#Jaune got it wrong

[nikosarc]

alright ain't no way Alyx actually made it out of there. I think they have the story swapped and Lewis sacrificed Alyx to the tree in order to leave and then wrote the story. There's a reason they specifically called him CLEVER and gave him the name LEWIS like Lewis Carroll

I think Alyx was given to the tree and became the Blacksmith - or someone or something else maybe idk. But Lewis 100% wrote The Girl Who Fell Through the World and I will die on that hill.

[lacependragon]

You know, the longer I think about it, the more I realize that it actually makes perfect sense that an online company so incredibly pro-military and pro-veteran (RoosterTeeth) would write the worst black-and-white, unbelievable, morally bland, and utterly boring and worldbuilding breaking anti-military story I've ever seen.

It's like they thought if they even slightly tried to make it realistic, even slightly tried to make it believable, we'd all realize how similar it was to the US military and go "you hate veterans!"

But instead we got a military that makes no sense. A story that relies on you not paying any attention to the worldbuilding. And a bunch of dead people who didn't mean anything because by the end they were just fucking caricatures. James is the evil general. Clover is the too-loyal right hand. Vine is the self-sacrificial meditative type. And they aren't anything else.

All of Atlas is flat and cardboard and cartoon-y and bad. And I genuinely think so much of it is the inability of these fuckers to stop sucking off the US military long enough to understand something called nuance. Because they fired so completely in the opposite direction to their on-camera shit (we love veterans! we love soldiers! fight the bad guys!) as opposed to RWBY (all military evil there is no nuance no middle ground nope just evil! James is as bad as SALEM!) that they lost every discussion and every interesting detail in the sprint between the two podiums.

This isn't the real world! We can have discussions about stuff we wouldn't approve of in real life but make interesting stories! We can have discussions about redemption and revenge and making choices!

But nah let's just have them all be evil evil people and then save Winter (maiden, sure), and Elm, Harriet, and Marrow (and I'm not going to lie here. I genuinely think the reason Harriet lives instead of Vine is because RT was TERRIFIED of another Sienna Khan backlash.)

Atlas was bad.

It was rushed. It was sloppy. It broke characters. It broke worldbuilding. It broke the internal logic of the universe.

And we still learned fucking nothing about its people, its culture, or its history. Just like in Mistral.

Setpieces. Empty destructible setpieces. Only this time there was nothing else to prop up the building facades.

Truly, the only good thing Atlas gave us was Penny.

And look how that turned out.

[uncaught-coolfish]

rambling time but while I’m fine with emerald getting redeemed (it was gonna happen eventually) and thank fuck for ilia getting redeemed but if they redeem cinder and especially if they redeem salem herself I will throw a metal chair at

[kinaesthetiqueer]

broke: jnpr doesn't have assigned beds, because it's not plot relevant

woke: jnpr does have assigned beds, but they sit on each others' beds all the time because they're just comfy furniture

bespoke: jnpr doesn't have assigned beds because they just fall asleep whereever they feel like it and none of them care

[onewomancitadel]

The Maiden power scattered when Cinder Fall died at the ransack of Shade Academy. In the search for the key to the last Relic, it was anybody’s game now. Jaune was going to find the Fall Maiden. Even if it killed him.

Chapter 2 of 4

Read In the Chamber of Her Burning Soul on AO3

Please mind the rating change to Explicit.

[arc-misadventures]

It Was That Easy?!

Jaune, and Coco:

~~~

Velvet: That was fucking it?!!

Coco: Yeah...

Velvet: You two have been dancing around each other for months! And, what finally gets you two to start dating was the fact that you two wouldn't hang out as much if you started dating other people?!

Coco: Yes...?

Velvet: We tried to set you up for months! A simple conversation got you together?!

Coco: You tried to set me up?

Velvet: We locked you in a closet!

Coco: Oh, I remember that closet... That was quite cramped...

Velvet: The time we stole all his clothes so you would walk in on him naked!

Coco: My man looks like a marble statue. Mmmh~! Those abbs~!

Velvet: The tickets you gave you guys to go to that resort in, Vaccuo! You two were all alone, and you didn't do anything?!

Coco: We defiantly had plenty of beach suit fashion shows. For the record: Speedos do not word on, Jaune. That bulge... I have various mixed feelings after seeing that...

Velvet: We spiked your food!

Coco: You spiked our food?!

Velvet: There was faunas grade aphrodisiacs in your food! And, nothing happened?!

Coco: Wait, was that in the fish dish you made us. Because we had the runs after eating that.

Velvet: All that planning, all that work, all our scheming, and none of that work?!

Coco: Sorry...?

Velvet: That's it! You're going to the closet!

Coco: What?

~~~

Velvet: Get in there!

Coco: Whoa hey, Vel, what are you...?! Ooph!

Jaune: Uhh... Hey, Coco...?

Coco: Jaune...?

Velvet: This time you better do it!

Nora: Or, I'll spike your food again!

(Slam!)

Jaune: ...?

Coco: ...?

Jaune: So... I take it, Velvet let you know about her schemes to get us together too right?

Coco: Yeah, apparently she was the reason why were locked in a closet for the first time. And, she stole all your clothes so I would walk in on you naked. Got us those tickets so we could stay at that resort. And, she spiked out food.

Jaune: Oh, it was , Velvet who did that. Nora told me a different story about what she did.

Coco: What did she do?

Jaune: That resort we were staying at actually had two beds in it, Nora some how got rid of one of them.

Coco: What? The bed was made into the wall; How did she do that?

Jaune: Best not ask. She actually go that distress call from when we got stuck in the cabin in the mountain.

Coco: She did?

Jaune: Yeah, she wanted us to... mingle to stay warm before she rescued us the next day.

Coco: Posing naked in furs was certainly a way to mingle...

Jaune: And, she spiked our food...

Coco: And, after she learned that we got together because we didn't want to stop hanging out, she shoved you in the closet as well...

