#I want this book to exist but idk how to do it
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I want to post about the book I'm trying to write but I haven't been very good at writing it so I feel weird posting about something that may go unfinished
#writing#writers on tumblr#asexual#queer writers#writers of tumblr#tumblr writers#writers block#writer stuff#writer struggles#writer community#writerscommunity#wannabe author#queer author#author advice#authors of tumblr#Novel#Fantasy#Please help#I want this book to exist but idk how to do it
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cant stop thinkin bout charles and erik readin together on the couch but instead of reading with him charles is listening to eriks thoughts while he reads. Live mind commentary ……..
#xmen#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap chats#the rare time i post an idea of mine only because i really cant think of a way id draw this#usually i hoard my ideas cause i like surprising you guys but this aint really one i feel like drawing so. For You my friends#like i COULD but. idk just isnt particularly something im itching to draw it just seems cute#but anyways no chat let me cook alright hear me out cause i talk in my brain all the time while i read#sometimes i stop reading just to think about a bit i read yeah#i want charles to listen in on all of eriks side comments or observations he makes while reading something#like if he wanted to charles could read the whole book in less than five minutes- maybe shorter than that#and that aint fun that aint cool …. so time for Audible: Husband Edition. With Commentary#ITD BE SO COZY just hangin out by the fireplace …. maybe its snowin outisde … if snow even exists anymore atp#a light fire cracklin and the study SEEMS totally quiet otherwise and yet…..#charles has been locked in to erik’s off-the-cuff literary analysis and mild comments for the past twenty minutes. its simple but its bliss#charles doesnt have to worry about being seen as invasive .. he doesnt have to suppress his powers …#the rare occasion erik lets charles into his mind for somethin so innocent .. ive made myself sick i fear#see now i wanna try writing a fic but 1.) have written in years 2.) id have to really think hard on how erik would commentate on a book#hm…… actually i do wonder what erik’s commentary on The Fable of the Bees would be …..#IN ANY CASE. maybe - at the very least- i can draw cherik by the fireplce someday ….#thatd be cute … hm …. depends on if i get in the mood for it down the line#anyways i have to drive back to my dorm !!! boo !!!! so good night everyone !!!!!
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not to mention the entire antaam fleet like 😭 that was the PERFECT moment to show off what the lords could do!!! The antaam fucked over rivain, theyve been a thorn in the whole nations side for a long time now, they would not pass up a chance for payback via full scale naval warfare so that the veilguard can do what they need to!! Sure dreadnoughts are dangerous but at this point they probably have tricks up their sleeve, thats one of the few things they have!
also wouldn't it be personal because does solas not try to blow up kont-aar because he's trying to 5d chess tevinter and the qunari into destroying each other. like. i know technically this would not be incredible widespread news because the attack was stopped, but i don't think the wonderful citizens of kont-aar would have missed the tsunami that nearly hit them and the shockwave that actually hit them. rumors go around. and i assume irian/vadis tell varric. who i think would tell isabela. who would tell the group she leads. who would care because ofc, they LIVE IN RIVAIN, and now know that solas and his followers thinks they can trade rivaini lives* to further his plans.
*while i also think there's probably a divide between kont-aar and the rest of the nation, it's one that the rivaini love to jump across and back over. an interesting comparison to be made here with most of rivain having similar sentiments towards dairsmuid and the chantry. like this is the country specifically mentioned to have a lot of citizens who follow the qun/are non-andrastian + it being MUCH more multicultural and accepting than other nations. any attack on rivain, even if it's a qunari settlement, would fan a lot of flames that solas cannot put out so the idea of trying to him taking multiple steps back because he didn't realise how intensely the qun/rivaini/lords would react is very fun for me. it would have been soo interesting for rivain to be a hub for efforts against solas because of how it's not influenced by andrastianism, how he (or his agents) specifically fucked them over, and (maddeningly for solas) also part of this resistance has spirits who willingly guide them against him. this could have even been a plot device where the door goes both ways and solas finds out rook's plans because he manages to eavesdrop through a seer or something.
