#and I feel so stupid for it I should feel this bad over something so small
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Dick being a bit of a perv towards Tim’s friend…you and Tim obviously have crushes on another, but Dick subtly convinces you that it’s unrequited, that Tim is turned off by how naive you clearly are…unless you want Dick to teach you some things, he’s be more than happy to *do it*…of course his hands are already creeping down your pants as he says this.
What?! Anon you're crazy. Dickie would never ever do something like this! Anyway... Warnings: Coercion, manipulation, choking, slut shaming, implied age gap Virgin!Reader.
The very first time he met you; Dick made it his mission to ensure he was your favourite member of the family. He’s often the first to invite you to events. He’s always cutting in at galas, much to Tim’s chagrin, and telling you how great you look. Not just the fancy stuff either, he showers you with compliments all the time. He just loves your cosy hoodie, and did you get a haircut? It looks great.
Sometimes he’ll make a show of staring at you, all starry-eyed as he says shit like “Wow. You really are just sooo beautiful. Tim’s a lucky guy.” Knowing full well Tim and you are not an item.
“If only I’d got there first.” Knowing that his comments will almost certainly embarrass Tim.
“What did Tim do to deserve you, anyway?” That the embarrassment is liable to make Tim push you away a little bit.
But it’s not all flirtation. Dick also asks about your life, your friends and family. He learns about your hobbies, and watches your favourite films so he can talk to you about them. He's always offering advice, warranted or not. He just wants to be ‘the best soon-to-be brother-in-law’, you know?
So, he's unsurprised and elated when you call him one night, on the brink of tears after seeing Tim on what looked like a date with someone else. “I feel so weird calling you since you're brothers but you're the only one who knows us both.”
“No, no, no. Don't ever feel like you can't talk to me. You can always come to me for anything! Why don't I come over?”
Half an hour later he's on your couch, listening to you lament about your hopeless crush on Tim. He pats your shoulders, and rubs your back throughout, subtly getting closer and closer until you're all but sat in his lap with his hand dangerously high up your thigh.
“Listen, Tim is my brother, and I love him, I do. And I don't believe in slut shaming, that's not what this is, but he does get around. A lot.” He catches a stray tear with his thumb. You don't move when he lingers, so he keeps shooting, caressing your cheek until he reaches your lips where he grazes their softness far longer than is appropriate. His cock is rock hard from cradling you, there's no way you haven't noticed it digging into your asscheek. You can't be that dumb? “I shouldn't say this, it’s not my place but you deserve to know. He’s a cheater. He's cheated in almost every relationship he's been in. I think he gets bored… Sexually.”
He hadn’t thought you could look any sadder, but you managed it. He almost feels bad. Almost.
“You should be fine though. You know what you're doing, right? No? That's crazy, you're so lovely.”
It takes a little persuasion, but it's cursory more than anything.
“Tim doesn't need to know; it’ll be our little secret.” He promises as he slides his fingers under your waistband.
That night he makes it all about you. He practically spoils you, never using anything but his hands and mouth to make you melt for him, over and over. It takes all his resolve not to kiss you stupid, only because you make such captivating sounds. Such moreish whimpers and moans. For his ears only.
He’s the worst brother in the world.
But that doesn’t stop him from calling you every chance he gets.
He knows he’s going to hell when he’s filled with a sick sense of pride, after dropping you off for a coffee date with Tim, having cum all over your tongue only moments earlier and driven you there with his hand practically lodged between your legs.
Sometimes he fantasises about sucking his name into your chest. Just so Tim will know exactly where you've been if he ever has the balls to close the deal.
But the veneer can only last so long, and you unknowingly chip away at it, bit by bit every time you say Tim’s name. “Do you think Tim would like this?” “I can't believe I'm asking but do you know if Tim…” “Oh, I can’t tonight, Tim and I…”
It finally shatters the first time he fucks you though. You take it so well, slowly letting him stretch out your tight, virgin hole. He barely even has to coach you through it, just a few sweet words of praise, his fingers brushing you in all the right places and your bouncing on his cock like it was made for you.
But then you go and spoil it. He barely even remembers what you said exactly. “Something, something, Tim.” and he's seeing red.
The next thing out of your mouth is a startled gasp as he fixes his hand around your throat and squeezes, pulling you close and pushing his length so deep inside that your eyes roll back as he spits; “Tim doesn't want you.”
You're like a deer in the headlights, wide-eyed and confused but still moaning like a slut as he ruts up into you. “He did, but do you really think he'd ever touch you now? When he finds out you've been hanging off his big brother's dick? Should of taken photos so he can see how bad you wanted it.”
“But- but you said-”
“I know what I said.” You look the most aggrieved when he cuts you off. Never in a million years did you think golden boy Dick Grayson would be so callous. “And you bought it all. God- you’re too easy.”
He trails off for a moment, getting lost in how fucking good you feel, walls tight and twitching around him, milking him a little bit more every time he pinches your throat or bites out another nasty comment. All this time he’s been so nice to you; he should have known you’d like him mean.
“Fucking shit~ I was never gonna let Tim have you. You were mine the moment you walked into the manor.”
#thanks for the ask I love it!#read this ask at like 1AM and couldn't sleep cause I was thinking about it all night#dick grayson/reader#dick grayson x reader#dick grayson#nightwing#nightwing x reader#nightwing/reader#nsft#gn reader#reader insert#tw coercion#tw choking#gilverranswers
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I need enemy!billy to fuck me stupid and call me a slut :(
CW: Mean!Billy, Unprotected sex, hate fucking
You didn't get along with Billy. Not at all. He was arrogant, annoying. And he was determined to make your life a living hell.
He would pull your bra straps in class, flick pencils at the back of your head and stick his foot out to trip you whenever he got the chance. If you passed him in the hall, he'd shoulder check you. He'd tease you about the length of your skirts, regardless if they were short or long.
If you wore makeup, he'd point out that you were trying too hard, if you didn't wear any he'd ask if you had given up. As if he somehow thought you were trying to impress him.
As if.
The issue was that your friend group tended to overlap, just briefly but enough that you often ran into him. It wasn't like Hawkins was very big either, you saw him more often than not. And that was irritating too. He acted like he was something special, like you should care.
"You don't play hard to get, do you?" He asked you, eyebrows cocked as he brought his beer up to his lips again. His dirty blonde hair curled against his shoulders, the wind gliding it across his forehead as you rolled your eyes.
Ignoring him was best, so that's exactly what you did. You pressed your fingers over your skirt, doing your best to prove that it was plenty long enough. It touched your knees and that was what mattered. You didn't need his opinion anyways.
"On your period?" He tried again, taking advantage of how long your friends were taking to return, "Or maybe it's the stick that's always up your ass."
"I do not have a stick up my ass," You replied quickly, insides burning as electricity strummed through your veins. You quickly stood, desperately needing to put as much distance between the two of you as possible, "And you're the one that's easy." You pointed out before you turned, stomping your way back to the house.
"They went on a run for more beer," He chuckled, lazily following behind you, "It's just you and I." He sang, sounding far too cheery.
"You can fuck off now." You told him seriously as you yanked the door open, wishing you had gone with your gut feeling and taken your own car. Now you were stuck with him.
"You don't like talking?" He questioned as he pressed his hand against the door, keeping you from slamming it in his face, "I've heard you like doing other things with your mouth."
"You're disgusting," You told him as the anger pulsed inside of you, "You're not any better." You pointed out, sure that he had already slept his way through half the school.
You gripped the railing, pulling yourself up the stairs. You needed privacy, your own room to sit and breathe in for a while so you wouldn't end up losing your control.
"Where are you going?" He asked curiously, eyes glazing with mischief as you turned back towards him. You turned into the room, trying to slam the door but to no avail. He moved quicker.
"I'm so tired of you," You spit out angrily, pressing your finger roughly against his chest, "You're an asshole." You told him seriously, letting the fire inside of you erupt.
"Oh," He grinned, looking anything but upset as his eyes flickered over your features, "What else?" He teased, cocking both of his eyebrows as he stared at you intensely. He was amused. Playing with you.
"You're not even worth it." You replied as you crossed your arms, not wanting to give him the benefit of seeing your anger.
"Huh," He continued to wear that stupid smirk, making you wish you could smack it off of him, "That's funny coming from you." He added as he rested lazily against the dressed, sticking his arms out in front of him.
"Excuse me?" You asked in surprise, jaw dropping at what he was suggesting. You were nowhere near as bad as what he was.
"You're boring," He said with a shrug of his shoulders, "A doormat. There's not one thing that's interesting about you." He spoke dryly as he watched you.
"Fuck you." You were seething now, pulse racing as a fire of fury burned deep inside of you. You were so angry that you couldn't decide if you were going to scream or cry. Both seemed like a good option, but you didn't want him to see that.
