#i’m fine im just in a bad headspace

[alaskan-wallflower]

lowkey glad i got my wisdom teeth out now because im getting used to barely eating and i know once school starts im gonna have to start getting back in the rhythm of one meal a day because i don’t do lunch (vent in the tags mb)

[gyu-vinnie]

138, 150, 179 and 199 with gunwookie pls 😩✊

“fuck, i love you so much”/ “you’re all mine”-“hm…”-“say it”-“i’m all yours”/ “i want to fuck you so bad”/ “i want to make a mess of you”

i’m getting major insecure gunwook vibes from this 😼

okay, so maybe pranking gyuvin was a bad idea. just maybe…

okay it was a terrible idea. you and taerae wanted to tease him and be your usual silly selves. what you didn’t know was that gunwook was already not in the best headspace since he woke up. all because of some stupid dream he had the night before where someone took you away from him. he kept telling himself that would never happen, that you love him too much. and well, he was technically right.

unfortunately, you and taerae had no clue about this dream. when he came into practice, the first thing he saw was your head resting on taeraes shoulder and he swears he heard his heart shatter. upon making eye contact with you, he stormed out the room making you and taerae share a glance and start giggling to yourselves that the plan succeeded.

spoiler alert, it didn’t. not even 30 seconds later matthew storms into the room. “y/n, why did i just see gunwook speed walking down the hall in tears?”

the second you heard him say that you stood up. “which way did he go?” matthew shrugged and pointed left. “it looked like he was going towards the bathroom or something.”

you quickly thanked him and started running towards the bathroom. you could hear sniffing, and it broke you heart. “wookie? are you in here?” you asked while making it towards the bigger stall, seeing his sneakers you bought him and recognizing him instantly. “baby, can you let me in?”

you heard shuffling and the door unlocked, when the stall door opened you were met with the sight of a puffy faced, red eyed, swollen lipped gunwook. your eyes instantly widen and you went in the stall, closing the door behind you and locking it.

you turned to face him and one look at his face again made you hug him instantly. “shit, gunwook, im so sorry. i didn’t mean to make you cry. me and taerae were just trying to mess with you.”

you cupped his face, wiping his tear stained cheeks. he didnt say anything, just kinda stared at you. your first thought was that he was mad at you, but his face was emotionless. if he was mad, atleast you’d be able to tell. he looked deep in thought.

“i want to fuck you so bad.” he mutters, it being barely audible. your eyes widened and you frozen. “h-huh?” he moved your hands from his cheeks and pinned them above your head, pushing you against one of the walls.

“you heard me, i want to make a mess of you.” as you back hit the wall you looked up at him with wide eyes. “would that make you feel better?” he nodded and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, leaving soft pecks all the way down. “just give me 10 minutes…10 minutes and i’ll be fine.”

so that’s what you did, you gave him 10 minutes. well, technically you two are at the 12 minute mark but who’s counting? surely not you at this moment. your are eyes rolled to the back of you head as gunwook pounds into you with his head hung low. the only sounds being able to be heard is the filthy sound of skin slapping, the squelching noise, your muffled moans that are barely audible with gunwooks big hand over your mouth, and the small words he’s whispering as he fucking into you, a single tear still rolling down his face.

“fuck, i love you so much. so so much” me mutters into your ear. though honestly it’s going in one ear and out the other with how fucked out you are. “your all mine, okay?”

you slowly started to come back to your senses as gunwooks thrusts start to get sloppier and your own orgasm approaching quickly. “hmm…” you moan out, he moved his hand from your mouth and started thrust faster, sending you over the edge as you cum on his cock. “say it…say your mine”, he upped his head so he could see you. “i’m all yours”

and the second the words slipped from your mouth, he came. whispering small praises to you and pulling out. “l-let me help you clean” he says shakily as he grabs the toilet tissue and starts wiping.

when you went back in the studio, it was as if nothing happened.

[wispscribbles]

hi i just discovered your beautiful art so i obviously needed to scroll down your whole blog to catch up on everything you posted haha

i just wanted to say that i got way too emotional after reading that post of yours regarding mw3 and your mental health… on one hand i’m so sorry that you felt that way, but on the other i feel it with my whole heart

ghoap content especially for me helped me these past few months with my mental health in ways i would never have expected, it was my solace and inspiration, i started working out too and got back into drawing, got a lot better at it as well!

but unfortunately i get way too fixated on fictional stuff and there comes a time that my brain switches up and connects the things i liked and comforted me with things that make me extremely uncomfortable and stressed out, especially if i fall down a fandom rabbit hole that i would never have searched up, beacuse i know myself, i know my limits and triggers but i feel like i’m not a part of the fandom if i don’t like and interact with every single headcanon, art and ship

these past days i was really down because of that, and the things i read (why did i do that???) and now when i think of ghoap i think of that stuff and im scared that i alienated myself from the one thing that made me happy

but discovering your art and with that your post reminded me that im not alone in these feelings, even if it’s not the same exactly, and i wanted to thank you, for sharing your thoughts that time i guess haha <33

((sorry for rambling))

Long reply under 'keep reading' !! CW: talk of triggers and MCD

Always feel free to ramble my way!!! How nice you could find some comfort in my art and ghoap stuff. Especially in my mw3 post. I've been considering deleting it a few times, but hearing it maybe helped to read in some way makes me happy I left it up.

I get where you're coming from - I very much use these fictional characters as a safe space, but ppl view them very differently. There's room for it all, "don't like, don't interact" is very much a policy I agree with. It's important to mute words and be aware of your own triggers as you browse stuff in this fandom, because there's such a wide variety of stuff out there. You do NOT have to interact and agree with every thought people have on this ship, that's impossible and super stressful. There's plenty of stuff and headcanons I don't vibe with. There are no 'requirements' that you have to meet in order to enjoy fiction.

