#I have long given up talking about it
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The 3 spirits haunting me this winter:
Oh wow, mood low, didn’t see you there. Please stay, make yourself at home and constantly remind me of what awful trash I am.
Ah hi, sad vocaloid song obsession, I haven’t seen you since 2016. Come, join my mood low on the couch.
And of course, my crippling feeling of loneliness while being surrounded by loving people, you complete this clown assembly perfectly, thanks for showing up too.
#the old old urge to obsess over vocaloid with someone#but I cannot make others understand#I have long given up talking about it#kind of sucks to be unable to share deep interests with anyone#hello future gf please have a 3 am chat with me about how good sadistic music factory is#that will never happen hahahaha#cries in I want a gf#with the same weird interests#at least my ed is staying out of my life this winter#also deep interest is not limited to vocaloid#I tend to like things too intensely and get absolutely obsessed fast#which is why I think I am not a fun person to be around#which never used to bother me much#but suddenly…I like need people to like the things I like?#I feel like others just tolerating them only makes me feel worse#it feels just like another way of being rejected…just with a soft hug attached#and I know this mind set will change at some point I hope so#I am too not interested in stuff my friends are interested in#it’s normal#but I just want one friend who likes vocaloid the way I do#or any of my interests#ahahaha#it’s just hormones ahahaha
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Tim I noticed a lot of indigenous patches on your jacket, are you Native?
Idk what my dad was 'cause I never knew him, but yeah my mom is (or... Was.. I guess..) Muscogee, the tribe native to the part of Alabama I'm in.
If I remember correctly she came to Alabama from Oklahoma (where a lot of Natives were displaced to in the 1800s) to "get back to her roots."
But yknow, I was separated from her in childhood (which tbh is upsettingly common for Native families) and I was raised in a very white very Catholic asylum so I'm not as connected to the culture as I'd like to be.
-Tim
#OOC: Olea speaking#this is kind of a self-indulgent headcanon but HEAR ME OUT it adds a lot to Tim's character specifically#we're talking about a character who was separated from his mom in childhood and locked up in a psych ward#suffers from chronic physical and mental illness made significantly worse by the institution that was supposed to be helping him#forced to regulate his emotions more than other people have to so he isnt misinterpreted as a threat#struggles with addiction#had to work twice as hard as anyone else in his friend group just to be given the same opportunities#a much more common experience inside BIPOC communities#and he clearly has ties to the land (especially the park) nobody else has#you know how in season 2 Alex starts yapping to Jay about how the park is cursed?#maybe he was right#maybe that *thing* has been here for hundreds of years#and nobody was ever able to settle the land so eventually the Department of Conservation turned it into a state park#and Tim isnt some random “patient zero”#but he has ancestral ties to the land and was more receptive/at risk to Operator Sickness (but was also more resistant to it long term)#JUST SAYIN 👀#im half Katu and I desire my comfort character to be a halfie with me we need more non-white rep in mh#ask.txt#marble hornets#mh#tim wright#afterlife au#slenderverse#Native!Tim
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i think a really great aspect of oofuri is how much it gets mihashi's ass for being overly timid and dependent. it would be really easy to write off the way he and abe interact as being abe's fault because he is overbearing, and a lot of people do, but it has some really great moments of going "hey, you cannot hide behind abe or depend on him to make every decision. it's not good for you, or him, or the team."