He stalked towards you, lips curled up into the softest smirk as your feet remained stuck to the ground. You weren't fearful of him, you knew that the best he could do was insult you. But you weren't going to back down, not now.
Your eyes flickered over his features, trying to ignore how pretty he looked at the moment. You hated that he was attractive and even more that he knew it. He was cocky, arrogant. It drove you crazy.
You stalled as he came to a stop in front of you, tilting his head as his eyes remained locked on yours. Your heart flipped inside of your chest, trembling as his minty breath tickled against your face.
His lips were hot against yours, intense and warm as his palms fell to the side of your face. You should push him away, shove him back harshly. But you couldn't. Not when something electric spread through your body, tickling your veins.
You felt something in your brain shift, awaking you from your haze as you bit down harshly on his bottom lip. He grunted, his tongue flicking out against your teeth in surprise as he squeezed at your face.
You let him strip you of your clothes without a fight, his hands rough against your skin as he pressed you over the side of the bed. He pushed down roughly between your shoulder blades, your face falling into the mattress and your ass in the air.
"I knew it," He paraded proudly, a smirk evident on his features as you turned to look over your shoulder, "You're no better than the rest of them. Just as eager to spread your legs."
All insults died on your tongue at the feeling of his fingers brushing through your folds, collecting your slick before you felt the head of his cock against your entrance. You gulped, fingertips falling into a fist as he bullied his thick cock inside of your soaked cunt.
You moaned, eyes fluttering shut and jaw dropping as he stretched your slick walls inch by inch. His girth was thick, thicker than you had ever had as he buried himself inside of you.
"S'nice," He teased as his palms fell across the curve of your ass, small moans leaving your lips as you adjusted around him, "So fucking tight. She's leaking for me." He teased as some of his fingers fell to your clit, rubbing your sensitive bud gently.
"God," You breathed out roughly, mind feeling hazy as your eyebrows furrowed tightly together, "Feels good." You squeaked out softly as the pleasure burned deep inside of you, twisting your insides tightly together.
He laughed from behind you, his fingers electric against your skin as he snapped his hips forward. You whimpered at the sensation, the tip of his cock pressing against your bundle of nerves. You shook, your thighs trembling from the pleasure.
He squeezed at your tits, rolling them in his callused hands before he pinched your nipples. You whimpered at the feeling, overwhelmed as he began to slide his cock in and out of your soaked cunt. Everything inside of you was burning in an intense manner before he yanked your body back towards his slick chest.
Your mind felt hazy as you began to rock your body back along the curve of his cock, savoring his thick girth and the curves that decorated his skin.
The sound of your bodies meeting was dirty, filthy as his cock pressed deep inside of you. You craved the feeling, wanted to feel more of him as you continued to grind yourself back against him.
He groaned from behind you, his breath hot against your cheek as he smacked his palm across your thigh. Your cunt ached around his girth as you rocked yourself back against him, feeling a fresh wave of desperation crippling over you.
"You're so stupid, huh?" He teased, eyes flashing with lust as he tilted your chin roughly in his direction, "Already dumb around my cock. Such a dumb little slut." He groaned as you continued to fuck yourself along his cock, whimpering as words failed to come to you.
He spoke to you in a demeaning manner, insulting you. But you didn't care. Something about it made your cunt ache, your clit throb as he dragged you up and down the length of his cock.
Cries of pleasure left your lips, drool sliding down your chin as he continued to roughly snap his hips forward. You were leaking around the girth of his cock, coating his balls in your slick as you greedily grinded yourself back against him.
The sound of your bodies meeting filled the room, spurring you on as your fingers fell into two fists. His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you even closer to him.
"See," He hummed against the side of your neck, his tongue briefly licking at your sweaty skin, "It doesn't hurt to be nice." He whispered gruffly as he kissed at your ear, then biting with enough force to make you yelp.
"I am," You spit out, struggling to breathe as the pleasure burned deep inside of you. He laughed, his sweaty chest rubbing against your back as he dipped another hand between your leg, "Fuck, fuck." You squeaked out, body spasming as he brought a thick finger against your clit.
He bit down on your skin as he continued to fuck into you from behind, his finger rubbing harshly against your swollen clit as your muscles spasmed roughly.
Everything inside of you burned, your mind going blank as the pleasure crashed over you. Your thighs snapped together as you came with a loud cry, whimpering as your cum slid down your thighs.
His groans vibrated across your skin as he continued to roughly grind his fingers against your clit. Your toes curled in awe, bliss overwhelming your cunt clamped down around his girth.
"That's a good girl," He groaned as he pulled out, letting you collapse onto the bed in a pile of good. You whimpered as you turned, watching the way he wrapped his thick fingers around his cock and roughly jerked himself off, "Such a fucking slut." He grunted, leaving no warning for you as he came harshly.
You gasped, blinking roughly as his warm spunk fell against your features. You gaped, feeling it across your cheek, lips and forehead. Some of it dripped across your eyelid, leaving you to quickly wipe it away.
"You're a dick." You hissed, in disbelief to what you had just done. You couldn't believe you had let him back in with no issue. He would think that he was right about everything. Anger boiled in your stomach again.
"And this here?" He questioned, tilting his head as his strong fingers fell against your sore cunt, "Belongs to me."
#Billy Hargrove#Billy Hargrove x reader#Billy Hargrove x you#Billy Hargrove x Y/N#Billy Hargrove smut#Billy Hargrove x you smut#Billy Hargrove x reader smut#Billy Hargrove Request#Mean!Billy Hargrove#Billy Hargrove hate fucking#Hate fucking
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Many Americans I have seen: *Says they are pro freedom and democracy.*
Also many Americans: *Votes for a guy who doesn't believe in democracy when he doesn't win, and who literally wants to be a dictator and has taken great measures (like what he did with supreme court) to ensure he becomes one.*
Maybe it's just me, but I, a non-American, can't comprehend the logic here lol...
Well, here is one thing that I can clear up. Republicans don't support democracy.
At least not over the past few elections.
You could see this most notably whenever the topic would come up of the electoral college. Democrats would point out the fundamental problems with the winner of the presidency being somebody who lost the popular vote by 3 million votes and how undemocratic it is. A popular response then became that America is not a democracy. That we are a "republic."
This is an incredibly stupid talking point because a republic is a representative democracy. The idea behind a republic is just that the people elect representatives to represent them rather than voting on legislation directly. It does not somehow make it anymore logical to have a president who was elected by a minority of the population.
But the anti-democracy talking points have been big with Republicans ever since the 2016 election.
To get more to the point... Rural Republicans feel threatened by the fact that the country's policies are being decided by large cities. They believe that because they occupy the most land, that they should be the ones in charge of the country rather than these concentrated areas with the densest population.
They view the very concept of democracy as tyranny of the majority. The irony being missed is that what they are actually supporting is a tyranny of the minority.
And let me say... I can understand where some of them are coming from. You come up to rural Oregon, for example, and one of the biggest issues is the logging industry regulations.
Oregon has been a logging state since forever. Heavy environmental regulations have destroyed countless jobs throughout the rural parts of the state. And these regulations haven't been coming from the places that are actually affected. They are coming from the big cities where forests aren't something you live near and around, but are a rare novelty you get to see when you travel.
I am not saying that environmental protections are bad. But the people who passed the environmental regulations didn't replace the jobs they destroyed with anything. If families in rural communities go hungry or lose their homes because logging restrictions destroyed their industries, that's not going to be a problem to anyone living in the city. They wouldn't even know about it, but if they did, they probably wouldn't care much.
So democracy, to Republicans, really just means that people who are living far away from them get to decide what happens to their communities.
But... Having pointed out some of the reasoning for why Republicans feel the way that they do, I also need to point out how much worse they actually are in this regard.
Their problem with the perceived tyranny of the majority isn't the tyranny. It's that the other guys get to be the tyrants.
Because while it is true that decisions made by people who aren't living in the areas affected can unintentionally be harmful to those areas... Much of the current Republican mentality is designed intentionally to hurt people and exert control.
When a Republican area needs disaster relief, this isn't a partisan issue. If part of the country is hurting, we mobilize and do what we can for them. But when people like Trump threaten to cut funding to fight wildfires in California and just let it burn, he is met with resounding applause from his base.
For as much as they claim to be against a tyranny of the majority... Republicans would happily cut off all disaster relief funding from liberal areas just out of pure spite.
As another example of conservative opinions on Democracy and freedom, you might look to this quote which they love to misattribute to Ben Franklin.
“Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to eat for dinner. Liberty is a well armed lamb contesting the vote”
That certainly sounds reasonable... until you spend more than a few seconds thinking about it.
If the lamb is the only one armed, then what is there to stop the lamb from imposing his will on others? For all the flaws democracy has... "liberty is using threats of violence to impose your will on the majority" sounds like the worst form of government. It's a military dictatorship.
