#Nobody else needs to get hurt.
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Are Light's eyes canonically orange now?????????? I LOVE JT.
But poor soulless though. Man is not good enough to even have his own set of eyebrows. Maybe thats why he wants control of Lights body. All he wants is eyebrows.
I remember we discussed in Discord the idea of like... Soulless gaining control of Light's body... and since Soulless and Light the exact same person, just with opposite goals, Soulless would be able to speak and operate within Light's body with no problem. He would find the outpost and the kingdom and all of their bases, learn all of their plans and intel, and nobody would know
Terrifying
If it's a battle for control, I'm sure they'll be rapidly swapping back and forth. If only Light had listened!!!!!!! I used to make such a big deal about like,, Light always being told it was His Fault even though it Wasnt all his fault. Really ironic because now it is ENTIRELY lights fault
Like.... the only reason he agreed to work alongside Ruin and Fallen was to get his old crystal back. Which i don't exactly understand? His old crystal is significantly weaker and is also fractured/split. I guess its his only connection to himself back home but I thought he didnt want that connection
Maybe Light still does have a level of want for his universe? That could open up an interesting path cor his character. I don't know. I'm really excited to see what goes down from here
Also RR hitting the 90's in episode counts!!!!
#ruined reality#GHRAAATRGHGGHRGHGR#I MIGHT MISS THIS ONE.#Going to be sad if i do but whatevs#Mysterious and Professor are gonna be MAAAAAAAD.#STEVE LEADER would be ENRAGED#RIGHTFULLY SO! We know for a fact that this isnt the Soulstice but..#definitely a leading factor.#Light better not cry about whats coming to him#AND IT OPENS UP ANOTHER INTERESTING ASPECT TOO BECAUSE THIS SHOWS HIS OWN MARTYR COMPLEX AND THE NEED HE FEELS TO DO THINGS ON HIS OWN......#He can do it on his own#Nobody else needs to get hurt.#GOODNESS GRACIOUS I AM UNWELL. RR.#Light is so stupid ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!
#i have had this stupid fucking rule for myself for years since i was little#''dont speak unless you're spoken to or else something bad will happen. nobody wants to hear what you have to say unless they ask''#I TELL MYSELF THAT ALL THE TIME????#AND I DIDNT REALIZE IT WASNT NORMAL#thats not something that healthy people think to themselves whenever they want to talk to people. they just talk to them#they dont tell themselves not to speak to people for fear of what may happen to them jesus christ spacie#i get so scared when i message anybody ANYTHING#bc everything and anything i wanna talk about feels so stupid why would anyone give a shit#staring at a funny joke i want to send someone for 30 fucking minutes before deleting it b/c my brain is like ''errmm who cares?''#''also they're going to yell at you for wasting their time!!!''#i sent my friend a meme once and had a panic attack (or maybe a flashback?? im still trying to figure out what they are) immediately after#this shit sucks dude. it sucks#at least im processing what happened to me. thats why it hurts so bad rn its been stockpiled for like.#2 decades#im not looking for any sympathy here im just putting it out there#so that anybody who feels the same way i do know they're not alone#ive been struggling everyday for like 2 months now (actually DEFINITELY longer)#it will get better. things just need to be taken one step at a time#i have gotten thru my worst days i have a 100% success rate#how many days have i been alive#7930#lightwork#lets keep it goin#vent#trauma tw#trauma mention#wrote this post thru a flashback btw!! dealing with them is getting easier#before i would be unable to function for days at a time!!!#with one of the most recent ones i had i was so in the thick of it i avoided everyone i knew for a week cuz i was convinced#i was an evil unlovable freak that only wanted to hurt people
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decided that in my own personal canon, Santiago’s maker looked similar to Louis, simply because Ben Daniels stated that Santiago was very likely in love with his maker. and wouldn’t it be some kind of torture to fall in love with the man who murdered your first vampiric love? to then watch him fall in love with another, who bears an eerie resemblance to that first love? to be witness to something tender and affectionate blooming, every moment a memory of how none of those you’ve adored have ever wanted you back? it would be agony. it would be torture. god, you would just hate them to pieces, loathing even as you loved them. and you wouldn’t know peace - not until the whole pack of them learnt the horror of love, just as you have.
