#I’ll keep this one for a good while
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I think that there’s a fundamental misunderstanding of what exactly is…happening with Izuku’s character. Specifically in regards to chapter 425.
I’m glad that a lot more people generally recognize that Izuku is not a character that can be read at a surface level, given that he’s both a repressed person with built up emotion of basically everything and also a very glaringly HUGELY unreliable narrator, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I agree with the ways I’ve seen this most recent chapter spoken about.
I see posts, comments, etc with ideas like “Izuku don’t suppress your emotions! Open up with people! It’ll be okay I promise!” When that’s fundamentally not what is happening here.
There’s always always ALWAYS been a distinct difference in character throughout horikoshi’s writing when he is showing that a character is:
A—Avoiding emotions, thoughts, ideas less than ideal for them. Not opening up when they probably should about their problems given that they’ve been handed the space to do so. Just genuinely not acknowledging, feeling, or expressing emotions that they don’t want.
B—Reflecting on the ways they feel about the world, themselves, or other people given their new perspective on a situation. Not outright reaching out to others to talk about these problems/feelings, but instead waiting until the moment they feel they have the most confidence to do so with their new outlook on their own life.
And genuinely, guys, to grab your BkDk attention rn, this is the exact reason why Ochako’s reflection on her feelings for Izuku and thereafter decision to pull away from them WAS NEVER GOING TO END IN OCHAKO EXPLODING WITH HER LOVE FOR HIM.
This was another common interpretation I saw of Ochako and Izuocha for a long time. That because she pushed these feelings away, they were somehow going to explode in this unbelievable way and she would “get the boy” because of it. That her arc would surround accepting her romantic feelings and that she can’t just push away how she feels for a career.
But yk. That didn’t happen. At all. Nowhere close even.
The same kind of goes for Katsuki, allmight, etc. They all had moments in their arc where it was spent genuinely reflecting, and the only reason we as the audience never connected it in the same ways we do ochako or Izuku was ALWAYS BECAUSE the narrative showed their inner thoughts while doing so (mostly because Allmight’s arc after losing OFA and Katsuki’s arc on what it means to be a hero were so intrinsically tied, both starting at the same time and ending at the same time during the final war. And because they were so tied this caused their own reflections, development, and thought process to be broadcasted to us frequently throughout their arcs… to each other. They also somewhat shared aspects with Izuku, but these were cherry picked more often than not, like dvk2 for example).
To us Katsuki never seemed to be.. idk, suppressing his anger in any way because we were always told what he was doing and why (side note: this is why I’ve always thought arguments against Katsuki were so weird, bc unlike characters like endeavor or Ochako he wasn’t like… hiding who he was and how he was changing. Ever. Like the audience knows at all times past basically season 3 what Katsuki is thinking and doing. Like how do you watch this happen, stare me dead in the eye, and tell me how much of a terrible and awful teenage boy he is. Like damn I didn’t think we were this dumb. This is also my theory as to why he’s most popular, his arc is very… in your face if that makes sense). Katsuki’s entire mini arc on reflecting his mistakes and his childhood and his future is spent TELLING YOU that it’s what he’s doing. (I’m referring mostly to the endeavor internship arc, the provisional license exam makeup, and basically everything in the war arc related to him leading up to bakugou Katsuki rising here)
And see, Horikoshi will stare you dead in the eye, tell you “this girl has taken into consideration that she doesn’t want to waste her time training her career focusing on a boy because he kinda caught her fancy”, and y’all will still say that this will explode in her face.
Y’all this is a series about learning how to manage emotions, maturity in relationship to one’s emotions, how to feel an emotion, but in a way that is helpful. Horikoshi isn’t telling you “go buck wild, feel everything all the time and always express it”, in fact he explores why you DONT do that! Through Toga or Shigaraki, they show how grief and anger can genuinely consume you. But he also shows why you shouldn’t just put everything in a box to never look at or acknowledge, or why you shouldn’t just let your grief destroy the world around you, or pretending that some emotions simply don’t exist.
I can’t say this enough, so let me say it now, mha is about the extremes of your psyche. That you should control something, but not too much. Everything can be harmful. Everything can be good.
Izuku is not controlling too much, he’s expressing just enough.
I LOVE shaming this dickhead at all times in all my posts. I love saying he’s an ignorant dipshit with a weird amount of distaste for a girl who just confessed to him. I’ve joked that chapter 348 is basically an entire chapter spent on Izuku calling Himiko a mean dyke. And yet I also believe he’s doing nothing WRONG here.
