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There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

maintaining friendships

keeping up with my hygiene

managing bills

making money

remembering my basic needs

sleeping regularly

outputting creatively

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

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I love that folks are being more accepting of autism, but I don't love that autism is being sanitized into a quirk.

There's a cute and acceptable form of autism on social media, and I don't see any indication that folks are remotely ready for discussing the rest of it, which contains all the uncomfortable things that impede a person's everyday life, require support, and make acceptance almost impossible—where the hygiene struggles, inappropriate social behaviors, involuntary movements and outbursts, meltdowns, and emotional dependence issues live. And the cuter and more sanitized the "good" autism gets, the more unacceptable the "bad" autism becomes.

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idk man. i just think itd be really cool if sign language classes were mandatory throughout primary school. yeah because it would make communication with deaf kids and autistic/nonverbal kids much easier. and those kids would be accessible to the others so they cold make friends and have healthy relationships. yeah. and kids would eat that shit up man. like their own little secret language? they love that.

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Stop trying to be productive

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Honestly a huge shoutout to everyone who had to stop doing what they love.

Shoutout to people who had to stop playing music and drawing because of arthritis.

Shoutout to people who loved to go hiking but can’t because of chronic fatigue.

Shoutout to everybody who’s ever had their health steal something they loved from them. Yall are so beautiful and worthwhile and I love you.

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Me: *to my therapist* I had the spoons, so I did heaps of stuff and now I'm so exhausted I feel sick.

My Therapist: This is where you got to treat spoons like cash. Just because you have them, you need to figure out if you have enough to spend, or else you're going to be in debt. Remember, you're autistic, so you regain those spoons slowly and use them quickly. Everything, good and bad, uses that cash for you. You may enjoy the activity but it's going to exhaust you just as much as a bad activity if you're not careful.

Me: Goddamnit....

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When public services are affordable and convenient, people will always choose those resources. They are not supposed to be a capitalistic profit-seeking initiative, they are developed for the benefit of the people, for a better life, just as government resources should be used. (tweet)

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New comic! (link)

This week I am very happy to present a collaboration comic with my friend Chrissie, who has been generous in sharing with me her experiences of gender dynamics in a technical field, and then helping me craft them into a comic narrative.

Whenever I see Chrissie’s work I’m always impressed at the cool, creative things she does. When we were discussing this comic, she told me: “I find men persistently try to direct me lots now too, which is probably the biggest problem I consistently run into”, and my feelings around that fact are a terrible and familiar blend of frustration, sadness, and lack of surprise.

When we talk about the differences in how men and women are treated professionally, especially in technical fields, we are often dismissed with ‘everyone has to deal with that’, or ‘women need to demonstrate more confidence with their skills’, or ‘they’re just trying to be helpful’, or ‘it’s all in your head’.

It’s frustrating when we know something like this is happening, but we spend so much of our time actually trying to get people to believe that it’s a real phenomenon. I find narratives like Chrissie’s validating in that she has a comparative set of experiences and is like ‘oh yeah, people totally think I’m less competent at my job now. it’s totally a thing’.  So, can guys just believe us already and get on helping it not happen?

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A while ago I read about autistic people and nesting somewhere & I think we don't talk about that enough. Apparently, a lot of autistic people like nesting. I love nesting. I carefully choose a space to build my nest and I bring all my little trinkets there. I surround myself with everything I love and everything I could possibly need in the next few hours- my water bottle, a snack, my weighted blanket, my soft blanket, hand creme, my headphones, my charger, my favorite stuffed animals- so I don't have to leave the nest to get anything. It makes me feel save and calm and like everything is gonna be ok. This is a nesting appreciation post. Any other autistics who love a good nest?

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How much more money could the government possibly take from me.

I get my taxes deducted from my pay every pay.

Why do I still owe more than 2 paycheques worth of taxes. What more could they possibly take from me. I need to eat.

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Source

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We honestly live in a world where everyone around you will take advantage of you if given the chance.

How am I able to trust in this life?

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why does nobody ever believe me when i say that i fucked up?

the thing is. that i know what the problem is. grew up as the eldest daughter, the smart child, the mature child. read books as a way of escapism and got branded as the perfect, quiet, non-problematic, holds-the-family's-expectations child. grew a fear of failure so big that it's suffocating me all the time.

so people never saw me fail. i've fucked up more times than i can count and more times than i care to count. but people never saw.

because i'm so terrified of failure that at the last second i pulled myself together, i lied, i was the best actor and diplomat you have ever seen, i didn't sleep to make the deadline, i crammed until my head hurt and i couldn't see the pages through my tears and i made it.

every single time. i made it.

but i also told people that i fucked up. because i can't deal with emotions (never learned how to) so i whine to people while i procrastinate and fuck up and they start expecting the worst and then.

the last moment comes.

i fake it and i make it and they laugh at my worry and say "you always panic over nothing. never seen you fail, you never will."

and i just shrug and laugh and make a joke about it because if i'm in on it then it doesn't hurt as much. right?

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Low Energy Witchcraft

I'm neurodivergent and i experience really intense burnout. I get to a point where I struggle to even get out of bed, take my meds, remember to drink water, let alone practice. But, when I want to practice i have a list of things i can usually do. Everyone's experiences with burn out/low energy are different so this list may not apply to you, and that's okay. Take what resonates, leave what doesn't and i hope you enjoy my silly little list :)

create a playlist and infuse it with an intention. eg, a money spell playlist filled with songs about wealth.

draw sigils with soap when in the shower. (you can also use a wet wipe if you can't shower)

found some juice? give it a little shake and use the ingredients as a spell.

have food that has grains as ingredients? wow! an abundance spell!

the classic add intention to your tea and coffee.

bind your hair. for me with is as simple as putting my hair in a ponytail.

watch a witchy video. while not technically practising witchcraft, sometimes all you need is to sit back and relax to connect with your practice.

when I have a decent amount of energy I'll grab a large pillar candle and carve sigils into it. I use it as a long-term spell; all I have to do to activate it is light the candle. I like to light one of these spell candles when I'm having a bad day.

if you're religious, pray. Even if you're lying in bed. Even if you haven't showered in a week. If it makes you happy and you can, do it

burn some insence! it smells good, you don't have to really worry about forgetting about it, it's good for cleansing. it's great!

take a nap with some crystals. any restorative crystals or calming crystals work great! just make sure that they aren't geodes or roughs. i'd hate for you to hurt yourself while sleeping.

if you don't have any crystals for your nap, set an intention instead. please let yourself rest.

It's important to remember that you're allowed to take breaks from your craft. If you're forcing yourself to practice when you have no energy because "that's what a good witch would do!" then you're probably going to make your situation worse. it's a great way to fall out of love with witchcraft. give yourself some grace. rest is infinitely more important than 1 full moon, 1 new moon, or missing your daily/weekly/monthly cleanse. You aren't a bad person if you don't pull your morning tarot card or check the astrology forecast for today. and you aren't a bad person if you miss your daily prayer. take care of yourself. your health is WAY more important than your craft. Go get a drink of water and take care of yourself <3

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Hanging out with old people rules because after a while they trust you enough to confess to murder totally unprompted

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Stop convincing yourself you’re wasting your life away. The time you’ve spent resting and healing was and is necessary. You’re not a waste of a person if you find yourself struggling right now. Healing, recovering, sitting with your pain is foundational. It’s not a waste. You are still whole.