#I'm actually tired
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Arthur: I'm tired
Merlin, who hasn't slept in 72 hours and has his fifteenth coffee intus: maybe you should go to bed
#bbc merlin#merlin#merthur#merlin bbc#arthur#concept#i'm actually tired#with a little headache#so this is all i can do for today#you know how my teachers all want us to calculate in 8 hours per week for one course?#I have 10 courses#and a job that's 17 hours per week because legally I'd loose my Student status if I worked more than 20 hours#when am i supposed to write fanfiction????
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I hate the fact that I'm obsessed with doomed lesbians again. I hate the fact that I can't just enjoy happy lesbians cause there's no happy lesbians. they're always suffering.
gay men? they're always happy
#like?? why do you hate lesbians so much#I'm actually tired#and the fact that gay men always seem to be a win and lesbians are in their shade? disgusting#agatha harkness#agatha all along#agathario#rio vidal#caitlyn kiramman#vi arcane#arcane#caitvi#sol rumbles
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Going through Jayvik in the Arcane fandom makes me understand more and more why more ships need to be confirmed as canon.
At first, I thought confirming ships was not so important so that the gays could still make money marketing the media to the rich homophobes (like, we might as well take their money.).
BUT OH. MY. GOD!
Is it EXHAUSTING to come this far and still have people trying to explain that Jayce and Viktor were just brothers. MEANWHILE, if EITHER ONE OF THEM was a GIRL, they would suddenly have the vision! 🤬😭
#The way they keep insisting that Viktor is straight because Sky (a woman) existed in his life#Can you guys not realise that very assumption is HOMOPHOBIC?? 💀💀#it's easier to pretend that he has a thing for Sky? (A lady he barely acknowledged)#when he literally crumbled away just because Jayce rejected him?! 💀💀💀#Absolutely NO ONE gets THAT BEAT UP about someone who is just 'their bro'#the homophobic audience is the REASON we needed kisses for everything#and as someone on the aroace spectrum that is so SAD!#they even need them to literally define the relationship as boyfriends#even though they've called each other Partner nonstop from Season one to two!#Partner is literally a gay term#Do they need it spelt out that badly?! 💀💀💀#why are they CHOOSING to be slow?! 😭😭😭#arcane season 2#arcane season two#jayce x viktor#viktor x jayce#jayvik#jayce talis#arcane jayce#jayce league of legends#jayce lol#jayce defender#viktor#viktor arcane#viktor league of legends#viktor machine herald#machine herald#I'm actually tired
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Also increasingly aware that a LOT of people "manage" getting through the 40+ hour work week by sleeping less than is healthy and relying on stimulants like coffee and energy drinks to keep them going.
For people who are unwilling or unable to do this...work really does just dominate your life. Like we really should not have to rely on unhealthy practices just to have a social life or keep on top of housework or whatever.
I know I post about this a lot but I'm so TIRED all the time and it's just so depressing that this is how we're expected to spend the one life we have.
#i have to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night to even barely function#with sleep#getting ready for work#commute#cooking#and errands#I typically have maybe 2-3 hours to actually do what i want in a day#and I'm usually too tired to actually do the things i want to do#and that's with a very short commute#if i actually had a long commute I'd basically do nothing but work#i see my friends like once every few weeks or months#because we're all so fucking busy with work and have such little time for socialising#and none of us even have kids or anything!!
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Hot take and not to be a killjoy or the shipping police but people treating Viktor or Jinx's aroace headcanons as if they were canon is not the revolutionary take people think it is.
Headcanons are always all right but we have to acknowledge that they are somehow damaging when they apply to stereotypes. It might not be the case for everyone but most of the time people unconsciously assume that disability/mental illness=asexuality. These headcanons erase the freedom of attraction from people who are already seen as unable to have sexual/romantic experiences/desires, when it's completely untrue and harmful.
You can headcanon Viktor and Jinx as aroace, but I have seen people changing their minds once Viktor is no longer disabled (s2 with all of his other forms) and Jinx is no longer as mentally ill (alternate universe Powder). And it speaks wonders of how people see these characters.
"I never thought about Jinx being able to feel romantic/sexual attraction until s2!" To believe she's actually only capable of that when she's not "damaged" is incredibly disturbing. Especially since Jinx has always had a bit of a flirty personality too.
"I've always seen Viktor as asexual, I don't know why!" That's fine. You can headcanon him as ace. But I believe there is a reason behind it, most of the time, if for some inexplicable reason the "vibes" of the disabled character are making you think he's ace.
I say all of this being aroaspec myself, by the way. Headcanon all you want but going to people's posts commenting how "it's weird for you that they have romantic/sexual plots when they're clearly aroace" is not a win at all. It's a headcanon, after all, and it should be treated as such, and that's fine. But it also is damaging to spread stereotypes like these.
Of course the disabled character is asexual. Of course the mentally ill character is aromantic. It's not as revolutionary as you might think, tbh.
Fandom is not activism and it's all right to have any headcanons you want BUT some of them are filled with damaging stuff and perhaps we should look into ourselves more before treating these assumptions as something canon.
