#I don't really read a lot of different fics with them
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Gosh, I can relate to this.
I think about what fandom is a lot since I sort of lurk in a lot of spaces (until I feel brave enough to speak or share).
First off, the point of this addition isn't to guilt trip anyone, but to get people thinking about what community means. What inclusion means, and what engagement means. And how those are interconnected.
One of the crucial pillars of fandom, and the reason fandom exists at all is because of community.
Writing fanfiction and sharing it for free is about building community with one another. It's people who loved a show/movie/book enough that they wanted to play in the world longer, so they play together in that world with other people who love it too. That's what fanworks are -- it's people playing together in community because of a love toward a specific series/media.
But community requires communication. It requires building connections. It requries engaging one another.
I write long fics. In fact, adding up the word counts of my fics in AO3? It's well over a million words in two different fandoms. These are free novels written because the community had been welcoming at first and it had encouraged me to keep going.
But I made a mistake. Two of these projects (in two separate fandoms) I made into a series. Because of how each part in a series means the sequel gets less engagement, it feels like I'm watching a community dissolve, and that's painful. I don't get paid for this. It's all free, and part of the reason I went to fanfic writing was because of community.
Lack of engagement gives, often unintentionally, the author the message that they aren't really part of the fandom's community. At least not anymore (if they ever were).
Some say, "Well, don't write for your readers!"
Well, no, I don't write for my readers, but the act of sharing for free is me giving to the community and building up community.
But part of building up community requires people to give back in turn. Oherwise the community will fracture and fall apart.
The reason fandom exists at all is because of community.
It's the community part of fandom that has helped me to heal enough to write again, but when that community dries up or no longer engages with me, then what am I to do? I've lost that community, and if I continue to engage with it and get very little (if not nothing) in return, then at that point, I'm throwing my energy into a void in hopes for a scrap of community.
It ceases to fulfill the need. It leaves me feeling lost and alone. And finding out later how much people loved a fic I wrote but that fic received very little engagement? It tells me that I'm not loved as a person within the community.
I have watched and listen to people talk about how much it hurts when the work they put in so much effort in for the community gets little to no engagement. It often pushes them to engage less, to stop writing, and watching that happen? It hurts to see.
Community requires communication. Do not treat an fanfic author like a kiosk, where you grab the story and run. Treat them like they are part of your community. By doing so, by including them, you bolster their sense of belonging and are more likely to get stories in return.
Community needs to be reciprocal. And I fear fandoms are losing that understanding of what community is. They expect and sometimes demand more, but what are they doing to support that fanfic writer or artist? Are they engaging them and uplifting them within the community? Or are they not engaging them?
If you read an author's work and love it, include them in that community by sharing your thoughts in a comment. You don't necessarily have to comment on every chapter of a longer work (Though it is so lovely some do), but to at least offer up comments here and there to be inclusive of that author.
Engagement bolsters the community bond.
The lack of engagement breaks the community bond.
And that's a sort of grief. Us writers came for community and to share our love of the fandom with others. When we fail to be included in that community, it will hurt. It's a type of rejection that people may not even realize they are doing.
Community requires communication, and for fandoms, part of that communication is comments, kudos, (and gosh, even tumblr asks).
I hope that helps give people another perspective to consider.
Think it over. Think about what you'd like to give back to the creators in your community.
And please understand, if you can only give back one or so comments? That's okay and valid, and that too builds up community.
Even little actions matter.
Never think your small action doesn't matter or that your comment or kudos doesn't matter. It does. It helps build community too.
Thanks for reading. Be safe.
A writer friend told me something that broke my heart a little bit today; they're going to quit publishing their fanfic.
My instant thought was that they had been trolled or attacked or that something terrible had happened in their life because this person is so passionate about their writing. It wasn't any of that. Engagement with their works has been going down, as it has for many of us. Comments are like gold dust a lot of the time, and just looking through the historical comment counts on old fics on ao3 demonstrates this trend very clearly. It was not simply the comments dropping off which caused them to decide to stop posting, however.
My friend came across a discord server for their fandom (I should point out here that their fandom interest and mine diverged a couple of years ago, we stay in touch but don't currently read each other's posts because I'm not into their fandom and they would rather gouge their eyes out with a wooden spoon than read anything Star Wars) and specifically to share fic in that fandom. They joined, because we all love a good fic rec, only to discover that their latest multichapter fic, which has almost no comments and very few kudos, is being hotly discussed in this server as one of the best stories ever. Not one of these people has bothered to say this to them on the fic. When they asked, none of participants could see the point in telling the author of the fic they apparently loved so much that they love it.
This discovery has absolutely destroyed my friend's love of sharing fic. They share because they love seeing other people's enjoyment, and fic writers do that through comments and kudos/reblogs/likes because we don't get paid. There is no literary critic writing a blog post/article about how amazing the story is for us to copy and keep/frame. There is no money from royalties. All we have are the words of the people reading our works.
Those people on that server could have taken five minutes of the time they spent gushing about how amazing my friend's story was to other people and used it to tell the one person guaranteed to want to hear that praise how much they loved it. They could have taken a moment to express their opinion to the person who spent hours upon hours plotting, writing, editing, and posting those chapters. Instead, they deprived my friend of thing that keeps them sharing their writing, and in the process have killed their love of it. My friend now feels used and unmotivated.
I won't be sharing a link to their fic, they said I could share their experience but not their identity. I know they plan to post one final chapter. I know they intend to express their hurt at being excluded from the praise for the thing they created, and I know they intend to announce that as a consequence they will not be posting for a long while, if at all.
So please, I beg you, don't hide your love of a story from the writer. It's just about the only thing we have.
#Just some thoughts on fandom and community#what I think readers may not realize when it comes to what comments are within the fandom community#I need to be better about comments too so I'm reminding myself too#bird speaks
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Smeared Lipstick
Still on my Logan nonsense (thank god) and had a round of Patch!Logan feels. I know nothing about him other than what I saw in Deadpool and Wolverine, so sorry if I messed him up somehow.
This is for @likedovesinthewnd because she's the one who told me I should write it lol
Also shout out to @bpmiranda for posting the best/nastiest smut fics that inspired me to go ham and not hold back for once. If you need some more Logan, read mine first but she's got a lot more!
Warnings: Casino, basically pure smut with only a sprinkle of plot, oral (male receiving), some light conartistry, mutant reader, bathroom smut, fingering (both receiving because I'm a feminist lol), sugar daddy but only kinda, Patch!Logan, a touch of 'getting caught', and probably some other stuff. Let me know if I missed anything important.
Word Count: 3473 (don't look at me)
[More Logan]
[Main Master List]
“Hit me,”
The dealer passed Logan another card and he concealed his joy easily. He’d hit 20 for the third time at this table. Lady Luck always on his side.
“You win again, sir,” The dealer said, pushing the new stack chips across the table to him.
“I’m afraid it’s time we close this table, sir,” Your voice always soothed something in him. You’d been working at this particular casino for a few months, and so, Logan always found himself at your tables. No one suspected the truth of why you both were there.
“Pity, I was doing so well,” Logan looked up at you with his one good eye, drinking in the way your glittery red dress hugged every single one of your edges just right. How your hair was done up with sparkly bits to match the shine on your dress. How your lipstick was the exact shade of red as your dress.
You looked good enough to eat, if he were being honest.
“I’m sure I can find you somewhere else to play,” You smile, half customer service, half something naughty. Logan put the cigar he’d been chewing on away into his pocket. He had a feeling he’d find himself with something better to put in his mouth shortly.
“Lead the way, sweetheart,” Logan stood, leaving his chips all on the table. “Cash those into my account,” This was directed at the dealer who was just cleaning up his station.
“Please, Mr. Locken,” You urged the dealer. He was a clever young man, one of your best dealers. He’d caught three different cheaters in his time at the casino, and you were impressed that he was so good at catching them. Even the team upstairs, who’s entire job it was to catch cheating, had missed one of the three Locken had spotted.
