#Ive been through way WAY worse | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

angelexlife · 10 months ago

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Me going through something feeling like its the end of the world and everything will perish

Me a few days later once its over: omg your fine calm down

#Like im dramatic #Ive been through way WAY worse #and i survived #like its not that serious #Calm down #Your fine #you'll be over it pretty quick #just calm down #Its fine

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kraviolis · 1 year ago

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no one has explored the idea of darius and camila co-parenting hunter enough. like where the hell are the fics about darius calling camila asking if hunter left his derby uniform at her house or camila personally going to drop off hunter at his dad's house and sharing a cup of tea with him while she asks about hunter's grades at hexside and darius asks about hunter's sleeping habits and if she had any human alternatives to sleeping nettles that might help him sleep without the dream-enhancing side effect.

what about camila inviting darius to stay for dinner when he comes to drop off hunter at his mom's house and darius asking for the recipe and then asking the kids what ingredients he could substitute and which ones have to stay the same. or camila specifically adding three more lines to her phone plan-- one for vee, one for hunter, and one for darius so that they can keep in contact more easily. or hunter getting in trouble at school for picking a fight with boscha but when principal bump calls, darius is extremely busy with work so he calls camila and asks her to handle it.

maybe darius gets in an argument with hunter and he cant tell where he went wrong and calls camila and she listens and gives him her advice as someone whose been a parent for fourteen years vs. his own eight months. or camila opens up to darius about her own struggles with losing her husband and he opens up with his own grief over losing his mentor. or they talk on the phone for hours and gossip with each other. maybe darius comes over to hang out with camila and binge watch a new show with her while the kids are at school

#krav talks #toh #darius deamonne #camila noceda #average camila and darius phone conversation:#“dont take this the wrong way.” “naturally.” “i think eda and raine are moving too fast.”#“absolutely. its only been what. two months?”#“two months! and theyre already moving in together!”#“this is not going to go well. ive known raine for years and they havent had a long term relationship since they first broke up with eda.”#“oh noooo... thats even worse than i thought...”#“it gets even worse! raine just spoke to me the other day and complained about eda not letting them help her with the curse again!"#“ah... saw that coming. not that i think eda is bad--”#“no of course not! we love eda.”#“we love eda! but that witch has a serious amount of baggage she needs to sort through before rushing into a relationship.”#“oh you have no idea how right you are. have i told you about what she'd tried to do when i was still pretending to be loyal to belos?”#“oh? im listening...”

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s0fter-sin · 5 months ago

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is there any actual catharsis in the boys or is it all just suffering and scrambling for a crumb of relief

#bc i cant handle whump without a bit of silver lining #its why i didnt like game of thrones #theres just so much suffering and the entire time you want just something to go right for the characters you like #but its just bad thing after bad thing #and the people you dont like keep getting worse and getting away with it #i already know homelander will exhaust me #theres enough celebrities and rich people that do horrific shit and get away with it in real life i dont need that in my shows too #like for a while? i can deal #but season four is airing and this mother fucker is still adored even if he is being sued or something #i know its not the type of show with clear cut good guys and bad guys thats not what i mean #but yeah is there any relief? or any good things?#or is it just it starts off bad and gets worse and thats the point #i need there to be a reason for all the suffering you know?#so far i like black noir (though i know what happens to him) butcher and a train #and a little bit of the deep but i can also see him annoying me for long chunks of time #is it bc elliot knight is in the new season and i can do a cod crossover with it? maybe so #either way i’ll probably end up not watching it and just watch vicariously through gifs and fic lmao #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #the boys #homelander #billy butcher #soldier boy

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soobvape · 4 days ago

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i need brownies so fucking bad rn

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queixumes · 2 months ago

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its SO windy outside this is the first time in my life a storm makes me anxious

#this is probably not even the worst storm ive been through wtf is goig onnnnn #the worse of it is suppose to happen at 9am which is when im in my way to class i wanna stay homeee

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unionizedwizard · 2 months ago

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:/

#nothing to do with anything i'm just thinking about [redacted event] and going like hm. will never trust anyone w my body ever again #way to instantly shatter what little self-esteem i had managed to get especially since starting my transition lol #somehow worse than some of the actual horrific shit ive been through sexually lmfao like okay #sticks and stone(s) truly for real

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innalheid · 2 months ago

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Feeling very Ascension by Gorillaz ft Vince Staples at 2:18

