#i’m still sinking
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look at the way i ride ~
#lyss.vent#been feeling very much on the edge lately#of what? i’m not really sure#a classic Meltdown ™ maybe#i have a therapist i talk to weekly now and that’s been a huge help fs#but it’s still like#my boat has a hole#too many to count actually#i’m constantly dumping out the water but it doesn’t matter yk?#i’m still sinking#there are so many things i should be thankful for#friends and family that care about me#i have hobbies that i enjoy#a good consistent job that pays well#i’m working 40 hrs a week and making enough to save monthly#this is what it means to be successful right ?#i should be happy…i have everything i need…#yet i feel rundown and empty#i’ve also realized that there are horrible ugly things that still live deep inside my bones#why do i blame myself for them when i was just there? when i was the victim?#i’m the only one who can save myself from it all so why can’t i?#what’s even worse is that i have to watch from the sidelines while life single-handedly fucks up my loved ones too#i’m so powerless in all aspects of my life#everything’s out of my control#and it hurts so much :(((#tbh old me would’ve given up by now but that dumb bitch isn’t in the driver’s seat anymore#she’s just along for the ride now but she won’t give me the aux#tho new me is stubborn and has something to prove so i’ll keep driving :3 vroom vroommm#i’ll play my own music soon#i love queue ☆〜(ゝ。∂)
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okay hi so listen hear me out
sea snake is a bit too obvious (and too boring)
so i made him based on some kind of lionfish??? (bc something something venomous marine animal) also with a LOT of creative liberties i made with how the fish looks like
let’s also give his fins some rips and tears here and there bc what are the implications of that??? that’s for you 🫵 to decide
anyways chat i lowkey dont know what i was doing
i had no other thoughts but haha funny snake man i turn into fish
#mmm the quality is so crunchy#also his ass is under there i swear#a friend pointed out where it was and i’m just hfjjdjdjd#[—✦-#-✧ my art#twst art#twst#twisted wonderland#jamil viper#merjam🐍#-✦—]#also hey hi tag readers#let's do something fun here#(if you don't like deep water/drowning(?) imagery please dont continue past this 💖)#“dont go near the ocean they say”#“for there are sirens that will compel you with their beauty and their seductive voices”#“however you find yourself being lured in by the sea with an enchanting sound”#“before you knew it you're underwater sinking deeper and deeper”#“despite the water filling your lungs you find yourself still conscious but not in control of yourself”#“as you gaze into a pair of enchanting charcoal eyes”#“this creature... it's a siren. and somehow you can hear its thoughts and commands”#“finally. you. you are the key”'#“the siren yearns to be free from the dreary depths”#“you're human aren't you?” “the siren wants to be human too” “the siren wants to be free”#“the siren tried to hide it but you can feel that it was desperate”#“you /will/ take it onto land”#“you /will/ let the siren be a part of that world... or else”#(idk what im on tbh but mer AU 😔😔😔😔)
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Not that anyone asked but looking at a.) the fact that Carpenter says that it’s clay being torn from the riverbank by the floodwaters of the White Gull and b.) The Hjulström Curve:
We can determine that the flow velocity of the White Gull River in TSV45 was approximately 150-300 cm/s.
What does this mean? Absolutely nothing, I’m going to be so honest. I just find this amusing
#the silt verses#tsv#there is an image ID on the graph that hopefully explains how to read it but I’m afraid I explained it poorly#I also misjudged the placement of the point where the slop of the erosion line changes#if anyone was wondering clay and silt erode at higher velocities because as grain size gets super small#the individual grains tend to stick together much more and then they act as larger grains#and you’ll notice that clay and silt basically never settle out#like they need a velocity of 0 to be deposited#essentially#so that clay is going to flow out to the ocean and it might spend YEARS in suspension until it eventually settles#wow just like fau— GUNSHOT#sorry I’m just thinking about how he too will end up out in the water column. probably#and eventually he’ll sink#or maybe not#maybe he’ll get caught on a boulder that’s deposited by the floodwater#cause hey if the flow velocity is THAT high it’s probably also transporting some massive boulders and depositing them further downstream#where the channel widens and the flow velocity lowers#does anyone want to talk to me about sediment. I’m normal I promise#I’m putting my geoscience degree to WORK over here <- degree is still in progress I am Not An Expert#I hope my professors are proud of me
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at this point wouldn't it be better to just never wear a bra?
