#I hate having to prioritise who I want to dm more :[

[tasmanianstripes]

Oh turning on a screen reader feature on my phone has been a life saver for me honestly

Less spoons required to hold up a conversation, yay!

Is this probably fucking me over with my dyslexia if I have my phone read out long messages instead of reading them myself? Probably, but I only use it when I'm tired/it's late and my spoons are running dry soooo

[111angelstheme111]

𝐀 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐓𝐨 𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥—𝐈𝐧 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥

DEFINITION— Simply put, ‘that girl’ is who everyone wants to be. She’s healthy, knows her priorities, and most importantly, she puts herself first. She is determined and sets her goals straight, no one can distract her and she knows she’s bound to achieve whatever she wants. 

STEP 1— Set A Goal

As previously mentioned, that girl is the epitome of determination, a true girlboss and she knows exactly what she wants and stops at nothing to get it. Now, let's take a moment to envision her daily routine and lifestyle. Picture how she's always striving toward one goal or another, whether they’re academic or fitness achievements, she’s always in constant motion with an occasional break. 

Here's the exciting part: those qualities you admire so much, you can make them your own. You can turn those aspirations into your reality. It's not about copying her, but rather drawing inspiration from her and crafting your unique path to success.

So, take a list and start setting milestones. Imagine the perfect girl and write down everything you admire about her. Is it her perfect grades? Her body fitness? How she’s never procrastinating? Her time-management skills? Determination? Write it all down!

Now, with everything written down. You’re going to make these points of hers into yours. You’re going to stay committed and actively pursue these qualities until you find yourself in a place you once deemed remarkable. 

STEP 2— Plan Your Success

In this stage, you might be a little overwhelmed. There are things you want to work on but you don’t know which one to choose, or whether you have the time to do so. But don’t worry, because it’s all about choosing your priorities and having to manage your time. 

The first thing you want to do is get a journal or you can use Notion/Google Calendar if you’re lazy like me. Then, write down all of your fixed schedules (like classes, tuition, or part-time) and make out at least an hour at the end of each weekday. 

Ask yourself specific questions to clarify your priorities. Is your main goal to get fit or have an academic comeback? Or do you want to focus on both fitness and your studies?

Build your schedule around your key goals. This means you should prioritise and allocate time for the most important objectives or ambitions you have in mind. 

 !!⠀if you’re having trouble with making up a schedule, feel free to dm me/send in an ask. I’ll be more than willing to help ♡︎

STEP 3— True Competition Is Determination and Discipline

It’s not about how much you’re doing in a period of time, in the end, you’re going to be burnt out and tired. It’s more about how consistent you are. Yes, it might get tiring at one point; and that is when you slow down and cut yourself some slack while keeping the drive going.

You are really training your discipline instead of running on motivation that is bound to run out. That’s why you don’t see ‘that girl’ everywhere. Because everyone lacks discipline and commitment, they’re afraid of being in uncomfortable situations and would rather mindlessly scroll on tiktok than really challenge themselves.

Working on a goal is all about determination. It tests how badly you want it and how much you’re willing to sacrifice for it. But let me tell you, your sacrifices will never be a waste.

STEP 4— Breaks Are Part of The Process

What I hate seeing the most is how people work non-stop with no breaks. If your goal is to be burnt out within a or two week, feel free to be my guest and do what you’ve got to. Your body and mind is not a machine, because you are human and you deserve breaks. 

Whether that is self-care nights, going out with friends, or literally just laying in bed and watching Netflix. You choose your breaks and how often you get them. But be careful not to get carried away and lose sight of your milestones (because I’ve fallen into this trap once too many times).

In the end, balance is key! You want to be on the grind, and still be able to maintain connections and have fun. If you’re capable of finding your balance, let me tell you you’re just on your way to success. 

TIPS— 

ꕤ Romanticise The Hell Out of The Process 

One of the best advice I can give is literally romanticise everything. Get cute stationaries to study with, dress up all pretty just to go study at a cafe/wear your pretty pink gym outfits, listen to songs that put you into the mood, or imagine yourself as the main character of your movie to success (I use this sometimes when I’m really desperate and also bc I’m a delulu).

ꕤ Don't oversleep on weekends; wake up early to make the most of your time.

Tbh I get low-key annoyed when people sleep in during the weekends because of the time wasted you could’ve used to get ahead of others!! 

ꕤ Use Social Media To Your Advantage

I’m never one to be against social media unless you’re not using it to your advantage. For example, your tiktok feed is most probably about trendy videos and memes. But, why not make your feed about motivation, videos that educate you on certain matters and actually bring you knowledge? 

ꕤ Take Inspirations/Motivations From Others

I’m personally a pretty competitive person so looking at people who received Academic Achievers awards really pisses me off and makes me motivated to study harder lol. Try to find your tick and make use of it.

Now that you’ve finished reading this post, it’s time to set your mind on your goals and girlboss your way to it. So my angels, good luck and don’t stop working until you are her.

[brsb4hls]

Thank you for your reply! I’m going to try to have low expectations while also being a little optimistic. A few comments of Rolin and other writers give me some hope, but I was disappointed after the lack of fallout after s02e05. I was hoping it would result in some interesting dynamics changes and more character stuff for all invoked (outside of DM as well). The last few episodes felt a bit overstuffed and packed to me, even as it concerned Louis and Armand which was a shame. I’m happy they prioritised Claudia’s story though - even though it broke my heart!

Honestly, if there isn’t anything interesting in regard to DM, or Daniel, Louis and Armand separately I’ll probably stop watching. I’m definitely in the minority on here, which is good, but I just don’t find Lestat interesting. Not for any moralizing reason or anything, I just don’t vibe with him. Happy for his fans though who have been waiting, and who knows maybe I’ll be won over?

I’m hoping that Rolin saying years ago that DM fans shouldn’t worry means that he does understand to some extent that people want to see something personal and screwed-up between them. Cause we haven’t yet, if we are being real. I felt disheartened when they skipped the turning and Rolin describing that mere fact as DM. Cause if nothing else DM is the chemistry/dynamic/interactions between those two characters. So yeah, I’ll have low expectations but try to be carefully optimistic. And yes, I’m happy so many are creating fun fan works! Thanks for hearing me out!

Well, I know I'm more on the negative side, I can't help it, I'm a virgo ;).

But who knows, maybe I'll eat my words.

You are not alone in not being into Lestat, I've seen quite some posts already, but there is no way around him in this franchise, since he is the chronicle's main character basically.

I get not being too exited about watching, I was actually a bit bored by season 1, but I wasn't too impressed with the first book either.

Adding Armand this early and prominently was what kept me watching and the shift in tone in season 3 really works for me personally (I like the show better when it's outright clowning.)