There's also another version of the quote, one from the Los Angeles Times in 1992, that conservatives desperately need take a look at.
Democracy is not freedom. Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to eat for lunch. Freedom comes from the recognition of certain rights which may not be taken, not even by a 99% vote.
The point of this quote is that freedom requites acknowledgment that some rights need to be protected and are too important to leave up to the majority.
Freedom requires that those be preserved.
But Republicans aren't a party that care about freedom for anyone but themselves. Much of their platform is designed around taking rights from people. Especially from marginalized communities. Limiting the ability to vote, to marry, to have autonomy over your own body, even to use the bathroom of your choice!
This was a long post, but the TL;DR is this: Modern Republicans openly hate Democracy, and only pretend to support freedom while actively trying to strip people of their liberties.
#politics#political#republicans#donald trump#trump#trump 2024#2024 presidential election#election#elections#election 2024#us elections#democracy
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warning signals, ex!eunseok x ex!reader
! toxic relationship, mean and angry eunseok, cheating, spanking (not very proofread 😭)
eunseok doesn't know why the tears are filling his eyes while his hand roughly hit the skin of your ass. his mind is tricking him to the point he doesn't even know if he's really here. his vision gets blurry and the thoughts flow in his head over and over again. if these months never happened, he wouldn't be in this situation.
your relationship with eunseok started to worsen over the last weeks. you loved him, he was such a nice boyfriend to you, but sometimes he felt more like a bodyguard than a boyfriend. a guard dog constantly behind you and your every move. a guard dog that could smell danger all the time and need to protect you all the time.
it was bad, but you started to lie to eunseok. you were tired of having to give up on plans and friends because eunseok didn't feel like this party was a good idea, or had a bad feeling about someone. little white lies wouldn't kill him and you'll finally have the joy to be free again without a message from him every 20 minutes.
your late night parties turned into innocent sleepovers, the bars turned into restaurants. you even hid perfectly your outfits under large clothes so he wouldn't see how tight the shorts were in your thighs or how cropped the shirt is. you stopped getting ready at home and went over to your friends' place more often so eunseok would never doubt you were about to doll up your pretty face for a sleepless night.
eunseok wasn't stupid. he knew you were playing little games and he wanted to see how far you would go. for him it was not that hard, his only wish was for people to know you're completely his, and it included being careful around everyone even your friends, wearing what he wants because as your boyfriend, he knows what's best.
tonight you were going out, and you told eunseok you would be sleeping over with a friend of yours -and not obviously dance the whole day and probably drinking and probably having a better time than at home with your boyfriend-. eunseok stood up and walked to you to put his arms around you, his hands traveling under the large hoodie you wore to cover the tight crop top you had under. eunseok gave you a quick kiss, then pulled your hoodie up, and revealed your party outfit.
"what is this for?"
"it's just some clothes i like eunseok."
"are you going out like that?"
"yes. got something to say?"
eunseok furrowed his eyebrows when you pushed him away and walked to the door. he was quick to catch up on you, his hands resting on the doorknob.
"eunseok. move i'm going out."
"i'm not letting you out like that. wearing this when i'm not with you? are you getting pretty like that for someone?"
"i do what i want eunseok, move the fuck out."
everything went overboard. eunseok's low voice grew louder as he snapped at you, you screamed back at him while trying to push him away from the door. he tugged on your hoodie, you stepped back from him. you got into fights with eunseok more and more often recently but it was rarely this bad. you had enough. tears turned your vision to a blur, and eunseok got quiet after a heavy sigh.
"listen... i just want to protect you..."
"fuck you eunseok."
you took the opportunity to walk out of the apartment when eunseok sat down on the couch and tried to calm the situation. he stood up to follow you outside but the door shutting loudly stopped him. couldn't you see how much he loves you? all he wants is to protect you, you're his after all, aren't you?
you angrily ranted to your friends while walking to the club about what happened. they make some comments about how awful of a boyfriend eunseok is, and how you should do something about it. the logical option was probably to break up with him, but you wanted more. you wanted revenge, you wanted to hurt him as much he hurt you especially recently.
the club was full and you quickly forgot about eunseok once the cool drinks flowed into your system and the music filled your ears. you couldn't care less about who you were dancing with, surrounded by unknown persons, until you caught a glimpse of a familiar face.
you've seen sungchan often, he was eunseok's best friend after all. most of the time, eunseok was glued to your side possessively and you couldn't even enjoy having a talk with his tall friend. you didn't know sungchan very well, but he's handsome, and the perfect trap.
sungchan recognized you in the crowd and greeted you with a soft smile, surprised that you were not with eunseok. you didn't really want to chat, and when you put your arms around sungchan's neck to dance with him, his voice quickly died into his throat. he naturally gripped your hips and lost himself in your eyes, swinging you to the rhythm of the music.
sungchan didn't know how to react when you kissed him, your lips eagerly moving against his, almost desperate. when your hands went through his hair and dragged him closer to you, he whined into your mouth. it didn't take long for sungchan to make the next move, your hand firmly in his to get out of the club. soon you found yourself pressed against him, trapped between his body and the wall of his apartment.
you couldn't lie, you had a great time with sungchan. he was much more built than eunseok, his hands holding you with strength when he pinned your arms on the bed and crashed his hips into yours. your moans were higher than ever, your head thrown back into the sheets and your nails scratching his shoulders. eunseok was buried at the very back of your mind and you barely remembered your boyfriend when you woke up in the morning witn sungchan's arm around your waist.
but you couldn't completely forget eunseok, who blew your phone with calls and texts. he called everyone he knew, your friends, your parents, but he didn't call his best friend. why would he need to call sungchan? yet having no reply from you, eunseok found himself at the door in desperate need to complain to his beloved friend.
no matter how hard sungchan tried to hide your presence, eunseok recognized your shoes in the hall. more than just angry, eunseok felt heartbroken. why would you do that to him, him that loved you so much, that only wanted the best for you? he stormed off without a glance at sungchan. you picked your things, waved goodbye to your newly ex's best friend and headed back to your apartment. you knew it was bad, but you couldn't go back.
a few weeks after the incident, eunseok called you to set a time where he could come and pick up the few clothes he had left at your apartment. when you opened the door to him a few hours later, you didn't even greeted him. eunseok's voice spilled venom with each words when he talked to you.
"can't even say hello at least?"
"i dont want to talk to you, grab your things and get out."
"i know i haven't been the best but you owe me an apology don't you think?"
"why would i? i was tired of you. and sungchan is good in bed."
"he'll never make you feel as good as i did."
"he's soooo much better than you, he made me-"
"what the fuck did you just say?"
you have seen eunseok being angry before, but you don't remember if you've ever seen him like that. no matter how much you hated him for how he acted, he was still as hot as ever. eunseok's hand reach for your neck to drag you close to him until his lips reached yours into a kiss. a much violent kiss, his tongue down your throat leaving you no time to breathe. he gripped on your waist to press your chest against his, his voice so low in your ear when he ripped away from your lips.
"sungchan could never make you scream like i did. he could never make you cum like i did. i'm everything you need, yet you had to be a whore and act like it. i'll put you back in the right mind."
this is how eunseok ended up in this situation. his palm hits your bare ass again, the red shape of his hand glowing on your skin. he has you naked on your bed he shared with you so often, face pressed into your pillow and your hips raised for him to hit you mercilessly. each slap makes you babble a number, but you lost the count already.
eunseok is angry enough to punish you. he's also sad enough to feel his heart race at the feeling the body he craves so much under his fingers, as if it's forbidden for him to still desire you. his cock throbs each time he grinds his hips into yours, earning breathy moans from you. the thought of you being in the same position for sungchan a few weeks ago makes him insane and he just can't wait to prove you wrong.
another harsh slap echoes through your room and you cry out eunseok's name, your legs shake from the delicious pain going through your veins. eunseok himself lost the count but he loves seeing the red handprint on your ass, he wants everyone to know you're his. his hand reach your head to grab a handful of your hair, tugging on it until your back arch against his chest, his voice a low whisper in your ear.
"enough for you to remember who owns you?"
"e-eunseok please..."
"this eager to fill you up with my cock? i thought i wasn't good enough to the point you had to slut yourself your sungchan's dick?"
"only... o-only you is good e-enough for me..."
