#i mean. it’s cute but definitely annoying

[rafesbangs]

maybe rafe finally seeing mermaid!reader's house and, like all her random trinkets and bobbles and clutter, and lowkey being on his kook ass bullshit, but secretly, he's actually really fascinated and intrigued by it all

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ mermaid!reader shows rafe around her house he acts a little judgey…

warnings: kinda some angst if you squint, fluff (yay) and a tad of classism unfortunately.

a/n: first fluff fic yayay also i adoreeee this req. this is so mermaid!reader and rafe. sorry it took so long to answerrrr & sorry its kinda short ahhhh, im not great at fluff i'll admit so this is good practice. (i hope this is what you wanted <3)

you nervously picked at your nails as you waited on your porch, swinging slowly in the crochet hammock that took you weeks to make. rafe's mercedes pulled into the little dirt driveway and your attention was quickly stolen.

"hey baby" he grinned as he slinked over, rolling his shoulders back to stand taller even though you already think he's the height of buildings. you hop out of the hammock and smile sweetly as he scoops you up for a hug.

"missed you" he mumbles into your hair before planting a kiss on the top of your head. a gesture, he knows, means the most to you. he releases you from the hug with a smile and you grab his hand softly, "missed you most. now come, i'll give you the tour"

he let your little hand drag him into your house. a sudden heat came over your face as you pulled him through the front door, realising how scared you were of rafe's kooky-judgment. you could see it in his demeanour, he was definitely thinking about how small the place is. how some of the wood is kinda rotted on the walls and how rickety the furniture looks. your little shack home was nothing like even the poorest of kook's homes.

you let go of his hand and put both of yours behind your back nervously, looking at the ground as you opened your mouth, "this is my living room kitchen area..." you stated. weakly gesturing to the room with an old tan leather couch that was fraying on the edges, adorned with crocheted, fluffy and wool beachy-themed blankets. the kitchen was tiny, 3 by 2ft and but the algae-green benches and the white black-splash with ocean themed detailing gave it some character.

rafe nodded curtly and glanced around, wordless for a moment, "its... small wow, you weren't really joking about it being a shack.."

your pursed lips turned to a frown quickly and you slowly crossed your arms in front of you, looking up at him disapprovingly as he continued to glance around. your jaw cocked to the side, "yeah some of us kinda pay for everything themselves which includes their house.."

his eyes went a little wide before he looked back at you, noticing your chagrin at his attitude towards your home. "no baby i'm just saying like- you don't deserve to live in a hole..." he quickly says, hands darting out in defence as he speaks but he only annoyed you further.

you roll your eyes, "come on. i'll show you my bedroom." you lead him up some open stairs to the left of the living room, bedroom was kind of a strong word, it was more like a half-loft situation since it technically had a door.

you swing it open and walk in, smiling proudly at your room, its completely filled with sparkly trinkets and decoration, your own little haven.

rafe cautiously followed you in, his eyes wide as he was clearly mesmerised by your cute little space. everything, from roof to foundation, was covered in things. crocheted 'fishing net' hung from the ceiling with little starfish and sparkles on it, jewellery boxes with coral and blues and greens sat all over the place, sparkly light pink and blue mesh fabrics hung from your ceiling above your bed, which was also adorned with whimsical bedsheets and pillows, like a canopy. every photo frame looked handmade with shells and little stones, all over the room dried coral and crystals sat in bowls or bunches. there was even a used tea cup on your dark stained wooden bedside table/cabinet (that was also spilling out all your mermaid-like clothing pieces) that was shimmery and shell themed.

"huh..." rafe began as he picked up a few things that intrigued him, you furrowed your brow, ready for more insulting words to spill from his lips but his face softened into a grin and he looked at you.

"your house is very you." he grinned, as he put the trinkets down carefully in their rightful spot, you looked at him with confusion in your eyes. "cute and mermaid-like, very... mmm, unconventional. but... i'm sorry for before, i... do like it here."

you tilted your head to the side with a forgiving smile before walking up to him and pressing your lips to his, he smiled into the kiss and held the small of your back and your chin, deepening it.

you pulled away first, "i know you're my big bad kook boyfriend but its okay to think my dingy little shack is cute, even for the cut." he chuckled a little and nodded before kissing the end of your nose.

"you're pretty cute, for a pogue" he smirked, his arms still around your waist as he leaned back, waiting for a playful smack.

and you delivered, scoffing and hitting him across the arm. he faked a wince and pretended all hurt as you rolled your eyes, "and you're pretty sweet for a kook."

[solaiced]

CASE 28: CHOSO KAMO AND YOU SHARE A POWER!

!content!: blood, period sex..?, eating out, choso is uneducated and not beta’d, literally drinking blood.

wc: 1,002

solace: the formatting is sooo weird…

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Choso, for his 150 years on Earth, does not know what a period is. Doesn't know why it happens, or how it affects someone. Sure, it hurts, he knows that. You've told him countless times. Cramps, you said.

But he somehow didn't understand that most people avoid having sex on these days, because, as you had explained, there's blood. Choso still doesn't get it. He means good. He doesn’t mind blood. But you did, apparently.

He thinks that you have connections to him and have a blood related cursed technique.