So far the show was quite good with giving the ensemble cast decent storylines and recognition, so even if Lestat is the main focus, Daniel will still be there and Armand has yet to get into unginged gremlin mode.

I think we will get at least crumbs there.

And maybe they will revisit the turning with a surprise.

Daniel's vamp reveal was a classic horror movie shock thingy, that wouldn't have worked if we saw the turning. So that was the reason it wasn't shown.

If they revisit it will depend on the dynamic of seasn 3 tho.

I don't wanna rain on anyone's parade really, I just like to speculate and personally have a bit of love/hate relationship with the show.

I love parts and I dislike parts.

But I'm still exited about how three will turn out.

Let's hope there's something for everybody.

And if there isn't, we will at least have tons of memes.

[watsername]

What are your thoughts about?

I was gonna try and collect my thoughts coherently before I started talking bu ti cant be bothered doing that so like. about the dream and that one circle of mcyt that just fucking hate them .

actually this is about how I have felt observing the dream space recently.

im uncomfortable?? not with the dream team, I still really love them and I enjoy their content and I do still watch sap naps streams if im awake for them but honestly taking time just to spend time on my f1 blog has been like a weight lifted from my shoulders.

just talking about dtblr, ive seen people trying to make the best of the situation by live-blogging sapnaps streams making jokes spreading positivity for all 3 of them but it doesn't really of much to take away from the pressure of the situation. Every day it seems like some cc somewhere has something to say about dream or George or sapnap and every day we rush over here to discuss it. it almost feels like theres this pressure to perform and to respond to what is being said, we need to discuss everything as a controversy no matter how stupid or insignificant the situation is and we contribute to the snowballing of tiny things that honestly dont need the attention the theyre getting and its tiring to watch. like im at the point where im scrolling past 'did you see what x said' because honestly I dont give a shit I dont give a shit about a cc who spoke to the dteam on discord maybe twice talking about their 'truth' I really dont care .

im genuinely just fed up with the way the creator space and fan spaces behave. Dream posts 'pls talk to me' and creators say 'but that won't get me clout' back to him.

who gives a shit if dreams stole punz girlfriend. who cares if dream sent a dm that might have been considered rude to Sara Simons a fully grown ducking middle aged woman with better things to do than start twitter drama. who gives a shit about sniff having one insignificant negative interaction with dream over a year. none f this is your fucking turret its just airing out high school level petty drama that could easily be fixed with a fucking dm . its pathetic. the way so many creators are going 'I too am a victim' and its 'he sent me a private message I didnt like' who fucking cares. and all of this 'ill stream explaining my story' what story. that he made a joke in bad taste. its performative. they want views they want twitters support they want to seem like theyre on the RIGHT side so theyre just pulling any old story out of their ass to add to the mentality of the mob and make it seem like yes I too hate dream because he is so awful when in reality he was probably just a bit of a twat like a lot of guys in their early 20s are . the only way hes gonna know that he did something that made u annoyed or upset or even mildly fucking miffed in the case of Sara fucking Simons is if you tell him. and we saw that bc 5 mins later shes saying oh its all fine he messaged me . see how fucking easy it is to actually fix these tiny ass issues if you actually have a conversation before launching a hate campaign on twitter dot com . and people going off to run with it and add it to the pile of 'poof' they have. hell ive seen someone saying they appreciate dream saying they want to talk about situations and saying they want to chat with him about an experience they had with one of his friends like what does that have to do with dream actually why not just take the initiative and talk to the actual person involved instead of making dream do it for u. its all just drama mongering

on a more serious note I really dont know how to feel with the whole situation with caiti. George didi fuck up and im not moving from that stance- whatever happened he made her feel uncomfortable and went on the defence instead of prioritising apologising to her for the way she felt about the situation.

what I cat fucking stand is how weirdly this situation has evolved. the initial statement was that he had touched her waist and tickled her and cat didnt like that. THAT CONTACT the touching of her waist was spread across twitter as a sexual assault. which its fucking not and it pisses me off as a victim to see how loosely terms of sex crime are being thrown around bc no matter how uncomfy you are touching your waist is not a sex crime. there was no mention of inappropriate touching actually, just that he had crossed a physical boundary with her and ive already talked about why I can empathise with that delayed reaction in feeling deeply uncomfortable with the situation . so it confused me as to why people on tiktok were spreading misinformation that his hands were down her pants and cat coming out of left field with he was grabbing my tits. because none of that was ever discussed in any of her prior statement and that seems like pertinent information when were discussing sexual assault. and from what ive seen her friends timeline of events dont match up with hers. her timeline of events onset even match up that well with her other comments on the situation and all of it just feels so fucking odd. why do the details change depending on who you ask and when you ask them

but I wasn't there. I dont know what actually happened. having experienced it you automatically hold that understanding towards her despite all the backlash because people blamed me too, they didnt believe me either and you never want to completely dismiss it no matter how weird the story seems because what if. keeping myself in the situation is stretching myself in two different directions where one is dismissing the claims of assault because nothing adds up and the other is she might be like me .

the reaction to caitis initial statement has snowballed extremely out of proportion if u ask me. nobody needs to know everyones personal grievances with dream or George or sapnap and to say that youre sharing these to support victims is a straight lie bc it has nothing to do with victims they receive nothing from your story that he made a bad joke 3 years ago or whatever and everything to do with the fact that you are utilising an opportunity to gain relevancy again and I dont want to partake in their relevancy.

I dont want to partake in any of this fucking drama actually. it's non stop. it's constant. its all over my dash all day every day but maybe its just the ppl im following idc. but I dont want to come back into a community where im going to find myself fighting to justify why I still enjoy the content of some creators while there are other creators receiving less vitriol for breaking the literal fucking law . its exhausting . its been years of it for me .

im not mentally well. I have a lot going on in my family life and I didnt realise how bad things were until I told my work friend I hadn't seen in a while my 'family drama' and she and the assistant manager pulled me aside and said 'im so sorry youre going through that right now are you dealing with everything alright?'. I have my final exams within the next month. I need to pass these to graduate. I have so much that is already causing me stress in my life and so much of the misinformation around the situation is so triggering and untagged and I dont want to log on and see another bout of 'x responds to x' 'x talks about dream' 'x shares thoughts on George situation' . I cant fucking do that right now.

people have called it the cowards way out, bailing at the burden of controversy but im not switching sides. im not deactivating. im not becoming a dranti. I still talk about the dteam i still like the dteam but I cannot force myself to endure other peoples stresses at the time being . thats all ive been thinking about rlly .

[cocobeanzies]

BTD6 fandom;

I took a long break and I'm feeling better now. Tbh it was just a lot.

If there's anything I wanna say it's sorry for my abrupt leave, vagueness on what was happening behind closed doors, and using words that may not have been accurate to what they mean, such as bullying. I also apologise for how poorly I de-escalated conflicts. I shouldered a lot more than I could handle there, and there's nobody to point fingers at but me.

