#I only just started my day too | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wholemleko · 2 years ago

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#i bawl my eyes out over the stupidest shit I can't believe that triggered me #but I can absolutely believe it did #I thought something awful was gonna happen but I knew it wouldn't but it felt like it would #I fucking hate this I hate my mind #and I feel so stupid for it I should feel this bad over something so small #i always feel like I should be allowed to feel this bad #so I think I need to make things worse for myself #and psychologically torture myself in ways I won't describe #I am too ashamed and disgusted w myself #I hate this I can't fucking take it #worst panic attack I've had in a while n I have finals coming up I was just pulling myself out of a rut #and now I have to do it all over again #I only just started my day too #I don't want to be stuck all day #I wish I could do more do better why fo I have to be like this #I wish people didn't do what they did I wouldn't be so scared then #I don't want to be so scared and it's not their fault it's the system #it did this to us #but I'm so fucking angry #also if someone happens to read this #pls don't message me unless we're like established friends #sorry #vent

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sharkylad · 3 months ago

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Thinking about the fact that Mabel and Dipper didn't know they had two great uncles.

Yeah they are 12 and at 12 I had a shotty understanding of my family tree- But really? Nobody brought up their great uncle? Stanley? Especially since they'll be staying with his twin brother, Stanford?

Shermie never went to Stan's fake funeral, which to me means the twos relationship was strained on some level. If Shermie is older that means his view of Stan was poisoned in some way, that even as kids they weren't close. If the Shermie is younger then he never even got to meet Stan and all he knew about him was how he failed his family. Hell, people probably barely mentioned Stanley TO Shermie.

The fact that Stan had become a black stain upon the Pines family name makes me so vividly upset. Stanley faked his death and the family just- seemingly decided to strike him from the record. To pretend he didn't existed to spare themselves the sadness and shame.

Stanford and Shermie Pines. The only children worth mentioning of Filbrick and Caryn Pines.

It was never Stanford that was lost to the world. It was Stanley, ever since he had to leave New Jersy- it was always him that had to be struck from the record. Change his name, change his state, change his affiliations, destroy the remains of ghost that was Stanley Pines. Kill him so the family doesn't bring him up, doesn't ask questions, stops asking "Stanford" about his twin.

I just keep thinking about the fact that since the day he made one single mistake all the way up until Ford walks out of that machine- Stanley Pines was killed and did not exist. And Stan himself had no one to blame, he had to play the part in his own demise- He is the only one who ever knew Stanley was alive and has been for decades.

He lives in the multitudes of every personality he's ever taken, all in the hope that he himself can stop being Stanley Pines.

#gravity falls #grunkle stan #stanley pines #STANLEYYYYYY #STANLEY THEY COULD NEVER MAKE ME HATE YOU STANLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#sharky rants #Just. Imagine the fucking shame you have to live with #the shame that you can never be yourself. That anything you were is unwanted and forgotten #The shame of just BEING- Of taking space of- of /breathing-/#Imagine the world; your friend; your family; your colleagues being so ashamed of having known you #that you feel more comfortable with a persona to present.#You feel more comfortable stealing the identity of someone you care for deeply if only to help #If only to feel capable for once. To feel like you belong- Like youre doing something good for once #Imagine the shame that brings you to be comfortable not being yourself for 40 years.#ALL CASE YOU BROKE ONE FUCKING PROJECT??????? COME ON #I mean- the deeprooted shame was started from earlier. He was 'the stupid twin��; 'the troublemaker”; “the cheat and thief”#This was a long time coming #But those werent MISTAKES- The one time he genuinely made a Mistake he lost everything #Like he really mattered so little to the people around him #and he cant really blame them.#My cousin is a genius. Hes smart and academically achieved since I was a baby.#The only thing I had that he didnt was my ability to draw. to be creative. The guy for the longest time had a better social life then me too #I used to get brought to tears seeing his accomplishments- seeing people praise him. The shame lived in me any time I had to see him #The shame that I was the black sheep of the family next to the golden standard for a son- for a student- for a friend.#when I was none of those things #And Im lucky he was my cousin- cause if he was my brother that would have haunted me EVERY DAY rather then once or twice a year #Im better with it now; Im more content with who I am- But trauma dump aside-#I very very very much understand Stans shame in being the stupid one. The unachieved one in a family full of achieved people #the shame thats angry at him for being better. at the family for treating him special. and most of all at yourself that you cant be better #its a visceral feeling that I sadly understand