if i didn’t wear a bra they’d bounce while i walk, and that’s SO annoying
#i mean. it’s cute but definitely annoying#and they’d get in the way of cleaning#it’s embarrassing but i make a mess when washing my face bc they’re too big and i can’t lean all the way over the sink#also bc it’s still in the 80s here and i get sweaty :((#and if i’m around ppl it feels more appropriate to wear a bra
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Reading an article on how no one truly knows how to read a book front to back anymore is making me so terrified I literally don’t gaf if I’m a biochem major it’s looking more and more every day like I’m going for that literature master’s degree for no reason other than to feel something
#No I’m not kidding like HUH!!!!!#Chemistry always made the most sense but fuck that a lit masters is what I need#Like I can get chem pubs still who cares#I can take a lit class then detour to my organic chem lab I can make it work I was built for that kind of dichotomy#I will NOT allow my reading skills to atrophy just bc I’m in a science field#NO!!!!!#No omg#I have a BOOKCASE#I’m literally scared#I literally need a lit professor to yell at me#Or I need to unironically download pdfs of rhetorical analysis and go to town but I’m actually scared#Like my biggest fear is being one of those ppl who read tons of books but absorb nothing#I think the one thing I refuse to have ruined for me is actually engaging and connecting w books#I’m being serious .#Clutching the kitchen sink trying to talk myself out of spending thousands on a lit masters degree#(It wouldn’t be a waste it would be so cathartic)#I’m speaking from a place of deep fear rn but it’s also absolutely a possibility
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the moment he remembered Emmet...
Out of all the moments to remembers... it's now...
Mishearing Ember for Emmet, subconciously reaching out to someone who isn't there. The fog surrounding his memories is lifting, returning to their original station.
I'm sure he's at the point where he's not fully there anymore. At this moment he's probably back in Unova waiting for Emmet, ready to finish off the day at the Battle Subway.
It has been a long day and he is eager to get some rest to sleep. Today he's extra tired from work. He's sure that Emmet is as well. He's so tired and he wants to rest. "Sleep" tugging at him.
The level of pain has been through the roof with this! But it is comforting that the next time he comes to be and is more clear there IS gonna be Emmet at his side along with Akari most mayhaps!
Gosh I already know this fic is gonna rip me to shreds but I'm gonna be all there for that!
And the WIPs and the way you're writing is definitely making this a ride I wanna be in until the end!
In regards to this IWLYB WIP I posted
Correct, Ingo is losing himself at the end here, probably not sure of what he is and isn’t supposed to be seeing or hearing anymore, and not being well enough to realize he should care that’s even happening. The brain is just going through everything it still has.
But man the way you phrase it, to him he is just waiting for Emmet after a long day of work and being tired and just wanting to sleep. Ohhh ow ow <;( OWW AUGH
But you are also correct in that his next lucid moment will be waking up to see Emmet and Akari. He’s got it easy past this point, just lose consciousness and wake up at the good part. Akari’s the one that’s left alone with all the hard work to get him to that point!
I’m so glad you’re looking forward to the fic and you’re enjoying the WIPs!! Thank you so much!!
