#I’m here I’m queer and looking for love

[wandascosmic]

why can't you see? (8)

wanda maximoff x fem!reader

part eight of 'you belong with me' series

summary: basically a wanda series inspired by jim and pam from the office

word count: 3418

tags: best friends to lovers, actual idiots to lovers, they're so cute my little babies, 3/4 of this is just reader being a little shit but she's so real like she's me when im doing work, wanda's so here for it though they're so on the same wavelength it's adorable

taglist: @reginassweetheart @rroyale-109 @marvel-posts

part 1 part 2 part 3 part 4 part 5 part 6 part 7

Tony suddenly feels the sensation of his jacket being pulled over his head. “Oh!” he grunts, as his eyesight his overshadowed by darkness. 

“What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom?” Hayward asks in a gross joking tone, pulling the jacket back down. 

Tony turns around slowly, his eyes widening in surprise and happiness once he sees who’s surprised him. “Tyler!” Tony says excitedly before hugging the man. 

“What’s up Tony, how’s it going?” Hayward says cockily. Hayward smirks as he turns to you at your desk. “What’s up, L/N, still queer?” he asks. 

You give him a tight-lipped smile before going back to work, and Wanda watches you with an amused grin. Your absolute lack of ability to hide when you’re annoyed always made her laugh. 

“Man, we have loads of catching up to do,” Tony tells Hayward as he starts to lead him towards his office while the two begin to engage in chatter. 

You roll your eyes aggressively. 

God, you hated Tyler Hayward with a burning passion. 

Standing up from your desk, you grab your jacket ready to head out for lunch. But of course, you need to stop by your favourite receptionist’s desk for the fifth time today. Or maybe sixth. 

“What has two thumbs and hates Tyler Hayward?” you ask her as you walk over. 

 Wanda smiles knowingly. “Me,” you mouth to her, pointing your index finger at yourself.  

“Well,” Wanda says. “I’m always here if you need saving.” 

“Please,” you respond, giving her a knowing look. “Hey, do you want anything from the sandwich shop down the street?” 

“Oh! Yeah, could you get me that ham and cheese one you got me last time?” 

You smile. “Sure,” you say, before heading out the door. 

***

“I’m really excited to meet your mom,” you tell Wanda as you take a bite of your turkey sub. 

“You are?” Wanda asks, unwrapping the sandwich you got her. 

“Mhm,” you nod. “I’ve got many questions to ask her.” 

“Oh yeah? Like what?” Wanda asks curiously with a tilt of her head. 

You grin before assuming a quizzical expression. “Like this.” You shift in your seat slightly to get more into character. “As a child, did Wanda show any traits that would hint towards her future career as a receptionist?” 

Wanda laughs. “I’m not sure she’ll know how to answer that question.”  

***

The door opens quietly, and you smile as you see Iryna Maximoff start to slowly make her way towards her daughter. Wanda doesn’t notice, continuing to type on her computer. 

Suddenly, Wanda feels a tap on her shoulder. 

And turning her head, Wanda’s eyes light up once she sees who’s in front of her. Wanda’s told you how much she loves her mother, many, many times. 

Iryna smiles at her daughter. “Hi,” she says, before Wanda jumps out of her chair to hug her tight. 

“Mama!” Wanda exclaims, squeezing tighter. 

You smile at the heartwarming exchange. 

Deciding to go introduce yourself, you stand up from your chair, ready to go meet the woman who brought the most wonderful human being you’v ever known into this world. 

You faintly hear Wanda begin to tell her mother all the things she’s missed the past few weeks, but your nerves have caught up to you slightly and you desperately want to make a good impression. You brush the dust off your pants slightly, and start to walk over.  

Should you say hi? 

How are you?

Nice to meet you, I’m Y/N? 

Hi Ms. Maximoff, I’ve been in love with your daughter ever since she started working here so could you please like me? 

Nope. Definitely not. 

You groan, deciding to just get it over with. 

Taking a deep breath, you stand at Wanda’s desk with a smile, drumming your fingers on the wood as you prepare for the two Maximoffs to turn around.  

But of course, the universe had other plans. 

You turn your head to the sound of the door creaking open, and your heart drops as you see Vision enter. With fucking flowers. And gel in his hair. And the most obnoxious country club outfit you’ve ever seen. It made your work clothes seem like a potato sack in comparison, and you realize that you can’t meet Wanda’s mother looking like this compared to her fiance. Plus, Vision already hated you and had his suspicions. 

Regaining your composure, you eliminate any suspicion he may have had of you standing at Wanda’s desk by taking a candy from the communal dish at the front and immediately turn around to walk back to your own stupid desk. 

Sitting back down, you frown slightly, but ultimately decide that you should probably get back to the papers that were giving you a headache of boredom. 

All you wanted was to say hi. 

After a couple seconds, you overhear Iryna greet Vision. 

“Oh, there he is,” she says happily. Hey handsome, how are you?” You turn to see her greet him with a hug. 

“I’m pretty good. How are you?” Vision responds, very obviously sucking up as you’ve seen his true personality on a daily basis. “You look great, Iryna.” 

“Thank you very much,” Iryna responds with a smile. “So, are we ready for dinner?” 

“Oh,” You hear Wanda express, a bit forlorn. “Well, you know, actually I kind of need to stall a bit, since Tony’s gonna have a small meeting at the end of the day,” she says guiltily. “But, it’s okay since I’m very used to killing time.” Wanda chuckles a bit. 

“Oh, no worries,” Iryna tells her. “We’ll just wait a bit.” 

“For sure,�� Vision agrees. “I’ll go wait in the parking lot.” Turning to Iryna, he asks, “and, uh, what kind of tunes do you want for the ride? Country? Oldies?”

“Oh, anything is fine,” Iryna replies kindly. 

“All right, well, see you soon!” Vision says before leaving the office. 

And the second the door closes, you finally hear something that makes you smile.

“So which one is Y/N?” Iryna asks her daughter cheekily. 

“Mama!” Wanda replies with a blush. 

***

It’s the next day, and you’ve never been as bored as you feel now. 

Actually, you’ve been on a boredom streak lately. 

But today is the absolute worst of all. 

After Vision had left, you had finally gotten the opportunity to properly greet Iryna before she left to join Vision in the parking lot, and Wanda had really seemed to enjoy the entire exchange. 

But now, it’s the next day, and you want to absolutely murder the papers in front of you. Depsite your hatred for Tyler Hayward, him showing up yesterday made your day somewhat different from the rest. 

Groaning loudly, you plop your forehead onto your desk and dread the day before you. 

Wanda, of course, is entertained by your shenanigans and snickers as she watches you. 

It was official.

You had died of boredom. 

(An occurence that happens once every sixth months. Seven if Tony’s being extra insane.) 

And your guys’ deal was that it was Wanda’s job to revive you. 

***

“You see Sam’s coffee mug?” Wanda asks as you stand in front of her at her desk.

“Mhm,” you say, turning to look at the mug along with her. 

Wanda leans slightly closer. “Sometimes when he’s not here, I try to throw stuff in it,” she whispers to you. 

“No way,” you laugh. 

Wanda nods at you with a sly grin, handing you a yellow piece of paper for you to crumple up into a ball. 

“We should play paper basketball one day with his mug,” you tell her as you crumple the paper absentmindedly. 

