#I think they're just gradually getting more depressing

[biscuitdolly]

୨ৎ absolute necessities .ᐟ

if you're trying to glow up, get healthier, etc, these are the very basics that you absolutely NEED to follow!

01, WATER .ᐟ

Staying hydrated is crucial for your health and wellbeing. While the recommended daily intake is 8 cups of water, you can gradually increase your consumption over a few weeks if that seems too overwhelming. Drinking enough water provides numerous benefits, from clearing skin and flushing out waste, to boosting exercise performance and supporting weight loss. Despite being the very essence that sustains life, water is often underappreciated.

02, FOOD .ᐟ

I used to skip breakfast, thinking it would help me lose weight. However, studies show that those who eat breakfast tend to lose more weight and keep it off longer. The truth is, food is incredibly important. It's best to regulate your eating habits by consuming at least 3 meals per day, even if they're only small portions. Some food is better than no food. If you want to go on a diet, that's fine! but make sure you research healthy dieting methods. At a minimum, eat one serving of fruits and vegetables daily, and try to increase that to five servings per day if possible. Proper nutrition is key for your overall health.

03, HOBBIES .ᐟ

i have this previous post regarding hobbies you could try! It's so important to find fun activities that you genuinely enjoy and look forward to doing. Hobbies add fun to your life and pose as a nice break from technology and the stress of work and school. They also greatly improve symptoms of depression and anxiety. You could do some physical activity, such as a sport you like, or something more calm and creative, like painting or writing.

04, SLEEP .ᐟ

a lot of people struggle to fall asleep at a decent time. Try getting ready for bed early. Personally, I tend to take off my make up and do my skincare immediately after i come home for school/work so i don't have to worry about it before bed.

Technology is probably your sleeping schedule's worst enemy, as the blue light from the screen keeps your brain awake, so try to pause screen-related activities at least an hour before bed. Also, try not to snack 2 - 4 hours before you go to sleep. This is because lying down makes it harder for your body to digest food, which can result in sleeplessness.

Forcing yourself to go to bed super early isn't helpful either. Like I've mentioned in my other points, take things slow and gradual!

05, SOCIALIZATION .ᐟ

Engaging in simple social interactions, such as conversing with family, seeing friends, or greeting people on the street, is incredibly important. Isolating yourself in your room all day accomplishes nothing.

There was a time when I dreaded spending time with friends, convinced I lacked the energy or mood. However, once I forced myself to make plans, I realized how much I genuinely enjoyed their company. Other people are what make life truly worthwhile. So why not reach out to a friend right now and invite them to hang out tomorrow?

06, ACTIVITY .ᐟ

you don't need an exercise routine if you don't want one, but simple physical activity is still a daily necessity! At least 30 minutes is recommended. Personally, i most enjoy plugging in my headphones and going on a walk around my neighbourhood for an hour or two.

07, SELF TALK .ᐟ

Arguably one of my most important points, quit the self-deprecating talk. You never realize how much it affects you until you quit it. Yes, you can absolutely get that assessment done. Yes, you are a likable and amazing person. Just keep affirming and reminding yourself that you are worthy, and you will attract so many good things. Trust me, it will help you so much in the long run.

[cloudcountry]

I just discovered your writing and I love how you write Idia! If requests are open, could you write Idia with an S/O that cooks for him? It's heavily implied that Idia has depression and is very thin do to his lack of self care and malnutrition, but since he started dating he gains some weight and gets a bit insecure about it but reader comforts him because they're just happy that's he's eating healthy

SUMMARY: idia is starting to eat healthier and put on weight, which spawns new insecurities. you help him through it.

COMMENTS: i'm so unhinged about this request please. PLEASE. do not look at me right now im in SHAMBLES. you've saved my life with his request. IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT FOREVER I WROTE THIS IN LIKE 45 MINUTES IM LOSING IT. THIS BAD BOY CAN FIT SO MUCH NON SEXUAL INTIMACY IN IT. CRYING.

In the beginning of your relationship, getting Idia to eat and drink was like pulling teeth. You didn’t want to force it—Idia knew how he felt far better than you, and making him do something he didn’t want to was just cruel. You knew from the start that if he didn’t want to eat, he wouldn’t, and even after consulting Ortho you didn’t notice any changes in his attitude towards eating. You reminded him to drink water constantly and brought him little snacks, but the water bottles remained mostly full and the snacks were unopened. While you managed to coax another few sips of water out of Idia, the snacks were still a no-go and his vitamin drinks won the day once again.

It took until the two of you were second years for him to consider eating more, and you were so delighted that you began to cook for him. Although he still gained most of his nutrients from those vitamin drinks he’d always drink in place of meals, you were so proud of him when he started eating the small portions you’d set out for him. Each container had four sections, one full of dried fruits, one with nuts, one with vegetables, and the last with meat. You always wrote him a note telling him how proud of him you were, encouraging him to eat the whole thing but letting him know he could stop eating whenever. It was more of a snack than anything, but he’d eaten it, the whole thing, and you felt so moved you’d almost cried.

Idia never thought it was that much a deal, even when you started gradually increasing his portion sizes into your third year at NRC, always replying to your praise with bashful mumbles and scoffs, twisting his beautiful hair into knots as a nervous habit. He would finish his snacks and bashfully ask for more, turning his pink cheeks away from you when you’d beam and tell him you’d be on it right away. Noodle dishes were popular, along with sweet chicken recipes, and anything with rice or pasta. You avoided using meats like pork or beef or anything that wasn’t light like poultry. Idia always favored things that went down easy, not hearty meals that left you feeling stuffed (and, of course, you never fed him sushi due to his dislike of raw fish.)

He was drinking more water as the years went on, too—by the time you came to collect his dishes and figure out if he wanted more food or not, you’d catch a glance of a half empty water bottle and feel your heart fluttering in your chest. It made you so happy to see him eating and drinking healthier. Even if he complained about needing to go pee more often (which took out of his gaming time, oh the dramatics) you could tell he felt better. It had been a journey of three years but you and him were making some serious progress together, and you couldn’t be more proud.

To celebrate just how proud of him you were, you’d gotten Idia a small chocolate cake to go with his lunch, and you were delivering it a bit early to surprise him.

Balancing all of the food on one hand, you bounce on the balls of your feet as you punch in the security code to his room (it changed every day and he always texted you the new one, reassuring you that your messages had been encrypted ten times over so nobody could even chip at the defenses, not that you were worried about someone hacking your phone in the first place.) The door opens with its usual mechanical woosh and shuts behind you the second you step inside, immediately locking again.

“Idia, I bought you a gift today!” you cheer, setting the containers down on his bed.

You turn around to face the rest of his room before stopping dead in your tracks, coming face to face with very wide eyed, shirtless Idia. He’s clutching his shirt to his chest, trying to hide as much of him as he possibly can, but the way the fat of his stomach pinches and rolls at his side could still be seen past the fabric. Your mouth forms a small o shape as you stare, taking him in.

“Stop staring!” he yells, and it's only then that you notice the tears in his eyes and the pink borderline red flickers in his flames, “Get out!”

He throws himself into the gamer chair, spinning it enough so that the back of it faces you. You can see him curling up into a little ball, struggling to get his shirt on in the state he’s in.

“Idia, wait!” you call out, stopping him in his tracks.

Soft sniffles fill the room, and it breaks your heart.

“Why are you here early?” he snaps, still not coming out from his hiding place.

“I bought you a miniature cake. You’ve been eating more lately and I’m proud of you for that.” you say softly, sitting down on his bed, “I’m not going to come over there, darling. Don’t worry. This is a safe space, you know? I would never judge you.”

