#I’m not sure what else to tag this as

[green-static]

Did I ever share this to tumblr???

[ramblesbiab]

I think of the most interesting parts of non-human gender to me is that I was in what has to be an incredibly rare scenario regarding it. I was socially pressured into feeling like I had to be animal-gendered to fit in, rather then any sort of opposite to that.

I was a good few months into making sapphic audio roleplays on YouTube at the time, along with incredibly lonely, so I decided I would try to make a Discord server. The first week ended up with eighteen year old me getting lovebombed into a toxic relationship by a twenty-six year old, but after I pretended I had quickly recovered from that despite the fact that it still haunts me sometimes, things were smooth sailing. I was making lots of queer friends, I was getting closer to them, I finally felt like I had a place in the world.

And then, someone started explaining therians and such to folks, which is cool obviously. I don’t want this to come across as an anti-non-human genders post, I think it’s beautiful that the world is so unique in that way. But a lot of folks who I was becoming friends with started realizing things about themselves, and by a lot, I genuinely mean all of them. It felt like a wave crashed over the server as everyone in my new group started realizing they were wolves, foxes, sheep, etc.

A few months into my new friendgroup and I was already the odd one out. It was terrifying, honestly. I was going to lose everybody again. So, I started thinking about deer. I love deer, they’re my favorite animal, and I could probably work with that. I began doing a lot of mental convincing. A lot of telling myself that it wasn’t just my desire for attention making me happy when I told people, it had to be gender euphoria. I had to be a deer.

For months, it kept going like that. That’s not to mention the stretch where I convinced myself I was plural, but I won’t touch on that since it was even more traumatizing. Everybody called me a deer, everyone treated me like a deer, and even through the masks of telling myself it felt good, there was an edge to it. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t stop. It took over a year before I finally had to put a stop to it, and that started a series of events that ultimately led to me losing the majority of the friendgroup that I had. Thankfully, those I care for most stayed.

It feels so strange looking back. How much time I lost due to my desperation to fit in, how many days I forced myself to be comfortable because I thought everything would fall apart otherwise. I’ll never get that time back.

Despite being deep into my transition already at the time, I log that year the same way I do most years before I even realized I was a woman. It makes me realize just how little time I’ve spent being the actual, true me. Hopefully I’ll be able to find out.

[multiversal-madness]

I decided to finally write my thoughts on Leon Bronev, though I’m not main tagging it cause nerves- Also it’s been a while since I’ve played through Azran Legacy so some things may be wrong but oh well.

I’ve always seen Leon as one of those villains that couldn’t have ended up as anything other than the villain.

(Continuing under the cut but it is a bit of a mess)

I feel as though a some people think his motivations start and stop with the kidnapping thing, his dead wife and his urge to uncover the power of the Azran, but there is something I don’t see brought up much.

And that is just how long Leon’s been trapped at Targent. He’s been stuck there for at least 30 years, unable to leave under threat of death. 30 years is a long time, it’s longer than lots of the main cast have been around. Not just Luke and Flora but even characters like Emmy haven’t been around longer than Leon’s been in Targent.

Depending on how old you hc Leon as, he could have spent half of his life in Targent, even over half of his adult life. Even as the leader, I doubt Leon would’ve had much power to actually change things or leave. Had he tried either, knowing how Targent operates, he’d probably just be killed and replaced.

Being stuck in a place like that for so long has got to mess with your head. We know Targent employs assassins so who knows what else they’re willing to do to ‘inspire loyalty’.

After losing Rachel, what else did Leon have other than the Azran? There was pretty much only two ways for this situation to end for him, either with death or with solving the Azran’s final puzzle.

I feel like it was almost a kind of deranged sunk cost fallacy that kept pushing him to do more and worse things. He’s already gone this far, what else does he have to lose?

