasts long, because he’s not as clueless as you’d presumed, “You’re pretty good at giving advice even when you’re only half listening.”

He saunters over from the span of deck he’d been pacing the last 10 minutes, sitting down next to you with a smug look on his face. You feel the cushions dip with his body weight, and you’re so delusioned that even a part of you twinges with desire at the understanding of his weight. The idea of him pressing it down on top of you during—

“What’s on ya mind, love, why are you s’faraway lookin’?” He asks, sipping at his drink with a quirk of his dark eyebrows.

“I—“ Christ. He’s manspreading a bit right now… thighs pushed apart, “I’m just tired. Been a big few days.”

His curly, and boyishly-messy hair is cascading over his forehead and casting a shadow of his green gaze, the same one that’s nailing you where you’re sat right now.

He doesn’t look very convinced. And he’s watching your eyes flicker around, looking guilty of a lie, presumably the words that just came from your mouth.

“You don’t have t’lie, dove.” He laughs, a soft songbird-like chuckle that somewhat eases your tenseness.

You feel so dirty for thinking about him like this. When he can’t tell you it’s okay to be imagining absolutely sinful things you’d do… or let be done when it comes to him. However, you are so hormonal right now, that you don’t have it in yourself to stop.

He was just simply the wrong person, in the wrong place, at coincidentally the right time in your hormonal cycle.

And you feel even worse because there’s years of history behind the two of you. And friends are not meant to think of each other like this, it makes things quickly complicated. And this is not a hallmark film.

“I know.” You sigh out, “it’s not you, H. I’m just… hormonal.”

His first thought was that you were on your period, a look of tender concern flitting across his face.

“Oh, is your period making you feel sick?”

You could laugh at the irony. You are infact neither of the things he thinks. Not bleeding, and not ill.

He has looked after you before when you’ve been in the trenches with your period. He is always so willing to get you anything when you’re not feeling well.

And you can tell by the look on his pretty face he’s about to ask you he can get you anything to help— pain relief, water, snacks or simply a hug.

A gentleman, as always.

But if he asks you if you need anything, you only have one answer and that’s him. You need him, and not in a platonic way. So you interject before he can ask,

“No, quiet the opposite.” You shake your head, pursing your lips.

“But it’s fine,” you amend curtly, “just girl stuff.”

The two of you get consumed by a momentary silence, he was waiting for more information, which you simply were not giving. After a few seconds, he sputters out a sudden laugh.

“You can tell me, if you want, idiot.” He laughs, nudging you with his knee. His very attractive leg being left pressed into yours. “Gross details and personal stuff never usually stop us.”

Your whole body is burning up, overwhelmed. He is so fucking hot, and caring. You want him filling up your goddamn throat.

“No, trust me. This is all left best untold and ignored. I can’t help it, so we’re just ignoring it.” Your tone is certain, and to this he nods. Able to tell that’s as much of an answer he’d be getting for now, so he begrudgingly accepts it.

“Fine, fine, you’re just so stiff. Need t’relax.” He slides his free hand behind your back to pull him into his side.

Tugging you the small distance between you two, your head comes naturally to rest in the crook of his neck. Nose inhaling the woodsy scent of his cologne, smelling like the refreshingly cool breeze on a muggy summer night.

His thumb strokes a delicate back and forth rhythm on the bare skin it’s found between the waistband of your jeans and the hem of your fitted top.

It’s killing you, because he’s so gentle with you. Such a sweetheart really, but you’re breaking out a sweat at the feeling of his fingertips against your skin. You need a cold shower.

You try not to let your eyes wander down to the legs in those fucking jeans.

“S’long as ya alright,” he murmurs into your hair, “is there anything you need from me? ‘Cause if I can do anything for ya, yknow I would.”

Your stomach drops, how are you even supposed to answer that. Your face heats with even more guilt.

Your internal voice drops in her two cents on the question— your cock, she confidently stated. That was what she wanted.

“No, nothing you can do that’s reasonable, H.” You say, too dangerously close to him dragging the truth out of your needy mouth for your liking.

He tilts his head down to look at the profile of your face, curiously prodding further, “How unreasonable are we talking?”

“Ridiculously and foolishly unreasonable.”

“Why?”

“Sh. Don’t make me tell you, because I don’t want to.” You state defiantly, rolling away from his hold, since now you’re talking about it— although vaguely— it’s just making it worse.

Focusing on it is making the need more intense, your eyes feasting unintentionally on his muscled body relaxing on the couch.

He’s got this smirk on his lips. One you want to kiss off.

“You’re blushing, is it that bad?”

You scoff, “Yes, that bad.”

“Okay… so, it’s not your period, and it’s technically fixable— since you just said it’s unreasonable for me to do it… not impossible.” he’s wondering out loud, watching your every move.

Which now you’ve stood up and started pacing, trying to distract yourself from the pulsing between your legs and the begging voice in your head that wants to touch him so badly.

“Stop being nosey! God!” You frustratedly whine out, and he laughs at your sudden anger at not only him, but at seemingly just being a woman.

“Just trying to help, baby, don’t get mad.” He teases, and between his suddenly mocking mouth, your resolve snaps like a fickle twig.

“Fuck, I’m horny. Harry!” You groan out, covering your eyes over with the palms of your hands so you don’t have to see his likely disgusted face at your confession.

But now that you’ve started you can’t stop, “You just… your fucking legs and thighs are just… I don’t know! I’m ovulating and you’re just really sexy, it’s frustrating and I really want to die right now, H.”

In reality, his brows had just shot up with surprise, lips parting in shock. He could not believe you just admitted that.

He glanced down to his legs. He’s just in jeans, it wasn’t like he felt as though they were anything to write home about.

It shocked him that you even… well obviously the two of you are best friends. But it was rare that topics of sex came up, so all the sudden the conversation being about that and also about you is making his head spin.

Yet something comes over him, he doesn’t think as he speaks his next words, “Tha’s not as unreasonable as you made it out to be.”

You snap your hands down from your face, eyes locking onto his— he doesn’t look repulsed or uncomfortable as you had originally expected. He looks inexplicably open to the topic.

“I’ve got somethin’ you need, somethin’ that can fix it, love.” He states, shrugging his shoulders, his voice going almost sultry, “An’ yknow what I said, hm?”

At your silence— because you’re too stunned to even speak— he finishes the sentence for you, “Said I’d do anything for ya.”

Oh, is this quickly snowballing.

“Harry!” You shake your head, it feeling so wrong to be talking about this with him.

He abandons his drink on the small side table beside the couch, standing up and breaching the distance between you.

“Jus’ say the words, and then im yours.” He lowly whispers, and this is about to make you pass out. You’re clenching around nothing in your underwear, and the proposition is so tempting.

“We shouldn’t though. It’s not your responsibility to… satiate me.” You gulp out, nervous, yet body flaming with heat.

“Y/N, best friends help each other out… tha’s all it has to be, jus’ me making y’feel better.” he says, hand coming to run down your upper arm. And the second you started talking about this, his cock has been twitching where it’s confined his jeans.

“You can make all the decisions, all the calls, m’kay?” The statement was reassuring.

You lean into his touch, caving without anymore of a fight, “Okay… alright. Just… tell me if you change your mind. Please?”

His lips curl into a satisfied smile, feeling his hand get taken by yours. It’s much to risky to be fucking around with your best friend on the families patio, so you lead him down the steps into the dark, open backyard.

They have a pier, that’s lit with small solar lights, and that’s the first place you can that is reasonable enough to go. You tug him along the wooden decking it has, feet drumming against it.

Against a tree was too dark, and you at least want to see his cock if you’re getting the opportunity to touch it.

“On the pier, hey? That desperate.” He teases, and you push him with your free hand into one of its big wooden pillars.

“I want your cock down my throat, how’s that for desperate?” You scoff, pulling a laugh of pure shock from his own lips.

“I’m serious, H.” You look at him, stone cold expression. You are so riled up and ready to touch him that you need immediate confirmation this is something he wants.

“Go on, said you wanted it.”

Before you sink down onto your knees, you question him further, “you want this, though?”

A smile spreads over his mouth, “baby, you’re gonna be able to feel just how much i want this when you get down there. I was bricked the second you said you were horny.”

That was all you needed, dropping to the ground on your knees— now with his consent, your filter completely disappeared.

“Fuck me, Harry. I don’t think you understand how sexy you are.” Hands immediately coming up to squeeze the muscle of his thighs.

He hums a noise as he looks down at you on your knees, “Never thought legs would do it for you, but here we are.”

“Only thing i could think about is digging my nails into your thighs…”

You drag your hands back up to where the buckle of his belt laid, grabbing at it and undoing it. Slipping it out of the loops in his pants in a swift movement.

Leaning forward, you lift the hem of his black shirt, pressing your mouth against his happy trail.

You’re a slut for that little teasing patch of hair that dips below his low jeans. It causes you to whine out, a wordless sound of appreciation as you peck kisses over it.

The button and zipper quickly got undone by your nimble hands, and you finally brush over the prominent bulge that’s perked up in his boxers.

A realisation that you’re about to see your best friends dick for the first time kind of hits you, causing you to roll your lips between your teeth.

His suddenly strained voice comes from above you, “fuck, Y/N, don’t get shy with me. Y’can take me out.”

He’s almost ready to beg, even though this is all technically for you. But he didn’t anticipate how sensitive he would be when it’s a special girls hands running over his bulge.

However that’s exactly how it is, he’s already biting his lip as you cup him through his briefs, head tilted backwards with a sudden shared need.

You draw his jeans further down, “patience, im just enjoying you, pretty boy.”

The doting nickname earns a small groan from his lips, paired with the fact you’re now mouthing at his inner thighs. They’re warm and firm, dusted with dark hairs. You suck the most inner and upper part of his thigh into your mouth, causing him to grunt out.

You busy yourself with that particular part of his skin for a moment, rubbing the backs of your hands around the flesh of his ass. Still unfortunately covered by his briefs.

“So fuckin’ good to me, H.” You muttered into his soft skin, dragging your nose over to kiss the fabric covering his hard cock.

It makes him twitch, “letting me do this… and touch you where I want.”

You sound so out of it, replacing your mouth with your hand momentarily so you can go back to kissing his thighs, teeth impulsively barring over them. He shudders at the sensation.

After a bit more teasing, you finally start to pull the waistband of his black calvins down.

When his cock is fully out, you moan. You straight out moan at the sight of it. It’s glistening tip is a flushed red, beading out a sliver of precum for you, and it was safe to say he’s well equipped.

The two of you curse in sync as you hold him in your hand, feeling the weight as you stroke gently.

“Christ, tha’s good.” He curses out, hips stuttering forward slightly. You take a moment to look up at his face.

His cheeks have gone a slight red, and his lips are shiny from his teeth and tongue constantly running over them. Not to mention the way his lidded eyes are gazing down at you.

You hold eye contact as you lean in to lick over his tip in one solid stroke, watching his face twist in pleasure.

It makes your core drip. Seeing his cock, tasting it, watching him react to your touch. It fuels you to take his tip into your mouth, giving a gentle suck.

Your fingers take refugee digging into his thighs, and you are already loosing you mind with him between your lips. Somehow, you’re almost convinced you could come just from sucking on his dick.

Your self control is completely shattered now, you draw back and spit over his length, listening to him groan out as he watches the action.

“Drool on me, darling.” He says, the gentle demand makes you eager to impress him. You liked the idea of him telling you what to do… maybe even forcing you.

