#truly my trademark at this point

[skitskatdacat63]

okay, i don't know why, but i have ALWAYS been like you described. i have so many movies, TV shows, books, podcasts, songs, etc that i want to experience but do i? nope, just put on another F1 race, please. i don't know if it's fear of the unknown (hello, flood of unexpected emotions!) or not wanting to challenge myself or also wanting to watch F1 and F1 just wins out, but here we are. i suspect it's part of my OCD? or some other ND thing that hasn't been diagnosed in me yet??

in fact prolly the only reason i watch F1 is bc i watch it with my sister. it is a lot easier to do new stuff with someone else...which deludes me into believing that if i just got a partner, we could open the floodgates and watch everything i haven't seen together, but lord knows it don't work that way 😑 in any case, i don't know what's wrong with us, but you're not alone!

I'm glad I'm not the only one!! 💕💕

(Reply ramble under the cut cause I wrote more than I expected)

I think I just struggle to start anything new or to finish anything. I totally agree with what you said about it being the fear of unexpected emotions/the unknown! Like for race seasons for example, I just spent a significant amount of time immersed in 2005 which is a specific set of information(you know: rules, strategy, drivers, etc.), so to start a new season would be a completely different set of info. As I said in my earlier tags, some part of me likes the anticipation more and also I always get way too hyper about things and that energy is overwhelming 😓 And I also feel like I have a fear about how much time I'm going to spend(which is stupid because I'll spend like way too much time aimlessly scrolling for the same amnt of time it'd take to watch a race.) Like the idea of specifically putting aside two hours to do only one thing is stressful to me, which is why I often used to like watching races when I literally couldn't do anything else(waiting for a class.) But now I'm stuck back in the cycle of not wanting to start something new, even if 2009 isnt exactly new because I've watched a lot of racing at this point, but still new enough to me that it's hard to convince my brain to start it. Like once I get into the groove of things, I can float through and enjoy myself, it's just that beginning barrier that's hard to get through.

I also definitely agree with having to watch it with someone else. I either have to binge watch things super quickly or watch them with other people, if not, I'll just end up never starting it or abandoning it. I think it's because it's really nice to be able to discuss your thoughts and feelings abt it with another person and not just be stuck with a million thoughts bouncing around your head(which is why I tend to make posts and then rant in the tags LOL)

I think thats why ive been able to get into F1 to such an extent and why it's been so fun for me. It's a live experience(with a strict time constraint, i.e. you can only watch it right here, right now) where there's a bunch of people watching and interacting. I love tumblr during a race weekend so much, I don't think I'd be obsessed with it as much if not for the ability to see everyone's reactions and interact back with them. I think that's why I struggle to start old seasons, because it's literally just me obsessing alone in my room and I can't talk about it to the extent that I can with the current season. Watching F1 as it goes along in a current season is just a perfect experience I guess, because the schedule pushes me along and I don't really have to rely on myself to keep going.

But yeah who knows!! Brain just being brain as always I guess, but it is annoying that it prevents us from doing things we want to do! But I will say, still, its so stupid that I procrastinate over watching 10 minute long YouTube vids LMAO, like pls I get the hesitation with a 2 hour race, 2 hour movie or 100k fic but, 10 minutes, seriously brain???

[bunnygirllover45]

sketching some of the cgs for something rots, I have at least 10 cgs finished for chapter 1 and I'm still working on some more, like I said before this vn will contain a looot of cgs since it's an art project mostly. I'm only showing the Naoya cgs bc he's the protagonist, but there will be a lot more including other characters and of course Ema. ngl the script became much longer now, my initial draft was too simple for my liking, so expect a LOT of text lol. Crazy guys having mental breakdowns in the bathroom is truly my trademark at this point.

[lxndonorris]

a paddock affair - Lando Norris

Y/N x Lando Norris Theme: Fluff Lando introduces you to part of the paddock x mentions of Max, Carlos, Charles, Oscar and Daniel word count: 1200+ taglist: @game-set-canet requested by anonymous :) hope you like it. gif by me;

As the sun is shining brightly, casting its golden ray upon the Melbourne skyline, you find yourself standing outside the gates of the prestigious Formula 1 paddock, hand in hand with Lando, your heart fluttering with a mix of excitement and nerves. 

It had been a whirlwind romance since you first met a few months ago, and now Lando was inviting you into his world, the heart of the F1 action.

"Lando, I'm really nervous," you confess, tugging at the collar of your Mclaren team jacket, a piece of clothing that now holds sentimental value beyond its sleek design.

Lando squeezes your hand reassuringly, his trademark grin lighting up his face.

"Don't worry, love. You'll be great. Everyone's going to love you."

With his comforting words, you make your way into the paddock, where the air is alive with the hum of engines and the chatter of mechanics and drivers preparing for the weekend ahead.

Your first stop is to meet Lando's good friend and teammate turned rival, Carlos Sainz. As you approach, Carlos looks up from his conversation with a mechanic, and his face breaks into a wide smile.

"Lando! And who's this lovely lady?" Carlos greets you, his Spanish accent laced with warmth.

"This is Y/N, Carlos. My girlfriend." Lando introduces you proudly with a shy smile playing on his lips.

Carlos extends his hand, and you shake it, feeling a rush of gratitude for his friendly demeanor. Lando stands by your side, his comforting touch a constant reassurance; his hand strokes the small of your back, a subtle yet comforting gesture.

"Nice to meet you, Y/N. I must say, you look great in that Mclaren gear," he motions to the jacket Land gave you a few days prior. "You're practically part of the team already."

You blush at the compliment, feeling a sense of belonging wash over you as you exchange pleasantries before Carlos gets called away to attend to his duties in the garage.

Next, you encounter Max Verstappen and Charles Leclerc engaged in an animated discussion. Their laughter echoes through the paddock as they reminisce about the last race. As you approach, they exchange knowing smirks before Charles excuses himself, his eyes lingering on you for a moment longer than necessary.

Max bounds over to you, his infectious energy filling the air. "Well, well, well, Lando, you sly dog! Hiding your girlfriend from us, eh?"

Lando rolls his eyes playfully. "Yeah, yeah, Max. This is Y/N, by the way."

Max shakes your hand enthusiastically. "Pleasure to meet you, Y/N. Don't worry, we won't give Lando too much trouble... maybe."

Their banter is like music to your ears, easing your nerves and making you feel like a part of the tight-knit F1 family. Amidst the lively banter and laughter, Lando's presence anchors you as the grip on your hand tightens ever so slightly.

After Max excuses himself as well, Oscar Piastri joins your little group. You had met him before, and he greeted you with a warm smile, genuine concern evident in his eyes.

"How are you feeling, Y/N?" Excited?" Oscar asks, his Australian accent adding a touch of familiarity to the conversation.

"Excited doesn't even begin to cover it," you reply, unable to contain your enthusiasm.

Lando wraps his arm around your waist, pulling you close. "Come on, let's take a stroll through the paddock. I want to show you everything."

As you wander through the bustling paddock, Lando points out the intricacies of the garages, the sleek motorhomes where the drivers and teams strategize, and the various anemities that make the F1 experience truly one-of-a-kind.

With each step, your anxiety melts away, replaced by a sense of wonder and awe at the world Lando inhabited.

At the same time, your eyes can't help but wander to Lando, taking in every detail. His Mclaren shirt hugs his lean frame perfectly, the familiar papaya orange contrasting beautifully against his sun-kissed skin. The casual elegance of his outfit, paired with jeans that fit just right, only serves to enhance his natural charm.

But it is his curly hair that always captivates you the most. Each unruly lock seems to have a mind of its own, framing his face in a way that is both effortlessly cool and undeniably endearing. Every time a stray curl falls across his forehead, your heart skips a beat, reminding you just how lucky you are to be by his side.

"Lando, your hair looks amazing today." You can't help but gush, reaching up to tuck a wayward curl behind his ear.

He grins, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Thanks, love. It's a constant battle trying to tame these ecurls, but I'm glad you like them."

You smile and caress Lando's cheek, marveling at the softness of his skin beneath your fingertips. His stubble tickles you ever so slightly, but you welcome the sensation, relishing in the intimacy of your moment together.

"I love your beard, Lando," you murmur, tracing the contours of his jawline with your thumb. "It suits you so well."

A hint of surprise flickers in his eyes before a sheepish grin spreads across his face. "You do? I wasn't sure if I should keep it or not."

You nod emphatically, leaning in to press a soft kiss to his lips. "Definetly keep it. It makes you look even more handsome, if that's even possible." 

His laughter echoes through the air around you, filling you with warmth and contentment. 

Lost in your quiet moment, a familiar voice breaks through the serenity around you. "Hey there, mate."

Startled, you turn to see Daniel Ricciardo approaching you, already donning his racing suit with that siganture grin plastered across his face.

Before Lando can react, Daniel reaches out and playfully pokes his sides, causing him to burst into giggles.

"Hey, Danny." Lando exclaims, returning the gesture with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. "Trying to distract me before training, huh?"

Daniel chuckles, his charm undeniable, as he joins you. "You know me, mate. Always up for a bit of fun."

Lando's arm finds its way around your waist, pulling you close, giving you comfort.

You fall into easy conversation, chatting about racing and sharing anecdotes from past experiences on the track. Daniel's enthusiasm is infectious, and soon enough, you are all laughing like old friends reunited.

After a while, Daniel excuses himself, a glint of determination in his eyes, as he prepares to focus on the upcoming race weekend. "Well, it's been great catching up, but duty calls. See you both later."

With a wave and a parting smile, he disappears into the bustling crowd, leaving behind a lingering sense of camaraderie that warms your heart.

You turn your head to find Lando looking at you, a warm smile forming on his lips.

"Lando," you say softly, overcome with emotion, "thank you for bringing me into the paddock."

A tender smile graces his lips as he gently caresses your cheek. "You did amazing, Y/N; I'm proud of you."

His words fill you with warmth, and as he leans in to kiss you, you feel a rush of love and affection wash over you, knowing that with Lando by your side, there is nothing you can't face together.

[sanguine-prince]

i’m sure i’m not the first to say something like this, but let me tell you about my poc-passing-as-white jay gatsby headcanon!!

for some background, in the 1920s there was an interesting shift regarding (white) skin tones. previously, tans were viewed as a sign that a person worked out in the fields, and therefore a trademark of the lower class. however, slowly after the industrial revolution, it increasingly became a representation of luxury, since the rich upper class would have the time to lounge about and sunbathe at their leisure.

i say all this to show that a poc gatsby would have the ostensible class and wealth for a tan, which would ‘excuse’ a slightly browner skin tone in the public eye.

(the 20s was also the setting of passing by nella larsen, so that’s neat.)

in my vision, he’s biracial (maybe his mother was black & his father was a german immigrant) with skin light enough to pass for white.

the fact that nick states that gatsby keeps his hair neatly groomed and cut might be to prevent it from curling up.

additionally, i think it could contrast tom’s white supremacy & his fear of poc social progress.

it would also create a deeper divide between gatsby and daisy, and once again the contrast between him and tom. in my mind, daisy wouldn’t know about it until the point where tom reveals everything about gatsby’s bootlegging etc. with jay revealing it to her in the car ride back (oops then she hits myrtle).

then, when she chooses tom and the life of comfort, wealth, status, etc that their marriage offers, she also rejects not only gatsby’s new money but also his race.

it’s a lot more thematically significant for the american dream as well—it’s still unattainable and essentially tainted by capitalism, and it also emphasizes that it’s restricted to the white upper class. social mobility only becomes available to gatsby when he disguises his racial identity.

similarly, it fits with gatsby’s identity reconstruction—the quintessential american is white, rich, and educated.

daisy and tom have that ticket into society because they have that inherent thing that he will never have—pedigree, in both class and race. that’s something that even nick has.

(in my mind, he tells nick all about it the night before he dies & nick understands as best he can and doesn’t think less of him, because it further highlights the differences between his & gatsby’s relationship v. gatsby’s relationship with daisy; namely, the transparency -> acceptance give-and-take that he and daisy never had. because of having to hide himself from daisy in order to maintain her affection, he builds an expectation that he must be someone that he is not as well as developing a transactional definition of love (he gives, and people love him as long as he can continue to give) in order to be loved. therefore, nick’s immediate curiosity and fascination with who he truly is is foreign to him. not to get too into their dynamic lmao i just think it’s really interesting.)

finally, the very last part where nick is sitting and looking at the bay and thinking about the first immigrants and their dreams and how gatsby embodied the purity and naivety of those dreams is further exemplified by his racial ‘otherness.’

and there’s,,, technically nothing in the book to explicitly refute this from what i remember!

(n.b.: it has been a hot second since i’ve read tgg, so lmk if i’ve got anything wrong!)

[tinystepsforward]

automattic vs wp engine mastterpost

adrienne's GitHub recap is probably the best place to see a comprehensive timeline of what's going down. it's been kept up to date. my (very out of date) previous writeup is here.

what's happened/other links

Matt has not logged off, just switched platforms, so there's lots on X/Twitter, Reddit, and Hacker News. it's really not worth wading through.

WP Engine actually filed suit.

the complaint includes some truly remarkable screenshots of Matt trying to blackmail the CEO of WP Engine.

which... personally i would not happily work for someone who just blackmailed me while not even my boss, but that's just me. he hasn't denied this at all, in fact confirming on Hacker News:

I haven't doxxed any private texts from other parties like they have. [source]

and, notably,

I even invited her to my 40th birthday on Jan 11, another text message she decided not to share. [source]

this gives me the creeps. in the context of the rest of the way he's talking to her, and the ways in which he's interacted with women in general, it's. not great.

also he slid into an ex-employee (also a woman)'s DMs asking why she was being mean to him bc he'd never been nothing but nice to her, while also making legal threats. so y'know, pattern of behaviour.

a good writeup of the social side of things

if you don't care so much about the open-source stuff, Steph Lundberg's writeup is, like her previous one on Matt's Tumblr meltdown, pretty solid and people-focused.

Mullenweg has already demonstrated egregious lapses in judgment and abuses of power, it’s just that up until now he’s wielded his power against vulnerable populations without access to high-powered lawyers and their own massive platforms.

a more technical writeup

this one is melodramatic in the same ways Matt was (uses war terminology), which i don't agree with, and which led to some... internal arguments at Automattic. that part's not my story to tell, but a little more on that later. it's a solid writeup of the actual WordPress side of things. there's some seriously dodgy trademark behaviour going on here.

of note: this blogger locked comments on his post:

and then Matt, uh, found a way around that:

wild!

10% of Automattic leaves

that's a link to Matt's blog post. here's an Internet Archive link.

in short, staff were offered a severance deal of the higher of $30k or six months' salary. while that's very generous, it's still very risky in today's tech market, especially (for the same reasons i mentioned when Matt was melting down on here) for people outside the US, people who need the health insurance, or people with young kids. despite that, 10% decided with very little notice (they had two days to decide) to leave.

However now, I feel much lighter. I’m grateful and thankful for all the people who took the offer, and even more excited to work with those who turned down $126M to stay. As the kids say, LFG!

i'm thrilled to see some of my ex-colleagues make it out. i'm keeping the rest who have stayed on in my thoughts. i don't know anyone who's wholesale shilling for Matt.