Idia is silent for a few beats before he speaks again.

“Maybe...maybe I should stop eating.” he murmurs, and the pain that shoots through your heart makes you gasp.

“Idia, no.” you plead, gentle even though you’re panicking, “What’s making you feel this way? You’ve been doing so well, you’ve told me how good you’ve been feeling this past year because you’re eating healthier, what changed?”

“I look like this!” he spits out, and there’s so much self loathing in his tone it brings tears to your eyes as well.

“You look beautiful, darling, you always have. What about yourself do you not like?” you plead, hoping and praying he’ll open himself up to you.

“I’ve gained weight. I’m not as skinny anymore. I look gross.” he peeks out from behind his chair and your heart breaks at how bloodshot his eyes are, “I don’t...want you to see me like this and leave me.”

“My love...” you keep his gaze, leaning as close as you can to him without leaving the bed, “I love you no matter what you look like, you know that right? I love you as a person. You will always, always look lovely to me. I love you. I don’t love a perfect version of you I made up in my head. Every single insecurity you have, I love, because they aren’t flaws. They’re just you.”

You let him take your words in, listening to his heavy breaths before you stand up.

“Darling...can I see you?” you ask carefully, “I want to see you.”

He hesitates.

“Promise me you won’t be disappointed.” Idia’s voice cracks mournfully, like he’s already accepted a fate that will never befall him.

“Never.” you answer immediately.

Your breath catches in your throat when he shamefully moves away from his gaming chair, staring at the ground to avoid looking at you. Your heart hits the ceiling with how light it feels, your lungs contracting and your body growing warm. Oh, he’s ethereal.

You take in the parts that he hates—the creases of his neck and his soft pecs (his nipples are blue, you note, and honestly that doesn’t surprise you), the rolls of his stomach and the fiery trial of hair that leads to his pelvis. You take in the blue glow under his arms and the way the fat of his upper arm folds into his shoulder, and his way his stomach hangs a little over the waistband of his pants. You take it how his arms are bigger now, whether that be from growth or the added weight you don’t know, but what you do know is that all of this beauty was hiding under his hoodie for the past three years. Probably even longer.

“You’re beautiful.”

And your voice breaks as a single hand covers your mouth, hearts in your eyes as you finally, finally make eye contact with Idia, his hair sparking and popping like solar flares as the flames turn pink.

You love that pink.

“B...Beautiful!?” Idia jerks back, looking so scared and ashamed and confused, “What are you talking about!? Beautiful is for men in otomes with eight pack abs, I’m no ikemen but I’m not stupid and how could you ever call me something like that—!?”

“Idia Shroud, you’re beautiful!” you shout, your voice far louder than you intended and it cracks again because oh, you’re so emotional, how could this man think he’s anything but beautiful?

“...what?” he whispers, shirt still clenched in his hands like a lifeline, “You...you don’t want to leave me?”

What you want to do is ask why you ever thought he’d leave you in the first place.

What you do instead, is tell him no.

And you stay.

You don’t make an excuse to leave or try to let him down slowly. You stay in his room and you ask to hug him, you stay in his room and you embrace him so tenderly when he says yes, you stay in his room with him and you kiss his temple, holding all of the extra fat he didn’t come with when you fell in love with him in your arms, loving him all the same even though he’s changed.

He doubts you’ve ever called someone beautiful as many times as you’re calling him that right now.

So Idia shuts his eyes and buries his face in your shoulder, hiding his face and his body and his sobs from the rest of the world in the safety of your arms.

You really will love him no matter what.

He doesn’t know what to do.

[ogsherlockholmes]

As much as I go on about how Holmes and Watson are sold as a set and that every adaptation has to include both of them, I always think about what they would be like apart.

For example, Holmes in his teen/young 20's years, trying to get through University and failing because he's uninterested in most of the topics, apart from the ones he's obsessed with which he cannot and will not break away from. Holmes basically isolated from the world because all of the other students find him too strange, too eccentric to hang around and be taken seriously (I'm purposefully excluding Victor Trevor here because he's always been a Watson prototype in my mind). Holmes starting to take drugs to stop feeling so depressed, to actually feel normal for once or to compensate for his feelings of loneliness by telling himself he's okay with being shut off from the world. Holmes' solving his first cases with Scotland Yard, gradually gaining more and more of a reputation, both for being a clever detective and for being an outcast. Holmes battling with his sexuality and his gender identity, because he sees men his age getting married to women and he isn't interested in that but he's still a little too interested in men, and maybe he's hoping he grows out of it, but deep down he knows he can't.

And then Watson has his own narrative and storyline: successful army doctor trying to find his feet in the war. He knows how to include himself with the other soldiers and the other men- after all, he can relate to their experiences with women. But secretly he knows that isn't all, he knows there's something different about himself that he just can't figure out, but he comes close when he looks at certain army 'buds' for a little bit longer than he should. Watson might have gone to war to escape from a situation at home, and he's trying to shut it out with the chaos, and he's mostly successful but he still feels something inside of him.

Both of them are struggling to understand their identities, to find their place in the world and who they might even share it with. They're nearly there, there so close but there's something missing: they're whole, but sometimes, things have to come in pairs to work at their best.

[girlwithadragonheart]

Thinking about Halsin and a depressed reader. Someone who knows they aren't alright, and is frustrated with themselves for not being able to communicate that. Someone who, when asked what's wrong? will answer, nothing, I'm okay, or I don't know because that's the only way they can properly communicate that something is, in fact, wrong.

Someone who starts to feel guilty because they can't ease their companions' minds because that would effectively be lying to them and telling them they're okay when they obviously aren't isn't alright. But they also can't just come out and say what the issue is because there is no issue, they just don't feel good.

Halsin sees the gradual change. The way you stop coming out around the others. The way your sentences get shorter and shorter, and you smile less and less. The few times you do, it doesn't quite reach your eyes. You have moments of joy, of course, but it quickly dissipates, leaving you with that emptiness that won't leave you alone.

Halsin would like to say he knows how to help that because he's lived it, but the truth is he doesn't. He spent a century feeling how you feel and the only way it lifted was to solve the root of the problem---the Shadow Curse. But how do you kill the weed if you can't find its roots?

He doesn't know, and watching you sleep more and more, becoming less inclined to solve anything that's a threat to you, it just kills him inside.

He finds himself approaching your tent one night when you skip dinner. He finds you near-asleep, rolled away from him with an arm supporting your head. Halsin kneels down beside you, resting one hand on your shoulder and the other on your hips, gently squeezing you awake.

You roll toward him slowly, and he looks down at your bleary eyes. "I'm worried about you."

You huff, sitting up and throwing the blankets aside. "Everyone is. I don't know what you want me to say."

"Can you at least talk to me about it?" Halsin asks gently.

Gods, but you want to. "I don't know how. I don't know what's wrong with me," your eyes tear up.

Halsin's brow furrows. The last thing he intended was to make you cry, but perhaps letting something out would do you some good. "Come here," he says in a gentle, commanding tone.

Following directions is all you know how to do right now, so you crawl over to him, settling yourself against his chest. He shifts his weight as though you aren't even there until he settles, wrapping his thick arms around you. He's soft. Comforting.

Gradually, your tears start to fall. Everything comes out as though a dam has burst and you can't reel it in if you try. Halsin pets your hair gently, smoothing it down, his other hand wrapped protectively around your waist where you straddle him.