So you sat him down, one dreadful night, where you had your awful period, and walked him through every nook and cranny about having periods and the basics of the biological need for them.

"So... It's natural..." Choso inquires, and you nod, “but it hurts you? Because you’re not pregnant..." He seems salty about it, annoyed that women, when reaching a certain age, are pained because nature intended for them to get pregnant.

“Basically, yeah.” You’re happy he got it a tiny bit right.

"When did you get it?" He asks, and it takes a while to understand what he means.

“Uh, I think... At thirteen." You answer truthfully. Choso frowns.

“But that’s young…” Aw, he's so cute, worrying about this. Most men don't even think about it. You were so lucky to have him.

"Yean, but it's nature. Only way I can prevent them without getting pregnant is birth control and removing my uterus."

“So why don't you?" He pouts, cutie.

"Because I don't know if I want kids, and birth control has side effects I don't need right now." Chose looks at his phone and unlocks it, typing something. He's gotten used to phones, after Yuji taught him.

"Apparently, hot pockets are a good way to alleviate pain, did you know?" Of course you knew, but it's wholesome to know he's trying to help.

"Yeah, babe, I know."

"And making love, too!" The half curse exclaims, which could only mean one thing. He wants to help.

So, now you're in the shower with Choso, because you didn't want to wash the sheets, naked and bleeding on his cock.

"Does it hurt?" He asks for the nth time and you groan.

“No, babe, for the millionth time, move.” Taking that as the green light, he adjusts you, making sure you'd be steady in his arms and pulls out, dragging his long cock inside of your extra warm and wet cunt, your blood stains his pale skin and you moan.

Could this truly alleviate period pain? So far, you hadn’t had any cramps to report, so all's well. But that could change at any moment.

Then, Choso slowly enters you once more, dark eyes fixed on where you were connected bloodily. He exhales shakily, shutting his eyes, as if he was trying to hold back. And it's only now that you realize that you

were definitely more sensitive than before. Way more sensitive.

“Hey,” comes Choso’s strained voice, still painfully hard inside of you. "I don't want to hurt you, and…" He pauses, catching his breath like he just ran a marathon, even that was easy for him. “I know I’ll lose control. Can I eat you out?" Gosh, he was so polite, even

during sex. You nod, however. You didn't want a repeat of last time he hurt you. He cried so much it could’ve flooded japan.

"Are you sure, though? We can always stop, most guys don’t like touching their girls when they're on their periods.”

"I'm not like other guys, then." He carefully sets your feet down on the floor, opens the tap and lets the shower head wash in between your thighs, alongside his dick knowing the blood would crust. How sweet.

Choso gets on his knees, like he was praying for you, and swipes his tongue on your hot slit,

The first taste is addictive, forcing him to shove his tongue mside of your pussy while you gasped, throwing a leg over his shoulder. He places a securing hand on the outside of your thigh and kneads the fat as he slurped on your red cunt.

Your blood made its way to his lower face, and Choso doesn't hesitate to bury his head deeper between your legs. Your stomach churned at the idea of him consuming your blood like this.

But somehow, it was hot, and it made your pussy wetter, muscles taunter.

"Choso-ah! S'good... Don't stop..." You whine, pushing his head down and he looks up, showing his bloody canines off.

“Not gunnah." The half curse suckles on your clit, eliciting a loud moan, thankfully silenced by the sound of running water.

"Are you hurting?" Choso wiggles his tongue through your folds, you were so close... He can't stop.

"No! Faster, please!" You begs, whimpering as he bit on your cit lightly. And faster he did go.

He forced his tongue into your bloody cunt repeatedly, not even giving you time to realize you were cumming, seeing stars behind your eyelids and almost slipping from how weak your knees became.

“Fuck…” You sigh, throwing your head back against the shower wall. “Ch-Choso, you freak.” You giggle as you look down, pulling on his hair to make him look at you.

“Don’t.” The curse in question warns, his eyes seem to glow, but that’s impossible. He looked… monstrous. Feral, even.

“Don’t what..?” It’s surprising, how Choso can go from genteel and soft to mean and vicious. You could even consider it scary.

“Let me… let me eat some more…” He stares at your pussy, and you could even spot a small tear trying to slip out of his eye. “I just want to help with the pain.”

Right, the cramps. You haven’t felt any, maybe it did help, but that didn’t mean he should continue.

“It’s fine, babe. I’ll just be out of commission for a few days.” You reassure, patting his head.

“No.” Choso frowns, tongue dipping back in. “I want more.”

What have you done?

[kittymoonblog]

"Being laid back in some scenes doesn't indicate."

Butch isn't just laidback in some scenes, but in general.

In the comics, He rarely gets mad just annoyed.

Boomer played prank on him and instead of resorting to violence, He just tells Boomer that now he has to dry up his clothes.

Also Boomer literally kicked Butch, He asked what's the big idea? But then never kicks Boomer back. (Maybe he forgot)

Butch also trustes Brick alot, When Brick tells him that their is a dryer. He believes him and thanks him. (Only for Brick to scare the living crap out of him.)