Matt's been pressuring staff to post in support of him, @-ing the entire company to vote on Twitter polls in his favor, and so on. many of the people who stayed have written blog posts about it, all starting with "I stayed". people on social media have pointed out the very clear pattern of Automatticians jumping into discourse to defend Matt, and it doesn't look good.

i don't have a lot to say about those posts, except to highlight Jeffrey Zeldman, whose "I stayed" post is perhaps one of the more honest ones. (his Rodney King reference was in poor taste, and he... i don't like his role at automattic, tbc) but like. he's nearly 70. he helped shape the modern internet and develop its accessibility standards. he has often put his neck on the line for disabled staff who don't have as much clout as he does. given the financial troubles he talks about and the state of this market and how old he is, i personally have read between the lines of what he's saying in a particular way.

fuck, man. i'm sad. i'm sad for all my friends who are creaking under the strain and watching others leave but who can't do that. i'm sad that many of them are left in teams which are half-empty or divisions where significant senior leadership are just gone, with no time to document what they had in progress.

i'm sad for Josepha Haden Chomphosy, the former executive director of the WordPress Foundation, who was dealing with a personal emergency and ended up having to miss WordCamp US (where Matt started publicly starting shit with WPE). she came back from that to a gigantic fire in the community she's invested a decade of careful, Matt-negotiating, stewardship to, and decided to take the severance offer. she deserved better.

other things Matt's been up to

mostly linking to comments or posts which compile things here, bc it's too scattered otherwise.

blocking people from the official WordPress X account if they disapprove of his actions.

publicly talking about a vulnerability in ACF, a plugin WPE maintains, which could put thousands of sites at risk. this is not normal, and he met with so much horror even from current staff that he deleted his post.

saying he comes across badly because he's "a little ASD", which is driving me personally up the fucking wall. he's never once said it before and he really is turning into Temu Elon.

generally bragging that he still has more planned. jesus fucking christ

continually saying that WPE's suit is against WordPress.org and the community, which is not true. on which note, his pinned tweet is certainly something:

his choice of lawyer is uh. the kind of guy to defend nestle against literal child slaves.

as always, while i think WordPress crumbling will disproportionately affect websites in poorer parts of the world, there are certainly tyrants who are causing much more immediate and potent suffering. if you've read this far, please do send anything you have spare to gazafunds.com.

[warblogs17282]

My overall thoughts on Apology Tour (It's actually an 10/10 episode) and an in depth analysis of the episode.

The scene at the start was so fucking good, starts to place the seeds of doubt with Blitz, he almosts gets the point at the start multiple times before backtracking on that instantly, glad the harvest moon festival assassination attempt was brought up, I cannot wait for that to be mentioned again.

And then we get to the apology list, Blitz being in incredible denial about WHY people hate him and think a simple sorry will fix everything, this gets brought up later as well with Stolas fucking chatting shit to Blitz for it, which Blitz needed to hear so badly.

Then we get to Stolas pre song, he really doesn't want to shittalk Blitz, proof that Stolas still cares for Blitz, showing us that Stolitz still has a really strong chance of healing and coming back together with the power of healthy communication.

And then we get to the song, holy fucking shit it is top tier, it's a banger and talks about all the problems they have, how Stolas doesn't want to hurt Blitz, how he's hurt Stolas, with lines like 'I don't think you meant to hurt me' and a massive self reflection on Stolas' part as well. Making it damn well clear to Stolas what he wants, needs and the problems in their relationships, making communication about it later so much easier, POP THE FUCK OFF MY PRINCE. 'I don't think it meant anything at all'. This just shows one key flaw with Stolitz, based on Blitz's reaction in the full moon episode, Stolas now thinks that Blitz entirely never cared for him, something that Blitz HAS to address, eventually they'll get to that point but for now, Stolas is just singing his heart and true emotions out, playing all of his cards on the table for Blitz to see.

Then we get to this part, drunk Stolas and Blitz talking, Blitz actually talks about things properly to Stolas for once, and Stolas calls Blitz out on his bullshit constantly, which I love, because it will force Blitz to go over everything he's mentioned, allowing for actual healthy communication in the future between those two WHICH I FUCKING LOVE SO MUCH. Blitz gets a few issues off his chest during the whole part as well, which, while we're not fully there yet, will also cause Stolas to reflect on a lot of shit as well. FORCING BLITZ TO REALISE WHY SO MANY PEOPLE HATE HIM, AS STOLAS POINTS OUT WITH THE EXISTANCE OF THE PARTY. BOTH OF THEM ARE GOING THROUGH SO MANY EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW AND I LIVE AND DIE FOR IT.

This face, this fucking face. It's finally snaps for Blitz about how he's fucked up so much, what he has to do better all that shit, BLITZ WILL HAVE A MAJOR SELF REFLECTION EPISODE, AND THIS FACE PROVES IT, HE KNOWS WHAT STOLAS WANTS, AND HE'S DAMN WELL GOING TO LET STOLAS HAVE IT.

The way Blitz just, let's him have this dance and eventual fuck with this guy, it proves he's learning, he's not being defensive, he's just letting it play on regardless of how hurt he is, as stated later, it starts with just letting Stolas have this moment, to truly feel happy again, which shows he's putting Stolas' feelings first, and being a good person, which will help him communicate better to Stolas in the future, BECAUSE BLITZ IS LEARNING.

Blitz starts with denial, his trademark defense tactic, trying to shift the blame off himself and onto everyone else, and Verosika putting Blitz in his fucking place, he needs to hear about how he hurt her, about WHY the party exists in the first place, without him realising both of those things Blitz cannot heal, which is what Verosika is trying to get him to realise, how he can hurt people, which with how Blitz slowly gets down and changes his emotions as you can see on his face, Blitz fucking gets it, he's starting to learn to be a better person, to be able to be loved back, to be the person Stolas deserves, to be better for himself.

'I don't want to be this way, not forever.' With the context, this line hits so fucking hard, like a truck. Blitz is actually learning from his mistakes, with her, and Stolas being the two major points, Blitz is going to start an arc to face everything that's haunting him, to get over his problems, face them all, to be the better man for the person Blitz truly loves, Stolas. Everything has undeniably been realised for Blitz, and there's no going back for him, he will learn from his mistakes, and Stolitz can finally be back better, once that healing and mutual communication has been completed.

Stolas looks genuinely happy, like he's found someone, someone to help him through his troubles, to be someone Stolas needs in his life during this point in time. And you know what Blitz does? While he's still clearly hurt and disgusted, he lets Stolas have this moment, to be happy, proving on some level that he does deeply care for Stolas, sure Blitz does that really angry for a moment, but Verosika levels Blitz out with this line 'It just starts with saying, good for him, hope he gets laid.' He quickly simmers down the anger from that encounter, on better talking terms with Verosika, realising what he has to do now (just letting Stolas have this moment) and what to do in the future.

Sure Blitz is mostly angry and upset at the moment, but this starts an arc with Blitz, one of learning and understanding things that he needs to fix to ever be back with Stolas, he cannot deny anything any more for long, Blitz has flown right into the emotional core of everything and he will reflect on it, learn from it. To not be how he was, not forever. To be better for himself, to be better for his lover, Stolas. It's clear that Stolas still has feelings for Blitz, as the song and drunken talk they had shows. Stolitz will come back, not soon. But they will be. We've entered the arc where both Blitz and Stolas heal themselves, eventually being back on actual healthy communicating terms. Both of them don't want to be the ways they were. Not forever.

tldr, I've gone in depth about the episode, why I think it's amazing writing, and where Stolitz goes in the future. THEY WILL BE HAPPY EVENTUALLY. This is easily my new favourite episode, the best of the best, and I only pray that Vivzie can keep this train of amazing storytelling going.

[maxwell-grant]

The Penguin: Episode 1 Breakdown

Thank you Lauren LeFranc, Mike Marino, Colin Farrell and Matt Reeves, we owe you the world for this, good God. It's finally here everyone and I've decided I'm gonna give each episode it's own post/breakdown of thoughts, because hahaha holy shit you guys this is beyond what I even dreamed of, and we're gonna be covering this for a while I think. I've worked out enough madness about this out of my system by talking with friends and I can't seem to be able to work on anything else till I get this done, so let's do it.

Bottom line: This isn't even just a must-watch if you like the Penguin or if you like The Batman, this is something I'd recommend to just about anyone in a heartbeat, something I can point to when people ask "why do you like The Penguin so much" and, instead of the elaborate nerd ramble that usually turns them off, I can just tell them to watch this. A friend of mine (who already loves Batman and digs the Penguin quite a bit) even told me as much, that he's starting to get why I love the character so much, and truly, is there a better feeling than this? Well, there is, and it's watching the show. Let's dig into this first episode:

Right upfront I'm gonna say that this doesn't really seem to be the Sopranos rip-off that people have been calling it before release, although there are definitely Sopranos comparisons to make here. I've spent the past months finally watching The Sopranos in order to get the comparison and definitely want to talk about those comparisons after I finish it (and this show ends). This thing aims to stand on it's own legs as a crime show and it's smashing out of the gate with an extremely promising first episode.

So this just casually opens with the reveal that all along, there was a second rich Gotham the whole time that was completely unaffected by everything we saw in the movie, already throwing a great twist on the events of that movie, and further reinforcing how fucking full of shit The Riddler was. All we saw Batman and the others deal with in the movie was just affecting the poorer parts of the city. All Eddie did was drown rats, and make life worse for the people already in the bottom, while never even getting close to targeting the systemic rot that ruined his life. He retains ideological worshippers in subways obsessed with the corruption of the city without doing anything to actually improve it, and because of him, the streets of Gotham are waterlogged shitholes while the rich Falcone suburbs are doing just fine, peachy even.

I said a while back that, in spite of having about 6 scenes/10 minutes of Penguin runtime, The Batman managed to squeeze impeccably controlled Penguin Trademark Scenes, and this show opens with the last one they didn't get to then: Penguin killing someone for making fun of him. In the movie, he tries doing that with Falcone and is beaten to the punch, so here he gets to actually do it to disastrous consequences.

Fucking adore that the inciting incident of the show is based on the fallout of Oswald killing someone for making fun of him. He pours his heart about the dream he lives his life for, his new boss makes fun of him for being an embarassment to their profession and then he does the most typical Penguin thing by killing him for it and laughing afterwards. And then he realizes how badly he fucked up, and then we get a fucking perfect titledrop with his musical theme, the exact moment we finish The Batman and enter The Penguin.

God it is so fucking cool how the make-up/lighting, the scar across his face, makes it look like he's got a genuine beak from certain angles, how they're able to achieve that effect without giving him a more literal beak for a nose. Everytime they talk about the character, Reeves and Farrell always emphasize how integral the make-up was to them figuring out what to do with Oz, how little they knew what to make of his six scenes until Marino created their monster and suddenly everything fell into place. Mike Marino fully deserves co-credit for the creation of Oz.

Pretty amusing that Victor, as designed to be Penguin's Robin, has exactly the same origin as Jason Todd, a poor street kid trying to steal the hubcaps off the Penguinmobile (I'm sure this bodes very well for his odds at survival), as is the way in which Oz goes on about his recruitment. He press-gangs this kid at gunpoint to help him bury a body arguing with himself and eventually the kid why shouldn't he just kill him to be safe, while trying to impress the kid with his car and air freshener and later that bullshit about "What, you think I hire any schmuck off the street?". From the tile drop onwards, he's doing everything on the fly while also spinning long-term plans set in motion as soon as he's on screen, he's taking this kid in out of sympathy and because he enjoys a power dynamic over someone weaker than him and because he very much needs someone to help him get stuff done. I'm extremely interested in exploring Penguin having a mentorship dynamic and I'm beyond curious as to what happens with Victor from this point onwards, but that poor kid is in for a terrible fucking time.

Found it very funny how much he half-asses the murder threat to Victor. Like it's his first time actually doing it and he's trying to be serious, but not too scary because he's already seeing himself in the poor kid with a stutter and wants the kid to think he's also a cool guy like he wants everyone to think he's a cool guy. I also think having Victor as the POV helps to sell moments like these, because it's still terrifying to him. Even as we follow their stories, these power players of Gotham are still big scary monsters to people caught in the dregs and Victor helps to reinforce that.

I enjoy Oz being friends with sex workers and drag queens off the street as much as I enjoy Oz being depicted as the kind of guy who deludes himself into thinking the prostitute he's with actually likes him, Lauren and Farrell launched into a bit about in on the podcast and I'm curious to see what's going on with him and Eve here.

Lots of perfect funny little character moments across the whole thing. Oz insulted by the idea of taking extra pickles off a poor kid's dirty mouth, but with zero hesitation whatsoever for picking jewelry off his boss' corpse. Dude is governed by principles even as he actively has to break them to survive.

"Technically it's plum." "He is the - or was the - new kingpin", "He's got nurse-like qualities." The show is not overtly trying to get you to find Penguin likeable as much as it wants you to find him engaging - making you think he's likeable is Colin Farrell's job and he's masterful at it, definitely a lot more matured within the character compared to the movie.

If there's anything in particular I'm thankful for regarding Gotham (well okay Gotham led directly to Telltale Penguin which was the basis for this one, so really I do have a lot more to be thankful with Gotham), it's the decision to give him a legit waddle via the broken foot, but the way they incorporate it here with the club foot does so much for him, so much as a modern day reinvention of The Penguin. Adds so much to why he's never been a serious candidate for mob leadership, why he kinda had to spend all his time in the Lounge, why he actually needs someone to help him run affairs, why he has such a gaping ego wound and is so murderously angry at people making fun of him / calling him a goddamn penguin, adds so much validation and so much darkness and nuance to Oswald's overwhelming anger and bitterness over how the world treats him (and so much power should he opt to reclaim it, in turn). It's the kind of thing that frankly feels like it should have always been part of the character, like what all the previous versions were itching closer to or trying to get at. Of course this is a guy gets called a penguin and he hates it badly enough to murder people over it, of course.

This gets to really highlight how differently Oz acts depending on who he's with. Traditionally, one of my favorite things about The Penguin, and one of the things that puts him above the other villains, is that, due to his position, he has to interact with a lot more people than the other Bat-villains. He has to manage a lot more relationships and dynamics, he has to play peacekeeper and puppetmaster. he's the only one in the United Underworld who's regularly interacting with and recruiting other villains to do business with. He's the guy who you pin stuff on like the Gangland Guardians, Team Penguin, doing betting pools with the Rogues taking cover in his Lounge while Joker War is happening, having to rig games to keep good standing with Maxie Zeus and Frenchy Blake in Batman Audio Adventures, and so on. So I greatly enjoy this beat here of him talking about how makes himself smaller before the Falcones, and that moment of him adjusting his outfit and practicing expressions in the mirror before meeting with them. How he contorts himself is present in all of his relationships, and retroactively adds to the way he carries himself in The Batman.

It seems that Oz is functionally regarded as the Paulie Walnuts of the Falcones: useful muscle, loyal for the most part and amusing to keep around, but largely an unstable self-serving dumb asskisser kept where he belongs, a liability if not kept on a short leash. I think the show does a good job of highlighting all the reasons why Oz has never been seriously regarded as a viable option for a boss, even putting aside his disability. He is a fundamentally embarassing person for these serious respectable criminals to be around and of course, the joke is ultimately on them..

