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I gotta need a space to like... Panic for a second.

So, I started a new uni this semester. Cool, cool. I overdid it with the classes but that was because I wasn't sure the people responsible for acknowledging previous credits would be... You know.... Doing that.

And they hadn't. For months, I believed I could just give up. And look and behold, they finally did it today and gave me my credits.

Thing is...

Thing IS.

I had taken the classes. And the moment I got the mail I had like an HOUR left to sign out of the exams. My study book has the approximate number of credits this Modul can get, so I signed out of both relevant exams.

Now I am terror. Because yes, the credits are there... But the module Number is NOT!!! Which is sorta terrifying. It should be there.

So I can stare at it whenever I panic!!!!

Now I have to go and talk to people again.

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Murlin! Meowthur coming next ദ്ദി/ᐠ｡‸｡ᐟ\

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Haha XD Maybe in march when I'm on break ^^

Headcanon that when Merlin started working for Arthur, he didn’t know what over half the names of things were—not only the parts of armor, but also just things around the castle and noble/city life—so he’d just make up names for them. When Arthur would ask for something, he’d have to describe what it was he wanted if Merlin didn’t recognize what the thing was by name, and then Merlin would go “oh, you mean the (weird name he came up with)!” and go get it. It always frustrates and annoys Arthur, and he tries to correct Merlin every time. Merlin eventually does learn the names of most of the stuff but still calls everything by the names he came up with because he knows how it annoys Arthur. Arthur still tries to correct him sometimes, but after a few years has accepted that Merlin’s not gonna stop and is doing it on purpose. Arthur will sometimes ask for something and Merlin will “correct” him with “you mean the (wacky name he came up with for it)” and Arthur rolls his eyes throwing something at him or cuffing him over the head as Merlin ducks away with a grin to get what he asked for. Eventually it gets to the point that Arthur adopts Merlin’s names for things without really realizing it. It just saves time. It gets to the point that Arthur will be talking to his knights or some noble or royal and he’ll end up using Merlin weird name for something. No one will know what he’s talking about and ask him to repeat himself. He does and they still look at him confused. He goes to explain what he’s talking about because he’s used to doing so with Merlin, and halfway through his explanation he realizes he called it Merlin’s stupid name and clears his throat and calls it by it’s proper name, a slight blush on his cheeks. No one calls him out on it or says anything to his face because he the prince and then the king, but Arthur stil complains to Merlin about what happened and “this is all your fault!!” while Merlin is grinning and laughing until Arthur has enough and throws something at him.

I just really want these two to have a language together. We get them having “prat,” “dollophead,” “cabbagehead,” etc. but I want it to extend to random objects too. Arthur adopts Merlin’s insults in canon and throws them back at Merlin occasionally, so I wanna see them do it with other stuff also. I think it’s be so funny and cute. Showing that Merlin really has a big impact on Arthur even down to the vocabulary he uses—changed irrevocably forever after. No longer the arrogant prince but the king Merlin made him, using vocabulary from the people rather than just the nobles and royals, setting him apart from his predecessors.

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Soulmate au concept:

Soulmates don't have like their mates name in their wrist or something. They have their shadows.

Concept:

Imagine Merlin had been Arthur's actual shadow. I'm speaking shadow shadow. Like, Arthur keeps talking to his literal shadow that has a different shape than it should have.

His shadow has magic. The darker it is, the more powerful it becomes. When Arthur was younger, he would sleep with candles on next to his bed. Then he'd realise that his shadow is really kind.

The older they get, the more protective his shadow is. Arthur named him Merlin.

Lmao, I based this on an a post about zombies but I realised... I painted this before!!!! It's literally the cover for the Merlin's magic one Shot collection on wattpad.

... I sort of forgot

The funny thing is... I based this picture on a foto of a pinterest dude who fotographed his own shadow but it had flowers as eyes. Dandelions I believe.

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So I got distracted

Now imagine they all think Merlin was a fucking stone

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So I got distracted

Now imagine they all think Merlin was a fucking stone

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They really went:

He's a warrior, he can sword fight. What else is he good at?

Oh...

He makes a really good corpse

bradley james dying in historical dramas: a trilogy 

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I don't have kids, so I can only reflect of myself being a child under my parent' authority over me and how it fucked me up a bit

Tbf, I was a naive kid.

So, when my father 'joked' about selling me to the indian owner of a small restaurant in town, because 'where he's from it's normal that children at the age of 12 are sold to 30 y/o men', I believed him. I didn't know I had rights. I only knew that my father had the power to decide over me. I believed that if my father didn't like me, I'd be sold to that man.

