#after 6 years though i can read her like a book. i know exactly how many head smooches i can get in before she gets too annoyed

[esleep]

the whole "cats choose their owners" thing is really funny to me because ivy very much did NOT choose me. she was a slightly dim-witted and very rambunctious feral kitten, and that combination led to her getting herself stuck inside an old chipmunk nest halfway down the steep bank of the creek by my parents' house. from there she proceeded to scream her head off until both my mom and i came out to see what on earth was making all that racket, then we excavated her out of that hole like a sad little potato. she was grateful for the rescue, but definitely NOT grateful for the ensuing flea baths and conversion to indoor cat life at my apartment, which she reminds me of regularly. ivy i'm sorry for saving you from an early death due to predation/disease/cars, but can you stop biting me every day of my life please

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Dumbledore's Manipulations: Part 6(?)

I just reread the scene in Deathly Hallows of Dumbledore and Snape on Snape's memories after Lily died, and that entire scene reminded me of the scene at the end of book 5. After Sirius died and Harry was having his breakdown.

Snape breaking down in front of Dumbledore after Lily dies:

“Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evans’s eyes, I am sure?” “DON’T!” bellowed Snape. “Gone. . . dead. . . ” “Is this remorse, Severus?” “I wish. . . I wish I were dead. . . ” “And what use would that be to anyone?” said Dumbledore coldly. “If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear.” Snape seemed to peer through a haze of pain, and Dumbledore’s words appeared to take a long time to reach him. “What—what do you mean?” “You know how and why she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily’s son.” “He does not need protection. The Dark Lord has gone—” “The Dark Lord will return, and Harry Potter will be in terrible danger when he does.” There was a long pause, and slowly Snape regained control of himself, mastered his own breathing. At last, he said, “Very well. Very well. But never—never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear. . . especially Potter’s son. . . I want your word!” “My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?” Dumbledore sighed, looking down into Snape’s ferocious, anguished face. “If you insist. . . ”

(DH, 573)

Harry breaking down in front of Dumbledore after Sirius dies:

“There is no shame in what you are feeling, Harry,” said Dumbledore’s voice. “On the contrary . . . the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength.” Harry felt the white-hot anger lick his insides, blazing in the terrible emptiness, filling him with the desire to hurt Dumbledore for his calmness and his empty words. “My greatest strength, is it?” said Harry, his voice shaking as he stared out at the Quidditch stadium, no longer seeing it. “You haven’t got a clue. . . . You don’t know . . .” “What don’t I know?” asked Dumbledore calmly. It was too much. Harry turned around, shaking with rage. “I don’t want to talk about how I feel, all right?” “Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human —” “THEN — I — DON’T — WANT — TO — BE — HUMAN!” [...] “Let me out,” Harry said yet again, in a voice that was cold and almost as calm as Dumbledore’s. “Not until I have had my say,” said Dumbledore. [...] “It meant,” said Dumbledore, “that the person who has the only chance of conquering Lord Voldemort for good was born at the end of July, nearly sixteen years ago. This boy would be born to parents who had already defied Voldemort three times.” Harry felt as though something was closing in upon him. His breathing seemed difficult again. “It means — me?” [...] “I am afraid,” said Dumbledore slowly, looking as though every word cost him a great effort, “that there is no doubt that it is you.”

(OotP, 823)

I just, found these two scenes awfully similar in tone when reading the one in Deathly Hallows last night.

In both Snape/Harry are in emotional turmoil after the most important person to them dies. Both feel like dying (Snape: "I wish I were dead", Hary: "then I don't want to be human"). Both shout at Dumbledore when he speaks all too calmly of things they don't want/need to hear at that moment.

And Dumbledore speaks calmly and coldly to both of them, revealing information he hid from them both (to Snape he tells about Voldemort's immortality, to Harry he tells about the Prophecy) before guilting them through their grief into what he needs them to do.

Now, I'm not exactly blaming him, because, from his position, he needs Snape as a spy and he needs Harry to be willing to do anything to kill Voldemort — to take Voldemort as his responsibility. Dumbledore needs these things to happen to have the best chance of completing his plan to defeat Voldemort.

I just, can't help but note how cold it is. How cold and manipulative Dumbledore can be when he feels he needs to be. Even as he explains his care for Harry as a flaw in his plan, he speaks calmly and simply. And he is right caring about Harry is a flaw, because he always planned for Harry to die. He knew since he saw the scar on Harry's forehead:

“I guessed, fifteen years ago,” said Dumbledore, “when I saw the scar upon your forehead, what it might mean. I guessed that it might be the sign of a connection forged between you and Voldemort.”

(OotP, 826)

And even if I think Dumbledore is honest in that he'd rather Harry wouldn't die, I don't think he cares for him as much as he says he does. In the same way, he's very cold towards Snape even years later when he tells him Harry must die. (I don't think Snape and Dumbledore are actually friends)

Idk, I just read the scene in DH with Snape and it really reminded me of the scene with Harry at the end of OotP.

[meganelixabethh]

I know I won’t get it- but I want Sunrise on the Reaping to be about Effie Trinket- it would be such a good book!!! All we really know is that the book starts on the 50th reaping and that it’s a look at propaganda. We also know our girl Suzanne only writes when she has something to say- and what better time to make the Effie Trinket Point than now?

Don’t get me wrong- I love to read the fanfics of Effie being disenfranchised from the top of the first book and helping the rebels every step of the way- I live for it- but I also don’t think it’s reality for the canon. Effie Trinket is a character with grey morality at best in the first book. No she’s not organising the games, or planning them, she’s not the iron fist that forces the children to comply nor is she the driving force behind the tradition- hell if she didn’t do it someone else would, right? But she picks the names. She chooses to be close to it. She isn’t as horrified as she should be

SHE. IS. COMPLICIT.

But if you asked her- if you sat her down and said heart of hearts, do you care about these children? She would say yes. She has a complete mental disconnect between the harm she is causing and the compassion she feels for the people being harmed. This is a direct comparison to the modern approach to harm. Just look at Palestine.

I also don’t believe Effie saw anything wrong with the games until one very specific moment. She looked at the glass ball at the 75th reaping and saw a single piece of paper, and she thought ‘this isn’t chance. This isn’t a game. This is a choice and I don’t want to pick up that slip of paper’. I whole heartedly believe it took an emotional closeness to the person being harmed to make her realise all those people were just the same as her- EXACTLY LIKE WE DO IN THE WEST.

Further details under the cut. TW for death, implied SA and pregnancy loss.

So the book starts with the 50th reaping- Effie is between 6 and 16 depending on how old you think she is. I personally think she’s about 8-10. I also think this is the first games where she’s really gotten involved in and is interested in the whole thing from start to finish. She watches the reapings and is absolutely enraptured with Haymitch from the moment he gets on stage- full on little girl crush mode. She follows the whole game and is so happy when he wins. This is the summer she decides she wants to work in the games. She follows the games every summer, gets a glamorous games job in the Capitol when she graduates (I think she went to uni tbh our girl is smart) and then became an escort.

When she’s offered 12 she’s annoyed- after all she’s the darling of the games circuit and she’s put her time in- but 12 is the only job going and if she wants the promotion she needs to take it. She thinks fondly of Haymitch’s games though. She no longer has her little girl crush on him, but she assumes the drunkenness must be an act for the Capitol, some kind of play. When she gets to 12 she realises it’s not. She sees how broken he is. She sees that this destroyed him and she just… doesn’t get it. She develops a fondness for him, still completely believing in the games, and they work together happily enough as far as she’s concerned. She starts dragging him out of bed and shoving him into nice clothes to make the district look good at first, but then she does it because she thinks it might be the only time he has anyone making sure he looks after himself. She is genuinely sad when their tributes die every year. She cries in her room at night after they go, and Haymitch can hear her through the wall when he’s sober enough.

Then the 74th happen. She loves Katniss and Peeta- I fully believe that. She likes them from the beginning, she agrees they have a chance, and when she’s not trying for sponsors, her and Haymitch sit in silence in the penthouse, watching and watching and watching. She grips his hand tightly for hours at a time, eyes almost unblinking and fixed on the screen, knees drawn up to her chest. It’s the first time he sees her as human, and she almost breaks his knuckles during the finale with the mutts. The moment they win, she lets out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding and went to celebrate her first victors. She deliberately turned her face away from the horror because it was easier to not feel the breadth of it. She does exactly what we did to Ukraine. What we continue to do to Palestine.

To be completely clear- she still thinks the games are right through all of this. When she comes back for the victory tour she still thinks this is all fantastic. That mental disconnect is still there. But then eleven happens. If I’m remembering right she gets blood on her and is freaking out about her dress but I would like to see that from her side. I want to see that an innocent man was shot through the head so close to her, his blood and brains splattered across her dress and her skin. I want to see her freak out and everyone assume it’s about the dress but it’s actually about the fact she saw the light leave his eyes. This is the night she goes to Haymitch. She asks him for a drink and she asks him if he thought the man felt it. He isn’t kind to her. He asks her if she ever wondered if the kids felt it? If he felt it? This is the first time they sleep together. She doesn’t spend the night in his cabin. Their physical relationship continues but nothing else changes.

Then the quarter quell- she’s upset when Snow announces the rules. She feels hard done by but also scared for Katniss, Peeta and Haymitch. She understands that she’s avoiding the issue in her mind but she clings to the idea that the games are good so she doesn’t have to face up to the horror she helped meter out. It’s that glass reaping ball that does it. That glass ball with a single slip of paper in that breaks the back of her indoctrination. It all falls on top of her all at once. Her sobs after the bloodbath, alone in her room, the desperation she felt, not just for Katniss and Peeta to live, but for her to not have to watch them die, the man in eleven, the quarter quell, Hatmitch’s sharp words, the drink she craved after she saw it, the smile she plastered on, Haymitch’s hand gripped tightly in hers, the most genuine connection she’s felt in years and oh god are you supposed to be this fucking tired when you’re only 35? She looks at that paper and she is almost incandescent with rage. She loves Katniss and she doesn’t want to be the one who says her name. She doesn’t want to do this anymore. She doesn’t want this life. She doesn’t want the games to happen at all. She’s done.

But now she’s afraid. She’s seen avoxes, she knows what happens to rebels and she’s not quite brave enough to say anything to Haymitch other than veiled comments. She’s not sure he agrees with her and he’s not sure it wasn’t an accidental turn of phrase. The moment the arena blows out she’s dragged away in handcuffs. The prison is harrowing. What little hair she has is shaved off and she spends hours having questions thrown at her that she doesn’t have the answers to. She’s beaten, electrocuted and starved. Her bones are broken, they pull a few of her teeth out and some of the things they do are so awful she can’t even bring herself to think about it inside her own head. She doesn’t feel brave. She doesn’t have the answers to give them and she’s not sure she wouldn’t tell them if she did. She’s too Capitol for the rebels and too district for the Capitol. She’s not rescued, she’s released at the end of the war. Well, ‘released’ is a strong word. The guards unlock all the doors and tell them they have been pardoned and then walk out. She drags herself outside, clutching the walls and collapses in the courtyard as a humanitarian aid worker rushes over.