In boys are back in town, Butch didn't do much to Buttercup compare to Brick and Boomer. Brick uses Blossom like a microphone and then plays a psychological trick on her by spitting on her. Boomer literally stomps on Bubbles's head and Boomer chooses Bubbles for the whole slug thing.

All Butch did was slam BC on his chest. Like a Gorilla. Compare to Boomer this is nothing.

When Bubbles accidentally shot him with the spit. He doesn't even look mad, He just look daze. He also doesn't beat up Bubbles/Boomer for it.

It's not like he isn't aggressive at all, but He is just the least aggressive out of the three.

Personalities wise, I don't think he is as aggressive as his counterpart. He is certainly energetic and silly and pretty laid-back from I've seen. (Also twitching doesn't mean he is mentally unstable). Although, I do think he parallels BC some aspects. Like his role. Brick seems to favor Butch a Lil more. When he needs a hype man he always looks at Butch. And maybe he doesn't get bullied picked on just as much as Boomer.

Since the reason why they bully Boomer is because he stands out to much. So, Maybe he is the RRB's Co Leader or Brick's right hand man.

And maybe there is a reason why Brick refers to Butch as the "Baron of Beserker".🤷‍♀️

"Boomer doesn't seem to talk back to Brick unless he is getting treated unfairly."

Fair, But Boomer seems like a very individualistic person. He always tries to stand out. And even stands out to much.

In some situation, especially in the comics, he is the aggressor.

-Boomer throws salt on Brick's face

-He kicks Butch

-He pranks Butch

Boomer is also the most brutal/evil out of all 3 of his brothers.

In boys are back in town, He treated Bubbles the worst, He choose her for the slug prank and Stomps on her head.

In the comic, Father knows Worst. The boys were competing who is the most evil. Boomer is shown to be more "evil" because Boomer is only one to put civilians in danger. While Brick and Butch only pulled annoying pranks.

In the Boys are back in town, Butch and Brick both show a reaction after getting humiliated by the girls. But Boomer is just stone face throughout the whole thing.

I don't think Boomer is the most evil, But he definitely overcompensates alot due to being bullied. Hence why he is more brutual. (Kinda reminds me of Bubblesvicious.)

"Attacking Blossom when she was pretending to be MOJO"

Bubbles wasn't pretending, she hit her head.

I also don't think bubbles is dumb. I mean the episode where she dressed like Boomer proves that. Because She can spell correctly and cursive.

Bubbles is still 5 and is still in school so her not knowing certain things is okay. I don't think bubbles is dumb. She is just nice and cute.

Boomer is well, Actually dumb and uneducated. For example, when the puffs stops him and his response was "what are you going to do? Beat me up" and then got beat up.

Boomer is certainly brave, But stupid. He isn't afraid to defend himself. That's why when Bubbles dressed like Boomer defended himself. And told Brick and Butch that he ate the candy. Brick and Butch just laugh at him. Indicating that Boomer isn't a pushover and can stand up for himself.

And sometimes he talks back to Brick even when Brick doesn't attack him hence why Brick hits him alot.

Bubbles hate fighting and arguing. Boomer isn't afraid to fight and argue. In the comic father knows worst, Brick and Butch get into argument Boomer stops them, But not for the reason he hate seeing them fight but for the reason he want to proof to them that he is the most evilest.

So while Bubbles and Boomer may parallel each other in situations and role. Their personalities are not the same. Bubbles is sugary and sweet. And Boomer is snippy.

In the idw comic, Boomer calls bubbles weak for not liking loud music, While Bubbles was about to show him weak.

But I do agree they are both airheads. Boomer tends to be absent mindedly cheerful. While Bubbles is cheerful.

In conclusion, One side believe they are opposites while the other side think they are parallels. There is a reddit, where someone analyze and peiced together the RRB'S Personalities.

I think the agreement can go both ways, But we don't have enough information about the boys to make a proper conclusion.

There personalities could be opposite to their counterparts while their situation can be parallel.

But, If Butch is supposed to be BC but only with her worst traits. He isn't doing a good job of it.

Unpopular Opinion and Pet Peeves in the PPG Fandom

If you got anymore please tell me in the replies or ask

TW: Sexual Topics,Sexual Harassment

I hope you agree with me byeeee🫶🏽🤭

[housecow]

at this point wouldn't it be better to just never wear a bra?

if i didn’t wear a bra they’d bounce while i walk, and that’s SO annoying

[bookishjules]

had a dream last night during which my little brother took a nap and woke up in his baby-faced kid body. and i was like dude. i already struggle to dream you as an adult. must you make life harder on me.

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

eyes snap open. genderbend hestio/ephael lesbians. ephael flops herself on hestio all the time and gives her kisses all over just to annoy her.

[hecksupremechips]

Actually cry so goddamn hard when I think about Shinjiro Aragaki healing and being loved and having to learn to be okay with himself and being taken care of

[fierykitten2]

Looking at predictions for Dino Entei: half are super cute and would probably make it my fifth favourite out of the Paradox Legendaries (after Iron Leaves, Walking Wake, Iron Crown and Robo Terrakion and before Raging Bolt) and the other half are just wtf. Basically, if it’s a stegosaurus, triceratops or ankylosaurus (and I’m sure it’ll definitely be one of the three) it’ll be really cute and I’ll regret being mean to the Past Paradox Pokémon, otherwise Jesus fucking Christ! What have you done to my baby Entei?