"good."
he lets go of your hair and pushes your shoulders back into the pillows, parting your legs roughly. his hand travels down your back to make it arch a little more.
eunseok grips tightly the skin of your ass, his other hand pumping his cock eagerly. he has no mercy when he pushes his tip inside of your awaiting core, reaching deep inside with a sharp thrust as you whine desperately his name. deep down, you know eunseok is right. no one could fuck you as well as he did.
brutal thrusts jolt your body forward, eunseok rougly holds your waist in his fingers, his nails dig into your skin. he loves to watch the way your red ass bounce each time he grind his hips into you. he can feel how deep he's buried inside of you, your walls tightly yet deliciously swallowing his cock whole. each thrust stretches your folds a little more, your moans growing louder when his tip roughly hit every perfect spot inside of you.
eunseok slows down his pace, giving instead some strong and precise thrusts every few seconds. he can feel the head of his cock pulse into of you when you clench around him, he rolls his hips into yours enough to push him so deep inside of you. he loves hearing your cries of pleasure, he loves seeing you fall apart of his cock that you begged for so many times in the past. he hates you so much for breaking his heart, he hates how much he still crave everything from you, every little touch, every little attentions you used to have for him. no matter how sad he feels, the memories flowing his mind only makes him angrier. his hand reaches you head again, his palm pressing your cheek into the pillow until your noises are muffled by the soft fabric.
eunseok presses his hips roughly, he speeds up his pace in desperate need for a release. he doesn't think about you, he wants to think only about him. he's only filled with the intense pleasure of your tight walls around him and the pretty noises erupting from your throat each time he hits deeply inside. eunseok's thrusts get more messy as he feels his release creeping over him, one more slap on your ass as you crying out his name loudly.
your own orgasm threaten to explode at any second, the overwhelming warmth spreading through your stomach, your head spins more and more. eunseok's low groans behind you warns you that he's just as close as you. just a little more, you feel your thighs tensing and your muscles contracting...
eunseok pulls out of you with a grunt, jerking himself off with his hand quickly until he cums on your ass and back, painting your skin with ropes of pearly fluid. he massages his tip until he empties himself fully and lets out a heavy sigh, his breath becomes more steady as he watches you win for more.
he pulls his pants and underwear back up, and the metal sound takes you out of the daze you were lost in. you lift your head up from your bed, the tears is flooding your eyes. you watch eunseok catch his breath, he pushes his messy brown hair out of his eyes without a single look at you. your legs still shake from your ruined orgasm, and you almost cry out for eunseok to come back so he can finish what he started, you want to beg him to make you cum.
eunseok grabs his clothes that he came to pick up. he turns his back to you and without even a glance at your naked state on the bed, he exists your room then you apartment, shutting the door roughly. all he hopes now is that the lost feeling of pleasure he gave you haunt you for as long as possible. he never wants to you see you again.
eunseok is mean and i want him to be mean to me... sad and hopeless lover eunseok... hope you enjoyed :3
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The Arrangement - Part 10
Summary: Jake's done a lot of things to keep his sister, and then his niece, safe from his parent's influence and manipulation. If he wants to keep them safe, he has to marry you.
Warnings: Bad parents, Implied abuse, Implied violence. Let me know if I missed any!
Part 9 -- Part 11
Series Masterlist
As you calm down, Jake waits until you tell him to before he lets you go. He can't imagine how much you might need this so he'll hold you for as long as you want.
You sniffle and shake your head as you gently push away from him. "I'm sorry about that," you splutter.
"No need to apologize," he assures. "It's been a really crazy couple of days. Probably a lot longer than that for you."
"I should get to work on the dishes." You try to move past him but he holds out his arm.
"I said I'd do the dishes," he reminds you. "Not only did you cook breakfast, you cooked a lot more food than you should have. The least I can do is help out with the clean up."
"You had to actually talk to them," you quietly argue. "I just sat and refilled drinks."
"You also really helped me out, reassured me when I was feeling lost," he gently countered. "Please let me do this for you?"
It takes you a minute of internal waffling before you tell him, "okay. And thank you."
As you start tearing up again Jake is quick to ask, "are you okay? What's wrong? Do you need another hug? Are you hurt?"
"I'm just...I'm just not...not used to such kindness," you confess as you wipe the tears away.
"Doing the dishes for you is more than you're used to?" You nod and Jake feels a renewed wave of anger at your family. "Would...would it help if you supervised my cleaning? Make sure I'm not cleaning your cast iron by putting it in the dishwasher?" Your eyes go wide and you gasp, but he's quick to smile and reassure you that he would never do that. "It's one of the few cleaning things I will forever know, if only because it came up in a trivia night one time."
The giggle escapes before you even knew it was forming. You slap your hand over your mouth, embarrassed but Jake's eyes are lit up. Everything in his body language tells you he's not angry or offended at your outburst, but happy about it.
"If you want me to ignore that, I will," he comments. "But I would be happy to acknowledge it!" He looks at you like an excited puppy eager for praise and you can't help but continue giggling from behind your hand. He starts shaking with excitement but he's not saying or doing anything because you haven't said if you want it acknowledged. Unfortunately that's just making your fit more uncontrollable.
You remove your hand and gasp between fits, "it's okay. I'm so sorry. I don't know why I'm laughing this much. I'm sorry."
Jake lightly bounces as he assures you, "it's okay! There's nothing to apologize for! Sometimes a thing just tickles your fancy. It could also be a response to all the stress you've been through. When was the last time you had a really good cry? Or a really good laugh?"
"It has been a long time," you sigh, keeping your head down as you finally get your laughing under control.
"So, would you be willing to supervise me in the kitchen?"
"That sounds nice," you nod.
"And you promise to correct me if I do something wrong? Or before I do something wrong?" You hesitate at that. "I promise I don't want to upset you. I just...we're going to be going to a lot of parties soon. I'll have no idea what I'm doing. I'm going to need your help." You look up at him, eyes a mix of emotions. "I...I get the impression you're not...you don't correct others." You lower your face in shame. "Hey, it's not...I get why. I really do! It's not a judgment, I promise!" Jake's tone becomes a little more frantic, but no less pleading, soft. "And I'm gonna need your help to not make an ass of myself at these parties. That includes correcting me or stopping me before I do something stupid. The kitchen supervision could be a good way to practice that for us?"
"That...that makes sense," you agree. "I promise to try?"
Jake smiles, "thank you so much, Sharky!"
"Sharky?"
"Sorry, I'm used to friends with nicknames," he quickly explains. "And, I figured you...you like sharks so much you literally studied them...I swear it sounded better in my head." His face looks chagrined as he rubs his hand on the back of his head.
"I...I've never really had a nickname before," you tell him. "I kinda did when I was studying, but it was definitely derogatory." Jake's eyes turn sad. "Derogatory regarding my background. No matter how much work I did, I was still called 'Princess' because of my family." You shake your head to dispel the memory. "But 'Sharky' sounds a lot nicer." You give him a soft smile that has Jake's heart fluttering.
As the dishes get loaded into the dishwasher and the others await the required handwashing, you decide to ask Jake about something that's been bothering you.
"Your father," you hesitate, knowing it's a sensitive topic. "He mentioned something about your niece?"
Jake sighs, the smile on his face dropping. "You remember my sister was engaged to Travis?"
"Of course."
"I got her out of it by, essentially, hiding her far away from here. She met someone, fell in love, and they had a daughter." Your eyes widen slightly in surprise. "She's only 8 years old," he continues. "But she's super stubborn, like her mother. Smart, like her father. And she's damn good at soccer, minus some bad calls from a ref."
You smile a little at that. It's very clear he cares a lot for her.
"But my parents found out about her," he continues. "They hinted that they know where she and Sarah live and they flat out told me that, unless I agreed to marry you, to be the obedient son they always wanted, they were going to marry her off to your brother."
You gasp at that. You knew your parents were determined to solidify power and position by combining the families but you didn't think they would go so far! And to your brother, who would be twice her age upon marrying her! Your blood freezes as you think of how badly he'd hurt her.
"Hey, Sharky? You okay?"
Jake's voice breaks through the bad memories, "sorry. I just...I'm happy to help you keep her safe."
"Thank you for that."
Part 9 -- Part 11
Series Masterlist
Tagging: @alicedopey; @ashdoctor; @delicatebarness; @ellethespaceunicorn; @irishhappiness
@jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @lokislady82; @ronearoundblindly
#jake jensen#jake jensen x reader#jake jensen x female reader#arranged marriage au#jake jensen x you
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That prompt list you just posted awakened something in me hahah Wb “Do you have a cat?” and "Humiliated" for Eddie? 👀
Yaayy thank you for the prompts! 💕
I cooked up 1.7k of E/ddie having a terribly timed allergy attack whilst dealing weed to a regular client who, unbeknownst to him, has a cat he is horribly allergic to 🐱
Shockingly I have not projected the fetish onto either character in this fic?? It's fun to mix things up from time to time, I guess!
~~~~~
Content:
M sneezes, mentions of M/F, F OC for sake of plot, cat allergy sneezes, spray, mess, handkerchiefs, nose rubbing, nose blows, embarrassment, mild comfort + caretaking, build-ups, rapid sneezes, talking through sneezing
CW: mentions of drug and alcohol consumption (It should go without saying but both characters are 18+)
SFW but minors please dni!!