Jaune: Yeah... And, while i wouldn't mind us having some fun here in the closet~!

Coco: Oh, really~?

Jaune: But, they put us in the wrong closet...

Coco: Eh?

Jaune: It's too cramped, I can't move...

Coco: Grr... come one. I can...?! Grrrr...! I'm stuck too...

Jaune: Can you reach my scroll?

Coco: Nope, my hands our stuck here feeling up your broad chest~! You?

Jaune: Maybe...? Let's see if I can... Ahh found it! Uhh... Password?

Coco: 0-2-2-4.

Jaune: Okay... Calling...? Glynda...

Coco: Good choice.

Glynda: Hello, Coco do you need something?

Coco: Hi, Triple G! Uhhh... So, Jaune, and I started dating...

Glynda: You two started dating?!

Coco: Yes... and...?!

Glynda: Fucking finally!

Coco: ...

Jaune: ...

Coco: We should have started dating months ago...

Jaune: Yeah...

[juanarc-thethird]

Are you texting someone?

Jaune walks into the living room and sees Weiss sitting down, looking somewhat "trouble". He walks towards her to see what's wrong.

Jaune: Weiss, are you okay? You look a little troubled.

Weiss: My parents got divorced. *Looking at the ground*

Jaune: They got divorced!

Weiss: Yes, but the idea of ​​my family being separated now doesn't sit well with me, even though it's a good thing. It's hard to explain, you know. *looks at him*

Jaune: *Texting very aggressively*

Weiss: Are you texting someone?

Jaune: Hm? *Continue texting*

Weiss: You're texting someone like your life depends on it.

Jaune: Really? *Still texting*

Weiss: Yes, like at this exact moment you are texting someone like crazy fast. All most passionately if you will.

Jaune: What can I say, I'm a passionate texter. *Still texting!*

Weiss: Ok, who are you texting?

Jaune: Um... Pyrrha?

Weiss: Pyrrha died years ago.

Jaune: Oh a didn't say she was texting back.

Weiss:...

Jaune: *Texting*

Weiss: *She lunges towards him* Give me your phone!

Jaune: No! *Pushing her away*

Weiss: Gimme it!

Jaune: No way, woman!

Weiss: Are you texting my mom?!

Jaune: W-Whut?! Of course not!

Weiss: You are!!

Jaune: I'm not!

Weiss: Then give me your phone!

Jaune: NO!!!

[howi99]

Jaune: *trying to fix Penny's voice box* Try speaking now.

Penny: Xxx xcv fv. G nann. Njdndm.

Jaune: Tsk, we got sound but nothing intelligible. *Opening her back* Must be a wrong connection somewhere...

Yang: *cocking one eyebrow* What happened?

Jaune: *a bit annoyed* Apparently, my partner and my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to see the effect of polarity on her body.

Pyrrha: *ashamed* She said she was magnet proof...

Jaune: *sarcastically* Well, apparently there's a limit. Somewhere between a fridge magnet AND THE FULL, CONCENTRATED POWER OF A COLLIDER! *Sparks come flying out*

Pyrrha: I'm sorry!

Penny: FrENt PyRr nOoot atT FAult!!! *Crossing her arms*

Jaune: *Sigh* I know i know, just... Next time, warn me when you have an idea like that, so i can make sure you don't get hurt too badly. *Looking at Pyrrha* Both of you.

[reashot]

Why Do People Keep Saying Jaune Is A Daddy?

Ruby: *grumble* Can you believe the nerves of some people!

Weiss: What's wrong with her?

Blake: She saw a bunch of Milfs trying to get close to Jaune.

Yang: Oh? I thought she got PMS.

Ruby: How could tho-those hussies throw themselves to Jaune like that how shameless, how enviable.... I mean, those bitches be crazy y'all!

Weiss: You know Rubes. I don't get what you see in Jaune anyway?

Blake: Yeah, he's just a typical white cis-het male. Which according to my belief is that they're responsible for everything wrong with the world.

And the only way to remedy it is to reject all heterosexual relation and embrace radical lesbianism.

Yang: Okay... Anyway where's Vomit Boy?

Weiss: He's taking care of Adrian.

*opens door*

See Jaune and Adrian Sleeping together peacefully.

RWBY: .....

Ruby: Girls... Please get Adrian out of here.

Blake: Way ahead of you.

*gently picks Adrian up*

Weiss: So how are we going to do this?

Yang: We will take turns obviously.

Ruby: Good idea. Blake please lock the door.

*click*

Blake: Let me be first.

Yang: Said the radical lesbian.

RW: *giggles*

Blake: Oh go F yourself.

Jaune: *waking up*

Hey girls. What are all four of you doing here... Wait, where's Adrian?

Ruby: *crawl up to him*

Adrian is fine.

*kiss Jaune*

Jaune: Wait, why are you kissing me?

Yang: It's more fun to show you.

*all four starts undressing*

Jaune: Brothers preserve me...

In another universe.

Jess: My Jaune is about to become a baby daddy without his consent sense is tingling!

Baz: That's... Oddly specific?

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Jaune: Here it is! My new Car!

RWBYNPR: ...

Jaune: Guys?

Pyrrha: It looks ... Alri-

Nora: I think if I look at it wrong it'll fall apart.

Blake: You've got your ancestor's sword, and now his car!

Ren: Does it get ten gallons to the mile?

Weiss: I don't think I Could afford to keep that thing fueled up.

Ruby: ... It looks cool!

Jaune: As the resident motorhead, what do you think yang?

Yang: ... If you let me work on her, I'll let you help. Maybe you can learn a thing or two.

Jaune: Thank you Yang.

Velvet: Excuse me?

Jaune: Oh, hey Velvet, what do you need?

Velvet: Uh, what'd you call yang?

Jaune: A Motorhead. Why?

Velvet: ... What's that mean to you?

Jaune: She's a Car guy. Gal. Whatever, like Railhead is really into trains?

