#Its just a shitpost I swear

[pyxxiestyxx]

Alright, time for my mandatory Wellness Check, sigh...let’s get this over with.

The door opens 

"You’re late, you know the deal. You can do the Class-A cuddles for another day of independence, or you can attempt the Class-C cuddles for three."

Here in Affini Civiliz-...Compact, no one chooses to Class-C for independence. It’s better to be safe and do the Class-A cuddles for one day, rather than risk your entire life for just a few days more. "I...feojnbgofommmmmmrrrmph. O-okay, I did it, Miss."

"Good flower~. Now tomorrow, you better not be late, or you’ll be getting both as punishment."

"Yes Miss, sorry, I won’t be late next time."

In here, us independents only get drugged up cuddles once a day. One five minute cuddle is just enough to get you to the next day. But that’s the life in the Affini Compact. If you want to survive, you have to cuddle. Every Independent Noob has the same goal, and that’s to make an escape from the Compact where all the Free Terran Pros live, except most Free Terran Pros are born out in the wild.

If you’re an Independent Noob, there’s only one way out, and that is through the Temple of Cuddles. The Temple of Cuddles is the only structure in the ship that gives sophonts a ship to leave. To make it up, you have to do an impossibly hard drugged cuddle session that no Independent Noob has ever completed, and that's assuming you even get the chance to complete the course. The inside of the temple is protected by a barrier, and the only way an Independent Noob gets past the barrier is if they’ve earned a ticket. I’ve never even tried getting a ticket before, but if I’m going to rank up to a Free Terran Pro one day, I’m going to have to.

In my neighborhood, pretty much everyone has fallen into hedonism and florted, except for the guy who lives right next to me. He’s been my neighbor for five years! 

neighbor attempts the Class-C for the three days and collapses into Miss's vines immediately, starts calling her Mommy and reveals she is a trans woman; vine boom 

NO! WHY DID SHE TRY GOING FOR THE THREE DAYS!?!?!? Well, I guess I have to change my statement; I now live in this neighborhood alone. In the Affini Compact, only Free Terran Pros are allowed to break rules and engage in capitalism. For Independent Noobs, it’s strictly prohibited, and unfortunately, I found that out the hard way. A while ago, I was searching around and I somehow stumbled upon a Terran Accord Credit. No one has seen a Credit in years, since currency don’t exist in the Affini Compact, so I had to try to take it.

“Stop right now!”

Oh no, I’m done for.

"You really thought you could take that without me noticing? What, were you going to try to trade that for goods and services?"

"No, Ma'am, I didn’t try to take it. I just thought it would be super rare and I wanted to collect it."

"Stop talking, give me ten minutes of Class-A and Class-W cuddles now."

"Ten minutes of cuddles!? Okay, sorry Mis-aroo. Ruff ruff yip bark!"

"You know what? You keep monologuing when you think we aren't listening~ let’s make it fifteen."

"A-aroo?...arf...."

"You know what? Now let’s make it twenty minutes in a row. And you have to do it while wearing this floretwear, petal."

Ah, a...a p-pretty, comfy dress?? Come on. 

does 'his' punishment. 

In the Affini Compact, it should be no surprise that all 'punishments' were just more forms of love and affection, and that was the last time I ever tried doing a capitalism.

"You’re lucky you got off easy. Don’t forget, you’re at the bottom, so follow the rules. Also, schedule a meeting with your Vet for some Class-G's, sweetie."

It’s safe to say that if you’re an Independent in the Affini Compact, it’s not exactly the-

sound of door thudding, splintering

What was that?

CRASH

"Petaaaaaal~ Remember me? Your Hab AI told me you were monologuing to empty space again, and I'm afraid the clip it sent me was so adorable that I just had to come and see. Here, come try this collar on for me..."

...Oh no.

[syn4k]

not gonna tag sloy in this cos i'm not sure if he'd be fine with that especially considering this has a Bad Word in it but yeah. recap team fanart because i feel like this is just going to be the collective mood over the next few weeks as the docm vs poultry man saga plays out. love the work y'all do, godspeed

orig image/template via knowyourmeme

[skullsandcorals]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @apiratefellinlovewithastar 🤭💜💜💜 !!!!

I hope you like it ;)

(click for better quality if you're on the mobile app. do not repost.)

[osteochondraldefect]

i love spreading misinformation about what happens in this podcast aka.: bunch of thangs i drew but didnt feel like posting separately

[bunnygirlism]

rip Ross you would’ve loved femtanyl

CW: badly drawn gore in read more I guess??

for context:

[blaithnne]

Searching for images of johanna on google is all well and good until half the images are from my fucking blog

[katkalis-the-horror-fanartist]

That one Jabba The Hutt toast but...