#i need to solve a puzzle or some shit. god. fuck.#i cant concentrate on anything i cant fall asleep i cant stay asleep i cant stay awake i cant wake up on time #i hate depression 😒 and all the other things wrong with me yknow #i need to do something like. good for me. but its so damn hard to drag myself into doing that too #brain. stop being so foggy. please.#im even like. im eating im drinking water. i could probably like do some sort of exercise but everything makes me so tired.....#like even a walk yknow? i do my shift at work and im at 3% battery. i dont. i dont know what to do man #and i dont even wanna die about it???? im actively NOT suicidal for once #like are you kidding me??? ive been suicidal for like over a decade and for once #my brain is still popping up like have you considered killing yourself? 🤔 but im Genuinely not swayed by it at all #which is weird. and probably good. but now i just feel like. numb #stuck. stagnant. foggy. can we PLEASE cut through this fog and have some meaningful brain functions for a little bit. brain. cmon #i dont wanna die but i *do* wanna sleep for like. three days #i want a week off where i have NOTHIN to do #genuinely nothing to do. chores are done work is on pause i need nothing creeping in at the edges thinkin bout #ohhhhh you should be doing this instead..........youre wasting your time........do a task.....#but i cant i cant do a task. i cant. and its so frustrating and i feel bad about it #id feel much worse about it if my BRAIN wasnt as foggy as fucking SAN FRANCISCO #and i keep trying like. healthy ways of ''feeling something'' like hobbies i like or yummy food #nothin. does fuckin nothin. i get off and it gives me a Little bit of clarity Maybe. like #no wonder bad coping mechanisms happen yknow??? its an absolute fucking miracle i havent taken up smoking #anyway. i need to go to bed. tomorrows gonna be a long day. if you feel so inclined send me mental love or something. im fuckin tired folks.

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purpurussy · 4 months ago

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#tw suicide #idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT #i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone #and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess #but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm #but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing #hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse #to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house #and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like #to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age #but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me #also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently #tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me #i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship #but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation #i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself #and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons #most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks #idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear #this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly #sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point #and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have #the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona #so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem #anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope

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skeletalheartattack · 3 months ago

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so for like, a decade plus, i've been searching for a youtube video i remember seeing back in 2007, and i've finally managed to make some headway:

good news: i've found it

bad news: it's lost media

#it's been bugging me for so long honestly #ive talked about it in my tags before but its basically the video that introduced me to roblox #it's probably a bit silly to have been searching for this video. but part of the reason ive been looking is to see how good my memory is #specifically memories from when i was 9 years old. and how those memories have aged given im 26 now #like id say my memory is pretty good. specifically remembering specific details from memories long ago #like that isn't to say they're perfect. like i'll get some details wrong. but i know the general idea of what i saw #but basically #it's basically some old roblox bloopers video that had their character in a baseball cap and lugia t-shirt #now for a few years i wasn't sure i was correct on this person wearing a lugia t-shirt #and so at some point i figured i had to give up looking for that specific detail #since literally no video i could find had these two details combined. id find characters with baseball caps but never with a lugia t-shirt #and by that point i was afraid i wouldn't be able to find this video. or worse. my memory was wrong and it was something i watched in 2008 #but i knew it had to be uploaded before december 12th. 2007. because thats when i made my account #and the way i found it was going through 11 pages of a youtube search for ''lego videos''#i was specifically looking for new lego videos to watch. or find something that seemed more interesting than lego mario stop motion #and there was one video that stood out. which was some random roblox bloopers video. mixed in with a bunch of random lego videos #anyway. just today i was scrolling through twitters ''for you'' tab and happened upon a thread showing off lost roblox youtube thumbnails #and i was like ''well. can't hurt to see if theres anything in here that i recognize.''#and lo and behold. a roblox dude in a blue baseball cap and a lugia t-shirt. labeled as ''ROBLOX Bloopers!''#i could feel the anvil of my doubt free itself from my brain because i finally had proof of a video that lines up with my memory #thats not to say this is the exact video but 99% certain it's uploaded by the same person. like it could be roblox bloopers part 2 #but anyway. the channel and the video(s) are lost and while im sad i can't watch it to confirm my memory #im happy to see that there's evidence that lines up with my memory of what i saw back then #for reference. it was uploaded by someone named 'Furzniak' at the time. and it was uploaded on July 21st. 2007

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aro-carpenter · 2 months ago