Velvet: Oh! Okay! That makes a lot more sense now!

Yang: What'd you think he meant?

Velvet: Oh nothing.

Motorhead; In American English, a Car Fanatic; In British English, one who abuses Amphetamines.

[razorblade180]

Streamer AU 6

Number 5 <-

Weiss:*rolls into view*….I’ve returned.

Yang:The bitch is back.

Weiss:Wow! Okay, rude. It’s not like I really left. I was in your streams all the time. I just don’t feel like doing my own after missions.

Yang:And yet somehow you still have more subscribers than me.

Photo Bunny gifted 30 subs

Weiss:Oh my gods! Velvet, thank you so much!

Yang:And the rich get richer!!!

Weiss:She says, knowing I’m not rich anymore.

Yang:And yet the money still pours in. Chat, make her play a horror game for being gone for so long.

“Yes!”

“PLEASE!”

“Alien Isolation.”

Weiss:Absolutely not. We have plans already. I’m just waiting for my co-host.

Yang:What am I then?

Weiss:A person who saw me hit the “live” button and immediately hopped into call to call me a bitch.

Yang:It’s in all in good love.

The Reaper: “Ayo! Look who’s back!”

Yang:Ruby, call Weiss a bitch.

Weiss:I’ll un-mod you. I’ve learned to do that recently.

Ruby: *enters call* Oh gods, chat, she’s learning computers. Tech savvy Weiss is dangerous. Who taught her such power?

Weiss:Your girlfriend.

Ruby:Oh, sorry chat. My girl can do no wrong.

Protector of Friendship: “💚”

Ruby:What’s the gameplan today? “Just chatting?” We can play Uno again.

Weiss:You hate teamwork. I swear you do.

Yang:Sends us on a life threatening mission where trust is needed, just to ruin it a day later.

Thunder Thighs: “How was mission? Everyone okay?”

Weiss:It was just bandits. Lots and lots of them. Unfortunately they ruined a village so most of the expenses went to rebuilding the town.

Yang:Chat, this woman is only on camera right now because her power bill is scaring her. This cute face has a price tag.

Weiss:Hey! I actually missed gaming. It’s oddly relaxing when I don’t listen to Ruby’s suggestions. Or Blake’s.

Ninja of Love: “League actually isn’t that bad.”

Ruby:That’s what I’m saaaaaying!

Yang:Don’t listen to them. They’re ill and can’t be cured.

Weiss:*looks at scroll*…Oh, I’ll be right back. Yang, you’re in charge. *gets up*

Ruby:Why not me?

Weiss:Because Yang doesn’t play League!

Ruby:You two lack vision. The four of us could be our own team! We could grab a few more friends and train for tournaments.

Ren: *enters call* Ruby, you are way too toxic for that. *leaves call*

Yang:Hahahahaha!

Ruby:You can’t just show up to say that!?

Weiss walks back into view rolling a second chair next to her. She’s then handed a coffee cup she gladly sips as she sits back down, all nice and cozy. Sitting next to her is Jaune, chilling in her merch hoodie as he waves.

Jaune:Hello…

“Whaaaat?”

“Oh it’s the guy.”

“Hi Jaaaaaaune!”

“Nerd alert”

“Co-host?”

Yang:I can’t believe you chose the other blonde over me. How cruel. What does he have I don’t?

Jaune:*holds up Kingdom Hearts*

Ninjas of Love: “FINALLY!”

Yang:..I would’ve bought it.

Ruby:Alright, maybe you chose better than Uno.

Weiss:Okay everyone, you can guess tonight’s game. It’s not like it hasn’t won several polls.

Ruby:Oh! Oh! Weiss, sub goal idea! 80 subs and you have to do a cover of the opening!

Weiss:I haven’t even heard it yet!

Jaune:You might like it more than the song from FFX.

Weiss:….

Yang:She’s setting you up for success.

Weiss:…We will circle back to that. Speaking of FFX, same rules apply. I don’t need back-seating from chat. My wonderful co-host here will help manage the stream and aid me with anything I ask.

Blake: *enters call* Jaune, what version is that?

Jaune:It’s from the 1.5 collection, so final mix. Post the patch.

Blake:You’re a good man.

Weiss:Do you want the camera on you or is that uncomfortable?

Jaune:I’m okay. This setup is nice.

Ruby:Questions like these wouldn’t be an issue if you got a VTube model. Penny could hook you up.

Weiss:I only recently learned how to fix normal PC problems. Don’t put that burden on me.

Yang:What does OBS stand for?

Weiss:I saved your life yesterday. What’s your damage with me?

Big Bags & Miniguns: “Is this the mystery boyfriend we’ve been searching for?”

Weiss:Cocoa, you’ve known Jaune forever. He’s always been around as a mod.

Thunder Thighs: “That wasn’t a no.”

Jaune:I literally showed my copy of the game. You all know why I’m here.

Cardinal Pride: “As if she’d date someone as lame as-

Message Deleted

Photo Bunny: “Please remember the chat guidelines before typing”

Ruby:I would’ve blocked him.

Weiss:He gets one more chance. I’m in a good mood.

Jaune:That’s the Kingdom Hearts spirit. *puts disc in*

Weiss:This won’t make me cry like Final Fantasy did, will it?

Blake:Oh….sweetie….

Weiss:*inhales* Great.

Yang:I already made a crude layout for the singing goal. I swear graphic designers should be thankful I like cars and fighting Grimm more.

Jaune:Don’t have any lower goals?

Weiss:I’m 20 away from having to cosplay a character from a game I’ve played. They also get to vote on an emote.

BB&MG: “How many subs for a boyfriend reveal?”

Weiss:…*rubs chin*

Ruby:You’re thinking about it!?

Weiss:I mean I’d have to talk it over with him to see if he’s comfortable with others knowing, but also that goal has to be high enough for Cocoa to be scared.

Jaune:….This game isn’t terribly long, and you have new followers. Personally I’d shoot for no less than 300.