Looking at predictions for Robo Terrakion: good to see I’m not the only one predicting orange lights. Also there are about three and none of them give it the armour that Iron Leaves and Iron Crown have. And why is the Paradox Terrakion tag on Tumblr empty when the Paradox Entei tag isn’t? This is an offence!

[worstsequence]

[quietwingsinthesky]

your jo/dean/sam fic??👀👀👀

lmao yeah it took me a minute to find it in my wip folder because none of these fics have titles that make it easy on me (fun fact: it was sitting between one fic titled "oh my god" and another titled "choking your brother to death as an act of devotion" my wip folder is so normal)

ANYWAY. basic premise of this fic is that while I was watching s2 with my friend, I was thinking about her flirting with Dean, about how the original plan (Kripke's idea, i believe?) was for her to be their half-sister, and internally going "hey uh eric. hey eric. why was your idea directly after 'she's their sister' that 'she should want to fuck dean'" and then combine that with s2 having absolutely insane vibes around sam & dean, and i started putting together a little rewrite. nothing too fancy, just What If jo kept hunting with the boys, what if the three of them had insane sexual tension, what if she was secretly their half-sister. what if there is no escape from the winchester family curse no matter how much you try to hide from it.

it is also a fic i started for kinktober with the prompt of the day being "double penetration" asjdlaksjd. and then about 9000 words later i did not finish it in time.

i've tried to find a snippet that makes sense all on its own to share, but they're all very tied into each other, referencing lines from earlier parts and such. still! turns out i do have a little of the playthings part of the draft finished that mostly works standalone. just keep in mind this is very unfinished, try not to judge too harshly ^-^

He helps Sam into bed and watches him drunkenly snuggle into the mattress. Dean’s got the horrible urge to laugh because he knows just how shitty Sam will feel come morning and thinking about him whining over a hangover is better than lingering on Sam’s death wish. He won’t remember anything Dean said, that’s what he holds onto. He’ll be too busy vomiting his guts up to know what Dean just promised him.

Dean turns, and there’s Jo. He’s yanked violently out of his and Sam’s tiny world and into one where Jo’s brown eyes have witnessed every transgression this night. Dean wishes the worst of it was what he promised Sam, but he can still smell Sam’s breath as it beat against his face, his lips centimeters from Dean’s, dipping and swerving like he wanted as badly to kiss him as to run and never come back.

Jo is staring.

Dean goes on the offensive. It’s easiest.

“You let him get like this while we’re working?” he asks. Jo’s face ricochets through emotions, wide, confused eyes to her mouth twisting into a scowl to it falling open a little, head tipped into astonishment more than anything else.

“You think I could have stopped him?” There’s a slur to her words that Dean picks up on. She hears it, too, shakes her head. “I thought we were having fun. And then, I thought he was trying to prove he could drink me under the table. And then, he got...” She gestures at Sam. Sam snores, always so helpful. She looks between him and Dean. She meets Dean’s eyes, and then her gaze falls, in a way that should be familiar and instead leaves him nauseous, to his lips.

“Jo,” he says, “please.” He wants to say that he’s begging please don’t tell anyone else. But... cat’s out of the bag. There’s no way she can’t be putting the pieces together. He knows what he’s really asking. Please don’t look at this like it’s something ugly. Don’t look at Sam like he’s a monster. Don’t look at me like I ruined everything.

(And deep down, he’s crying out, please don’t leave me, please don’t leave me, I know you will one day but don’t let it be now, not for this.)

Jo’s gaze darts over to Sam again. She’s got her arms crossed.

“Please,” Dean says again.

“He was drunk,” she says, slowly. It’s almost like a way out. Pretend this never happened. Go back to normal. Only Dean can’t take that option either, not if she knows and she hasn’t run away screaming yet. Just one more person to bear this secret, and maybe it won’t be so heavy. (Jo doesn’t deserve to have to carry it, to have to hide it, but Dean is so tired of him and Sam being the only ones.)

She waits for him to take the out. He doesn’t.

“But that’s not why he was trying to stick his tongue in your mouth,” she finishes.

“He’s messy when he’s had too many.” Dean’s voice is too strained.

“You’re real fucked up, you know that?” Jo says. Dean expects it to come with a slamming door or something thrown at him. It doesn’t.

“I know,” he says. “We know.”

“Who else?”

“What?”

“Who else knows?” Dean shrugs.

“I don’t know.” Gordon’s eyes, narrowed and disgusted and murderous. “We don’t exactly give that info out freely.”

“Just me, then?” Dean could point out that he didn’t tell her either, that she eavesdropped on him and Sam’s private world. It doesn’t change anything, and besides, he’s telling her now, isn’t he? Can't help himself.

“It’s just you,” he confirms. “You gonna stand on a street corner and start shouting ‘Extra! Extra! The Winchesters are brotherfuckers!’” Jo grimaces.

