#I started taking meds for my depression
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
The most popular pages on Tumblr are about Minecraft, GIFs, and David J. Peterson.
Text
I gotta say, despite how hard I am on myself I have actually improved.
#it took years and I’m still learning but that’s the best part#I got my license this year#my first job and attend college last year#I TRY to not get as angry#I started taking meds for my depression#I feel like my actions have improved my life#even if sometimes I can’t see it#sometimes I just get so in my head that everything feels blurry and then I have the moments where my head is finally clear#I also started going out more!#I used to have so much anxiety of going out of the house#maybe life does get better :)
0 notes
Text
guys i think my depression meds are working
#i always forget to take before pics but the halfway-done pic works#the other side used to have a couch but there was also Stuff under/next to/behind it. so it was just as cluttered#i’ve been on these new meds for a couple months but i only just a week or two ago started like#taking them every day consistently. maybe missing one in ten days#as opposed to before i was probably missing it more often than i took it#i’m so bad at new routiiines#but!! doing better now!!!#doing cleaning i’ve been desperately wanting to do for two years#and putting off for no reason for six months#👍#well ok yes i guess burn out depression is a reason#but it’s frustrating when that’s the only reason#compared to my previous extremely crowded house (my family of four plus three roommates) and 50 hour work weeks#but i’m finally recovering from all that 👍👍👍#silverstarschat
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tomorrow Is Election Day And I Am So Fucking Stressed
#marzi speaks#marzivents#hi folks. i haven’t been making much art lately. apologies! i want to be#unfortunately shit is Stressful in both my little world (i’m starting to get overwhelmed with my meds and refills and driving)#and on a broader more societal scale (if trump gets re-elected shit is going to go so fucking bad oh my god)#PLUS we’re in the It Gets Dark At 6PM Zone now#i think i’ve lowkey been catastrophizing a bit with all that’s been going on#i should probs look into those psych referrals my doctor gave me#she offered them bc the almost-dying earlier this year was Traumatic and i was showing signs of anxiety/depression#but i think they’ll just be helpful in general#god though i hate being on prescriptions. it feels like there’s a constant timer hanging over my head#refill these pills before this time so you don’t have to miss a day. woops! the pharmacy’s out of stock on this one#so you’ll have to come back at another less convenient time. fail to do so and the medication goes on hold#which requires a phone call where you speak to a Robot that may not understand the nuances of ur situation#grrrgh it sucks so bad. thankfully i refilled my prednisone the other day and have like 3 months’ worth now#and that’s the one i really can’t afford to miss bc steroid withdrawals could really fuck me up#but uggghhh i hate it. so much. bc it looms over me always#i hate keeping track of when i’ve taken my pills too. i keep a checklist for every day#so i remember what i have to take and if i’ve taken it#but god it sucks. i’m at the point where it’s basically routine now so i do it automatically#but i know if i stop monitoring i’m gonna forget if i’ve taken my steroid one day#and either double dose or skip the day. and that’ll fuck me up pretty good#anyways. hoping hoping hoping this election goes well bc idk if i can take it if our country tis of thee elects the fucking fascist#this one’s fine to rb. i think many of us share this sentiment lmao
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Hello! I'm here with ~another~ text post!
I unfortunately had assumed "ah yes, The Anxiety" has been my problem recently but in fact, no. It was The Depression! (or a combo, super likely!) Due to this, I will be taking a brief mental break from posting art here. The break may be three days, might be a week. Truly a mystery even to me.
I will be drawing daily so when I return I should have multiple pictures to show off which I will separate in posts by fandom. Drawing really helps calm me down unless I get to the point where it feels like a performance obligation which it currently feels like.
I appreciate your patience and I hope to be okay enough to be back soon.