It's part of why I enjoy ghoap - that their dynamic resonates and has sparked so much creativity and outlets for so many - but it also means there's gonna be a lot of stuff u don't necessarily agree with or feel comfortable with. For example, a lot of folks use the MCD in mw3 as a way to explore grief, which I think is really cool, but on a bad day that could potentially get my brain in a bad headspace, so I only check out that art and those fics when I feel okay. There's also a bunch of stuff I'd never want to interact with, and that’s fine !!

I'm personally quite vanilla and a sucker for exploring the softer, more domestic aspects of these characters. It's what brings me joy. I know there are parts of this fandom who don’t vibe with what I make at all, and would call it untrue to the characters. Some creators enjoy exploring the more violent or toxic sides to the source material. That's just how it is, we all need different things from fiction. As long as we're capable of chilling in our respective sandboxes, then all's good.

But if you're like me, and enjoy the softer things, then definitely be aware and careful while exploring this ship and fandom. I've seen takes on these characters that are so far removed from how I view them, that they're basically the complete opposite, and it can leave a very bad taste, especially if you're the type to hinge your safe space on fiction.

Just... be mindful of yourself and your potential triggers, be respectful and don't interact with things that make you uncomfortable to the point of feeling unsafe. Shape your own online experience to your best ability.

Hope you're doing okay and still find joy in ghoap <3

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

My dearest Cal, I come bearing emojis and writing vibes again and going back to my roots of slightly obsessing behind my screen on the buddieshannon fic:

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼

(in all seriousness i am including this little meme because i need you to know this is fully how im in my head representing the emojis to you every single time. i am merely a humble knight offering my sword to you here and eagerly awaiting the fic snippets in return)

AHHH thank you! This is adorable and fuels me, thank you!

I'm going to go ahead and say 1k bc I am not counting that ahaha.

---

It’s a low blow. Especially when he’s changed so much. Been the sole provider for Chris when she was gone. 

Eddie should probably tell her off right now, but instead he just giver her an icy glare. Which is worse. Somehow, it’s worse. 

“Let’s just go,” he says. Frigid. 

She might not have been the source of his bad mood now. But she’s confident she just bumped herself high up on the list. 

◀️

In the car, she tries to apologize. Even though, really, the feeling part of her brain is much more set in her irritation than the thinking part.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” she admits. “It wasn’t fair.”

“No,” Eddie agrees. “It wasn’t.”

Um, well… He’s not supposed to just agree. He’s supposed to also apologize for being cold and moody. 

“It’s just…” Shannon says, hit with a wave of emotion. “Your literal only job at these things is to be excited and positive and tell me it’s going to be okay and that she’ll fit through my birth canal!” 

Eddie makes a pained little noise in his throat. 

“I’m sorry,” he says through gritted teeth. “I am excited. I’m sure the birth will go just fine. I’m just not in a great headspace today, Shannon.”

She should probably let it rest at that. 

Does she? No. 

“It freaks me out when you get like this!” She complains.

“Get like what?” Eddie demands. “I can’t have one bad day without freaking you out? I haven’t done anything, Shannon.”

Does he even know how he’s acting? Like, can he see it? Or is she being entirely overly sensitive? This is completely how he used to be when he’d come home from overseas and he’d shut her out and they’d fight… And… And she just can’t fucking live like that again. But maybe he doesn’t even realize? Maybe she’s overreacting? She needs to test it. 

“Why are you having a bad day?” She asks. 

“What?” Eddie replies. 

“You said you’re just having one bad day! Why are you having a bad day?” 

Eddie groans. If he wasn’t driving, he’d probably make some annoyed little gesture. Pinching his nose or running a hand through his hair. Pointing at something. He likes to point. Like a keyed up hunting dog.

“There was arbitration today,” Eddie admits. 

“Arbitration…” Shannon repeats. “For Buck?���

Eddie nods mutely.

“Oh,” Shannon whispers. So it’s not about her. Or the baby. Or anything but… Well, no. It’s still about family. Still about someone Eddie loves. Loves more than he will say.

Shannon hadn’t known about arbitration. Maddie’s being weird. Buck is avoiding her. Eddie is the personification of a storm cloud. Why would she have known?

“How’d it go?” She asks. 

“Does it seem like it went well?” Eddie fires back.

Shannon glares at him. Bastard. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles. “It fucking sucked, okay?”

“What happened?” She asks. 

He huffs. “He’s… I… I mean, they made me answer questions. Buck… He… He took it too far, Shannon. He crossed a line. Brought up personal shit of Bobby’s… He… I’m furious with him.”

“Okay,” Shannon says. 

They pull into her apartment parking lot. Eddie parks the truck and kills the ignition. Neither of them moves. 

“To me,” Shannon says cautiously. “It sounded like he had sort of a point? I mean, I don’t know any medical stuff, but… I heard about the rebar?”

Eddie scoffs. “It’s not the same thing, Shan. He could bleed out. He could get knocked into something and bleed internally. He could die, easily.”

Shannon’s stomach twists. “Okay. Okay, you’re saying, in your experience, having seen terrible things happen to human bodies, he shouldn’t be working?”

Another heavy sigh. “I don’t know, Shannon. He’s fine, but let’s say… Let’s say the same thing as before happened. He gets pinned by a fire engine. On these meds? He’s dead.”

Shannon nods. “Right.”

“And either way, he’s… He’s being an idiot! They won’t let him back to the station where he sued the captain.” 

That’s… That’s probably true. Even Shannon can see that. But Buck can’t. He thinks he’s getting his job back. 

“Okay,” Shannon says. “Alright. Ignore for a second that he’s probably wrong about all of this-”

“How?” Eddie demands. 

“Just walk with me,” she insists. 

Eddie clenches his jaw. 

“Why are you mad at him, Eddie?” Shannon asks. 

“Are you kidding?” Eddie asks.

“No,” Shannon says. “I’m not kidding.”

“Were you not listening to everything I just said?”

“I was,” Shannon nods. “And, okay. He’s being stupid and he’s wrong. Got it. Why are you mad at him?”

Eddie’s eyes get a little wet.

“Shannon…”

“Let’s talk it through, right?” Shannon says. “He’s suing your captain and your employer, not you. He’s your friend, even if you don’t work together. Why is this so personally upsetting, Eddie?” 