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My god

#when the imposter in syndroming #its been like in the back of my mind for a while but now that ive officially got like appointments and have to actually do my job its uhhhhh #not great!#like what if i fuck it all up and actually give the worst advice anyone has ever given and make it worse instead of better and all my #critical thinking skills leave me the second i need them and it goes so bad that i fuck not only rhe opportunity but also someone elses #grade up irrevocably forever and ever #ugggghhhhhhhh the only way out is through and actually doing the damn thing but still #it could be better. it doesnt have to be like this #sigh. if onlt hiding under a rock only doing what feels good was a viable way to live. unfortunately if u want things to get better u have #to do hard things. they should invent a better way of doing this #ok i feel better now. ive just gotta remember that i am qualified to do this & have been trained specfically to do this task #and also that post-sundown me is an idiot and not to be trusted #original

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butnotbubblegum · 4 months ago

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, read at your own risk.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 1 year ago

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hour 14 of taking a break from art for the sake of my tendons: i am Wailing and Keening and Scratching Forlornly At My Tablet

#i dont know if im strong enough but i Need to be strong enough #cant continue doodling if ya wrist doesnt work #clenching my fists and chanting 'this is necessary this is necessary'#ive been going way too hard lately. unfortunately #curse this mortal body and its stupid bullshit mechanics that dont even work half the time #gonna cope by eating overly spicy soup and crochet #well no. i cant crochet. ten minutes of that hurts worse than scribbling for eight gay hours #to put it quite simply - but with feeling: FUCK!#absolutely unprompted #howling and sobbing and baying etc etc #i was gonna finish that commission tonight. then i was gonna start on something else i promised Days ago.#maybe get some doodles done for asks.#work on vines part 2.#but it oof ouch too much :/#what the hell am i supposed to do now #fold laundry? clean my room? read? WRITE? ha dont make me laugh #i havent written in 2 months and im not about to start now #(said immediately before screaming into a pillow)#maybe ill like... go through my replies for once... see if people are trying to talk to me...#see if im brave enough to Directly Interact outside of asks...

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volfoss · 11 months ago

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actually yeah im making a quick poll on this. for anyone who has been around long enough to remember when i made my massive clamp readathon situation (in which i read every single one of the works they put out) be everyones problem. hi. im doing it again but much worse now. reading about 400 volumes (and more if i can find more) of tezuka osamu's work. i am just curious on the general consensus of if i should upload thoughts as i read each one (ie: one post being like i finished kimba/jungle kingdom, heres my thoughts) or just have a MASSIVE post of hey. read them all heres my thoughts (as i did with clamp. which is when i found out tumblr had a max text limit)

#twist rambles #i KNOW this is smth most of u do not care about. however comma. im curious what would be better. esp as like... about 50?? i think percent #of these have no translation fan or official. so its smth where i think discussing the plot/characters/art or whatever could be fun :)#but its also like. obviously a lot. for comparison the clamp stuff was abt 90 volumes (half of them being holic and trc). so this is far #worse. i could read all of naruto 5.5 times over in the time this will take me to complete it. so its smth where i do want to like... get #opinions on. either way i dont plan on liveblogging for most of it other than if i find a silly panel (the really good mw panels u will #ALWAYS be famous <- i post them every time i read i think. theyre very good to me). i do however plan on coloring a panel or page from each #series as my OWN personal way of having a physical way of holding onto my memories w it. sorry this is so long and rambly but im gearing up #for this massive project and by god i need to get ppl to read dor.oro. <- my goal or something. please. its very good.#tzkposting #<- all of my posting abt this will/has been under this tag so its not... in the main tags lmao.#sorry for the rambling but. hi. please vote :3 im making a big spreadsheet for stuff bc like... a lot of his stuff is hard to source so onc #im done w that nightmare situation ill probably post that somewhere bc the days of work ive done on all this should be put out there lol #gonna srb this a few times through the day to get like... an idea of what ppl would prefer :)

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jacksprostate · 8 months ago

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sorry this is once again my monthly 'i'm in love with people and our capacity for compassion even in the face of deep deep cruelty, even though i've seen worse and worse things, come to terms with so much, it's my love of humanity that has let me avoid rotting, encouraged me to grow and chase my own place in helping everyone around me" post

