#I mean that I don't wanna see *YOU* sad
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sprite-bird-fool · 7 months ago
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Wait now what :(
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deoidesign · 4 months ago
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One of my first digital pieces (2010) versus one of my recent ones (2024)
We all start somewhere!
#picked these cause they're in a similar pose lol. i mean not at all. but sort of... more than my other art at least...#oh fuck im so tired im saving this to drafts and coming back later#my anxiety meds wipe me the fuck out so im trying not to take them in the day#and they're like legit borderline a sleeping med for me. i take one and in 30 mins im OUT.#so I'm. i mean i was already only taking 1-2 in the day and then 2-3 at night#anyways it makes me sad when people say they dont have an artistic bone in their body#and especially when they say they could never draw like me :(#dont put yourself down to lift me up! i don't want my art to be used for you to be mean to yourself!!!#lots of experiences of people comparing themselves to me and being mean to themself...#feels bad. it's okay if you're slow it's okay to be learning it's okay!!!#I'm me and you're you and we're here to learn from each other. i just wanna hang out..#y'know what I'm just gonna post without saying anything i WILL forget I made a draft#i have so many things i intend to post and then forget#it's a wonder I post anything#i only do it when i get bored. and run out of stuff to scroll through#like whelp. guess if i want a post I have to make one myself.#also the second one is really good idc that it's a study i still drew it#art growth#this was in 2010 btw#i started highschool in 2011#I've grown a lot and you can too.#also I've never really been one to dislike my old art. like idk I was trying... if it's bad I just won't look at it whatever#like i wouldn't be mean to someone else who made that so i don't get a free pass to be mean just cause it's to me#man my thoughts are bungled. okay sleep time#if my phone made typos you didn't see it
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teddybeartoji · 15 days ago
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films just aren't as beautiful anymore there is hardly any emotion behind anything they lack depth and they lack love
#there are beautiful films out there yes#challengers is one of those#but the majority of them just... fucking suck okay#no matter how cringe or silly it sounds i think having respect for films and filmmaking is essential#it's a must#and a lot of directors and actors do not have it#it's all so shallow#you can clearly tell what movies have made with affection which ones have been held gently#you can FEEEEL it when you watch them#it makes all the difference#directors who love watching films and who have devoted themselves to the art of creating something that will move people#who have realized that the essence of it the soul of it means way more#you can make your actor cry but that doesn't mean i'll feel the sadness you know#there's no depth whatsoever#they yell and it's just . it makes me feel nothing#these people just don't understand anything at all#they have enough money to wipe their asses with it but they don't know what it means to be a person#or to feel anything i suppose#all they know is happy sad angry#that's it lmao#and everything also needs to be perfect in the worst possible ways in their eyes and i hate it#i hate it i hate it i hate it#don't even get me started on how bad everything looks too i can't get into it or else i'll actually fucking explode#everything is so fucking ugly and bland and there are no scars and mud and sweat and dirt and it's so dull and boring it's so artificial#TURN THE FUCKING BRIGHTNESS UP PUSSY I WANNA SEE THE COLORS#goddddddddddddddddddddddddddd#sorry sorry this is really#shbdghdhgaghdasgh#pissing me off so badly#mayor of loserville
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the-tenth-arcanum · 5 months ago
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I haaate it that it's getting so hard to tell when art is ai generated. I've seen a painting three times on my dash now and my first thought was "this is nice" and my second thought was "is this ai" because it had a slightly odd vibe. and I googled the "artist's" name and ended up on the original instagram post and sure enough the op wrote "this is ai generated! :)" when someone asked about the artist. what's the point then. what's the fucking point.
