#feel a little more in control of themselves as people by staying out of affairs like the game or disputes because god he literally has to

[dykedvonte]

I think the most baffling thing about the Tulpar as a vessel to me is the fact that the ship really did only have a one way communication system.

I know it was cheap but even the most basic of vessels regarding major transport would have some way, shape or form for outside communication. Not only that but there was absolutely no form of innate emergency signal to show they may have been offline or in trouble despite clearly having a system to dock credits if they went off course. It's another factor that really shows that bad situations are made to get worse by design. One person who is required to relay all information to the crew and make all the choices without feedback. No way to update or call for help in case of a dire situation. No way to inform of inner personal conflicts and acquire procedures accordingly.

It really is like they are all in some sort of fucked up solitary confinement. They have their own world with strict roles that are meaningless in the end, as long as the cargo makes it, it doesn't matter what happens on that ship to the company. They don't want to hear anything and will come to conclusions on what happened based on how much pay they can withhold from the workers. Even what they do send is short, sterile and corporate to the extent it was likely written and sent out with a command by some random unmanned computer in an office.

There's something to be said about how unfair it is to force absolute power and control onto one person when you as an entity could do so much more to offload it but I've said it many times before so I won't again.

[fancyfeathers]

The Games We Play of Dust and Ash (Yandere Moriarty the Patriot Masterlist)

(A/N- I started writing this one and it ended up giving Anthony and Kate energy from Bridgerton and I am here for it)

The first time Mycroft Holmes met his darling was at a ball, he was only attending because he had a meeting with the master of the hours house at midnight and it just so happened that Albert and his darling were in attendance that night. The two men talk for a short while before Albert’s wife points out her sister who had just arrived. Looking at the young lady who was pointed out, she did not seem like much, a shy thing, a little closed off to the suitors who approached her. Then he hears the voice of Albert’s darling chime in again…

“Things have been hard for her since our parents died a few weeks ago, she has been more distant. She used to come over to visit but now it feels like she is avoiding Albert’s family like the plague.”

“I see… please excuse me.”

He approached the young lady breaking through the people who attempted to approach her, saving her from the other gentleman like a knight in shining armor.

“Care for a walk, my lady.”

With not much of a choice she takes his arm and the two excuse themselves from the commotion of the party into the garden. There is only a bit of light conversation between the two of them, more so just a moment of calm from the evening’s commotion. He asks about her family and she answers, always sounding a bit wary about speaking of her brother in law’s family.

“I suggest you stay out of the Moriarty family’s affairs, women like yourself should not be getting involved with such weighty affairs.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?”

She wasted no time biting back at his statement leaving Mycroft a bit shocked at her response but before he could respond she scoffed and waved him off, marching back through the party and calling for her carriage driver. Meanwhile Mycroft passes by Albert and his darling, and she just chuckles…

“I forgot to tell you that she cannot stand… controlling men like yourself so I will take a guess that you said something she did not like.”

Four weeks after that He keeps on seeing her, but every time she turns up nose and walks away, not wishing to speak to him, but he shouldn’t care after all, there’s no real reason to speak to her besides a small desire to do so.

Then, one day when he’s visiting his brother, he knows from reading over a piece of paper and then he asked about it. He tells his older brother that it’s about a murder case of two nobles that a report he fanc- works with was commissioned to look into.

Take the paper from the younger brother, and find out the doctor who performed the autopsy found out that they were poison, Why are you have a doctors and the commissioner went missing a few days after, and the name of the commissioner is his darling.

She was looking into the death of her parents despite him telling her to stay out of it!

He gets up and leaves right then and there to her home and finds her sitting in the garden. He scolds her for getting involved and-

“Why cannot you leave me alone?! It is like you are obsessed with me!”

She storms off back into her home.

Obsessed with her? He was not obsessed with her!

She was brash, hot headed, unladylike, reckless! He would never wish to court someone like her!

After that he feels like he keeps on seeing her everywhere!

He went to the news bureau to meet with the owner of the paper and he sees her walking down the hall with the same reporter his brother mentioned!

After a meeting in a more unsavory part of town he spots her in an alley with that same blasted reporter talking to a night club singer who he had heard rumors about being an information broker.

Then when he was at the headquarters of Scotland Yard, meeting with an inspector about a drug dealer ring spreading through London, she is there! He spots her leaving the record archive with the doctor who preformed the autopsy and that same reporter!

Why can’t she realize that she is throwing herself into more and more danger the more she investigates this case….

He needs to get her to stop.

He asks for any bit of information about her, anything that can be used as leverage to drag her out of this case. But then when he gets the files on her and her family, he knew all of it already…

He knew that she had punched a Duke on her eighteenth birthday after he tried to propose to her.

He knew that she tried to drown her family’s cat when she was a child because she wanted to see what would happen but did her understand the concept of other people’s pain or the concept of life and death, but now she does of course.

He knows that she would sneak out of her family’s estate and still does to meet with friends who are of a lower standing of hers and how her parents tried to cover it up, afraid of the scandal that it would cause.

He already knew everything about her.

Was he obsessed?

No that couldn’t be.

He just wanted to protect her.

But the way she talked to him in the garden at that party before his final comment that set her off, it felt so kind, so genuine, so real.

He was in love with her.

In love sight the woman who wanted nothing to do with him.

God what was he going to do?

“You are the bane of my existence, and the object of all my desires.”

[nodynasty4us]

This is my first post to escape containment without the help of Blaze or a Tumblr celebrity.

Below the cut are some good responses from the tags and reblogs:

i legit lied to vote in the 2016 primaries#i told my parents i was going to the library and took the car and drove over an hour to my polling place#it was the furthest i had ever driven and probably like the 10th time i'd driven alone#i had a panic attack on the way there#but i still fucking did it!!#also i did really go to the library to get a dvd to prove i'd been there

I forget the quote, but: Answer the question they're asking. They aren't asking what your vote was; they're asking if they can punish you. Answer whatever means no to being punished.

i just watched that ad#and i am already writing fanfic about those two women ditching their horrible husbands#and going off together to start a llama farm or something#where they will live happily ever after

A reminder also that the men quoted above are effectively saying that they'd do harm - whether physical, financial, emotional, or social - to their wives if they found out that they'd voted for Harris. It is always acceptable to lie in order to escape abusive violence.

What IS nauseating is the fact that women, and people in the situation of dependency, can be and are pressured into voting for the candidate NOT of their choice. “The same as having an affair” ? Fuck you Jesse Watters.

I can see the Fox News reactions inspiring women to vote for Harris more than the ad itself does.

reminder that jesse watters let the air out of his current wife's tires#so he could drive her home#while he was still married to his previous wife#his current wife didn't know this until he mentioned it on air#girl g e t o u t

Someone on Tiktok commented that these men are so offended by this partially because they feel that since they "own" a woman it means they get two votes, and like, I think I knew that but somehow, it's different seeing someone say it just like that.

I feel like every single person mad about this is telling on themselves so hard.

Can I say something? As an American, do you know how sick it makes me to see other Americans want to control how those close to them vote? This is America. The freedom to choose who you vote for is supposed to be in our blood. We should not be discriminating against people because of how they voted. No one should have to hide or lie about who they voted. What the fuck is going on in my country where we have to tell voters that they might have to lie about who they voted for for their own safety. And then other people immediately PROVE that they ABSOLUTELY have to lie for their own safety.

i lied my first vote#at work I'm lying still#i know people who have said biden n all his supporters should be hung so yeah no i ain't telling people who i vote for

if you're nauseated by women having minds of their own#that sounds like a you problem#you should stay away from women until you get over it

vote democrat and lie you voted 3rd party to your activist friends who want to burn it all down or think it will help when it sure won't

If you voted or not is public record. Who you voted for is not. So lie about who you voted for if you have to, not if you voted or not. If you're in a relationship where you don't feel safe to tell the truth you need to leave if at all possible of course.

your vote is yours#your vote matters#your vote is your voice#even if someone is trying to silence you#vote blue#They're saying the quiet part out loud these days#If she doesn't do as he tells her then 'it's the same as having an affair'?#These are people who want slaves - not spouses#Now imagine how little they think of you if this is how they talk about their life partner. Who they ostensibly love.#Don't let anyone steal your choice

My great-grand[father] used to accompany my great-grandmother into the booth to make sure she voted how he wanted. When they finally made that illegal (and enforced it) she was so relieved she could finally vote with her beliefs. Don’t let anybody send you back to 1940s Alabama. Your vote is your own. Not your spouse’s, your father’s, your boss’s, your pastor’s.

Your party affiliation and whether or not you voted are public record, but who you vote for is private. I wouldn’t recommend saying you didn’t vote when you did because you can easily get caught in that lie, but I am absolutely in favor of lying about who you voted for. If you’re stuck in a situation where you don’t know somebody’s political views and they ask who you voted for, you can always say “Oh, I’d rather not talk politics!” or “These conversations can be so loaded! Let’s discuss something more fun.” and change the topic. You don’t owe anyone your political views, and you certainly don’t need to tell them who you really voted for.

From the October 31, 2024 article:

“In the one place in America where women still have a right to choose, you can vote any way you want. And no one will ever know,” Roberts says in the ad as a woman on screen meets up with her husband after casting her ballot for Harris.

The voter winks at a fellow female voter as her husband asks if she made the “right choice.”

Republicans have responded to the video with outrage, with some claiming that a wife lying about her vote is as bad as an affair.

“If I found out Emma was going to the voting booth and pulling the lever for Harris, that’s the same thing as having an affair,” Fox News host Jesse Watters said on air Wednesday in a clip highlighted by Mediaite.

Other GOP members including Charlie Kirk said the thought was “nauseating.”

[getyourblisson]

Full Moon - February 24th, 2024

February 24th Full Moon

Each Full Moon brings with it disruption.  It is a time that is naturally turbulent and can trigger rebellious energy.  People are more prone to pick a fight or to get triggered into reactive and aggressive spaces.

This Full Moon calls us to take a little bit of a break.  We will do best to simply sit in observation and let things play out a bit.  It is a time of gathering more information to work with.  We do not want to get involved in other people’s battles.  We can listen to them while they work things out, but taking sides will only be detrimental.  People need to resolve things on their own, and they will soon enough.

Some may feel more isolated or simply want to withdraw from others.  In some way, they may find themselves cast out of situations where people are either corrupt or superficial.  This will be a great time to honor some personal care, disconnect from electronics, and just let your mind drift into some pleasant daydreams.  Our body is naturally more vulnerable right now.  So, it is important that we rest more and boost our nutrition.  Avoid making decisions at this time since the mind is not clear and can easily miss things.  Stay away from contracts and medical procedures as there could be unexpected complications due to errors in judgment.

We will do best to remain open and flexible right now.  It is a good time to embrace our free spirit and spend some time in nature.  However, it is also important to remain near safety; since weather is likely to shift suddenly and expected storms can be harder than expected.  Interruptions and upheavals are likely, so be ready to deal with a change of plans.

It will be best to keep things simple and pure where possible.  This is a time where we can be tempted to make poor choices or to fall into old patterns or addictive behaviors.  This is nothing more than a test to see if we are truly ready to move forward.  When we give into our addictions, we will only find things that deplete our happiness.  When we stand strong in what is healthy and good and resist temptations, we will find success and happiness.  Small things can make big differences right now.

Things may be put on hold right now.  This could be because the timing is not right, or we need to reflect on things and see where they have gotten off course, or because we are being given a break before things get going again.  This is a great time to look carefully at what we are doing and how we are doing it.  Does it support a healthy lifestyle or work against it?  We want to consider if it allows us to work in Divine Service or if it leads us down paths of greed and corruption.

It is important that we take the time to appreciate and be with those that love and support us.  Partnerships will be very important to helping us get through things right now.  It is important that we don’t allow others to pull us into competition; and those that try to be competitive at this time, are likely to find things blocked and stagnant.  Remember, that we want to help others see their strengths and help them with their challenges if we can.  When we know our own value and worth it will be easy to do that.

This Full Moon is a Micro Moon or known as being in Apogee.  In the energy of a Micro Moon, we find that many people may fall into victim patterns or try to control others.  There may be an increase in passive-aggressive behavior as people try to prove their worth and value while residing in insecurities.  They may even seek to destroy or interfere with relationships that others have.  This can lead people to have affairs and betray people even when they care about them.  Just remember true partners will never betray you.

In this influence, we are called to use our power wisely and stand strong in morals and ethics; for this is where success and good fortune will be found.  We are reminded that true abundance is not reliant on titles or other materially based things; but on realizing that you are enough and have enough.  In true abundance we never feel deprived.  We remain in command of our own life and do not turn our power over to others; no matter how much they try to provoke us into reactions.

In the energy of Apogee, we are supported in working on those things that we want to see success in.  It allows things to be a bit smoother as we do things responsibly.  It supports us in being practical and offers us peace where we are meeting our responsibilities and obligations.  This is a great time to do what needs to get done; but we also want to take some time to relax in peaceful surroundings or with those that love you unconditionally.

It is through responsible choices that we will be able to move ourselves into a favorable future.  However, it is likely that some things may have to end.  Some aspects of our past will need to remain in the past.  We could get news of someone from our past passing away.  It is important to remember any good times that we had.  Those that pass away may do so due to strange circumstances that create vulnerabilities in the body that it cannot fight off.  We must use extra caution and care, because our bodies are more vulnerable to illness and accidents.  The key is to keep things simple and take the time to appreciate nature and those things that are part of everyday life.

I welcome you to just be in observation.  What if others don’t need you to solve things for them; but to just listen as they work through things?

I welcome you to take time to honor some personal care.  What if this helps you to remain healthy when your body is vulnerable?

I welcome you to keep things simple and pure.  What if this keeps you from falling into old patterns that do not serve you?

I welcome you to look carefully at what you are doing and how you are doing it.  What if you chose paths that support a healthy lifestyle?

I welcome you to help others see their strengths and to face their challenges.  What if this also helps you to stand in your own worth and value?

I welcome you to stand strong in morals and ethics.  What if this is where success and good fortune will be found?

I welcome you to know which aspects of your past need to remain in your past, and which ones can move forward with you.  What if the key is to remember the good times you have had, but focus on what creates a stable and favorable future moving forward?

In the Northern Hemisphere, we have the Snow Moon and the Hunger Moon.  In the energy of the Snow Moon, we are called to use extra caution and awareness.  Accidents and paranormal activity are stronger than normal.  This energy always brings endings and transformation.  Extra caution and responsible action are the keys to things remaining in balance and allowing ourselves to make breakthroughs instead of breakdowns.  This is a great time to get creative and to find ways to become more self-sufficient.  It is important that we are not turning our power over to others; especially when they are misusing the power and authority that they have.  We need to stick with true leaders or be a true leader that supports people being able to stand strong on their own.

In the energy of the Hunger Moon, we are called to honor and embrace opportunities to rest and take it easy.  This is a time for us to care for our bodies and to focus on our well-being and processes.  This may indicate passing tests or initiations connected to our ability to stay aligned with God and focused on inviting in Divine Presence.  It can be a great time to reflect on the people in your life, and to know who truly supports you and who is really jealous of you and trying to compete with you.  Competing with others will only create more blocks and obstacles.  This can be a great time to just relax with those that really care about you or to celebrate your transitions.

I welcome you to use extra caution and awareness.  What if this helps you to remain in balance and to maintain power over your own life?

I welcome you to know who truly supports you and who is actually in competition with you.  What if those that are in true partnership with you will not need to compete with you?

In the Southern Hemisphere, we have the Dog Moon and the Barley Moon.  In the energy of the Dog Moon, we may find that friends or lovers from our past show up.  It can also be a time where a new love presents itself.  It is important that we are open to those that are truly standing in unconditional love.  Doing so can allow us to experience true soul-based relationships.  It can be a little easier to be in the Soul Self; and doing that will also help us to create peace about our future or moving forward in life in a way that is favorable for us.  We have 3 key aspects to consider under this influence; where we have been, where we are, and where we are trying to go.

In the energy of the Barley Moon, people may be struggling with a broken Spirit.  There may be feelings of being used and abused by others and outcast if they don’t want to be in compliance to them.  This influence calls us to worry less about others and to strengthen the connection between our human self and Soul Self.  It is a reminder that you are the only one that you can truly rely on and that peace comes from within you and not through others.  True love relationships are supported at this time; but we must have let go of our past pain in order to receive them.  We are called to pay extra attention to our action and behavior for this is what people will remember us by and they will not easily be forgotten.

I welcome you to be open to those that are truly standing in unconditional love.  What if this allows you to experience true soul-based relationships?

I welcome you to worry less about others and focus more on your connection between your human self and Soul Self.  What if others can only break your Spirit if you are looking for their acceptance, instead of aligning with God and Divine Presence?

The Code Journey ~ 2024 Edition

[abbacchiosbelt]

Someone Great | Yandere!Satoru Gojo x GN!Reader

Word Count: 3.1k.

CW: Manipulation, yandere behavior, kidnapping. SFW but allusions to not sfw acts.

-

"What's wrong, sugar?"

Gojo's sing-song voice makes you cringe - he knows what's wrong. It's just like him to play the fool, to pretend that he was innocent in all of this and that you were the one with the problem. You glare at him and he holds his hands up, the grin on his face never faltering.

"You know I'm just doing this to keep you safe. How many times do I have to tell you—"

You cut him off, repeating the phrase he had attempted to drill into your head back to him. "You're the strongest. No need to tell me again."

Gojo shrugs, unbothered. "I'm the strongest." You roll your eyes at his need to repeat what you'd just said, the words only meant to stroke his out-of-control ego. Gojo plops down where you're tied up on his couch, snaking an arm around your shoulder. Even if you pulled away, there would be no escape from him. Some bullshit jujutsu sorcery kept you bound to your current spot, unable to move. Gojo squeezes your shoulders with his broad arm, making you wince. "C'mon, at least look at me. You know I love you."

Anyone else in the world would be lucky to see Gojo's eyes and hear those words from him - you'd felt lucky once, too. But that was before Gojo took an interest in you, before he took control of your life.

"Baby," he sighs, pressing a peck to your cheek. "You've gotta get used to this. You can't keep fighting me forever. I know you love me too."

"It's been a week," you spit. "A week since you trapped me here."

"And haven't I treated you well?" Gojo replies, calm.

"I would never hurt you. You'll realize one day that this is what's best for you."

I.

There was a distinct divide in the world you lived in - there were civilians, and there were Jujutsu Sorcerers. With the sorcerers came curses, although the average civilian wasn't meant to be aware of curses or what they entailed. You, however, had become a frequent flyer when it came to needing the help of Jujutsu Sorcerers.

When you were born, a curse attached itself to your back. Later, you'd learn that there was a man in the hospital room with your parents meant to dispatch the very thing that had attached itself to your back. You were only 5 when your grandmother had told you about the family curse - each child born in your family was cursed upon birth. It had been happening for centuries. Allegedly, one of your ancestors had done something to anger an obscenely powerful curse. Your life would be filled with troublesome events, she'd said. But it wasn't all bad. There were people in this world who could dispatch such curses. They could see them, unlike you or your family. Your life wouldn't be easy, but it wasn't over before it began.

It wasn't easy. People tended to avoid you, even when you were young and innocent. It was hard to make friends, and most of the interaction you got aside from your family involved the sorcerers dispatched to take care of the ever-returning curse on your back. They were kind to you, but they were always distant. You did the best you could, hoping that one day someone would be able to see past the gloomy aura that followed you around.

That someone came in the form of one Satoru Gojo, dispatched to dispel your curse when you were in your mid-twenties. You had recently moved and registered with the local technical college. By now, it wasn't a big deal to you to tell people about your curse, especially to jujutsu sorcerers. They always were a bit odd, and though you had never grown close to any of the sorcerers who had serviced you, their presence was more calming than the presence of your peers.

Gojo had been sent to your home, the technical college hoping to ease your burden (and unknown to you, hoping to offload Gojo for just a couple of hours) by not making you take the train. His arrival was like no other jujutsu sorcerer you had met - he'd barged in your house without knocking, a broad smile on his face and stylish sunglasses covering his eyes.

