#Like it’s not just that sometimes I feel asexual and sometimes demisexual

[augustsails]

Does anyone know of any aroace identities that are centered on fluctuations of both gender attraction and aroace feelings? Like I never feel allosexual/alloromantic, but aceflux specifically is about the gender of attraction not changing but for me it does! It never goes outside of aroace which is why I don’t feel abroseuxal fits me, but surely I can’t be the only person who feels this way right? xD

[thelostgirl21]

There's also the demisexual variant:

"That guy is fuckable..." but not wanting to fuck that guy but actually wanting that guy to be fucked by you.

[thesophiewhit]

PHONING FAUST -- A Sapphic Novel of Demonic Contracts, Demisexuality, and Yearning by me! A cool queer author ~

Are you LGBT+ or BIPOC or just REALLY LOVE BOOKS? Interested in being an ARC reader and reading a book and helping a fellow queer indie author out? (Pretty please? -- ARC links all the way at the bottom of this post (beneath the rainbow banner) for those who like Sapphic demon x human angst books ~)

AND LOOK AT THE CHARACTER ART OF MEMPHIS (BADASS DEMON) AND DIAN (HUMAN) BY MY ARTIST FRIEND SNAX

https://linktr.ee/artsnaxk

ABOUT ME

Demisexual?? Queer? Nonbinary? All these were magical words to me until it hit...

Oh-- that's me.

It took me a while to come out as queer, longer to come out as nonbinary, and then some more time to reconcile all this with being a mixed Indonesian kid. A dash of mental health, a sprig of figuring out asexuality and neurodivergence. But atop all that? One thing has been constant.

I've always been a writer.

That's some live footage of me summoning some forces to reign my characters in from being feral.

WHY I WROTE PHONING FAUST

Well, well, well, after years of battling imposter's syndrome, I did it. I wrote another book! It's called PHONING FAUST and it's getting published with queer indie publishing company @ninestarpress-blog because they're all cool and LGBT+ and super talented!

Why did I write PHONING FAUST?

What is... a Faust?

A Faustian bargain is what's popularly known as the devil's bargain. A usually losing situation or a trick where the devil tricks someone out of their soul in exchange for ULTIMATE POWER!

I rewrote Faust to be Sapphic as can be. It stars a mixed Indonesian lesbian named Dian Faust who battles depression tooth and nail and ends up calling a mental health crisis hotline. Bc... she's lonely.

PAUSE-- and this is a horror comedy. Comedy. COMEDY-- you might say?

WHY? HOW? Sounds sad and depressing, right?

WHAT'S FAUST?

Well... in the original retelling version of Goethe's Faust (who retold it from folklore etc etc) the main character of Dr. Faustus accidentally summons the devil or something when he too is about to consider the meaning of life and it gets sad bc he doesn't see one so he makes the devil's bargain FOR ULTIMATE POWER. Or something.

But in my version-- it's based off my experiences as a queer person. Before I had community. Before I understood and accepted myself-- I had a rough time. For a whole bunch of factors outside of that-- I didn't feel like my life was in a good place. And even worse-- I felt isolated.

THE PLOT

I didn't want to bother my friends with my problems. So-- I'd call the Trevor Project or a crisis hotline just to have somebody to talk to. In the same way-- Dian Faust is struggling with depression in the story I write. So she calls a hotline like the Trevor Project just to not be alone.

And guess who she finds?

A super hot genderfluid devil called MEMPHIS, short for Mephistopheles. A pierced and tatted punk rocker who has an interest for telling tall tales and serving Dian Faust's every wish and command! (No, not like that!)

Because Dian Faust, like me, is a mixed Indonesian kid trying to figure out what it means to be queer AND demisexual (finding attraction only after really getting to emotionally connect with someone and feeling, as I explain in the book, a lack of that before then for anyone). And she's figuring plenty out--- including how to save her immortal soul and her feelings for a certain genderfluid demon but if you want to know more-- YOU CAN BUT YOU HAVE TO SCROLL TO THE END OF THIS POST TO FIND OUT !

I wrote this book PHONING FAUST (coming out in 2025 sometime with NineStar Press btw. I have these books CATCH LILI TOO and WAKE THE DEAD also starring Sapphic demiace MCs if it's helpful while you wait!

I WROTE MORE QUEER BOOKS (if interested)! (ARC SIGN UP LINK IS STILL BELOW THIS ONE THO! > FOLLOW THE RAINBOW !!)

MY OTHER QUEER BOOKS: https://sophiawhittemore.com/books/ ) <3 <3 <3

I wrote PHONING FAUST (train of thought, sorry, that's the neurodivergence) because I wanted people to feel less alone.

I was, like Dian Faust and like a lot of people, a queer person who felt like I was on an island unto myself. I didn't know who to turn to-- so I turned to no one. By reaching out to hotlines (no hot devils unfortunately), I managed to get the help I needed to avoid making rash decisions-- to get the help I needed to get better. To take that first step.

PHONING FAUST is a novel that raises the importance of mental health and finding community, and most importantly, not giving up. As Dian Faust says in my upcoming book...

There are stars out there-- I had only to see it.

***

🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

🌈🌈🌈🌈ARC LINK SIGN UPS HERE 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

ARC LINK SIGN UPS IN LINKTREE <3

Want to be an ARC reader for this queer book starring a demisexual Sapphic couple and BIPOC cast?

Sign up here! : https://tr.ee/mWPM8I9Zev

***

Hmmm, demon contracts...now where might young 2010 emo me have heard that before... ? ?

[drdemonprince]

you made a post a little bit ago saying something like "asexuals can be hot af and that's amplified by the knowledge that you might never be able to fuck them" and idk if im asexual/spectrum (questioning? demisexual? idk i have a job) but i just love that so much.

ive been burned before by people who i thought were my friends because they just liked hanging out with me, but who totally neglected our friendship once it became clear i wasn't going to fuck them. or people who i wished i could be closer to but who simply don't befriend anyone they aren't interested in fucking.

but the idea that someone could want to fuck me, but we never end up fucking, but that doesn't make them lose interest and we stay friends, and they still think im hot, and maybe i also think theyre hot, but they don't keep pushing my boundaries and trying to fuck me, is just like. awesome. ideal friendship fr.

Ah, I'm glad that connected with you! I think that sometimes a little unresolved sexual tension between oneself and a buddy is intoxicatingly fun and exciting and best enjoyed by not ever realizing it with the actual act -- why not just enjoy the energy and not threaten the friendship? Nothing wrong with being a little flirty or just appreciating someone's hotness from afar, so long as it doesn't make them uncomfortable. Lots of people want to feel desired and admired so long as it doesn't come with pressure.

[lexithwrites]

Any jegulus fluff/soft smut headcannons?

Forever and always<3

I like writing regulus on the asexual spectrum, he’s already demisexual to me anyway but I think he’s really particularly about how far he goes and with who, but most of the time sex doesn’t really cross his mind

James loves quality time and physical touch so he’s always hovering behind reg, either smiling or yapping about something whilst regulus is sipping a matcha and holding his hand

they share clothes since regulus buys oversized and James fits them

they're very lovey dovey in private and outside they keep it a bit more casual, regulus is more comfortable that way, but if someone makes james mad then he goes protective mode and holds reg's waist or wraps an arm around him

barista regulus means a lot to me but also bookshop regulus,,,james flirting with him and buying books to add to their collection? yes please

in terms of nsfw,,,reg is in charge i'll die on that hill that man knows what he wants

and as a trans regulus truther reg buys a bunch of straps for james to practise on, james potter sucking dick is truly a sight to behold

reg loves stroking his cheek and tugging his hair when he's deepthroating and james is rock hard the entire time he loves it

also t4t jegulus take turns topping, i love that kinda vibe where it's equal

they both help each other with their insecurities like regulus and his gender dysphoria and james with his adhd and how they navigate their reactions to certain things

they go for biweekly dinners at effie and monty's place, they love cooking for them

they also go for a games/dnd/drinking night with the gang, their local pub hates them all because they're so loud lmao

i feel like sex for jegulus is usually very soft and loving, regulus is an anxious guy and i feel like super rough sex would stress him out sometimes, like having to perform and be a dominating role all the time can be fun but when its not fun its NOT fun, and james just wants them both to be together and have fun and feel good

they love slow sex with lots of kissing and looking into each other's eyes and whispering how much they love each other

i do feel like they're both kinda on the ace spectrum somewhat, i saw a headcanon about ace james and i do like it, i can see the vision of them prioritising other things before sex (how i feel tbh lmao lemme hold your hand thats more intimate)

they sit and read books together and i have a hc where they're both currently bingeing lost (they like the theories and trying to navigate all the flashbacks lmao)

their flat is the cosiest but then there's some random goth decor here and there

i will die on the hill that james gets up for a run and gets regulus a coffee or a hot chocolate or a matcha most mornings

sleepy regulus is the cutest regulus and drunk james is the cutest james

they call each other bubs/bubba im sorry they just do its disgusting but its cute

[tamryisk]

BroZone + Poppy & Viva headcanons!

I feel like infodumping about my headcanons for the crew so here they are!!!

Poppy:

Age: 23

Pronouns: she/her

Pansexual

Has ADHD (mainly attention deficit and hyperactivity)

She's Latina (Salvadorian, Mexican and Black)

More of a King Peppy hc but he's Salvadorian and Mexican, their mom is probably black and Mexican

Has Synesthesia (mainly being seeing color when others speak or when she hears noises)

Was a premature baby

Branch

Age: 25

Pronouns: He/him

Bisexual

Has autism

He's Black and Filipino

His common stims are flapping his hands and biting his lip

Has BPD (borderline personality disorder) due to his trauma from a young age

Had extensive singing training as a kiddo

Was nicknamed Twig cuz he was small as a baby

Quite fond of kids and finds them cute

Viva

Age: 28

Pronouns: She/they

Pansexual

Autistic and ADHD

She loves playing with people's hair, mainly Clay's

Calls Clay "Clayton" to mess with him/piss him off

Has a form of adjustment disorder and severe attachment issues (in the sense that she is constantly trying to keep those she loves in a place where she thinks is safe)

Has been singing since she could talk

Her first word was probably "music"

John Dory

Age: 45

Pronouns: He/him

Aromantic & asexual

Neurotypical

He feels forced to make sure he and his brother's are perfect just because he's the oldest

He doesn't like it when he's called bossy

Tends to speak a little too honestly (he's vv blunt)

Cares a lot for his brothers, especially Branch since he's the youngest

Not fond of kids, but loves his niece and nephews

Supports his gay brothers (Floyd and Branch) the best he can as an ace-aro (he's not interested in love but tries to for all of his brothers sake 😭 but they don't mind his disinterest)

Enjoys rap and pop music, maybe even hip-hop

Bruce

Age: 40

Pronouns: he/him

Demisexual

Neurotypical

He could rant about Brandi for ages, he loves her so much

Knows sign language because one of his kids are deaf (all the brothers know sign language mainly cuz branch was nonverbal for a while and spoke with sign)

Plays bass guitar

Clay

Age: 35

Pronouns: he/they

Asexual & demiromantic

QPP's with Viva

Doesn't understand why Floyd is emo 💀

Has OCD

He LOVES *NSYNC's music and had no idea Branch was the lead singer

Loves to crochet things for Viva and now he can make things for all of his brothers

AND FINALLY MY SECOND FAVORITE BROTHER!!!!

Floyd

Age: 30

Pronouns: he/him

HE IS GAY. PERIOD. he's also demisexual!

Nearly cried when Branch came out to him, didn't stop hugging him and telling him how proud he was of his little brother

Isn't too fond that Branch had vocal training at such a young age

Autistic

He's emo, he likes emo shit and he's an emo FREAK‼️‼️‼️ (he's silly tho)

Good friends with Veneer and visits him sometimes (he's kinda scared of Velvet)

Doesn't like being stereotyped as a typical gay man

Taught Branch how to walk and speak sign language before he taught the rest of his brothers how to speak ASL (American Sign Language)

That's all I got :33 fell free to share ur headcanons in the tags if you wanna!!!!!!