#I like to think that Santiago was courted by his maker. that it was a genuine interest#perhaps turned to be an immortal companion before his maker saw his mind and past and realised how dull he was#imagine being sold the beautiful dream of having an immortal companion who loves you and chose you out of everyone#to be the only they spend eternity with. forever in the arms of love#just for him to see you. truly see you as nobody ever has. and then instantly recoil#abandon you in disgust. he doesn’t care what you do. he doesn’t care where you go. he doesn’t care what you call yourself. francis.#santiago is a strange inverse of claudia#she is a grown woman struggling against her body - constantly being viewed as her past rather than who she truly is#but she is capable and knowing and refuses to pretend. she is Claudia the adult woman. she is Claudia the cage breaker. Claudia the killer.#while I think Santiago is still deep down Francis. lonely and needy and wanting someone to pick him. but nobody ever will#and so he covers himself up in lies and leather and performs on stage. and nobody thinks anyone is standing there but Santiago#I just LOVE torture. imagine how upsetting all of it would be#he’s still a foul cunt. but god the agony. Armand killing the man he loves. Armand falling in love with someone who looks so similar.#and Santiago can have none of them. will only be touched in anger. so make them angry. get them to touch him.#furious desire to hurt is a kind of desire. he’ll take what he can get. he’s going to get it.#he decides to become the new master of the coven when every part of him is clearly begging#please please please want me take me need me make me yours please don’t turn away don’t pick someone else#he’s so careless with the women because life’s not fair ladies! the powerful want you then they drop you after they’ve used you#if I’m a toy you’re all toys. if I’m used I’ll use up the lot of you.#exactly my favourite kind of guy. wants to be loved eternally would flinch if he received it because what even is this?#santiago iwtv#santiago#ldpdl#louis de pointe du lac#armand#armand iwtv#armand interview with the vampire#iwtv#interview with the vampire
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a truly terrible idea has latched hold of my gremlin brain which is, buck and tommy do break up so that buck can pursue eddie because either tommy thinks buck is in love with eddie or buck feels like he should be with eddie because everyone else keeps suggesting there's something more there BUT buck/eddie getting together changes their dynamic so much that neither of them are enjoying themselves (and they're worrying about losing what made their friendship so special because of all the changes to the dynamic) AND buck and tommy keep hooking up [air quotes] platonically (with tommy stumbling into inconvenient feelings and pining pathetically for buck while fucking him) while buck struggles to sort out intense feelings toward eddie (which obviously have to be romantic of course) vs. his calm, more settled feelings toward tommy (they're not as intense as his feelings about eddie so they can't possibly be romantic) blah blah long story slightly less long but buck realizes he's been in love with tommy the whole time and was having trouble separating strong but platonic feelings for eddie from his romantic feelings toward tommy and then tommy's like "newsflash asshole i've been in love with you the whole goddamn time"
i'll never write it because it's irredeemably stupid and i value my peace but it IS sitting in my hindbrain tormenting me right now
#thank you for coming to my ted talk#i'm not tagging this bc i don't want it showing up in any show or ship tags but...............................#terrible evil plotbunny free to a good home#nobody ever writes about the friends who get together bc 'why not everyone else already thinks we're dating' and then it doesn't work out#because the dynamic changes SO MUCH that you're not sure if it was such a good idea in the first place#now add a third person to the mix that you like but aren't sure how you feel about them#not sure if eddie would be aware it's casual and non exclusive or if there'd be miscommunication leading to angst#honestly this is just me venting my frustrations with those breakup fics masqueraring as b*cktommy that have tommy#graciously sacrificing himself on the altar of b*ddie's true love and stepping aside magnanimously#that's not interesting to me to read even as a b*ddie shipper#if buck and tommy have to break up let it be real and messy because real people are real and messy#let tommy fight for buck even if it doesn't end up working out#let buck and eddie feel guilty because buck did genuinely care about tommy and eddie does like him as a friend#let tommy cut both of them off because even though he likes both of them he still has feelings and it hurts seeing them together#let tommy be petty about showing off a new love interest or fwb and how much happier he is with this guy than he was with buck#let buck wonder if he made the right choice or not bc he didn't ever want to hurt tommy#he only convinced himself tommy would be completely fine with the breakup because he needed him to be fine so that he could do it guilt fre#let eddie wonder if they made the right choice or not bc while he finally has what he's wanted for years it did hurt someone he really like#maybe it'll all work out in the end for buck and eddie AND tommy but i just want it to feel real and not overly polished and sanitized#and no one is hurt or upset or petty or flawed#anyway#i like mess#don't @ me#i might have to write this now but i don't want to be chased off with pitchforks and torches#text#shut up giallos
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To the Anon who sent me an ask saying I "should feel fucking awful" for "giving you hope": I'm sorry about your situation, truly. But what did you want to achieve by sending that ask to me?