And also about Desmond’s family, was it ever actually said that Leon was the one to kill them? I know Targent did, but that seems pretty ‘business as usual’ for them, so would their leader even be involved in the ‘recruitment’ process? Would Leon even know who Desmond really was? It doesn’t make it much better, but it is slightly better than him knowingly killing his daughter in law and granddaughter.

He’s still a villain at the end of the day, but I’d say he’s much more of a tragic one than people would think.

There’s no real ‘mic drop’ ending to this, I just wanted to share my thoughts.

(Though one more thing, it’s bullshit that Targent continued after Leon was arrested and their army was blown up. Swift taking over like “I’ll steer this organisation for the better to be like the Azran” what? What about the multiple crimes and murders and kidnappings this organisation has to its name? How many of Targent’s workforce are there by threat of death? Acting as if Leon was the only bad thing about Targent smh. Targent should’ve dissolved.)

[stagnatedunicorn]

Hello dear

I am from the Baalousha family from Gaza.. 🇵🇸🍉

I hope you are well .

I write to you with a heart full of hope and faith, and I ask for your urgent help. My family is in great danger due to the war, and I am running a fundraising campaign to save them. My father and mother suffer from diabetes and high blood pressure. Help me secure them

Please, can you reblog my campaign post on my account? Every participation can make a difference in my family's life.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for any help you can provide. 🇵🇸🇵🇸

The campaign was documented by @90-ghost 🍉🍉

^^^^^^^^^^

[fanscheme]

I just found out one my aunt’s students is drawing stick figures of people getting shot. With blood spatter. The kid’s also a fan of Hitler and keeps drawing swastika’s on art projects. He’s 11.

My aunt has taken her concerns to her principal, but was told to use a “sticker system,” and to “give the kid candy when he behaves.” WTF

I’m worried.

[legen-waitforit-dairy]

I counted and apparently I have 265 ships which seems like a lot so I’m curious how many other people have

[bl3u-uhhh]

🎹🎹 🎼 🎵 Everyday I havetoseepostsofgirlspromotingsexualactiviteswiththemselvesonrandomtagsnotevenrelatedtothetagatall when I scroll on tumblr 🎹🎹🎼🎵

[shepscapades]

Your highness… I don’t feel so good

[paracosmicessence]

finally settled on the fankid designs that i like lol

playing around with their powers tho idk about that

[remxedmoon]

black hole.

(full version below! also, tap to see the full effect!)

aaaaa i saw this trend on twitter and had to hop on the bandwagon!! and of course i had to play around with transparency again. it’s enrichment for me. also!! shoutout to this drawing for giving me actual wrist pain. not from actually drawing or anything but from having to resize the pieces 20 times because discord wouldn’t display them properly. but hey it turned out cool and that’s all that matters heart emoji

anyways!! here’s the full version + the version without the star! because for Some Reason i fully rendered the coin knowing it would get covered up. miseries!

[al8estos]

Comic based on the headcanon that scout is actually really good at drawing (kinda based on expiration date) mixed with my experience being the only artist in the family

[crazysnor1ax]

yeah

[jazzy-mass]

My friend that got me to watch X-men ‘97 described all of x-men as “two gays break up and make it everyone’s problem” and honestly? Yeah. Yeah that about sums it up.

[verrixstudios]

Hello people! since mid 2023 We've been devoloping a movie adaption to the legends darkstalker book. but right now we're kinda in a bad spot. we have a good amount of staff but no motivation. So if you're interested in helping with this project. come along and show us what you're made of! Here are the roles we need:

.Background character voices

.Animators

.storyboard artists

.artists in general

.sound designers

.music composers

https://discord.gg/zCcQtzryBc

———

Hey guys!! I just joined the server today and it seems like they needed some help looking for people (i think I’m the only one who’s recently applied so far) so I thought I should post it here! Essentially it’s a passion project to make a big ol Wings of Fire animation/movie based on the Darkstalker legends book. (The doodle above is me drawing the Darkstalker design I was shown!)