The hand in your hair moves to your back, rubbing and massaging his fingertips into your taught muscles. "It's okay to not be okay," he says quietly. "All you have to tell me is 'I'm not okay' and I'm right here, alright, little dove?"

You nod blearily, sniffling against his shoulder.

"We'll get through this together. One step at a time, even if I have to hold your hand the whole way through."

-----------

This got so much longer than I thought it would oops, I'm having a night.

@halsinsgate Daddy Issues, rise!

[impossiblesuitcase]

Not to be a downer but I do think Kai goes into a depressive funk after the Revolution ends. He was so busy while the war was happening that he didn't have time to process his emotions. So when everything settles, he's back in New Beijing as emperor, his girlfriend is 300,000 kilometres away, his friends are scattered around the universe, and his father is dead.

He's consumed during the day with his ruling duties, but at the end of the day he comes back to an empty home, eats dinner alone, and spends his evenings aimlessly. He had no time during the war to truly grieve his father, all his school friends drifted away because he was so busy, and it finally catches up to him. Because of the time difference, Cinder is still working during his evening, so she's not always available to talk. He catches up with his friends over comms sometimes, but it's sparse with their busy schedules.

As a result of this--not to mention the trauma from the past months--his evenings become unbearable. He spends a good chunk of them lying on the couch, absentmindedly watching netdramas and trying to tune out his thoughts. On bad days, he just cries.

Eventually Cinder and Torin notice his mood and unknowingly team up to help him. Cinder changes her work schedule so that she will be free during his evenings, and they eat over vid comms at the same time--their ports propped up like they're at the same table--and watch net-dramas together. She encourages him to pursue hobbies he used to enjoy; he gets back into piano, motivated by the song requests Cinder sends him.

Torin also helps. He contacts his old school friends and arranges a dinner with them for Kai. He shifts Kai's endless legislative duties to community-based events where he can connect with his citizens.

Gradually, Kai comes back into himself and works through his loneliness and trauma with the aid of a counsellor. Along with rekindling these old friendships, Kai contacts the Rampion Crew more often and goes on 'diplomatic trips' to the countries they're in to catch up. He and Cinder talk through comms as much as possible and become incredibly close. Anyone that works in New Beijing Palace or Artemisia Palace can attest to the fact that 90% of the time you see the emperor or the queen they'll be gabbing away to each other.

So only two years later when they reunite for Scarlet and Wolf's wedding, they are so sure of each other--already each other's family--that proposing isn't too soon at all. He's never lonely when he's with Cinder.

[rottenpumpkin13]

any hc's for Genesis post-cc/ff7 events? :p

I do, but I'm a huuge strifesodos shipper, so I'm afraid my hc for where he ends up is very much that 🤧💚

• I think one way or another he ends up on the WRO's radar, but they don't imprison him basically because that would not end well, they'd make yet another enemy of a Jenova-cell person, and it's more efficient to try to recruit him.

• Genesis is initially very reluctant, he's just woken up from a half-decade long sleep to see that the entire world as he knew it changed; Sephiroth happened, the meteor incident, and the widespread suffering caused by Geostigma. This overwhelming loss of purpose compounds with this existential aimlessness he feels, making it difficult for him to reconcile his past identity with the man he has become. He battles through waves of depression, but he's also determined; he's still sharp and arrogant but more mature and wiser after his healing. His goal has shifted from seeking the gift of the goddess to making use of the gift of life he's been given to protect the planet.

• Which is how he ends up working for the WRO, right around the time Sephiroth makes yet another resurgence (dont ask me how). Cloud once again has to work to stop Sephiroth, but this time he and Genesis have to work together.

• Cloud and Genesis do not get along well right off the bat. Cloud's first impression of Genesis is that he's a living, breathing red flag, both due to his ties with Sephiroth and the things that unfolded during Crisis Core, particularly Zack's suffering and Genesis' actions that provoked Sephiroth in Nibelheim.

• Genesis' first impression of Cloud is that he reminds him of Sephiroth, the S-cells in him aside. Cloud is guarded and independent, doesn't take BS, and Cloud sees the comparison as an insult. Beneath the front he puts up, Genesis craves forgiveness and acceptance, and manifests during their interactions. He's unexpectedly kind to Coud despite loving the provocations, and perfectly reliable. All of this confuses Cloud.

• Their relationship evolves as they work on the mission. They argue, fight (physically), talk a lot, and slowly begin to understand each other.

• I feel like the process of them actually ending up together romantically is slow and gradual (think slow-burn), but it does happen eventually. They discuss Sephiroth a lot, with Cloud sharing the horror stories and Genesis shedding light on who Sephiroth was when he was a good man. They reminisce about Angeal and Zack, talk about their experiences with degradation and Geostigma. Both are searching for their places in a world that has drastically shifted beneath their feet. They find comfort in each other.

• Things aren't perfect, but they like it that way. They're each other's endgame happy, domestic, and life for Genesis ends up being exactly what he feared when he was a little boy, and the thing he craved as an adult: mundane and normal.

[sepublic]

Thinking back to criticisms of Luz going through the same arc of opening up and letting people in throughout S2B onwards (a point following Yesterday's Lie, where Luz's guilt increased tenfold after seeing Camila's reaction), and I think it's important to remember that this is the frustrating reality behind living when you have self-loathing, suicidal ideation, etc., AKA things Luz absolutely had. The healing process IS unpleasant, that's the point. Especially in later cases when the Day of Unity is impending, or the need to get back to the Demon Realm; Sometimes the situation is inherently stressful, it feels helpless and it’s not just a matter of mental health and handling. And that just makes it easier to self-sabotage.

To apply my own quote from another fandom to this situation: Luz is grappling with continuing to apply this lesson of self-worth because that's the exhausting truth; You will relapse and you will have to constantly remind yourself and relearn that same lesson over and over again. That's life, that's the banal truth behind living, but there's also a deep wonder behind it too.

Plus there’s other ideas this contributes towards; Like how you need to live with mistakes and how that plays into Camila’s arc with her daughter; Luz having her You are Not Immune to Propaganda moment, then forgiving herself to avoid the fallacy in Leftist circles that it’s better to have done nothing wrong than to do something right.

In particular, we see how Luz’s relapse can affect Amity, and how it gradually wears down on her, how it's genuinely stressful on her end as well; Obviously, Amity is giving Luz extra grace because Luz did the same for her first, despite nothing really prompting on her own end besides unyielding compassion. So it would hypocritical to not extend that same patience in return, and Amity does!!! But it ties back into why Raine and Eda broke up, why Raine isn't blamed for it, why Eda has to take responsibility and not just wallow in self-pity about how she's driven people away because Eda has others she cares about, and needs to look after as well, especially when they're kids dependent on her!!!

So Luz’s own relationship with Amity is at stake here if she doesn’t internalize her lesson, and sure that may seem insignificant compared to saving the isles; But it’s not just about saving the isles, but also Luz letting herself want things by continuing to stay afterwards, rather than live a self-imposed exile out of the mistaken belief that she’s inherently harmful to the demon realm for being an outsider. That can be a xenophobic take! And in the end, that relationship with Amity (who very much benefitted from Luz the Outsider) is one of the things Luz looks forward to even in her depression, and even if she planned to cut ties she wouldn’t want Amity to leave it on a bad note either; In fact Luz shouldn’t cut ties, period.

And I find it a bold take; That you need to open up not just because it's good for you, but because if you really care about your loved ones, you will see it hurts them too. That you're not just hurting yourself, this is not your ideal, noble self-sacrifice. You are still deciding things for other people in a way by hurting them, that you're not just caring about yourself but the loved ones you claim are better off from this anyhow.