The Monkey King: “Bleed her dry. 350”

BB&MG: “I thought we were friends Sun?”

Weiss:350 it is! After I discuss it of course.

“You’re on!”

“You underestimate our power!”

“I swear if it’s Neptune.”

“Just wait until payday!”

Yang:Like I said, the rich get richer.

[professorspork]

Volume 1, Episode 13:

Jaune: I'm a failure. Ruby: [cheerfully] Nope! Jaune: Nope? Ruby: Nope! You're a leader now, Jaune. You're not allowed to be a failure. Jaune: But what if I'm a failure at being a leader? Ruby: Hmm… nope! Jaune: You know, you're not the easiest person to talk to about this stuff. Ruby: [still cheerfully] Nope! Ruby: [sobering] Jaune, maybe you were a failure when you were a kid. You might've even been a failure the first day we met! But you can't be one now. You know why? Jaune: Uh. Because…? Ruby: Because it's not just about you anymore. You've got a team now, Jaune. We both do. And if we fail, then we'll just be bringing them down with us. We have to put our teammates first, and ourselves second.

Volume 9, Episode 7:

Jaune: I couldn't save them. I was supposed to save them. And they're dead. Yang: No, Jaune. They're gone, but they're not dead. They'll be back. Weiss: Yeah, it's what they wanted. Right, Ruby? Ruby: why are you asking me? Blake: Um. We just— Ruby: Because I'm the leader? Because I'm just supposed to have something to say? 'Cause I don't. Ruby: [more agitated] I mean, why do I have to be the leader anyway? Why do I have to always be the one to pick people up? What about me? 'No time,' right? (…) Ruby: I'm sorry, is this a bad time? Are we supposed to be mourning Jaune's make believe friends? Jaune: They're gone because of you! The walkers came for you, because Neo hates you! Oh, and let's not forget the reason we're in the Ever After in the first place is because of your plan, that that didn't work! 'What about you?' It's ALL about you!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

... which is all to say, it was fucked up the first time Ruby said all this. It was a red flag all the way back at Beacon. Ruby was wrong to tell Jaune that and frame it that way, and this has been building between them literally since day one because of it.

Ruby's never had a healthy or reasonable conception of what a leader is or what their responsibilities are and like. how could she? between being raised in her mother's shadow and her silver eyes putting her on a magic pedestal she never stood a chance. and if she confronted the fact that that might be a problem that would mean admitting she has a problem which is against the rules for leaders. it's never allowed to be about her; she can't want things or have doubts.

Ruby's optimism didn't break, she stopped choosing it. because it was always a conscious decision she was making. and now she can't anymore, understandably, because she's too tired! she doesn't have anything left to give!

which also brings up--

when Ruby snaps at Blake to shut up after Blake tries to look on the bright side, she doesn't say "You're wrong."

she says "Don't do that."

even in her meanest moment, she's not actually trying to pull Blake down.

she's trying to stop Blake from making the same mistake she did, the same error in logic she then passed on to Jaune, which was insisting relentless positivity was the only way to lead.

[danurso]

NWN Challenge

*At a nice bar in Atlas*

Ruby: You’re still dealing with the fallout of that mess?

Blake: Of course. As the head of the white fang I can't just clean up a mess and ignore what caused it and who was affected by it…..*sigh* The last thing I want is people thinking we’re slipping back into what we used to be years back.

Yang: Good thing your pops is really good at de-escalating, well that and Weiss’ PR team.

Blake: Yeah. Where is her by the way? I wanted to thank her personally for all the help.

Ruby: She said she was coming, something came up during work.

Yang: Or someone. If Jaune went to visit she might be an hour or so late.

Blake: That. . . . . . probably isn't the case.

Yang: Why?

Blake: *nods* Because she doesn't look like she just had a good time.

The trio then turned to see a familiar heiress coming in, looking like she was about to murder someone.

Weiss: *sits down on the table*

Bartender: What will it be mi-

Weiss: Vodka. Pure. And make it a triple.

Yang: Yeesh. Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed today.

Ruby: What happened?

Blake: Who did you kill?

Weiss: He's not dead, the doctors said just broke a few bones.

R_BY: . . . . . . . .

Weiss: . . . .what?

Blake: . . . . .i was joking.

Weiss: Oh. . . .right. . . . .

Ruby: Wait, wait, you tried to kill someone!?

Weiss: I didn't! I just exaggerated a bit while dealing with a jerk.

Yang: What happened?

Weiss: . . . . .*sigh* I was venting to Winter about some private things about Jaune, as soon as she left an associate came in, he must've heard something about what we're talking, because as soon as we were done talking business he tried asking me out.

Yang: Doesn't everyone at the company know you just married?

Weiss: They do and he knew about it. But he insisted saying we could do something “fun” and that he could “Give me what i needed” since my husband wasn't doing so.

Ruby: Oh gods. . . . . .

Yang: Hah!

Blake: Like, I understand why that made you angry, but did you have to send the guy to the hospital?

Weiss: Not really, but i’ve been having a really stressful week and even after i said no multiple times, he kept pushing, and the moment he got too close i catapulted him out of the room with a glyph, though because of everything i miscalculated and sent him through a wall instead of the door.

Yang: *laughs* Please send me the video whenever you can! I wanna see that.

Ruby: Well, jerk aside, is everything okay? You sound like there's been stress even before that.

Bartender: Here miss. *Puts down her drink*

Weiss: Thanks.

Blake: Is everything okay at home? You said you were venting about Jaune, is everything okay between you two?

Weiss: No! The last three weeks been awful! HE has been awful!

Blake: Wait what?

Yang: Wow, That's a surprise.

Ruby: But why? What's wrong with Jaune?

Weiss: He’s been the worst! I keep having to deal with issues at the company! Cleaning the mess my father made! And then, after an awful day of work, what am I greeted with!?

Yang: A blown up house?

Blake: Another woman?