In fact, I’ll even say that this moment right here?
ISNT EVEN IZUKU DOING THE SOCIALLY APPROPRIATE THING ABOUT IT! But he’s still TRYING to reach out to someone he thinks MIGHT be able to understand. (And frankly, this moment is far deeper than what it’s being made out to be, to me it reads more like an unrequited friendship that Izuku both desires and has thought of them to have, while simultaneously showing the distance Ochako has successfully wedged between them for her own sake. Maybe it was always there though, maybe in weird, miscommunicated Horikoshi fashion, this is a representation of how Ochako always read all those “fun friend hangouts” as a little more than that, and without those feelings the friendship never really held any substance to her in the first place. Where Izuku saw his first real friend at UA, she saw little more than acquaintance)
Simultaneously, Izuku is genuinely reflecting on what it means for the world to change, to be a hero, to live after loss—and trying and failing to gain the connection he desires from individuals who can not and will not afford him that.
Izuku is ready for the world to change, a few select characters are also ready for the world to change (mirio, for example), but not nearly enough are. So maybe I’ll have to take this back if I’m proven wrong and I accidentally looked into this far past what everyone else did for no reason, but I genuinely believe with moments like this
And this
Aand this
That Izuku has come forward with that aspect of his character development. He’s reflecting on his new beliefs, not repressing his emotions for them.
#bkdk#I will also say that while Izuku did do a bit of a fake smile and attitude for Katsuki’s breakdown last chapter#he gets a bit of an excuse for that suppression. theres a time and place to be strong for a friend. and while izuku didn’t exactly say ALL-#the right things or think the right thoughts… he still imo fits into control your heart within that moment#you can ‘be strong’ for someone who’s sad or anxious without you being out to be an ultra suppressive self hating boy man#in that moment katsuki probably would’ve needed that if izuku had said literally anything else but ‘I’m glad I had this dream while it-#lasted!’ and ‘your probably just feeling very weird right now’… DUDE I CANNOT KEEP DEFENDING YOUR ASS#midoriya izuku#mha deku#bakudeku#bkdk brainrot#bnha deku#bakugou katsuki#mha analysis#deku midoriya#last side note lmao: I’ve done like five drafts for this and if this one isn’t good enough hopefully someone better than me can remake this#or I’ll make this at a later time when more things come out#I just knew I wanted this out before the next chapter leaks#which are probably tonight lolllll#oh and I proof read like 80% of this so y’all are getting what you fucking get
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I’ve been taking crocheting lessons for the past few weeks and I finally made something and I’m legit so proud I can’t stop thinking about it 😭😭😭😭😭😭
#the only downside is that. it’s a pair. so I have to make the other one ALSJDKDJDJD#TORTURE!!!!!!!#but sooo worth it omg#it’s very relaxing for me which is good bc I have so many Problems#but the only thing about doing this is it takes quite a while#and I wanna read and write some fics but I keep getting so focused on crocheting 😭#I’ll post a pic once I’m done! <3#I wanna try a blanket next since I have some thick and fluffy yarn :3#—in store chit chat! 🍫
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Wrong #815
Angra and Voyager are riding around on Kijyo Koyo’s back (in her first ascension), and are now running about the facility causing mayhem and distress
#whathasangramainyudonewrong#angra mainyu#angry mango#fgo#this is to celebrate my freshly np3 voyager and brand new kijyo koyo#if the tone seems lacklustre it’s because we had to say goodbye to another cat tonight#not to use my tags as a diary but y’know. grief does things to ya#this time it was my baby; his name was Skye#he had a stroke and lost use of one of his back legs. it was determined that he was unlikely to recover use of it#at that point his quality of life wouldn’t have been good and we decided to put him to sleep#I’m not especially okay rn and I doubt I will be for a while but I’ll still be making posts I promise#gotta keep up a routine so I can keep going
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look at the way i ride ~
#lyss.vent#been feeling very much on the edge lately#of what? i’m not really sure#a classic Meltdown ™ maybe#i have a therapist i talk to weekly now and that’s been a huge help fs#but it’s still like#my boat has a hole#too many to count actually#i’m constantly dumping out the water but it doesn’t matter yk?#i’m still sinking#there are so many things i should be thankful for#friends and family that care about me#i have hobbies that i enjoy#a good consistent job that pays well#i’m working 40 hrs a week and making enough to save monthly#this is what it means to be successful right ?#i should be happy…i have everything i need…#yet i feel rundown and empty#i’ve also realized that there are horrible ugly things that still live deep inside my bones#why do i blame myself for them when i was just there? when i was the victim?#i’m the only one who can save myself from it all so why can’t i?#what’s even worse is that i have to watch from the sidelines while life single-handedly fucks up my loved ones too#i’m so powerless in all aspects of my life#everything’s out of my control#and it hurts so much :(((#tbh old me would’ve given up by now but that dumb bitch isn’t in the driver’s seat anymore#she’s just along for the ride now but she won’t give me the aux#tho new me is stubborn and has something to prove so i’ll keep driving :3 vroom vroommm#i’ll play my own music soon#i love queue ☆〜(ゝ。∂)
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Another day, another Baby 5 sketch while watching stuff.