“Of course, Miss Y/N,” Locken replied, gathering Logan’s chips.
“Thank you,” You said, taking Logan’s arm and leading him away.
Logan had been staring at the skin exposed that showed over the slinky material of your dress. You knew poor Locken likely knew exactly what you and Mr. Logan were about to get up to. Locken didn’t really want to know, but it wasn’t exactly a secret that you and Mr. Logan, the high roller with an eye patch, were an item. Most of the staff knew, and the rest likely suspected.
But Mr. Logan, being a high roller, got away with all kinds of things. Fucking the floor manager was hardly a big deal or a surprise at that point.
“And where are you taking me, Miss Y/N,” Logan mocked Locken’s tone and you smacked his chest with one hand. “As I recall, there aren’t any tables this way, and the hotel is the other direction too,”
“I was thinking you needed a little more luck,” You told him. “I heard that another big fish was headed in to drop some cash, and he’s luckier than most who walk through the door.” There was something about you that no one in the building, other than Logan, knew about you… and that was that you were a mutant who could control a person’s luck. You could also see how lucky someone was, just by touching them. It came in all kinds of handy working in a casino, and extra handy where Logan was involved. The two of you having a sort of arrangement in regards to luck.
“What did you have in mind for me?” Logan mused as you led him down another hallway and into a single stall bathroom. It was one of the large single stall bathrooms, where several people could use the two sinks and spacious counter during a wedding or other event, usually to get ready. This particular bathroom was out of the way of the main space though, less likely to get interrupted.
“Lock the door,” You told him with a saucy smirk.
You and Logan had met originally in a different casino, and he’d figured out that his string of bad luck had been tied to you. He thought, originally, that it was because he’d gotten so distracted by you that he’d lost his edge. You knew it was because you’d turned all his luck to bad and all your own luck to good, hoping to clean house well enough to eat for the next month.
“Yes, ma’am,” Logan turned to lock the door and when he turned back, you were sitting on the counter, skirt hiked up to your knees. Logan took a deep breath through his nose that quickly dissolved into a growl of pleasure as he smelled your arousal. “Never will get over how good you smell, honey,” He stepped between your thighs and tipped your chin up so that you were looking at him.
“Only for you baby,” You purred back, leaning up so your breath brushed his lips sensually.
“No kissing,” Logan reminded you, and you pouted, but you knew the deal. After he’d found you out as a mutant, you’d both struck a deal. You would give him better luck, and he'd take good care of you, effectively becoming your sugar daddy. Only, if you called him ‘daddy’ he’d bend you over his knee, so you saved that for special occasions.
“Please?” You begged, knowing that was the only line left in the sand between you. You’d done everything else, had sex in every direction you could think of. But no kissing. Never kissing.
You didn’t like it, but it was easy enough to complain around.
“You know the rules,” Logan growled softly. He ran his tongue along the exposed skin at your throat and you moaned. He chuckled, feeling your vibrations against his tongue.
“Rules are made to be broken, I thought?” You pressed as he stepped forward to bump the hardness in his pants against you. Your hips moved against him as if there was ever any question to what was going on between you.
“I can walk away,” Logan warned and you whined, but nodded to tell him you’d stop asking. “Good girl,”
“Wait,” You said, suddenly having a sordid idea. Logan rocked backwards on his heel far enough to peer questioningly into your face. “Let me take care of you this time,”
“You wanna take care of me?” Logan asked skeptically. You reached down to palm him through his slacks. His eye fluttered closed at the contact and he had to brace himself on the counter on either side of you.
“Please, baby? Since you won’t let me kiss you, at least let me taste you?” You batted your eyelashes at him and he knew he was a sucker for giving in to you anytime you did that. Hell, he’d kill a man no questions asked, if you batted your lashes at him.
“Get to it then,” He moved back only far enough to let you slide off the counter and to your knees. You made short work of undoing his belt and pants. You pulled his slacks and boxers down just far enough to allow his cock to spring free. He was already rock hard and leaking for you when you cooed happily and kitten licked the warm tip of him.
He had to grip the counter again to remain in control of himself. You smirked as you did it again, tasting the salty tang of his precum before you wrapped your lips around just the head of his cock.
“Fuck,” Logan grunted, trying his best not to slam his dick straight down your throat. He knew you could take it, but he wanted to let you get there on your own.
“Want me to stop?” You pause only long enough to ask before you licked a long stripe up the underside of him, tracing the thick vein there from balls to tip.
“Don’t you dare,” Logan pants, cursing again when you go back to the small licks along the very tip of his cock. You always seemed to know exactly how to drive him out of his mind. Maybe that was why he’d give you anything you wanted. Diamonds, jewelry, gold, silver, hotel rooms, a car if you asked for it… He’d give you anything his money could buy.
Anything but the heart he was pretty sure you weren’t even aware you’d already stolen.
You pressed a small kiss to his angry red tip before sticking out your tongue and sliding him into the warmth of your mouth.
Logan cursed again, his hips bucking once before he could stop himself. You adjusted your knees on the hard tile floor, loosened your jaw, and slid your hands lovingly around his thighs.
With your eyes fluttering softly and the end of his dick in your mouth, Logan was surprised he didn’t cum right there on your tongue.
You looked up at him and gave a slight nod, telling him you were ready for him to take control if he wanted it. Logan felt his heart rate spike as the animal in him begged to claim you. If he wasn’t careful he’d bury his fist in your hair and throat fuck you until you couldn’t speak. But he’d promised to be careful when you were at work, because you needed to look nice for the casino.
When Logan didn’t immediately take over, you leaned forward, taking more and more of him into your mouth, slowly, until he just barely touched the back of your throat. Your throat constricted on a gag and the feeling of your throat closing was all it took for the animal inside him to break free.
Logan’s strong hand cradled the back of your head, trying to avoid pulling out the glittery baubles you’d put there this morning before he’d driven you to work. You leaned back into his palm, trying to ease the sensation in your throat, and you got relief for about two beats before that same careful hand pulled you back along him until your nose was pressed flush with the rough hair at his base.
You knew it was his turn to have his fun now, and you couldn’t help but grin for a moment before you remembered how hard it was to breathe around the girth of his cock.
Your nails dug into the meat of his thighs as you focused on breathing while he jerked his hips. The drag of his cock along your tongue made heat pool in your stomach as he abused your throat over and over again.
Meanwhile, Logan was making the most guttural noises while he used your throat. His grunting and groaning echoing in the empty bathroom, occasionally punctuated by a soft curse or two when your throat squeezed him just right. All paired with the wet sound of his cock sliding in and out of your throat.
But as much as you’d love to let him stay there in your mouth until he came, you needed a break. You reached up and tapped on his stomach, your agreed sign that you needed air.
Instantly, Logan pulled back and caught your eyes with his one good one.
“You alright?” He asked and you nodded with a slight cough.
“Just needed to catch my breath,” You admitted. “I’m out of practice,”
“I know one way to fix that,” Logan said with a cheeky grin.
“Give me five more seconds,” You said, adjusting on your knees again. You took a second to pull his slacks down to his knees. You lean in and give some attention to each of his beefy thighs, kissing the strong muscles and nibbling the soft flesh.
“Don’t tease me,” Logan grumbled, his hand coming back to your head. “Finish what you started,”
“Yes, sir,” You batted your lashes up at him and his cock twitched next to your face. You took another moment to lick the side of him, rubbing his length against your face, showcasing just how long he was compared to your head. It was a wonder you could fit him all down your throat.
You kissed the side of his dick a few times, preparing you both for another round, and with one last kitten lick to his slit, his dick slid back into your throat.
The second time was always easier for you, and you���re always happy to help when it means he would let out those grunting noises you love so much.
And you knew exactly what would make him whine for you too.