It looks REALLY cool so I’d love to help it get seen, which is why I asked for them to write an advertisement for me to copy and paste here! Thanks for reading!

[transk0vsky]

The return of the Casey gifs yipeee!!

[read-write-thrive]

Hospitals had never been the favorite location of either of the Dead Boy Detectives, and they usually refrained from even approaching the premises when at all possible. In the early days of the agency, it was too risky— too many dying or newly dead individuals meant Death was nearly impossible to escape, after all. Even now, with an expanded agency under the influence of the Night Nurse, and as such without immediate risk of hell if they strayed too close to Death, they still tried to avoid hospitals out of habit and for the comfort of all involved—the boys never knew when someone might see them (and it never stopped stinging when someone suddenly did) and it wasn’t exactly easy for the girls to just walk into a hospital without rousing suspicion. It was easier in some ways, these years later, now that the girls were adults and less likely to be seen as truants, but that newfound freedom did not bring with it any sudden desire to see what they were missing behind hospital doors.

All this caution and hesitation was ignored when Charles tapped on the mirror to check on his parents and was met with an unexpected chaos. A heart attack, from what the paramedics were saying as they wheeled the old man out on a stretcher, Charles’s mother and their neighbor following behind in her car. Charles didn’t witness the incident itself, pure luck on the timing, but the aftermath was a flurry of commotion that left him reeling.

He wandered back to the main space of their headquarters (a bigger place than what it once was, courtesy of the girls’ tiring of the boys being unreachable during a crisis or two and deciding to go all in on a shared flat) in a daze. Charles didn’t hide his checking in on his parents anymore, but still preferred to do it alone. Thankfully, his friends were kind, wonderful people who were happy to leave him to it. Said wonderful friends, however, were also quick to notice something wrong.

“Charles?” Edwin, naturally, was the first to notice Charles’s return and immediately put his book aside.

The girls, engrossed in a new show on the other side of their living room, snapped up in their own ways.

“What’s wrong?”

“What happened?”

Charles swallowed down the mixture of emotions threatening to drown him, “It’s my dad, he’s had a heart attack.” He screwed his face up in an attempt to stop the tears that threatened to spill out. Why was he crying? The bastard made his life miserable—

“Good.” Crystal was the first to comment. Niko slapped at her arm. Crystal put her hands up, “What? He was awful!”

“It’s still his dad!” Niko protested, “You can’t just say that!”

Charles tuned out their bickering. Everything felt a little tuned out, actually. And then Edwin was in front of him, hands on his shoulders.

“-love? Charles?”

“Hmm?” Charles tried to silence his whirring emotions.

“Are you alright?”

The Charles of even several years ago would have been quick to brush it all off with a smile. But he’d grown since then.

“Honestly? Not sure. Is that bad? Crystal’s right, he was a dick.”

“And Niko makes a very good point as well. He’s still your father.”

The tears were back again. Edwin pulled him in for a hug before Charles could say another word.

The girls had also quieted, alternating between watching the exchange and speaking through meaningful glances.

Niko was the one to break it, “Did you want to see him?”

The very idea shocked Charles, going rigid in Edwin’s arms.

“He might not even be dying, and going to a hospital is recipe for trouble—“ Charles responded slowly, as if waiting for someone to agree with him and take the weight of the decision off of him.

“I mean, a heart attack is probably close enough to death even if it doesn’t get him.” Crystal contributed.

“And our avoidance of hospitals doesn’t matter if you’d like to go see him. The Night Nurse’s lone positive trait is her protection from Death’s clutches, after all.” Edwin said into Charles’s curls.

“I-“ Charles gave himself a breath, “I wouldn’t even know what to say.”

“We don’t have to.” Crystal said softly.

“Yeah, we can just have our movie night and distract you, or if you want to talk to us but not go see him…” Niko backed her girlfriend up, trailing off into the silence.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do,” Edwin echoed, sighing, “But I don’t want you to regret anything, either.”