For context I reblogged a post earlier, mentioning that I hadn't double-checked the info yet as I was at work (my memory is shit, so I reblogged it to remember to check it later). I did check it later, found that the links didn't confirm what the OP claimed, and decided to delete the reblog as I had no reason to keep it on my blog anymore.
I'm going to assume that you're an adult, Anon, and as such it's your own responsibility to check sources and not trust random strangers on the internet (such as me). If you had checked the sources yourself, you would have been able to see that the post didn't add up (lawsuit too new to be approved yet, and the amount of money OP mentioned seemed taken out of thin air). I'm sorry that I didn't sit down and tell everyone that I, a nobody, decided to delete the post from my personal blog. It would perhaps have been a courtesy to do so, but it isn't a responsibility you can demand of strangers on tumblr of all sites.
Again, I'm sorry about your situation and about you getting your hopes up over something I reblogged, but lashing out against a stranger doesn't help anyone. I promise I didn't reblog, and later delete a post without telling you, just so I could hurt you personally.
I do hope you have a kinder new year than the one we're both currently suffering through. Cheers mate
#it's past 2am here - will be 2025 in less than 22 hours - and english isn't my first language so apologies if it's a bit rambly#any time I get anons like this I get so surprised - like - buddy I am a nobody and a stranger? Does it help to lash out at me?#Do you hurt less if you hurt someone else?#I'm sorry that you got your hopes up Anon but I don't know you. I can't help you.#random bloggers on tumblr aren't responsible for your health or checking information for you#and it's not the responsibility of the random bloggers to inform you anytime they delete anything#I wasn't even the one who wrote the post I just reblogged it for myself so I could remember to check the sources after work#no I will not link the post in question here. DON'T go harass the OP of that post they probably meant well#sometimes we post things when we get excited without double-checking everything first and that's okay#gonna turn anon asks off for a while. Don't feel like arguing but if you really need to argue or insult me you do it off anon ok#goodnight#kreft rambles#might delete later
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hey god if you've created someone for me can you introduce me to them sooner? i kinda need them now
#like i know i know im sad and hurt but in my heart even the worst breakup friendship or otherwise can kill my hope#like i know this is gods plan for me this is my arc but god it's getting worse and harder everyday#i thought nothing could be worse than yesterday but i hadn't lived today them#then*#i need to talk to someone so bad oh god sl yesterday i had the exam right#and like i don't even know what happened i thought i was going to fail even after giving my 2000% studying#for like 10 hours a day for 15 days for this one exam#and i was panicking and shivering so bad that my heart felt like it would fly out of my chest it was beating so hard#and so fast it didn't even beat like that when i climb too many stairs#and i tried to deep breathe but nothing worked it was so scary like yeah i get stressed sometimes#but this was another level so scary i was nauseous too#and then i clicked submit and i got 82!!!#when i was so sure i was gonna fail because i was only sure about 54 marks answers and the passing was 50#and i got really happy and relieved and then i realized. oh. i don't have anyone to tell#like yeah i told my dad and he was like oh cool ofcourse you did very good#because he doesn't GET it that im not smart anymore and 10th cbse is not an accurate measure of intelligence#he wasn't even happy or surprised he was like well nice obviously#and that's it. i didn't have anyone else to tell#granted i hadn't even told anyone i was giving the exam. i mean i say anyone as if im swimming in friends#only have one. two if u stretch. and i didn't say. cause like idk doesn't really seems like anyone cares#and aah stupid emotional me before the exam i was feeling sad and trying not to panic (??? why??) and CRY in the car because i was thinking#that how my mom always drops me to exam centres and we talk i play music and when im getting out she says all the best beta#and the beta. wow i typed this and immediately have tears in my eyes now. i don't even understand why but#idk i made it up to be a little tradition in my head and i really wanted to call my mom and say mom pls can u say all the best#to me now bc i think ill fuck it up and im really scared and maybe if u give your blessing it'd be okay. but then i thought how embarrassin#it wld be if i failed. bc we don't have any kind of rship my mom and me. and then when she heard i passed from dad she didn't even call me#or anything. thank god i didn't do all that drama but fucking hell. this is all just for me right nobody cares not my parents#and it's too difficult im crumbling under the pressuee but i have to grit my teeth and do it or ill never be able to get out of this house#and i know ill find people when i do get out. but in the meantime. please god ji just one person idc who girl boy friend or love ANYONE#ik it's weak & ik i shld be enough on my own. but pls i just CAN'T.they dont even have to put up with me they just have to care a bit