[afreakingdork]

You Are My Sunshine, My Only Moonshine - Chapter 9

RotTMNT x Reader

I am constantly blown away by this chapter art by @yamin-yups

Rated: Teen and Up Audiences

Relationships: Michelangelo (TMNT)/Reader, Michelangelo (TMNT)/You, Donatello (TMNT)/Reader, Donatello (TMNT)/You

Warnings: POV Second Person, Gender Neutral Reader, Anxious Reader, Introverted Reader, Stuttering, Aged-Up Mutant Ninja Turtles, Romance, Love, Love Confessions, Falling In Love, Unrequited Love, Rejection, Aromantic Asexual Michelangelo (TMNT), Bisexual Donatello (TMNT), Pansexual Leonardo (TMNT), Lesbian Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit, Demisexual April O'Neil (TMNT), Implied Cassandra Jones | Foot Recruit/April O'Neil/Sunita, Endgame Donatello (TMNT)/Reader, Romantic Love, Platonic Love, Panic Attacks, Sexuality Crisis, Agoraphobia, Social Anxiety, Happy Ending, Fluff

Synopsis:  You’ve lost most of your life to anxiety and fear. Now, in your late 20s, you are desperate to reclaim it and during one such outing you encounter the sun personified. With his and his similarly celestially inspired family, will you finally reach your goal or will you lose yourself along the way?

This chapter contains reference to body dysmorphia. Remember that what you feel is completely valid, but we can sometimes see ourselves differently than we really are. Please keep yourselves safe.

Also available on Ao3

First 💛 Previous

“Maybe we take a break from going out into the packed public for once?” Mikey was upside-down, but compensated by holding his phone the opposite way. 

It put him right side up in the video chat, but the view was extra blurry. “Is that… okay?”

“I’m the one suggesting it!” Mikey stuck out his tongue, but his reflection seemed to confuse him on which way the appendage should go. “It’s been awhile. I haven’t been able to see you.”

“Yeah… well…” Though for you it would have been predictable, Mikey hadn’t felt the firsthand effects of your setbacks yet. 

Panic attacks always caused you to withdraw into yourself. 

You weren’t supposed to.

There were times when it was easy to keep going.

Others, such as now, left you homebound for as long as society allowed.

The push to normalcy now included your thoughtful friend.

“Do you know after my tremors went away, I spent months avoiding art because I was afraid of how it would look?” Mikey told you casually. 

You weren’t sure what he was talking about.

You tried to recall something about tremors, but came up short.

You wanted to ask more, but there was a more startling aspect than the content itself.

You couldn’t believe there was ever a period where Mikey avoided art as he had been nothing, but a loud proponent of all its merit.

“Why?”

“Because I knew my level and then… I didn’t. I knew I’d have to get back there. It was like riding a skateboard, but needing to take that time? For a second time. Chancing the bad result? It was like my healing was one thing and then by doing that it would show me just how much further I still needed to go. Like that dude with the cat and the box. I didn’t want to open it and find out. I couldn’t do it.”

“Isn’t the saying… something… about riding a bike?”

“We were skateboard tots!” Mikey rolled over and with it so did his camera, inverting the image.

You nodded lightly.

“I switched up crafts. Started new ones that weren’t so finger focused. Pour paints and candle work!” He made grabby hands at the lens as he fixed his phone angle.

“Something low key…” You hummed where you were sitting at the foot of your bed.

“Yeah, something quiet, calm, and… oh! Oh yeah!” There was another flip, but this one was out of excitement.

“D-don’t… bust through a wall…!”

Mikey appeared within a flurry of static. “Did you just make a Kool-Aid Man joke?”

“I make jokes!”

The wattage of his smile turned up to a blinding degree. “Well then I’ve got just the wall to bust through!”

-

“No.” Donnie glowered over his shoulder.

“Please!” Mikey bounced his plea with his head straight up to the ceiling of the garage you were currently in.

An oddity in the subway, but something you imagined had to exist based on logic, your eyes were openly roving around the tidy depot.

“Absolutely not.” Lifting out from under a hood and minding his head, Donnie craned an elbow to the engine block he was working on. “You know you’ve been banned.”

“One time!” Mikey groaned.

“No!” Donnie felt the need to rip off his leather work gloves to throw an unencumbered finger in Mikey’s face. “You were banned once after crashing eleven separate times!!”

“Eleven?!” You squeaked.

Mikey flipped back and forth between the two of you, obviously caught in who to address first. “My driving is fine!” He chose you and then flipped to Donnie. “I’ve changed!”

From the duffel that was slung around your body, you had already been clinging to the strap as it gave you something comforting to hold on to. With the new knowledge that you had almost been driven somewhere rural by someone with that kind of driving record, you now scooped up the entire sack to soothe yourself. 

“Forget that.” Donnie flicked his gaze to you. “You’d need a full crash suit to survive him.” He then folded his gloves into a pair and went to check his tool box.

You wilted further.

“We’re already packed!” Mikey rounded a new argument. “This is going to be our big, no-stress, relaxing getaway and you’re making it exactly not that!” 

“That’s unfortunate. The bus station isn’t far.” Donnie knelt down to get a wrench.

“And how’s that going to work!? We get dropped at some station and walk to the cabin!? You know it’s in the middle of nowhere!” Mikey stepped up to throw menace over his brother.

Donnie smelled it a mile away and lifted his head, pouring twice the malice. “Oh, you want to play?”

Mikey gulped and nodded his head once. “Let us borrow a car, the tank, a shell cycle, whatever! You’re being unfair!”

“Your planning is poor.” Donnie was slow to get on one knee. “You’re ill equipped.” To the other, he got a foot under him. “You’ve informed no one.” Rising to his towering height above his brother, he loomed. “You walk into my garage, where I am in the midst of my own personal and much needed zen in the form of refurbishing my newest baby and expect me to drop the keys of another into your hands knowing full well that you have destroyed more vehicles on more occasions than I can count on our joined mutant fingers and toes because you just so happened to suddenly decided that you needed to take a weekend trip with your friend of which whom you have a similar slapdash scheme going on with to go to our family’s cabin up north on a whim!?!”

Having watched Donnie not take a single breath, you backed up nearly the same distance that Mikey’s head had shrunk down into his shell.

“Y-yes?” Mikey peeped.

“No.” Donnie said the word firm and quiet, but punctuated it with a tap to Mikey’s plastron which caused the stiff turtle to fall over. “Now leave me to my work.”

Only a shell laying there, you leaned forward to look over Mikey without compromising your spot.

Donnie swung his wrench and moved over to a creeper with the intention to disappear under what looked like a turtle-themed moon buggy.

“You-” Your voice echoed in the garage and you tensed up.

Mikey’s head emerged from his shell to peek at you.

Donnie halted his motion, but didn’t turn.

“You… um… could… come with us?”

You watched Donnie’s lips wobble with disdain.

“N-Not a-as a d-driver! Y-you said…”

In a loud pop, all of Mikey’s limbs emerged. “That’s a great idea!!!”

In a smooth rotation, Donnie both turned and lifted his wrench with a threat.

Mikey crab walked several paces away.

“I’m disappointed.” Donnie sent a glare in your direction. “If your thought is even-” He caught a glimpse of his wrench. “-5/16ths as moronic as his then you are banned from the garage itself. Know that, would you still like to continue speaking?”

Gaze plummeting, your heart tried to escape and you screwed the whole of you shut to keep it inside.

Your entire body shook with the force of your nerves and you had to wait until your BPMs dropped to a manageable limit before you could manage speech. “You… said… m-much needed… so maybe… the trip would… well… be calming… for you too?”

There was a clink of metal hitting the ground.

Banned.

You were banned from the garage.

That was fine.

In theory, it wasn’t.

In theory, you were mortified.

Despite your best efforts, you had never been banned from anything.

Now you were.

A glaring dark spot on your permanent record.

Was Mikey a bad influence?

“You do say driving gets your mind off things…” Mikey said with a sudden supportive starkness.

You kept your gaze firmly rooted to the floor in shame.

“Also hold up!” In a slap of feet against concrete, Mikey righted himself. “You take a few of those things back, Don! I may have pushed the idea through, but it was not poorly planned or ill equipment or whatever you said! Y/N worked crazy hard on putting together everything in the short time frame I laid out!!”

You twitched.

“There’s maps, multiple trails marked, a calculated amount of water, with extra rations, flares… Like do you think this other bag is mine? Heck no! I’m not bringing anything! Both these bags are Y/N’s! They’re both stuffed with… stuff! Like-like!” You felt Mikey come over to you. “How you contacted the ranger’s station to tell them we’d be in the area? I’ve never even thought of that! We’ve never done that have we, Dee?”

Donnie continued his bout of silence that you didn’t dare look upon.

“What else…?” Mikey slapped his forehead. “I mean, come on! I can’t even remember it all!”

“I… got that satellite phone… you were pretty excited… about it.” You mumbled to the ground.

“With the backup batteries, Donald!” Mikey hummed a self-important sound. “The backup batteries!!”

The garage made it very clear that Donnie was walking over to you.

You bounced ever so slightly to garner the courage to meet his eye.

“Who did itinerary?” Donnie asked. 

“Me.” Mikey remarked casually.

“I assume food too?” Donnie’s voice was heavy with judgment. 

“Nope.” You could see a swoop as Mikey folded smug arms.

“That’s not quite…” You cleared your throat. “Mikey… shared his… favorite dishes that you… all make…when you… go.”

Donnie dipped into your eye line and you startled.

He’d bent at his waist and come down at a perfect angle.

You stared with warped lips.

“How long?” He narrowed his gaze.

“T-the trip?” Your gaze wobbled.

Mikey opened his mouth and Donnie threw out an arm that, by the sound, must have slapped the younger in the face.

“Yes.” Donnie kept his hand in place.

“Tonight… tomorrow… back Sunday?”

“Is that a question?” Donnie’s head tilted.

Mikey grunted, annoyed.

“No…” You got out, quiet.

“You agreed knowing full well you’d be alone with him?”

Slapped with a similar heat from the first time you’d realized that fact, you gave a tight nod.

‘We have separate rooms!’ Mikey mumbled through closed lips with surprising clarity.

“And that’s okay?” Donnie disappeared.

You chased him up to find he’d released Mikey and was waiting on him for an answer.

“It’s a no brainer.” Mikey nearly rolled his eyes. 

Donnie’s brow lowered, unsatisfied.

“Yes, it’s okay because it isn’t a thing.” Mikey huffed around his clarification.

“I suppose… I’ve been persuaded.” Donnie looked down thoughtfully and you watched him trace back to where he’d dropped his wrench.

Mikey jumped into the air with a sudden bout of energy and caught your hands to spin you.

“Y-y-yay!” You stutter, stalling on the rotation.

“Cabin, here we come, baby!” Mikey cheered. 

“I need my things!” Donnie barked. “And you.”

You jolted. “Y-yes?”

“You will send me triplicate copies of your plans.”

“S-sure…” You spastically patted yourself down for your phone.

“I refuse to engage with either of your antics.” Donnie’s own appeared in his hand. “I am no third wheel. I am coming because I will apparently have to deal with your whining otherwise and because I am not in the mood for the lecture from Nardo and Raphael when they return.”

“Have they texted yet?” Mikey peered over Donnie’s shoulder.

“No. Security detail means one must pay-” Donnie suddenly dropped and ducked through Mikey’s legs in one fluid movement. “-attention. This is why you weren’t requested.”

“And why didn’t they request you, hm?” Mikey pushed his lips into one corner of his mouth.

“Because…!” Donnie trailed off with widened eyes. “My talents lie elsewhere! Enough interruptions. I will drive and then you will leave me be! I am to have my zen! Is that understood?”

“Yeah, yeah, crystal.” Mikey finally did roll his eyes.

Donnie took a few steps away as you found your phone and held it unsure of how to send him the details.

“He’s totally going because he heard ‘yakiniku’ when you mentioned we were making my favorite foods.” Mikey walked over to you with a smirk.

