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Poly-Satisfied

That is the word that has been on my mind when I describe my situration. A common word in the Polyam world is "Poly-saturated" to signify that someone has enough partners as they have time, energy, and other resources. They are not open to new partners. Polyamorous people can be poly-saturated at 1 or even 0 partners. But I needed a word between poly-saturated and "looking for new partners". Poly-satisfied feels right! I am very happy with my all my partners right now so I am not desperate for new partners. But if the perfectly right partner came along I would consider it. Almost like a demi-romantic phase of polyamory. I am very grateful for all the lovely people in my life that make me feel so fulfilled and satisfied!

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Do you have any tips for literature about polyamorous ace people? Mainly looking for something that discusses sex-positive ace people as well, but also just curious about that space in the community :)

I have a lot of aromantic & asexual friends. I adore them and they are really important to me. But unfortunately I still feel like very far from an expert on it.

I do have the controversial opinion that polyamory is far more welcoming to ace people than monogamous people are. It is one of those things we "not supposed" to say but it feels too true to me.

I hope one day to be more knowledgeable about this subject.

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What do I do if everyone I have a crush on (3 ppl) ALSO has a crush on me / want to get into a relationship with me but none of them are okay with being poly (they all brought that up before I even asked cause we've had mutual friends who are poly :,) [aka. "Man I could never if my partner had other partners it'd feel like cheating to me", "Im glad theyre happy but I could never be poly", etc.] and I feel unhappy only dating one of them?

That is rough. My introduction to polyamory was similar, I feel for you.

The first question would be would you want to be monogamous for any one of them (giving up on the rest in the process) or is being polyamory more important to you. I am going to assume you answer the later. The best advice I could give you is to move on to new crushes. Very hard advice to give and hear but honestly for the best. When you find new crushes whose values align with yours (as in they are also polyamorous) then the pain of not having these current 3 crushes will lessened.

One more thing though. I don't think you need to give up on any kind of connection with these crushes. Sure you might not have the romantic/sexual relationship you want with them but maybe they could all still be great friendships you value. And who knows, down the line those friends might even want to revaluate a non-monogamous relationship with you. So meet them where they are and compromise so that everybody gets the most they can while you look for more compatible people.

[polyamzeal]

wanted to ask for some advice...

me and my nesting boyfriend (let's call him A) have been together for almost 4 years, which is a long time for the young adults we are. i love him so much, he means the world to me. he's always been there, he's always been so compassionate and loving, hes absolutely wonderful.

im polyamorous, and currently have one other boyfriend (let's call him T), who i've been with for almost 2 years. T and i are long distance, and T has another boyfriend (let's call him P) irl. me and P get along amazingly, me P and T have never had any troubles surrounding our polyamory.

A knows all about me and T, and vice versa, and i feel as though we had a good balance going on. A gets insecure, and we've talked about it a lot before, and while i make sure to reassure him and keep him updated on everything, i just dont know how to help.

both A and T are so so special to me, i really want them to have a good relationship if that's possible for them, as right now, while A doesnt dislike T, A's insecurities get in the way. A's told me that (while he knows it's not true) sometimes he feels like he's not enough for me, and that can hurt him. even if A and T never become good friends, i'll be fine with that, but i just really want to help A. he is more than enough for me, i love him so much, but i dont know how to help, and he says he just needs time to get over his stuff, which is completely okay, but i just really wish there was some way for me to help.

recently, the balance A, T, and i had got disrupted, i got asked out by a girl that i kinda like (let's call her V), we're set to go out in a week-ish. T was super happy for me, as i kind of expected he'd be, but A isnt as excited about it. hes said i can go, that he doesn't have any problems with it, and i believe him, but i know he's still having those insecurities and doubts in himself. i really want to go out with V, but i also need to make sure A's okay and to help him however i can and i just. i never want A to feel bad, which i know is completely unrealistic, that emotions ebb and flow, but when he's feeling bad because of stuff related to me i feel even worse. if that makes sense?? A is so selfless, loving, and i am completely happy with him, he deserves the whole entire world, and i dont know how to get him to truly believe that

I think listening to A is key here. Time is a great healer and problem-solver. It would nice if there was am miracle formula that instantly solved our problems over-night. But big stuff like this is often a work in-progress for a long time. Things get better, get worse, and get better again. I think the best thing to do would be to setup some timely check-ins with A. Monthly or maybe even weekly. Where you can listen to how A is really doing and he feels comfortable making requests of you. Lean into love languages, maybe he just needs some extra cuddles or he wants to go on a certain date with you but doesn't know how to ask. I think as long as you have this system of actively checking in with each other then there is no blame or guilt. Everybody is doing the best they can and you will work out the hard insecurities in time.

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If you receive this, you make somebody happy! Go on anon and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get one back, even better!

Aww thank you so much!