#chia draws#one piece#baby 5#baby 5 one piece#idk man I don’t rlly put much thought into my drawings I just go ooga ooga women pretty#did this one while watching mass at midnight (?)#WHAT A SHOW#ouuuughhh it was so good#catholic based horror makes me ILL (positive)#it’s all about the aesthetics and blood and cannibalism man#I’ve just decided I’ll post stuff even if it’s not really polished and stuff#this way I’ll meet more baby 5 fans 🫡🫡#should I keep going w wano? yea. but… idk#like wano act 1 was good but I felt like… something was missing#so now I’m in a bit of a slump#i love women
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lowkey glad i got my wisdom teeth out now because im getting used to barely eating and i know once school starts im gonna have to start getting back in the rhythm of one meal a day because i don’t do lunch (vent in the tags mb)
#tw eating issues#i look thinner i think and i like that#im trying to keep up this eating pattern to get used to it when school starts#i’m learning how to keep my stomach from making noise which is good#it’s fucked up when i think about it but whatever#anyway i’ve been meaning to vent for a while about this#only thing im nervous about is having physics my third and second to last periods but ill figure it out#im trying to lose more weight#i think im doing good on my soup diet tbh#i’ll keep it going as long as i can#i hate how i feel after eating though#im considering learning how to water fast#i think that’ll help#anyway this git dark sorry#i’m fine im just in a bad headspace#i’ll be fine#ill stop when im satisfied#vent#i wanna go from small to extra small tbh#i wanna be thinner#i hate this#ive been dealing with it since i was twelve#whatever#tw ed#idk can u even call it an ed?#sometimes the only motivation i have is knowing if i keep eating im gonna look gross when i go out#i’ll be fine i’ll stop when i want#no one will even know it’ll be so easy#it makes me feel in control#like i’m in control here instead of the thoughts
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I'm here to make you talk about Aiden pining!
I imagine the difference between Talon and Aiden figuring out their feelings is:
Aiden: oh no
Talon: FUUUUUUCK!
(If you know what I mean)
And imagine Aiden pining as being so sad!
I hoped you’d do that! xD
You are completely right with Talon’s realization of his feelings. Aiden’s reaction would just be the softest “Oh.” Not even an “oh no.”, just “Oh.” (Classic fanfiction moment)
Like I said, Aiden falls first. He’s pretty emotional intelligent, so he recognizes the nature of his feelings for Talon.
However he is not sure how Talon feels about him, cause he gives Aiden mixed signals. Not too long ago the two didn’t get along at all and Aiden values their friendship a lot, which is why he decides not to act on his feelings before he’s got a clear sign that they are reciprocated.
But like I said, lots of mixed signals on Talon’s part. Sometimes he’d do things or react a certain way that makes Aiden think he might like him too, but then he’s being all distant and snappy again.
Now though he doesn’t want to act on his feelings, he can’t help his nature and he’s pretty affectionate with people he likes. All of them (just ask the girls) but with Talon especially. It’s partly just Aiden’s natural behavior and partly testing the water.
Now after some time of having feelings for Talon, Talon himself realizes his feelings for Aiden and freaks out. Unfortunately, Talon’s natural response to unexpected and fond feelings is flight, so he starts keeping his distance from Aiden.
And since they are kings of not communicating properly, Aiden assumes Talon avoids him cause Aiden is too affectionate and he didn’t like it and maybe Talon even figured out that Aiden liked him and keeps his distance because of that.
So Aiden recoils as well, thinking he fucked up. Things get a little tense between them and it hurts so Aiden confronts Talon, which ends up in a fight and a yelled confession on Talon’s side, finally putting an end to both of them pining.