#oofuri#yeah abe is a little overbearing but it is often because mihashi does not make decisions on his own so abe is just filling in the gaps#because he really and truly cannot make a good guess about what mihashi wants#because mihashi has never said anything about what he wants#but any time mihashi has ever voiced a complaint or suggestion abe takes it into account#he is not dismissive#he just doesn't think to ask because 1. mihashi has never given abe a straight answer to anything 2. abe is not very good at being social!!#autistic teen boy who needs things said simply to him paired up with autistic teen boy who thinks saying things simply will get him killed#abe should ask more but mihashi also needs to say more. abe can't read his mind and he shouldn't have to that's not how relationships work#i get a little irritated at the perception that abe is treating mihashi poorly#what is he meant to do when mihashi doesn't talk to him#i am thinking about the scene where tajima gets mad at mihashi#and tells him 'you can't play baseball with just abe'#because mihashi being incapable of speaking his mind and acting on his own isn't good for the team#and abe will pick up the slack but that isn't how things should be#i did not like the bijou game but i really liked it showcasing the strain it put on abe to make all of the calls#and there is a lot there to be said about how his willingness to do everything but actually pitch for mihashi#stems from how bad catching for haruna was for him#because he felt alone at the catcher's plate the same way mihashi did on the mound#and that. fucking scene of abe begging haruna to pitch. augh. he'll do the rest please just pitch#abe can do everything else as long as mihashi stays on the mound#obsessed with mihashi and abe mutually being so worried that the other person will not be there
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Average fma fan talking about 03 positively: Man, it's such a miracle that the 2003 anime is written even halfway decently! After all, the writers who, as we know, have never written anything in their lives before [citation needed], they had to work while locked in individual underground cells [citation needed], only fed scraps of fma lore by Arakawa herself [citation needed] while her story was actually fully formed by the first printing of her manga in Monthly Shonen Gangan [citation needed] but they were adapting the initial first volume of manga and oopsy-daisy shot past it [citation needed], so they made up every plot beat, character arc, storyboard, and lore change completely on the fly and very randomly [citation needed]. Even though they tried to 1:1 adapt her story [citation needed, contradicted by existing sources], they fumbled the job and butchered her story, characters, and lore. Arakawa sagely forgave them [citation needed]. But somehow it's a cohesive story?! Wow! Even though the story is sad, dark, scares me, makes me cry, violent, gorey, and my fave ships aren't endgame, so -50 demerits. Still, good job team! A treat! A treat for the monkeys working the typewriters at Studio Bones circa 2002-2004! #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood
#something about the way fma fans talk about the writers and animators for the show... I don't like it one bit#it's... perhaps patronizing isn't the perfect word for it but something akin to it#like they're talking down to a gaggle of untrained school children who made their first animated short ever#instead of skilled professionals who actually put time and thought to the story#and weren't just making shit up on the fly per episode#all while acting like 1) the manga was even remotely complete by that point (there was only one tankoban when 03 was given the green light)#2) as if we don't have direct statements from Arakawa and Studio Bones that she provided some materials to them while requesting they creat#their own unique adaptation rather than following the manga#and 3) as if the team didn't plot out their own story & themes that they wanted to explore long before the first batch of episodes aired#(a lot of it is ignorance regarding the production process of animated media)#vent#fma 03
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irt poverty/homelessness + alcohol use (esp with @butchfeygela‘s tags on my post)- people really underestimate the function that substance use/alcohol use can have for someone who is unhoused. being unhoused is boring, cold, painful, + lonely. substances can allow the 8 hours panhandling to get the $45 you need for a motel to fly by. alcohol reduces your perception of the cold + can knock you out whben you can’t sleep. substances can help you cope with the physical deterioration from malnutrition, constant stress, + sleeping outside. substances can provide social connection with others who you would otherwise not enjoy or help you cope with being alone.
not only that but- many unhoused people are stuck in a seemingly inescapable position. the pathway to financial stability or even housing is difficult or even impossible. in the wake of that hopelessness, the downsides of substance use start to seem insignificant. arrest? you’re getting arrested anyway for sleeping outside, peeing outside, standing in the wrong place, etc. physical danger? you’re already beat the fuck up, anyway, right? loss of relationships? you’ve lost most people already. inability to keep a job? nobody will hire you + you can’t stay employed, anyway, because you have no car + no shower.
perhaps for you or me, the cons of heroin use or binge drinking nightly greatly outweigh the pros. that isn’t the case for everyone. if we are really serious about ending overdose/addiction, we need to start looking at giving people lives worth recovering into instead of shaming them for their own hopelessness.