Eddie brought his fist down on Laura Paulson’s front door, trying not to get irritated at the fact he had been pounding on it for at least three minutes already. The blaring music inside masked the sound of his efforts and that of the doorbell. He pointedly ignored the sneers of the three guys skulking in the front yard, who clearly knew some way of getting in and out the building but had no intention of filling him in, and he had no intention of asking. This was so fucking dumb. He just wanted to make some sales and fuck off.
Laura was okay. She never asked for freebies, always paid what he asked and wasn’t especially shitty to him. They’d made out a couple of times in his van, even, when she found out her stupid jock boyfriend was going with other girls behind her back. He didn’t much like being used on the low, but it was also somewhat thrilling sticking his tongue in a cheerleader’s mouth and having her pull his hair in response.
She’d even mentioned that he should stay and hang out at the party, if he wanted to, but he could tell she was only inviting him because she seemed to think she had to. Like she felt bad about being pleasant to him when they were alone, and an ice queen when they weren’t. He turned her down for both their sakes, trying not to look offended when she failed to mask her relief.
He struck the door again, even more forcibly this time, and finally, finally it was opening. Laura smiled at him, clearly several drinks deep. He raised the lunchbox in his left hand by way of greeting, offering a half-smile as she moved to one side and let him in. He’d never been inside her house before, and it was as swanky as he’d pictured it would be.
“Sorry, sorry, it’s loud in here.” She sing-songed over the racket, sounding friendly but not sorry in the least.
“No biggie.” He smiled at her, feeling better in the presence of her admittedly contagious happiness, substance-related or otherwise. He’d been expecting a much colder reception. “So, do you wanna…?”
“Oh, yeah, this way!”
Eddie followed her up the stairs, realising she must be even tipsier than he thought if she would openly lead him up to her room whilst several curious onlookers watched them do so. He checked his wristwatch; only 19:00. Girl meant business when she partied, he guessed.
Her room was unextraordinary. Girly, neat, plastered in photos of her and her friends, and several more of her and her meathead boyfriend. He hoped said boyfriend knew where his girlfriend was and wouldn’t suddenly barge into the room, wasted and charged up by some stupid whispering about the pair of them sneaking off together.
“Sit, sit!” Laura said, inviting him to perch next to her on the edge of her baby blue bedsheets whilst she rummaged through her purse.
“You good for your usual?” Eddie said, opening his box and taking out the little baggie he’d set aside for her. He sniffled, briefly pressing his wrist to his nose against a sudden errant tickle.
“Uh-huh.” Laura replied, seeming distracted. “Shoot,” she muttered after a second, getting up a little too fast and staggering. Eddie reached out to balance her with one hand on her waist.
“You okay?” He asked, then winced at how stuffy his voice suddenly sounded. His nose still tickled and his eyes were starting to feel suspiciously itchy. Fuck. He was probably having some kind of reaction to her perfume or some shit, which was weird because hers had never bothered him before, but not unheard of. When she righted herself and moved to her chest of drawers he indulged in a violent nose rub, mashing his nose around with the palm of an open hand, desperate to quash the tickle before it blossomed into a sneeze. He hoped she couldn’t hear the wet clicking sounds the motion induced, and grimaced in dismay when it seemed only to urge the tickle along.
“I know I have more cash in here somewhere…sorry, one sec…”
“All good.” He said, even though it was not all good, it was bad, and he’d had enough allergy attacks in his life – hell, this past week - to know he was about to sneeze his fucking head off. He sat rigid, pressing a ringed finger underneath his twitching nostrils, pink and damp from the prior manhandling, and pushed hard against his philtrum. It did very little at all, and he bit the inside of his cheek in an attempt to stave off the starts of an embarrassingly hitchy build-up.
He glanced at her back as she dug through the drawer, silently pleading with her to hurry up, when his eyes drifted to the lint roller on top of the chest. He squinted at it, realising it was covered in…oh, double fuck.
“L-Laura?” He asked, lowering his hand and scrambling through his pockets for his bandana. He was going to sneeze no matter what at this point, and he at least wanted to do so not all over her pristine upholstery.
“Hmm?”
“Do you hh’have a hh-!!...cat?”
“Yeah, Mittens! She’s probably sleeping under the bed right now, ‘cuz there’re so many people around. Ooh, okay, nice, found a twenty!”
She spun round, grinning in triumph, only for her face to fall in confusion at the sight of him. He averted his eyes, even as they started to slam shut, burying his face in the bandana he had been raising and continued to allow his breath to hitch – audibly, now that the gig was up and she could not only see him, but was actively watching him build up to a fit of tickly allergic sneezes. He felt his face flushing with heat, absolutely humiliated, but there was nothing he could do. He gasped pathetically, chest expanding under his Metallica t-shirt as the tickle finally crested.
“Eddie?”
He managed to shake his head, just once, before he was pitching forward into the bandana, clutched to his face with both hands as the sneeze burst out of him with so much force it brought tears to his eyes.
“EhhHGK’TSCHSS’IEWww!! Shit, sorry, I’m-!! Ihkg’tchieww!! AhhGK’TISSHH’IEwww!! Ohh…”
He felt the bed dip as Laura sat down beside him, blushing even harder as she placed a tentative hand on his back, expanding and contracting erratically under his leather jacket as he hitched his way towards the rest of his fit.
“Hh-Hh! Ehh-! HAH’GKkt!! EHh’NGXt’TSHh-NGXT’tshiew!! HdDT’TSCHH’U! ‘DDZZSh’iewww!!...Shit, I’m…I’m allergiii’CKK’SHIEeww!! Allergic-to-cats-!”
“Fuck.” He heard Laura mutter, sounding genuinely concerned, which heartened him and yet paradoxically made him feel terrible. The whole thing was mortifying, and the more he sneezed, the more the tickle seemed to tease.
To make matters worse, Mittens, the very source of his misery, seemingly roused by the cacophony above her sleeping space, had come to investigate. Through bleary eyes he peered at her in resignation, preparing to sneeze again. She tilted her fluffy, tortoiseshell head at him, mewed once, and then, to his horror, started to rub herself affectionately all over the shins of his jeans.
“Mittens, no!” Laura reached for her in an instant, snatching her away as she meowed her displeasure, but the damage had been done.
“HhHH’GCKT’TShhieww!! ESHH’IEWww!! EHh’NGXtt’TSCHh!! EhHH’TSCCH-TSSHH’IEww!! h’Ohh GoddD’TSXCHHhh!! IGSHH’Uu-IGKSHHhh!!”
Eddie could barely breathe between each explosion, eyes streaming as he sprayed into the bandana over and over, clutched between both steepled hands. The last few left mess bursting out into the cloth and dripping down over his lips, mercifully hidden from view. He sniffled reflexively, instantly regretting it as the tickle peaked with such intensity the resulting gasp made his chest squeak.
“EIISSHHHhh!! HaH’GKkt-GXK’TShhu-GSHHHh!! Hh’HH!! HAH’ENGXTt’TSSsHIEww!! AESHH’IEww!! iihHH’KhG’TSSHHUuu!!”
He trembled as they overpowered him, cruel and unrelenting, one leg jerking up as his body almost curled in on itself from the force before stamping back on the ground. He made the mistake of using a lull in sneezes to fold his bandana over and look for a clean spot, hands shaking, totally unprepared for when the tickle ground once more against his sinuses.
“’YYISCHHH’IEWW!!” He sneezed violently, dramatically, and worst of all, totally uncovered. His eyes shot open in time to see the spray dissipating in a glittering cloud of droplets, illuminated by a nearby lamp. He clapped the bandana back to his face, cheeks burning, wishing the floor would open up and swallow him whole.
“Fuck, I am so sorry.” He mumbled at exactly the same time Laura offered an audibly concerned “God bless you!”
He murmured a thanks before biting the bullet and indulging in a disgustingly wet nose blow. Laura gently patted his back, manicured, callous-free hand on his scuffed-up leather, and the sudden rush of emotions – humiliation, confusion, affection, irritation – had him lurching to his feet, even as his breath started to hitch, fucking again.
“Are you okay?” Laura asked, her hazy brown eyes looking up at him with far more kindness than Eddie could stand to face in the current moment.
“Yeah, I’ll be fine, but…I’m sorry, I hafta-! GXXT’SHIEWWww!! Ah, fuck, shit, I-need-to-! IGSHHHH-! Ahh, Get out of here.”
“O-okay.” He felt her slip the money into his pocket. Pressing the sopping bandana firmly to his face, he began to reach for his lunchbox, which she handed to him. “I’m really sorry.”
“It’s n-not your-! Not-your-f’hhault’TTSZZSH’IIeww!! Fuck!! Not your fauld’t.” He mustered up a reassuring smile, then remembered his face was obscured anyway.