Some more pining Aiden info:
he had several crises because why is Talon so handsome even when he calls him an idiot? and why is he so smart? and why does he have to smile LIKE THAT when he’s proud of Aiden getting a good grade? and why does it have to be him of all people? (He knows exactly why)
he asks Callan for advice, not explicitly stating that he means Talon but Callan knows that it’s Talon anyway and he’s been waiting for this to happen
sometimes Aiden will just stare at Talon and kinda zone out during a study session and he gets stressed every time Talon almost catches him look
Talon buys Aiden food or apple juice for lunch pretty often and it’s a running gag among the girls to call Talon Aiden’s (quite literal) sugar daddy and the first times Aiden laughed along but now that he’s aware of his feelings he can’t hear it without blushing
he’s blushing a lot around Talon in general and it’s a miracle that guy didn’t notice
sometimes he lies awake at night thinking about how Talon could never like him back and how he’s not good enough for him anyway and that he should just give up
quite a lot “I’ll never be with him.” and “He’s too perfect, I don’t have a chance.” moments and loud rants to himself about Talon in the privacy of his room
but he can’t give up. Even when every time Talon does something slightly flirty/caring/idk he gets his hopes up only to be let down at the end whenever Talon is behaving like an ass again
Talon once offered him some of his clothes cause Aiden had to stay the night and didn’t have spare clothes and it made Aiden blush really hard (also if he kept Talon’s shirt a bit longer than necessary before returning it that had no particular reason, no not at all)
taking Talon’s hand when they go to/leave a concert together so he won’t lose him in the crowd has a whole different weight once Aiden has a crush on him
Aiden trying really hard to cover up the fact that he finds Talon attractive (he’s staring at him when watching his friends’ volleyball games instead of focusing on the real game and acts like he doesn’t get why girls are interested in Talon…)
#pining Aiden is so good#in love Aiden in general#you rarely see that cause I often write Talons perspective but Aiden loves so strong#writer speaks#writeblr#wip: the knights of the alder#modern au#giving you another warning: I’ll answer your other ask later when I have more brain capacity#(warning is the wrong word I’m sorry xD)#answering this one was easier in my current mindset cause these thoughts keep dangling in my brain while for the au I’ll have to brainstorm#and idk if I could do this rn#but as a heads up I really like the AU idea! even though ghost Ákos also makes me sad :(
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If anyone remembers all the dental work I needed done uhhhhhhh three years ago and never went back and ran away forever…I’m finally going back to a dentist on Thursday to restart the process and face my deep and utter abiding terror. And I also scheduled my COVID and flu vaccines for a couple hours later. And my psych appointment to restart meds.
I figured get it all done in one day, have my miserable immune reaction on Friday that I seem to always get with Moderna COVID shots, and then flee directly into the weekend and never be a person again except when I’m on and off crying. It’s going to be so kind to future me to get these things done and I can do it no matter how much I feel like I am constantly about to Actually Physically Die.
#you can see why I’m restarting meds#my brain is constantly convincing me that my teeth are about to actually finish rotting out of my mouth and I probably have an abscess#already that is going to give me a jaw or heart infection#which is VERY unlikely#and that my dog is deeply sick and I should rehome her and give her to someone who’ll take proper care of her and isn’t me#yadda yadda#it’s been fucking miserable#the only good part is 1) I’m going to get the worst part over with (starting the process) and#2) even if I completely flee and refuse to go back I’ll have one dental cleaning at least helping with plaque buildup and stuff#this is so fucking EMBARRASSING it’s all so EMBARASSING#it shouldn’t be this hard for me and I know it’s irrational#I’m just so scared because it’s so triggering for me for NO REASON and#I KNOW that this time when we get to the multiple fillings and at least one root canal and also my impacted wisdom teeth that it’ll be#different and I won’t go un-numb or if I do again they’ll have better checks in place for when I panic lie to their faces#but it doesn’t help#and I’m so sure they’re gonna tell me I need three or more root canals because I’ve waited way way too long#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing#which is the most embarassing and shameful thing in the world and I KNOW#but I’m scared shitless of all of it and it’s all a sensory nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyway I’m not going to be okay later this week and I’m not particularly okay now#so if I’m not around online much#that’s why#but I’m happy news Aoife and I are having some lovely walks this week and she’s very cute and snuggly and we played tug a lot of times yest#*yesterday and she also stayed sniffing a bush while a bike went past two feet away#instead of getting startled and needing to hop or bark at it and then calm down#I’m so proud of her#and I wouldn’t be able to do this at all without my very kind partner who spearheaded scheduling the dentist (and researching places)#after my jaw pain nervous breakdown last week#health#personal
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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ughhh I need to stop having mental breakdowns over little things.