(also, my ask box on this blog has been disabled until I return)
#moe talks a lot#not art#i feel like a take like some random mental health week every year but hey it helps take pressure off#and if i dont have to worry about pleasing everyone then i start to doodle more - at least in the past#sorry for all my anxious tags yesterday i just kinda like uh#dont have the energy to do much except think so my thoughts kinda spiral outta control and zone in#on like one silly little topic and one silly little comment ive gotten in the past#and if you follow me on twitch and see me start streaming yeah thats to get a social aspect in shhh#i like streaming doodles and it really relaxes me which means i might stream a fair amount while i recover#tfw you try to treat Your Anxiety with medication and it doesnt really work bc its not anxiety issues#but its a med that makes you mellow so then your depressed and mellow yeah thats been me lately oops
61 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#i am Dying#so for reasons im not gonna get into i stopped taking my meds a couple months ago#and luckily my mood and depression/anxiety hasnt been an issue at all!!#in fact im usually very happy and content#but one thing has come back and its come with a fucking vengeance#like i thought it was annoying in high school#but now its downright hindering#like im making up for the past 9 years or whatever#and i didnt realize until this week that its probably bc im off my meds#and unfortunately its making my insomnia bad again which means im starting to have another issue that i had in hs#its only happened once but if it continues then things will get bad lol#im trying to be vague on purpose bc this is soooo embarrassing#i cant talk to my friends abt it bc we dont talk abt that stuff (or at least they dont w me so i dont feel comfortable bringing it up)#and i would talk to my sister but i dont want her to know im off my meds#so like. dying#i have a plethora of my insomnia/anxiety/depression meds dont get me wrong#but in order to take them again i need to update my insurance w the doctor#then go to the doctor#then get a referral to a specialist#who can hopefully help me#and then i can take my meds again#i knowww i should bc my slope be slippin#but like im in a good mood and am content with everything in my life but my work and my issue that i need a specialist for#so im not very motivated to do things i dont wanna do#idkkkk#sorry im rambling lmao#vani.key
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
me: so yeah my antidepressants double as my adhd meds so I’ve been having a pretty hard time since I haven’t been able to get ahold of them-
person not even apart of the conversation: oh I could NEVER take adhd meds
me:
person: I did once and I just felt like such a ZOMBIE how do you even FUNCTION like that
me:
person: no cuz like I didn’t even feel like a PERSON when I was medicated how do you MANAGE being medicated
me: …cuz if I don’t take them I’ll kill myself-
#the last time I wasn’t taking my meds I literally tried to take my own life and had to drop out of classes and go to therapy 4+ times/week#ppl don’t have to take meds just pls stop flaming me for taking mine#kind of similar vibe to when I told someone I’m starting meds for a sleep disorder#and they go oh you don’t need meds for insomnia#when I’m actually dealing with a nightmare disorder#mental health#mental health awareness#buspar#bupropion#wellbutrin#adhd#depression#sleep disorder#nightmare disorder
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
2024 is not my year, can we restart? can we just skip to 2025? please i am dying
#yeah so sorry i haven't been doing much here despite my goal being to get caught up on oc posts and start writing (which i did start#doing)#but uh. yeah so im still sick. yknow from December 24th. yeah.#it's developed into uh respiratory issues brought on by allergies and/or asthma. not 100% sure yet getting tested next week#but yeah it's so fun i have to take meds (one of which has Spontaneous Depression as a side effect#as if i needed more of that) and i CAN'T FUCKING BREATH MOST THE TIME WITHOUT HACKING A LUNG UP#needless to say. hate it here!#anyways hopefully will have some more stuff soo#n.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
sitting waiting for someone to text you bc you wanted to make plans with them almost 4 hours ago but now you've just wasted 4 hours bc you couldn't do anything bc you were waiting for them to text should've been a circle of hell in dante's inferno
#i also was on the phone with my mom for a bit so maybe i wasn't fixated on the waiting itchiness for all 4 of those hours but i still#haven't done any of the work i need to do for tomorrow :/ and i don't want to start it bc i'll have to stop in the middle of it except i#really do need to start it regardless of when she texts me back but she hasn't texted me back yet and we're trying to meet up to get food#but we hadn't decided on where to go so idk how long it will take so my window for doing any of it is rapidly shrinking and i can feel it#closing in on me bc it's been dark outside for an hour and i'm still just fucking. sitting here.#also unrelated i figured out this morning that i've been taking tylenol instead of my antidepressants for the last several days! which helps#to explain why i'm suddenly experiencing such a sudden uptick in my depression symptoms but also doesn't help me get back any of the days#i've spent in stasis bc apparently my adhd meds aren't enough on their own (bc i'm depressed) to allow me to do anything easily including#but not limited to getting out of bed#i've also discovered recently that just expressing that i've had difficulty with something to someone at all helps dissolve the mental block#that's kept me from doing it which has been massively helpful for me but maybe annoying to my friend who i usually text about it <3#megan you're a real one and i love you#a post
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#so there's big stuff happening in my life#and i remembered that I used to go on tumblr to vent about my feelings and heartache etc. using this as a diary.#and it would always idk. help.#because we were such a big friend group and someone would listen. anyone.#so idk who's still here#but: i'm very sad these days#and I'm gonna start taking some meds for depression and adhd if i ever find someone who will medicate me bc my therapist isn't licensed#to do so. but yes so hopefully this one clinic will take me in as an outpatient and at least give me anti depressants even if they can't do#diagnostics for adhd so if anyone in germany (nrw) knows someone who will diagnose adhd pls tell me#furthermore i have fucked up a fuckton#and i'm like. at rock bottom of my life.#i don't think I've ever been this like. distraught.#to put it short: i am v bad with finances and then i go and don't tell the truth about it bc of shame? so much shame. and like. the need fo#everything to be okay. even if it isn't. at least the pretense counts right? so i've not been honest to the ppl i loved most. and in turn#things are hard and rough rn#it's obviously much more than i'm putting in my tags here but yes. i'm working on myself and hopefully am gonna put things right. but yeah
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
...