Of course, there is only two people in the show who actually know what he's capable of, Francis Cobb and Sofia Falcone, said to be the central relationships defining the show moving forward. Both of them also a defining commonality with Oswald, being people who are looked down on and dehumanized, and characters who are underestimated until it's time to bear their fangs.

Extremely invested in where they're going with Sofia Falcone, Cristine Milioti's been killing it, and will in fact not stop killing it. What a perfect villain for Penguin they've set up with her, someone who has his Kryptonite: she does not underestimate him. Although we know in advance that Oz is going to live and be in the next movie, the question here isn't even so much who's going to win the gang war, and rather how much damage these two freaks will do to the city until Batman gets back. In many ways, Sofia represents the shape of things to come just as much as he does.

She is this embodiment of both the pristine unfathomable wealth and privilege and power that he both detests and strives for, as well as this brutal new breed of madness and violence attacking the streets that he has to survive against and make deals with (and is himself very much a part of, however he denies it). She is Falcone's legacy in every way that matters, both a Kingpin of Gotham whose existence creates the oppressive conditions under which a Batman or a Riddler are created, as well as the Arkham Rogue, the larger-than-life sadist with a tragic origin and a signature torture-murder method and an embarassing name for the papers.

Even the fact that she is The Hangman, and Carmine was defined around his penchant for brutally strangling women - regardless of whether or not she did the crimes that got her in Arkham, she's become this larger-than-life themed expression of a violent obsession in a way that sets her up as every bit the Batman villain that The Penguin is. The two champions of the two Gothams, duking it out in this new world The Batman and The Riddler made, The Penguin vs The Hangman.

I am so glad Lauren LeFranc made the call for binning Alberto in the first five minutes so the rest of the show can focus on Sofia and make a real character out of her in a way nobody's ever really done before, every step of the way so far LeFranc has been perfectly on the ball about where to take these characters and their conflict. And speaking of those,

I feel very confident in saying that this is the first time anyone's ever really had something worth doing with Oswald's mother as a character in her own right and not just a source of anguish for Penguin (Gotham was almost onto something with Gertrude, but not nearly enough). When it comes to Penguin origin stories, my favorite's always been the Pre-Crisis one, where he's poor and bullied but happy with his mom and birds until she dies and the government seizes everything he has, which doesn't necessarily involve her much. But here? Francine Cobb is a real character in what little time we get to know her, and what a character she is. We quickly understand the role she's playing in Oz's life, not just as his mom and person he loves and strives to protect, but the person who's sculpting him into the man he's going to become.

She is vulnerable and she does need meds and she's not quite all there, and Penguin's need to care for her is visible in other actions of his. But then they turn it around by showing how strong and demanding she is, how she is fiercely ambitious and pushing him to be something he would otherwise not be, how much she loves him and sees greatness in him. She knows he's a people pleaser, she knows how to push his buttons, and she wants him to be more, so of course he's going to be more, because he lives to please his mom.

Related to this is this absolute bullseye of a summation of The Penguin, that Lauren LeFranc delivered in the podcast: "Perhaps his greatest fear is that love is transactional. And that yet, everything he does, every decision he makes, is as if that's true. As if "love is transactional" is a truth he abides by". Oswald's conception of power is being loved and revered like Rex Calabrese, and the love he wants most in all the world is the one from his mother. So in turn this, and all extensions of it, drive him to greater and darker lengths.

He doesn't have that ambition quite down yet, it's his mom that does. She who's pushing him to take over the city and not just be a guy scraping by for survival. He's smart and ambitious and extremely good at slipping out of trouble, but she's pushing him to be the guy who will be taking the city by the horns because that's what he has to be for their sake. Her legacy to her son is nurturing him having that dog in him that will make him the supervillain who picks fights with Vengeance. She is the force that's turning Oswald into The Goddamn Penguin and I can't wait to see how she's developed.

Of course he reprimands Victor in that scene for lacking ambition, who do you think he gets it from?

Really love what they've done with Sal Maroni in here so far. I like adaptations that take these throwaway Batman backstory gangsters and make something out of them, in this case, with Clancy Brown lending his power and voice and reputation as The Grand Boss of Villainy to play the last Respectable Gangster of Gotham, this intimidating principled old tiger who's inversely proportional to how much of a petty and scummy piece of shit Carmine Falcone was. Extremely a guy I'd want to see playing a hand in the creation of Two-Face. Just as crucial is the fact that he is the one who gets the most effortlessly outplayed by Oz here, because this is The Penguin Show: no room for traditional or respectable gangsters anymore, their purpose is to be crapped all over by our wacko birdman.

There's a lot about this that re-contextualizes his behavior in The Batman and the one I'm gonna point out is: even though he can't be sure his plan didn't completely go to shit, he is still keeping his wits and not being terribly scared about being beaten up and tortured and staring down the scariest Falcone with a gun shoved in his throat. But he craps his pants at the sight of the Batmobile. He gets pain, he gets indignity, but he doesn't get Vengeance, what kind of sick freak would come up with the stuff that guy does. A gun in his mouth and Falcone torture is just Tuesday, but a car that wants to eat his soul is some psycho shit he's just not ready to deal with.

It is the delicious tasty fucking irony that Oswald thinks Vengeance is this weird freak who doesn't play or bend to any rules and is here to fuck up everything, just like the madman who flooded the city, and thinks of himself in turn as a justifiable guy standing for the respectable old-fashioned empathetic way of doing things, instead of the exact same thing that Riddler and Batman are. Only Sofia gets what he really is, the same thing as her, and that's why she is the arch-enemy / the biggest thing he's gotta defeat in life for now.

God, how fucking PERFECT it is that he gets caught and tortured because he, after stabbing out a man's eye and causing him to get run over by a schoolbus, stops to wave at the kids in that schoolbus while covered in blood. Just the Rex Calabrese of it all, the self-image, this guy who's both a mean nasty son of a bitch and also a real bleeding heart softie and in ways that ruin his life and allow him to slip and wriggle his way out of shit he has no right to, as demonstrated by the finale.

Thinking about Sofia chastizing Oz saying he thinks she is a toy to play with, while rattling off the ways in which she owns him and everything he has, all the ridiculous little accessories her daddy let him play him, and he in turn is a ridiculous little accessory for the family she is twisting until it breaks. Perfect fucking villain for him. Can't wait to see how badly these two are gonna burn Gotham.

I knew deep in my heart that all I wanted out of a Penguin show, the thing that I simply needed to have in it, was Penguin pulling a heist set-up in advance, and it fucking delivered. He doesn't even complain at Victor for being late, because if anything, getting captured and tortured while the car crashed was even better for him. No, he complains at Victor for not being sufficiently gruesome with the body. See, unlike other cowardly anti-hero reinventions of Bat-villains, the show never wants you to forget that Oz is a weird freak and a disgusting piece of shit, even if he is a very likeable and even aspirational one. Only by the most random stroke of fate it wasn't Victor that he fed to the wolves at that moment, that he sees himself in the kid isn't exactly ensuring that he's gonna make out of this in one piece.

Mr. Vengeance gets Nirvana, and Mr. Boniface gets Dolly Parton, perfect credits.

In conclusion: Out of everything they could have done following the thunderous success of The Batman and it's ensuing influence over the DCU, out of all the offers Reeves must have gotten to helm their new universe after delivering a megahit reinvention of their breadwinner blockbuster character, Matt Reeves went "Nah, I listened to my crew, and what we really want to do is 8 hours of television about the waddling freak who's in my movie for 10 minutes", and he and his crew deserve the world for that. I dreamed as a kid of getting to make a big Penguin story or show, a wild impossible idea that would never actually happen, and now it's here and it's better than anything I'd ever imagined.

I'm fit to burst with joy and riding a high of no longer having to hunt for scraps and washing away decades of put-downs for the character and enjoying a Penguin renaissance like one I never imagined happening. I am extremely not an unbiased reviewer here, this show rules and I've waited for it since I was a kid and it's here, drink it the fuck in cause it's only the beginning.

[demigod-shenanigans]

The choiceless hope in grief

Summary: Leo Valdez has lived and died for the gods. Their war has shaped his life since he was a baby. With Gaia defeated, he sort of hopes he can finally rest. He has friends and some semblance of home to return to for the first time since he was eight years old. Just this once, he allows himself to hope the good things might stick.

But the gods aren’t done with them just yet, by the time Leo finds his way back, Jason is gone.

This time, Leo decides he’s done just taking the Fates’ bullshit lying down. If getting his best friend back means striking a deal with the gods and venturing into the Underworld… well, it’s probably not even the most reckless thing he’s ever done.

The caveat of said deal? He has to trust Jason will follow him, or his self-doubt will doom them both.

And after the life he’s lived, Leo is so intricately familiar with self-doubt that he could probably trademark the word.

Or: The only possible way for Orpheus to succeed is if he learns to think of himself as a person worth loving.

Word Count for chapter 1: ~5k

Rating: Teen and Up

So! *claps hands together* I’ve been threatening you guys with my Orpheus Eurydice valgrace fic for a while! Technically I wanted to wait to post this until I’m completely done writing the fic, and I mostly intend to stick to that! I’m only posting this now because I have a minor surgery tomorrow and I’d rather be anxious about fic related things than about the surgery in question. So, take this chapter as a preview of sorts, more to come soon-ish but probably not immediately!

A couple of important notes before we start:

-TW for suicidal ideation. It’s less Leo actually wanting to die and more his canon behavior of “I’m doing something extremely reckless that might succeed but if it doesn’t, my death is an acceptable consequence”, paired with general grief related self-loathing, but if you think you’re not in the right headspace to read about that, come back when you are or at least tread carefully. This fic pics up at the end of The Burning Maze, so especially the beginning is pretty heavy on the grief stuff.

-Since ToA is vaguely canon to this fic, Leo and Calypso are technically dating in the beginning, but they don’t really interact positively as a couple (honestly they don’t interact that much in general) and break up pretty early on. Just be aware in advance that they’re still together for a little bit.

-Fic title is from Talk by Hozier which is maybe a painfully obvious pick but it was too perfect for me not to use it.

Chapter 1: Leo and Piper have an extended sleepover

It wasn’t a discussion between Leo and Piper whether or not to go to Jason’s funeral. They came to the decision that they wouldn’t silently—or as silently as one could come to an agreement when all parties involved were sobbing.

Maybe it should have been a discussion. There was a part of Leo that worried he’d regret this later—his refusal to take this chance to say goodbye and let himself grieve.

But Leo remembered his mother’s funeral. Remembered the way his aunt Rosa had looked at him like she knew his mother’s death had been his fault. Leo couldn’t stand the thought of people looking at him like that again.

He also didn’t remember his mother’s funeral bringing him any sense of closure or comfort. He’d stood at her grave, afterwards, just as desperate and afraid and utterly inconsolable as he’d been before the funeral, except it had suddenly felt sickeningly final. The wound it had torn in his soul had kept bleeding for years, and the scars would stay forever. He didn’t need any of Apollo’s shitty oracles to know Jason’s death would be exactly the same.

At this point, Leo was pretty sure his sanity was being held together by a combination of jokes and a truly questionable amount of duct tape.

Beyond all that, though, Camp Jupiter was a battlefield right now. It would continue to be a battlefield for the foreseeable future.

Leo wasn’t a coward. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go back and help. But one of his best friends was already in a box, and there was no way in hell he’d risk the other.

With how tightly Piper was clinging to him, maybe she was thinking the same thing. 

For all his big talk about dragon escorts, Festus did most of the actual escorting on his own, occasionally torching what Leo hoped were monsters and not random public monuments. Leo, for his part, spent most of the journey crammed into the backseat of the car next to Piper, sandwiched between her and a bunch of moving boxes that seemed determined to flatten him into a Leo-shaped pancake whenever they took a sharp turn.

He’d spent so long thinking about seeing her and Jason again. 

He’d talked Calypso’s ear off about them the whole journey, to the point where it had clearly started to annoy her. He’d thought about various ridiculous entrances he could make, and the fact that he’d probably get yelled at, but he’d also thought about sitting together by the campfire, sharing nachos. He’d thought about Jason hugging him so fiercely that he couldn’t breathe, and Piper cussing him out while she held him, making him promise never to do anything that reckless again.

Now Piper was actually holding him, and Leo couldn’t feel anything. There was a numbness in his chest. He wasn’t sure he had it in him to ever feel happiness again. Hell, even if he did, what was the fucking point? Every time anything even remotely good happened in his life, it got ripped away from him again.

They didn’t talk a whole lot for most of the drive. They cried until it felt like they couldn’t anymore, clinging to each other like desperate children.

Even if they’d wanted to talk about what had happened, Piper’s dad was right there, and despite the Mist usually working overtime for them, having him overhear seemed like a gamble. Or, well, maybe that was what Leo told himself. Maybe he just wasn't sure he was ready to hear it all. He still felt like he couldn’t think. He was overwhelmed to hell and couldn’t stop fidgeting.

Several hours into the trip, his stomach started grumbling. Piper dug through the bag at her feet and offered him one of her PB&J sandwiches, but Leo couldn’t eat. He hadn’t skipped a meal in forever—he’d been homeless and unsure when he’d even get access to the next meal enough times that it had been all but tattooed into his skull that he couldn’t afford to—but he couldn’t even think about eating without feeling sick. He thought about Jason. He thought about the state he’d left Camp Jupiter in and the fact that they hadn’t even been able to give the dead their proper funeral rites.

Had Leo’s help made any difference at all? Had anything he’d done in his life changed things even slightly?

Leo knew the Fates had intended for it to be fire that fell—for him to burn in a bright, hot blaze and turn himself to charcoal. But he’d refused to stay dead like a good little pawn, and now Jason was gone, and it was all his fault.

He wasn’t sure how Piper could even look at him right now, but he was beyond grateful that she was holding onto him as tightly as she did. It was the only reason he didn’t fall to pieces completely. The cog at the heart of Leo’s machine had broken in a way that made it utterly beyond repair, and now it felt like a matter of time before the whole thing came apart. Piper holding him was the only reason his remaining pieces were still functioning. 