“That’s true, it might be good for closure…” Niko chimes in once again, positive in the face of it all and determined to see Charles cheered up as well.

“Fuck that. You don’t owe him closure. If you don’t want to go, then don’t go.” Crystal’s anger was not what it once was, but she had her moments, particularly when abusers were the topic of discussion. Thankfully she seemed determined to keep her composure.

“Your call, Charles.” Edwin said, pulling away from the embrace but not letting Charles go just yet. He obviously had more to say, if the turn of his mouth was any indication, but he was all softness regardless.

“Could be my last chance, innit?” Charles said lowly, obviously not thrilled at the prospect, “If the bastard goes…”

Edwin’s face shifted, and Charles knew he’d guessed Edwin’s unspoken comment correctly. Still, Edwin’s tone and posture were the same, “No one expects it of you. And we’ll support you regardless of what you decide.”

Charles had a distant feeling of pride that Edwin had gotten better at this sort of thing. He’d tell him that another time. Once this was all over and the world made sense again.

After a moment of reflection, Charles sighed, “I think I’d like to go. Might help me heal or closure or whatever, yeah?”

The girls were up, pulling on their coats and shoes without a second thought. Charles felt monumentally lucky to have them.

Including the boy who held him still, voice low and meeting his eyes, “Do you want all of us with you? We can stay behind if you’d rather do this alone.”

Charles shook his head with his same sad smile, “I don’t want to think what might happen if I do all this alone, mate. Though you’ll have to forgive me if I lose my cool.”

Edwin clearly saw through the attempt at a joking diversion but smiled regardless, “Very well. Do you know which hospital we’re visiting?”

“I’m not sure, but it’s probably closest to their place, yeah?” Charles guessed, scrambling his thoughts trying to remember which hospital he’d been taken to when he’d broken his arm as a kid. It was so long ago, and so much had happened since…

Edwin once again shook him out of his thoughts, “Some investigation is in order, then. Niko? Crystal?”

“On it!” Niko chirped, already deep into her phone, Crystal close behind.

After some internet sleuthing, the girls had acquired the address of the nearest hospital to the Rowland family home and were taking the long way there while the boys readied themselves in front of the mirror.

“Are you ready?” Edwin double checked, hand outstretched.

Charles shook himself, “Not sure I’d ever be, love, but let’s get on with it.”

Edwin pulled him in for a quick kiss on the cheek, a sincere smile, and then through the mirror they went.

—-

They stepped out of a mirror in one of the many bathrooms in the hospital complex, disoriented by the amount of beings (alive and dead alike) as they tried to navigate the halls. The A&E department was the worst, with traumatic deaths creating a perpetual plethora of ghosts. Of course, this was also the first place they needed to check.

The boys held hands tightly as they went, both wound tight by the noise and the blood and the general atmosphere of the place. It was far from the most dangerous place they’d been in their decades together, but that brought little comfort in the face of it all.

Phasing through the various doors and curtains, it was ultimately clear that if Charles’s father was in this hospital, he’d been moved elsewhere. They split momentarily, with Edwin going to find a map of the hospital while Charles waited at the nurse’s station to see if he could get any leads on his family.

It soon became clear that there was simply too much going on for Charles to glean any real information, and he was ready to give up and find Edwin when the next phone call to the desk came from a familiar phone number and gave way to a familiar voice. Niko’s voice was clear on the other end, and just loud enough for Charles to overhear. The nurse gave the information with little questioning, informing all involved that Mr. Rowland had just been moved to a private room on a different floor. Charles didn’t stick around to listen to what exact department the man was in, or what the prognosis was—as soon as he knew the number he was off to find Edwin.

It was quieter in this department. Less urgent. Which meant something significant that Charles was pointedly not thinking about, less that send him into another tailspin. Thankfully Edwin’s presence was grounding beside him.