You are putting people under a lot of stress because they can't reach out, and to save themselves because they can't save you without your own input, sometimes they just gotta cut ties. They feel like you're not being honest with them, and you can't blame them for making it about themselves because they've spent all this time up until now trying to make it about you and why you deserve to live. And since your own wellbeing as motive isn't good enough, at least consider theirs???

If you think about it, this could even apply to Luz’s own relationship with the Demon Realm; By insisting it doesn’t need her, that she’s more a harmful force than anything, she’s just harming it in the long run by not helping stop Belos. The isles needs Luz too, it’s not just the other way around! And then you have to remember the isles is an actual person, the Titan; So it’s another relationship of hers to maintain. The Titan is like a father figure, like Manny, so it all ties back together in Luz continuing to live and love to honor her dead father.

It's easy and even comforting to portray this type of self-loathing and self-destruction as only happening in a vacuum; But it doesn't. Despair can be comforting, and it's gonna keep hitting you over and over, unless you keep fighting it over and over. By god is it tedious, but over time it might fade away entirely. But even then you might have to stay on alert regardless. They really weren't kidding when they said To Live is To Suffer. But it's also To Thrive, and you need to work for that too.

Plus, Luz not being just done after hearing it the first time connects to how the Boiling Isles wasn't magically fixed following Belos' death and the Collector releasing everyone; They still had other people to worry about, like the other coven heads, and so much work in rebuilding the isles. We check back four years later and only then do they finally figure out how to undo coven bindings. The work continues, life continues, there is no definitive ending but you just gotta keep going. This was Dana's actual intent behind her displeasure with "Happily ever after" as a phrase, rather than hating happy endings inherently.

And I think the fact that there's still so much more to do works with the meta fact that there were still so many other stories and conflicts left untold, unresolved; Things like the Archivists, the Bat Queen's past, coven heads like Hettie Cutburn or Vitimir, etc. But in a way, the epilogue, the four year gap, and life continuing after the Quincenera because of course it will, because people and things will live on no matter how much destruction there is, is good space to explore that.

And it's a gift to fans who love stories and have the opportunity to make more themselves, because Dana herself explained in an interview how she loved to make connections in shows she had growing up, so it pleased her to inspire the same in fans from this generation. At the very least, if the show was given a spin-off or continuation, something like that, there'd definitely be more stories, and more work, to do with The Owl House. Again, those unlived stories are both the frustration, but also the wonder, behind keeping going.

[mochatune]

Hey! So I've fixated on a vague headcannon of a Y/N with dissociative identity disorder. They're a system with different alters, and each feels differently about Peter (each could be a reference to the different routes in the game - the romantic route, the friendship route, the abusive route, etc.) And well, Peter loves all of you - so he tries to get every single alter to fall for him. I love your HCs, could you write a Peter x Y/N with DID one?

Hey so sorry about this being as late as it is, I’m just now getting back on tumblr. Anyone else with an ask i promise it’s a priority.

In advance I have no real idea on how DID really is and am going off what I’ve been told, if this comes off as offensive then I apologize.

—

Peter x darling with DID

—

- honestly he wouldn’t pick up on it at all in the beginning, which is weird considering his favorite hobby is literally stalking you. He knew you took some sort of medication but upon further snooping he found it was Prozac, a common depression med.

- when you keep changing how you feel about him it gets him angry, he genuinely thinks you’re just giving him mixed signals. This could lead him on to take you even faster than originally in the game.

- you go from calling him asking when you guys are meeting up again to telling him to stay the fuck away from you and blocking his number. He doesn’t appreciate the inconsistency, don’t be surprised when he’s banging at your door screaming demanding an explanation. He’s patient but enough of this will start to piss him off and leave him feeling paranoid.

- it’s not until you both are having a at home date when he realizes what’s happening here, the switch is gradual and almost seemless but as your biggest fan he picks it up.

- one second your cuddling him and now you’re just staring at him with this gross look in your eyes.

- after this incident it’s clear he doesn’t know as much as he thought he did about you. if you felt watched before then you definitely did now, not only is he keeping a strict eye on you trying to figure out what’s going on with you but he’s also snooping through your place a lot more consistently.

- he eventually finds your hospital records in a dusty old box and it all starts to click, of course you were acting so ‘weird’.

- this determines him further to win the love over every ‘you’, though don’t be surprised if you find this also motivates him to take you faster. Now that he has an actual reason to believe you need him he won’t release his grip.

- it starts with him coming over more often and Texting you more, being more attentive basically. He also starts noticing the switches more.

- as soon as he found out about your diagnosis he did so much research, like an insane amount. Knows pretty much the ins and outs of what DID is.

- when you switch it’s like he switches, more so switching his approach in how he talks to you.

- when you’re lovey he doesn’t do much, he likes this side of you best and is ultimately determined to get all these sides of you to be like that with him.

- when you’re angry or more so scared of him he gives you space and comforts you as much as possible, it’s a little antagonizing to admit but he treats you like a child when you get like this.

- it’s sort of a running game, this personality is incredibly stubborn and doesn’t want anything to do with him. His best bet is to more gently force himself on you until you can eventually tolerate his presence and hopefully soon his love.

- all in all he just becomes more attentive. There’s not much to say considering he’s not as mentally there either.

- you end up kidnapped in his home much earlier than expected from even himself where he basically locks you inside and treats you like a helpless animal.

- its fucked up but he drugs you into being complacent when you switch and you start freaking out about the current situation.

- if the drugging doesn’t work then it’s the constant manipulation that does, you’re other personality will never really love him but it is numb to his touch at this point.

- he’s really just putting a bandaid over a bullet wound with the way he’s treating you.

- when you behave he’s all over you and treating you like a goddess but when you have these freak outs he just doesn’t know what to do, despite being so well versed in your disorder he’s still a very toxic person who wants all of you.

- he won’t even take you to therapy because of how possessive he is, he expects you to treat him as your therapist and you can only imagine how that would blow over.

- you’re always ensured your meds and a warm body to stay next to but that’s about as much as you get because Peter is not as emotionally available as he makes you believe he is.

—

[obae-me]

I had an obey me brain root early and I finally realized something: Lucifer is, in fact, the thing who glue the family together

1. He is the one who adopted brothers like they're pokemon

2. The family dynamic still will work if someone other brother goes away but it will stop if Lucifer died (or any other stuff happens with him)

Ok let me elaborate: I'm not saying that the brothers will stop talking with each other in the minute of the incident happens, this change would be more gradual and slow for some of them (or faster)

If Lucifer dies, Mammon and Asmo will try to keep the family together, but slowly they'll stop joking and talk. The silence will be predominant in the dinner table

We all know that no one of them knows how to grief. Lilith dead still hurt them but if they lost Lucifer? They spent much more time with Lucifer than with Lilith. They went with him in hell just because they wanted spent time with him

Belphie will be the first one who will isolate himself (oblivious) and Satan will be the second (he lost his dad for the sake of suffering) and family will fall apart after that

The brothers love each other and they still do, but it hurts so much they can't ignore the problem and stop talking or thinking about Lucifer, they can't act like nothing happened

The brothers miss each other but they also don't know how to talk with each other after their loss and one night maybe months after the incident the house of lamentations will be finally in complete silence and empathy

Yes, yes, yes! All of this.

Also, I really do love the image of Lucifer collecting his brothers like they're Pokémon, so cute and hilarious. Now I just keep thinking of them all designed as Pokemon and what kind of skills they would have... Lucifer with the little trainer outfit...