It should have been impossible for Leo to fall asleep under these circumstances, but he’d been traveling for hours and fighting before then and he’d cried out his remaining energy, so eventually, the world started to fade around him, reduced to just the sound of Piper’s breaths, until finally, those went, too.

~~~~

It would have been kinder, maybe, if Leo had dreamed up some shitty visions promising violent death and/or the end of the world. That would have been business as usual. 

Instead, he dreamed of his time on the Argo II—of one of those early nights when the different groups were still getting to know each other, having a brief moment to breathe between their ridiculous tasks and saving the world. 

It had seemed reasonable to catch each other up on what had happened on their end. Percy, Hazel and Frank had talked about rescuing Thanatos, and Piper, Jason and Leo had told them what had happened with Hera in turn. 

This would have been a boring intel conversation at best, seeing as Leo had been there for all of their part, but they’d grabbed snacks and sat on cushions on the floor and made it a whole bonding activity. Jason had been wedged between Piper and Leo, and they’d taken turns storytelling. 

And Jason had bragged. So much. But he hadn’t even had the decency to brag about himself like a normal human being. Instead, he’d talked about how capable Piper and Leo had been, somehow managing to make Leo sound like the coolest person he’d ever met. Which was ridiculous, considering he’d met everyone else on their team.

And sure, Leo made it sound like he thought he was amazing all the time, but he was exaggerating, which everyone, himself included, knew. 

Jason didn’t seem to have gotten the memo, though. He had one arm wrapped around Leo the whole evening, and he got all starry-eyed when he talked. 

“Leo took on three Cyclopes by himself. Three!”

“Dude, stop!” Leo had laughed, shaking his head. “I know I’m incredible and you’re blessed to be friends with me and stuff, but you weren’t even conscious for that part.”

“Still happened, though.” Jason had beamed at him. “You’re amazing, dude. I would have died about fifteen times on that mission if it hadn’t been for you. You guys should’ve seen him.”

It would have been easier if Leo had thought Jason was just trying to talk him up to the others to make them more willing to trust him after how badly he’d messed up in New Rome, but Jason wasn’t the type. He’d looked like he honestly believed every single word he was saying.

So, of course, Leo had refused to seriously deal with any of the things that made him feel.

“Sorry, Pipes, but I’m pretty sure your boyfriend is in love with me. It’s the fire powers, I’m afraid. I’m just too hot to resist,” Leo had joked instead, and Piper had untangled herself from Jason’s other side to throw Doritos at Leo, and everything had been right in the universe.

~~~~

Waking up from that, blearily blinking himself awake in the car full of moving boxes and remembering… that was a worse punch in the gut than waking up from most nightmares had been. And Leo should know. He’d had so many of those over the years that he was basically a certified nightmare expert at this point.

Leo wanted to go back in time and spend forever in that one evening, living it over and over and over again until the Fates or a temporal paradox or something eventually killed him. He wanted to hold on to what they’d been back then—the three of them together and happy and whole,back before they’d realized what the prophecy really meant. 

He wanted to stay wrapped in Jason’s arm and hear him laugh at whatever stupid joke Leo came up with while he and Piper threw snacks at each other like ten year olds. He wanted to believe he could actually be the person Jason was bragging about—this invincible hero that could do just about anything and saved people’s lives.

But Leo had never been that hero. Even his sacrifice had been the selfish decision of a coward who wasn’t ready to die just yet. Jason had been their Superman. The guy who could fly and threw lightning and saved people from falling to their deaths. Jason had been the hero. And ultimately, that had been what killed him.

Leo wasn’t exactly sure what he planned to do once they got to Oklahoma. He should have been heading back to the Waystation, to give Calypso the normal life he’d promised. But he wasn’t thinking about Calypso, or the Waystation, and the thought of a normal life had gone out of the window the second he’d seen the coffin. Besides, the Waystation would mean people asking questions, wanting to know about his mission and asking him to talk about his feelings, and he didn’t want that.

The only thing Leo really wanted to do right now was not think. 

By the time they got to the house, it was so late that cross-country dragon flight seemed inadvisable for visibility reasons alone, so Leo agreed to stay the night. Festus nuzzled him for a bit, got a fuel snack from the canister Leo had brought and then folded down into his million pound suitcase form for the night.

It took a little under two hours to carry all the boxes inside, which was an annoying amount of time to be carrying boxes but seemed like an absurdly short amount to move the contents of an entire life.

They spent some time in search of the necessities that needed to be unpacked, but the house was still furnished and also had running water and electricity as of a few days ago, so it wasn’t that bad.

While Piper went in search of some ancient camping gear so Leo wouldn’t have to sleep on the floor—this seemed silly to him, the floor was far from the worst place he’d ever slept—Leo asked Piper’s dad if he could help with dinner. 

Tristan looked relieved at his offer, actually. He’d been staring at the assorted vegetables with a slightly lost expression, trying to hack at one of the zucchinis with a butter knife. It seemed like he was trying to remember how cooking worked and had just discovered he had absolutely no idea. 

Considering how long he’d been an insanely rich guy with a personal cook, Leo guessed that actually might have been a pretty accurate read on the situation. 

“You might want to try a sharper knife,” Leo suggested, which made Piper’s dad look absolutely mortified. “Try not to chop off any of your fingers, though. I think Piper’s been traumatized enough for one week.”

The words were out of his mouth before Leo could think to stop them. Tristan didn’t laugh, but at least it didn’t seem like he’d be tossing Leo out of the house over this. Maybe he realized people sometimes said stupid shit when they were grieving. Maybe Piper had just warned him in advance that Leo was like this sometimes.

Tristan just went to find a different knife, which would have maybe been concerning if he hadn’t gone back to hacking at the vegetables a moment later.

“Well, at least this one is actually cutting through the zucchinis. That’s already an improvement.”

“Yeah, I’m basically a cooking expert,” Leo said with a grin, only half-joking. He went to peel and chop up the carrots, and was done with those and about half the mushrooms by the time the poor zucchini had been hacked to bits.

“You and Piper went to school together, right?” Tristan asked after a while of them quietly chopping vegetables for the casserole, trying to make sense of things with information he didn’t have and that, judging from past evidence, probably would have made his skull crack. “You and her and Jason.”

“Yeah. We went to Wilderness school together.” Leo winced, trying not to think too hard of Jason while also trying to remember the lies they’d already told Piper’s dad. At this rate, he was pretty worried his own skull would crack, too. “Then all three of us switched to a different school. Then I was gone for a while.”

Tristan nodded like this made perfect sense, though he mostly seemed lost in thought. That was a little rude, in Leo’s opinion. If he went through all that effort to remember their elaborate setup of lies, the least Piper’s dad could do was appreciate it!

“I’m glad you’re here now, with everything that’s happened. Piper was really upset when you left,” Tristan said, still with that faraway look in his eyes. “The last few months were hard for her. Between the move and the breakup, she really could have used a friend.”

Leo promptly lost all rights to make fun of Piper’s dad and his vegetable chopping skills because at the word ‘breakup’, the knife slipped and he nearly sliced off two of his fingers.

“Fuck! Ow!” he said eloquently, trying to avoid bleeding all over the cutting board in his attempt to get to the sink. “Jason and Piper broke up?”

The question sounded absurd even to his own ears. Why would Jason and Piper break up? They’d been happy together.

Surely, Piper’s dad had to be talking about something else.

To Leo’s shock, Tristan nodded.

“A while ago, yes,” he said, but he didn’t go into details—possibly because Leo was bleeding all over the sink. “We should bandage that. Do you think you need stitches?”

“No, the cuts aren’t that deep,” Leo decided, turning on the faucet and holding his bleeding hand under the stream of cold water. Maybe he should have been more concerned about the injury, but his mind was still whirring at the thought of his best friends breaking up. Unfortunately, the cold water stung like hell. He hissed with pain. “Sorry for making your kitchen look like a crime scene right after moving in. Usually, I at least have the decency to wait a day or two.”

Because the house was a small, cozy place and Leo had not had the decency to curse quietly, Piper appeared in the doorway a moment later, an alarmed expression on her face.

“What happened?”

“I’ve been bested by a stupid potato,” Leo cursed, holding up his bleeding hand and wiggling his fingers for emphasis. He figured out immediately that this was a mistake. “Ow.”

“Stop that, dumbass!” Piper cursed, moving to stand beside him. “Sink was the right call, but you need to use soap or the cuts could get infected. Dad, any chance we have gauze lying around somewhere?”

Tristan didn’t seem to question why his daughter had immediately jumped into emergency medical treatment mode. He just abandoned the cutting board and headed for the front door.

“Not exactly sure what box our regular medical supplies are in, but I’ll get the first aid kit from the car. I’ll be right back.”

“Do we have to do the soap?” Leo whined, because fuck, that stung, but Piper nodded with a scary expression on her face, so he complied. “How do you even know this stuff? Are we sure you’re not secretly an Apollo kid?”

“I know this stuff because I’m friends with a bunch of morons who have zero sense of self-preservation,” Piper cursed, gritting her teeth. “You shouldn’t be around knives when you’re this distracted.”

“I can usually cook just fine when I’m distracted. Your dad was the one who told me you and Jason broke up in the middle of this stupid potato,” Leo said defensively. “Is that the Mist messing with him?”

That was the only explanation his mind had supplied so far that made any sense to him.

Piper shook her head. “We really did break up. That was a few months ago.”

Leo felt his jaw hit the floor. 

“What the hell happened? You were together for ages. I thought- you always seemed so happy.”

“I know, but-” Piper broke off abruptly when her dad came back inside with the first aid kit. Demigod stuff, then?

Leo’s mind was racing. The breakup was a completely stupid thing to focus on, considering everything that had happened in the last few days. He knew that.

But it was easier to try and make sense of this than it was to try and make sense of the fact that Jason was gone and he’d never get to see him again.

“Is it alright if we do this somewhere else?” Piper asked her dad, taking the first aid kit from him.

“Of course. It might be easier to patch him up when you’re both sitting down, anyway.” He turned towards Leo. “Thank you for your help, but I think I can take it from here.”

Leo sent a silent prayer to whichever deity was responsible for protecting vegetables—Demeter, probably?—and gave what he hoped was an encouraging thumbs up with his uninjured hand before he followed Piper into the hallway to presumably be reprimanded some more.

~~~~ They ended up sitting on an old bed that looked like it had lived a long, miserable life and was excited for retirement, but the wooden frame thankfully didn’t break down under the weight of the new mattress or the additional weight of them sitting on said mattress. Piper explained that this had been her dad’s room when he’d lived here as a child, and that it would probably become her room now. Then she went very quiet and focused on bandaging his hand, clearly avoiding looking at him.

“It wasn’t because of me, was it?” Leo asked. The thought made him feel ill. “Please tell me it wasn’t something like, I don’t know, you two being unable to stand being around each other after what happened to me. I think I’d actually have to blow myself up again if it was.”

He tried to make it sound like a joke, but it didn’t feel like one at all. The thought that he'd managed to ruin his best friends’ relationship on top of everything else made it hard to breathe.

When Piper shook her head, it felt like a whole boulder was lifted off his shoulders.

“I actually think we would have broken up sooner if you hadn’t gone missing. We leaned on each other a lot after you disappeared. It wasn’t until we realized we wouldn’t find you and things started to settle down a little that I had time to think. And when I did…” Her voice went very quiet, and she still didn’t look up at him. “I realized I wasn’t happy in the relationship. I don’t think I ever was.”

“How did I not know that?” Leo wondered quietly. “I just… you two seemed happy to me. What kind of garbage best friend am I?”

Piper shook her head. “It isn’t your fault. I was telling myself I was happy for a long time. It’s almost- sometimes I wonder if I was charmspeaking myself. That maybe I kept saying I was in love with Jason until I convinced myself I actually was. And with Hera and my mom setting it up… I love-” her voice caught in her throat, and Leo felt like maybe he needed to throw up, “-loved Jason, but not like that.”

“Pipes, I’m really sorry.” Leo squeezed her shoulder. “That sounds like it was super hard for both of you.” Leo felt awful about the fact that he hadn’t even been around to comfort either of them, but it wasn’t like he could fix it now. It was just another item on Leo’s unending list of epic screwups he’d never be able to make up for.

“Jason was… well, he took it exactly like I expected him to. He was surprised, but he didn’t get angry or anything. He mostly seemed okay. Part of me wonders if maybe…” But whatever Piper had been thinking about, she seemed to decide it wasn’t important. “It was hard to get a proper read on him, and as nice as he was about it, things were still super awkward after. I'm terrified he died thinking I didn’t care about him.”

And then she was tearing up again, and Leo thought he would shatter if she cried. 

“He knew you cared,” he said as earnestly as he could manage, pulling Piper to his chest again. “You love way too annoyingly for him not to have known. Hell, even I know you love me, and we both know I’m a fucking nightmare when it comes to this stuff.”

“I missed you so much,” she whispered, wrapping her arms around his back like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“Oh, I’m about to make you regret saying that,” Leo said, forcing himself to smile. “I’ll bring it up each and every time you say you find something I do annoying.”

“You’re annoying as hell, but you’re still my best friend.” He could feel her tears dripping onto his shoulder, and he knew that would make him start up again too. “I don’t know how I’d do this without you.”

And well, passing away from dehydration after crying too much would be a really lame way to die the second time, but everything was just too much right now, so if that was how he went, Leo wasn’t sure anyone could blame him.

~~~~

For the next couple of weeks, Leo stayed.

Helping Piper and her dad unpack was the perfect way to keep himself occupied and not have to think. Usually, a mundane task like this probably would have driven Leo nuts. But right now, it was a bit of a godsend—if not literally, at least figuratively. Being productive was always so much easier when it was done in order to avoid something you wanted to do even less. There was a reason his spaces in the foster homes had only ever been tidy when he had exams coming up.

He helped cook, too, and Piper’s dad became increasingly less garbage at it the longer this went on—like muscle memory was finally kicking in after years of disuse.

It was mostly good—listening to Piper reminisce about trips she’d taken with her dad and where she’d gotten the weird variety of items she kept in her room. When they weren’t unpacking, Leo and Piper played video games or watched movies or explored the area. Twice, during the night, they took Festus on a little flight to a nearby fast food place. Finding a parking spot was a bit of a nightmare, unfortunately. Leo would submit a complaint about their inability to accommodate celestial bronze dragons the first chance he got.

The first time they tried hiking—Leo didn’t even like hiking, he’d spent enough time outside for several lifetimes, why did he do this to himself—they got hopelessly lost in the woods, and of course, due to demigod bullshit, neither of them had brought a phone, so Google Maps wasn’t an option. It was probably for the better. The last thing that situation needed on top of them being lost was a monster attack. 

They were already jokingly planning out their new life in the woods when, thankfully, a girl their age came to their rescue.

“A human being! Thank the gods. The squirrels weren’t talking to us,” Leo greeted her, which had Piper shout “Please ignore Leo!” loudly from the branches of the tree she’d been climbing.

The girl lifted her head, spotted Piper and promptly burst out laughing.

“What in the world are you doing up there?” 

“Trying to get a better vantage point,” Piper sighed, making her way back down the tree. “We’re hopelessly lost.”

“Well, nice to meet you, hopelessly lost. I’m Shel,” the girl said, still grinning. Leo decided immediately that he liked her.

Piper had almost made it back down when she somehow missed a branch and fell the rest of the way. In comedic movie fashion, Shel moved before Leo had the chance to and caught her mid-tumble. “That was a bit of a dramatic way to get my attention, but you’re cute, so I’ll allow it.”

“Oh yeah, Piper’s got a bit of a thing with falling for people that way,” Leo commented, and Piper gave him her most murderous look while she got back on her feet.

“You guys need help getting back?”

“Please, yes,” Piper said immediately. “It turns out we’re both garbage with maps.”

“Maybe you just need a tour guide next time,” Shel suggested, winking at Piper, whose face turned scarlet. Leo wasn’t even mad about being the third wheel for once. He’d give her so much shit about this later.

And he did. And then Piper properly came out to him—no label or anything, mostly as extremely confused but sure she liked girls, which also made a few additional pieces click into place regarding her breakup with Jason. She ended her anxiety-riddled explanation by thanking Leo for being so normal and annoying about all this. 