#i had a long talk with my dad once about how#my brother sank into so much financial despair#that he was never going to be able to find#a livable job or housing (eviction record#plus bad credit plus#arrest record ofc#he was going to be forced into poverty for the rest of his life#the only job prospects he had were menial shit jobs#he once worked at one of those chicken butchering places#it was the only place that paid him a living wage but he got fired for relapsing#his only options were to go to school part time + try to pass with his dyslexia which made him essentially unable to read#then work a horrible shitty job the rest of the time#while paying atlanta's outrageous rent prices#plus who is he gonna room with?? all his friends are opioid users!#while he paid back all the debt he accrued from going to rehab#then MAYBE after like 6 years of school he could get a decent job#but his credit would be in flames for years his eviction record there for years#his arrest record + lack of driver's license limiting his employment..#sorry but i would have probably given up at that point too#not to mention his interpersonal + familial relationships up in flames + the shame#of the things he did while using hanging over his head#the only family member who didn't think he was an irredeemable fuckup (me) living a thousand miles away + about as broke as him#substance use#harm reduction
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I love giving advice, apparently, so if you are a newly pierced person or are planning on being pierced, here are some of the things I found helpful, as somebody who isn't a professional piercer but has had six plus piercings on my face and body, and multiple ear piercings (which I don't count, since I DIY'd them):
Normal bath towels are your enemy, proceed with caution after bathing. NEVER wipe moisture away from a fresh piercing, always pat it dry
You will hit a new piercing and it will hurt. This is inevitable, just know that you likely haven't destroyed it. Feel free to cry, though, it hurts like hell.
If your piercer gives you instructions, heed them. If you're on restrictions, please take it as seriously as possible
When you're going in for a piercing, please eat or drink something - at least what constitutes as a snack for your body. It really helps
If you're getting an oral piercing, make sure you size down after the healing period - I hadn't sized down for my last oral piercing when I first had the chance, and it was... so annoying to have too-large of jewelry
Not all jewelry is made equally. Do your research on materials, threading, and sizing. I've found that titanium jewelry is really nice for me, and I like it, but that isn't the only option. Make sure you think about your body and its needs and preferences
Close your eyes while being pierced (I found this really helps me)
Don't over-clean a new piercing, twice per day is usually a good place to start
The completed healing period is a very average suggestion - you may heal slower or faster. Try to adhere to that suggestion, though, especially if you do not feel you're healed enough
Personally, I have found that I am completely healed when my piercing feels like just another part of my body, even when it is touched. When my piercings start to feel as though they are foreign when they never do before, I know I likely need to clean them
While I have DIY'd piercings, I personally do not recommend it, especially if you are either not using sterilized equipment, or are piercing a very dangerous place (like the tongue). If you are absolutely positive about committing to the DIY mindset, please try to do due diligence in research at least
Tip your piercer. Body mods are a luxury service, and it takes years to even become a piercer, much less to be proficient at it. Tip your piercer, ESPECIALLY if their prices feel too good to be true - they likely are. Unless you are directed otherwise by your piercer, just assume that you will be tipping them for their services and budget accordingly
Make sure you understand how your piercer wants you to take care of your piercing, and ask questions. There is no question too "dumb"
If you are getting a body part pierced you are insecure about, realize your piercer has most likely seen HUNDREDS of different body parts of various sizes, shapes, and oddities. Your body is not uniquely bad, nor would a good piercer make you feel unwelcome or uncomfortable with your body. If they do, however, DO NOT go through with the piercing. You should feel safe being pierced by somebody, and, indeed, that is the bare minimum.
If you use saline wash to clean piercings, you can DIY it. You will go through NeilMed like no other, and with it being $5USD a bottle, that price can rack up quickly. Make sure you use distilled water and non-iodized salt, though
If your piercing is infected, please don't be too ashamed to seek help. It's in your best interest to make sure you don't get ill or your site gets nasty ("nasty" as in painful)
These are just some of the things I've learned being a pierced person! My piercings are something I absolutely needed, and I do not for a minute regret having them. I want that same happiness to befall you, and that happens when you are able to understand a bit more what goes into piercings. You are, essentially, getting a new body part installed by a pro, and so I don't want you to not be ready for that.
Again, I am not a professional piercer, but am rather a body piercing enthusiast with many different types of piercings. I don't have every piercing, though, so please look at this critically for the piercing(s) that you want or have. At least, treat this like a soft suggestion or ways to help you brainstorm what you will find helpful.
