#Kid Thomas
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KID THOMAS feeling THE SPELL!!!
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1960 -Just A Closer Walk With Thee by Kid Thomas Valentine
#Kid Thomas#Kid Thomas Valentine#Trumpet#Jazz#New Orleans#louisiana#NOLA#USA#America#American#1960s#60s#music
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1957.
Kid Thomas.
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There comes a time when the criminals prefer being taken in by Batman, because his kids go a little overboard:
Goon: "You won't kill me."
Cass: "You ready to bet your life on that?"
Duke: *tosses her the gun they took off the guy* "I would do what she says."
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Random thug: "Hey Batman doesn't kill--"
Damian: "Not like he's here. You're certainly not going to be able to tell him."
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Tim: "Well, accidents do happen. Shame." *starts to let go of the rope*
Guy dangling off the building: "No, no okay, okay, I'll tell you!"
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Steph: *clears throat*
Gang members: "We surrender!" *multiple guns fall to the ground*
Steph: "I see my reputation precedes me, wise choice."
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*Bruce gets chewed out by Gordon by the Batsignal because the rumours have spread so much, it kind of sounds like Batman's kids have been going around murdering people*
Bruce: "In my defense, it's only one of them."
Gordon: "What."
Bruce: *realizes he never filled Gordon in on Red Hood*
#Before anyone comes at me (mentally prepares for it anyway) I know Bruce does variants of this but a) it's pretty clear that most criminals#know Batman won't kill and that at most he'll just beat the crap out of you#b) the Batkids are kids and the things kids will do is way more unpredictable and they're terrifying#batman#batfamily#dc comics#bruce wayne#personal#textpost#shitpost#roll call#duke thomas#tim drake#damian wayne#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#batpost
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Jason: I have a bone to pick with you
Bruce, just happy to talk to his estranged son: sure, what’s going on?
Jason, pulling out an entire femur: I stole this evidence from a crime scene. I need help with a case
Duke: hey B I have a bone to pick with you really quick
Bruce, on the verge of tears: please don’t.
Duke: I? just have a question?
#is it paranoia if your kids are really out to get you#studies say having 90% of your children be overly violent at some point of their lives means you should get therapy#bruce is not feeling very whelmed#batman#batfam#jason todd#bruce wayne#Duke Thomas#signal#red hood#incorrect batfamily quotes
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“Bruce Wayne is actually a really good father and all his children are just like that” is actually my favorite flavor of batfam
#dcu#batfam#batfamily#bat kids#okay all (kinda) their names#ready set go#dick grayson#cassandra cain#cassandra wayne#jason todd#tim drake#duke thomas#damian wayne#damian al ghul#goood enough#batman#bruce wayne#gotham
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Just a cute lil thought:
Since Bruce's kids all love to play around and hide in his cape as Robins, I wonder if he makes them blankets out of the same materials as his cape so they can have a piece of security when Bruce isn't there?
I remember in Dick and Jason's older comics (correct me if I'm wrong), they used to stay up late waiting for Bruce when he'd go out as Batman alone, so I'm gonna take this as confirmation that all his kids have done this at some point.
So now I'm totally gonna hc that in order to encourage his kids to not stay up late for him or as a way to help them feel more safe and secure when he's not there, he makes them all blanket replicas of his cape for them to snuggle with :')
And also just imagine his kids all grown up, and they STILL have the blankets with them, regardless of if they've moved out.
#all Bruce's children probably associate his cape with safety so just imagine lil security blankies for all his kids 🥺#his cape is also like kinda impenetrable to certain projectiles/dangers so its like an actual security device for his kids too lol#batman#batfamily#bruce wayne#batkids#batfam#batdad#Dick Grayson#Jason todd#cassandra cain#tim drake#duke thomas#damian wayne#dc comics#let bruce wayne be a loving dad dc cmon#Robin#nightwing#red hood#black bat#red robin#signal#fanatical posting
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Everyone say: FAMILY VACATION!!!
#fan art#art#dc#funny#dc comics#batman#bat family#fan comic#bat brothers#bat sisters#bat siblings#bat kids#Bruce wayne#dick grayson#Nightwing#Jason todd#red hood#tim drake#red robin#Damian wayne#robin#duke thomas#the signal#Cassandra cain#batgirl#Barbara gordon#oracle#Stephane brown#spoiler#alfred Pennyworth
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I love the idea of the Wayne kids dropping extremely vague and disturbing comments during galas. Especially when in uncomfortable situations or if they're just bored. They pull out things from their nightlife too. Other times they just make shit up.
Socialite: Oh, dear, your cheeks look so sullen! Who sucked the life out of you?
Tim, dead serious: An old man with a goatee.
Socialite: Uh... what?