Which was how Leo realized he’d apparently never told Piper he was bi.

Or maybe he had, and it had gotten lost along with their other memories of Wilderness. Stupid memory-stealing babysitters.

Well, at least they got to hug about it now. 

~~~~

It was strange how normal some days felt when nothing would ever truly be normal again. When in every moment Leo and Piper spent together, the gaping hole that had been ripped into their trio was so blatantly obvious.

The benefit and problem of this friendship was that Leo and Piper were both experts at not talking about things they were struggling with. 

This wasn’t exactly news. From what little Leo did remember of Wilderness School, they’d spent months not talking about his mom, or about the fact that Piper’s dad kept canceling their weekend plans. They’d both known there were things left unsaid, but as long as they’d been able to cheer each other up, that hadn’t really mattered. It made sense, honestly. Put two people who hadn’t had a shoulder to cry on for ages in a room together and see what happens!

Right now, this meant they were expertly ignoring the box of belongings Piper had picked up from Jason’s school. It had been pushed so far under the bed during that first night that it was no longer visible, and neither of them made any effort to move it out of its new home since. They ignored the topic of Jason, period, until it inevitably hit them in the face again. 

It was mostly dumb shit that set them off. Piper automatically reaching for vanilla ice cream at the grocery store because it was Jason’s favorite—seriously, who in their right mind even liked vanilla ice cream?

Sometimes, Leo would make a joke and burst into tears instead of laughing because he knew it would have cracked Jason up. They found old photos unpacking. One time, Piper’s dad suggested they make tacos and they started simultaneously bawling their eyes out.

Leo had spent a long time exactly like this—pretending everything was normal and okay when it wasn’t either of those things until he inevitably broke down. Then he’d started to actually feel sort of okay whenever he was with Jason and Piper. Now, he was sure he would spend the rest of his life pretending.

His appetite was too used to being stuck in survival mode for him to bow to nausea for long, so he went back to eating properly after a few days. He still cried himself to sleep most nights. He kept dreaming about Jason. The memories wrapped themselves around him like a safety blanket that he knew would get ripped away again in the morning. He always woke up feeling empty. Sometimes, he wished he could just go to sleep and never wake up again.

But other than that, it was mostly good.

Then demigod communications went back up, and everything went to hell.

———

Chapter notes:

Fun fact! I originally planned for this chapter (as well as the next few chapters) to just be backstory in my head and for me to maybe do a flashback or two. Unfortunately for me, Piper McLean waltzed into the room and refused to leave.

I do actually think the fic works better this way, but it will take a second to get to the plot! Hopefully you’ll enjoy the whole journey :)

I may not be able to have Leo and Piper go to Jason’s funeral without seriously messing with the plot of Tyrant’s Tomb, but I could at least pick the most evil reason possible for them not to go!

Side note: I sort of forgot that Hedge and Mellie were supposed to be here according to TBM, but by the time I remembered I already had this chapter written out and, as someone who cannot be bothered to figure out how to write them, I decided to just leave it. ToA is vaguely canon to this universe, but only for the most part. Some details are inaccurate, and I think that’s okay.

Anyway, thank you so much for reading! Comments and reblogs super, super appreciated as always!!

List of people that at some point asked to be tagged when I post this: @poppitron360 @ginnyluna @keefessketchbook (feel free to comment if you want to get taken off or be put on the tag list for future chapters!)

[roeiswriting]

Yuta getting his wires crossed believing it was Nigel’s dream to end Bryan and then taking a dig at Nigel for not being able to prove he was better than Bryan when he corrects him is so important to this story.

Nigel McGuinness never wanted to truly slay the dragon because that would mean answering the question “who am I without my greatest foe?”

The words have always been a front for the pain of never being able to prove that he is a better professional wrestler than Bryan Danielson. Bryan being gone and disposed of by the nu-bcc has made room for this to shine through.

“What’s the matter, Joker? You're mad that we killed the Batman before you could?” Is a fun nod to social media but also important because yes as much as Nigel has this joker-like relationship with dragon because he always wanted to outsmart and outwrestle him, his understanding of his greatest rival can transcend that trademark hatred.

He understands who Bryan is and always has been. Who he is as a wrestler, a person, a husband, a father. He knows that to be acknowledged by the dragon is deeply important to him as much as he wishes it wasn’t and yuta is in that exact same boat. Yet here is the difference.

Nigel taunted and teased for months, years, to get his hands back on the dragon after getting a taste of being in the ring once again. That facade of “hating” Bryan never fully drops but the truth is he respects him much more than he’d ever be willing to admit, that iconic British act of taking the piss is such a term of endearment and often shows the understanding you have for a person much more than any kind words could. He craved to be the best yet accepted that the man who defined a major chunk of his career would always be better.

Yuta craved to be mentored, to become a better more violent wrestler with the guidance of the BCC. So much talk of these younger hard hitting technical wrestlers being sons of the dragon, the next generation carving out a legacy on a road paved by the great Bryan Danielson. Yet when it came down to it Bryan focused on Daniel Garcia even when Garcia refused to accept the praise in the end. And well look at the sides of this war now, maybe Bryan made the right choice there. But the simple point is yuta did not get that approval, still in the last moments of Bryan as champion he focused on himself with yuta clawing at his feet for help and he never got that. He was disregarded in his eyes. So yuta turns to what he sees as his only option, to give in to who Mox, Claudio, PAC and Marina want him to be. To truly elevate himself and become better he needs to be a version of himself that disregards all of who he is and turns him into this killer acting for “the greater good”.

This story is about Yuta taking a journey and becoming his own man again, maybe he hasn’t been for some time, hopping from group to group since he came to AEW relying on support around him and needing that reassurance that he is worthy of the time and effort. It’s about him finally taking a stand for what he truly believes in, and that’s always simply been professional wrestling.

And yes Nigel will always have some sort of resentment and upset towards the dragon and what could have been. But he has grown to find peace, what the nu-bcc have done to Bryan has unsettled that peace yet uncovered the genuine care he feels towards Bryan Danielson even if he still won’t admit it.

Two men who wanted to carve their names into history alongside Bryan Danielson, and finding themselves at a crossroads, will this lead to them fighting? Agreeing? Simply parting ways and not turning back? Well that my friends is to be seen.

[aois-amaterasu-painting]

GiGS vol. 520 - interviews with the 5 members (2021 July)

Interviewer: This time, with "MASS", the production was carried out over a long period, wasn't it?

RUKI: At the time when we were talking about releasing songs, the COVID-19 pandemic happened, and as I was considering how to proceed, I realized that the songs we had made until then were not something I wanted to listen to in this situation. What I wanted to present gradually changed. Rather than having a specific concept, I wanted to convey the latest evolution straightforwardly. That was quite the aim.

Interviewer: Among the songs born in that period was "BLINDING HOPE," which was released in advance.

RUKI: Yes. "BLINDING HOPE" had 4 to 5 different versions, and it was still uncertain how it would turn out. So, while making various changes, we created it with the idea that it would be the first song for the fans who had been waiting, serving as a starting point.

Interviewer: Around spring last year, when you were supposed to be deep into song production, you mentioned that you hadn't yet created a core song. When the members heard this song, they all felt it was the lead track. How would you describe the elements of a lead track in your words?

RUKI: In the past, a lead track might have been imagined as a song for a single. While it's the standout track of the album, it's also a kind of middle-ground song. With something thematic like "DOGMA," it's different, but it's important that the song conveys the overall atmosphere of the album and the current direction of the band. It's also something that can be listened to as the entry point to the album. I wanted it to be the trademark song of the album.

Interviewer: It's truly a song that represents the GazettE, and it seems some fans are already covering it.

RUKI: I've heard a few covers, and you know the crunchy sound that kicks it off? For some reason, everyone delays it. That's where you have to play it down with full force. That's what I want to say. It was good to have the opportunity to say that (laughs).

Interviewer: That's valuable advice (laughs). Did the other songs develop from there?

RUKI: Yes. "BLINDING HOPE" took an unusually long time to finalize. So, as a sort of reaction, when we started working on "THE PALE" and "NOX," the general image came together fairly quickly. At first, we kept creating the foundational tracks of the album one after another. As we went on, we integrated ideas like wanting to include certain types of songs and thinking about how they would be performed live.

Interviewer: It's an album that makes you really want to see the live performances, and moreover, it's catchy.

RUKI: Yes. We're not an overly niche band to begin with, so we focused quite a bit on the melody and catchiness of the riffs that we naturally have. The early version of "BLINDING HOPE" was extremely complex. There were many other songs with intense structures and very complex compositions. But after that, we aimed to create something simple and cool with a certain momentum.

Interviewer: What was the intention behind "NOX" and "THE PALE"?

RUKI: "THE PALE" came after "BLINDING HOPE," so initially, I was trying to make something that would rest my ears a bit. Then it ended up having a lot of elements. So, in contrast, "NOX" started with a phrase that came to mind while playing the guitar, and I wanted to shape it somehow. It was an extremely simple creation process, and then we added touches like violin for flavor.

Interviewer: "THE PALE" also features string sounds, but the violin in "NOX" stands out.

RUKI: It really does. It felt like the song was finalized because of that. It's something that hasn't really been seen in the GazettE until now.

Interviewer: The track order of the album is exquisite. Especially placing "THE PALE" and "MOMENT" in the middle section, surrounded by intense songs.

RUKI: It incorporates elements of the GazettE's live performances. The dark parts, the spatial elements like in "THE PALE," and songs like "MOMENT," which we haven't really had before.

Interviewer: "MOMENT" is indeed a rare type of song for the GazettE.

RUKI: Yes. This type of song usually has distortion in the middle, but this time I deliberately excluded it, adding a folk-like feel. The songs created later have many elements, so I wanted to do something extremely stripped-down and raw. Also, I always jot down ideas as they come to me.

Interviewer: How about "Daku"?

RUKI: "Daku" was something that happened by chance. When I was thinking about what to create next, I came up with the dissonant-sounding part at the beginning. At that time, I had a slightly grunge, somewhat weathered-sounding melody recorded in my voice memos, and it fit perfectly with that. I just wanted to incorporate a dirty feeling into the melody, but it surprisingly turned out to be something I really liked.

Interviewer: "ROLLIN'" plays a role of continuing the momentum from "BLINDING HOPE," doesn't it?

RUKI: Actually, "ROLLIN'" was initially a ballad made before "BLINDING HOPE." I originally wanted to have a lot of percussion and a bit of a folk music vibe in the album, and I thought of making it a main feature. But then I realized it wasn't right, so I significantly increased the BPM and added the guitars on top. So, the kind of music I initially wanted to make is quite close to the opening SE of the album.

Interviewer: In the track "COUNT-10" positioned at the beginning of the album, there's also an industrial atmosphere that's quite characteristic of you, RUKI. You can also hear a percussive rhythm.

RUKI: Yes, that was something that came about during mastering (laughs). It felt good to return to the original idea at such a timing.

Interviewer: "BARBARIAN" is an aggressive song as the title suggests, with a sharp riff driving it forward.

RUKI: Yes. Initially, I played with it without any particular plan and was struggling with how to develop the chorus. I wanted it to become increasingly decadent. It's not just intense, but also somewhat unpredictable towards the end.

Interviewer: This track probably has the most variations in the album.

RUKI: Yes. Even during recording, there were moments of, "Wait, what was this melody?" (laughs). It was originally all over the place, and I just wanted to somehow connect everything nicely.

Interviewer: Since it appears suddenly in the latter part of the album, it keeps you on your toes until the end (laughs).

RUKI: Especially since it comes after "MOMENT" (laughs). In terms of how it was made, it's similar to how we approached "DOGMA." While making simpler tracks, I felt the need for something complex. Without such elements, the album would feel lacking to me.

Interviewer: The album concludes with "LAST SONG," which has a very weighty presence that carries everything.

RUKI: Yes. I wanted to end with a song that could hold its own more than "BLINDING HOPE." It was a song we put a lot of effort into. I felt it had to be something truly satisfying, and it was a challenging process, but I aimed to create something quintessentially the GazettE. This song gave me confidence in the album as a whole.

Interviewer: The words in the lyrics also seem to be fitting for these times.

RUKI: I never expected the state of emergency to continue like this. In a sense, I was thinking of preserving what we could only create in 2020 and 2021. These words are not just directed at the fans but are also for ourselves, aiming to return to our original state amidst the ups and downs. It's also about reminiscing about live performances. If these feelings can be conveyed throughout the album, that would be great.

Interviewer: When did you start working on the songs for the album?

Uruha: We had our first selection meeting in December two years ago, and from then on, each of us started composing songs. Initially, we didn't have a specific concept when we began production. So, we were making songs as we liked, but as the songwriting progressed and recording approached, we began to see the path we needed to take. It felt like we had reached a point where the goal was unexpectedly narrow. Also, in August last year, RUKI brought in "BLINDING HOPE" and proposed making it the lead track. It seemed like RUKI saw something within that song, and from then on, RUKI started bringing in more songs. As a result, all the songs on "MASS" this time were either written entirely by RUKI or he was deeply involved in them.

Interviewer: Did you feel any resistance to not having your own compositions included?

Uruha: As musicians, we have the desire to create and express ourselves through songs that we want to release to the world. However, when it comes to releasing music as the GazettE, the personal aspect has gradually become less important. Rather than who composed the songs, what's more important is how we create works that will impact our listeners. So, it didn't really bother me that my own songs weren't included this time. It turned out to be a good album, so I'm satisfied with that.

Interviewer: Indeed, it doesn't feel like a solo work by RUKI but rather an album filled with the essence of the GazettE. Next, let's talk about the guitars on this album.

Uruha: This time, there were many instances where we reproduced the guitar parts based on the demos RUKI created. RUKI had a strong will to achieve a specific vision. As a result, while we did change the irregular parts musically, we tried to stick to the approach of the demos as much as possible. When I really wanted to change something, I would throw it out there during pre-production, saying, "I've changed this," and there were songs where those changes were incorporated, and other songs where we discussed and decided that the previous version or a different pattern was better. We experimented with various things and reached the current form after being satisfied with the results.

Interviewer: That's a good approach. However, unlike the previous stereo-oriented guitar sound, there are more parts where you play in unison with Aoi. How do you feel about that?

Uruha: This time, we focused on the sound pressure throughout the album, so I think that's the right approach. I've always wanted to establish the individuality of the left and right guitars, but this time we decided to respect the composer's intention more. For RUKI, it was important to consider what melodies would work against the background guitars and rhythm. Also, this kind of approach was refreshing as we hadn't done it much before.

Interviewer: Even with the unison, the subtle differences in nuance and tone create depth and breadth, and I think this way of handling guitars is nice too.

Uruha: I wanted to highlight those aspects. We wanted to avoid having one person play all the backing tracks or doubling them mechanically. In fact, we tried an approach where one person played all the backing parts. But we found that the sound created by both of us playing the same thing felt better.