#shout out to my nana for saying my dad spends money like water#my dad who struggles with the idea of spending money bc of obsessive compilation thoughts but is making an effort#bc whats the point of saving up all your life just to die. nana? my dad whose wife is literally dying of cancer and is beginning to circle#the drain so hes deciding he wants to start spending his retirement money now while shes still alive. u old witch. Jesus christ. my mum#isnt gonna live forever. shes getting her bladder removed in February i think. imo ill just b happy if she lives past the end of my 5year#program. like holy fuck. i mean. its not really nanas fault. she probably has 0cd and probably has 0cpd. but like this is y u wanna try to#get better. so you dont grow into a miserable old fuck whose family hates u bc ur awful and killing ur husband thru ur illness. just saying#as someone whose can see their own behaviors mirrored in her. this is y i cant go on like this lol#hopefully i hit my rock bottom last year. ugh. i just wish i could sleep. when im not super depressed i cant seem to get a normal amount of#sleep and im exhausted all afternoon. im awake at night and early in the morning. it makes me nauseous too. insomnia i guess#but ive always slept rather little. maybe it was compulsive and now im just old and cant take it#hate it. wish it would stop but at least i dont feel like dying anymore i guess. im guessing the meds r exacerbating thr sleep issues if not#causing it. ugh symptom management i guess#unrelated
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Using my brain like a metal detector to figure out what the FUCK it wants to do
#*shakes brain* what do you want??? food isnt working acnh isnt working weaving isnt working#im gonna fucking riot#im understimulated but just listening to a video feels OVERstimulating#i get bored & tired two minutes after starting a thing#but i want to do SOMETHING#i was in bed almost all day yesterday b/c i couldnt get myself to do anything else for more than. like. an hour at a time#or maybe less (it felt like less anyway)#i do NOT want to do that again#if my new meds dont do anything to help istg (im not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset)#depressions a bitch and i hate it!!!#im tired but i got a good amount of sleep the past few nights so its not from that??? i know its the Mental Illness but. still#i do NOT want to just take a NAP all DAY i want to DO things when im OFF from WORK#is this what it was like pre-meds??? b/c if so HOW#i legitimately dont remember#personal#jay rambles#mental health cw#depression cw#im. so fucking tired of this shit if the new meds do the thing where it makes things worse for the first few weeks#im still not gonna do anything im just gonna be upset about it. and there's a real chance i wont be able to work full hours#which i cant afford atm#i MADE SURE i had enough food for lung and i havent had half of it b/c i started and my brain went “mm no you're full actually”#(i very distinctly am NOT full. but now it has a bad Mouth Feel and im going insane)#(gonna try knitting next to see if that works)#food mention
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
ack.. if i don't check my work email soon i'm going to miss my chance to sign up for a workshop for the next semester....
#teaching without going to a workshop first would be awful i HAVE to take a workshop#i have to!!!!!!#but i rly rly don't want to check my email it feels like opening pandora's box#if i check my email i'll have to stop ignoring my job#and i'll have to reply to people and set up the new semester and advertise and take the workshop and start learning the new songs#i don't want to!!!#i only want to think about loop!!!!!!!#and sit around the house being depressed!!!#summer break didn't end up curing me so it can't be almost over#i can't work again yet i caaan't#:( :( :(#being a full late-20s adult SUCKS i'm rly good at fanart but at what cost......#silverstarschat#maybe i . need to talk to my dr abt upping my antidepressants or smth#i'm not sure tho bc like#i'm successfully completing fan art projects#which usually i can't do when im depressed?#so i genuinely can't tell if this clinical depression that requires stronger meds or#just burn out still#that requires. idk even. more rest? i BEEN resting. as much as possible at least#idk :(
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
It's amazing - the difference medication can make.
I'm starting to feel like myself again, starting to feel like maybe I can create things and be willing to share again.