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tazmiilly · 1 year ago
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a better world dimension thoughts below. SORRY ITS LONG
been thinking recently about how I view the better world dimension. the past couple of months have sort if changed how I perceive it mostly bc I sort of hate how it's sort of written in the journal.
certain things didn't change like "oh wow they fucked up Fiddleford's design etc etc" and "how the hell did ford and fiddleford start talking that doesn't make sense" but more so just the overall idea of the dimension did change to me. like okay but these things did happen even if I can't figure it out LOL
i really didn't like how the dimension was sort of written off as terrible because it went so differently from the one we're used to. stan took the journal which means no mystery shack. which. people don't like. but ford never went through the portal. which is great! except a lot of people just sort of assumed that means stan never came back. it's sorta like when ford said he wanted his house back a lot of people assumed he was kicking stan to the curb. he wasn't. he just didn't want the mystery shack to be taking over his house.
i think there's a lot of ways you can view the better world, but they don't always have to be so depressing and bleak lol. I think if ford was able to come to some kind of agreement with stan and NOT end up in a fist fight with him, then they probably ended up speaking on agreeable terms. ford trusted stan enough to reach out to him for help, and if stan takes the journal and disposes of it safely like ford wished he would (even if it wasn't by boat since he couldn't afford that) he would be showing ford he could trust him even more. and I don't think ford would've ignored that.
its sort of hard to describe, but it feels like they wanted people to use his viewpoint on the better dimension as a judge on his character at that moment in time. they wanted to use ford saying "well this is a better world!" as him not learning this valuable life lesson yet or something. which is sort of sad. I mean if ford can have the recognition in a field he has worked so much of his life in so he can understand what it's like to not be treated as a joke to society AND get to be next to his best friend why is it that there has to be a "so this means stan gives up in a fight, takes the journal and maybe dies" like that's rly sad honestly?? I feel like there can be nicer ways of viewing this especially since we have ...next to no info....especially about stan. idk idk
its also a little sad that these ideas have to come up in a dimension where ford is successful and doesn't go through the portal, get his identity stolen, and becomes homeless for 30 years...
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b0amagination · 4 months ago
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Tastes of Whumptober: Day 11
I had an absolute blast with this prompt and I've been looking forward to it for a while. I should've gone and bought some wine so I could write being IDed from experience though. Unrealistic writing 😮😮😮
Convenience Store
Each item was set neatly on the conveyor belt.
A roll of duct tape. Kleenex. Air freshener. Trash bags. Zipties. Rubbing alcohol. Superglue. A bottle of merlot. Disinfectant. Sponges. Latex gloves. A wrist brace. Ibuprofen. A hammer. And a bar of chocolate.
A bright beep sounded as the cashier scanned each one.
“Doing some home improvement?” They smiled, placing the superglue onto the other side of the conveyor where one of their customers, the shorter of the two, was busy bagging with their head down. The other stacked the empty shopping basket with the others and pulled out their wallet.
“Definitely an improvement project,” they nodded back with a knowing look. “The whole thing just needs to be demolished and rebuilt at this point.”
“Oh I hear you. A pipe burst in my basement just last month and my spouse had to stop me from tearing the whole thing down then and there.” The cashier scanned the wine and paused. “Your ID please, Mx.?”
They flashed it with a toothy grin. 
“I’m flattered!”
“Just doing my job. Thank you.” They typed something into the system and picked up the next item. A few items later, a snort broke their calm demeanor.
“Hm?”
“Oh my goodness, I’m sorry Mx! Just had a funny thought.” The cashier scanned the hammer. 
“Do share! Lord knows we could use the humor.” They elbowed their partner who smiled meekly and nodded along, balancing with a crutch under their arm. 
“Well, sometimes home improvement supplies look a lot like premeditated murder supplies,” they giggled, and the taller one broke out into raucous laughter. The shorter just shook their head. “Sorry, I meant no offense.”
Realizing they were being addressed, they fixed the sullen expression across their face.
“Ah, none taken! I’ve just had a tough day, what with this shithead and all.” A playful poke to their partner who just laughed again.
“You’re in for it when we get home!” They stuck out their tongue.
The other went back to catch the items they’d missed in that time, slipping the chocolate bar in their pocket. 
“Alright, cash or card?”
“Card please.”