He’s silent for a while. Longer than Shannon would expect. Like he’s really processing her question. Has he not bothered to ask himself this question? Or was everything that has happened with Buck’s lawsuit just been another thing he tried to swallow without chewing? 

“I don’t understand why he’s doing this to us,” Eddie whispers finally. 

“Who? The 118?” Shannon asks. 

Eddie shakes his head. “Me and him.”

Oh.

“What do you mean?” She asks. 

She thinks she knows, but she also thinks he should just… Say it. Try saying it. It helped her once. She’d never said out loud why she wouldn’t come home to him and Chris. And when she did, she could face it. 

“Buck…” He starts, then he trails off. He wipes his eyes. “This is so dumb.”

“It’s not dumb, Eddie,” she argues. “You obviously need to talk about it.”

He inhales deeply. Long-suffering. 

“It’s like he’s choosing this idea of the job - one that he could have had if he just waited and now won’t get - over us,” Eddie says. “Over… Our friendship.” 

“Honestly? I don’t think he’s thinking about you,” Shannon says. “Not to be a dick… Just… I’m not sure he factored your reaction into his choice.”

[littlehypnone]

idk if youve done anything like this but um

big rain losing trust in dew after an argument? so later when shes little, she doesnt have her main cg and she goes to find someone else and is sad?

and then maybe later, dew makes it up to her or something idk

im feeling kinda yucky and bad so idk but just an idea ?

i really liked this idea!!!

Rain and Dewdrop don’t argue often. Even when they do, it’s usually something borderline petty that would be resolved easily if one—or both—of them simply wouldn’t not be in a very communicative headspace. They always make up quickly, though, and their relationship is never damaged in the end. It’s always like that and everyone is used to it.

Sometimes, though, complications come up.

This time it was—technically—Dewdrop who was at fault, who started the argument. If only Rain wouldn’t have been as tired and achy as he was, if only he wouldn’t have added fuel to the fire with his words. But no, it didn’t go that smoothly, and so the fire ghoul had stormed off outside to take a very much needed breather, and Rain had returned to his room scoffing and snarling.

Hours later, Rain is overthinking the argument and feeling more and more guilty about the last couple of words that left his mouth before they went their separate ways. This and the pain that is pulsing through his legs that day is a simple recipe for the water to ghoul little, so little she ends up.

Her thoughts aren’t nice and she really, really needs Dewdrop, as usual in her current headspace, but all the mean things he said…she isn’t sure Dewdrop still likes her, and she isn’t sure she has enough trust for him while in her vulnerable state.

She sniffles sadly and fumbles with her phone to send Swiss a short message. A code they have set for when Rain goes little and needs him, but, for whatever reason, can’t get him any other way. Two emojis go flying and Rain cuddles around her shark plushie and waits.

Soon enough, Swiss appears in the door and immediately crawls into the water ghoulette’s bed and lays on his side next to her. “Hi, guppy.”

“Hi, Swissy,” she mumbles. She really likes Swiss and is always happy to spend time with him—big or little—but the argument with Dewdrop still hangs over her, and the fact that the fire ghoul is not there with her to calm down her bad thoughts hurts her. “Can I…can I get warm Swissy cuddles?”

“Of course you can, princess!” the multi ghoul smiles, intent or doing his best to cheer the little thing up, even though he knows he isn’t powerful enough to get rid of all the ickiness. Everyone knows Rain needs Dewdrop for that, but it's hard when he’s the cause.

Rain curls her lips upwards the tiniest bit, just to show Swiss she really appreciates him, before she curls up against his chest and nuzzles into his neck.

Swiss helps her fall asleep with a little spark of calming quintessence, and she naps for a while—all the bad thoughts kept at bay. When she wakes up again it’s to a quiet knocking at the door and she’s a lot smaller than before falling asleep. Her head is all fuzzy, but it’s okay. It’s warm and nice, thanks to Swiss.

The multi ghoul calls out for the person to come in, but he curls around the little ghoulette in his arms protectively. Fiery smell reaches Rain’s nose and she understands it’s Dewdrop who came in. She whines quietly and hides in Swiss’ chest.

“Dew, I don’t think it’s a good time,” the multi ghoul mutters, but there’s no anger in his voice. He knows it’s just how Dewdrop and Rain are, that they’ll be fine. “She’s really small and she just woke up from a nap.”

“Oh, I…Okay, I’ll go…I’m sorry,” he whispers, and even though Rain is so very sleepy and a bit scared of the fire ghoul at the moment, she doesn’t like the tone of his voice. She doesn’t like how small and sad it is.

“No,” Rain says quietly, barely loud enough for Dewdrop’s ears to catch it. “Don’ go, Dewy.”

“Are you sure, my little lady?” he asks and it sounds like he’s moved closer.

“Mhm.”

“What about me, princess?” Swiss pulls back to look down at her and tuck a strand of her hair behind a little ear. “Do you want me to stay or go?”

“Don’ gotta stay, Dewy’s fine.” She tells him. The multi ghoul nods in understanding and leans down to kiss her forehead before moving away. Rain immediately feels cold and Swiss notices, so he tucks a fluffy blanket right under her chin.

“If you’ll need me send me the code again, alright?”

“Mhm,” she hums in agreement and Swiss smiles softly and leaves. He clasps a hand over Dewdrop’s shoulder on his way and squeezes reassuringly.

The fire ghoul sighs heavily when the door closes. He takes a step forward, twisting his fingers. “Can I sit in the bed with you? I can offer some warm cuddles, if you’d like that.”

Rain nods and wiggles a hand out from under the covers to pat the mattress encouragingly. Dewdrop can’t help but smile; he really doesn’t deserve this sweet creature.

He gets onto the bed and under the blankets and waits for Rain to get into a cuddle position she feels comfortable with and she decides to curl up against his side, similarily to how she’s been with Swiss. Probably so she can be close and warm, but so that she can kept her face hidden in the blanket and Dewdrop’s chest. He throws an arm around her little form and she doesn’t tense up, so he holds her closely.