More tips are obviously welcomed, especially if you yourself have more insight or expertise. Good luck to every pierced person or future pierced person reading this💛
#body modification#body mods#piercings#body piercing#long post#honestly i love having a professional relationship with my piercer and i feel so happy to be pierced by her#i think the client and piercer relationship is a very important aspect of getting a piercing#and i don't think people talk about that part much. you should feel SAFE being around your piercer#they are literally creating a new hole in your body with a needle. that is a very vulnerable position to be in#but i'm honestly shocked at how cheap my piercer is...#...so my last piercing was only $50USD and that included the (nice) jewelry. i feel that in that cast tipping 60% was worth it...#...i know that can rack up the cost of the piercing but especially if you LIKE your piercer (like i do) - try being as generous as possible#i personally LOVE tipping my piercer and it's the best way i can show her that i LOVE her work even when i tell her#love having a personal blog that i can be autistic about piercings!!!!! I LOVE THIS ANCIENT TRADITIONNNN#one of my profs let us write about anything as long as it was an essay and i went Insane writing about historical piercing practices#LOVE ALL TYPES OF PIERCINGS especially ones that are used to 'scare' outsiders <3#when i was a kid they used to tell us about the Mystical African Tribes that STRETCHED THEIR LIPS (scary!!!!)...#...if it isn't obvious i hate that the lip plate especially practiced by the Mursi and many others have been used for frankly rascist ideas#i brought up the lip thing because i learned a lot about iirc the Mursi practice of lip plating and it's given me more appreciation for it!!#it's ENDLESSLY fascinating and i wish i hadn't been shown the negative bias against them first
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Aww, Ash admitted to me when we were discussing Star Wars opinions that she's not only thought about these things before, she's actually really feeling like using her advanced creative writing degree to write ...................... fanfiction, and has actually done so in the past.
me, shoving my 67 SW fanfics on AO3 under the bed: Oh hey, awesome! That sounds really interesting.
#eventually we did compare our different planetary headcanons#she's like 'even legends never explained xyz thing about the sith and i had a lot of fun coming up with this whole plot about it...'#me: 'i support you having fun with it! i also wrote a fic where i came up with a bunch of planetary headcanons#different planet but i had this whole idea about alderaan having a now long-past but still impactful colonialist history#and wrote some fics in which that's significant'#her (visibly relieved): oh wow i had no idea#having a very online star wars friend irl who has no idea about my fannish history is a very charming experience haha#she obviously thought i might judge her over star wars fanfic and spending her time on insufficiently literary things and meanwhile i'm. me#anghraine babbles#fic talk#star wars#rl: ash#honestly even more delightful given that i've been thinking a ton about the lucy fics lately and how much i want to write tjatsl's sequel
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my sweet little baby man is no longer with us
#he had his bloodwork done yesterday and the vet said it was fine but he doesnt have much time left#and my bestie is a vet tech who wanted to see the lab results bc she always does and she looked at them#and asked me if she can shiw them to her boss today and i was like sure and immediately knew something was up#today keekki was being himself#then i went to run some errands and when i came back he was laying in front of the front door with his tiny baby head against it#and i was like ''oh ok one of his seizures?''#and theyre like. keekki will drool and not move and they usually last for like 20 minutes (several vets have no idea whats up with those#but it was probably either a kidney or a blood pressure thing)#anyways. it did not pass in 20 minutes so i Knew#i laid on the floor next to him#then my bff sent me a message asking me if i have the time to talk about keekki and its not good news#at this point i was about to call the vet anyways#and she was like ''ok i showed these to my boss (a vet) and she got super angry that ur vet even let you leave the clinic''#bc apparently keekkis bloodwork was so bad he should have been put down then and there but my vet was like a fresh half graduate#so i dont hold it against her. anyways i got an euthanasia appointment for this evening and spent the time before it laying on the couch#crying with keekki in my arms#i had to carry him bc he couldnt really walk without stumbling and falling down#when i had to get up to get his carrier and stuff ready he was taking a nap on the couch where i left him and i took this pic#anyways worst vet visit of my life i could hardly even do anything but nod half the time bc speaking results in me sobbing#anyways. this fucking sucks#i dont know how ill be able to sleep tonight#its been years since i last slept at home without having a little guy plop into my arms#i spent a long time with him in the vet room when he was gone#it feels surreal ive given him his last ever forehead kisses#as i left the room i told him bye the exact same way ive been saying bye to him for the last very many years ive had him#its always moikka keekki before i go to work or the store or literally anything#and that was my last moikka keekki#i hope he felt how loved he was#my dad is sending me older pics of me and keekki and he looks so happy in them. hes always right next to me#idk man im going to stop rambling now
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i've been dying for a poll option ever since i saw my followers' answers to that text post from february 2022 asking people whether they pronounce beloved as "be-lov-ed" or "be-loved". many people were emphatic about only using one option, and many others use both but were not always able to articulate when they use 2 syllables vs. 3. so out of the goodness of my heart and my insatiable lust for knowledge i have gone through the notes on that post and written down some likely contenders! you're welcome!!!!