The shriek you made at his surprise intrusion was undignified, but the white-haired sorcerer didn't seem bothered. He had laughed and rubbed the back of his head. "Aah, sorry. I thought this was an urgent deal." He raises his eyebrows as he watches your lips contort into a frown. "I'll knock next time."

"You'd better," you mumble, and Gojo smiles.

"Or else?" He quips, taking a step towards you. You didn't even know this man, and he was acting like this? This is who the technical college had sent over?

"I'll request someone else." You respond, curt. He laughs, loud and jovial. What was with this man?

"They didn't tell you about me, then?" He crosses the distance between the two of you and sticks his hand out, tongue poking out of his mouth. You take his hand, dubious, and he shakes it with vigor. "I'm Satoru Goju, and I'm the strongest Jujutsu Sorcerer."

You stare at him for a moment, dumbfounded. He really had an ego on him. He takes your silence in stride, still smiling. "I know. You don't meet people like me every day. But trust me, I'm here to help you. Don't you feel better knowing that I'm here?"

As much as you wanted to tell him no, that he's a certified, over-bearing maniac who just barged into your house... You can't help but bask in the comforting aura he emits. Something about him, despite his manic personality, felt safe. The air in the room felt calming—

Gojo notices your sudden shift in behavior and tilts his head, still smiling "When we shook hands. No need to worry about it coming back for a while."

"Oh," you reply, amazed. It didn't take the other sorcerers long to dispel the curse on your back, but it usually was a bit of an affair. Satoru Gojo had gotten rid of the damn thing without needing to lift his pinky finger. "Well... Thanks." You shift from side to side, suddenly feeling small in his presence. Maybe he really was the strongest.

Gojo puts his hands in his pockets and leans back, relaxed. "If you really want to thank me, let's go into town. I'm starved."

The awe you felt immediately dissipates and turns back into annoyance. Sure, he had done you a great favor, but it was part of a contract you had with the college. Now he wanted food? Still... You couldn't deny that you were curious about him, even if he was managing to press all your buttons upon your very first meeting. You sigh, resigned to the fact that you knew you would regret it if you didn't take him up on his offer.

"Fine. Let me grab my bag." Gojo claps his hands together at your response, humming contentedly.

"Great! I have a bit of a sweet tooth, so I hope you're okay with sweets for lunch..."

Gojo goes on and on about his favorites while you grab your bag, fighting with yourself not to roll your eyes at him. What had the college gotten you into?

-

II.

As time passes and Gojo visits you to remove your clingy curse, the two of you grow closer. It's slow, at first. He gloms onto the fact that he annoys you and revels in it, smiling with glee every time you roll your eyes at him. At one point, he removes his shades when he arrives and teases you about the expression on your face for the rest of the day. It's like he can read your mind - you want to kick yourself for being so obvious, but it's impossible with someone like Gojo around. No matter what he does or how much he makes your blood boil, the calming aura surrounding him never falters. You feel at home around him. When you start to feel something tugging at your heart whenever he's around, you know you're at the point of no return.

You don't expect anything, though. Gojo is beyond your level - it's not a judgment of yourself, but simply a fact of life. Besides, Jujutsu Sorcerers were hesitant to get in relationships with civilians from what you'd learned over the years. You couldn't blame them, as their line of duty would put their partner in harm's way. The least they could do was be with another sorcerer who was able to defend themselves.

It comes to a head one evening when Gojo had stopped by unannounced. You weren't due for another curse removal, but you didn't mind his company. You had answered the door in your pajamas, not expecting anyone other than perhaps a neighbor wanting to ask you a question. Instead, you opened the door to see Gojo standing there dressed to the nines and holding a gigantic bag from the sweets store you and he frequented.

"U-uh." You stammer, feeling at a loss for words. "Gojo?"

He shifts from side to side, and you catch the tiniest hint of nervousness from him. Odd. "I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by. I know you're curse-free right now, but I always want to check on you."

You balk at how smoothly he'd confessed, ushering him in without saying another word. You weren't sure what to say - had Gojo really just said what you think he'd said? He always wanted to check on you? Surely he meant it platonically, there was no way he looked at you romantically.

Gojo sits down on your couch likes he owns it and pats the spot next to him. You sit down without thinking, watching Gojo carefully as he unloads the bag of sweets on the coffee table. He talks about the different sweets as he places them gently onto the table. His blindfold had been pushed up, revealing those sparkling blue eyes of his that made you feel like you could gaze at him forever.

"Are you even listening?" You snap your head towards Gojo, finding his lips just a breadth away from yours. He had moved closer, close enough so that you could feel the warmth of his body, and you had been too distracted by your thoughts about him to notice the very real physicality of him.

"Gojo," you mumble, He pulls back a little and simply gazes into your eyes, waiting for you to continue. For a man who always talked, he was being rather quiet right now. "Why did you come here?"

Gojo smiles, soft - it's a look you haven't seen on him before. "Why else?" He leans towards you, oh-so-close again. "I can't stay away from you."

Whatever self-control you had is gone, and you lean forward to press your lips against his. He responded immediately, using one of his broad hands to cup your face as he deepens the kiss. The tension between the two of you is palpable, and the heat flooding through your veins is telling you more, more, more—

But just like that, he pulls away, sighing.

"Gojo?" You ask, concerned. Was it you? He looks at you, the longing in his eyes obvious.

"You know you can call me Satoru," He says, playful. But a second later, his face falls into a serious expression again. "I want this. I want you." He turns to face you, sliding one of his hands onto your thigh. "But this isn't what jujutsu sorcerers do. The danger you would be in if we were together... I can't put you through that."

As much as you want to argue, you know he's telling you the truth. You place a hand atop his. "Satoru, then. I think it's obvious I want this too." He smiles and gives your thigh a tiny squeeze. "I won't force you to do something you're not comfortable with. But, you'll still be my friend, won't you?"

Gojo chuckles, but there's no mirth in his laugh. "Who else would annoy you? Ah... I could never be without you, either." He turns away from you and stares into the distance, closing his eyes. "Maybe..." He shakes his head suddenly and turns back towards you.

"I should go." He bites his lip, staring at you. "Or maybe... just once. We could be together."

Oh. Oh.

"I'd love to, Satoru."

-

III.

Once turns into twice, and twice turns into three times. Gojo departs after cleaning your sheets and making you breakfast, ignoring your pleas that he didn't have to do any of that. 'It's the least I can do,' he'd said, smiling all the while. It had felt off, though - like there was something unsaid. You'd chalked it off to melancholy over the fact that things could go no further, and had spent the rest of the day busying yourself with chores.

The visits continue, though, even when you don't have a curse that needs expelling. Things don't make it to the bedroom again, but Gojo is intense. His eyes are always on you, and he's practically plastered to your side. When you go out he keeps his distance, but he's always on alert. He takes your hand when he knows no one is looking and sneaks kisses to the top of your head in private. You accept it, knowing that this is how things have to be.

It concerns you when suddenly, Gojo starts to appear at your apartment every day. You'd thought about giving him a key, but you couldn't remember if you had or not - yet he had a key, and he'd told you that you'd very much given it to him. Perhaps it was the curse muddling with your memory, he'd suggested. It had happened before.

It's fine, then. He's just looking out for you - it's the best he can do in the current situation. Gojo starts to spend the night, walking around your apartment at inane hours to make sure things were okay. When you're sleeping, he checks your phone (he'd watched you put in the password) and your calendar. He deletes texts from people he doesn't approve of and removes calendar dates when they interfere with his schedule. It's all to keep you safe, of course. You are the most important thing in the world to him.

You're blissfully unaware of this, writing off any strange incidents happening to you simply because of the curse that clung to your back. Even when it wasn't present, it still appeared to meddle in your life. As long as Gojo was there, though, you felt safe.

You never expect Gojo to be the one who makes you feel unsafe.

-

IV.

A particularly busy week at work left you unable to see Gojo for longer than usual - you were working, and he was out of the country on official business. You couldn't answer his calls or texts like usual, only replying every once and a while when you had the chance.

When Gojo returned, he was angry. You'd never seen him angry before, yet here he stood in front of you, eyebrows furrowed as he lectured you about answering his texts. It was unusual, and it felt wrong. You weren't dating him. You were just friends. That had been established by Gojo himself, so why was he acting like this?

"Satoru, you're not my boyfriend. You don't need to keep track of me every second. Even if we were dating, it'd still be too much."

He grits his teeth at that, clearly not impressed. "Don't you understand how much you mean to me? I can't stand it when I'm not with you."

You give him a pointed look. "This is... too much. I don't like it when you act like this." As much as you cared about him, this was ridiculous. He wasn't your keeper. You think of the threat you made the first day you met him. "I can request someone else to dispel my curse." He glares at you. "We'll still be friends. We just need some time apart."

"You don't get it." Gojo scolds. "I didn't want to do this, but I can't take it any longer. You can't take care of yourself. I need to protect you." He's on you faster than you can blink, and the last thing you see before your vision goes black is his angry expression softening back into bliss. "Just go to sleep. We'll be home soon."

-

V.

When you wake up, you're in a strange room with no windows. It's pitch black, but whatever you're laying on is heavenly. It's plush, and it smells like Gojo— Gojo. You panic, sitting up in a hurry and rushing towards the door. Locked. You shake the handle and pound on the door, confused and terrified. "Satoru? Are you there?" You yell, panic in your throat. "Please, let's talk! Please, Satoru!"

The door swings open and you fall back, gazing up at the towering figure before you. Gojo had never intimidated you, but the way he stood above you now was terrifying.

"How are you feeling, sugar? I hope that didn't hurt." He steps into the room and flicks on the light switch, alighting the room with a soft blue glow. He crouches in front of you and pushes his blindfold up, a manic smile crossing his lips. "I love you. I want to keep you safe. This is the best solution," Gojo says. "It's the easiest solution."

"W-what?" You're baffled by his words, by his behavior. What had he done? "Satoru, this isn't... This isn't normal. You have to let me out of here." You pause, trying to think of something to push him towards your favor. "We can figure our relationship out. I-I didn't mean what I said about requesting someone new, I just got scared."

"And I don't want you to be scared of anything," Gojo says, giving your head a condescending pat. "You won't be as long as you're here with me."

You grunt, frustrated. He was the reason you were scared! "I can't stay here forever. You won't do this to me."

"I will." Gojo tilts his head. "I told you, I love you. I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe."

Tears well in your eyes - what else could you say or do? Nothing was getting through to him. Gojo notices the tears brimming in your eyes and leans forward, wrapping his arms around you. What once felt comforting feels suffocating, the warmth of his body and the familiar scent of him all too much.

"This is what's best for you. I promise."

[sundayswiththeilluminati]

Continued from this post, Part 3 of my discussion of Essek Thelyss in the context of real-world espionage. This time: what happens to espionage assets in the long run? Do they break contact, and why? What might have been in store for Essek?

At the treaty meeting Essek tells Ludinus to his face that he wants no further contact with the Assembly, not even to learn what the Assembly discovers via their own beacon. He’s far from the first asset to try to sever their relationship, and it ends in one of three ways: they don’t manage to break contact, they break contact but voluntarily return, or (rarest of all) they end the relationship permanently. 

Most attempts don’t go beyond option 1, because intelligence agencies are not in the business of respecting their assets’ choices. Handlers are skilled in keeping the upper hand in their asset relationships and will take any further opportunity to gain leverage by compromising the asset. For instance they’ll often pay for information even if the asset hasn’t requested it, because money changing hands makes it far harder for an asset to frame their activities positively to their own side if they attempt to confess (”You expect us to believe they were blackmailing you when you got $10,000 to hand over the secret manual?” etc.) And when push comes to shove most people aren’t willing to accept the severe punishments for espionage. An asset’s threat to confess is more likely a negotiating ploy than a serious option.

Some assets, especially nervous or ego-driven ones, get the carrot: the KGB did a strong line in awarding secret medals to convince them they were doing important, well-regarded work and that the KGB would protect them - not an empty reassurance, as highly-placed moles like Aldrich Ames warranted elaborate ops involving double and triple agents to avert suspicions. And some assets get the stick: the handler tightens the screws using whatever leverage they’ve gained, implies that they’re already “too far in to go back,” or gives some time for those who were blackmailed into spying to think about the consequences of exposure.[1]

Those who get as far as option two, breaking it off and later returning, are usually driven away by fear but back by finances. Fantasy spies have all sorts of motives but in real life the majority are in it for the money. Assets, as you might imagine, make bad choices. About half start selling secrets just to stave off massive debt from overspending and poor financial decisions (the rest feel underpaid.) So even if these assets stop temporarily, the circumstances that drove them to espionage in the first place are still very much present. In these cases all a handler has to do is shrug and say, “You know where to find us.” Infamous FBI mole Robert Hanssen broke off contact with his Russian handlers when the Soviet Union collapsed, fearing he might get outed in the chaos, but linked back up with them just 10 months later when, surprise surprise, he needed some cash.

And then there are the rare handful who stop completely. There’s a bit of survivor(?) bias here because anyone who passes along secrets, breaks off the relationship before being caught, and manages to get away with it is by definition someone we don’t know about. Those who do manage to break contact long-term are usually able to do so because they left the situation that gave them access to interesting secrets and therefore the controlling agency determined they were no longer a useful resource and not worth pursuing. But even if an asset stops working for an agency, they’re far from forgotten - and far from off the hook. Names and evidence of their espionage would be kept on file for potential use as blackmail, leverage in state-to-state negotiations, or expendable material to prove bona fides in ops involving fake defectors or triple agents. A surprising number of spies are caught/outed years after their espionage ended.

Very few assets permanently sever their espionage relationships the hard way: making a genuine confession and accepting punishment. But it’s not unheard-of, especially if the espionage was brief and the asset believes the damage can be repaired. In 1989 Army signals analyst Michael Peri disappeared from his post in West Germany along with a portable computer containing numerous classified documents. Eleven days later he returned to his previous post with the computer and voluntarily confessed to the theft and sort-of defection to East Germany. When interrogated, Peri - who had been a model soldier until that point - said he felt overworked and underappreciated by his superiors, though he couldn’t entirely explain his decisions either to leave or to return (a sexy female Russian agent might also have been involved). He received a 30-year sentence.

Marine Clayton Lonetree, a guard stationed at the US Embassy in Moscow in 1985, was blackmailed over an affair to hand over details on the embassy compound for a year, but his conscience finally got the better of him and he confessed in late 1986. Being a Marine he faced the very real prospect of death by firing squad, but the court martial ended up giving him a 30-year sentence. It was later reduced to 15 after the Marine Corps Commandant wrote a letter to the Navy Secretary on his behalf attributing the young Marine’s actions not to treason or greed but to loneliness, naivety, and poor judgement.[2]

Going back to Essek’s case, he’s already in the minority of espionage assets because he doesn’t want money in return for the secrets he passes along; though the knowledge the Assembly promises him in return fulfills a similar desire, Essek doesn’t need that knowledge to pay off the equivalent of debt or to maintain his lifestyle. He has no pressures at home that force him to continue spying. With the beacons returned, the fall guys in place, and their tracks seemingly covered, he tells Ludinus that all he wants is to be rid of the entire affair. That rules out option one (he sincerely means to cut the Assembly off) and option two (he won’t be driven back by need.) 

Essek is also in an unusual position in that the worst of the damage he caused is repairable - just return the beacons.[3] A secret, once compromised, can’t be un-compromised. If an asset hands over a cipher machine they can’t fix the situation by stealing the cipher machine back; the foreign agency they sold it to has already studied the machine and learned its secrets, meaning it’s now effectively useless. But returning the beacons restores what the Kryn lost. While keeping dunamancy secret gives the Kryn a tactical edge, and I’m sure the Dynasty would prefer to keep the magical soulstones of their elite hidden from their long-time rival, the beacons don’t need to be secret to work. Essek therefore has a much better chance than most to simply repair the damage, cut off his handlers, and try to forget the whole affair ever happened. He might even think that, now that the Assembly has their own beacon, they’ll have no further use for him and will just leave him alone.

But from the Cerberus Assembly's perspective, this fruit still has plenty of juice in it and they risk nothing by continuing to squeeze. Now that they have their own beacon Essek’s knowledge becomes even more valuable. He has access to hundreds of years of dunamantic spellcrafting - and more importantly the rite of consecution, since the Assembly were probably after beacons in the first place to make themselves immortal. If Essek is caught, it’s treason for him, but the Assembly doesn’t suffer; they were doing it for the good of the Empire, learning about dunamancy to help the war effort. So if he refuses to keep spying voluntarily for the Assembly, they’ll just have to find another way to motivate him. 

As part of evaluating Essek before recruitment, Assembly operatives would have noted that he’s, well, highly motivated to save his own skin. Ludinus’ goal therefore becomes to make Essek see further espionage as the only way to stay alive. So instead of confronting Essek then and there, Ludinus shrugs and goes, “Okay. Sure.” Then he activates the Volstruckers, maybe leaks a little info to the Dynasty about a traitor in their midst, and sets up Essek to stew in fear, feeling isolated and attacked from both sides - targeted by the Assembly for his defiance, under suspicion from the Dynasty, unable to ask for help because of his crimes. Ludinus sits back and waits for Essek to re-establish contact on his own. Of course Ludinus didn’t know that the M9 had confronted Essek and gotten him to confess, making a return to spying impossible even if he tried.

While Essek’s motives revolve around ego, frustration, and rebellion, his situation is more like those of people who end up defecting because they’re unable to pursue their careers or live as they want to back home. He has virtually no social/family ties to leave behind, no loyalty to Dynasty authority, and no religious fervor to defend the Luxon, while the Assembly promises him the company of like minds and free rein in his experiments. Assuming no intervention by the M9 I think Essek would have ended up defecting to the Cerberus Assembly. If he did it early enough in the story he might have even joined the Volstruckers to complete the narrative foil transformation.

If the crew had confronted him at the treaty but not offered mercy I think he would have defected purely out of fear, thinking the Assembly were the only people who could protect him from both the Dynasty and the M9. He was already on edge watching the guy he'd set up to take the fall getting walked away in chains and with the Assembly's Wind of Aeons ship right there it would be the ideal time to make the move. Assuming the treaty confrontation went as it did (the crew makes him confess but lets him live) but the M9 hadn’t shown up in Eiselcross, Essek would likely have fled the outpost and gone into hiding in a bid to outrun his crimes (and probably gotten caught two weeks later given how awful he was at being “Dezrain Thane.”)

Essek is far from the first recruited asset to regret what they did even as they kept doing it. Those who can sell out their nation and not feel even a pang of guilt are thankfully thin on the ground. Most start off doing what seems to be a favor for a friend - or accepting a favor from a friend who wants to help with their “financial difficulties” - and end up so deep they can’t see any way forward other than to keep handing over secrets. He’s one more in a long line of those who compromised information out of frustration, especially through the appeal to shared professional interests (that’s how industrial assets tend to be recruited.)

But he’s also in a much better place to make up for it than most assets. Since he primarily compromised property, not secrets, returning said property can (somewhat, mostly) repair the damage done, which goes a long way towards buying leniency from the powers that be. And now I’m realizing that this post actually needs one final part, which is: how do you try someone for espionage, and should you charge them with it in the first place?

[1]  While spy dramas love sexy blackmail, and handlers will happily collect it to leverage against a balky asset, it works far less often in reality as a main reason for espionage. Social penalties for extramarital affairs pale before actual legal penalties like the death sentence for treason. On the other hand, those with foreign relatives are sometimes coerced by threats against those relatives.

[2]  Lonetree’s case for leniency got a boost in 1994 when Aldrich Ames was finally caught and some serious breaches of embassy security that had been attributed to Lonetree were found to be Ames’ work instead. In 1996 Lonetree was released after having served 9 years total.

[3] Although I did just think of a really messed-up Cerberus Assembly plan: consecute a handful of completely loyal Volstruckers, kill them, and send the beacons back so said agents will be reborn in the Dynasty and work to undermine it from within. How fucked up would that be?? Campaign 3 plot hook anyone?

(This accidentally turned into a series on Essek & IRL espionage: Parts 1, 2, 3, 4)

[oumaheroes]

Stargazing

Word Count: 2030

Characters: England, France- FrUK

---

‘If you could go back to any era, which would you choose?’ There is a stone in-between France’s shoulder blades, something that finally tips the scales from being comfortable into not, so France rolls onto his side, cradling his head in his hand.

