#I never really cry
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I just feel so goddamn ugly
#splitting 101#this whole freaking day I was on the verge of tears#almost panicking cause momentarily it felt heavy to breathe#existing is cumbersome#I want to die#I just give up#I never really cry#you know had they existed they wouldn’t like me actually#it’d be like everyone else#not taking me seriously#treating me like a child#I just am so sick of this#sick of it sick of it sick of it#I don’t even want to immerse myself with my fave characters anymore because I feel so silly even though they’re sort of the only things that#bring me some semblance of joy#I wish I could just shut up#but you know I would’ve never reacted in such a way as she had just done to me#what the heck#I’m scrolling through the booklet and I’m on page 8 is that you ? is that really you?#GODDAMN. was there ANY OTHER GIRL ON PAGE 8#what the frick#I guess im sorry for breathing your air goddamn#she knows how sensitive I am to my looks how I don’t like taking pictures#but yknow that was freaking low#how I momentarily felt passively suicidal by her words
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the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.
sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.
you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.
it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.
but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.
they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.
they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.
barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.
and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.
but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.
they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!
this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.
#this shifts gender so much bc it actually affects everyone#yes it's a gendered phenomenon. i have written a LOT about how different genders experience it. that's for a different post.#writeblr#ps my comments about seeing someone cry -- this is not to shame any person#and on this blog we support workers.#at the same time it's a really hard experience to see someone that looks like you. clearly in agony. and have them forced to keep going.#when you're young it doesn't necessarily look like acting. it looks scary. and that's what this is about - the fact that teens#have likely already been exposed to that definition of things. because the internet exists#and without the context of healthy education. THAT is the image burned into their minds about what it looks like.#it's also just one of those personal nuanced biases -#at 19 i thought it was normal to be in pain. to cry. to not-like-it. that it should be perfunctory.#it was what i had seen.#and it didn't help that my religious upbringing was like . 'yeah that's what you get for premarital. but also for the reference#we do think you should never actually enjoy it lol'#so like the point im making is that ppl get exposed to that stuff without the context of something more tender#and assume .... 'oh. so it's fine i am not enjoying myself'. and i know they do because I DID.#he was my first boyfriend. how was i supposed to know any different#i didn't even have the mental wherewithal to realize im a lesbian . like THAT used to suffering.
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✨️ BROTHERS! ✨️
(shouto will live out his idle childhood daydreams, even if he has to reverse their roles himself haha)
#soba brothers#todoroki touya#lov dabi#dabi#bnha dabi#toya todoroki#shoto todoroki#todoroki shouto#bnha#bnha fanart#mha#mha fanart#my hero academia#boku no hero academia#if there's one thing i knew we'd never get but that i really wanted it was the reappearance of touya's bottom lashes 😔#if there's one thing i thought we'd get that we never did it was these two getting soba together#why did u do us like this hori. why. (crying in the corner)#starting to reach baseline again! just have a few writing stuff and then i'll be more or less caught back up woooooo!!! 🎉🎉🎉#omg just realized i didnt even tag dabi
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innocently logging in to look at the Twst schedule for May like
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#tsumsted wonderland#i-is that enough spoiler tags#anyway twst just absolutely obliterating me with the schedule again#i saw the story completion campaign ended in june and was like 'oh okay that'll be when we get the next part' NOPE HA HA#oh my god rook. oh my god savana rook is real.#w...why is this a story card. hey twst wHY IS THIS A STORY CARD --#is rook dreaming of still being a rowdy boy or#and why is he...(squints) why is he in a pomefiore bedroom#never mind i'm actually terrified of this card now#god. the STETSON. i'm crying.#he really is just applejack huh#also vil i don't know what your problem was this man's mane is LUSCIOUS#and what's this? it's twst following up that first punch with the right hook of EVEN MORE of the best and silliest event#malleus is going to be in the middle of an angsty flashback while dangling us over a pit of spikes or something#and then we're going to cut directly to him having a charming little tea party with a small plush version of himself#oh twst your sense of pacing remains exquisitely incomprehensible#(no i love this though)
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“Why did you leave me?”
can you hear me crying?
