zukoandtheoc

[zukoandtheoc]

Hi, I’m Derin! I write things.

If you want to read a web serial about a teenage alien bug’s coming of age,  one about a human abductee wrestling with somewhat older alien bugs, or one of my short stories described by readers with such lovely reactions as “what the fuck Derin,” “I think there is something very wrong with you,” and “I am never going to be the same again,” you can find them on my website here.

If you want chapter updates, ebooks, a randomly generated drink or sandwich from my friend’s robot, or just to hang out and chat, my discord is here.

If you want access to bonus materials and story voting rights, my ko-fi is here.

Have a question about my stories? There’s an FAQ.

[zukoandtheoc]

The desire to support artists and pay them fairly versus my empty bank account 😭

[zukoandtheoc]

do-it-again august

[zukoandtheoc]

“Why was hiccup wearing lipstick?” Mind your business

[zukoandtheoc]

i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck

[zukoandtheoc]

it is important, now more than ever, to make friends you can roleplay extremely specific blorbo scenarios with. you have to be crying at 3am over angst scenarios generated by your elaborate among us based au. its good for the economy.

[zukoandtheoc]

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66992527

Y'ALL THIS IS THE COOLEST FANFIC I'VE EVER SEEN.

It is a complete narrative about SecUnits on a Planetary Survey trying to communicate and keep their clients safe while dealing with the restrictions of their govmod.

IT IS ALSO A FULLY INTERACTIVE GAME OF MINESWEEPER.

The story is told BY PLAYING MINESWEEPER.

This fic is criminally underrated go look at it!!!

[zukoandtheoc]

i’ve started looking at weight and health the way i look at class and income and it really puts a lot of things into a new perspective.

let me explain: in america at least, the lower class have significantly worse health outcomes, even when accounting for other factors. just being poor is enough to make your overall health worse. we don’t know that being fat makes your health directly worse, like the data just isn’t there, but for a moment, pretend it does.

imagine going to the doctor with a health problem and the doctor looking at your chart and saying well, this problem will be less severe if you go up an income bracket. have you thought about becoming rich? it would really help. start by saving a little money every month.

ridiculous, right?? very few people successfully go from working class to rich, it just doesn’t happen on a large scale in society. maybe for a time you pick up some overtime hours, spend a little beyond your means, and appear rich. but eventually you burn out, your car needs to be repaired, and you return to being working class.

we do have this data: only some people can successfully lose large amounts of weight, and only a tiny fraction of people who lose that weight actually keep it off for more than a year. telling people to lose weight for their health is just absurd because they almost certainly can’t do it any more than they can double their income for their health.

and yet i see it everywhere. a little poster in my work breakroom tells me to improve my blood pressure by losing weight! a psa on the radio says you need to take care of your heart by losing weight! we can’t even conclusively prove that weight is the cause rather than just correlated with a lot of these problems but here it is offered anyway: have you tried being rich?

[zukoandtheoc]

let's all go out and buy pink refreshing citrusy fruity sexually arousing drinks

[zukoandtheoc]

10000 YEAR OLD ROCK ART OF GIRAFFES FOUND IN LIBYA LET'S GO

[zukoandtheoc]

love when worf says 'klingons do not do such things' and its really clear that he personally just doesnt want to.

[zukoandtheoc]

always complain about things. okay, you know how programmers explain their code to rubber ducks when it's not working? same principle. an appliance breaks down. I get pissed off, try everything, go through the various stages of despair etc. I complain about it to a friend and explain why it frustrates me so bad, and suddenly I'm thinking 'wait I should try unplugging it and then doing a factory reset and then—' and I go home and do that and it starts working again. I keep losing my earrings. I complain about it to a friend, about how I keep them all in a little dish but then the specific one I want always dematerialises the moment I want it. my friend says 'I just keep them on the little card backs they came with' and I think well shit, I always throw those out. but then I think aha I can make a bunch of pinholes in a decorative postcard. genius. I read a story. it's about something I'm usually into, but for some reason I don't like this story at all. I complain about it, I figure out what irritates me about it, I have a great idea for a way better story. I try a new recipe, it doesn't come together. I bitch about it like crazy, about what I thought I did right and how it failed, and before I know it I'm explaining out loud which parts I'm inexperienced at or didn't understand or adjusted wrong. I need a little table for drawing on. I complain about it in the group chat, two days later someone says 'hey I spotted the kind of table you're looking for on the side of the road, do you want to come pick it up'. I complain, endlessly. my life is enriched. the art of complaining.

[zukoandtheoc]

Imagine being cast in a Lady Gaga concert as Lady Gaga because Lady Gaga wants to do this to Lady Gaga

[zukoandtheoc]

"This blog last posted 8 years ago"

Haha okay so 2012

"no, 2017"

WHAT

[zukoandtheoc]

I’m starting a rumor

[zukoandtheoc]

concept for a tv show: a cute simple love story between an assistant and a chauffeur or bodyguard or whatever else rich people have and in the background the rich people are having the wildest telenovela level drama that we only catch glimpses of

[zukoandtheoc]

writing fanfiction is just. i’m being so creative and original. i’m plagiarizing everyone by accident. i’m a genius. i’m cringe. i’m too angsty. i’m too cheesy. this is not in character. it doesn’t matter that it’s not in character because these are my characters now. i love my hobby. this is the worst possible use of my time. i’m seeking validation. i’m projecting my own personal problems onto this story and i’m barely hiding it. i know so many words and i’m using all of them wrong. im on tumblr posting about it instead of writing it.