#i’m fine im just in a bad headspace

[alaskan-wallflower]

lowkey glad i got my wisdom teeth out now because im getting used to barely eating and i know once school starts im gonna have to start getting back in the rhythm of one meal a day because i don’t do lunch (vent in the tags mb)

[gyu-vinnie]

138, 150, 179 and 199 with gunwookie pls 😩✊

“fuck, i love you so much”/ “you’re all mine”-“hm…”-“say it”-“i’m all yours”/ “i want to fuck you so bad”/ “i want to make a mess of you”

i’m getting major insecure gunwook vibes from this 😼

okay, so maybe pranking gyuvin was a bad idea. just maybe…

okay it was a terrible idea. you and taerae wanted to tease him and be your usual silly selves. what you didn’t know was that gunwook was already not in the best headspace since he woke up. all because of some stupid dream he had the night before where someone took you away from him. he kept telling himself that would never happen, that you love him too much. and well, he was technically right.

unfortunately, you and taerae had no clue about this dream. when he came into practice, the first thing he saw was your head resting on taeraes shoulder and he swears he heard his heart shatter. upon making eye contact with you, he stormed out the room making you and taerae share a glance and start giggling to yourselves that the plan succeeded.

spoiler alert, it didn’t. not even 30 seconds later matthew storms into the room. “y/n, why did i just see gunwook speed walking down the hall in tears?”

the second you heard him say that you stood up. “which way did he go?” matthew shrugged and pointed left. “it looked like he was going towards the bathroom or something.”

you quickly thanked him and started running towards the bathroom. you could hear sniffing, and it broke you heart. “wookie? are you in here?” you asked while making it towards the bigger stall, seeing his sneakers you bought him and recognizing him instantly. “baby, can you let me in?”

you heard shuffling and the door unlocked, when the stall door opened you were met with the sight of a puffy faced, red eyed, swollen lipped gunwook. your eyes instantly widen and you went in the stall, closing the door behind you and locking it.

you turned to face him and one look at his face again made you hug him instantly. “shit, gunwook, im so sorry. i didn’t mean to make you cry. me and taerae were just trying to mess with you.”

you cupped his face, wiping his tear stained cheeks. he didnt say anything, just kinda stared at you. your first thought was that he was mad at you, but his face was emotionless. if he was mad, atleast you’d be able to tell. he looked deep in thought.

“i want to fuck you so bad.” he mutters, it being barely audible. your eyes widened and you frozen. “h-huh?” he moved your hands from his cheeks and pinned them above your head, pushing you against one of the walls.

“you heard me, i want to make a mess of you.” as you back hit the wall you looked up at him with wide eyes. “would that make you feel better?” he nodded and nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck, leaving soft pecks all the way down. “just give me 10 minutes…10 minutes and i’ll be fine.”

so that’s what you did, you gave him 10 minutes. well, technically you two are at the 12 minute mark but who’s counting? surely not you at this moment. your are eyes rolled to the back of you head as gunwook pounds into you with his head hung low. the only sounds being able to be heard is the filthy sound of skin slapping, the squelching noise, your muffled moans that are barely audible with gunwooks big hand over your mouth, and the small words he’s whispering as he fucking into you, a single tear still rolling down his face.

“fuck, i love you so much. so so much” me mutters into your ear. though honestly it’s going in one ear and out the other with how fucked out you are. “your all mine, okay?”

you slowly started to come back to your senses as gunwooks thrusts start to get sloppier and your own orgasm approaching quickly. “hmm…” you moan out, he moved his hand from your mouth and started thrust faster, sending you over the edge as you cum on his cock. “say it…say your mine”, he upped his head so he could see you. “i’m all yours”

and the second the words slipped from your mouth, he came. whispering small praises to you and pulling out. “l-let me help you clean” he says shakily as he grabs the toilet tissue and starts wiping.

when you went back in the studio, it was as if nothing happened.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

My dearest Cal, I come bearing emojis and writing vibes again and going back to my roots of slightly obsessing behind my screen on the buddieshannon fic:

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼

(in all seriousness i am including this little meme because i need you to know this is fully how im in my head representing the emojis to you every single time. i am merely a humble knight offering my sword to you here and eagerly awaiting the fic snippets in return)

AHHH thank you! This is adorable and fuels me, thank you!

I'm going to go ahead and say 1k bc I am not counting that ahaha.

---

It’s a low blow. Especially when he’s changed so much. Been the sole provider for Chris when she was gone. 

Eddie should probably tell her off right now, but instead he just giver her an icy glare. Which is worse. Somehow, it’s worse. 

“Let’s just go,” he says. Frigid. 

She might not have been the source of his bad mood now. But she’s confident she just bumped herself high up on the list. 

◀️

In the car, she tries to apologize. Even though, really, the feeling part of her brain is much more set in her irritation than the thinking part.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” she admits. “It wasn’t fair.”

“No,” Eddie agrees. “It wasn’t.”

Um, well… He’s not supposed to just agree. He’s supposed to also apologize for being cold and moody. 

“It’s just…” Shannon says, hit with a wave of emotion. “Your literal only job at these things is to be excited and positive and tell me it’s going to be okay and that she’ll fit through my birth canal!” 

Eddie makes a pained little noise in his throat. 

“I’m sorry,” he says through gritted teeth. “I am excited. I’m sure the birth will go just fine. I’m just not in a great headspace today, Shannon.”

She should probably let it rest at that. 

Does she? No. 

“It freaks me out when you get like this!” She complains.

“Get like what?” Eddie demands. “I can’t have one bad day without freaking you out? I haven’t done anything, Shannon.”