From his spot in the grass next to him, England turns his head lazily, the movement long and slow. His eyes are the last to move, fixed on the stars, and they find France’s with a sharp flick, ‘What?’

‘Are you too drunk to listen?’ France lifts a heavy arm and reaches across the small distance between them to brush some errant hair away from England’s forehead and lets it stay there, tangled in his roots. France himself is wine soft and slow, warm in his stomach and chest from both the day and the drink which settles within him.

England huffs, ‘More like drunk enough that I can stop pretending you’re worth listening to.’

France hums indulgently, far too jovial at the moment to search for any unintended offense, ‘oh, the lies you tell yourself. They do amuse me.’

England frowns, head still facing France and cheek pillowed in the grass.  Wine is not enough to soften him entirely, it seems, ‘that is rich, coming from you.’

France brings his hand down from England’s hair to lay it across his mouth, ‘I’m not starting anything with you this evening, I’m too full.’

England opens his mouth and, very gently, bites the meat of the pad of France’s hand. Just to show that he could and to be difficult, showing that he won’t go down without a fight. France’s small input in the ridiculous battle is to leave it there, refusing to give in. Eventually, England lets go and moves his head away, although not before pressing his teeth down just that bit harder. France reclaims his hand and allows him escape without protest.

‘What drivel did you ask me?’ England looks back up at the sky again, high and cloudless above them.

‘If you could be in any era again, any that we have lived through,’ France repeats, ‘which would you pick to go back to?’ He has caught England in a good mood, one where he has allowed himself to be seen, for a time, without anything sharp covering him. Drink has made him pliant and loose tongued and France, in a similar mood, is keen to make the most of it.

England rolls his head slightly back, considering the question, ‘How long do I get in the era?’

‘No, don’t do that, don’t make it technical. It’s not a difficult question.’

‘It most certainly is, running water always influences things,’ England’s mouth twists in a wry hint of a smile, ‘and it’s one thing to pop back to the Tudor times for one of the court parties and quite another to have to spend more than a week there. I do not lament the loss of hose and codpiece.’

‘I do, they made my legs look fabulous.’

England snorted and rolled his eyes, ‘Why am I not surprised.’

‘You’re avoiding the question,’ France twists away from him briefly to feel for the wine bottle they’d been drinking from. It had rolled away slightly, the slight incline of France’s garden causing it to move easily as they shuffled about and he takes a long swing of it before laying it between them, neck resting on England’s stomach. He’s past beyond the point of using glasses now.

‘I’m not avoiding the question, I was trying to-‘

‘No stop, you’re ruining it; I’ll go first,’ after brushing the grass underneath to clear it of stones, France returns to lying on his back, arms behind his head, and ignores England’s tut of annoyance, ‘I think I’d actually want to go back to the days under Rome, just for a visit.’

England sits up on his elbows and takes a sip from the bottle himself, ‘I hadn’t expected that of you.’

‘No?’

‘God no. I would have thought you’d want to go back to one of your King Luis. You know, peak opulence, decadence- all that faff. You still love the fancy balls and the clothes, and the needless tat that came with it,’ England takes another sip of wine and runs his tongue over his teeth, ‘the dances and the jewels, the silly little court rules of behaviour. The gossip.’

France chuckles, ‘you were so funny every time you were dragged along- so out of place! You couldn’t go more than an hour before letting your true colours slip free.’ England was never truly refined for very long, especially when it came to the Versailles’ court standards.

‘Anyone with a lick of sense was immediately out of place,’ England quips drily and lays down again, placing the cork back in the wine as he goes.

It sounds nearly empty- shame. It was a nice year and the last of the bottles that they’d brought out to the garden. Dinner had been a late, informal affair in France’s kitchen- homemade bread and creamy, locally made cheese with chicken. Simple and filling, comfort food for the both of them. The summer heat made them both unwilling for anything too excessive and the entire day had been spent doing lots of nothing much at all; England lounging about in shorts that France refrained from teasing him about lest he stop wearing them.

‘Yes well,’ France lifts his head and clumsily bats him in the stomach with the top of his hand, ‘despite that indeed being extremely enjoyable, I do mean it. My choice of era, I mean.’

England makes a soft noise that gently demands elaboration, a low rumble in the back of his throat but France needs no prompting. He presses a knuckle into the softness of England’s stomach and feels him breathe in deep and slow.

‘I’d love to have nothing to be responsible for again. Everything was done for me, as a colony- the way my cities were built, the improvements made to my industries, the negotiations for trade and commerce, everything. I’d like to revisit being a child, in the closest sense of childhood our kind has,’ France pauses, mulling that over, ‘Imagine that again, being small but without fear of being so. No politics, no money driven economy, no push for growth. We have spent so much of our lives racing to get somewhere, striving to be more that I can hardly remember what it was like to be nothing more than an idea, existing just to speak for the lives that called themselves mine.’

France turns and catches England watching him, eyes searching and heavy, ‘Does that make sense?’ he asks him.

‘No,’ England’s answer is immediate, ‘no, and yes. The desire to be I understand, but I detested that age.’

France smiles at him, understanding masked by the dark. England does not, and never did, like being anything other than in perfect control of himself. Relinquishing that to someone else, even for his own benefit, has never been anything more than a horror.

‘Well,’ France says, ‘that is my choice. I liked being looked after and I have so much to do nowadays that it would be nice to have nothing to do once again. Nothing more than wander about my fields and see my people, or visit a northern barbarian across the sea.’

‘Don’t talk about Scotland that way, you’ll hurt his feelings.’

France laughs and reaches down to find England’s hand, open palmed and curled fingers by his side. He intertwines his own with it and brings them upwards, watching as together they cut across to block the light from his house and silhouette into a tangle of them both.

‘So,’ he says, running a thumb across the skin of England’s knuckle, ‘what era would you choose?’

England sighs, a light thing but France can hear a yearning there, ‘Any of the years I was at sea. The 1500’s when I was first starting out and even up to the 1700’s when things became more regimented- any of them. To be able to just get in a boat and go, no one knowing when I would come back or even where I was going.’

France shudders, the idea of being out in ocean that deep and so alone chilling him. For creatures that revive after death, who can wake again and again and again as long as there is a body to return to, the ocean is a lonely, painful place to die. To sink lifeless into murky depths, only to reawaken there in the dark press of salty sea; most nations avoided it as much as they could, wishing to avoid the long, drawn out death choked by waves and forgotten on the seafloor.

England never had such a healthy fear of the oceans. He went out into thunderous storms and monstrous waves as if enchanted, unable to resist the pull of something untamed. England sailed off as soon as he was able, going out for further and longer than anyone else dared and losing himself in the harsh life of the brine. He was a different creature far out at sea, something so strangely alive and perfectly at home for a man made from the soul of the mountains and land.

‘You always were a strange one for the macabre,’ France drops their hands back down and finds England once more looking at the sky, the reflection of stars glinting in his eyes.

‘The seas never change,’ his voice is quiet and distant, ‘some things do change, of course- the boats we sail on, how we do so. Things shift on the sea, the lands we travel to and from are washed away and changed with time but the sea itself is always the same. I appreciate it for that, it is predictably unpredictable. Constantly refusing the press of mankind by being the one thing we can never truly understand, for all of mankind’s new fancy gadgets.’

England gives a sudden, dry laugh, ‘I used to navigate the world by constellations, now I have to travel just to find some stars. To the highest peaks I have, or deep in my countryside to avoid as much light pollution as I can. But out at sea they are as they have always been, the same things I have watched and tracked for thousands of years. That is when I can just be as I have always been.’

The sky hangs overhead, speckled and bright and now, France notices, startlingly empty, ‘I often forget that they’re there,’ France speaks to the sky, ‘Funny, isn’t it? How something so fundamental can disappear and mankind not even notice. How odd to forget that stars are there, then to not notice they’re gone.’

‘We are cursed or blessed to remember what’s past,’ England offers, ‘which one depends on who we remember for.’

They lay in silence for a moment. France feels the collected years sit with him openly, laying on his chest and heart like tiny weights. The ground pushes against his back, firm and unmoving, and he breathes in deeply, smelling the heat of the summer in the air. He is here. He is now. He is. Still, after all this time. He watches.

To exist is to change, to live is to evolve and move with the flow of time, but France understands the want for something constant in the flood, something that stays recognisable and the same throughout the years. The older he gets, the more he yearns for it keenly.

‘You’ve gone and made things serious,’ he lifts himself back up on an elbow, England looking at him without moving his head, ‘just like you to take a light conversation and ruin it.’

England raises an eyebrow, “Oh the lies you tell yourself; they do amuse me.”

His French is accented with a Norman dialect, a gentle dig and refusal to fully let France have what he wants and France laughs at it, at this one unchanging constant he is stuck with. He leans down to kiss him, hair curling into England’s face and hiding what remains of the night sky.

----

AN: Every time I try writing one of these small drabbles, I start out with a particular idea and tone in mind but gosh darn it they never go where I intend for them to.

Today we have ended up with this, two old men talking themselves in circles in the summer grass.

[blacksunscorpio]

Astro Musings No. 6

Libra Lilith

Makes one have a charm that can be deadly. The type to entice someone effortlessly. They are the types to appear innocent but have a bit of a Machiavellian ace up their sleeves. They can be subtly controlling and hard to resist. If in the 12th House, they can manipulate subconsciously and their prey

the object of their affections might not be able to see what’s going on. This can make this placement even harder to resist than a Lilith in Scorpio Jupiter square Lilith in natally or in synastry will make two people gluttons for sex. Or it will make a native a glutton for sex. Not a bad aspect but just make sure to practice safe sex and wear condoms. Worst that can happen is an STD, pregnancy if you’re not ready for it, or wearing yourself out. Your North Node

Falling into your 7th house makes one’s life direction and goal tied to their relationships. The key in this life is to care for others and be “other” oriented. If it hasn’t appeared in life [yet], you can be sure that it will manifest at some point or another.  This placement calls you to put others' needs before your own. If this happens, the key is to know that in this lifetime, your needs won’t be met until you give selflessly to another.

Advice?

Don’t rescue others. Don’t be a captain save-a-hoe. However, there’s no need to cut others off either. [Scorpios and Taureans with this placement, I know this might be difficult for you ;) ] Empower others. Listen. Help others/the ones you care for discover their own strength.

Asteroid Apollo

In astrology, is where you can take something for granted, and ignore it to your detriment. So if your Apollo is touching your Mercury for example, you can take your mind for granted. However, when you focus on it, you can become a master. in synastry, it can be the aspect that makes one enthralled with another. Kind of like Lilith or Pluto. Remember, Apollo is master of the Sun. The other person can see Apollo as this vibrant light. There can be a Luciferian light almost. Undeniably beautiful [remember the only thing that kept Lucifer from being God is the fact that he was created. Let that sink in.]  Obsessive energy with that planet/point. If harshly aspected there will be imbalance so there’s a constant need for harmony.

If One Half of Your Natal Chart is Empty... This indicates you most likely have a Bowl Chart Pattern. It typically manifests as an individual who is self-contained, has strong core values, and a strong streak of dependability. Most of their energy is within 180 degrees of their chart.

6th House Stelliums

Bring a strong focus on health and work. This house is ruled by Virgo. Indicated that there can be strong obsessive compulsions in the aforementioned subjects. If Mercury is here, this is particularly apparent. If the Sun lives here within a stellium they can be quite self-conscious. They’ll be forever working on how to be “their best selves” but won’t give themselves much grace. This particular configuration creates an excess of energy coming into the activities and affairs of this house. It generates obsessive energy. These people can throw their all into their work. The types to pull long hours and work overtime even if they don’t need the extra cash. If Mars is within said stellium, they’ll be types to binge eat but then work out for 4 hours just to burn off the calories. Trigger warning: I often see those who’ve suffered from Anorexia or Bulimia with this placement. They can have a hard time relaxing. Hypochondriacs live here as well. Advice? Take a break and get away from work and have private time. Mind your health but don’t leave it up to you alone. Seek a licensed professional to aid with recovery if you sense you might have issues that are hard to overcome. On a positive note, these individuals can become very good health gurus or at their best, be the types to excel at work and/or fitness.

Mercury Conjunct Lilith in Synastry

Indicates two people who will be intrigued or turned on by the other's mind. The Lilith person can act like Pluto [but remember synastry can go both ways] and kind of dig into the depths of Mercury’s mind. It may make Mercury feel quite uncomfortable if there are hard aspects. The Lilith person might make Mercury fantasize about some pretty illicit shit. They might obsess over them mentally. On the other hand, Lilith can find Mercury fascinating [especially in harmonious aspect] and will want to know everything about them. They can share very deep secrets with each other. Be careful about mind-games or mental manipulation. If this were to be a Tarot combination I’d see it as the Magician and the 5 of Swords 100%. Pisces Martians hate to fight and will usually be the first person to call for peace when in a quarrel. Libra Mars’ are actually the types to fight for justice and will be feistier than you think. Though Sagittarius and Gemini are Opposites... Their commonalities are their charm. Gemini’s and Sag’s can be among some of the friendliest in the zodiac. If you’re looking for the life of the party, look out for a Solar archer or twin. In addition, both can be rather detached emotionally. Sag’s are always looking outward. Think the 3 of wands in Tarot. They’re expansive. Looking for the next big adventure. Gemini’s are the social butterflies of the Zodiac, so what they’ll seek is a new friend, acquaintance, or new subject to occupy their time with. Both get bored VERY easily. They need massive amounts of mental stimulation to keep them happy. Sag’s mental stimulation has more to do with the higher mind [travel, languages, philosophy, spirituality], while Gemini’s have to do with the lower mind [numbers, words, basic intellect, etc.] Though Pisces and Virgo are Opposites... Their commonalities lie in the fact that both are introverted by nature. As mentioned above, Virgo rules the 6th house which governs work and routine. Virgos can retreat into themselves while they break things down and organize. The same with Pisceans when they get into reverie-mode. When they get into their creative trances. Pisces’ ancient ruler is Jupiter which rules the mind just like Virgo’s Ruler Mercury does. The mutable quality of their signs will allow them to jump from topic to topic, both of them staying interested in the flow and the outcome of their conversations. Sagittarius and Taurus Though fire and earth, both capitalize in the realm of indulgence. Jupiter can rule addictions just as much as Neptune and Pluto can. Venus can be hedonistic by nature as well. Both can have a tendency to overindulge. Both are quite blunt. Sag has 0 filter and Taurus is master of sarcasm and blunt statements. Both are unable to sugarcoat. Remember to be real but a little tact never hurt anyone, lol.  When You Have two signs in one house... It will also depend upon the degree of cusp both the signs make in the house. So, the energy of one sign diminishes slowly and the energy of the next sign rises slowly. For example with Leo and Virgo will play an equal part in the house and the Sun and Mercury will rule equally. If your Midheaven is in Aquarius You find satisfaction in the unordinary. There is a desire to stand out unusually. Ambition can be based in the intellectual realm since Uranus rules this sign. Uranians have the highest forms of analytical intelligence. They can excel in connecting with people. Their reputation can surprise. Many may have heard of the or speak about them. The quintessential individual whose “reputation precedes them”. They may try to shock others on purpose. However, though their public persona can be known for their charitable works they can be very opinionated and stark in their views. When under-developed they may be too stubborn to entertain other modes of thought. It’s the nature of fixed air to never change [fixed] their minds [air]. Traditional vs. non-traditional is a struggle in how they approach the world, others, and the success they wish to achieve.     1st House Venus will wear their heart on their sleeve. If Venus is in Capricorn, they may a bit slower to move in love. Perhaps take a more serious approach to things. If harmonious, it can bless some natives with life partners who may have well-established professions. Other times they show their love outwardly in practical ways. They’ll SHOW you how they love by making sure you feel secure and taken care of financially. They’ll want to leave a legacy for their children with their partner. They’ll want their kids to have generational wealth to past down. I often see this aspect with people who have a suffix in their name. Like John Doe the 3rd or someone who has a father or mother who is a Jr. People with this placement may name their children after a family member. Remember the 1st house is the house of self. If Venus is in Cancer, they may be shy in love or adversely they can be very clingy or possessive to their partner or their partner can depend on them too much-- there may be a “mommy” thing going on.

If you’re looking for “immediate attraction” in synastry...

It’s not Pluto. Surprised? People mistake that love at first sight thing for Plutonic influence, but Pluto is shy by nature. Hades minds his business. His obsession will grow though the longer he studies and spends time getting to know you. That's when he’ll start netting up the web.

Uranus is who hits you with that out of the blue. Uranus/Venus interaspects

Can make people feel that instant attraction from out of nowhere. Asteroid Cupido can inflict this on two people as well. In mythology, Cupid son of Venus; his job was to "wound" the unwary with his arrows of love; awaken a consuming affection directed towards a particular object of desire. In astrology, the asteroid Cupido itself is associated with initial enthrallment and acts of seduction performed in order to obtain the love object, not the sexual act itself. It’s the “look of love.” Examples of an overactive Cupido can include crushes, cultivating romance for the sake of the game, or putting the object of desire up on a pedestal. In the dark sense, romantic enthrallment can originate out of a love for the chase, only to abandon the prey once it is caught. That can happen with love at first sight if there aren’t stable and grounded aspects to lock two people together. Uranus also represents sudden breaks, so there can be on-again-off-again tendencies in relationships like this.

Common placements found in people who are surgeons and physicians are often:

Strong Virgo aspects or earth placements

Mercury rules the hands. Virgo is dissecting and analytical. The 6th house is also about health and service. They love to take things apart and put them back together.

Capricorn

as well is quite grounded so they often have steady hands- something a surgeon needs if they are to stand for 10 hours straight during an open heart procedure.

Plutonians

tend to be quite good with medical/surgeon/mortician occupations. Blood, the raw parts of humanity, death does not scare these people. They like to know how things work from the inside. I also see many Moon-Pluto

people with surgical prowess. This aspect I often see in gynecologists. Last but not least, Strong Mars is not afraid of gore or blood. Mars is often seen in surgeons. Mars is all about blood and broken bones. As a result, those with Mars in Aquarius is often seen in orthopedic surgeons. Mars in Cancer or Mars touching Chiron can be good rehabilitation or out-patient doctors. Physical therapists as well.

Your Elevated Planet at an Anaretic degree

[last degree in a sign] can make one feel like they have to rush to become successful. To reach the pinnacle of their dreams as soon as possible. They may feel like no matter how much success they have it is never enough. There may be constant transformation to this most elevated. The closer to the MC, the more it will display itself in public life. They may build and rebuild their reputation over and over again. Take Robert Downey Jr. whose most elevated planet is Neptune [like most actors]. It is at 29 degrees and we see him go from drug-addled Hollywood bad boy just for that reputation to die [29 degrees] and then be reborn into Sherlock Holmes and our beloved Tony Stark [RIP].

If you find yourself able to adapt to most kinds of music

Check to see if your Mercury [communication] or Venus [what you appreciate] is in a mutable sign, a water sign. Also check to see if your moon is mutable or in a water sign. Jupiter is also the ancient ruler of Pisces and he rules expansion and joy. Music is often considered a source of joy and higher thinking. Strong Jupiterian influence can make someone like different kinds of music. Uranian placements such as Sun/Moon or Venus too, it can also be processed very much by the subconscious, So look for  Strong Neptunian or 12th House influence. Strong Virgo placements too since music is technically a science. Why? Because it can be measured. 

Gemini Moons 

Especially in the 2nd house will feel most secure in an intellectual environment. They may also excel monetarily by using their minds to make money. Writing books or setting up podcasts to get their thoughts [mercury]  and voices [2nd house] out there.

Sugar Babies... Are usually the Venus in a Venus/Saturn situation, the Moon in a Saturn/Moon connections, or the Moon in a Moon/Pluto connection. Lilith in trine aspect to another planet in synastry brings out the best in Lilith... Yes, they can still be intense but you’ll see less of her “demonic” energy and more of her benevolent yet wild seductress aspect. With Venus, she’ll bring out the erotic side between both people. Borderline Hedonism in both people. She’ll make a more austere planet like Saturn open up. Make him comfortable with his depraved side instead of flogging himself like a penitent monk in private over it.