She spends the first tumultuous month sedated in a hospital bed, blissfully unaware of Coin’s assassination and the last games. When she comes to, Haymitch is sat at her bedside, looking haggard and tired. She looks better than she did on the floor of the courtyard, but not by much. When he sees her open her eyes he smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He apologises for not managing to get her out. She knows she should be cross with him, but she can’t find the energy to blame him. They’ve both wasted so much time already. She pushes herself up shakily and wraps her atrophied arms around his neck, telling him that it doesn’t matter, that he’s here now. When he lowers her back down, she asks immediately after Katniss and Peeta. He tells her what happened in as painless terms as he can find, and when he’s done, she can barely keep her eyes open, tears tracking silently down her hollowed cheeks. He gently kisses her on the forehead and says he’ll be back tomorrow. It takes her a long, long time to recover.

She finds out the rest of what happened while she was imprisoned and hospitalised in dribs and drabs. Some from him, some from news, some from conversations she overhears. It takes months and months before she tells him, in halting sentences, when happened in the prison. She doesn’t tell him everything. Some things are too awful to know. They’ve not resumed their physical relationship, but they feel inexplicably drawn to one another, and in a fit of impulsivity, he invites her to come to 12 when he leaves and she does. He doesn’t ask a lot of questions, but she does tell him, eventually, all the things that led to her renouncing the games just before the rebellion. He admits to her the doctor told him she was pregnant when they found her, but miscarried while she was asleep. She can’t get out of bed for days afterwards and he brings her food and water until she’s ready to get up again. She’s glad he knows in a way. She’s glad she never had to tell him what they did to her in there.

The next summer rolls around, and Effie is finally well enough to walk up to the woods outside the district and spends all day picking wildflowers. She ties them into attractive arrangements just like her mother taught her, using brown string instead of satin ribbons. Haymitch is in the newly built square when she arrives with her flowers. She lays them all gently on the ground, one for each child she reaped, including Prim. Haymitch walks over to her as she bows her head, slipping her hand into his. She says she’s sorry, he says ‘I know sweetheart’ and the book ends there

I know we aren’t going to get this, it’s not even a possibility but a girl can dream.

[miss-bushido]

make the world safe and sound for you

written for @softsteddieseptember week 3, prompt ‘anniversary’

Rating: G

“Happy anniversary, baby.”

Steve pressed his face to the pillow and groaned. “No, my head hurts. Come back later.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” Eddie murmured, pressing a light kiss to Steve’s temple, smoothing back some flyaway strands. “How late were you up?”

Steve groaned, tapping his fingers on the bed as he counted in his head. “Last time I saw the clock it said 4:30 AM.” He had been pulling all-nighters while working to get his Master’s degree. He was only a few months away from being finished with the program, and he just wanted to see the back of it.

Eddie winced. It was 7:30 AM. Normally, Steve would be up by 6 AM, ensuring he would see first thing the text messages or emails from his boss asking him to sub for one of the teachers at a local school. Eddie grabbed Steve’s phone and winced again. There were three missed calls from his boss, and a flurry of text messages.

“I’m making an executive decision,” Eddie announced, sitting on the bed behind Steve. “I’m telling your boss that you’re sick and that you won’t be able to sub anywhere today.”

Steve scrubbed his face with his hands. “No, I can-”

“Honey, I love you, but you’re talking out of your ass. You need to rest. You can’t expect to be effective with less than 3 hours of sleep.” Eddie put his fingertip to Steve’s plush lips to silence any further protests. “I’ll call her and let her know you’re sick, and that you should be more than fine come Monday morning. When was the last time you took a Friday off?”

Steve blinked, his eyes heavy and scratchy from lack of sleep. “Almost two years ago.”

“Exactly. So. Since you’re not going to work today, go back to sleep. I don’t want to see you downstairs before 9:30 AM, clear?”

In spite of how exhausted he was, Steve felt his stomach flutter at the tone Eddie used. “Yes, sir.”

Eddie smirked, unable to resist giving him a kiss. “Let’s save that for tonight, okay?”

“Daddy?” came a small, sleepy voice from the hallway. The bedroom door was pushed open to reveal their toddler daughter Rosie standing there, clutching her stuffed duck. “We’re thirsty,” she said, her voice low and rough in her throat. Her twin brother, Theo, was with her as he always was, clutching her purple sleep shirt with his left hand, his right thumb in his mouth.

Eddie’s heart swelled to look at them. He and Steve had thought long and hard about children after their marriage, and though they were fine with adoption, they wanted to try and have biological children of their own. Obviously, neither of them could get pregnant (not for lack of trying), so they spoke to the women in their lives; Nancy, Robin, Chrissy, Vickie, to see if any of them would be willing to either donate one of their eggs or become a surrogate, or both.

In the end, Chrissy said she would do both for them: donate her eggs, and be a surrogate. It was almost immediate that she became pregnant with the twins. When they were born, Eddie cried harder than he ever had in his life at seeing their chubby cheeks and bright eyes. He couldn’t believe it was three years ago that their little family was completed.

“You’re thirsty?” Eddie asked, holding his arms out for both of them to come in. Theo broke into a big toothy grin and ran over to jump on Eddie, his light brown hair bouncing . Both Steve and Eddie loved their children equally, and they knew the twins loved them the same as well. But Theo seemed to have an affinity for Eddie: following him around and looking very interested when he practiced his guitar. He even accompanied Eddie to some band rehearsals, but never to one of their shows. Maybe when he was older. He listened with rapt attention as Eddie read to them: The Hobbit, the Redwall books, The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and the paintings he did, while rudimentary, were clearly influenced by the stories.

Rosie could frequently be found snuggling with Steve: she liked putting barrettes in his hair, painting his nails and putting lipstick on him. Whenever they had a tea party, she put a silver tiara on him and a pair of ruby clip on earrings, telling him, "Papa looks so pretty."

How could Steve resist? How could either of them resist?

While her brother went to Eddie, she toddled over to the other side of the bed. She tossed her stuffed duck up and clambered up, crawling over to Steve. She looked the most like Eddie: she had his brown doe eyes and the waves of her hair were like his, though she took after Chrissy in terms of her strawberry blonde hair color, and the way she smiled. “Papa?” she asked, looking down at Steve. “No work today?”

Steve looked up sleepily at his daughter, unable to stop the big smile spreading across his face. “Not today, baby. Papa stayed up too late doing school work.”

“That’s silly,” she said, collapsing dramatically against the pillows. Steve had seen Eddie do that exact same thing more than a few times, and it always made him laugh.

“Papa is silly, Duck,” he admitted, quickly reaching forward and pulling her close, blowing raspberries on her neck, her shrieking giggles filling the air. He still had a headache, and her shrieks of glee were not helping, but he could bear it.

“I keep telling him that,” Eddie said as he sat back down, Theo leaning against him. Theo had Steve’s beautiful hazel eyes, but they were turning more towards green the older he got. His hair was dark brown and straight, and though he was quieter than his sister, the smile he had was pure Eddie. Both of them worried they would have a little hell-raiser on their hands as he got older and got more confidence.

“‘M still thirsty, Daddy,” Theo murmured against Eddie’s chest. He looked up at Eddie with his big eyes. “Choccy milk?”

“For breakfast?” Eddie replied in mock shock and awe. Theo immediately started giggling, tilting his head back as he watched Eddie perform. “There will be chaos if we move choccy milk time to morning instead of dinner.”

“Pleeeeease?” Theo pleaded. “Please Daddy?”

“Yeah! Pleeeeease?” Rosie shouted, jumping up from laying next to Steve, all but throwing herself on Eddie’s back.

“Oh! Attacked on both sides! The treachery! The betrayaaaal!” Eddie kept his left arm firmly wrapped around Theo before he hooked his right arm back to wrap around Rosie. He stood up, both of them in his arms. “Steve! Don’t just lay in bed! Save meeeee!” He yelled this while moving quickly out of the bedroom, giving Steve a knowing glance as he shut the door behind him with his foot.

Steve laughed at the display of his little family, though he was grateful that Eddie managed to get them out of the room and leave him in peace. He didn’t see his phone on the bed, so Eddie must have taken it with him. Which was good, as it meant he could fall back to sleep like Eddie wanted him to.

A few hours later, Steve woke up, feeling the warmth of a small body against his chest. He opened his eyes to see Theo snuggled up against him, snoring lightly. Behind him, Rosie and Eddie were also asleep. Both had their mouths open slightly, right arms above their heads as they slept.

“Happy anniversary,” he whispered, feeling happy tears well in his eyes.

[katyaromanoffpetrova]

A lifetime of dates (part 1)

After being together for twenty years, Natasha and Katya have been on many dates in their lifetime. In this series, we see one from every part of their lives.

- Natasha Romanoff x Fem!OC (Katya Petrova from the Forgotten Ghost series) - Wordcount: 1.2k - Warnings: bit angsty, but with a happy ending - This series will have multiple parts (6 or more) to celebrate my book Forgotten Ghost reaching 2 Million reads on Wattpad! We're kicking off with the Black Widow movie era (post Accords/Civil War) so this series will be out of order. Masterlist

A/N: thank you @nataliasquote for this idea! Couldn't imagine a more perfect way to celebrate 2 mil.

2016

''I can go without fries, you know?'' Katya said as Natasha turned onto the McDonald's parking lot.

It was dark, the only time they stepped outside their safehouse—or car, if that's all they had at that moment—if they could help it, but tonight, Natasha decided a date night was long overdue. Since they went on the run, months ago, there'd been none. There'd barely been any kisses or hugs either, let alone sex. They'd both been too depressed to do so.

But ever since they snuck onto a flight from rainy London to sunny Rome and started driving north in a stolen car, Natasha seemed a bit happier. Maybe it was the sea, or the sun giving her much-needed vitamin D, but when she saw the poster in the local supermarket advertising a drive-in cinema, she was adamant on going. 

The movie wasn't important. The fact that it was in Italian even less—they both spoke it fluently. What was important was that for those two hours, their lives would be about something else than surviving the day. They'd at least try.

''It'll be quick, there's barely a line,'' Natasha insisted, already pulling up behind the last car in the short drive-through line. She reached up to ensure her hood was on and covered her face as much as possible, nervous now that they were no longer moving fast. Her eyes shot in every direction, checking all mirrors repeatedly.

''You're risking a lot for date night,'' Katya teased half-heartedly, wondering where this sudden motivation came from. She feared one of Natasha's fears had taken the overhand, especially the one that revolved around losing her.

''You said you missed french fries.''

That was both sweet and sad. Grasping at straws, that's what it felt like. Desperately doing anything to try and make the other happy, even momentarily. But french fries weren't going to fix anything.

Katya kept her concerns to herself, though. Nowadays, Natasha didn't want to be confronted with anything.

The guy operating the ordering system would never know Natasha wasn't a native Italian if there wasn't a camera. Her speech was fluent and without accent, and the girl at the pick-up window didn't look at their faces twice. Before they knew it, they were on their way again with an amazing-smelling bag on Katya's lap.