I haven't said anything on this since I left it, that day I was really upset because I woke up to unsavory DMs and cracked after several months of enduring what I knew was diminishing my mental health, but didn't do anything about. If something is making you anxious, that's not just in your head, it means it isn't right and you should prioritise getting out of the situation for the sake of others as well, and preventing things from boiling; a lesson that took me years of repeating to finally recognise.

I'm not a strong person, I'm fragile and take things more personally than I should, and this is something that I can't really change about myself, but I can keep learning to try and manage and do better to not respond to stressful situations or avoid getting in them altogether, which is why I only really post my art and not talk about things publicly anymore. "^^

In this fandom, I experienced people saying things to me/about me due to being a furry, repeated AI accusations for my painting work, and experienced upsetting comments from people who didn't like me for reasons varying from my poor transparency, to miscommunication, to probably even just the way I convey myself and that's fine. One thing someone called me was a "p*ssy lmao", and tbh, yeah, I am. The fact that your words have bothered me enough to even remember them should be evidence of that. But if there's anything I can say now, a few months later, is that I know I'm stronger, because I can face up to my past self and say "hey! you should have been better. Stop being so freaking emotional and tunnel visioned".

I was anything but the best version of myself. And I recognise I shouldn't take any of this personally, as a lot of people in the Bloons fandom are children who probably didn't understand the things they were hating on me for, like y'know, the "ew furry" stuff. I think it just bothered me because I care too much about what people think of me and try to keep my reputation clean, even though I know that it is impossible to have everyone like you, and I should be more focused on doing what I like and being genuine instead. Lessons: If I struggle to communicate or feel not confident with a situation, admit that. If I recognise I made a mistake, own up to that. If an environment is not making me happy, leave it, nobody needs to hear an explanation over it. If I don't get along with someone, block and move on, that kind of grudge is much better in the long run, take it from me.

Either way, I want to stop being so silly and pick myself back up from feeling so depressed and beat down over Bloons stuff these past few months. Life is too short to be so upset everyday by what a few people think of me and a few poor words I chose to say.

This statement from me has been long overdue. But I want to put this year behind me and focus 2025 on being less chronically online.

That's all, happy boxing day.

[i-did-not-mean-to]

Seen some of the ship drama. Read some of your fics. Personally I think they're great and that you have a wonderful talent with the written word. It would be a huge shame if you stopped writing things that make you happy for the sake of a few dozen people who refuse to read it on principle anyway. There will always be some group on this website that is opposed to one ship or another. No one will ever be able to please them all. Write what you love, not what others demand. Wishing you the best.

Dear anon...

I am so sorry you had to see that; as I've said in my reblog, I should live by my own principles and keep my moaning in DMs.

It does nobody any good to see someone else's aimless, senseless negativity. It only ends up pissing people off/hurting people, and these are not things I like to do or strive for.

I want to thank you from the bottom of my little salty heart for your kind words though; I've had a few rough days, and I've held on to this ask to comfort myself. It means so very much to me--you can't even imagine.

Also, the sad part is that what makes me the happiest about writing is to write for someone else. Making other people happy makes me happy.

I take a lot of requests and prompts, and I will admit that I do love it so, so, so much!

I think my Masterlist (and the amount of characters and pairings on it) can prove that I am a proper whore for other people's love. When people go "I love...", my mind immediately wants to do just that.

This is one of the main reasons I stay out of fandom drama. It's also why I take things much more personally than I should...I love writing things for people who are willing to share their love and inspiration with me. I take their love personally.

The downside of that is, of course, that I also take their hate personally.

As for Angbang specifically, I've only started writing it because @cilil and @melkors-big-tits are exactly the kind of people I was talking about. They're both excellent, but they're neither patronising, haughty, or holier-than-thou in any way. They've never bullied me about my love for incarnates. They've never scoffed at me for being a little scaredy cat. They have been unimaginably kind and supportive to me, and writing for them and with them is a joy and an honour.

Thus, at the end of the day, I once again have to take my own advice and prioritise my love, if not for characters and pairings per se, for my fandom friends over the dismay of strangers.

(And I want to explicitly say that everyone has the right to write and like whatever they want and fancy. That was never the question...)

Thank you so much for reaching out, anon, and for being kind to someone who has inadvertently stirred the pot (and regrets that very much).

May all the solace and joy you've brought to me find their way back to you in times of need! I wish you only the very best!

Lots and lots of love!

[fair-dinkum-mechanic]

I'm going to try and put this into words again but I always fail because it's so overwhelming and makes no sense to try and intellectualise such an innate feeling of dread that has been with me since I was a small child.

If anyone has an input on this (bc it's been a thing latent in my brain ever since I can remember) please dm me. I need to know what this is bc I believe it's where a significant chunk of my mental illness lies.

So ever since I was a young kid I NEVER felt I fit in. At first I thought I was just weird in general, but then I started to realise I didn't fit in with "masculine" things. I remember even was I was 2-6 years old adults commenting that I wasn't like the other boys, I was interested in reading and making my own little worlds and not running around or kicking a ball or anything like that. Now I know most queer men experience this in childhood, but what I mean extends further than that I feel. I truly felt like I was defective. Something was deeply, deeply wrong with me for not enjoying the things i was supposed to enjoy. From a VERY early age I was friends with girls. Some boys sure but I always thought the girls were nicer, cooler, something to aspire to. But I didn't grow out of that. I never saw myself as a "male" I just kinda... existed? But of course masculine things were FORCED on me every day and the anxiety I used to get going into school, or going home, or picking out clothes to wear, was terrifying. I remember being called a poof by my family in a joking way but I could see that deep down they were terrified that I was gay. It was not an acceptable thing to be in my family, it was explicitly stated by all members several times. But I never, ever related to anything masculine. I am spiritually estranged from my dad and my brother, where I can't even stand to speak to them because they were both so aggressively value and prioritise masculine views and ways. I would have "crushes" on girls but all that was, was me imagining cuddling with them or hugging them or going on cute dates and if I ever imagined it getting sexual, or even a kiss that was too passionate I was repulsed. So clearly, I was gay from a young age but didn't know it.

But now in my life, almost at 30, I still don't relate to masculinity. I don't know what's wrong with me. So many gay men, most of them I see actually, have been able to embrace it. Especially as someone who is older, and mostly a "top" there's a certain role I'm expected to fulfil, in order to be worthy of a relationship or anything like that. I did go to the gym every secondd day for a few years, and even then I wasn't lifting hard or monitoring my gains or doing ANYTHING like that because I can't think of anything worse, but that's what these men do. And on the other end of the spectrum, I'm not a feminine guy either. I'm put off by long nails and long hair on men (sexually, honestly do whatever you want with your body and slay), but like I don't find interest in makeup or fashion or any of those traditionally "feminine" things. Though I do see more merit in those than the opposite.