“No way,” Wanda shakes her head. “I’ve seen you play basketball.” 

“What if I get you chicken paprikash and your favorite candies?” 

“Deal.” Wanda says instantly. “Now throw, I can’t wait for Sam to drink it accidentally.” 

‘Wow, I can’t believe I’ve never seen this side of you Maximoff. You might be a bigger prankster than I am.” 

“You’re teasing me. I can tell,” Wanda narrows her eyes at you. “Throw the paper!” 

You laugh before throwing it as instructed. “Damn it,” you say when it misses. 

“I’m the only one who can keep up with your pranks, L/N. Plus, it’s fun doing them with you,” Wanda answers as she rummages through her drawers for something else for you to throw, unknowing of the fact that she just made your heart skip a beat. “Here, try paper clips.” 

You take a silver clip from the small box Wanda has just placed on the ledge of her desk, about to throw, before her voice stops you. 

“Oh wait,” she reaches to her side and grabs another paper, reading it over slightly. “This message, for Sam.” 

“Smart, Maximoff,” you say, causing Wanda to smile at you. 

Crumpling the paper, you throw it as best you can, but end up missing once more as it lands in Sam’s chair instead. 

“You know, I might actually beat you whenever we play that coffee mug basketball game.” 

***

“Hey, Steve,” you say, walking up to the man with a few sheets of paper in your hand. “Um, these new expense reports, do we really have to go back to last quarter?” 

“Yeah, It’s a terrible system, I know,” Steve sympathises with you. 

Suddenly, a board buried underneath the contents of Steve’s desk catches your eye. “Hey, what does 2005 season mean?” you ask. 

“Uh, that’s–” 

“No way,” you say as you pull the board out entirely. “Is this a scoreboard?” You ask, noticing the assortment of numbers written into various white boxes. 

“Yes, it is,” Steve acknowledges. 

“That’s so cool,” you say. “What’s it for?” 

Steve sighs. “Sometimes, when Tony’s out, Bucky and I play this paper football game he got me started on.”

“Or when we’re bored,” Bucky adds from his desk next to Steve. 

Inspecting the board a bit further, you see the hundreds of scores written on it. “Wait, this goes back two years! Oh my god,” you exclaim excitedly. 

“We’re bored a lot,” Bucky says, already folding a piece of paper into a small triangle. 

Steve turns to you. “Wanna try?” 

You nod with a grin. 

*** “Oh!” you exclaim as you flick the paper triangle to Bucky’s desk, making another shot. “Yes!” You high-five Steve who stands next to you. 

“Fun, right?” he says. 

“For sure, I really love the uh, paper triangle flicking and hitting things game.” You imitate the motion with your fingers.” It’s awesome.” 

“We call it Hateball,” Bucky tells you with a whisper. 

“Why?” you ask curiously. 

“Because of how much Nat hates it,” Steve says, nodding over to Nat who’s deep in her work on her computer. 

You look over at Nat, and you notice the hint of a smile on her face. 

“I don’t hate it,” she mouthes at you through the screen separating the desks once Bucky and Steve look away. 

You smile before turning back to Bucky and Steve. “Hey, do you guys have any other games?” 

Bucky inches forward towards you slightly. “Ask Bruce to teach you Shield ball, trust me.” 

***

“So, that’s what this sound is all day,” you exclaim with a smile as the ball hits the ceiling before passing between you and Bruce. 

“Fun, isn’t it?” Bruce replies back. 

“It’s awesome!” 

*** After exhausting the two new games you had discovered today as much as possible, you decided it was best to let your co-workers get back to work. 

Unfortunately, you had only blown off your work for about two hours, and needed to find a way to blow off the other five hours of the day. 

So, you created your own games. 

Something you liked to call ‘the Office Olympics.’ and you were surprisingly proud of what you could come up with. 

Wanda, like the incredible, wonderful, and kind person she was, had agreed to help you in creating your new project, and had ended up making beautiful medals out of paperclips and old yogurt lids. They looked surprisingly professional, which I guess shuoldn’t surprise you since it was Wanda.

You, and the majority of the office staff stand in the kitchen, with Wanda putting up a poster that says, ‘Games of the 1st Shield Industry Olympiad.’ 

Humming the Olympic Anthem, you hold a candle in your hand which you had found stashed away in your desk, a lighter in the other. “This scented candle,” you start with a smile. “Which I found at the bottom of my desk drawer,” you turn on the lighter and light the candle. “Represents the eternal….” you shake your head. “Burning of competition, or something.” 

“It smells like cookies,” Bruce says. 

“Yes, it does,” you look at him seriously. “Yes, it does, my friend.” 

“Okay, so, we’ll be competing for gold, silver, and bronze yogurt lids,” you say, holding up the medals by their paper clip chain. “Made specially by Wanda.” 

Wanda grins at you. 

“Let the games begin!” You lead the office staff out the kitchen with your candle above your head, all of you humming the Olympic anthem together. 

***

“Alright, so, here, what you have is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies,” you explain as you point to the paper boxes that have yellow rubber bands holding the lid and the vessel together at the top and bottom of their horizontal sides. “And, I’m blanking on the name, could you help me out, Wanda?” you turn to the brunette who stands next to you. 

“Y/N, they refer to it, as,” Wanda pauses. “Flonkerton.” 

You hum. 

“In English, ‘Box of Paper Snowshoe Racing’.” 

“Fair enough,” you say. “But, I like Flonkerton.” 

Wanda smiles. 

“So,” you continue. “Who will be challenging Bruce in Flonkerton?” 

“I’ll do it,” Jennifer says. 

“Yes, Jennifer! Cousins taking on cousins,” you exclaim. 

Both Jennifer and Bruce walk over to the boxes, Wanda helping Bruce with his footing while you help Jennifer. 

“So, if you could put your foot right through here,” you lift up the yellow band for her to slip her foot through. “Right through the flonk.” 

Once both Bruce and Jennifer were ready, the rest of the staff helped you put up the finish line at the end of the room, which was made of transparent tape. 

“Alright, are you guys ready?” you ask, receiving a nod from both parties. 

“Ready, set, go!” 

And the office erupts in cheers as Bruce and Jennifer try to make it to the other side of the room with the boxes on their feet. 

“Whoo! Go, go, go!” you exclaim, clapping your hands together. 

“Dig deep!” Steve yells. “Dig deep!” 

Soon, the two near the finish line, and you prepare to catch one of them in case they fall. 

“Oh, they’re neck and neck!” Bucky exclaims. 

“Come on!” Nat says. 

“Oh!” the staff exclaims all at once, as the two finally reach the finish line, Jennifer winning by the slightest edge. 

“Jennifer by a nose!” you announce. “Gold medal, in Flurnenton.” 

“Flonkerton,” Wanda corrects. 

“Thank you, delegate from Iceland,” you say teasingly. 

***

“Nat, are you sure you don’t want to join in on any games?” Wanda asks Nat as she stands next to her by the water dispenser. 

“I’m good with watching, thanks,” Nat chuckles, taking the last sip of her water. 

“Come on, don’t you have any games you enjoy?” 

“Well, there is one,” Nat says, throwing her cup out. 

“No way, what is it?” Wanda asks excitedly. 

“I call it Wanda-pong.” 

Wanda stares confused. “What?” she asks with a small laugh.