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not to 21 pilots post in 2024 but there's truly nothing like crying and listening to Truce
#spotify very helpfully made me a playlist for crying#im just feeling so isolated lately#i just wish somebody cared#like at all#it makes me want to act out and scare people tbh#just scream that im not fine#im not tough#im not strong#im hurting#im just not ok anymore#its getting bad#truly feels like nobody cares who isnt blood related to me#my mom and my sister are the people who keep me from killing myself tbh#they need me#i really think everyone else would get over it in a year or so#and i feel so stupid for being 25 and still feeling so powerless and stupid#im here posting on tumblr to nobody#like a fucking loser#personal
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Junko: "The most despair I have ever felt in my life was killing my sister."
Mukuro, in the afterlife: "JUNKO LOVES ME MORE! SUCK IT, YASUKE!"
no because i know mukuro’s weird ass was lowkey thrilled when junko murdered yasuke because it was one less person to steal junko’s attention away from her 💀
#😭😭😭#like remember how excited she was to go back to junko’s room after everything was said and done and tried to make her laugh dndnxn#homegirl probably wanted izuru dead so bad lmfao#i have a whole thing about mukuro’s subconscious bitterness towards people who get junko’s attention and affection who aren’t her#because she believes that if anyone in the world deserves attention and affection from junko it’s her. like she’s earned it.#and in her mind she probably rationalizes that nobody else deserves junko’s affection because they don’t truly understand her#not the way mukuro does and she’s worked so hard to be someone junko loves and needs#it kills her to watch junko focus on other ppl when she’s right there practically begging to be acknowledged & shown love and appreciation#and it isn’t possessiveness. it’s bitterness. bitterness and hurt.#ofc most of this is festering beneath the surface in her subconscious more than it’s entering her stream of conscious thought#she wants to be the center of junko’s world like junko is the center of hers so badly it’s genuinely heartbreaking#but yes this a correct take lmao#mukuro ikusaba#junko enoshima#danganronpa#asked and answered
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#sigh. another vent post....#almost getting tired of making these but. I'm just.... I just don't really have much else I can do without botherin people#uh pretty big trigger warning for this one BTW#don't read on if you're low on spoons and whatnot. genuinely it's fine and I will be fine I always am#but like. yknow. when shit sucks it fucking sucks#anyway. uh. I just can't stand the idea that I might be bothering someone#so at least this way my stupid cries for help have a possibility of getting me some without making any specific#person feel obligated. yknow? maybe you see the post maybe you don't#Maybe you don't read all the way maybe you do. either way you can choose if you have the spoons to reach out#without feeling guilty either way. I hope.#.......i kind of want to fucking kill myself again#.....it used to be a much rarer thought. and I used to be much less struck by intense loneliness and longing like this#but I just feel so fucking needy. so desperate for attention and love and it hurts so much if I don't get it#and like. it's realistically nobody's fault but my own yknow... i need to ask for it more. i know that. i just suck at it#and then I can't ask. so I don't get attention. and in turn I feel neglected. secondary. like I'm not anyone's primary focus#and it just fucking hurts so much and it's just my own damn fault and I don't know how to fix it.#......i do. I need therapy I need meds or something. that's the answer here really#picked out a psychiatrist. need to call and make an appointment. but adhd and executive function and anxiety (that last one I need meds for)#mean it's very hard to both remember and then actually perform the task of calling the fucjing Dr#......believe me I'm trying.....like fuck I'm trying so hard.... and I started bawling having seen sparkles and ms robot girl reblog that#post from me about letting prev know you're proud of them. bawled when quinn called me cutie last night. bawled when#ginny said they wished they were here.... fuck me I do too I want to be the focus of someone's attention so so so so badly#fuck#...............it's redundant to say at this point a second time but. goddess above its a little scary how much I wanna kill myself#........sigh#....anyway. please do not feel obligated to respond to this in any way. do what you got the spoons for.#thank you for even reading all of this shit if you've gotten this far. i love you deeply and with all my heart. I'll be fine I promise#won't act on it no matter how strong the feeling is. just.....hurts in the meantime. but I'll be ok. I promise#................fuck. im going back to bed