You watched Donnie take an irritated pause before continuing on to get his things.  

-

The ride in the tank had passed with booming music and a tour from Mikey that you only visually participated in because you were terrified to move about the cabin. The younger seemed not to notice as he explained parts with stories more than function. Donnie alternatively, had shades on that further marred his calculated expression and he said nothing as the studious driver.

Leaving the city and entering scenic woodlands, you were soon left to admire the views until you eventually deviated off the road toward the cabin. Tracking it with the little local map you had found, you busied yourself in the comfortable way that most people disliked on road trips: silence in a cozy bubble all your making.

There didn’t have to be talk, that’s what road trip mixes were for.

You only made exceptions for car games. 

You liked that they had simple rules and there were little stakes to be had. 

You only wished cars were safer modes of transport.

There was also something to be said about environmental impact and the culture of automobiles in America, but other than that, you found them nice.

Pulling up to what you imagined was a quiescent place, Mikey could not be restrained a second longer.

Out of the tank in a flurry, you watched through the windshield as his form screamed straight up the cabin’s steps. “He doesn’t do great on car rides, huh?”

“Sitting still for too long? Michael?” Donnie rose from the captain’s chair.

You gave a small smile and gathered up the few things you’d taken inside with you. Your actual bags were stored in an outer compartment and Donnie waited for you as a safety net as you made the harrowing steps down the tank ladder and to the ground. Landing with little fault, you joined him in getting the luggage until Mikey tore back over to grab some of the load. He talked loudly of dust that had accumulated and Donnie griped at him that it was obvious they’d need to clean.

You fondly watched the two bicker and set-up became the next directive. Throwing back plastic sheets that coated furniture, Donnie had a multitude of inventions to clear the space quickly. You had to run to the windows to release the dust tornadoes formed. Making it out mostly unscathed, you then helped Mikey hang bug nets. With the late Spring weather warming the air, soon everything was prepped and Mikey did a little closing dance number, capping off the preparatory part of the trip.

“Swimming hole time!” Mikey cheered and then turned knowingly on Donnie. “Then BBQ and prompt lights out so I can make a lumberjack breakfast first thing!”

“We’re grinding beans… we roasted…” You offered softly. “Uh… Coffee… beans… that is…”

“Oh yeah, I forgot we took that class.” Mikey chuckled. “You almost fell into that sack!”

You squashed a noise of distress at the memory.

Understanding the schedule, Donnie dismissed himself with a turned foot and headed to one of the cabin’s many rooms. You were left to look about the quintessential log cabin where the huge living space and connected kitchen then butted up against a row of doors. They spoke of many rooms that traced the back of the cabin and then up a staircase to a second floor. From what you could see, there were about eight rooms in all. The entire cabin then had a wraparound porch that extended into the wilderness. It was land that both belonged to nature and not, but Mikey had been cagey about revealing property lines. 

“Welp!” Mikey folded his hands on his hips. “Your boy needs to get wet before he explodes.”

You gawked at him.

“Seriously!” He was looking out over the cabin with a vacant stare that held a sort of unhinged quality. “First the car, then stuck inside? This is not an inside trip. if I am not unleashed in the next, oh I don’t know… 2 minutes, I’m going to lose it!”

“Uh…!”

“You got those trail maps?” He turned, both looking through you and not at.

“Y-yes!”

“I color coded the one to the watering hole. Orange, obviously.” Mikey approached with a waggling brow ridge. “I saw you in the car, keeping perfect pace. It was awesome.”

“Just to s-stay b-busy!”

“Uh huh! Your smile said otherwise! You’ll meet me there then! Same way!” He patted your shoulder once with a whack before bolting out the door.

You stared after him now knowing why he’d chosen to travel in his swimsuit.

Looking down at your road trip ensemble, you still felt sure of your decision to take the few hour drive comfortably.

There was a noise of a door opening and Donatello emerged, changed into a casual outfit punctuated by purple swim trunks.

You stared at him and felt a little like a caught fawn.

Donnie took you in before his gaze dulled with understanding. “He ditched you.”

“I’m… going to meet him.”

“He always does this.” Donnie responded dismissively. “You should have seen him in time out as a tot.”

“Oh?”

“One minute in time out for him was comparative to thirty for the rest of us.” Walking around a large kitchen bar, Donnie studied the rations.

You took a few steps toward him for the sake of it.

“He’s so impatient.” Donnie murmured, poking several waters aside to find a carton of juice boxes that Mikey had insisted on. He quickly tossed the set into the fridge. “He’s not even an aquatic turtle.”

You sort of wished you had done more research past looking up pictures of their species.

“You’re losing daylight.” He emerged from the fridge. “Or are you not swimming?”

“I-I am…!” You squeezed a fist to your chest. “Are… you coming too?”

Donnie blinked slowly at you. “No, why?”

“Oh…” You shouldn’t have assumed. He’d already told you otherwise. “Sorry… your bottoms… I thought…”

“Board shorts.” He punctuated the words with an odd accent.

You gave an unsure nod.

“I’m glad their sign was translated.” He glanced down at himself.

“Sorry…” You murmured when he made no further movement and quickly left to avoid any awkwardness.

You weren’t sure what you expected.

It’s not like you wanted to exclude Donnie.

You knew that pain too well.

You also didn’t want to make him feel unwelcomed.

You were painfully aware of that too.

He hadn’t wanted to be a third wheel and you had made it a silent mission to keep that from happening.

Something else you’d experienced in the past, you’d been the unwilling chaperone on more than one occasion just to satisfy parent’s minds. The good one, in their minds, you had always been ditched and the feeling wasn’t one you cared for. Shoving past the bygone era, you were seen now and you tried to relish that.

The sun’s attention was a fickle thing, but you were getting more use to losing Mikey’s. Something you thought should scare you, instead you felt your friendship with Mikey was stronger than ever. You no longer feared losing him in the same intangible way and you weren’t sure if you should crop that up to Mikey’s feelings about you. Instead it felt as though you’d reached a better status quo where Mikey’s running off felt more like the sun moving on its predetermined rotation. It would eventually round back to you and in that way you expected Mikey’s claustrophobia even if you hadn’t known about it.

You picked a room at random and rummaged through the duffel that you placed on your bed. There was a woodsy smell that teetered on musty in a way that spoke of it being well lived in even if its occupants only came every so often. You had your own little stand up mirror, nightstand, dresser, and a closet though you doubted you’d use anything past the first. Pulling out a single slick piece of black fabric, you double checked the door was closed before changing.

The perfect swimsuit was one you hadn’t imagined you’d find. Not one for flashy things, you only wanted a muted cover that also happened to cover you. Water did unimaginable things to fabrics and you hated the way it clinged. You wanted something you could disappear in, that brought no unnecessary attention, and could be forgotten on your end. Finding it in a matter of minutes into shopping as opposed to the years it took when you were younger, the item had even been on sale.

Stepping into it and pulling it up, you shimmied into the fabric and turned for that same show stopping image you’d seen in the changing room.

What stared back was an image of allure.

No.

That was wrong.

That’s not what it had looked like.

It had covered you.

It hadn’t accentuated anything.

It was simple.

You squirmed, changing angles in hopes that it would get better, but each only revealed more.

What had changed?

You’d purchased it this week.

Were you hallucinating?

Was there something in the wooden walls?

Had the tank crashed and this was you playing out some morbid purgatory?

You pinched yourself.

A sting bit your forearm and you threw your gaze back at the mirror for the unwilling shapes it concocted.

This wasn’t right.

You wanted to swim.

There was no way you could.

Miserably turning away from your image, you rooted through your bag for a cover up. Finding one in some oversized t-shirt you’d brought for comfort, you held it and hated that this wasn’t the way you imagined it would be employed. You figured it’d be a back-up pajama top and not something to hide your shame away in. Clinging to the fabric, you hastily pulled it over your head with an imaginary clock ticking away because Mikey was waiting.

You were ruining everything.

Stumbling out into the living room, you found yourself alone.

Momentarily thrown, but shaking off how Donnie wasn’t a priority right now and the guilt that came with that, you went for your pile of maps. Finding the trail one with the orange lines, you gathered some shoes and careened down the porch.

Buzzing insects mocked your sloppy descent as you rotated the map to be on your course. Following it more than your way, you took the necessary inlet and folded its winds to a drawn T. Bushes and trees concealed you, but the splashing of what was beyond reached your ears faster than you’d hoped. A journey not long to its destination, you slowed as you came to the final bend. You could hear Mikey blabbing presumably to himself as he hooted before resounding sloushes followed. In your mind he jumped off some kind of ledge, you took a deep breath before making the final steps leading to the watering hole.

Somewhere quaint if you had the perspective for such a thing, a tree towered comfortably overtop a sizable pool. One mucked up from algae as the little stream feeding into it didn’t stir the water near enough, you watched roiling green as Mikey emerged with a flip of his wet hair.

“Y/N!” Mikey shouted happiness. “You made it! Come on in! The water’s fine!!” He swam backwards as if giving you room.

The guilt was staggering.

No, Mikey.

I won’t be swimming today.

My body looks like shit and I can’t stand it.

I’ll watch you though.

Have all the fun.

You deserve it.

Signing off your name, you slunk forward only to clip a sight of mixed purples.

Donnie craned his neck back to view you from beneath a large sun hat he’d put on. Sitting on a few rocks that made up the closest edge to you, his lids lowered in a way that said he was reading you like a book.

Hating how he did that, you squeezed the bulky hem of your shirt and walked up. “Uh… M-Mikey…?”

“A-yup!” He stopped splashing to hear you better.

“The… um… car ride… sort of took… more out of me than… I thought? Would it be alright if-!”

“You don’t have to swim.”

You blinked wide and over to him.

“If you don’t want to, don’t!” Mikey continued on. “Let’s compare: are you upset I’m swimming when you don’t want to?”

“O-of c-course not!”

“Then why should I care in the reverse?” He fell back and floated, eyes closed, on his shell.

That was right in a way.

Sweet in another.

You wished you’d put together the same reaction.

Inching closer, it felt like pouring water into an overtaxed bucket.

Another guilty drop in your damnation.

You’d seen your friend in a bad light.

Shirking all the more, you toed off your shoes and let your feet lay flat on one of the worn rocks. It put you near Donnie who’d become the moon on a sunny day’s backdrop. He shined upon the same stone and illuminated its age. The rocks were older and wiser than you’d ever be. They never worried about getting wet. They only knew how to exist, something you wished came as easily to you. Sitting down because you needed more of you to drink from the stone’s wisdom, you kept a lowered head to the water’s edge. It sloshed in a beckoning way and you imagined it too would feel good in a different way. 

You really had wanted to swim.

Imaging your tears would do little to fill up the pool while also overflowing it, you heard a tepid sigh beside you.

Eyes wide and shooting up across the pond, you then turned to where you’d sat down next to Donnie.

Someone who you mistakenly forgot about during your pity party.

How was that for a third wheel?

“It’s always something with you.” He spoke softly.

“Sure is.” You gave an awkward laugh.

“That’s…” He made a little concerned noise. “… I didn’t mean it in a cruel way.”

“You didn’t have to. It is.” You threw your legs off the rock and threatened to drown your toes in the water. “It’s a cruel fate. I’m…” You remembered yourself. “Sorry. Nothing. What are you doing here?”

“My species is aquatic.”

You snuck a glance. “You’re pretty dry then.”

“You are too.”

You frowned deeply and watched Mikey pick up a sun drunk grin as he spread his limbs out to float on. “I don’t know why I feel like this. Everything was fine before…”

“With what?”

“This…” You threw a hand over yourself. “Stupid ugly swimsuit.”

You could feel Donnie’s gaze linger.

“Just trust me.” You folded your legs against yourself.

 “I’m not sure I do.”

You squinted at the glistening water before looking at him.

“I barely know you.” He responded simply, waiting there.

“Oh.”

“Disappointed?”