#wayward’s asks#I Won’t Leave You Behind#gonna be honest for a long time I’ve been like ‘Ember’s name is so close to Emmet I should use that’ and didn’t know what to do with it#until I started writing this and went oh#once again a lot of this is what links this fic to the song ‘Curses’ by Acloudyskye#it’s got lines like#‘watch me disappear as I’m leaving here coming up with words till the end is near’#‘I’ve fallen off the earth again and all the world rushes underside’#‘Is that why? all these storms are getting worse but as I sink into the dirt I feel fine’#it feels very reminiscent of someone going numb in every sense as they lose themselves#that’s how I take it at least and apply it to this fic#I still want to do an animatic to that song#one day
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hand in unloveable hand
#girl help i’m drawing tgcf fanart again#there’s something so he xuan about no children btw#and just beefleaf in general#anyway#i’m still obsessed with him#tgcf#tgcf art#he xuan#ming yi#black water sinking ships#my art#beefleaf#heavens official blessing
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ik this is an unpopular opinion on the undying monogamous romantic devotion website but I fear I love situationships I love friends with benefits I love weird messy undefined relationships they’re soooo so so tasty like can we not get down n dirty n have a bit of fun…
#guys life and art is so rich and textured I’m booooored of soulmates and nice clean marriages n perfect therapized relationships LETS SINK#OUR FANGS INTO SMTHN!!!#I also know I have mutuals who v strongly disagree w this and it’s so okay I still love u all…. this is simply my truth 😔#about me
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idk when to call it “ghosting” or if that even applies if you’ve only talked online, but this hinge girl has stopped talking to me after maybe like a week of messaging, to which i’m like…oh well. tbh i’m probably not ready for anything even approaching dating. it’s weird though that i’m feeling kinda bummed instead of relieved—which is how i think i would have felt a year ago if the same thing happened. actually a year ago i wouldn’t have even tried talking to her. so it’s probably a good sign that i managed to talk to her for a while. it’s probably a good sign that i was at all interested in someone. it shows im still capable of being interested, which i didnt think i was until now, so there’s that.
#shannon tries dating#siiigh she was really cool tho :/#we liked all the same shows and books and stuff#idk what made her stop talking to me but i’m not gonna blame#myself#i get that shit happens it’s fine#but still. being ignored is a huge trigger for me so i’m trying to be positive. im#just kinda bummed#i was actually excited to get messages#from her#that hasn’t happened FOR THE LOOONGEST TIME#hm maybe i should put billy joel on repeat and just sink into the earth
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I hope you have a shit ton of fun with 🦇. You deserve to be put first
thank you 💖💖
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somehow I don’t think sleeping is supposed to make you so in pain that it makes you feel nauseous, yet here we are
#my jaw is dislocated on one side & I’m currently on a no/soft chew diet so that’s definitely not helping#also still dealing with my newly diagnosed eustachian tube dysfunction which also isn’t helping#makes me just want to go lay out in the dirt & sink into the ground#cw emetophobia#tmj disorder#eustachian tube dysfunction#chronic pain#disabled#disability#chronically ill#chronic illness
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I haven’t watched it in a while but Zuko and Toph actually should’ve had the life-changing field trip because I really needed her to find out that his biggest problem is a father that demanded his children be the best benders around and kind of envy that, and then I needed him to find out that her biggest problem is parents that believed her to be helpless and wanted to love and protect her anyway and just totally flip out.
#I always felt bad for them. If I found out that my 12-year-old (blind or not) was living a dangerous double life I would also lose my mind#We didn’t really get to see them at their best#They kind of had the “okay you’re grounded FOREVER” moment that a lot of parents would have under those circumstances#and then she hit the road before the knowledge could sink in#I mean I’m sure she had reason to think that they’d still be overprotective if they knew how self-sufficient she was#but that theory was never actually tested#It doesn’t bug me the show’s about dumb kids acting like dumb kids so of course she takes it for granted they’ll never get her and runs off#with people who do#but then you have a whole adult audience watching it and acting like they’re as bad as Ozai pardon me what#Anyway. Missed opportunity! HUGE
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*he spilled my cup of paint water all over everything idk why I said he spilled watercolors I just woke up girls
I literally walked away for two minutes tops to make coffee and came back to his ass sitting on this water color palette and my painting open after spilling my watercolor water all over it
Look at that face. He knows he did something wrong hahahha
