#I just want to know I am heard somehow

[sea-jello]

hong kong miku,,,

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Fallen Thorns

dark urban fantasy coming-of-age

follows a boy settling into university, when after a date (that he didn’t even want to go on) turns bad he’s made into a vampire

as he settles into his new existence and the local vampire community - while they try to find who’s been leaving bodies across the city - he discovers that there’s something different and darker within him

aroace neurodivergent MC

[bonefall]

if jake isn’t firestar’s father, is tallstar still just as obsessed and parental with firestar?

imo, the funniest headcanon in warriors is that jake isn’t firestar’s father but tallstar is such a pining idiot he looks at any orange cat and sees his former crush. if he was alive to see all the fire spawn he would absolutely lose it.

noooOOOO I know everyone likes that but (quickly pauses to check ur pronouns, sees no pronouns listed) FRIEND i don't like that retcon at all, not even a tiny little bit

In TPB, Tallstar doesn't softball Fireheart until he's proven himself as someone very different from a standard Clan cat... even after he goes to fetch him from exile, he's standing firm that WindClan cannot forever be in ThunderClan's 'debt'. He even repays ThunderClan's "kindness" by attacking them over not executing a blinded Brokentail.

He ISN'T obsessed with Fireheart, he barely even speaks particularly nicely about him until Fireheart goes against Bluestar's DIRECT orders to stop war with WindClan, trying to rally ThunderClan for peace and broker a peace deal. I think it's actually a very good, touching development that Fireheart's actions end up causing peace with WindClan in a way previously unseen by Forest Four.

What sucks most about TPB is how they pivot, in the end, to say "status quo good" when the whole arc before that is a testament to how Bluestar and her protege Fireheart challenge that idea. Dethroning Brokenstar, fetching WindClan, feeding RiverClan which Blue only slaps Fire on the wrist for...

But it makes it a better story that Tallstar was always going to have a good opinion of Fireheart because he looks like a gay lover he had in his 20s???

I feel like it makes TPB worse and makes the WindClan Rebellion pathetic

Why couldn't it actually be that Tallstar truly wanted peace, but misjudged Onewhisker because he barely knew him? Why are we stripping away the tragedy that is Tallstar making a hasty, naive decision in the hopes of a better world, only to plunge his Clan into even more chaos? Not realizing that friendship is only easy when it's not under pressure, forgetting to consider how insidious Clan culture can be, and what sorts of horrors he was about to shackle Onewhisker to?

Why do we have to turn this into Tallstar trying to giving his ex-lover's son a political freebie, because they're both gingers? I don't like it at all. I don't like Pining Idiot Tallstar. I like it most as a naive choice which, up in heaven and far away, he now deeply regrets.

Thinking about it, you could say that BB!Tallstar's theme is naivety. Naive to think that he always understands the rules, and that he can 'have his cake and eat it too.'

He couldn't bring his son Fly to the Clan and expect him to stay innocent. He couldn't end the Shadow/Wind War while claiming the Mouthermouth Moorland. He couldn't wait until the last minute to change his deputy and expect the new leader to be what he wanted.

ANYWAY YEAH lmao sorry, got carried away. TLDR no. I know it's a popular headcanon and I don't knock on folks who like it, but it's not my cuppa tea. I very intentionally am retconning the retcons. Retconception if you will

[piplupod]

feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.

[tamagotchikgs]

man i lov my bf so much

[fridayyy-13th]

wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.

[softshuji]

Any men out there wanna pretend to be my bf to get my parents off my case about marriage? I am so so serious right now.

[girlthingdecay]

.

[haarute]

just now, someone broke into my very next door (our buildings are connected) neighbor's place as they were away on a trip. they noticed over security cam livestream footage and contacted everyone. a bunch of cops with rifles and shotguns then showed up right in front of my bedroom window, broke into their house, and took away this singular unarmed woman who had snuck in and was hiding inside of their trailer in the garage.

the sergeant told my mom not to worry because they took several items (like a fire extinguisher) from my neighbor's place and were going to straight up lie about why she was being brought up to the precinct by saying that she was stealing/using said items so they can detain her for longer.

i'm feeling a lot of things right now

[whimsicalcotton]

i'm late as fuck but The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess has a fucking chokehold on me rn

[13eyond13]

.

[bloodbankzz]

it is painful to learn the "normal" ways that people reasonably around my age were motivated to do things their parents wanted, ie chores or getting good grades in school. this is a pain that has built over time because, seeing it around me as a kid, i could reason that maybe every single one of my friends were just spoiled. but, eerily, every time it seems the topic of motivating children comes up in whatever conversation is bringing it up, it seems like. and it still feels presumptuous to say. but most people as children were rewarded for good behavior. the one i was most envious of as a child was that multiple of my friends got paid money for getting As, and it was actually very shocking to me to find out that that is at least kind of a little more universal than i really really was sure it was not, but that's not the big thing that causes me pause now. generally, it seems, children are rewarded in some way for doing things their parents ask of them. writing and then stepping back and reading such a sentence makes me feel like an alien trying to puzzle out the function of the human pancreas lmfao but i dont know. in the wider conversations where this happens to come up, describing these motivators is never the point, which is maybe part of the difficulty for me. it's really hard to process that not everyone was doing what their parents said to do out of cold pure fear for their life. there's so many things it turns out other kids were getting. stickers and movie tickets and candy and praise and love. i am so sad.

[girl-bateman]

No positive notes for today. I think my left eye got fucked up from crying too much bc it's bleeding. Tomorrow I vow to shower.

[crossbackpoke-check]

V random but I’m in my Brockpetey feels could I listen to your 46 60 playlist!!

of course!! the first playlist i mentioned in the tags is actually not mine—it belongs to ash @notthequiettype and is a soundtrack to their wonderful fic Lake Rules (go read it if you haven’t already!!! highly recommend!!!)

annnd this one is my personal brockpetey vibes playlist

happy listening!!!

[goldensunset]

cheers to this guest lecturer for nearly giving me a heart attack making me think there was a paper due tomorrow that i hadn’t even heard about so i couldn’t focus the rest of the lecture and like rushed home and opened the site to find there was nothing at all

[skitskatdacat63]

okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??

in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!

I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕

(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)

I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.

I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)

I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.

But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???