polyamzeal

[polyamzeal]

[polyamzeal]

[polyamzeal]

Do you have any tips for literature about polyamorous ace people? Mainly looking for something that discusses sex-positive ace people as well, but also just curious about that space in the community :)

I have a lot of aromantic & asexual friends. I adore them and they are really important to me. But unfortunately I still feel like very far from an expert on it.

I do have the controversial opinion that polyamory is far more welcoming to ace people than monogamous people are. It is one of those things we "not supposed" to say but it feels too true to me.

I hope one day to be more knowledgeable about this subject.

[polyamzeal]

What do I do if everyone I have a crush on (3 ppl) ALSO has a crush on me / want to get into a relationship with me but none of them are okay with being poly (they all brought that up before I even asked cause we've had mutual friends who are poly :,) [aka. "Man I could never if my partner had other partners it'd feel like cheating to me", "Im glad theyre happy but I could never be poly", etc.] and I feel unhappy only dating one of them?

That is rough. My introduction to polyamory was similar, I feel for you.

The first question would be would you want to be monogamous for any one of them (giving up on the rest in the process) or is being polyamory more important to you. I am going to assume you answer the later. The best advice I could give you is to move on to new crushes. Very hard advice to give and hear but honestly for the best. When you find new crushes whose values align with yours (as in they are also polyamorous) then the pain of not having these current 3 crushes will lessened.

One more thing though. I don't think you need to give up on any kind of connection with these crushes. Sure you might not have the romantic/sexual relationship you want with them but maybe they could all still be great friendships you value. And who knows, down the line those friends might even want to revaluate a non-monogamous relationship with you. So meet them where they are and compromise so that everybody gets the most they can while you look for more compatible people.

[polyamzeal]

wanted to ask for some advice...

me and my nesting boyfriend (let's call him A) have been together for almost 4 years, which is a long time for the young adults we are. i love him so much, he means the world to me. he's always been there, he's always been so compassionate and loving, hes absolutely wonderful.

im polyamorous, and currently have one other boyfriend (let's call him T), who i've been with for almost 2 years. T and i are long distance, and T has another boyfriend (let's call him P) irl. me and P get along amazingly, me P and T have never had any troubles surrounding our polyamory.

A knows all about me and T, and vice versa, and i feel as though we had a good balance going on. A gets insecure, and we've talked about it a lot before, and while i make sure to reassure him and keep him updated on everything, i just dont know how to help.

both A and T are so so special to me, i really want them to have a good relationship if that's possible for them, as right now, while A doesnt dislike T, A's insecurities get in the way. A's told me that (while he knows it's not true) sometimes he feels like he's not enough for me, and that can hurt him. even if A and T never become good friends, i'll be fine with that, but i just really want to help A. he is more than enough for me, i love him so much, but i dont know how to help, and he says he just needs time to get over his stuff, which is completely okay, but i just really wish there was some way for me to help.

recently, the balance A, T, and i had got disrupted, i got asked out by a girl that i kinda like (let's call her V), we're set to go out in a week-ish. T was super happy for me, as i kind of expected he'd be, but A isnt as excited about it. hes said i can go, that he doesn't have any problems with it, and i believe him, but i know he's still having those insecurities and doubts in himself. i really want to go out with V, but i also need to make sure A's okay and to help him however i can and i just. i never want A to feel bad, which i know is completely unrealistic, that emotions ebb and flow, but when he's feeling bad because of stuff related to me i feel even worse. if that makes sense?? A is so selfless, loving, and i am completely happy with him, he deserves the whole entire world, and i dont know how to get him to truly believe that

I think listening to A is key here. Time is a great healer and problem-solver. It would nice if there was am miracle formula that instantly solved our problems over-night. But big stuff like this is often a work in-progress for a long time. Things get better, get worse, and get better again. I think the best thing to do would be to setup some timely check-ins with A. Monthly or maybe even weekly. Where you can listen to how A is really doing and he feels comfortable making requests of you. Lean into love languages, maybe he just needs some extra cuddles or he wants to go on a certain date with you but doesn't know how to ask. I think as long as you have this system of actively checking in with each other then there is no blame or guilt. Everybody is doing the best they can and you will work out the hard insecurities in time.