“Still, I’m. I’m sorry. See you round?” She offered.
“Sure.” He said, knowing damn well the next time they bumped into each other and he didn’t have drugs on his person she would go right back to pretending he didn’t exist.
He left her there, standing awkwardly in the middle of her room, and bolted his way down the stairs, trying not to fall to his death as a series of smaller sneezes teased their way out of him half-way.
“Huh’GXTCH’zieww!! HDD’TZSCch’u! hh-HDT-!! ‘TISHH’Ieww!!”
He sneezed again as he strode past the three idiots still lurking outside, the dampness of the cloth beginning to transfer to his palm. They made sounds of disgust and derision, painfully predictable in their apery, and he fought the urge to throw the snotty rag in their direction before deciding in his current state it wasn’t worth the potential black eye and/or broken arm. He slammed his van door shut and started the ignition, snuffling and scrubbing at his tickly nostrils, which were already flaring in preparation for a repeat performance. He prayed he wouldn’t sneeze himself to an early grave on the road before he could get home and sneeze his throat raw in the shower.
#hope you like it! I had a lot of fun with it#s/tranger t/hings#nametakenfic#sneeze fic#sneeze fucker#snz fucker#snz kink#sneeze kink#snz fet#snzblr
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congratulations...? [pt.2]
read part one here! hope you enjoy!!
atsumu miya x male reader
word count: 1.1k
it always ends with him apologizing somehow. you always know.
FEM ALIGNED DNI
when (name) walked back to meet with karasuno again, everyone had noticed the change in his demeanor. he had left the team with a grin on his face, only to walk back completely silent. nobody said anything at first, leaving him alone for a bit, at least until they got on the bus to head back to the hotel.
maybe atsumu was just being childish like usual! he's always been kind of stupid and competitive like that, with how he always butted heads with osamu. but he was usually different with (name). usually he'd listen to (name's) advice after getting into a fight with osamu, as he let himself get patched up. usually he'd ease up when he noticed that (name) was around, scared that he might say something he wouldn't mean.
"(name)! the bus is here now! come on!" nishinoya snaps him out of his thoughts, and he blinks.
"oh. yeah, yeah, sorry." (name) nods, shoving his hands in his pockets.
as the team slowly files onto the bus, (name) tries to pick a seat by himself. as much as he loves the team, some of them were a bit too loud for his liking. he just wanted to go to sleep.
just as he puts his headphones into his ears, noya plops himself down into the seat next to (name). he fights back a grimace, and shoves his headphones back into his pocket.
". . . what d'ya want, noya?" (name) asks, side-eyeing the libero.
noya frowns at that. "dude, what's up with you? i get you're tired, but we won! did something happen with atsumu?"
when (name) freezes up at that, he connects the dots surprisingly quick.
"ooohhhh, you're having issues with your man!" he says, a little louder than (name) would have liked. he slaps a hand onto noya's mouth, glaring at him.
"dude! ya don't gotta announce it for the whole freakin' world t'hear! shut it!" (name) snaps. noya just shoves his hand off of his face, frowning.
noya points an accusatory finger at (name). "but you are, aren't you? what happened? was he being a dick?"
(name) lets out a huff, leaning back in his seat slightly. ". . . kinda. he was bein' pissy about us winnin'! can ya fuckin' believe it? i get he lost 'n all, but seriously! a 'congrats', or a 'i'm so proud'o ya, babe' would'a been fine! but hes actin' like a toddler! for nothin'! fuckin' nerve of that cunt—"
"oh. woah. he sucks, dude!" noya remarks, leaning over your shoulder to be impossibly closer. (name) shifts over closer to the corner of the seat, not really appreciating his personal space being invaded.
"he's not that bad, honestly. . . he's just a lil' shit sometimes. ya know?" he just shrugs at that. that wasn't helpful to (name) at all.
"i'm not good at relationship advice. . . hold on." noya turns to the aisle, and, to (name's) horror, shouts, "ENNOSHITA!!"
said second year turns around rigidly in his seat, and is met with noya's far too eager expression and (name's) disturbed one.
"(name) needs help! come here!"
"shut up, noya, jesus—! it's fine, ennoshita, seriously—"
by this point, ennoshita had already shifted down to sit in the next seat over from the duo, switching seats with tanaka. "what's up, (name)?" but before he can actually speak, noya butts in again.
"he's having boy problems!" "shut it, noya!" (name) huffs, shoving his head down to actually see ennoshita.
"seriously? well, you should just talk to him, no? communication is always healthy."
". . . nahh, i'll wait for him t'apologise." (name) shrugs, removing his hand from noya's head. "how are you sure he's gonna?" hinata chimes in, leaning over the back of his seat.
"oi, hinata! don't butt into (name's) business!" kageyama huffs, yanking the ginger down by his shirt.
"if he doesn't, 'samu'll make him do it. i give 'em two days, tops." the whole group collectively sweatdrops at that.
when the bus finally pulls up to the hotel, (name's) body feels significantly heavier than it did five seconds ago. he wants nothing more than to shower, eat, and sleep. with a stretch, he stands up as the rest of the team files out. in his pocket, his phone buzzes, and his face grows warm when he sees who it's from, opening the messages a bit too eagerly.
atsumu
give me ten mins babe 19:22bus is running late
pls. its important i promise 19:23
(name) felt oddly nervous at that, the little voice at the back of his head spouting nonsensical fears. what if he was breaking up with him? over a volleyball match? ‘tsumu’s not THAT much of an idiot, right?
when he notices a few of his teammates still standing outside, seemingly waiting for him, he waves them off with a small smile. "could ya guys tell coach i'll be a minute, please? i gotta take care'a somethin'."
once they all head inside, (name) pulls his phone out again to respond to atsumu's text.
(name)
ok. im waiting out front
you have ten minutes maxor im leaving 19:27
he turns his phone off and shoves it into his pocket, rocking back and forth on his heels. after a while of pacing in front of the hotel doors, the thought to leave briefly passes through his mind. as soon as he turns towards the doors again, a figure turns the corner of the block. it's atsumu. he’s panting as he’s hunched over, trying to catch his breath. he clearly ran to get there.
“what’d ya wanna talk about, exactly?” (name) asks, crossing his arms. atsumu looks up at him through hooded eyes, his face morphing into a frown.
“i wanted t’apologize to ya. obviously. i was actin’ like a child earlier.”
(name) huffs at that. “i could’a told ya that much.” the blond lets out a ‘tch’.
“‘m not finished, jeez! i was actin’ real stupid, and yer right to be pissed at me,” atsumu grumbles. he shoves his hands into his pockets, and it looks like he wants to say something else.
“quit it with that face, ya look constipated.” atsumu lets out an indignant scoff at that before (name) continues. “what else did you wanna say, ‘tsumu?”
“. . .congratulations. ya did amazin’.” he breathes out. it’s the first smile he’s cracked in hours. (name) deems it acceptable. he walks over, rubbing atsumu’s shoulder. “thank you, baby. now, i swear to fucking god,” he starts, squeezing his boyfriend’s shoulder a little tighter— atsumu yelps at the grip, chuckling awkwardly.
“if ya ever act like a whiny bitch over somethin’ like this, i’m breaking up with yer sorry ass.” (name) hums with a tight smile.
“love ya too, baby,” atsumu grins, leaning over to plant a kiss on his cheek. meanwhile, a few karasuno members were watching the encounter from the window of the inn.
tsukishima grimaces at the whole exchange. “how does their relationship even work? they’re both so. . . pigheaded.”
part two of this done finally !!!!!11!!!!1!!!!!1!!1!1! never doing this again tumblr tweaked out every time i tried to save this draft.
dividers by @/plutism !!
#(◠‿・)—☆ lix writes !!#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu#x male reader#haikyuu x male reader#x reader#haikyuu fluff#crackfic#atsumu miya x male reader#atsumu x reader#inarizaki x reader#miya atsumu#miya atsumu x male reader#miya atsumu x reader#atsumu x male reader
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I'm not that well known that this'll be really seen but I've been thinking about this for like A WHILE-
since I'm a musician and I'm doing a music related course in uni and since the SaSi hyper fixation has me in a chokehold it got me thinking...