Dangerous Natal Placements Can Be:

Neptune in the 8th [rules drownings, suicides, death by mysterious means]

Gemini 8th House

[Can rule breathing issues]

Aries 8th House

[Rules violent deaths or those who can be prone to violence. Be it dishing it out or receiving it.]

Saturn square Pluto

Can make someone quite cruel.

3 or more malefic aspects to Jupiter is often found in psychopaths.

Jupiter in the chart is where we show the most benevolence. Forgiveness and Kindness. If Jupiter is having a hard time, a person may be emotionally stunted or out of touch with their spiritual side. 

Dominant Nessus

Can make someone an abuser.

Mercury in hard aspect to Uranus or Neptune

can cause mental imbalances or someone who has sudden breaks of the mind. The native will need to take care to make their mental health a priority.

Excessive malefic placements to Mercury

Can make someone a pathological liar or have a difficult time telling the truth. 

Algol in hard aspect to Pluto, Sado, Nessus, Saturn

Can also indicate cruelty but also someone who gets pleasure from it. Yikes.

Underdeveloped Leo placements:

Can make a native only focused on their ego and their ego alone which can make them into quite self-serving and as a result, they can suffer from megalomania. Same with Underdeveloped Arian/Martian placements. Hitler was an Aries and Benito Mussolini was a Leo/Apollonian. I’ll just leave that there.

5th house synastry

Makes two people have fun together. If the moon is there they will know what makes the other person “feel” good. What that person needs to make them laugh.

Your 12th House Planets

Are the Planets that are either hidden or expressed more in secret. The ones that have a harder time expressing or exposing themselves.

A 12th House Leo Planet

may only feel brave when they alone. These are the types to take part in drama or be thespians in school because they are easily able to express themselves when they feel they have the safety net of a mask.

A 12th House Cancerian

Planet will find it harder to express emotion or be a bit shyer.

12th House Plutonian Placements

may be extremely introverted and perhaps find themselves able to express themselves more online/ in secret. They can be good at covert ops or spying. They can even be quite psychic. 

12th House Venus/ Venusian people can find love to feel dreamy or even goes unexpressed. Dreamy romantics. They can be unconditional in love but sometimes they can get carried away with their fantasies OR they can love the fantasy of love more than the reality which may cause them to either project their fantasies on others or never fully commit because no one will ever live up to the fantasy they’ve created in their minds about someone else. Take care to love who you love because of who they are. Don’t force anyone to fit into a mold they’re not made for. Astro Musings No. 1 Astro Musings No. 2  Astro Musings No. 3 Astro Musings No. 4  Astro Musings No. 5 Astro Musings No. 7 Astro Musings No. 8  Astro Musings No. 9  Astro Musings No. 10

[an-obsessed-writer]

Mind Over Matter - Part 2

Summary: Everyone knew the Baron Helmut Zemo, you’d have to be living under a rock to not recognize the name of the ridiculously wealthy royal attending your university. He was the school’s top bachelor, a sophisticated and confident man who obviously was wealthy. That was enough to make any woman at the university swoon, but he was always known to never keep a girl for long. What happens when (Y/N) finds herself meeting him at one of his parties?

A/N: i’ve started watching so many movies with Daniel Bruhl in it! he’s taking up every space in my mind. will i ever update my steve rogers fic? only time will tell. part 3 coming soon if ya’ll enjoy this :)

Word Count: 1.7k

Part One

You couldn’t believe what had just happened between you and Zemo. It was like something was controlling your body, not caring what was happening, only that it needed to happen. His hands lit your skin on fire, so comforting but almost dangerous. His kiss left you yearning for more, but here you were, walking back to your dorm instead of spending the night with the Baron.

Your heels clacked against the pavement, providing some distraction from the drunk classmates goofing off in front of Zemo’s house. You just wanted to get to the comfort of your room and lay in your bed until Wanda came home so you didn’t have to process this entire evening on your own. 

“(Y/N)!” Footsteps came from behind you with an all too familiar voice calling out your name, and you let out a groan. Instead of leaving this night behind, Zemo had to follow you out of the party, and you’d be forced to confront the scene that had just taken place in the lovely mansion you wanted to abandon.

Before you could turn around, Zemo was by your side. His suit jacket had been discarded, leaving his arms even more noticeable under his white button-up. There were a few stray hairs clung to his forehead, no doubt from the partying, but Zemo’s face was full of concern rather than a carefree college student.

“Are you okay?” His voice was soft, making you release the tension from your shoulders, and you looked at him confused. “You left in a hurry, I wanted to make sure you were okay,” he elaborated.

“I’m fine, Zemo. I’m just ready to call it a night,” you say with a pained smile. 

“Please, call me Helmut.” 

“So any girl that makes out with you can call you Helmut?” A joking tone took over your voice, and your mind still couldn’t understand the effect this man had on you.

“Precisely,” he responded with a chuckle before he continued. “But seriously, I had no intentions of making you uncomfortable, and I apologize if I overstepped.” 

Your smile became more sincere, and you looked down at the ground before responding, “I’m okay, Zemo. I’m just ready to go back to my dorm.”

With a defeated look on his face, Zemo simply nodded, “At least let me walk you back, it’s late and Wanda is still with Vision.”

Your eyes went wide with surprise. It wasn’t easy forgetting about this man, but you’re not entirely sure if you would want to forget about him. His accent and his manners left your head in a spin, and that’s without even thinking about his attractiveness in this moment. The hair that you were able to run your hands through not too long ago clung to his forehead, his cheeks slightly rosy due to the alcohol, and his puppy dog eyes were almost too much to handle. Too hard to say no to.

“Fine,” you conceded, “but you’re carrying my heels.”

“Naturally.” Zemo’s smile showed you a different man than you had ever seen on campus. It wasn’t unusual to see him remaining stoic and unbothered at the library during his studies, nor was it unusual to see him looking constantly formal. Zemo’s messy appearance showed his casual side, making him seem almost more domestic in your eyes. 

With a sigh, you hand over the heels that you’ve been carrying and start the journey back to your dorms. 

It remained quiet for a few minutes, allowing yourself to glance at Zemo whenever given the opportunity, only to find that he was constantly looking at you. A blush crept up to your cheeks as you realize this, and you shake your head as a way to ground yourself back to reality.

“This is the Baron Helmut Zemo,” you thought. “He doesn’t pine after women, women pine after him. Get a grip.”

Yet here he was walking you back to your dorm in order to ensure you arrived safely. 

“May I ask you a personal question?” There Zemo was again, making even a simple inquiry as formal as possible. Is this the European manners or simply how he was trained when he was young?

“You may.”

“Why do you not go out much?” Zemo stared at you curiously, his eyes narrowing slightly at his own question.

“I’ve… got many plans for myself. Men aren’t a part of that plan,” you explain, sending a look over to the man next to you before continuing. “My plan is school first, life second.”

“What’s the point of living if you are not having fun during it? University is a big deal in many cultures, it’s the time people find themselves and experiment.”

A small smile spread across your face, “Do you just like to be poetic randomly, Mr. Baron?” 

He shrugged his shoulders. “Only when it’s fitting,” Zemo says with a wink.

“I can’t afford to get distracted. Unlike others, I have no back-up plan. This is what I’m doing, this is what I’m going to do. Thankfully, I’ve been able to get enough scholarships to scrape by, but I have to work to keep them.” You answer honestly, feeling almost completely bare due to the intimate conversation, but his presence had a calming effect.

Zemo only nodded and furrowed his eyebrows, signaling that he was in deep thought. He’d stay like that for the remainder of the walk, making you nervous that you may have done something wrong to offend him, but you chose not to voice your own thoughts. 

Just as your building came into view, rain started pouring from the clouds overhead. Without a second to think, you grabbed Zemo’s hand and ran towards the doors under the roof, not wanting to get soaked or offend the Baron any more by leaving him in the dreadful weather.

His hand grasped onto yours instantaneously, and ran alongside you with amusement. Amused by what, you can’t understand because your luck seems to only be taking a turn for the worst. 

Walking into the building, you could take a better look of the state that Zemo was in, and he seemed beautiful. His hair had flattened out due to it becoming wet from the rain, and you could see his undershirt beneath his button-up. You could get used to seeing more of this version of Zemo.

Taking pity on the already wet man who had escorted you back into your home, you keep hold of his hand and lead him to your dorm apartment where he could dry off if he wishes to stay. 

Your hands were slightly shaking as you unlocked the door due to the cold and the skin your dress failed to cover. 

“Just come inside and dry off. You can wait out the storm and go home after,” you say without even looking at Zemo. The thought of being alone with him in your room was nerve-wracking to say the least, and you couldn’t let him know that. Letting him know the effect that he has on you would only lead to trouble.

“You’re very kind,” he responds with a grateful smile, and follows you into the college apartment. 

Thankfully, you were able to clean up the mess left by Wanda while she was getting ready. Although, you felt ashamed that you continued to live on campus while Zemo practically lived in a palace.

If he didn’t like the place, there was no way of telling by his expression. He remained stoic and took a seat on the couch, laying a blanket over so he wouldn’t get it wet, and shook his head like a dog. Water droplets flew off his chestnut hair, and Zemo smiled like a little boy up at you. This made your heart flutter.

“I’ll go grab a towel and some extra clothes, just one second,” you say softly. You had to get out of the room because he was simply making you suffocate with his boyish charms. However, when you returned with a fluffy pink towel and clothes left by old hook-ups, Zemo had already stripped down to his undershirt and boxers.

You averted your eyes, not wanting to make a fool of yourself as you handed him the things he needed.

“You can look, you know.” You could hear the amusement in his voice, but you shook your head at him.

“I’d rather not,” you respond, keeping your eyes trained on the floor. All of a sudden, you felt a finger under your chin. With slight encouragement, Zemo lifted your face to make eye contact, and he smiled down at you.

“Thank you for your hospitality, (Y/N).” Hesitantly, Zemo left a kiss on your forehead before putting on a new pair of clothes, leaving you breathless. 

After gaining some composure, you remove the wet blanket from the couch and toss it into the hamper of dirty clothes before taking a seat. Zemo soon followed along after he got his affairs in order and took the opportunity to sit right beside you.

“I’m assuming these clothes are coming from men who spent the night? After all, even a woman who refuses to date needs pleasure sometimes.” He smiled at you cheekily, raising his eyebrows in a teasing way, but all you could focus on was the way he rolled his r’s. You could listen to him talk about calculus and be able to pay attention.

“That is none of your business!” You reply with a scoff and a little slap against his shoulder. 

Zemo feigned hurt and wrapped his arm around your body, “I’d consider us friends now. Friends know each other’s dirty businesses, yeah?” 

A giggle escaped from your lips, and you wanted to scoot away from the man, but the warmth of his arm around you was heavenly. Maybe you could make an exception for him.

[spunkpunx]

Bittersweet Bundle Of Misery - Graham Coxon

Plot: Reader is dating Alex James, and finds herself miserable, but finds comfort in a tumultuous affair with his friend, and guitarist, Graham Coxon.

I will probably do a part 2.

Word count: 5153!

Warnings: Drugs, Alcoholism, Smut, Angst, Smoking

April 1996

Alex loved France. Not only that, but the French loved him, specifically the women. I didn't need to understand his words to recognise the flirty tone in his voice when he spoke to the waitresses, the bar staff, in fact, basically any attractive woman who fluttered her eyelashes at him. I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Of course, I knew Alex well, so I was never under the impression that he would be a devout, faithful partner, but I also never expected him to be so explicit in his relationships with other women. We both considered the relationship open, but Alex was the only one who seemed to take advantage of that situation.

I found solace in hanging around with Graham. The tour was stressful. We both struggled. We all drank, but for Graham it was a necessity. I spent more time with Graham than with Alex, but of course he didn’t care. The words “jealous” and “possessive” were not in his vocabulary, but then again, neither was “monogamous”.

I was tired and miserable. The venues where the band played could be stubborn about sound-checking themselves. This resulted in a lot of arguments, as I was strictly instructed that the band were only to have their own sound technician (me). Alex and Damon could be rude. Since I’d been dating Alex, nobody took my work seriously. I stopped being a technician with almost seven years experience on tour, and became “Alex’s girlfriend helping out”. The crew could be horribly sexist at times. Even Ivan dismissed me when I brought him a problem.

“Get one of the other technicians to look at it,” he said, after I told him that one of the venue’s sound guys had wired the bass into a guitar amp and not the subwoofer. He must have turned up the volume to compensate for the sound and blown the speaker.

“I know what I’m doing! I’ve worked with this band for years!” I ended up snapping. I heard one of the roadies mumble something about a period and it sent me over the edge. Sometimes I got so angry it was like I didn’t have control over my impulses anymore. I told them all to fuck off and stormed out the room, kicking the door with a tremendous thud as I left. After I’d cooled down and returned, the crew tiptoed around me like I’d overreacted. After the gig, Ivan came over to speak to me.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to undermine you. You’re one of the best sound techs we’ve had,” he apologised, giving me a friendly pat on the shoulder. I appreciated the apology, it was the first one I’d had since the tour began.

Alex and I had an argument that night. We argued often, but this was explosive. He came into my room, coked up and horny, sitting next to me on the bed and pressing wet kisses to my neck.

“Are you over your little tantrum?” he asked, kneading my breast a little roughly. I pulled away.

“Little tantrum?” I repeated, surprised at his tactless words. “Everyone has been treating me like shit recently Alex.” He shrugged, running a hand up my thigh over my jeans, toying with my top button.

“Whatever it was. Ivan was trying to help and you just went mental,” he laughed, like it was all a big joke. He pressed his lips against mine and I pushed him away.

“It’s your fault I’ve been feeling like this!” I snapped. “If I didn’t start dating you then people would actually treat me like a professional! All of a sudden Damon is asking the drum tech to check the mic volume before they go on!”

“All of a sudden it’s my fault?” he asked, voice raising slightly. “Just cause you overreacted and bit Ivan’s head off?!”

“You don’t get it Alex! If you were ever actually here you’d understand how I was feeling, but you’re always off snorting lines and banging these fucking French girls!” I shouted at him.

“Well maybe I’d be here more if you actually put out instead of just going off at me!” he yelled back. I stood up, walking across the room with my hair clenched in my fists. I wanted as much distance between us as possible.

“Put out?” I looked at him incredulously. “So you’re only here if you can have sex with me? This relationship only exists so you can rely on me having sex with you whenever you fancy?!” We were both properly shouting now.

“That’s what relationships are! That’s what love is! The only difference between friends and relationships is sex!” he replied, seeing this as perfectly valid reasoning.

“So all I am is sex to you?” I asked, my voice now dangerously softer but still dripping with venom.

“No... That’s not- Stop twisting my fucking words!”

I calmly picked up my cigarette carton and lit one, letting his point ferment.

“Get out,” I spat. He glowered at me, standing up and leaving the room, slamming the hotel room door behind him.

As soon as he left the room, hot tears started spilling down my face, not tears of sadness but of rage. I felt overwhelmed. I smoked a cigarette, then another, the deep inhalation subduing my frustration. I heard a soft knock at the door.

“Piss off Alex!”

“It’s not Alex,” came Graham’s gentle reply. I stood and opened the door, wiping at my cheeks with the back of my hand.

“Gra,” I huffed in relief at his presence.

“I heard you were arguing, I wanted to see you were okay,” he said. It didn’t surprise me he’d heard it. Graham’s room was just across the hall, and we’d not been quiet. “Pub?” he offered, smiling slightly.

“Yeah alright, I’ll just grab my coat.”

We found a small bar not too far away from the hotel. Neither of us spoke particularly good French, but Graham knew enough to order some wine. The Parisians didn’t drink the same way the British did, and both of us were a little too embarrassed to try and order two pints of beer and a pack of cheese and onion crisps. Instead, we sat with a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and two glasses, hidden away in a back booth and laughing at our clumsy attempts at the French language.

“It’s so embarrassing walking round with Mr Culture speaking fluent French like it’s the most natural thing in the world, meanwhile I struggle asking the man in the shop for a packet of fags,” I complained, chuckling.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what were you arguing about before?” Graham queried.

“Oh, just...” I paused, unsure whether to tell him or whether he’d just agree with Alex. “Well you know how I lost my temper before?” Graham nodded, sucking his lips into his mouth like he always did when he was listening. “Well he made a joke about it, and it pissed me off. I dunno, I feel so tired and miserable recently, and the way everyone has been treating me like I’m totally incompetent at my job is so difficult. Alex is never there, he just swans around doing whatever he wants, meanwhile I just feel so overwhelmed,” I spilled, not even intending to share that much. Something about the build up of emotions in my life and Graham’s reassuring presence at the end of the table made me feel the sudden need to tell him everything. “I just don’t feel happy anymore.”

“I know how you feel, kind of,” Graham reassured, placing his hand over mine, while I took a large swig of wine. Looking back, I think that was the first moment I thought about kissing him. Of course I didn’t, we stayed out most of the night and then stumbled back to the hotel drunk. But I actually considered that maybe I wouldn’t feel so bad if I was dating Graham, not Alex.

October 1996

I never expected the knock at the door. It was a cold night in mid October, so when I opened the door wearing only a large t-shirt and odd socks, the biting breeze nipped at my bare legs. Graham stood there awkwardly, wrapped up in a fleece lined jacket and his eyes slightly glazed in his drunkness. I didn't ask any questions, just greeted him with a hug that lasted a few seconds longer than usual, then invited him in.

Graham wasn't a happy man, but I myself was hardly a ray of sunshine. I sat down next to him on my old settee, lighting a cigarette and refilling my wine glass. I offered him a glass but he shook his head.

"What's up Gra?" I asked him softly, reaching out to cover his hand with my own. He let out a dejected sigh.

"I can't do it anymore (y/n)," he explained. "The band. I'm starting to hate them all. The press, the tours, the people. It's way too fucking much. Damon won't change the music we do, he's being a controlling bastard, and then Alex, fuck." Graham pulled at his earlobe, something I noticed him do often when he was feeling nervous or stressed.

"What is it?"

"He's out living his playboy lifestyle, shagging around, doing lines, drinking champagne. Meanwhile, you just sit around pretending like everything is fine!"

I dropped my hand from his. I wasn't ready for this criticism, especially not from a man who was currently drunk every second of his life.

"It is fine, Gra."

"No it's not, because he barely gives you a backwards glance when he goes out and I have to watch it," he complained. He turned to me, looking over my face like he was drinking it in. "I think you're so beautiful."

"What?"

"So, so fucking beautiful," he repeated. Graham was bad at eye contact, but right now he was drunk, and looking at me with such a sinful look in his gaze. He glanced over my lips, and the small flip in my stomach as he did was my only sign. There had been moments over the past year where Graham and I had shared similar glances, but neither of us acted on impulse, until now.

I leaned in and pressed my lips against his. Immediately his hands slipped around my waist, pulling me flush against his body. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and as he deepened the kiss I pushed his jacket off of his shoulders. He assisted my movements, pulling it off to fall lazily on the floor.

His hand travelled down to my underwear, tucking a finger beneath the waistband of my knickers, pausing to see if I stopped him. I did, but only to pull his t-shirt over his head. I had seen Graham without a shirt before, but now I took in his lithe physique and broad shoulders. He slipped his hand to my clit, rubbing it in slow circles. I gasped at his touch and he leant down to brush his lips against my ear.

“You turn me on so much,” he whispered honestly, slipping two fingers inside me and curling them up. I moaned into his neck, pressing a kiss against it. Alex never really bothered with foreplay so this felt like heaven. After a minute he pulled his fingers out to push me down against the sofa, as I pulled him into another hungry kiss. He pushed his hips against mine and I let out another soft moan while he smiled into the kiss. Soon the desperation over took us and I fumbled with his belt, helping him remove the rest of his clothes before he pulled my t-shirt over my head, drinking in my body.