“Your receipt?” 
“Sure, why not.”
“Perfect. Have a good one!” 
“You too!”
The taller one took most of the bags, but the other still managed to carry one. They were almost out the door when a voice shouted out.
“Oh! Excuse me, I think you forgot one of your items!” The cashier held up the hammer, and the couple turned around. Neither came forward to claim it, but with a nudge and a whisper, the shorter allowed the cashier to drop it into their bag. “Can’t do any demolition without that, can you?” 
“Absolutely not, I’m glad we didn’t forget it!” The other didn’t say a word, struggling to lift the bag now, and then the two were gone. 
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“Interesting what you choose to forget, darling.” A hissing whisper in their ear, so different from the friendly persona they put on in public.
“I don’t… I don’t know what you’re implying,” they averted their eyes as the trunk of the car opened. Fuck. 
Their captor’s foot landed on their broken ankle and they had to suppress a scream.
“I let you have one good leg for today. Don’t let me regret it.” The bag was taken right out of their hand. “In.”
They crutched up to the passenger door but a clearing of the throat stopped them.
“Childlock doesn’t work on that seat.”
Somehow, climbing into the back was more humiliating after that comment. The door was slammed shut before they could do so themself, and they felt the car shake with how hard the trunk was slammed. A horrible indicator of what was to come.
“I behaved around the store,” they grumbled when the doors locked and the engine turned on. 
“And then you fuckin’ ruined it.” 
“Black and white thinking much…” 
A fist flew against the passenger headrest and they were suddenly grateful to be flinching in the backseat.
“I’m buying a car with blacked out windows. That way, next time, I can throttle you in the backseat.”
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favourite twdg villain?
I'm a fond enjoyer of the St. John's as villains. I don't know if they're my favorite just because they're only in one episode, but I love the concept of this family almost immediately jumping into cannibalism toward the start of the outbreak, dealing in human flesh to bandits, and casually feeding this group their friend's legs.
Like... what the hell was this family like before the outbreak that all three of them were like, "Hey now listen... nothing should go to waste, the dead are eating people so why shouldn't we? We gotta survive and in our defense, we only target those who were gonna die anyway... like y'all."
Dude, Mark was shot in this shoulder with an arrow. He wasn't going to die from that injury. It's so fucked that these seemingly friendly people took the group into their home and then fed them Mark's legs.
If we take the idea that everyone is infected and have the capacity within themselves to become walkers, to become monsters, then the St. John's were infected long before the outbreak, y'know? Not literally, but something was wrong with them and the outbreak just further spread that infection and changed them.
But again, are they my favorite? I dunno if I can say that since I have a lot more appreciation for Lily now. Yeah, some of her writing gets a little wonky in ep3 of TFS when she goes on her monologues and shit, but y'know what? I'm into it.
You have to remember who we're talking about and the fact that she's the antagonist; Lily isn't some anti-hero in TFS who secretly has a heart of gold that's brought to light because she reunited with Clementine... she's a fucked up woman who did fucked up things in the name of survival. She's full of rot now. She sees kidnapping children and turning them into soldiers to protect her home as a means to an end, but she doesn't actually give a shit about the people she's taking. They aren't people to her, they're as the episode title suggests, toys in her game. The only one she sees as a person is Clementine, and while that makes her hesitate at first, she sees Clementine's a prize to bring back.
She remembers what happened in S1; her father had a heart attack and as she tried to save him, Kenny smashed his face in with a saltlick and then expected Lily to just stand up and help him get back to his family because "he did what he had to, he made the hard choice." Yes, Larry was a piece of shit. No one liked him, and you can even question Lily on him and she'll tell you that he has a lot of pain. Yes, it makes him an asshole, but he's still her dad and he's all she has. I mean... the simplification is daddy issues, but in all seriousness, I don't doubt for a second that many of Lily's issues stem from Larry being a shitty father to her.