Fuck, you are sick and twisted, you scoffed internally at your self. Yet proceeding to gather your saliva and let it dribble down onto him.

“Thank you, thank you…” you murmur against him, and he twitches at your still airy voice. He would kill to know just how wet you were between your legs.

It was such a sight for you though, seeing him start to get slicked up with your own spit. Your mouth reconnected with him, sliding further down, hand coming up to massage his balls.

You’re whining around him now, starting to move in a sort of rhythm over his cock. You can’t help it, you were becoming frantic at him filling your throat.

The vibration of your mouth sends his hand flying into your hair, drawing a cuss from his lips, “fuck, Y/N…”

You get his cock as far as you can into your mouth without gagging— you’ll leave that for a little later— stroking the remainder. There’s something about the way he takes up the space between your lips, the feeling of his thick cock atop your tongue.

You glance up at him, fingertips teasing the inner parts of his thigh. Just as you look up, you give a harsh suck, hollowing out your mouth and lathing your tongue on the underside of him. Feeling the vein that runs along him.

His head almost bangs back against the wooden beam he’s leaning on, you feel the slight stutter of his hips.

A moan reverberated around you, filling your ears pleasingly. You draw back for a breathe, “you taste so good.”

His hand curls in your hair, panting out, “You’re such a needy girl…”

“Like that?” He asks at the whimper that come from you, “like being told that I see how desperate y’becoming?”

You nod immediately, “please…”

At your way of asking for more dirty talk he smiles, “becoming my little slut? Warming my cock with your mouth just because you’re so horny for it.”

When you don’t reply with words, and only a senseless moan, he taps your mouth with his fingers gently.

“Show me, baby.”

You part your lips almost instantly at his command, jutting your wet tongue out, ready to take him back into your mouth.

He guides his cock back between your lips, and that’s about as far as he gets before you have to take over from him again. All he can register is how hot and warm you’re mouth is as it wraps around him again.

You start to bob your head, taking him all the way down your throat with a slight gag. You’re whining without warrant now, all over his spit slicked cock.

It’s paired with his own moans of pleasure and words of praise as you suddenly draw back, flicking over his wet tip with your tongue, teasing it and making him grunt.

Your soul existence quickly slips to being just about his cock and hearing his noises. Being able to look up at him and see the sweat beginning to sheen over his forehead, and the mess of his soft hair.

His eyes are squeezed shut, and he has to forcibly open them every so often to see you. A reality check for himself that down on her knees, is his best friend. Drooling all over his prick with a insatiable need.

“Good fuckin’ girl.” He states as you take him all the way down your throat again.

“Taking me like the slut y’are. Might ‘ave to fuck you like one later, how’s that sound?” His mouth has gone loose now, brain muddled with only thoughts of you in it.

You suck and nod over him, brain rioting with a yes at his question.

“Probably so wet, so warm.” He mutters in half thought, and the idea of him even thinking of you like that makes you clench multiple times in your panties.

You roll you hips against nothing which he is grateful he caught with his half lidded eyes. The look of sheer desperation that crossed your face.

Moving faster, you starting taking his cock at a pace that immediately made his hand coil tighter in your hair.

“Fuck… im gon’ come faster than I’d like if y’keep— shit— doing that.” He moans, and you draw back quickly.

“Need to taste it… please, Harry.” You beg, forcing your throat back down around him once you’d got a breathe.

You gagged around him in full this time, earning his hips bucking against you.

Strings of dirty talk and cusses were flying out of his mouth, like a litany being repeated over and over. He kept praising you.

“That warm mouth…fuck… fucking me so good baby. Want to keep y’down there for hours, like m’personal little cockslut.”

Your nails dug into the backs of his meaty thighs, making you moan around him. Spit was covering your chin as you moved hastily over his hard prick.

“Like that idea?” He asked gruffly, “making you drool all over me like this until I’m empty, an’ y’ve come in y’panties to the point you’re dripping.”

You feverishly bob your head, sucking hard against him. If his bucking hips and loose mouth are any indicator, he’s getting close.

A few more minutes of your mouth, and he’s swearing, “im gonna come, dove— fuck— where do y’want it?”

Trying not to stop to long, looking up at his flushed face and blown out eyes, you lowly plead, “on my tongue, please…”

“Good slut, good fucking girl!” He slurs out.

You draw back to his tip, eager to taste him properly. You spit messily over his pulsing red head, kitten licking over it while your hand fucks the rest of his length at a fast pace.

It has him a wreck, and before he know it, he’s moaning out so loud he’s almost scared he woke someone in the house up.

“Fuck! I’m going to come, baby, im gonna come!”

You watch in completely infatuation as his eyes screw shut and his mouth drops into a gasp for air. You feel his hips stutter, and his cock pulse and twitch as it releases onto your awaiting tongue.

He tastes so good. You feel ashamed for even liking it that much, but as it spurts out his tip and drips onto your lower lip, your insane over it.

You rub it in with his tip, coating it over your tongue, and he pants as he opens his eyes to watch you.

It’s a sight etched into his mind forevermore. The fact his come is painted all over your tongue right now.

“Swallow it, pretty girl, let me watch.” He exhaustedly instructs you, voice raspy and deep in his post orgasm haze.

You do as told, and realising some has spilt even onto the corner of his thigh now that you’ve let him go.

Not letting it go to waste, you clean it off with a lick of your still eager mouth. Gently kissing over the spot as well.

“Taste so good, H.” You whisper against him, moving over to kiss his tip a final time.

“Thank you, again. For letting me do that…” You almost feel more satisfied than you would have if you had gotten to come as well.

“Made me feel amazing, baby.”

Or so you thought, because once he raised the point again… “If you want, since I can only imagine how desperate your little cunt is, I can return the favour somehow?”

And it was impossible to say no when he looked like that, boxers still half down his beautiful legs and face flushed that sexy shade of red.

You were in for a night, that was for sure. So much for an early morning.

———

[st4rd0lly]

𝐖𝐎𝐍’𝐓 𝐁𝐈𝐓𝐄 !

𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺 @/𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘬𝘰𝘭𝘺𝘢 ’𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘈𝘜 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘕𝘪𝘬𝘰𝘭𝘢𝘪 !! 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺’𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘮𝘢𝘻𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘳 <3 

@doukeshi-kun

cw : no smut just yet , MDNI still , slight implications of future dark content , reader is an adult in early 20s while nikolai is older , fem reader

A young rising star actress, gaining more and more popularity within each film you star in.

That was you.

And unfortunately for you, you had a very big director with his eyes glued to every move you make. Nikolai Gogol was a very prominent actor and director, he’s been in the business for a long time and he’s good at it. Almost too good.

There’s a lot of mysteries, rumors, more surrounding the man in general despite him being there for so long. Not much is known about his personal life or how he started to rise up. Most of the public just knew that he started off as a child actor.

There’s almost an aura of weariness that people get around him, but his charismatic and mischievous nature keeps pulling them back in for more despite their gut. When he walks, the people shifts and the mood becomes a tide dependent on him due to the air he brings. He knows how to perform and then perform, even when he’s not on the job.

It was only natural that he gained interest in a new star, he was a director after all. That was what most people told you. But there was just something off about him to you, though you never had an actual full conversation with the man besides…

-

“Haha, isn’t it my lucky day! An amazing actress with more amazing work, lovely meeting you.” The man stood before you, giving a small grin before shaking your hand. You’d smile back at him, shaking his hand too.

“Pleasure to meet you Gogol.” You said, your voice firm but sounding polite and friendly. He was a very attractive man, that you couldn’t deny. He was tall, he had pale skin, and pretty white, fluffy hair that was tied in its usual braid. His eyes were something that were easy to get lost into, a green that’s rich like emerald and a shade of a blue that paints the sky. 

Not to mention, the scar that sits on top with a nicely put together outfit. The red tint of his lips made a nice contrast and you couldn’t help but feel a slight dread to hear him speak again for some reason.

“Oh please dear, do call me Nikolai. No need for last names.” He reassures, the smile on his face grew wider, letting out a small chuckle. You felt your chest tighten. Did everyone feel so off when talking to him? 

“Director!”

“Ah, I have to get going. I’ll see you around yeah darl?”

“Of course.”

-

And that was the last you’ve talked to him. It was a while ago, back at an event for god knows what. You’d been to too many for your liking. You still remember the moments where he was glancing at you ever so subtly. 

But now your team came to you with an opportunity, an opportunity to act with him.

-

“It’s a really good chance for you to really get out there. Gogol is one of the best, he’s directing and acting and! He’ll be a great guidance.” Your manager told you, you nodded your head but pursed your lips into a thin line in thought. 

“I don’t know…” You sighed, bouncing your knee while you sat. 

“You’re already gaining a lot of popularity, a boost wouldn’t hurt. You’ve got great skills and a good mindset. You mind if I ask why you’re hesitating?” 

‘Because he’s off! There’s something off about him!’

“Guess I’m just… a little intimidated is all. Don’t get me wrong, I know this is pretty rare for newbies to get invited into such a huge project by someone like him. But I just—”

“He’s been one of your supporters since the start, it’s a good thing he’s interested in you. I get it, it might be overwhelming but that’s just how the industry is. —With that being said, it’s still ultimately your choice.”

You bit your inner cheek. It would be rude to decline an offer from a big shot like him, especially when he’s been supporting your work you figured. And it doesn’t hurt to be curious about him too, only way to figure out more about him is…

“Let him know I accept then.”

‘We’ll see how this goes.’

-

The past few days working with Nikolai, your co-stars, and staff have all went well so far. Your manager was right, so far at least. You were still somewhat skeptical. He was great at guiding people in the right direction. Not only was he easy to talk to but he was friendly, very friendly. 

Almost a little too friendly to you, but you shrugged it off. It must because you’re still somewhat new to the acting scene. You still weren’t sure how to feel.

“Hey darl, how’s my favorite star holding up?” Nikolai’s cheery voice snapped you out of your thoughts, his hand placed on the low of your back. You didn’t think much of it and you smiled at him politely.

“A bit tired but nothing I can’t handle. I’m excited to run upcoming scenes.” You told him, eating a strawberry that they had out on the food table for lunch. You managed to grab a few before they ran out. Your manager always told you it wasn’t good to act with completely empty stomach. He let out a small chuckled, nodding his head.

“Yes, yes! I’m glad you’re having fun dear.” He grinned, but then his eyes trailed to your lips. “Are the strawberries sweet?” He asked, keeping the cheerful expression on his face.

“Yeah, they’re sweeter than I expected. I really like these.” You responded genuinely, grabbing another one. 

“Let me have a taste.” He said, leaning down and eating the strawberry from your hand to his mouth. You were surprised, not expecting him to do something like that so casually. 

‘He smells sweet.’

‘….And his hands are really nice.’

You looked at him still with a surprised expression, letting out a small laugh when you saw his focused face on tasting the the strawberry. You were aware he was probably doing this to make you feel more comfortable and light hearted. At least that’s what you thought to make of his actions.

‘Wait, did I just say he smells sweet? In my head?’

“Yes—”

“Huh?” You cut him off, snapping out of your head. Worried that you had said your thoughts out loud, you turn your face to his more directly. He raises a brow at you, an amused look on his face.

“I was about to say, yes you are right. They are pretty sweet but it looks like you have something on your mind honey.” He tells you, nothing ever goes unnoticed by him.