Does he even know how he’s acting? Like, can he see it? Or is she being entirely overly sensitive? This is completely how he used to be when he’d come home from overseas and he’d shut her out and they’d fight… And… And she just can’t fucking live like that again. But maybe he doesn’t even realize? Maybe she’s overreacting? She needs to test it. 

“Why are you having a bad day?” She asks. 

“What?” Eddie replies. 

“You said you’re just having one bad day! Why are you having a bad day?” 

Eddie groans. If he wasn’t driving, he’d probably make some annoyed little gesture. Pinching his nose or running a hand through his hair. Pointing at something. He likes to point. Like a keyed up hunting dog.

“There was arbitration today,” Eddie admits. 

“Arbitration…” Shannon repeats. “For Buck?”

Eddie nods mutely.

“Oh,” Shannon whispers. So it’s not about her. Or the baby. Or anything but… Well, no. It’s still about family. Still about someone Eddie loves. Loves more than he will say.

Shannon hadn’t known about arbitration. Maddie’s being weird. Buck is avoiding her. Eddie is the personification of a storm cloud. Why would she have known?

“How’d it go?” She asks. 

“Does it seem like it went well?” Eddie fires back.

Shannon glares at him. Bastard. 

“Sorry,” he mumbles. “It fucking sucked, okay?”

“What happened?” She asks. 

He huffs. “He’s… I… I mean, they made me answer questions. Buck… He… He took it too far, Shannon. He crossed a line. Brought up personal shit of Bobby’s… He… I’m furious with him.”

“Okay,” Shannon says. 

They pull into her apartment parking lot. Eddie parks the truck and kills the ignition. Neither of them moves. 

“To me,” Shannon says cautiously. “It sounded like he had sort of a point? I mean, I don’t know any medical stuff, but… I heard about the rebar?”

Eddie scoffs. “It’s not the same thing, Shan. He could bleed out. He could get knocked into something and bleed internally. He could die, easily.”

Shannon’s stomach twists. “Okay. Okay, you’re saying, in your experience, having seen terrible things happen to human bodies, he shouldn’t be working?”

Another heavy sigh. “I don’t know, Shannon. He’s fine, but let’s say… Let’s say the same thing as before happened. He gets pinned by a fire engine. On these meds? He’s dead.”

Shannon nods. “Right.”

“And either way, he’s… He’s being an idiot! They won’t let him back to the station where he sued the captain.” 

That’s… That’s probably true. Even Shannon can see that. But Buck can’t. He thinks he’s getting his job back. 

“Okay,” Shannon says. “Alright. Ignore for a second that he’s probably wrong about all of this-”

“How?” Eddie demands. 

“Just walk with me,” she insists. 

Eddie clenches his jaw. 

“Why are you mad at him, Eddie?” Shannon asks. 

“Are you kidding?” Eddie asks.

“No,” Shannon says. “I’m not kidding.”

“Were you not listening to everything I just said?”

“I was,” Shannon nods. “And, okay. He’s being stupid and he’s wrong. Got it. Why are you mad at him?”

Eddie’s eyes get a little wet.

“Shannon…”

“Let’s talk it through, right?” Shannon says. “He’s suing your captain and your employer, not you. He’s your friend, even if you don’t work together. Why is this so personally upsetting, Eddie?” 

He’s silent for a while. Longer than Shannon would expect. Like he’s really processing her question. Has he not bothered to ask himself this question? Or was everything that has happened with Buck’s lawsuit just been another thing he tried to swallow without chewing? 

“I don’t understand why he’s doing this to us,” Eddie whispers finally. 

“Who? The 118?” Shannon asks. 

Eddie shakes his head. “Me and him.”

Oh.

“What do you mean?” She asks. 

She thinks she knows, but she also thinks he should just… Say it. Try saying it. It helped her once. She’d never said out loud why she wouldn’t come home to him and Chris. And when she did, she could face it. 

“Buck…” He starts, then he trails off. He wipes his eyes. “This is so dumb.”

“It’s not dumb, Eddie,” she argues. “You obviously need to talk about it.”

He inhales deeply. Long-suffering. 

“It’s like he’s choosing this idea of the job - one that he could have had if he just waited and now won’t get - over us,” Eddie says. “Over… Our friendship.” 

“Honestly? I don’t think he’s thinking about you,” Shannon says. “Not to be a dick… Just… I’m not sure he factored your reaction into his choice.”

[littlehypnone]

idk if youve done anything like this but um

big rain losing trust in dew after an argument? so later when shes little, she doesnt have her main cg and she goes to find someone else and is sad?

and then maybe later, dew makes it up to her or something idk

im feeling kinda yucky and bad so idk but just an idea ?

i really liked this idea!!!

Rain and Dewdrop don’t argue often. Even when they do, it’s usually something borderline petty that would be resolved easily if one—or both—of them simply wouldn’t not be in a very communicative headspace. They always make up quickly, though, and their relationship is never damaged in the end. It’s always like that and everyone is used to it.

Sometimes, though, complications come up.

This time it was—technically—Dewdrop who was at fault, who started the argument. If only Rain wouldn’t have been as tired and achy as he was, if only he wouldn’t have added fuel to the fire with his words. But no, it didn’t go that smoothly, and so the fire ghoul had stormed off outside to take a very much needed breather, and Rain had returned to his room scoffing and snarling.

Hours later, Rain is overthinking the argument and feeling more and more guilty about the last couple of words that left his mouth before they went their separate ways. This and the pain that is pulsing through his legs that day is a simple recipe for the water to ghoul little, so little she ends up.

Her thoughts aren’t nice and she really, really needs Dewdrop, as usual in her current headspace, but all the mean things he said…she isn’t sure Dewdrop still likes her, and she isn’t sure she has enough trust for him while in her vulnerable state.