...

Mine.

[emissary-of-the-moon]

I have a midwestern country Twilight agenda to push so heres my list of things Twi does/experienced from a certified midwesterner

- goes and stands on the deck as soon as there's talk of severe weather rolling in

- "ya know it wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the wind chill (winter) / humidity (summer)"

- very large bonfires (like we're talkin doesn't fully go out for days)

- long ass goodbyes (bonus points if it ends with Twi slapping his knee and say "welp 'spose i better get going")

- "ope", "don't cha know", "smells like rain" (not for the wolf reasons)

- any variation of talking about the weather

- way too many miscellaneous story about the hometown (like "oh those trees are in front of the school cause some kids died")

- complaining about the cities™ (bonus points if one city is the 'cake-eater' city)

- complaining about construction season

- complaining about people not knowing how to drive "we get snow every year how do you forget how to drive in it"

- bring your tractor to school day

- everything is a 20-30 minute drive away

- "jeet" (did ya eat), "jever" (did ya ever)

- nosy as hell

- really fast walker

-calls mosquitoes 'skeeters'

[idyllking]

Wenclay Tingz: Obsession Edition

Wednesday is wholehearted mind, body, soul obsessed with Bianca and will admit it

Bianca will deny it but she's just as obsessed with Wednesday (if not more)

Bianca tries to hide her obsession (passing it off as "She's my rival of course I pay attention to her" but she's doing a terrible job

Divina is scared for life because she has woken up multiple times to find Wednesday standing over Bianca's sleeping form. (Divina, clutching her pearls: Jesus Christ its the middle of the night what the fuck are you doing in our room.)

Wednesday's definitely the one who is more outright stalker-ish

Bianca just silently gathers all information she can find on Wednesday and the Addams family as a whole (Gotta know your enemies or something like that. Yoko: That's.....not......)

Bianca definitely doesn't have a folder in her photo of a bunch of Stalker-esque photos of Wednesday. (Yoko stop trying to go through my phone there's nothing there)

Wednesday has a vial of Bianca's blood she wears around her neck (Enid: How'd you even get that cause I know she didn't give it to you.)

They both keep notes of all the others little habits and quirks and if anyone sees it and asks about it the only reply they get is: Know thy enemy

Everybody else is rightfully concerned at first until they realize that they are mutually obsessed (still very concerned)

Enid: Aw they match eachothers freaks. It's kinda cute. -Divina: Eh -Yoko: It's really... not

Bianca definitely doesn't get violent urges when idiots try to talk to Wednesday (Yoko: B chill I can see your chompers)

Wednesday has infact maimed someone for flirting with Bianca (Her being a siren doesn't warrant nor excuse unwanted advances. Enid stop looking at me like that, he's still alive. -Enid: Barely)

If Xaviers prescence at Nevermore is suddenly scarce and Gabrielle disappears off the face of the earth no one really questions either of them.

[sansaorgana]

my toxic trait is that I genuinely think I would be able to claim a dragon

[grarts]

A Strahd commission for @veiledbyamask !

This poor vampire will not be taken seriously for a single moment in our CoS campaign. It’s no less than what he deserves.

Destroy your dark overlord’s ego one shitpost at a time by commissioning me over on Artistree!

[roodles03]

If I learned ANYTHING from Season 2 of Helluva Boss, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD VIV IF THIS WAS FORESHADOWING-

[zazzyzazzro]

super mario canvas: i go insane edition

[nyaskitten]

I present to you my newest crackship that everyone will love: Corruptednightmare shipping.

[janthecrow]

my friends already know abt this but i cannot stop thinking abt this image oml THEY ARE A FAMILY AND THE PLANTS LOVE DAVE EVEN IF HE DOES THE MOST RANDOM THINGS

I AM AWARE THAT THIS IS FROM AN AD IN PVZ2 BUT STILL- FOUND. FAMILY. I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO SHUT UP ABT THIS AND I APPLOGIZE TO MY FRIENDS FOR REPEATING THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN I JSUT SHRVSJBFD

SHAKING THEM LIKE A CAN OF SODA RN /AFF

[lorainedoesthings]

Crack YIAU thoughts featuring my bilingual brain & two idiots (context in the tags!)

(aka me & @thatcheeseycandle )

GC is literally dedicated to theories and other stuff relating to YIAU.