“O-Oh! It’s nothing, sorry I was just thinking about something random.” You try to explain, there’s no way you’re going to explain what you thought about him to him. That was weird. He’s weird… okay but maybe you’re weird too for thinking that of him-

“You always look so tense around me darling, you always have something on your mind don’t you?” He chuckles. “Dim your worried thoughts pretty thing. I’m not gonna bite you.” 

…Okay yeah he is weird.

But for some reason, your cheeks feel like they were growing warmer. 

“Unless you want me too.”

You didn’t quite catch what he said that moment, so now it was your turn to look at him a little amused snd confused. 

“What was that?”

“Oh nothing nothing dear!” He rubs the inner of your wrist quickly with his thumb, standing back up straight and patting you on the back. He let out a small light hearted laugh. “Oh you’re so cute. Relax okay? This is your first time working with a huge director isn’t it? —Ah maybe that sounds too arrogant of me. I’m just rather familiar with the position is all.” 

“Y-Yeah it is, you know just wanna do my best.” You stammer a bit, nodding your head in agreement.

“You’re already doing so good for me sweetheart, you’re gonna be just fine.” He reassures you, he was a little too good at eye contact. “Actually, you know what? Say, are you free after the shoot?”

You blink.

Where did this come from? What did he plan to do? Why was he asking? You had to come up with an answer. Quick. There wasn’t any time to think-

“Uh, you know I think I am? I don’t usually have anything planned after shoots.”

‘Fuck. What was that?’ 

You internally started cursing at yourself. You initially planned to deny, a thing your gut was screaming at you to do. But you couldn’t think right when he looked at you. It almost seemed sly in the way he smirked.

“How about this? After this shoot is done, go home and get dressed. Come over to my place for dinner yeah darl? I’ll give you some advice, I would just tell you now but we have to run the next scene in about 30? And I don’t wanna stay at the studio much longer after. What do you say?” He asks, tilting his head ever so slightly.

‘There’s no backing out now..’

“Sure, that sounds good to me.” You gave him a sheepish smile. A grin was too swift to grow on his face before relaxing into a casual smile. He reached for his phone, it was different from the usual phone he uses. It must’ve been a personal phone. You figured you should grab your own too.

“Here you go.” He says, handing you his phone and swapping with you. You both take a few moments to put in your numbers and for some reason, you feel as if you’ve greatly messed up. You both swapped the phones back. “There’s my number, give me a call before you’re on your way dear.”

“Okay, I will. Thank you.” You told him, now somewhat nervous to look up at him again.

“Gogol! Makeup touch ups!” A staff called out for him, your makeup artist was also probably looking for you.

“I’ll be seeing you later.” He winks at you, walking away. You let out a small laugh, nervous. You finished the strawberry off quickly, tossing it into the trash before walking off to find your makeup artist.

This is too weird.

dividers : @/cafekitsune

[where-dreams-dwell]

*One Day Netflix Spoilers*

You can interpret it however works for you, and I don’t know how it played out in the book, but I loved the scene where Em and Dex got together.

Because Emma *chose* Dexter. When she didn’t have to, when she had other options, knowing all of his baggage, and knowing that they would probably be able to stay friends if she didn’t. And she still chose to start something romantic with him.

Emma was at the highest point of her success: a published author, signed for a second book, sent to live abroad in an exciting new city. And she’d started seeing someone who (from the little we see) is kind, charming, and cares for her. Emma is winning in every sense!

And she initially rejects Dexter. Her reasons make sense; she doesn’t feel he truly *wants* to be with her, just that she’s there and he’s lonely. She is sure of herself and her place in the world, and turns down the man she used to crush on because she wants it to be real. When given this opportunity were not shown a knee jerk, desperate, ‘oh my god, finally, yes!’ moment when he says he wants to be with her. She was NOT waiting on this, and she’s not PINING for him. It actually shows huge strength that when the man she used to like finally wants to be with her, she has the inner strength to say no and stick to what she deserves; a proper relationship with someone who truly wants her, not a placeholder.

Dexter lays his heart on the line, leaves himself competent venerable, and Em says no.

You could interpret Em coming back as unsatisfactory: a woman in her prime, going back to the man she’s been pining over most of her adult life. But it can also be seen as an empowering moment.

Emma knows all of Dexters issues and chooses him anyway. Dexter has literally just laid out his current headspace and issues, and it’s clear she was supporting him as the divorce was announced and agreed upon. And previous episodes show they’ve been close throughout Dexters marriage and fatherhood, with Em stopping in at his job and answering his late night calls. She’s been his best friend again for several years and knows his struggles, so she is going in to any romantic relationship with her eyes open.

Reducing Emma’s choice to being a silly or naive one I think misses huge parts of who she is, things which are key to her characterisation. Throughout the series she’s shown as intelligent, savvy, switched on and determined. Even when she’s unhappy or trying different things, she is sure in her conviction to do *something*. When she’s unhappy at the restaurant and Dex suggests teaching she makes a career change and trains. When she’s at her lowest (post headteacher affair and loosing Dex) she turns rock bottom into a spring board and tries once again to write her novel.

Emma is the embodiment of conviction. Whether it’s knowing what she wants or just knowing what she doesn’t, she is decisive and commits to her path. She’s the perfect foil for Dex who’s lesson across the series is to stop running from difficult feelings, and learn to process unpleasant emotions.

So she didn’t choose Dexter on a whim, and I love that they showed that. Em leaves Dex, turns him down, and goes to dinner with her lover in the city she’s loving living in, while doing the job she always wanted.

And she could have left it like that and they would have likely remaking friends. They did after that kiss at Tilly’s wedding, and after they slept together. So she has nothing to loose by rejecting him.

But Emma *chooses* Dex. She knows herself and what she wants, she knows who she is and what she is now capable of. What she wants, if it’s on the table, is to be with Dexter. So she commits to it.

They could have made her jump at the option to be with Dex. The writer could have had them get together when Dex was at the height of his fame or Em at the lowest point of her life. And either of those could have easily had a sense of fear on Em’s part: to be equal to Dex, to be good enough for him (in her head), to finally make it. But doing it this way gives her all the power, all the agency. And I *love* that.

From comments later it’s clear their relationship was good, they do work well together and they make one another happy. We’ll never know how Emma’s life could have gone if she stayed with Jean-Pierre. But the life she chose with Dex *was* happy. As Ian said ‘[Dex] made her so so happy’: wether you think she could have done better or deserved more, a life with someone who makes you happy… isn’t an insignificant thing.

We’ll never know if it was *the right* choice to be with Dex. But seeing how happy she was it’s clear it was a *good* choice. And that’s all we can ever hope for.

[blindmagdalena]

If A-Train was able to get a redemption arc, I don’t see why Homie couldn’t get one (I know he won’t). It’s just so annoying to me when people say Homie is irredeemable. I mean of all the villains of the show, he actually has a reason to be one based on what Vought did to him as a child and then as an adult. Like duh. What did they think would happen?? A-Train on the other hand, didn’t really have a reason to be a villain. He grew up with a loving family. He just turned out to be an asshole but gets a redemption arc. I just really want justice for Homie but it’ll never happen in canon. Thank goodness for fanfic and all the wonderful work you do!!!

so, i feel like there's a fundamental misunderstanding of the redemption arc here. the real reason Homelander is "irredeemable" is because he doesn't seek redemption. he has neither the moral capacity nor the desire.

redemption arcs aren't about who has the saddest backstory or who's more "justified" in their villainy. they're about people who feel genuine remorse for their actions and make the choice to do better. to atone.

Homelander doesn't believe he's in the wrong. he fully believes that he is justified in everything he does, and everyone he hurts. unless that CORE truth of his character changes, no, he cannot have a redemption arc.

A-Train, on the other end, is a perfect example of a well-executed redemption arc. he was absolutely NOT an asshole for no reason. sure, he wasn't raised in a lab, but his life was still FULL of abuse and exploitation. from the moment he was born, his parents pumped him full of an experimental drug. his father died when he was still a baby, and his mother worked two jobs while his young brother raised him. kids can't raise kids. his situation was tragic. i mean, for god's sake, his powers developed when he was a three year old (!!!!!!!!!!) because he was running away from the bullets of a deadly shooting towards his home.

so from the age of three, he became the breadwinner for his family. he was trained and likely performed in all kinds of ways. there's no way he didn't with how poor his family was. once he was old enough, he got picked up into Vought's programming and continued to endure god knows what kind of abuse from them. we know for a FACT that every child star of Vought ends up miserable and ruined in some way from the shit they're put through.

remember why he fell in love with Popclaw? "Here's someone who isn't afraid to be happy."

that's heartbreaking. he worked his ass off his entire life and didn't even know how to be happy because of it. even when he went to GodU, Brink commented that he was "the most driven kid he trained." because he had no choice! he was the one supporting his family out of poverty.

i'm not saying A-Train is perfect. i'm not even saying he wasn't an asshole. he was! but to claim he had no reason to turn out the way he did isn't fair. he did a lot of shitty things, he turned to drugs when his powers started to fail him, and he accidentally killed a woman because he was blitzed out of his mind on V... doing a drug run for Homelander. he's then forced by Homelander to kill the woman he loves. he did a cowardly, vile thing, and he has expressed nothing but anguish over it ever since.

but like... in the grand scheme of things, was he really that bad? he spirals and struggles. he gets mocked, he tries desperately to find his identity. the fact his brother shames him for not being connected to a community he was unplugged from because he was shunted into fame and exploitation at a young age sucks.

Reggie, that sweet little boy, was failed in every conceivable way and he became a dysfunctional adult that did shitty stuff because of it. now he's gained perspective and he's working to make different choices. i've been hugely invested in his arc because it's GOOD character work.

so while i appreciate and agree with the sentiment and wanting better for Homelander, redemption comes to those who seek it. so far, we have not seen any indication Homelander ever will. maybe he'll pull a Darth Vader moment at the eleventh hour for Ryan's sake, who knows!

either way, on his own merit, A-Train deserves the chance to be and do better.

[chaifootsteps]

Seeing stars if it was good

(assuming Loona is up to speed about via)

Stolas: why would she do this? It’s not my fault I forgot the promise, she’s just so impatient! She doesn’t consider how upset this all makes me.

Loona: Hey, youre the adult here, cut your daughter some slack. She’s just a kid. Everyone lashes out when they’re young and confused, especially if going through shit at home. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t care. Actually it’s the opposite.

Stolas: If she cares why would she run away?

Loona: Well, this affair and the divorce going on right now, that was all your choice. Via doesn’t have a say in that. The family drama all across the news, all that gossip, that shit was your choice too. Her moving home every weekend, that was also you guys’ choice. Maybe…maybe lashing out was her way of getting control back.

Stolas: I never wanted to be married, I never even wanted to become a father. But I’m trying anyway!My whole life was set in stone. Yes what I did was rash. But it was desperation. It was true love! He taught me I could choose, that’s why he’s my destiny, my soulma—

Loona: Oh shut it with that soap opera crap. You may not have wanted it, but you were married, and you are a father now. You always will be one of those things, and what type of dad you are? That part is completely up to you. Don’t give someone else credit for letting you choose, cause if you do that, you’re still giving power to somebody else. I grew up in a freakin cage dude. With literal metal bars. I know what I’m talking about. You grew up in a massive palace full of food, a big bed, servants, and a huge swimming pool. I think you had more choice than you realise. And controlling others like you do, doesn’t make you more free.

Stolas: I have no idea what you’re talking about. All my life has been is a pain and torment. I’ve been an excellent father given my circumstances for seventeen years, I just made some mistakes. Doesn’t everyone?