#I really wish I had a pic of him just sitting on the watercolors bc it was hilarious#like he looked so innocent and cute and I just knew his was was covered in various colors hashahwhwha#but i was more concerned with the toxicity so my immediate reaction was to try to clean his paws the best I could#and research#it won’t cause any skin or gastrointestinal issues so we’re good thankfully#he will be fine don’t worry lmao it’s water based watercolors#gonna watch him close just in case#grabbed him asap and a wash cloth and took him to the sink#but yes to reiterate it’s NOT TOXIC AND HE IS FINE I PROMISE#also thank goodness I grabbed him immediately before he started prancing around on the white carpet bc I would be yelled at for weeks#u have four bloody scratches on my face but there are not rainbow foot prints all over the house and he is safe so I am fine with that#i**#they’re ^#the way cats attack you and think they’re being punished when you’re literally potentially trying to just save their life#or help them#like unhooking their claw from somethin their stuck too#and like I give a fuck about clothes as much as my cat but there’s paint all over my favorite robe too now hahah#legit thiught the red streaks on my face were watercolor hahahaha so I was like oh shit that blood#I’m not mad#after I found out it wasn’t toxic and that he didn’t step all over the wet carpets and that he was okay i laughed for like 15 minutes#I’m still laughing like… y’all ☠️#please excuse my voice I’m a little sick and I sound like a southerner ew#like why do i sound like someone’s Christian Baptist mother offering someone cookies#Queso#my cats#lmao
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Holy shit I’m listening to Dirty Girl rn and I remembered yesterday I learned that the whole bridge to Nerdy Prudes Must Die (the ‘will you pray for me’ bit) was supposed to be a seperate song that was gonna open Act 2 and it was supposed to be like a dream sequence with Grace and Max?? And honestly it would’ve been a really cool tie in between the two characters since Max also sings ‘will you pray for me’ in Dirty Girl 🤔
#sunny speaks#find it interesting that both times#grace would’ve been dreaming/imaging max asking her to pray for him#find it interesting as well that the meaning of the line changes context between characters#though I’m glad that that part of the song happened between Richie and Max instead#very iconic moment in the musical#and still holds a lot of meaning and emotional weight despite the context changing#I’m interested to see how richie’s death would’ve gone down if Jeff Blim kept that part as a seperate song#nerdy prudes must die#hatchetfield#max was absolutely projecting onto Richie#trying to sort of taunt him in a way??#like#he’s essentially saying that everyone had forgotten about him when he died#and people would just do the same to Richie when he dies too#and it makes sense because multiple times characters mention that people go missing all the time#which means that those disappearances don’t end up being a big deal#god no matter how unserious npmd can get#it’s just such a well constructed musica#there’s just so much to sink my teeth into
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I find it super cute how episode nagi’s covers all feature nagi with other characters he interacted with, and they all show off their unique dynamics too
As compared to the original manga where’s its everyone for themselves all chained up 🤡
Blue lock manga - we’re all fucking egoists
Episode nagi manga - nagi and friends 👽💕 (or rather, bonds)
#ms#tho the egoist aspect was what drawn me in to blue lock initially lol#I still do love it when they emphasise that and I’m looking forward to isagi sinking further 😈#I HATE power of friendship themes#but then if it’s Nagi it’s cute cause it’s never too saturated with him his character adds a nice balance to the theme 🥰#I also like how nagi’s the only one with ego eyes in all the bl covers he’s just special :’)#nagi seishiro#episode nagi#blue lock#perhaps it’s a nod to how he’ll eventually be isagi’s true rival lol#I do like that theory a lot
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Update on The Appointment (mentioned here previously) for anyone who was curious / concerned: It went good and I’m NOT going to have to drop out of college and scramble to find a way to get myself in working condition in spite of various health conditions and pay for my expensive medications out of pocket in less than two years!
I’ve been waiting for an answer to that for about two weeks straight and it’s been wearing on me horribly. I’ve been struggling to sleep and eat from what I now recognize was the stress of anticipating a “Yeah you need to get yourself a steady job ASAP that will fund the medicines you need to ensure your brain doesn’t spontaneously combust” as an answer.
I’m going to go disperse into atoms now brb—
#I can feel my body violently unwinding after being so rigidly tense for so long#good glory. I’m relieved but also it’s all taking a while to sink in.#I’m going to eat my weight in tonight’s dinner#(which somehow turned out to be my absolute favorite despite being randomly picked for the family meal plan??)#and then enter a coma for 18 hours.#love u guys I’ll be back soon#(tbh I’ll probably still be here queueing up posts and stuff but I like to be a little silly)#Sofie says stuff
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