For a second he tucked his hands into my hair, holding my face behind my ears and stroking me cheeks with his thumb, before kissing me playfully on the nose. He pushed himself inside me with a slight groan, watching my face as I let out a satisfied sigh. I felt so appreciated, the way he looked at me was so tender. Unlike my day to day misery with Alex, this felt so raw, so right. He cupped one of my breasts with his hand, kneading it gently as he softly kissed and nipped at my neck. I felt sweat beading along my thighs, pressed into his body as we lay on the sofa, fully naked with the exception of our socks. He picked up the pace, and I could tell he was trying to control his urge to finish as quickly as possible. He rubbed my clit with the rough pad of his thumb, causing me to let out an unexpectedly loud moan as I clenched around him and my body shook. This brought him over the edge and he finished inside of me with a string of swears. He looked at me slightly panicked.

“Are you on birth control?” he asked, and I laughed, nodding, still out of breath and thrumming from my orgasm. He rested his forehead against my own and we lay there for a moment, panting, letting it register what had just occurred. I didn’t feel guilty at all, although I could tell Graham did. Alex had said so many things to me now that I couldn’t feel regret for sleeping with his friend, not when the moment was so sweet. Then he seemed to be pulled back into reality.

“I’m sorry,” he apologised, standing up and looking for his boxers. “I didn’t mean to do that, it wasn’t the plan.” I furrowed my eyebrows slightly.

“The plan? What was the plan?” I asked.

“I was going to tell you I love you, but you weren’t supposed to... You were going to tell me to piss off and then I could lay it to rest. I’m sorry. I’m drunk.” He pulled his boxers up and started looking for his jeans, but I reached out for his hand, pulling him round to look at me. I was still naked, knees drawn up to my chest on the sofa. I saw his eyes soften, his behaviour calm.

“Gra, I don’t want you to go,” I pleaded, my voice coming out a lot quieter than i intended. Alex and I had had another argument, and I was already feeling so lost until Graham showed up.

He paused, looking at out two hands together. I held my breath, waiting for his response. I needed him to make the irresponsible decision. Eventually, he nodded, and I nipped to the bathroom to clean myself up. When I came back in, clean and wearing a t-shirt and knickers, Graham had settled on the settee with the telly on, he’d also pulled his t-shirt on. I came to sit next to him, and he rested his head on my chest slightly while I began to run my fingers through his hair and he hummed contentedly. The show was boring, a late night crime drama. Within a few minutes Graham was snoring softly on my chest. I sipped my wine and smiled to myself.

November 1996

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Graham rolled over with a groan of pleasure, panting with sweat on his brow. I turned on my side to face him and he pulled a stupid face, still lying on his back. I let out a sigh and turned over, away from him.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, concerned, moving closer and pressing a kiss onto my shoulder. One of his large hands rested on my waist and I suppressed the urge to sniffle.

“We don’t love each other though do we?” I said rhetorically.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Well, if we loved each other, then I’d leave Alex and you’d stop drinking so much.” I felt so bad saying it, but it was true. Even as Graham arrived in a better mood today, there was still an alcoholic taste on his tongue. We’d been seeing each other for over a month, and I knew I wasn’t breaking up with Alex any time soon.

“Maybe you’re right, but still, it feels nice to say, doesn’t it?” he pointed out, nuzzling his head into my neck as he ran his hand round to lay against my stomach, pulling my back closer to his chest.

Sometimes it felt like Alex must have known about me and Graham’s relationship, because he suddenly changed last month. Of course, we still argued. He still enjoyed champagne and cocaine and plenty of women, but god he was good at apologising. After arguments he’d always pull off the perfect apology. He’d me out to an expensive restaurant and completely overlook every gorgeous woman there. He’d make a point of telling the waitress that he must be the stupidest man on earth to have an argument with his ‘beautiful girlfriend’ and would try and show me off to every person in the room. Sometimes his apologies were less flashy, sometimes they came in the form of a home cooked croque monsieur in the morning, and kisses all over my face. Alex had the ability to make me feel both completely worthless and wonderfully special, but when he made me feel so special the guilt always tainted my mood.

In fact, it was at this moment a knock came at the door. I sat up in slight panic. Graham looked at me in confusion.

“It must be Alex,” I told him in a hushed voice.

“Shit.”

The knock came again. I pulled on a shirt from the cupboard, padding through my flat to the living room.

“Hey, (y/n). I know your home,” he said through the door.

“Can you come back later, Al?” I asked, doing up a couple of the buttons. “There’s someone here at the minute.”

“No, just open the door,” he persisted. I sighed, walking over and unlocking it. I stood there in a just the oversized shirt and some underwear I’d pulled on. My bedroom door was shut, Alex wouldn’t mind as long as he didn’t know who was in there.

“I’m in the middle of something,” I said slightly exasperated.

“Fucking hell, you look good,” he grinned, looking me up and down before pushing his way past to get into my flat.

“Hey, don’t come in!” I protested.

“It’s fine, love. I left my keys somewhere here, I just came to grab them,” Alex replied, going into the kitchen and picking them up off the side. He walked into the living, cheeky smile on his face. “Hey, can I say hello to whoever is in there?” he teased, stepping towards my bedroom door. I rushed forward, pushing him away while he teasingly stood his ground.

“No you cannot, it’s weird. If I come into yours while someone’s there you look like a philanderer, but when you come here guys think you’re my pimp or something,” I argued, managing to get him across the room toward the front door.

“Okay, fine,” Alex agreed, dropping his hands to around my waist. “Kiss goodbye?” he requested in a silly voice, tilting his head to the side. I rolled my eyes, but agreed. He pressed his lips to mine for a moment, dropping his hand to squeeze my arse jokingly, and I pulled away to give him a lighthearted smack on the arm and hurrying him out the flat.

When I walked back into my room, Graham was still nestled beneath the duvet, his head poking over the top.

January 1997

"You have to be joking, right?" came the surprised voice of Blur's bassist. Alex was stood in the doorway of a backroom at Groucho's. His pupils were like goddamn dinner plates, as per usual, but for once he was acting surprisingly sober for someone so off their tits. We'd been caught, and as Alex cast a disbelieving look between myself and his bandmate my heart dropped down into the bottom of my stomach.

I had been dating Alex James for just about two years, and had known him for four, and although our relationship wasn't defined as such, it was a rather open one. This, however, seemed to be a breach of our agreement. This wasn't a random person, or even a distant friend, this was Graham.

When Alex had walked in, he'd come across a scene that was a little bit more than over friendly. The guitarist had his hand underneath my skirt and was kissing my neck while we laughed drunkly. Of course, then came the interruption, and we had jumped apart at the arrival of my boyfriend. I sat awkwardly, chewing my lip, feeling like a naughty school kid. Nobody spoke. It was difficult to know what to say. There was no chance of convincing him it was less than he thought, I'm sure our guilty faces spoke volumes. After a pause that went on for way too long, I tried to speak up.

"Al-" I began to reason but my voice was cut of.

"No," he interjected. "I can't fucking believe it. You're my mate, Gra. You're in the band. Of course, the quiet, sweet one. Works for you doesn't it? 'Cause this whole time you've been fucking my girlfriend," Alex snapped. I saw Graham look down, his jaw clenched slightly. I wanted to reach for his hand but I knew it wasn't the time.

"Alex,” I warned but he scoffed at me.

"Piss off with that, (Y/N)," he scolded with an incredulous laugh. "Get your stuff from my place tomorrow, but don't come too early 'cause I'm bringing home that blonde girl from the bar tonight," he told me harshly, leaving the room, probably to go practice his lines in the bathroom.

I sat back down next to Graham, my frown mirroring his. I tipped my head onto his shoulder, and he pulled me into him with a comforting arm. It was difficult to pin down my feelings, although guilt was the presiding one. I felt especially guilty for not finding the ability to care that Alex had just split up with me. I felt tears prick my eyes, unable to stop myself from crying. Graham tilted his head to me, brushing the tears from underneath my eyes with his thumb, and pressing a kiss onto my forehead. I tried to pull him in for a kiss, to distract myself from my current feelings, but he turned his head away.

“Now’s not the time,” he told me gently.

February 1997

I didn’t expect to still accompany the boys on the American tour, in fact, I was aware Alex had greatly argued against it, but Ivan had insisted. I was under contract to the record label and familiar with the set up and how the band liked things. I rather have stayed in London to be honest.

Before we left, Blur released their self titled album, kicking it off with a 'secret' gig at the Astoria to a sold out crowd of two thousand people. The mood was so elevated, all tensions seemed to be erased. A huge after party went down. It was packed with Britpop royalty and went completely out of hand. That night I even stupidly assumed that things would go back to normal, water under the bridge.

I only listened to the album two days later. It was totally different to anything they'd done before. I recognised the influence of the underground bands Graham listened to, although the tone seemed slightly ironic. The album seemed fast paced, but then, halfway through the album came an unexpected softer number, Graham's soft voice coming into my living room through a layer of crackly voice effects. The first verse was despairing. I knew Graham was struggling with his alcohol, but I'd been doing so awfully myself that I didn't even realise how bad it had gotten. It was the chorus that really ruined me though; heartwrenchingly honest and bitterly optimistic. I didn't care if he'd written it about me or not, but that last line hit me somewhere deep in my heart and put tears in my eyes. By the time the song had ended I was a sniffling mess on my living room floor and brimming with such a strong sense of love.

We left to France two days later. The crew were acting strange with me. Everyone knew that I’d now slept with two members of the band, and there was lots of implication I was going to try a third. Damon was acting well off with me and usually I found myself sat with Graham receiving glares from both Damon and Alex. We had to go through Paris and then Tokyo before we arrived in the US at the beginning of March. Things were okay when we all got drunk enough, the boys tended to forget about my crimes against the band. We did sing alongs at our hotels. Alex got a bit arsey when Graham fell asleep with his head in my lap in Tokyo, but he’d happily bring girls to drink with us and happily snog them while I was sat there. I didn’t mind, the part of me that cared was so easy to shut off now.

I loved Japan, and the Japanese loved Blur. Damon was particularly popular with his blond hair, blue eyes and pretty face. The reception at the airport was always brilliant. There would always be a crowd of teenage girls desperate for a signature off their favourite band member, I think one of the Gallaghers already said it, but it was like a second wave Beatlemania. I usually sat back with Ivan, watching the boys deal with their fans, especially Graham. While Alex and Damon used a charming smile, Gra always seemed so unsure what he was doing was right. It was very endearing. I wanted to stay as far away from fame as possible.

Me and Alex’s breakup was extremely high profile. Of course, why we split up was a public mystery, only adding to interest levels. We kept our relationship fairly private, although I had experienced the odd incident with paparazzi, but the Blur management team saw great opportunity for promotion with our split. I was hounded by music journalists for weeks, and photos of me suddenly started appearing all over the gossip magazines. As much as I didn’t want to be stuck on tour with Alex, I had to say it was a relief to leave it behind.

Graham still came to my hotel room late at night, but for both of our sakes he left way before the sun rose. That part was the hardest, when he climbed out of bed to get dressed and leave. I’d watch him put on his clothes, peeking my head over the bedsheets and not speaking. He’d press a kiss to my forehead and tiptoe out the room, back to his own. Then I was alone. I think that fear of being alone was what kept me from ending things with Alex, because staring up at the ceiling after Graham left was the most saddening feeling in the world. I couldn’t say I love you to him anymore, even if I did. When I was still with Alex, it was just a phrase, but then it had become an empty promise. I was far too scared to bear my soul to him like that. I think it upset him slightly, when I wouldn’t say it back, but he never mentioned it.

It was moments like that, lying alone in bed and feeling totally isolated, with nothing but the rushing thoughts in my head, that I would have given anything for Alex to burst into my room and pick a fight with me again. Sometimes I wanted him to loose his temper, to see me across the room and to shout at me, to call me names. His willing acceptance of the situation hurt me most. His ability to move on like it was nothing.

March 1997

Things went downhill once we arrived in America. Everyone was jet lagged from the flight and we were mainly travelling around on a tour bus. Being in such close confines did have a habit of getting on everyone’s nerves. I was sharing a tour bus with some other sound technicians, which was a nightmare. I was the only woman on tour, and every morning I got up an hour before everyone else so I could get dressed without being stared at by a group of blokes. Unfortunately, I was also going to bed in the early hours of the morning anyway, so I was feeling twice as exhausted as usual.

Suddenly, Alex seemed a whole lot more pissed at me than before. Any time Graham and I were even in the same room, he would glare until one of us left. He couldn't help but leave snide comments.

The other issue with being on tour was privacy. I barely got a second alone with Graham. Damon had walked in on one of our few opportunities, while Graham had his head between my legs, and aside from it being very embarrassing, since the incident Damon had been twice as off with me as ever before. Eventually, Graham and I settled for cuddles and conversation, this seemed to cause the least tension.

One night in Detroit, we all went out to a bar. I found in America all anyone ever wanted to know was 'what you did'. Of course, this was in reference to career, but I'd recently found entertainment in replying "nothing much". I spoke to lots of American's, receiving regular compliments on my accent. We drank lots, Alex ended up taking a very attractive blonde girl to the tour bus, leaving the rest of us to continue our evening by drinking enough to knock out an elephant. At one point I wobbled outside for a cigarette and some fresh air.

I stood by the back door and the bins, inhaling the smoke and letting the cold sober me slightly. Then, a very drunk Damon stumbled out the pub, proceeding to bend over by the wall and vomit onto the floor and his trainers. I rushed over, putting a hand on his back and trying to shuffle his feet away to avoid where he was being sick. He finished throwing up and swatted me away.

"Piss off (y/n)," he slurred. "It's your fault it's like this." I stepped back, surprised at his words.

"What?"

"You cocked everything up!" he whined, leaning against the wall for support. "You broke Alex's heart, and now he's mad at Gra, and now Gra's in love with you and you're going to hurt him. Fucking hell, (y/n), look at him! Can't you see what it'd do to him!"

I couldn't help it. For what seemed like the millionth time in the past month, tears prickled my eyes. I never usually cried, but now all my emotions lay very close to the surface.

"I don't want to hurt Graham, Dames. I never wanted to ruin anything," I sniffled, taking a drag from my cigarette to try to calm my wavering voice. "I love Gra, I really do, it's just... complicated."

Damon's eyes softened slightly, and then he fell over into his own sick.

[blu-joons]

DATING STRAY KIDS A⇴Z HEADCANON ⇴ Bang Chan

A ⇴ AFFECTION

Chan is very affectionate when it comes to you, he always likes to have his arms wrapped your body and keep you close as possible. Whenever he’s around you, he likes to be able to touch you in some way and know that you’re right there with him.

B ⇴ BEFORE DATING

Knowing Chan so well, you knew he talked to absolutely everyone, so you weren’t sure if you really were special or if he spoke to everyone in this way. To begin with, he was just being nice, but as he got to know you more, he quickly found himself falling for you a little more. Everyone could see when he spoke to you, he wasn’t just being nice, he really was interested in you.

C ⇴ CONFESSION

He was a nervous wreck when it came to confessing to you, he’d usually be able to start a conversation so easily, but now it felt like he couldn’t even say hello. He asked you on a date one night at an event for the company, pulling you aside. You were relieved to know that he had taken an interest in you, sighing in relief as you accepted, watching as he sighed himself, glad that you really did feel the same way as he did.

D ⇴ DATES

Your dates tended to be quite private affairs, but that didn’t stop them being incredibly sweet. Chan’s an old school romantic at heart, he likes to take you out for dinner and be the perfect gentleman, but he just as much loves having you offer at the dorm and doing something together, usually cooking or a game. He didn’t mind where the two of you were most of the time, he just enjoyed being in your company, and the two of you always had something to talk to each other about anyway, wherever it was that you were.

E ⇴ EXPERIENCE

Having spent so many years dedicated to his career, Chan barely had time to date, so you were his first proper relationship. He’d spoken to a few girls before, but not even so much as a first date ever came from any of them. With you however, he found the perfect balance between work and enjoying a personal life, and even if work did call him, you were happy to go a few days without seeing him, you understood how important work was to him. He never imagined he could make it all work, until he had met you.

F ⇴ FIGHTING

He’s very much a perfectionist in everything he does in life, so if something doesn’t go right or work has been a hectic sometimes, he can take that out on you. You don’t tend to argue too much about big things, Chan is very conscious of how he speaks to you and treats you, and he’d never do anything to hurt you. Being at the dorm as well meant if you argued, everyone got involved, so you always tried to squash it before it could get too big and solve it calmly, usually just by talking about how you both were feeling about things.

G ⇴ GETTING TO KNOW HIS FAMILY

As his family were in Australia, you relied on FaceTime to get to know his family. When Chan first told them he’d found someone they were all quite surprised, but as they got to know you they could see why Chan had fallen for you, and appreciated that you were such a great distraction for him to live a bit of a normal life away from music.

H ⇴ HOME

Whilst Stray Kids was still quite young, he was quite keen on staying at the dorm for a while and looking after everyone which you were more than happy to do. But he knew, once everyone got a little older and began to find relationships themselves, he’d be straight at an estate agent finding the most perfect apartment for the two of you.

I ⇴ “I LOVE YOU”

Chan couldn’t help being the first one to say those three words. The two of you were curled up one night and he thought you were asleep, when you felt his lips press to your cheek and the words murmured from him. You smiled in his hold, opening your eyes to look up at him and saying them back to him, smiling as he jumped, surprised that you weren’t as asleep as he thought you were.

J ⇴ JEALOUSY

He tried hard to not get jealous, but at times he couldn’t help it. Just like him, you were always saying hello to people and chatting, so when he’d show up at the studio and spotted you chatting to a few of his elders he couldn’t help but get jealous. He was incredibly protective of your relationship, even around the boys he’d get jealous if they were around you for too long, he hated the thought of other people making you happier than he could, it was his job to be the one to always put the smile on your face.

K ⇴ KIDS

Before meeting you, Chan hadn’t given having kids a single thought, but as he got to know you and see you around children, he began to consider the possibility. He’d always thought about growing up and having the perfect family, but only with you did he begin to consider that it could become a reality. He had a few years yet before he’d become a father, but he knew that there was no one else he wanted to experience it all with other than you.

L ⇴ LAUGHTER

Most of your days were spent giggling at stupid things you’d found, whether it be a video or a meme. Chan’s laugh was one of the biggest things that drew you towards him, it was so distinct and familiar. For Chan, he loved to hear your laugh, because again that made him sure that he was making you happy. He’d always come up alongside you when you least expected it and tickle your hips just to hear your laugh, accepting when you hit his chest out of surprise. There was never a time when he didn’t want to hear your laugh, it was the best sound to him.

M ⇴ MISSING

He’d been away from home for so long now that it was difficult for Chan to get homesick but being away from you when he was on tours brought the feeling back again. Most of his days were spent worrying about you, wanting to make sure that you were fine. But the hardest part of all was not having you around when he woke up in the morning or when the boys were playing around. He’d always video things they got up to and send them to you, so you felt like you were there with them, but it was never really the same. You missed him just as much as he missed you, if not just a little bit more.

N ⇴ NICKNAMES

The two of you always used nicknames for each other, if you ever called each other by your actual name then you knew you were in trouble. Chan always tended to call you ‘bub,’ or, ‘sweetheart,’ he loved all the old, romantic pet names.

O ⇴ OBSESSION

He was obsessed with your body, not necessarily sexually, but he always just liked to have a hold on it somewhere so he knew that you were with him, whether it was holding your hand, or pressing his hand against your back.

P ⇴ PDA

Every now and then Chan didn’t mind engaging in PDA, but he tended to keep most of his affection for when you were at home. Again, his main thing was to hold your hand and protect you, which he did in most situations, but every so often he’d press a kiss to your cheeks or your forehead just to remind you that he loved you.

Q ⇴ QUESTIONS

The biggest question Chan would ask you is, “can you help me?” Whenever he was stuck, or the boys were driving him crazy he’d look to you for help, because you always knew what to do in any situation.

R ⇴ RANDOM FACT

No one but the two of you knew this, but Chan would often try and sneak words into his song lyrics that you had suggested. It could be the most random word, but it would always make him smile whenever he sung them onstage. You didn’t quite know how he always managed to do it, but they were always the perfect, subtle triggers he needed to think of you when he was onstage, or even when he was just missing you.