Loona: (sighs) Well yeah, like I said, people lash out and do rash things when they’re trying to take control back. No matter how hard it is, you still love your daughter don’t you?

Stolas: Of course I do.

Loona: Then focus on that. Try to be happy with your kid in a way that’s stable, with trust, before you go off getting revenge on your bitch wife or starting a relationship with some guy. She expected you to keep your promise, and got disappointed when you didn’t. That’s more important than you think.

Stolas: It is?

Loona: Yup. When she starts expecting you to let her down so often that she doesn’t even get her hopes up to start with, that’s when you need to worry.

Stolas: I…see.

Loona: Now let’s go get your daughter. There’s still time to see the meteor shower.

If this had actually happened in canon and actually stuck, if this were the kind of writing we were getting consistently, I guarantee you I would be a softer on Helluva. Not on Viv herself, but on the show, definitely.

[sanshofox]

Just me pondering I guess… I feel like what really irks me also about the current entertainment/gaming industry debacle (with the massive layoffs, or AI being art and job theft or the irrational greed of business people) is that it now openly excludes and casts out one group of people w/o shame and in a way denies them being able to enjoy life (like free job choice) and what’s even worse is that it has become a threat of existence for those now out of a job, but also to those that still have one. It's more layoffs than job openings currently, which therefore almost completely denies access and those few that remain in the industry get cycled through one project after another, each time one step closer to burnout.

AI CEOs admit wanting to rid creatives of their job with reasoning that make them look like toddlers with a temper tantrum in adult suits that held a grudge for too long. And I feel like I am back in high school with my friends where you got bullied for being artsy nerds. Like god forbid people develop a passion and skills for smth and later enjoy their jobs. It's immensly dismaying for me. Because this feels like high school behavior, it’s the same damn scheme, but those are actually adult people in leading positions with huge impact. This is where behavior and decisions count and it’s ruining lifes. There’s an unhinderend amount of irrationality in business we haven’t seen like that before.

[12amphantasm]

People always meet you with reverence, “Father Andrew!”, they greet when you walk past, admiration heavy in their voices. They love you for how pious you are, friendly and loving, your patience and generosity.

And you love them, too. Just like the place you have stayed in for nearly twenty years, the huge complex composed of a humble yet luxurious church, the boarding school for troubled youths, the small but very warm house for the elderly, and the nearby university of theology - together known as The Hillset Private Conservatory.

God loves it all, every flower, every human, and whatever it might be that’s walking through these halls. __

The game is 18+ and meant for an adult audience.

Although the romance is strictly MxM, sexuality is relevant only for the romantic routes and the game can be played without engaging in intimate relationships, but at the expense of background information the player won’t be able to get in other ways. __

The game will be uploaded in parts, starting at least with 10k words. Planed release: Late April/early May 2024 ___

Written by a gay man, the romance is MxM only and stays true to reality, portraying genuine gay relationships, without stereotypes and harmful tropes.

“We Are God’s Most Beloved” is an old-school text-heavy interactive fiction novel and recommended to those who love reading.

Choices are meaningful instead of flavour and used only when they have an actual impact, this means there are long passages of text, which requires the reader to keep track of the story – just like they would with a novel. There is a lot to explore, attentive readers might find more game in this interactive fiction than one would expect.

The main genre is horror, even if nothing is outrageously explicit and often handled with a focus on the absurd, it contains horror-typical themes and tropes such as blood, body horror, surreal imaginary, and other commonly used elements.

In addition, mental illness, dysfunctional familial relationships, and physical assault play an important role depending on which route is chosen.

Hillset Private Conservatory, build in 1802, despite its long history, is a name few people know or have ever heard, and if one is aware of its existence, it’s rarely for good reasons.

Rumours have it that the owner was a paranoid man and the gigantic complex created solely to have a spacious cage for his family, namely his eight children, only for all of them to find an untimely death on this very property.

"It's haunted!", some say. "It's evil!", some claim.

Of course, nothing of that is true, the many teachers, counsellors, nuns, and priest can attest to that, and so would many of their students. At least a good portion of them. Maybe some, at least.

Now summer vacation has ended, and a new batch of fosterlings is about to arrive; frightened, misguided, and troubled teens in need of loving care, education, and a new chance at life.

Father Andrew, the only acting priest, will do his best, like always, to show them God’s brilliance and create a warm home out of these century old walls.

No railroading, no hand-holding

Life is full of choices, you have to make your own and live with them, ultimately missing out on certain things, or ending up utterly regretting what you did. There is no right or wrong, no road I, more or less sneakily, force you to take, choices are all equally valid and accounted for. ___

A fixed protagonist

Father Andrew is a fixed character, with his own likes, dislikes, appearance, and convictions. But how he navigates the world, how he reacts, who he becomes fond of or rather avoids, his interactions and how he lives his life, and, of course, what you learn about him, is up to you. ___

One end to rule them all

There are no bad endings or early finishes, all choices lead to the same endpoint, but how it looks like… is on you alone. ___

No stats

“We Are God’s Most Beloved” doesn’t require you to master stats, the story changes based on your choices, how you interact with the world and characters determines the options you will have, who likes or hates you, and how the story will play out. ___

Explicit - Yes or No?

You can choose to either read explicit sexual interactions or go for fade-to-black. ___

Romance

Three romantic interests are waiting to meet you, but you can play the whole story without romancing anyone, at the expense of sexual moments, additional plot-points centred around these characters, and potentially interesting background information.

No indicators are used, you have to find your own way, going by what you know about a character, evaluating the current situation, and acting accordingly.

Use the relationship stats to figure out what you did right or wrong, you have successfully entered a romantic route with a RO when the percentage reaches 50% and will deepen, or lessen, the relationship from then on.

There are no poly routes, entering one will lock you out of the others, and while you can’t lose a route once entered, how the couple ends up is based on your actions.

Keep in mind that “love” comes in many forms and players might find it worthwhile to forge bonds with other characters.

Profiles - Here

Father Andrew

Thirty-three years old, he was admitted to Hillset boarding school for troubled youths at the tender age of fourteen and hasn’t left the complex since. He’s very out of touch with the outside, basing his worldview, manners and morals on the old nuns and priests that raised him, often colliding with the new students’ modern ways. Friendly, polite and helpful, he’s easy to get along with on first glance but hard to truly get to know, which leaves him without friends and often rather lonely. __

Sister Lucia

Thirty-five years old, she’s one of the younger nuns but the strictness with which she loves doesn’t pale in comparison. She’s very fond of Father Andrew, who is her inspiration and has warped the image of how a priest should be until it became unrecognisable. Her hobbies are flower-arrangements, cooking things no one who loves their life should eat, taking care of the children in their school, and writing in her journal. __

Ẻ̶̛̬̲̀͋͑v̷̟̫̌̄͂ẻ̵͙̆̎͐l̸̨̙̠̻̜̐͌̓̂ͅͅy̵̡̲̼̔̑̾̀̀͐n̶̻̰̬͛͂͊̏̕͜͠

They might or might not be human. --

Moby

They definitely aren’t human, but God loves them anyway.

The love interests

Ryan Harris

Twenty-four years old and a student of Theology, he’s a graduate from the boarding school for troubled youths. While not overly intelligent, he’s diligent, curious, and not afraid of hardships. Father Andrew’s liturgy is his favourite part of the week and helping out something he takes pride in, as he does in his paintings that are full of creative flair and appreciated only by those with strong artistic sense. __

Connor Price

Thirty-one years old, he has been teaching English for eight years at a famous school and will do so from now on at Hillset - even if only because other schools refused to take him. He doesn’t like the enormous complex, dated appearance, long, dark halls, how everyone is just too nice, and Father Andrew, who somehow gives him the creeps. Connor spends his time reading, avoiding coworkers, and having long talks with the elderly in their care. __

?

You have to find that out on your own.

[mayaketu]

Character analysis: Naruto vs Boruto’s forgiving natures

Naruto is a kind person. But a lot of people interpret all of his actions to being foolishly kind, when Naruto really is just a traumatized & principled character that empathizes with people based off that.

Both are traumatized & principled, but have different traumas driving their actions.

Let’s examine Naruto first:

Notice, Naruto does not decide to be understanding until he draws a connection between himself and his opponent being victims of child abuse. Naruto never tried to empathize with Orochimaru, Danzo or Madara, nor had much of a negative reaction to their demise at all. Naruto also knew all 3 of them had repeatedly committed the worst sin- abused children. His biggest trauma.

Naruto hasn’t been advocating for people to escape consequences, he wanted people to atone because he understood that they were traumatized as children & never got the guidance that saved Naruto from going down their exact path. He wasn’t rly being gullible (he had nothing to lose by the time he tried talk-no-jutsu lol), kind or even forgiving- he decided no matter how difficult to stick to his principles he learned from Jiraiya. To try to stop the cycle of hatred by having people atone rather than to punish them through revenge.

Naruto’s biggest flaw though, is that he is overly blinded by his abandonment trauma- he feels he has to “save” people who went through child abuse like he did. He projects too much of his own feelings onto them- when they are their own people who won’t necessarily turn around as easily as Naruto did- which is why he lost his arm to sasuke who wouldn’t relent until beaten into submission. & (temporarily) lost his life to kawaki.

In psych terms, Naruto is trying to reinforce to himself that he was always worthy of being saved, which is what drives him to go as far as he does. It’s not really his kindness, or passion but his trauma is the way Naruto deeply connects to others.

Episode 10 of boruto NNG. This convo is not in the manga but it’s clear from the manga as well that this is how Naruto feels:

This is why Naruto struggled so much to connect with Boruto. Boruto wasn’t an abused child- thats why it seemed Naruto didn’t “care” about Boruto and Himawari as much as Kawaki. His bio kids were the first people very close to him without significant trauma for him to build a relationship on. Hima was still pretty young, & not as outspoken as boruto, so we didnt see that dynamic as much with her.

Boruto is still early in his story & has a lot more to learn. So this is as of chapter 14 of TBV.

Boruto’s current analysis:

Boruto has spent his whole life building healthy connections unlike Naruto, yet seems to have the same desire to “save” even the most “irredeemable” people. There are 2 reasons why.

Reason 1, For Boruto he is able to forgive kawaki because he understands that he’s not in a position to judge him. Boruto recognizes that he is a threat because of momoshiki, and blames & hates himself for everyone being endangered, not kawaki who is actually protecting them in his own twisted way. & now, feeling the pain of abandonment, he also empathizes with kawaki, thus forgiving him. This is how BORUTO sees it right now.

He’s also trying to make the right choices he knows ADULT Naruto would make, but adult Naruto has confronted his self hatred & knows not to take or blame everything on himself. Boruto hasn’t learned that yet, he’s willing to accept help when it’s dire, but still believes the overall burden is his alone. He has also been mainly taught by Sasuke, who still hasn’t overcome his own self hatred as much as Naruto has & desire to handle everything alone.

*boruto has actually been struggling with self hatred since getting caught cheating, that’s why he irrationally hated all ninja tech- it’s from the shame of being exposed. Self hatred is a huge underlying part of his character I could expand on later; I’m focusing on this comparison to Naruto here.

Boruto is blinded by his self hatred in the same way Naruto is blinded by his abandonment trauma. That’s why some of their actions seem so irrational, they are fueled by trauma. & These blind spots are where they both make their most costly mistakes.

That’s why he naively defied Koji’s order to escape and instead released code. He knows from Naruto he can’t do everything alone, but he lacks the wisdom to understand when/how to apply it. He should’ve relied on Koji’s advice rather than trying to plan on his own which led to a huge mistake. Code is still loose.