"Don’t put words in my mouth. I'm not going to tell anyone," she says. “I’m not- Let me think.” She puts her hand to her forehead, grimace deepening, and then he hears her mutter, “Fuck.” He knows that tone very well. He’s said that exact word that exact way dozens of times. Jo stumbles as fast as she can into the bathroom. She manages to make it to the toilet before she starts retching. Dean moves without thinking twice, bending down next to her and gathering up her hair in his hands. He holds it out of her face and listens to her curse around the burn of stomach acid and alcohol in her throat. When she’s done, she slumps. Dean flushes for her.

He should probably back off. Let her go.

He strokes her back instead. He can just barely feel her heartbeat against his palm, reaching through muscle and skin and the thin fabric of her tank top to reassure him she’s still here.

[joshuaalbert]

I like this conversation between the two malon at the beginning of juggernaut about the toy and their families and everything it’s just a very nice “hey a lot of the people out here are just people” moment and I think little things like that are good at making the universe feel much more fleshed out and lived in

[1980ssunflower]

wish i was holding my min and ryan against me rn :-c

[kaijutegu]

Alligator Body Language and You, or: How To Know When An Alligator On Social Media is Being Stressed for Views

Alligators are wild animals. Despite the idiotic claims of animal abusers like Jay Brewer, they cannot be domesticated, which means they are always going to react on the same natural instincts they've had for millions of years. Habituated, yes. Tamed, yes. Trained, definitely. Crocodilians can form bonds with people- they're social and quite intelligent. They can solve problems, use tools, and they're actually quite playful. Alligators are also really good at communicating how they're feeling, but to somebody who doesn't spend much time around them, their body language can be a bit mystifying. And it doesn't help when social media influencers are saying shit like this:

That is not what a happy gator looks like.

That's a terrified, furious gator who isn't attacking because the ogre handling her has her in a chokehold. She's doing everything she can to express her displeasure, and he's lying about it because he knows his audience doesn't even know how to think critically about what he's doing. He knows that because his audience doesn't know anything about these animals, he can get away with it. This I think is why I hate him so much- he deliberately miseducates his audience. He knows what he's doing is factually inaccurate, he just doesn't care because attention means more to him than anything else in the world.

Let's change that! Here are two really important lessons for understanding alligator body language on social media.

Lesson 1: Alligators Don't Smile (in fact, most animals don't)

So what's going on in this video? Jay Brewer is aggressively choking his white alligator Coconut while scrubbing algae off of her with a toothbrush. And make no mistake, he is digging into the creature's throat while she is visibly distressed. He claims she's happy- but she's not. He is willfully misrepresenting what this animal is feeling. That's a problem, because people... well, we actually kind of suck at reading other species' body language. The reason for this is that we tend to overlay our own responses on their physical cues, and that's a problem. For example, let's look at an animal with a really similar face to ours, the chimpanzee. Check out Ama's toothy grin!

Wait, no. That's not a happy smile. That's a threat display. When a chimpanzee "smiles," it's either terrified and doing a fear grimace, or it's showing you its teeth because it intends on using them in your face.

How about a dog? Look at my smiling, happy puppy!

Oh wait no, this is a picture of Ryder when he was super overwhelmed by noise and people during a holiday party. He'd hopped up in my sister's lap to get away from stuff that was happening on the floor and was panting quite heavily. See the tension in the corners of his mouth and his eyes? A lot of the time when a dog "smiles," the smile isn't happy. It's stress! Why Animals Do The Thing has a nice writeup about that, but the point is, our body language is not the same as other species. And for reptiles, body language is wildly different.

For instance, look at these two alligators. Pretty cute, right? Look at 'em, they're posing for a Christmas card or something! How do you think they're feeling?

Well, I'll tell you how the normal one is feeling. He's annoyed! Why is he annoyed? Because the albino just rolled up, pushed another gator off the platform, and is trying to push this guy, too. I know this because I actually saw it happen. It was pretty funny, not gonna lie. He's not gaping all the way, but he was hissing- you can actually see him getting annoyed in the sequence I took right before this shot. Look at him in this first shot here- he's just relaxing, and you can see he isn't gaping even a little bit.

By the end, he's expressing displeasure, but not enough to actually do anything about it. He's annoyed, but he's comfy and that's where one of the best basking areas is, so he'll put up with it.

Reptiles open their mouths wide for a lot of reasons, but never because they are actively enjoying a sensation. Unless they're eating. No reptile smiles- they can't. They don't even have moveable lips. If a reptile is gaping, it's doing so because:

It is doing a threat display.

It is making certain vocalizations, all of which are threats. Alligators are one of the rare reptiles that do regularly vocalize, but most of their calls aren't made with a wide open mouth.

It is about to bite something delicious or somebody stupid. Check out this video- virtually all of the gaping here is anticipatory because these trained gators know darn well that the bowl is full of delicious snacks. (I have some issues with Florida's Wildest, but the man knows how to train a gator AND he is honest about explaining what they're doing and why, and all of his animals are healthy and well-cared for, and he doesn't put the public or his staff at risk- just himself.)

It's too hot and it has opened its mouth to vent some of that heat and thermoregulate. This is the main reason why alligators will often have their mouths part of the way open, but sometimes they'll open all the way for thermoregulation. This is what a thermoregulatory gape looks like- usually it's not all the way open, kinda more like < rather than V, but you can't say that 100% of the time. Additionally, a thermoregulatory gape... typically happens when it's hot out. If they're inside, maybe they've been under their basking light for too long. Heat's the dominant factor, is what I'm getting at.