“Mhm,” Nat nods. “I count how many times Y/N gets up from her desk and goes to reception to talk to you.” 

Wanda pulls her head back in slight shock. “We’re friends.” 

“If you say so,” Nat says with a wink before heading off. 

***

“Peter! Gold medal,” you announce as the intern had correctly guessed who would be next to come up in the elevator. “Let’s move to our next destination, everyone.” 

“Oh, Y/N!” Wanda runs up to you and joins you at your side with a large box in her arms. 

“What’s up, Maximoff?” you ask with a laugh. 

“I made something for our closing ceremonies,” she says with a huge grin. 

“What?” you say with a smile, and Wanda opens up the box to show you. “Oh, my god,” you exclaim. “This is incredible!” 

Wanda smiles as she looks up at you. 

“When’d you have time to make it?” 

“Automatic voicemail,” Wanda responds cheekily.   

“”All right, Maximoff, all right,” you say, lifting up your hand and giving her a well-deserved high five. 

***

It was the absolute worst time for Tony to walk in with Sam. 

You were in the middle of the coffee race, seeing who could get a full mug of coffee from the coffee machine to Steve’s desk in the least amount of time. 

However, the two walked in halfway through the race, catching you all in your tracks. 

Now, you were back at your desk, filling out the stupid expense reports that had caused your death of boredom earlier this morning. But, in five minutes time you had gotten them done, and you had also closed two sales before the day was over. 

Truthfully, it was about as productive as any other day. If not, more so. 

“All done,” you tell Steve as you hand him the reports. 

“Great,” Steve responds before you walk off. 

You contemplate sitting down at your desk, and doing whatever you could find to do to entertain yourself, however, staring at the medal hung over your desk lamp, you think you have a better idea. 

“Hey,” you say to Wanda as you greet her at her desk. 

“I have 59 voicemails,” she responds with the phone to her shoulder. 

“Great,” you respond. “Actually, can you ignore those and do something for me instead?” 

Wanda stares at you for a moment before her face breaks out into a grin. “Sure.” She places the phone back into its holder. 

“Pefect,” you respond back. “So, today, 5 o’clock, closing ceremonies,” you tell her with a small smile. 

“Wait, really?” You nod. “Notify the athletes.” 

“Will do,” Wanda says as she gets up from her seat. 

***

Knocking on Tony’s door, you slowly enter his office, seeing him hunched over. 

“Tony?” 

“Y/N! Y/N, what’s going on?” he responds.

“Nothing, I just wanted to congratulate you on your condo.” 

Tony furrows his brows. “How did you find out about that?” 

Of course, the answer was Sam. And he had notified you all to be wary of Tony since the purchase was less than savory. 

“Sam,” you nod your head in the direction of his desk. 

“Of course,” Tony mutters. “But, thanks anyways.” 

“No problem. Hey, would you mind coming out here for a sec? I’ve got something for you.” 

“Really?” Tony asks, standing up from his chair. 

Slowly leading him out, you smile at the arranged closing ceremony Wanda had put together, a wonderful stage of first, second, and third place, along with a few surprises she had only told you about.  

“What’s this?” Tony asks. 

“These are the closing ceremonies,” you tell him. “Step up.” You lead him to the top stage, and pull out one of Wanda’s medals from your pocket. “Congratulations to Tony, because he closed on his condo. So, gold medal.” You place the item around his neck. 

“I’m not sure what to say,” Tony says. “But, thank you all, for this, I’m very grateful.” 

You smile. 

“And for, Sam Wilson,” you continue as Bruce leads Sam to the second highest stage. “The silver medal.” You place the award around his neck.

“And finally, for Jennifer Walters, the bronze medal.” You lead Jennifer to the final stage, as she had won most of the games of the Office Olympics. 

You nod at Wanda, and she pushes the play button on the speaker, the Star-Spangled banner beginning to play. 

All of you placing your hands on your heart, you begin to grin. 

“Why are you playing the National Anthem?” Tony whispers to you. 

“Um, because your condo’s in America.” you respond. 

“Fair enough,” Tony says. 

“Ready?” Wanda asks you, and you nod. 

Wanda starts to pull the string linked to the pieces of paper she had folded earlier, giving you a grin. 

“What is that?” Tony asks. 

“Those are the doves,” you answer. 

Wanda glances at you with a small smile, and you give her one in return. 

She did, in fact revive you from your boredom.

[thegayloragenda]

Okay I want to put all of my current predictions out here (these are subject to change, of course):

• I think this show is going to get a little more colorful or a little bit more gay with each show because I think she’s running out the clock.

• I am CLOWNING for an eventual pronoun change during surprise songs.

• I think Karlie will probably show up again. And if she shows up for the rep announcement I will die dead.

• I’m also clowning for a rainbow variation of every outfit or perhaps a debutation variation if she plans to drop them together. Maybe a karma outfit. Idk. I don’t really know what is coming next in regard to music or if there will be anything (what if she just went black out for a year and then dropped rep next December 😂).

• I’m split because I think she’s either going to continue this Travis stunt until the Super Bowl or she’ll break up with him while on tour (if it’s real that’s totally fine but the way this relationship has been crammed down our throats gives me the ick so bad). I have no idea how that breakup will go down especially since they’ve made an entire Christmas movie about this relationship.

• I’m still assuming we’ll get a proposal / breakup.

Overall, I don’t think Taylor Swift would pander to this side of the fandom the way she has if she didn’t have a plan to blow everything up. I assume she’s a good person. I assume she’s supportive of the fans who see her. I’ve been in this fandom long enough to know what it looks like when she’s in the closet and when she isn’t. The closet isn’t even glass anymore. The closet is just invisible at this point so if she’s just a straight girl who loves rainbows, she’s absolutely diabolical in the very worst ways.

And before anyone comes for me, yes she can be bi or pan or whatever she wants to be. I don’t care about muses or labels. I notice patterns and I can’t help but connect the dots. I see bi and lesbian dresses and her calling attention to them so that’s where my focus is. I care about freedom for her (whatever that looks like) and I also think some clarity about who she actually is will help a lot of us decide if we want to keep supporting her and giving her our money. I’m placing my bet on her being who I think she is so I’m here to support her until the end of this roller coaster ride.

I will make a post on the final day of this tour but I just want to say this: I have had the TIME OF MY LIFE in this labyrinth. I have made lifelong friends because of this side of the fandom. Thank you to ALL of my friends on here who have followed me and commented on my posts and said such kind things. Thank you to everyone who has messaged me their insights and theories. And finally, thank you to my fans who have messaged me your homophobic, brain-rotted hate comments. Good luck in the aftermath!

And to Taylor (if you ever see this), thank you for keeping my mind so stimulated. I will probably never get dementia because of you. You have been so good for my brain health. Thank you for teaching me about my own history as a queer girlie. Thank you for helping me heal my relationship with my neurodivergent self. Thank you for being the “mother” who saw me when my own mother just talks about how gross and wrong gay people are. Thank you for being kind and strong and brave in the face of shame and fear and danger. Thank you for leading a revolution of New Romantics! No one does it like you, girl. I love you so much. I hope you got a giggle over the chaos and the wrong predictions. I hope this tour brought you joy and hope and peace and healing. I know I haven’t always seen eye to eye with some of your choices, but I do respect you and I do hope the rest of your life is sunshine and rainbows and you get to hug your mom forever and take really long naps with your person after all of this is over. Long live 💜

Update: I do think the election plays a big role in how loud she can be. @casuallycruel131313 pointed this out, too. We’ll get way more once Kamala has been elected! I think Canada shows will be wildddd.