Finding the drive-in cinema was a bit of a hassle. Since they solely survived on burner phones and tossed their last one in a bin back in London, they couldn't pull up a GPS. But they found the location, bought their tickets the same way as buying food at McDonald's—through the car window, with stolen cash—and found a parking spot at the back of the field.

It was too dark for any of the surrounding cars to see who sat in this one. It was perfect.

Katya reclined her seat and unpacked the brown paper bag on her lap, handing over Natasha's portion of fries and a milkshake. The redhead was less eager to relax, but tried to, flicking her eyes away from the surroundings and to her freshly fiancée-turned-wife. It was the smell of the food that reminded her exactly of how hungry she was.

''Thanks,'' she said, in the same monotone voice she'd used for months. Katya just smiled back.

The movie started shortly after. The days had been a blur lately, but within seconds, Katya was reminded that it was the week of Halloween when she recognized the first scenes of the movie, Friday The 13th. No movie would ever scare her. Straight-faced, she watched the scariest of them. They could never relate to the horrors she had seen in real life. That's probably part of the reason she couldn't focus on this one.

The silence between her and Natasha felt weird, like it had for a while now. Their silences never used to be weird. In fact, most of their time spent around each other happened in silence. But so many unspoken things, so much sadness, hung around their heads like a raincloud. The rain never fell, but the cloud went wherever they went, pressing, looming overhead.

No matter how many times she said that the past no longer mattered, Katya knew Natasha still beat herself up over everything that happened. Choosing the 'wrong' side in the fight around the Accords, therefore not being there to prevent Katya from being brainwashed again. Putting their relationship in jeopardy in the first place. The big, ugly scar on Katya's shin that reminded Natasha of the literal hurt she caused. 

''Natalia?'' Katya muttered, glancing at her face. It was so dark she could barely see it, the screen too far away to provide any light.

''Hm?'' Natasha didn't look away from the screen, placing another fry in her mouth. Her movements were on edge, restless about being around so many people.

''You know I love you, right?'' Katya saw her jaw pause. Another thing they didn't do often anymore; say they loved each other. It was worrying how quickly usual things became unusual. ''Things are shit, but it's you and me, always. And that's enough for me.''

Natasha swallowed thickly, because of emotions or not, and turned to face her. For the first time since everything went down, Katya was blessed with a look that she realized she'd taken for granted. That look that said, 'I love you more than anything in this world'. A less intense version of it, but it glimmered in her eyes in the dark.

''I know. I love you too,'' Natasha said softly. She tried a smile, barely reaching her eyes. But her words were sincere, and Katya's pathetic heart skipped a beat. ''Always.''

The air in the car lightened, the raincloud started to thin, and Katya smiled, placing her hand on Natasha's underarm. They were still them, incredibly in love, just disconnected from each other at the moment. 

''Thank you for doing this for me,'' she whispered, as the people in the cars around them screamed at a jumpscare. Natasha tensed up again, but Katya knew the best way to return her focus to her. ''Can I ask for one more thing?'' She waited until her intrigued wife nodded. ''Kiss me?''

A genuine smile flashed across Natasha's face. She put her fries down, took Katya's face in her hands, and kissed her. It was nothing like the short pecks they shared lately. The press of her lips was tender, but the way they moved against Katya's felt desperate too. Desperate to tell her what her words couldn't. Desperate to keep her. It hurt in a good way.

They were both out of breath when she pulled back.

The raincloud had disappeared. Both their smiles came from a place of real joy. Katya missed the warmth on her cheeks when Natasha removed her hands and was quick to snatch one of them up, intertwining their fingers. Without a word, as synched as they both were, they burned back to the screen. But not without cuddling up to each other first.

Scooting closer to the middle console, Katya rested her head on Natasha's shoulder, feeling a squeeze of her hand down in her lap. She'd craved this, as touchstarved as she was. For an hour longer, they could fool themselves that all was right in the world. That they were just two lovesick newlyweds on a date.

Katya already knew, but this gave her more faith that they'd be alright. And who knew, maybe they'd be in Italy again some day, under better circumstances.

[marydublinauthor]

Shot in the Dark releases May 14, 2024!! EXCERPT BELOW 👇🏼

After all these years, Jon Cliff and Sylvia are getting a NEW debut in this 4-6 book series where fairies, hunters, found family and forbidden romance collide. If you’ve read our shorts over the years here and even enjoyed the original 2013 release, you will LOVE this. @kendsleyauthor and I worked so hard on making it epic and more polished than ever before.

I know we’ve been more quiet on here as we struggle to keep up with all our platforms and personal life (mental health struggles suck y’all lol) BUT we truly can’t wait for you to read this.

Updates:

Preorder coming later this month!

If you review books, sign up to be an Arc Reader and help boost our book’s visibility! You get to read a free electronic copy of the book before official release in exchange for an honest review

Add to Goodreads and Storygraph now (also helps us!)

More to come— But for now, enjoy this juicy excerpt from JON’S POV! 💕

“Every non-human I’ve ever met only causes pain and death,” I said. “They want us to bleed by their very nature. But… you haven’t tried anything. You haven’t tried to kill us, seduce us into selling our souls, or trap us in an eternal nightmare. I don’t understand you.”

The fairy’s eyes widened, and she scoffed at me. “Well, forgive me for confusing you by not being a murderer. How can someone like you be remotely afraid of me?”

“Looks can be deceiving.”

“And sometimes, they’re exactly what they are,” she fired back.

I didn’t wrestle off the tired, wry smile that came to my lips. “For someone the size of a mouse, you’ve got a lot of spirit.”

Her green eyes flickered, raking me up and down. Her posture softened like she was slowly seeing less of a snarling animal in me. “If you weren’t a hunter,” she said. “I might actually accept that as a compliment.”

“That’s a shame, then.”

“It is.” She sniffed, looking away pointedly.

The tug in my chest resurfaced—I couldn’t let her sleep thinking I might smother her before she awoke. She had to know we were going to release her. Somehow, it mattered to me that I wouldn’t stay a complete monstrosity in her eyes.

“I lied to you,” she announced, halting my train of thought.

I drew in a sharp breath and leaned away from her slightly. She didn’t appear to be priming herself to attack, but I stayed wary all the same. “What is it?” I asked.

“I…” She wet her lips and wrestled with herself. “I was there the night before you caught me. There were two humans. They didn’t see me, but I heard them. They… mentioned that hunters might be after them—”

“What?” I blurted, crowding toward her.

She cringed away, casting a wild look around the room for an escape.

“Hey.” I lowered my voice. “I’m not gonna hurt you. Look at me.”

Hesitantly, she did.

“You can tell me,” I assured. “It’s alright. What did they look like? What’d they say? Any names?”

“I couldn’t see their faces, and I don’t think I heard any names, but… I’m starting to think one of them was your monster. I’ve never been near one before, but something felt horribly wrong.”

“What does that mean?”

“There’s this… ability I have. A sort of instinct.” Each word fell from her lips hesitantly as though any one of them might set me off. “I can sense non-humans and other beings that you would consider unnatural. It’s meant to help my kind steer clear of those things. Maybe I could point you in the right direction if you take me back to that old house. But if I do that, you’ll have to let me go. Does that sound like a fair deal?”

Desperate hope painted her face. It was a little heartbreaking. I considered telling her I planned to release her regardless of what she offered, but it was a tempting ability to make use of.

“Why didn’t you say something about this earlier?” I asked.

Fresh, uncertain tears welled in her eyes. “I thought you’d kill me if I told you everything. You wouldn’t have a use for me anymore. And then, I thought if I admitted I lied…”

“You thought we’d kill you for that,” I finished. “So why admit it now?”

She shrugged, mumbling, “You didn’t lock me in the microwave. That counts for something, I suppose.”

After pondering her offer, I nodded. “Okay. We have a deal. You help us at the house, and you’re free to go.”

“Free to go immediately after,” she said, pointing a finger at me. “Swear that you won’t enslave me.”

I scoffed. “That didn’t even cross my mind.”

“Not even for a second?” She frowned suspiciously. “When was the last time you negotiated with a non-human? Stars, when’s the last time you spared a non-human?” When I couldn’t come up with an answer, she made a small noise of contempt.

“Fine,” I said. “I promise there’s no strings attached after you help us. But we’re not going anywhere until Cliff comes back with the car, so we may as well get some rest.”

[tarotoftheendless]

Sweetbitter Thoughts about Jake and Tess

I have watched the show Sweetbitter around 5 to 6 times... 3 times in one week... I was very depressed and I am in my Tom Sturridge era right now... and Jake... oh boy, Jake... he's hot as fuck. Bad boys always are.

But sadly, he fits into the "I can fix him" category of character... Now, I have my thoughts and theories on Jake, like he was groomed by Simone after being taken in by Simone's family when his mother killed herself... and that explains his strange loyalty and relationship to her, but also his unhealthy coping mechanisms with drugs, alcohol and sex. He thinks himself too damaged for love, Simone probably taught him that, and so he becomes "dangerous" because it protects himself from further harm, or so he thinks. Simone probably made him believe he is too dangerous for a real relationship, even though it is Simone that is the dangerous one.

And then in walks Tess, 8 years younger than Jake as she is 22 and he is 30. I am not one to judge when two adults meet each other when they are adults and they do happen to click naturally, but something is off about the way Jake is teasing Tess and then Tess is eating it up. Tess has her own traumas too. I have only read half the book, so I don't know if there is more to it than what the show gives us, but something made her leave her home in Ohio, her father. It sounds like there could have been enmeshment there too, much like Jake and Simone, but maybe more inappropriate as it was a father/daughter relationship? I don't know, but Tess is running and not exactly dealing with her mental and emotional issues either.

And then Tess kinda immediately wants to fuck Jake. It isn't that deep at first. She just wants to fuck him. And she gets charmed by Simone, believing the lies she tells her. And though Tess wants to get to know Jake, it is still with the main goal of fucking him. It's selfish.

The night with Sasha changed things, only slightly. Tess believes she got a glimpse of the "real" Jake and then she starts to think herself entitled to him and his history. She thinks because she got that glimpse that she now knows him, or at least thinks she has the right to know him.

When Jake finally does fuck her, she truly believes that her claim on him trumps Simone's, it doesn't. Tess never came into things with firm boundaries, she never came into whatever she has with Jake with a true desire to know him, really know him and what he actually wants and what he is actually like. And then when Tess feels entitled to Jake is when she presumes to care and know what is going on. And that is not what Jake needs.

And because of that Tess and him would have never worked... not to mention that Jake would have sided with Simone in a heartbeat. Jake has not faced what really happened to him and how toxic and abusive his relationship with Simone really is, so yeah, Jake would have dropped Tess as quickly as he gave into her because she dared to feel entitled to him and to finally act like she cared.

He would feel betrayed though, still. It would break him more than the other women (and maybe men too... the show never said he wasn't bi, just that he was a top... which I have thoughts on that too...) because he maybe would have believed for half a second that maybe Tess did care, but Simone has her hooks in him and he is not ready to deal with his shit and let go of his coping mechanisms yet, so, he would drop Tess.