Interviewer: I think that was the right decision. Which songs do you think have a strong impression in terms of guitar parts?

Uruha: "BLINDING HOPE" has a strong impression in many aspects. The song starts with an introduction and then the band kicks in with a bang. It was crucial how we started the song because it was our first release in a long time and our lead track. I felt that if this part wasn't impressive, it wouldn't work. Until we arrived at the current form, there were many twists and turns. Also, when this song came up, I reconsidered how we were recording. The recording process completely changed my thoughts and approaches. Initially, we recorded in the studio using a cabinet and stood the mic up to capture a realistic sense of space. However, with the traditional method, I felt that the impact was lacking. So, we stopped using the cabinet and searched for the best way to record.

Interviewer: That was quite a process. The guitars on "MASS" have a clarity and quickness in their attack that's unique to digital, yet they don't sound too close to the ear, which I think is excellent.

Uruha: Thank you very much. Through trial and error, we concluded that we needed to use a cabinet plugin, and the choice of cabinet was extremely important. Also, RUKI wanted to distort the guitar quite a bit, but my personal guitars didn't quite achieve the sound he wanted. So, we borrowed a guitar with active pickups from ESP and used active pickups for the first time this time. "BLINDING HOPE" used passive pickups, but the rest were all active. However, for the leads and guitar solos, we recorded them all using a cabinet. We recorded the sounds that were meant to stand out in an analog manner and the backing parts that were meant to be more in the background digitally to achieve tightness. We valued this front-to-back contrast.

Interviewer: That's a method befitting someone well-versed in both analog and digital techniques like yourself. Since you mentioned guitar solos, could you talk about the guitar solos on this album?

Uruha: I had set aside the guitar solos for a while. I was focused on exploring the texture of the backing tracks, so I put the solos on hold. Towards the end of the production, I recorded them all at once. I particularly like the guitar solos in "BLINDING HOPE" and "MOMENT". For "BLINDING HOPE" I felt I should play an aggressive solo, but the length was quite long, so starting aggressively wouldn't last (laughs). Instead, I thought it was very important to create a dramatic development and changed direction midway. I tried various things from there and finally settled on the current form, focusing on building up towards the end. For "MOMENT," the backing is entirely acoustic, so I decided to play the solo on acoustic guitar as well. From the beginning, I wanted the sound to be acoustic and never considered using an electric guitar for the solo. In terms of phrases, RUKI had played some in the demo stage, so I used those as references.

Interviewer: The high-quality guitar solos deepen the world of the songs. How did you record the acoustic guitar for "MOMENT"?

Uruha: I recorded the acoustic guitar at home. I simply set up two mics and used compression while recording. When you play arpeggios, the volume level is low, and it's difficult to control dynamics. The engineer processes this with compression later on, but I wanted to control the dynamics myself while playing, so I decided to record with compression. Being able to play while visualizing the finished product was the most beneficial thing for me. Also, I enjoyed being able to do everything myself, such as mic arrangement and EQ adjustment.

Interviewer: That's very characteristic of you, Uruha, with your engineering skills. Now, the album "MASS" is a must-listen, combining the GazettE’s essence with a fresh feel. How do you feel now that you've completed the album?

Uruha: First of all, I really want to express my gratitude for completing this album. Production took a lot of time, and there were times when I wondered if we could really do it. However, with no live performances scheduled due to COVID, we had the opportunity to thoroughly focus on recording, and there was also the feeling that our efforts would be in vain if we didn't do this well. So, we put in more effort and spent more time than ever before to create something we can confidently call our masterpiece, so I hope you look forward to its release. However, since the songs grow when performed live, "MASS" isn’t complete yet.

Interviewer: I understand. Because of that, I think there are many listeners who are eager to see the GazettE live as soon as possible.

Uruha: Although I can’t promise exactly when we will perform live, we are constantly working towards it. Ideally, we want to perform live, not online. Even if the venue capacity is halved, we want to do it live. Also, if we do perform live, I want it to be a level beyond just not showing any signs of our hiatus; I want to show an evolved the GazettE. So, when we do hold a live concert, please come to the venue and experience it.

Interviewer: As the work on "MASS" progressed, RUKI ended up writing most of the songs. Did you have any resistance to not including your own songs?

Aoi: Not at all. I thought that RUKI probably had a lot of things he wanted to express and convey, and if that was the case, he should be the one to transmit it. While asserting what I want my instrument to sound like is important, I felt it was better for someone with a clear vision of what they wanted to express to take the lead. Everyone seemed to feel the same way, and there was no pushback like, "I want to do it this way." If it had been just 2-3 years since we started the band, it might have been different, but we’ve created many works, and this isn't our last album. So, this way of making the album was totally fine and an interesting experiment.

Interviewer: Even though RUKI took the lead on the album, it’s still overflowing with the essence of the GazettE. I heard that "HOLD" and "FRENZY" were mainly created by the instrumentalists.

Aoi: RUKI kept bringing in songs, and before we knew it, there were only two slots left. Initially, RUKI and Kai had started working a bit on "FRENZY," but it was put on hold. We decided to work on "HOLD" first as an instrumental group, aiming for a straightforward song that would grow well in live performances. So we shaped it with that in mind before handing it over to Ruki to reflect his intentions and complete it.

Interviewer: The hard tunes on this album are both intense and easy to listen to, and "HOLD" is dark yet catchy.

Aoi: I thought it was okay even if it didn’t have much melody because we were focusing on a “frenzied” feeling. But when we passed it to RUKI, he added a solid vocal line, making it both dark and catchy. For "FRENZY," RUKI and Kai had only made the intro, which initially wasn’t to my personal taste (laughs). I thought it was a bit too pop, at first. But since the intro was a must-keep, we worked on the other parts, and eventually, even the intro was reworked. We created multiple versions for every part of "HOLD" and "FRENZY." So, we were able to make it complex or straightforward, and decided the current form was the best.

Interviewer: Both songs are really high-quality compositions. Now, let’s talk about the guitars on "MASS."

Aoi: This time, we mainly reproduced what RUKI had included in the demos. If there were parts where I thought I’d do it differently, I suggested changes, but usually, we ended up going with RUKI’s ideas after trying both versions. So, the guitar parts are quite simple this time. There are parts where we deliberately simplified RUKI’s phrases, not breaking them into finer notes but making them larger. We have two guitarists in our band. Visual kei twin-guitar bands often create competing guitar phrases, but I felt we’d already done that enough. This time, I wanted to focus on clear roles for lead and side guitars. I was interested in this approach and wanted to experience the side guitar position. I wanted to explore songs from the side guitar perspective.

Interviewer: The side/rhythm guitar might seem plain, but it’s deep and fun when you get into it.

Aoi: Yes, it’s great as a musical instrument. It felt really good. "Feeling good" is a very vague expression (laughs). There are layered phrases, rhythms, and sequences, and the role of the side guitar is to connect them well. In the past, I thought as long as the bass kept the rhythm tight, the guitar could just hit the main points and follow the broader rhythm. This time, though, I matched the drums closely and paid more attention to filling the guitar's frequency range and determining what to cut. This approach was very enjoyable and made me appreciate the importance of backing guitar.

Interviewer: So, you had new discoveries with this approach. Which song left a strong impression on you with its guitar work?

Aoi: "MOMENT." In this song, both Uruha and I played acoustic guitars throughout, with Uruha handling the arpeggios while I focused on strumming. It was a first-time approach, and it was fulfilling. Also, I used the acoustic guitar version of the IR (cabinet simulator) to record the acoustic guitar. Nowadays, when you hear an acoustic guitar in music, you sometimes can't tell if it's live or programmed. I wanted to explore that aspect a bit, so I decided to use IR. I recorded it with just the sound of the piezo pickup without setting up a microphone, and then I refined it.

Interviewer: The gentle texture and appropriate airy feel are pleasant, and it's surprising that you recorded it with only the piezo pickup sound.

Aoi: I did my best (laughs). I only knew the sound of K. Yairi and Martin guitars. But this time, I used the modeling of a Gibson Hummingbird. It has a very beautiful sound. In reality, I wouldn't want to buy it because the care is troublesome (laughs). When I recorded it, it had a more acoustic guitar-like sound with resonance, but since Uruha wanted to go thicker with the arpeggio, I thought it would be too much if I also made my sound rough. So, I deliberately made it thinner. I aimed for a fullness like the strumming of pop artists in Western music, while incorporating a slightly darker feeling from Japanese music. I like the darker tone of Japanese acoustic guitar.

Interviewer: Choosing to make the sound thinner shows a sharp sense. Also, the electric guitar sounds on this album are even more refined.

Aoi: When we first recorded "BLINDING HOPE," we used a cabinet, but the closeness of the sound wasn't what RUKI had in mind. So, we stopped using the cabinet and tried using IR, and finally settled on a plugin cabinet. At first, Uruha used a plugin, and I used IR, but the IR sound became too rich, so I adjusted to match Uruha. I didn't expect the sound to change so much with different cabinets. We tried various amps, but RUKI kept rejecting them, saying "This isn't it, this isn't it." In the end, we switched to a plugin cabinet, and it turned out that any head would do (laughs). The sound isn’t too close to the ear but still has the fullness of a cabinet, making it hard to believe it was recorded direct.

Interviewer: Another impressive aspect of your guitar sound in this album is the wide range.

Aoi: That’s something that changed over time. Originally, Uruha had a wider and more dynamic range. But that reversed at some point. This time, we worked on that a lot. My sound was wide-ranged and loud, so I narrowed it down. Uruha’s sound is more solid, so if we don’t adjust, the two guitars won’t sit well together.

Interviewer: The careful crafting results in a pleasant thickness and spread created by the two guitars. Now that "MASS" is finished, how do you feel?

Aoi: "MASS" might sound very simple at first listen. What the band is doing is quite simple, creating the atmosphere with sequences. While I have no complaints about this approach, there are parts where I feel my guitar might have become too simple. I am satisfied with my role, and enjoyed supporting the overall sound as the side guitarist. However, there are fans who could be called "Aoi enthusiasts", who favor my compositions specifically, and I wonder how they will take it. I feel confident about what I did in "MASS," and I want people to understand that my passion for music and the GazettE hasn't diminished just because the guitar parts are simpler. The simplicity gives me more leeway in my playing, allowing for a different kind of performance on stage. Therefore, if you listen to "MASS" and think, "What's this?" I hope you look forward to the live performance.

Interviewer: Can you tell us your honest feelings now that the album "MASS" is complete?

REITA: Among all our albums, this one is probably the most suited for live performances, so I really want to showcase it soon. The track order also closely resembles a live setlist. When we released "NINTH," I thought we had an amazing tour, so I aimed to create an album that evolved further from there, and I think we achieved that.

Interviewer: "BLINDING HOPE" was released as the lead single, and I heard that it was recorded ahead of the others.

REITA: Yes, that's right. It was similar with our previous album and "Falling" as well. We finished mixing one song first and used that as a guideline to record the others. It helps create a framework.

Interviewer: How did you approach the recording this time?

REITA: I bought a lot of equipment beforehand. Even just with compact effects pedals, I bought around five… Honestly, it was quite an expense (laughs). We had used the equipment from the previous recording and tour extensively, and I wanted to advance the sound further. There is still a lot of equipment I haven’t tried, and I hoped to find something even better. Renting for just a day doesn’t really give you a good idea, so even though it might end up being a waste, I decided to buy and try everything. In the actual recording, I ended up using the orthodox SansAmp. I had been using it in live performances before, but a new version with mids was released. In the end, I didn't tweak the mids much and used it flat, but it fit the current songs perfectly.

Interviewer: I heard you bought a new bass too.

REITA: Yes, I bought two, but the one I used in the recording was the second one, a Dingwall Z3, a 2020 NAMM SHOW model. Initially, I used the first bass I bought for "BLINDING HOPE," but after re-recording with the new one, it sounded even better. Time was tight, so it was hard to suggest replacing it, but everyone agreed the new one was better, which was a relief (laughs).

Interviewer: I see. How did you approach the bass line in "BLINDING HOPE"?

REITA: The song is dark, so I tried not to stay too high up. I aimed for a slightly heavy feel while having the phrase move, going back and forth to lower chords. The bass volume is a bit higher in this song, and I think the bass presence fits the tone.

Interviewer: "ROLLIN'" has an intense sound that promises immediate impact in live performances. It's quite an interesting track.

REITA: I struggled a lot with the sound production for "ROLLIN'." Nothing seemed to click, so we re-amped it again on the last day of mixing. For example, in "BLINDING HOPE," the intro has a ground-shaking lower end, but that's because I’m playing open strings. However, in "ROLLIN'," I'm holding down the second fret continuously, so even if I tried to make the same sound, it wouldn't turn out the same. So, we adjusted it to fit between the kick and the guitar.

Interviewer: The slap bass at the end of the chorus is also impressive, but adjusting the sound with other parts seems difficult.

REITA: Originally, the song had everything up to the end of the chorus. During the mix of "BLINDING HOPE" or something, RUKI brought in the continuation, saying something like, "There's a bass solo, so do it." In the demo, it was programmed, but the nuance suggested it was supposed to be slap bass. However, running it through an amp made the sound too wild, so we ended up using a plugin. I'm still not sure how we’ll reproduce it live.

Interviewer: How about "NOX"?

REITA: "NOX" has a tempo that’s quite different from what the GazettE usually does, so I’m looking forward to playing it live. In the past, I might have thought this kind of song wouldn’t have a great groove live, but after the "NINTH" tour, I believe it will work well. Playing at this tempo feels really good, so I hope it creates a big wave in the audience.

Interviewer: The bass line in this song gives the impression that it's playing the absolute correct answer.

REITA: The phrase itself isn’t difficult, but the picking was really tough. I focused on keeping the pick level to ensure a clear "terodero" sound throughout. I didn’t want it to sound like alternate picking, but using down-only picking didn’t flow well, so I tried to find a balance.

Interviewer: The bass has a unique fret design, right?

REITA: At first, I wasn’t sure how it would feel, but I got used to it right away and didn't find it difficult to play.

Interviewer: The ballad-like songs such as "THE PALE" and "MOMENT" have interesting approaches too.

REITA: In intense songs, there are many unison parts, but in ballads, I think the bass has moments to shine (laughs). Especially in "MOMENT," which progresses with acoustic guitar strumming, the bass can handle intricate arrangements.

Interviewer: Was there any key song that stood out during the recording?

REITA: Ah, for example, I moved quite a bit with the phrase in the chorus of "濁 (Daku)."

Interviewer: I'm also looking forward to seeing how "MOMENT" will be performed live. "HOLD" seems to embody the intensity of a live performance.

REITA: This might be the song most tailored for live performance. The phrase itself is almost in unison with the guitar, so there’s nothing particularly standout, but it has a sense of band unity and isn't just intense; it has dynamics. We shared tracks on Pro Tools and discussed them over Zoom while creating this song. This was our first time using this method, but I think it might be a viable approach for future projects. We worked until someone said "I can’t go on anymore," which was tough but also fun (laughs).

Interviewer: The bass drives this song as well.

REITA: Mixing the bass within the double bass drum parts is challenging. It often gets buried. I can’t count how many times I said, "Isn’t the kick too loud?" (laughs). We approached "FRENZY" similarly to "HOLD." For the bass, I aimed for a cohesive sound without cluttering it, sometimes reducing the picking to avoid interference.