Reason 2, Boruto’s will is to be shadow hokage. To bear burdens for the sake of the village and people he loves. Part of bearing the burden is swallowing your pride for the greater good, which he learned from Sasuke. He’s not being kind or forgiving by saving Code. He wanted to kill the shinju ASAP before they could evolve further and needed his help.

Same with asking to train Kawaki. Kawaki’s fate is tied to both Naruto/Hinata, the EARTH & boruto’s fates. Outside of any emotional reasons, he literally cannot afford to let Kawaki die + kawaki’s unique abilities (shrinking claw marks particularly) are instrumental in defeating the shinju. & Especially now that the shinju are growing in number and in other villages, boruto cannot always be there to protect kawaki. Kawaki needs to get stronger fast for the sake of the planet.

I’m interested in the larger convo between boruto and kawaki and training him, but we’ll have to see once chapter 15 officially drops.

[martinsharmony]

In defense of RP Shipping and RP Fiction

I don’t normally come out and give my opinion on things like this so plainly about such controversial things. I tend to shy away from confrontational writing such as this. However this idea has been brewing in my mind for some time now so I had to write it.

I am a Real Person Shipper.

I’m seeing people talk a lot more about RP shipping (and the hate towards it) since David Tennant and Michael Sheen appeared smiling at each other in a photo after David's appearance in Macbeth.

RP Shipping is not a choice.

When I caught the shipping bug, it hit me like lightning. It occurred to me one night as I lay in bed next to the husband with which I had a deteriorating relationship: “are there stories about Dave Gahan and Martin Gore…being together??”

Dave Gahan/Martin Gore (Gahore) are in Depeche Mode. They were my 1st ship as an adult. You can read about it here. Obviously Depeche Mode is a band so there is no fictional narrative anywhere to follow. I quickly learned that RP shipping was taboo. However in my shipping community we all shipped the band so I was more or less insulated from it.

I dove in headfirst. I literally couldn’t not do it. It was something my brain needed. Sure I could have forced myself to not go look for it because of some kind of moral (?) imperative which I wasn’t even aware of at the time, but even if I stopped myself, that would not stop my brain from wanting it. Making up stories and scenarios. Finding evidence in videos, songs, interviews, etc. I shipped these two people because of what I had observed between them.

I saw love. So did my shipping friends. We all saw it. I needed to experience it. My life lacked it.

My next RP ship was Martin Freeman and Benedict Cumberbatch (FreeBatch). First I fell in love with Sherlock and John, obviously. But then as I started to follow the fandom, I started noticing the same things that others noticed. My brain just went there. I literally had no choice. It’s not as if I could tell my brain “don’t do that”. It would not listen. You can’t tell a starving person to not think about food. In fact telling them that probably makes it worse.

In my personal life, I had been through a breakup with the man I dated after I got divorced, and then I began dating a woman for the 1st time. I really started to relate what I was seeing on the screen and reading on Tumblr and in fic to my own life. I was starting to process my own bisexuality. I started to notice things about Martin and Ben that other people were noticing too. Shipping them helped me navigate that time in my life because I saw myself in it. I related to it. But it wasn't a choice. My brain just went there. Maybe I was Baader-Meinhoffing but even if I was, that doesn’t mean it’s something I didn’t need to explore, work out in my mind, and discover.

Shennant (Michael Sheen and David Tennant) is my 3rd RP ship. Yes I fell in love with Aziraphale and Crowley of course, but again, as I started to follow the fandom and David’s and Michael’s careers specifically, watching interviews, watching Staged, etc, I started noticing the same thing that many others noticed. I literally couldn’t help it. My brain, again, just went there. Also in Staged of course, they play themselves. I have to say that my RP Shipping really took off after I watched them in that. They play themselves. Their actual partners are in it. If one were to write Staged fic, is that not RPF? Where is the line between what is supposed to be okay and what is not?

Again, with this ship, I had big things going on in my personal life. Dad passed away almost a year and a half ago, and now I'm taking care of my elderly mom long distance. It's a huge emotional burden. I'm not dating anyone right now mostly because of that but also because I was in a poly relationship with the male half of a het married couple (longtime friends of mine) that ended extraordinarily painfully (so this was V or chain-style poly not group-sex poly). Since then I've been alone for more than 2 years. I'm still getting over it.

The love I see between Michael and David feels unconditional. I see adoration. If they are indeed in a healthy poly relationship, my god, how on earth did they do that? Even while navigating fame? It’s certainly a lot more difficult than my own situation. I can explore it: What kind of person feels safe to me the way I believe David feels safe with Michael? What kind of relationship can withstand the kind of obstacles they (and I) might face? What would have had to actually happened for them to be as happy as they seem to be? What discussions were had? What agreements were reached? How does one do this the right way? What does that tell me about my own relationship and what went wrong? What should have happened?

This is, in its most academic sense, a tool for my brain to heal and to discover what kind of a relationship I want. And my brain knows it. That’s why it ships. My heart doesn’t know that. It just knows I love seeing them happy together. This is the magnet that drew me.

RP Shipping helps us to work shit out in our personal lives.

I bought Spark edited by Atlin Merrick recently. One of the essays by Angela Nauss, LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) really stood out to me is titled Sympathy for the Devil: Attachment Theory and FanFiction.

The article is about fanfiction authors, however I would extrapolate this to include readers and RP Shippers as well. RP Shippers are authors of narratives in their own mind, even if they are not always written down.

From the book:

“Fanfiction authors process attachment wounds using fictional characters as proxies…to process and understand the origin of the problems encountered during adolescence.”

“Some authors write fanfiction to humanize uncomfortable aspects of their identity, grieve and repair damaged relationships, and process attachment wounds…by exploring how the character would behave in adaptive relationships.”

“Fanfiction authors project their unconscious trauma onto the characters.”

“The characters gain insight into their behavior and no longer feel responsible for their childhood attachment wounds. Through their writing, the author incorporates repressed trauma and attachment wounds into their conscious experience and achieves catharsis.”

“Writing fanfiction is a valid form of therapeutic self-exploration.”

I’ve been in therapy for several years, In fact the poly relationship I was in is why I seeked out therapy in the 1st place. I know that shipping these people, exploring aspects of that, is helping me to heal attachment wounds and the trauma caused by past relationships.

As part of my healing from this poly relationship I was in, I intend to write a meta and/or a fic about David and Michael. I know it will aid in my healing. I may or may not post it.

Also, even Shakespeare wrote RPF.

I’m seeing people say that we RP Shippers are terrible, immoral, disgusting, gross people and that we want David and Michael to leave their partners. That we want to break up their families. Let me be clear that I want nothing of the sort.

There are people out there that want to "protect" them from this “immorality” by shaming us, berating us, calling us names. Even sending certain blogs directly to Georgia and Anna! This is the exact opposite of what actions like this are actually doing. This does not protect them from harm. It creates it.

There is no such thing as thought crime.

Not only is it impossible for me to choose not to ship these people, but I also get the sense that even thinking about it is supposed to be wrong. That it makes me an immoral person.

Something I keep seeing is that people are so upset that we RP Shippers are doing this. Like, why don’t we just, stop. Just look at all the other appropriate characters that are out there to ship! Or just never start in the first place. As if this was a choice we are making to consciously ship real people.

When shippers ship a couple, do they choose that couple consciously? Do they say, hmm, I'm going to ship X person and Y person because it's...logical? Or for whatever consciously thought of reason? I'm going to go out on a limb and speak for mostly all shippers and say no. Shippers ship because we see something in those 2 characters that we are drawn to like magnets, for whatever reason. Real People included. If you're on Tumblr for a fandom and read fic, you know what I'm talking about.

Male/Male relationships is a fetish, or a kink, for me. And by extension, RPS/RPF as well. I do enjoy thinking about what might be the "reality" behind the curtain that we are shown as part of their public personas. This is part of the ingredients to this fetish, or kink, for me.

Kink is defined by Wikipedia as “the use of non-conventional sexual practices, concepts or fantasies. The term derives from the idea of a “bend” (a “kink”) in one’s sexual behaviour, to contrast such behaviour with “straight” or “vanilla” sexual mores and proclivities. It is thus a colloquial term for non-normative sexual behaviour.”

A fetish is defined by Wikipedia as referring “to any sexually arousing stimuli, not all of which meet the medical criteria for fetishism. This broader usage of fetish covers parts or features of the body (including obesity and body modifications), objects, situations and activities (such as smoking or BDSM).”

Generally, modern sexual health thinking seems to say “So long as your fetish doesn’t get in the way of your own well-being, the safety of others, and your partners participate enthusiastically, there is nothing wrong with it.”

It seems to be another taboo to claim gay (or bi/pansexual) men as a fetish, or a kink. There are some who claim that it’s objectifying the very real experiences of gay men. I struggle with this because I can't deny that I enjoy it but I also don't want to hurt anyone.

I am not a gay man. I will never be a gay man. I am a cis bisexual woman. I can never know what that experience is like. This is, in essence, the core of the fantasy. It can feel as good and perfect and romantic and loving as I want it to be because I don’t have the parts or experience to know it first hand. Therefore I've come to the conclusion that my thoughts in my head and anything I write down in a safe space does not hurt anyone. For me personally, it’s a way to disconnect from myself. People enjoy fic for all sorts of reasons. I shouldn’t have to prove that my reasons are "wholesome" to be allowed to enjoy it.

I don’t enjoy reading het fiction for reasons I won’t go into, however they are probably not individual to just me alone. Hoards of women like me also enjoy the same thing.

So yeah. To the surprise of absolutely no one, thinking about Michael and David, or Martin and Ben, or Dave and Martin, or men in general, kissing or having sex or a romance with each other – turns me on. That leads me to state the following:

Anti-RP Shipping and Anti-RP Fiction is kink shaming.

When I say "Anti", I'm referring to those who loudly object to it. Not those who (thankfully) say "that's not for me" and move on. Just like I would with say, Omegaverse.

Because my interpretation of these real people is in reality, “fiction” in my own head, then by definition all RP Shipping is RP Fiction. It cannot be reality because I don’t know them. Therefore any stories, speculation, comments, analysis, conclusions, art, etc, IS ALL FICTION.

Real people are characters to your brain.

Obviously I don’t know them personally, so anything that I were to believe or create in my head about them is by definition, fiction. My brain makes it up according to what I’ve seen, read, heard, observed and drew conclusions from. This creates a fictional reality for my brain to consume. It can’t be reality because I don’t know them.

Wikipedia says RPF writers are “building a fictional universe based on the supposed real-life histories of their idols. Information from interviews, documentaries, music videos, and other publicity sources are assimilated into the stories. It is also very popular to write fiction about celebrity couples. Communities of writers build collective archetypes based on the celebrities' public personas".

I would never, under any circumstances, present any RPS/RPF questions, stories, insinuations, or even mention it at all directly to the actors/musicians/personalities or their partners or even anyone associated with them. I would be beyond embarrassed to do so. Even though Michael himself seems to be accepting of it, I would never present it to him. Never. (I mean it’s not like I could really anyway but still).

I believe that 99.9% of RP Shippers would do the same. It’s the .01% that have done so (and unscrupulous “journalists” looking to shock by asking questions/showing them the RPF, and those people claiming to prevent harm by sending it directly to them “for legal action” or tattletale “look at what these terrible people are doing” and blaming the RP shippers for creating it – wow talk about projection) -that make a bad name for us all. Showing it to them and asking them about it IS a choice.