But I still have this internal view of what I need to be to be worthy of living in this world. I'm a man. I'm not trans, I've had that debate years ago in myself and found that out. But I'm not a man. But living as one there are certain things I need to be, certain ways I'm expected to behave, ways I'm supposed to look and things I'm supposed to want. Sure I may align with very few of them but I don't even HOLD myself like other men I see. I can't grow a beard like every other man I see. Like every man I see plastered over social media and commercials and in movies and in music. I actually hate and am deeply unsettled by masculinity. Deeply. But I feel like because I'm not that I'm destined to die alone, and I put that as a personal failure on my part. Maybe I'm not trying hard enough? Maybe I'm too weak? No self discipline? And I can't help but believe that this lack of masculinity in looks, in behaviour, in drive, is why other men are offput by me. Why I'm so disposable. Not in an incel way bc I don't blame anyone else in the end I blame myself. I don't have trouble hooking up, bc that's the most masculine thing about me. But I don't want that. I've done that. I want... peace. I want comfort. I want love and light and warmth and I want to feel like I'm worthy of that but I don't. I don't feel worthy of that. Because I'm wrong. There's something wrong with me. I'm broken and that's why I'm feeling so alone.

[guardyourkneecaps]

I hate the person I've been recently

I feel like I've neglected most of the people I love

I'm struggling to keep up with even my best friends if I don't see them at college

I constantly have like 20 notifications built up that I don't know how to prioritise so I just get overwhelmed and avoid looking at them most of the time

I want to see people but then I feel guilty for not doing all of the things I need to do but then I feel guilty for neglecting the people who I fucking love and care about but then the longer I've been doing that the more difficult and awkward it feels to reach out to them

and I think I interacted with something from someone that happened to come up in my feed, then freaked out when I realised because like I know I've been treating them the same way, and if I saw my friend being active online and not talking to me I would feel so heartbroken and I don't want to make people feel like that (and also because I feel like it looks like I'm fucking stalking them or something when I really wouldn't do that)

so I feel guilty and try to cover my tracks

i.e if I post on my instagram story I have to go back and respond to at least 3 people in my dms first so it doesn't seem like I'm ignoring them (sometimes even my only friend that I've managed to keep my entire life) or I even just straight up avoid apps where I can't turn my online status off

I have love for so many people that I can't show it to because keeping more than one or two people in constant rotation in my life feels like I'm spinning plates, and I'm not actually very good at spinning plates so I'm either going back periodically and picking them up one by one or I drop them and they smash

I feel like I'm grieving plates I broke and I'm not good enough to put them back together

I have one friend I've managed to keep my whole life but they live so far away now and I can't keep up with them either, I miss them so much all the time and I want to talk to them more but I don't know how

and it's probably impacted by being autistic and life stress and having more college work and feeling constantly exhausted but that doesn't stop me feeling like a shit person

I wish I could tell everyone I loved them and I'm sorry and they never did anything wrong, I just feel so broken and alone right now

that's my dramatic-ass-bitch-screaming-into-the-void done for the day gonna go cry into a bowl of cereal

[ectoplasmicbaloney]

LIVE BLOGGING CHUCKLESANDWHICH EP. 54 (spoilers for that episode)

guys i’m so fucking sad holyshit

HES NOT THE MEAT ANYMORE???!?? STFU IM GOSJJDJSJFJQIA

WHY ARE THEY BREAKING IT TO US LIKE PARENTS JO ITS SO GEAVY

dude i love charlie slimecicle for real he’s such a key member of the podcast :(

goobey sons :,)

FOR A WHILE :( oh man

Oh man he’s doing so much :( oh god, time and mental space

that is a good way to put it :(

it’s good he’s prioritising his mental health and just, gah, man.

they played dayz lol and they were having a good time i really wanna see a like, chuckle sandwhich gaming thing WHICH SLIME as a guest i guess :(

i don’t even know how schlatt has moved 5 times and is still making content man

charlie and his guinea pigs is so cute :) and the way he talks about them is really endearing

the energy in this episode is just like: im smiling but im basically just like, tears!! TEARS!!

i need to buy from slimestory and just roll with it

HES GONNA DO CHUCKLE DUNGEONS!!!

yo mamas??!!?!! (sorry)

my mommy is needy??! SHE NEEDS THE MEAT??!!

dad deli? :(

just roll with it is super fun, i’ve listened to it for a while and just… man

don’t hate on me for this, but schlatt seems like a genuinely great friend tbh, the stuff he’s saying ti charlie is really nice and cool

TED IM TEARING UP TOO MAN

who are they gonna replace him with? i don’t want to think of the new person as a replacement but honestly it’s gonna be kinda hard to not, for a while at least, cause of how charlie IS the meat so…

it’s all sad chuckles rn :,|

schlatt’s fake crying lol

charlie is a wonderful boy, a great guy too, really passionate, he’s cool :)

NON-NEWTONIAN FLUIDS!!!!! - my favourite state

NOOOO NOT THE FUCKING COFFIN

he’s so good at lifting the mood :>

they’re using past tense god it’s like a celebrity’s wiki page after they die

schlatt being genuine is so weird but it’s really nice “charlie is an actual saint walking among men. i cannot think of one negative thing to say about you.” damn bro :,)

IM LEAKING?? Ted??

the fallout :,(

im glad there’s no drama, they’re great friends :)

i’m really excited for more chuckle dungeon

NO NOW ITS JUST THE BIGOT AND THE RABID CHILD (jokes)

but their dynamic is so balanced and really nice, they bounce off of each other so well and the convos just go so smoothly! the next person is gonna be great for sure, but charlie’s energy and personality is hard to find and or replicate. i do hope the next person doesn’t try to replicate him though, it’s best to be natural :)

the chaotic evil/neu/good thing is so true lol

WAIT THERES NO ONE JTS JUST THEM TOO THAT SEEMS SO LONELY LIKE THERES A GAPING HOLE??!?

maybe it’s better for it to not be filled? idk :(

enough to last a year if you watch one every week :(

CHUCKLE DUNGEON IS SO COOL HONESTLY!!! chuckle dungeon is such a cool fucking thing and they all really get into it and show ernest interest it’s so :)

yeah he wrote it out, i was looking at the laptop trying to decipher what it was saying lol

me and ted both are a dungeon masters worst nightmare, my last dm hated me, and to be honest it was fair i was very annoying.