#vent in tags#chat sesh with iris#vent#tw vent#I feel like everyone hates me and even you all hope I die and nobody likes my ships bc everyone thinks I’m not good enough for my f/os#and the worst part is that none of it is unfounded!!!#none of my friends are talking to me AT ALL anymore even when I start conversations#(including in text)#while they actively talk to other people WHERE I CAN SEE IT!!!#only one of my friends is and all they do is send me anti bs and go ‘omggg these people are so weird!!!’ about like anyone who ships with-#certain characters (including ones that I SHIP WITH!!! which is why I don’t talk about it other than here)#people are like ‘omggg… I hate it when men like these characters. you don’t get them and they’d never love you.’ about my f/os#which triggers dysphoria and self loathing and fear about my ships#tw suicidal ideation#<- somewhat#I don’t like anything about myself and I don’t deserve anything that I have#man. I don’t even want to be here anymore#also I have severe mental illness that has caused a lack of possibility for happiness that lasts longer than fleeting moments#I have not spoken (like aloud) to anyone other than my parents since THE THIRD!!!#I’m going to ask my psychiatrist for testosterone on Wednesday but idek if I’m gonna make it until then#probably I will because I’m too depressed to gather the energy to do it#also she might even say no or not be able to prescribe it#and this isn’t even why I’m the most upset rn but I REALLY need a win#also my mom was like ‘you haven’t given me another name so I’ll just keep calling you the name I gave you 😊😊😊.’ instead of. idk. asking me?#tw suicide#okay yeah the tag is fully warranted now#I like know how I’d do it and everything#I also had a panic attack because I couldn’t find my quilt hashtag just autism things!!!#not takeover#obviously
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THINGS!
2025 is going to be the most jam packed stressful year of my life & i know that for sure because a lot is already planned. So i WILL be an absolute mental wreck (this is apologies in advance) & i will literally be clinging onto support most likely the whole year so tumblr will either be me spamming constantly or me not here for weeks or months at a time & barely posting? i’m so unpredictable. Anyways my entire life is guaranteed to change & the best case scenario will still ruin a lot of shit for me so if i get really depressed THERE IS REASON!!!! & i’ve already made several promises so the world is stuck with me if i can help it. so uuhhhhhhhhh YEAH. ANYWAYS IM SCARED FUCKING SHITLESS LIKE ZERO SHIT SCARED OUT KF MY FUCKING MIND SO YEAH. THE MENTAL STATE WONT BE THE BEST. LOVE YOU GUYS!!! IF MY ACTIVITY IS SPOTTY IM NOT DEAD WE’RE PROBABLY JUST DISSOCIATED AS SHIT!
Anyways. TLDR i’m going to be super fucking stressed out & out of pocket for the next year because of shit.