[beardysuits]

Piece of Jake

Logan has hated his body his entire life. Obese, gay, and a shut in have been a terrible combination for him. He decides becoming his sexy roommate Jake may be just what he needs to build up his confidence.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’ve had a crush on Jake for… well forever I guess. I guess that’s one of the perks of being a part of the same class every year since kindergarten; you get to see the cute boys become cute men. Then there was the downside of that, that anybody who bullied you from kindergarten will decide to do it until you graduate. They’ll do it for anything too; being gay, being fat, your race, your wealth. I was lucky enough to get 3 out of the 4 for about 12 years now. However, I’m ready for that to change.

See I was blessed with a fantastic combination of having a slow metabolism, and an anxiety which I decided to soothe with eating. The result has left me to be a 19 year old with a BMI of 42. And yeah, BMI is bullshit if you’re stacked with muscle, but I had the rolls and pudge to prove there was some truth to it. Combine this with the fact that I was more queer than a midnight premier of Rocky Horror, and I came out to be not the most popular guy in school. I thought that would all change once I went to college, but freshman year was hell. I essentially spent the entire time in my dorm room, locked up in the dark and playing video games. But, I guess it wasn’t all that bad.

See, back to Jake. Jake kept his status quo of being one of the top dogs from the ages of 5 to 18. Baseball star, debate captain, and voted “most likely to succeed” by our peers. Top all of that off that he was on of the few people who actually wasn’t a total ass to me, and you can see why I was head over heels for him. He was straight of course, and even if there was a touch of bisexuality in him, he would never be interested in me. Now color me surprised when I found out that not only were we going to the same college, but we got randomly assigned to be roommates in the dorms! I was astounded, it was like there really was an astral force looking out for me. 

So for almost the entirety of our freshman year, we chit chatted here and there, but Jake was almost never home. Instead, he was working to get himself into one of the fraternities and move into the house. While I was sad to not have as much time to admire Jake as I would like, that did give me the opportunity to go through his stuff. Mostly his closet. Jake wore the usual clothes you’d expect, hoodies, jerseys, wrangler jeans and the like. However, being that he was on the baseball team at the college, I found his stash of jockstraps he wore for practice. And good god, thank goodness laundry day was only once a week. The other 6 days I had a full time supply of used jocks to sniff and fantasize with. 

I even tried to put one of them on in a hormone-fueled rage, but my thighs were probably the same mass as his entire body, and I couldn’t get the damn thing on. The longer I admired Jake and saw him for who he was, the more my love for him grew. With that, so did my jealousy. Jake was everything I wanted. He was fit, cool, and could get any guy he wanted if he even batted an eye at them. My time alone did prove to give me an opportunity to do some research however. 

See, I’ve tried for a long, long, long time to get fit on my own. Watching my diet, exercise, starving myself. But, nothing would work. That’s when I started to look for more, creative solutions. I came across a blog hidden deep on the web which talked about taking another person’s form. Most of these seemed bogus, but I had to try. I found one eventually from a user, “Magic_Mann_720” who shared a potion, once which he claimed could turn anybody into a bodysuit. I was about to just toss it aside, but after looking at my desk and seeing the empty bag of McDonald’s staring back at me, I said fuck it. 

In all honesty, brewing a magic potion was easier than I assumed it would be, and after just a few short weeks of waiting for unusual supplies to arrive in the mail, I had a vial of the stuff at my whim. Now, who could I possibly give this to? No, not Jake. But also, maybe? Would that make me the worst person imaginable if I slipped this to him? He was one of the few good people I had come across, I couldn’t betray him like that. However, I saw one glimpse of his jock hanging from his hamper, and doubts crossed my mind. It was staring back at me, taunting me with how tight it fucking was. I had to wear it, and I only knew of one body it would perfectly fit. 

He was like clockwork, especially early in the morning when he made his preworkout and went off to the gym at 6 in the morning. I set my alarm for 5:50, just early enough to slip the potion into his drink before he woke up and set off. It was of course impossible to wake up so early in the morning, but somehow I managed to silence my alarm without waking Jake. 

I fumbled around in the dark and found his shake he made the night before. I had slept with the vial under my pillow, though I could barely sleep from the anticipation of my task today. Being careful to not wake him, I unscrewed the lid, dumped the contents of the vial into the jar, and shook it up. I had just laid back in my bed when his alarm woke him up. I kept my eyes closed, hoping to trick him into thinking I was asleep. I heard him stumble around the room, getting his bearings, getting dressed. I couldn’t resist popping one eye open to see his lithe frame as he found a tank and basketball shorts. 

He was already wearing boxers, but if my plan went accordingly, he never would wear such loose fitting underwear again. I heard him grab his shake, and my heart began to race. The pop of the lid went off, and I strained my ears to listen to him drain the contents quickly and quietly. The lid closed and just as I heard the doorknob turn, there was the sound of heavy stomps. I opened my eyes a bit wider to see Jake stumbling around, trying to get his bearings. 

“Hey… Logan?” Jake said weakly. I pretended to wake up and rose from bed, seeing him lean against his desk. 

“Jake? You okay?” I asked him. He turned his head to me, panting. 

“I d-don’t feel good man,” he said between breaths. “Get.. get help. Help.. me..” He slumped to the ground, and while I anticipated a loud thud as his jock body slammed to the ground, it was a soft thump, like that of clothes tossed to the ground. For a moment, I hesitated to creep any closer, afraid of what I would find. I mustered up the courage to turn on the bedside lamp and found a near horrifying site by the door. 

There on the ground was Jake, but he was flat as a pancake. He arms and legs stretched out, head deflated, and the clothes he was wearing were atop of him in a pile. I tiptoed to the body, already feeling regret in what I had done. Fuck why did I do this to him? Was I really so driven by my own lust I essentially just killed a good guy? 

My own footsteps were much heavier than Jakes, making the floorboards creek. I kicked at the body, the skin feeling as alive as ever, but made no movement of its own. I got on my knees, and with the tips of my fingers, grabbed Jake’s hair and pulled his head up. I was met with Jake’s face, his eyes now hollow sockets and mouth agape. I dropped the skin and scuttled back in fear. Fuck fuck fuck, it’s so god damn creepy! I took a few deep breaths and crawled on my hands and knees to the body once more. 

I tried to be more confident this time, grabbing him by his shoulders, and pulling him up as I struggled to stand. Jake was of similar height to me, so once I was fulling standing, I leaned the face to my mine, the tips of his toes still slumped on the floor. You know, it’s less creepy now. Jake was always a cutie, and even as a husk of himself he was irresistible. It was too late now, and while I felt bad about what I had done, I did it with a purpose. The issue now was, how the hell did I fit inside? Speaking of, would I fit at all?

I pulled at his cheek and found it to be rather elastic. My curiosity piqued, and I pulled at the corners of his mouth, which stretched at least a foot wide when I put some effort in. That gave me an idea. I quickly took off my shirt and briefs, catching my reflection in the standing mirror as I did so. God damn it, I was so fucking fat. My stomach hung out in front of me, almost covering my pathetic cock. Ass was as wide as trailer, neck rolls which made it seem like my head sat straight on my shoulders. Tits bigger than most girls I went to school with. This was my last chance to do something about it. 

