#vent stuff
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Cw for animal death
I lost Lucky today. He seemed fine minutes ago, so I don’t know what happened, and I probably never will. I knew this was a possibility, I’d never done this before, but for him to have come so far, for me to get hopeful, and then to have him die is devastating
He was just a feeder mouse, who wasn’t even supposed to live this long, but for a while there, I really thought I could pull this off.
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Oh wow I get why dad does it now. This is great (minus the bitter taste)
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this world is not my home
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....
#god I hate being loney jfc#like I wanna make friends here I really do but also I have horrid time blindness and ADHD and generally suck at normal conversations#idk ive spent a lot of time making friends through vcs where its so much easier to tell tone and whether or not a joke lands so text is hard#and the other way I tend to make friends is through roleplay or working on projects but with the dsmp thats difficult at best#like yeah I have an rp blog but thats only attracted people who aren't on the 'dream' side of things so its just#GAH IM SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED AND I WANNA TALK WITH PEOPLE I WANT TO CHAT BUT IM ALSO SO SCARED THAT ILL FUCK UP BY MAKING A JOKE OR SOMETHIN#and I know theres people I could get back to about things but its been months and idk how to even approach that or reach out#i know im in a hole of my own making but also I don't know if I can just get myself out of this without help#its all stupid and my anxiety makes it so much worse#I just wanna do things and chat and stuff with people in this community but im so scared to do so simultaneously#yeah yeah do it scared but I don't want to do it scared if the anxiety of “did I go to far/say the wrong thing” is gonna eat at me#vent stuff#to be deleted eventually
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SH THEMES & BRIGHT COLORS WARNING
#vent artwork#vent art#sh art#the band ghost#spillways#<- the text is spillways lyrics that i relate to.#vent#venting#vent stuff#M rated
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I remember one of my classmates sat next to me for a short period of time this year and would draw stars on my arms during class it was so fucking sweet I miss it
First time he did it I thought I was going to cry
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Projecting my headaches to Nova cuz I can't suffer alone
#guys its not going well#i feel like im about to pass out every time i stand up#i dont think i can even draw rn#i have headaches all day long and Tylenol is not doing SHIT#also i drink water dw#its been like one day since ive been a month clean and i already feel like fucking relapsing im done#also my sis keeps bullying me but thats everyday stuff#istg im not okay#at least i take antidepressants which liek helps a bit cuz istg im about to hang from the ceilin#anyways#send asks receiving asks makes me happy :D#m00n talks#vent stuff#tw vent
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I feel bad for having negative feelings on stuff lately. Can't tell what's uncalled for and what's Dutch bluntness and what's my hormones being fucked. I don't know man. Sorry for not being into everything.
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vent.
I'm disgusting.
I'm disgusting.
I'm disgusting.
I'm disgusting.
I'm disgusting.
I'm disgusting.
I'm disgusting.
I'm disgusting.
I'm horrible.
I'm horrible.
I'm horrible.
I'm horrible.
I'm horrible.
I'm horrible.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't deserve anything good. I messed everything up. I'm so sorry. I don't deserve my boyfriend and friends. I should die. I'm sorry I'm sorry please forgive me you can hurt me you can do whatever. I'm so fucking sorry. Hurt me, please. Hurt me and betray me. I deserve it. I'm begging you.
#vent#vent stuff#vent tw#vent post#I'm yapping just ignore me.#My wifi went out two times when writing this I'm gonna fucking sob
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i blame tik tok for this new wave of entitled readers.
#i sound like such a boomer but it’s the truth#writing vent#vent stuff#vent post#tik tok is to blame for a lot of things but this is definitely one of them
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Warnings: SH mention, self harm discussed, old scratches
If you believe you’d be uncomfortable or find this triggering, don’t read it! It’s not important information.
Also I don’t want you guys reading this, and sending messages or worrying, by the way. This was meant to be positive, I’m completely fine, and when I’m not doing great, I’ve got a fantastic support system. 💚
There’s this shard of a broken plastic clothes hanger, on my bedroom floor, that I’d never picked up and tossed away.
I’ve scratched at myself with sharp objects many times. When I’m stuck in an apathetic rut, unfortunately my brain tends to search for sensation, and that sensation is usually pain.
As I was laying there in bed, looking at it, I took a teal marker off my desk and drew a really stupid Jax on my hand. Right over where I’d most commonly hurt myself.
This afternoon, I got out of bed, I talked to a friend, had some food, and checked on my pets.
I wasn’t feeling any better. But tonight, as I was washing my hands, I saw that Jax that I drew, and it made me realize, that I didn’t ever wind up picking up that clothes hanger shard all day. In the dumbest way possible, I’d successfully distracted myself from that moment of compulsive urge.
So thanks, stupid. 💚
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#tw sh#cw sh#vent stuff#I guess this is just a positive message about distracting yourself from an irrational thought#👍🏻 5 minutes from now might look different :] whether that be anxiety or other thoughts and feelings#this is meant to be helpful not saddening!#💚💚
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I suddenly relate to “Venus, planet of love, was destroyed by global warming” and i don’t want to explain further
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Sketchbook doodle dump!
I've been trying to draw for about 45 minutes daily - not always happening BUT these are some of the pages I like. Part practice, art therapy, and just having a small creative outlet
#korvo draws#oc#not gonna tag each of them but daniel n poet n marcel for sure#vent stuff#not all of them
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Daily Doodle Day 284
<- Day 283 | All Days | Day 285 ->
Very small vent doodle today that I was compelled to draw while journaling, like I had to stop journaling because this image hit me so intensely
#daily doodle#traditional art#daily doodles#onionart#doodles#doodle#sketch#sketches#beginner artist#🧅 art#tiny art#vent post#vent#vent art#vent sketch#vent stuff#vent doodle#vent drawing
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yes, my last two post are about the same incident, but its pretty obvious the older of the two was much closer to when the events happened, sooo
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