#i hope i didn't sound rude btw i am saying this respectfully and this is directed to the ones who push these hcs as canon#if you have your own theories and know abt aroace stereotypes but are respectful abt it this is not for you keep scrolling#i actually think showing jinx (who has been dehumanized by the fandom A LOT) in a romantic relationship is good for her character#and viktor letting himself be free and loving what he considered imperfections thanks to jayce at the end c'monnn they need to make love#tired of disabled characters being treated as babies and always hc them as aroace let them fuck#this being said i am aware there are more terms inside aroace etc etc etc and there are more ways of considering them aroace etc etc etc#this is NOT about that it's about being aware of how 'mmm it's the vibes!' argument does NOT work when it's stereotypes#it's like saying 'wow this robotic character is giving me autistic vibes idk why' LIKE CMON NOW WEFNEWLFNL YOU KNOW WHY#please don't cancel me i am giving my humble opinion as someone aroaspec#at the end of the day you can do whatever the fuck you want tbh#i'm not the shipping police here#arcane#viktor arcane#jinx arcane#jayvik#timebomb
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i want the world to stop for like 1 year so i can rest
#bipolar 2#actually mentally ill#tw depressing thoughts#depressive episode#actually bipolar#bipolar disorder#actually bpd#bpd problems#bpd thoughts#bdp#bdp vent#borderline things#borderline culture is#borderline personality disorder#borderline pd#borderline problems#actually borderline#borderline blog#borderline thoughts#living with borderline#just girly thoughts#thoughts#mentally tired#sick and tired#tired#im so tired#i'm so fucking tired
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i'm sorry but i don't think we should call this the "autism website" when there's still posts with tons of notes mocking people who:
struggle with social skills / have anxiety around social settings
are unemployed / unable to work certain jobs
have intense or "age-inappropriate" interests
haven't had certain life experiences that are deemed universal/essential
struggle with personal hygiene
don't have any friends or dating experience
don't go outside much or at all
take things literally / don't get sarcasm/jokes
have unusual ways of speaking
generally aren't "normal"
#+ other things i'm probably forgetting rn#i know most of these apply to other disabilities too but i wanted to focus on autism bc of all the 'autism website' stuff#it's genuinely disturbing to see someone go 'lol autism website'#and then in the next breath be like 'omg look at this loser who [literal symptom of autism]'#but i guess when these people talk about autism they don't mean actual autism#but the tiktok style 'just a bit quirky but still able to assimilate into abled hegemony with ease' autism#i'm just tired of the hypocrisy#autism acceptance month is over now it's time for autism wrath month#being disabled on tumblr can be fucking awful sometimes. might take a break for a while bc i just don't have the energy to deal with it#autism#actually autistic#actuallyautistic
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i’m fighting a war within my head that i don’t want to fight anymore it’s so exhausting and no one understands
#mentally tired#actually sad#depressing life#depressing shit#i'm sad#kinda depressing#actually bipolar#actually bpd#actually borderline#bipolar thoughts#bipolardepression#bipolar things#bipolar disorder#bipolar mania#bpd vent#borderline personality disorder#bpd feels#bpd thoughts#bpd problems#living with borderline#borderline thoughts#bpd#bpd mood#bpd stuff#actually mentally ill#sorry for being depressing#bipolor#i’m actually crying#mental health#my inner demons
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they are rivals!!! and besties!!!!!! bestie rivals!!!!!!!! also scar will 100% sell you that magikarp
#these are just pokemon that i think suit them for some reason#weird crossover#not sure how to tag#traffic smp#?#grian#mumbo jumbo#goodtimeswithscar#this was actually fun to draw#but i'm tired now :)#plume art
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#bpd mood#bpd stuff#bpd things#heartbreak#dark aesthetic#toxic relationship#tw self destructive thoughts#tw depressing stuff#su1c1dal#i'm so mad#i feel stupid#i am so tired#why am i like this#i am alone#im not okay#living with borderline#im sad and lonely#i'm so sick of myself#loosing myself#i am sad#heart been broke so many times#tw self destruction#tw depressing thoughts#bpd feels#bpd problems#actually bpd#trauma#ptsd
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They should invent a human interaction that doesn't feel like chalkboard scraping.
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"Luke Skywalker isn’t like the old Jedi. He saves Vader with his attachments!”
Wrong!
Luke Skywalker, at the end of Return of the Jedi, after his confrontation with the Emperor drags Darth Vader through the destructing Death Star. He’s desperate, knuckles white under the heavy weight of his father’s body, a little boy dragging his dad to safety. He sets Vader down for a moment, to catch his breath or maybe to get a better grip. He goes to grab Vader again, but Vader, uncomfortable and in pain, asks Luke to take off the mask. He wants to see Luke through his eyes instead of the eyes Palpatine built for him. Luke refuses, says that removing the mask is a sure way for Vader to die. Luke doesn’t want Vader dead, he wants Vader alive. Not to hold him accountable for his many evil acts, but for the same reason why Luke Skywalker can’t kill Darth Vader; Vader is his father and Luke loves him.