When I was 4-5 I was punished for walking around half naked. (Kids do this a lot.) So, when I was eleven and forced to undress in front of other kids, be it school, or in a private setting, it always, ALWAYS happened against my will. I was not in control of my body and who would see it. I was terrified to tell my father what was happening, because to everyone else it seemed normal. I buried that shame deep, deep underneath, much like all those moments I was pressured into intimate situations that came before or followed after.

I never lied. Even when I did lie, it was so outrageous that I knew people would never believe me. I learned to hide truths by hiding them behind the sound of an outrageous lie. Despite that fact, my character, my personality, was always judged and decided by other people. I was a liar. Not because it was true but because it was decided that I was a liar.

When my father said 'you're fat', I took it for the criticism it was and tried my hardest to lose weight and I kept on failing. When my father complained my siblings or I were stupid, I believed it to be my fault. And eventually, I learned that there was nothing I could do to change that and I gave up.

Your entire self worth as a child depends on how your parents see you. Mine rarely showed their pride, only ever their disappointment. So that's what you become.

An object to be sold. A liar. Ugly, irrelevant, disappointing.

That's who you are in the world.

And deep inside you're depressed, ignorant, desperate or empty.

Because there is absolutely nothing you can do to change how they see you. You don't have the Power to change how they treat you. You can't tell your parents 'no', you can't ask for help, you can't expect anything while they seem to expect everything from you. Even if they never state an expectation, you come up with them yourself.

Because there is no guideline, you're never good enough. And so you strive to reach a line that doesn't exist. you either keep striving, drowing in the impossible, or you give up entirely and succumb to your misery.

You're not in control of anything. And while you're a kid, you can't get out of that spiral.

'you're not depressed' - liar

'these classes are too expensive' - you're not worth it, you're just lazy, you just need to try harder on your own

Even compliments morph to horrible thoughts

'nice make up' - you're ugly without

It's worse when it's about treatments that your child needs. Because at some point they won't even ask for help.

Children always seem to take everything so well. That's because they know their life is not their own. Their problems can't be fixed by themselves. Their dreams can't come true through their own actions. They constantly fight for control over the strings that are holding them in the air.

And when the hold over them is suddenly gone, it's like the strings are snapped and they find themselves at the bottom of the wasteland that was supposed to be their Future. Everything stripped away from them, every problem now a mountain to sink into and be buried alive.

That's why so many adults need therapy. They've never even learned how to walk.

this one liberal dude on twitter made the (correct) take that parents have overwhelming power over their kids and very often abuse it and restrict children's rights and he was ratio'd by conservatives, communists and liberals alike who made comments like "my kids will have rights when they pay the bills" to "aw are you upset mom and dad didn't you get you a lega set for christmas". way to prove his point lol! any criticism of the power dynamics adults and particularly parents have over kids and how it is often used to abuse kids or refuse to let them exist as themselves is drowned in mockery and the idea that parents have absolute authority over children and that any less than that is actually spoiling them.

i said it before: people only care about Children as an ideal. as property. as something that is Innocent and deserving protection From Evil Traffickers but also something Dumb that barely deserves the status of human with autonomy. and its fucking wild how even the staunchest communists think of this as normal, and how people refuse to understand that this dynamic is how kids are emotionally, physically and sexually abused, as well as robbed of their voices and too scared/ashamed to talk about it.

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Oh i just know tumblr is gonna absolutely destroy my quality

BUT HERES A LEON EDIT ‼️‼️

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Between the lines

(I originally optimized the screentones for viewing on twitter, so I hope it looks well here too.)

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I just went into myself to analyse the bad thoughts I was having, and reminded myself of all the good things my Hobby has brought me.

Did you know that writing fanfic made me want to try becoming a teacher? It was during CoVid when I started flooding ao3 with my writing and so many people started reading it.

And those comments gave me a sense of who I am. Who I want to be. Not necessarily a teacher. But someone who is kind, who spreads happiness based on the silly things that I find enjoyable. No pressure. Just Joy in shared fascination.

It gave me a sense of purpose.

Joy to be me. Joy in creating, in learning, in trying to reach out and become bigger than I ever believed myself capable of.

I want to say thank you for giving me that.

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I used to have this friend who was like... Really into surrealism and horror and stuff. And don't get me wrong, I love the vibe. I love the art and the creativity that goes into it.

I find it fascinating.

But I also find it affecting my mood too much. But not for the reason I initially thought.