“In what?” Your ugly side was leaking far beyond the reach of what your shirt could cover. “I didn’t think you trusted me. You may have been wrong about me being bad, but that wouldn’t make you less suspicious. So it’s not that. What’s left? The swimsuit sucks. It’s not like you wanna drool over it. I don’t want anyone too. I wanted to swim.”

Hearing your wish aloud, you pressed hard on your chest with your legs.

You could flatten out your entire form if only you were malleable.

“The water is opaque. I can alert Mikey and we’ll turn away so you can get in.”

You felt too far gone for solutions.

You weren’t worth the trouble.

Burying your chin into your knees, you stewed.

“You know how many times the others have made fun of my board shorts?”

You told yourself you didn’t care.

If that was the case then Donnie didn’t either. “Hundreds, though it might be my attitude when wearing them. I like the excuse. To have my day off and not worry about pleasantries. To not have to tailor myself to others. I can tell them to shove it. It’s my day off and how I look isn’t anyone’s damn business.”

Sounded like an odd hill to die on.

“Everyone should have those days.” Donnie craned his arms behind him and leaned back to soak up the rays he was in.

The tree overhead was clipping your light.

Donnie was free. 

Mikey was free. 

Head lifting a little, you pondered your friend.

He’d needed to get out and he did.

Now he was a vision, glowing amongst the pool.

In contrast there was you, wadded up and tossed away without even giving yourself the chance.

Another terrible reminder that this was the point.

This was what you were trying to avoid.

This was what you were trying to learn from.

Mikey didn’t even have to do anything to be himself.

He just was.

Instead of his usual bustle of light, he shined by matter of existence.

That was why you chased him. 

You wanted that. 

Staring at him until sun spots mucked up your vision, you turned the mass to Donnie.

Beside you in the same pose, he was more calculated.

He had to put on his wares.

His was an unseen struggle you hadn’t considered.

No one gleamed quite like Mikey.

That didn’t mean they didn’t shine in their own right.

Donnie’s darkened scales only threw prisms in a different way.

The cool moon’s glow.

Letting your legs fall, this time your feet drew to the allure of the water.

Just out of reach, you stared hard, making sure the pair would keep their eyes closed.

The both of them were still as if asleep, but you waited past whatever insect was chirping before you slowly tugged your hem out from under you. Emerging without more than the sound of rustling fabric, you rolled your shirt up around your waist. The next move was one harder to conceal, you threw a desperate glance at your friend.

Water rocked the resting Mikey like a babe and you wanted to feel that too.

You wanted to be nestled by the sun’s glow.

You wanted to feel weightless and have those burdens removed.

You yanked the shirt over your head and dropped it to your side.

Donnie stirred at the sound, but didn’t open his eyes.

“It’s… It’s okay… I’m not… okay… but I think I… I don’t want to care…”

He cracked a lid and stared skyward.

“It looked so different in the store.”

“How so?” He asked a whispy cloud.

“It looked… I don’t know… covering? Like it didn’t… show any bits. Like it… hid them away.”

He blinked slow and comfortable. “I’m a designer, you know.”

“What?”

“Genius Built Apparel. Where fashion meets function.”

You stared on.

Of course he was. 

He also built a tank and a legion of dusting robots. 

If this were any other family you’d think he was pulling your leg. 

You’d seen more than enough to believe. 

Most of your stare came from the cocky name. 

Though even that made sense. 

Donnie was a carefully constructed sphere. 

Who were you to take away his gloating? 

He tilted his head just enough to glimpse your face. “I’m serious. I’ve dissuaded Mikey from many a faux pas.”

You shook your head.

“May I?”

“What?” You switched to eyeing him.

“I can take a clinical eye. Examine stitching. Find your err.”

You bounced one of your legs.

You did want to know where it had all gone wrong.

You could theoretically fix it then.

Wash this all away in the water you so desperately wanted to get in.

“You won’t make it weird?”

“I don’t drool on the metaphorical clock; you were right about that, but I understand your concern. I have accosted you before.”

“Different kind of weird. That was mean weird. You were a jerk weird.”

Donnie chuffed and it rolled down his plastron.

You watched it fall into his lap before forcing your gaze back to his face in a rush. “Promise… Promise I can pull your hat down if you… do anything.”

“I won’t so a simple enough agreement. Sure.”

“Go… ahead…” You folded your arms to your sides, obviously nervous as you listened to his clothes move.

In a twist, he was examining you and he gave a faint hum.

Not wanting to see exactly how he saw you and growing miserable, you stared into the water.

You could throw yourself in and be done with it.

“Here.” He spoke.

You moved to the sound on instinct and found him pointing to your hip.

His eye was indeed one you imagined a tired scientist gave the samples he was cursed to study.

You immediately relaxed. “What?”

“This ruching here is meant to cover cellulite when the fabric gets wet. When dry it acts a similar concealment, but the way the strips are sewn are for the first purpose.”

“Oh…” You tilted your head to look.

“Thing is, it’s also leading lines.” He didn’t get any closer, but he mimed tracing the seams of the fabric that curled around your hip and beneath where you were sitting. “It’s meant to direct the gaze to certain assets.”

 You blew out an annoyed breath.

“Dressing room mirrors, where I imagine you first saw this, aren’t slapped on walls without thought. They're engineered with angles and lightning to make clothes look as flattering as possible.” He brought his eye to yours. “Where did you see yourself today?”

“There’s a… mirror in my room.”

Donnie’s lip twitched with distaste. “That floor length one?”

You nodded.

“Dad uses that one to feel tall.” He sneered openly. “It tilts up from below, the worst possible perspective.”

You blinked a few rapid times.

“It took the ruching and blew it up.”

“So it’s not… that bad?”

“It’s anything, it's tasteful!” He spoke with an irritation that said that should have been obvious. “It fits your body well. Does it have a certain allure? Yes, I’ve already spoken of assets, but it is not a piece that invites unnecessary solicitation.” 

“Assets, assets. What are you, an ass man?” You retorted automatically. 

“There is nothing quite like sinking your teeth into that soft, inviting flesh.” He took your response and held it between his teeth.

In a blink, you saw an imaginary Donatello around your hips pointing to the fabric and on contact with the thought your face exploded.

“I say generally speaking, of course.” He clicked his tongue as if scolding you and turned away toward the water.

Hot.

You were too hot.

Run.

Throwing yourself forward, you submerged as indelicately as possible into the water.

Sinking like a stone into the silence, your burning flesh was quickly soothed by a cold lap.

A sweet embrace, you kicked to the surface and emerged with a pathetic gasp.

Never graceful, you shook yourself free of clingy drops and spun back around to view the rocks.

Donnie was staring up at the sky again and you sort of hated him for it.

Swim.

You’d swim with Mikey.

Spinning around, the other turtle was not only longer floating, but you couldn’t locate him at all. Quickly worrying that you had toppled him in your dive, you swam forward. “Mikey?”

Quieting to listen, you didn’t hear anything past the faint roiling of the water against its container.

Thinking he must have dove, you looked down to find Donnie’s earlier comment to be a correct one. With the water murky to a fault and a new fear cropped up. You had no idea what was in the water and you immediately darted for the closest shore. Something several long feet from Donnie, it was a sort of marshy landing that rocks from below steeping up to meet. They were covered in a slime that clung to your feet and had you pausing until you heard an off-toned lap behind you.

You whirled around with wide eyes and found a sea monster waiting for you.

Something matted with algae, it groaned pathetically and you sucked in enough air until the balloon was full enough to scream.

“What!? Who?! Where?!” The creature splashed with Mikey’s voice.

He’d been captured by another mutant.

You turned to get out of the water with some intention of getting to the tank.

It had to have missiles or something.

Anything to help.

You’d take a bowling ball launcher at this point.

Catching grip with one foot, you hoisted up the other. The many rocks acted like a disjointed ladder and your entire torso emerged from the water before one of your feet slid. The moment it happened felt like you were falling out of time. In slow motion, you knew your face was one of surprise. You painted an open expression where the imminent terror that you were falling couldn’t catch up as neurons to save yourself from the action. 

Your mind knew, but your face didn’t know that you were going to crack your head open on the rocks you just slipped on.

“Y/N!”

“Y/N!”

Two voices.

Too far.

Something skewered your side as the first injury of many.

Hoping only to black out on that first step, you willed your possessions to your friends.

You didn’t bother hoping they would remember you. 

You only hoped that they could make some use out of your worldly imprint.

No matter how small it was. 

Water rushed to greet you and shoved you away. 

That wasn’t right. 

That was the wrong direction.

Water swayed like waves. 

The equal and opposite reaction wouldn’t come until you fell in. 

Why had it preemptively come for you?

Your arms dangled heavily from gravity and you forced your eyes from wherever they had gone.

The monster was right in front of you. 

Its face was one of Michelangelo.

Green sludge caught in his blackened locks and his worried expression peered out from between a small part. 

He had you by the waist and was holding you up in the air. “Are you okay!?”

You were a loose toy strung up.

Flopping down, lifeless, you were a doll that couldn’t close its eyes until it was laid down.

A second deafening splash came as you hung there.

Mikey’s lips were moving awfully fast.

“Did they hit their head?!” Donnie’s voice broke through.

“No! Above water the whole time! Donnie! They aren’t saying anything, I don’t-”

“Shock?” Donnie wondered, but he never came into frame.

Where was he?

Mikey jostled you as one might bounce a colicky baby.

It was pulling a string on your back and you hacked on contact. 

You wheezed, forcing air in where terror had torn it from you. 

You fought. 

Not Mikey exactly, but the situation. 

It strung your arms back. 

It shoved your torso forward. 

It threw your head skyward. 

You gasped, alive. 

You saw blue.

It was the sky.

You hadn’t died.

Mikey had saved you.

Finally.

You came down from your arching to translate your joy. 

Mikey’s face slid into your vision and he was the picture of a boiled red tomato dotted with summertime spots.

He was looking at you. 

He had ogled you. 

He was embarrassed. 

Your blood pressure plummeted twice as fast as it had when you thought you were about to die.

This was worse.

This time you heard yourself scream as you lashed out.

Water flew up as if to welcome you, to bring you where you were meant to be. 

Drowned. 

Returned you to that place where you weren’t an object to be viewed.

You were a person floating free.

Liquid carried life.

It supported it.

It didn’t have it.

Vertigo struck you as you moved within a blink. 

In a disorientated spiral, your lids fell heavy as your inner ear tried to correct the imbalance. 

There were no longer hands around your waist. 

Something clicked like an engine uselessly turning over. 

Weary, you realized you were standing in a safe spot in the water. 

You drew up the dreary blinds of your curtain and found a muscled arm thrown out protectively in front of you. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!!!” Mikey cried, loud and desperate.

“What the hell was that then!?” Donnie’s voice rang close.

That firm limb tucked you further behind someone. 

You were being shielded.

A squabble happened in front of you, but you only looked down at the jade appendage acting as your guard rail.

You touched the arm and it felt familiar.

“Don-nie?” Your voice came out synthetic.

His was the body you were behind and his face appeared in a whip of his head. “Are you alright? Can you swim? I’ll move.”

“I’m not…?” You weren’t swimming.

You weren’t doing anything.

You were standing in the water. 

“What…?”

You looked past Donnie and glimpsed Mikey with a faint blush still stuck to his cheeks.

“Y-you…!” It felt accusatory on your lips.

“I’m sorry!!!” Mikey screeched.

“Turn around, dummy!” Donnie growled hot and was in motion.

You were soon ushered into a spin with an indelicate hand to your back and all but rushed over to the rock you had jumped off of.

You heard a splash of what you assumed was Mikey growing distant behind you. 

You hoped that would cool him off. 

“You ready?” Donnie’s voice appeared like it was newly there. 

“For what?” You were already used.

What was left?

Was it time to take out the recycling?

“I’m going to lift you up. Your shirt is right there.” Donnie instructed. 

“My shirt…” You were forlorn.

It was your back-up comfort item.

“Ready?” Donnie asked again.

The water rocked you and you barely bumped his firm plastron. 

You nodded dumbly.

Your hips were taken in what you read as a clinical way. 

You were barely bounced once, then twice, in a way that ballet dancers got momentum to lift their partners. 