You slid your hands up and around the back of his thighs until you could grip both of his taught buttcheeks in your hand. This distracted him enough from his movements that you were able to swallow around his tip and make him groan again. You bobbed your head as you kneaded his flesh and he got lost in the sensation the exact same way you did when he was face down between your legs. And just like he always did, you carefully slid a finger into his waiting hole.
The noise Logan makes is something you wished you could bottle up for a rainy day. It’s somewhere near a whine and too gravelly to be a whimper. You withdraw only long enough to add some moisture to your digits before working yourself back into him, stroking at that spot deep inside that makes his thighs tense and his knees shake.
Having discovered how stroking him like this made him feel, you understood why he liked to finger-fuck you so much. Making him experience such pleasure, pleasure that only you have brought him? Heaven. Heaven on earth, about to cum down your throat.
Logan never lasted long with your fingers in his ass.
You hold your breath while he comes undone in your mouth, bucking his hips against the swirling of your tongue. You try to swallow it all, but it’s difficult when he’s moving still, so you just hold on until he’s pumped every last drop into your mouth.
Before he can be overstimulated too much, he pulls your hand away from him and slides himself from your soft mouth.
“Fuck, baby, thought you were going to suck me dry for a second there,”
“I would if you’d let me,” You smiled up at him. He reached down and gently rubbed his thumb under your bottom lip, catching a drip of his cum that you hadn’t managed to swallow. At first you thought he’d press it into your mouth, but instead he brought it to his own and you felt your face flame with unexpected heat.
“Maybe next time sweetheart,” Logan helped you to your feet before adjusting himself and pulling up his slacks.
“Wait, you’ve got lipstick all over,” You tried to stop him from tucking himself away hoping you could clean him up properly, but he just chuckled and did up his pants.
“Something to remember you by,” He teased and you rolled your eyes before turning to the mirror to see the state of your own face. It was about what you’d figured but also you didn’t mind in the slightest.
Your red lipstick was smeared all across your cheek, your eyes were wet so your eyeshadow had mostly rubbed off, but luckily your eyeliner had stayed put. You wore super waterproof eyeliner for that reason after all. There was still some of the sticky release of Logan’s painted on your lips and tongue from where you’d failed to swallow it all.
“Look at that,” You mused. “You smeared my lipstick,” Logan chuckled at that, turning you around so that he could see.
“Seems so,” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silk handkerchief. He gently took your chin and held you steady while he soiled the white silk with your red lipstick and the remains of his cum. After fucking your throat like that, you almost forgot he could be gentle too.
You liked it when he was gentle.
When Logan was satisfied with his work, he put his handkerchief back in his pocket and leaned down to kiss your cheek, you froze when you felt his lips at the edge of yours. Almost a kiss.
But he knew better than that.
You both did.
You whined softly for him, wanting more, but you also needed to get back to work.
“Turn around for me,” Logan said. You raised an eyebrow at him but did as he asked, gasping when he pressed himself against your ass.
“Logan,” You chided. “I need to head back,”
“Just give me a minute to return the favor,” Logan was smirking at you over your shoulder as you watched him in the mirror. “I promise I won’t smear your lipstick this time,” You bit your lip at the thought of him getting you off here too.
“I really should be getting back,” You tried to say, but it was half hearted at best. He smacked your ass and you whimpered at him, terribly needy and terribly turned on.
“Spread your legs for me and lift your skirt,” He commanded against the shell of your ear. “Now,” You jumped at the authority in his voice and moved to do as he asked. You hoisted your skirt up to your hips and let your legs shift apart so that he had room to slide his knee between your thighs.
You gasped as he bounced his leg into your sensitive folds.
“I’ll repay you properly when we get home tonight, but until then,” He pressed a soft kiss to the side of your neck. “Let me make my baby feel good,” You could only nod as he reached down and slid his hand into your already soaked panties.
“Logan,” You moaned as his finger traced circles around your bud. “That feels so good,”
“Good,” He nibbled on your earlobe. “Just relax,”
You were about to give in entirely when the handle to the bathroom jiggled and it reminded you all at once that you were still at work.
“Fuck… Logan…” You tried to stop him, but he just dipped his fingers deeper and you mewled instead.
“Don’t worry about that, focus on me and what I’m doing,” Logan purred. The handle rattled again and this time you heard someone curse about the bathroom being occupied too long.
You jumped when the person outside banged on the door.
“Find another bathroom, bub!” Logan growled loudly as he kicked the door angrily in return. Another curse from outside the door and Logan slowed his movements until he couldn’t hear the person outside anymore. “Now where were we?”
You were gripping his arm, which was wrapped around your waist to keep you in place.
“I don’t even remember,” You admitted with a laugh, which shifted into a moan as he moved his fingers against you again and all at once you remembered. “Fuck,” You moaned.
“That’s it,” He sped up his fingers, watching your face in the mirror as your closed your eyes in pleasure. “Come on, baby, give it to me,” He grunted against your shoulder, his teeth teasing your skin.
It didn’t take much more for you to cum around his fingers, fluttering and shaking in his arms as he held you up.
“That’s it pretty girl, that’s it,” Logan purrs against your ear, pressing a soft kiss to your shoulder. “That’s my pretty girl,”
You turned, wanting to kiss him, to thank him for this, but you remembered his rule, so instead you pressed your forehead into his jaw and whined at him.
“I really do need to get back to work,” You whisper. “And you need to go make enough money for that trip we’ve been talking about,”
“Yes ma’am,” Logan chuckled in your ear as he finally pulled his fingers out of the tight embrace of your cunt. You groaned at the loss of him, but hummed in pleasure when you watched him lick his fingers clean. “Need me to carry you to your desk?” He teased.
“Oh shush,” You stood and adjusted yourself. “I was just enjoying the moment for a little longer,”
“Could always play hooky and use your key to get us into a room upstairs,” Logan said, like he was nothing but serious. You shove him playfully.
“Yeah, and then I’ll get fired again,” You chided. “We’re going to run out of good casinos if we keep doing that,”
“So?” He pressed his lips to your temple. “Maybe when we run out of casinos, I’ll make an honest woman out of you,” This makes you pause. Could he be serious?
“Only once we’ve run out?” You asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.
“And if we get married, I’ll have to kiss you, won’t I?” It sounded almost like a tease, but there was nothing but joy and mirth in his eye.
And maybe, just maybe, love was sparkling in there too.
[More Logan]
[Main Master List]
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#wolverine#wolverine x reader#deadpool and wolverine#logan howlett smut#logan#smut#patch!logan#Patch#james howlett logan#james logan howlett#logan smut#wolverine x you#logan howlett x you#wolverine fanfiction
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What are your thoughts on poly coven and if you do have have any what would the dynamic be?
You folks really want that Agatha All Along fic about all the different dynamics, don't you? 😂😂😂 (Referencing this ask--although I suppose I have no way of knowing whether this is the same anon. Thank you for the ask regardless!)
I enjoy poly coven, although I haven't read much of it! In my mind, there are two general ways to approach this: one where Billy functions as their non-romantic glue (the Billy-has-seven-moms approach) and one (more interesting imo) where we nix Billy altogether and let it be a true dumpster fire.
Billy Has Seven Moms:
The single thing they all agree on (no one believes Agatha when she equivocates, and Rio doesn't snarl about it, which is as close to agreement as they'll get) is that the kid comes first.
Agatha and Jen both provide a practical kind of mentorship: technical magical study, potion-making, spells. They snark at each other during lessons ("What happened to 'presenting a united front'?" says Agatha) and if Jen doesn't back off, Alice, Billy, or Lilia step in to stop it from going all the way downhill. Agatha and Jen fuck it out later.
Lilia mentors Billy in history, tarot, and witch culture--all the soft skills that Agatha and Jen aren't proficient in. She enjoys the quiet respect that all of the coven, but especially Billy and Alice, holds for her. She and Alice trade off nights cooking; Lilia's go-to recipes are old Sicilian favorites.