S ⇴ SEX

Again, Chan is a proper romantic, so sex is incredibly intimate for the two of you. He uses the time to show you how much he loves you and appreciates every part of your body. With muscles like his, he tends to dom, he likes to show off to you how strong he is and how in control he can be. You never complained though, seeing him show off certainly made you find him all the more attractive.

T ⇴ TEXTS

Without fail, every day, Chan texts you morning and night. Even if you’ve only just left for the day, he’ll soon be texting you because he misses you, wondering when you’ll be home or if you have a break in your day to call.

U ⇴ UNIVERSE

There were a lot of things important to Chan, the band, music, the fans, his family, but you always topped it all. No one was there for him like you were, at times he wondered what he’d have ever done if it wasn’t for you right by his side.

V ⇴ VACATION

Being so busy you never really got the chance to go on holiday, but when you did, you made sure that Australia was the destination. You were desperate for Chan to be able to go and see his family despite his protests that he’d be fine. Secretly however, he was more appreciative than you’d ever know that you were going to take him home.

W ⇴ WHINING

Whenever you left him by himself, he’d whine, it didn’t matter how busy he was he still liked to have you with him, you were never a distraction for him.

X ⇴ XXXXX

Kisses from Chan are always the sweetest, pressing them to wherever he could find a bit of exposed skin. Whether it be a quick kiss in the morning before you left for work, or a more passionate one as you fell asleep in Chan’s arms, he’d take them wherever he could find. They were his way of constantly reminding you that he loved you and that he was with you, quick or long, light, or passionate, it never really mattered.

Y ⇴ YOU

You were his best friend, the crutch of support that he could always rely on.

Z ⇴ ZZZ

Falling asleep in Chan’s arms always made you feel so safe and secure, he liked to keep you as close and possible too with his chest pressed against your back, always making sure he was the big spoon so he could protect you.

---

Masterlist

[volkshore]

sinnoh league headcanons

these hc’s are very centric to my favourite characters so i apologize if most of them only revolve around a few characters (volkner, flint, cynthia, maylene, candice, dawn, lucas).

byron and volkner smoke and the rest of the league hate it. cynthia, maylene, and gardenia, being the biggest advocates for health and the environment in the league, constantly admonish them for it and pull the craziest things to try to get them to stop.

flint and volkner once stayed in the hotel grand lake together (the hotel near valor lakefront, renown as a honeymoon location for couples) and the tabloids caught wind of it, sparking an extreme amount of dating rumours. they still haven’t heard the end of it from the rest of the league.

the elite four all get along surprisingly well for the wide range of ages. flint and aaron occasionally butt heads due to their forward and loud personalities clashing, but bertha talks them down and lucian keeps them sane. the four of them together make quite the unconventional, tight-knit group.

candice and volkner act like brother and sister. they bond over their seclusion (geographically) from the other leaders and their love for complex puzzles, as well as their intense best friends (maylene and flint). their personalities mesh really well and they always protect each other from media rumours and general hate.

the last three gym leaders (byron, candice and volkner) tend to spend more time with the elite four than they do the other gym leaders (though they’re still very close with the others).

the gym leaders, elite four and champion are the closest sinnoh have to any real celebrities, and therefore they attract the most media attention. articles such as “volkner being the problematic gym leader for 5 minutes straight” and “10 times maylene turned a public meeting into a motivational speech” definitely exist.

maylene has a popular tiktok account and she always forces the other leaders to make videos with her.

dawn and lucas are like the adopted children of the league. they always make time to visit the leader of the cities they travel to and make occasional appearances at the battleground when the league decides to meet up there.

flint and volkner have especially taken to dawn and lucas and are the ones they visit most often. they jokingly refer to them as their dads — flint and volkner don’t mind.

even after dawn/lucas beat the league, cynthia stays on as the figurehead champion who takes care of the league’s affairs. dawn and lucas are still young and have so much more of the world to learn and explore before they deal with anything that stressful, though they do take the battles of the occasional challengers.

the sinnoh gym challenge isn’t taken on my many people which leaves the league with a lot of down time, and this is why they’re all so close. only they can empathize with each other regarding the leader experience and the league are the only family that some of them have.

though their most popular hangout spot is the battleground, a lot of the time, they also meet up at someone’s gym/the league building. having so many eyes on you can get exhausting, and they use these hangouts at more protected areas to just be themselves with the people they trust.

during the time of team galactic’s terror, the league often held meetings that turned into group therapy sessions. for the first few hours, they would intensively analyze team galactics actions, movements, and possible motives, but once their energy tanked and the sun went down, most of them would end up lying on the table or floor and they would lay out all of their insecurities to each other. they would often talk about how worried they were that cyrus’ plan would succeed if they weren’t strong enough, or if the region could tell how little control they had over the situation.

i don’t have hc ages for all of them, but here are some:

— cynthia: mid/late 20’s (27?)

— volkner & flint: 24

— candice: 21

— maylene: 20

— aaron: 19

— dawn & lucas: 16

(i know that pokemon has the consistent theme of their mc’s being 10-12, but i just never saw that as viable with the level of maturity needed to go through the situations that they do. read: this is my hc list and i do what i want)

most of the leaders are quite young and i figure that’s why i hc that they all get along so well. bertha, byron, and fantina are the only ones left from the previous lineup of leaders.

this is kind of a big one, but i hc that cyrus was the previous champion of sinnoh. he was very power-hungry and put way too much pressure on the gym leaders / elite four to perform at their highest capacity. it was a huge breath of relief for the whole region when cynthia beat him.

the previous generation of gym leaders / elite four all stepped down from their positions around the same time (within a few years of each other). much like the current lineup, they were all very close, and just couldn’t keep up when the new leaders stared to take on their positions. all of the current leaders are very forward-thinking and fast on their feet while the previous generation still carried the burdens of the league under cyrus’ rule, and decided it was time to let them take the lead.

bertha, byron and fantina all have their own reasons for staying.

bertha: she’s nearing retirement anyway and wanted to see the league be something good before she stepped down. all she knew was cyrus’ rule, and she wanted to end her career on a good note with some years under cynthia.

byron: he decided to stay because of roark getting the leadership position in oreburgh. roark always tells his dad that he shouldn’t stay just for him, but byron does still very much enjoy being a leader, so he stayed for that, too.

fantina: she’s still young and has a huge passion for battling. as close as she was with the past leaders, she still has so many years of her career ahead of her and found it easy to fit in with the new leaders. she also figured that someone with past experience that the younger leaders could relate to should stick around in case any of them needed guidance (being in the middle of sinnoh also helps for visitations sake)

even though dawn and lucas are still very young, they’re wise beyond their years. they’re both extremely empathetic and very good at picking up on other peoples emotions, so when the leaders are feeling off or down, they’re always the first ones to be able to notice what’s wrong and give good advice.

all the leaders feel extremely indebted to lucas and dawn, but all they ever ask for is friends in the leaders and a place to stay when they visit every once in a while.

the league always have a yearly vacation together with each other. it’s chaotic, competitive, and always ends up drawing media attention and making headlines for something crazy that happens during the trip, but they wouldn’t have it any other way.

i’ll stop this list here for now, and i’ll compile all the ones i think of from here on out into a part 2! this headcanon list also gave me the idea to make fake social media profiles for the league, so stay tuned for that coming in the future.

[cloudy-leonhart]

DID I SEE YOU WANT ANGST REQUESTS???

i gotchu mamacita🙊🙊

Alrighty so;

After an expedition, Levi’s (crush or s/o, whichever you want) was reported missing. Of course, he felt so useless that he wasn’t near you so he can make sure you get back to the walls safely. He did care about deeply, more than anyone else he was close with, it was like he knew you two were soulmates ya’know? Levi sent out many MANY soldiers, and Erwin wasn’t going to stop him. He knew why Levi was doing this. But what he didn’t know, was that Levi’s heart was slowly tearing into many, dozens of pieces. Many soldiers wanted to go back to the walls, since they have families. Levi didn’t care and tells them to keep searching. They would not return until they found his (crush / s/o). on the third day. They have finally found you. Levi was shocked, yet happy they’ve found you. They took you back to the wall. You had to be taken to the infirmary. But little did Levi know. You died two days earlier. When Levi found out. His heart was completely teared. Levi was different, and he would never be the same.. he cared about you, he loved you.. now you’re gone.

I SUCK AT PLOTS, BUT HOPEFULLY YOU’LL TAKE THIS😭👩🏼‍⚖️/ anyways have a good day/night. Take care of yourself mwah

oh and;

happy hange :D

Levi’s just; 🧍🏻

Holy- well- break my heart why don’t you :D I’m going to edit around the plot a bit, instead of waiting, let’s just say they couldn’t find Reader’s body just yet, and I will also make this a harder pill to swallow with.. unrequited love.

---

We Never Stood A Chance. (Levi x Reader ft. Erwin)

Summary: Levi felt so stupid for leaving you behind, he thought you were with him, he thought he could’ve saved you, he thought that maybe he’ll be able to keep you away from the horrid creatures of the world you were both born in, but you guys never stood a chance.

Pairings: Levi x Reader, A SMUDGE of Erwin x Reader.

Female Reader.

Recommended Song: The One That Got Away. - Katy Perry.

Theme: Angst, Canonverse.

TW: Death, injuries, blood, swearing, fighting, aggressive behaviour. 

“Damn it!” Levi kicked his desk, making a prominent dent into the oak wood. He took deep breaths, anger running through his veins. “Damn it, damn it, damn it!!” He repeated over and over again, punching the stone wall of his office, almost being able to make a crack into it.

He should’ve checked if you were there before going back to the walls, god knows what happened to you while they left you there, he felt a shiver creep his back, as he clicked his tongue, pacing his room out of anger and worry.

A bang from his door was heard as his gaze quickly focused themselves to the noise, hoping, begging, it was you who stood in the doorframe. He doesn’t care if you were dirty, just you. It has to be. Instead, he made contact with Erwin’s angered expression, the blonde’s jaw was clenched, as he took big strides getting closer to Levi’s unresting figure. 

Erwin’s hands balled up the fabric of Levi’s shirt, the blonde looking like he had steam coming from out his ears, “You lost her?!” Levi grunted pulling away from Erwin’s touch, angry. 

“Get your dirty hands off of me,” He spat at Erwin’s face, glaring straight at the blonde’s blue orbs, an unexplainable anger burning in Levi’s eyes. Erwin was angered, he couldn’t control himself and had punched Levi straight in the face, the black-haired captain grunting and falling back against his desk.

The room stayed quiet for a few moments, their heavy breaths and the droplets of blood into a puddle were the only sounds they could hear. “I’m not going to deny that I lost her during the retreat, but soldiers are already out there searching for her.”

Levi grumbled, pulling his cravat from out of his neck, he clicked his tongue, seeing the trail of blood stains, and deciding to use it to wipe the blood away from his face, which was scowled in disgust.

“And don’t care for her now, you didn’t care then, that’s why she chose me.” Erwin shut his eyes in denial as he started to walk away. “The survey corps-” Levi stopped him from answering any further. “The survey corps is more important than personal affairs. I get it.” Levi looked straight at Erwin’s retreating figure.

“How dumb do you have to be, choosing the same option twice, first, Marie. Then, Reader.” Levi took a jab at Erwin, the blonde’s fist tightened, stopping him from beating the life out of the captain. “You don’t get it.” He couldn’t make up a defence against Levi, knowing that he did feel dumb, choosing the same thing rather than being selfish.

“I do get it, being stubborn is going to get you killed. Reader loved you too, you know,” Levi threw the cravat on his desk as he sucked in a breath, his nose aching in pain. “If I hadn’t been there, she would’ve probably died in your arms.” He spat out every insult in his mind, slowly breaking down Erwin’s lies. 

Erwin opened his mouth, his throat running dry, not being able to respond to Levi’s words, knowing it’s true. Before he could ever say anything, a soldier had barged in, a bit shocked at the heavy tension the soldier was faced with. 

“Captain Reader, she’s been found-” A heavy push has stopped the soldier from talking, Erwin watched as Levi left with haste.

---

Running into the hall, Levi didn’t have anything on his mind besides you, he wants to know if you’re okay, if you were breathing, if you were alive. He made turns around the headquarters, his chest heaved up and down, signalling his erratic breath.

He stopped in front of the infirmary’s curtains. He regained his breath, his hand took hold of the rough fabric of the curtain and pushed it aside, seeing the busy nurses running around like crazy. Various doctors and nurses worked on different, injured cadets. Their uniforms covered in blood stains, the nurses no longer knew who’s blood on their uniform was who’s.

Levi paid no attention to the crowd of nurses and doctors and peeked on their patients, some he knew, some he didn’t. He was just looking for you, for your face. He didn’t care whether he’d be dirtied with the messes in the infirmary.

He looked and looked, went through the same rows over and over, making sure he didn’t miss a single cadets, he thought you were here, was the cadet lying to him? you were not in any of the infirmary beds.

He internally panicked as he went to leave the room, the stench of blood reaching his nose, when a hand came to hold his shoulder, he froze and turned around, making eye contact with a doctor, the man had a grim expression, which made Levi’s stomach curl. 

“Mr. Ackerman. Follow me.” His voice laid low, his eyes flickering from the ground to his face, he felt compelled to follow, but did so either way. They passed the injured cadets, walking to another part of the infirmary, it was way more noisy compared to the area where nurses and doctors were working.]

The doctor came in, his hand making a ‘come here’ motion to him, the doctor’s figure disappearing into the room, Levi felt a shiver run down his spine, he took hold of the curtain and entered, being faced with crying families, and deceased cadets. 

Levi stopped, taking a step back. He looked around, a tight feeling starting to surface in his body, he stitched the loud cries easily to people around him, he shook his head, wanting to retreat back into his office when a hand on his shoulder stopped him. “Mr. Ackerman.” The same doctor called out, Levi’s head whipped around, a perplexed look on his face.

His steel blue eyes looked for a motive on why he was being brought here, he looked into the doctors eyes, searching for clues on reading this man’s purpose.

The doctor no longer waited for a response, dragging Levi by the upper arm, the black-haired captain still baffled, confused and getting a little claustrophobic. The doctor stopped at a certain closed curtained spot way in the back of the infirmary. He looked at Levi and gave him a pat on the shoulder, before leaving.

Levi was still confused, what does the doctor want to show him? His hands pulled at the curtain, entering and closing the curtain, so that whatever this is, nobody could see. He could see a body outline on the sheet of the bed, a throbbing pain started to pound in his chest, walking up to the body.

He ignored the throbbing pain, taking hold of the sheet by the corner, with each second he used to uncover this dead body, the pain worsened, as if it’s telling him not to, or he’s going to regret it. Levi grunted and pulled the cover away.

His breath was caught on his throat, it was you. The one person he came to the infirmary for. He could feel his chest pounding extremely hard, as if someone had shot him in the chest, or stabbed a knife in his back, he held the dusty night table as a support, feeling his legs start to go jelly-like. His eyes were widened.

He couldn’t believe his eyes, it wasn’t you, it couldn’t be, he wouldn’t forgive himself if it’s you. He could never live with himself happily, he promised he’d protect you. His eyes widened for a few moments before it relaxed, not finding the energy to cry, scream, even to be angry.

Another person had entered the area, and from the expensive cologne, he could tell it was Erwin. Levi didn’t bother acknowledging him as he sat on the edge of the bed, caressing your pale skin, his thumb ran across the dry lips, blood decorated your used-to-be rosy lips, he sighed, it was probably painful when you died, painful and lonely. 

“Levi..” Erwin called out softly, standing by him, both of them silently mourning over your dead body, Erwin’s hand tightened around Levi’s shoulder silently, he felt his eyes stinging, as he pushed aside the quarrel they both had in Levi’s office. 

“She was strong you know,” Levi mumbled, his eyes grazing over your pale and discoloured body, your hair looked faded and grey, no longer shining, “if I had to pick someone, who’d survive being left outside the walls, I would’ve picked her.” a small pathetic chuckle left after Levi’s sentence. “But, I guess I was wrong, seeing as she didn’t even last a few hours.” Levi pulled the bloodied stray hair from out of your face.

You looked peaceful at least, he knows it was painful. He hopes that you didn’t endure it long, you didn’t suffer, he hopes. Levi and Erwin mourned together, but their words stayed in their hearts, they both silently grieved, both scared of forgetting you. 

---

“Levi!” You jumped up and down, waving your hand like a maniac, a field surrounded you both, you ran towards the man you truly loved, and still do love. You jumped in his arms as his caught you, spinning around lightly. “What’s got you so happy this morning?” He asked, pulling you close, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.

You laughed as your hands connected around his neck, your warm hands making shiver a bit. “Nothing, just you. That reminds me, let’s go on our picnic now, yeah?” You pulled away from him, walking down the hill, making sure you don’t tumble down and ruin your sundress, it would be a shame to go to a picnic in dirty clothing.

You both spent most of the morning laughing and telling stories to each other, the sun was beautiful as it started to set into the afternoon. Yours and Levi’s laughter had died down softly as you held the cup of juice in your hand, you looked over to Levi who you think was enjoying the view. 

“This is the longest you’ve ever slept, Levi.” You stated, swirling your cup of juice around. He hummed, looking over the field, scattered around you, daises and other types of flowers decorated the lush grass. “You picked the field again. Why not the corps headquarters?” You asked, Levi turned to you, making eye contact with you. Your eyes held curiosity for him.

“I guess, because that’s where I last saw you?” He more so sounded like he questioned rather than he stated. You smiled. “Levi,” You sat closer to him, face-to-face. “Don’t say it, please.” He softly begged, looking down. You grab hold of his chin, making him look at you, you made contact with the mechanical blue eyes you fell in love with.

“I can’t stay forever. Levi, you did your best.” Levi pulled away from your hand, “No, no I didn’t, I couldn’t do it. I promised and I broke it-” You sighed and took hold of his shoulders. “Levi, enough! You fulfilled your promise, you did do it, and you did one hell of a job at it. I’m so proud of you for doing so, Levi.” You held onto him as he clutched your dress in his palms, his teeth gritted, trying to accept that he did an amazing job protecting you.

“It’s okay, Levi. It’s okay, you can let go.” You comforted him, pulling him into you. He nuzzled his head into your neck, as he let out a sigh, trying to remember how you smelled. You were fading away from him, he wasn’t ready to let go.

The beautiful scenery started to grey, the world he tried so hard to envision living with you started to fade. “You’re waking up, Levi.” You mumbled, still holding him in your arms. “Please don’t go, I never begged in my life but I’m begging you to stay.” He held you closer and tighter as you smiled. “I’m never gone Lee..You can’t see me but I’ll always be with you,” You pulled him arms away, “It’s okay, it’s time to let go.” 

“Wait!-” Levi sat up abruptly, a cold sweat coating his body. His chest felt tight, his hand running through his hair as he tried to remember his dream, each time he dreamt of you, it was more real than the last one. 

He could feel something went coming down his face, his hand wiped at his cheek, a clear liquid on his hand, he was crying. He felt shocked, before he started to chuckle silently, you’re still affecting him even when you’re gone.

He pulled his covers out, he knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to bed, and so like he always does, he went to make himself tea. He came back with two teacups, he walked towards the table in your former shared room with Levi. He placed the teacups facing each other. 

“You loved drinking my tea during this time, I hope you can still enjoy it, Reader.” Levi said, taking a sip of his tea as looked out the window, watching the sky turn into a midnight blue to a beautiful yellow. 

[intermundia]

Omg "Brotherhood" 😍 poor Anakin spiralling and feeling alone and poor Obi-Wan for being the only person willing to deal with it, but I loved the moment he admitted to himself he was lonely too. You always do such an amazing job translating their dynamic into aus, and in this you perfectly encapsulated how scary and out of control Anakin can be when spiralling and how no matter what Obi-Wan always hurts for him whilst trying to correct him, but is never scared of him. The tension between them burned, and it was lovely seeing their dynamic and how they just get one another, and balance each other out. Obi-Wan being the stability and guiding hand Anakin needs and Anakin when he finally melts being the person Obi-Wan can adore and also giving him the nudge he needs to recognise he's already kind of ended his marriage and moved, he just needs to admit it.