“I’d like to talk about our argument properly when you’re big again, my little lady,” the fire ghoul says—quietly and softly, no pressure to respond or even hear him in it, “but I want to apologize now, if that’s okay.”

“I’s okay.”

“Alright. Well, then, I apologize. I’m sorry I was being mean and said all those bad things. I was wrong and I shouldn’t have snapped at you, Rainy. I’m very sorry.”

“‘m sorry, too,” the water ghoulette mumbles and Dewdrop frowns.

“What for, my little lady?”

“Was mean, too,” she shrugs and looks up. Dewdrop could just about melt at her big, blue eyes. “D’yoo still like me?”

“Oh, baby,” the fire ghoul whines, hurt by the question alone. How badly he messed up if Rain has such doubts? He feels terrible. “You have nothing to be sorry for, I deserved being mean to, and I will never, ever stop liking you, my little lady. Please, never forget that.”

“Mmm…okay,” she whispers and it turns into a yawn. She definitely needs to continue that nap. “I still like you, too, Dewy.”

Dewdrop smiles so big both his face and his heart hurt. They’ll be fine.

[dragon-queen21]

this is a spur of the moment, no plannings going into this one because im not doing very well but shhh!!!!

(first off, im sorry i didnt say something sooner, ive been seeing your concerning posts lately. are you okay? seriously? i dont know if this is a line im crossing but if you want i could drop my blog if you ever need to vent. im sorry if thats too much i don’t understand things like this sometimes, but i genuinely hope your okay.)

but i wanna speak about lil sanji real bad, because i had a dream i was little and ive been having a lot of ideas about him lately and i need to project. also in honor of the sanji fan zine thats coming out (and that im totally not considering buying for 85 dollars as a early birthday gift) (or late since it ships in march lol)

- um idk i feel like hes a quiet little, especially before the crew found out he was a regressor, he doesnt really wanna talk, he just wants to be around someone. like i can see him pre coming out finishing like lunch or something and coming out and just sitting with nami and robin and theyre like “hello sanji kun do you need anything?” only to be confused when he doesnt start twirling like a love sick school girl.

^ or him going up to zoro PEACEFULLY and just plopping down and zoros fighting DEMONS not to say something brash and ruin the moment because sanjis clearly not in the mood, or if he looked close enough, not in the right headspace to deal with a attitude

-or even post coming out i imagine him just making everyone take a turn in holding him, not like pick up holding just. in the aquarium or something sitting on someones lap holding him close. give my guy some comfort PLEASE

- has one specific stuffed animal he keeps with him all the time. like first thing he asks for when hes tiny, f pacis, f sippys, give him his STUFFIE!!!!!!!!! youll never guess what it is (its a fish)

- i know a lot of people say sanji woukd be scared of the bigger members of the crew, and i so agree with that, but BUT the bigger members of the crew holding sanji like a actual baby? proportionally hes closer to the size of one if their hands

- no thoughts in this guys head, its just straight static. when hes younger, he has to like actually try to force two coherent thoughts together. i dont know he regresses really little a lot of the time, id say he stays closer to babyspace/toddlerspace than anything on the older side (he has so much trauma to work through)

ok im done im really sad so im gonna go to something productive to not. be sad byeebywwbyewww

📷

Thank you. I am just… having a time of it right now. People are… cruel, we’ll just leave it at that. And no your not crossing any line, if anything your words warmed my heart. I’m doing alright. Not the best not the worst just, fine.