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how does one become available again (made myself emotionally unavailable and got caught up in work and school)
#i have not spoken to my closest friends in days#del.txt#but i feel fine! i just fear nobody else is satisfied#ah yes. where’s the one post i made last summer w this exact tagline#seasons change but people (i) do not </3#what does it mean that i am fine to go on with my workload and the fact that others see it as a flaw makes me defensive#like they r right. alas#i need to get good at Human Connection again 👍#being deeply avoidant at my core versus knowing i am a good person#but i am hurting my loved ones by not being present aaaaa#feeling: bad#when i am reminded that the way i have carried on for years is not generally healthy and that i have to fix it#and my texts r building up and i love everyone so much but i simply Cannot#everything ever is so stressful i just want to relax when i'm not presently working or in class#AGH#ignore this please <3 i needed to funnel this somewhere and my silly little tag is where it's goin#i feel like when people meet me they see something else and i am not actually ever what they want
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#(( ooc. ))#venting tw#negativity tw#in a prime example of damned if you do damned if you don't.... its been heavy snowing for the past couple days.#no one else has shoveled. neither our deck / sidewalk or our elderly neighbors.#i just did it. bc we got like 8 inches of the heavy wet stuff. it was bad enough i could barely push the front door open.#so i shoveled our deck and walk. and then i went over and shoveled our neighbor's. bc it needed to be done. its a safety risk otherwise.#and once i got back inside husband yelled at me 'WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT? YOU SHOVELED??'#bc i strained my back a couple days ago. but nobody else was doing it. and it needed to get done.#and the passive aggressive remarks were starting up from mil about the amount of snow building up#so... to recap. i hurt. and i shoveled. bc no one else was going to.#and now husband is pissed at me for shoveling. even tho he wasnt going to. and his mom was getting pissed bc it wasnt getting done.#another prime example also of how im the one making everything work around here...
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John “This is your last chance, Johnny” and “There’s nothing I want more than a second chance (with you)” Kreese
#Since I’ve been makin this kreerence post it has come very apparent#that Kreese has been obsessed with Johnny since day 1#literally all he ever does or thinks about is making kids violent and getting Johnny back#(and I love him for it)#and when he couldn’t get Johnny back he tried to destroy his life so nobody else could have him#which is why it would just be perfect if Kreese caught the second person he hurt most (Terry) fucking Johnny#Let Terry and Johnny bond over everything Kreese has done to them and run away together#They’re opposites with way too many things in common and they both went years with no one on truly on their side#let Terry stay his insane self and have a blonde firecracker on his side#Idk how this kreerence post turned into silverlaw#but like#it’s perfect and I need to spread the word 😌#kreerence#john kreese#johnny lawrence
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#update that nobody needs on guitar playing lmao but i genuinely do wanna track my progress#figured out the funky little finger plucking part in timezone and it’s???? so much fun it sounds so cool???#i’ve been playing guitar for over a decade but never rly did any picking at all just strumming n shit bc it’s way easier#and my tiny ass hands don’t help lol#but i can just make it work w this and i can’t wait until it’s not a struggle anymore and i can play it w my eyes closed#all i wanna do when i get home now is practice and i love that feeling sm#my hand hurts tho so i gotta take a break and try to finish some fanart teehee#ty for the art grind while everything else is shit haha:)#rowyn rambles