the way annabeth thought percy had abandoned her like everyone else
… girl he fell into tartarus for you, he would never leave you
NEVER
rick was evil for that
#percy jackson#pjo#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo universe#riordanverse#annabeth chase#percabeth#percabeth is percabething#percy x annabeth#annabeth and percy#pjo hoo#hoo#heroes of olympus#house of hades#hoh#house of hades book#when i tell you i actually cried for like an hour after i read this passage#RICK THIS WAS SO EVIL OF YOU#annabeths fear of abandonment really kicked in here#ma’am he would never do that#his fatal flaw is loyalty#he is LOYAL TO YOU#you’re the love of his life annabeth#ffs#be so fr#screaming crying throwing myself against a wall
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Different standards
#didnt mean to do this one in quote unquote colour but it wasnt legible without it so. heres a treat i suppose#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat fanart#isat loop#isat bonnie#lucabyteart#coughs up a lung. anyway. ramble time as per usual. this is what i was warming up for btw in case it wasnt obvious#besides being another entry in the 'letting bonnie read loop for filth on accident' series. this is mostly self indulgent musings on#headcanons (and i will just use that word here.) ive previously rambled about in other tags and posts#namely: in the scenario that loop integrates into the party as a New Person for quite a while before The Truth Come Out. i feel they have#a decent chance at really scoring a slam dunk in becoming a guardian figure for bonnie? loop's demeanor is already colder and a tiny#bit more level-headed than siffrin's in the way they seem to discuss bonnie with them. namely pointing out that bonnie#never really hated them. it seems to be one thing they're genuinely at peace with? they've seen by now the truth that bonnie#was just scared and upset. and likely now knows that what bonnie wants is to be treated with grown-up respect within reason. plus loop#already scores bonus points with bonnie since they didnt 1. fuck up bad like sif did in act 5 and 2. saved sif in the party's eyes#... but then when it turns out that this clean-slate relationship with a stranger was siffrin being deceitful? must have been odd.#bonnie seems to really dislike being lied to. the question is whether they'd see it that way? would they feel betrayed there?#anyway. this is set after all those emotions are at least settled some. loop able to be more physically affectionate... and yet#still not letting themselves be quite as close as they'd like perhaps. perhaps...#anyway translucent pyjamas because i dont care if you're comforting a crying child you've GOT to SERVE!!!#and also i feel like the party probably wouldn't let loop stay completely naked for that long. especially not post-reveal anyway
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DEAD POETS SOCIETY (1989) dir. Peter Weir
#neilperryedit#robert sean leonard#dpsedit#deadpoetssocietyedit#dps#dead poets society#neil perry#useraish#tuserkaren#mialook#usernivi#tusermiles#userrlaura#dailyflicks#*mine#*mygifs#but he doesn't know ! because he doesn't even really know neil#not to take what i said in my lane edit but it's literally trying so hard to be this person that your parents want you to be !#like your parent will never see you how you actually are because they're so busy trying to force you to be this whole other person#the tragedy that is neil perry will never not get to me like i'm sick to my stomach and i am crying my eyes out#he tried he tried so hard to be his best and he just wanted this one thing for himself#also this scene is lowkey my enemy bc i hate coloring it#i feel like it always looks kind off ?
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saw this stupid asa stock image and IMMEDIATELY thought of these two lovebirds
also lowkey how are they so underrated when they're canon. im thirsting for more content of reapertale soriel please you guys or ill explode
reapertale belongs to @renrink
#utmv#undertale#undertale au#utmv fanart#inkblott#sans undertale#toriel undertale#sans x toriel#reapertale#reaper sans#life toriel#reapertale soriel#soriel#i will never understand why the fandom poured all of it's love and attention to afterdeath#it makes me wanna cry im ngl#reapertale soriel is so sweet to me#i love afterdeath but i really want more rt soriel#id even take more lifeafterdeath stuff#i just want yall to include my gorgeous gal please#:-(
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Prompt 169
Danny is from a world where everyone has wings, even if most have long since lost the ability to fly. Something about loading and aspect ratio, wings being too small, body too heavy, now mostly used as display, whatever.
It doesn’t matter even if he had blueprints from when he was like six of a jetpack to help fly. It won’t work anyway and hey, he has his ghost form! Which uh, might be perhaps, affecting his wings which were maybe sort of scorched black and practically down to the bone thanks to the accident.
It doesn’t matter, he swears. Though he’s admittedly relieved to see the new feathers growing in are different from Dan’s angry sunset. Even if they’re not even supposed to be able to grow back. Alright, this is fine, no one is going to notice! It’s not like everyone knows about the poor Fenton kid whose wings were absolutely destroyed thanks to an accident! It’s fine.