Any friends of ours read tags pretty please <3
#new year 2025#going to be super hyperactive or stare at a wall for a week & i don’t know which one it will be yet it’s leaning towards stare at a wall#for maybe like a month. just stare at wall & cry#BUDDY REN IS NOT OKAY! BUT HANGING IN THERE!#WE COMMITTED TO HARD TO THE BIT THAT IS LIFE SO YALL ARE STUCK WITH ME LESS SUN DONT SHINE RIVERS TAKE ME DOWN!#mighhhhhht end up relapsing on the addiction but that is way better than being dead. it doesn’t have to be healthy at this point#as long as it keeps me alive & sane i guess? i’ll obviously try not to but like dark times are dark#life update#IF YOU ARE AN IRL THAT I TALK TO OFTEN & YOU NOTICE ME NOT RESPONDING TO ANYTHING OR REACHING OUT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD REACH OUT#IM SAYING THIS NOW BECAUSE IVE BEEN INCREDIBLY SUICIDAL BEFORE & AM BEING CAUTIOUS AS HELL!!!! MENTAL STATE IS NOT A FUCKING GAME OVER HERE#LIKE IF I START SHOWING SIGNS & I AM NOT TAKING CARE OF IT ALREADY REN IS A STUBBORN BITCH & WILL REFUSE HELP BUT IM NOT PLAYING#IF SHIT STARTS GETTING CONCERNING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE INTERVENE#LIKE OBVIOUSLY IF YOU ARENT DOING GOOD EITHER & NEED PRIORITIZE YOURSELF DO THAT!!!#BUT IF YOU ARE IN A POSITION TO HELP & CATCH ON TO ANY CONCERNING SIGNS PLEASSSSSSE DONT LET THIS BITCH TURN HELP DOWN & INTERVENE#WE WILL PROBABLY NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET & ALL THE SUPPORT WE CAN ASWELL#BUT ALSO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF PLEASEEEE? DONT IGNORE YOUR OWN NEEDS#APOLOGIES IF THIS IS WORDED BAD IM NOT THE BEST WRITER THATS NOT MY JOB#SERIOUSLY LOVE YOU GUYS & IM GOING TO TRY MY HARDEST TO SUPPORT MYSELF BUT WE MIGHT NEED MORE HELP THAN WE CAN GIVE OURSELVES ALONE?#IF ANY OF THIS SHIT MAKES SENSE#MIGHT NOT? I DUNNO DM ME IF YOU WANT TO BATTLE PLAN WITH ME#THE BATTLE BEING LIFE WHILE CHANGING LITERALLY EVERYTHING & MAYBE BEING AN INTERNALLY DISPLACED REFUGEE IN THE COMING MONTHS#I LOVE YALL! UH THANKS FOR READING I GUESS? IM TIRED & GONNA SLEEP NOW#GOOD NIGHT YALL <3
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literally begging for any chain ever to fucking let terf wizard collaborations in the dust i don’t want to give that woman a cent of any of my money ever but i’d also like to buy food that’s not like shitty thank u
#this is brought to you by italian hugeass supermarket chain#that i have near the house#and has like p cheap prices for relatively good quality#i have two alternatives that are slightly cheaper but esp one of them is obv not great#so i’d like to get food there more than once in a while#but they keep on fucking putting out hp figurines or stickers or merch collaborations for points#and like ofc i don’t get the points and i don’t use them on THAT#but god dnw to pay money to a chain that gives joanne money#not that i don’t have it with jer for basically everything#but that time she bragged about her royalty check was so fucking shitty i can’t fathom how she sleeps at night#anyway that was me ranting after being in a coma for three days i’ll be back answeing to stuff soon
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Getting off my ass and downloading my favorite fics to put on a jump drive I bought with a fuck tonne more storage than the two I already had from when I was in school and, wow, this is actually so much easier than the rest of the stuff I’ve been downloading for various reasons (articles on stuff I want to have around but worry might be impacted by this new presidency). You just pick pdf (or whatever you like) and bam! It’s right there in your downloads ready to be stashed away, no annoying nitpicking where I have to delete stuff I don’t need in the document or huge blank spaces, it’s just ready! Like, listen. I love “print friendly and pdf” Firefox extension, but I always have to end up deleting some stuff that is just taking up space. It does its job! It’s just not going to be neat and tidy when the website doesn’t intend for you to do this. Archive of our own does that whole thing of making a pdf themselves! This is going to go so much faster than the other stuff I’ve been downloading as pdfs
Anyway, I love you as well Smithsonian magazine website for not only being free, but also just having that extension on all your articles! That’s actually how I found it in the first place. Before that I was copy pasting every paragraph into a pages document and it was way more tedious.