and on the spirits. all the stuff where the mourn watch regularly communicates with spirits could have been done with rivain as well, and with different takes on being 'friendly' with spirits. iirc there's a spirit in the hall of valor which is so interesting but it's literally just there for flavour text. THERE'S A SPIRIT IN THE HALL OF VALOR THAT DOES NOTHING BESIDES LIKE. SAY HI. ??? bioware i would have liked to see more spirits and seers and the matriarchal pantheists you have talked about please. and also the idea of the peaceful qunari settlement being pushed to protect the country they are part of and what that means for them as qunari vs. rivaini. taash's storyline could have contributed to this . so A LOT less about choosing a side, more about how kont-aar has developed, changed, how rivain has influenced it and what it means to be qunari. not the qunari agents and fighters that we have seen, but their 'civillian' way of life in kont-aar.
complete waste not seeing any of established lore reflected in the lords of fortune or rivain because i stupidly actually thought we were going to see some kind of settlement and be introduced to a very different cultural norms.. in my beautiful mind i like to think taash is a little taken aback by how badly mages/elves/etc are treated. like they understood it was different outside of rivain (they would have been young when the dairsmuid circle annulment happened right? so they don't 'remember' it themself, they likely heard others talking about it when they're old enough to understand) but until they actually saw what was happening first hand, they had a weird dissonance about it. but what we got was a deserted beach, ties to another faction (wardens are fine!! they are great !!!! the fourth blight is interesting!!!! yet they are not the faction with a lack of info about them!!!!!) and also the hall of valor that exists as flavor text with nothing meaningful behind it besides a pub used in a few cutscenes and a minigame.
#it's just hard to discuss the qunari in general when it is so obviously written to be quote unquote bad#and theyre like. in veilguard. really just reduced to being an invading force. which they were before. but there's literally nothing else#not a single character that explains more about the qun or how it operates + the game presenting choices about taash#that obviously lean towards favoring rivain. god knows why. its not like we know enough about it to choose it#even a quick peek into a rivaini lifestyle would have been helpful. all we know are from lorebooks !!!!#its actually like. 'qun would have made taash into a weapon/they are actively invading treviso/theyre working w ghil+el/shathaan' etc#and then on rivain's side the points are just 'umm. well the lords are super nice. and love freedom... and its also NOT qunari!'#there ARE reasons to pick rivain just none of them are in the fuck ass game. no one who doesnt read the books would know this shit#does anyone know why the antaam are acting outside of their orders. i dont rmb if this was explained or if its supposed to be like#a very severe response to solas and defying orders to 'deal' with a threat?#but god. kont-aar as it exists is so interesting. maybe elements of like .#'the main qun ignore the changes in kont-aar/rivain because it's such an important part of their trade' situation. idk#i just cant see a lot of the extremely rigid qun followings actually meshing with this extremely 'accepting' culture that is in rivain#eg. rivaini seers allowing possessions vs. sareebas#but its said that the rivaini pantheists actually have lots in common with the teachings of the qun (?)#and again. its peaceful. most of the issues that are mentioned in games/etc are to do with the ORLESIAN chantry causing issues in rivain#so it just. makes me think. maybe things have changed and there's a blind eye to whatever happens in kont-aar#or if there are more hostilities or issues caused by their differing beliefs then it would be good to fucking like. hear about it#plus the qun in general is just. worldbuilding standpoint is like. what. im not a guy who knows too much about this part of da lore so#i had to fact check a few things while writing this response and some of the answers were like#just so unbelievable that im choosing to do whatever i want#anyways. sorry. got out of hand. let me know if anything i said isnt true#its entirely possible. my knowledge of rivain is patchwork but this is probably to do with the fact there's not a lot. yeah#god. i have to stop talking now. thank u anon for agreeing w me. sorry u asked me about the lords and i took it as an excuse#to air out my issues w rivain. because tyche was partially built up around that and then none of it even mattered#veilguard spoilers#answered#rivain
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also i realize i'm saying all these noble and beautiful things about the channel from the purest depths of my heart. but actually i'm also just doing this because i fucking love the witcher books and it pisses me off that people don't know about them that much in english and i can only go for so long (seven years) with people not knowing that there are books. or that the witcher is from the 90s. or polish.