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icewindandboringhorror · 3 months ago

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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?

*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)

*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)

(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )

(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)

#polls #tumblr polls #I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup #the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli #section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff #so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just #blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most #neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol #I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me #but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T #I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee #person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times #But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol #And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly #When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one #sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it #Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something #Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and #coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single #coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to #have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus #make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as #possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get #to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol

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deoidesign · 1 month ago

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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)

We all start somewhere!

#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later #my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day #and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night #anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body #and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft #i have so many things i intend to post and then forget #it's a wonder I post anything #i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through #like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it #art growth #this was in 2010 btw #i started highschool in 2011 #I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever #like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me #man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time #if my phone made typos you didn't see it

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somegrumpynerd · 4 months ago

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Cross has trouble getting to sleep alone in his room and goes looking for a distraction, but ends up finding a solution for both of them

#UTDR #UTMV #Cross Sans #Killer Sans #Kross ship #(Kinda. It's up to interpretation)#Long post #I'm so sorry I didn't mean for it to be THIS much #I started this like a week ago -A-#Lies down and lets out a long howl it's finisheeeeeed #I could have just drawn them spooning and written the rest but noooo I love to do things the hard way #Anyway I think they should be bed buddies #The company helps Cross relax enough to sleep and the touch helps knock Killer out #Cross has to be big spoon because otherwise Killer's soul gets squished and it's too uncomfortable to sleep #Also I realised Cross and Nightmare are the only two in the castle who didn't have knock knock jokes in their backstory #I like to imagine Nightmare has had similar confusing interactions with at least one of them #Cross probably spends the rest of the day panicked that he overstepped a boundary or the others will make fun of him #Not realising that Dust and Horror have fallen asleep together many times #Or that Killer hasn't slept properly in weeks and he's in heaven #I'm NOT drawing a follow up so just imagine Killer coming to Cross's room the next night and finding every excuse to stay #Because he wants it to happen again but he has no idea how to ask (and also Cross seems kinda awkward about it)#Absolutely terrified that I spent my whole week off working on this and it might be not that great so I hope at least one person likes this

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arttsuka · 3 months ago

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Based on somewhat real events

I spent way too much time drawing this...

But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you

A continuation (kinda)

#sometimes my skin smells too strongly and I hate it. I wanna crawl up and die. it's not that bad usually #only when I'm already overstimulated #there were 2 times where I was sick and I started crying and almost threw up because the smells were too strong #one time the smell of tge city. the other time it was roasted chicken. I still feel sick when I smell reheated chicken to this day #I'd love to have someone comfort me and rub my back in these moments but 1. I don't want anyone to touch me and #2. I feel like I don't deserve to be touched because it's an inconvenience to others #anyway enough about me. I am now projecting in these characters #I hate drawing their faces so much #gravity falls #stanford pines #ford pines #young stanford pines #stan pines #stanley pines #young stan pines #art #fanart #traditional art #comic #long post #watercolor #forgot to mention but I can't take a shower when the sun is still up except if I was swimming in a pool/sea. no specific reason I just can'#projecting to Ford because Stan would never feel like that :/ oh well #is this cringe? maybe. probably. do I care? no. not really #I'm self diagnosing myself with 'definitely something wrong but not further specified' because this can't be normal #btw sorry if this is disappointing. I tried my best (the first part is pretty neat imo)#wonder if anyone is gonna read all of these tags #is this the worst thing you've seen yet?#teen stan #teen ford

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buttercupshands · 6 months ago

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rewatched Kurogiri's holiday story from ultra impact (not related to sketch at all)

(but it did inspire me)

on another note

finally!!