She sniffles sadly and fumbles with her phone to send Swiss a short message. A code they have set for when Rain goes little and needs him, but, for whatever reason, can’t get him any other way. Two emojis go flying and Rain cuddles around her shark plushie and waits.

Soon enough, Swiss appears in the door and immediately crawls into the water ghoulette’s bed and lays on his side next to her. “Hi, guppy.”

“Hi, Swissy,” she mumbles. She really likes Swiss and is always happy to spend time with him—big or little—but the argument with Dewdrop still hangs over her, and the fact that the fire ghoul is not there with her to calm down her bad thoughts hurts her. “Can I…can I get warm Swissy cuddles?”

“Of course you can, princess!” the multi ghoul smiles, intent or doing his best to cheer the little thing up, even though he knows he isn’t powerful enough to get rid of all the ickiness. Everyone knows Rain needs Dewdrop for that, but it's hard when he’s the cause.

Rain curls her lips upwards the tiniest bit, just to show Swiss she really appreciates him, before she curls up against his chest and nuzzles into his neck.

Swiss helps her fall asleep with a little spark of calming quintessence, and she naps for a while—all the bad thoughts kept at bay. When she wakes up again it’s to a quiet knocking at the door and she’s a lot smaller than before falling asleep. Her head is all fuzzy, but it’s okay. It’s warm and nice, thanks to Swiss.

The multi ghoul calls out for the person to come in, but he curls around the little ghoulette in his arms protectively. Fiery smell reaches Rain’s nose and she understands it’s Dewdrop who came in. She whines quietly and hides in Swiss’ chest.

“Dew, I don’t think it’s a good time,” the multi ghoul mutters, but there’s no anger in his voice. He knows it’s just how Dewdrop and Rain are, that they’ll be fine. “She’s really small and she just woke up from a nap.”

“Oh, I…Okay, I’ll go…I’m sorry,” he whispers, and even though Rain is so very sleepy and a bit scared of the fire ghoul at the moment, she doesn’t like the tone of his voice. She doesn’t like how small and sad it is.

“No,” Rain says quietly, barely loud enough for Dewdrop’s ears to catch it. “Don’ go, Dewy.”

“Are you sure, my little lady?” he asks and it sounds like he’s moved closer.

“Mhm.”

“What about me, princess?” Swiss pulls back to look down at her and tuck a strand of her hair behind a little ear. “Do you want me to stay or go?”

“Don’ gotta stay, Dewy’s fine.” She tells him. The multi ghoul nods in understanding and leans down to kiss her forehead before moving away. Rain immediately feels cold and Swiss notices, so he tucks a fluffy blanket right under her chin.

“If you’ll need me send me the code again, alright?”

“Mhm,” she hums in agreement and Swiss smiles softly and leaves. He clasps a hand over Dewdrop’s shoulder on his way and squeezes reassuringly.

The fire ghoul sighs heavily when the door closes. He takes a step forward, twisting his fingers. “Can I sit in the bed with you? I can offer some warm cuddles, if you’d like that.”

Rain nods and wiggles a hand out from under the covers to pat the mattress encouragingly. Dewdrop can’t help but smile; he really doesn’t deserve this sweet creature.

He gets onto the bed and under the blankets and waits for Rain to get into a cuddle position she feels comfortable with and she decides to curl up against his side, similarily to how she’s been with Swiss. Probably so she can be close and warm, but so that she can kept her face hidden in the blanket and Dewdrop’s chest. He throws an arm around her little form and she doesn’t tense up, so he holds her closely.

“I’d like to talk about our argument properly when you’re big again, my little lady,” the fire ghoul says—quietly and softly, no pressure to respond or even hear him in it, “but I want to apologize now, if that’s okay.”

“I’s okay.”

“Alright. Well, then, I apologize. I’m sorry I was being mean and said all those bad things. I was wrong and I shouldn’t have snapped at you, Rainy. I’m very sorry.”

“‘m sorry, too,” the water ghoulette mumbles and Dewdrop frowns.

“What for, my little lady?”

“Was mean, too,” she shrugs and looks up. Dewdrop could just about melt at her big, blue eyes. “D’yoo still like me?”

“Oh, baby,” the fire ghoul whines, hurt by the question alone. How badly he messed up if Rain has such doubts? He feels terrible. “You have nothing to be sorry for, I deserved being mean to, and I will never, ever stop liking you, my little lady. Please, never forget that.”

“Mmm…okay,” she whispers and it turns into a yawn. She definitely needs to continue that nap. “I still like you, too, Dewy.”

Dewdrop smiles so big both his face and his heart hurt. They’ll be fine.

[scapegoated-if]

it occured to me belatedly that since youve only played 3 COG-system i.f.s that you MAY be unaware of code-diving?

it can be helpful if you want to study how other COG-system authors organize their code, or how they accomplished a bit of coding that you admire. (like this isnt a critique or anything, im surprised how many times you have scenes repeat per branch. it's not good or bad to do that, it's a style choice. tone in text is hard, so im just reaffirming youre fine and im not judging. anyway, i assume its a style choice anyway. it is not one ive seen often. so, for that style of coding, idk how many other i.f. authors youll find do the same, but im sure youll still find it fun to potentially code-dive in other people's demos and explore how they organize things)

it can also be helpful to know readers can code-dive and read your code and, if you happen to have spoilery label-codes within it, get hints from it. one of my favorite demos, Mind Blind over at the blog @/mindblindbard had no idea code-diving was a thing until code-divers themself informed her they could see that she wrote the secret identity of the Supposed To be Nameless Villain in the code. she was informed really early in the i.f. though, so VERY few people saw that whoopsie as she fixed the issue immediately and was much more careful about potential spoilers in her code