There is another reason that a captive crocodilian might be gaping, and that's because it's doing so on command. Some places have their gators trained to gape on cue, like St. Augustine Alligator Farm and other good zoos. They have the animals do this in presentations that are genuinely educational. They ask the animals to open their mouths so that they can show off their teeth and demonstrate how their tongues seal off the back of their mouth. They'll also do it as part of routine healthcare, because looking at their teeth is important.

In this case, the animals aren't gaping because they're stressed, they're gaping because they know they're gonna get a piece of chicken or fish if they do it. And what's more, they're doing it on cue. They have a specific command or signal that tells them to open wide. It's not an instinctive response to a situation. It's trained. If the animal provides the behavior after a cue, the situation is much less likely to be negatively impactful.

It's also important to remember that there's a difference between a partially open mouth and a gape! As discussed above, alligators will often have their mouths a little bit open just to maintain temperature homeostasis. It helps them stay comfy, temperature-wise. These guys are all doing thermoregulatory open-mouthed behavior- that slight open and relaxed body posture is a dead giveaway. (That and it's the hottest spot in the enclosure.)

Lesson 2: A Happy Gator Is A Chill Gator

So if alligators don't smile or have facial expressions other than the :V that typically signifies distress, how else can you tell how they're feeling? One way is stillness. See, alligators subscribe to the philosophy of if it sucks... hit da bricks.

Basically, if they hate it, they'll leave. Unless, y'know, somebody has their meaty claws digging into their throat or is otherwise restraining them. (Restraint isn't always bad, btw. Sometimes the animal is going through a medical thing or needs to be restrained for their safety- which a responsible educator will explain.)

Let's look at a very similar scenario, in which a captive alligator is getting his back scrubbed.

As you can see, it's quite different. First, he's not being restrained at all. Second, look at how relaxed he is! He's just chilling there vibing! He could simply get up and leave if he wanted to, because he's not being held. Towards the end of the video, as he lifts his head, you can see that his respiratory rate is very even as his throat flutters a bit. I'm not sure what this facility is, so I can't comment on care/general ethics, but like. In this specific case, this is an alligator enjoying being scrubbed! And you can tell because he's not doing anything. A happy gator is content to be doing what they're doing.

Why Should I Listen To You?

Now, you should ask yourself, why should you listen to me? Why should you trust me, who does not own an alligator, versus Jay Brewer, who owns several?

Well, first off, there's no profit for me in telling you that what you're seeing on social media is in fact not what you're being told you're seeing. I'm not getting paid to do this. That's the thing with people who make social media content. The big names aren't doing it just for fun. They're doing it for money. Whether that's profit through partnerships or sponsorships, or getting more people to visit their facilities, or ad revenue, you can't ignore the factor of money. And this is NOT a bad thing, because it allows educators to do what they're passionate about! People deserve to be paid for the work that they do!

But the problem starts when you chase the algorithm instead of actually educating. A "smiling" alligator gets the views, and if people don't know enough to know better, it keeps getting the views. People love unconventional animal stories and they want those animals to be happy- but the inability to even know where to start with critically evaluating these posts really hinders the ability to spread real information. Like, this post will probably get a couple hundred notes, but that video of Coconut being scrubbed had almost 400,000 likes when I took that screenshot. Think about how many eyeballs that's reached by now. What I'm saying here is that it's just... really important to think critically about who you're getting your information from. What do dissenters say in the comments? What do other professionals say? You won't find a single herpetologist that has anything good to say about Prehistoric Pets, I can tell you that right now.

Another reason you can trust me is that my sources are not "just trust me bro," or "years of experience pretending my pet shop where animals come to die is a real zoo." Instead, here are my primary sources for my information on alligator behavior:

Dragon Songs: Love and Adventure among Crocodiles, Alligators, and Other Dinosaur Relations- Vladimir Dinets

The Secret Social Lives of Reptiles- J. Sean Doody, Vladimir Dinets, Gordon M. Burghardt

Social Behavior Deficiencies in Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Z Walsh, H Olson, M Clendening, A Rycyk

Social Displays of the American Alligator (Alligator mississippiensis)- Kent Vliet

Social Signals and Behaviors of Adult Alligators and Crocodiles- Leslie Garrick, Jeffery Lang

Never smile at a crocodile: Gaping behaviour in the Nile crocodile at Ndumo Game Reserve, South Africa- Cormac Price, Mohamed Ezat, Céline Hanzen, Colleen Downs (this one's Nile crocs, not American alligators, but it's really useful for modeling an understanding of gape behaviors and proximity)

Thermoregulatory Behavior of Captive American Alligators (Alligator mississippiensis)- Cheryl S. Asa, Gary D. London, Ronald R. Goellner, Norman Haskell, Glenn Roberts, Crispen Wilson

Unprovoked Mouth Gaping Behavior in Extant Crocodylia- Noah J. Carl, Heather A. Stewart, Jenny S. Paul

Thank you for reading! Here's a very happy wild alligator from Sanibel for your trouble.