Sure enough, you were lifted cleanly out of the water.

Only this time you felt well handled.

You weren’t swung around like a toddler holding up their favorite doll.

A child who cared for his toys put you on a shelf.

When your knees touched down, you drank in the life of the rock and scrambled for your shirt.

All the things that had just occurred crashed into you.

Shoving your head through the hole, you yanked the shirt down your body as you were already in motion. Forest floor digging into your bare feet, you didn’t need the map to retrace your steps. You followed the single, winding, prickly path and emerged out by the cabin only to fly inside it. A sanctuary amongst the unrelenting woods, you left a rotting drip trail as you entered your room. Your door clattered from where you had thrown it open and you ripped your duffel bag to shreds to get to its confines.

Pulling on layer after layer, you could see Mikey’s blush with each piece of clothing.

He’d looked at you.

You shoved your feet into a third pair of socks.

His gaze was amorous.

Into a thermal that was very much against the season, you ran out of clothes and stormed the dresser.

Sexual.

There were oversized men’s clothes that struck you as maybe being Raph’s and you thanked their huge size.

You put shirt after shirt on.

Mikey had said, point blank, that he wanted to see how far his feelings went.

Why were you so stupid?

You screamed.

Raw and uncut.

Tearing at your larynx, you ripped a few too many layers off as they impeded your melt down.

You needed space to breathe.

You needed to be swallowed whole.

Stumbling out to that accursed mirror, the shape you found there was a frumpy one.

Smiling a teary look at it, you watched it warp your face into one of dismay and you cried.

Where had you last felt okay?

It wasn’t here.

Moving around the room you searched for it.

That intangible something that would help.

Knocking everything over, you finally got a hold of a much too large pillow and hugged it to your body.

It was large and not at all as firm as you wanted.

You needed a hard wall.

You needed that unrelenting nature.

You weren’t something to be judged with heat.

You needed a cold light the sun couldn’t supply.

The wall knocked.

You spun around with your pillow defense to find the back of a head waiting there.

“I come as an emissary.” Donnie spoke slow and methodical.

“You can-!” It wasn’t Mikey.

Your pillow fell slack into one hand.

It wasn’t Mikey.

You let it drop with a thump to the floor.

It wasn’t Mikey.

“…come in.”

You took a wobbly step to spread out your clothed legs in hopes of keeping yourself upright.

Donnie didn’t move.

“You can… come in…” You repeated, not sure if you had gotten the first phrase out.

“No.”

“No…?” You took another step and saw how Donnie was clearly beyond the boundary of your open door.

With his back to you. 

Not impeding on you in any way. 

“This is your space.” He spoke it like a finality. 

You stared at the knot of his mask tails and tried to place what you felt.

“Being out here with us…” Donnie let the sentence hang before he lowered his gaze to the floor. “I want to… respect that much.”

“Why’d you say it like that?”

“I prefer the term ‘sanctum,’ but I couldn’t fit it in.”

“A sacred place…?”

The back of his head nodded. “My lab is supposed to be one.”

Sanctums weren’t places to be invaded.

If they were then they were violated.  

He understood.

Is that what you felt?

Camaraderie?

Even his mania in the beginning had been one you made sense of.

Was that why you hadn’t complained?

No, you were rewriting history from your current perspective.

It was also the only one you knew.

It was one where you envied one man. 

It was where you once feared another. 

Now their roles were reversed. 

You never had to explain your misery to Donnie.

You didn’t have to make him understand.

He was the moon.

You rushed towards him.

Donnie heard the footsteps and made it about half a turn before you reached him. “As… I was saying, I talked to Michael and come in his stead to-”

You collided with that unrelenting wall of plastron. Finding an odd hinge between the front of his shell and the back, you did your best to tuck into that space and weaseled under his arm. You felt it rise above you, out of your way and a rotation brought you more towards his front. There you felt him stop to take your over-clothed form in.

“I’m sorry!” You choked on tears, rooting the sound as deep against Donnie’s wet clothes as possible.

He let your misery hang for exactly one second. 

Then he surrounded you in a soft moon glow.

He pulled you toward his chest and you burrowed closer to him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I completely overreacted. It was just too much… Too much attention… the way he looked. He said… I thought he wouldn’t… I didn’t want…!”

A hand pet through the layers of your back.

Even and careful.

No further connotation other than to soothe.

Squirming to get your arms out from where you were crushing them, you wiggled them free to embrace him.

You squeezed a sigh right out of him.

“I know.” He spoke into your damp head. “I know…”

You nodded and basked in the tide. Pulled by the moon’s orbit, the waves rolled in and out with a sway. A gentle rocking, you were cast a comfortable drift by it. This was the one you had longed for from the swimming hole. Here, you floated amongst sturdy shores. Held safe, the guiding white light poured around you. One that pushed back against the darkness, it shone on you. Lucky to be in its reach, it wasn’t the type you soaked up. It instead washed over you in a cleanse. Feeling lighter and a little stifled, you extracted yourself from moisture to moisture.

Everything around you from your leaking face to the clingy pond water was soaked and you frowned down Donnie’s body. Standing in a little pool mostly created by him, you wanted to stick your tongue out at it, but you feared the bacteria clearly clinging to your skin.

“The cabin is yours tonight.”

Before you could register the words, you felt him strengthen his resolve with a puff of his chest.

“I don’t want to hear complaints otherwise.”

You wanted to pout.

“I checked the systems when we were doing our preliminary cleaning. The water will be hot. Shower, bathe, do whatever you’d like. We’ll be staying outside.”

You gave a faint nod to the wet floor.

“We’ll grill and I’ll make you a plate. Preference?”

You shook your head. “I don’t… feel like eating…”

“Bland it is.”

Now you were pouting.

“Y/N.”

“Yeah?” Your head felt heavy.

“I still have a message from Mikey to deliver.”

“I really don’t want to hear it.” Irritation brought you to look at him.

Donnie took you in with a sort of smile. “You’ll want to.”

You dropped your features in a way that said you didn’t believe him.

“He said he’s not ready to talk as he’s having his own crisis, but he’ll let you know when he’s ready to apologize.” Donnie tilted his head, almost amused.

You blinked straight out of your bitterness to stare openly.

Donnie gave a single knowing nod.

“Enjoy your shower.” With one last sweep over you as if to check you were all still there, Donnie turned and headed for the door.

Watching him go, you saw the faint amber hue of sunset.

“It’ll all work out.” Donnie tossed just as he grabbed the knob to exit.

You turned and stormed straight to the bathroom. Drowning in clothes and scum, you locked the door tight and turned the shower knobs to their highest setting. Leaving the water to warm, you started removing your outermost shirt. As soon as it hit the ground you felt possessed. You tore off your clothes with each subsequent layer removed at a faster and faster pace. You needed to be freed. You needed that ridiculous protection off of you as soon as possible. All of it soiled, you stripped down bare and left your feet for last.

The moment they were naked and pressed to tile, you leapt into the old style tub. Instantly boiled by the too hot water, you let it scorch you with clenched teeth at first until the burn seared and you adjusted the dial for something reasonable. Still a lobster in a pot, you scrubbed your skin until you thought it might flake and then doused it in suds until you couldn’t see its color. A sea of white foam, the second scrounge came through, washing the detritus away.

Pickled in the process, you emerged and greedily took up every towel in the room. It meant toeing around the disgusting mound of clothes you’d left, but Donnie had said the cabin was yours. Until tomorrow when you’d clean the place up, you instead mourned how you hadn’t even brought your toothbrush in with you. Scowling at a fog coated mirror, you cracked the door and watched the steam leak out.

Chasing it with your ear, you didn’t hear anything, but there was a distinct lemon scent.

You followed the smell into the hall where you quickly placed it was cleaner. The floor had a sheen to it that spoke of a recent mopping. The clean line ending abruptly at your door said exactly who the culprit was. Donatello had snuck back in to clean and you were thankful for it. He’d left your sanctuary untouched and instead set a stool just outside the door. 

On it was a stack of comfortable looking clothes and a note.

‘Keep your room or upgrade. I recommend the one upstairs, second bedroom on the right.’

You folded the note along its lines and placed it back on the offered clothes. You then gathered the lot and took it with you along with a brave face as you entered your room. You barely looked up as you salvaged what you could from your duffel. Carrying the mostly limp sack, you then moved to follow your recommendation. It led you through the darkened cabin and up the winding wooden stairs where the door in question was closed. Knocking on it out of politeness, you found it empty and slipped inside. It was decorated similarly, but clearly different. Comfortable in its own sense, you went about your nightly routine as best you could and thanked the space for not having a mirror. Growing more weary by the second, you thought vaguely of meat as you instead pulled back the covers.

Sinking in and imagining charcoal lighting the men’s faces, you settled down into the welcoming embrace of bed.

You eventually got up and padded across a tiled floor.

Pulling out a single slick piece of black fabric, you double checked the door was closed before changing.

The perfect swimsuit was one you hadn’t imagined you’d find.

What luck, you thought, as you slipped it on.

Stepping into it, you shimmied into the fabric and turned for that show stopping image in the changing room.

It was perfect.

It covered you in all the right ways.

Finally, the piece you’d been looking for.

Smiling and striking pose after pose, you saw a hand wave above the curtain.

“Come in!” You called to it. 

Sanctum’s were only to be entered with permission. 

“Silly.” You looked over your pleasing image once more. “Is it still a violation if I request it?”

“I guess not.” Instead of drawing the curtain back, Donnie slipped through it.

Tucking himself a strong wall behind you, he looked into the mirror at you.

What looked back held no heat, only appreciation.

“Do you like it?” He checked with you without passing judgment himself.

“I do…” You smiled.

He gave one of his own, though subdued, and flicked his gaze down. “Look here.”

You lowered your gaze to find him kneeling behind you. With his head popped out around your hips, he was looking up at you in a way you liked quite a bit.

You felt powerful.

You were a light bright enough for him to want to project.

“This ruching here has leading lines.” He didn’t touch you, but his hands ghosted over you along the fabric’s pattern.

Your lips parted and your chest filled with heat.

A celestial body was meant to look on.

You were safe. 

“May I?” He asked you once again. 

You were glad and responded with a breathless, “Please.”

His mouth opened a dark orbital maw, a new moon, which then glinted into a teeth-filled waxing crescent headed in its trek to sink into your soft flesh.

You jolted the moment the teeth supposedly hit their mark. 

You stared into the dark abyss and saw drifting images of sharpened grins. 

You were dizzy.

A sheen of sweat to you, you tossed back a cover. 

The black hovel above you took shape as logs in the cabin ceiling. 

They lined up like thick thighs appearing from where board shorts had hiked up. 

Begging for a taste.

Awareness struck with a sharp inhale.

Fully awake and doused with dread from your dream, you voiced your despair with a whisper.

“Oh no…”

💛 NEXT 💛

I swear I handed this to my betas over a year ago... @tmntxthings and @thepinkpanther83

[jeremywhitley]

Here we are, six weeks later...

HEY!

So, in case you haven’t heard, our six week run on Love Unlimited following Gwenpool wrapped up today and...

and as much as I did write all of this and it is extremely important to me, I feel I really need to make sure you all know that this didn’t start with me.

To be completely accurate, it started with Chris Hastings and crew for creating such an amazing and nuanced character out of what could have only ever been a high concept and a cover gag. Not that the cover gag wasn’t good, but the statue that is revealed from that piece of marble over the course of The Unbelievable Gwenpool is truly astonishing.

Then, of course, there’s you. An audience of fans with an incredible love and passion for a character who also saw a lot of the quirks and experiences that we as people on the asexual spectrum experience and talked about it online.

Which is where the incredible @alannawrites, my editor, comes in. Alanna had been looking for an opportunity to tell a story about being ace in Marvel comics. We had kind of skimmed around the edges during Unstoppable Wasp, but ultimately being a character who owed so much to a movie franchise, there were a lot of nerves there. Gwen was not only a great opportunity to tell a story of a person hyper aware that they are in a story struggling with the tropes that affect their actual life, it was a chance to bring about this story for a character a lot of the fandom already saw as ace. Obviously, not everybody, but still a lot.