BEFORE YOU ANSWER! think about how you would pronounce beloved in the following syntactic contexts:
noun, talking directly to the beloved: hey there beloved
noun, talking about rather than to the beloved: my beloved lives in a pineapple under the sea
adjective in a noun phrase: my beloved x lives in a pineapple under the sea
verb participle: x is beloved by y
okay poll time! there are no wrong answers!! and apologies in advance if i didn't capture your truth, i only had 10 options and life is a rich tapestry!!
#oh man i could have easily come up with another 5-8 options but they cap you at 10. which is probably a good thing#one person said they say 'my be-lov-ed x' but 'my much be-loved x'. the only difference being the 'much'. couldn't fit that one on here#someone else said they use 3 syllables in a possessive noun phrase (my be-lov-ed x) but 2 if it's not possessive (the be-loved x)#one person said it depends on whether it's past or present & i wasn't exactly sure what that meant. 'x is beloved' vs. 'x was beloved'?#i also think there's likely a distinction for some people between 'x was beloved' and 'x was beloved by y' but couldn't get into that#oh and then there's 'beloved by' vs. 'beloved of'#and since some of these are syntactic distinctions and some are semantic or otherwise i'm sure there's a whole matrix of combinations#like '3-syll noun if it's a person but 2 if it's a thing. 2-syll adjective/verb participle for both people and things'#that was beyond the scope of this poll lol#but mostly why i'm so curious is because people will very emphatically say something that might not mean what they think it means#like for instance i got the impression that at least some of the people saying 'be-lov-ed when i'm talking to them‚ be-loved when i'm#talking about them' actually mean they use be-lov-ed as a noun and be-loved otherwise#and some of the people saying 'always 2 syllables' probably have exceptions that they weren't thinking of at the moment#in particular 'dearly beloved'#and i'm very curious to know if 3-syllable people still use 3 syllables in the construction 'he was beloved by all'#so i think people's answers might change when given a list of more detailed options#fun with pronunciation#prosody#my posts#also i stressed for so long about what to call beloved in the 'x is beloved by y' construction#but settled on verb participle because i think it's fairly descriptive and accurate#so hopefully that's not too confusing? like it is a verb participle but for a verb that doesn't exist anymore (other than the participle)?#and even in 'my beloved x' beloved is a verb participle being used as an adjective if you're thinking more etymologically#but a lot of people were distinguishing 'be-loved as a verb' from other forms and i assume what they meant by that was 'x is beloved'
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he still has his tonsils. by the way if you even care
#sorry this is fucking UNINTELLIGIBLE but unfortunately i’m still on my bullshit about dr. daddyissues. yeah it’s gonna be all month#i am rotating episode 2.8 ‘the mistake’ in my head at breakneck speed. i am gnawing on it i want to swallow it#oh he’s such a lying liar who lies. charming little bastard. would rather die/lose his license than express one wholly unaffected emotion#‘he thinks not giving a crap makes him like house. like it’s something to aspire to’ quick question HOW serious do the daddy issues have to#be before you start latching on to fucking GREGORY HOUSE as a paternal figure and role model. really#even cameron is not down this bad. even WILSON is not down this bad.#the daddy issues of it all are very understandable though because even setting aside whatever went down back in childhood that shit his#father did to him in seasons 1-2 is SO messed up. jesus#imagine traveling all the way across the world to the hospital your son works in for a consult which confirms what you already knew: you’re#going to die of cancer in like 2 months. making a whole point out of stopping by to visit your son. not telling him what’s going on.#letting him spend a whole episode’s worth of time gradually coming to terms with his complicated feelings towards you (complicated on#account of a whole childhood of objectively awful parenting). the kid finally is able to try reaching back out to you. after YOU initiated#the contact in the first place. how do you react? well obviously by telling him ‘oh sorry i actually have to get in a taxi right now’ and#fucking back off to the other side of the world without giving him a chance to actually talk to you at all and resolve any of the emotions#you just dredged up. oh by the way you still haven’t fucking told him you’re about to die and in fact actively mislead him into thinking#he’s going to have the chance to try meeting with you again next time he visits your home country.#especially fucked up given that the whole reason it DID take your son so long to come around THIS time is that he feels like every time#he’s tried reaching out to you in the past you’ve just disappointed him by refusing to put in the effort to meet him there.#And Now Here We Are Again.#rowan what the FUCK is wrong with you. i want to dig you up and kill you again#house md#robert chase#caseyposting
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rewatch thoughts - ep 408
i love this episode so much
"how are the girls doing? that's a stupid question, we're all doing terrible. everyone's terrible. how are you doing?"