#'whatt i didnt know the witcher was polish. wait where is poland' funky music stops.#like statements that just crush your soul?? my god netflix did a number on the witcher's perception#'so is it based on the video game? the book? there is a book?'#'waaait the second season wasn't accurate to the books? wdym...?'#>knowing the witcher >knowing henry cavill >not knowing who andrzej sapkowski is#when the literal writing is like inseparable from polish and that's why the translation is so hard#when the literal story is like chock full of allegories and references to real life polish history#and it only exists because of a very interesting time in contemporary polish history#like i'm not mad at the PEOPLE who don't know about the witcher i'm mad about how it's been TREATED#with witcher 3's fame at least people who knew the game generally knew a little more maybe#with netflix it's like no one knew anything about the actual witcher and it was really really sad#i do blame the artistic direction but i also blame the marketing and the writing and everything to do with everything#because how are they supposed to know if no one told them. if witcher here has been so separated from what it actually is and is about#like why not just leave witcher alone and get into any other fantasy. there is so much other fantasy out there. witcher is just one of them#yes and that is the plan in 10 years time but#it's not just about reading for personal enjoyment but for what witcher deserves in the english language space now#the witcher series is about suffering but idk if its characters or IT ITSELF has suffered more#zoltan chivay voice 'there IS something like reciprocity after all'#witcher helped me so now i want to help it. i will not abandon you in your time of need !#maybe people know more about the witcher than i think and i've just been incredibly unlucky in my experiences but#people thinking there is only netflix and the third game maybe would be hilarious if it wasn't so fucking sad#IV
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The concept of queerbaiting annoys me. I was told that it refers to a work of fiction pretending to cater to a queer audience but then pulling back from it to avoid alienating homophobes, which is an incredibly specific thing. But a lot of people seem to think that it instead means "any time there's any gay subtex, metaphor, or ambiguity" or "whenever something from 1995-2012 was being a normal amount of homophobic for the era."
#I've secondhand seen the way Sherlock...was.#And yeah that's very pointedly cruel to the audience.#But not everything is that aware of its following to point by point mock them for half an hour.#And I think people forget that for a period there was a unique combination of awareness of gay people and homophobia bad#and a severe need to avoid being perceived as gay (and sometimes homophobic) at the same time#while it was ALSO very acceptable to treat the existence of gay people and homophobia or discomfort with both as a joke#so that whole wink wink nudge nudge dance was a huge thing in some of the 90s and earlier 2000s#and sometimes by doing that people accidentally made it seem even more fucking gay.#Or on purpose. People also forget that yeah gay people could exist as a joke but they couldn't be casual protags or w/e.#It wasn't really done like that.#I think what it's really proof of is that the 90s/early 2000s is long enough ago that people have become illiterate to the cultural cues.#When comedians complain 'you cant make jokes anymore' sometimes this is the exact thing they're referring to.#Gay people being on TV or in books isn't some funny joke you make anymore. Just being gay or seen as gay isn't the punchline it used to be.#People are shitty about it still but it's in a different way now. Being gay isn't as much the big embarrassment it used to be.#Gay tv shows and books are a whole market now. And stuff like Sherlock or supernatural were made right in the middle of that shift.#It's the only way you could position a strategy like this. I don't know if that cultural moment really exists anymore.#Audience backlash is also more massive and in real time.#Now instead of mockery at the idea of idk Dr house md being gay conservatives would see it as a 'culture war' thing.#And non conservatives are more vocal and more liable to criticize. TV shows are seen as keepers of culture in ways they weren't before.#I don't know how to describe it exactly. I'm not an expert and I know I'm missing some pieces or things I wanted to point out.#But yeah I just think people kind of. Forgot how people treated gayness as some kind of cootie disease you had to say#You didn't have really hard all the time. People are still sort of like that but idk the language changed.#A lot of talk about homophobia and queerness is very pseudo-academic now. The distancing happens with different signifiers.#But. Yeah.#☠️#I also think queerbaiting requires a specific kind of intent as a marketing strategy.#Instead of the more likely 'well we have an unintended gay following now so I guess we can throw in some fanservice#the network would literally never allow us to do anything with it even if we wanted to though.'
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hey guys so I just started reading Flatland by Edwin A. Abbott and OMG AHSBNSBSBSNSNBSHZHSHDBFHGGHFHGRJ2KSHSBSNSK AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I LOVE THINKING ABOUT THE RELATIVITY BETWEEN DIMENSIONS!!!!!!