If RP Shipping is not a choice, a way to work out personal mental health issues, is fictional by definition, and a non-pathological aid to sexual excitement that hurts no one if it is contained within safe spaces such as fic sites and Tumblr, then what exactly is the harm?

Tumblr is a safe space.

Why is there such vitriol against RP Shipping and RPF? You claim to be protecting the actors or people in question, but by raising your voices so loudly in various ways, you are harming the very person you claim to be protecting. I think you have to ask what it is within yourself that makes you so aggressively hate this? Why can't we just say "that's not for me" and move on?

Don't we on Tumblr and on AO3 celebrate non-mainstream ideas such as this? Or if not celebrate, at least live and let live. The fact is that Tumblr is supposed to be a safe space. I should feel safe speaking my mind here. I know quite a few RP shippers follow me so I don't feel completely alone, but I don't feel entirely safe posting this.

My morality is not yours to police.

I strongly doubt I’ll be changing anyone’s mind with this. If you’re Anti RP shipping and Anti RPF you’re probably going to stay that way.

Don’t like, don’t read.

You can unfollow, block people, block tags, filter tags on AO3...any number of things. Think of it like a trigger. Just please don't spew hate.

[asherlockstudy]

Wonderhole E2, E3 & E4

I am going to write about these three in the same post because there is significantly less to write about episodes 3 & 4 than about the first and the second episodes and even last year's monthly videos. I am hoping there will be more to discuss in the upcoming Red vs Blue episode. I wonder whether they considered the Flight Simulation and the Time Capsule so "heavy" that they decided to ease it a bit before the finale. I guess we will find out soon.

We Time Traveled to the Year 2224

Certainly, the Rhinkiest of these three episodes and the one which certainly belongs to the One Story saga.

Rhett and Link decide to pursue extended longevity and eternal life. Rhett explains how they just have to survive in a good condition for 20-30 years more and then they will be able to achieve it. At face value this is not exactly Rhett's crap by the way. I was reading a book about the progress in geriatric medicine and this was stated there; whoever makes it to twenty years from now will hopefully have a lot of new age medicine available to delay growing old and the health issues associated with it.

This episode has some of the most lewd jokes Rhett and Link have ever made. However, they are often given so offhandedly that I did not see much seriousness, any significant symbolism in them. For example, yes, they suck anal toys (Link sucks Rhett's heavily used one) but this was just meant to be an adult joke, I'm not gonna derive any meaning for their relationship through this. Another example is Rhett's titanium - tight ass or the "I don't think I can last much longer with you inside me".

"From journeys long and miles worn, within these walls you are reborn. When weary soul sole is stripped away, whether from work or whether play, come to me with offerings and I will show you fresh new strings." Now, that's more interesting. Rhett points out that there is a double meaning in this. This totally reminds me of the concept of the Bahau Moon riddle, although there the allegory was a little different. Here it is nowhere as serious but it remains 100% sexually coded.

There are two mentions of their wives, one is that they are waiting for their wives "to be thawed", the other is that they both look distressed and uncomfortable when the letter from their past selves assumes their families are doing all right. My speculation is that their wives' bodies were cryopreserved until a revival became scientifically possible. So they are waiting for them to be thawed but it has not happened yet. What does this tell us though? It tells us that whatever knowledge or decision they had to make to achieve eternal life, they shared it with each other and not with their family members. Somehow, there was a choice made or there was a consequence that led to Rhett and Link living forever together but the revival of the wives, maybe even the children, was desirable yet secondary, optional. That's... that's something, for sure.

Did you guys notice the name of the shop next to the shoe repair shop? Their commitment is crazy:

We actually do get some pretty interesting themes here. Rhett and Link visit a shoe soul sole repair shop and the owner promises to keep their clue for the time capsule hidden inside a treasure box, protected very well. This just seems to hint at somebody keeping a secret very well and Rhett and Link completely trusting them to keep doing so. Is the time capsule an allegory for... truth? The official premise (or whatever it is) seems to further support this:

Keep it buried... as long as possible.

The next clues lead them to the desert, the same desert where they dug the medium (and the huge) sized holes. They even wear similar outfits; some of the garments are the same and some are changed. This was clear homage to the Hole Digging video. Besides, Rhett and Link have said there is connection between all these videos (although they probably have made it too hard to discern this for their own good).

There they pick up a fight, disagreeing about the direction they should follow. Rhett prefers the one way, the main way, the standard way pointed by the play button, whereas Link argues they should try "all the ways". The argument escalates and Link screams how Rhett's longevity idea has stuck them into an eternal hellscape (the 2224 universe seems to be particularly unfree and restrictive). Link also adds he 'd rather be with Rhett at their pod watching a sequel of Fast & the Furious than in this adventure, hunt and all, which must be 2224's equivalent for domesticity. Link protests that Rhett is not always right but he simply never changes and in his fury he missteps and falls from a cliff to his death.

During Link's last moments, Rhett desperately considers carrying Link to the nearest cloning facility and put his chip to another Link, a loud nod to their Sketchtober 2015 BFFs video. With the very subtle prompt "Put me in you" Link implores Rhett to put his chip in him, in an attempt to rescue his consciousness. Rhett complies, so he tries to save Link. We return to the One Story tropes (not that we ever left them with this one) where Rhett needs to save Link from something and like we will also see here the only outcome is that Rhett gets destroyed as well. Rhett finds the treasure box only to see there was a whole lot of nothing inside it. In a deteriorating condition he returns to the former grounds of Mythical where the semi-android hacker working there gives him two options: a) they yank Link's consciousness chip out and he's gone forever but Rhett lives on or b) they yank out both chips which have merged and become one and save them in a deadlock in a hard drive.

A deadlock is a situation in which two computer programs sharing the same resource are effectively preventing each other from accessing the resource, resulting in both programs ceasing to function.

Rhett opts for the latter. He sacrifices his life and follows Link. Meanwhile, the hacker indeed saves their consciousnesses - which have become one - in this deadlock, "alone" in a hard drive and hides the hard drive in the previously empty box. They place the box in a dusty shelf and there is this implication that nobody will know or care about this ever again. Also, the fact that it is a deadock is important as well: we have two consciousnesses operating like computer programs which are apparently assessing data differently and this leads them to a deadlock that neutralises them both. So, to bring this to reality, the reason there is so much delay or nothing happens at all is because they have completely different mindsets about what's to be done and how it should be approached. This is actually something we have discussed several times before, how they seem to be on a totally different page.

Beyond the interpretations that can be made for this, we see again a conclusion that we have seen before in several scripted videos. In Hazel, they end up trapped in the woods of the middle room for eternity, in the Brown Diamond they remain trapped to the Bahau Moon to their deaths, in the Unhaunted House they are murdered inside this house without any witness. We have this theme of their souls, their consciousnesses, sometimes even their physical bodies being trapped together, as one, forever without anyone knowing.

So, if we attempt to connect all these pieces together, first of all we get the "wherever you go, I go", the timelessness, the forever. This is a promise to each other, they will be together forever. Then we also have the buried time capsule, which Rhett wants to keep buried for as long as possible, which eventually leads to a long, torturous life that frustrates Link deeply. Link tries to distance himself from this situation but he falls to his death (because it's impossible for him to just let go). Rhett has the choice to go on on his own but instead he opts to try and save Link or die along in his efforts, which is what happens. Ultimately what remains of them is their love, their joined souls, consciousnesses and how they poured their truth in their creation and although it endures forever, it is for nobody to see.

Again, this is the classic story arc we see in most of their scripted videos. Whether it is because he loses control (Digging a Medium sized Hole), memory and freedom (Hazel, TLCOBC), his very life (UnHaunted House, Time Capsule), Link needs to be saved by Rhett but Rhett falls in the trap even more deeply and condemns them together.

Regarding the emptiness of the box, an Anon I just received has a great interpretation that finds me very agreeable, I am linking their mail here. What I will write here is basically the same or very close to what they describe, maybe with a slightly darker twist. Throughout the video, we have the concept of time which seems to be eternal but is not (at some point Rhett says about eternity that it feels like "you have too much time yet not enough") and even though current Rhett and Link seem to be amused by the idea of a scavenger hunt for an empty box, the surviving future Rhett found it disappointing. We can only imagine how mad it would make Link, had he not died already, because he was already frustrated and angry for the hunt alone, so he would probably be furious if he saw what the "reward" was. Moreover, Link puts the blame on Rhett for all of this and it's true that Rhett came up with this idea.

It's like an allegory for Rhett who has this drive and ambition for their career, their creativity, a life of adventure in this context and with this obsession he overlooks and delays other things that in truth may be more meaningful. Years will pass and Rhett will be looking for his masterpiece, their peak creation, recognition and eventually they will go, retire, withdraw, die and nothing will remain behind except for their love, the connection of their souls, which was what was truly timeless about them yet it was the one thing that was kept buried in a box in the dust and never brought to light properly. In the end, nobody appreciated it for what it truly was, neither an observer nor they, for they wasted their time delaying it and trying to find meaning elsewhere. By "they", let's be real, I mostly mean Rhett.

To my understanding this is self-reflection, maybe also a critique of Rhett to himself, a warning of what could be coming, something that Link seems to have notified him about multiple times (the e-mail, everybody?) but maybe it's poor timing to say this now, I sense there is a lot of distance to be run still from theory and creativity to actual action. This video alludes to a reality in which the action was not taken.

We Went to Extremes to Drink a Cloud

Episode 3 is not as heavy with meaning and symbolism. It is surely a "retelling" of their childhood dreams and their commitment to bring them to fruition. Young Rhett and Link promised to do something great together when they grew up and drinking a cloud is likely the symbolism of this struggle. They try a lot, in many different ways, but it's never exactly what they are looking for. In the end they are very happy they managed to do it, although the method they employed seemed very underwhelming and fake to me, which might be the point, I don't know. Of course this is a huge part of their relationship; achieving something great together. It's just that I did not find anything to mention beyond this, except of course for the very heavy deepthroating insinuations when they were drinking the fog.

Now to the important stuff, will the Fog Chasers song be released? SOON PLEASE???

We Chopped Down a Tree with a Peanut Butter Axe

To be honest with you I don't want to write about this episode because I don't want to watch it again. Not because it made me emotional but because watching the squirrel family again is equivalent to torture for me. I am sorry but I actually really disliked this episode. Fortunately, there is still not much to say here either. Or maybe I did not notice because I was impatient to be done with it....

The episode is largely a tribute to Ben and it offers this exposition they had also done in a very heartfelt Ear Biscuit episode. In Ben's memory they chose to chop down a tree in their state with a peanut butter axe made by their university; peanut butter because Ben died from testicular cancer and tree chopping because Ben thought it was fun.

The only thing I wonder is whether there is any meaning with what happens with the squirrel family and whether it is a side story not associated to Ben's life. I wonder this because Rhett and Link seem to have thought about it thoroughly; the tree would go down anyway, they will plant 1000 trees in its place, so it's all good. Even though they have thought this through, it turns out there will be victims due to their decision. A flying squirrel family, with a non-winged squirrel stepfather whose home is obviously going to be destroyed. Rhett and Link cause the dissolution of this family and this is what I find interesting. The kids eventually try to see the positive side: they are close to adulthood anyway, so they choose to leave home behind and start their own lives. The stepdad, the non-winged squirrel, literally opts to stay at home and die. The mother squirrel tries to change his mind but it's not like she's losing her mind about it to be honest and soon she goes too and leaves him behind. Who the stepfather squirrel stands for - if he stands for anyone in the first place - I cannot say. But I did find interesting this side theme of Rhett and Link's action basically leading to a family falling apart and everyone taking a separate path in life (or death).