it was such a perfect choice to pick this one moment in time. not the immediate aftermath of his death, not the funeral, not even like 6 months later to show how his absence is affecting everyone (which is the kind of time jump they excel at), but this one small, ordinary, tedious moment of having to sift through the belongings of a loved one and decide what to keep
i can never listen to So Far Away and not feel all the feels
joe finding a book gordon will never get to finish reading in his jacket always gets to me the most
i love how almost childish donna is when she's talking to cam about how she's upset with joanie
also: cam using her cool adult status to swipe joanie's cigarettes
joanie thinking her mother cares about what her friends will say about her daughter not going to college is so off the mark, joanie your mother does not have friends
i will never not die on this hill: she says "unfortunately there aren't a lot of people like you" full stop, not "anymore"
sisters <3
I MISS YOU TOO, we don't talk enough about how she was being so brave
"don't you ever do that to me again" "i won't" is such a dagger-to-the-heart way to end the episode
#halt and catch fire#hacf 2024 rewatch#i'm sure i have talked before about the moment where donna is closing her eyes#she has wanted to hear cam say these words for so long#she has given up on hearing them for so long even#that cam finally saying them feels like a blow#like my girl was bracing herself for another rejection so much#she was not armed to deal with anything else
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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satine/christian for the fandom asks?
buckle up and get ready cause this is gonna be a long way down 😎
• when I started shipping it if I did: i insantly felt their chemistry the moment they started dancing together at the rouge, and clearly she thought he was the duke at first because of some misunderstanding that she saw with tolouse when zidler was talking to her about it. and obviously when we first see christian at the elephant and satine thinks he’s up there to go sleep with her, their banter from the getgo is really hilarious too cause christian is sort of clueless and awkward at first and she's just doing her job and tries to get off at his "poetry" but then he starts to belt into song, his voice and his words light up the city, and her world too.
the elephant love medley is definitely when i think i truly started to feel their connection, it's literally a conversation told through song about their own perceptions of love and what they think could become of them once they give in, and when they finally kiss, it's one that sparks up and sends fireworks blasting up the night sky (i mean literally speaking! lol) .
BUT i will say, it was this moment right here that i felt something in my heart twinged in what i think i can describe as a state of melting away, cause gosh just look at them...........
AND THIS OTHER TINY MOMENT LIKE THAT FOREHEAD KISS IS EVERYTHING TO ME
• my thoughts: honest to god i am being real when i say the very last time i found myself feeling this certain level AMOUNT OF CRAZY towards a ship was eight years ago, and it was with mulder/scully (the x files). admittedly i haven't been too shippy with things in recent times unless they're one of my older recurring fixations that i love going back to, and before i got totally into christian/satine, it was jamie & claire (outlander) when i watched the show two years ago that started bringing back this kind of energy in which i realised i can definitely still find and enjoy certain pairings that definitely meet my own personal preferences of what i consider are OTP levels of qualifications to me. and good lord don't even get me started on how fantastic, unbeatable, and palpable the chemistry is between nicole kidman and ewan mcgregor, it's through their performances and how they deliver it that makes you feel all sorts of emotions from the giddiest of them all to the most heartwrenching.