Off topic but not, yes Jake is said to be a top, but I am not sure Tom Sturridge exactly gave that impression with how he showed how Jake fucks, or makes-out with women... forceful, yes, impulsive, yes, flirts first, yes, but top? I am not sure about that. When we first see him making-out with Viv he seems lost in the sauce but not in a way that makes it seem like he's controlling the situation. He seems to worship those he is with, and I guess you can be a top and do that, but Jake always gave the impression of being touch-starved (yes, I know he gets sex a lot, just go with me on this...). Like he is searching for some sort of connection each time he is with someone, but isn't finding it completely.

And I also don't think he would say no to someone else taking control, if it meant getting the kind of connection he has been searching for, then yeah, I do think Jake would welcome being topped as a part of his worship. I also think Simone has probably topped him plenty with the hold she has over him...so... But yeah, if Tom Sturridge wanted us to believe Jake was a top, maybe acting like a touch-starved blissed out sexual-touch-is-my-drug worshipper is not the way to do it. He didn't choke anyone... so... yeah...

Anyway... I don't think Tess and Jake would have worked because she didn't come into the situation with her own issues worked through, firm boundaries set and an actual friendship first with Jake that then could have proven to him that she actually cared about his past, history and who he really is.

Jake needs someone who understands him, maybe has been through similar things, but also has worked through it a bit more than Jake has so they can actually help Jake, genuinely. And it needs to be friendship first. Attraction can be there, but boundaries of creating a solid friendship first based on trust and actual care for each other's wellbeing should come first before sex. I think Jake needs a wake-up call and to get sober, and he needs to face what happened to him... and maybe someone who has dealt with similar can help him by understanding and being his friend first. A friendship without holding something over his head is exactly the kind of foundation Jake needs for an actual lasting relationship.

And Tess? She needs to grow up and deal with her own shit and not try to fuck people with that being her first goal and then presume to claim to care about those people. She needs therapy... and to also get sober.

Jake also needs therapy... lots of it. And he needs to walk away from Simone. Simone has always threatened to walk out on him finally, well, I think that after Jake comes to terms with what has happened to him at her hand that he needs to walk away from her instead. He needs to stand on his own two feet.

I, unfortunately, don't think that he'd come to that conclusion on his own. He needs a wake-up call, a fuck up so bad it makes him realize how bad things have gotten. And I do think he needs someone to help him take the steps to get better, but I do think his journey should be one where he finally lives for himself and stands on his own two feet. And they may or may not include a lasting romantic relationship. Part of me wants him to learn what real love actually looks like, but the other part of me thinks he needs to be on his own and learn to love himself first. Maybe both can happen at the same time... who knows... where's the fanfic guys? Do I need to write it? Fuck...

Let me know what ya'll think. These are just my thoughts... my continued thoughts about Jake from Sweetbitter. Look through my other posts so you can see some other thoughts I have had about Jake.

[mystycalypso]

Calypso's Hello Neighbor insanity.

(In honor of the teaser coming out yesterday, here is my Aaron Peterson theory document in all it's baffling glory)

Hey howdy, it’s Calypso, and I’ve been infected with Hello-Neighbor-Loritis. It is incurable and my doctor (Jack in his “Nicky goggles”) recommends that I theory craft to cope.

Bracket Key, by Jack: Calypso: [text] Jack: (text)

So as previously stated, I’m obviously Hello Neighboring it up today after Jack read me the ENTIRETY of their theory thread with @ravenbrookz and @powertooled, and am now taking a crack at it myself. You probably saw my possible Guest appearance in the drawings made most likely by Nicky, though that was only based on what I could see in the image. I can’t exactly say for certain everything I know in the franchise is accurate, as my current pool of knowledge is primarily from the show (and Jack's rants), but I promise that if I COULD read the books, I would. I have just been informed by Jack that the first book is available on Spotify so we may or may not just hunker down and listen to that but I digress. (UPDATE AS OF 5/10/24: The Hello Neighbor books 1-6 all have audiobooks on YouTube, and I will be listening to them for the next several days)

So, into the meat of it, I suppose. This post is to be dedicated to a few of my theories regarding Aaron primarily. Because the theory crafting I’m to be doing is focused on the show, and our information about Aaron and Mya in the show is so limited, I will be pulling some from other sources (HN hide and seek, HN 2, etc) to get a proper read on the situation. 

We know based on the games and books that Nicky and Aaron were best friends. This is why in Act 1 and Act 2 of the first game, Nicky is suspicious of Mr. Peterson in the first place. Logically speaking, if Nicky and Aaron weren’t close (and neighbors, allowing him to witness the crime), Nicky likely would have taken the disappearance story at face value. That’s just how it tends to work in real life as well. People who are close to the victim of disappearance tend to go through the “stages of grief” because they’re more emotionally attached to them and don’t want them to die. It’s sort of a precaution. Nicky, Aaron’s best friend, wouldn’t want any serious harm to come to him, so he’s willing to put himself in danger, as a 13-15-year-old CHILD, to save him.

[I’ll likely be made fun of for how redundant that may sound by Jack]

This is also likely the reason that Nicky is so suspicious of Mr. Peterson in the show. He’s essentially the catalyst for sparking Trinity’s interest in the Peterson house, granted by having her mistake it for his house when he climbed out the chimney in episode 1 [Gotta admire the dedication, bro’s in that place ALL the damn time] (apparently more than he's in his own house /hj). Ultimately, I believe that Jack’s prediction about the reveal of Nicky and Aaron’s relationship being revealed in season 2 is his reason for investigating Peterson as much as he does (which is a lot). There wouldn’t be a reason for tinyBuild to change this, since it’s been established since the first game’s final build. (if you can count that game as “establishing” anything) [Which I am for the sake of the theory.]

Operating under that assumption does recontextualize some of his behavior throughout the show, specifically some of that “hotheaded” behavior called attention to by the Hello Neighbor Fandom Wiki. (that Jack has serious beef with) While he does have a level of agitation towards the others for cutting off his story in episode 3, [of which Jack is actively going on a tangent about as I write this] it’s something that can be explained by a level of impatience or worry for Aaron. (same with his anger of no one believing him in the previous episodes, and even mocking him for his theories) 

[Jack called Mr. Peterson “Mr. Neighborson” while I was writing this section of the theory, I just want y’all to know that WHEEZE]

We don’t exactly know the full context of their friendship in the media we’ve currently consumed, but again, based on his behavior, it’s likely they were close friends (and if not, honestly he's still justified for being upset that no one else cares about the potential murder of two kids). That brings me to the basement, then, which I’ll likely have the most to talk about because Jack and I have talked about this extensively.

According to Jack and their extended knowledge, it’s been established that the drawings on the fake windows in the room Nicky and the others were thrown into in episode 6 were drawn by Aaron. While possibly this being retconned (unlikely) and the culprit of the drawings being changed, there’s also the fact that we don’t know exactly WHEN these drawings were made [correct me if I’m wrong or smthin]. However, I have theorized that these window drawings were made by Aaron to comfort Nicky. Aaron has been in the basement much longer, but because we don’t know his mental state, operating under the assumption that he was put into the basement for the same reason he was in the games, he was put in the basement 1. For accidentally causing Mya’s death and 2. To protect him from the cult in town. Based on the Pilot for the animated series, we know that the first point is likely true, as in Aaron’s room, the words ‘Omen’ and ‘Cursed’ were written on the walls, likely by Mr. Peterson. I believe this is also true for the books as it was talked about briefly in the Game Theory video where MatPat analyzed the aforementioned Pilot frame-by-frame (like the meme:0). According to this video, Mr. Peterson had grown superstitious that his son was the cause of a bunch of bad things happening throughout the town, the final straw being Mya’s death when Aaron accidentally pushed her off the roof of the house as seen in Hello Neighbor Hide-and-Seek.

My theory is that Aaron likely feels immense guilt for what he did to his sister, regardless of it being an accident. He knows that his behavior in Hide-and-Seek was awful, and that’s more likely the reason he’s crying in the basement; he killed his sister, and as sad as it is, he’s likely under the impression that he deserves this punishment and that it fits his crime, as well as knows that his dad’s investigation into the cult is genuine and that he wants to keep him safe. I’m not sure why I get the feeling that he’s in a better mental space than Nicky is [lambast me in the tags if I turn out to be COMPLETELY incorrect come season 2], but it makes some semblance of sense when looking at the drawings in the basement. Psychologically, children with “better” mental states tend to use more color in their drawings. While it may be out of necessity to draw a happier “outside” for Nicky to view (or to keep his own sanity), it may also be an indication that Aaron may be doing better mentally than Nicky was (despite being there way longer), as we see (allegedly) Nicky’s drawings as well, that being black ink drawings of the Thing, the cat, and the Guest [still not sure of that one it’s still a theory]. This also means that that Aaron and Nicky could have been in the same room at least for as long as it took Aaron to make the drawings. I believe that the reason Mr. Peterson was so willing to keep Nicky in the basement in the games not only because Nicky's investigation made him a liability, but also was because he knew he was Aaron’s friend and wanted his son to have some company? IDK, it’s the first game, that game is a lore NIGHTMARE (reference to Act 3 intended).

While this may seem like an extremely small theory overall, it does wonders in establishing the relationship Nicky and Aaron had, as well as Aaron’s personality as an empathetic person. It could also establish that he was forced into this change because of his actions in Hello Neighbor Hide-and-Seek we see in flashbacks or the like, maybe even just Nicky reminiscing or noting that Aaron has changed. From what I’ve seen in Hello Neighbor 2, Aaron does seem to care about the main character, Quentin, when his father attacks him[Quentin, he doesn’t attack Aaron in the scene lol].

As of right now, I do believe that it was (probably) Aaron getting out of the basement in Episode 6 that had Peterson’s lid flipping. While I would have to double check [I’m gonna probably just ask Jack], the silhouette of the dark figure inside doesn’t exactly look one-to-one with Aaron’s established appearance in photos on the walls, but that may just be a redesign or placeholder. Maybe it’s not Aaron at all and he’s still in the basement, who knows [that’s gotta suck now that his dad’s been arrested smh].

[insert 2 screenshot comparisons here, Jack]

(No because the silhouette is bald and I think they made it as detail-less on purpose)

[Damn it]

(Literally quoting the series to Calypso while they write, I've rewatched it one full time since them starting the doc) 

If I had to guess, Aaron will be in season 2. The likelihood that he won’t be is next to 0 in my mind, as it would break some of the established conventions of the series [That being that Aaron takes an active role in second installments, that being Act 2 of the first game where he unlocks the door for Nicky and in the second game where he asks Quinten to save him via paper airplane]. While this may just be wishful thinking, I theorize that Aaron will be an ‘overcorrective’ personality by the time we see him and that it may be shown through his attempts at comforting Nicky through the window drawings. Him being his friend, that also may have been the sort of push he needed to stand up to his father for bringing his friend into this. Act 2 starts with Aaron unlocking the door to help Nicky escape, and in general, helps him.