A nurse left the room as they found it, giving a glimpse through the doorway. Charles’s mother sat at his father’s bedside, accompanying neighbor at her side. They couldn’t see his father (or his father’s ghost for that matter) from their vantage point.

Edwin gave one last squeeze of Charles’s hand to get his attention, “I can give you a moment alone if you’d like.”

“Don’t you dare.” Charles tried to joke, but his voice didn’t seem to cooperate. Edwin’s eyes saddened, but he gave a firm nod and gestured for Charles to take the lead.

The man of the hour looked frail against the white sheets. He was awake, but by the look of his eyes he was definitely on his way out. There was a bulky mask over his nose and mouth, IV in his arm, heart monitor dragging along beside him. Charles's mother sat quietly, holding his hand between two frail ones of her own.

Charles didn't think his emotions could get any more complicated, and then his father's eyes found him. Then Edwin. Then back to him. He rasped behind the mask, Charles's mother shushing him gently.

"Hi dad." Charles sighed more than said, standing awkwardly at the foot of his bed and gripping Edwin's hand so hard he wouldn't be surprised if he managed to hurt him despite all the ghost technicalities.

Another rasp, this time accompanied by a frail hand gesturing towards the boys. Charles nearly slumped in relief when his mother glanced their way but returned to murmuring to her husband rather than reel back in shock. She had some time left, at least. His father, however, continued to try to speak.

Seeing his mother's distress, Charles felt himself snap into his protective mindset without thought, snarking, "Just give it up, mate. They can't see us—you're the only one dying here, so only you get the honour. Trust me, I'd rather talk to mum than you any day, but I cant say I'm too torn up about you going first. Maybe she'll get to have some happy years without you."

The man thankfully stopped his rasping, but his eyes emoted enough that Charles knew he heard him. It gave him the confidence to keep going, never quite sure what his next word was going to be but glad to say it anyway.

"Not that you asked, but I've been having a great time these last thirty, forty years. Yeah my death was awful, don't get me wrong. Kinda wish you got even a taste of that, for all the shit you put me through… Actually, do heart attacks hurt?" He turned his question towards Edwin, who had such a complicated expression that Charles immediately decided that the question wasn't that important, "Doesn't matter now, I guess. But yeah, my afterlife has honestly been better than my life ever was. Not only do I not have to deal with your bullshit, but I've also found people who actually care about me.

"Like this, right here, is Edwin," Charles swung their held hands upwards in an attempt at a wave, earning a slightly hysterical chuckle from Edwin, "He found me dying in that attic, showed me kindness as I died, and I've been by his side ever since. He's the best thing that ever happened to me—"

Charles took a breath as his voice cracked, Edwin's hand squeezing his in silent support. Charles didn't look over to try and keep it together a bit longer.

"He's the love of my—well, love of my afterlife. And I know you’d hate that, or at least hated all that when I was alive. I remember your rants about how all those people dying deserved it. Shouting at the telly like they personally offended you just by existing. Do you still think like that, all these years later? Hell, now here you are, dying on a hospital bed while your queer son laughs at you. What a twist!" Charles laughs, but it doesn't sound right even to himself. He, once again, pointedly doesn't look at Edwin. Looking at Edwin means dropping the brave face, and he's got a few more things to say first.

“You know, you’ll think this is weak or whatever, but I checked in on you and mum over the years. Neither of you could see me, and I never stuck around long, but I wanted—no, I needed to see. If I was the only one you beat, if you’d turn to mum now that I was gone. If you felt any remorse when I died. I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I’d seen you raise your hand to her. Probably taken up Edwin here’s offer to haunt the shit out of you.”

“I never—“

“Not in those words, love, I know, I know. But you meant it like that and you know it. Anyway, thankfully I never saw it. And she didn’t cower like I did, or hide any bruises, so I figured you were safe there. As for remorse, well, never really saw that either. I was bitter and angry those first few years over that. Thankfully Edwin here kept me busy. And now I can’t really be arsed, especially now that you’re dying and I can’t find much remorse either. Angry it took you so long, maybe.”

