#Internal struggle

[torveiglyart]

Who's your favorite voltron character and what is your favorite thing about them?

Oh boy. Oooohhhhhhh boy.

Lance quiznaking Charles McClain.

Okay okay okay so, There are MANY reasons he’s my favourite, and I could go on and on about him, but you asked for my singular favourite thing. If I had to pick one thing about him?

His extroversion.

See, Lance and I are extremely similar in mannerisms, personality, family, looks not so much, and fears. The main difference between us is the readiness to talk to others. I’m extroverted, but over the years I’ve drawn into myself a bit more and tend to get pretty bad anxiety when met with new scenarios that involve meeting new people or talking for long periods of time. This is simply due to my upbringing and other social factors I couldn’t control, but it still affected me. I used to be, like Lance, ready and open to talk to new people, experience new things, and I was a chatter box. And in seeing that reflected in a character that already shares so much similarity with me? It made it pretty easy to latch on.

I admire him not just for who he is, but what he represents to me. An academically challenged kid with ADHD, a love of the beach, big dreams, and a terrible case of martyrdom. Oh, and the bisexual panic, but that’s not important in this right now.

By emulating Lance’s mannerisms when it comes to new people, I’ve actually found myself not only with more friends who like talking to me, but I’ve also found myself happier than I ever was in middle or high school. Oh! And I joined a sports team for the first time! I get that college itself is a new experience, but just placing that bit of Lance in the everyday Me has helped a lot with the harder stuff, at least, the things I consider hardest.

Soooo that got away from me, but yeah! Lance, or as we like to call him, Leandro, is my favourite.

[oeuvrinarydurian]

I was planning on posting the last few moments of “Confection“, to continue sharing some of my favorite cinematic images from the show. However, I happened to have Degüello on, and just as I was getting started, the scene in the pathology lab was airing.

I haven’t shared anything specific to one of the mysteries yet, mainly because what I find most compelling about the show is the cinematography, the backstory/personal relationship throughlines, and the incredible acting. In this case, though, this moment is so staggering that it won the day. Morse realizes that Bright and Strange no longer trust Thursday.

This episode is when I realized how absolutely remarkable the show was. I had been watching it with interest, but it didn’t really get under my skin until right now. There’s another amazing moment I’ll try to share tomorrow.

[kimchicuddles]

Ha, I don't remember what I was struggling with when I made this one but I think my internal conversations have become a lot more chill overall... Thank you so much for supporting my work!!! Keep up with behind the scenes and special perks on patreon.com/kimchicuddles (you can also leave me a one time donation / tip / bday present on venmo @ venmo.com/tikvawolf

[shamelesswolfstarshipper]

The struggle of “am I aroace or do I just hate everyone around me except for my 2 friends that are basically dating and I see as siblings”

[voodooya]

Invisible Sorceress.

By: VooDooYa

She's an invisible sorceress.

Invisible Battles.

Trapping me in a maze too complex to get out of.

Stuck in a loop of recurring damage.

Habitually deflecting attempts at unnecessary panic.

She's an invisible sorceress.

Stealing time from me.

A few seconds.

Every minute.

Every hour.

That I breathe.

She's an invisible sorceress.

Whispering madness.

Living, breathing, feeding off my sadness.

Replaying impending fates and all of my mistakes.

Conjuring up everything that I hate.

She's an invisible sorceress.

Hiding and waiting.

Constraining.

Detaining.

Suffocating.

Slowly and gradually

asphyxiating.

She’s an invisible sorceress

Consuming me.

Using my time, my mind and my body.

Leaving invisible wounds you can't see.

Siphoning all of the good parts of me.

She's An invisible sorceress.

She haunts me.

[k0tt]

depreciating with age

i fucking hate myself.

it's not even that deep down nowadays, it's kind of obvious but i keep my seething thoughts in so my daughter, albeit infantile, doesn't hear me

body dysmorphia makes you believe, without a doubt in the world, that you are the most alien, ugly, disgusting creature that ever walked the earth. i'm so deep in it i don't believe that it's a disorder anymore. i just know it to be fact. i chock up disorder to excuses for being so damn unnatractive

blessed with the androgynous face of the century, i'm built like a door, overweight from life and birth, bad skin and ugly hair from it being grown out. my profile looks like a bloated corpse of a turtle, my posture is of an ogre, my height makes me seem even more dramatically looming than if i was small. at least if i wasn't nearly 6 foot, i'd be cuter

this shit tolls on me day after day after day. i either avoid every reflection or i have to stare at it walking by everywhere. every thought consuming my mind is "stand straighter, drag the stomach in, head back, god your ass is huge" and so on in this brutal tsunami landslide slew of mental assault that's demeaning and self deprecating

but i can't stop. it's like the worst negative addiction. i just won't stop harping on who i am. every other aspect in my life is beautiful: my relationship, my child, my family, my job, my day to day. except me, it's me, i hate being overweight and struggling constantly with food and dieting to get barely to nowhere.

even when i get there, rarely without drugs, a little voice keeps nipping at me.

therapy just tells me "say more positive things in the mirror" and that's about the best that they can do because it is all about me turning it around.

it makes me wonder if i'll be this way the rest of my life

[arcobaleno-22g]

The sky and lava are carried by the Shaman's Mother. Every day they wage war, every hour light and darkness win the battle. This battle is quiet and inconspicuous, the losses are huge, time is immeasurable. This is the greatest of the most famous wars.