So when editorial game to okay to tell this story, Alanna reached out to me - somebody she’d worked with but also specifically had just had their own little coming out as demisexual a little while back. I was thrilled by the idea and before long we brought on @bailiesartblog and Kelly and had a full creative team of people on the ace spectrum. This is easily the first time that’s ever been a thought.

For me it was important that it not just be a story of coming out, but that it be a Gwenpool story. A story of knowing how stories work, what tropes you can play with, trying to direct the story where you think it should go, and ultimately finding that the story just won’t comply. And for people who have experienced being on the ace spectrum or a lot of other marginalized genders and sexualities - that’s a very familiar problem.

Ultimately, it’s different from a lot of other Gwenpool stories because it’s not the world around her. She has 2-3 real working possibilities for romantic relationships in this story and one that is about to become a fully adult sexual relationship with a woman whom she really loves before it skips the tracks. Ultimately, it’s not a thing from the 616 that’s holding her back, it’s a thing she brought with her from the real world - her sexuality - and no matter how worthy you are, you can’t beat that with a hammer.

There’ll be lots of time to talk about this later, but along with her actually saying the words and waving the flags above, one of the sequences that’s most important to me is the opening sequence of issue 6

This is the problem sometimes with being story tellers. When you think you know the story, realizing you’re not who you thought you are can feel like maybe you’re a villain. Maybe you’re a monster. Maybe you don’t belong here.

Some people on the internet seem to have decided to misinterpret this sequence as us comparing being asexual to being a monster, when very clearly that’s Gwen doing it. I’m just going to assume they’ve never had the experience of struggling to understand themselves and where they fit. Sounds fake, but whatever.

I love this FF story. I love Ben Grimm. I love this cover and that was why I gave my art team the truly unenviable task of recreating it. Like, I don’t know if you’ve been there, but I certainly have and I’d wager that most of us have at some point.

But perhaps the most important image in this scene is the next one:

Julie sees her friend, her girlfriend, the person that she cares about spiraling and literally yoinks her right out of the frame.

And sits her down and talks to her about it. And listens to her about it. And when she starts asking questions that Julie can’t answer, she finds Gwen somebody who can.

And that is an incredible gift to give to someone. And yeah, maybe we should all do that for each other, but man is it hard. Julie for one is in a multi-month relationship with this girl that just told her that not only was she lying about being ready to have sex with her, but that she didn’t actually like kissing her and has been faking enjoying some aspects of their relationship. You wanna think you would still be there for this person, but that’s a lot to handle and it takes a lot to be the person Julie is in this moment. But, personally, I love Julie Power and I think she’s the kinda person to stick with it.

And ultimately I think this scene is so important to me because I hope this book is our opportunity to be Julie Power to somebody reading this story. I hope someone who is going through a hard time or struggling with how to define themselves will find this story and it can be the hands that pull them out of the cover of Fantastic Four 51 when they need it. Maybe that’s a lot to hope for a comic, but it’s really the ambition I think the team went into this comic with. We want to tell a story about an aroace character coming to terms with who they are and learning to accept and be comfortable with it, but ultimately we hope this story gets to someone out there when they need it and makes the difference.

Well, this has gone really long and I’m sure there will be other things I wanna say about it later, but until then take care of yourselves and hopefully you’ll get the chance to be someone’s Julie Power.

P.S. - Julie, you’re amazing and I’m sure we will find a romance for you that works out eventually. Sorry that we’ve collectively now put you through three breakups.

[evignonita]

Random headcanons: Curious-Hogleg siblings ver. 💥💥

Names:

-Jenny's full name is Jenny Mary (Smith) Curious Hogleg, common ass name for a queen, she didn't want to burn her neurons by choosing her name.

-Pascal's full name is Pascal Galileo Curious Hogleg, he chose his name himself because 🏳️‍⚧️ and I feel that Pascal loves the names of famous astronomers and scientists in general, that's why Tycho is called Tycho, for Tycho Brahe.

-Vidcund's full name is Vidcund Charles Curious Hogleg because of Charles Darwin... Glarn named him.

-Lazlo's full name is Lazlo Johannes Curious Hogleg because I don't remember why, I think I read it somewhere and I liked it. Kitty named him.

Height (cm):

Jenny is 176 cm tall; Pascal is 163 cm tall; Vidcund is 178 cm tall; Lazlo is 175 cm tall. The shorty siblings

Age (2004) and birthdays:

-Jenny is 43 years old, she was born on May 16, 1961, Twinbrook, Simnation. (*)

-Pascal is 30 years old, he was born on October 30, 1974, Strangetown, Simnation.

-Vidcund is 29 years old, he was born on November 3, 1975, Strangetown, Simnation.

-Lazlo is 23 years old, he was born on December 11, 1981, Strangetown, Simnation.

(*) I'm not entirely sure about Jenny's age.

Sexual orientation and identity:

-Jenny is a pansexual panromantic trans woman.

-Pascal is an asexual biromantic trans man.

-Vidcund is a demisexual biromantic cis man.

-Lazlo is a bisexual biromantic cis man.

Personality (MBTI and enneagram):

-Jenny: ESFJ 2w3

-Pascal: INTP 5w4

-Vidcund: ISTJ 8w7

-Lazlo: ENFP 4w3

Random data:

-Jenny loves listening to the Backstreet Boys, when she lived with her brothers she always listened to them; Pascal, Vidcund and Lazlo pretended to hate the musical group, but occasionally hummed their songs.

-Jenny distanced herself from her siblings and family in general because Glarn did not accept her relationship with Pol Smith, she never understood why (and that's why the Curious brothers and her don't have such a high relationship).

-Jenny taught Vidcund about botany.

-Pascal knows how to play piano (basic), write and draw, when he doesn't do anything, he feels stressed. He is a bit pretentious, but because he was only flattered as a child for his achievements, as he grew up he learned to be calmer and control his ego.

-Pascal was Glarn's golden child.

-Pascal wanted to study psychology, but he knew that he was going to excel more in physics.

-Pascal wears retainers for his teeth at night.

-Vidcund wore braces throughout his childhood and teen ages, he used orthodontics until adulthood, and he had to use them again because he never used his retainers and his teeth returned to how they were before.

-Vidcund bleaches his hair, eyebrows and beard, his natural hair color is black.

-Vidcund went unnoticed by his parents (the curse of the middle child).

-Lazlo loves monkeys because he and Kitty watched Animal Planet together, also because Kitty was a biologist and brought pictures with images of chimpanzees and monkeys just for Lazlo.

-Lazlo has a good relationship with Sinjin because Sinjin took care of him as a child when Glarn and Kitty asked him to (Sinjin and Jenny are the same age).

-Jenny, Pascal and Vidcund can speak Tagalog, Lazlo never learned the language and sometimes his siblings use it to their advantage.

Songs that give me vibes to them:

-Jenny: Cementerio Club - Pescado Rabioso (because of the green color of the album cover); Estación - Sui Generis; Lovesong - The Cure.

-Pascal: Lago en el Cielo - Gustavo Cerati; Mil Horas - Los abuelos de la Nada; Starman - David Bowie.

-Vidcund: Devuélveme a mi chica - Hombres G; A estos hombres tristes - Almendra; Smells like teen spirit - Nirvana; Heart of Glass - Blondie.

-Lazlo: Salir de la Melancolía - Serú Girán; Lobo hombre en París - La Unión; Blue - Eiffel 65.

I would like to add more things but😏🛌💤

[enbyfallenfromthedeadstars]

[ CW mention of sex context : rosekiller headcanon ]

⟡ ⟡ ⟡

i love horny-for-Barty! Evan Rosier i love asexual! Evan Rosier

i wanted these two headcanons to coexist so let me present you :

demiromantic! Evan Rosier & demisexual! - acespike! Evan Rosier

Evan Rosier who never felt any kind of things for other people than Bartemius Crouch Jr. because he hasn't been this close and never trusted anyone this much – but his sister – before.

Evan Rosier who all his life believed he was broken before discovering that asexuality and aromantism are a thing, and then had a full identity crisis when he started to be attracted to his best friend.

Evan Rosier who cried in the beggining because he felt like he'll never suceed to truly know himself and at first thought he had to leave a label he felt confortable with.

Evan Rosier who was so confused of what he was feeling in his mind and body when he was around Barty that he had to ask Pandora (not a great help her being aroace! as well) for explanations / help.

Evan Rosier who started having sexual dreams (exclusively with Barty), and honestly had no idea what to do with it, it was just so strange to him.

Evan Rosier who couldn't take his eyes off Barty and looked like a fucking stalker at any time of the day (which his best friend foud kind of hot tbh)

Evan Rosier who loved how their relationship was so flirty everytime that it became unclear to everyone (sometimes even themselves lmao) because it gave the impression that his new, weird and undwieldy feelings are some kind of joke, which made the situation way less stressful for him.

Evan Rosier who didn't feel like he missed an incredible thing all his life nor was sad that he hadn't experienced it sooner, but simply accepted this romantic love as an addition to his platonic ones and was grateful for it.

Evan Rosier who struggled so much to deal with these violent spikes of sexual need at first that he turned red and started sweating in the middle of classes or common room or lunch or whatever, which amused Barty a lot.

Bartemius Crouch Jr. who respected all of this (despite the fact that he constantly wanted him), gave space and time to his lover to discover himself, was still always physically near to him by being on his lap, agressive cuddling, having a hand in his hair or on his thigh... but never tried anything pro-sexual with him outside of his – kinda rare – sudden spikes, and enjoyed every wild and sinful seconds of it when it happened.

Bartemius Crouch Jr. who took matter into his own hands and gave – practical – sex ed classes to his boyfriend (with Reggie on the side reminding them about condoms and STIs while rolling his eyes, yk) but never saw him as a kid nor a late-bloomer and used teasing as a way to be sure of his consent.

Bartemius Crouch Jr. who always looked at Evan lips and ass, almost all day, but didn't dare to initiate the kiss in the beginning out of fear to offense and lose him, and then learned to identify and recognize the peculiar look his lover had when he wanted, when he was dying for some contact with Barty's hands, tongue, neck, pelvis... (this one works so good with non-verbal! Evan as well !)

Bartemius Crouch Jr. who couldn't help but be jealous anytime Evan talked with someone new, even if he perfectly knew what "demisexual" & "demiromantic" mean and how it requires a deep, almost fusional connexion to allow some kind of romantic and sexual feelings.

Rosekiller which, contrary of what other classmates might said, didn't "fixed" or "forced" Evan into anything, but was simply made out of ideal conditions for his aspec identity to fully revealed itself.

Rosekiller which still made out of two potential dangerous and weird murderers freaks in the sickest relationship, builded on possessiveness, bones collection, blood necklaces, bites and hexes.

Of course, have to be correlated with demiromantic! & hypersexual! Bartemius Crouch Jr. ! Barty who, contrary at Evan, never felt broken and simply enjoyed, needed meaningless flirt with everyone all the time because it only leads to sex and makes him feel alive and important. Barty who was kinda deconcerted when he realized he loved Evan, having never really thought it could happen to him. Barty who fucked twice as much men & women to be sure he didn't felt such things with them, and had to face facts. Barty who was terrified of that, of love, of how weak he can become because of it. Barty who decided to give it a try despite it. Barty who flirted with his best friend so hard and so obviously it turned into a sort of joke. Barty who used it to touch him. Barty who, unconsciously, stopped seducing other persons, which made others tilt about the situation. Barty who decided, after having kissed Evan at a party while being drunk, that it was him and not another. Evan who thought exactly the same.