I’m sorry you’re going through things as well :< We can suffer and be sad together <3

~~~

~I’ve seen talk about that zine floating around. 85 dollars is a lot but it would be fun to get.

Let me know if you do get it!

~“twirling like a love sick school girl.”

<- okay that made me chuckle. I can imgine there were so many alarm bells going off in their head. And maybe the just think that “oh Sanji’s… quiet”

~Zoro just aggressively chomping down on his sword and training to keep himself from saying something he knows will be stupud and unhelpful. And Sanji just seems so… soft and Zoro is like 95% sure this is some horrible mistake

~Attention starved. He’s just attention starved. Give the baby cuddles

~I’m quite partial towards the head canon of Zoro buying him a stuffed turtle. Sanji looking back and forth between Zoro and the plush before declaring “moss.” With no other explanation. Is that the plushes name? Is he just saying Zoro’s name? Who knows, certainly not Zoro.

~See I’m telling you. Caregiver Franky + babyspace Sanji. Just kdbjdbd best duo. (I just really really love cg Franky)

[elevenfifths]

after sitting on it and thinking about it for like four years off and on, i’m gonna ask my therapist about OSDD and honestly i wanna throw up about it so bad out of anxiety.

what if she tells me i’m just doing a bad job at parts work? what if i have no reason to have the experiences i do other than just having a bad handle on my inner experience. what if im just plain old fucked up (fine) but all my problems have no underlying connectivity other than a general skill issue?? like what if i’m just really bad at being a person with trauma and all my shit just leaks out forever and it’s my own fault that i’m this dissociative or reactive or whateverthefuck.

i don’t NEED an explanation for why i am the way i am, but i just…want to know if there IS any kind of explanation for why, for as hard as i constantly work to Be Better, i still feel like so much of my headspace is so deeply out of my own control. why am i this spaced out all the time? (i know it’s not the weed or meds bc it’s kinda always been like this) why are there so many voices in my head constantly arguing? why do i forget so much of what’s happened to me?

[im-just-tired2024]

PSA: I know not everyone had a good home life growing up. This is about me and my life and feelings. I’m not wishing bad things on anyone else or wish they can go back to abusive situations. (Feel like this needs to be addressed first cause people seem to lack critical thinking skills or straight up ignore things that are very clearly not about them)

*Sorry if that sounded aggressive or rude but I feel like media literacy is dying

Anyway, wishing to be an adult quicker and daydreaming about being an adult was the stupidest thing I wanted. Like don’t get me wrong it’s nice to have freedom from my parents and family; parents can’t really tell me what to do (in a way but even when you’re grown ass adult and move out they still tell you what to do) like they could and did as a kid/teen and I have my own home and can decorate the whole place and not just my room how I want.

But like I just miss that innocent and youthful time of my life where I didn’t really have a whole lot of responsibilities outside of school and chores. My parents were always really cool and pretty much gave us a lot of leeway to do things. Like late curfews and we didn’t have to have a job in high school. The only thing we needed to focus on was good grades and doing chores. I.e generally speaking I could do most things I wanted to do except like smoking and drinking and partying all night type of stuff (but I wasn’t interested in that stuff anyway so I guess that point it moot)

I know high school isn’t the best years of your life and it was pretty good for me but not necessarily something I’d desperately want to relive. But I just wish I tried more in school and paid attention and actually put effort into things and got my head out of my ass. But I just fucked around and acted like a dumbass.

Even in my early 20’s I just made bad decisions and made changes and made certain choices that I didn’t have to and was just being stupid and now I’m paying for the consequences. I did good my first 3 years in college but acted like an ass cause I don’t know why.

I’m just so tired and exhausted from work and life and I’m just thinking about everything I did and I realized I took a lot of my childhood for granted and screwed around and acted like a dickhead when I should have been focusing on school. But I was ungrateful and daydreamed and fantasized about life instead of enjoying the moment and being grateful for the freedoms my parents gave me that other kids and teens my age didn’t have.

I really just want a break from life and have someone else take care of me for a little bit. Im just tired of all the crap from customers and my boss and my every day life. Even stuff around the world seems to be getting worse and worse every day. I know things were always bad all over the place. It’s just 10-15 years ago no one really talked about it but idk I just feel like things are worse??

Anyway this is a rant and I’m not looking for sympathy and I just needed to vent and get my thoughts out of my head. Without an irritated sigh from my little sister followed by “i know. Me too” or my parents telling me “I told you so”

I’m just tired of dead end jobs, exhausted with everything and everyone and I’m unhappy with my life and my choices right now. It’s whatever and I’m sure in 5 years I’ll be fine and in a better headspace and job. I hope….

[multi-fandom-imagine]

Im the anon who sent the ask wanting to learn about a sexuality, and I’m so sorry that I caused you distress, I hope it’s okay to come back and apologize to you. I legitimately didn’t understand the “points” of the spectrum (like Demi) and I was hoping to glean your perspective on what being ace means to you! I love how you write characters and don’t have any hang up on the whole “these characters are ace” discourse vs how you write them as parents. I just wanted to understand better. I’m sorry for everything, I just wanted to understand, upsetting you or anyone else was not my intention. :( please forgive me

Its mot you, and I didnt mean to put my anger off on you.

I was not in a good headspace when I got this message because I was already reeling from the last person telling me I'm writing Ace characters wrong.

It get's frustrating and irritating being told I'm wrong.

I'm sorry if I upset you, just getting that message when I did was not the best moment and just set everything off.

But it does mean a lot and that is very kind of you to say, so thank you.

And it means a lot knowing you like my work, I'm not mad at you, so please do not think that.

It was just a bad place, bad moment when I read that message.

You're fine, trust me.

It was a good message, really. Again, I was not in the best headspace to even answer it.

[spark1edog]

i’m irritable today :( i noticed at work (15 minutes before the end of my shift) when making a chococat for a group of friends who decided to take turns stepping on the pedal and felt very like. 😤🙄 bc they each stepped on it like just a tiny bit until the last guy who just held it until it was done (thank fucking god i was getting annoyed bc each of them only held it for like 2 seconds and took like twice as long to switch off) i managed to be normal about it but god there was a small child waiting in line and like crying off and on, the family was like crowding the stuffer too like i thought they were trying to cut in line but they didn’t it was just really stressful for some reason.

i keep saying edibles literally don’t do anything for me but i think they give me a veeeeery slight buffer between me and being irritable asf. so that’s not nothing ig. my therapist suggested a tincture might work differently, since sublingual ingestion is like a slightly different thing from going thru the digestive tract, so i’m gonna try that.