He’s not flying in a half-panic towards the Far Frozen while crying because his wings are coming back and he’s so scared. He didn’t panic and instantly fled the moment Jazz pointed them out while changing the bandages.
He definitely didn’t trip over something while wiping away said tears and blacking out from all the stress and all of his problems that he definitely mentioned to someone and isn’t keeping a secret. Definitely.
Hawkwoman and Hawkman would like everyone to know that neither of them were expecting a very small child to be spat out of the villain of that week’s machine that should definitely not be a portal. A very small child, maybe nine or ten, with a multitude of concerning wounds both old and fresh. Which isn’t even beginning to touch on the wings.
Feathered, like baby down despite the gnarled scars, unlike their own metallic, with the beginning of tiny specklings like stars amidst the darker fuzz peeking from the wounded flesh.
Who?! Who dared?! It’s (at least to the forever reincarnating duo) a literal baby! They still have down! Tiny baby fuzz! Was it the portal?! Oh this villain is going to taste their maces for causing this if that’s the case!
The rest of the Justice League would honestly like to know what just happened and are honestly unsure on if they should stop the two…
#dcxdp#dpxdc#prompts#wing au#Shayera & Carter: THAT IS A BABY#Danny who is still very distressed when he wakes up: I don’t know what’s going on & might start crying at any moment#He got brought to the Watchtower#Y’know what make it where his world is similar to a Flashpoint timeline & that’s why JL never came#He has no idea why he’s tiny and just wanted to go to one of his caretakers#The League is trying to figure out how to get this kid home but also subtly asking how his home life is#Danny: Oh I guess my bio-parent’s house is dangerous but my caretaker’s homes are really cool and safe!#The JL now think this child is in foster care of some sort in his world#Danny does nothing to dissuade this assumption#Honestly it’s really freaky for him to see people without wings & maybe clings to Hawkwoman & Hawkman#Look their wings might be metallic but at least they have them & he can actually recognize their body language#How can anyone deal with not being able to express with wings?!#Even if his were completely scorched from the Accident he could still move them and such!
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image i made for a powerpoint night with friends
#this kid really goes through it this entire movie#the boy and the heron#studio ghibli#my presentation is on how the boy and the heron teaches you how to move on and also the lost cause of trying to make a legacy#the never ending man (the documentary on how hayao miyazaki spent his 2013 'retirement') gives you such a deeper understanding#of the mindset he was in going into creating the boy and the heron#and whenever i watch that documentary or this movie it makes me cry#but also mahito is probably one of the funniest protagonists to ever grace a ghibli film#keep on keeping on
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i canht decide whether I'm more devastated by Ody's cry of "ATHENA" or Athena's cry of of "let him go, please, let him go"
#evan speaks#epic the musical#epic the wisdom saga#in actual tears just thinking abt it rn.#well. i relistened to it a bit ago and started crying and then never really stopped
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(sort of a companion piece to this)
older brother instinct
(★ my Kofi)
#my art#trolls band together#trolls fanart#trolls bruce#trolls john dory#trolls#no matter how old you both get. you never lose that ''oh shit my little sibling is CRYING'' panic.#hoooooooooooogh i have TOO MANY THOUGHTS i can't articulate AAAHHH#idk man i'm just constantly thinking about bruce's dynamic with JD as the second oldest#simultaneously wanting to support his brother while still NEEDING him ya know#i think that on some level. even after things got REALLY bad with the band...... he just wanted his brother back#grgrgrtg idk the bottom line is that all of brozone needs a good cry. and a hug. and a sincere apology from JD.#(it's VERY important to me that you notice that JD isn't actually saying the words ''i'm sorry'' here btw.....)
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one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.
one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.
i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.
the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.
my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.
i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.