“that ted thing” lol… i probably do that

“i was thinking ‘he’s a misogynist, that’s probably a highly misogynistic thing to do, cut a woman’s head off’” that is exactly my line of thinking, just going straight to the extreme traits of the character cause subtly? grace? nuance? don’t know her

“there has not been a single chuckle dungeon without a sexist or racist” LMAO (until schlatt’s off the podcast there will never be one (jokes lol))

a creepo?

the goopey elevator 💀 i think he meant the tomato lol

charlie is an amazing dm

“racial aspects of dnd” bro 0_0

“so you wanna take my spot?” LMAO SCHLATT

THE EUGENICS??

god how bad was the smoke lmao

oh wow really bad

WOAH 9/11 JOKE THATS SO EDGY?!!?

oh my god he thought 9/11 was 2011, his brain goes so fast why did he consider 1988 and think it was stupid cause he was a baby???

everybody was shocked, even me man

THICK WATER

ah yes the best bit

ouh a flashback

the freddy wong episode was so good honestly

unlimited bacon or no video games, I REMEMBER CHARLIE’S EXPRESSION HE WAS ACTUALLY LIKE LOOSING IT

LITTLE SHOBOS

chulk me out chulk man 😟

LWT HIM TELL US WHERE IT COMES FROM STOP PRETENDING TO BE FINANCE BROS PLS

me too ted nivison i want to keep something going

ME TOO TED NIVISON I SUCK AT POKER FACE

dude seeing schlatt so genuinely excited about machinima respawn and boruff and the spider is nice cause he’s such a big fan dude, look at him go!

he ate a termite •_•

i just noticed charlie’s salt rock lamp lol

adventure awaits, i guess

coconuts know when to grow when the water stops moving?? interesting

the cocoknow 😨

“it’s the minerals” sir is saying words

charlie’s humour is really refreshing and i love his storytelling content, especially like the dnd esk adventures and stuff :)

PEANUT BUTTER?

termites taste like lemon, interesting

DADDY’S HUNGRY????

popped em in, crunched em, got the zest and boom

wait are there termites in my house

guys i just confirmed i have a termite infestation in my house LOL i just thought they were funky looking ants with weird white butts but nope! they live in our big ass wooden table

WHAT MY FAMILY CALLS “indonesian flies” ARE ACTUALLY FLYING TERMITES WHAT THE FUCK NO WONDER THEY’RE LIVING IN OUR TABLE

ok back to the video

i’m sorry, his BOAT SANK? BECAUSE OF A GIANT FUCKING SALTWATER CROCODILE???

“get in… gringos” LOL

idk about cilantro tbh

nice fact ted

why does he have an nft painting??? it’s… it’s FUNGIBLE? Tommyinnit bought it for him 💀

do people not have items around them at all time? heavycube

big block of tungsten

HE HAS A ROCK THAT HE DREW TO LOOK LIKE A HEDGEHOD

and ted has two lint rollers!

OHHH THOSE ARE THE GAMER FINGERLESS GLOVES!

HE HAS THE MACHINIMA MIC GUARD!!

boruff gardening is really cute lol :) he’s growing lettuce and tomatoes 😭😭

oh ok future plans:

ok there’s a hiatus coming soon :( understandable

i must buy from slimestory the products are actually cool and interesting to me!!!

GILLION TIDESTRIDER??!? i will watch let’s roll with it again

NEXT WEEK IS IRL JUSTROLLWITHITWEEK

charlie’s not getting replaced :)) and charlie may just come in occasionally:,)

NOT THE EMPTY ROOM

charlie cam dear lord

He got a gift :DD

love you to death charlie :)) but not in a parasocial way dear lord ok nvm

“keep chulking, you’re da bomb.com”

WAIT THEY DID OEKSK

LMAO OK why are they switching to different POVS LOL

LOL THE FINAL SHOT

END:

ok so that was it :,)

Charlie is such a cool guy, i’ve been watching his stuff for like 5 years now and he always makes enjoyable and amazing videos and he just seems like a generally awesome person. i’ll miss his puns and energy on the podcast, but i’m glad he’s taking care of himself and i hope he feels less stressed out after this :) Can’t wait to see what he does next and i’m excited for more episodes of the podcast!!

end

[emilycollins00]

A3 actors! Art in bloom

Type: One shot

Pairing: Miyoshi Kazunari x Reader

Theme: Passion / Art / Clash

Contrary to what many people and even classmates of yours thought, being an art student was not something you should chose to do lightly.

Sure, it seemed enjoyable, cute even. But no one ever talked about how many hours you would spend with a single portrait, drafting about abstract concepts or trying to discern at two in the morning whether a sculpture should turn more sideways or look at the ground to create a deeper perspective. 

Art was wild.

But you loved it and, why not admit it, you took it pretty seriously. Maybe a tiny bit more than most people.

That’s why you had always liked how Kazunari Miyoshi, although being the loud person he was, frequently went on and on with you discussing ideas when there was some debate in class. That brain of his was something else. His works and usual approach when mixing modern and traditional Japanese culture fascinated you. It really did.

But that had been changing lately, and it angered you.

Up until this year you hadn't really cared about it. Everyone had their right to live however they wanted after all.

However, without being able to tell when it began, you started casually observing him. You watched him talk to your other classmates as soon as the lecture, frowned as he concentrated on the draft they had one hour and a half to finish or taking selfies and live videos of the works you all were demanded to do. You even discovered yourself staring and how the sun caressed his profile first hour in the morning.

He had a nice profile.

By that point, something inside you was getting frustrated. He participated in class and attended to the lectures, but at the same time…? you felt he was starting prioritising social media over art, or looking for people for one of his popular mixers, like so many of your other classmates, who had most likely entered this major without much thought, did.

You would understand if he would have a part-time job, but the thought of him being able to do so much more and deciding to stop midway left you speechless.

You wished for him to take more things seriously. 

“Miyoshi, were you able to clean all the supplies from last class?" you called him out between the break. Everyone in class traded places to carry the main boxes with brushes, paints and whatever main source they had to work with each week "Our teacher told me to take some clay from there. I'm planning to use them for my final project, but I can't seem to find the key in the secretary office”

The university student lifted his head from his mobile and tipped on his chin, trying to remember "Supplies from...? Oh man, THAT is why I had them in my working space!” He palped his jeans looking for it “My bad, I was totes in a hurry and just closed as soon as we were done!” 

You contained an exasperated groan “Why would you get the key unless it was to clean the practice room?” 

Kazunari laughed nervously under your intimidating glare “True, true! It's just that I was talking with some friends over the phone and they were in a hurry so…” he showed you the key taking it out of his pocket, maybe to show that at least he hadn’t lost it “Do you need them now? I could go clean for you” 

The vein you had tried so hard to maintain calm popped altogether. Not wanting to keep talking, you rapidly grabbed the key from his hand and headed to take the supplies. God grief how you hated that carefree attitude. 

                                         ……………………..…….