also this fucking painting is giving me SUCH A HARD TIME. i did the first one (left) first and it was great very smooth and came out perfect and took like 2 hours. the mf on the right tho. ohhhhh my fucking god bro this was the second attempt, cuz believe it or not it looked worse bc i lined with a different pen than the first one so i painted over it and just tried again but. honestly i still dont like it 😭 like its fine but it just turned out weird and i was in This Headspace while making it so it just kept making me more upset as i was going.

like its fine. it’ll do. i’m sure asf not redoing it again it’s going on the table just as is and if someone buys it, great, and if they don’t, i wouldn’t either lmao. like it’s not even that bad but it was just such a pain and my hands were shaky and the blush is muddy and the lines don’t look as good and the eyes are a different size and his forehead is huge but it’s FINE ITS FINE IT LOOKS FINE no one will notice this but me. hopefully. i’m not gonna touch it again clearly it’s cursed.

but in any case. clearly i’m going thru it a little. but it’s getting easier not vaping, and im not missing smoking thaaaaat much (that’s a lie i miss it a lot im gonna smoke the fattest bowl as soon as i can safely smoke again 😫)

flights are booked. my pre op appointment is on wednesday. art show is sunday. i’m going to be okay. things will be easier someday. i’m working towards something that means a lot to me. it will all be worth it. i’m going to be okay. but for now im a little irritable. and that’s also ok

[morbidshay]

Hi!!! It is Wednesday. Unsure if happy or not. Sorry I vanished,,here’s what I was up to :

- I MOVED!!! I finally shipped my stuff and got on a plane and went home. I’m pretty proud of myself.

- I also started medication/started over my meds and I don’t feel bad. I would even say I’m Sims ‘fine’. I am having like zero thoughts which is probably why I’m so okay, but I’m aware enough to know that it affects my emotions and relationships and day to day. Like it’s hard to communicate with my partner because I feel nothing. It’s hard to be creative like I was. I keep saying it’s like watching someone drive a car. Dissociation is dissociating. I also have awful night sweats, like I never have experienced this before. I’m waking up soaked. I also have strange dreams nightly. Uhm uhm uhm. That’s about it for the medicine.

- Speaking of dissociation,, it’s so hard to know if like it’s the medication or my headspace. Because I ‘came out’ to my partner about my suspected system and since then I don’t know who I am and they are quiet. Not talking at all. I can’t see them in headspace or even feel them. So,,that helps imposter syndrome lmao.

- the thought above and then above above about being emotionless and not knowing who I am and about my partner connection. I AM SO WORRIED. I CANNOT FEEL THE LOVE BUT I KNOW ITS THERE. IS IT THE MEDS? IS IT BECAUSE IM NOT THE HEADMATE THAT FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM. I DONT KNOW HOW TO NAVIGATE THIS. funny thing is though because of no emotion I am just going with things. Maybe I just need to trust myself more. Idk.

Well that’s basically it. Who? What? When? Where? Why? That sums it up basically. Thank you for reading. Unsolicited advice welcome. Feel free to catch me up or tell me about your Wednesday.

[scatteredfeelings-brokenmind]

It’s been a loooooong time since I vented on here, I actually stopped because after I would write on here - things always got worse and I thought it was bad luck.

But now I need to.

To put a small part of my brain into perspective: I need plans stuck to. ESPECIALLY if it revolves around drinking. Whether it’s my anxiety, or my fear of no control, or maybe just adhd - if I agree to go somewhere I have to mentally prepare myself and put myself in a headspace to handle it. When the plans change, or they get dragged out due to others desisions, or they get cancelled - good or bad it throws me into an emotionally unhinged headspace.

This weekend (it’s currently Saturday and we are here) my partner and I were travelling a small distance to see his Nan as his grandad receantly passed and she is now on her own. This has been planned for weeks. We had planned to do jobs for her and for my partner to do the things his grandad would do like clean the gutters. 3 hours before we set off to come, my partner decided he wanted to see his friends here, I love these friends and had no issue with that - but I had to mention to him that it had thrown me off and I now had to mentally prepare that it’s now not a weekend at home with his nan, it’s also a couple drinks with his friends.

We got to the drinks with friends at the pub like him and I had talked about, all great. Hours pass and there is talk of going to his friends house to hang out and drink more - I had decided long ago that I was staying sober as I wasn’t comfortable mentally to socialise and drink. This was fine, I just had to mentally re-prepare again to allow mental energy for this.

Hours pass again, and I had been left in the corner on my phone while he played video games and got drunk with his best friend. I have no issue with him doing this usually - but on this weekend it upset me that I felt like he had almost forgotten I was there, he was with his friend and that was all that mattered. The night goes on and it’s now 1am. He NOW decides he wants to go out to a bar to gamble… I reluctantly drive him and his friend there, but I’m not capeable of altering my mentality for a 4th time. I sit silent for 30 mins, before he looks to me and says “if you’re bored you can go home” thinking he’s doing the right thing by letting me know I don’t have to stay if I don’t want to. I appreciate the thought at the least.

Now Im laying in bed, I left him in a bar because I had enough and was visibly emotional. Sad because I feel forgotten and left out, angry because today has taken a huge mental tole on me, crying out of fear because I’ve just left him in the same environment he once cheated on me in, and gutted because I’d bet my life that if the shoe was on the other foot this whole night - he would not have been as tolerant as I was.

He won’t see it the way I do, so I’m unsure I’ll even bother bringing it up. I’m sick of feeling like a burden. He tells me he wants me to be honest about my feelings and tell him when I’m upset, but when I do I’m made to feel like I’m wrong for thinking/feeling it. I get responses like “i dont know why you would even think that” or “you’re just overthinking”.

Im not perfect, not by a long shot - but I know damn well if he was visibly as uncomfortable as I was , i would have left and taken him home immediately. A piss up with a friend is not as important as someone I want to spend my life with. Not to me at least.

We shall see.

[florasi]

[bls-luv-me]

It gets harder and harder to live everyday.

[glamrockjoseph]

physically ill with how repulsive i find myself 🥰

[chocodollxren]

Hii, can i request a drabble/headcannon(it's up to you if it's fine) with Savanaclaw and octavinelle. The reader is stressed out from school stuff and they don't know what to do. When the boys ask them about it they break down and tell them what's stressing them out. Thank you. Im sorry if i broke some rules. I enjoy reading your works.

<33 of course! here you go, your funmatsucha gyokuro tea blend! <33 hope you’re doing okay with school! and i’m happy you enjoy my works! you didn’t break any rules. for some reason i read this as stressed from exams. ill do headcanons since they’re individual, meanwhile drabble is all together, as in every character at once, so i thought you’d prefer individual? i’m sorry if you didn’t want that!

𓄹 ❥𝘚𝘵𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘖𝘶𝘵❦ 𝘚𝘢𝘷𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘸 + 𝘖𝘤𝘵𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘦 ,,

-> teahouse ,, menu ! order up ” guestlist ! ꒱·˚ ,, #O5.21.22🍵 ˖˚˳⊹ 'ּ໋݊◵

summary: with all the stress from upcoming exams, trying to learn the course for some of the best wizards, and the pressure of you being a combined student with Grim is getting to you. purely exhausted and possibly at wits end, you find him there to support you. tws stress, breakdown, swearing, gn!reader.

❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ LEONA KINGSCHOLAR. ❞

heading off to the botanical garden, you begun to quickly observe the plants, in hopes you could tell the differences in person rather than just a textbook with terrible rendering in black and white. “is this it?” you muttered as you begun checking your notes and flash cards to the types of plants they were. Crewel’s exam was coming up and knowing him, he definitely wouldn’t make the course exam easy. you had to make sure every single detail in your notes were right. you were so focused you failed to realize eyes staring into your back.

leona kingscholar, the prideful dorm leader of Savanaclaw and the student who was most likely to stay at this school longer than the teachers would. noticing your presence, he watched slowly from his napping spot. you were frantically writing notes and reciting lines from your flash cards so quickly he wondered if you were going to pass out from a lack of breathing in. it took him a minute to remember, but exams were coming up, not that he was going to study or go to classes during the exam. you were probably here for Crewel, a smart decision as he would go down on the smallest detail.

the more he watched you the more annoyed he got. you were checking every single thing and the look on your face showed evident panic by the minute. he’d really prefer to just rest, but after about a half hour of hearing you mutter and observe, he called it quits and got up, making his way to you. “herbivore,” he called, but you were too focused to notice. “herbivore,” he growled this time, picking you up by your collar. “can you stop muttering so damn much? it’s driving me insane. i’m trying to nap.”

he got your attention, but in a bad way. he could see tears pricking your eyes which had eyebags underneath them. you were clearly not in a good headspace and probably were sleep deprived, a bit of a shock to him. “sleep somewhere else! i’ve got to pass the exam perfectly or else Grim will fail us.” you insisted, a slight whimper in your voice. taking a look at your notes, you really did observe everything and anything with these plants. he’d even noted all the alchemy formulas regarding them, some even for older students you didn’t need to worry about.

“fuck it,” he said as he tucked you under his arms, grabbing your notes with the other hand. “crewel’s a bitch but not that big of one. if you need any help go ask that runt after waking up.” although you tried to wiggle free, he wouldn’t let you go until you rested up. failing isn’t that bad, just look at him. and if it really mattered that much, he’d get Jack to force the dumb cat to study.

❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ RUGGIE BUCCHI. ❞

running yourself ragged during exam season was not how you wanted to spend it. Crowley’s constant tasks, your friends being distractions, Grim taking off with your notes leaving you to rewrite everything. just as you accepted your fate, you sat silently in the cafeteria about to eat your lunch as Ruggie appeared, finding you as an easy target.

“prefect! mind giving that to me?” he asked you, reaching out his hand to use laugh with me, making you give him your noodles. “Ruggie, not right now.” you whimpered with tears threatening to spill. you were not in a good mood, he immediately realized it when he saw your eyebags, along with your hand twitching slightly from writing for too long.

“ah?! are you okay? your face looks like an absolute mess, but in a bad way.” he asked, you were half sure it was an accidental insult, but you didn’t focus on it as you shook your head and wiped your tears, taking a spoonful of soup while going back to writing. you had no time to talk to him when the exam was tomorrow, you needed every minute you could scrape up.

taking a seat next to you, the one Grim was supposed to sit in before ditching, and peeked at what you were doing. he couldn’t deny he felt a bit bad for upsetting you, nor did he really like seeing you sad no matter how much he teased you relentlessly.

“you’re doing that wrong.” he commented, you staring at him with the most stressed look, and he quickly backtracked. “i mean i’ll help you, you did that wrong. you also don’t need to study that part, it’s for second years.” although he wanted a meal for free, he ended up teaching you in the moment, hoping you wouldn’t cry and stress anymore.

❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ JACK HOWL. ❞

after Ace and Deuce cancelled on studying, along with Grim never showing up, you were at your wits end. looking at your phone, you rubbed your temple rereading the last message from Deuce. Ace got collared and he had to supervise him as they were locked up to study together and weren’t allowed visitors. you were already in the library with all your books, and didn’t have the energy to turn back.

while studying alone you were hung up on a lot of things. why do this? who was that? history in twisted wonderland was much more difficult than your’s. on top of names you had to memorize magic, time period, country, cities, all of a lot of foreign knowledge. throwing your head back with a groan, you see jack staring down at you, his ear twitching after your eyes met. you nearly had a heart attack but he quickly explained. “sorry prefect, i didn’t mean to scare you. i thought i smelled you and ended up finding you, is all.” you were slightly weirded out until you remembered his nose was one of the best in Savanaclaw.

“i don’t mind, Jack. it was just a surprise to see you. are you also in the library to study?” you asked, he nodded and told you how he planned to pass the exam on his own effort. he also asked what you were doing, you explained you were studying as well, and that Grim left you and the Adeuce were in trouble, which ended up turning into a small rant, your stress very evident by manner of speech. within a matter of minutes he was joining you, the two of you chatting in a softer tone to not disturb others while going over what you knew would be on the exam.

“the easiest way to remember the cities are…” he begun to explain to you, making you hiccup slightly and stare at him with happy eyes. you really didn’t want to bother him, but here he was taking time out of his own studying to help you out over something you’d already learned. even after you got kicked out for being too loud, he offered to help you back at Savanaclaw to reduce your stress.

“although i’m not the best at this kinda stuff, if you’d like i’d be willing to help you with it in the future.” Jack said as the both of you reached his room, making you feel relieved. although neither of you were the best, and you may of done better asking a teacher, he was very gentle and spent a long time teaching you, trying his best!

❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ AZUL ASHENGROTTO. ❞

exam season was very busy. busy for you, a student who desperately needed to pass and study while also being Crowley’s errand boy, and Azul who wanted to make as much money as possible from every single student that even breathed in his vicinity, including you, who somehow decided to eat at monstro lounge. you’d been visiting the place every Wednesday for the past few month, you were surprised to see how many people still visited since the last incident.

“maybe i’ll just leave and study elsewhere..” you muttered to yourself after entering, seeing the sheer amount of people. you’d already had enough stress and decided that leaving would he better over the loud scenery of the lounge. you were falling behind as is, you couldn’t afford it. as soon as you entered, you tried to leave but Azul caught you out of the corner of his eyes, quickly chasing after you. you’d been one of his favorite customers and he would never tell you that he liked you more than other customers who only annoyed him as time progressed.