#im really excited for the job im starting. still about a month or so out but heading towards a career change sort of that im really excited #for. im just... i actually used to be very cynical and i struggled to see the point through all the terrible things in the world #but for many reasons #even as i discovered worse and worse things #ive developed... resiliency i never thought id have #born out of this appreciation for those and the world around me #and i wish i could share it. i see so many people in my old shoes #im still growing. so much to do #but im at a level of contentment.. idk. i couldntve dreamed of #and it took effort #it is not /easy/ to face things and believe in good regardless #but. its rewarding. i wish it for all of you #on a similar but different note ive been reaching a point of being more myself in social situations rather than just a chameleon #and ive been lucky enough to have the people around me the past two years or so be very supportive in a way that has truly let me grow and #become a better version of myself #and its sort of been this positive feedback loop. because the more confident and passionate you are the more people are delighted by your #eccentricies #i used to be so beat down #i still struggle so much #but. im at a place i never thought id be #no doubt there will be struggles in the future #hell its not like things are perfect now #still so much. major things to improve on #but idk. i am happy #and its a very full sense of happiness.#full and aware and strong #thats what i wish for all of you :)

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wolfisland · 9 months ago

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genuinely worried whatevers wrong with me is covid. the rapid test says no but at this point those things are useless to me. but its been triggering such awful fucking body pains that if this is a flare up this is one of the worst ones ive ever had

#tbh ive had covid before and it was nothing compared to my chronic pain flare ups #but i guess that makes sense considering im always always in pain #the aftermath of the havoc it wrought on my body and immune system was way way worse #mind you id already been mostly vaccinated by the time i caught covid (missed my 3rd shot)#which is likely the only reason it didnt half kill me #so dont take any of this as me saying covids no biggie #bc what i do mean is that my flare ups are a separate kind of hell that i cant at least mostly sleep through #i slept through covid. fortunately #but rn i am definitely sick and i actually have no idea if its like a cfs fibro episode from stress #or if its smth contagious #so it just means no leaving the apartment except to get my meds or see my dr if i can avoid it i guess #txt

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sforzesco · 1 year ago

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Allow me, if you will, a moment to go absolutely rabid over your blog and everything that goes on here. I’ve always loved history but the USA hardly likes teaching anything that isn’t American History. I’ve forgotten how much I love WORLD history, specifically the rise and fall of empires.

I’ve been smothering myself in your posts and I love it ALL. JC, Pompey, Crassus, Sulla, Octavian, Antony, Cassius, and Brutus. Wow what a mood. You don’t miss on your references or your modern AU’s and I’m over here like- I’m trying to buy whatever web comic you put out, book you write, etc.

Also, if you’d be so kind to list some material with like themes to start breaking into these topics. Preferably materials in English or translated materials.

HELL YEAH LET'S GO

if you really want to start on the ground floor for breaking into something, I'd recommend my personal favorite approach which is picking the figure that's most interesting to you, reading through plutarch's biography on them (free! online! in english!) and then putting their name through a jstor search and reading whatever sounds fun.

other than that, the primary theme I've been wandering around in lately, so these are the materials I've been really enjoyed related to that:

The Deaths of the Republic: Imagery of the Body Politic in Ciceronian Rome, Brian Walters

The Game of Death in Ancient Rome: Arena Sport and Political Suicide, Paul Plass

Ideology in Cold Blood: A Reading of Lucan's Civil War, Shadi Bartsch

Statius and Virgil: The Thebaid and the Reinterpretation of the Aeneid, Randall T. Ganiban

Rome, Blood & Power, Gareth C Sampson

I also have a comparatives tag where I play connect the dots with texts that made my brain go brrr

#also thank u 💓#ive been obsessed with history and historical non fiction since i was like. five. and my dad noticed that i liked watching documentaries #on pbs lmao #i lucked out: all of my history teachers through highschool were FANTASTIC but my sister's grasp on history #(w/ different teachers) is way worse and she was like. all honors and got a wicked scholarship to a very nice college #idk where im going with that. something about how history is taught with such inconsistency makes me feel :|#i feel passionately abt the subject so i want other people to love it too aughghhhhh #and the way history is taught in schools unless you get a good teacher. is not conducive to this. its a TRAGEDY #thinking about how my best favorite man mabini. ppl not knowing that polio was what caused paralysis in his legs #back when heneral luna came out. (head in hands)#like its good to learn! that was a learning moment for people! but also @ the education department: im fucking coming for you.#IM GETTING OFF TRACK thank u for sending this anon this ask made me really happy to read 🥺🥰💕💕💖💞#i hope you're having a nice day!#ask tag

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