Then everyone thought she was losing it when she insisted there was a traitor in the group, which she was right about, but she was unstable. She was unwell, but how do you help someone like that when you don't have training to go about it? Then Lily ends up killing either Carley or Doug and the group turns on her, and either she's left behind or she steals the van and runs away.
Then we don't know what the hell happened to her until we see her again in TFS, but like... a lone woman with decay festering inside of her joining the delta? Exposing her to their methods? I mean, what else did she have to lose? She had nothing, she lost everything, and she has a lot of issues. Survival is easy when you're numb, when you don't care about the individual; they're all just cogs churning to make the system run, and if a piece doesn't cooperate, you get rid of it and find a new one.
Plus I think there's something to say about Lily not wanting to be perceived as weak again. That whole display she put on in the cells? Telling the story of what happened to Minerva and Sophie? I get the criticism that it feels like Lily did a 180 between episodes but like... yeah dude, because it's a performance. It's not just her and Clementine anymore. It's a display of power and authority. She's playing the part and thriving in it as she ensures everyone else is terrified of her.
But then when Clementine and AJ get the upper hand? Again, she's not afraid to play up the pleading to earn enough sympathy to spare her- hell, just to let their guard down enough to strike and get the upper hand again. I mean, she's got nothing else to lose, right? If she doesn't go for it, she'll be killed and sure, you can kill her anyway but at least she tried.
Honestly, I look at Lily in TFS and still see that scared little girl playing the tough bitch, just like Carley said in S1. It's just now escalated from "tough bitch" to a downright vile person. She's so... lost? I suppose? Lost within herself and the monstrous means she's taken to survive.
I get the criticisms of how she was used in TFS, but for me, it's like when people complain about Minerva not getting the redemption arc she supposedly should've gotten, y'know? There's no saving her. Lily was never on our side, and there was no getting her on our side. She wasn't ever going to redeem herself. Even if you spare her and she drifts away on her raft, can someone like her actually find redemption? Or will she just find another group that'll feed into her rot?
Truly, I say let her be horrid. Let her be the piece of shit villain with a few fleeting moments of humanity. Let her drown in the blood she's spilled.
#asks#twdg lily#twdg andy st john#twdg danny st john#twdg brenda st john#twdg clementine#twdg minerva#twdg mark#twdg larry#twdg kenny#i know i used to complain about lily in tfs a lot years ago but past cj complained about everything tbh sksksks#now i'm just like babe lily's interesting as shit like not every villain needs a redemption arc just because you think they're hot#and don't wanna feel bad or because you want her to be like she was in s1 when she was sympathetic like... it's been years#that's like being mad that clementine isn't the same person as she was in s1... the difference is we got to see clementine grow#but what happened to lily is a mystery... but that doesn't mean she didn't change especially for the worst#i dunno sometimes i look at lady antagonists in media and then look at people's reactions and i'm like.......... hmmmm#c'mon now- if kenny came back in tfs the same exact way then y'all would be foaming at the mouth insisting he's complex#and morally grey and he's just really sad about his family dying and really he's a sad widdle meow meow but also the best villain#who should be spared because he always cared about clementine and aj and he's just traumatized and sad and amazing unlike OTHERS#like.................... okay sure mmhmmmm#side note but the worst thing about kenny is the fact that he IS a brilliantly written character but his stans tend to just be the worst#anyway i like lily she's a great tfs antagonist like i recognize there are some weak spots and i wish she has more of a presence in ep4#if she lived but y'know... gotta make room for minerva being the final bridge boss so... yeah
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a-god-in-ruins-rises · 17 days ago
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actually...
looking at a bunch of my old favorite mutuals blogs that have been inactive for years. i miss them, even if i never really talked to any of them. when you're mutuals with a person for so long they become a comforting presence even without talking. you see them every day and read their posts about their thoughts or feelings or about what's going on in their life and so on. and they just become a part of your daily life in such a subtle way.
and then one day they just never post again. without warning. shit sucks. i actually hate it.