• What makes me happy about them: the fact that for both christian and satine, it's actually the first time they've both fallen in love. christian early in the movie says he's never been in love, despite wanting to write about it, and for satine, she admits that she can't fall in love and it's due to the means of what she does with her job, but eventually she breaks this rule, and ultimately finds herself caught and drowning in a love she never knew she could ever experience and for christian, he gets the sense that wow this is how loving someone and being in love is like. he is incredibly enamoured by her, and we see satine at one of her most vulnerable instances when she's with him, they enjoy being in each other's company, and they see the good in each other. satine knew what christian's talents were capable of, and christian saw how satine was worthy of shining in the spotlight and her dreams of wanting to be an actress. with him writing the play and her being the lead, it gives them both chances to show what they're great at as individuals too!
and from what i know, there's a part where christian has a poem for satine that didn't make it to the movie's final cut and it goes something like "my heart aches every hour of every day / and only when i'm with you does the pain go away" ❤️
• What makes me sad about them: it's how they almost had it all. they were very close, towards the end when the duke was finally out of the picture, and they were able to reconcile and proclaim their undying love for one another despite what they had to put themselves under because of things that were getting in the way, the show was successful and it did so well and they were happy about it, until one inevitable force (her illness) destroyed any hope of finally running away and spending the rest of their lives together.
• things done in fanfic that annoys me: i think the only thing that annoys me pertaining to this is how you can no longer view or access a lot of the fics about them that were written during the early 2000's cause i know there were definitely some gems written that time especially when the movie had just come out and i would have loved to see what these people wrote before!
• things I look for in fanfic: anything that depicts them in domestic bliss (i am a sucker for these things), or situations where they comfort one another. literally anything that shows how they are so utterly filled with love and the happiness that surrounds them both because it's genuinely what they deserved.
• Who l'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each: NO ONE IT WILL ALWAYS BE THEM IN THE END ONLY EACH OTHER !!!!
• My happily ever after for them: satine is completely cured from consumption, she's able to fly away, and makes it big time as an actress and christian is a successful playwright. they both end up married, living in london and through the course of several years have three daughters and two cats (girldad! christian is something so personal to me, he'd be the dad who'd tell endless bedtime stories and satine would be the mom who loves dressing her girls up and taking them to parks), and the greatest thing about this is their children would grow up in a household that's filled with many music, laughs, kindness, and most importantly love.
• who is the big spoon/little spoon: christian is definitely a hugger, they're just so comfortable around each other that she can slip into his arms during a lazy afternoon or he can wrap her around his waist whilst joking around during a walk. plus whenever he's got something to write on his typewriter he doesn't mind when she wants to sit in his lap and they'd squeeze in whatever space they have in a chair.
• what is their favorite non-sexual activity: singing and dancing together (obviously) <3 practicing and reciting lines from plays, leaving each other notes when one has to go somewhere or gets up earlier than the other but also cuddling by the balcony.
#❤️#thank you for sending this you have no idea how much i enjoyed answering#also this was gonna be much longer i guess but i'm just gonna end up blabbing something worth hours long hahahhaha#but hey i am very willing to talk about them at any given chance#<333#asks#mihrsuri#moulin rouge#christian x satine#otp: come what may
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kairi as an ephemer descendant. is this anything.
#or descended from bluebloods‚ as a more broad category#i don't have anything concrete to tie it all together‚ but i think aspects about her/regarding her under this lens would be fun to consider#you can connect scala to radiant garden by the similar outfits the researchers wear#as well as the existence of the lifeboats in RG#plus kairi's grandma just knows the story of the keyblade war#kairi as a princess of heart living in the RG castle prior to its fall could imply her family's of high rank and stature#info she's not going to be aware of in the present day‚ given her memory of the place seems spotty#so does her family descend from a long line of bluebloods‚ much like eraqus? like xehanort?#omfg wait xehanort's appearance in melmem is so funny if that's the case#imagine ur trying to find your lost friend and your distant cousin keeps fucking up the timeline#ephemer showing up to help only after sora goes back in time‚ something only sora and kairi seemed aware of in the moment#so what if eph is just like 'hm‚ looks like my descendant's in trouble. friend of hers#please beat up my other descendant. thanks :)'#kairi's proficiency with light magic is something to consider too‚ but idk how strongly that relates to ephemer#talking tag#kingdom hearts