Saying that I sure hope he keeps the step-brother affair secret during divorce proceedings! A divorce between two legal professionals on not great terms probs doesn't need more fuel to the flames...though I also loved Obi-Wan as a prosecutor who doesn't love it, he would be amazing but it would definitely wear on him.

Does he tell Qui-Gon everything or just that he'd like to stay and keep running the legal aid office? Trying to picture if Qui-Gon merrily keeps hiking knowing Obi-Wan has it all in hand or if he's like "Great, glad he's back in college and doing better! How did you manage it? Oh. Oh I see. No that's cool, I'm just going to keep wandering the planet for a bit, you seem to have everything...ah...in hand 🙃" and then disappears into a desert leaving behind a note that just says 'keep the house.'

Sorry to ramble! You're a fantastic writer and the Obikin fantom is incredibly lucky to have you. I do a little jig every time you post but try and refrain from bothering you because it would always turn into these incoherent essays 😂

Genuinely, deeply, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much!! I worried that the topic of this one might scare people off, but I had developed an AU that had really interesting versions of Anakin and Obi-Wan, getting to touch on Anakin’s dark side and Obi-Wan’s ability to ignore problems he thinks will resolve themselves (Anakin’s issue in canon, here his own marriage problems). Having them be tangentially related through Qui-Gon, but mostly strangers to each other, led to such interesting power dynamics, I knew I had to write it. I am so glad that it all landed for you and that you picked it up, it makes me really happy to hear it!!

I think Qui-Gon would come home from Spain having processed a lot of his grief and be thrilled that Obi-Wan was moving back to Coruscant. He would also be thrilled that Anakin was attending his court dates and back in college working toward his degree. I think that he’s not conservative per se but that it might be a shock and concern him that the two boys he raised are involved that way. He can recognize that they are not related by blood and that Obi-Wan barely interacted while Anakin was younger, so he gets why they’re attracted to each other. Hahaha tho I like your ending of him deciding that it’s a great time to retire and that he had such a wonderful time in Spain maybe he really should get that traveling in that he’d always wanted to do 😂

[oftenderweapons]

Not sure if this counts as a Drabble I’m not really familiar with it sorry! So you can ignore if you want but maybe you can do a list of BTS and the OC’s favorite kinks

[A/N: this took a very long time coming, mostly because it was a lengthy job. Sorry for the wait nonnie, I hope it’s worth it 🥴😉]

Okay! I sort of assembled this as a mix of short headcanons (there are six to eight each — also I got carried away with Jk, he’s got eleven but some are like, are more lowkey). They’re divided couple by couple and I’ve tried to be as realistic as possible, which means that some couples have some kinks in common, especially since I stayed on more well-known kinks and fetishes that represent each couple’s go-to. I do think they explore less popular kinks other than the ones I listed, however they might not go there that often.

You’ll be seeing some of these soon ;) [ILLICIT AFFAIRS WON I AM CRYING]

Uhm. Obviously there’s a lot of stuff I have to include in the trigger warnings, so bear with me. 

This is obviously 18+

TRIGGER WARNINGS: discipline (brat taming, sub training), impact play (spankings, paddle, flogger, riding crop; both on ass and breasts), marking, dirty talking, choking, masturbation (male and female receiving; mututal), squirting, several fetishes (uniform, shoes, feet, voice), cock worship, breast worship, powerplay (DDLG, daddy kink; domination; mommy kink; Primal/predator-prey dynamics, pet play), orgasm control and deprivation, role play, food play, cum play/cum eating, pain kink, sensation play, temperature play, edging and overstimulation, phone sex, cyber sex, bondage, torture play/forced masturbation, tickling, anal play (buttplugs, strap on, rimming, penetration), degradation kink, corruption kink, voyeurism and exhibitionism, outdoor sex, cockwarming, oral sex (male and female receiving; facefucking male receiving; mutual), sex toys (nipple clamps, dildo, vibrator)

Not exactly kinks, more like attitudes: experimentalism, intimacy, sapiosexuality

Check out my masterlist here 

Enjoy 💜✨

Namjoon and Vixen

Daddy kink; brat taming

I think it’s sort of a given, but it also needs to be included. Vixen’s first relationship was when she had just turned nineteen, with a man quite older than her. They were together for a couple years and he significantly shaped her needs in terms of intimacy and sex. Her parenting figures were really weak and she grew up with a nanny who taught her her second language, French. Namjoon — being always a very responsible very nurturing figure within the group, and somehow having the role of a mediator — is used to stubborn, hot-headed people and would probably be a bit bored with someone incapable of giving him a bit of attitude. This said, it comes quite natural that Vixen (although she is a very smart, very elegant young lady) looks for guidance in her partner, and after the responsibilities that come with her career, she looks for someone who can take decisions for her and even control her private life a little, like check that she eats and what she eats, or pick what she’s going to wear for the day. On the other hand, Namjoon likes being taken care of in other ways, namely cuddles and homecooked meals, which Vixen offers profusely. Her childlike, unconditional affection is exactly what makes Namjoon baby her, and such behaviour on his behalf encourages her to rely on him even more, letting him pamper her and spoil her. And in terms of bratting... Well, Vixen likes seeing him lose his cool — because a sick part of her (she knows it’s sick) gets horny seeing Namjoon angry. And Namjoon in returns gets even more cool and composed the more she gets feisty. He calls the shot, may she like it or not. The point is that with some cuddles, soft words (and a few good spanks) he always manages to tame her.

Spanking

Vixen likes getting spanked. And Namjoon is obsessed with her ass. He is an ass and thighs man. Fight me on this one. Nothing turns him on more than seeing her flesh quiver after the impact of a good spank. Vixen likes it simply because it condenses three of her favourite things, discipline, punishments and pain kink. Spanks are delivered both as a reward and as a punishment, and Namjoon knows how to make a distinction between the two cases, although he much prefers delivering them as a reward, since he hasn’t got much of a pain kink, and painful activities are a soft limit for him, both in terms of giving and receiving. He approves that kind of pain that is simply aimed at enhancing pleasure. Vixen really likes spanks delivered with the bare palm of a hand, since those are the one that she perceives as the most “educational”; however she also likes the paddle, the hairbrush and other more tricky devices (that you will discover soon *wink*).

Marking

Namjoon is crazy for marking Vixen. He is very jealous of her and their relationship staying on the low means that he can’t actually claim her publicly. They both try to protect their relationship for as long as possible, and I can quite see him deciding to keep it private until he’s been married to her for a while. But he’s gonna mark his baby, especially in spots that are only his and hers to see. His absolutely favourite spot would be her hip tattoo, of course, where he always places the first hickey of the night; next her inner thighs, her crotch and her breasts (lovely tiny cherries, he loves them the most). When she allows him, he also leaves hickeys on her neck and chest. Obviously her butt too. He also likes biting, especially her ass (until he leaves bruises and/or actual indentations) and her inner thighs — the softer parts. Vixen also marks him when he’s not on a schedule, when they’re on vacation and they can let loose a little. He especially likes it when she leaves scratches on his back and shoulders, but he also enjoys hickeys on his chest and thighs when she’s on her way to giving him head.

Sapiosexualilty; dirty talking

We all know these two have filthy tongues. They’re sapiosexuals, so they’re turned on by mind games, smart use of language, verbal sparring etcetera. They’re both readers and intellectuals, which means they enjoy a polished, often obscure use of language. They’re the most likely to send each other texts (or even emails) where they simply wax poetic about fucking each other. They can literally send a text at nine am about some spicy play they intend to do later that night, let excitement build all day long and — as soon as they get home — they wait and see who’s the one that surrenders (spoiler: usually Joon because Vixen is a brat and brats are tough eggs to crack). In bed, Vixen loves listening to Namjoon’s voice, no matter if he’s talking about how good it feels to be inside her or if he makes romantic love declarations in midst of a rowdy fuck. Also they might argue while they have sex or pick stupid fights just to release some tension (totally the type to start a discussion as they choose the mirror for the bathroom, Vixen picking round while Namjoon picks rectangular, embarrassing the shopping assistant as they get into hard bickering heavy with sexual tension).

Choking

This is a new one, to both of them. Vixen had never toyed with it before, since she risked drowning when she was a child so she’s not a fan of anything that involves breath control. Still, she didn’t imagine she could be turned on by choking her partner. The first time Namjoon grabs her wrist and brings her hand to his neck she freaks out a little, but then she gets a grip (haha) and realises that seeing him that fucked out, and hearing him moan like that is something most definitely turning her on. Namjoon has a sensitive neck and chest, so having Vixen touching him there makes his soul leave his body; furthermore, the level of trust required leads us right onto the next kink.

Intimacy

I realise this is not exactly a kink, however it is a necessary condition for things to get sexy between these two. Namjoon and Vixen need special closeness for things to work out. Talking, flirting, but also sharing physical closeness and affection, occupying the same mental space. They don’t need to be making love for things to be very emotional. Even the angriest, rowdiest of fuckings to them is actually a very fond way of saying ‘I love you’. I think that out all the kinks this is the most difficult to explain. I suppose this is what makes them incredibly talented even at good ol’ plain vanilla.

Mutual Masturbation

I think these two just do that a lot. They’re extremely comfortable with having the other watch as they touches themselves. I think it started with Vixen being her shameless, teasing, kinky self and Namjoon being incapable of holding back, and then it naturally evolved into both him and her openly touching themselves for the other to see. I think they learn by watching so observing the other and seeing how they do it is how they master their technique.

Lingerie and shoe fetish

Namjoon is obsessed with Vixen’s sexiness, how she carries herself, how much charisma and self confidence she can muster when she is almost naked. I’ve always seen Namjoon extremely attracted to Vixen’s body and seeing it there, with the bare necessities covered by expensive and lush lace and silk, or even in funny cotton drawers with innocent prints is a ticket to Nirvana for Namjoon. I bet you can imagine Vixen lounging on the bed, provocatoriously clad in black lace as she reads a book, and Namjoon entering the room, ready to pounce on her with predatorial intents.

Jin and Angel

Cockworship

We all know that Jin comes from several vanilla experiences, during which he always kept his basest instincts at bay. Once Angel gives him the green light, he’s not letting go. Angel loves celebrating his virility in all ways possible, showing how much she appreciates a part of him that he has felt ashamed of, in some ways. And Jin gets extremely turned on by the simple view of Angel kneeling before him, looking at him as he touches himself, begging to touch and/or kiss his cock. He gets wild with it, especially if you sum that up with Jin being especially interested in discipline. Watching Angel worship his cock with her hands, mouth, tits gives him that sense of power and authority that enhances his dominance and turns him into a cocky, power-hungry beast, ready to do anything to quench his thirst, fulfill his desires and almost entirely ignore Angel’s needs — don’t worry, she actually gets off to Jin getting what he wants on whichever terms he deems necessary.

Power play

Jin likes having power. Being more powerful than Angel is one of the mental tricks he uses to keep himself from going vanilla. The powerful position is what allows him to call the shots, choose what to do and actually claim what he wants and needs. Watching Angel kneel in front of him, with her eyes low until he calls for her attention is one of his biggest turn-ons. And Angel is way more than okay with this: watching Jin take control and knowing that she is pleasing him, that any activity they’re getting into is bound to make Jin loud and messy and fucked out, is the strongest aphrodisiac. When in a vanilla mindset, Jin can’t quite understand (yet) what pushes Angel into pleasing him and how much his pleasure means to her, as they’re still at the beginning of their sexplorations. The more they get familiar with each other’s roles and needs, the more Jin finds pleasure in ruling over Angel and watch her stare at him with her big, beautiful, hungry eyes.

Orgasm control/deprivation

Jin’s need for power manifests in different ways. The fact that Jin comes from several years of vanilla and self control, and Angel has gotten used to their calmer approach to intimacy and sex, makes them both quite good at sexual deprivation. He can easily deprive her for weeks, or deprive himself: when he’s depriving her, his favourite activity is having her kneel on the floor, naked and touch himself until he cums on her breasts; when he’s depriving himself he likes eating her out for at least two or three rounds, until she’s begging for him to fuck her, completely desperate and on the verge of tears when he denies her. Regardless of who is being deprived, when she gets whiny and emotional, he always makes sure to reassure her and remind her when the period of deprivation is going to end, telling her what he plans to do to her as soon as he allows himself to. About orgasm control — Angel needs training. And a very stern one at that. She is not used at that level of control, mostly because she’s used to a very loving, very attentive Seokjin who wants her pleased and pampered all the time. Orgasm control is most definitely the thing she hates the most out of all her training; the only factor keeping her from truly hating it is how Jin turns soft once she manages to complete a task successfully, praising her and letting her have more control — either turning the scene into vanilla lovemaking or letting her turn the tables and ride him until she’s happy and sated.

Role play

Jin sometimes needs help getting into an aggressive, authoritative mood. Luckily, he is a great actor and he know exactly how to get into character. He would often assume a role out of the blue, letting Angel choose what position to occupy — although his all time favourite is teacher-student. It allows him to get into the strictest, harshest forms of impact play, having lots of fun watching sweat, drool and cum stain Angel's uniform, or watching her breasts burst out of her schoolgirl blouse. On a minor note he loves using a paddle or a riding crop on Angel, making her bend over the edge of the bed and flipping her skirt up, spanking her until she's begging, only to sit on the bed and put her head between his legs, tugging at her pigtails (but never letting himself go too deep — he has no interest in seeing Angel gag on him, it's his own hard limit before being hers). Other types of roleplay he likes are doctor-nurse or doctor-patient, landlord-maid, pilot-hostess and obviously chef and waitress, which leads us right to next prompt.

Food play

Angel loves Jin's cooking. She loves watching his wide shoulders in front of the stove, she loves hearing him hum when he tastes something good, she loves him leaning over the table and offering her some food from his fork. She especially likes seeing him so passionate and dedicated, and she loves showing enthusiasm for a hobby that is so dear to him and on which he puts so much effort. Food play is mostly a way to set the tone for passionate, steamy lovemaking, where he worships every inch of Angel's body with his lips. Angel has developed an involuntary reaction to seeing his special cookbook on the small prop by the stove. Wetness coats her thigh as soon as she sees his messy handwriting on the page, signaling that he is indeed preparing a sauce or cream for kinky play. He really likes playing with frozen fruit and ice cream or watching Angel squirm as chocolate sauce tickles her while dribbling down her breasts. He is wicked. And also awfully gluttonous. Angel spoils him and is spoiled with this specific kink of theirs. It was the first kink they explored even when their relationship was still vanilla.

Pain kink

Not much explaining to do. Jin goes absolutely wild with riding crops and paddles. There’s nothing more exciting than watching Angel push her chest towards him, trying to convince him to remove her nipple clamps as she writhing underneath him.

Cum play

There’s nothing more exciting for Jin than watching his cum stain Angel’s breasts, or pulling out at the very last second to cum on her belly. Another thing he loves is to jerk off and make Angel wait with her mouth open, ready to welcome the head of his cock as he finally reaches his climax and spills inside her, telling her not to swallow and open her mouth to show him how much she loves the result of his pleasure before closing her mouth and swallowing, and showing that she took every single droplet of it.

Yoongi and Kitten

Sensation play

Kitten is a bad bitch. She gets off at having Yoongi moaning, squirming, whimpering and groaning underneath her. And Yoongi is so sensitive. It would be a shame not to toy with that. She likes giving him head and edging him, putting him through the absolute worst. He gets weak whenever Kitten blindfolds him, pours warm massage oil on him and procedes with the most relaxing touches and caresses. He gets whiny and desperate whenever she chooses to bring ice cubes to the bedroom and he gets absolutely wild whenever her bullet vibrator is aimed at him instead of her. Kitten is a menace — and maybe a bit of a sadist — but it always feels so sweet once she finally offers him release. Yoongi might consider it torture, but in the end he really, really loves that.

Choking kink

There’s not much difference: choking... being choked... both are okay with giving and receiving. Kitten has a sensitive neck and chest, which means any action there is a huge turn on. Her sensitivity there means she usually covers her upper torso, since it being even slightly exposed makes her feel vulnerable; plus she often needs to hide hickeys and bruises anyway.

Oral fixation; face fucking

Kitten loves giving blowjob, Yoongi loves placing his mouth anywhere on Kitten, especially on her lips, her chest and between her legs. Yoongi has given hints about... Uhm... Oral skills. I think he'd be glad to spend hours between Kitten's legs, and since she wasn't entirely confident with receiving oral sex (her ex was a prick), he is more than happy to take things slow and help her rebuild enough confidence to literally have her climb him while he's laying on the bed, and unashamedly sit on his face and ride it.

Voice fetish

When Kitten and Yoongi met, both were attracted by each other’s voice and throughout courtship and dating they both loved listening to the other talk. Yoongi knows his voice is attractive, and he is incredibly attuned to Kitten’s slightly deep, very soft and quiet voice. She has a velvety timbre that is so relaxing and exciting at the same time. He could get wild at her whispering in his ear, feeling her lips graze against the shell of his ear. However, Kitten would be equally weak if he did that to her.

Phone sex

Since they both enjoy listening to each other’s voice, and since Yoongi travels a lot, they are really into phone sex when they’re too far apart, or when Yoongi needs to stay at the dorms or if they feel extremely needy in the middle of the day. Even when he’s on tour, they prefer phone sex to kinky video calls.

Breast worship

This kink, paired up with Yoongi’s oral fixation, Kitten’s sensitive chest, and cumplay just explains how much exploring there is toward this direction. There are no limits: sensation play with ice cubes or warm massage oil, wax play, food play, boob jobs, a lot of nipple teasing… Kitten is open to experimenting and Yoongi is more than aware of what could feel nice and what would be utter torture. And he wants to try it all.  

Cumplay and Cum eating

Yoongi is not afraid of things getting messy. He likes having Kitten’s juices all over his face, licking them off his lips and fingers: he doesn’t need her to taste like watermelon or smell like rainbows and unicorns. He wants a woman, real and messy. He loves the salty taste on his tongue, and he can tell when she’s close to her period for how the taste of her changes. Plus, he loves cumming on her breasts, especially if his semen accidentally marks her pretty, lacy bras. 

Hoseok and Giggles

Handjobs; squirting

Hoseok’s hands are a blessing. But his fingers are a gift of the devil. They were made to sin and torture. Giggles is very sensitive on her own account. That paired up with Hoseok’s skills makes for wild nights of soaked sheets — luckily enough they buy an impermeable blanket pretty much at the beginning of their relationship.

Impact play; flogger

Not only Hoseok’s hands are a blessing, but those wrists are stretchable. Fluent. They’re perfect for cracking a whip. Or a flogger — he is a bit afraid of using a whip, and it takes a lot of space… However, floggers? He smiles wickedly whenever Giggles gets close to him on Thursday or Friday and casually sits on his lap, hooks an arm behind his neck and leans in close. “I don’t have my Monday shift… Do you think we could… Play with the flogger?” She asks, a bit insecure. He usually plans scenes for Saturday night, so he can have all the aftercare equipment ready and he can spend all Sunday taking care of Giggles. If he can comply to her request, he hugs her close to him and reassures her as they start planning more details.

Bondage

By now it is canon that these two have taken lessons, that they have personalised ropes that Giggles had to prepare personally. Although she’s more precise and diligent in knots, Hoseok is also very attentive and prepared; they often discuss bondage scenes, even over dinner, talking about how the scene will play out, which types of knots to use, how to secure the rope, et cetera.

Experimenting

As I said, they are both absolutely okay discussing stuff they want to try. It isn’t uncommon for them to be watching a movie and suddenly something appears — even something as banal as a clothespin or a makeup brush —  and suddenly one of them is going: “We could use that in bed”. It isn’t uncommon for them to discuss kinky stuff during the week, planning scenes over dinner, or while they’re chilling, or whatever.

Torture play; Overstimulation; tickling

Hoseok likes seeing Giggles writhing and tossing underneath him. He likes torturing her with overstimulation, giving her orgasms back to back or making her squirt so many times that she passes out — it only happened twice and he made sure she drank almost two litres of water afterwards to make sure she didn’t get dehydrated. He also loves her laugh and her nickname comes from the lovely, happy sounds she makes when he coaxes a laugh from her. He loves tickling her to tears, her silvery voice erupting in chuckles that fill his heart with joy.