Dick: Once I broke my knee so badly that I swear I could see part of the bone sticking out.
Socialite: Good lord. How on earth did that happen?
Dick: Just clumsy gymnast things ^^
Socialite: The white streak is certainly a bold fashion choice.
Jason: I saw someone get decapitated once, so I could be doing worse in terms of what's on my head, yknow? At least I have one.
Socialite: What's your favourite colour, sweetie?
Damian: Red.
Socialite: Oh that's lovely!
Damian: Like the blood of my enemies.
Socialite: Oh.
Socialite: You must be new to these kind of events.
Duke: Uh, yeah, they're kind of scary. But I've had worse.
Socialite: Worse.
Duke: Well I've been left on top of a skyscraper before with no way down just to 'get over my fear of heights' so, yes.
Socialite: You don't talk very loud, do you? I can barely hear you.
Cass, with a straight face: If I spoke any louder every glass in the room would shatter.
Tim, behind her: I can vouch.
#batfam#batman#cassandra cain#damian wayne#dc comics#dick grayson#duke thomas#jason todd#tim drake#they make bets on who can freak out the most stuck up socialites#its a very fun game for them#bruce just lets it happen#he secretly finds it funny#sometimes even plays along#socialite: so how did you end up with so many kids?#bruce: they were brought to me by an alien
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Normal regular people should slowly plant themselves into the Wayne clan.
There’s this busboy that works with uncle TJ. Dick learns his name is Mikey when he stops by the restaurant. He hasn’t been since Bruce took him when he was 10.
the Bat has no idea the prodigal son returned to the nest. So Mikey’s suddenly babysitting a strange vigilante with the horsepower of 4 drunk girls in an Uber.
“It’s just so fucking frustrating because I WANT to be here but he doesn’t TELL me he wants me here! I want him to want me! I want him to say ‘hey, by the way, you’re my son, you’re always welcome here, I know you get lonely!’ But he doesn’t! He doesn’t! I miss Jason. This sandwich is so good. Thanks cousin.”
Mikey, who’s been working there for about a week, stares at the 300 dollar tip for a straight 30 minutes, wondering who Jason is.
From then on, the flock multiplies.
POV you’re cousin Mikey and Red Hood just walks in while you’re closing, covered in blood, and Spoiler’s leg is broken but she really wants a meatball sub, Signal asks why they upped the prices on the pizza, Orphan stares and nods her head and oh my god that’s an 8 year old with a sword:
#I REALLY NEED TO HIGHLIGHT THE BAT KIDS ADORE THEIR COUSIN SM????#but Mikey’s just like who ARE you mfs#which is so funny. truly made to be in the bat clan#dc of#batfamily#dick grayson#jason todd#batkids#dc#dc comics#text#batman#writing#stephanie brown#duke thomas#damian wayne
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1960
#Kid Thomas#Kid Thomas Valentine#Trumpet#Jazz#New Orleans#Louisiana#NOLA#USA#America#American#1960s#60s#instrumental#my file#music
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I’m sure someone’s already headcannoned this, but Bruce having pet names for the Batkids? Man, those are his babies—you can bet your ass he has pet names for them. He might not be the type of man to show much affection beyond a shoulder pat or the occasional forehead kiss, but he’s determined to parent the crap outta these orphans, and pet names are an easier medium to show that he cares.
Dick is both “chum” and “sweetheart” depending on the context. When Bruce is feeling playful and comfortable (the easy, “your mine and I’m just happy to be here with you” kind of love), he’ll stick with “chum” and Dick absolutely loves it. But when Dick’s sick or has a nightmare or got injured during patrol? It’s sweetheart. It’s default mode for Bruce, because seeing Dick in pain brings up so many raw, intense emotions (Bruce gets scared, goddamit) that it’s easier for him to say “I’ve got you, sweetheart, it’s okay, just keep your eyes on mine,” then it is to say “I’m so terrified that I’m going to loose you, I love you, you’re my everything.”
Jason is“Jaylad.” But it’s less of the name that’s important and more of the story behind it that is. For the first few months that Jason was in Bruce’s care, Bruce didn’t dare call him anything other then his name, in fear that he’d scare him away (he was already so distrusting, so hesitant, so fearful whenever Bruce talked to loud or moved to fast or got upset), but at the same time, he’d seen how pleased Dick had been at being called “chum” and wanted to bestow a similar endearment on Jason. But—he didn’t want to go to far. So instead of calling him “lad” like his own father had once called him, Bruce calls him “Jaylad.” It’s a little more impersonal, but it makes Jason more comfortable. (But when Bruce cradled his son’s broken body he said “no, darling, not you, don’t leave me—” because just how Dick is “sweetheart,” Jason has also always been “darling.”)