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i think i mightve talked abt this a bit in my longpost about how insane phi as a character is to me but yknow what i really wanna point out? all the nonary game shit she has to go through happens in really quick succession to her - she doesn't really get a proper "break" in between VLR and ZTD for her mentally. junpei and akane at least have about a year between the two, and sigma has 45 years (not that either of those situations were particularly good either though, looking at how sigma and junpei especially turned out, and sigma spent years WORKING on the AB game, just not participating in it). but for phi? she has a matter of DAYS in between the two. the time sigma spends she spends in cold sleep, so mentally to her, her consciousness goes from the events of VLR's phi end to DCOM almost instantly. dcom only ends up lasting for about 5 days, and even then the prologue states that phi/sigma/akane spent most of it worrying about radical-6 and the future + the flashback with diana shows phi is just so Tired after everything after just that. and then the decision game happens. my point is just that i cannot imagine being in a death game like that (not to mention everyone had radical-6, so she went from a body that Did have it to one that didn't, which i can imagine would probably a pretty weird experience considering one of its symptoms is messing up your perception of time. and also she was on the moon.), spending 5 days like god how did the apocalypse start i can't let it happen this time and then being in Another death game that is much more gruesome and violent. not to mention both of them in a way HAD to happen because of her (2074 nonary game bc it needed to train sigma and phi's SHIFTing abilities to a good enough degree and decision game one of the reasons was to ensure she and delta were born). in summary: i would fucking die at that point if i was phi dealing with that All At Once. in the span of a few days. and with the memories of my + others' deaths. what the fuck
#trevor.txt#zero escape#zero escape phi#phi vlr#vlr spoilers#virtue's last reward#zero time dilemma#ztd#like. not that junpei/akane/sigma Dont also kind of go through it a bit in the space they're given#especially in sigma's case how LONG it is is one of the things that messes him up a bit#but phi gets like. a matter of days mentally#which is insane. what the fuck. i personally could not handle that she is stronger than i am#like i talked abt this in the post where i mentioned how the characters chsange from 999/vlr to ZTD but like!#it makes sense that phi's notably more emotional + doesn't really care if she dies or not. its all kind of Recent#just messes me up thinking about it. especially with the whole “going from a body with radical-6 to a body that doesn't” thing i mentioned#and the flashback with diana !!! Good Lord#who else up being known for being cold and unemotional but having a moment where you're just so tired after everything youve been through#that you allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of someone you don't even know that well#i dont know. im fucked up. does anyone understand this fucks me up a bit#phiposting#<- making a tag for this bc i talk abt her A Lot on here
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so for like, a decade plus, i've been searching for a youtube video i remember seeing back in 2007, and i've finally managed to make some headway:
good news: i've found it
bad news: it's lost media
#it's been bugging me for so long honestly#ive talked about it in my tags before but its basically the video that introduced me to roblox#it's probably a bit silly to have been searching for this video. but part of the reason ive been looking is to see how good my memory is#specifically memories from when i was 9 years old. and how those memories have aged given im 26 now#like id say my memory is pretty good. specifically remembering specific details from memories long ago#like that isn't to say they're perfect. like i'll get some details wrong. but i know the general idea of what i saw#but basically#it's basically some old roblox bloopers video that had their character in a baseball cap and lugia t-shirt#now for a few years i wasn't sure i was correct on this person wearing a lugia t-shirt#and so at some point i figured i had to give up looking for that specific detail#since literally no video i could find had these two details combined. id find characters with baseball caps but never with a lugia t-shirt#and by that point i was afraid i wouldn't be able to find this video. or worse. my memory was wrong and it was something i watched in 2008#but i knew it had to be uploaded before december 12th. 2007. because thats when i made my account#and the way i found it was going through 11 pages of a youtube search for ''lego videos''#i was specifically looking for new lego videos to watch. or find something that seemed more interesting than lego mario stop motion#and there was one video that stood out. which was some random roblox bloopers video. mixed in with a bunch of random lego videos#anyway. just today i was scrolling through twitters ''for you'' tab and happened upon a thread showing off lost roblox youtube thumbnails#and i was like ''well. can't hurt to see if theres anything in here that i recognize.''#and lo and behold. a roblox dude in a blue baseball cap and a lugia t-shirt. labeled as ''ROBLOX Bloopers!''#i could feel the anvil of my doubt free itself from my brain because i finally had proof of a video that lines up with my memory#thats not to say this is the exact video but 99% certain it's uploaded by the same person. like it could be roblox bloopers part 2#but anyway. the channel and the video(s) are lost and while im sad i can't watch it to confirm my memory#im happy to see that there's evidence that lines up with my memory of what i saw back then#for reference. it was uploaded by someone named 'Furzniak' at the time. and it was uploaded on July 21st. 2007
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