“No prob, dude! Next time just hit me up with a DM and I’ll come running to your uni here! In exchange, I’ll need your help to finish the flyers so…” 

Recognizing the flashy voice, you slowly looked behind, witnessing the blond with another person. Was he meeting with people to play around here too? 

You couldn’t believe it. You all had your final projects deadlines almost spitting in your faces! That’s why you had to come to this other university to ask for permission to use a kiln for your final, as you didn’t have lectures prepared today and your university didn’t have any. Didn’t look like it was Kazunari’s case. 

“Uh? No way, Y/N-pyon!” he waved at you with both hands, confirming it was you indeed, as he got closer “Looking fleek today too! What are you doing here in Yosei?” the person walking next to him whispered something “They’re a friend from my major Tsuzuroon, I told you about them, dude!” 

You mentally scoffed. Without returning his greet and turning on your heels, you headed for the teacher’s office.

 “You said friend but…” Tsuzuru squinted his eyes, watching you leave “…It doesn't look like they like you very much” 

“No worries! Nowadays they are always like that. But their works are so lit! Y/N-pyon is the ultimate remix of you, Ten-ten and Yukki!” 

“That’s… not a good thing, Miyoshi-san”

                            …………………………………………

“Y/N-pyon, about-”

“Miyoshi, sorry. I am on my way to Yosei University to finish my work and unlike your usual approach of work to play, I actually don’t have time to waste”

“Uh? My works are…”

“Are what? I’ve been seeing you doing half-assed things all over the semester. This last week you didn’t even come at the afternoon lectures” you were pretty sure this was just you venting at this point “You’re amazing Miyoshi, I honestly think that, so why? If… If you only put more of yourself into it, your art would be even more unbelievable!”

He went quiet, a rare sight.

“Art it’s not something you just do for laughs; I thought you were one of the few people here that felt the same and-” the phone in your bag started ringing. Head  teacher. Inhaling deeply, you answered it “Yes?”

“Y/N-san? I am so sorry. Could you come to Josey university?” 

Losing the eye contact you had been maintaining with the blond boy, your heart sank as you heard the words ‘kiln’ and ‘malfunction’. “…Please tell me my final project is ok” 

                                       ……………………………….

You stood in silence, looking at the mess when you heard a knock at the door.

“I know I shouldn’t have followed and am expecting you throw me out the door but…” you didn’t move an inch so Kazunari took that as a free pass.

Just as the teacher told you, the electricity in the small building had had an issue and there had been a combustion, meaning, the sculpture you had kept here while working for weeks was now cracked and in shreds. You sniffed, brushing away the tears that were trying to come out from your eyes. All your hard work. All the time spent, had been for nothing.

“The Kiln is burnt. I don’t have anything good to save” you felt emotionally exhausted “Damn, I should have used air dry clay since the beginning… or not tried to sculpt anything” your vision became blurry again “I don’t know why do I make everything more difficult that it is”

Kazunari contemplated the situation, studying the seemingly full cracked sculpture from afar.

“Teach probably told you she would wait for you to turn on the work, right?” He saw you vaguely nodding you head “You got this!” he put his hand on your shoulder, you barely glancing at him “Look, If you still wanna use this base I’ll go ask for some moisturize and clean water to mix. Then I will maintain the upper part as you work down there, not bad idea right?”

You stared at him, finally grasping that he had come all the way here and was now trying to help “Why are you here? I… was being a busybody telling you how to work in our major” you had realized you had crossed the line back then.

Kazunari laughed, shaking his head “You were not saying anything that was a lie though, I don't want to admit it, but it’s true I've been a mess for a while”

“I guess parties require a lot of work” you bite your tongue hard. He was being a decent person trying to help and you couldn’t stop for two seconds to pick on him? You wanted to punch yourself.

“Mmm? Ah, our theatre troupe is almost opening for performance and the next troupe is on practices so flyers and scripts are running at full gas”

You stopped looking at your sculpture. What did he just say about a theatre?

“…What?”

“You’ve never come, Y/N-pyon? Mankai company is the best theatre in Veludo way! You totes should come, I’ll even send you the tickets for our new performance!” before you knew it, he had already DM you what you imagined was all the background information.

The moment you unlocked it, you almost dropped the phone. The photos and drawings of the posters were amazing, and you just knew who it had done “You… never said you had a job”

Kazunari considered what you pointed out. Mankai had managed to recover from what they needed to pay but they still didn't have enough founds “I’ve never thought about our acts as a job thought”

Your mind was a mess. Being an actor and doing publicity didn’t count for him as he studied? No wonder he usually left early! Now you felt even worst. You had behaved like a… “Uh, are these original templates?” you browsed over the performances’ posters, each one more astonishing than the other “This is… wow and this one?” 

He blinked, noticing how the tone of your voice was now more soothing. You had somewhat calm down. He would high-key enjoy hearing you talk to him like that more often “Hey, enough about me. We have work to do”

You agreed, putting away your phone “You’re right but again I… I am sorry, Miyoshi. And thanks, for staying” 

“No prob, Y/N-pyon!” 

“Would you tell me what I could do so you stopped calling me that?” 

“Eeeeeeh why? I think it fits! It's super-duper cute, like you!” 

Thump!

No. You told yourself.

Coming back to your senses you told yourself the warm you felt in your cheeks was due to summer starting earlier. It definitely wasn’t because of Kazunari smile directed at you, helped you or how the sun reflected on his perfect profile as you both started working on your work. 

Art was wild… but it was also an evocative of feelings.

_________________________________________________________

This one has been a difficult one! I wanted Reader to kind of clash with his mindset

Hope you guys enjoy it. Have a wonderful day! 💕

[theheroheart]

New Years Meme 2020

@arqueete:  “This survey is a meme that has been passed around among my friends since back in LJ days. If you want to join in, please consider yourself tagged.”

I used to journal more, and stuff like this is really nice to look back on, because I have terrible memory for life stuff or the passage of time. So here, for future me.

1. What did you do in 2020 that you’d never done before? Uhhhh wear a mask to the grocery store? This was not a groundbreaking year for new experiences.

2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year? I didn't have any. I don't make any. I mean, sometimes I make them in the vague "I want to focus on this in the future", but I'll already have forgotten by March, like I don't really PLAN my life in such a way. I just have goals that aren't tied to specific points in time. You get there when you get there, and you choose what you want to prioritise.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? No, but my brother got married, which was very exciting because he's 40 and has never had a girlfriend who he considered important enough for me to meet. (And my sister-in-law is delightful.)

4. Did anyone close to you die? My (half-)brother's dad died a few weeks ago (cancer), but I didn't really know him, so I wouldn't say he was close to me. I did spend almost a week at my brother's place to be there for him though. And honestly, I kept thinking about how my mom's dead this year, because in a way I'm glad we didn't have to deal with this year together. She already died from respitory failure, had poor impulse control and sense of safety, and I would've been CONSTANTLY worried about her.