THE SIDES IF THEY WERE IN A BAND (or were musical artists idk)
use these for Ur band Aus or something idk
also I'm thinking of making a part 2 of like side duos and what types of songs they'd make if they collab'd so lemme know if U want that
Roman
bro would definitely would be on the vocals Ong
he'd probably know many classical instruments like violin or a flute (this is more cus of aesthetic purposes)
he'd be a PAIN to work with in the studio ngl
his way or no way, and if it's not his way he has a tanty
during sound checks or tuning other instruments he'd just riff obnoxiously (everyone would tell him to shut the fuck up)
as a solo artist he'd probably make theater like songs or just some girly pop songs
Sabrina Carpenter is his inspo (used to be Beyonce but uh..... I think we know why that isn't the case anymore)
would probably be a good person to ask for lyrics
would practice his thank you speech for Grammys even if he's not even nominated
Logan
ngl he'd be the one behind the mixing desk
if not he'd probably know piano/keys or bass since he's not the type of to be over the top (no one pays attention to the bass which SUCKS CMON GUYS-)
more fascinated on the production side of music
he's the one setting up the equipment since everyone else is "too stupid" to help (maybe besides virgil but we'll get to him soon)
by the end of a sesh he has a headache cus he has to get Roman and Remus to STOP FUCKING SCREAMING OMFG-
soloing he'd probably make lo-fi chill music to study to or something like Pink Floyd or maybe even some Radiohead songs or Billie Eilish songs
he'd research certain topics for lyrics.
WORD ASSOCIATION GAME AH RAPPING (think One Week by Barenaked Ladies)
Virgil
(ok I'm really excited to do this one since virgil and I r really similar)
bro SLAYYYYYYS the electric guitar and bass but is too nervous to really admit it or really play in front of others
has probably had many panic attacks after messing up alot (which tbh same)
helps Logan with setting up equipment (he's the only one that Logan actually trusts with it)
also knows drums??? (I'm also a drummer and he's literally me let me live my life)
DISTORTION PEDALSSSSS
virgil: "I dunno if I can do this guys like really I'm not that good I should just lea-"
patton probably: "Awh, c'mon Virgil! you got this! it's gonna be ok!
Virgil: "well i-if you say so..."
*proceeds to absolutely shred TF out of the guitar*
knows how to do vocal fry screams (metal screams) and does it alot
Remus and virgil Collab ALOT since they're kinda similar in taste
by himself he'd make emo music or any type of like emo rockish song which honestly I think is a surprise to no one
dream collaborator is Gerard way
many many stickers on his guitar
Patton
honestly doesn't really care what instrument he gets he just wants to have fun
vocals and rhythm guitar most of the time whilst virgil has lead (he's gotta let his bestie have his spotlight)
always brings snacks to the studio even tho Logan always tells him not to (he wants the studio to be nice and neat)
wants to Collab with EVERYONE (besides the obvious bad ones ofc)
if the songs they're making as a band are slow and melancholy in the slightest, the water works will start FLOWINNNG ONG
soloing he'd make kids songs or just songs that r just obnoxiously happy or marketable (or something that sounds like the Beatles)
would also write sad songs when he needs to express his feelings, thanks to virgil for giving him advice
always asking the other sides to Collab and make acoustic covers of songs (especially with Janus, virgil and Roman)
Remus
(again, excited for this one cus he my fav and also were similar)
oh god no.
hed be on drums (twinning:3) but would also know guitar
GOD HELP U IF UR EVER IN A ROOM WITH REMUS AND THERES ANY INSTRUMENT IN SAID ROOM
he is trying to make everyone annoyed by just making the LOUDEST amount of noises (He's slamming his arms on the piano rabidly, he's putting the guitar amps on full and playing all strings as hard as he can, etc)
bro hits the drums H A R D
has probably broken a kick drum a few times(it's a wheel spin on who he has pay for it between Logan, Janus and Patton)
BANNED from using the production equipment for obvious reasons.
messes with the equipment anyways
the BEST at metal vocals (taught Virgil how to do it)
sings songs but replaces the lyrics with inappropriate words
twinning with Roman, when the others r trying to sound check or tune their instruments, he's SCREAMING IN THE MICS LIKE A LUNATIC
soloing, he's either making the type of metal where the vocals r just screaming vocals where no one knows what he's saying (maybe like death metal???), the most cuntiest sex songs like Aisha erotica or just songs that sound like "I staple tapeworms on my penis" (I kid U not this is a real song, here it is for reference↓)
virgil and Remus Collab alot (I said this before but i can't help but think they're besties)
Janus
bro would be the KING of jazz in the mindscape
he'd probably do vocals, saxophone, violin, cello and keys/piano
always comes to the session late. its all about him so everyone else doesn't matter.
if one of the other sides can't make it for some reason, Janus would take their place (tho realistically all of the sides CAN mimic eachother, I feel like Janus does it better than the others since he practices ALOT more)
also messes with the equipment but doesn't go as elaborate as Remus, he just does the simple and subtle things
fights with Roman ALOT about the stupidest of things
kinda an asshole to work with depending on who U r
Logan: "hey, Janus can you just move the mic further away from you please?"
Janus: "of course.." *proceeds to purposely move the mic closer to himself just to fuck with Logan*
soloing, he'd make songs like frank Sinatra or Peggy Lee or something, just very jazzy bluesy type things.
likes to Collab with Patton but won't ever admit it (as you can tell I loved the into the unknown vid)
will ALWAYS supply the wine mostly for him and Logan cus they fucking need it-
and C!Thomas is just the manager if Logan isn't it already
and that's it idk
#sanders sides#thomas sanders#sasi#patton sanders#logan sanders#roman sanders#virgil sanders#remus sanders#janus sanders#Spotify
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I’ll answer the Harley stuff first because I may or may not have a snippet for the Piper one ;)
So, I feel like in Fate verse (I’m just gonna call it that, series title for that series of oneshots is “fate and other technicalities”), Harley’s siblings (especially Nyssa) tried to make sure he didn’t see Leo when things were really bad early on. They let him know Leo was hurt, because the whole Leo blowing himself up and Jason carrying into the infirmary missing a leg and covered in ash was kind of a big deal that would have been hard to miss, and they let him know that Leo is going to be okay, but they don’t want Harley going to the infirmary while Leo is still out cold.
Harley insists he wants to see him and probably sneaks in. Curses at poor sleep-deprived Jason that he should have protected Leo better but Jason already feels like it’s his fault and him just agreeing that it’s his fault actually doesn’t help Harley feel better so he just kind of pats Jason’s arm awkwardly and apologizes. They just kind of sit there together for a bit and Harley squeezes Leo’s hand and tells him to wake up and that he’s stupid and then darts out again (it’s all a lottt for such a little kid)
I also like to think that the ring/fold-out crutches were Harley’s idea. Hc that maybe he had an injured leg at some point during the whole Hephaestus cabin curse business and remembers how annoying it was figuring out where to put the crutches when he wasn’t using them, so he didn’t want Leo to have to deal with that, and all of his siblings come together to help to make the crutches.
He’s the one presenting them to Leo totally claiming he made them all by himself and Nyssa lightly raises an eyebrow at him and he sighs and goes “I guess the others helped, too” and Leo just laughs and ruffles his hair
A lot of what you’re asking regarding Piper will be saved for tchig, and I can’t go into that too much for spoiler reasons, but I do have a Piper WIP that’s a sort of companion fic to tchig and takes place at the same time as Leo’s little… trip, so I’ll share a preview from that! (Obviously this takes place bit later than we are in the current tchig timeline, so there’s some slight spoilers in this snippet)
“The demigod you’re trying to reach is currently outside of my service area. Please try again later,” a tinny voice sounded through the rainbow.
“What do you mean, he’s outside your service area?” Piper asked, struggling to keep her voice calm.
She was trying not to cry.
Not being able to reach Leo wouldn’t have freaked her out on most days—he’d told her he needed some space to process things, and as much as she wished that wasn’t the case, she understood—but today of all days, it was just too much. “Thank you for choosing the Iris Messaging service,” the voice from the rainbow continued, ignoring her question. It was fucking recording. “If you would like to end the call, please press red. If there is anyone else you’d like to contact-”
Piper did cry, then. Forget not crying in front of the stupid rainbow goddess. She couldn’t help the sobs building in her chest. Couldn’t help the way her thoughts spiraled. What if something had happened to Leo? What if, after everything they’d been through, she’d lost him, too? If she’d gotten him back just to immediately have him ripped away from her again?
A little over three months ago, Piper had cradled Jason’s lifeless body in her arms after a mission gone awry.
She’d gotten better at dealing with the grief and the memories since Hazel and Frank had gotten her in contact with a therapist—a child of Bacchus that Piper didn’t have to hold anything back from. Talking to her helped. But a few months weren’t enough to heal the kind of grief that came with losing a section of your heart.
Piper hadn’t loved Jason the way she’d initially thought she did, but she had loved him. He’d been her best friend. When they’d lost Leo, having Jason to hold her through it had been the only thing keeping Piper sane. Jason, who was a terminal optimist and believed against all odds that Leo was okay—that he had to be okay, because he was Leo, and there was nothing he couldn’t do if he set his mind to it.
And Jason had been right. Leo was okay. But he hadn’t lived to be reunited with him.