Alice is Billy's Normal Stable Person (TM), a fact that at one point sends Alice into a panic spiral that Agatha and Jen have to drag her out of. She's the one Billy comes to when he needs someone who understands what it's like to be a kid on your own--when he's having a tough time with someone else in the coven, when he's feeling overwhelmed by the sheer number of mothers in his life. Alice teaches him guitar, and then, very hesitantly, protection spells passed down to her from Lorna.
Rio mopes around like a disgruntled housecat, never quite looking at Billy. The only time she does is when Billy announces he wants to make a Sharon Davis memorial garden. She doesn't help, of course, not in any way that Billy sees. But she does watch.
Of course, this well-oiled mentorship program works only as long as Billy is with them on the timeshare schedule. As soon as he's gone, it's like a ghost house with five roommates who hate each other's guts. If they still have separate places of residence, they all leave (except for the times when Jen is so annoyed with Agatha they bang first). If they actually do live in the same house, they all go into their separate rooms.
Then they seek each other out in pairs or trios, depending on what they want. Alice and Jen seek each other out when they want a normal date night; Rio seeks Lilia when she wants to talk shop about the old days; Agatha seeks Alice when it's been a hard day and she wants someone to be quiet about it. (Although let's be real: if Agatha's seeking someone out, it's also usually to fuck.)
Sometimes these pairs have a good time together; other times it turns into a fight that someone else cleans up. Lilia keeps count.
The only time the whole coven joins together sans Billy is when there's a threat. Usually to Agatha. Sometimes (futilely) to Rio. It always ends in massive property damage and murder, and there's an 80% chance the five of them have messy wow-we're-all-still-our-version-of-alive-sex afterward.
Agatha makes lots of divorce jokes.
No Billy, Just Chaos:
It's worse.
You know, I'm not even gonna bulletpoint this out because it's slowly growing into its own fic idea, but--in a poly coven where there's no Billy, everything happens a lot quicker and dirtier. (This is also because it veers wildly off-canon, and we're dealing with these characters before they've arced out. You know, the nasty, messy versions of them.)
Of course there's still got to be something forcing them together--soulmarks! Billy dies in episode 4 and leaves them in a crumbling Road illusion! The Salem Seven invade Westview and they all pick the same hiding spot!--but the thing keeping them together would not then be a kid. It would not be someone with a good heart they all care about. It would be one of Agatha's freakishly charismatic cons, utter fear, or a combination of both. Thus, everyone would spiral toward their most feral selves fast.
To wit: Jen and Agatha skip straight to the hate sex, Rio gets amused and jealous and jumps in. Alice, having no kid to protect, focuses her efforts on Lilia (the coven's elder) and Agatha (the coven's leader). This brings Alice directly into the snare that is Rio/Agatha/Jen, becoming--if we're being kind--their right hand and--if we're being truthful--their pet. Lilia considers herself above this weird fucked-up power tangle, but she and Rio have centuries of history, and Rio is almost as good as Agatha at annoying people into making bad decisions. It would be terrible. It would be glorious.
#agatha all along#agatha harkness#jennifer kale#alice wu gulliver#rio vidal#lilia calderu#ask#thanks for the ask anon!
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By chance can ya make a list of prowljazz fics you recommend??
Tyy!
Hmmm let's see
Domino Milkshake by SilenceoftheLlamas
What Makes A Monster Series by WandersUnderStarlight
Crime in Crystals series by Aard_Rinn and BaeBeyza
And of course~
Mistakes on Mistakes Until— by jabberish
#fic rec#jazzprowl#maccadam#jazz#prowl#despite drawing a lot of JazzProwl#I don't really read a lot of different fics with them#I have a couple of really long ones I love#I'm a picky reader
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TUMBLR PLEAAASE LET ME POST THIS NOW PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE.
OF COURSE!!! This is the sort of analysis I could honestly talk about for hours, and if you have ANY more thoughts on my fic, please please PLEASE dont be scared to message me and hash it out!! I absolutely love the chance to think critically and analytically about my work.
You are absolutely not projecting, and even if you were, that would be entirely valid!! Creativity exists as a vessel for us as humans to feel, and if my writing at all helps you process any feelings you have around the themes I explore in it then I think i have more then succeeded in my task as a writer! : D
I also think that as a writer, I can put as much intent as I physically can into my writing. I can spend hours working to make sure a certain theme is perceived the specific way I want it to be, but if someone takes it a different way then I cant change that! I can take it as it is, and from there move and try to approach the theme in a different way, but people all have different live experiences that will make them see what i write differently. My experiences with parental figures, their presence, lack of, and their affection towards me will always be different to yours for example, and that means you will see how I write the parental dynamics in my writing different to how I do! Does that make sense?
Okay onto the actual analysis LMAO!! I think that people get caught up in this idea of "The choice was made for the greater good, so he should be absolved." and although yes, there is merit to understanding Hakoda didn't want to leave and was doing what he thought was the best choice for his kids and the future of his tribe its also SUPER important to understand that there were other ways.
A few things when considering the argument of Hakoda taking ALL the men, is firstly that we don't actually know how many people were in the "fleet" and there is some defence to the idea of them needing every working hand they can get, however I also think that alongside this argument is if Hakoda was doing this to protect his tribe it would have made sense to at LEAST leave enough men to defend them, or train Sokka and the other younger boys to have some form of defence.
I think the closest we get at seeing how many are in the fleet is pre-black sun, when they all meet up, and even then those numbers are skewed because of the involvement of other groups of people. EG: The swamp benders, the earthbenders and then the people who took residence at the northern airtemple. I do, however, personally believe that there should have been some men left behind to defend.
Another thing to consider is the canon timeline for when Kya dies and then when Hakoda leaves and then to canon actually is kind of inconsistent? We can assume Hakoda left around when Sokka was 13, but during the flashback of Kya's death along with the flashbacks in Bato of the water tribe where we see Hakoda leave, Sokka actually looks a lot younger. As far as I'm aware, as a show only watcher who doesnt actively intend on reading the comics, we dont really know how long the time between Kyas death and Hakoda leaving is. I even say at the start of my fic that I fucked with the canon timeline a bit to make it line up a bit better.
I think the show acknowledges Hakoda's abandonment and the complex ways thats hurt both Sokka and Katara in subtle ways. Katara very outwardly displaying her upset, albeit initially passive aggressively, she does eventually burst out, telling him "we needed you." and Hakoda apologises. Sokka is more internal, he obsesses over his ability to explain his plans, how he's perceived by his peers, an obsession with masculinity and what it means to be a man when you were never truly taught it in the first place.
I also think something that people tend to get mixed up with when it comes to critiquing Hakoda as a father, is they often equate being a bad dad, to being an abuser.
Hakoda, at least in my interpretations and I never intend for him to come off as so, isnt an abusive father. He is not a perfect father, he has made many choices that led to the long lasting hurt of his children. Speaking in the development of my own fic and how i've worked with Hakoda's character, he is an absent figure who was faced with an impossible choice and should have thought through it in more depth. He made a choice, and although its hard to fully say without a doubt he chose wrong, it had severely negative ramifications on the mental well being of his children.
Theres a lot to be said on the nuance of abuse, neglect, absent parental figures, especially fathers, and I don't want to speak TOO heavily on this because again, its such a nuanced and complex topic that I think I couldn't even begin to unwrap in tumblr reblogs. Theres some incredible fics out there exploring this with Hakoda and Sokka's dynamic, and I even have a one shot in the making all about this stuff in the canon universe seperate from my writing, but I just REALLY want to emphasise that I am so aware of how Zuko will come off to Sokka as a replacement.
I think in Zukka fics, or any fic with their dynamic, Sokka is often used as a tool for Zuko's healing, and his own trauma and negative experiences are put on the backburner in turn for Zuko's more outwardly present trauma. This is never something I want to do in my writing, I want to give a stage to each characters trauma, experiences and lives and try to show that things arent always as clean cut as they seem.
Hakoda abandoned Sokka and Katara. he left Sokka to be a man, without truly giving him the tools to do so.