#probably the nerdiest thing i will ever read in my entire life but I AM SO HAPPY#Its the unabridged and corrected 1992 republication btw. if you wanna get specific#the only book in which i have actually decided to read the introductory notes and i do NOT regret it because the editor's one IMMEDIATELY#brought up the “oh but surely the second dimension has thickness how else would flatlanders see anything” AND GAVE A REALLY GOOD ANSWER.#which i cannot tell you here. bc it is several paragraphs long and idk how i would shorten it. i would hit tag limit. if thats a thing.#anyways. I'm only a little bit into the first part which basically explains how Flatland works as a society so i haven't even gotten to the#sphere yet but OH MAN I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EXCITED ABOUT A ROUND OBJECT IN MY LIFE#IM LOSING IT OVER THIS BOOK AAAA :D#me: im so glad i dont have a math class during my senior year! now i dont have to learn anything math-related!#also me: but what if i started studying a complex and almost entirely theoretical part of geometry#bc YEAH i didn't just buy this book bc of gravity falls. I BOUGHT IT BC IVE BEEN RESEARCHING THE 4TH DIMENSION WOOOOOOO!!!!!#one thing i will say i dont like. introductory note suggests the the 4th dimension might be time. this is ok tho bc its followed up with#also saying that time is not a spatial dimension and exist across the 0 1st 2nd and 3rd dimensions which. that epuld mean we live in 4d#already. so. i was worried for a second but THANK YOU THANK YOU OH MY GOD PEOPLE TRYING TO SAY “OH THE 4TH DIMENSION IS TIME” I HATE THAT SO#MUCH AAAAGGHHHH AT LEAST RECOGNIZE ITS NOT SPATIAL!!! TIME IS NOT A SPATIAL DIMENSION!!!!!!! IF IT WAS THEN 4D TRAVEL AND TIME TRAVEL WPULD#BE FHE SAME THING AND DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MUCH COOLER POSSIBILITIES WPULD BE THROWN AWAY IF THAT WAS THAT CASE!!!!! AND. AND. IF THE 4TH#DIMENSION IS TIME. THEN WHATS THE 5TH?? 6TH?? YPU CANT KEEP GOINF ON FOREVER LIKE THAT. YPURE JUST MAKEING MORE 3D WORLSS WITH STUFF IN#ADDITION TO TIME. INTERESTING BUT THAY IS NOT ABOHT HIGHRER DIEMSBSJSNSBAKAJSHDHDHHDHDHDJ#sorry for the rant. jsut. agh i want a spatial 4th dimension. i dont think tesseracts exist through time that would just be an aged cube#anyways yeahhh i love the 4th dimension. new hyperfixation or new special interest? ill have to wait and see. anyways i have done it i have#an oc whos 4 dimensional now and she is the coolest ever i love her#but yeah this book is sosososo good i am literally gonna bring it to school to read instead of draw bc i would lose it if i didn't#10/10 would recommend to anyone who wants to Think
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the whole "cats choose their owners" thing is really funny to me because ivy very much did NOT choose me. she was a slightly dim-witted and very rambunctious feral kitten, and that combination led to her getting herself stuck inside an old chipmunk nest halfway down the steep bank of the creek by my parents' house. from there she proceeded to scream her head off until both my mom and i came out to see what on earth was making all that racket, then we excavated her out of that hole like a sad little potato. she was grateful for the rescue, but definitely NOT grateful for the ensuing flea baths and conversion to indoor cat life at my apartment, which she reminds me of regularly. ivy i'm sorry for saving you from an early death due to predation/disease/cars, but can you stop biting me every day of my life please
#even every other day would be an improvement.#i do in fact take her out for leashed walks regularly when the weather is tolerable but it hasn't been possible for months and she's FED UP#however. i say all this but she routinely climbs into my lap for naps & greets me at the door purring & headbutting every time i come home#so clearly she's not that unhappy. her tolerance for regular cat-owner shenanigans however is essentially non-existent.#after 6 years though i can read her like a book. i know exactly how many head smooches i can get in before she gets too annoyed#and exactly how long she wants to be held when i come home before she wants to be put down#and exactly what she means when she 'gently' chews on my ankles ('play with me now or i'll bite harder')#but strangers on the other hand? guests in my home? my beloved human friends? they do not speak her language.#and the margin for error with her is razor thin. if you don't listen immediately when she says 'stop touching me' she will go from lovey#to SCRATCHING YOU BITING YOU HISSING HISSING HISSING almost immediately.#i have tried everything to convince her that's unnecessary but i think she is just SO sensitive she can't handle it#but i still love her so much. i understand her and she understands me. idk WHAT i'm gonna do when she eventually dies i'm gonna be a wreck.#in a lot of ways we are SUPER similar. i also lash out when i'm overstimulated & i also have a much lower threshold for that#than most people.#i get it.
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Do you have any recommendations for books that are similar to acod?