Leo had taken it the hardest out of anyone. They were all grieving in their own ways, but Leo had shut down completely. Piper hadn’t seen him cry much before it had happened. Leo joked his way through most situations with worryingly practiced ease. To an extent, he’d still done that with Jason’s death. But he’d also sobbed into Piper’s shoulder until his voice failed him. He’d cried a lot during the weeks he’d stayed with her, and more in most Iris Messages after.
Piper couldn’t imagine what it was like to only realize you were in love with someone after they’d been ripped away from you for good.
But she was grieving, too. She would have held Leo through it all, if only he had let her.
So! If anyone would like to be distracted/cheered up a little please feel free to send me some short valgrace/lost trio prompt and I’ll try to write a drabble or do some headcanons or something. Sfw stuff only please but otherwise I’m good with pretty much anything request-wise
#Piper’s doing great! (she’s not. someone please give this poor girl a hug)#tchig#fate and other technicalities#piper McLean#Harley pjo#valgrace#leo valdez#my writing
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from a vibes perspective, i totally understand why so many people look at keefe and go ‘this guy would be the male equivalent of a wine aunt when he’s older’.
but. but.
taking lore into consideration, in my heart, he’s terrified of alcohol (even if he tries really hard to hide it). because. like. his first exposure is almost guaranteed to be through cassius, and cassius canonically threw a glass extremely close to him at least once when he was, like, 8. maybe cassius wasn’t always extra nasty when he was drunk, but there’s gotta be a correlation in keefe’s brain between risking getting seriously hurt (emotionally or physically) and alcohol consumption that’s really hard for him to shake.
#tw alcohol#tw child abuse mentions#lmk if there's more trigger warnings i should put#i have a thing for hurt/comfort lmao#kotlc#keeper of the lost cities#this is brought to you by:#that one fic my brain started writing internally where it's sophie's 21st bday and she's like man i#have saved the world so many times we've all lost count. i want a fucking drink#and keefe's internally like OH GOD OH FUCK in a bad way but externally he's like yeah babe whatever you want!!#and then she's like. i don't wanna do anything super stupid though. and drinking alone is super stupid when you've never drank before#will you stay w/ me? please?#and keefe's like. i cannot say no to that face#so he spends the night doing an increasingly bad job of hiding how bad he's freaking out#because sophie is a safe space and alcohol is not safe and he doesn't know how to deal w/ the two colliding#ESPECIALLY since sophie's just getting dorkier and sweeter as her filter goes down instead of throwing insults or objects at him#(i feel like sophie would be the kind of drunk that's very impulsive and says EVERYTHING that comes to the forefront of her mind#and stellarlune was more than enough to prove that she sees keefe and a lot of the time her brain just goes hnnngh soft little tortured#artist. MY soft little tortured artist.)#yeah but even intoxicated sophie can tell something's wrong even before he flinches super obviously at an empty glass falling over w/o#breaking. and so she's like nah man it's hurt/comfort time and he's like BUT YOUR BIRTHDAY and she's like do you really think i'm#gonna just let go of the fact that i know you're stressed? i'm not a dickhead keefe#so yeah it ends in cuddles. because of course it does#keefe sencen#annnnd out of the drafts this goes. post!
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.
vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍
#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering#like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse#im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking#Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone#on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk#cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so#im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right#im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you#get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something#its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a#job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post
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me and the generic extra strong Tylenol and the pure rage in my system
#Every once in a while I think. It’s not too bad home. I’m over dramatic. It’s not bad and it won’t be bad when I go home and never been bad#Then actually think and remember#I shouldn’t have been hit as a small child. I thank god that my parents stopped that with me.#But also. I should have been taken seriously when I went To them with concerns and shouldn’t have been brushed off.#But also to be a 14 something year old and to realize your parents aren’t in love is a crushing feeling#Since that must have been when. 13-14. Appa passed. Pandemic times. I’m sure my father. Since this would have been the last time I saw Appa#We went down to visit. Dad didn’t go he had work. He sent us off. I remember sitting in the passenger seat by mom in driver#Dad praying for our safe travel and for him going in for a kiss and the moment of hesitation and unwant from my mother#And the awkward silence and the way everything seemed to just shift to the side#That was summer of 2019. My first time realizing my parents weren’t both in love happened when I was 13-14.#I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.#And going to college has me feeling so guilty. Like I fucking ditched my siblings? The kids I raised as a child myself?#(I had to go. I don’t know if my scholarship would have held I don’t know if my financial aid would have held. I couldn’t have waited. )#(I would have likely done something bad to myself. Genuinely. If I weren’t able to be here. If I had to stay. I wouldn’t survive that.)#my siblings are fine. They have no responsibilities. My sister is manipulative. They will manage. They want me to get the education I need#They aren’t going to have to use their own college money to pay to be able to eat because the parents won’t feed them for the summer#I went into college with at least a couple hundred less than I should have. Because I had to parent. I had to feed my siblings.#And I had to pay to fill the gas tank on my father’s gas eater truck. We couldn’t be home because of the selling home situation.#I had to do something to get us out and to feed us but I didn’t get paid back for anywhere near all of it#I don’t regret it. But a kid shouldn’t have to pay for them and their siblings to live.#But then I remember the dread I have for returning ‘home’ for the breaks. I don’t know what I’m going to do.#If I can’t work all of the breaks then I either won’t be able to pay next semester#Or I’ll have almost no money in savings. Like nothing to my name. Can’t buy gas. Can’t do anything. Can’t buy food.#Unless the next scholarship stuff I’m doing pulls through. But I’m willing to work the whole break just to get away from either house.#I want to violently shake my parents and get them to comprehend#Father you have dropped 260$ into my bank account in the last two weeks. Why could this not be earlier in the semester.#Why couldn’t that be in the time and fashion you FUCKING PROMISED for helping me pay my schooling?#You have money to spare. Stupid. Why couldn’t you help like you promised.#Mom you fucker. I get that you are kinda with a new man now. But you’re leading yourself into a relationship with a man you said yourself#You don’t want to date because he wants to move away with his sister and because he hates it here
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i so sad
#thoughts#i think im having like a panic attack or something#like#something attack#i dont want to talk to anyone anymore i keep messing things up#i called a mentally ill person disgusting because i didnt see their other anon confessions in the server about their mental illnesd#they menyioned how they shower once a month#and i saw that i didnt see the other messages#i asked them how they didnt get uncomfortable “being that disgusting”#i meant it like. The feeling of#Not having taken a shower in a month. I didnt want to imply they were inherently disgudsting for their mental illness and everyone was like#wow rayman what the fuck is wrong with you why would you say that about someone. and they vented about me in the vent channel#it was a horrible thing for me to say and like yesterday i also fucked up i said mean shit to someone. I dont know whats wrong with me why i#cant stop doing bad things. i need to kill myself or something i need to lock myself away so other people dont get hurt by me#i was clawing at my head crying hitting myself with my knuckles because i just fucking loathed myself i pretend im so happy and like yeah im#happy but like really i fucking hate myself so so much more than anything in the world the only reason im not dead is because i love this#world enough to stay on it. i hate myself so much. i get so so sad when i look in the mirror because im not who i am im no one im always#trying to be a person or something when im nothing im so worthless coping off the “smart” compliments i got in 2nd grade when in reality im#just some stupid fucking rancid asshole with rage anxiety lonlieness stewing in my soul for 5 years i cant be normal around anyone im not#supposed to be friends with anyone i shouldnt have a partner he needs to kill me i need him to beat me over the head with a shovel and keep#beating me and stabbbing me with it until im alll brutally mauled unrecognizable and he should call me worthless the whole time and i#deserve it
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.
#really really hate how thoughtless and oblivious i can be to my own bad behavior#ill know something is important or that a shouldn't do a particular thing#but over time and assumptions and small acts of carelessnes shit just....fades and accumulates and one day#i look up and ive done something very stupid and hurt someone else#and i didn't feel it happening#my mind will take things and hide them from me is what it feels like. ill know they're there but it fades into the background noise#i am hard on the things in my life including people and relationships. and i am always so vulnerable to my own fuckin lmfao inattentivenes#this is why i struggle so much with the idea of ever having an intimate partner or children. it doesn't matter how much i care.#eventually and inevitably i do damage.#and i know consciously that people make mistakes and all you can do is try to course correct and make it right. but it's better#not to hurt anyone in the first place and i really don't know if i will ever be capable of that.#trying to convince myself this kind of shit is growing pains but man. man. i can't stop being what i am and it really#really feels sometimes like i am just destined to break and neglect#but then that ''im broken'' thing feels like trying to dodge around taking responsibility and improving. and i should be better than that.#but god how tf are you supposed to stop dissociating from the reality of what you're doing when you're. dissociated.#all i can ever think to do is isolate#*sigh* guys i think i might need to graduate to therapy with a trauma specialist#or adjust my medication. god. im so tired.#why is it so gd hard to be a normal decent person. it doesn't seem hard but then
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