to code-dive is really easy. all you have to do is go to the dashingdon demo in question, and after the final backslash in the link, add the word "scenes". and then you click on which chapter you want to read the code of. that's it. idk how to code-dive on itch.io, you are on your own there, but i enjoy the simplicity of this. it helps me a lot in understanding stats and the tone/consequences of certain scenes that my autistic ass may not have picked up by accident within the text itself

anyway, thats a thing that people were talking about a lot in 2020 thats now been kind of Unsaid in years since, one of those "if you know, you know. it's an open secret, or i guess not 'secret', just... a thing that exists that we moved on from doing tutorials of and discussing after The Brief Time We Did Them, good luck finding that tho" type of things i guess?? idk how to explain it

anyway, just something that occured to me while reading the three demos you mentioned. i have a google doc of all my favorite authors, their blog-names, and demos, my MCs names and other short facts about that MC's playthrough, and i have like.. over 30? idk. point is, id love to add more to your list once you, on your own time, publish the ones you tried and liked. feels potentially overwhelming to bot wait until youve comfortably caught up in what you already are reading. besides, all the ones i favorite might be already ones you know and therefore making my recommendations moot lol

i digress. bye! have fun!!

I was going to keep this anon ask in my inbox just to have it stored for myself, but I thought this may be useful to any fellow new writers or anyone interested in developing their own IF; even anyone reading IFs in general that may be curious about the implications of certain choices.

I have been given some useful advice about my convoluted coding on CoGs (which was how I was alerted readers could view my coding at all haha). I won’t be making any changes to the Prologue as of yet, but I have applied these tips to Chapter 1–that so far is functional as far as I’m aware thank goodness.

I will apply code-diving to Scapegoated, thank you for letting me know it exists!

In general, I don’t mind anyone seeing my coding, simply because there aren’t any spoilers outside of what occurs in each chapter at a time. I feel like I conceal a lot, even to myself, just for the sake of keeping myself in the headspace of where I am in the story. But this has been extremely useful to know, you have no idea!

You’re the goat for this, friend.

Stay groovy!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - January 30

Junk food anon (new), sum it up anon (new), w anon (new), tile anon (new), angry anon (new

Junk Food Anon

Hi <3 First, I am SO sorry, this got eaten by tumblr and just appeared in my inbox now.

I am an overweight person and like...I get where you're coming from, I promise. But I also need you to know that what you're thinking about is NOT a solution. Because being overweight isn't a problem, it's a symptom. It could be a symptom of an unhealthy relationship with food or some kind of health condition, but either way, if you're trying to treat being overweight, you're not going to help yourself, because you're treating the symptom, not the actual problem.

If you say your problem is having an unhealthy relationship with food, this will just make it ten times worse. You have to try to have a HEALTHY relationship with food. Whether that be by seeing a nutritionist, a therapist, going to a support group, etc, THAT is the problem you need to focus on.

And of course, that's only if you want to! The other thing is, people regard weight as such a negative and what I've learned is...if your body is functioning fine, then your weight doesn't matter. So you really don't have to do anything if your body is healthy.

____________________________

Sum It Up Anon

whats up cass? hope your day is well!!

so there’s a lot, but ill sum it up:

basically, i have a girlfriend right? she’s super awesome, but things have been rocky recently

it started after she sent me screenshots of texts of me and another one of her friends talking about crushes (in said screenshot, i admitted that i liked her back, which was a lie and something i recognize i shouldn’t have done, but it was awkward and i didn’t know what to do)

she clearly seemed upset by it, but we were on a break when those texts were sent, so i didn’t really get why she was upset? alas i told her that it was a lie and i shouldn’t have said the lie, but throughout all of it she seemed to not believe me. we probably both weren’t in the right headspace (she texted me so and i am going through it rn) but i told her that i was giving my absolute honesty to her.

i talked to a few friends, and they threw around the word insecure a lot, which is something i keep thinking about for some reason. anyway, a few days later she texted me and asked if i was okay and if she did anything wrong. i told her that i was just going though it and she was fine.

honestly throughout all of this im starting to resent her, idek why she’s honestly so amazing i just… can’t. i feel like a piece of shit for resenting her because i truly don’t know if she’s wrong or if i am.

(bonus but something im trying to figure out: i think i might be gay??? which is a problem because i’m a man. like i lowkey hate myself for it but thats not important)

Okay so as far as the first problem, yeah it sounds like she's insecure, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It's true you did nothing wrong, but she might just need reassurance that you like HER, and only her. Have you tried sitting down with her and reminding her of that?

Buuuuuuut the second problem. Well, that could definitely affect the first problem. First of all, being gay is not a problem by itself. It's okay to be gay! And I really hope you know that you don't have to hate yourself for that. But if you're not sure how you feel, or if you like your girlfriend, it might be best for you to break up with her and take some time to figure out how you feel. Remember, it's okay to like more than one gender, too!

But yeah, it might be that you need some time for self-reflection and that's totally okay and valid. Be kind to yourself, all of this is okay <3

___________________

W Anon

Hey cas

Here to vent ig? Completely new and original of me, I know.

I'm scared. About everything that's going on right now. I'm safe, I guess, cause I'm white and ostensibly straight, but I'm also a girl so maybe not so much. But I'm still scared. And angry. I'm an adult now but I wasn't back when the election happened and it feels like my future was stolen right out of my hands and I couldn't do anything about it. I'm scared for other people. Things are changing and it feels very unfixable. And there's all this bad stuff happening. And I guess I do feel a little guilty in a way, because even though I'm young and one person can't change anything and all of that, I've definitely made some choices out of fear or comfort. (Not speaking up as much as I should or not cutting off deeply bigoted friends... the like) That other people might not have the freedom to make those choices now, you know? I live in a deeply red state (tho honestly by the statics of it, in any given group of ten in my county, you have 5 who didn't vote, 2 who voted for trump, 2 for Harris, and one who voted independent, or around that. So it could have been worse? Which makes the whole thing seem stupider yk). And you hear about like people who went along with like what the nazis did and I don't want to be that! It contradicts my religious beliefs and my moral compass. But I don't really know what to do. So yeah, scared angry and guilty. And lost. This is terrible for my mental health.