Interviewer: The bouncy rhythm in the chorus is excellent.

REITA: This was quite difficult. At first, Uruha played the phrase and asked, "How about this chorus?" We all played along with the strings, but the drums didn’t quite fit. The bass rhythm is tricky too. Avoiding ghost notes makes it harder to catch the rhythm. The energy should rise sharply, but the hands need to stay calm to pull it off.

Interviewer: The last song on the album, "LAST SONG," feels like a particularly important track, doesn't it?

REITA: As soon as the song starts, it gives off a strong feeling of "the beginning of the end." From the bass perspective, I played the chorus not with detailed phrases but with a slight undulating sensation, aiming for a bit of a driving feel. The intro is tightly synchronized vertically. This became clear once the piece was finished.

Interviewer: With this work completed, do you have a vision of the musical future of the GazettE?

REITA: Musically speaking, I think this album represents evolution rather than a new challenge. When the GazettE makes it, it really becomes a GazettE album, and I was reminded of that again. But I also realized the difficulty of the bass guitar again. This past year, I’ve particularly focused on the bass. I’ve watched a lot of playthrough videos on YouTube and bought a lot of gear. When you buy equipment, you naturally end up spending more time playing the bass, right? I want to bring those experiences to our live performances. However, while I can clearly envision the live performances, the uncertainty of the tour schedule due to COVID-19 is quite frustrating. Nevertheless, I want to keep honing my skills so that we can fully express this album when the time comes.

Interviewer: Did you have any themes or concepts in mind when creating the new album?

Kai: No, we didn’t. It’s always like that with the GazettE. We speak through our music; without songs, there’s nothing to talk about. Starting with a concept is quite rare for us. Usually, as we create songs, themes and concepts naturally emerge. Through the song selection process, we find how to express the current GazettE. Initially, each member was making songs, but later, we started shaping the songs RUKI brought in. There wasn’t a standout song for a long time, but then the pandemic hit, our March concert was canceled, and we had time to reflect on ourselves. During that period, I think RUKI found the concept. "BLINDING HOPE" came together in April, and we unanimously agreed it should be included. After that, RUKI kept bringing in songs, and by shaping them, we completed most of the album. The last couple of songs were made by all of us, but even those were strongly influenced by RUKI. So, "MASS" ended up being entirely RUKI's work, which is a first for us, but it still feels very much like a GazettE album, so it doesn’t feel strange to me.

Interviewer: It’s more important what kind of work it is, rather than who made the songs. Let’s talk about the drums in "MASS." The drumming throughout the album is very energetic.

Kai: Everyone says that (laughs). People often say that, but I don't really feel that way.

Interviewer: Really? The approach of incorporating intricate patterns, fast fills, and double bass throughout the album made me realize once again how amazing your drumming is.

Kai: I wonder... People often say it's busy (laughs). To me, it's just a continuation of the approach I've always taken, so I don’t feel like I’m doing anything special. When I listen to a demo, I naturally hear the drum patterns in my head and then just bring them to life.

Interviewer: It's impressive that such intricate drumming comes naturally to you and that you can actually play it. Do you ever think that a drum pattern you came up with is too difficult and consider simplifying it?

Kai: No, I don’t. It’s important to bring the imagined patterns to life, and if something is difficult, I just practice it. Besides, the other members have also gained knowledge about drumming, so these days, they don’t suggest physically impossible drum patterns like they used to. There used to be many times when I'd think, "I’d need three legs and four arms to play that" (laughs). Now, the drumming is more logical, so with practice, I can play it.

Interviewer: Thrilling songs have thrilling drums, and songs with a sense of speed amplify that feeling even more. Your drumming really pushes the music forward.

Kai: I'm glad you feel that way. I don't know how other bands construct their music, but for us, the speed and everything is carried by the drums. The drum is our standard. First, we create speed with drums, and then we discuss how to hook onto that. So, drums don't really go off into a different world.

Interviewer: It seems like many patterns amplify speed by adding sequences, but your approach is quite the opposite.

Kai: Yes. Also, even if you want to create momentum and speed with drums alone, it's different from just running. You need to pay attention to keeping the rhythm, and especially in intense songs like "HOLD" and "FRENZY" this time, you can't just go with the flow. It's meticulously crafted phrases as a band sound, so you need to integrate well with guitars and bass. If you go with just momentum, it becomes messy. Therefore, I consciously try to play tighter, and I think it requires a lot of attention during live performances.

Interviewer: The rhythm that combines tightness and momentum feels incredibly good. Another thing is that with drumming like yours, sound is also important. The drum sound in this work, with its blend of sound pressure and clarity, is ideal.

Kai: We've tried many different things with drum sounds, but this time we used the same method as on "NINTH." Basically, we recorded separately: just the kick, just the snare, just the cymbals. We record like that, but we also use off-mics, not just close mics. This way, we can achieve the clarity unique to separate recording along with the natural airiness you get when recording normally.

Interviewer: Setting up off-mics is an unexpected approach. However, I often hear that multi-tracking is more challenging than simply playing drums.

Kai: It's really challenging. Just playing the kick alone is quite difficult, and you can't play fills smoothly within the flow. Also, you can't hit the crash in the middle of a fill. So, while rolling the toms, you end up hitting a sponge where the crash should be (laughs).

Interviewer: Especially in Western music, many bands avoid such intricacies and opt for programmed drums. Your skill in doing this live is impressive.

Kai: I wonder about that. It might come down to being about programming if you pursue it deeply. But right now, we're allowed to do it with live multi-tracking. By recording separately, there are parts where you can focus on other aspects. For example, when putting a crash at the end of a fill, you need to keep it in mind, but if you don't worry about the crash, you can strike with edge until the last hit. I changed my approach this time and got closer to the ideal sound.

Interviewer: It must be challenging, but if possible, I hope you won’t switch to programming in the future. So, what drum set did you use this time?

Kai: I used my Yamaha set. It's the oak one I use for live shows, and it's really good. I decided to use it because I like the tone of the toms, and overall, its quality is high. For the snare, I used both Sonor’s bell bronze and TAMA’s bell brass, depending on the song. I like the sound of bronze and brass, and it’s easy to shape the GazettE's sound with them. We really like tuning it low to get a solid, rich sound. I tried various options, but in the end, I settled on those two.

Interviewer: "MASS" indeed has many highlights in its drumming. How do you feel after making this album?

Kai: Through the production of this album, I once again realized that the GazettE is a very forward-looking band. It’s easy to fall into negative thinking, like "we can't do this because of the pandemic," but we took it as a driving force to keep moving. We released a new music video on March 10th, exactly one year after canceling our concert on March 10th last year. This shows the strength we have as a band to reach that point. Personally, I was very affected by the cancellation of the March concert. The pandemic took a toll on my mind, and there were times when I thought it would be dangerous for us to remain silent for so long. I realized how weak I was as an individual. But I was greatly saved by RUKI bringing in "BLINDING HOPE." The way the band picked up from there was truly amazing. I feel that this strength is unique to the GazettE, and "MASS" is packed with the GazettE's resilience and unwavering spirit. So, I hope it reaches as many people as possible.

Interviewer: I'm sure it will. Also, I’m looking forward to your live performances.

Kai: I really want to perform live again. When we perform live, I want to surpass fans' expectations...or rather, I think we must. As time passes, fans’ memories get idealized. We can't betray that, and I also have a desire to always surpass it. So, it can't just be a "long time no see!" kind of live show. We have accumulated something within us, and there's a strong desire to release that. I don't think it will be an ordinary live show, so please look forward to it.

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All translations are ChatGPT Scans: rad-is-more

[keeperoftinyarmy]

"we are different from other companies and BTS are making their own music and are being genuine" is a marketing argument. Their trademark if you will. It is what was ment to give them a edge to make a dent in the kpop market, since the company was starting from nothing and it's a highly competitive market. Again, it doesn't mean it's a complete lie. They did have them involved in the music and they did capitalize on their chemistry. It's very clear they bounce of each other naturally. Now they also were kids trusting the team on what they needed to do to succeed. During rehearsals, BangPD used to stop freeze the recording at any time and make them start all over if they weren't perfectly aligned (shoulders at the same height when jumping, etc....). So if the script said "hold each other's hand" they would do it and even add a slap on the butt maybe because they are comfortable with each other and there's nothing wrong with holding each other's hand any way. They are very very comfortable with each other's, more than any group I've ever seen. But physical intimacy doesn't mean sexual attraction. The other aspect you need to take into account is that SK is so homophobic, they don't see men being touchy with each other as any indication of their sexuality, because being gay is so unnatural they first think of locker room behavior. Of course some would still raise an eyebrow when seeing Jikook level of interactions. But if anything they did couldn't be brushed aside, there would be a scandal. So are they hiding in plain sight or are they just extremely close and playing it up because fans like it ?

They are entertainers, it's their job. Not just singers, entertainers. I would suggest you consider them as actors in a TV series. Their chemistry was so good the writer wrote more and more scenes for them and then they were even encouraged to improvise because their chemistry is this good and now most of it is improvised. Now, are they together off screen ? That would be their private life we know close to nothing about.

This part right here. I actually keep this in mind all the time when I watch content. I try to remember that they may not view things through the same lens as I do. There are people in my life that did not pick up on anything sexual/romantic in BTS/Jikook interactions. They just see a group of guys that were close. But I have also been with those people when they saw similar closeness between a male and female and immediately their thoughts went to “are they dating?” I have to remember that many people see life through a heteronormative view.

You’ve made some great points. Thank you for sharing. I truly appreciate it.

[broken-egg-yolk-blog]

part one

The issue with Will Solace is not that he is sarcastic and flirty. In fact, Nico finds that part of it incredibly endearing. The issue is that he acts that way with everyone. He had this underlying level of charm to him, one that seemed to lay under his skin and was deemed incapable of being washed away. It was the way he could banter with practically anyone like they were an old friend, granted most of them were but still, and starting conversations never seemed to prove any form of difficulty to him.

Nico pondered this as he watched Will stroll around the infirmary, his incredibly serious clipboard in hand. It didn’t bother Nico, it’s not like he would even admit it if it did, that the healer would share grins and jokes, and those stupid winks of his. It was truly unfortunate, in Nico’s eyes, that Will had been right. On some level, he did in fact have an undeniable charm to him. You have to be blind not to notice it.

“Has anyone told you that you have a staring problem?” Will had turned back towards Nico, one hand on his hip the other dangling at his side with the clipboard.

Nico flushed, playing it off with his trademark eyeroll, “You may have mentioned this.”

“It’s rather ironic, considering that you have trouble with eye contact,” Nico could nearly hear the playful smirk on Will’s lips, he didn’t need to look up from the speck on the floor to know it was there. “Maybe it’s just that overwhelming amount of charm I have.”

“I do not. And it’s not. You’re not-” Nico huffed, the words not settling right in his throat even after they were spoken. This was just downright unfair. The son of Apollo had this unsettling habit of constantly looking at the people he was speaking to, like directly at them. It made Nico flustered very often, another thing he would never admit, the idea that Will Solace was directly perceiving him as they spoke was enough to cause his sentences to trip and fall on the way out. It wasn’t as if he was pointedly trying to avoid eye contact either, the idea of staring someone directly in the eyes, especially if they happened to be Wills eyes, while trying to converse? Downright distracting in every way.

“Oh yeah, you’re totally cooked, too far gone.” Will shifted his weight, stepping closer to Nico and oh-so-casually leaning up against whatever piece of furniture was nearest. He said a silent thank you to the gods that it wasn’t a rolling cart this time.

“What does that even mean?” Nico peeled his gaze up and pointed it directly at the other boy's eyes, fighting against the uneasy feeling in his stomach.

“You’re obviously succumbing to my dangerous levels of charisma,” Will said, his words flourished with an ever dramatic and overly poetic tone.

“You are so incredibly pathetic.” Nico did his best to lace his own words with anguish and mild amounts of disinterest, he would have liked to think he had picked up pretty good acting skills over the past few years of deception. He, in reality, was not as destined for the stage as he hoped.

“Dudes love a distressed and pitiful man, y’know”

Nico’s face flushed bright red. Did Will know? How could he have known? Nico hadn’t told him about his not-so-secret secret. I mean it was exactly a secret at this point, a lot of people knew he was gay. A lot as in, maybe five people? Still, Nico wasn’t exactly parading that information around freely to anyone who held a conversation with him. Nicos mind shifted, Will had been talking about himself, perhaps the medic was speaking out of his own interest. It wouldn’t be unlikely, I mean if Nico had it correct Kayla had two dads. Maybe it ran in the family? Nico still wasn’t entirely sure how all of it worked. Piper had tried to explain it to him after a conversation he’d had with Jason, who proved to be very supportive but truly not much help, but her own knowledge was limited and Nico had gotten too embarrassed and left. Regardless, the thought swarmed around his head at a million miles an hour, he began to wonder if he had inhaled a swarm of flying insects at some point that had just now decided to wake from hibernation. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t thought about the possibility that Will took interest in other guys before, (out of pure, harmless curiosity, naturally.) but for some reason that statement had made it feel significantly more tangible.

“Hate to interrupt your very productive inventorying,” Kayla appeared from the back of the infirmary, Nico had almost forgotten that she had been there, “But I am incredibly bored and leaving you for archery practice.”

Will, looking to be very slightly embarrassed, glanced at the watch around his wrist and then around the room, appearing to make his mind up on if the infirmary would fall to pieces if she left. Nico didn’t think Will had a choice even if he did speak up, he had learned in the past few weeks that there really is no changing Kayla’s mind once it is set.

“Very well, I will simply have to suffer through your absence.”

“Ugh you’re so dramatic Will,”

Finally, Nico thought, someone sensible around here.

“I am just living my truth,” Will sighed, placing a hand over his heart and setting his face with feigned hardship.

“Yeah, yeah,” Kayla was mostly out the door, she turned back and shot a mischievous glance at her brother, “Try and get some actual work done will ya? And leave the poor boy alone, he’s suffered enough, he doesn’t need your ridiculous excuse of flirting to further it.”

When Nico looked over at Will he was surprised to see that they were roughly equal shades of red. That didn’t help Nico quiet the blush spreading across his face at rapid rates. Was Will actually flirting with him? There could be no way. He must act this way with everyone, there was no chance Nico could be that special.

Will cleared his throat, “Well, let’s get to work then.”

Nico gladly hopped down from his perch on the desk, grateful for any form of distraction. The infirmary was rather quiet, by some miracle. Only two beds were occupied. The summer air was warm and drifted through the room via the open windows that Will claimed would “help the healing”. It had grown to be a rather comfortable, consistent place for Nico, assuming it was overfilled and unstaffed (which was unfortunately often).

Will set him to work almost instantly, handing him a consistent stream of bandages to sort by size and file away into cabinets. They chatted as they worked, casual friendly banter that flowed naturally between them. Luckily Kayla’s comment seemed to knock a little bit of Wills obsession with being charming out of him for the moment being, Nico totally wasn’t even upset it in the slightest.