Unfortunately, not really. I and others are on the hunt for them, though!
Primary one so far is The Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir--the style of "fuck you knowing who the hell the mc/narrator is is a privilege not a right" is strong there. Similar in how drastically different events/understanding is at the beginning vs the end. Delightful science fantasy story. like acod you WILL be confused
On a related note: this is a list of books similar to TLT, so by extension you may find something there worth reading/similar to acod?
And I have yet to read him for myself, so this might be off, but I've heard good things about Ken Liu's books? About the plot and character complexity. Personally have been meaning to start the Dandelion Dynasty
Also if you're willing to branch out of books, I know I rec it a lot, but Black Sails (to me) has a similar vibe. It's not fantasy, but the layers to every action, the secrecy, the reveals, the character depth and how everyone overlaps and clashes with each other. Very compelling
I wish I could give you more! since acod i've been wanting to find more like it, but it is a process--we will get there, though!
#a chorus of dragons#quil's queries#nonsie#also if others have more/better ideas please do feel free to share#i would love to give you a thorough list nonsie. first I just need to read a shit load of books#acod has such a unique feeling to me. so its hard to rec anything like it.#i just gotta find them though I'm positive them exist#we can search for them together :)#also for some reason I want to add the expan2e to this list#idk why. it's wayyy more sci-fi. and also I haven't read it#just seen the show#but given how good the show adaptation is I'm pretty sure the books go hard#also my dad adores them so i do have secondhand accounts of how good they are#but just because they're good doesn't mean they're like acod#so. didn't add it. but it was in my mind this whole time
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rant but im a bit scared im going to get attacked
#so im hiding in the tags and book tok is the subject today#psa: skip past the fourth wing rant to see what im actually talking about#so. the abomination that is FOURTH WING#(my review on it was the longest i have ever written lmfao)#dont get me wrong there are good parts to the book!#most of them are plagiarised from like at least 10 other books tho#the one good thing is the dragon worldbuilding (if u could call it that) but honestly. that's probably plagiarised from smt idk#the pacing is horrible#and yes it was weirdly gripping but in the way you are gripped by a nightmare when u cant get yourself to wake up#anyways i havent even got onto the characters yet. fmc has no personality and mmc is tall and dark and brooding#supposedly enemies to lovers and it should have been given unsolved family business but nope they just want to shag UGH#anyways this was triggered by me talking to my friend's friend who is currently reading it and i was honestly gobsmacked#do book tok readers have no critical thinking (not generalisation im just mad)#like she said six of crows was worse than fourth wing#and it just pissed me off because people just read bad literature from book tok just for the smut when there is GOOD SMUT FOR FREE#FANFIC EXISTS BUT THE STIGMA IS TOO MUCH#and so there are authors who are writing terrible plagiarised shit and profiting off it#and then there are the valiant fanfic writers#like pls im so mad rn especially bc there are so many problems w book tok books (gender roles + pick me stuff etc etc)#one thing that really bothers me is the willingness to just ignore how toxic mmcs are just because they're hot or whatever#it's so problematic (also ppl excusing irl people just bc they're funny)#im so angry because book tok (aside from specific few books) is just a den of plagiarism and capitalism#and im also mad because when did the actual appreciation of good writing (not even literature) just GOOD writing die#and it died because of all things people want to read smut like you can have both and free from fanfic#note that this is not a personal attack this is more of a frustration rant and i do not mean to point fingers at all book tok readers#i just want to highlight the problems w it (mainly plagiarism and excusing weird things and normalising other stuff)#space boo screams into the void#book tok#literature#fanfiction
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Wwhy did I get hit w the infinite nightmare loop last night. Triandra girl are you mad at me 😢😥
#this is a joke but like. now i'm wondering about the logistics actually. bc if you're me#you would be inclined to ask mani what the fuck is your problem!!!!!!!!!#i have this really not at all baked like it's still cookie dough hc. that triandra/plumeria CAN'T#be the sole deliverers of nightmares like. idk maybe it's a chicken or the egg type thing#where peony says (castle dialogue) that the dream realm only exists BECAUSE people dream#and we know (? i think?) that time flows differently in there. so. with enough bullshit Maybe.#but tbh. like?? maybe it was just freyr and freyja who made it possible for dreams to occur? chicken or egg style again.#and the fairies were given more direct roles. in actually delivering dreams. but aren't solely responsible for Every Single One.#it's a mindfuck as usual but my main point is i think mani Doesn't have any unique agency/power or control.#it has enough power as you would when lucid dreaming. maybe. to varying degrees depending on the circumstances#it can pull from moe's subconscious/memories/feelings but it can't really like. well!#now i get stuck again bc that is comfirmed how triandra and plumeria do their thing! they pull from what's already in there#and ofc my ass wants to add more nuance. wants to add that plum/tri are unreliable narrators about it#bc both are traumatized and emotionally stunted. also inclined to trust whatever freyja says is true#and i think she's an unreliable narrator as well. both intentional/unintentionally due to her own issues.#and i also want to add in the nuance of like. how ocd works essentially. ESP in regards to plumeria#where sometimes what's 'there' is more reflective of an obsessive compulsive fear/disgust response#vs a person's 'desires'. and plum being so traumatized and sheltered herself would NOT know the difference.#STRAYING. but my point is! i FEEL like. mani has to work in a fundamentally different way than tri/plum#on account of like. not being alfar. and being something psychologically Odd about moe specifically.#then again a lot of my book 4 lore is 'it just works.' LMFAOO 😅 i WANT it to make sense.#but to be so real. the logostics behind it. are very it just works. bc it has to.#moe lore
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my review of Moonwalk: hot mess. ★★★.