Hakoda saved Zuko from death, and gave him a chance at life again.
These are two things that can exist at once, and the existence of one does not negate the other. People are a mess of good, bad, neutral, and its so hard to untangle it. Sometimes it doesnt even need to be untangled, sometimes you just need to hold the mess that people are and know it isnt a slight on you. You didnt cause the tangle, some tangles just are, yknow??
I also do personally believe in canon there are a lot of gaps that dont fully make sense in reference to Hakoda's character, and I think he honestly could have been executed a lot better in canon, so thats also something I like to consider whenever I am thinking too hard abt Hakodas character!!
I hope this made ANY sense at all. I usually have to sift through my writing like, a hundred times to get any kind of sense out of it, but truly this has been such a pleasure to write about!! : D Ur thoughts are so well written, and its incredible, as i said before, to see people picking up on the more nuanced things I'm trying to set up for future chapters!! it helps keep my steam for writing this honestly WAY bigger fic then I intended going!! : D I am MORE then happy to indulge!!!! If anything, this is indulging for ME! So thank YOU!!!
(Also, to answer ur tags, it isnt bad ur a bit mad at Hakoda!! He's flawed, thats okay! He's made mistakes just like anyone does. His just have more ramifications since he's the adult. I am a HUGE Hakoda stan and I do love him, but trying to work around canon and make him be a good father... A bit tricky!!)
I already put this on ao3 in a comment but you made me cry so you have to see it twice now. I know this entire story is Zuko-centric but I literally can't stop thinking about what this au means for Sokka.
Ok I just have to say I felt so heartbroken for Sokka here. All I could think about was how all of a sudden there's a boy in the place he's supposed to be. HE should be travelling with the men, HE should've been with them for the last three years, HE should be trusted enough with all this important stuff he should know if he is the next chief/acting chief.
He is being told this new kid has seen and done things the most skilled of warriors couldn't have done, like he is this almost untouchable standard Sokka can't reach. Then to be told he's taken Sokka's place in the tribe as Hakoda's and Batos' adopted child, teaching him how to be a man over the three years Sokka didn't even know his father, never a letter, never knowing when they would come home. Then being told by that same kid that he was only playing war. not to mention the piercings and jewellery he's adorned with.
Sokka has been the leader of the remnants of the Southern Water Tribe for three years, and due to the strict gender divides, had no one to teach him how to lead in the way a chief would. He has been the one hunting, defending, in charge of the future of their civilisation, the education of the children, which is really important in their culture. the memories of his father would be so twisted to the memories Hadoka has of Sokka. Sokka, in the months before he left, lost his mother, protecting his little sister. he then saw his father fall deep into depression, becoming very detached, and from what is described, angry and violent, not towards him, but that his still scary behaviour to witness. Then, his father left, and he was told he couldn't come, and that he was in charge of the village. Even though it was probably to boost his ego at the time more than anything, the impact on Sokka in that moment, combined into quite literally what his job becoming.
Just imagine when he finds out the secrets Zuko's hiding and how his father and Bato knew and didn't tell him. Sokka has struggled with feeling like he isn't important, as a non-bender and his relations with his sister, her being a prodigy + a bender, and his father, always feeling like he wasn't enough for his dad, not good enough, not smart enough, not needed, but the Zuko's good enough, Hakoda loves him.
Zuko, who has had an incredibly traumatic and difficult childhood, the last three years of his life is where he has found and made a spot for himself in a positive community that loves him and supports him, Sokka has become increasingly more and more isolated, and his sense of self has changed even more dramatically in the last few weeks.
Sorry for the long rant, but I could just feel Sokka's fears and insecurities screaming at me throughout the chapter. Love this work though, just cried for Sokka <3
HIII OH YOU SO GET IT!! OH YOU SOOOO GET IT!! The fic is for SURE Zuko-centric, but I have been intentionally layering on the potential for his arc to align with Sokka's in completely the opposing way. Zuko has everything Sokka wants, he has a space with the crew, the warriors. he spent the last three years with his father and Bato, bonding, developing his identity as a person alongside the tribe, welcomed in, he has gotten to be everything that Sokka has always wanted. Meanwhile, Sokka has everything that Zuko wants. Sokka was home, somewhere safe with people who cared for him and looked up to him, with his sister, away from his parents and in a position where he was in charge of his own life. Its such a twisted, complex situation where the two crave, desperately, what the other has without thinking about the context. Without thinking of what got the other to the point of having what they wanted, both in turn. IM SOOO happy to see someone talking about Sokka ohhhughhh im so fucking happy. I think a lot of people have focused on Sokka's initial attitude towards Zuko, without thinking about every single thing you've brought up in this beautifully constructed comment, of which I am really excited to eventually flesh out when I am back from hiatus. Sokka, more than anything, wants to be a warrior alongside his father. For Zuko, he doesn't think Sokka fully understands the gravity of what that would look like, especially after having experienced such a heavy loss as he had recently. (RIP king im sorry) but for Sokka, he see's a replacement. he doesnt know the nuances, not for lack of intelligence but he just literally hasnt been told and although he is owed explanation he isn't owed Zuko's story in its full, of what led Hakoda and Bato to the decision of keeping him on board. I firmly believe if Zuko had have been older, or had have been a child from any other nation, Hakoda and Bato would have not kept him. I actually go over this a lot in the early chapters where they're deciding wtf to do. It genuinely ended up being a problem of "well. No matter where we put him he's gonna get killed. How fucked up is that, safest place for this kid is LITERALLY on a warship of the enemy. great." I also think acknowledging the fact that Zuko HAS had a lot of support and comfort in the last three years whereas Sokka has not is a super important point to be made! Despite the current circumstances, and the ones that led Zuko to being in the position he is/was, Zuko did have support which Sokka lacked. TBH, if I hadve had more wiggle room and decided to fuck with canon more then I already had, I would have left a good amount of the warriors in the SWT, unlike in canon. Or had Hakoda go back to leave soldiers there when he realised they were going to be gone for longer then what I am assuming was initially planned. However I was more then aware that would SIGNIFICANTLY change the circumstances of Sokka's experiences and how it aligns with Zuko's, in canon and in the fic, so i chose against it. This is such a sporadic messy reply I am just so happy to get a comment picking up on all the stone I've been laying for a big discussion on the details of Sokka's own trauma and how its going to clash with Zuko's.
All this to say, Sokka will absolutely be getting his turn to hash out everything you've said here and I can promise you no stone will be left unturned when it comes to his trauma and life experiences!! I think a big thing I am most excited for is having the two hash it out and realise where their lives overlap, where their feelings and experiences align and managing to acknowledge that each others traumas dont cancel each other out. Zuko's experiences do not cancel out Sokka's, and Sokka's do not cancel out Zuko's.
#no thing defines a man like love fic#mushy rambles#mushy answers#I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THIS DIDNT WANT TO POST FOR SO LONG#BUT I THINK ITLL WORK THIS TIME#TUMBLR. GOD.