—

As their chore wore down slowly and the afternoon hot and late, Will plopped down onto and empty cot, laying back and letting his eyes shut. “Thank you again for the help, Neeks.”

“Yeah, anytime.” Nico replied, following Wills lead and falling on the cot beside him.

The two sat, a moment of shared silence between them. Will scootched closer to Nico, their legs brushing together as they hung off the edge of the mattress. Nico could feel Wills gaze burning into his cheek and reluctantly turned to meet his eyes.

“Hi,” Will said, his voice no more than a whisper.

“Hi,” Nico replied, “Why are you whispering?”

“Because.”

“That’s very specific and helpful.”

“You’re welcome,” Will eyes seemed to be tracing every detail of Nico’s face, his lips tugging into the softest most relaxed smile Nico had ever seen. Will readjusted his head, shifting it closer to Nico’s, their faces just inches apart, Nico could almost feel his breath if he focused hard enough.

Despite every instinct in his body screaming at him to look away, Nico held his gaze on the boy next to him. He found it more and more difficult to get a sufficient amount of air into his lungs or feel anything other than the electricity coursing through his veins and the overwhelming thumping of his heart in every major arteries.

“We’re really close,” Nico blurted out, still uselessly whispering.

“Yeah,” Will held for a beat, looking intently at Nico, “I got lonely,”

“You’re laying next to me,”

“And I still feel too far away.”

Nico’s stomach tensed, his throat tightened, palms sweat, breathing more uneven and shallow than before. This couldn’t be happening right now, every muscle in his body felt as if it was set on fire by the sun itself. In this case, the son of the sun.

Nico could not muster another response, just kept his eyes locked with Wills.

“Is it working?” Will asked finally, in a breathy whisper that made Nico want to make decisions that could ruin his entire life.

Nico blinked, “What?”

“My charm. Is it working yet?”

Nico shot up, groaning, “Shut up, Solace, actually fuck you,”

“Is that an offer?”

“~NO!”

part three

[s10127470]

So recently I've been seeing some discourse online about voice actors.

Particularly ones that can only really do one voice.

We're talking about the likes of Kristen Schaal, Dana Snyder, Patrick Warburton, Kevin McDonald, Keith David, Brad Garrett, H. Jon Benjamin, David Kaufman, Brian Stepanek and Eddie Deezen.

However, it's not in the way you may be thinking.

In fact, the discourse is about praising these guys and showcasing just how good of VAs they are despite only being able to do one voice.

Thought it did get me thinking about another notable VA that can also only do one voice.

However, in contrast to the VAs I just mentioned, they're looked down on for that.

If you haven't guessed who it is already, I'm talking about the infamous Justin Roiland.

It got me wondering why are the aforementioned VAs so beloved and praised as being good, while Justin isn't.

Well putting aside the obvious fact that they're not abusive creeps or talentless hacks, there are a few reasons I can think of.

Characters and Inflictions:

Despite using the same voice for their characters, what truly makes those aforementioned VAs such great VAs are....well, the characters they play.

Just about all the characters those VAs are different from each other, and the VAs use different inflictions in order to perfectly capture their personalities.

Justin unfortunately lacks this skill.

A common complaint towards his characters is that a lot of them tend of feel similar to one another.

Which is not helped by his lack of a vocal range.

The worst examples of this are in the case of Rick & Korvo and Morty & Oscar.

The latter duo have this the worst.

Not only being similar to each other character-wise, but also having the EXACT same voice.

Rick and Korvo are a little better (though not by much) since the latter does sound a little different (though once again, not by again), but they still suffer the problem of being too similar to each other from a characterization standpoint.

Acting:

Although most people consider them two separate mediums, acting and voice acting are essentially similar to one another, as it involves performing as a character.

And although they can only do one voice, you can tell those aforementioned VAs can actually act!

They can actually sell on the emotion their character may be feeling.

H. Jon Benjamin is one of my favorites when it comes to this.

Because of how he always talks in a monotone voice, I always get taken aback whenever he screams or yells.

They just sound so genuine.

Now compare this to Justin.

Justin seems incapable of doing emotional moments.

Whenever he does, it feels rather stilled and somewhat forced.

Like, compare his last official voice performance on Rick and Morty....

To some scenes featuring some of the aforementioned VAs.....

You can hear the emotion in their performances!

Back to that Mr. Poopy Butthole scene.

Apart from the fact that at the point of this episode's premiere, Justin's trademark of doing an annoying goofy voice has ran its course and became, well, annoying.

Listen to when PB is in pain.

He doesn't really sound like it.

Like dude, his legs were crushed.

He should be screaming bloody murder!

But instead he just sounds like he's having a sugar rush.

Justin is also famous for heavily relying on ad-libbing and improvising when it comes to voice acting.

Hence his trademark stuttering

And while that isn't a bad thing in itself, it gives off the impression that he really just can't voice act.

And given how much of a talentless hack he was proven to be, I honestly believe that is the case.

There's also the fact that he famously drinks before voice acting.

And I don't think I need to explain to anyone here how alcohol can negatively affect....well, anything.

Quantity:

I think the biggest reason why so many people don't like Justin's voice acting is just how of him there is.

Justin famously has a lot of voice roles in Rick and Morty.

Not just voicing the titular duo, but also a decent chunk of secondary characters and a WHOLE LOT of extras.

Contrast that to the aforementioned VAs, who only really voice one character in whatever show they're in.

Bar a few exceptions like Bob's Burgers.

Since after hearing so many characters voiced by Justin in the same show, you can't help but start to get tired of it.

And I know there's gonna be some people who are gonna bring up Seth MacFarlane and Alex Hirsch, two creator who also voiced a lot of characters in their shows.

Both in the main and secondary cast.

And as extras.

But both of them use different voices for just about every character they voice.

And although this is a slightly smaller example, but the MTV animated series Undergrads had the series creator, Pete Williams, voice all FOUR of the main protagonists.

And to this day, I'm still shocked by his performance as all four of them.

Like, they all sound so different from each other. So much so that you wouldn't be able to tell that they're all voiced by the same dude.

To wrap this all up, I wanna bring up one last thing that makes this especially bad.

And it doesn't have to do with Justin's quality.

Apparently, the reason why Justin voiced so many characters in this show was so he could use it as an excuse to not get fired.

Anyway, that's all I have for today.

A short post, but something I wanted to talk about.

And also, Justin, if you're reading this......

Go fuck yourself.

[hitomisuzuya]

The recent event made me incredibly happy for Wanderer. He didn’t win (not that he really cared to) but can I have Reader giving him lots of hugs and kisses as a participation reward for him? :3

Wanderer x fem!reader. Hugs. Kisses. Scara being shy. Fluff. Drabble. Slight Inter-darshan Championship event spoilers.

Omg this request is so sweet. I hope you enjoy. I know you guys don't fancy my fluffy, romance stuff as much as my smut, but I enjoy writing stuff like this too.

"You take care to make sure that Wanderer consistently keeps up with his studies, y/n," Nahida said, grinning up at you as you heard Wanderer's trademark scoff.

You nodded. "Of course. I'll take some classes with him. It'll be fun." You returned her smile, and looked over at Wanderer.

"Yay, my own personal hall monitor," Wanderer rolled his eyes. However, he supposed he would tolerate studying, taking classes, writing essays and taking tests if it meant you were there with him.

Once Nahida has left you two alone, you threw your arms around Wanderer in a hug. "I am so proud of you, Wanderer. I saw you steal the Diadem from Layla, and zip through the air dodging everyone. You were amazing! And you almost won. And you helped bring those men that were going to kidnap Sachin to justice. This competition truly couldn't have gone on without you."

Wanderer smirked. Oh, please keep talking. He knew how great he was. And he especially liked hearing how great he was coming from you. "Don't mention it." He wrapped his arms around you, returning your embrace after a few moments.

He sighed, frustrated as he broke the embrace. Crossing his arms, Wanderer looked at you, raising an eyebrow. He sighed again, impatiently this time. "Well, I'm waiting," He said, pointing his finger at you and making a come hither motion with it.

"Waiting for what?" You asked, cocking your head curiously.

"You said if I participated like Nahida asked, there would be a kiss in the for me after all this bull was said and done," He explained, blushing.

You smiled.

You hadn't forgotten.

You just wanted to hear him ask outloud for it. Sometimes you couldn't just give him what he wanted right away all the time. It was good to make him work for it every once and awhile.

The moment your lips connected with his, Wanderer pulled his hat down to cover his face and yours.

He'd been waiting for this moment since the competition had started.

[vro0m]

Honestly, I don't feel like being done for swearing in press conferences is a big deal, and is being blown up by conflating it with other scenarios.

No, I don't think drivers should be penalised for swearing whilst they're concentrating on racing other people at high speeds. No, I don't think they should be penalised for swearing when Sky grunt 362 swings an overhead microphone over a conversation they're having with another driver. No, I don't think they should be penalised for swearing whilst Netflix are stalking them around the paddock (for a TV show rated 15 in the UK).

However, I don't think it's unreasonable for the FIA to say, "here is a press conference you are requires to do as part of your job. All you have to do is answer the questions clearly and keep the language broadcastable." It just doesn't seem like a hard or undue ask.

I totally agree that's it's being conflated with other scenarios and that's it's not unreasonable to ask them to monitor themselves when they are calmly speaking to the media.

What's annoying is that's not what Ben Sulayem complained about. He complained about race radios, and what followed made him look like a childish tyrant who got pissed that the general feedback to his comment was that it's absurd and unnecessary and he took the first occasion to assert his authority like "oh you think you can discuss my orders well no" and said first occasion didn't even match the situation he was talking about in the first place so you're kinda left wondering if the point is truly language or his now trademark all-powerful authority fantasy.

(The whole thing is made worse by the fact that it's not the first time that he pops up out of nowhere making up or trying to enforce rules about ridiculous and over-controlling stuff and by the fact that he seems to only pop up for that and nothing ever remotely actually relevant for the sport.)

Also the punishment went from 0 to 100 really quick. Ben Sulayem complaining about language to the media isn't exactly the same thing as the FIA taking a stance on it because despite what he seems to think Ben Sulayem ISN'T The FIA all by himself. You'd think they'd start by officially taking a stance about it and stating they would now expect the drivers to not swear during press con (which again isn't the same thing as what Ben Sulayem was saying anyway) and then issue warnings for the first weekend and then MAYBE start with some punishment if it keeps happening but even then I'd expect fines before community service. It just reinforces the feeling that this isn't actually about swearing but about Ben Sulayem's authority over the drivers.

Finally, I personally question with what authority the FIA is policing how they express themselves in the first place, warranted or not, because they're supposed to monitor rules and safety and imo what language the drivers use is neither. They'll argue this is about respecting the image of the sport or whatever I know there's an article about it in the rules that's been used in questionable ways before but it would make more sense to me if FOM asked the drivers to watch their language rather than the FIA because they're the ones managing the media and marketing aspect of things and this isn't about racing at all.

[nothingbutnowhere]

Hockey player au! John "Soap" Mactavish headcanons

Note: extremely suggestive of ghoap and a little hint of ghoap x reader if you are so inclined to read it that way (she/her used)

...

Defenseman. Loves getting dirty in the d-zone corners, double teaming opponents and getting his stick in there, but still good at penetrating the o-zone and he's not afraid to drop down and hammer it in. The puck that is. (these are all things I've heard on broadcasts of NHL games, the innuendos that the play by play guys use are insane).

Menace! Absolute fucking menace!!! Mean bastard on the ice, intense in the locker room during games. Sass and tough guy act during media availability, all part of his rugged charm. But practice with the boys? He gets silly. Watch out! You could be getting pranked.

Backcheck, forecheck, paycheck. Heavy hits along the walls, BIG open ice hits, and killer hip checks (my personal favorite). Throws the type of hits everyone is always arguing about on twitter 🙄 He can be found in front of the net pushing and shoving opponents around. If you want a stick in the back he's your guy. Many, many a player has ended up in a headlock, getting a face wash after the whistle. On the shorter side for a hockey player which broadcasters always bring up but you'd never know by just watching him on the ice (they just hate a short king (anything under 6' is short in the NHL)).

He'll fight anyone, including the refs because that was a terrible icing call he absolutely had the guy beat! No he was onside! Tripping?! He dove!

Constantly dropping the gloves and getting into trouble. He'd be an enforcer if he wasn't a damn good player too. It's a good thing the players union keeps the fines low.

There's a whole YouTube page dedicated to his fights and hits with paragraphs of arguments on the legalities in the comments.

Scar on his chin from a skate cut during a game. Very scary in the moment because it bled a lot. Needed a ton of stitches but no major damage. 

Has more points than you'd think for a non-offensive defenseman. He really is good in the corners and swiping pucks off sticks, popping them out to the offense. Many goals have been scored by a Soap takeaway and a stretch pass to spring Gaz for a breakaway.

He'll tackle his teammates during their or his celly. He really truly cares about the boys. It's evident in the way he plays, how intense he is on the bench, and the helmet kisses. Wait, what? Yep, hockey players will sometimes show physical affection via helmet or even a kiss on the cheek. Not often, but it's all very sweet 🥹 Drives hockey twitter wild.

Chews on his mouth guards like they owe him money and he can extract it by destroying them.

Oh, you wanna fuck with Ghost? You're gonna have to go through him first. Will go feral on a guy for so much as breathing in the direction of his goalie. Ghost appreciates him very much. Probably. The bond between a goalie and his defensemen is so special, something you'll hear (in not so many words) from Soap himself. At the end of a win he'll have the longest head bonk to Ghost. Saying what? We'll never know cause neither of them will ever be mic'd up.

I say this for Gaz too but THIGH. This man's thighs are tree trunks. Rucks up short shorts on purpose. For the media. And the guys. Ask twitter and they can provide many examples.

Mic'd up status: You cannot. Under any circumstances. Mic this guy up. You'd have to bleep the whole thing for broadcast. Shorsey levels of explicit, he's gotten unsportman like conduct penalties for it. He and Gaz are a dangerous duo when it comes to chirps.

Hockey hair status: Excellent. Mohawk is 10/10. Starts a new trend with the kids. Absolutely does warmups without his helmet to show off the flow. (Could also see him with a mullet 100%). Ends up with so much facial hair during the playoffs

Roster pic: kinda bad :( why does he look surprised? Why is his face so red? His hair is fucked up?? They didn't even fix his trademark look?! Where the fuck did they just pull him from to take this photo??? (I love when players have shitty roster photos idk it's so funny to me)

WAG status: only recently in a serious relationship. She's sweet and pretty, instantly good friends with the other WAGs and taken under their wing since this is all very new to her. Surprisingly, has dark hair (most hockey WAGs seem to be blond??). Posts a lot on social media, generally seems to be having a great time. Always seems like Ghost is in the background of pictures of her and Soap? Hmmm.... Don't ask twitter about that.

...

I do NOT consent for my works, part of my works, or my ideas to be used for ANY form of AI.

More hockey au: Ghost | Soap | Gaz | Price

Note: WAG stands for wife and girlfriend or the plural, used to refer to sports guy's significant others. Yes it is heteronormative.

A/N: I didn't factor nationality into this. There have been very few Scottish-born NHL players and all of them were raised in Canada. Do with that what you will. I'll never actually write fics for this, but I have headcanons. I know a moderate amount about hockey and next to nothing about cod so apologies. Completely unserious. Just some silly little thoughts :) plus letterkenny reference!