[alanaartdream]

Ok it’s new day and I have better lighting and more drawings for my Fairy Timmy with Jimmy Timmy power hour Nicktoons unite and now with new drawings fairly odd parents a new wish added to the mix (( also you can ask questions about my ideas if you want; don’t mind getting distracted from stress of working food services for a hospital asking about my

Drawings au ideas))

I was trying out these staedtler high lighters today ( normally I rather use watercolour pencils and markers but sometimes if I’m feeling lazy or a bit tried out I just like to grab my little pencil case and sketch while in bed before I start the day;; but some of my high lighters lids popped off or they just started to dry up so had to find something to replace some of the ones that dry out;; I might look into getting some watercolours markers/pens in the future to try that out )

Ok now onto my fairy Timmy with nicktoons unite gang now I believe when fairy Timmy grows up he’ll be helping with the Da Rules but also be a fairy Lawyer and Felicity would besides her other fairy jobs (she helps artists/ writers and people who create stuff to get inspiration for their creations and get them out of artists/ writers blocks as well as help cats find humans who will give them forever homes but she also keeps track of all of fairyworld records and being as lawyers always need to check the records for their cases it makes cents they become work friends) also see Cupid showing up complaining to Timmy of how he can’t find get Felicity to fall in love with anyone even though he’s been trying and Timmy and Jimmy have to remind him

She’s asexual/ demisexual so she’s not the type to fall in love like straights would do witch just has him huffing away while hazel who just popped into with Wanda cosmo and peri to laugh remembering how much Cupid gave her troubles with her parents (( apparently she made a wish to meet Timmy after Peri Wanda and cosmo ended up talking about him and Timmy was hanging out in Jimmy’s lab going over a tricky problem that seemed to happen with the Da Rules books and being how smart Jimmy is was getting some advice with that tricky book’s rules))

Jimmy not a fan of kids in his lab so keeping an eye on her while Hazel meeting Fairy Timmy and Peri is explaining how Timmy helps out the Nicktoons unite gang when he’s not busy with his fairy work in fairy world and if you want to check out other universes and if you want to check out other universes you have to get felicity or Timmy to check in with Jimmy Neutron who’s one of the leading professors on universes travel witch is when Hazel truly gets a good look at Jimmy & is surprised to learn he’s human and not a fairy witch is when Timmy has to quickly poof in felicity to explain with records/ paperwork that Jimmy; the Nicktoons unite gang along with Timmy have saved fairy world and all of the universes so often that to keep all the universes safe it’s better that they know fairies exist and have signed the right papers to be allowed to know about fairies and fairy world (heck fairy world ended up giving Jimmy Danny and their friends metals for helping them soo much there was a huge party and everything all the Nicktoons untie gang were invited and given metals for the occasion)

(( if you want to add Dev into this could have it he complains how come Jimmy & Danny are allowed into fairyworld later on when Jimmy and Danny are over for check over involving ghost rules in the Da Rules book and peri looking worn out at dev’s antics while Danny and Jimmy give the kid annoyed looks and Timmy’s trying to comfort Peri saying looks like you got remy like kid as his first godkid

Also could see later on when Dev ended working with Anti fairies Timmy was at Jimmy’s lab and was doing his best to save Timmy from magical back up and get Timmy back to fairyworld along with Danny’s help and they ended up up helping Hazel out in saving fairy world I could see Jimmy wanting to rip Dev’s dad for what nearly happened to Timmy but Jimmy had managed to keep from happening with Hazel’s help; Danny had to hold Jimmy back while Timmy had to get his lawyer side up and ask peri about how he wanted to handle this case with Dev

[trollprincess]

The actual sexualities of the Bridgerton siblings if Netflix and the people a little too devoted to the books wouldn’t have some kind of heart attack:

Anthony: Straight. Terrifically, fantastically straight. Every cell in that man’s body is heterosexual, with the exception of the one brain cell he shares with his brothers, which has to shift gears constantly depending on who needs its powers most at the moment. Anthony is so straight it’s impressive he didn’t impregnate Kate just by looking at her. Which is not a straight trait. It’s not an anybody trait, it’s literally fucking impossible, but if anyone could do it it’s those two.

Benedict: Bisexual as fuck. I would say pansexual but who taught this man how to sit in chairs?

This motherfucker is so bisexual he kind of hit on his own brother ten minutes into the new season. He is an absolute disaster of a human being. He has no idea if he’s flirting with 95% of the people he’s flirting with. Bi. As. Fuck.

Colin: Fluid. “Tracing freckles with your fingertips,” my ass. That man traveled to seventeen cities in a handful of months presumably banging anyone who sat still long enough. That said, I think if asked, he’d tell you whatever sexuality you wanted to hear. Or whatever he was feeling at the time. Or whatever sexuality he has on his itinerary for when he’s in Cyprus. Who gives a shit? He’ll be leaving in two weeks. Sure, whatever, I’m straight today, but don’t place any bets on Tuesday.

Daphne: Just a smidge bisexual. On the Kinsey scale, there’s just a scintilla of wiggle time between Simon and, like, that maid she made out with one time.

Eloise: Lesbian. Oh, she’s so into girls. That’s not to say that her future husband (here unnamed for book spoiler reasons) is not a perfectly lovely person who’s fantastic in bed. But also, she’s a lesbian. If she were alive today, she and Cressida would have been dating for six months before she realized that when you move in with a woman, share the same bed, and sometimes have sex together, you’re probably dating. Or delusional. Or both! These ARE the Bridgertons, after all.

Francesca: Demisexual. Introvert, on the spectrum, call her what you will, but Francesca’s only having sex with you if you dig past her hyperfixation with her pianoforte and correctly interpret her silence into English.

Gregory: Asexual. Only because it makes his ending in the books even funnier.

Hyacinth: Omnisexual. That woman will try ANYTHING. An. Y. Thing. Hyacinth likes a challenge. And she also likes to BE the challenge, which makes for an interesting dating life. Yes, yes, she’ll marry a cis straight guy eventually, but until she is the Jack Harkness of Mayfair and may God have mercy on whoever tries to stop her.

[dreamer0903]

My personal opinion on

✨️ The Marauders and their sexualities✨️

James = Pansexual, he just loves people

Sirius = Gay, no question about it

Remus = Gay (sorry, I can't think of him as Bi)

Peter = Asexual and bisexual, like...he doesn't really think about relationships or those things, but sometimes he wants a relationship, and when he does, he is like "Yeah I don't care if it's a boy or a girl"

Mary = Bisexual, she prefers women, but she is down to whatever

Marlene = Lesbian, this girl hates men

Lily = Bisexual, literally the Bi queen

Dorcas = Lesbian, this girl hates man more than her girlfriend

Regulus = Gay AND demisexual, he thought he was ace, but then he kinda started feeling... something (🙂) for James (I love reading Explicit Jegulus fics but at the same time I love Regulus as demi sooo)

Barty = Pansexual, he doesn't care, he is alright with everything, you just need to be hot

Evan = Bisexual but he prefers men, also maybe asexual (?) idk I see a lot of people hc him as ace and I'm 50/50 for this one

Pandora = Bi or lesbian, I can't decide, but maybe more lesbian, she is a girl's girl

Obviously, those are my opinions. Feel free to disagree with me without insulting me, maybe? hopefully?

Tomorrow, I'm gonna recommend more fics, so get ready, babes :))

[prototypesteve]

To celebrate Ace Week, October 20 – 26, 2024, here's the Asexuality 101 post I shared with coworkers, this year.

Feel free to share it with other folks who you’ve had to explain Asexuality to, from scratch. Again: it’s just the basics.

Statistically, with around 1% of the population identifying as it, most of the people reading this article aren’t asexual, and they probably don’t know anyone who identifies as asexual, and if they do, they probably don’t know them closely enough to know anything about their sexuality—especially if it’s somehow defined by there being… less of it… or is it none of it? It’s all kind of confusing.

So, what’s there for you to be ‘aware’ of on Ace Week? Lots. Maybe even everything.

A sky full of more than just stars.

This (above) is a picture of the night sky over Alberta at around 9 PM, this Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024. It’s probably nothing like the night sky you've seen before, because it’s how the sky looks when seen through the microwave spectrum.

You’re used to seeing a sky that looks like this (above). This is the same bit of sky, as it appears in our “regular” spectrum of visible light. But notice how the microwave view of the sky reveals an entirely different sky, where nearby space is suddenly far more hectic, complicated, and full. It’s a sky full of things your ordinary eyes can’t see or measure. That’s what happens when you look at the exact same thing through a different lens¹.

Most of us understand sexuality along a spectrum of who, or which. Who are you sexually attracted to? Which genders are you attracted to? One, any, all? Asexuality looks at the same world, but measures things differently, instead of who or which, it asks how much, or when. How much sexual attraction people are capable of experiencing, and in many cases, where, how, or when that attraction can be experienced.

Asexuality is a bit more complex than just, “people who don’t feel any sexual attraction.” Some asexuals fit that definition, but they’re the very-visible minority. Just like the microwave-view of the sky wasn’t solid glowing purple, asexuality manifests in a variety of forms. The less-visible majority² of people the asexual spectrum are sometimes labelled as demisexual: people who experience limited or very selective primary sexual attraction, usually based on an emotional bond.

Asexuality isn’t a broken or underdeveloped expression of cisgendered heterosexuality. Asexuality lines up and coexists with the who-or-which so-called “regular” sexual spectrum. There are gay asexual people, bi demisexual people, asexual or demisexual lesbians, transgender demi people, and hetero-oriented aces. (Notice how in the microwave image of the sky, the same stars are still there, and the Milky Way is where it was.) This is why you might hear about the many micro-labels within the asexual community, as people develop ways to quickly communicate how they inhabit their place along the asexual spectrum.

“Back up a bit, primary sexual attraction?”

Wikipedia defines primary sexual attraction as “the type of attraction that is based on immediately observable characteristics such as appearance or smell, and is experienced immediately after a first encounter.” People on the asexual spectrum experience little to none of this, and people who identify as demisexual often explain the attraction they feel as being above primary sexual attraction. It’s complicated, and more than we can cover in a single post. What’s important to know is that asexuality is a big, big topic because it covers as much ground as the allosexual spectrum you’re used to.

“Hold on, Allosexual?”

Asexual people (asexuals, aces, etc.) have our own jargon, because of course we do. One of those words is allosexual. From the greek word állos, which sometimes translates to “other”. Allosexual or others-sexual. People who are attracted to other people. It’s shorter than saying, “people who aren’t asexual,” and politer than the other words we might use to describe you.

So, what now?

Probably nothing. As exciting as it is to know there’s a whole other spectrum out there (and spoiler, there are many spectra, there’s also a romantic-attraction spectrum) the reality is, it’s small. In the few surveys that have been conducted, it seems as though only about 1% of the population identify as asexual in any way. (There are probably a few more of us, living with identities we were assigned by the world we grew up in.) For the time being, this may just be a neat-to-know thing, and a prompt to go visit your local observatory, to see a microwave telescope.

But for a few of you, it might be the beginning of a journey of self-discovery. You may have learned a few important new words here, or found a new way of seeing things that explains why you are the way you are, or why someone you care about is the way they are. If so, please be gentle. Asexuality is a large topic being explored and lived by a small community, most of whom are still in the middle of figuring out what this all means for us.

One of the safest places to start is Angela Chen’s gracefully-written book, Ace: What Asexuality Reveals about Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex. Written by a journalist, it gets into self-discovery, implications for partners, the medicalization of asexuality & the ways people try to “cure” us, and it even gets into the complexities of being asexual inside of a cultural context that might not leave room for asexuality.

From there, have look around the oldest Asexual community, the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, AVEN, or carefully look through your social networks’ asexual or asexuality tags (1% scales up well in a large community, but always remember you're on social media).

You’re not alone, you’re not “broken”, you’re not “delayed”, you’re not heartless. You’re part of a sky full of more than just stars.

Footnotes:

¹ Yeah, yeah, technically, microwave and visible light aren’t separate spectra, they're just different subsections of the bigger electromagnetic spectrum, and space is full of stuff that emits energy all across the full electromagnetic spectrum all at once. Sort of like how we're all a little bit of everything on the entire spectrum of human-expression, just in different proportions. But wow, if you thought this was already a convoluted post, can you imagine what a post that used that model would have looked like? So, let’s all agree to stick with the more casual way of describing electromagnetism. All least until after Ace Week, so we don’t wreck the mood.

