#Mental Abuse

[rainywhispersblog]

When you grow up in an abusive home, you don’t become a people pleaser to please people. You become a people pleaser to keep the potential for more abuse away.

[chevys-bitch-fest]

The duality of growing up and wanting your mom there to protect you from scary adult situations, but remembering she didnt even protect you when you were a kid

[girlyteengirl16]

healing is taking too long what if i just kill myself

[family-trauma]

I 100000% agree with this. Trying to change my mindset to stop forgiving and excusing them just cause they are family.

[fairieicedtea]

i wanna go back and hug my younger self so bad, that little girl went through so much

[nothing0fnothing]

Most parents decide they're going to use their child's innate naivety and trusting nature to instill a sense of wonder. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, mermaids are real, Disneyland. All that.

My parents used it to create an invisible panopticon that only existed in my mind so they could easily deny its existence if I reported it to anybody.

Basically, was told at a very young age, that there were tiny hidden cameras I couldn't see everywhere in my home, and in my clothes, and in my school. They gave my stepdad 24/7 round the clock acsess to view me whenever he wanted to. He said these cameras could not only record my face, voice and actions, but that they had special technology that could read and translate my very thoughts.

I was at the "mermaids and unicorns are real" age, so not only did all of this seem totally plausible, it terrified me. I was changing under the covers of my bed, worried he could see me on the toilet or in the shower, and worst of all I started monitoring and censoring my own thoughts, convinced he could hear every one of them.

My mum noticed I had started taking longer to get dressed and ready than I used to, and asked why I was wasting time trying to get dressed in bed. When I told her about the cameras she tried to convince me they weren't there, and even did a sweep of my room to prove it to me, but I didn't believe her. I thought my step dad had so much power he could even hide these mind reading micro cameras from other adults. She just kind of brushed it off, assuming this was some silly thing I'd be over in a week.

I wasn't.

He kept reminding me of them, so I continued to be scared of them.

The second time my mother heard of these invisible cameras were when another parent, concerned, told her about it.

See I'd been playing at her daughters house, and I was asking her to call my step dad to ask permission for every minor thing I did.

"Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed to play in the garden?" "Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed to watch TV?" "Can you call my dad and ask if I'm allowed ketchup on my chips?"

She would assure me she'd asked my mum and my mum said it was fine, but I was adamant it be my step father she call. Eventually, she asked me why I was so concerned about his permission to do these things I'd been doing fine every other time I'd been at her house.

"Because he's the one with the cameras."

I said it so naturally. Like every family had a parent who had the cameras and another who was under surveillance by them. I was worried that if I conveyed the frozen still fear I felt over these hidden cameras, it would seem that I had something to hide.

"There's no cameras in our house so you don't have to worry about it." She tried to convince me.

"Oh no, they're in my clothes" I said. "They're so tiny they could be in a zip or a button or on my shoe laces and nobody would know."

She was, understandably, freaked out by this.

I'm not sure if she beleived my step dad had just sent me bugged into her home like a pervert or something, but I think when I started talking about how it can hear my thoughts like a regular camera can record voices, she realised that this was something else.

My mum pretended that I'd made it up and was lying for attention, even though she knew I wasn't. She knew that her husband had been terrorising me with these fake omnipotent cameras for weeks to the point I was losing sleep and dreaming about them. It was just easier for her to paint me as some kind of freakishly and manipulative child. It was really messed up, this woman's daughter was my only friend, I'd be friendless and alone if she decided she didn't want her daughter learning this behaviour from me.

The last time it was brought up to her was by my aunt. I'd had a bonding day out with her that ended in me crying on her couch after dinner. I vented about the cameras and how much pressure they were putting on me. I said I felt scared to be out with anyone, because if my daddy was watching and he heard their thoughts and he didn't like them, he could stop them from ever seeing me again. I knew she didn't like him, and he didn't like her. All he needed was video proof that she thought bad things about him and he'd have the perfect excuse to cut her out of my life. I didn't want that, I loved my aunt dearly.