5. What countries did you visit? I was gonna go to Malaysia (for my brother's wedding celebration), but that didn't happen. (Flatmates were gonna go to Japan.) So. Yeah. Home country all the way.

6. What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020? A driving force to move forward in my life?

7. What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? I don't think... that there is one specific day? I guess the US election? Despite me being Norwegian, it's still fairly historic.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? /stares blankly at the wall I did do some nice art pieces? I coped? I managed to have good times and make friends despite everything else.

9. What was your biggest failure? I dropped out of two classes specifically because I couldn't do remote learning and self-structured study (BECAUSE ADHD YO), even though it wasn't even that HARD subjects, which was very frustrating. It hasn't set my study plan back, thankfully, but it still felt like a waste.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Only mental. And thankfully not as bad as it could've been, but hell yeah there was some strong anxiety in there.

11. What was the best thing you bought? I've bought some great video games this year. Animal Crossing brought 250 hours of fun, Hades brought 100 hours so far. Good investments.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? // 13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Both of these are related to pandemic behavior so I think you can guess.

14. Where did most of your money go? Entertainment? Also, god, I spent so much money on theatre tickets that are now just vouchers for non-specific future performances. I'll get my money's worth eventually, but right now it's hundres of dollars worth just sitting in vouchers. OH, and, digital D&D books.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? I had tickets for Chess. Several tickets, for multiple performances. STILL HAVEN'T SEEN THIS PRODUCTION THOUGH. But they're still doing it so hopefully it will still happen.

16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2020? Not sure I have any specific ones, actually. No iconic music.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Last year I was feeling very accomplished. I was challenging myself, had befriended lots of classmates, had gotten through some stuff I was quite proud of managing. This year has been... not that. But on the other hand, I'm not as exhausted from school stuff, and I'm ready to actually go places and try to do things, as opposed to just wanting a month long nap.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of? General life maintainance stuff. Not just school work, but like, focus more on money sensibility and try to get on disability, go to the dentist, work with my doctor more... All of that got a little bit just... postponed indefinitely.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Uh, can't think of any notable negative behaviour. It's mostly stuff I didn't do. Like, I had some bad anxiety in the spring, but honestly I think I did an appropriate amount of worrying.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? Had my first christmas with my flatmates (whom I love very much), and had my dad over as well. It was very lovely, and socially way less draining than usual.

22. Did you fall in love in 2020? lmao I'm aromantic

23. How many one-night stands? lmao I'm asexual

24. What was your favorite TV program? There were a few this year! Good Omens, The Queen's Gambit, Julie and the Phantoms, Avenue 5. There were more I watched and enjoyed, but I think those stand out the most. Also, does Critical Role count? OH, The Baby Sitters Club! A lot of good stuff.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? Nah. I don't hate a lot of people.

26. What was the best book you read? Don't think I read anything notable this year. Don't read a lot of books, I prefer to consume stories in other media.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Julie and the Phantoms. Not because the music is astounding or anything, but it was very feel-good and fun. Don't think I had a lot of new music.

28. What did you want and get? D&D campaigns? Have gotten really invested in one of them in particular, it's delightful.

29. What was your favorite film of this year? Hmmm. The only one that stands out was The Old Guard. I watch more series than films. 2 hours isn't long enough for me to get properly invested AND satisfied.

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 33 and I don't know that I did anything special. I think I just chilled? Flatmates made me a nice breakfast!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having the energy for essays/exams, probably. Just feeling like I actually had some accomplishments. OR LIKE. If Norway did like New Zealand and just wiped the virus out.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2020? Pyjamas. Occasionally 'apocalypse chic'.

34. What kept you sane? My flatmates and my dad. Reliable social interaction with people I care about.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Matthew McNulty, which applies to every single year. But this year I started both a gallery website and a discord server for him, so it was a particularly good year for him.  (Special mention to Paul Spera, who I finally talked to face-to-face, through Zoom, but still.) Also I'm using 'fancy' platonically.

36. What political issue stirred you the most? Ha aha hah all of them, oh god. BLM, probably, though. That was when I still had the energy to get invested.

37. Who did you miss? So many people. Like, come on. I don't know that it was even specific people so much just... being in a group? Like, my choir gang?

38. Who was the best new person you met? Met a guy I ended up playing a LOT of board games with. We haven't really talked in a few months now tho. And there's a friend I didn't MEET this year, but I really connected with, who's also now my DM, which was really nice.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2020: It's not necessarily new knowledge, but this year has really driven home the need for both community solidarity and governmental support/leadership.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: I'm alone in my apartment, that means I can do anything / I'm not wearing pants (alone in my apartment - Brian David Gilbert)

Summary: It's been a conflicted year, a lot has felt like it's been on stand-still, but there's still been some good things in there.

[jeremystrele]

Emmylou Maccarthy Takes Motherhood’s Invisible Labour And Makes It Visible – And Paid

Emmylou Maccarthy Takes Motherhood’s Invisible Labour And Makes It Visible – And Paid

Family

Ashe Davenport

When you live your job on the Internet, everyone has their say. ‘People criticise me about not spending enough time with my kids.’ Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Sage, Vida and Camellia. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

‘The camera doesn’t change how I do things. I’m the same way whether I’m being recorded or not.’ Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

‘I was pretty single minded in the beginning if I’m honest. I think I’ve got a better balance these days. I put my career first for about 24 months, but man, did I see that affect my family.’ Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Making the switch from the primary to secondary carer doesn’t come easily. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Emmylou, Aaron, Sage, Camellia, Vida and their two pups! Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Emmylou’s nominated Sunday activity is a morning spent at the South Melbourne Market. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Happiness (as well as confidence) in the kitchen, always! Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Emmylou’s dream dinner party would be alfresco, with bifold doors folded in so she can cook but still hear the chatter. Photo – Sarah Collins of Work + Co.

Emmylou Maccarthy carved out her media career with nothing but an Instagram account and a dream. Her story is the digital equivalent of rubbing two sticks together to make fire – seemingly impossible at first, but ultimately achievable with time, dedication and the right hashtags and/or wind conditions.

The term ‘influencer’ has become somewhat of a dirty word, but in Emmylou’s case it’s simply an accurate description of how she got her start. Her audience is astoundingly engaged. If Emmylou so much as mentions a brand on social media, product sales tend to skyrocket. Her Instagram stories are a seemingly endless tangent on domestic life, with over 50 instalments a day. She might be making hummus, plaiting her daughter’s hair, waiting for an Uber, applying or removing her makeup, but the activity is irrelevant. Emmylou’s charisma is undeniable. Why else are tens of thousands of people tuning in to watch her do a fishtail braid? She’s luminous. She makes mistakes often and genuinely laughs when she does. She’s a comfort to people at home on their phones, craving connection with a real human person, with the emphasis on real. 