[There was a short break here because it was like 2 am and I figured that I really needed context at least for the games before I wrote anymore. I have the context now and am now able to write it lol]

So after watching a breakdown of the games I can safely say that, yes, there’s a level of ‘overcorrection’ going on with Aaron. While it’s not the perfect word to describe what’s going on with him, the best example I can find is when Aaron gives up on running away from the museum with Quentin to help his father, who was trapped under a crow statue[chandelier?] that fell from the ceiling. I’d say that it’s a mix of guilt and attachment making him act this way because, despite everything his father has done, even after traumatizing his best friend, Aaron can’t bring himself to lose another family member. Hello Neighbor 2 leaves off on this as a cliffhanger and we have no idea what happens to Aaron both between games as well as after them, so headcanons away, I suppose.

My next theory is in regards to the Thing. While it has yet to make an appearance in the show, there have been teaser images for Season 2 that include it. The Thing is canonically a manifestation of pure fear as shown in the first game’s third Act. It also isn’t exclusively one person’s fear, as it was shown to be “haunting” both Nicky and Mr. Peterson. Fear in the franchise isn’t exclusive to things like phobias, it also applies to trauma and trauma responses. While not justified, Mr. Peterson locking Aaron in the basement was a trauma response brought on by the fear of losing him as well. The entire third Act is about Nicky confronting his fears inside his head, whether that be school, the grocery store [relatable ngl like bro I feel weird going to grocery stores], and yes, Mr. Peterson. We don’t even really need the context the books provide for these fears, we know that Nicky has anxiety and PTSD from being locked in the basement. He was also middle school age so whether or not he was scared of school before he was kidnapped, it would likely be exacerbated by his struggles.

Some lore bits do seem to imply that the Thing is an inherently malicious entity. While the Guest seems to be a sort of Cryptid for Raven Brooks, and therefore, the rules of things like Chupacabras or Aliens apply to it, the Thing seems to behave more like a ghost, a poltergeist of the mind, it seems. Nicky actively has to fight against it to overcome his trauma, and Mr. Peterson seems to be locked inside with it in the endgame’s whitespace. Us seeing it in season 2 must either be exclusively through either Nicky or Mr. Peterson’s eyes, or… Another person who has gone through similar amounts of trauma.

Aaron.

Now, I know that probably doesn’t initially sound reasonable. We’ve only ever seen Nicky and Mr. Peterson interact with the Thing, and that’s two whole characters that could reasonably (and quite likely) have to deal with the Thing making their lives worse. But the rules that have been established for the Thing, as flexible and subject to change as they may be, do apply to Aaron as of writing. It’s been established that Aaron fears losing his father, as well as vice versa. He wants to be free, but he doesn’t want to lose the only family he has left. Aaron has also gone through extensive trauma, the same as his father, in fact, but on top of that, the trauma of being locked away for presumably months. The push and pull of his thoughts on his father is the best example of this I can find. Their relationship has devolved into a toxic cycle of abuse, but Aaron can’t help but love his father despite it. It SEEMS that people who have experienced this level of trauma and by extension have these levels of fear, they can both see the Thing and be affected by its powers[???].

While I’m still not entirely certain of the extent of the Thing’s involvement in season 2, as a majority of the teasers have been centered on the Guest, I’m very excited to see how things change between my writing this and the release. I look forward to being proved right, being proved wrong, or merely watching the series come to fruition. Thank you for reading my absolutely insane ramblings.

-Calypso

[piratefishmama]

Live to Serve (You) | Part 6

What followed was by far the most conflicting year of Steve Harrington’s life. On the one hand, he knew exactly what the touch of a woman felt like, it was nice, almost addictive, mind-numbingly good enough to just sink into and let his worries wash away for an evening, but on the other, Eddie seemed to hate him out of nowhere.

Probably for the best that he had all those pretty distractions to keep him busy because otherwise he might have just fallen into a spiralling depression because Eddie wouldn’t talk to him.

He’d be cordial and polite, he’d be respectful with titles, he’d never disrespect the crown, but gone were the lazy days in the library where Eddie would read to him in silly voices, gone were the adventures out in the fields chasing each other on horse back until the sun began to dip beyond the horizon, gone were the mornings where he’d wake to Eddie’s fingers in his hair, dull fingernails dragging a light pressure across his scalp, his deep velvety voice cooing his name to gently rouse him from slumber.

It felt like he’d lost a limb and every day dragged a little more than the one before it, sometimes, when he didn’t have company, he’d sit in bed until the earliest of hours just before the sun began its ascent, unable to sleep, pondering the whys with a deeply seated misery building in his chest because he knew Eddie had pulled away from him, had pulled so far out of reach that he couldn’t pin him down long enough to get an answer out of him as to why.

He was like smoke, slipping through his fingers and his mother only ever gave him a look of deep sympathy and sorrow whenever he asked for her help. An expression followed by a gentle “there’s nothing I can do, Steven… only you can mend this.”

“But how?” He’d ask, desperate for answers and she’d say the most frustrating thing possible in that moment,

“You must talk to him.” As if it were that easy. As if he hadn’t been trying to do that since that first day, since the morning after his eighteenth birthday when everything had changed out of nowhere.

So he tried other options. The maids, he’d fooled around with a few of them, always fun and eager to please, but none were more useful to him than Robin Buckley. One of the maids usually found taking care of the library, keeping it clean, keeping the books organized and in good condition, she knew Eddie! She didn’t respond to his attempts at flirting though, staring at him with an unimpressed expression that had him quickly floundering for another tactic.

She did take pity on him though, a hand held up to stop his fumbled attempt at saving face mid-way through his attempt “can I help you with something, your highness?” She asked, simple, straight to the point and the start to a brand-new friendship that made his Eddie problems just a little easier to bear. He had someone on his side, someone who could get to Eddie, someone who could try and plant the idea of forgiveness into his brain for a crime Steve didn’t know he’d committed.

She wouldn’t tell him why though. “I’m sorry, Steve” she’d shrug her shoulders “some things have to come from the person themselves, it’d never be right of me to tell you what’s going on with him no matter whether it’d help fix things quicker or not. It’s got to come from him.”

“That’s just… fine.” Awful. That was awful, and unfair, and cruel, and… honestly Steve loved her a little bit for it. She was on his side, but it seemed like she was still protecting Eddie.

“I might be able to get you alone together though.” And there was his chance.

It was one of the many guest rooms. It’d taken far too long for Robin to take pity on him to make this happen, far too long with her having servant solidarity to help him just enough to get him this one on one, but there Eddie was.

Nineteen years of age to his own eighteen, yelling at the door because Robin had locked it behind him leaving them all on their own in a room nobody used. At least the maids kept it maintained, the beds were always dressed in fresh linens and the fireplace was always stocked with dried logs for burning just in case a traveller came calling in need. The palace was large, with far too many rooms for a one child royal family.

There was always room for people in need. Always.

“Oh, I’m going to kill her, I’m going to kill her, bury her body in an unmarked grave in the woods, then dance on it.” Excessive, Steve thought, trying to keep the fond smile that threatened to grace his lips at bay. Gods he missed Eddie. He missed him so much.

He couldn’t get lost in fondness though, he had a mission to execute. “Uh-huh, and why are you so against being locked in a room with me? What have I done exactly?” He wished Eddie would just tell him, wished it hadn’t come to being locked in a room with the guy, but… drastic measures.

“I’d be against being locked in a room with anyone against my will” Eddie bit back “you’re not special, your highness.” Steve wished he could say he didn’t wince, but he did. Eddie had a sharp tongue, and he wasn’t afraid to use it, even against him.

“That’s another thing, this your highness crap, where the hell has that come from?” Steve crossed his arms over his chest, a feeble attempt to make himself feel stronger in the face of an angry Eddie “and the morning thing, which by the way, what the hell? You don’t even help me with my clothes anymore! Just breakfast’s ready and you’re gone! You know I hate breakfast first thing! And my mother hates my fashion sense!” Feeble, totally feeble things to throw at the other man but— he missed the smallest of things.

Everything Eddie had perfected over the years had been ripped away from him in one go, he missed things he hadn’t even known he could miss.

“You’re eighteen years old, Steven” another wince, eyes dipping to the floor, Steven, it’d been Steve since the day they met, how had things changed so much? “You should be able to dress yourself and manage your own breakfast schedule by now.”

“Steven? What the—okay. Okay, clearly I’ve done something wrong, so if you could just tell me, because I’ve wracked my brain and cannot for the life of me figure out what I could have done, I can fix it and get my stupid friend back.”

“I’m not stupid.”

“Oh my God, Eddie. Please. Please just tell me what I’ve done, I want my best friend back, and I don’t know how to get you back so can you please just tell me?” 

“This isn’t something you can fix, Steve.” At least it was Steve again, small miracles. “It’s… it’s just got to be this way, alright?” Nope.

“No, not alright, this isn’t alright, I did something, I know I did something, or I’m doing something cause you’d have forgiven me by now if I’d only done it once so… just tell me and I’ll stop.” Eddie just looked at him, his brows furrowed with… something, not anger, not irritation… something else, something that hurt Steve’s heart just to think about. Something that hurt him to think he’d caused it, but he couldn’t quit now. “You’re not getting out of this room until you tell me so you might as well just tell me.”

“You’re such a brat, Steve.”

“I’m royalty, it comes with the territory. This all started after my birthday, after that stupid hunt, did someone say something? Did I drink too much and say something to you?” No, no he didn’t, he knew he didn’t, he’d been sober all night and Eddie had been entertaining guests with the lute, god he’d been so pretty that night, he missed him, god he missed him— there had to be something. “Cause I dunno what I said but—”

“You didn’t say anything, Steve. You haven’t done anything wrong” Steve frowned in confusion and doubt “don’t—don’t look at me like that, you haven’t. This… what I’m doing? I’m doing it for me. I’m doing it to protect myself.” Protect himself? What in the world would he have to protect himself from? “And yes, it might suck for you that you now have to dress yourself but… it’s best if you just allow me to keep my distance.” Ugh, he didn’t get it, it wasn’t about the shallow small things, it was everything else!

“This isn’t about dressing myself, Eddie, Lord almighty, I’m—I want my friend back, I want to go riding with you” he missed the spectacular view of Eddie’s hair loose and beautiful, flowing in the wind as they rode through the fields, chasing each other on horseback, missed the way the sunlight caught the happiness that made his eyes glow in the summer sun “and listen to you read” he missed the voices, missed the way he’d turn boring words on a page into a theatrical masterpiece where if Steve just closed his eyes he could picture the people the voices belonged to in his minds eye. “I want to take you on hunts with me cause it’s shit out there without you” a privilege he’d not yet gotten, Eddie never having joined him on a hunt but… the idea of getting to share a tent, watching Eddie make shadow animals on the fabric walls using the lantern as his only source of light, coming up with stories to match how they moved in the light, he wanted it, he wanted it so badly. “I want to be able to tell you about life things, I want to watch you lace up my tunic cause I can’t do it myself” and getting to see Eddie’s eyes through thick lashes so close, god… it made his chest tight and his mouth dry and— “it’s always too tight, or too loose…” he licked his lips to dampen the drying skin “I just want you back and I don’t know how to do that so please, tell me how.”