My mum tried to pull the same "oh she's just making it up for attention" bit, but my aunt knew my step dad, and she knew he was exactly crazy and twisted enough to torture me like that. She believed me over my mother, and after that I never heard about the cameras again.

Over the weeks I wasn't threatened with them, I slowly started to think about them less and less. And by the time I stopped thinking about them entirely, I'd stopped believing in tooth fairies and unicorns and high tech invisible cameras that could hear my thoughts.

I never forgot about them though.

[a-sip-of-milo]

Things people label as abuse when it's done to a partner that parents somehow get away with

Hitting/spanking. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but fair discipline when it's a child.

No privacy (no privacy = going through their phone, tracking their location, attending therapy appointments, etc.). Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but good parenting when it's a teenager.

Emotional neglect. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but "not the parents' fault" when it's a child.

Overworking them. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but earning their keep when it's a child.

Doing things to purposely make them cry. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but hilarious when it's a kid.

Breaking their stuff/deleting video game progress. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but fair discipline when it's a child.

Forcing affection when they don't want to. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but teaching them good manners when it's a child.

Locking them in a room that they can't escape. Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but "they've got to learn one way or another" if it's a child.

Expecting them to suppress their emotions. Abusive/toxic if it's a partner but teaching them to be mature if it's a child.

Getting angry when they ask a question/challenge your logic/need clarification. Abusive/toxic if it's a partner but teaching them to not talk back if it's a child.

Not letting them eat anything unless it's what you put in front of them (that includes not letting them get anything for themselves). Abusive/toxic when it's a partner but teaching them to be grateful if it's a child.

If you've ever labeled any of these things as abuse when an adult opens up about their experiences but will defend parents who do the same thing, you need to reevaluate yourself.

DNI: Narcissistic/Borderline/Anti-social/Histrionic abuse believers.

[take-it-to-my-gravee]

Im so sick and tired of being treated like shit by everyone

[selfhealingmoments]

[spoonie-girl-next-door]

[2snuffseb]

no babe i have no idea how your knife ended up in my stomach, twist it tho!^_^

[girlyteengirl16]

it is what it is (i want to die so bad)

[family-trauma]

Sadly I can check off alot of items from this list. Time and self education are the only things that will help reclaim life back once you lose yourself with emotional abuse.

[faramirsonofgondor]

“Gabe isn’t abusive in the show” ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME SHOW???

Gabe is literally introduced by yelling at someone who, when Percy apologizes for Gabe’s behavior, says “I’m walking out, you’re walking in. I should be apologizing to you.” And then Percy reluctantly and slowly walks inside. And Gabe immediately starts in on him (calling him “Genius” in a mocking tone) as Percy repeatedly expresses that he just wants to talk to his mom ( and Gabe’s subsequent “Is that all you have to say to me?”) The fact that he answered Sally’s phone and acted like he had every right to do so?? The way he shows begrudging respect when thinks Percy was violent towards another kid at school?? The “you would think that because you’re a child, you don’t understand things…” The way he gets annoyed that Percy wants to know where his mother is. The “what are we doing Percy? every time! wow…wow!” in such a condescending tone??? Percy’s immediate alarm when Sally calls Gabe’s name. Gabe immediately yelling at Sally, not knowing anything about Percy’s life (he didn’t even know his school’s name despite literally just talking to them), the way he makes Sally negotiate to use the car (“Why am I okay with this?” “Make sure they put the hot peppers on my sandwich please!”) the way he acts like his tone of voice shouldn’t matter to Sally because he said “please” the aggressive behavior even after he concedes to letting them use the car (getting in Percy’s face, pointing his finger at him, etc.), like???