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Loz fandom stop being angsty and give the daydreaming kids on big fun adventures with a cool glowing sword some actual whimsy and joy challenge
#It's like the happy media equals angsty fandom and vice versa but like. Video game series about the dreams and adventures of childhood with#A fandom full of angst and abandonment and depression and smut#It's why I don't really stay in the loz fandom long each time I circle back around#There's so much potential for good things and comfort and snuggly warmth and lightheartedness.#Like yeah messed up things happen in front of and to link but kids are resilient beasts and most importantly they fix it#He's literally wearing the Peter pan hat to invoke that sort of eternal wonder that's the DESIGN of the hat that's why it's so identifiable#Fanart captures it a lot. The gorgeous landscapes and quiet moments and dappled sunlight#But fics???? Oh lu fics are just full of miscommunication and resentment and sour interactions and pain and simmering anger#I prefer to read trusted authors because it's so wearing but the problem is you have to go out and find them lol#It's a very controversial belief of mine that every link enjoyed their adventure even if it was scary or sad and would not be averse to#Another. Oh the circumstances they might hate. But link has never been one to refuse the call#That's the POINT they stepped up when the adults couldn't it's their COURAGE that they'd be fastest to volunteer.#Unrelated but post game botk is adhd central you can do literally whatever you want and whatever pace and you just drift around getting#Distracted and teleporting all over and setting challenges and poking around every nook and cranny#Like botw I had over 300 koroks and 98% map completion. I maxed out hero's path twice over. Totk I've just been wandering around#Speed farming lynels like 17 different goals drifting from one to the other as I wish. Still missing the last 2 sage orbs NO idea where#There's like a million hinoxs now tf#loz#legend of zelda#lu#linked universe#ao3
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I always think about how in multiple episodes it's basically canon that Blanche is bi but considers dating women to be more hassle (which is a whole rabbit hole to go down - does she struggle with societal homophobia when she's with women? Has she only been with fellow high maintenance femmes when shes really after a Dorothy type? Has she internalized the idea that her attraction to women isn't 'real'? Her reaction to Clayton adds to these questions). Not to mention how this goes together with her relationships with the girls; making to kiss Rose that one time (and Rose multiple times seeming very aware of Blanche's proclivities), begging Dorothy for 'relief' and being convinced she's attracted to women too.
Yes, anon! It’s really interesting to delve into Blanche’s psyche about all this stuff!
I started writing down my thoughts and ended up with a long ramble -- allow me to place it all under a cut, so I don't clog up anyone's dash, haha.
Personally, I think she has some strong mental blocks when it comes to her sexuality because of the way she was brought up. I mean, she grew up in Atlanta approx in the 1930s/1940s — I’m sure I don’t have to detail the kind of casual bigotry she must have seen around her during her formative years! Just look at the story she recounts in S1E13 A Little Romance:
“Now, you have to understand that in those days in the South a lot of things were still taboo. Certain people were not to mix. So Benjamin and I had to meet in secret. Oh, we knew if any of the bigots in town found out about us, there’d be a terrible scandal.”
And all of this because Benjamin was a yankee… can you imagine what ‘the bigots in town’ thought about homosexuality? Yeah, I’m pretty sure Blanche learned to suppress that part of herself very early on. We know she turns to denial when she’s faced with uncomfortable truths and emotions she can’t deal with, so I think she likely just refuses to acknowledge that part of herself most of the time, and it only comes out (pun intended!) when she’s not paying much attention to things, or when there’s something more important going on. See the two examples you point out: when she tries to kiss Rose she’s concerned with not being kissed at midnight, and when she propositions Dorothy she’s, well… she’s desperate to get some, if we can be frank.
When she’s in a more rational state, her reactions tend to be more measured… but not by much. She does advise Rose not to date women (S3E10 The Audit):
“Oh, no, honey, don’t do that! No job is worth having to date women!”
But she’s also really flattered at receiving lots and lots of phone calls from women, after her appearance as a ‘lesbian’ on TV (S7E15 Goodbye, Mr Gordon):
“By the way, Dorothy, if I were a lesbian, I sure would be a popular one. Look at this, 20 calls.”
And of course we can’t forget her reaction to finding out that Jean has a crush on Rose in S2E5 Isn’t It Romantic?:
“Jean has the hots for Rose? I don’t believe it, I do not believe it! […] To think Jean would prefer Rose over me? That’s ridiculous! […] Now you tell me the truth: if you had to pick between Rose and me, who would you pick? Who?”
All of these are (likely) intended to be jokes about her vanity and her libertine nature (in the same way as Rose’s observations are), but considering a lot of the writers of this show were queer themselves, it wouldn’t seem strange to me if they were intentionally peppered in to suggest that Blanche might be a bisexual in denial. It certainly fits her character!
I haven’t spoken about her reaction to Clayton’s coming out yet, but that’s immensely interesting too, of course. I think Blanche has the same attitude towards homosexuality that I see in a lot of (mostly older) people in my Country nowadays: it’s fine as a general concept, but when it comes to her family (or, God forbid, herself) then the problems come out. See for example what she says about Jean:
“Well, I’ll never understand what Jean doesn’t see in the opposite sex, but if that makes her happy, that’s fine by me!”
Which isn’t a homophobic attitude at all! If anything, if you take her upbringing into account, it’s pretty accepting. But then, when Clayton comes out to her (S4E9 Scared Straight) and tells her he wants to get married (S6E14 Sister Of The Bride), this is what she says:
“Oh, Clayton, please be serious. You're just saying that so I won't set you up with any more women. […] Well, then you're saying it 'cause you're trying to get back at me for something. Clay, I know you too well for this. After all, I know it can't be true. You're my brother. […] Clayton Hollingsworth. You look me in the face and tell me you really are… what you just said you are.”
“I'm having a little trouble putting this all together. Clayton, I just feel like I don't know you anymore.”
“[…] Dorothy, that's different. We're talking about going out in public. Oh, what are people gonna say?”
“Will you tell me why you want to put yourself and Doug through this? You know how people can be.”
“Oh, look, I can accept the fact that he's gay, but why does he have to slip a ring on this guy's finger so the whole world will know?”
Quite the difference from her attitude towards Jean, wouldn’t you say? I think there’s three elements at play here.
1) When Clayton comes out to Blanche, she feels disoriented because this is life-changing information Clayton has never shared with her before. While her reaction as a whole isn’t ideal, personally I think it’s understandable. Clayton is her baby brother; she’s known him as straight all his life, he’s been married to a woman for years before his divorce, and she recounts an episode from their adolescence when he was on a date with a woman and very clearly implicated having a physical encounter with her. He's done everything in his power to pass as straight until this point in time -- I don't find it strange that Blanche would be shocked at his coming out, especially given her upbringing (and the fact that this is set in the 80s! We can't expect modern sensibilities from the characters!). Once again, her reaction isn't the best (she can't even bring herself to say the word 'gay' at first...), but the shock per se isn't that surprising, imho.
2) Blanche is scared because of societal implications above all. She doesn't necessarily see being queer as something wrong, but she's been taught it's not socially acceptable and acts accordingly. Notice how she's worried about what people are going to say, and she struggles to accept that Clayton wants the whole world to know about his relationship with Doug.
Societal expectations in general are a big theme for Blanche's character, and often drive her development; another big example of this is her attitude towards Rebecca's decision to get artificially inseminated, but it's a bit of a baseline issue for her, I feel. She has this whole thing about her beauty and her (supposed) youth and her attractiveness that has some inherent elements, but it's mostly an issue of how other people perceive her, I think, and her response to her brother's coming out is easy to relate to this theme. I mean, she even says it to Rose in S7E15:
"Well, I don't mind being labeled a lesbian, honey, but since I'm not, you just ruined my social life."
So yeah. I think it's safe to say her main concern is societal disapproval of queerness: she wants to be accepted and celebrated by the people around her, and she thinks that being openly queer will destroy her place in her social circle (and she's worried about the same happening to Clayton too, of course).
3) This is sort of related to point 2, but it felt distinct enough to treat it separately. I think she might have reacted so badly to Clayton's coming out (and especially to his showing up with a partner) because he's open about his sexuality, and she's not ready to face what that means for her. My lovely mutual @\hecatesbroom recently published her latest amazing work the odd one(s) out, on the relationship between Dorothy and her brother Phil and how Phil's open queerness might have impacted Dorothy; I think a similar situation might have occurred between Blanche and Clayton after his coming out.
Blanche has a sort of advantage on Dorothy because of her bisexuality, in the sense that she has 'passing privilege' (I really dislike this concept, but allow me to use it to make a point): it's painfully clear that she loved her late husband with all her heart, and she's obviously attracted to men as well, so she can pretend not to like women without too much of a hassle (whereas, if you believe Dorothy to be a repressed lesbian, her situation is much more complicated).