I sat on my bed, laying Jake down in front of me like a pair of pants. Stepping one foot into Jake’s mouth, I stretched it further and further until my thick calves were encompassed by his lips. Grabbing at his chest, I pulled him further up my leg, already running out of breath as I did so. This was a workout on its own. I remember watching videos of guys slipping into wetsuits when I was a teenager, it was a slight fetish of mine. I loved seeing the neoprene cling to their slim figures. Those guys would go inch by inch yanking the suit further up them, so I went ahead and mirrored the practice. 

I found doing so actually made the process easier. Soon enough, my foot aligned with Jake’s. I shimmied his calves to match mine, but it was so incredibly tight. It was like my leg was vacuum sealed inside of him, crushing the fat around my leg down to match his. I began to pant, scared I was cutting off all circulation. I was so scared to look down and see something horrific, but shot a glance and was amazed by what I saw. There, my right leg was pristine. It was a mirror image of Jake’s which I had stared at so often when he wore shorts. I wiggled my toes, and Jake’s did the same motion. 

Kicking my leg around, the pain began to subside, and I could see up to my knee, it was like I had worked out my entire life. I could feel the beaming smile creep across my face as I stretched Jake’s mouth open wide again to shove my other foot inside. Now that I had some practice, my left leg was far easier to work with and soon enough, I had two sets of legs which were built from years of baseball practices and running. My thighs proved to be another issue entirely, practically twice the twice of my calves. 

I stood up from the bed, almost falling over from my balance being so off. Grabbing at Jake’s stomach, I jumped up and down a few times, his skin stretching and sliding over me with his lurch. My I stuck my hand down the inside of Jake’s mouth, the feeling of my now erect cock sliding against the inside of Jake. Although I wasn’t generously endowed, it still hurt to have it crushed inside of him. I found Jake’s cock, and while deflated, certainly overshadowed mine in length and girth. With one hand on the outside, and the other inside, I guided mine into his like a sheath. 

It was the most orgasmic feeling I had ever experienced. Jake’s cock went from looking like a flattened worm, to coming to full erection. He was at least seven inches long, and despite mine being half the size, somehow felt like it was filled entirely. It was beet red from anticipation, and while I wanted to cum right here and now, I had to finish what I started. I turned to the mirror once more, and was shocked by what I saw. From the waist up, I was still fat fuck Logan, but from the lower half, I was built like a god damn star. My new cock swung side to side, stiff as a board, and my ass, while squeezed in like a sausage, now was as perky as if I squatted 300 lbs. I turned and slapped Jake’s ass, watching as the taut skin slapped me back. All hints of cellulite gone. 

Finally was the part I was most afraid of, my stomach. It hung over the edge of Jake’s body, the flap of my stomach going over Jake’s lips. I sucked it in, which did practically nothing. Taking one of my arms, I pushed it as far in as I could, and used my other hand to pull the lips of Jake’s mouth up. I groaned in pain, feeling like a rubber band was squishing me in and threatening to cut me in half. Somehow though, his head moved up and moved. It was by inches and incredibly painful. Once I reached my belly button, I found a system to make it easier. Moving him up further and further, I finally reached my chest before I had to fall onto the bed. 

I was breathing heavier than ever, and drenched in sweat from what was left of my original body. I felt Jake’s, and he was as dry as ever, as he would never be worn out from such a task. I counted down from ten and hoisted myself up, catching my sight in the mirror. My moobs hung over Jake’s torso, but it was like I was wearing a skin corset. I rubbed my had over my new stomach, feeling how flat it was. In fact, I would even see the beginnings of a six pack bulging out. It was surreal, I don’t think I’ve been this thing since… ever. I took a deep breath and worked to shove each of my tits down Jake’s mouth. 

Each of them was a chore on their own, but eventually, all that was left were my arms and head. I don’t know how that would work, but if I made it this far, it was certainly possible. It would be tough as I would lose an arm at a time trying to slide them in. Taking my right one first, I wriggled my fingers inside, pushing them down Jake’s like a skin tight glove. With each inch my fingers slid in, it was easier and easier as I gained Jake’s strength. Eventually, the fingers found their way into his. I pulled at his bicep, as stretchy as the rest of him, and snapped it into place, enclosing my arm. 

I rushed to do the same with my left and with my newfound strength, found this section to be the easiest. I was almost done. Jake’s lips were around my neck, and I had to use his fingers to make sure he didn’t choke me. I glanced at the mirror, and found Jake with my head. I turned my body around, admiring his form. I had taken several sneaky glances at him as he changed, but to have full autonomy, to see his tattoo on his thigh, the way his veins popped in his hands, the curvature of his muscles, it was like I was being treated to a feast. 

“Goodbye Logan,” I told myself. I don’t know if I would come back from this. Or, if I would even want to. I took a deep breath and shimmied his head up my own. The same tight sensation took over my entire headspace and it was like a migraine hit me. Using my hands, I smushed my face around, placing my nose into his, eyes, lips. I fluttered my eyelids and had to refocus my vision. Going to the mirror was a picture perfect reflection of Jake. 

“Holy shit,” I said. Oh fuck, that was still my voice. I guess that wouldn’t have changed. I don’t know how I could pull off Jake’s voice, but I would have to practice it. I looked at the corner of my mouth, seeing my original lips peak through Jake’s. I took a finger, stretching and pulling it into place.

There, I was Jake. Fuck I was Jake! I laughed and rubbed my arms across my body, watching as Jake did it in the mirror. 

I spent a good ten minutes trying different poses and watching as Jake bent to my will. Sniffing his pits, making funny faces, bending over and showing off my new hole to myself. That last one sent me over the edge and I knew I had to blow off the steam which had built up. I sat on the bed and hoisted my legs up, cradling the back of my knees in my hands. I could never have even thought about attempting that in my old body, but as Jake, I felt so lithe. My smile was beaming in between my legs as I puckered my hole. I had to see what this looked like. I wanted to see Jake be pathetic now. I twisted my face to match that of so many porn actors I had watched alone in this room. 

“Ohhhh… oh fuck me daddy,” I said, begging, watching Jake’s eyes as they wished desperately for a fat cock to fill him up. I split into my hand and began to pump my new cock, already slick and slimy from precum. I stuck a finger in my mouth and wet it before sliding it over my hole and slicking it up. I had plenty of experience playing with my old hole, but I always struggled to get my arm in a position to really get deep in. Jake didn’t have that problem though. I started to finger fuck myself, watching as Jake became his own bitch. 

“Oh fuck daddy, fuck me. Fuck me!” I yelled, the point of climax racing through my cock before I could even react. Laces of cum shot out and started to drench my body, reaching even to my face and getting into my hair. I pulled my finger out of my hole, let go of my cock, and felt it rest against my thigh. There in the reflection was Jake, covered in his own cum and looking like a bitch. 

I giggled, knowing I should feel far more guilty about what I had done, but too high on my own bliss to care. After bathing in my glory, I decided to clean Jake up and explore his body some more. I grabbed one of his towels and left the room, still naked. Walking down the dorm hall to the bathroom, it was still dead silent. Logan would have been petrified at the idea of being caught naked by somebody, but Jake? Well Jake now hoped somebody would see him and be jealous. 