We talked over coffee at St Ali in South Melbourne. In person, Emmylou was shorter than I’d imagined and significantly more professional. My instinct was to greet her with a hug, my bestie, the person I’d watched cooking in her pyjamas, but she held out her hand as she approached the table, establishing a boundary in the process. It was a gesture she seemed to have had some training in, a gentle reminder to people that they were, in fact, strangers.

She gets a bit of flack – for not spending enough time with her kids, not having a ‘real job,’ for not fitting the traditional moulds/straight jackets of ‘wife’ and’ mother’, you name it. The reason is obvious. She’s a self-made woman who doesn’t play by the rules. People don’t know what to make of her. I stan. 

What do you say to people who question whether or not you have a ‘real job’?

You can let the opinions of others feed into how you see yourself, but at the end of the day, it’s just a career, and it’s mine. It’s driven by joy and excitement. Everything I’ve done, I’ve loved: beauty therapy, skydiving, working in hospitality, working as a receptionist. I’ve done it all with a massive smile on my face. So I just try and not let it affect me. People don’t see the emails and hundreds of DMs. I’ve got staff members now, a legal team, accounting, the whole thing. Emmylou Loves is a business, no question.

You’ve taken a lot of the unpaid invisible labour of motherhood and made it paid and visible, it’s hugely impressive, actually.

People criticise me about not spending enough time with my kids. They say: ‘Oh! Her poor husband is stuck with everything.’ And in fact, he’s not the poor husband, he’s their dad. When he did fly-in-fly-out he was away for four weeks at a time working in the mines. Four weeks! Then he’d be home for five days, and he’d be knackered because he’d have worked 12 hour days for weeks on end, and never once did I hear how lucky he was that I was doing everything at home.

How do you share the parenting load now that you’re so busy with work?

For the last six months, Aaron’s been a stay-at-home dad. He’s the primary carer. He does all the school drop-offs and pick-ups, kinder drop-offs. I often do them with him, then I’m off working every day. I’m home in time to cook dinner. We all pitch in for the housework. We wanted to have one of us as the constant figure at home, so the kids would feel more settled in a routine. It makes the most sense for us right now that Aaron is that person.

How’s that going?

It was hard at first. It doesn’t matter what your situation is, if you’re changing things, it’s not all going to click straight away. You have to give it a trial to see if it’s going to work, and to allow for the icky, uncomfortable part. With any job you have a three month trial, it’s exactly the same as changing the roles up at home. After three months have a sit-down with your boss, or partner in this case, and see how you’re both feeling. Discuss what’s working and what’s not, where the gaps are and how you can fill them.

How did you build your business while being the primary carer to three young kids?

I was pretty single minded in the beginning if I’m honest. I think I’ve got a better balance these days. I was starting late in life. I wanted to go for it, and I did, I really went for it. I put my career first for about 24 months, but man, did I see that affect my family. It impacted our happiness, my personal happiness too. Aaron and I weren’t together during that time, we were co-parenting, so that didn’t help. We were living in the same house, but we were emotionally disconnected. I was prioritising emails at the dinner table over enjoying the meal with my kids. I was so focussed on keeping the momentum going with Emmylou Loves, sometimes it felt almost like the kids were impeding on that. I had to take a good hard look at myself. Like, they’re my kids! What am I doing?

What was it like not being in a romantic relationship with Aaron, but still living in the same house?

Man, did it hurt. Did I spend a lot of time crying? Yes. Did we go long periods of time without speaking? Yes. But did we try to fill that silence with nasty hateful things? No. Sometimes couples will come upon a time in their family life where things are silent. Not much is going on. It’s a bit fucking boring. So what do we do? We get snarky, we get restless. We think, hmmm there’s not much love happening here, let’s try and get a spark going with a bit of hate. That was the one thing Aaron and I decided not to do. We didn’t fill our silence with nastiness. We were just silent for a while, and we were okay with it. I just kept pointing out that it was the hardest time in our lives.

My partner and I have two under four, and our relationship has been hanging on by a thread at various stages since becoming parents. How did you guys get it together?

We let go of expectations and the fantasy that we should still be in the honeymoon period. My advice to any couples going through a tough time is to not under any circumstances compare your relationship to anything you think you’re seeing online or in the world. Aaron and I completely understand that romance can die, and die in a scary way, where you think it’s not going to come back. Make a conscious effort to lead with respect, which is easier said than done when you’re new parents, underslept and stretched so thin.

Is it hard to stay present when so much of your life is on camera?

The camera doesn’t change how I do things. I’m the same way whether I’m being recorded or not. That’s why I muddle up my words, they’re just flying off my tongue. That said, I’ve had to work at staying present with my kids. It doesn’t come naturally to me. When they want to do a jigsaw puzzle for example, the easy part is saying yes, but I have to make a conscious effort to sit down and bloody enjoy it. My instinct is to be in 100 other places in my head, whether it’s what I’m cooking for dinner, or replying to emails, or whatever it is that needs to be done. Being present is a discipline, it’s a muscle that needs building, and I’ve had to work at that.

Describe your perfect dinner party…

Hmmm… An open alfresco area with bifold doors going inside. I don’t know much about interior design, but I know about bifold doors, because I want them. Then I could be in the kitchen cooking, but still be able to see out and hear the party going. I’d want cool beats playing in the background, hip hop or funk or something chilled out like Erykah Badu. I’d make a communal feast with some of my mates helping out. We’d bring out big bowls of gorgeous food and people would be drinking gorgeous wine. It could be anytime of year. Summer, Winter, don’t care!

What can people expect from your upcoming book Confidence in the Kitchen?

It’s a collection of really easy recipes, but tasty, with beautiful imagery. It’s a happy book, one you can flick through and smile. You don’t have to be a wiz in the kitchen to follow the recipes. The point is to give you some spunk and vibe in the kitchen. It’s food that’s meant to be enjoyed with people and that’s enjoyable to make. That’s what food is all about for me. It’s about the experience.

Family Favourites

Activity or outing

Definitely movies. Colouring in. Nothing better than a fresh batch of play-dough. And cooking!

Sunday morning breakfast?

South Melbourne market to shop, coffee and a quick bite. Almost every Sunday we have my sister and her family over. She and I will cook up a storm while the kids play.

Date night?

We’re more into date days! We’re so tired at night and we just want to watch a movie and not talk. But date-days are great. A walk, a swim, just simple things together.

Desert island album?

If I could cheat and say my Spotify playlist…. Oh my God… This is the hardest question I’ve ever been asked… Okay… breathe… okay. Mama’s Gun by Erykah Badu.

Family getaway?

Torquay. We love love love the beach.

‘Confidence in the Kitchen’ will be available from all major retailers in June 2020. You can pre-order a copy here.