#i think about so many old mutuals like every day#just wondering where they've gone and what they're up to and how their lives have turned out#i love them and miss them so much#actually there have been a couple times when old mutuals suddenly become active again after years#but i can't count on that -- most don't#i wish there was some website or app or whatever#that would make it possible to stay in contact indefinitely#like i just imagine something like linktree or whatever#but also something more#just this one central hub with one username and it is just saved forever#and so any person who remembers your name can just look it up and suddenly have access to all these ways to contact you#because i've had my blog deleted a few times and like i gotta slightly change my url every time#so if someone looks up my og blog url they won't be able to find me#and that shit makes me sad#just a slight change in url could mean the difference between staying in contact#whatever#i get like this occasionally#nostalgic and sad because i miss old mutuals#scrolling their long abandoned blogs#idk why i do this to myself lmao#i do it with facebook sometimes too#i haven't posted since like high school#and sometimes i go back and see all my friends' profiles frozen in time#because a lot of their profiles are also inactive for whatever reason#i don't know why this shit makes me so sad#so yeah if you're a mutual -- even we don't talk -- don't ever just randomly delete or become inactive#even if we don't talk you can give me your other socials or whatever#or even an email idc#i just don't want to lose connection with any of you -- when i'm 80 years old i wanna reminisce with y'all#and i wanna throw everyone a feast someday
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cerealbishh · 3 months ago
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"Just be careful. My dad loves you but he'll stick a knife right in your back and sever your spine!"
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goldentigerfestival · 9 months ago
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I love the vocal nuance in this exchange, but also posting this for my differences posts because this is one of the changes that infuriates me the most. Yuri didn't threaten Ioder, did not threaten him with a weapon, and just said he'd punch him in a lazy, half joking voice (half joking as in, he really doesn't want to hear that - that's just his way of saying so; but that's not the voice of someone who is super angry and threatening).
My other huge grievance is that this is a recurring issue between them in the dub. Yuri is pretty much always vocally rude to Ioder. Ioder has done nothing to wrong him or anyone and has only ever done good for the people where he's able to.
Yet despite Ioder being nothing but sincere, honest and polite with Yuri, in fact even happy to see him here and there, dub Yuri is outright tonally rude to him leading right up this scene where he threatens Ioder in this dark voice. Meanwhile he's actually just supposed to be… lazily telling Ioder he'll punch him in his Yuri Lowell way of saying "I don't want to hear that".
The dub really just wanted to turn Yuri into this dark edgelord and I hate that for my goofy, silly boy.
#GTF Vesperia Clips#honestly JP Yuri talks abt punching ppl often enough that it's like... this should have been an easy tl#and like honestly wtf is with the dub having Yuri at Ioder's absolute THROAT every time they talk#I'm serious when I say dub Yuri genuinely pisses me off sometimes bc he's an asshole for NO reason#it's not cool. I'm not rooting for him. I'm rooting for someone to punch him in the face for being an ass#JP Yuri would love to do it honestly he's always up for punching ppl it's a recurring theme for /him/#I've never wanted to punch JP Yuri in the face. I've wanted to punch dub Yuri in the face multiple times#that's enough for me to recognize that the dub took more than just ''creative liberties'' with the loc#it SUCKS too bc the dub in and of itself isn't bad. I've said this before but#it really is primarily Yuri and his absolute ATTITUDE problem /and/ the way the dub treats Flynn and puts him down constantly#and unfortunately often uses Yuri to do it... when they're not having Flynn himself do it#all always in areas that never even happened originally. they just literally made it up#still not over how they had Flynn basically berate himself by saying ''like a /good knight/'' at Yormgen#the dub very clearly had a /narrative/ bias against imperial figures/knights that wasn't in the original#what was the reason to drop Sodia calling Yuri ''sir'' at Aurnion? there wasn't one!#but Sodia BaD so we can't possibly let anyone see her character development and have to hide it from dub players!#unfortunately for me the dub not being bad in and of itself truly is trumped by#its treatment of Yuri and Flynn as characters and the way the game narratively directs players#for me it really is THAT BAD that it's stronger than the rest of the dub being just fine#and it really truly honestly RUINS the entire dub for me bc I love Yuri and Flynn and hate seeing them treated like that#I mean literally the whole point of me making those text posts is bc of my love for Yuri lol#and it's so sad and hard to see dub players not get the same Yuri experience simply bc... they don't even know#a lot of people didn't even realize how different he was and like... I get loving Troy's acting#but again Troy isn't the problem here. I don't want a dub that treats my favorites the way it does#I WISH Troy could have voiced Yuri the way he really is. in some way for me it feels very lonely#bc like the casual person I pass by who knows Vesp isn't likely to have not played the dub you know??#so it's like... I wanna talk abt Yuri but we aren't even talking abt the same Yuri#nearly outta tags lol but yeah it just... makes me SO sad that they did all this to those two