he was fairly quick to catch up on your situation. books, every Wednesday, loud noise, limited seating, he was on the case, though. “prefect, lovely for you to be here. the seats out here are full, but there’s some in the back.” he smiled as Jade appeared, almost out of nowhere. you were taken to the back before you could protest, where things were much quieter. it was nearly like a whole new room. he gave you the one drink minimum spiel.

you relented and ordered with an obviously annoyed sigh. afterwards, you spent such a long time studying with no breaks that it was already four hours in, multiple drinks, and they were almost closing up. although Azul said he changed and wouldn’t do contracts anymore, you considered asking him if he would give you one at this point. it was the umpteenth frustrated sigh and your loud book shutting did Azul finally talk to you instead of watch your breakdown from afar.

once he talked to you, he realized just how deep you were in as you jokingly asked him for a contract while rubbing your eyes, your notes everywhere across the table, you even sounded tired. “while i would be delighted for that, prefect, you unfortunately have nothing to offer me.” he responded, taking note of your punch card. just as you slammed your head on the table, nearly in tears from dress, you hear him pipe up. “just how much punch cards..” he muttered wide-eyed. he knew you visited often, but you had at least three cards full. “if you plan to ask me a question or for help i’ll be taking these.” he said, much to your happiness. you didn’t need to give him anything, after all! “but why all three?” you ask, raising a brow. “one for my notes, two for staying after closing hours, and third for getting to sit in the vip area.” he responded, treating the cards like money and going to fetch his notes for you. mission success, help the prefect without telling them you were worried.

❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ JADE LEECH. ❞

the second you exited class, you got to work reading flash cards down the hall trying to soak up every moment before the exam the next week. it was finally the weekend and you’d appreciate any second to work hard and pass. “hmmm” you heard a small hum behind you but ignored it, only after the second time did you see Jade and nearly fall down the stairs. just how long was he there for?

laughing, he gave you his signature smile. “are you coming to the lounge, prefect? Azul has a punch card system if you need help.” he told you, of course it was for him to benefit his business. shaking your head you sighed and walked off, making sure to hold onto your notes tightly while rereading them over and over. Jade was slightly shocked at how you brushed him off, and followed you.

“not right now Jade. i’m busy trying to pass my exam with actual hard work and not selling my labor or scraping any nonexistent funds to your dorm leader.” you said as you felt his presence. he could sense the small but still evident panic within your voice. the monstro lounge was closed for the day due to a leak in the kitchen, and thanks to this unexpected break he decided bothering you would be his best source of entertainment for the day.

“then would you like my help? free of charge, of course…” he laughed as you felt a shiver run down your spine. getting involved with anything octavinelle was never a good idea no matter how desperate and stressed you were. even if you were so overwhelmed you were going to burst it would be better than trusting Jade. especially when he was generous. “no thanks, Jade. I’d be better off trusting Crowley with my future than you saying you’re working for free.”

he faked a sob, acting hurt as he followed you into Ramshackle, eventually making tea for you and helping clean around the table. you hadn’t realized he made himself so at home by the time you ate a slice of cake he baked, you wondering where on earth he got that from, you had no ingredients for the fridge and needed to stock up. “now that you’ve finally taken a break, I’ll review this for you,” he laughed, picking up what you’ve written. “i’ll come help tomorrow as well but i’ll have to bring my mushrooms, they’re in a delicate state and need to be watched over.” and that’s how Ramshackle got a mushroom garden, and how you passed your exam with perfect marks.

❁ཻུ۪۪ ━ ❝ FLOYD LEECH. ❞

deciding on studying on your own this time instead of the adeuce duo who would only distract you in a matter of minutes, you took yourself to the monstro lounge to snack on something and work at the same time. the monstro lounge was slow that day as exams were coming up and most students were studying elsewhere, far away from Azul and the twins who would rope them in. it was perfect for you to study and relax, but the opposite for a certain eel.

as soon as you walked through the door Floyd’s eyes lit up. he was annoyed at the moment but seeing you excited him. without much thought he left Jade behind and immediately ran up to squeeze you, asking you where his favorite shrimpy was going to sit and what you wanted to eat. you on the other hand, internally groaned. you wish he would be professional while you studied, but that wasn’t happening. “just in a corner, Floyd. i’m studying for the upcoming exam..”

he pouted as that was all you did for the next two hours, ignoring him to study. eventually, you finally took a break to turn and see Floyd resting his face on the table next to you, staring intently. “hey, shrimpy…” he started in a saddened tone. “when are you gonna play with me?” he asked as you felt your frustration build up. “Floyd, for the last time. I have to study for my exam, I’m already behind and…” without knowing it, you ranted everything to him getting quicker and angrier by the second as you finally end with a big huff, trying to catch your breath. you immediately tried to apologize upon realizing what you did, but Floyd was in his own world of happiness.

“does shrimpy want my help?” he asked you, almost jumping out and down. you just ranted your entire struggles to him, and he decided that was the solution. “Floyd, no offense but,” you tried to interrupt thinking he wouldn’t be the best studying partner you could get, he would likely worsen your grades or just distract you completely. did he not understand how vital and important this was for you? as Floyd happily opened your book, Jade appeared seemingly out of nowhere. “despite what it seems, Floyd can recall everything he’s interested in.” and like that, he dropped off your tea and disappeared into the kitchen as Floyd begun to open the pages you needed to memorize first.

as you were slightly confused, Floyd ended up explaining in a way you easily understood, focusing the entire time and making you take a healthy amount of breaks when needed, even getting you more tea, tea that Azul insisted you pay for when everything was done, especially extra for staying after closing time, and you ended up getting much more with Floyd than studying on your own. “shrimpy’s smiling!” he commented happily as you did a quick oral quiz, passing with flying colors. you didn’t even notice how or when you did, but you weren’t as stressed anymore and were more confident thanks to Floyd.

✎ ˎˊ- "chocodollxren" [choco - doll - rhen] ˖˚˳⊹ 'ּ໋݊◵ dn repost. likes/comments/reblogs appreciated; not required. so long as you enjoyed the content.

thank you for reading! since i have quite a few requests to do before the event i’ll upload the shortest ones, some that only have like 1-3 characters, then the longer ones! since i want to upload the short ones all in one day, my requests close on May 23rd. anything afterwards will not be prioritize until my event ends in June.