I can feel the urge to write, to make art. I didn't realize how much I have missed this.
It's like there's been so much static in my brain and an endless black hole in my chest, and slowly, it's going away.
#anxiety and depression will fuck you up#take your meds folks#a tortured artist is not an aspiration#a tortured artist is one who will burn themselves out too quickly#and for the love of all the gods can we start diagnosing our afab children sooner?#for fucks sake#this would have been so much easier if I'd known what was going on with my brain#sometime before I was#idk#less than 25 years old?#I'm in my thirties now and finally hit fucking rock bottom and am having to fight my way back up with tooth and claw#get the meds kids#meds and therapy#it'll save you a world of shit later
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
THE VYVANSE + HOME ALONE WOMBO COMBO GOES SO FUCKING CRAZY
IM 2/3 OF THE WAY THROUGH STORYBOARDING AN ANIMATIC
AND I DID THE LAUNDRY I WAS PUTTING OFF
AND I WASHED THE DISHES AND CLEANED THE CABINETS
RAHHHH
#dog ive been depressed and doing nothing all summer and i was starting to get worried about when i move out#like if im gonna be able to take care of myself and my space when i go off to college#nah man i'll be fine#i just need to take my meds every once in a while
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
I FINALLY HAVE ALL MY MEDS AGAIN HALLELUJAH AND GOD BLESS
Maybe I can go back to being a functioning member of society/fandom again soon
#this has legit been the longest stretch I’ve gone without my anti-depressants since I started taking them in 2016#and goddamn it was starting to take a toll#also I have meds for my most recent mystery issue now!!!#so hopefully that’ll work!!!
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
really wish there was a tag that separated “I’m having Big Angry and/or Angsty Opinions about Star Wars” from “I’m goofing off with Star Wars I’m playing in the sandbox none of this is real so yes I will make my blorbo and this random glub shitto go on an adventure that makes no logical sense” posts because there’s too much of the former and not enough of the latter for my current mental state
#starlight personal#the good news is that I finally have another ketamine appt scheduled and it’s sooner than I thought they’d have an opening#the bad news is that the appointment is not tomorrow and we’re kinda at the end of my mental-emotional rope#now kids this is what we call: an inherent flaw in my treatment plan that cannot be removed#because pretty much in an ideal world I’d have ketamine appointments every 6 weeks but 1) expensive and probs can’t afford that#2) they don’t have enough availability for that to be realistic 3) can’t take off of work THAT frequently without consequences#4) I would probably start to doubt reality if I was tripping that frequently 5) I don’t think docs would allow it#treatment resistant depression and anxiety my beloathed if we could just chill that’d be great#treatment resistant PMDD my other beloathed someday I will do my damnedest to cut you out of my body#idk not to be too selfpitying on main but god it fucking sucks that I appear to be doomed to another cycle based mood thing#PMDD means I get two good weeks two bad weeks#ketamine being the only effective treatment for whatever my brain’s got going on means two good months followed by x bad months#until my next appointment#which like! two good months is better than no good months I am grateful that something helps#I just wish it was a more convenient help and it could be applied more consistently than my psych office provides#also wish I didn’t have to call them 3 times to get it scheduled but it is what it is#also also wish that I had fewer of the physical side effects of my anxiety and wouldn’t wake up puking the min things are rough#this is all to say: I want silly SW headcanons and droid headcanons and silly fic ideas and not Everyone is Always Suffering#but I’m also too lazy (I.e brain cannot make decisions rn) to search for new tags that may give me more silly#which means time to browse my bookmarks for good good comfort fics I have saved I suppose#(this is lowkey why i want to physically fight everyone i know who’s like ‘yeah meds would help but idk :/‘ like!!!!!!!!#bro it’s a privilege to have access to meds and it’s a privilege to have a body that doesn’t turn on you the min you take one!!!!#just try 10mg of zoloft I would kill for 10mg of zoloft to not make me entirely incapable of functioning!!!)#I don’t mean that - you have a right to take or not take medication and everyone’s reasons may be their own#I just had my body and have some rough feelings around treating my issues being so expensive and inconvenient#and then feeling guilty b/c I know I’m lucky that I can afford it and can take off of work for it when I need to#like I am pretty lucky to have something that works and to have a care team that helped me get here#so I don’t wanna be ungrateful or unappreciative of my own luck in this and the work that went into getting here#I’d just also like it if I could change the circumstances slightly#make treatment on the weekends an option - get my psych office to have more than 2 trip sitters so scheduling isn’t so bad
3 notes
·
View notes