“I can’t…”

“Why?” He felt like a toddler throwing a tantrum, but he couldn’t stop now, not when he was so close.

“Because it’s not fair! I can’t— I can’t justify it in any way that you’ll understand, in any way that’ll make what I’m doing sound fair to you because it’s not your fault, you haven’t done anything wrong, it’s me, it’s all me, I’m only human and it hurts so I’m protecting myself, please just let me protect myself, just… just call me selfish, or irrational, be mad at me for pushing you away for a bad reason, just… just let me go.”

“Not until I know what the reason is.”

“Ngghh, why? Why do you have to know?”

“Because you JUST said it’s hurting you…” he stepped closer, he knew this was like cornering a wild animal, but he needed to be closer, he’d spent years being held at arms-length and Eddie was right there, his resolve clearly crumbling bit by bit, just a little more, a little more. He’d been complacent for too long, he refused to let Eddie go again “I don’t want to hurt you, Eddie… I don’t want to be the one causing you pain, I don’t know what it is, but… if you tell me, I can fix it… I can make it better again, I can have my best friend back…”

“You can’t fix It, I don’t know how many times I’ll have to say it to get it through your skull, but you can’t.”

“I can try!”

“I wouldn’t ask you to! That wouldn’t be fair!”

“You’re being difficult.”

“You locked me in a room against my will and interrogated me, difficult is the LEAST I can do!”

“Ugh, will you just tell me, please?!”

“No!”

“Why?!”

“Because—Because—!” Something in his friend seemed to snap. He was close, so close, close enough to see the frayed edges of his last vestiges of patience and then it was gone, patience expired, however he didn’t choose violence, there was nothing violent in Eddie’s movements, even the grip of his hands on Steve’s jaw were surprisingly gentle even for the abrupt way he grabbed him.

And then lips. Soft, oh so impossibly soft lips, closed the short distance between them, it took Steve all of a second to catch up. Even if he hadn’t quite figured out what was going on, instinct alone told him to press that boy up against something firm and take his breath away, it was what he wanted, what Eddie apparently wanted and Steve would have given him anything within his power to do so, and as a prince that was unsurprisingly a vast amount of things, so if all he asked for was this, if the only request he had was to be consumed by a mutual want, then Steve would gladly give in.

It was messy, uncoordinated, but Steve made quick work of showing him everything he’d learned, taught through show, how to move his lips, how to lose himself in the hot slide of tongue across tongue. He took Eddie’s jaw within his hands just to gently coax him into the correct angle never once breaking the kiss to do it, only when Eddie’s hands left his own jaw to melt around his neck well, only then did he part from him, a white-hot lance of fire surging through his gut as Eddie tried in vain to chase, his cheeks flushed a warm beautiful pink, lips bruised and shining slick with spit, his pupils blown in a darkened want but eyes wide as though lust and panic fought in his mind for what he ought to be feeling.

“Wh-what...?” Steve breathed, lips still brushing those bruised, spit slicked, plump lips as he spoke “you...” he really didn’t need to ask questions, Eddie clearly wasn’t about to answer them if the building panic seemed to be overtaking the want, Steve didn’t ask any further questions, instead merely groaned out a soft “God, why didn’t you do this years ago?” Before reclaiming the lips he’d dreamed of for years.

Maybe he was being greedy, maybe he was rushing things by allowing his hands to dive for clothes, to fumble with the hem of Eddie’s shirt untucking it from his trousers just to feel the skin of his slender waist within his hands and pulling him closer, hips flushed to hips, maybe he was rushing what they’d have all the time in the world to explore but Steve had years upon years of desire, often repressed, often pushed down, bottled up, and hidden away but Eddie was there, his arms around Steve’s neck, fingers splayed into his hair, breaking the kiss to groan sweet music into the air around them, his head pressed back against the door with nowhere else to go.

Could anyone blame him for rushing?

Steve wasn’t deterred by the broken kiss, there was still so much skin to taste, a perfectly pristine, smooth column of pale skin beneath the cut of Eddie’s jaw just begging to be beautifully mottled with dark, colourful bruises born of desire and it was during the creation of one such beautiful bloom of colour that Eddie managed to gasp “S-Steve...” as his hands feebly gripped broad shoulders, Steve hadn’t even realised they’d left his hair. “Steve… I’ve never—w-we shou—” lord above, never. Never, not even once, his best friend, the boy he’d loved since before he knew what love looked like, had never even attempted to allow himself to be touched.

His mouth watered.

“Shhh” Steve shushed against Eddie’s neck, thumbs gently massaging circles into the dips of Eddie’s hips, “I’ve got you, you’ve looked after me for so long, Eddie... let me—let me take care of you for once.” So many things he wanted to try, so many things he’d had done to him.

So many pleasures Eddie deserved to receive.

He’d never just sat there and taken any of it, enjoyed, yes, greatly enjoyed but he’d learned too, he’d taken their attentions as lessons to be learned and while he’d never been an exceptionally gifted study, that was a subject he excelled at. He knew what he liked, knew how painted lips and talented tongues had reduced him to mush with nought but a saliva slick slide and just enough suction in a bid to impress him.

Not that he needed extra effort to impress. He’d lasted almost all of twenty goddamn seconds the first time, but as he dropped to his knees, not a position a prince should ever really find himself, but a position that still felt so right to be in in that particular moment, so he really didn’t care how long Eddie lasted.

They had all the time in the world, and lots to make up for.

Part: End

[acorpsecalledcorva]

Ok this is fucking amazing in this book I'm reading on Kink Magic (current special interest).

The couple who wrote it talk a lot about using invocation as part of sexual ritual, whether that's calling upon deities, demons, fictional characters, or something called aspecting.

They talk about aspecting the way we say "everyone has parts" but highlight that within a ritual or BDSM scene space this can be much more direct and compartmentalised than "work me" and "with family me", which is certainly true in my experience, even without switching parts.

But then they take it one step further. The wife, desiring to explore her gender identity, decided to segment her identity into 4 different parts. She bought a bunch of different clothes for each part, and used the clothes as a reinforcement to embody these aspects of her self and allow them to develop more fully.

After 6 weeks, however, one part took on a life of its own and started taking executive control. She ceased the experiment and integrated 3 of the parts together but that last one took about a year to fully reintegrate.

And it's just..wow..it's fascinating to read about this experience completely separated from plural and system spaces. We don't know anymore about this renegade part than what the author chooses to include in that segment. Even I'm tempted to feel sorry for that part wanting to be free and live a life of their own but the lens through which I'm viewing the situation is heavily influenced by current syscourse, it's a plural lens.

The author was never intending or attempting to be plural though, the goal was self development. To give repressed parts of her Psyche room to grow and become more herself than she was, and according to the author, this was a complete success! She was able to free and take ownership of her masculine and male energies, not taking from her feminine and female sides, only adding to the totality of herself.

And my favourite part about all this is it's exactly what I've done with both my system and my gender identity. The beginning of system discovery was all about giving names and voices to parts, giving them space and time to develop in the real world, learning about themselves and how they fit in the world. This created more dissociative barriers at first, made things less stable and harder to manage, but was honestly just growing pains.

The last year, instead, has been all about flattening out, taking ownership of each others aspects, becoming more like each other and lessening distinctions even if we aren't quite able to lower barriers yet.

It's so nice to be more vulnerable, more assertive, more playful, more confident, more emotional, more masculine, more feminine, and not have any of these things contradict each other, only complimenting each other and making each other stronger.

I think there's a lot to be said about system solidarity and advocating for ourselves as a community but I think there is a tendency to close the walls off around the community where it's a bit "system resources for system spaces approved by systems". Like, if a therapist has a different idea about how to do things than what the system community says is ok for a therapist to do then that means they're a bad therapist. Even when it's stuff from official guidelines.

And I'm just realising more and more how much stuff is actually out there that's totally applicable to systems and potentially really helpful even if it's for and by singlets. Dissociation can actually be really fucking cool and useful if you learn how to use it right, not just in response to difficult situations but in creative and productive ways too!

The truth is out there guys 👽

[madfantasy]

Been crying alot lately not knowing why, nd now I can verbalise it, I need to type it down for the sake of my sanity.. I think its lots of trauma dumping, I'm sorry

I've seen a post ask about if you're an ace would u be in romantic relationships, and I have just thought about how I'm always revolted by these concepts since I was 6 years old.

Having been always groomed to be wed to one of my cousins or a rich somebody to be my highest achievements as it solely focuses on my private parts as my worth and my ability to contribute to the family's "Good reputation" and reap back benefits to.

But I knew, all along, if I was forced to be with someone, that will end me being on this earth or them if they tried going near me. And growing up, I always tried to accept that fact, accept that u need to be pure and clean and be good for wedding and basically enslaved to it, cuz that's all our still impoverished family can aspire to. And on top of the dark thing that happened to me, making me truly believe I have no worth in this world and have prayed to be taken to heaven before I hit puberty, and have tried pitiful attempts to leave it, untill i got faint access to Internet and stole the keys to the locked books, they themselves should have been reading, around 17 years old, found an only opening and escape to reality.

I remember, my refusal was all the firmer the more anyone tries to tell me all about the glamor of being an intimate house maid and the domestic abuse they gloss over that I personally have witnessed time and time again with every couple that visited or we went to. I always respond that i am already one to my guardian's with the same abuse minus the gross intimate part.

I didn't even understand why I hated it so much while everyone is doing it, and as young as 16.

I avoided alot of marriage offers thanks to my guardians being, in one good way, over protective. And me losing my mind every time they brought it up. Literal uncharacteristic melt downs and now they fear the subject after they finally snapped me after saying no for years wasn't enough of a respond.

I'm 30 and the latest offer was from a rich cripple who was willing to pay all my guardians debts and give them a farm. My guardians dream. They turned it down without consulting me.

I've always hated the concept of pairs joined by s*x and the s*x itself. And marriage as a whole never made sense to me, considering the developing world and its problems. But I understand it as a bond if its first and foremost was not for love, it was for safety— mental, financial and otherwise.

And where I come from, independence is supported by the family, you can not survive, work, do anything if you do not have a family, and specially if you assigned a certain gender. So basically, I lived in isolation for the majority of my life, in poverty, marriage seen as the only -allowed- way out.