The issue with this is that this 'advantage' is a double-edged sword: she might have the comfort of being socially acceptable, but she's had to suffocate a big part of herself to obtain that comfort. And so, what happens when Clayton -- her baby brother Clayton, the one who's always been just like her, who's grown up with her same environment and influences -- begins openly living as a gay man? I'm sure the situation must have had a strong impact on her, even if just on a subconscious level; I've always found it curious that she seems to have a harder time accepting Clayton in S6E14 than she does in S4E9 (she even calls his sexuality a phase), and while a part of it may be attributed to the higher social exposure Clayton's commitment to Doug brings, I think this may be a result of her inner conflict, provoked by watching her brother live openly while she's been suppressing a part of herself all her life.
Here I'm assuming she's never acted upon her attraction to women before, but there's some space to believe she has done so and has decided it's too much of a hassle, as you say -- likely because she'd for sure do it in secret, given her fear of societal condemnation. If she has been with women before, and decided to give up on it, I still think she'd be greatly impacted by Clayton's coming out: it means her baby brother is a) braver than she is, and b) going to openly face (and likely suffer because of) the same social issues she's run away from. In this lens, I find it interesting that she cautions him about how people can be, almost as if they've both experienced it.
Whew. Wow, this was a lot more than I'd originally meant to write, haha! Seems you sparked a big train of thought, anon! I think all of the Girls (with the possible exception of Sophia) are really fascinating to analyze with a queer lens, and Blanche is always interesting to me, of course. As a final note, I'd like to point out that she does come around to Clayton's sexuality and his relationship, in the end: as often happens, she just needs the Girls' help to put things back in perspective, understand she's hurting someone she loves, and correct her actions. I'd like to think living with the Girls might lead to her becoming more accepting of herself, too.
#this was so much fun!! you helped me pass the time on about two and a half hours of train rides anon :)#this is... Long lmao. but are we surprised? i always end up talking at length#and this subject is Very interesting to me for obvious reasons so...#there's a lot more that could be said i think. all her homoerotic moments with the girls?#dancing with rose? playing pretend with dorothy?#and all the times sophia jokes about them? 'you couldn't stay in the closet for one more day'?#all fascinating stuff no matter how you look at it#i really think her homophobia stems from societal expectations honestly. she *never* expresses the opinion that being gay is wrong per se#she doesn't think it's unnatural or against god or anything like that. the worst thing she says is that 'phase' comment imho#she thinks it's *socially unacceptable*. which is a whole different thing#and considering blanche's whole thing with being accepted by society i feel like a queer in denial storyline really fits her character#like. think of even just this:#blanche devereaux. known for being libertine and unashamed of her sexuality (to the point of being labelled 'a slut').#often described as 'selfish' and 'self-centered'. focused on satisfying her desires and wishes at all times#this woman? having to deny a part of said desires for her entire life? the contrast is DELICIOUS to me#this big fear of societal disapproval was the angle i went with for my blanche/rose fic! it was set at the end of s2#so this was really all i could explore. but it would have been fun to throw clayton into the mix#i really think seeing him be so open about himself had a profound effect on her#oh look at me rambling in the tags too haha. excellent observations anon! thank you for sending this ask!#if you have any more thoughts i'd love to read them!!#oh and also -- when does blanche say she thinks dorothy's attracted to women?#i don't remember it and i'm *very* curious about it#the golden girls#blanche devereaux#golden wives#ask
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Guilt
Sometimes, Peter feels guilty.
He knows he shouldn't, because the skipped lab days with Tony and missed dinners with May, and all the little lies and excuses he's told them to ease their worries, are really for the greater good - a fact he has been told time and time again by his superiors. But no matter how much he tells himself this, he can't stop feeling guilty about all of it.
As he bids May a hasty goodbye, throwing his backpack over his shoulder, that same guilt threatens to crush him once again. He almost wants to stay, to have dinner with his aunt like he had promised he would. But he can't.
He hopes he doesn't have a mission tomorrow night, so he can make it up to her.
He steps into the alley outside his apartment, where two men are waiting for him. They hand him a folder, he skims over the information, and he hands it back. They leave without another word.
He quickly climbs onto the roof and changes into the clothes he brought with him. The mask - the final piece of his uniform - slides over his mouth, and he finds the familiarity comforting. Unlike his Spider-Man mask, which always seems so suffocating, it covers just enough of his face to keep him anonymous. He prefers this mask, and wishes he could use it instead. But he can't, because it isn't Spider-Man's.
The mission is quick, far quicker than most. The file had included the likely locations of the target, and Peter finds the man right away. The target is in an unprotected building. All it takes is one shot from Peter's gun, and the man is dead. No one sees him leave the rooftop he took the shot from, and he makes it home without incident.
He changes back into his civilian clothing, tucking his uniform and weapons back into his bag, and goes into the apartment. May is waiting for him, and he rattles off some story of what he had done, the lies falling easily from his tongue. He tells her nothing of his mission.
He does have dinner with her that night, even though it's late. He has dinner with her the next night, too. He still doesn't feel like it quite makes up for his repeated absences, especially with how strained May's smile always looks.
He tries not to feel guilty about all of the lies and excuses he tells her. It's for the greater good, after all. Everyone he kills in Hydra's name deserves it, and their absence from this world makes the lives of everyone else better. But he knows May won't see it that way; not many people do.
Maybe someday, he can tell her the truth. But for now, he lies.
And despite knowing that what he's doing is what's best for her and everyone he cares about, he feels guilty about it all.
#marvel#hydra peter parker#peter parker#may parker#hydra peter is an obsession#i love aus where he actually believes that hydra is right and killing for them is okay#he doesnt really know any better#idk how peter ended up with may while still being in hydra#or even why hydra is letting him stay with may#i have. a lot of hydra peter aus#most of them are pretty well thought out#this one is not#i just had a desire to write a prompt#i don't think this qualifies as a prompt anymore#but oh well#anyway i always die inside a little when hydra peter just#doesnt really want to kill#like this boi has been trained to kill#by a bunch of insane killers#hes not gonna question that because he was raised with hydra's beliefs#he is going to kill people and be fine with it#and no hate to the fics where he doesnt want to kill and stuff#because i do love those and read them a lot#this is just my personal hc for this au and id like to see it more#hydra peter has so much potential and so many possibilities#id love to see someone differ from the norm with this au more often#idk maybe its just me but i love assassins and morally gray characters#so even when peter sees just how wrong hydra was#hes still not some goody two shoes hero#he isnt afraid to seriously maim and/or kill people
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Hey. Read Roundabout. Love Awesome. (Patreon)
#Doodles#Wander Over Yonder#Commander Peepers#Emperor Awesome#Lord Hater#As always check the tags first but hgggg Roundabout is so gooooood <3 <3#Absolutely the fic that convinced me that Awesome was worth thinking about more than he initially appears lol#The™ fanon interpretation to me <3#Like the Eyesome stuff obviously (also the thing that convinced me to try out Eyesome and ended up loving it :D)#But also the Death Glare stuff! It's terribly cute the way Peepers and Hater go bouncing off each other haha ♪#Plus there's just a lot of fun phrasing like the one I put in the caption of Peepers curled up haha#Everyone's characterized so fun!#Plus there's just something very fun recalling my first reread lol - I don't actually remember my first reading experience#But I do remember getting fic-hungry for it later down the line at a local Mexican restaurant and reading it on their wifi lol#It's so fun to finally be at a point where I can confidently draw them and then to come back to the story and ahhh <3 <3 Very enjoyable#The first two aren't tied to anything specific other than the basic concept of those two drinking together lol#Same size glasses but very different alcohol-to-body-size proportions lol ♪ Buying drinks for Peepers saves hand over fist!#We all know he could put it away like no one's business so really it wouldn't matter in the end lol#It was so fun to doodle him curled up ahh <3 His silhouette <3 <3 Toss a blanket over him!#And the Drama! The deliciousness of Peepers keeping Secrets from his Lord Hater! Ah!#It feels so in-character of him to have alone time away from the ship that Hater doesn't even notice until he's been away awhile ♪♫#They're both adults ♪ They have aspects of their lives that aren't Entirely intertwined ♫ Until they do hehehe#Love 'em ♥#Hater was fun to draw there too lol slowly getting used to him! I like his PJs haha
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Me: I have a few FitPac ideas but I don't think I've written that much.