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nobodybetterlookatme · 24 days ago
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i hope you’re safe in your line of work. i’m sure it’s very difficult work and dangerous. it’s also very hot and sexy that you’re a firefighter so it’s really cool that you’re so brave
Well I'm still not dead so that's safe enough I guess lmao but this shit keeps dragging on, like it's crazy 😭 the work usually isn't too bad when we're not on incidents tho, like it's mainly just training and playing in the dirt ahdkaksk it's not as cool and sexy as you think it is unfortunately 😔 but I like to pretend it is and I have fun for the most part so that's all that really matters tbh lmao
#not snz#it's so sad seeing some of y'all with firefighter fantasies#and knowing we would crush y'all's dreams if you ever saw the things we actually do and how we actually act 😔#like i wish i was cool and sexy when i work but alas i am but a crusty little gremlin#also almost every single guy i work with is fucking disgusting in some way lmao#like the lack of hand washing is honestly appalling#tho by snz standards some of the shit that happens is actually hot lmao#shoutout to the one person in my dms who gets most of my stupid little fire stories 💙#anyway i am guilty of making exciting/horrifying things happen to my little ff ocs for funsies#but irl for me it's not that interesting ahdakksks like sometimes things happen but generally no and they're not that crazy#i mean i guess it's crazy rn but overall no#anyway ahdkaks#guess who's on night watch again lmao ✌️#they better fucking let me go home tomorrow tho bc i made plans#i wanna see the bestie 🥺#i think it'll be fine tho like I'm not supposed to be actually on an assignment#just driving around and checking on other high risk areas#I'm fucking tired tho#and i wanna be held 😔#allowing physical affection has absolutely ruined me ahdkaksk like what happened to never wanting to touch anybody ever#oh well 😔#anyway holding onto the hope that I'll be sleeping in my own bed tomorrow#i never sleep well even at home bc of the insomnia and it's damn near impossible to sleep anywhere else bc I'm such a light sleeper#so you can imagine i don't sleep out here lmao it's why I'm always on night watch
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cloudd-nyne · 10 months ago
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#having a creative rut feeling#gonna rant#im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well#and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it.#every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that#like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw#but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better??#i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it.#and thats scary for me.#but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content.#i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating.#i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it#i just feel. worse? i dont feel good.#i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good.#ugh#idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make#and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame.#not that i find those things lame#but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain.#when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!!#but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset#im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay#bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft.#i don't think im making sense but like.#you know#I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content#multiple times.#so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame#but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't#vent ish
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haru-chi · 1 month ago
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I'm sorry if I had worried anyone yesterday ... I didn't mean to ...
I think I even kinda regret having worried my sister because I asked for little help which she couldn't do so got worried ...
I then called my friend after that which was very late at night 3AM .... she got also worried cuz I never ever did that ...
I hate this .... I really do .... because I do know none can help me in this, it's my own battle so why worry them
Wanted to vent here for a bit and I'm sorry if made someone worry ...