Charles once again looked at his mother, at the tears on her cheeks and her face turned in silent prayer.

“Even if you never beat her, I still wish you’d given her more time without you. Did you ever visit her family? You shot it down every time she even hinted at it when I was alive. And she’d smile and move on like it didn’t hurt her to hear that the man she married hated her family that much. You know, I used to promise her that I would take her to see them again. I’d tell her that once I was grown up we’d run away and live in India where you wouldn’t care enough to chase after us. She’d swat me for that. Disrespecting you. It always came back to you. Which is just how you wanted it, right? The whole world revolving around you? So fucking glad I got out of there. I shouldn’t have had to die for that, but whatever. It let me live free of you. And soon enough I won’t have to worry about you at all.”

Shoes squeaked obnoxiously right outside the door. Charles glanced up just in time to see Niko giving him a thumbs up as Crystal pulled her away from the glass. Turning back, he was glad to see his mother hadn’t turned away from her husband. No need to confuse her or get the girls in trouble.

Charles sighed and turned back to his father, “Not really sure what else to say here. Edwin? Any ideas?”

Edwin thankfully took the playful question as seriously as Charles meant it, “Hmm. You could tell him about hell if you’d like to be especially vindictive. Or take the moral high ground and forgive him for all he did to you. Crystal and I would also be happy to curse him for all he did if you’d like. Literally or figuratively.”

Charles genuinely laughed at how his father’s eyes widened, “While that sounds tempting, he’s already on his way out. All we’d do is freak out my mum.”

Edwin gave him a soft smile, “Of course. Just a suggestion.”

He returned the smile and squeezed his hand in thanks before turning back to his father, “Right. Well dad, I’m glad I caught you before Death did. I won’t speak to hell or anything, don’t want to jinx it, but I hope you get what you deserve. I’m not going to stick around to find out. And I won’t forgive you, either. You were a right bastard and I still struggle with getting you out of my head even after literally dying. So you don’t deserve my forgiveness, honestly. I’ll keep an eye on mum, but that’s for her and my sake, not for yours. Probably won’t go to your funeral or any of that, either. I’ll be a little mad if they bury you next to me, but those are just bones by now so I guess it doesn’t really matter. Yeah. I think that’s it. No forgiveness, no love, just hope you get what you deserve and that I never have to see you again. That about sums it up.”

Edwin squeezed his hand again, drawing his attention, and speaking softly, “Does that mean you’d like to go? We can wait if you want to be sure.”

Charles once again felt overwhelmed with it all, particularly with how lucky he was to have Edwin. He didn’t want to start crying here, so he just nodded and pulled Edwin with him out of the room.

“How’d it go?” Crystal asked from her seat in the hall chair, Niko nodding next to her.

“He’s dying alright. Gave him a piece of my mind. But I’m ready to never think about him again, honestly.” Charles tried to make light of it, but it was clear none of them bought it. He blinked up towards the ceiling to keep the tears away just a bit longer.

“Once we get back to the apartment, expect plenty of hugs from us.” Niko informed him, eyes glancing down the hall at the others down the way.

Charles smiled, “Noted. Sorry to make you come all the way out here, guys.”

“Nope, none of that—“ Crystal started, but was cut off by nurses suddenly rushing towards the room, obvious some alarm or something had been pulled. The girls stood in a rush to get out of the way.

“We’ll see you back at the apartment!” Niko called back to the boys as they took their leave.

Edwin held his arm out, the way he did when he wanted Charles to feel especially cherished, “Shall we?”

Charles turned very purposefully away from the door and took the offered arm with a thankful smile. He would need to have a proper cry and rant and rave about all of this later, he was sure. He’d come to learn that all those complicated emotions don’t just go away when you ignore them. But, for now, he was happy to hold onto his partner and get the bloody hell out of this hospital.

~

EDIT: now with part 2 !!