Ruby: Jaune wouldn't do that blake! Geez. . . . .Oh! Was it maybe a dead body?

Weiss: No! As soon as I come in he greets me with that stupid! Bright! And warm smile! He hugs me tight goes on about missing me soooo much! He covers me in kisses! Takes me in to show the warm bath he prepared for me! The house which is basically spotless and the dinner which was my favorite! Aaaarggh! Just thinking about it makes my blood boil! *Chugs the drink*

Ruby: . . . . . . . .

Yang: . . . . . . . .

Blake: . . . . . . . . . .that's it?

Weiss: Oh no. No no no, it gets worse. After dinner he brings me a whole cheesecake! Freshly made! And after we ate he took me to the living room and massaged every corner of my stressed body! I felt like I was melting! Oh gods the nerve of that man!!!

Yang: Wow, sounds like a nightmare.

Weiss: I know! Because it is!

Blake: *deadpan* Is it though?

Ruby: Err, Weiss? Are you sure there's a problem there? Because you make it sound like he's doing something bad but apparently he's been really sweet to you.

Weiss: I know! And it's unbearable!

Ruby: But why?

Weiss: BECAUSE IT'S NOVEMBER RUBY!!!

R_BY: Ohhhh. . . . .

Blake: He’s doing that dumb challenge too? I thought it was just Sun.

Ruby: *sigh* Nah, Oscar was doing it too.

Yang: Sounds like a headache. Lucky me and Arslan don't struggle with that stuff.

Blake: Yes, because she's not a guy, they tend to be incredibly stubborn about the stupidest things. Well, as stubborn as you can be with someone who knows all your weaknesses.

Ruby: Got him to give up?

Blake: Around a week in, would’ve been sooner if i wasn't busy with the fang. Oscar giving you trouble?

Ruby: Nope. He went for ten days straight, then he walked in on me coming out of the shower and he snapped. *Chuckles* I wasn't even trying to make him lose.

Weiss: *eyebrow twitching* Good to know I'm the only one suffering here.

Yang: Come on ice cream. You know that guy is basically addicted to you, if you give him a push in the right direction I'm pretty sure he’ll just crumble.

Weiss: And you think I haven't tried!? Skimpy swimsuits, Lingeries, Nudes throughout the day, dirty comments, cosplaying his favorite characters, offering to do the most questionable things! I used every last trick in the book and he STILL didn't cave in!

Yang: Oh, wow.

Blake: I knew he had a strong will but this is still surprising to hear.

Weiss: It's so frustrating! I get to come back home every day to the most wonderful husband in the world, who pampers and looks after me, doing everything I wish and making me the happiest woman in Remnant! And you tell me I can't ride him to oblivion after all that!? It's unfair!!! Utter Injustice!!! I wished I knew who came up with this challenge so I could strangle them until they're blue!!!

Yang: *chuckles* I can't tell if you're angrier at not getting laid for three weeks now or at him for not falling for your charms.

Weiss: BOTH!!!

Ruby: I mean, you said you tried everything but it doesn't sound like it.

Weiss: I did Ruby. I most certainly did! And wore basically anything you could imagine, I went as far as to wear things that, if images were leaked online, my life would be ruined and Blake would never talk to me again.

Yang: . . . . . . .you wore a-

Blake: *covers her mouth* Please don't, I’d rather our friendship still exist by the end of the night. For once in my life i do NOT wanna know.

Yang: *pushes her out* Wow. You really pulled all the stops.

Weiss: And it did nothing to him!!! *Depressed sigh*

Ruby: I mean, so far it sounds like all you did was dress up and act sexy to try and make him cave in.

Weiss: What else was I supposed to do!?

Ruby: Did you forget who you're married to? It's pretty easy to get him to bend and do what you want once you pin his weakness down.

Weiss: . . . . . .that sounded very wrong, especially being about my husband.

Ruby: What? I never abused that weakness mind you! He's my best friend, I could never!

Yang: Unless he has your favorite cookies.

Ruby: *pink* That's different!

Weiss: Spit it out already!

Ruby: *sigh* . . . . .fine. but he ever asks, you didn't learn this from me.

-

Weiss: *walks in* I’m home.

Jaune: *wearing pajamas* Hey, how was your night? *Hugs her* Everyone doing well?

Weiss: Yeah. *Kisses him* Everyone is doing well.

Jaune: I left some food for you in the microwave, wasn’t sure if you would eat out so i made something.

Weiss: It's fine, we got something to eat on the way back.

Jaune: I’ll pack it up for tomorrow then. *Walking to the kitchen* By the way, Whitley called. He said something about a guy you sent to the hospital. Is everything okay at work?

Weiss: Yeah, someone tried hitting on me earlier, and I accidentally used too much force to push him off when he tried to get too close.

Jaune: *storing the food* Ouch. Almost makes me feel bad for him. . . . .almost. *feels a pair of arms wrapping around his torso from behind.* . . . . . .Weiss?

Weiss: *inhale* . . . . . .*deep exhale*

Jaune: *serious* Weiss. . . . .that guy didn't hurt you, did he?

Weiss: *chuckles* Good to know my knight is still there to protect me if I ever need, I thought he ended up buried under my cute husband.

Jaune: Weiss-

Weiss: He did nothing, just a few sweet words which I already forgot. I just wanted to hug you.

Jaune: If you say so, then I believe you. What do you wanna do now?

Weiss: Bed. I’m tired, could you come with me though?

Jaune didn't answer, he only turned around and picked her up in his arms, making her chuckle in response, he took her to the bedroom and helped her out of her clothes and into her nightgown, and soon enough, they were both in bed cuddling.

Weiss: *Chuckling*

Jaune: What’s so funny?

Weiss: Nothing. I’m just happy.

Jaune: That's good to hear. You seemed a little stressed these last few days.

Weiss: Yeah. . . .but I'm fine now. In fact, I couldn't be happier.

Jaune: Really?