Barbatos as one of the Nurses... Diavolo as the Professor...

Would that make Simeon and Solomon Team Rocket?...

But moving on!

I know for a fact that somewhere within the original Shall We Date, there is a flashback scene (I can't recall if it's in the story lessons or in one of the cards) but shortly after the Fall, Lucifer is pretty depressed, he confessions to Mammon that he's having a hard time keeping it together. Mammon then takes up his proper Second-In-Command role and essentially shakes Lucifer and lectures him, forcing him to get a grip. Because Mammon acknowledges that if Lucifer breaks/leaves/etc. the family will fall apart.

Lucifer is the first in command for a reason. All his brothers followed him for a reason. They all look up to him and admire him deeply even if they won't admit it. Lucifer would raise hell and do anything for his family.

So if he were to disappear... things wouldn't be the same.

They all have their part to play. They all need each other.

[rapha-reads]

IWTV rewatch

Season 1 episode 2 [... After the Phantoms of Your Former Self] - part 3/3

- Love how Grace knows it's not just a case of a baby crying, she knows her brother, she knows her brother is different, she knows he baby could very well be in danger. That's sibling and maternal instincts in one.

[Louis] "'I had him in my arms... And I was ready to tear into him. I'm never gon' get control over it.' [Lestat] 'You've been skipping meals lately. Don't think I haven't noticed.'" - notice how Lestat immediately cares for Louis, worries about him, and tries to comfort him, only for Louis, Saint Louis, to reject the gesture of comfort because he thinks in his self-hatred that he doesn't deserve it? And also notice how pretty a crier Jacob is. Ahem. Who said that.

[Lestat] "'If you love your family, as I know you do, spare them all the pain that you are causing them.' [Louis] 'I ain't gon' have a family of my own, am I? No sons, no daughters.' [Lestat] 'I'm your family, Louis.' [Louis] 'You should just throw me in the incinerator and make another one.' [Lestat] 'And what a waste that would be. I have two centuries walked this Earth and can report: you have no twin. No one as angry, as stubborn, as unaccommodating, as maddening...' [Louis] 'Sounds like trash to me.' [Lestat] '... as loving, as dedicated, as thoughtful, as imperfectly perfect as you've become. You're a challenge every sunset, Saint Louis, and I'd have it no other way.'"

HI EXCUSE ME WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO PLAY WITH MY HEART LIKE THAT. No because it's Louis' dream of having a family (Claudiaaaaaaa - also give Lestat like a century or two more and he'll give you exactly that) meeting Louis' depression and self-hatred, meeting Lestat's need to be love, meeting Lestat's absolute, deep love for Louis. They're not speaking the same language still, but they've found a middle ground, and when they do strike the middle ground, it's sparks and magic. Aaaah, it is maddening! They are maddening. I don't even remember what I wanted to say, I'm just sobbing in my cup of tea.

Wait, no I remember. EXCUSE ME. Louis' hopelessly fond smile when Lestat shows the tuxedos and says "I've been neglectful of our romance" (currently sobbing even more) reminded me. Awards for Jacob to go that soft after being that down. Back to the previous exchange. It's about how soft Lestat's voice goes when he tells Louis he'd have him no other way, and it's about how Louis finally lets Lestat comforts him and how he softens, relaxes and calms down gradually as Lestat keeps talking and petting him. *screams* Need I add more? No? Carrying on.

- [Louis] "He had a way about him, those first few years, Lestat. Preternaturally charming, occasionally thoughtful. He was my murdered, my mentor, my lover, and my maker... all of those things at once. He didn't choose me to be his doormat. I knew he enjoyed it when I fought back, but there was present a kind of worship on my part. The earth beneath me always felt liquid."

*screams some more* Was the romantic background music really necessary? We get it. You loved him, you still love him but this time with both eyes open even though you're still in denial, he's the love of your life, we get iiiiiiiiiit. Daniel's fond but amused little smirk gets me. Boy knows vampire's pining. Boy knows vampire's dumb. Boy knows story's not that simple. Changing subject, petition to get the word "preternatural" BANNED please. That's one word I'm not happy to have learned. Even in French we just stick to "surnaturel" (supernatural). Also according to Collins Dictionary, the use of the word "preternatural" was kinda low until the late 70s- early 80s when it exploded. Wonder what happened then to change the trend. What a mystery. Guess we'll never know.

- ghghhghe THE OPERA SCENE. I had forgotten the opera scene. The scheme to get Louis into the room (role-playing as Lestat's valet, hello social commentary). Louis sitting there "simmering in his indignation", and Jacob's masterful acting with the jaw and fists clenching, the steely eyes fixed straight ahead. And then Lestat coming in with the hammer, voice soft and gaze downcasted, timid and apprehensive:

[Lestat] "There is one thing about being a vampire that I most fear above all else... and that is loneliness. You can't imagine the emptiness... a void stretching out for decades at a time. You take this feeling away from me, Louis. We must stay together and take precaution and never part."

I NEED A MINUTE, GEEZ. To comment again on the timeline change from late 18th century to 1910s, it actually adds to Lestat's character. In the books, when Lestat meets Louis, he hasn't been a vampire for more than 15 years, iirc he was brought into the Blood in 1780 and arrived in New Orleans in 1791, after spending some years traveling with Gabrielle, a few months at best sleeping in the sand and then a few days with Marius (dates are vague at best). So he hasn't known true loneliness so far when he turns Louis. Whereas here, he's gone through the entire 19th century alone. He actually knows loneliness, both the human kind that he knew in the book, and the vampire kind. It adds weight to his fear of being alone, and to how he clings to Louis even to the point of doing horrifying things to keep him with him. Is it emotional manipulation? Yeah, def. Mais on n'en est plus à ça prés avec eux (best translation I can come up with is: but we're already way past that with them; the French expression is much more evocative, it kind of means "yeah, but, with them, emotional abuse is the least of our worries, something like that).

The hand caress, be right back, need to set myself on fire.

[Louis] "And music, that was where Lestat separated man from food" - music is the language of the soul. (Rockstar Lestat wheeeeeeeen)

[Louis] "Music pierced his damned soul. And any humans who were involved with the creation of it existed on an elevated plane in his eyes. I was moved to see he too had his human attachments. And this woman sang for us, it seemed, articulating the difficult love we often had trouble expressing ourselves."

No but it's the way Louis' voice is just so full of love here, so soft and fond and reminiscing, as if he doesn't even realise how tenderly he's speaking of Lestat a century later, while 1917's Louis' face is equally as soft and fond and gazing tenderly at Lestat as Lestat's singing to himself. *scream cont'd*

Lestat reacting to the tenor's false notes: absolute ear Lestat. (tho tbh even I can hear how horrendous the tenor sounds, and I know next to nothing about music technicality - but I did went to the opera last week for the first time in several years and the tenor was fantastic)

[Louis] "The hunt was on" - yes please.

[Louis] "This poor soul was someone's son, someone's brother, and he was to be slaughtered for what? A false note?" - aw, Louis' humanity. Baby you're too good.

Hi, excuse me again, Lestat speaking Italian? Sam speaking Italian???? SO FUCKING GOOD. Petition to have Sam speak Italian again in season 3, and even more languages. Wanna hear him speak Greek and Arabic please oh my vampire gods make it happen.

[Louis] "'Why do you do this, Lestat?' [Lestat] 'Well, I like to do it. I enjoy it.' [Louis] 'Well, I don't. You don't have to humiliate him.' [Lestat] 'Well I don't say that you have to enjoy it! Kill them swiftly if you have to, but DO IT! Embrace what you are! You are a killer, Louis!'"