[polyamzeal]

[polyamzeal]

[polyamzeal]

If you receive this, you make somebody happy! Go on anon and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get one back, even better!

Aww thank you so much!

[polyamzeal]

hi:) i'm new to this community considering I just recently realized I was polyam (it's been a thing for me where i've always been like "oh yeah i'd date more than one person at the same time" but i just recently put the pieces together and went OH IM POLYAM) but is it weird or uncommon to be more interested in a relationship where i'm dating multiple people who are also dating each other? (throuple, ect) I haven't explored how i'd feel about dating someone while we're both dating other people individually (mostly bc i've just never done it). but is that out of the ordinary to have that preference for a relationship in which we're all dating?

Sounds like you are a unicorn LOL And no I don't think it is weird. It is okay for us to have preferences in who we date. Styles of polyamory are a wide spectrum. I would just suggest staying flexible and open-minded as we often end up in relationships that aren't exactly as we imagined but turn out to be better than we could have ever hoped for. So just don't cling too tightly to your preferences.

[polyamzeal]

So happy to have found this blog; I'm DYING for more polyamorous rep and stories, so the highs and lows of this life I, too, very recently found myself in, means a lot. My only complaint is that the avatar for this blog seems to be slightly off-center. Otherwise it's perfect!

I apologize, I am not graphic designer LOL My Microsoft Paint skills are only so good. Polyamory is always slightly off-centered so I think it fits ;) Thank you for enjoying my blog.

[polyamzeal]

Any recommendations for friendly online poly forums or communities out there? Tried looking into r/polyamory, but got scared off. o.o

Well I just made a post about a Discord server that my friend got bullied in :/ By the way, r/polyamory is infamous for being a terrible and mean place! So yeah no real recommendations sadly. I mostly stick to local Facebook groups. After the debacle above, I highly considered making PolyamZeal Discord server. I already run 3 servers so what is 1 more LOL

[polyamzeal]

Sorry to add to the advice column, feel free to ignore if you're not up for it.

What would you do if one of your partners was seeing someone who wasn't healthy? Like, my meta's husband is abusive, and it's made my meta codependent on my nesting partner and even start to feel like she wants him to be her primary. She wants to talk 24/7 and I recently had to have him tell her it's not ok for her to call every day for hours on end when she can't even handle him being as affectionate to me as he is with her (for example, one time he said "awww she's so cute" in reference to me and she wasn't comfortable with it). I've talked with him about it but I don't want to suggest they break up because I don't want to do the whole veto thing, but otoh I see how much of a toll it's taking on him and I don't know what to do. Thanks for any advice and reading.

Definitely a difficult situration. Multiamory recently did an episode on a similar topic so check out #497 for an additional resource.

This sounds a bit like 2 different topics. The bulk of this sounds focused on your meta being over-bearing on your partner to a point that you are uncomfortable. But you opened up with the meta's husband being abusive which is a different problem that requires more extreme solutions that I am probably not qualified to give advice on. I would encouraging seeking professional help if a truely abusive relationship is involved.

But I will focus the rest of this answer on the over-bearing meta. It is important to tell your partner how and why you feel uncomfortable with his other partner. Not to jump to demands about what he needs to do about her. Let him know that her behavior concerns you and that it has been having a negative effect on your relationship with him. Then give him some time to think about that and let that sink in. Neither of you need to have the answer to these problems right away. Perhaps he will figure out the right words to her to soothe her or perhaps he will flat-out tell her that he needs some changes. Either way, give him that opportunity to work things out with both of you and balance things out. If you are still unsatisfied afterwards then negotiate again how you can feel better and more secure with your relationship with him.

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