Weiss: Of course. *Hugs him closer* I’ve got a nice house, a good job, great friends and above all else *Looks up to him* the most wonderful husband in the world.

Jaune: *pink, scratching his cheek* Hehehe, I’m just doing what I can. It's not a big deal.

Weiss: It is for me. . . .for someone who grew up in a cold house, surrounded by people I couldn't trust, having someone that I can trust and love this much is everything.

Jaune: Weiss. . . . .

Weiss: You never ignore me, you always know when I'm not okay, you look after my every need, you go above and beyond to make me happy, and you know me even better than I do myself. I must've been a saint in a past life to be blessed with someone so wonderful as you are. I wanna stay like this and hold on to you for the rest of my life. *Angelic smile* Thank you for marrying me, my love.

Jaune: . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

-

Jaune: *naked on the bed and spooning her* God damnit. . . . .

Weiss: *sweaty and giggling*

Jaune: I can't believe I fell for that.

Weiss: Fell for what~? I was being honest, you know?

Jaune: I know! And that makes it even more of a dirty move!

Weiss: My heart bleeds for you.

Jaune: *groan* I was just a week away. I resisted everything you threw at me and this is how I lost?

Weiss: Yep. I thought there was no way out until a certain someone reminded me how weak you are to someone being genuinely emotional with you.

Jaune: It was Ruby wasn't it? Every time i have her favorite cookies she'll go on this emotional speech about how much it matters to her that i’m her best friend and all we went through, and when i realize i already gave her the cookies.

Weiss: I won't confirm nor deny anything.

Jaune: Ugh, figures.

Weiss: *turns to him* Oh please, you say it as if you didn't like it.

Jaune: Of course I did, I've been craving you for weeks.

Weiss: Good to hear, I felt the same.

Jaune: Just don't do that next year or I'm telling Blake about your secret costumes.

Weiss: You’re doing that again next year!?

Jaune: *chuckles* That's your main concern?

Weiss: Of course I am! These last three weeks have been hell!

Jaune: If that's the case. . . .*on top of her* Then let me take you to paradise.

Weiss: *pink* That wasn't enough for you?

Jaune: Nowhere near enough to make up for these three weeks. You gotta work Tomorrow?

Weiss: Not really, they have to fix the wall in my office so. . . . .

Jaune: Good. You won't have to make up an excuse then. Might need one for after tomorrow though.

Weiss: *red* . . . . . . .I’m in danger aren't i?

Jaune: The plan was to win the challenge and slowly ease back into routine. You tricked me into losing so now I’m giving you what you want, all of it.

Weiss: *redder* C-can we talk about this for a mome-AAHHHH~!?!?

[ficretus]

Blake ships problematic things

*teams RWBY and JNRO in Vacuo cafeteria*

Jaune: So what are you up to these days?

*scroll rings*

Weiss: I have to excuse myself, SDC related business. *walks away from table*

Yang: Well I am mostly killing Grimm VB. Although I did pick up some sweet lasso skills.

Ren: That's bit odd.

Yang: I got inspired by that girl from that crossover I'm not allowed to talk about anymore due to copyright reasons. I asked Ilia for a help since she is a whip user. I guess you can say she... showed me the ropes.

*audible groaning*

Yang: As for the others. Weiss is trying to keep the company afloat, Roobs is probably doing weapon maintenance.

Ruby: My baby is not gonna clean itself.

Yang: Nora and Ren are helping refugees settle.

Nora: I also picked up an electric guitar... not as exciting as I thought.

Yang: Oscar is trying to stay alive and Blakey is back to writing.

Ren: Blake is a writer?

Blake: Not professional one, I mostly write fanfics.

Ren: What kind of fanfics do you write?

Blake: Mostly romantic ones. I usually delve in more sensual aspects of love.

Ruby: She is writing filth.

Yang: Don't be like that, lot of them are sweet. I almost cried when I read her fanfic about us.

Ren: You write fanfics about people around you?

Blake: Yeah, I wrote at least dozen fics about all of you.

Nora: *stands up* Who do you ship me with?

Ren: Nora, you can't just jump Blake like that...

Blake: Ren.

Nora: *giggles*

Ren: *groans*

Ruby: Blake, I hope you are not making me cheat on my beloved Crescent Rose.

Blake: I ship you with Oscar.

Ruby: That's... acceptable.

Oscar: YES! I mean... very interesting.

Yang: Let me guess, Weiss Cream with Vomit Boy.

Blake: No, that one makes no sense.

Jaune: Fair enough, I was obnoxious to Weiss back in Beacon.

Blake: Oh, that's not an issue. I usually ship things like that, but both of you have better partners.

Jaune: Wait, then who do you ship me with? Emerald? That girl from crossover we are legally not allowed to talk about? Cinder?!

Blake: Oh, that last one might work. Need to write few fics about it.

Yang: No offense VB, but I personally don't care who you are shipped with. But what about Weiss?

Blake: Weiss with Whitley.

Everyone: Wait, what?

Blake: There is nothing more beautiful than relationship between siblings. It's both pure and dirty at the same time.

Ruby: I might puke.

Jaune: Wait, you ship me with Saphron?!

Blake: I ship you with all of your sisters.

Jaune: What the hell Blake?! Is that why you kept asking me details about my sisters?! So you can turn it into smut fic?!

Blake: Ugh, it's not a smut fic, it's a beautiful story about people growing closer before crossing the taboo line.

Jaune: *looks at his scroll* Latest story is titled "7 inches, 7 sisters," how the hell is this respectable?!

Blake: It was a conservative estimate.

Yang: VB don't make this about accuracy of your dick size, there are more pressing matters. Do you ship me with Ruby?!

Nora: Wait, is that why you ship me with Ren? You said we were like siblings back in Beacon.

Blake: I don't ship you with Ruby anymore, I wouldn't want you to cheat on me.

Yang: Anymore?!

Ruby: Yup, here it comes. *pukes*

Ren: Look Blake, you can't ship people with their siblings, it's wrong on so many levels.