² Demisexuals and other variants of asexuality are underrepresented for a number of reasons: it can be too complicated to talk about, it can be exhausting to defend your place on the spectrum, or you might not even see yourself as demisexual because your relationship feels “ordinary enough”. This is why we have Ace Week. It's an opportunity to let people know there are other words to explain how they feel, or how they express their complicated sexuality.

About the Author:

I was 12 when I realized I didn’t prioritize the same things my friends did. They were starting to explore crushes and boyfriends and girlfriends, while I was getting into graphic design. (1983.)

I was 21 when I realized I was “behind schedule” getting into “the dating thing.” Even back then, I thought of it in abstract terms like ‘dating’ or ‘being in a relationship’, I didn't personify it in any way, using words like ‘meeting a girlfriend’, or ‘becoming a boyfriend’. (1992.)

I was 37 when I realized there was clearly something off about me, and accepted that—for whatever reason—I didn't do relationships, and I decided to just focus on my career, and hobbies, and and and. (Late 2008.)

I was 51 when I learned there were words for what I was: Asexual and Aromantic. (2022.)

I was 52 when I started coming out as AroAce (2023).

[lufyuu]

I have a doubt about how your oc would react to an asexual reader (doesn't like physical contact) or demisexual, who is cold and somewhat proud, but when he gets affection he is a sweet little ball of affection, type: Do you want to eat something?, he cooks it for you, it's something like: a reader not so accustomed to contact, but who is so affectionate when he gains affection, of course, respecting personal space.

Thank you for taking the time to read💖 I don't speak English very well, I hope I'm not wrong💖

Asexual or not they'll still love reader! I show a lot more sexual content when it comes to my ocs as most of the time I'm feeling freaky/hj

Eun Hyunwoo

He's generally the kind of guy to go along with anything the reader initiates or wants. Hyunwoo adapts fast and would absolutely love just spending time with you without anything sexual in your relationship! One of the main reasons why he does enjoy sex is because that's what he thinks pleases reader. If you are asexual and want a non sexual relationship, he would be absolutely down for it! Though, he isn't the one to initiate anything so reader would have to make the first move as he's too shy to romance reader. Your cold personality will be a bit intimidating to him at first but overtime as he sees how affectionate you are, he'd start to warm up and adore you. If you let him, he'll cuddle you to sleep everynight. Little spoon or big spoon? He'll let you decide. You can be vulnerable around Hyunwoo, he has that affect on people around him. His calm and shy demeanor makes you feel the same way around him. His positivity spreads like a virus. If you are still unwilling to speak what's on your mind, he'll ask what's wrong. Sometimes his words are just so compelling that you can't help but tell him what's bothering you.

River Sterling

River sees your cold personality as a challenge. He's interested in why you aren't head over heels for him. On the contrary, you're avoiding him. He overexaggerates it and makes it seem as if you're glaring at him even when you're not. He would purposely take your classes just so he could get closer to you. Not to mention stealing your seatmate's seat. The teachers and students don't bat an eye since, he's the protagonist! He can do no wrong in their eyes. When he and you finally get together after his many attempts, he finally realizes you're actually very affectionate. Oh boy does he blush everytime you make something for him just because he's your boyfriend and not because he's the protagonist. It makes him feel like an actual person standing next to you and not a puppet standing infront. He's very aware of your feelings and expressions, if you are in an uncomfortable position but don't want to let him know, trust, he will know and help you with a little protagonist dust. Man doesn't care if you're asexual or not either, he's so smitten with you now. River adores you and your affection<3

Liu Zihao

To him, it's not a big deal. While he does want kids, the two of you could adopt or even find another way to have a biological kid other than having intercourse. He's a dragon afterall, what can't he do with magic? Zihao was super amused when you were cold towards him, nobody had ever dared to act even the least amount of cold towards Judge Liu. Even criminals were polite and terrified of him when being questioned. Even the most heinous criminals told the absolute truth. When Zihao has you in his grasp, he'd notice that day after day, you showed more and more affection towards him. Yes staying home all day is boring but on the other hand, it's a manor! You can do anything you want. It's not as if Zihao and his employees are treating you bad either. Heck, they're bending to your will so long as you stay inside. When you pick up a new hobby and make him something, Zihao would be over the moon and place it next to his other treasures! He knows that's how you show your love. Being a judge, he can judge someone's character and how they're feeling just by looking at them. Or maybe that's his dragon self? Nevertheless, you won't be able to ask for help even if you wanted as he'd already be running to help you.

Han Minho

I say this often about Minho but he genuinely doesn't care about what's your sexuality or what's in your pants, he's way past that age. He just wants to settle down with you. Maybe become spouses? Wink wink. While he thought you would be a troublesome student at first, he realized your true nature down the road. Your affectionate self made him realize how much he needed you in his life. He's the type to overwork and accidentally or intentionally not ignore his health. With you in the picture taking care of him, he feels at home. You're his home in a way! The thing is, Minho is also a proud person, he does understand your mindset but I fear he doesn't know how to help either. That's something the two of you would have to communicate about.

Xu RenFeng

While he would have a hard time grasping the concept at first, ultimately he would understand and accept you for who you are. He loves you and that's all that matters to him. He loves your personality, especially when you're only affectionate to him. Renfeng would show it off. His significant other loves him and shows him affection despite his cold front! He's the type to bite you after you give him something, it's just the way he shows affection, it means he loves you dearly. He may seem fierce and intimidating but he genuinely wants to help, he can't bear seeing you feel helpless and unwilling to ask for help. He wants to help and hopes that one day you'll be able to open up freely about your problems to him.

[scretladyspider]

“Why is there a need for microlabels like demisexual or gray ace? Isn’t that just the asexuality spectrum? Why not just say you’re asexual?”

Let’s talk about the asexuality spectrum and why specificity in labels under asexuality can make a difference—

Asexuality refers to “little to no sexual attraction”. For some aces (short for asexuals), the ‘no sexual attraction’ part of that definition completely serves their needs in a queer label. This is the definition most unfamiliar with asexuality immediately think of.

And I want to be clear that that’s great! It’s a wonderful thing that there’s a word for ‘no sexual attraction’ and that we have more resources addressing this difference as a sexual orientation. Labels are tools. If you find one you like, that resonates with you, use it!

The expectation for sexual attraction is ever present. In the words of Alice Olivia Scarlett, “Love without sex is a difficult concept for society…there are still people who believe that sex is a biological need of the same importance as food and water.”

Our world demands sexual attraction — most often cisgender, heterosexual, heteroromantic attraction to the opposite gender. This expectation exists in queer spaces also, even if gender and sexual orientation are less rigid. Asexuality proudly counters that.

Celebrating differences in a world that says you shouldn’t exist is literally life saving. According to Healthline, “a 2019 study found that LGBTQ people who reported more connectedness to the LGBTQ community were less likely to report suicidal behavior.”

Returning to the definition of asexuality: there are people with no sexual attraction who are served by that part of the definition. They are the black stripe on the asexual flag. There are four stripes —black, gray, white, and purple.

That gray stripe allows for the spectrum, for those experiences that may include rare and/or conditional sexual attraction. This is the reason the definition includes “little to” in its “little to no sexual attraction”. Asexuality with an asterisk, an exception.

In 2003, AVEN founder David Jay proposed semisexual:

“If anyone wants to play a fun game, go to some queer-ass conference (called something like “transcending boundaries”) and play a game where you try to think up a term/identity for every letter of the alphabet. When you do you’ll be forced to think up new, interesting ideas like: Semisexual. It occurs to me that we’ve got a spectrum of sexual intensity, but we don’t yet have a word for those who are halfway in between asexual and full-force sexual. I’d say that this is extremely important: right now we don’t have a way to talk about people who are asexual but maybe feel like being sexual once a year, or sexual people who are just relatively uninterested and don’t know what to do about it. Thoughts?”

This lead to further discussion on asexuality being viewed as a spectrum. In 2006, AVEN forum user KSpaz coined the term “gray A” to refer to a “fuzzy” connection to asexuality. Many others related to this “fuzzy” experience and it became accepted as graysexual/gray ace:

“Alright, so don't know if this term is already around, but if not, I'm coining it now.Gray-A. Is there really a line at which point you are asexual?According to our logo there isn't. Just fuzziness.So, this thread I dedicate to our fuzzy members who may sometimes feel unsure of their asexuality/sexuality.Share your views, stories, whatever makes you think you'd like to call yourself Gray-A.I'll start:In simple terms, I have hetero attractions, can experience physical pleasure, and am indifferent (as opposed to repulsed) to the idea of having sex if it is with someone I care for (though can't imagine it for any situation without utmost trust involved). I don't get turned on and jump my boyfriend, but will respond to him in touchy ways and am pleased to do so willingly, because it does feel nice. If we never had sex, I would have no problem. But if we do some day, I probably won't mind, and may enjoy it to a degree. I call myself asexual, because I am, and because I choose my label.

In February 2006, the user sonofeazel coined the term ‘demisexual’, writing in a thread about their experiences,

…If “sexual” is for both and “asexual” is for neither, maybe we need a new term for people who only have one but not the other? I propose “demisexuals”.

In 2008, OwlSaint proposed the idea of what we now refer to as demisexual, which is when someone would only experience sexual attraction under the circumstance of a close emotional bond.

A demisexual is, in my book at least, someone who does not experience sexual attraction to people in general. I’ve yet to see a single person and think “hot” or “10 out of 10” or “I’d like to hit that”. Sex with someone rarely crosses my mind and when it does it’s usually more along the lines of “could i force myself to with…. ew no”. In that respect, I can and do identify as asexual. However, with someone I’m in love with, it’s completely different, and I might as well be a “full fledged” sexual, but only with that one person. Full fledged meaning actually desiring sex, both for the physical and emotional aspect, being attracted to that special someone, and feeling sexual arousal in terms of wanting to do something on multiple levels instead of simply the biological reflex or “ugh not again”.

Without that “little to” part of the definition of the “little to no sexual attraction” definition of asexuality, there are a lot of people who really wouldn’t have a word for what they are. Asexual would almost fit, but feel like a shrunken sweater; something’s not quite right.

When you almost belong somewhere but don’t entirely, it can feel very isolating. Like you’re not doing “you” right. This is where that specificity comes into play. It gives room for those in that gray space to breathe, a seat at the table when before there was just standing room.

In the words of blogger Siggy in 2012, a self identified gray ace,

Lots of people come to the asexual community, find lots of experiences to identify with, and are glad to finally have a word to describe themselves. But some of those people will feel that they don’t technically fit into the definition of asexual. Are these people supposed to abandon the possibility of a self-identity because of a technicality? Are they to permanently feel like outsiders to the asexual community?

“Gray-A” is a solution to these questions. A gray-A is someone who finds asexuality to be a useful idea, in the sense that it approaches a self-description, even if it does not quite fit. This allows a space where you can have an identity, fit on the ace spectrum, and feel at home in your community, without being disqualified by an arbitrary definition.

There are many, many terms under the asexuality spectrum that delve into specific experiences, some of which go into the gray area and some that do not but that still describe a very specific experience. There is an effort to put language to the unknown, to be better understood.

Even within those served by the definition of no sexual attraction, there is nuance to language discussing specific relationships to sex and sexuality. Terms that describe individual favorability towards sex, or that describe importance of tertiary attraction, for example.

This thread focused on demisexual and graysexual because they’re more widely used. But it’s worth noting these labels do not serve everyone who exists in that in between space. Here is an expanded list of asexuality spectrum labels by asexuals.net.

I personally also use “gray ace” or just “ace” if I don’t feel like explaining myself. But that’s just me. Everyone is different. Everyone is served by different pieces of language and labels. Some are served best by no labels at all. There’s no wrong way to label your aceness.

Labels are magnets on your queer fridge. You can put as many on there as you feel are right for you, and if you stop liking one, you can take it off and stick it in your magnet drawer.

And that gray area? It matters. If you belong in it, you are welcome in ace spaces. I promise.

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