Oh and I got my first college rejection yesterday. Kinda grieving a bit about that, but only to myself because I don't want my parents to know I care. It was where my dad went to school, ironically enough.

Do you listen to sad music when you're sad? I do. Or like happy music to try and change that? Idk

I hope you're well. Thanks for all you do for people. ✨️ stay cool ✨️

-W

Hi <3 I think all of what you are feeling right now is so normal and valid, and a lot of people are feeling the same way. I think the thing is, the fact that you are scared shows that you'll never be completely complacent. Just keep questioning things, you know? It's okay to make decisions to protect yourself when you're at risk, but it also is necessary sometimes to protect other people. And it's okay to make mistakes sometimes about knowing the difference. We're all human, and learning to navigate this together <3

I'm so sorry about your college rejection. I hope you get accepted to a school soon! And I tend to listen to sad music when I'm sad.

_________________

Tile Anon

Hi <3

I think the question is, IS there anything you can do? It might be that there isn't, and as horrible as it is, you have to let this go, you know? I know you want things to be the way they used to be, but it sounds like they aren't even when things are okay. It might be that you need to focus your energy on healthier relationships.

___________________

Angry Anon

Hi, sorry don't mean to bother but do you have some safer ways to calm down from being angry?

I'm dealing with an unhealthy household. I get shouted at for 'existing wrong', 'damaging everything in the house' (the furniture survived three generations before me) and even for talking to anyone. I can't leave the house unless it's for an errand, neither can sleep because I get woken up two to three times a night. every. single. day. for around two months now. I cannot sleep in the morning either because how dare I. I'm taking care of my grandma and a younger sibling and I don't wanna lash out on anyone or anything but I'm sick of things. I was meant to go to college this year but I don't think they'd let me.

I was interrupted around five times to do stuff just when writing this ahh. Sorry for venting a bit. Do you have any advice :(

Hi <3

First of all, I'm so sorry about your situation. I'm assuming moving out isn't an option?

But as far as getting anger out- I think it's a mixture of getting the mental and physical energy out. Physically, you can punch pillows, crumple and throw paper, go for walks, scream into a pillow. Mentally, you can write angry letters and not send them, vent to friends (or in my inbox), draw, or go somewhere and rant.

Also....if rage rooms are a thing near you...they're fucking amazing.

Wishing you all the luck <3

[dragon-queen21]

this is a spur of the moment, no plannings going into this one because im not doing very well but shhh!!!!

(first off, im sorry i didnt say something sooner, ive been seeing your concerning posts lately. are you okay? seriously? i dont know if this is a line im crossing but if you want i could drop my blog if you ever need to vent. im sorry if thats too much i don’t understand things like this sometimes, but i genuinely hope your okay.)

but i wanna speak about lil sanji real bad, because i had a dream i was little and ive been having a lot of ideas about him lately and i need to project. also in honor of the sanji fan zine thats coming out (and that im totally not considering buying for 85 dollars as a early birthday gift) (or late since it ships in march lol)

- um idk i feel like hes a quiet little, especially before the crew found out he was a regressor, he doesnt really wanna talk, he just wants to be around someone. like i can see him pre coming out finishing like lunch or something and coming out and just sitting with nami and robin and theyre like “hello sanji kun do you need anything?” only to be confused when he doesnt start twirling like a love sick school girl.

^ or him going up to zoro PEACEFULLY and just plopping down and zoros fighting DEMONS not to say something brash and ruin the moment because sanjis clearly not in the mood, or if he looked close enough, not in the right headspace to deal with a attitude

-or even post coming out i imagine him just making everyone take a turn in holding him, not like pick up holding just. in the aquarium or something sitting on someones lap holding him close. give my guy some comfort PLEASE

- has one specific stuffed animal he keeps with him all the time. like first thing he asks for when hes tiny, f pacis, f sippys, give him his STUFFIE!!!!!!!!! youll never guess what it is (its a fish)

- i know a lot of people say sanji woukd be scared of the bigger members of the crew, and i so agree with that, but BUT the bigger members of the crew holding sanji like a actual baby? proportionally hes closer to the size of one if their hands

- no thoughts in this guys head, its just straight static. when hes younger, he has to like actually try to force two coherent thoughts together. i dont know he regresses really little a lot of the time, id say he stays closer to babyspace/toddlerspace than anything on the older side (he has so much trauma to work through)

ok im done im really sad so im gonna go to something productive to not. be sad byeebywwbyewww

📷

Thank you. I am just… having a time of it right now. People are… cruel, we’ll just leave it at that. And no your not crossing any line, if anything your words warmed my heart. I’m doing alright. Not the best not the worst just, fine.