Shifting positions; multiple rounds

Hoseok has stamina and flexibility. He can go for three rounds without even blinking. He’d manoeuvre Giggles in and out of positions, directing her, helping her put her body in place, following her movements as she shifts. She’s not always happy with all the moving around, especially when she finds a good position and Hoseok decides he wants to change it; however, he can be extremely convincing and he happens to remember all her favourites, putting them in a smooth, easy sequence whenever he wants to reward her — which is at least twice a month because Giggles is the most perfect little bubble.

Jimin and Princess

Exhibitionism

Jimin lives to be watched. His mannerism and elegance make him a performer, even in the plainest tasks. When Princess is watching him, he only exists for her eyes and her eyes only. Nothing gratifies him more than the loving, passionate glances she throws at him when with their friends, or the obscured and raptured ones when she’s dominating him, or the desperate, imploring ones when it’s his turn to call the shots.

Pet play

Jimin is a huge switch. He likes following his whims and is overall a brat, who just does whatever he likes. So, when Princess comes out of the bathroom before bedtime and finds him lounging on the bed naked with a pair of cat ears, his collar and her riding crop waiting on her bedside table, she knows exactly the kind of treatment he’s trying to get. Nevertheless, when in that mood he turns into the most obedient little kitty, so vulnerable and frail that Princess knows she shall treat him with velvet gloves (haha). Literally.

Edging and overstimulation

Princess likes it when Jimin gets messy and whiny and loud. She likes listening to him whimpering and whining while she uses her vibrator on him and makes him cry. It makes her feel powerful. It also makes her ten times softer afterwards and she just loves it when he hits subspace so bad he starts calling her mommy and begging for her to make him cum.

Anal play

Both Princess and Jimin are okay with giving and receiving. Princess is especially in love with double penetration. Jimin is very okay with rimming and putt plugs.

Spanking

Jimin has never really had the courage to try getting spanked before. He had his first experience with Princess, directing her thought the scene. He had learnt basic directions in case he ever needed to teach his partner, but he never thought it would actually happen. From there he and Princess get more comfortable with spankings and get even more involved in impact play, still spankings stay Jimin’s favourite.

Degradation

When in dom mode, Jimin can be vitriolic in his remarks, praising Princess with the dirtiest taunts. Some name calling happens, but Jimin never lets that get too deep. He usually opts for a patronising behaviour that questions Princess’ ability to live without him, and usually avoids anything outright insulting.

Breast worship

Jimin loves Princess’ chest. He likes touching her breasts, more than anything else, but this doesn’t mean he won’t slap them, suck them and fuck them every now and then.

[Sorry if I didn’t write much, honestly I’m still figuring these two out. I think it has a lot to do with Jimin being just so... mercurial. I can’t find another word. He is the least “steady” character in my head. I don’t know. I’ve always had problems with understanding Libras. He’s just so moody and so... It’s frustrating. I just have so many vibes coming from him it’s too much.]

Taehyung and Lace

Voyeurism; exhibitionism

While Jimin lives to be watched, Taehyung is all about the art of watching. Taehyung needs to watch Lace. It doesn’t matter if she’s putting on her lipstick or washing the dishes or brushing her teeth or sucking his cock. He will study her like a painting hung in a museum until he can close his eyes and imagine her exist like a hologram in his head. He loves watching her during sex and he indirectly loves being watched by her too. Lace has never felt so beautiful. 

Outdoor sex

I think they wouldn’t mind trying outdoor sex: the lack of available locations in Seoul initially discourages them, but as they start going on holidays together, geographic remoteness and private outdoor spaces start becoming characteristics these two actually look for in their ideal resort. Yes, they’re the type to fuck against a tree in the woods — or maybe on the beach, under the stars (with Lace taking the utmost care in making sure nothing goes wrong in terms of safety both to their healths and Taehyung’s career).

Cyber sex

With Taehyung travelling because of his job, it isn’t uncommon for him and Lace to become cyber sex experts. Not only he has videos of her safely stored away in a memory card he has basically stitched to his skin — he is hyperaware of it and they are extremely careful of anything that could possibly link the video to the two of them — but he's more than willing to plan videocalls where they can get carried away in front of the camera for the other's viewing pleasure.

Cockwarming

There’s nothing more relaxing and intimate to Taehyung and Lace than being physically connected after sex. After being so close, so together even for a rough, brief quickie, it is traumatic for them to part too suddenly, so usually Taehyung stays inside her for at least a bunch of minutes.

Oral fixation

Both Taehyung and Lace like putting their mouth on the other. Lace could live with Taehyung’s cock in her mouth, while he especially loves to bite her flesh, pretty much anywhere, or stare at her face while he suckles her breasts like a little boy. He could literally fall asleep while they’re facing each other, on their sides, suckling at her nipple while she handcombs his hair, the pressure slowly decreasing until he lets go completely, sound asleep.

Foot fetish

Both Taehyung and Lace are new to this and they're more than willing to explore. Expect Taehyung to grow increasingly addicted to them playing footsie underneath the dinner table, but also to get exceedingly turned on by having Lace's feet laying on his lap or crotch.

Squirting

Taehyung knows exactly how to touch Lace, massaging her after a long day, relaxing her whole body before his fingers end up inside her. His strong, sinewy fingers seem to be programmed to please her. Nevertheless, he is not prone to use this as a form of torture; he'd much rather use it to amplify Lace's sensitivity and help her reach further states of pleasure.

Anal play

I think Taehyung aims at possessing every inch of Lace's body, and of course he wouldn't mind one bit to rim, finger or fuck her ass. He'd be absolutely fine with buttplugs and double penetration. And don't think he would mind wearing a butt plug himself — I think he's the most likely to wear a tail-buttplug, probably. I also think he is by far the most comfortable with the idea of getting pegged: he knows his power and he knows it could never be undermined by Lace fucking him with her strap on.

Jungkook and Candy

Predator play

May it be playful or absolutely ruthless, Jeongguk loves hunting Candy inside his apartment. He loves playing hide and seek, he loves the rush he feels when he spots a hint, and he loves even more the adrenaline coursing through his body when he chases her down the corridor and picks her up, throwing her body over his shoulder — oh, and most of all he loves ripping her clothes off and taking her whenever he manages to catch her.

Corruption kink

Jeongguk’s predatory instincts get even louder when Candy is acting innocent, being her happy, playful, bubbly self. Go figure when she’s sleeping and her face is so soft and young and she has a slight pout and squishable cheeks: Jeongguk can feel his blood flood to all the right places, arousal and adrenaline mixing up, while his brain tries to stay calm, wake her up gently and ask for her consent.

Marking

It’s not that big of a thing to him, he might leave hickeys down Candy’s chest, but that’s mostly it. He’s shy and he’s not all that comfortable with other people seeing them. However, I decided to place this kink right here because bunny wants to be marked. He loves indentations and scratches coming from Candy’s medium-short nails. His all time favourite are scratches down his back, and small crescents on his shoulders and ass. Also lowkey scratches down his abs and thighs. He might go crazy the moment he’s not promoting or shooting and he can finally let Candy cover his chest in hickeys.

Degradation

When absolutely fucked out, Jeongguk starts rambling the most saccharine, degrading sentences to Candy. He has a rich collection of dirty pet names, sometimes with a patronising or humiliating undertone. He doesn’t do it coherently, he’s just not thinking and it feels that good. Of course he always apologises afterwards, but Candy has no shame whatsoever. He might apologise for calling her his fuckdoll, but she’s not ashamed of it, that’s exactly what she is. Hearing him speak those nasty words always gets her going since it shows how fucked out she’s getting him.

Praise

Jeongguk wants to be praised. His ego bursts when Candy praises him, openly or not. Candy whining while he hits the spot is one of the strongest praises she can offer him. He direly needs to be praised when in sub mode, matching the encouraging words with soothing touches and loving glances.

Mommy kink

Yes. They’re exploring a few things after it turned out Joengguk wanted to try. Apparently he’s enjoying way more than he expected. Especially when he’s playing chase with Candy and she grows tired, stomps her foot to the floor and gets her harsh tone on. He starts obeying in seconds. Overall a well.behaved baby, if a little lively and energetic.

Breast worship

Another great fan of boobs. He really loves fucking Candy’s tits, especially while she’s laying down and he’s sitting on top of her, straddling her ribs. His obsession worsens once she gets a nipple piercing: it becomes his favourite place to put his hand on before sleep.

Oral sex

Candy is the absolute grandmaster of blowjobs. She’s the non plus ultra. Blowjobs become Jeongguk’s favourite reward, especially when paired up with her cunt grinding against his face. He could die a happy man like that. After helping Candy get rid of her insecurities about being eaten out, Jeongguk decides he’d do that at least three times a week, almost planning a schedule to make sure he didn’t skip a day. He lowkey asks Yoongi for tips, trying to find new positions to test Candy’s resistance.

Cockwarming

Jeongguk gets very emotionally vulnerable after sex. He needs to talk about his insecurities and doubts, since he always feels so connected to Candy right in the aftermath. At the beginning, cockwarming is actually a consequence of him not realising he hasn’t pulled out as he rambles about everything that is going on inside his mind; however, as he gets used to that, he begins to do it willingly, feeling too naked and cold without staying inside her.

Multiple rounds

Jeongguk has a very high stamina. He can last two to three rounds — four if he’s going wild —, then go for some food, some water and/or a nap and be ready for more in a few hours. Candy is absolutely okay with it: he’s usually the one moving her like a puppet, so even if she’s exhausted, she doesn’t need to worry, he’ll do all the work.

Rough/animalistic sex

Jeongguk is not exceedingly into powerplay: any kind of power imbalance comes naturally, without any kind of planning or negotiating and what the others express in more niche activities, they simply express in very rough, very intense fucking. Especially when Jeongguk has just come home from the gym. Rather than using fancy toys or sophisticated practices, they much rather jump each other bones and fuck like rabbits (haha).

[britishassistant]

@emyluwinter submitted:

It's very, very bad.

I probably already need to write some specific greeting, so that you understand that this is me again. I think something like " And here you are again a freelance newspaper worker writing about the life of a Yuu reporter!!" Today you will read a rather stressful and difficult passage, an article, a mini-script? I suggest you stock up on handkerchiefs.

This day was completely different. Grimm suddenly didn't show up for breakfast, and disappeared somewhere. None of the neighbors even saw him this morning. But Yuu definitely remembered that they went to bed together. How they covered themselves with a blanket, how they turned out the lights and fell asleep after a hard day's work. Yuuken's phone hadn't been answered for several hours, which was very unlike him. Also, the cameraman did not show up for the shooting of the report. No one in the office knew what was going on, and no one knew where he was. Yuu could feel everything inside him twisting into a tight knot of tension and despair. It seemed less and less like it was just a coincidence.

- Please let it be a misunderstanding. - Yuu consoled himself with these thoughts. But their intuition literally screamed that things were very bad. Everything goes wrong.

Even the villains seem to have decided to take a sudden day off for villainy. For a couple of hours, Yuu had been trying to call Yuuken or find Grimm. But there were no traces, no notes about the abduction. All his nerves were taut as strings. Almost choking, Yuu looks in horror at the black raven feather on his desk. This is Crowley's doing. It's a lousy case scenario. Things are bad, very bad. But what did he want from them? Why suddenly now?No matter how many questions were asked in Yuu's mind, there was no answer. A few hours later, Yuu found himself in the heart of the lair of the terrible leader of the villainous league of Crowley. Their anger was boundless and Yuu literally wanted to break the neck of this restless crow, which does not want to leave him alone. - what do you want, old crow? They decided to ask the question right away and not waste time. Fearing that it will be disastrously small to provide assistance. - Oh, Yuu, I'm so glad you decided to join me tonight. Would you like some tea? - Crowley sat quietly in his large, massive, and gaudy-looking throne chair. While they themselves were sitting on a simple chair. It was as if he was doing everything he could to show how helpless and small Yuu was compared to him. - If by join, you mean that your thugs kidnapped me and dragged me here by force, almost trashing my apartment and scaring the entire neighborhood. Wouldn't you... go fuck yourself?! Why did you suddenly think to kidnap me?what do you need?!

Yuu well understood that now is not the best idea to give vent to their anger and irritation. But they were on edge all day and the stress was stronger than usual. It had all been piling up like a snowball... for so long and so painfully. - Hush, hush, baby bird, I don't think you're in a position to let your emotions run wild right now. But I'm so kind that I'd rather not notice this little outburst of anger - Crowley indifferently took a sip of amazingly expensive tea from an equally expensive cup and saucer. - What do you want? - Yuu literally gritted his teeth to get to the bottom of it.One part of them was thinking about escape options, the other was praying that nothing happened to Yuuken and Grimm and they were kidnapped by another villain from the seven, waiting for either the Prefect or the reporter to come. They may be villains. But they are not so stupid as to harm the people dear to Yuu. They might as well have tried to kidnap Divus Cruel, but they would have been brainless in the next few hours, even if they had been very lucky not to be tortured half to death by his experiments.

- I'm glad you asked! You see I am so gracious that I will tell you my beautiful plan. As you recall, you are my biological heir. This is a very responsible and serious position in which I will need to make sure that after me there will be a leader who may even surpass me. It would be such a wonderful arrangement of affairs! Yuu wanted to punch that old crow even more. Crowley continued. - And as you must understand by now, all my previous persuasions have failed. As well as the idea that you went through adversity at birth. Yuu didn't like what he was talking about with them. - That's why!For the past few months, I've patiently let you enjoy the life you're used to. Make friends and family, get a job that you like. Even get a strange pet. And I had an amazing idea!If you couldn't get through the hardships when you were still a child, then I can easily arrange it now to break you the way I need to! Crowley chuckled smugly. Meanwhile, Yuu had the feeling that he was watching some kind of nightmare that they couldn't wake up from. - break me...what..What are you talking about? - Yuu could barely whisper their question. A chill swept through his body as quickly as if they had fallen under one of Charon's freezing traps.

But it wasn't ice. This was their terror with fear. Crowley puts his hands together and leans on his desk. - Do I sound so vague to you? Oh, you seem so happy that I'm giving you this opportunity to enjoy your peaceful days as a civilian. But I decided that it was time to stop with these children's games. Crowley presses a button on the remote control and a screen with security cameras turns on behind him. Yuu's stomach clenched in shock and horror. They screamed abruptly getting up from the chair and holding their hands over their mouths in fear, they looked at the bound Yuken and Grim, worse, Crowley did not stop.... in another screen  were...their parents. They were also abducted and tied up.

Crowley went on with his plan.

- All I had to do was take everything you hold dear and brutally eliminate it in front of your eyes. As long as you're a weak cub, you can't stop it.

No wonder they talked about Crowley's monstrous reputation, Yuu almost choked on their own tears and despair.

- no...No, don't touch them!!They have nothing to do with it!! - Yuu pleaded, literally burning the old crow with his eyes.

- I told you I didn't want your money, your position, and I certainly don't want to be your heir!"!You already have 7 candidates choose one of them, why do you keep interfering and threatening me to kill my loved ones?!? - Because I'm kind enough to give you a little choice."

The Yuus recoiled from him. Again, this dirty manipulation. He's going to brainwash them, that's for sure.

- The choice is cub. You stay and I teach you as my heir, how to manage my affairs and the craft of villainy. Or ...

Yuu suppresses a ragged sigh. They didn't even notice the tears running down their cheeks and their shoulders shaking.

Crowley truly reveled in the sight and the sense of his own superiority.

- I will kill these people slowly and painfully until you learn everything, and you will see every day how your mistakes cause pain and suffering to your loved ones.

It was as if a vacuum had appeared in Yuu's head. Either way, Crowley gave them no choice. He had planned it all from the beginning.

- where...Where's the guarantee that if I stay, you won't kill them at the same time?where is the proof that they are not dead? Crowley laughed merrily, and Yuu felt helpless and weak for the first time in his life. Things are too bad, Yuu can't think of a single option for saving everyone, including myself.

- Great question!!You see, if you voluntarily stay, they guarantee me that you will not try to escape in the future and that you will be a diligent student.

Yuu thought for a second that Crowley had put an invisible noose around his neck and was pulling it tighter and tighter. Like a puppet master's collar or strings.

- If you try to escape and somehow find them in my labyrinth lair. - Crowley pressed another button on his remote control Yuu looked at the other wall and saw a reflection of himself. Terrified, their cheeks glistening with tears, as if they were lost and broken. Just like Crowley wanted.

The leader of the League of Villains gets up from his desk and takes Yuu by the shoulders and turns their face to the camera.

- Your beloved Dair Crowley and our charming reporter Yuu are on the air. Yuu stubbornly refused to look at the camera and was riveted by the eyes of his loved ones. Even through their tears, they could see that they were still fine. Yuuken played with Grim in words to pass the time. I don't think Grimm did very well, but he tried.

And his parents...

Yuu sobbed softly and barely smiled. Their father was humming a tune inaudible to their ears and kicking out a rhythm with his feet. And their mother, their kind, sweet mother, sang with him.

They were afraid, they did not know what they would do to them and whether they would live. But they sang.

Crowley was talking and talking to the camera, but they weren't listening. Yuu is too tired to be strong, too tired to be in the midst of these evil-hero fights, to be involved in these conflicts. They just wanted to live the peaceful life of a citizen, a friendly neighbor. Instead of being in their worst nightmare right now, which Yuu didn't know how to get out of.

Crowley dug his sharp nails into Yuu's cheeks very painfully,forcing them to forcibly turn their heads towards him and the camera.

- Do as I say. - Crowley whispered menacingly, as if about to kill him.

The Yuu felt that they were so brittle and broken that if Crowley pressed any more, their bones would crack just like they are now. - So my dear viewers, I will be so kind as to answer your main question!!Your favorite reporter and friendly neighbor has a unique opportunity. Stay with me as a hostage voluntarily and save your family and friends, or I'll have to persuade them with my own words ... -  Crowley's eyes darkened and Yuu for the first time was afraid for the loved ones because Crowley wasn't always such a jerk.

- in kind and gracious ways. How about holding the whole city hostage? Ah probably you are now enveloped in a beautiful fear of not knowing that if the Yuu refuse, I will kill every civilian-Crowley specifically emphasized this point.

"Every single one of them, one by one, until the Yuu eventually agree. Ask why I need it?You see, I have some plans for this naughty child..

Yuu groaned softly as Crowley's other hand, with its sharp fingers, gripped his forearm very painfully, digging its nails through his clothes into the skin and scratching it.

- a monster.. - Yuu whispered softly, no longer holding back his tears. They were literally breaking down by the second. On the other side of the screen, the Leviathan in his lair dropped all the papers from his hands and turned pale with the realization of the whole situation. Crowley decided to go the route of violence if he was tired of Yuu's refusals. And the worst scenario he could have imagined came true..

- Err?!?Azul!!The shrimp is crying!I don't like it!! Floyd said angrily, not looking up from the screen.

- What are we going to do? -  Jade looked at his boss expectantly. Azul sat down unsteadily on the arm of his chair.

- Crowley literally says to all the villains do not interfere or I will kill him.. - Azul replied softly, feeling a cold sweat break out on his skin... None of the villains knew what to do or what to do. But everyone swore to themselves that they would never bring Yuu to such tears. To such a terrible state... I will end my passage here. I want to hear your impressions, thoughts, and ideas!!Open to everything!

It's so great to hear that you like what I write!

...well.

Well.

You were right about needing tissues!! Holy hell, this is serious End Game level work!! This is definitely building up to a dramatic conclusion!!

Crowley seems to hold all the cards here! He’s got Yuu’s family and friends (and who he thinks is the Prefect’s secret identity) hostage so that the reporter can’t fight back or be saved, and he’s got Yuu so the supervillains can’t make a move unless they want Yuu’s death on their heads. It seems like all hope is lost...

...Though I notice Crowley hasn’t exactly factored in what a certain Uncle and other honorary family members on the board of the League, or the three mysterious old men who own Yuu’s apartment will have to say about this...

Or the fact that the Prefect may not be as contained as he thinks...