Getting into the bathroom, I passed by Brad, another guy on our floor, who had a towel wrapped around his waist, still glistening from his shower. 

“Jake, the fuck?” He asked. I couldn’t pull off Jake’s voice yet, but I gave him a pat on the shoulder and winked at him as I pushed past. For a second I caught a glimpse of him checking out my body before he shook his head and rushed out to his room. I went to one of the mirrors in the bathroom and knelt over, posing and kissing at myself. Jake was going to become a lot more playful it seemed. 

I took my time in the shower, feeling every crevice of Jake’s body and feeling myself up. And of course, stretching out his hole some more to work him up to taking a real dick. Maybe by one of his new frat brothers I need to meet. Once I got back to our room, I knew there was only one thing left on my to do list of the morning. I went to Jake’s hamper and pulled out the jock which was mocking me just hours before. I sniffed at, Jake’s pheromones becoming mine. 

I slipped both legs down and had no trouble at all this time adjusting my bulge and feeling the elastic hug my jock thighs. I snapped one of the bands, feeling a sheer run my spine as I did so. Slipping one of his black shirts on, I went for Jake’s phone, which thankfully could be opened with just his face. I snapped a few pictures for myself to look at whenever I pleased. Now, how about we download Grindr to it and see what this new body can pull?

[larkral]

Okay I've said this to at least one other person, but IMO there are essentially three ages of Carry On fandom, and top hits for each. I believe you received an extensive reply that I was largely centered on Age Two (post Carry On publication, pre-ATWB), and I entered fandom in Age Three (post trilogy completion(???)), so here are some of the greatest hits of age Three, if you're asking me. Apologies for how long this got. I truly think it is worth reading the full ouvres of every single one of these authors.

Restoration Ecology by @captain-aralias

Simon has never forgiven Baz for ruining his life at the start of eighth year. He’d hoped never to see Baz again. Ever. But when Baz applies for a position on the Coven, it’s impossible not to hire him. So – now, they’re working together. And as much as Simon wants to continue hating Baz, the dead spots between them are starting to heal …

-- this fic is immediately gutting and it also sticks with you. I think about it all the time.

A Light From Miles Away by @stillmadaboutpetra

On June 3rd, at the end of their seventh year, the Humdrum pulls Simon and Penelope to Lancashire. There, Simon destroys it at the cost of his own life.

On June 6th, Simon Snow appears out of a portal on the bedroom of a home in Lake Charles, Louisiana.

The World of Mages think he's dead. Except for Penelope. And Baz.

Simon isn't sure him not being dead is the best thing. Shepard says he needs to chill.

-- Mad is amazing. It took me forever to read this despite having read and loved several of his other works. READ THIS.

The Gay Bar by sconelover

Simon [22:44]: agatha Simon [22:46]: [Draft] listen, maybe i’m not actually into guys that w Someone slides into the seat next to me. I look up. I’ve never smashed the backspace key so hard.

A fic about gay bars, pizza, badly named drinks, and big… noses. (Wink wink.)

But also a fic about queerness—about coming to terms, and the bumps along the road to acceptance, and the ordeal of starting to believe you belong.

-- A description has never been more accurate.

Someone Wicked by @artsyunderstudy

Baz Pitch has spent his entire life repressing who he is and what he wants, but everyone has a breaking point. He hires an escort for a single night. One night of touches, and kisses, and pushing everything else to the back of his mind. One night to just give in. At least, that was the plan.

The problem is ... he never could have anticipated Simon Snow.

And Simon definitely didn't anticipate him.

-- A Normal AU where simon is a sex worker and he and Baz both really go through some self-growth. Ashton handles all of the subject matter with immense compassion and care.

What's Left by @cutestkilla

On Christmas Day 2015, Simon Snow didn't walk out of the White Chapel alive.

But someone else did - The Insidious Humdrum. He's not really sure what happened, but he knows that whatever it was has changed him from being the greatest threat the World of Mages has ever known to... something else.

Now the Mage is on the lam, Baz is on his aunt's sofa, and the Humdrum is trying to get by on his own in the big city.

-- I don't know if Dre was the first person to call The Insidious Humdrum Sid, but I'm pretty sure if you've heard it, she's the reason. This fic is AMAZING.

Baker Boxer Teacher Grief (Or: The thing that lasts) by @chen-chen-chen-again-chen

Baz is an English teacher who discovers that the weirdest place to fall in love with a baker / retired MMA fighter is at his father’s funeral.

Featuring: copious amounts of baking, sassy teens, cosy autumnal feels, and someone to hold your hand in the dark.

A funny love story about grief.

-- Chen is another author who will just destroy you. This story is so tender and wonderful.

Bound and Determined by @fatalfangirl

Simon feels stuck in place while everyone else is moving forward. It's been five years since his supposed magickal destiny came crashing down, and he finds himself out of work and out of an apartment. Just when he thought things couldn't get worse, he gets magickally bound to a vampire hook-up.

In which Simon went through Watford without Baz, Baz got a proper vampire upbringing, and they still end up together in the end.

-- This story does something really excellent with magical lore in addition to being very emotionally rich and extremely sexy. All of which are fatalfangirl's hallmarks, IMO

Thirst Trapped by @facewithoutheart

Simon's not sure what’s more surprising about life post-Watford: that Basilton Grimm-Pitch is gay, that he’s a TakTik influencer, or that he’s grown a beard. But when Baz starts posting thirst traps, and Simon accidentally responds, the most surprising thing of all is that they become friends. Maybe even more than…

Which is fine. Completely fine. No problem at all.

So long as Baz never learns dragonfromshrek is Simon Salisbury.

(no magic, just thirst)

-- There's a secret subgenre of Carry On fandom that is just "unhinged thirst" and this falls into this camp. It's also just so utterly sweet.

5 Days, 5 Nights, All-Inclusive by RooBadley

“If you don’t meet your spouse at Watford, Penny says, you could end up alone—or going on singles tours of Magickal Britain when you’re 32.” -Rainbow Rowell, Carry On

Prepare yourself for the most magickal week of your life. Booking is now open for the Coven’s yearly 5 day, 5 night tour of Magickal Britain. You’ll soak up the rich history and intriguing secrets of the World of Mages in an intimate group of only 15-20 single Mages. Immerse yourself with the Coven’s full-time historian and guide who will make these fascinating historical sites come alive. Included in the cost of your tour will be group transportation throughout the week, 5 nights accommodation, and most meals. Fall in love with the World of Mages all over again. Join us for the experience of a lifetime. We know it’s one you’ll never forget.

Simon Snow (29, single, and working for the Coven) finds himself press-ganged into covering for the usual guide on the Coven's yearly tour of magickal Britain. All he has to do is read from the cards and make sure the same number of mages gets back on the coach as got off. Doable. Until he sees the guest list. And then it's time to sow some chaos.

-- What it sounds like, but delivers WAY more than you expect.

Good At Something by @larkral (ie yours truly)

Turns out I'm better at giving my evil roommate a blowie than I am at holding the interest of the most perfect girl in school. Which, honestly, is a bit vindicating. Come at me, prophesies: you can't pull this disaster back from the brink.

Simon Snow has lived through seven years of trials and tribulations.