I’m sorry you’re going through things as well :< We can suffer and be sad together <3

~~~

~I’ve seen talk about that zine floating around. 85 dollars is a lot but it would be fun to get.

Let me know if you do get it!

~“twirling like a love sick school girl.”

<- okay that made me chuckle. I can imgine there were so many alarm bells going off in their head. And maybe the just think that “oh Sanji’s… quiet”

~Zoro just aggressively chomping down on his sword and training to keep himself from saying something he knows will be stupud and unhelpful. And Sanji just seems so… soft and Zoro is like 95% sure this is some horrible mistake

~Attention starved. He’s just attention starved. Give the baby cuddles

~I’m quite partial towards the head canon of Zoro buying him a stuffed turtle. Sanji looking back and forth between Zoro and the plush before declaring “moss.” With no other explanation. Is that the plushes name? Is he just saying Zoro’s name? Who knows, certainly not Zoro.

~See I’m telling you. Caregiver Franky + babyspace Sanji. Just kdbjdbd best duo. (I just really really love cg Franky)

[mysticmourge]

꒰ SQUID GAME ROLEPLAY AD! ꒱

𐔌 ࣪ 𓈒𐙚 ⠀ྀི ㅤׂ ABOUT ME : Hello! You can call me Powder. I recently turned 25 years old, so, I ask that this considering me as their next potential long term writing partner please be 21 or older. This is a major rule and there will be no exceptions. Please do respect this.

I’m aware I heavily slacked last year with my replies due to personal matters, but that will be fixed since everything is back in place. I am not currently working so my replies will be quite often …. so long as I have the muse for it. Usually, my muse burns brightest when writing with someone who matches my energy. So if you might consider yourself dry, I will not be interested in development.

I’d say my writing style is literate with multiple paragraphs. I can also match length …. And word vomit because I love painting a picture for my writing partners.

I have never created / warped my oc into Squid Game before, so they still need to be fleshed out. However that doesn’t mean I won’t be trying to whip up her backstory and such asap. My muse is thriving with these SG edits. My original character is a female by the way.

𐔌 ࣪ 𓈒𐙚 ⠀ྀི ㅤׂ WHAT I OFFER : Quick replies as long as our energy is flowing. My timezone is est but my sleep schedule is atrocious so, catch me at every hour damn near.

Double ups. I am also willing to play any canon character you desire. Or I can even create one if you wanted ( for your side of the double up I mean, my oc is still going to be for my part. ) Pick your poison. Though warning, I’m currently not interested in cc x cc. Though that doesn’t mean you should hesitate to ask. I might, MIGHT, consider it. Yes the recruiter / salesman counts, I would love to write that fine piece of insane man.

I can write fxf, mxm, fxm or even if your character is nonbinary they are just as welcome! All members of our beloved alphabet soup are welcome! Please please note this absolutely includes transgender characters!!! Hand them over!! <3

I will gush over your characters and ships, we can create playlists, find sounds that remind us of whatever the fuck, create headcanons galore, spam edits of characters we adore, WHATEVER WE WANT. I’ll feed your delulu like it’s my life’s mission. Trust, the demons will be fed well.

𐔌 ࣪ 𓈒𐙚 ⠀ྀི ㅤׂ WHAT I AM SEEKING : Id like someone to be able to write … Hwang In-ho aka the front man. CAN YOU BLAME ME? Im down. Down bad. Down horrendous. The stories we can cook up are DIVINE. Plus the angst, the tension, the trauma, THE DRAMA. It can have it all. If you know, you know. If you don’t … I am not the one. Trust. Also since I’d like him there is an age gap, nothing insane. But my characters are normally my age or a bit older. Because I can portray the headspace more comfortably.

Someone who has watched both season one and two.

For us to actually write our characters playing the games. WOULDN’T THAT BE FUN??? The chaos, the fear. The drama. Some good food right there! also? Our characters can be in the games, TOGETHER, WITH WHOEVER THEY ARE SHIPPING WITH. CHAOS.

Someone who can match my freak. I’d love if we can actually be friends. Not just a transactional thing. But a friendship where we are actually comfortable, having fun, and enjoy speaking to each other if we vibe! Me doing this ad is literally to also find friends who like to roleplay AND enjoy SG.

Someone who is comfortable with writing darker themes. Which should be obvious considering what the fuck squid game is, violence, gore, smut ( but I do not want the entire thing focused on it. )

Giving both my character’s reply and yours equal effort. I don’t enjoy feeling used and my character tossed aside when I work hard to make sure my reply while please you. I’d literally just ghost as soon as I notice it happening. OH and I write on discord but the way.

Like what you see? Message me with what you down to do, your name + age, and let me know what’s up!! I’ll see you then. <3 You can also like this post and I MIGHT reach out, but probably not because that makes me nervous.

[im-just-tired2024]

PSA: I know not everyone had a good home life growing up. This is about me and my life and feelings. I’m not wishing bad things on anyone else or wish they can go back to abusive situations. (Feel like this needs to be addressed first cause people seem to lack critical thinking skills or straight up ignore things that are very clearly not about them)

*Sorry if that sounded aggressive or rude but I feel like media literacy is dying

Anyway, wishing to be an adult quicker and daydreaming about being an adult was the stupidest thing I wanted. Like don’t get me wrong it’s nice to have freedom from my parents and family; parents can’t really tell me what to do (in a way but even when you’re grown ass adult and move out they still tell you what to do) like they could and did as a kid/teen and I have my own home and can decorate the whole place and not just my room how I want.

But like I just miss that innocent and youthful time of my life where I didn’t really have a whole lot of responsibilities outside of school and chores. My parents were always really cool and pretty much gave us a lot of leeway to do things. Like late curfews and we didn’t have to have a job in high school. The only thing we needed to focus on was good grades and doing chores. I.e generally speaking I could do most things I wanted to do except like smoking and drinking and partying all night type of stuff (but I wasn’t interested in that stuff anyway so I guess that point it moot)

I know high school isn’t the best years of your life and it was pretty good for me but not necessarily something I’d desperately want to relive. But I just wish I tried more in school and paid attention and actually put effort into things and got my head out of my ass. But I just fucked around and acted like a dumbass.