#i will refer to it#but oh god... it's just#1st of all. the added afterword from 2009 should have been a FOREWORD bc it gives you the context for how this book was made#so they did have a real writer put it together based on long transcripts of interviews one of the publishing people did with mj#if those tapes exist or pieces of then exist i need to find them. i think i've seen some floating around#bc ... the way it's written sounds very michael. it's not well written. so i'm surprised they even had an actual writer do it#but that makes me think maybe the writer just pulled a lot of exact wording from the tapes?#i hope that's how it happened#like the publishing lady said i Also wish michael had been devoted to this project. this could've been really good#i'm interested in anything that comes straight from michael so ultimately i'm just grateful he did a book at all#and really WAS involved in it#but it just. it's a mess. it's disorganized. it's disjointed#it just does not deliver in so many ways#there were so many times i would read a couple paragraphs and be like. wait What. that went Nowhere#there are really wonderful parts of course too#first of all i'm happy to hear him talk about parts of his life he didn't necessarily talk about that much#i find everything he says about motown and esp the mid-late j5 motown years Supremely interesting#everything written about music and dancing and performing is great. seeing the way he thinks about those things. divine. enlightening.#the thing is. the tone is extremely defensive and passive aggressive throughout the whole book#which is amusing and i mostly like it. michael jackson was one petty and spiteful mf. he loved being right and he reiterates that a lot#but bc of the press treatment of more personal things like his appearance and relationships. those parts are just. eugh#like when it comes to music/dance/performance he can defend himself no problem. concrete evidence that he's fucking awesome and he knew it#he brings up dating and stuff and it feels like he was like. floundering. maybe he just couldn't decide how much to share?#idk it just feels like. he won't outright SAY some things but he'll sort of hint at things. and i can't tell if what he's hinting at#is the real truth or him being defensive and wanting to give the impression that he was 'normal' so people would just leave him alone#i can't tell. i really can't. i wanna just believe him but i'm like. wtf do you mean. and then there'll be inconsistencies#like WHAT R U TRYING TO SAY. you might as well just tell me what you WANT me to think and what you want people to stop bothering you about#ok anyways#it definitely feels like they rushed to get it out asap#i have like 10 questions for every page. i feel like a writer/editor should've been working with him in that way
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Remember when I could barely read anything for years?
Well, at that time the very few books I could read were Brandon Sanderson's ones. Until I couldn't. I tried to read rhythm of war and I just couldn't. Not because I got bored of it, had lost my obsession or whatever. But I was just physically unable to read it... Tbh Kaladin mental state being close to mine at that time was probably a reason. Anyway, after that I stopped reading completely. It broke something in me to not be able to enjoy something I know I normally love. And I knew it wasn't cause I grew out of it like I usually do And I felt guilty not reading, etc. So I basically stopped reading completely for what feel like ages.
When I started reading back I was scared picking up any of his books, so I didn't try, I then you know I slowly came back to my original self, found a part of my soul that was dead, or so I thought. But yes basically I'm now my normal reading self with my imagination functioning, as normally as it is possible when you're an adult working 40hrs a week, dealing with a dysfunctional brain, you know the drill. Last year was a good year in terms of books.