Just because he isn’t depicted as smacking the shit out of them doesn’t mean he isn’t abusive. He is constantly yelling, even when it’s not necessary, and is overall condescending and rude towards both Percy and Sally. He has a positive reaction towards the idea of Percy being violent, which means that he probably has no problems getting violent himself, even if it isn’t show on screen. The fact that he is constantly trying to redirect Percy and Sally’s decision to make himself the center of it (he is trying to goad Percy into an argument when he gets kicked out of school and overall keeps trying to redirect the conversation back to himself, he acts like he is allowed to breach Sally and Percy’s privacy but then makes Sally get his permission to drive somewhere, and even then she has to give him something in return). Like he is very clearly controlling and emotionally/financially abusive (he acts like Sally’s things are his despite not having a job and likely blowing through their money). It also seems like he tries to diminish Percy’s self esteem, possibly to keep him and Sally under his thumb (it’s a common tactic used by abusers to make the victims feel like the need to depend on the abuser). Overall, just because he might not be physically abusing them, doesn’t mean he isn’t abusing them and doesn’t mean his actions aren’t harmful. Furthermore, just because he isn’t violent on screen doesn’t mean he isn’t violent.

[puppetwoman17]

You know, i wanna expand a bit on Billy’s relationship with Ebenezer, because I feel like it’s so important to dissecting Billy’s character.

⚠️If you don’t wanna read about my thoughts on Billy’s mental abuse by his only adult relative, then please click away⚠️

My mind went back to the fact that Billy couldn’t go with his family to Egypt solely because of his lacking grades. I wondered, E must know, right? Maybe he was told in passing, maybe Billy told him and asked him for help studying, whatever. And I just know that he made fun of and ridiculed him. He likely called him dumb, moronic, any name in the book.

Ebenezer constantly relayed to him and validated the notion that Billy stopped HIMSELF from being with his family in their last moments. That he was too stupid to be with them.

With that in mind, he would have had to be solely dependent on his uncle. Unfortunately, that’s not possible. He’d have no choice but to trust him, but we know that backfires. His only reprieve is school, so when he gets home, Ebenezer would tell him to put his stupid brain to good use.

Anyone can sneak and buy beer. Even an idiot like him.

The basis for their entire relationship is that Billy looks like his dad. Hell, he practically worships him. But because Ebenezer can’t very well scare his younger brother(height mixed with a strong personality), he goes for the closest thing. A spitting image of his half-brother who still hasn’t developed mentally and barely exhibits any traits.

It will take years for Billy to realize that Ebenezer is a coward. Until then, that man is his worst nightmare. He’s the thing he fears most in this world. Forget Black Adam, Darkseid, and Mr. Mind. Merely thinking of Ebenezer Batson, the man who belittled him so much that he has trouble trusting himself, causes him to shut down or divert away from those thoughts.

Just like his dad, Billy is everything Ebenezer isn’t. He’s young. He’s talented. He’s charming. He has opportunity. And he believes in himself because his parents made sure he did. So the worst possible thing Ebenezer could ever do to his nephew is mess up all that careful development.

“Are you sure they loved you?”

“Are you sure you can do this?”

“You’re the only one who stopped you from being with them.”

“When are you going to realize that you can’t do anything right?”

Ebenezer Batson is the only person in the world who knows the one other way he could crush his nephew’s spirit. Ruining Captain Marvel’s image.

Because he definitely “knows” knows. CC’s face on Marvel tells him everything he should know.

The one thing, above all, that could crush his nephew’s spirit into dust, is ruining Captain Marvel’s image. Because it’s genuinely all he has left of his dad. He’s the only way he can see his dad talking and moving on screen. It’s like he’s still here, and Billy never wants to ruin that.

But he’s an idiot. That’s what E used to tell him. What if he makes a mistake and no one likes Cap anymore? What if he’s ruined the image of CC Batson(his face, his ideals, his hopes) forever?

Just the fact that it’s not these cosmic beings of mass destruction or mad scientists bent on world domination that shakes Marvel/Billy to his core. It’s this evil old man who knows him better than anyone. Knows how he thinks. Knows what buttons to push to get him angry and look bad. Knows how to lower that self-confidence.