Like... The absurdity doesn't seem absurd to me. Horror isn't scary. Gore is aesthetic, not disgusting. I find it fascinating. But it doesn't consume my life, doesn't affect me the way that hurt/comfort stories do. It doesn't make me want to create the way that fanfics and fanart do.

Which she always found cliché. She kept asking why, kept telling me how she disliked yaoi and that she was annoyed that 'everyone was so into it'.

I didn't like talking about my interests for that reason. I tried to appeal to her stuff in the past. Because I liked it well enough and I began to wish I could be more fascinated by it. Or... In the right way anyway.

Then we fell out and surrealism became one of those things I wasn't. One of the things I wasn't allowed to be. Things I couldn't be interested in anymore.

Sometimes I feel cringe for liking what I do. But what really, really pulls me down is when I see surrealistic stuff and Horror because I just can't connect to it anymore. It just reminds me of falling out, of fighting, of being a disappointment for not being interested enough in it. Or too interested in some cases.

I just -

You know it sucks. Because I'm interested in so many things and I was so distracted by all those demanding changes I made for my life, that I forgot about the things she' taken from me.

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U know, I'm starting to get a theory.

So, Arthur was born of pure magic.

Which means, magic is missing a piece of itself. So the rest of magic incarnates to find that missing piece.

Once they recognise each other, once they see the truth in each other, they are - in a sense - reunited. Arthur dies and his magic returns to Merlin until the cycle Starts again (I would like to mention the fisher king here. Insane parallel that one.).

Thus, no matter when or how Arthur would have learned, he would have HAD to die.

angst arthur/merthur

I know, and I love when we say: "if arthur had known merlin's magic earlier, he wouldn't die and he would have lifted the ban of magic" which it's beautiful and truth, bc arthur would have never hurt his friend.

but that's not how destiny works.

even if arthur had knew, his bane was already written in the stars, as long as his birth.

he was supposed to born from magic, he was supposed to exist. his mother was sentenced to died from the gods. if he wasn't born, nothing exists. merlin wouldn't. bc he was created when balinor escaped from the purge. if arthur didn't exist, the purge didn't exist either.

the Once and Future King and Emrys was whispered in the darkness of the universe. Their birth, their bond and their death.

nothing would have stop his death, he couldn't run away from destiny, even if he had known it.

if he didnt died in cammlan, he would have died any way, in any form, at any time.

but the gods knew, he would died in the arms of emrys. loved and cared. protected from any harm and having the best goodbye.

they weren't nice with his birth, but they could make his death bittersweet.

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Merlin and Arthur are in love...

Because of a love potion. (It actually is a love potion, lmao)

No one seems bothered by it, except for Uther Pendragon, who forces everyone to help him find a cure.

Gaius: the only thing I can find here, is that to break the spell, something truly shocking must be revealed about the person they are infatuated with.

And thus begins Uther's attempt to find something shocking about his son... And something shocking about the manservant.

Uther: The boy killed a maid!!!

Arthur: Merlin?

Uther: ok, fine... He killed some... Bandit or something.

Arthur: wonders never seeze

Uther: .... God damn it

Uther: Merlin likes to wear women underwear

Merlin: *raises brow* and how do you know that, Sire?

Uther: um

Merlin: but now that you've said it...

Uther: fucking hell

...

In the end, it's their never ending love story itself, that ends it.

Arthur: let's not have secrets from each other

Merlin: ok

Merlin: I have magic

Arthur: *dreamy gleam leaves his eyes* wait... What?

Merlin: *still besotted* I have magic

Arthur: you're a sorcerer?!?! *Jumps to his feet* you lied to me!!!

Merlin: *suddenly shaken because of how hurt Arthur looks* hold on, what's happening?

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Catfish au

Gwen gets a random text on her tinder Account by one Arthur Pendragon.

Gwen: it can't be real. THE Arthur Pendragon would never text me!!!

Merlin: I disagree. You're georgous. But you're probably right, it's a catfish

Merlin: you know what would be funny?

Gwen: oh no

Merlin: let me text with him. I'll pretend I'm you. Give him a taste of his own medicine.

That's how it begins...

...

Only that Arthur wasn't a catfish

Bonus: reveal

Merlin: this is so embarrassing, but erm... I catfished you *starts to ramble about the original situation*

Arthur: *not listening and supposed to be angry.* you're hot???!?

Merlin: what?

Arthur: *internal crisis* what?!

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In a land of implications and a time of metaphors, the destiny of old fucking literature rests on the shoulder of a tired man.

His name... Geoffrey of Monmouth

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I love the hc that Merlin's eyes work like flashlights in the night.

damn... what is his problem...