Even in my early 20’s I just made bad decisions and made changes and made certain choices that I didn’t have to and was just being stupid and now I’m paying for the consequences. I did good my first 3 years in college but acted like an ass cause I don’t know why.

I’m just so tired and exhausted from work and life and I’m just thinking about everything I did and I realized I took a lot of my childhood for granted and screwed around and acted like a dickhead when I should have been focusing on school. But I was ungrateful and daydreamed and fantasized about life instead of enjoying the moment and being grateful for the freedoms my parents gave me that other kids and teens my age didn’t have.

I really just want a break from life and have someone else take care of me for a little bit. Im just tired of all the crap from customers and my boss and my every day life. Even stuff around the world seems to be getting worse and worse every day. I know things were always bad all over the place. It’s just 10-15 years ago no one really talked about it but idk I just feel like things are worse??

Anyway this is a rant and I’m not looking for sympathy and I just needed to vent and get my thoughts out of my head. Without an irritated sigh from my little sister followed by “i know. Me too” or my parents telling me “I told you so”

I’m just tired of dead end jobs, exhausted with everything and everyone and I’m unhappy with my life and my choices right now. It’s whatever and I’m sure in 5 years I’ll be fine and in a better headspace and job. I hope….

[multi-fandom-imagine]

Im the anon who sent the ask wanting to learn about a sexuality, and I’m so sorry that I caused you distress, I hope it’s okay to come back and apologize to you. I legitimately didn’t understand the “points” of the spectrum (like Demi) and I was hoping to glean your perspective on what being ace means to you! I love how you write characters and don’t have any hang up on the whole “these characters are ace” discourse vs how you write them as parents. I just wanted to understand better. I’m sorry for everything, I just wanted to understand, upsetting you or anyone else was not my intention. :( please forgive me

Its mot you, and I didnt mean to put my anger off on you.

I was not in a good headspace when I got this message because I was already reeling from the last person telling me I'm writing Ace characters wrong.

It get's frustrating and irritating being told I'm wrong.

I'm sorry if I upset you, just getting that message when I did was not the best moment and just set everything off.

But it does mean a lot and that is very kind of you to say, so thank you.

And it means a lot knowing you like my work, I'm not mad at you, so please do not think that.

It was just a bad place, bad moment when I read that message.

You're fine, trust me.

It was a good message, really. Again, I was not in the best headspace to even answer it.

[pornoes]

Were you preventing her spiral or delaying it until you were out of her way because now she thinks she has a friend she doesn't have. you feel guilty about lying to her because you know you could have handled it better and need the story about being "in danger" so you don't feel guilty. if they weren't on a high enough dose of mushrooms to attribute a breakdown to, then they didn't need you to be a trip sitter either. sorry it was a bad time but you should have left much earlier.

Totally agree with your last statement that I shouldve left sooner lmao. But the rest of this message… yeah no. Here’s someone taking an allegedly small amount of mushrooms with confidence, so I assumed she was experienced (like she also claimed!!) and in the right headspace to have an uneventful trip. All signs pointed to her being fine and that I would just hang out like I was invited to do. And yeah, I wasn’t planning on being a trip sitter for her. I only mentioned that because since I’ve done it before, the idea of being around someone who’s tripping mildly while I’m not wasn’t an issue for me and is why I didn’t leave right away.

It escalated so heavily and so quickly, and out of nowhere. i did not see it coming leading up to it and wasnt able to prevent her trip from going off the rails. I also do not have a close connection to her. We worked together at my part time job 3 years ago and thats the last time I saw her prior to this night. I don’t know how she acts, stopping a spiral I didn’t see coming for someone I barely know is a tall order.

Yeah, I feel guilty cuz she opened up to me and I to her, and now I’m closing that door. That makes me feel terrible. And I also wanted to be her friend, thats why I was hanging out with her to begin with. So, that’s disappointing. But there was a literal threat of violence between us opening up and me deciding that it’s not going further so like, what are you suggesting? should I just say “oh thats fine you can tell me you want to be cruel & insult me & get ready to punch me, but lets be besties cuz we had a heart to heart beforehand :-)”. Get real anon, please.

And okay last thing cuz girl, come on… it did get scary. With little lead up (prior conversation topic was about eye shadow, then a swift left turn into her monologuing about mental health as a concept), she started seething next to me about how badly she wanted to insult me and be cruel. Raised her fist at me and glared me down. Maybe I wasn’t in genuine danger and it meant nothing. I hope so! But maybe I was in danger and my instincts were right. I was sitting there, being told “I can’t believe you don’t feel threatened” “Im not like other people, I don’t feel anything” after being threatened and realized oh shit I don’t know this person at all. It scared the shit out of me at the time and has me rattled now, 2 days later. You don’t have to believe me and maybe none of that would have bothered you, so congrats I guess? It bothered the FUCK out of me.

[spark1edog]

i’m irritable today :( i noticed at work (15 minutes before the end of my shift) when making a chococat for a group of friends who decided to take turns stepping on the pedal and felt very like. 😤🙄 bc they each stepped on it like just a tiny bit until the last guy who just held it until it was done (thank fucking god i was getting annoyed bc each of them only held it for like 2 seconds and took like twice as long to switch off) i managed to be normal about it but god there was a small child waiting in line and like crying off and on, the family was like crowding the stuffer too like i thought they were trying to cut in line but they didn’t it was just really stressful for some reason.

i keep saying edibles literally don’t do anything for me but i think they give me a veeeeery slight buffer between me and being irritable asf. so that’s not nothing ig. my therapist suggested a tincture might work differently, since sublingual ingestion is like a slightly different thing from going thru the digestive tract, so i’m gonna try that.