One Story Masterlist here

[allwormdiet]

Buzz 7.1

Oh boy, some calm, thank goodness, I hope there's no storm that might interrupt this somehow

Oh, Taylor. You've gotta find a better way to score physical intimacy with people than this, you are not going to get what you're looking for

I was already a bit reserved about whether I thought these two would work out and that was before reading the rest of this arc, so...

Does Lisa know that this is going to end the way it does? I can't imagine she would, she wants her team happy and the way things are about to go between these two is not going to be super happy. Maybe she's reading Brian wrong, if what he said is true about not being so good with girls, and her power is misinterpreting the data

Taylor, you both fucked that up last night, don't pin it all on Danny. You could have told him and given him the opportunity to prove you wrong, to give you something better than the worst-case scenario, but you overruled that and left your home out of. Pride? Shame? C'mon girl.

Fucking finally we get the Alec backstory

Fucking creepy power, though I guess the real creep factor is that he's willing to use it and has used it to make a fucking slave army out of brainwashed women

On the one hand, I get pressing Alec for information, because all of a sudden that's something that the rest of them may have to worry about, but I'm not sure threatening him into talking is the way...

I think that's the youngest age we have for a trigger event so far. And it was deliberately induced by Alec's father. Utterly horrifying.

So... Alec doesn't seem to think he has any kind of moral core, and I'm not sure that's true? Lisa is still the only one out of the group who carries a gun, and Taylor is out here with a knife that she's used to take eyes and toes at this point; Alec's got a comparatively nonlethal loadout, so even if he doesn't feel bad about killing, he doesn't put himself in a situation where it's easy to do.

Taylor, hon, I don't think it's on you to judge him, much as you would love to

Like. Was Alec even treated as a person before he got his power? Was he treated as a person after that? None of the adults in his life ever made an effort to raise him, because they were either his monster father or his father's brainwashed slaves who only cared about him, so any "parenting" would've come from older siblings probably about as fucked as him.

You know what? I'm laying it out here now. The fact that Alec is lazy, selfish, and kind of an asshole, who's not great at reading people and prioritizes personal pleasure over most other things? Actually no joke a huge mark in his favor, because that's who he's figured out how to be after spending 12-13 years of his 15-16 years of life in Hell (which, as I've long suspected, is contained within Montreal) and then three years on the run as a career criminal. The worst thing that I can say about him is that he acts like a shitty teenager, and people act like shitty teenagers while coming from normal homes. Congratulations, Alec, you will be getting a trophy for good behavior (given the circumstances) delivered in the mail

This is sweet. Even with this unpleasant surprise, Brian is still reluctant to act like they'd leave Alec to deal with Heartbreaker alone

This is the most obvious downside of the arrangement, setting aside the matter of "can we trust Coil" (hahahaha)

Rachel, fucking bless you for being the voice of reason here

Yes! Bonding time with Rachel! Friendship rank up with Rachel! Upgrade your Social Link with Rachel in order to strength Personas of the Chariot Arcana!

Actually has someone made a read of the Worm cast as Persona S.Links because I feel like you could make some interesting choices there, obviously Taylor fulfills the Fool/Wild Card role

This is smart as fuck actually. She's basically cutting Brian off before he can interject as the head of the team and establishing her own stance within the hierarchy

An explicit bargain, made with rules for Taylor to follow and consequences if Taylor breaks those rules, all slanted in Rachel's favor.

One day you're gonna call her Rachel in your own head, Taylor, and I can't wait for that

Current Thoughts

Main thing with this chapter is that we've gotten all but one Undersider backstory filled in with Alec's ties to Heartbreaker laid out. Lisa's the last holdout, and I suspect she'll remain mum on the subject as long as she can get away with it

I'm still of the position that Alec reads a lot more shallow on the surface than he actually is, but all we have to go off of is what he says and what he does, with the trick that it's filtered through Taylor's own fairly biased perspective (she thinks he's a coldblooded murderer because his father ordered him to kill an enemy gang member, and that's certainly a read of the situation but she's just as likely jumping to conclusions). He's also taken care to not do much when he can help it, save for the Bakuda fight where he worked his ass off keeping them all alive. It's a waiting game to get to the meat of his character, I suspect, same as basically every other Undersider except Rachel.

Speaking of which, really enjoy the next chapters with Rachel. By far the Undersider I'd spend the most time with. We'd hang out with dogs and not talk to each other for hours, it'd be great.

Anyway, after a brief little scare with my entire account getting temporarily dropped from existence, I'm going to start using the alt I made @wormstreetsback as a backup for this one, on the off chance something goes horribly awry again. It's just going to be reblogs of my own stuff so don't follow it yet, unless you're fine with doubled posts.

[freckliedan]

in your opinion do you think that now they’re not in the closet publicly anymore, it’s not that they necessarily care that people think/know they’re together, it’s just more that they want to keep their actual relationship private?

ooh this is a good question honestly! i mean, they've said it themselves that they're private, and their actions back that up too. i think a huge part of the way they've navigated the privacy for their relationship while & since coming out has been about setting a clear boundary, considering the past violations of their privacy?

but honestly i think there's another huge piece of why they've been so private over the last five years and why that's changing now! i think the gaming channel hiatus era has been their individualization era, which was important for dan especially. like, phil had some time as an adult to learn who he was before he met dan; all of dan's identity formation as an adult happened in the context of his relationship with phil.

spending your entire adult life in a relationship with someone, AND living with them AND working together AND having shared friends for the vast majority of those years? speaking from experience: you can reach a point where you're less able to identify your own individual wants and needs and strengths and dreams, even if it's a healthy and beautiful relationship.

especially if there was any level of tumultuousness in your home life lol

with the added pressure of being a public figure it makes a lot of sense to me that a hard reset had to happen for dan's exploration of who he is and wants to be and enjoys doing with his career to succeed! dan is not okay being fucked over is such a heartbreaking thing, but the time dan spent almost completely out of the public eye followed by a fully solo tour & span of his career shere he was regularly posting is like—it makes sense!

it makes sense that the last 5 years were focused on everything but their relationship! but it also makes like equal sense to me that they're returning to the gaming channel and joint content and a higher level of being open with us, too.

they tried fully solo careers. and i'm sure they both know now, what they like doing independently of one another. but it's so clear to me that they've returned to the gaming channel because they genuinely love to make videos together, and it's a part of them making a fully informed choice about their future careers.

like. it actually really grinds my gears when people say that dan and phil only came back to the gaming channel for the money, tbh! because yeah, i'm sure it's one of their best options for bringing in money. but like... yall they are rich people. they absolutely have money invested. they absolutely are having their money managed. they almost certainly could pull off never working again if they wanted to.

they wouldn't phone it in just for money, not with the standards they've consistantly shown themselves to have for the work they do. like, yes, they're doing their job and making money for it. but i just don't understand seeing this as anything but a choice they made because they love working together—and because they're sure of that, having spent half a decade on solo projects.

the individuation era ending also makes the higher level of being open about their lives make sense. i've always thought we were due for a being loud about how happy they are in their relationship era post coming out and. well. this is definitely that. i can't say i ever wanted to hear this much about their sex lives but i also can't truly say i'm surprised!

i think this is an era of shifting boundaries to be at least a little more open regarding their relationship and life together and i think that's what they're boiling us about this gamingmas! ultimately they're always going to keep more to themselves than they ever share with us but like. things are changing!

[twistedwonderlandsimps]

Thoughts on Sibling!Yuu AU

The main reason I made the Sibling!Yuu AU was because I wanted to see Yuu being the older one for once. In most fandoms, it’s pretty common to see a younger sibling reader fic so I wanted to flip that trope for once. It’s also quite rare for the reader to be older than a teen or an adult. The second reason was the massive angst potential it held. That’s right, Yuu overblot was imminent from the very start in this one because honestly the probability of the overblot boys overblotting much earlier because of Yuu is very high and is extremely likely. Them blaming Yuu for some of the things happening in their life is also very likely.

Sibling!Yuu has everything the overblot boys want to have and those with their inferiority complex would just make it worse.

For example with Riddle. Would he blame Yuu for running away from their mother, which in turn made their mother stricter with Riddle so that he wouldn’t end up like Yuu? Would he resent this fact? He’d likely have a negative initial impression of them because they ran from their own mother and Riddle at an early time still thinks that their mother is always right and that means what Yuu did was wrong. Anything or anyone that opposes their mother is wrong. Anyone who opposes the things their mother taught him was wrong. Anyone who opposes him is always wrong. Though, a deep part of him is envious that Yuu got to be free. Whether Riddle blames Yuu or not, Yuu will think that it’s their fault.

Even if he doesn’t say it out loud, Leona would feel irritated every time he sees Yuu telling him what to do and what not to do so he doesn’t end up like them. Their constant presence keeps reminding him that the only reason he couldn’t become king was because he wasn’t born earlier and Yuu got a taste of that crown, even if they did get kicked out of the family in the end.

Yuu’s constant interference with dealing with Azul’s bullies when they were younger only made the bullies bolder and meaner the moment Yuu went away so there’s that possibility of some kind of blaming in that one, just like in Riddle’s situation.

As for Jamil's situation, although not Jamil's sibling, Yuu's still part of the Asim family and Jamil technically has a resentment for them because of, well, everything. He was forced to downplay his abilities and be responsible for Kalim, and he has no choice but to serve the Asim family. Kalim himself might not have a problem with Yuu, but Jamil sure does because there’s another person from the Asim family. Another person he has to be responsible for because they seem to be just as careless and reckless as Kalim, even if Yuu is technically older. (Someone stop me, please, I am becoming feral. I can’t stop thinking of Jamil getting a huge crush on this Yuu for some reason and I am internally screaming. He really gonna do the enemies to lovers arc after his overblot, or even before that, and I just can’t. He really said: ‘If I can’t get out of this family, I’m just gonna have to marry into it.’)

Then we have Vil. Yuu would definitely be a big contender for the most beautiful one of all and Vil is not happy. Now that he’s realized that he actually had a sibling, he has to compete with them to be the most beautiful. And he just can’t understand why he’s losing to a sudden sibling he hasn’t even met until now! What was so different between the two of them? Yuu wasn’t even that active in social media before but now that they were staying in NRC for some reason (for plot reasons), people were now beginning to constantly compare the two of them and it’s driving Vil insane.

As for Idia, after seeing the reason why Ortho got diagnosed with the dead, there’s also some blaming there. Yuu’s supposed to be one running the S.T.Y.X organization but both Idia and Ortho (the og) got inside and managed to hack the system. This’ll definitely raise the question of why the two were allowed entry easily when there were dangerous things locked inside the place and why Yuu wasn’t keeping a closer eye to them when they were in the facility that led to the accident. 

I might also have to retcon the previous Idia!Yuu's background to fit with Shroud brother’s story. So now the idea that I have is that Yuu was present for the brother’s childhood growing up (kind of) but they didn’t have a close relationship and it was very distant. The Shroud brothers probably don’t remember Yuu, either. They probably thought Yuu was just an employee in S.T.Y.X. and not their sibling. Still, Yuu cared for them so much that when the incident happened, they were overwhelmed with grief and willingly locked themselves away because they fully blamed themselves for what had happened.  The only reason they broke out of their self-imposed prison and landed themself in NRC was because they heard Grim talking about Ortho as if he was alive and wanted to see what was up with that. Yuu doesn’t want to show their face to their younger brothers because they’re ashamed and feel like they don’t deserve it.