Mori Yana

[the-missann]

I think I opted against posting this because I was "happy" for a time, but for me, that never lasts and most the time it's never even real.

It's all just...

Motionless

Sometimes, I feel motionless and it is something I wish would never leave.

Other times, I feel motionless and want it to go away, to never return to me.

I don't control either of these feelings, but they show how I'm feeling better than I could ever explain.

Sometimes, I'm motionless and everything stops. My fears, stress, and anxiety all stop.

Almost as if whatever I was dealing with has ran its course and is behind me.

Other times, I feel motionless like the world is trapping me in my worries and the future I know nothing about.

Feeling motionless is something I wish would happen more often, but I also wish to cease as well.

I try not to take this for granted. The feeling that I need to stop and pause because there's no rush to get to the end. I should take my time and just be motionless when I need to.

That feeling that the next second I waste doing nothing is only trapping me in my difficult moments. That staying still will only be my downfall.

No matter which one passed my night away, it's happening to remind me of the things that are gone and the things that will come.

[typicalopposite]

The internal tug of war to write a heavily angsty fic but also sprinkle in just enough fluff to cleanse the palate… but I want it to feel like a gut punch… but also like a forehead kiss… and I want it to hurt sooo bad, but have such a happy ending.

You know?

[scarletthorne1123]

“…my mind wants to control me…There's rotten things left in me/Injected by society/No one here but me to judge me…”

-“Void” by Melanie Martinez

[capableism]

Disney Channel’s stereotypical blind guy who desires to be stereotypical jock

Going to the Mat establishes Jace Newfield as a blind musical savant. But the film focuses on Jace desperately not wanting to be seen as a stereotype. His resistance is a sign of ableism because he doesn't want to be the one-dimensional character he sees in the media; he assumes everyone thinks of him that way.  

"The problem is that fiction has the capacity to initiate this very fear, meaning that when left unaddressed literary representation itself functions as an Unseen  Starer, potentially making Unseeing Victims of not only blind characters but people with impaired vision." (Bolt, 26) The impact of such media representations can be expressed or even develop into personality traits. In my personal experience, the more I was called "courageous" and "brave" about my disability, the more stubbornness became part of my personality. 

Beginning in childhood, I felt I had much to prove for people to ignore my disability.

Due to my disability, I was often singled out. To avoid that, I became very stubborn in insisting on doing things the way able-bodied people do. Fortunately, that belief has lessened with age.

Jace's assumption that people automatically can't understand his struggles is challenged when he attends music class taught by a visually impaired teacher,  which Jace was unaware of. Jace acts out by playing a drum solo in the middle of classical music. He then defended himself by saying the teacher wouldn't understand what he's going through. Then Jace is told, "he's just like  you." and jokingly, "talk about the blind leading the blind." Mr. Wyatt immediately recognizes Jace's problems stemming from the "chip on his shoulder" related to his being blind.

The dynamic between Mr. Wyatt and Jace is mentoring and falls into the same category as the magic black guy trope. "In order to show the world that minority characters are not bad people, one will step forward to help  a "normal" person, with their pure heart and folksy wisdom. They are usually  black and/or poor… and the wisdom in some way enriches that central character's life." (Tvtropes.com) Mr. Wyatt gives him the wisdom that 

"People  will always treat you differently because you are different." 

This is hard to hear because of Jace's natural desire to fit in, especially as a teenager.

Sources

Bolt, D. (2005). Looking Back at Literature: A Critical Reading of the Unseen Stare in Depictions of People with Impaired Vision. Disability & Society, 20(7), 735-747. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/09687590500335741

Tv Tropes. (n.d.). Magical Negro. https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MagicalNegro

[fireandice77]

I am on the verge of eruption.

[kimchicuddles]

Internal conversations  TikvaWolf.com Thank you so much for supporting my work!!! patreon.com/kimchicuddles (you can also leave me a one time donation / tip / bday present @ venmo.com/tikvawolf ) 

[ryanranney]

Holy War

It is the unrighteous Who long for righteousness And the wicked Who seek true comfort As the deaf do wish to hear And the blind do wish to see So too is the Word of God For those trapped in darkness And who are they that God would care? They are the children of the Most High Deceived by the ancient sons song That they are unworthy of Holiness Though they were made holy By their Father who is Holy…

[bobbydearest]

It's that dreaded season when the flare up occurs in your appendages as well as all over thanks to a little thing called reynuds.. your freezing internally as well as externally and we have no way to stop it only tolerate it so if ya know ya know... oh one thing that sounds amazing is to burrito up with multiple blankets, comforters and fuzzy socks binging one of the shows that have been calling you to watch it, while sipping on a warm drink...... *painfully cackling*

@impala-dreamer @luci-in-trenchcoats @holylulusworld @jobean12-blog @cherienymphe @because-imma-lady-assface

[thinkingonscripture]

The Apostle Paul: A NT Example of Submission to God

A New Testament person who exemplifies living in submission to God is the Apostle Paul. Despite his weaknesses and failures, Paul’s life demonstrates steady submission to God’s will. His transformation from a persecutor of Christians to a devoted apostle of Christ illustrates this submission. Unlike most Christians, Paul surrendered to the Lord very shortly after his conversion on the road to…