#writeblr#i was doing a lot with high school students. over and over again#other teachers kept asking me what i was doing differently - why the kids listened to me. i am not particularly foreboding#and i have a pretty firm personal policy of never reacting in anger#godhelpme.#i was always kind of taken aback#because in general the kids were pretty easy. i explained i needed to keep everything “PG-13” because this was my workplace#and it was kind of their workplace#too. besides#i love swearing#and since i couldn't swear#neither could they - so if they were going to say “fuck” or become violent#they needed to choose a really specific time#because we only get “the one��.. sure enough - nobody wanted to waste the one very specific “fuck” utterance. kids listened.#i think just because - that rule makes sense. the kids understand that i don't want to be unfair to them#that censorship is stupid#but that i'm under these rules too so like let's ride it out together#also i look young and tbh between me and u nobody wants to make the nice english teacher cry#the way these kids defended me to their friends was really genuinely so heartwarming bc the Grouchy Frat Boy#would be like MISS RAQUEL DOESN'T DESERVE THAT KIND OF AN ATTITUDE BRO DON'T TALK BACK TO HER
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not me crying over the ace rep in heartbreak high again. 'i feel like someone's always gonna be making a sacrifice if they'd want to be with me' i mean that shit hits so fucking hard. i've really never had a character i could relate to as much as i do to ca$h
#personal#heartbreak high#heartbreak high spoilers#asexuality#what really made me cry though was his nan being so sweet and kind and supporting him always#like god i know what it feels like to feel unloveable#or like you will never be in a relationship#and to hear those comforting words i'm ❤️#what this show does to me is2g
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Jason as a nibbler, a neck biter, a vampire. Not literally, he doesn't need blood to survive, no, but the way his mouth somehow always finds your neck, always finds a way to catch his teeth on your carotid, you'd think he did.
He comes up behind you so innocently sometimes, his hands ghosting over your hips and his hair tickling your jaw. His beautiful, soft, jet-black hair that is so quickly replaced with sharp nips of his teeth. You pull away, pushing his head back with your hand, and he groans; what did I do, his eyes say when he lifts his head to look at you. "You're biting me." you point to the teeth marks on your neck, indents a little deeper where his canines were. "I'm loving you."
You patiently wait for the day he gets carried away and accidentally draws blood, the day when the permissiveness of your flesh gives way to this indulgent behavior of his. He'll nose at the tiny droplets of blood collecting around the puncture wounds, licking and laving as a pool of iron collects on his tongue. Pulling away, looking like a wolf who's just devoured its prey, with blood smeared on the tip of his nose and his pupils blown wide.
He'd tasted blood before when he'd punched too hard, when he'd been punched too hard; the taste was always bitter in his mouth, too metallic, and always lingering long after he'd washed it away with water, but not yours. No, yours was welcome, just as bitter and metallic but also sweet? Comforting? Welcome? Yes, welcome. He'd welcomed you into his life a multitude of times, made room for you in places he'd previously thought to be too cramped. In his home, in his mind, in his heart, but the one place he could never figure out how to integrate you was his body.
Of course, he'd had sex with you, let you touch him in ways he had never been touched before, seen him at his most vulnerable, but it would never be the same for him as it was for you. You could never be inside of him the way he was inside of you. He thought he'd never know how it felt to walk around with ghosts of you inside of him the way you did when he came too deep or stretched you out too much. He thought he'd never know what it felt like to carry a part of his lover around with him outside of a material object. Now, he knew otherwise; he knew there was an alternative—a painful, bloody alternative—but an alternative nonetheless.
#cw blood#guys guys guys i don't#have a blood kink#i really need to say that *crying*#i'll probably never expand on this#anyway this is just a little experiment#not entirely sure it's any good bc hello#brain fried#(just finished 4 assignments)#back to back#anyway !!! bye#jason todd#jason todd x reader#jason todd x you#jason todd smut#jason todd imagine#red hood x reader#red hood x you#red hood smut#red hood imagine#jason todd lover
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Watching Sam & Brennan talk about the beauty of frivolity, of adults playing silly games just as seriously as they fight to survive, and... yeah. There are some things that keep us alive, and there are some things that make life worth living, and I think games are one of those things that fall into both categories. Games make our lives better and they make us better at being alive. I think that's pretty cool.
#k talks#adventure academy#dropout tv#sam reich#brennan lee mulligan#and i say this not in an evopsych way. never. but in a historian looking back at the infinite intricacy of human experience and crying#i know i'm not really saying anything that anarchist philosophers haven't already said but it just hits me every time. it's so good#(& when the lich heard brennan quote graeber we had to pause the video while he had a little philosophical squee)#i feel for brennan not being able to play mafia bc he's too busy hosting it tho. bc. mood#i am rarely allowed to survive a mafia game these last few years#i wish i could invite everyone else who went 'oof. yeah. same' to join my decade-long group of assorted folks#who've been playing increasingly complicated week-long games of mafia over forum & then facebook & now discord for a decade or so#bc oh boy. those games are fun as HELL & we always love new players#especially the kind who will play DEADLY seriously :)
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