#fanart #sketch #my art #bnha #shigaraki tomura #tenko shimura #kurogiri #I cried a bit while playing it I missed the classic LoV I missed Kurogiri WITH the LoV it's been so long :(#and it feels like last chapter (423 atm) broke the seal of sketching them as anything but something static #it took me two or so days to just understand that Kurogiri is... yeah #I can't believe it took Horikoshi so long to bring him back but as I said and will say it again I glad it happened at all #after some thought I just want to sit with the chapters #anyway getting the preordered book was so much fun #it was full of LoV from Toga and Dabi talking about her house to Tenko being upset over being told that he doesn't have friends #and everything in-between basically only Compress left to join in the next volume #I think????#I actually want to get another one already they're so goodddd #and the translation sounds pretty good but I checked some pages not the whole book it'll be boring #it's actually so weird to think that I started a goal of reading the whole series ad it was now officially coming out like this back in 201 #and now it's 2024 and the translation is pretty much ahead of anime and maybe it'll be faster than viz volumes too #since it's 2 in 1 basically - I think it's really great since I save some money but get LoV chapters every time #because they appear every 2 books at the start of the series and back then it was hard for me to get them #but I felt content seeing all the books that I bought when I was visiting family for holidays this month because there are so many of them #and I don't need any wi-fi or internet in general to read them back to back now with an addictional volume #they have some mistakes but I don't mind them it feels good to just hold all of them (and a bit heavy after like 8 books) and now it's 18

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faaun · 7 months ago

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last night i got home kind of tipsy and very much in tears and my mother told me the force you exert to keep someone in your life is proportional to the force with which they will leave your life. if you have to fight tooth and claw to keep them, their leaving will be just as hard, just as harsh, and just as definite.

#she said it like a law. its just momentum.#also she told me to get a therapist and start archery ASAP bc i need to get it together #and also she said even granting that this person u were in love w was So Special . as in hot motorcycle-riding iranian masc lesbian in ldn #they arent the only one on earth and that once i start my proper adult life outside of studies etc etc i will probably no longer live in th #UK. she said most non straight iranians u would like have left the country anyway . where do you think they went? theyre out there #and also she asked me to imagine how many hot gay iranians there may be in italy or amsterdam or smth and i was like ok points 😭 maybe #ur right. anyway i was having a feeling of dread bc crying into the arms of ur strict asian mother while buzzed usually results in #death chaos destruction etc in the next few days but actually i think maybe she has genuinely changed as a person and the fear is #unwarranted #anyway i need to eat breakfast and study w the date person i met yesterday #they are so nice ??? genuinely so so sweet i dont feel attracted to them at all omg i genuinely think i have a thing for hot evil ppl 😭#but we could b besties . theyre a lot more romantic than the ex situationship person too like generally . ugh they should be perfect but #alas it appears i am shallow as fuck or potentially a lesbian actually #OH THEY MIGHT ALSO BE POTENTIALLY A LESBIAN BTW #i think i just tend to not date cis ppl entirely by accident #....feel free to rb if u want btw sorry for the rant

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sysig · 11 months ago

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I think the world is so wonderful... (Patreon)