Was tempted to put all of Lestat's line in all caps, because man the shift from gallant speaking Lestat to losing-his-shit-ROARING Lestat was something. Oh, and here's the main current issues as of 1917 between them. And while they're having their little domestic squabble, a man's bleeding on the poor rug that didn't ask for it. The rug, that is. Not the man.

[Louis] "I was in denial. For in bringing death, Lestat was an artist. He had cut the man tenderly so that he could not call for help, but also so that his death was slow, meditative. And I felt a charge, witnessing it."

Listen, Lestat's an artist, period. A diva and a drama queen with several truckloads of issues, but a true artist. And again Louis' voice go soft, contemplative, tender, reminiscing about Lestat. Also, Louis, mate, the denial has been going on for more than a century at this point and not just about the subject of death and killing. Sorry to burst your bubble. Oh, and Daniel looking down, a bit disappointed I feel? as Louis describes Lestat killing, shows that Daniel's in on it too.

- [Louis] "I try to have a human dish once a week" - sorry, what? Big canon change, as far as I understood from the books, vampires can't eat or drink human food, their system isn't designed for it anymore.

Alright, do we think Alice is a construct of Daniel's mind through Armand's mind games, or do we think she's real? Haven't entirely followed the fandom's theories on this own. Do we think that Armand did stalk and traumatise Daniel for a decade after the botched '73 interview but didn't go full Devil's Minion? Or do we think he left him alone after the six days of torture? Guess season 3 will tell us. But the fact that this important little scene, of the dessert and the first proposal, happens in Paris, a city that's important to Armand... Sus, I say. Aw, Danny's a sad boy. Love Louis' face as Daniel finished talking, gives cred to the idea that these are fabricated memories. The face says "man, I'm reading your thoughts as you're speaking, and something here's fishy, something doesn't make sense, but you know what, right now I have enough on my plate with my own bullshit, can't deal with yours". Let's table it for now (that's my own "disregard", lmao). Should add screencaps to these reviews, the final image here, the long dinner table, the grey and brown coloring, the two men sitting on opposite side, that's right out of a painting. Someone who did Art History, analyse that final image.

Ooooh, I think next episode was one of my favorite, with Antoinette, Jonah, and almoooost Claudia.

episode 1 | part 1 | part 2 | episode 3 | episode 4 | episode 5 | episode 6 | episode 7

[msftsnmemes]

BOJACK HORSEMAN STARTERS.

unassorted taken from several audios & clip compilations. TRIGGER WARNINGS for mental health issues, alcoholism, suicidality, depression, drug abuse, and various other heavy topics that the show covers.

you'd probably sleep a lot better at night if you just admitted to yourself that you're a selfish coward who just takes whatever he wants and doesn't give a sh*t about who he hurts.

things don't become traditions because they're good, bojack. they become good because they're traditions.

you were born broken; that is your birthright. and now, you can fill your life with projects, books, movies, and little girlfriends; but that won't make you whole.

i don't understand how people live. it's incredible to me that people wake up every morning and say: 'yeah, another day, let's do it.

in the grand scheme of things, we are just tiny specs that will one day be forgotten. so it doesn't matter what we did or how we'll be remembered. the only thing that matters is right now. this moment.

believe it or not, the time's arrow neither stands still nor reverses; it merely matches forward.

there's no such thing as good and bad people. we're all people who do good and lousy things sometimes. all we can do is try not to do bad stuff and more good stuff.

the world is unforgiving enough as it is. the least we can do is find a way to forgive each other and ourselves.

when i almost drowned, i decided i would never again be weaker than water.

there will be times when i will see someone in trouble. you'll want to rush in there and do whatever you can to save them.

but you must stop yourself because there are some people you can't save.

because those people will thrash and struggle and try to take you down with them.

life is just one long, hard kick in the urethra for many people.

sometimes i feel like my whole life is just a series of loosely-related wacky misadventures.

that's the problem with life, right? either you know what you want, and then you don't get what you want, or you get what you want, and then you don't know what you want.

my life is a mess right now, and i compulsively take care of other people when i don't know how to take care of myself.

always take every opportunity that comes your way because opportunities are like sneezes from god, and when god sneezes, you can't say god bless you to god. so instead, you have to take the opportunity.

sometimes life's a b*tch, and you keep living.

you can live your whole life like a puzzle, put together from the pieces of different sets.

but at some point, you start to think it's you. you're the piece that doesn't quite fit.

and you spend so long with that feeling that the feeling becomes your home.

and it can be jarring when you discover one day that you suddenly don't feel that way anymore. at first, you don't trust it, but then, gradually, you do.

it's not about being happy; that is the thing. i'm just trying to get through each day.

i can't keep asking myself, 'am i happy?' it just makes me more miserable.

i don't know if i believe in it, real, lasting happiness.

all those perky, well-adjusted people you see in movies and tv shows? i don't think they exist.

you know, sometimes i feel like i was born with a leak, and any goodness i started with just slowly spilt out of me, and now it's all gone. and i'll never get it back in me.

i've had a lot of what i thought were rock bottoms, only to discover another, rockier bottom underneath.

loss is a collaborative art between the people who leave us and those who remain. we dance with the shadows of their absence.

one day, you're going to look around, and you're going to realize that everybody loves you, but nobody likes you. and that is the loneliest feeling in the world.

when i was your age, i got sad a lot. i didn't come from such a great home, but one day, i started running, which seemed to make sense, so i just kept running.

when you get sad, you run straight ahead and keep running forward, no matter what. people in your life will try to hold you back and slow you down, but you don't let them.

don't you stop running, and don't you ever look behind you. there's nothing for you behind you. all that exists is what's ahead.

i'm this close to falling off the deep end. i know i'm smiling right now, but the light inside me is dying.

i need to go take a shower, so i can't tell if i'm crying or not.

loss is a collaborative art between the people who leave us and those who remain. we dance with the shadows of their absence.

settle. because otherwise you're just gonna get older and harder, and more alone.

you're going to do everything you can to fill that hole with friends, your career, and meaningless sex, but the hole doesn't get filled.

i know i'm not the perfect guy. i actually kind of hate myself a lot of the time. but when i'm with you, i don't hate myself.

i like being around you, and i don't know if i ever told you that in so many words, so i'm telling you.

same thing that always happens. you didn't know me, and then you fell in love with me. and now you know me.

everybody deserves to be loved.

one day you're going to look around and realize that everyone loves you, but no one likes you, which is the loneliest feeling in the world.

when you look at someone through rose-coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.

it's so easy for you to love me when everything's good.

it's important that you know i cared. you think i didn't care because i put up walls.

but i cared so much about you. i wanted you to respect me.

i wanted you to love me. i was so afraid that you would know that.

the universe is a cruel, uncaring void. the key to being happy isn't a search for meaning.

it's to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense, and eventually, you'll die.

i don't know what to tell you. i'm happy for the first time in my life, and i'm not going to feel bad about it.

it takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are and even longer to see it doesn't have to be that way.

only after you give up everything can you begin to find a way to be happy.

do you ever look up at the stars and feel like they're tiny holes in the sky, sucking out all the oxygen, and suddenly you can't breathe because you're thinking about how small you are and how meaningless it all is?

it is so cruel to let people love you. all you are doing is promising you'll one day break their hearts.

there is no shame in dying for nothing. that's why most people die.

not understanding that you're a horrible person doesn't make you less of a horrible person.

it gets easier. every day it gets a little easier. but you gotta do it every day — that's the hard part. but it does get easier.

fool me once; shame on you. but teach a man to fool me, and i'll be fooled for the rest of my life.

i bought into this idea that i was this thing that couldn't be changed. the main thing i think about is how stupid i am that i didn't do this sooner.

i wasted so many years being miserable because i assumed that was the only way to be.

i don't want to do that anymore.

i understand that feeling of needing to bottle up your guilt and not burden other people with it.

you think you're protecting them from your toxicity. you convince yourself that you're being selfless, but it comes out in other ways and infects everything.