His eighth year is going to be a little bit different.

-- I don't know if I'm allowed to consider my own fic a classic, but I'm going to do it. My magnum opus. And if the number of bookmarks in my stats + periodic tags I get on the discord are any measure, folks like this one. Also we need to stop being ashamed of our horny bookmarks, y'all. People know why we're here.

<3

As much as I’ve read a lot of carry on fanfic, I feel I still don’t have a sense of which, if any, fanfics in this fandom are considered well known or “classics.” Please share if you know!

[the-sky-the-stars-the-sea]

Okay people of Tumblr. Now it’s time for you to go wild or do nothing.

Get this post to 100k notes and I’ll give my tumblr-using crush my url.

Get this post to 200k notes to get me and I’ll tell said crush I have a crush on them. (Yes telling them my url and telling them are two different things and yes both require lots of motivation just go with it)

(Yeah I know they’d probably figure out I have a crush on them once they find my tumblr but we’re not into logistics right now)

Get this post to 300k notes and I will ask said crush plus my other crush if they maybe want to start a polycule. (I keep imagining we’d make a great throuple)

Get this post to 500k notes and I’ll tell my other other crush who is also polyam that I’m open to dating them if they are open to the idea of dating me.

Get this post to 666k notes and I’ll tell my roommate of one week (school trip) that I’ve had a crush on them since the autumn of 2020.

Get this post to 999,999 notes and I’ll tell my childhood best friend that I have known for as long as we’ve been friends that I’ve always loved them and always will, and maybe not just in a platonic or queer platonic way. (I still can’t figure out just how I love them. I just feel like I’m hiding something from them when they don’t know just how much I feel for them)

Make any homophobic/transphobic/aphobic/ anti-polyamory comment and you’re blocked.

No you are not allowed to judge my non-existent love life or my looking for love priorities. I can’t stop you from asking questions but I can’t guarantee I’ll give you answers (though I am more likely to give answers to genuine questions)

And because I’m curious, here’s a poll:

If you see this post after the poll closes (look I know that some people know how to manipulate polls to make them longer than a week but I’m not that smart) but still wanna answer the question just put in comments or tags which one(s) you’re most invested in.

Alright, Tumblr. I’ll give you 6-12 months. I’ll shorten the length if this takes off faster than a rocket. However this will remain the same: if this post does not reach 100k notes by the Ides Of March 2025, then nothing will happen.

(also if you think I should rearrange these priorities feel free to tell me, I’m open to opinions)

Alright tumblr. Do (or don’t do) your thing.

[gdn7-dollopole]

Arthur’s last wish was to comfort Merlin as he died

Arthur couldn’t bear the thought of leaving Merlin knowing that he would be sad.

Arthur cradled Merlin’s head in his hand, with a small smile on his chapped lips, trying to reassure Merlin, knowing what was to come, and aware that Merlin would have been destroyed by Arthur’s death.

So not only Arthur let himself be held, because he wanted to, because, finally, he could ask that of Merlin, but he gently caressed Merlin’s hair too, and we can see how much Merlin had longed for Arthur’s tender touch.

Merlin rolled his head back to feel Arthur’s palm on his scalp, although the hand was covered by the glove.

Merlin knew, in that moment, when he finally had Arthur in his arms like he had always wanted him, but couldn’t have him and only stared at him from afar, when he let himself be touched like he had craved for all those years, that Arthur wouldn’t have been able to caress him anymore.

So Merlin leaned in the touch like his life depended on it, and we can see him wavering by the tiny, yet enormous gesture.

And Merlin knew he wouldn’t have had the hand in his hair ever again.

It wasn’t only Arthur’s wish.

All Merlin had ever wanted of Arthur was to be held by him too.

[astrobei]

90s grunge college will is something that can be so personal (inspired by the tags on this post)

self indulgent hc that no one asked for: will visits seattle in the early 90s and gets super into the grunge scene + bands like nirvana/pearl jam/alice in chains + jonathan gives him his old leather jacket and the rest is history

[maddcelestial]

“What’s the worst case scenario?” Mable says emphatically. “We crashed the golf cart, so what? We’re both still alive! At the end of the day that’s all that counts…. What’s the harm?”

Tony chuckles. “Hah… aw… nothin’ that should be on your conscience, doll…” he looks forward, sunglasses off. “This ain’t gonna help my case with Dipper, that’s for sure…”

“Dipper? What?” Mable is trying to console him. “What case with Dipper?”

“Cmon, now. I can tell the way he feels about me.” Tony gives Mable a look. Saddened. Mable frowns and looks away, a little awkward.

“He’s just being difficult.”

“Well… I gather a lot of bad things happened to you all…”

“Well yeah, but…” Mable sighs. “Yeah…”

Tony gestures for her to sit down. She does.

“Imagine stuff like this but… every day. All the time… don’t get me wrong it was fun! But there were a few times where I….” Mable looks away again. “…I don’t know.”

“You thought it was the end for you, huh?”

Mable slowly nods. Tony sighs.

“That’s no walk in the park… must have been scary.”

“Yeah…” she smiles and nods. “I mean… I wouldn’t change anything about it… but… I don’t know.”

“I get ya… believe me.” Tony smiles.

[buffythevampirelover]

Mine

And though I call you mine, I know you will never belong to me. I could never grab your light, hold it steadily in my palms, no matter how hard I tried. Nor does anyone grab their God and pin it in place. Mine in the sense that I worship you; chest beating, always bleeding, bruised knees and all. I live for you, and with you always on my mind, always right beside me— or at least not far behind. You cannot capture someone else but you can carry and hold and caress the love you have for them. And that, too, shines bright. It burns your fingertips. It tastes sweet on your lips. It is fully yours, when your heart is not. When there is nothing else to hold.

[clowningcrows]

so i work at an on campus anthropology/archaeology lab that deals with old artifacts from sites a while back that never got looked at much and sorting through, cataloguing, storing them etc right. tell me why i got so emotional when i walked in there yesterday and the box that i’m supposed to go through first had a name tag on the side with my new preferred name

[brightwoods]

Does anyone else feel like almost all of the conflicts that had to do with the various character dynamics in Chain of Thorns didn’t actually get resolved, they just unexplainably ceased to exist after two books of building them up because CC didn’t feel like writing them anymore and she didn’t know how to resolve it naturally after how she’d built the issues up so much?