And yet, after a moment, Luke removes Vader’s mask. He doesn’t want to, he hesitates, but he removes the mask with enough slowness to allow Vader to take it back. In that moment, Luke sets aside his desire for Vader in his life, sets aside his desire to see him live, and sets aside his entire mission, the reason he was even on the Death Star in the place. In his compassion for his father, Luke stays with Vader until he dies. It is this moment where we see him be the best damn Jedi he can be. I’d even argue that this moment is the greatest example of non-attached love we see. Because Luke lets Vader go! He lets his father die, and in some ways, by removing the mask, he too kills Vader, he stays with him until his last moment, gives him the kindness of granting his last wish and finally chooses Vader.
And Luke doesn’t have to do this. If Luke Skywalker’s love for his father was an attachment, he would ignore Vader and continue dragging him to the escape pod, put his desire for a father as his central focus and ignore Vader’s wants and discomfort. Maybe he would even save him. But he doesn’t. Instead, he watches as Vader dies.
He builds a Jedi burial for his father and watches it burn the remnants of Vader and Anakin Skywalker away. He mourns Vader, he mourns what they could’ve had as father and son, considers what ifs and maybe-if-I-did-this. Vader/ Anakin is released from his mortal body, from his ‘crude matter’ and Luke lets him go. He says one final goodbye to Anakin. Then, he joins Leia, Han, Chewie, Lando, and the rest of the Rebels and celebrates their victory. He lives in the present and celebrates what he has instead of what he lost.
Luke Skywalker is THE Jedi. Everything about Luke Skywalker serves as the foundational cornerstone of the Jedi, everything about the Jedi as a culture and philosophy is reflected in his character. Luke’s desire for the New Jedi Order isn’t to throw away the values of the old Order, but to vitalise them, breathe life back into dying lungs, and rebuild a path that people set out on their way to destroy. (Yes, his Order is different from the Old, but that’s because it has to be. He doesn’t have the resources or the safety of the Old Order.) The philosophies of the Jedi are difficult and they aren’t for everyone, and like the perfect Jedi that Luke is, he struggles and stumbles and sometimes he even rejects it. But, no matter how far he falls, it is a way of life he chooses again and again and again. It is a way of life that welcomes him back each time
#luke skywalker#star wars#pro jedi#jedi positive#luke skywalker meta#luke skywalker loves being a jedi and i'm so tired of people pretending he doesn't#I hate you 'time-travel fics where Luke judges the Order for how they've handled things'#Luke would be the people's padawan actually chasing everyone down to acquire every bit of knowledge that they have#star wars meta#jedi order#the jedi#anakin skywalker#darth vader#the original trilogy#a new hope#empire strikes back#return of the jedi#if I tell you that luke outgrows anakin/vader? if I tell you that Vader is just the start of his Jedi growth and the end of it? then what?#Iong post#it kind of ran away from me
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i don't wanna die, i just wanna never have existed in the first place.
#depressing shit#i'm lonely#i'm sad#i'm so tired#i'm tired#sad quotes#sad thoughts#sadgirl#tw depressing stuff#depressiv#tw depressing thoughts#sorry for being depressing#actually bpd#bpd feels#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd shit#bpd#lonliness#mentally tired#im so tired#im tired#tired#tw sui ideation#suic1de#sh cvt#cvtt!ng#i want to cvt#sh tumblr#fionas post
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A moment of silence for my dead SD card 😔🙏 ....
Anyway, Gravity Falls Wing AU 🤞
#i said I was going to take a step back for a bit but I'm ngl I actually have nothing other to do than draw 😭#So I'm back 🙏#yeah I've accepted that my art is gone forever so we're chilling and getting back to making more#cole's art#gravity falls#art#gravity falls wing au#wing au#hm#is there a wing au in this fandom?? I'll have to look#I love wing aus so much they're my favorite#mabel pines#gravity falls mabel#I've barely drawn the kids#why are they so hard to draw 😡#IGNORE THAT I SAID GRETA INSTEAD OF GRENDA I WAS TIRED 😭😭
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not to toot my own horn too loud or anything but i've showered 5/6 days so far this week and started running again and now i can kill god
#ramble#neurotypicals don't interact i'm tired of explaining why showering is the bane of my fucking existence#my thought process is like#go for run -> get all sweaty and gross -> NEED to shower -> ahah get clean motherfucker#i don't think i can get away with not doing it rn it's too damn hot#also they should invent a version of the feeling you get after a run that doesn't involve actually running. bc starting up again HURTS#but i. refuse to go back to the gym it's just too Much there#jogging is great bc there's the sun and grass and DOGS and gym bros don't bother you
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He watches him like a ghost
#or like a mother bird#i could write essays on merlins devotion to arthur i fear#but i'm too tired to form any comprehensible thought tonight except holding up a picture of them and crying#the tragedy of bbc merlin strikes yet again#Merlin devotion borders on obsessive if we think too hard#actually no it IS obsessive who are we kidding#which is why i think i really enjoy dark! merthur Au's#by s5 he was not far from reaching that point#but oOH the way they care for each other#merlin#bbc merlin#merthur#merthur fanart#merlin fanart#merlin art#merthur art#bbc merlin fanart#ps. shoutout if you recognise the reference used for this pose!#sketch#merlin emrys#arthur pendragon
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