So what I'm telling you is that I'm finally confident and able to read a Sanderson book. And also it means I'm like 10 books late 💀 I haven't decided to read ROW because I've decided to be reasonable and test water first. And I've started Tress of the Emerald Sea so I can have a nice one shot at first. And god does it feels good to dive into something love. And to instantly recognise the narrator despite the years, to know you're gonna have a good world building and a magic system. I'm very early in the book, because as usual my reading pace during weeks is like very very slow cause I'm on low battery brain and sleepy but now that I've accepted that I don't feel guilt anymore. I think I picked the right book cause it's light, it low-key have the kind of British humour style I love so I can relax in peace. Can't wait to finally be able to come back to the stormlight archive and cry, cry cry.
Also generally speaking I have the urge to come back to big ass fantasy book series so it means I'm good.
#misc#i love reading you guys#also i somehow didn't spoil myself tsa#idk how#when i come across posts i just read the first words to know if im safe#and no spoilery fanarts#maybe o did see some and didn't know but o don't remember lmao#anyway im not gonna read all books at once#cause i like to digest with other books in the middle#and with french translation of tsa dividing books in two (for money or because Mélanie the poor translator is having a nervous breakdown idk#i will have stuff for years lmao#speaking of fantasy series#ive promised my friend to give Robin Hobb a second chance#long story i will talk about later short story i was 13 when i read royal assassin and i didn't like it#but i think i wasn't mature enough#so she landed me first book (divided in two again 😤)#but yeah they're waiting#but now#i've heard a lot about Steven Erikson Malazan's series#and it seems complicated as hell and i want to read it so bad#probably crave it because i don't have the freaking book#anyway do you have other fantasy series recs?#i also want to read le sentier des astres#which i started back then but it wasn't the time#and now i want to read the novella first#also don't rec me the wheel of time#i considered reading it wheel of time because well... Sanderson finished it#i've read the first few chapters#but it's the same beginning as every single classic fantasy books and that part of my life is over#could be standalone books too! i know these things sometimes exist in fantasy believe it or not I've read a few
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i feel a heavy pressure like someone is sitting on my chest making it so i can’t breathe whenever i think about how every single structure in society and social conditioning makes it so that women have no choice but to inevitably end up with a male and it is pushed so hard as the only possible viable option and it feels choking and inescapable (personal rambling vent in tags)
#even if we supposedly have more options now than ever before it still isn’t enough#it’s still a fight and a struggle to avoid#and i look around and almost every woman i know is shacked up with some dude in one form or another just to survive#even if she doesn’t like it or even actively hates it#like my mom#but she brainwashes herself to try to convince herself that she’s ok with it#it’s all so bleak#i know there is hope#and i’m currently biding my time until i can get out on my own and try to practice more female separatism type living styles etc#but it’s difficult and lonely especially when it feels like you’re the only woman you know trying to go for something like that#hell even my childhood best friend who i love dearly and she is very into women and does things with them regularly#even she is shacked up with some dude and it’s just like god that sucks but i don’t want to be a hater#and maybe i’m a hypocrite because i was with some guy for so long but i realized that it SUCKS and i didn’t have to be forced to stay there#and i left#but even that was tough! when it’s been drilled into my head my whole life that that is the only way i can be or do anything or exist!#i want to get out on my own do my own thing do this medical job get this degree go to med school do do my own thing#keep my name never give birth never get married unless it’s to a woman#i promised myself i would never get in a relationship with a man ever again and i am sticking to it 100% even if i have to fight these dudes#i work with to fuck off#it’s all just so tiring#but i’m getting there#i don’t care how nice or perfect supposedly some guy is because at the end of the day he’s still a guy#and i refuse to deal with that shit anymore or ever again#i should have never dealt with it in the first place but at least i know better now and i’ve learned and i know i’ll never go back#i want to read my books more often#and do more creative things#i’ve just felt very depressed and unmotivated because i feel like my life isn’t where it should be right now#but i went to the therapist today and she said i’m actually making a lot of progress and i shouldn’t compare myself to other people#which it’s very difficult not to but yeah#idk i’m still trying to get my shit together but so is everybody else