[basingstokemercury]

Adam not handling Younger Brother Teasing well is too tempting I should probably stop writing him into these scenarios but he is adorable when flustered

[thewispsings]

Heloo can I request a smau where the reader and lando are dating and they always do date nights but its not really a date night cus oscar is always with them everytime lily isnt there and he just becomes their child 😭 thank you thank youu

just us, and your friend steve | lando norris

pairing: lando norris x reader

summary: at first you were annoyed by oscar being at all of your dates, until you started to miss him when he wasn’t.

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 572,016 others!

yourusername: date night with my boyfriend <3…and his boyfriend!

view comments below!

user1: oscar the certified 3rd wheel

user2: that picture is so cute

landonorris: i love you :)

yourusername: haha simp

landonorris: oscar give my girlfriend her phone back

yourusername: fine 😒

yourusername: i love you too lan :D

landonorris: there she is!

user3: man i would KILL to be a third wheel in this relationship

user4: i would be landos boyfriend 😏

user5: is lando oscar’s only friend??

landonorris: yes!

oscarpiastri: it’s not nice to lie lando

landonorris: im not lying?

oscarpiastri: i have other friends!

landonorris: oh…then why don’t you go hangout with them instead of 3rd wheeling with me and my girlfriend?

oscarpiastri: …

landonorris: that’s what i thought!

yourusername: that was not nice lando.

landonorris: it wasn’t meant to be nice, it was the truth!

yourusername: still, it was mean.

oscarpiastri; yeah lando. it was MEAN.

landonorris: don’t gang up on me??

user6: LMAOO they hang out for one night and they become like this 🤞

user7: i need more of this trio

danielricciardo: and why wasn’t i invited?

maxverstappen1: i have the same question?

landonorris: because you guys have other friends! for osc it’s just me and yn

oscarpiastri; I HAVE OTHER FRIENDS.

landonorris: shhh, shhh, shhh baby it’s okay. it’s okay.

yourusername: baby 🤨

landonorris: omg it just slipped out

user8: that’s…interesting!

user9: yn and lando are so cute together

user9: and oscar cute too ig?

user10: you guess?? that man is gorgeous

user11: the “…and his boyfriend” is TOOO funny. yn i love you

user12: she’s seriously so funny

user13: how can people hate her?

user14: they’re most definitely just jealous

maxverstappen1: oh but when i want to make a heart shaped pizza with you it’s weird?

landonorris: yes!

maxverstappen1: double standard much?

landonorris: she’s my GIRLFRIEND

maxverstappen1: AND WHAT AM I?

user15: i feel like im interrupting something

yourusername: how do you think i feel…

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 528,058 others!

yourusername: paddle and golf with my baby <3 and my baby 🥹

view comments below!

landonorris: why does he get the cool picture and i get that?

yourusername: i think both pictures summarize you guys perfectly!

landonorris: so he’s cool while i’m a loser?

yourusername: i didn’t say that but…

landonorris: WOW, already favoriting the child. i can’t believe this.

yourusername: my child will ALWAYS come first.

oscarpiastri: :D

user16: we went from “my bfs bf” to “my child 🥹”

user17: WE DID IT GUYS

user18: yn and lando adopting oscar agenda is HAPPENING

charle_leclerc: are you trying to steal my child from me?

yourusername: it’s not really stealing if he willingly comes with…

charles_leclerc: it’s just stockholm syndrome, don’t worry oscar i’ll get you away from them soon

oscarpiastri: im actually having lots of fun :)

charles_leclerc: OMG WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM

user19: we got lando and yn adopting oscar…but we lost this during

user20: totally worth it

danielricciardo: when is it my time to be adopted?

maxverstappen1: you are a 35 year old grown man.

danielricciardo: 😐

user21: why is max coming for daniel??

maxverstappen1: i’m bored. since APPARENTLY i’m not landos paddle partner anymore

landonorris: max…i can explain…

maxverstappen1: save it. don’t call me. don’t come by my house. we’re done.

landonorris: i see you watched diary of a wimpy kid

maxverstappen1: i did indeed..

user24: they’re at it again…

user22: max is so funny

user23: i love him

user24: oscar being so quite during all of his is so him coded

user25: he’s just enjoying being out and about

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris, and 601,958 others!

yourusername: vacation with the boyfie <3

view comments below!

user26: omg lando looks so good

user26: i’m going into heat

user26: WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF

user26: GRRRR

user27: this is the first post in 2 months that doesn’t have oscar…

user28: and the crowd…cry’s?

user29; i can’t be the only one who thought oscar would 100% go with them on vacation

user30: i definitely thought so too!

user31: they’ve literally spend all their extra time together

maxverstappen1: how many times did he belly flop?

yourusername: i’ve been swore to secrecy.

user32: she’s so lucky

user33: right? ‘the boyfie’ IMAGINE BEING ABLE TO CALL LANDO NORRIS YOUR BF??

charles_leclerc: guess who’s with me right now 😏

landonorris: charles…don’t.

charles_leclerc: hehehe

yourusername: you’re just his rebound. you’ll never be me.

charles_leclerc: @/oscarpiatsri what do you think?