#I guess in a way I no longer know what to do ....#I'm not broken mentally yet nor will I allow negativity to take over ... but my body is different matter .... 🙄#but I think I'm emotionally tired since this draining me out too much#you know .... I may never have said it to anyone cuz they'll take it way too negatively and would think I'm being pessimistic 🤷‍♀️#but I did consider many times that this health of mine might kill me one day .. logically speaking mind you#it isn't 0% nor do I mind it much if that's my fate ... more than death I fear dying without getting what I really want in this life ....#wait .... did I make things sound grim ? uhh .. I really don't mean it to sound so ...#that's why I never want to talk about it since people might feel sad or pity me hahaha#I don't pity myself ... pitying oneself would only make you suffer more so rather than that just smile and count your blessing 🩵#in the end it all depends how you see things ... your view of them can save you or harm you#being cheerful and thinking positively doesn't mean to deny your other emotions or that your not allowed to show weakness or such ...#let them out so that you can stay strong and smile afterward ...#the trick is to not let them control you or dominate your life or yourself ...#allow yourself to be weak and cry that's fine ... your human after all so why deny human's natrual ?#ah but if you wanna do it with someone pick the right person to show this to ... sadly most people is self-centertic#I'll stop here ... need a rest#may you all and your loved ones never have any hardship in life and be happy :)
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iwakuraz · 3 months ago
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it's not going too well
#cw vent#but#:[ i feel so baaad about it idk#one of the only things im known for in school is self harm and i dont wanna go back tomorrow#and now it feels like sh is basically my only recognisable thing#so everytime i look down at my arms and see scars fading away i just feel so terrible about it#what am i doing? why am i not cutting myself tahts what im meant to do thats what ive always done!! thats all anubody wants from me#i kinda really don't like how#basically everykne in my school really doesn't like me much cuz all i really have going is that i cut myself#have autism#and may or may not be a tranny#even though all of those things are things that are true qnd i dont even think they're bad things#i just. i dunno. i feel bad. like genuinely they have one thing they want me to do#and thats hurting myself!! but im not even doinf that right now#this is so dumb. all my problems are dumb as fuck huh#im so scared of school now#its not even just how the people act#when i go into the corridors there are so many people#so when im finally alone it always feels like theres someone behjdn me. its scaring meee i dunno. i hate school#please dont make me go back tgere. wait no what do you mean this is gonna be another three or so years#and even after those threes years i still have to go to university.. and get a job#this is the rest of my life i think and that makes me sad#i really tried to like school i tried so so hard to like school#but its so difficult. too many people too many noises#too many rumours and too many ableists#there are also too many tags on this post#but rlly the bad part of school has never been the work for me. im a dumbass but i do like learning#weh. dont make me go back. can i sleep for 72 hours instead of going to school#i hate walking into that stupid building everyday and being able to feel everybodys eyes go onto me#its all so scary. i should stop venting on here but i probably won't im sorry
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taegularities · 2 years ago
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Rid I'm so sad that you're receiving this hate but for me you're one of the kindest people in here. I'm always rooting for you. Sending hugs. 🥰
thank you babe, i think i needed to hear this.. you're the sweetest, all the hugs back 🥺🤍
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toomanywordsnllines · 2 years ago
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Listen I'm gonna talk about my CODsona cus they're always on my mind... And they make me sad :')
Thinking about my Many and how they'll always be a caretaker at heart first and for most. At how their first instinct is to nurture and to be gentle. Thinking that they do not believe any of that, and only see themselves as this violent creature, that can't even deal with their own face.
About how they only joined the military because it was the only place they thought was able to deal with how emotionally unstable they think they are. It isn't and it wasn't, but they feel useful following orders, they finally feel accomplished... Somehow.
About how they think they deserved to go through the harsh military regiment to right their sensitive personality. And over empathetic attitude. How in reality is just made them worse. And brought a sense of apathy with it. How they despise what they do because they hate hurting people but what other place will accept someone like them-
Thinking about them, and thinking about how if they had gotten help with their problems sooner they could've been... Better, safer, happier.
They could've been okay
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