[imma-lil-teapot]

Me again! Saw the Fandom OC ask game on your dash, so thought to ask about...

Which canon character respects your OC most? What gained that respect?

Who has brought your OC to tears before?

What is your OC’s ‘‘darkness moment’’ in the plot? ( no need to share if spoilers!)

Hon, the sound that came out of me when I saw this!! 😭😭 Thank you ever so much for the questions, I really needed (and appreciate) them!! 🫂🫂

A'ight, since a series wasn't specified, Imma go with my main Castlevania girl Elena since she's the most fleshed out of the shared fandoms. Wish I had the images for reference finished at this point but as usual I am hopeless...

Which canon character respects your OC most? What gained that respect?

S4!Horse. A carrot was involved. 🥕

Most? A predictable one I'm afraid: Alucard. Since around 80% of the story centres on these two alone in each others' company (and Horse, can't forget him😁🐴) , I reckon in the little moments of watching how she gradually picks herself up out of a funk in finding genuine elation and solace in the smallest of things is where it would start.

Comforting when your newly acquired castlemate won't touch your wine and would much rather hunt for oddly shaped stones or help fallen bird chicks back into their nest in lieu of learning the myriad arts of decapitation whilst you yourself are still fresh off your own trauma.

Where it would probably shine brightest is when she takes charge in certain instances. Times where she's pushed through her fears for a greater purpose, be it for his sake or another's.

(I love this question, it really made me think, and honestly there are scores of more specific reasons but ahhh they're a little spoilery 😭)

Who has brought your OC to tears before?

Aside from other minor OCs, another easy one: Alucard, again. For both good... and not so good reasons. 😅 There's an example below~

What is your OC's "darkness moment" in the plot? (no need to share if spoilers!)

Right off the bat she's met during a "darkness moment" in losing quite literally everything and everyone she's ever known and spends most of the story affected by it in different ways (one involving a bit of a strange fear that developed).

Loss (in all different forms) being a key theme here. Even prior to the narrative, she's experienced a lot since childhood (some indirectly inflicted) which has her go through lengthy bouts of depression and anxiety essentially. Insecurity is also at play that ends up self-sabotaging a lot of forward momentum, especially when she starts feelin' them feelings. 💔

There are a fair amount of darkness moments altogether, nearing the end being the darkest of them and thus a Major spoiler. 🤐 But an early-ish scene example is Elena thinking Alucard is going to die from an unbeknownst 'illness' but, surprise surprise, he doesn't... but the direct aftermath let's just say wasn't handled... delicately, causing quite the fear-based rift between them.

THANK YOU SO MUCH ASKING, DEAR! THE AMOUNT OF FUN I HAD WRITING THESE!!!! *Shrieks* 💙💙💙💙 Will get to the other soon! Just need to polish the writing up a smidge, my first drafts are the messiest of messy! 😅😵‍💫

[sexhaver]

ive made this post multiple times before and will probably make it again but the worst part of getting medicated for ADHD is that the two main effects are:

mentally, you become God. everything is easy, easier than easy. things that were impossible unmedicated are insultingly trivial on 50mg Vyvanse XR. focus, executive function, sociability, memory - everything is cranked up to 11 and then has the knob ripped off. this isn't gradual, either; you can physically feel yourself go from a barely-conscious husk to the physical embodiment of efficiency over the course of 15 minutes while the THX noise plays nonstop and keeps ramping up the entire time.

physically, you break yourself in every way that matters. you grind your teeth to dust and develop TMJ until you forget there was a time when you didn't wake up every morning with a headache from clenching your jaw all night. you genuinely just forget to eat or drink for 6 hours at a time until your doctor-approved meth wears off and you can suddenly hear everything your body has been screaming, begging for you to do since breakfast. the comedown itself is hell incarnate, feeling like being dropped off a cliff onto spikes a mile below. this happens every afternoon for the rest of your life, and you know it's coming the whole time.

this leads to the following outcomes:

the first point is extremely visible to everyone in your life, often times even more so than it is to yourself.

not only does everyone else notice that you're suddenly acting differently, they like that version of you way more. i know this sounds like depressive thinking, but i have literally been told this exact line to my face multiple times. you become a less flaky friend to your peers and a more consistent worker to your boss/coworkers. by all externally visible measures, you become an objectively better person to be around.

the second point is invisible to everyone except you 99% of the time.

the other 1% of the time, they notice the side effects because the clock struck midnight 6pm and the carriage turned back into a pumpkin your meds suddenly wore off. as far as an external observer is concerned, you suddenly went from being bubbly and fun to hang out with to a hangry cranky drain on everyone's energy in 10 minutes flat.

living with these inescapable facts every single day for years on end naturally leads to the following conclusions:

"When I feel bad/stressed, everyone else likes me. When I feel good/relaxed, everyone else dislikes me."

"Feeling good is an indication that I am currently doing something wrong, or am forgetting to do something entirely. In either case, it means everyone else in my life dislikes me."

"Feeling bad is not just an indication that I am doing something right, it's a prerequisite. Unless I feel bad, nobody else in my life likes me."

"Nobody else cares how I feel, they never will, and anyone saying otherwise is a liar. Sure, people understand that they have to say they care about my feelings to avoid sounding like sociopaths, but the fact that those same people consistently like me better when I'm medicated and doing nice stuff for them (while screaming internally and grinding my teeth to dust) than when I'm unmedicated and relaxing proves that they're full of shit."

"Since I'm literally the only person who cares about my own happiness (see above), and everyone else on Earth is happier when I'm suffering, it's not just difficult for me to fight depression and assert my self-worth - it's actively harming everyone else around me."

eventually you learn to turn off your feelings for a while to get through especially bad patches, but the entire thought process never goes away and eventually starts impacting how you view other people. i don't have a hopeful note to end this post on.

[madeofjules]

I love your analyses on Everlark, can you do one for “Peeta and I grow back together”?

Thank you! Sorry it took me a while to respond, this is always a tough one for me because so much of Katniss and Peeta's relationship was in front of an audience or influenced by outside variables so it's hard to figure out how they naturally get together. The few quiet moments when they were alone or not doing it for the camera could hint at it though.

At first Peeta comes over Katniss's house a few times a day for eating meals and making sure she's well-stocked with goods and taking care of herself, but when they begin working on the book he starts spending more time there. She watches him draw and paint as she liked doing in CF. Reminiscing about the people who meant so much to them, laughing and crying together, brings them closer and helps them heal.

One night he's finishing up baking or painting when she goes to sleep so he's there when she wakes screaming. He comforts her and offers to stay until she falls back asleep. She wants him to get in bed with her but is hesitant to ask so maybe she says he can sleep in the spare room so he doesn't have to walk home in the dark. He agrees but she inevitably wakes screaming again so they both figure it's much more efficient for him to sleep in her room. This happens every night until eventually he lives there without either of them having to say it.