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I really truly need people to get cooler about people harming themselves and I mean that
We cannot pick and choose what is an Acceptable way to choose to hurt yourself and what is Bad and means you need to be locked up for your own good
#everyone is allowed to make decisions that hurt them and that is nobody else’s business#I immediately distrust anyone that adds ‘or themselves’ to statements about how something is okay if it doesn’t harm others#as someone who self harms the exact same way other people get lots of tattoos#I need people to calm the fuck down about people harming themselves on purpose because they want to#I should not be scared for my body to be visible because Other Peoples ideas about my aesthetic choices about harm could get me#fucking held against my will because people think I can’t think for myself if I am willing to hurt myself#when the same idea is not held for people with piercings or tattoos or plastic surgery
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anyways. i hit tag limit and now im going to go to bed late bc i have to clean the whole kitchen. but the last 48 hours have just been so emotionally intense and exhausting and painful. i relived july 5-29 2022 in 48 hours. and it was better than that ofc bc i wasn’t uhmmmm shut down and unable to express my feelings 😍😍😍😍😍😍 but it was still horrible and the worst is over but im still in so much emotional / mental pain rn and it’s gonna take a while to recover from that and i don’t have the emotional resources i need to do so obviously. yayyyyy 🥳
#purrs#delete later#the MMMMMORTIFYING. MORTIFYING. ordeal. of romy leaving the way she did. and never being able to recover from that so the wound has festered#only for someone else i love and cherish and depend on to leave. LIKE IFS INSANE TO ME. it is so crazymaking. i can’t withstand the pain of#it. but OF COURSE i can like they’re not d*ad or anything god forbid a million times they’re just moving on. but im just taking it so hard.#in ways that are so… unhealthy and abnormal and hard to carry and hard to live through. and again living in fear that it will happen one#more time and i’ll be truly alone then. but then it’s like silly tess pepprs you already WERE alone! because nobody can meet the four needs#except for you… or like a significant other if you could get around your psychic block 🥰 but yeah. i am not functioning well and i#don’t know how to get the relief and healing i need because it’s a process etc etc. i just wish this wasn’t happening. i feel so wounded and#bruised and horrible rn. like my heart physically hurts… ermmmmm 😳‼️#also im namedropping at this point idec. i feel bad about it and i shouldn’t but imgonna give myself and my future self this one today LOL
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i really do love being home for break but the problem is that i don’t love anything but being with my sister and friends . so when that isn’t happening it feels so meaningless i’m just sitting on the couch at my moms house in a town i hate feeling like shit and missing my apartment and city . also something i’m learning is that i am INCAPABLE of operating on somebody else’s time like it’s really bad . it’s not just me being a control freak tho ofc that’s part of it the issue is mostly just that i can’t stand now knowing exactly what’s going on and i can’t focus and it ruins my mood . and everybody else is like yay vacation !! break!! we don’t need to plan we can just do whatever :)) and i’m trying not to be the annoying anal person so i’m like haha yeah :) *internally pulling my hair out and screaming* i miss my life on my own i miss my structure i miss not having to answer to anybody else . like i really don’t bc it’s so lonely but at least it’s not stressful to the point of me feeling like i’m on a battlefield
#also knowing i’m just gonna have to leave everybody again really hurts#and living with that ticking clock makes me really wanna maximize every second and know exactly what’s going on even more#but nobody else feels that way . at least not the extent that i do#so i feel like i’m ruining the vibe a lot so i really try not to show how stressed ‘vacation mode’ makes me#but . sometimes i just can’t hide it esp from people who know me so well#and they know this and try to be accommodating but i feel like nobody really gets it#so it’s not necessarily anybody’s fault i just feel like i’m wired so differently and not made for this life#and i hate making other people feel bad bc i’m feeling bad . but i’m literally in a constant state of stress to varying degrees for 4 weeks#straight#and it’s badddd#and then i feel like shit bc i’m wasting my limited time being upset about nothing#and then i’m more upset and the thing is just a spiral . i hate myself sm sometiems#like i really just need to get OVER IT
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