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I had a dream I was following my work crush's Goodreads account. I didn't FIND it in the dream—I was already following it. A fascinating concept because I probably follow less than 10 accounts on Goodreads so I remember following every one of them, and he had his full ass name on there for some reason. And he was showing up on my feed because he has been very active going through lists of interesting lists I would frankly not expect the average young white man from New Hampshire to be reading, and marking things "want to read"
#idk what this dream says but it feels like somehow a consequence of when i found his linkedin by accident#i was just trying to see if he had a staff photo (he doesn't) but i suppose if u search someone's name + place of work. u get linkedin#i think so little about linkedin that that honestly didn't occur to me. i will never seek out anyone's linkedin intentionally. i prommy#i will do my damnedest to forget about the existence of linkedin#not of goodreads though. i really do just like reading and leaving reviews tbh#tales from diana#the books he was marking as want to read were like. queer feminist books on sexuality#fiction by indigenous queer authors#stuff *i* don't even rly read but ppl i follow read and review sometimes#high expectation of again. a young white man from new hampshire. i hate to say it but that's what he is#i like how i know literally nothing about his hobbies let alone worldview so my brain was like. yeah no he's woke#it's funny bc whenever i don't specifically meet someone in like a queer-affirming space or whatever#and it's a cis man im like ooooh what if he's like transphobic and racist for all i know. bc that happens irl!!#and obviously knowing nothing about him but how pretty he is. i am very much holding back the urge to idealize#tempering it down with the reasoning of 'well he could be awful and i wouldnt know'#my dream was like 'no. not only does he Get it. but he's Well Read about it'#i do not say this lightly: lol.
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#just need to vent rq lololol#my wedding lehenga came out so freaking beautiful#but it needs to be taken in a lot like. i lost 6 inches on my waist since i initially had it made for my body#and everyone at the shop was like ohh wow good job great you look so great now you look awesome#and my mom was like oh wow good job that’s good you did it#like lol#i wanted to just be like#‘thanks i had to go to iop therapy at an ed center where they literlaly taught me how to eat food. like a toddler. thanks’#like i didn’t lose weight for an intentional reason but thanks for confirming you thought i looked horrible before lolol#idk i have been like every size in the book but seeing how much better ppl treat me when im smaller#i’m just like. :)#if my mom says anything about her body or mine tomorrow i will probably fucking lose it and if you see a woman in nj killing ppl on the news#it’s me. lol#it just really took me out of the experience bc i’m trying sooooo hard to be neutral about my body. and like. i don’t need to hear your#thoughts abt what i look like lmao#whatever my dress is beautiful and i’m so beautiful and i’m excited but i really do think i should be able to hunt ppl for sport#leave me alone#nothing you do can please ppl#when i was 20 and 100 lbs and killing myself and sick and miserable every single day my mom was also just like#wow you look great#meanwhile i was balding and fainting at the gym and failing my college classes bc i was obsessed w my body#text#also look at these cats that are just in luis’s apartment’s hallway like rofl who let them out of their apt!!!! so cute#my mom saying ‘you did it’ as if i was trying to do something made me lol#i wasn’t TRYING to do anything i just am healing my relationship w food and my body#bc i refuse to waste my entire life being bitter and miserable and ashamed of existing#like SOMEONE i know….#anyway this could be you too! if you went to fucking therapy!#i ate ny pizza out of spite after all of this#sorry some of you can’t enjoy a fucking carb !!!!!
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imagine coughing roses and crocus lane exist within the same universe (apocalopsis #0012)
#crocus lane is ghibli post-apocalypse. a world where humans have died out and now beatrix potter critters live in communities#and started thinking jaja imagine this is just what comes after coughing roses#like the extreme end of no fantasy is world like ours except there's animals living in houses* now#first chapter of crocus lane involves finding and collecting a human body so it's not that they don't Exist. they just died out#it makes Sense. but it's just wild to think coughing roses (my doom days by bastille book) exists alongside crocus lane#idk how many wips still exist within 0012#i know my (as i've been calling them) magical girls don't because they're more like... magical realism#there isn't supposed to be an explanation to their magic they're just Metaphors for being aroace etc.#but maybe from the mouths still fits????#i think cyan yellow magenta black also fits still#(sidenote: i think i want to post from the mouths online 👀)#i need to think of 0012 less of a Continuity and more of a Worldbuilding Gimmick#like. no the rules don't have to be the same for every book. but depending on hiw much magic there is...#....that tells you about the end of the world#funny enough i don't think keep staring fits lol that is its own mess#BUT i do think my dreamwalkers idea fits within 0012#butterfly labyrinth fits too i think.....#pia.txt#( misc ) apocalipsis 0012
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