also this fucking painting is giving me SUCH A HARD TIME. i did the first one (left) first and it was great very smooth and came out perfect and took like 2 hours. the mf on the right tho. ohhhhh my fucking god bro this was the second attempt, cuz believe it or not it looked worse bc i lined with a different pen than the first one so i painted over it and just tried again but. honestly i still dont like it 😭 like its fine but it just turned out weird and i was in This Headspace while making it so it just kept making me more upset as i was going.

like its fine. it’ll do. i’m sure asf not redoing it again it’s going on the table just as is and if someone buys it, great, and if they don’t, i wouldn’t either lmao. like it’s not even that bad but it was just such a pain and my hands were shaky and the blush is muddy and the lines don’t look as good and the eyes are a different size and his forehead is huge but it’s FINE ITS FINE IT LOOKS FINE no one will notice this but me. hopefully. i’m not gonna touch it again clearly it’s cursed.

but in any case. clearly i’m going thru it a little. but it’s getting easier not vaping, and im not missing smoking thaaaaat much (that’s a lie i miss it a lot im gonna smoke the fattest bowl as soon as i can safely smoke again 😫)

flights are booked. my pre op appointment is on wednesday. art show is sunday. i’m going to be okay. things will be easier someday. i’m working towards something that means a lot to me. it will all be worth it. i’m going to be okay. but for now im a little irritable. and that’s also ok

[morbidshay]

Hi!!! It is Wednesday. Unsure if happy or not. Sorry I vanished,,here’s what I was up to :

- I MOVED!!! I finally shipped my stuff and got on a plane and went home. I’m pretty proud of myself.

- I also started medication/started over my meds and I don’t feel bad. I would even say I’m Sims ‘fine’. I am having like zero thoughts which is probably why I’m so okay, but I’m aware enough to know that it affects my emotions and relationships and day to day. Like it’s hard to communicate with my partner because I feel nothing. It’s hard to be creative like I was. I keep saying it’s like watching someone drive a car. Dissociation is dissociating. I also have awful night sweats, like I never have experienced this before. I’m waking up soaked. I also have strange dreams nightly. Uhm uhm uhm. That’s about it for the medicine.

- Speaking of dissociation,, it’s so hard to know if like it’s the medication or my headspace. Because I ‘came out’ to my partner about my suspected system and since then I don’t know who I am and they are quiet. Not talking at all. I can’t see them in headspace or even feel them. So,,that helps imposter syndrome lmao.

- the thought above and then above above about being emotionless and not knowing who I am and about my partner connection. I AM SO WORRIED. I CANNOT FEEL THE LOVE BUT I KNOW ITS THERE. IS IT THE MEDS? IS IT BECAUSE IM NOT THE HEADMATE THAT FELL IN LOVE WITH THEM. I DONT KNOW HOW TO NAVIGATE THIS. funny thing is though because of no emotion I am just going with things. Maybe I just need to trust myself more. Idk.

Well that’s basically it. Who? What? When? Where? Why? That sums it up basically. Thank you for reading. Unsolicited advice welcome. Feel free to catch me up or tell me about your Wednesday.

[scatteredfeelings-brokenmind]

It’s been a loooooong time since I vented on here, I actually stopped because after I would write on here - things always got worse and I thought it was bad luck.

But now I need to.

To put a small part of my brain into perspective: I need plans stuck to. ESPECIALLY if it revolves around drinking. Whether it’s my anxiety, or my fear of no control, or maybe just adhd - if I agree to go somewhere I have to mentally prepare myself and put myself in a headspace to handle it. When the plans change, or they get dragged out due to others desisions, or they get cancelled - good or bad it throws me into an emotionally unhinged headspace.

This weekend (it’s currently Saturday and we are here) my partner and I were travelling a small distance to see his Nan as his grandad receantly passed and she is now on her own. This has been planned for weeks. We had planned to do jobs for her and for my partner to do the things his grandad would do like clean the gutters. 3 hours before we set off to come, my partner decided he wanted to see his friends here, I love these friends and had no issue with that - but I had to mention to him that it had thrown me off and I now had to mentally prepare that it’s now not a weekend at home with his nan, it’s also a couple drinks with his friends.

We got to the drinks with friends at the pub like him and I had talked about, all great. Hours pass and there is talk of going to his friends house to hang out and drink more - I had decided long ago that I was staying sober as I wasn’t comfortable mentally to socialise and drink. This was fine, I just had to mentally re-prepare again to allow mental energy for this.

Hours pass again, and I had been left in the corner on my phone while he played video games and got drunk with his best friend. I have no issue with him doing this usually - but on this weekend it upset me that I felt like he had almost forgotten I was there, he was with his friend and that was all that mattered. The night goes on and it’s now 1am. He NOW decides he wants to go out to a bar to gamble… I reluctantly drive him and his friend there, but I’m not capeable of altering my mentality for a 4th time. I sit silent for 30 mins, before he looks to me and says “if you’re bored you can go home” thinking he’s doing the right thing by letting me know I don’t have to stay if I don’t want to. I appreciate the thought at the least.

Now Im laying in bed, I left him in a bar because I had enough and was visibly emotional. Sad because I feel forgotten and left out, angry because today has taken a huge mental tole on me, crying out of fear because I’ve just left him in the same environment he once cheated on me in, and gutted because I’d bet my life that if the shoe was on the other foot this whole night - he would not have been as tolerant as I was.

He won’t see it the way I do, so I’m unsure I’ll even bother bringing it up. I’m sick of feeling like a burden. He tells me he wants me to be honest about my feelings and tell him when I’m upset, but when I do I’m made to feel like I’m wrong for thinking/feeling it. I get responses like “i dont know why you would even think that” or “you’re just overthinking”.

Im not perfect, not by a long shot - but I know damn well if he was visibly as uncomfortable as I was , i would have left and taken him home immediately. A piss up with a friend is not as important as someone I want to spend my life with. Not to me at least.

We shall see.

[florasi]

[bls-luv-me]

It gets harder and harder to live everyday.