Oscar: Oz says it was normal back in the day.

Jaune: Not now Oz.

Ren: Imagine if someone wrote about you having an explicit relationship with your parents. How would you feel?

Blake: Ew, that would just be weird. Those two things are not comparable. Sexual relationship between parent and child would be gross violation of trust. Relationship between siblings is pure.

Yang: IT'S THE SAME! But because you are the single child you don't see anything wrong with it.

Weiss: *walks towards the table* What did I miss?

*five traumatic minutes later*

Ruby: *puking*

Weiss: *crying*

Ren: So Blake, what did we learn today?

Blake: Titling the story "Little brother, big problem" is highly offensive?

Ren: Go on.

Blake: Brothers don't jump their sisters whenever they have their back turned to them?

Jaune: Or in any other circumstance.

Blake: Inbreeding is not funny and "we must ensure our babies have Schnee Semblance and blue eyes" is not good reason to do it?

Yang: Or any reason for that matter.

Blake: You are right, this whole... bro x sis thing was mistake on my part. I'll no longer write stories like that. Sorry Weiss, sorry Jaune.

Ren: See, there is nothing constructive conversation can't fix.

Blake: From now on, I am shipping Jaune with Cinder...

Jaune: Sigh, tiny step forward...

Blake: And Weiss with Winter! I can already imagine it, forbidden love and neither can let it go.

Yang: AW COME ON!

Ren: This might take a while...

[rwac96]

Bad Luck Amuck (RWBY Shitpost)

Qrow: *shaking his flask* "Empty. This can't be good."

Ruby: *approaches* "Uncle Qrow, what's wrong?"

Qrow: *exhales* "Ruby, I'm outta whiskey."

Ruby: *smiles* "So, you won't get drunk and be smelly for a while."

Qrow: *serious* "Ruby, do you remember what my Semblance is?"

Ruby: *blinks* "Luck--." *realization* "Oh, fudge."

---

*Yang was riding Bumblebee, until the front wheel suddenly lost a bolt, came loose and the cycle tipped over, causing Yang to be flung across the Valeian street*

Yang: *tossed* "CRAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!"

*Pyrrha and Jaune are sitting at a diner, enjoying an outing and it seems like Jaune leans in to kiss his partner...until Yang crashes in through the window and crash lands on the knight*

Pyrrha: *horrified* "Oh, Gods!" *stands up* "Jaune, Yang--Huh!?"

*Jaune did end up kissing...Yang, who quickly gets up, red-faced*

Jaune: *confused* "YANG?!"

Yang: *blushing* "Oh, Gods! My bike lost a wheel, I wiped out and I got smooched by VB!" *covers her face* "My luck can't get worse than this!"

*Yang is then lifted up by her gauntlets...by an unamused Pyrrrha, brandishing Milo with murderous intent*

Yang: *eyes widened* "It was an accident! IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!"

---

*Weiss was in a sparring match against Cardin and she was about to fire some Ice Dust until the chamber in Myternaster jammed*

Weiss: *alarmed* "What!?" *presses the trigger again, nothing* "No! Not now!"

Cardin: *tightens his grip on The Executioner* "Perfect!"

*Cardin charged towards Weiss, swinging his mace and landing a devastating blow upon her stomach, hurling her towards the edge of the arena and shattering her Aura*

Weiss: *on the ground* "Ugh! Weapon jammed and beaten by that brute. This can't get any worse--."

Coco: "HEY! Where the hell are her panties?!"

Weiss: *blushes* "WHAT?!" *she quickly tugs her skirt down...accidentally tearing her entire dress off...now naked for all to see* "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

---

*Blake was sprinting with all of her ability, fleeing from an angry mob as she had lost her bow...her feline ears exposing her Faunus Heritage*

Enraged Valeian: *brandishing a gun* "GET HER! GET THAT ANIMAL!!"

Radicalized Youth: "HANG HER!!" *holding a noose* "I GOT THE ROPE RIGHT HERE!!"

Blake: *running* "I told Ruby I didn't want to dogsit Zwei, and this happens! This can't get any--!"

*Blake bumps into something, no someone...a White Fang Member and their comrades...recognizing Blake, who was now surrounded*

Blake: *tearing up* "N-No...."

WF Grunt: "DEATH TO THE TRAITOR!!"

Radicalized Youth: "KILL HER AND THE OTHER ANIMALS!!"

Blake: *cornered, sobbing* "Brothers, NOOOO!!!"

---

Ruby: *pale* "Oh, no. I gotta warn--UGGHH!!" *she keels over, clutching her stomach* "Oh, Gods!"

Qrow: *alarmed* "RUBY!!"

Ruby: *growing paler* "I think... I think that brownie was worse than bad..."

[rachetmath]

Ruby: Okay has anyone noticed anything wrong with Jaune?

Yang: Ruby he is in therapy. He’s fine.

Ruby: I know but that’s not the problem.

Weiss: She right he’s kind of been off lately.

Nora: What do you mean?

Blake: Jaune seems to get easily frustrated and distracted.

Nora: I mean when is he never?

Ruby: Yeah but you would think Jaune being in therapy he would not get like that so easily.

Yang: He’s probably having a hard time readjusting.

Ren: But it has been months though.

Nora: It’s a slow recover.

Ren: But it’s seems to be happening in a pattern.

Oscar: How so?

Emerald: It’s what causes him to lack focus and push him.

Yang: Wait does Jaune want to fight someone?

Blake: How are you not looking?

Qrow: What are you all talking about?

Ruby: Jaune’s issue.

Qrow: Yeah I noticed it.

Ruby: Really?

Qrow: Yeah and I understand. The struggle is real. He needs to get it.

Nora: So he does want to fight someone.

Ren: Nora, come on, keep up.

Oscar: None of you are making sense.

Ozpin: Oscar it’s obvious.

Oscar: What is?

Jaune: Hi, everyone.

Ruby: Oh.