Then we have Malleus. I don’t know if he’s the jealous type or not, but seeing your older sibling be more sociable than you (somehow, even when they act like a kuudere) and getting more friends than you despite the fact that they’re the older Draconia sibling while Malleus himself was avoided and have had people fear him would be kinda frustrating. It’s another case of ‘what do you have that I don’t?’ thing. Or maybe the others are taking Yuu’s time away and they barely hang out with Malleus and he finds this unfair because Yuu’s their sibling so why is everyone taking them away? Why isn’t Yuu hanging out with them?

Additionally, we can’t forget the fact that Yuu literally go against the boys. There’s bound to be some feelings of betrayal there. Kinda like a. “We’re family and you’re taking their side?! Why are you abandoning me for them?!”

–

[Bonus]

Yuu Rosehearts: “I wish I had been strong like you….”

Yuu Kingscholar: “Don’t make the same mistakes as I did and be better than me.”

Yuu Ashengrotto: “Was all of this… my fault…?”

Yuu Schoenheit: “Because to me… you’re always my number one!”

Yuu Shroud: “All I ever wanted in my life was to protect you...”

Yuu Draconia: “I had to leave you to keep you safe!” 

Yuu (Al-)Asim: “…”

Yuu (Al-)Asim: “I have no idea what I’m doing here but I think they need therapy.”

[minimoxha]

Tangled

Summary: After his wife and daughter died he thought he lost everything. However, you for some reason, you’d didn’t disappear. So, Miguel locked you up. He had to find some way to protect you so you couldn’t be taken from him like Gabriella. What better way to do that then keep you in his dimension where he could get to you in case of anything.

Warnings: Low key bad parenting, Mother knows best lyrics, Cussing if you squint. Maybe bad Spanish, things I grew up listening to.

W/C:

A/n This might be bad, it’s been a long time since i’ve written fanfic so bare with me! If you want a part two or three because i’ll prolly make a part too just let me know. And please give me some good Miguel and hobie fanfics down below!

Part two to this is posted: here

series masterlist is here

Even without a spider sense, Miguel could tell that something was up. The way she kept looking at him as she ate her breakfast, the way she kept shifting in her seat on the bar of their house that was really more of a castle that he forced her in years ago; and the way she was scarfing down her food so fast that it didn't even look like she had swallowed. Miguel liked to think that he knew his daughter pretty well, when her sister and mother died he became the only person she spoke to on a daily basis. However, who she spoke to wasn’t by choice. No, it was by force.

It was because her dad had locked her up in their house in order to ‘protect’ her from the dangers that could possibly be outside. Maybe an anomaly or some silly boy wanting to give you more but heartbreak. Miguel was all about protecting his one and only. You weren't bored in the house until now, your 18th birthday had finally been the day that cleaning, art, knitting, sewing and any of the other hobbies your dad had brought home for you to try became too tiring for your newly adult brain. You wanted to see the fireworks that unknowingly to you, Miguel set off every year in celebration for you. You wanted to meet actual people instead of being cooped up in the same boring house (Even if it was Huge!) every single day. It never actually rang to Miguel that one day, protecting you meant letting you out of his grasp at least once. Which is also why this time; he couldn't pinpoint what exactly was wrong with his daughter this time around.

“Que paso?” Miguel asked, food still in his mouth and turning to his daughter who had the same look on her face.

“It’s my birthday dad” His daughter, Y/n answered. She still had the smile on her face, when has Miguel ever said no to his daughter? Every single day she’d ask “when can I go out?” He’d always tell her someday and her eighteenth birthday had to be the day, Right? “I want to see the fireworks as my birthday present.”

Miguel’s eyes looked at her empty, as if there were no thoughts whatsoever behind his eyes. Except, all he could think about was holding Gabriella and you in his arms when she completely glitched and disappeared. The world risks something that would take his baby, his daughter, the thing that he fights for every single time he defeats an anomaly.

“You can see them from the window, you see them every year mami. Why is it so special this year?” (I see a lot of people using mami sexually but my dad and aunts called me and my sister mami as a nickname so that's what it’ll be!)

“I want to see them up close, outside dad. I’m tired of staying here all day every day. I need sun” She spoke, making Mig’s fist clench harder and harder on his fork, it was just about breaking now, minutes from that if he kept it up. “Please dad, I’m old enough to take care of myself. I’m eighteen! I can’t stay here forever with you. I want to go and have a life, meet people, make memo-”

“You speak as if you know so much about making a life. Mija, you know how dangerous it is out there. You are too naive, gullible, and ditzy to think that you will be safe with people waiting to mug you the moment you step foot from this house. I’m saying this because I love you. The final answer is no.” Miguel growled before finally snapping his fork in half and letting a sigh out. He ran a hand through his disheveled hair before taking the two clean bowls to the kitchen leaving his daughter to sit– dreams broken and in silence. Did he really completely turn her down? Suddenly, the girl felt her face heat up and her eyes develop that certain wetness that always came around on her birthday, never this early though. What coule she do now? What would happen now? Would she be stuck here forever without any way to get outside?

The familiar voice of her father woke her out of her thoughts. He came over, Putting an arm around his daughter as she leaned into his touch, sniffling. “Don’t cry, Mija. This is for the best so nothing will happen to you.” She nodded into his arms, not convinced. Miguel sighed and grabbed her head with his hand, turning the girl to face him. He could see the sadness that lied on his daughters face. However, he’d rather hurt her feelings then have her be hurt by anyone else. Why would she want to go out there when he could give her anything she ever wanted, easily. “Mija, I’m saying this because I love you. I want to protect you, tú entiendes.” The girl nodded and her dad kissed her forehead before leaving the house without even so much as a bye to his daughter. .

She didn’t understand. Why was it that every teen that she saw on the tv and her computer were able to go live outside their houses and have fun. Make memories like parties and Malls and games? Why was the world so dangerous for her but not for everyone else? The girl got up and walked to the kitchen where Miguel left his and her dirty dishes in the sink. She had to clean again, even on a day as special as her birthday. It was almost like, he didn’t even care. The girl turned on music, a group called Exon, the group was home to her dimension and happened to be dropping by for a concert in Nueva York. She was contemplating asking to go but Miguels answer would probably be the same as always. A no. Y/n felt those familiar tears well up in her eye before the sound of her window opening sprung her away from the music. Whoever was trying to break in, was really loud with it. Quickly, she grabbed whatever was closest to her- A frying pan and continued to the Dining room hesitantly.

Millions of thoughts were racing through the girls head. Who was breaking in? How did they get past the security system even she couldn’t break? Was what miguel said true? Were people really waiting on you in order to kill or rob you? Her thoughts disappeared when she stood in the entryway , seeing nothing but an empty dining room. She stood hands on her hips, questioning if maybe what she heard was apart of the song and the alarm system blaring was just an accident.

“‘Ello love, Have you seen this big man wearing a red and black spandex suit? He looks like a clown almost.” With a gasp, The girl turned to face another spider-man, just like your father. But this one was different, he was wearing clothes along with the suit. The suit even had cool little spikes on his head. She couldn’t stop herself from staring at him in awe, her eyes only widened when the man took his mask off. He was brown skin with Wiks Littering his head. She could tell that he grew his hair out for a while to achieve as much hair he had. Piercings littered his face, adding to the rocker touch that the man already gave. She dropped the pan to the floor and scrambles to get her thoughts together. So he was another spider-man, looking for her father. A cute spider-man at that.

Of course, she knew about Hq and the whole dimension things but usually people contacted him through his watch and not his phone. So how was he here and not through the hologram? It’d been ages since she’s seen another person other than her dad, it almost didn’t feel real or right to be here, looking at someone. “My names Y/n. My dad- My dad’s not here right now actually he just left.” She said, looking everywhere but in the eyes of the spiky spider-man. “What’s your name? You’re a spider-man just like him?”

The man gave a nod before walking through the house and taking a closer look. The girl followed right behind him watching him with wide eyes as he checked out the house. The two ended up right in the kitchen. “I’m sorry- who are you? Why are you roming my house like you know it?” She Was now defensive, arms crossed and shifted on one leg. If men had anything it was the audacity to roam her house without an intoxication at least.

“Right. Names Hobbie Brown.”

Thanks for reading! I hope y’all enjoyed that, it’s been a long time since i’ve written so i’ll try to produce better things next time! Until then,

[gffa]

Was Obi Wan happy being a Jedi, or did he wish he persuade a relationship with Satine? Sometimes I see in those "nothing went wrong" AU's, Obi Wan leaves the Jedi to be with Satine, is that accurate to how he actually felt? Did he wish he left to be with her? Or was he okay with the way things were?

There's no smoking gun of an answer on this kind of question, because we have so little information on it and character interpretations are often so, so subjective. What we do know is: - Obi-Wan had plenty of chances to leave the Jedi Order if he wanted, he had the chance with Satine, he had the chance every year of his life after that, etc. - Obi-Wan says he would have left to be with her, if she had asked. This literally all we know of the conversation that's held when there's a possibility she might die and she wanted him to be romantic, we don't see that moment of decision itself, only the tense conversation onboard the Coronet. - In The Phantom Menace, he says he'll leave to train Anakin. In Obi-Wan & Anakin, he says if Anakin truly decides to leave, he'll leave with him to continue his training. - In Padawan, Obi-Wan very much wants the life of a Jedi, he has a chance to live a more free life with a bunch of other kids, but he loves the Jedi, he feels the call to the Force and the galaxy and the Jedi, he wants this path. - Obi-Wan encourages Anakin to stay with the Jedi when he's having issues with Rush Clovis and Padme. Ultimately, there's no evidence that Obi-Wan is unsatisfied with being a Jedi and plenty of evidence that he believes in the Jedi path and he lives by the Jedi beliefs and ways, and finds satisfaction in that. Does he regret that he couldn't also live a life with Satine? I tend to think so, yes, but that he always knew he could leave and he's only tempted into doing so when it's for someone else, not because he doesn't want to be a Jedi. In both cases with Anakin, he much prefers to remain a Jedi, just that he's willing to leave, if he must. Or in Obi-Wan Kenobi, he spends years trying to deny that he's still a Jedi, that those ways are done and over, the Jedi are gone. But ultimately we see that his heart doesn't really believe that, he wants to be a Jedi, because as soon as he is one again, as soon as he re-embraces the Jedi ways and his duty as a Jedi, he's so much more settled and happy. For me, even if everything went well during the Clone Wars, if the Sith were defeated, if the Separatists stopped invading, if Satine lived, I don't think Obi-Wan would have left the Jedi Order. Almost no Jedi left after becoming a Knight, it was almost always in the Padawan stages, because a huge part of becoming a Knight was understanding yourself and what you wanted, that you really, truly wanted this life, that you were dedicated to this life. Obi-Wan would have gone through the self-reflection to understand, regardless of whether he left to be with Satine or not, did he want to remain a Jedi, he had to genuinely make a choice. You can't half-ass being a Jedi, it doesn't work. Obi-Wan had to commit. And we see that he chose being a Jedi. He wanted to be a Jedi, just by dint of how the worldbuilding works, in my opinion. Even if everything went perfectly, he was an adult now, not a young Padawan still figuring himself out. He knew who he was, he was Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.