#My art #Handplates #UT #Papyrus #I have not been able to get this idea out of my head for like - days now lol #It's only solidified the more I read! Heck!!#I dunno if I was necessarily hoping that reading further would point me in another direction but no now this is one of his songs lol #I really like Rugrats Theory actually :) The song of course it's lovely but I even have some nostalgia for the creepypasta haha #Been a while since I read it tho so that's probably just the soft haze of memory talking lol #But the song is still great! I'm partial to the English cover but I like the original as well :)#There are just so many fun lyrics! Especially for Papyrus specifically #''Everything I've been told I believe and yet people that I love just leave'' Gasterrr #''I think I'm old enough to understand so there's no reason to hide from me'' Sanssssssss #Once I returned to the scene of Sans trying to lie to him I just fjdslahfd these lyrics would Not leave me alone lol #I'm also Extremely partial to the second verse surrounding blindness and willful ignorance - his vision problems literal and metaphorical!#I wasn't planning to start a Handplates playlist but I guess by this point it's kinda too late haha #I also tried a different style of shading for this one ♪ Trying to style match a bit hehe #It's fun! Scratchy - tho some of that is from still using my usual brushes lol #I was Very inspired by watching the comic creation playlist - so cool! Very fun to watch and pick up ideas hehe #I knew I forgot something lol dang it - forgot the dash between WDG-2 #S'what I get for using pre-plates references :P #For just a quick little thing I'm fairly pleased overall tho :)

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vaguely-concerned · 2 months ago

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rook x lucanis: romance with a commentary track! solas and spite contribute with their thoughts and opinions along the way whether anyone wants them to or not. it's like a MST3K episode up in here as you try to get hot and heavy. in. in the pantry. love among the radishes at the end of the world (rifftrax version)

#still not sure who I'll romance first but I *am* starting to find lucanis just like. inherently hilarious. which is often how it starts.#for me. because of my many faults and flaws as a human being. I can't resist anything I find even slightly funny #dragon age #dragon age: the veilguard #dragon age: the veilguard spoilers #lucanis dellamorte #solas #dragon age spoilers #god please PLEASE let there be a fade section where solas and spite could interact just to complete my Vision here #anyway I think this concept could bring out the absolute troll side of solas that I love and treasure so much #if you annoy him too much in your little fade talks he'll start loudly critiquing your kissing technique in the back of your head #'oh is that how people go about it these days. well. not how I would have done it but to each their own of course'#pls pls I want pass agg dread wolf roasts constantly he's such a bitch he was born for this (affectionate)#I mean only lucanis and the player can hear spite apparently so it'd be more like lucanis looking into the camera like he's on the office #it's so cruel I think he's already going to be real weird at emotional intimacy as it is he shouldn't have to deal #with being bounced against the fourth wall like a little rubber ball on top of it all. sorry about your life (?) lucanis

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arthursfuckinghat · 9 months ago

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Javier jumpscare while I was hunting bison (he scared them all away)

#this is the second time javier has come looking for me but the first time was to help with bill because he got taken by bounty hunters #he cares <3 #“Okay! :D”#I doubt dutch was worried he just wanted his workhorse back to bring in money and run errands for him #if dutch was that worried he'd go looking for arthur himself #I was only gone three days too #I've disappeared for weeks and nobody seemed to mind #but alas #I'm getting that good satchel upgrade this time #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #mick squeaks #arthur morgan #javier escuella #liveblogging #every time tumblr crunches my videos and pictures I start biting people #honey puff my horse #mick vids

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disposal-blueeee · 7 months ago

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vargas by zarla-s ,

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bardicblast · 10 months ago

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Van der Linde Isaac - "CoS is actually a western" is such a concept ever since i saw somebody pointing that out i kept thinking about it

i rant about the redesign a bit:

so i went ahead and redesigned him to fit the rdr2 setting entirely, i cant give him a full on wolf arm, so i gave him burn scars on his face, that he hides all the time with a scarf or a bandana. hat in the back to replace the hoodie's shape. he is most comfortable using the rolling block rifle plus a knife. he would probably play a lot of five finger fillet.

plus, he gets his arm blown off at one point (not from finger fillet!! i swear), probably during the saint denis robbery, then dies during the guarma chapter, bc there is no way he would survive longer than that

also i cant have him choose sides at chapter 6 when i know he has blind loyalty