The toughest part to figure out is "eventually his lips" because I doubt he kisses her on the lips out of nowhere one night, but I also can't see a gradual build-up with casual kissing because she never seemed to care for kissing unless it made her feel something, and I think she's a little too depressed and traumatized to really feel much desire for a while. I think after many nights of them sleeping together, Peeta eventually starts to give her cheek and forehead kisses here and there to comfort her. One night his lips touch her neck when he holds her, and it feels good just like it did in the training center, so she takes it further by kissing him on the lips.

They've been through so much they're basically a married couple and this is something they've both wanted for years at this point, so once they break the seal with the first kiss, the rest happens quickly from there and they're officially together.

[clonehub]

i was for a while thinking "how would clones with varying levels of brain damage get the PT and CT they need so that they don't regress and have an awful quality of life in a truly awful situation?"

i don't want to a Swiss Family Robinson thing where they basically fit and mold their circumstances to be as close to normal life as possible. like these guys are not going to be in trees or building anything that's uniquely complex. that takes time and energy and tools that they don't have. i dont like idealistic protrayals of survival.

but i also want them to actually be taken care of to the best of everyone's ability. they're disabled and they deserve care and attention.

the venator-class star destroyer is still accessible. it's split open down the middle, but they were able to construct bridges across. there's no plumbing, but there are some lights. some parts of the ship aren't completely level, so none of the physically disabled clones can access them. They still use a lot of the ship for sleeping and storage though. gradually, the company spends more and more time outside.

they've got tents outside. anything having to do with cooking is outside. there's some holes in ceilings and such and they make do with natural light because they're quickly running out of fuel (the first winter was colder than they expected and the ship has no heat of any kind).

but the brain damaged clones. the most i can think of is medic Milo knowing enough about PT and CT as part of his training to get some form of a rough help/guide/plan in place. lots of the high-needs clones need to be on a strict schedule for one reason or another. the clones themselves are organized and driven enough that able-bodied clones can and will follow this schedule and work to meet the needs of their brothers (both from a love for their brothers and orders from the captain, Sprint).

so nobody's really ever like, alone? if that makes sense? there's clones who need help feeding themselves and getting to the toilet and who have severe memory problems. there are clones who can't walk or don't have the physical coordination they used to. clones who can't communicate well. they need someone with them almost 24/7 because the environment isn't safe. they're trying to clear hazards and fall risks from the site and monitor who goes where at all times. they have a buddy system, but there's a point where the system fails and that becomes a whole thing.

they might have to constantly learn on the job, tbh. Milo knows about PT and CT but he's definitely not an expert and not specifically trained in those things. he learns p quickly that preventing decline requires constant interaction and a lot of repetition (per the video i just posted). he also learns about the contours of mental health because he has paraplegic clones who can't move and have to stay put, meaning they need their brothers to come to them and give them the social interactions they need so they don't get depressed.

they've been marooned for close to a year and they're approaching the next winter, so they're not completely new to all of this. idk what's needed to make solar power but i wouldn't be against them figuring it out. they can get maybe a handful of lifts to work, but there's a risk to that of course. whatever scrap metal they can pull from the ship, they're using to build more permanent structures outside (cooking area with a roof and ventilation, outhouses if not toilets with functioning plumbing).

the gunships are used for going back and forth to the sea (for water, which they can use for daily things and also salt, which they get from the sea water) and to the mountains to hunt or get more wood (they soon cleared most of the trees from their immediate area.)

[crazykuroneko]

IWTV S2E01 First Watch Note

The notes I took while watching in case anyone is interested. Under the cut.

Anyway, I'm grateful they have improved the Episode Insider and now it's really something worth watching

• It's still a recap but the score slays already. Omg Daniel Hart you deserve all the awards

• I love how it says episode 8 and the silhouette of war torn Europe.

• On Claudia dreaming: Present Louis holding onto Claudia's diaries to provide a fact in the past

• Delainey is insane. Just from being silent, we could feel how torn Claudia is

• Interesting they gave ep 1 to a new director to set the tone

• So before this interview happened, when Louis still believed he killed Lestat in NOLA, he got to read this edited diaries and didn't understand what Claudia wrote? I mean, imagine reading the bitterness in her words yet you didn't know where they came from. The break down in Ep 7 triggers more memories for him to remember

• I think Daniel is similar to Lestat in a way. The more he's afraid of Armand the more crass he is. That Shah Rukh Khan comment, boy stfu

• It's insane how Louis posed dead Lestat like Jesus. 

• Okay, I'm gonna "translating" DreamStat lines like I did with dead Abigail Hobbs

• The way Dreamstat shows Louis still misses Lestat and starts to ponder if Claudia worth it. The resentment building.

• OH THE LOUSTAT LEITMOTIF AFTER LOUIS SAID SORRY TO DREAMSTAT. slower version of In Throes in Increasing Wonder

• The lines Dreamstat did are so loaded with meanings. Louis' guilt for killing Lestat; his fear that he will come for revenge; his fear that once he's finally in better place, everything will crumble again; and his longing for him just from how intimately they're talking

• Oh, Louis is obsessed to get everything right. That will gradually eat his mental stability 

• Photo of Grace as his wife. Louis you're so funny

• Real Rashid deserves a hell of bonus and a promotion istg

• I don't understand Russian etc, but the use of foreign language and accented English has been smooth so far. A world better than whatever the fuck Mayfair Witches did. And they only had to cover one language.

• "In a landfill and five years of garbage on top." Louis, garbage wouldn't stop him 😭. I wonder where Lestat has been for 5 years tho. Recovering with that many rats are easy. Okay, let's say 3/6 months on rats. Once he gets up, he could kill the first person coming to a landfill. Then it will be smooth sailing. One year tops to recover. Two years, if you'd think he's depressed over Louis killing him idk. 

• The emotion in Claudia's eyes 😭

• "Change the subject when the truth blinds you" Oh, she got him.

• That insane monologue Jacob does. Louis starting to remember which is true which is not (he re-remembers the fall, mind you). 

• So because the blood is bad, vampires there can't get warmer and feel their sadness and sickness as well. And when they want to turn someone, it's either fail or they turn into a revenant. At least according to Louis.

• Oh, Daciana can taste how strong their blood is. How long they can live. 

• I wonder what went through Claudia's head, seeing Daciana emulated herself. She (deservedly, after all his lies) didn't believe Lestat when he said his maker burnt himself. Ofc it didn't make any sense to her ears at that time, burning yourself after you turned someone. But now she witnessed it herself. Someone who could have told her everything, killing themselves after feeling lost and untethered (Daciana lost all of her fledlings)

• "My name is in some of those pages" Louis isn't even listening to his fear. He's deadset on this. And Armand is anxious.

• The face Armand made. Does Louis know he has men around his pinky just for a drop of his affection?

• Louis agreed with Armand to basically shut Daniel up and turn him into a fumble journalist again when he still wants the truth is interesting 

• Is that the groan? It's louder now.

• Daniel's reaction when seeing Loumand walking in together is so funny 🤣

• Wait, Session 7 is Ep 7. There are two sessions in this episode and it's Season 10 now. so, what happened in Season 8?

• The way Lestat is there during the You and Me lines, but it's not really Lestat. It's the embodiment of Louis' doubt on this new life he chose together. The way Claudia sitting there so small; Lestat lovingly softly gazing at her. Oh, Louis so wants to believe his words himself.

• Louis arrives in Paris with desperation to prove that this life is worth it; that killing Lestat was worth it; that he'll get that happiness. Even though he's afraid Lestat will come or it will crumble the moment he reaches it. Oh, Louis.