And it's all stims from a so called religious teachings.. Alot in common in this world, who take it as a personality trait and use it to justify injustice. Even though most of the time they know nothing about it beside what they are told by their authority figures and operat in this world as superior to all others because they were told they r the true religion. I saw on TT a so called mus-girl complaining about her children being exposed to 'rainbow ppl' in school education and having the nerve to complain about it living as a foreigner welcomed to practice her religion in a western country and claims not to be hateful. And yes, Arab ppl call the community 'rainbow' which reeks of the phobia and condescension. Like their religion teaches them to be at peace with all and treat ppl how they like to be treated, yet they fail to apply that when they don't like or lack the emotional intelligence to understand others who are merely different, just different and existing, exactly like them. And they do believe God made everything, so he did make those people, so what their excuse to that? And they exsisted since tbe dawn of humanity. And funny thing is their religion tells them that God made humans different, and urges them to read, to wonder the earth and consider facts and if they don't know to ask who are knowledgeable, and their intentions matters more and if they did unjustly by anyone, who ever they are, they r not a true mus--. It obviously translate to just ask a man who knows nothing about science, empathy or common sense or notice the accumulating facts and only repeat a select few he is told at a religious house. Thinking seems to be a burden these people happily relinquish to others. Which irkes me to no end

I was told all the shit I endured is because it from gods teachings, and it should make me happy. I never stopped questioning if this is a bless then why I was never happy? And why I can't do as I am told

They beat me up when I drew, when I was rowdy and when what now i know is stimming, shaming it as an act of another religion, and it was the running joke in the whole family. Mental health was an immense shame and hush hush, and anyone who seemed to need it was judged to be just a lesser mus-- so they deserve all the pain and suffering they get

I was glad that lady was getting chewed by ppl who was responding to her, but one person said something that just made me burst into tears and I couldn't stopp crying lately..

She said she was a teacher that goes from school to school and stuff so she experienced alot of communities and she noticed the vast differences between children who's family love and support is unconditional and those who don't, they obviously tend to later thrive.

And thats the word..

Thrive

Besides our financial situation never changing to the better, everything else was in decline, my guardians health themselves relying on me even more, and my mental anguish exasperated to a point i barely see a point in life, daily.. I can barely draw now, something I did 24/7

Everything that I am I had to do deep research for just to know that there's nothing wrong with me or im not deserving punishments for. I am ace, I am a gentle Them, I am on the spectrum, and I am Mani..

I did everything I do now in secret and complete agony. I learned English to gave privacy, continued to draw cuz it was my only alive part, and posted online when I was forbidden completely to protect my art from being lost, had to swear that I was nit interacting with others. I lied and one of the few times I was found, I was beaten while a school friend was on the other line in a voice chat. I was more humiliated that my friend witnessed it than being caught.

I still have the deep fear and distrust, I can't deal with social things, having to keep guessing which social cues they are using and not to become a living status, leaving the house the mere thought if it alone is panic inducing, I can never feel safe and cant risk something that might bring any harm to me and my sibs, every few days I struggle not to just delete my whole exsistance online. I can't look at faces even in pictures and if I did or need to I have to mentally prepare myself for so long. I literally had to convince my guardians that I can have a credit card so I can "learn" to do stock shi then used it to have PP and one day i got commissioned, and only when that happened I was able not to keep it a secret. And in its place now I feel the pressure when I can't provide or won't

The rest I still have no luck, I bearly managed to tell them recently that I suspect that I am on the spectrum, reading alot about it lately and it explains even things I couldn't. The nearest I managed to tell them that I am ace and what it is is that I started by saying I find who we are suppose to be wed to disgusting and I already living that glamorous stay at home shi nd co-raising 5 siblings they know very little about. They said fine but don't go saying that out loud cuz God says that marriage is the greatest bless but I won't force u ever.

I just feel my life force almost over, while I experienced nothing of life beyond isolation and constant need, so i cant thrive in anything.. Everything I wanted to do I begged to try was denied cuz either of my privates or cuz we were poor. I wanted to be athletic and do sports but there was no such thing as a second gender sports around. I wanted to be and still wish I could be, a wrestler. Unsurprisingly WWE was my inspiration and practiced as serious as a kid could, having what I believed a super pain tolerance cuz I never cried as I was beaten. I was cut from even watching it because it was "shameful " all of a sudden. Later I understood it was because everyone was shirtless and it was s*xulised by them. Everything became the same later, everything I drew or expressed feared to be s*xual and or homo nd I was punished over, I literally drew dying ppl and bromance alot at first. And they just projected their assumptions on me. I understood later and still can't bear the thought that ppl can project s*x into anything, and it never clicked in my mind because of what I am. And that was their biggest fear. I drew things cuz I saw them beautiful, and they only saw it as vulger, because they can't help but hyper s*xualize everything or assume it being so even with clear indications. Something that happened online too, tumblr nd tt, so it triggers me horribly

Something ace i also realised there's a word for (forgotten ittt ugh)— even though s*x and its mention is completely revolting to my person and I can have no relation to it. I can still enjoy it as a fictional concept, as entertainment, if u will, specially in a muse of two characters I enjoy. So drawing it is fun and exciting and enrichs my naughty side. Until I finish it and I never want to see it again cuz I'm not super good at it yet heh

In my mind, I can love and treasure who ever platonicly, and our bonds does not have to direct our paths in life. My romance is bromance, and meaning I will do everything to make my bestie happy, and my biggest wish is to live like tintin, in a mansion and everyone can be free to go on adventurous escapades, like getting coffee. ( i never done that, so

And this is something I wish to do with my siblings, if the stars were ever to align..

At least have Sherir with me.. puppets make me happy

[mooniechild]

E & D possible bpd disorder (part 1 D)

Okay so for those who don't know I'm a psychology student (yeah that's exactly what you read, now focus)so I gonna bring so reason why we can,and can not say Eric and Dylan may have had BPD, basically I gonna use their behavior, tapes transcriptions,drawing and their journal as a base for this.

Okay so for star BPD is a short for Boderline personality disorder,which is.....exactly a personality disorder wow.... unexpected,okay but what that means? different from a depression or a anxiety which is cause by yours hormones and can be treated with medicines Boderline is not cause by hormonal changes or brain chemistry like those two,which it means that medicate someone with BPD pretty much not gonna help in most of their behavior since is something on their personality and not on their chemicals.

Around 5 million people in the US have been diagnosed with PBD,okay now for Dylan and Eric and why most of the psychologist analysis of them could have been wrong even after years and years after.

1- one of the principal symptoms of BPD is the fear of a abandonment which Dylan demonstrate A LOT in his handwriting, especially after (apparently Zach Heckler) has found a girlfriend, Dylan felt that the world was conspiring against him trying to take the people he love away from him, Dylan saw Zach's behavior as him trying to abandone him after all they had lived together.

2-intense or unstable relationships,Dylan had a back and forth a couple times with Eric, asking his mom to backup him when Eric called and asking her to talk out loud with him so he could give a excuse to not be around Eric for a while,they both had a pretty intense relationship between them,BUT...let not forget Dylan dream girls,which him used to see them as a true love and then notice they didn't care about him at all (according to the man itself) Dylan was desperate to experience a true love like the ones in his fantasy and reading to his journal we can feel how left out of the whole relationship thing he felt,how he felt that he would never be loved back.

3- quick changes in self aspect, D used to have those low and high on his self esteem ever now and then,he would be 'Mr cutter' in a second and hate his nose,and feel complete godlike in another,he would have those up and downs most I think to protect himself in situations that he felt under pressure like around the jocks in school,or in the tape while he was trying to act tough in front of the camera

4- Impulsive and risky behavior is also a very common sign of Boderline,Dylan would scratch a locker, hack school computer with his friends to get the school lockers combo,he would break into a van and apparently even stole credit card passwords,he put himself in danger endless time(honor mention for him pointing a gun to his stomach while reloading it)

5-periods of paranoid,not let me get started it every time Dylan though people was conspiring against him,in a McDonald's as Sue mention on her book,Dylan even write about it on his journal

He mention a couple time felt that people was trying to fuck his life in a almost Godly way, trying to get his Alcyone away from him with all those human feeling's and thoughts and confusion,after a while Dylan started to see NBK as a way to get away from this reality to a whole new one with his love (he is a romantic let him be happy,let the kid dream)

6-Threats of suicide or self-injury, Dylan would very openly talk about his suicide thoughts on his journal,about blowing his head off with a pipe bomb or even shot a poor SOB person(someone is needing to understand his social class)

He discuss about his self harm and about how he felt depressed and with nothing left to live.

7-long feeling of emptiness,well well well look where we got,this sunshine boy is full of that,this feeling could be caused by triggers I think in Dylan case is most about his shyness,he was a very social anxious person, Devon once said he wouldn't go to her party cause some people he doesn't like would come over,so I guess most of his feeling of emptiness was caused by creating those paranoias that people was trying laughing at him.

8-Inappropriate, strong anger, losing temper often, being sarcastic or bitter, or physically fighting. Well I couldn't find anything about Dylan in fact physically fighting,I meant....Brooks on 4th grade doesn't count I guess,once he hit at his co-worker shoulder when she told him about a work Infraction....so yeah,he was know by many person as scary cause he would just be here and stare at them,or bounce at girls in the gym making them fell on the ground, calling Doddy a bitch,and being a asshole with his french teacher slamming doors and whatever at class,he would threat a special student Adam Kyler to kill him if he showed up for class,and he confess being mean to people at his journal,well at being sarcastic....

This men is my favorite sassy machine,he was know for being sarcastic,the whole voodoo thing on Devon birthday card, the way he act at the video he Brooks and Zach made for Mrs Caruthers.

The thing here is, boderline almost never comes alone most people ended up having a 2 or more mental health problems, boderline is more diagnosed on girl's and it didn't have a cure as I said before BUT have some great sources of treatment,the thing is psychology didn't came to a conclusion about how it develope BUT they think is a combination with genetic, environment,and social factors or huge trauma.

SO WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS: D in fact suffered with some sort of mental health problem,and analysing the case for 7 years now I guess we can pretty much see him trough a LOT of angles, searching in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders) a couple hundred times in the last 3 years I tried to comprehend Dylan actions and behavior,and I pretty much can see him getting a diagnostic of BPD,so this is the thread basically hope you guys enjoy,I gonna do a part 2 for Eric:)

[nikethestatue]

I’m seeing everyone talk about plot holes and inconsistencies in HOFAS. I read the book very quickly in another language and so I don’t really remember these. What are some plot holes in HOFAS?

One thing that’s been bugging me is, probably the only hole I caught, is the concept of limbs growing back for the Vanir, but this doesn’t happen in TOG or ACOTAR. Now that we know the Fae of Midgard are exactly the Fae of ACOTAR, and the Shifters are exactly the Fae of TOG, and it doesn’t seem like any type of evolution has occurred to change the Midgard Fae at all, im confused how regeneration is a thing. I suppose it’s never directly been mentioned in TOG. But Lucien is missing an eye. That faerie in book 1 ACOTAR had his wings ripped out by Amarantha and died from it. We know angels can regrow theirs. I know Cassian and Azriel have their wings shredded and healed at different points, but to me that seemed more like skin regrowing after being damaged rather than whole limbs regrowing. Idk, these things dont bug me severely but it is noticeable…

Just off he top of my head:

Amren who arrived during the time of the asteri/daglan can offer almost no info on them

She was in Prison during Fionn's/Theia's time, but regardless, she supposedly was there in the beginning and she can't provide any insight to anyone

Bryce arrives and conveniently, they just KNOW that she is gonna go exactly where the slithering beasts are...right

When someone drops from the sky or whatever and tells you that your whole world might be re-invaded and you have a history with these immensely powerful creatures who want to come back to your planet, asking 'may i look into your head' is just fucking dumb. It doesn't make you the King of Consent. It makes you the Lord of Dumbness. Why even have this daemati power if you never use it, even to save your people and your world potentially, because you are so...honourable? Come on. That's just ridiculously stupid. And oh-so convenient.