Like how none of the characters but Cordelia and Thomas had any clue about the Alastair and Charles situation and then suddenly in CoT it was like who doesn’t know? Of course Matthew knew and didn’t say anything before and then randomly brought it up to Cordelia in Paris while assuming she knew too

Or how Alastair and Thomas went from how things were at the end of CoI with Alastair thinking it could never work because Thomas’s friends hate him to oh look everyone suddenly is friends with Alastair with no grudge with no development of that in this book at all, just an abrupt shift

Especially the Alastair and Matthew dynamic where Matthew hated Alastair and wanted him to have nothing to do with any of their friends and he spent CoI ranting about him to Cordelia. And then suddenly in CoT it’s like of course Matthew is supportive of Thomas and Alastair and oh look Matthew and Alastair are suddenly not just tolerating each other for Thomas’s sake but friends despite barely interacting and no development actually showing and never getting any mention of the other in their own POVs, just having Cordelia be like Alastair stop being dumb, you’re literally friends with him now

Or like everyone other than Christopher and Grace where it was like oh we don’t like her for how she’s treated us and her friends straight to anyway she’s one of us. Like yes Grace was useful and yes Tatiana manipulated her whole life, but none of that was why anyone changed their minds or opinions? It was just suddenly the flip of a switch when it was convenient for CC

Or Anna and Ariadne where it didn’t so much develop as Anna just acted mean to Ariadne on and off throughout the series and at the end of CoI she wanted nothing to do with a relationship and then in CoT she was just suddenly like sure I guess I do. Also, slightly different note, but I did not like that Anna barely interacted with anyone else for the entire book and she was just off in the corner being an irrelevant romantic subplot for almost all of the book except when she showed up to barely even be shown in the background being sad about her brother being dead

(Although Anna still got more of a reaction than everyone else and his death was poorly executed all around in the sense of how did you write this so predictably and poorly that no one even knows when he died and it’s so background and 99% of the characters don’t care at all and we don’t see his parents finding out or much of Thomas’s reaction or anything and it’s just as if he wasn’t a character anymore 2 seconds later which is a different genre of issue with CoT but similar problem in the sense that both issues made the book feel a lot more emotionless to read)

And how the issues of Thomas and Alastair being together as two men and Anna and Ariadne being together as two women in this time and the issues of what would happen if the fact that Charles and Alastair were gay got out to the entire Clave just disappeared and never got addressed at all. We know how the ClVe reacted to Alec Lightwood YEARS later. We know society was homophobic at the time TLH is set and that it seems like shadowhunter society was a lot less open-minded than mundanes a century later

I understand that Charles being blackmailed and making shitty decisions was annoying but it was like suddenly everyone finding out wouldn’t have consequences and all the other queer men characters were like how could you possibly be worried about this :/ as if they haven’t spent the whole series knowing they have to be careful about who they tell. And then suddenly it was just of course it’s totally fine and safe to have everyone find out and why wouldn’t you be fine with that. And it was really written in a way that had other queer characters like oh Charles is such a coward for not being ready to publicly tell a bunch of homophobic people his sexuality and it just wasn’t it??? And super weird after Thomas was terrified of telling even Anna and Matthew for years. And also, I did not care for the fact that when Charles did go risk getting outed to finally do the right thing, we didn’t even get to see it through any character’s perspective or how that important meeting went, we just got one line of dialogue from somebody else saying that it happened with no details at all. And I can’t think of other examples right now but there were quite a few moments like that where we got one line saying that something had happened that was important to the plot and to characters’ development that seemed like it would have been more interesting than some of what we did get to see where it was just totally breezed over and way too easy and totally background to less important stuff

And then there was the whole no one reacting to Ariadne and Anna dancing together publicly thing was like yeah that’s nice I guess but not realistic and it doesn’t go with the way things have been presented up to that point, it also just feels like a situation where CC was like well this would be easier for me so there just won’t be consequences and then they can easily end up happily together

And then there was the whole Thomas and Alastair thinking they couldn’t realistically be together thing and knowing they couldn’t get married or be known to be together by anyone they’re not close to and then at the end it’s still not really addressed how they’re going to be together? Like there was the laziest write off of the family tree being wrong and then we still are just left to assume that eventually they move in together and suddenly it’s not a problem and everyone’s fine with it? And then I also feel like we don’t actually know if everyone found out about Alastair and Charles’ sexualities after the blackmail or if people are going to assume about Thomas and Alastair or if that’ll cause issues or if no one knows outside of who they’ve told and they have to be careful or what. Which like wouldn’t necessarily need to be addressed if it wasn’t for the logistics of being together as two men in that time being part of the obstacle that they were struggling with being in their way and then it felt like it was totally forgotten to even be one at the end by CC

Idk like I’d love to think they just lived in a world where homophobia didn’t exist but it felt like homophobia was a plot point when CC wanted it to be an inconvenience and then suddenly disappeared just to make her writing easier the moment she didn’t want it there anymore instead of actually addressing the plots she raised with it if that makes sense?

And sorry, I really did not mean to go on a rant this long. And maybe everyone else had a very different reading experience than I did and other people don’t agree with some or all of this. I personally am just very confused about how the book was almost 800 pages long and it felt like so much of the development in it was us abruptly being told that development had happened rather than actually getting to see it and how so many of the issues were abruptly solved in an I don’t want to write this issue anymore kind of way rather than anything actually needing to be worked at outside of the Belial situation

Edit: You know what, I mentioned it in my tags but I feel like it’s annoying enough to put in the body of the post and make it even longer. What the fuck was with everyone outing or potentially outing everyone else just so that characters could openly talk about the queer characters and tell them to do what they want them to? Why did Matthew out his brother multiple times? Like yes, the people he said it to coincidentally already knew, but he didn’t know that. And why was Thomas outing Alastair? The straights got to keep their secrets as long as they wanted and fix their problems more naturally. Why did I have to sit through queer characters constantly having their sexualities and romantic histories to everyone else when they clearly had not okayed it? Why were the queer characters doing so much of the outing? Why were people who cared about them and knew what it felt like to be afraid of the wrong person finding out just broadcasting their sexualities to make it easier for CC to breeze past development to have their things get resolved fast? Why did no character have an issue with it at all?

[realllism]

some of you really need to work on your ideas about romantic and platonic love being so completely separate that they might as well be different entities. they’re entirely conceptual, of course they’re going to crossover, what’s platonic for one person (eg. holding hands) might be romantic for another

[clownsnake]

dokja making a decision to appease the constellations like a streamer appeasing chat. funnie. sillie.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

lonan and harrison fanfic where all they do is watch movies & throw popcorn at each other

[pixel-axel]

i’m putting all my commentary on tgg into one notes document so i can cut down the unnecessary shit and then post it all at once with my review, but i wanted to post this one paragraph i just wrote ahead of time:

i am on page 36 so i’m very wrong about everything. also this is me speaking as a queer inheritance games fan who definitely doesn’t have the same opinions most het inheritance games fans so don’t worry if you don’t agree, i’m being silly for the most part :)

begging for lyra and grayson to have a rivalry, just rivalry, not rivals to lovers or whatever, just rivalry, and then they just vibe by the end. lyra please girlboss your way through this challenge and do not fall in love with any men. in fact fall in love with women. they haven’t interacted so far but i’m starting a gigi x lyra movement. i’m biased because i love the sun girl x moon girl but whatever. (sun girl x moon girl = my ocs (angie and star are their names) = also kinda sunshipduo??? (god i’m so not normal about them)) i am standing by this for the rest of the book btw unless something changes my mind. i believe gigi should be a chaotic sunshiny bisexual girl who has underlying trauma she hides with a smile (eccedentesiast) and lyra is the cold calculated arospec lesbian who has difficulty feeling/identifying attraction for people until she meets gigi and they bond over trauma due to them both losing their fathers and fall in love and win the games together. that’s it that’s the show

[moonmoonthecrabking]

“we catholics have to convert protestants because it’s a Worse Brand of christianity” “i (an evangelical) think a lot of catholics are actually going to hell” “the Bible is so clear that homosexuality is a sin” “the Bible isn’t up for interpretation just read it” “modesty is only to prevent the unfortunate visual men from stumbling”. let’s all get offline, touch Creation and pray. okay?