For Tim… it’s more complicated. He shoved his way into Bruce’s life and he’s forever grateful, but it wasn’t the same as it was with Jason and Dick. He sees Tim as his son, of course, but their relationship was built on the darkest, most despairing part of Bruce’s life. But even in that terrible season, Bruce would look over at Tim working on a case or cleaning his suit and say, “Good job, sport.” It doesn’t happen often, but Tim is “sport.”
Cassandra is “love.” Bruce has never said it to her, aloud, but he knows Cass can read him well enough to hear the unspoken endearment, to see how much he longs to protect her, bring her joy, fill her heart with all the love she’s filled his with.
Steph is “duck.” And not necessarily because Bruce decided that it was, but because 9 times out of 10 he finds himself screaming, “Robin, get down!” because Stephanie will not for the love of God follow his orders, and end up right in the line of fire. To save time he eventually just started saying “Duck!” It keeps Steph from getting whacked to high heavens and saves Bruce (another) heart attack, but over the years it’s also become somewhat of a ritual to say “duck” whenever Steph walks in the room. Bruce secretly wants to call her “ducky” (which is what his mother called Kate), but he’s never worked up the nerve.
Duke is “kid.” By the time he’s in the family, Bruce has loosened up and lightened up, especially with everyday affection (which is to say, he’s not avoiding it like the plague). He’s quick to say “Good job, kid” whenever Duke had an accomplishment or ask “how are you today, kiddo?” when they see each other in passing in the Batcave.
Damian, lastly, would never allow Bruce to call him anything other then his name. But every once in a while, Bruce can get away with saying “son.” And it’s the best thing in the world.
#bruce wayne#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#cassandra cain#damian wayne#duke thomas#stephanie brown#batfamily#dc#batman#dc comics#batfamily headcannons#pet names#batfamily pet names#bruce wayne loves his kids
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part 2 of giving bruce dad core attributes starting with forgetting which child has what dietary requirements.
bruce: here you go damian your lactose free meal
damian: father i’m vegan drake is lactose
bruce: tim is?? aw shit *hurries to find tim*
bruce placing down a piece of paper and a pen: ok everyone write their dietary needs on this please so i can give it to the caterer
dick: how can you not remember 😭
bruce: because there’s so many of you
tim: alfred remembers
bruce: alfred doesn’t count i’m pretty sure he’s not human
bruce: is duke still allergic to honey?
tim with his head in his hands: bee stings he’s allergic to bee stings
dick: damian is vegan
bruce: what? i thought steph was vegan?
dick: no steph is vegetarian damian is vegan
bruce: jesus christ
bruce: oh he can’t have that he’s allergic to peanuts
dick: what no i’m not?
bruce: yes you are
dick: i’ve never been allergic to peanuts where did you even get that-omg bruce jason was allergic to walnuts!
bruce: was???
#he’s not neglectful he’s a busy man with wayy to many kids#dietary restrictions are hard to remember my brother forget he was celiac the other day#batfam#batfam headcanons#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#stephanie brown#duke thomas#bat family#dc#headcanon
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Batkids whenever someone insults Brucie/Batman badly on social medias
#only them can talk shit about Bruce okay?#Guess who comes at midnight and surprises you during your sleep?#WRONG! IT'S NOT SANTA CLAUS YOU BJTCH#IT'S RED HOOD WITH 10 LITRES OF GASOLINE 🫵#“where are all the kids Alfred?”#“they're doing a side quest Master Bruce”#batfam#bruce wayne#richard grayson#jason todd#tim drake#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#damian wayne#duke thomas#barbara gordon#alfred pennyworth
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Superman: I haven’t seen you at the watchtower for a while. Where have you been the last few weeks, Batman?
Bruce: Rehab.
Superman, worriedly: Oh, I’m so sorry- I never knew you struggled with that. If you don’t mind me asking, what for?
Bruce, grimacing as he watches public footage of Signal and Red Hood starting a dumpster fire out of Pro-Joker merch: ..adoption.
#‘bruce wayne is a bad dad’ ‘bruce wayne is a good parent!!’ NO. Bruce Wayne is a wine mom#he has tacky 2000’s beige signs around the house that his kids beg him to take down#wine. sleep. vigilante. repeat!!#jason steals them and puts them in Tim’s CEO office#batman#batfam#bruce wayne#jason todd#dick grayson#superman#clark kent#justice league#batman and robin#robin#incorrect batman quotes#incorrect batfamily quotes#I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE DYNAMIC DUO MOVIE#duke thomas#signal#signal dc#red hood#batkids#hes proud but can’t condone this or else it’ll turn into Duke and Jason burning down entire warehouses next#rehab was Alfred making him sit through lectures on communication
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