Weiss: Wow Jaune you look... happy.

Jaune: Yeah I finally got what I needed to get the edge off.

Blake: *laughs and sarcastically*Really? By who?

Jaune: By Elm.

RWBQRE: *chew drop*

Jaune: Yeah, it was fun. And I feel a lot better now.

Blake: (No freakin way. With their height difference and her body mass.)

Yang: Well I’m glad you are okay.

Nora: Dang you and Elm must have went all out in the sparring match.

RWB, Qrow, Ren and Emerald: (What the fuck? They can’t be-)

Jaune: Yeah… ... a ‘sparring match’. Yeah.

Ren: (BULLSHIT! HE HAS TO BE LYING!)

Yang: How many rounds did you two go? I bet I could go more rounds than her.

Blake: YANG!!!

Yang: What?

Nora: Yeah Yang, you can go ten but I can go twenty.

Ren: *face palm* Nora please.

Nora: Ren come on you know I can do it.

Ruby and Weiss: (Idiots. The both of them.)

Oscar: Um-(covered)

Emerald: Shut up. You’ll thank me later once we talk.

Jaune: Sorry, Yang and Nora but I lost count after five.

Blake:(NO! No freaking way! You got to be lying! There is no way without getting your back broken.)

Ren: (How much frustration have you been holding?! And how come I couldn’t see it?!)

Ruby: Blake are you okay? You look frustrated.

Blake: Nothing Ruby.

Yang: Well okay we’ll ask Elm tomorrow.

Jaune: Um. I wouldn’t.

Nora: And why not?

Jaune: Reasons. (I over did it.)

Yang: Jaune there is no need to be embarrassed, we already know. She pinned you.

Jaune: (Oh hell no! F you too,) You know what, ask her tomorrow. She’ll give you both the juicy details. See you later.

Nora: Glad you’re okay Jaune.

The Next day

Yang: Hey Elm.

Elm: *tired and yawns* Hello.

Nora: Wow you look horrible.

Elm: What did you expect? Your friends was beast.

Yang: What you mean? Jaune was on an island for I don’t know how long. Of course he be difficult but he couldn't beat you.

Jaune: You know we talk outside if you want.

Elm: Yes, I see. No wonder he was bit ruff last night.

Blake: (NO!)

Ren: (No. No. No! No way possible.)

Qrow:(Damn, he actually hit that. And survived.)

Emerald: (How much heat was he packing?)

Jaune: I’m sorry. I know I over did it. I was overwhelmed.

Elm: Don’t worry you did wonders for me. Especially on your first try.

Yang: Yeah but--- wait “first try?” “Last night?”

Nora: … … …

Jaune: I mean I know I could have done better.

Elm: You were fine. Especially after round ten. You were a monster.

Nora: No. No. No way.

Yang: Impossible.

Elm: In fact my body is still sore after that. It was miracle I was able to stand up at all.

Oscar: *blushes*

Emerald: Told you so.

Ozpin: (*sigh* You’re going to need some time to process this.)

Yang and Nora: *blush and faint*

Blake: YANG!

Ren: NORA!

Elm: Oh. Too much.

Jaune: Yeah. Just enough.

Afterwards…

Nora: Jaune what the hell?!

Jaune: *laughs*

Yang: I thought you were having hard time readjusting?

Jaune: I was but...I had other needs.

Yang: Oh my gosh and I said I can last longer than Elm. In the sheets no less.

Jaune: *laughs*

Yang: *red eyed and blushes* NOT FUNNY!!!

Ruby: I mean how did you not notice it?

Yang: What are you talking about Ruby?

Ruby: Yang seriously? You didn’t know after Jaune was looking at your breast instead of your eyes.

Yang: What?

Blake: Or how he was staring at Emerald’s ass.

Emerald: I knew it. Especially after Nora-

Jaune: No-no let’s not go there.

Nora: Wait you mean when I… Jaune really?

Jaune: …. Sorry.

Ren: Or how Jaune was staring at every girl or woman that passes him.

Yang; Holy. T-then how did Elm-

Jaune: Elm saw. She teased me. I reached my limit. Wanted to hit it. She gave me a shot. Mission complete.

Nora: This can’t be real. Why?

Jaune: I was on an island. Alone.

Nora: So?

Jaune; I was alone. With no human people. Just toys and objects. What else must I say?

Yang: Okay. But why Elm?

Jaune: It was either her, Harriet, Winter, or Fiona.

Weiss: Hold on, what?

Yang: The f*** wrong with you?

Jaune: Again I was on an island. No humans. What do you expect? Booty was the second thing on my mind besides going home.

Nora: Well okay but why just Elm, Harriet, Winter and Fiona?

Jaune: … … …

Weiss: JAUNE!!

Nora: You mother-

Yang: Really?!

Emerald: We judging now?

Jaune: Hold on. Hold on now, I don’t recall any of you girls throwing me anything. What rights do you have to judge me?

Yang; She is older than you.

Jaune: I’m older than you!

Weiss: You were thinking about my sister?

Jaune: If it makes you feel any better she was my last option.

Weiss: No. No it does not.

Jaune: I mean for me it was worth it.

Ruby: Wait Winter is last? How are the others ranked?

Yang: Why is that your concern?

Ruby: I want answers.

Jaune: Well Fiona was my top choice. Harriet was my second. Elm was originally my third. And Winter is last.

Blake: Why is Fiona on top?

Jaune: She’s cute and doesn’t need ass or big chest to prove anything. And she actual helps her people.

Blake: *sad*

Ruby: Why is Harriet second?

Jaune: Nice ass, cute and good tits.

Nora: Elm?

Jaune: The challenge. And despite her warrior spirit, she's kind.

Weiss: Okay, I might regret this but… why is Winter last?

Jaune: You know why.

Weiss: F*** you too then.

Jaune: You wish.

Weiss: I did. I wish I could’ve been your first.

Ruby: Oh Weiss. You are Pyrrha now.