#emma posts#I feel like an old woman who figured out how to use her email#more and more every day#I am not bad at computers while also being bad at computers#I’m getting sidetracked here though#I really just keep developing tricks to solve my computer problems but then there’s an easy solution that I just don’t know about#like that Firefox extension#am I good or bad with computers? I think a secret third thing#I’ll think I’m bad with them and then I’ll see someone who is just straight up terrible with them and I’m like#‘well. im not great. but im also not that’#I won’t ever be able to download every fic I want to read#I’m sorting through my bookmarks to take what I think I should grab. but I have so much in the ‘want to read’ thing#I don’t know if my jump drive could pull that and all my non fanfiction off#I really haven’t purchased a jump drive in awhile though#I saw the storage on one of the first to come up and was like ‘holy shit!’#girlie has not purchased one since 2015 okay#I really hope I just end up doing this and then it turns out I didn’t need to#but if I didn’t do it and it turns out I needed it…#no. wouldn’t want that#I need sleep. I just started laughing at the thought of having illicit Wikipedia articles on a jump drive like some heinous shit#but it’s literally just an article about the history behind Yule or something#forbidden out of Africa Wikipedia article PDF#I don’t know what kind of stuff falls under the stuff in that project 2025#they have brains that work in ways I don’t understand#you know some of them would be like ‘you have to take down your article about ice age humans because creationism real I guess’#‘how dare you have information on the history of religion?!’ scandalous#and I know I can never afford to buy books on every single one of those things#but science magazines and Wikipedia articles? sure#I’m getting really sidetracked but this is making me feel like I can do something#it’s giving me some sense of control and distraction and if I don’t have those things to channel this energy I’ll just get worse
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I don’t think I should be allowed to move out lol
#*Patiently waits for this post to get old enough so I can vent in the tags* ( · ❛ ֊ ❛)#I NEED MY COMMUNITY TO BE APPROVED SO I CAN VENT WITHOUT BOTHERING ANYONE PLS#Edit: Kay vent time :3#………………………………………………………………………#*looooonggggggg sigh*#I can’t live alone bc the second I’m alone I’m going to do things I know I shouldn’t.#I am very well aware these things are bad but I want to so badly :(#I have for- idk- like 4 months#And I keep thinking “oh you’re just feeling angsty rn it’ll go away” and it hasnt#I wish I never began to feel this way#I very much so think it is my eating disorder#Malnutrition is getting to me I think#Lol im not malnourished im just a dramatic baby#(Says while she eats one meal a day at best)#I wanna go back to being able to not eat for four days and no one noticing >:l#i think I can get out of dinner#Dad said “eat when you want” so when he gets home I’ll say I had some chicken nuggets or smth#We’re also going to the pool tn so I’ll be burning a good amount of calories:3 edit: nvm no swimming :((#I think that’s all for now :D#🌾#tw disordered thoughts#tw sh implied#tw sh destructive behaviour
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i don’t even know if we caught walrusman adventurezone’s name but i absolutely adore this concept for a villain and henchperson duo. walruses eat shrimp and im imagining like. that’s literally what was happening and then they both got transformed
#the adventure zone#like ‘i can’t eat him NOW. he’s half human! i do have morals’ but that predator dynamic is still there which is how he keeps his authority#hoping for kind of a dread pirate roberts vibe tbh#‘good night krilliam. sleep well. i’ll probably eat you in the morning’#the fandom wiki is no help lol because like. on one hand it did just come out today but on the other hand#that website has not been consistently updated since like. partway through ethersea#one of these days i tell myself i’m going to take notes while i relistening to old campaigns and try to fix it up#i genuinely don’t know if most people have moved to another site bc fandom.com sucks. or if the listenership has just dropped that harshly#i rly have been enjoying this so far. i feel like i’ve mostly just seen people knee-jerking and like. expecting the worst#it’s a pastiche. and they’re clearly having fun with it#i always love when they have guest VAs too#mine#taz
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(vent in the tags and under the cut. don’t read if you don’t want.)
sometimes i wonder if people would care if i was gone. there’s just no point anymore tbh.
#tw sui ideation#its honestly just been going through my head for a while#the past two weeks my parents haven’t talked about anything besides my brother#i kinda just feel like i’ve been forgotten in a way#i just feel lonely i guess#and i hate it#it’s just one of those days where i feel lethargic and just numb frankly#and i’m tying to keep posting because it’s not fair that others who don’t give a shit have to read my vents#but i just can’t do this anymore#i’m going through a lot rn#between yesterday and my dog being sick and school starting and my grandma getting surgery and having to move in with my family#it’s all just a lot rn#and sometimes i just think about it and i just hate it#i hate having dark thoughts like this#i’ve been my only therapist because i can’t talk to my parents#i can’t talk to them about this stuff or they’ll just give me the “you can be sad but you can’t pack up and live there” bullshit#I DIDNT FUCKING ASK FOR THIS#that pisses me off so bad#i didn’t fucking ask to have suicidal thoughts?#sometimes i’ll just choke myself with my dog’s leash as a form of punishment because it just makes me feel good#atp i don’t care if i go too far because it’s not worth it anymore#it just doesn’t feel like life’s worth living#there’s nothing to enjoy or look forward to atp#i just need a friend#i’m so tired of being there for people and then having to turn back to myself when i have an issue because im too cowardly to open up#i’m scared#i don’t have it bad like i don’t know why i feel like this#i have a good life#i’m just being a brat#i dunno
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