15 thousand years is a long time, but the amount of history that the Fae lose in that time is kind of dramatic. They conveniently remember nothing about their beginnings or anything that's connected to their past. But it doesnt make sense that they would forget because they live thousands of years. That time span could be only 4-6 generations. So their 15k is equivalent to our 200 years. We DEFINITELY know what happened 200 years ago. Like between Rhys and his dad alone, it's 1,500 life span. If grandpa High Lord lives for 2K years before, and another great-grandpa for another 2-3K years, we are REAL close to 15K. But no one remembers shit.

They dont even remember who built Velaris.

So for 15K years, NO ONE, not one person bothered to go on a walkabout in Hewn City, to check out all these walls with all these stories on them. It took Bryce to drop in and just miraculously look at a wall and see the entire history of prythian just like that.

Apparently, Azriel forgot how to winnow. So they needed some very elaborate way of crossing some river. Because he couldnt just transport them across it...

According to SJM 15,000 years is close enough to have an unbelievable resemblance between Ruhn and Rhys so much so that they look like twins, all because they shared some ancient ancestor. But apparently it's far enough for Rhys to know nothing about this ancestor, even though he is her direct descendant.

You have Rhys, whose blood is 'programmed' into the Prison and its wards, you have AMren who spent TWO THOUSAND years in Prison, you have Lanthys, a death god who heard the Harp and its note singing, you have the Bone Carver who imprisoned himself willingly in Prison--and yet NOT ONE OF THEM sensed the presence of an Asteri sleeping in a glass coffin beneath their feet.

Yet Super Bryce found the sleeping Asteri in 2 days. And managed to kill her too.

I can go on and on, but I think you get the point.

Prythians look like backward dopes and maybe they are, but I don't think they are supposed to be? Like the MOST POWERFUL HIGH LORD IN HISTORY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! was taken by some girl in pink sneakers. Not to mention her stealing Azriel's prized unique dagger just like that.

[bidgies]

3 & 17 for the book asks? 😊

Thank you for asking, Sae 😊

I already answered 3 but actually I just saw that I rated exactly 10 books with 5 stars, so I'll just put the rest of them in to order from 6 to 10?

3. What were your top five 10 books of the year? (continued from last ask)

10. The Tower of Swallows by Andrzej Sapkowski

I literally just put this at 10 because I don't remember what exactly happened in this one. I read the Witcher series at the beginning of the year, so it's all a bit muddied but apparently I liked this one a lot. I remember that I really liked Ciri though and I think she was in this one a lot

9. Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson

I was very excited for this one because hey, a book about religious trauma and discovering you're queer! I think I must have somewhat liked it or I wouldn't have rated it five stars but it was a bit tedious to get through and not as relatable as I had hoped but there were some nice quotes that I picked from it

8. Legend by Marie Lu

Already talked about this one but seriously if you want to revisit your teenage YA dystopia phase this one and the rest in the series are pretty good, have great nuanced characters and solid world building

7. Der Scherbensammler by Monika Feth

This book is just deeply personally important to me and I didn't expect rereading it to be such a good experience but it was. I won't go into more detail here, if you want to know more, Sae, you can always ask on the mental health blog

6. Tomorrow, And Tomorrow, And Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin

I got this one at a book festival by a book seller who swore up and down I'd love this book and if not, I should come find her at her bookstore and complain formally because she can't imagine I won't like it. I picked it up mostly because of her and because I read Zevin's Birthright trilogy when I was a teenager/young adult and liked that one. It's not my usual genre because it's about a group of friends in the 90s who develop video games together and it's focused a lot on their developing relationships and friendships. But it's good. It's very good and the characters really carry this one

17. Did any books surprise you with how good they were?

I already mentioned This Is How You Lose The Time War, right? It was recommended to me by probably the post that everyone on here saw but I did actually check out a short blurb of what it's about before reading and was like "hey, this is right up your alley with spies on opposing sides and time travel!" Like two of my favorite things. Plus, it's gay. Let's get this book. And I was prepared for it to be good. Everyone had said it was good. It was about literally three of my favorite things. I went in there expecting it to be very good. I was completely blown away. Like everything about it is so good, the characters, the writing style, the language, the development of their relationship, everything. I came away from this book wanting to reread it and analyze every word of it. Hell, I wanted to go back to uni so I could take a literature seminar on it and analyze together with others and discuss all of it and write a term paper on it. That's what this book did to me. It was so good that for a good three weeks after reading it, I couldn't get into anything else because this book had temporarily ruined me and everything else seemed bland next to it. High expectations completely surpassed

[dotspoetrycorner]

Rise of the Pink Ladies Cynthia x OC Part 7

Chapter 7: Frosty Palace

Ella’s POV

After ditching the pep rally I went to the frosty palace. I didn’t know where else to go, my parents expected me to be at the school and I couldn’t explain to the why I left. So here I am in the almost empty diner, drinking a milkshake and rethinking all my choices. 

I know Susan’s just upset and is looking for any reason to be more upset, but how can you publicly humiliate someone like that? But what else can I do, they are the only way to get though the year.

The pep rally must be over because the diner starting filling with people, I really just wanted to go home at this point, so I quickly finished my drink and left. I had just managed to weave my way through all the people and cars when I ran into someone. They were running and the impact was hard, making me fall flat on the ground. 

“Watch where you’re-“ I started to yell but then I looked up and saw Cynthia. “Oh- I’m so sorry!” She said frantically, trying to help me up. “Why are you in such a rush?” I asked. “Im just trying to get home.” She replied. “Me too. Rough night?” She nodded, “Yeah. After what happened at the pep rally, I-“ “what happened at the pep rally? I left early.” I guess something pretty big. “The t-birds said they would let me join them if I came up with a plan to get back at those stupid socs for embarrassing Richie… no offense, but your friends are awful.” She explained. “I don’t even know if they’re my friends anymore. Not after they wanted to embarrass Jane like that.” 

After walking for a while I realized Cynthia and I should have parted ways by this point, she’s walking in the opposite direction from her house. “You don’t go this way.” “I’m walking you home” She replied. “You really don’t have to-“ “I’m walking you home.” Alright then. We just kept walking in silence. It’s so weird, we used to be able to talk for hours, talk about anything and everything, and now we’re struggling to find even one thing to talk about. 

Cynthia was the first to speak, “so… are you caught up on the English assignment?” I just looked at her, that was the best she could come up with? She continued, “Look, I’m strapped for conversation here and you like books.” I laughed, “After Of Mice and Men, Animal Farm, and The Catcher in the Rye, Little Women is an amazing change. I’m on my third re-read.” I glanced over at Cynthia, she was just staring at me, smiling. “What?” I asked, “Nothing. That’s just very you.” I looked down, it’s weird, our dynamic is the same as it used to be but now I get this weird feeling when she’s around. She spoke again, “I didn’t mind it at first, I actually kind of liked it. Jo was cool, then she got into all that love crap, I couldn’t get through it.” 

That conversation broke the ice and we were back to exactly how I remember us being. But eventually we arrived at my house. “This is me. Thank you, you turned my really bad night into a pretty okay one.” I said and hugged Cynthia. She tensed up for a second then hugged back. That feeling came back. I told her goodnight then started walking up my driveway, hearing a soft “goodnight” as I walked into my house.

I was greeted by my mom. “Was that Cynthia out there?” She asked. “Yes” I replied. “I didn’t know you two were still friends.” “I’m really tired. Im going to sleep, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I said, quickly walking up the stairs. Its not that I didn’t want to tell me mom what had happened that night, but it’s a long story and she just wouldn’t understand. 

lying in bed I couldn’t sleep, all I could do is think. I couldn’t be friends with Cynthia again and keep my other friends, and they have been really rude the past couple of days, and Cynthia and I have always been great friends for one another. But Susan, Dot, Rosemary, and Pearl have been with me through the past 6 years, through everything. I don’t know what to do.

[warriorplots]

Welcome to Warriorplots!

Hello! I'm the sole owner/admin of this blog. You can call me Mason or Millie, I use she/her pronouns (subject to change)! I read my first warriors book about 9 years old & was completely smitten all the way through elementary school, though I only got as far as the end of OotS & half of the first book of AVoS. That's where I stopped for good unfortunately, so I know virtually nothing about any books after that or any super editions (save for Bluestar's Prophecy, but who doesnt know that one really?). Because of this, and a general dislike for the way the books are written, I like to lean more on things like fan comics & OCS -- that's why I made this blog! I think about these cats quite a lot and so come up with a number of ideas for characters & plots, many more than can fit in my own stories; this is where I'll share them, as well as other folks' submitted ideas!

Posts may be very slow until I can start getting more submissions. Currently I am aiming for a post every other day. Thanks for reading :]

Rules:

1- Submissions containing ableism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, elements of real life racism (canon typical cat racism is generally OK, just dont send in like. cat named Whiteheart hates all specifically black cats because they're obviously evil in their hearts or whatever) or generally any bigotry are not allowed & will not be posted.

2- Nothing NSFW in submissions. Violence and such is alright, but dont get sexual about the feral cats on main.

4- This is not a discourse blog. Do not submit anything intentionally inflammatory or discourse related. Be friends here please.

5- I will tag any triggers I'm asked to (within reason of course). Any discourse around or making fun of any tagged triggers is extremely not allowed. Please keep in mind however, I am only human; If I forget to tag something, please gently remind me. Dont start yelling unless I've repeatedly missed them. In that case get mean.

6- Submissions with things like incest, pedophilia, or large age gaps, intentional or not & romanticised or not, will be deleted. Asks telling me this rule is bad because "free speech" or "fiction doesnt affect reality" or "theyre feral cats it happens all the time" will also be deleted. I will not debate this; this is not a discourse blog, yes, but I have the right to not engage with topics that make me uncomfortable no matter how mad it makes you. Go somewhere else. Thanks.

7- Cringe culture is dead. You are NOT allowed to call anyone's ideas (including your own) cringe/lame/whatever. This blog is for funzies!

8- Crossover ideas are 100% okay, I think they could be great fun. I probably wont post any crossovers with significantly problematic media or any media that makes me personally uncomfortable though.

9- If you believe I have posted anything that breaks any of these rules or is generally shitty, please let me know!

Tagged topics (Open to edits/expansion):

-Death (#tw death /#tw animal death / #tw cat death)

-Kits being harmed (does not include regular sickness, but please let me know if you would like it to) (#tw kit harm / #tw kitten harm) #tw kit death if applicable)

-Animal harm (#tw animal harm + specific tags depending on who exactly is being harmed & how)

-Violence (#tw violence)

-Gore (extreme/detailed descriptions of wounds or gore or very extreme violence) (tw gore)

-SH/suicide (note, extreme or poorly handled descriptions of this will not be posted at all, this is only for posts that mention it casually & without detail) (#tw sh / #tw suicide depending)