oscarpiastri: i still like yn better

charles_leclerc: i bought you ice cream…

oscarpiatri: you could never be her 🤷

yourusername; IM COMING HOME FOR YOU OSCAR

landonorris: see what you did charles?

maxverstappen1: how are you holding up?

yourusername: i feel like my hearts been ripped out of my chest. i have no reason to wake up.

maxverstappen1: oh!

user34: max was NOT expecting that answer

user35: if oscar doesn’t get himself over to that damn island soon istg

user36: THATS HER BOY 💔💔💔

oscarpiastri: did you find any crabs? :D

yourusername: yes. i will put them in my suitcase and take them with me to show you

user37: so this is crazy!

liked by maxverstappen1, landonorris, and 713,046 others!

yourusername: look who joined us!! my son <3

view comments below!

user38: THEY REUNITED!!!

maxverstappen1: how did she take it? 🤣

landonorris: she cried.

yourusername: i did not!

landonorris: yeah baby you did…

oscarpiastri: yn you know how much i hate agreeing with lando, but yes you did cry

yourusername: I MISSED MY SON, GOD FORBID I CRY??

user39: i get you yn. i really do

user40: omg this is so cute

user41: truly adorable

oscarpiastri: now i can see all the crabs in person :D

yourusername; THATS MY SON EVERYONE

charles_leclerc: he was mine first 🥲

yourusername: #getoverit??

landonorris; can’t believe you cried when you saw him

yourusername: i was EMOTIONAL

landonorris: in the four years we’ve been dating you have never cried when seeing me

yourusername: i see you all the time! no need to cry!

landonorris: i want you to cry! cry for me!

oscarpiastri: you could never be me ;)

landonorris: i will send you back to australia

yourusername: if you send him back, i’m going with him

landonorris: WOW.

user42: we have officially entered the era where yn is choosing oscar over lando

user43: her son > her boyfriend

danielricciardo: does this mean i can hop on a plane and go visit you

landonorris: NO. this is officially a family vacation.

danielricciardo: and i’m not family? 💔

yourusername: you’re that one uncle that you see twice a year and don’t talk to or interact with for the rest of said year.

danielricciardo; yeah that makes sense.

. . .

notes; thank you for requesting!! hope you enjoyed :)

[syoddeye]

texting a number neighbor out of boredom.

> what's the difference between a hippo and a zippo

it's a stupid joke. you don't expect an answer. you’re certain your other number neighbor blocked you. as quickly as you send it, you forget it. you find another distraction. it isn't until hours later, just past midnight, that you get a response.

>> How did you get this number?

it's not much, but it's engagement. you smirk at your glowing screen. should you continue? at best, you make a stranger laugh. at worst, you're only mildly annoying. there's no real harm.

> no guesses then?

when they fail to respond within a few minutes, you figure they decided to block you after all. so, it really is harmless to text again. you owe it to them to finish the joke.

> one is real heavy and the other is a little lighter

you lock your phone, figuring that's that, but—a notification bubble appears.

>> Amateur hour. >> What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

you roll over, grinning. you know this one.

> straight to the dirty jokes, stranger?

>> The best kind I know.

> debatable

>> Unlike some, I don’t waste time.

> that why you only last 60 seconds?

it’s a dirty and mean joke, but no cruder than the cinderella punchline. if they can dish it out, they can take it. still. it’s a long couple of minutes before they respond.

>> That was at least 90 seconds.

you snort, rolling over again in bed with a gleeful kick. it goes on like that for a while. filthy joke for filthy joke. bad joke for bad joke. some raunchy. some flirtatious. neither of you bother with names. they never even ask why you texted a random number. eventually you glance at the clock. it’s an ungodly hour. this has gone on long enough.

you send a goodnight message and decide fuck it. you snap a quick photo of yourself in bed, both hands holding it above your head on the pillow. only the lower half of your face is visible to show off your big smile. blurry but cute. definitely no harm in sending it if it isn’t your whole face.

> thanks for making me laugh all night :) have a nice life!

you swiftly block the number, getting ahead of any possible creepy response. the twinge of guilt passes. you choose to believe that you made someone’s day. who wouldn’t want to trade dumb jokes with a cute face?

you let the conversation drift to the back of your head and forget about it. you get busy. no time to dick around like you used to. weeks pass. every once in a while you hear a terrible line and think of your number neighbor, but they stay blocked.

one evening, arriving home late from work, a hand catches the lift door just before it shuts. in steps a massive fella, tall enough that your head dips all the way back when you reflexively ask which floor. he hides behind a mask and a cap, but you glimpse a pale pink scar jutting over a cheekbone. he glances at the panel, and mutters your floor number.

when the lift starts to rise, your stomach sinks. he doesn’t turn around like one would normally. he blocks the doors, wide shoulders heaving with deep breaths. his eyes drill into you, studying you intently.

the moment you decide to hit the elevator’s help button, he speaks.

“why’d the ghost take the lift?”

your mouth dries. wait.

he steps forward, caging you into the corner. the mask lifts slightly in the corners. his eyes crinkle. he’s smiling.

“to lift ‘is spirits.”

he raises an open palm and slots it over the top half of your face, then chuckles. as it comes down, he leans closer.

“why’d you block me, sweet’eart?”