The document:
#The joke here is that this is only one of two documents I have compiling my stuff for them#WAIT NO. THREE. THREE DOCUMENTS#I forgot I had a new idea and pulled up a new document to write in a frenzy#I'm really bad about posting 'ficlets' or things that I don't think are polished 100%#so of this MAYBE I'll wind up with a ~5000 word piece after writing 20000 words or so#I write a lot but only like 5% of what I write ever sees the light of day#I'm still working on the structure rn for the current one and that's always the hardest part#This might wind up being a 5 times or whatever fic because there are too many similar things I want to write but all in a different light#but not different enough to be their own thing#idk I'm tired and stressed rn so I'm dropping this into Word TTS so I can hear it be read back to me while I try to chill & sleep#agh.#i talk#fic talk#qsmp talk#I never write in Word anymore I write in docs now since 90% of my writing these days is on mobile#I just never have time to write#and I can't focus anymore
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OH MY GOD and ganon? like what’s his deal
ok so. again the more recent games don't have much ganon (of the 4 I've played, only totk has ganondorf, the man, and he's not super important story wise beyond being a guy to fight. botw's enemy is ganon, as a miasma creature of hatred, and skyward sword's enemy is demise, who is not ganon. technically. and then link's awakening is not a standard zelda plot. so no ganon) the older games have more ganon, so I'm working with largely secondhand knowledge, but basically... nintendo will not give this man any sort of depth. he has some? in windwaker? to my understanding, i have not finished that one. but windwaker takes place in a hyrule that's been flooded and ganon always has a really long lifespan so he was there when it flooded and his people were suffering and he was trying to protect them idk the specifics and I don’t know how well done it is but it's there. and then in the rest of the games he's just evil for the sake of being evil?? which, if meant to be because he holds the triforce of power is dumb, because if there's three pieces of something the logical story conclusion isn't that one is automatically bad it's that all three should join in harmony. duh. they won't give him a real motivation for evil beyond conquering for conquering's sake, so if he HAS to be evil I think it'd be more interesting if they made him a victim of demise's curse? like, demise's curse demands a vessel for evil, if hylia's descendant always has the triforce of wisdom and her champion always has the triforce of courage, it'd make sense for demise to take the third piece, the holder of power. so like what if. this guy was just trying to be a good person, a good leader, but knowing from history books, from every ganondorf that has come before, and the triangle in the center of your hand, that you are predestined for evil, that hylia's vessel and her champion will cut you down one day. imagine fighting it. imagine being unable to. I JUST THINK IT COULD BE REALLY FUCKED UP. (also imagine a ganon who is on good terms with zelda and link. imagine having to be cut down by your friends. imagine having to cut down your friend)
the real world reason they won't give him any depth though is racism most likely. so. ganon looks like this in ocarina of time (his first appearance as a man, prior games ganon was just a creature again)
I'm sure you already know what zelda and link look like. he's from a desert tribe called the gerudo (a race of all women btw ganon is the only man they have one man born every hundred years they make him king) who are, in oot, referred to as a tribe of bandits and whatnot they just steal and attack you, so it's like. it's pretty obvious what's going on here, and the gerudo are characterized better in botw although their character design is still very orentalist which is an issue that doesn't really show through THIS ganon's design but IS an issue I promise go look up the gerudo women it's the jasmine in aladdin thing all over again. anyway. so. nintendo this man could be so cool and interesting PLEASEEEEEEE
#I don't actually care about ganon as the character he currently exists as I am VERY invested in who he COULD BE#also there's this fanartist I follow who has an “ancient loz au”#*context for this is that in botw lore the last time ganon had to be fought was 10k years prior#so a lot of people had aus of what that cycle's link zelda and ganon looked like#anyway this fanartists au version of them they were all close in age and friends and then lovers#and I was immediately smacked directly in the head by how devastating the friends to lovers to enemies potential was#so my fun little side ot3 rarepair for the zelda franchise is zelganlink. I get it#some of the fic is so BRILLIANT actually because zelda franchise lore lends itself really well to mixing for your own original story#so I've read some really interesting versions of zelda link and ganon it's so good. that tag is absolutely dead though#to me though it's like zelink and their third but you can tell for some people it's zelgan and their third it's different dynamics#and I do have a preference#ask#witch-of-aiaia#hi aiaia!
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Wanna cry?
#it started as 'hey Helsknight is cool what about other hermits' helsmits?'#(opposite-clones of a person who embody the weaknesses and flaws of the original who live primarily in another dimension)#and it has become 'oh gosh all these characters are living under the constant threat of ceasing to exist at all times and the only alternat#alternative is their opposite languishing away and their friends just have to live with the fact that they will all one day fade away if th#their original hermit faces and resolves the issues that spawned them'#and in the meantime they have to exist as the embodiment of someone's worst fears/flaws while being their own person despite it all#and it's about mortality#and no-win situations#and whether there really are no-win situations#and the fact that things aren't fair#and what friendship means#and how to care about people who are different than you#and facing one's deepest fears and insecurities#I don't think you really need a lot of hermitcraft context to read this just read it ok?#hermitcraft#fic rec#hermitcraft fic rec
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i hate that my brain is like this. i hate that it does this to me. i see so many people for whom their sexuality is a source of pride and community and finding their sexuality opens a whole new world to them and they become open and confident people who are more themselves than ever before. and that's amazing! i am so happy for those people!! but it has never been that for me and i despise myself for that.
#i want so badly to say 'I AM [insert sexuality here]' 'IM OUT AND IM PROUD!'#i want to find local community and go to the gay bars#and meet people and make friends and kiss girls and all these things i see online or in fanfic#(listen i have been reading a huge amount of griddlehark and there is a lot of modern aus that i desperately desire)#but my brain thinks i am lying about all of it and whenever i say no i'm not lying it sets about convincing me i am#i think about women and it instantly goes okay but men though. what if you thought about them instead#and then it's all i can think of even though i don't want to#i think about dating a woman and it says actually. think about dating a man#i say i don't want men and it says that's rude and mean and you never know what could happen#and you don't believe there is some magical difference between men and women they are all just people so you are a hypocrite#if you leave men out and honestly you don't find men repulsive and there have been men you thought were attractive even if you can't figure#out of it was attractive like sex or attractive like marble statues#and you say you like body hair on women but it weirds you out on men but it's the exact same thing so you have to like it on both#and you read so much mlm fic and so little wlw so you think men are hot cause you've thought some of the mlm stuff was hot#so obviously you want to have sex with men#even if all the men who have actually hit on you irl made you uncomfortable#you didn't actually stop it from happening and honestly you really wanted it to happen and you just wanted them to force it on you#cause you are a evil gross freak who fetishizes#nevermind. this is spiraling.#and is just turning into a way for me to hurt myself more with this
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Do you know of any other Clex + Kon fics that explore the whole “divorced dads parenting a kid” dynamic? I’ve tried looking but excluding Reconcilable Differences (a god tier fic tbh) all of the ones I’ve seen more or less shit on Clark, which I’m not a fan of.
unfortunately that's the main one i know of as well. ☹️ i tend to be pretty picky about clex fic that includes kon because i find a lot of fic either tends to just feel like an OC with conner's name stick on them or tends to feel like it's pulling a little too much from the young justice animated series for my liking.
but! though not a fic, if you haven't seen the fancomic "RSVP" by sonialiaoart, it's really cute. it's not a clex story per se -- it's technically a timkon story with a bit of lex & kon and clark & kon thrown in, but it's good enough that i can overlook the black t-shirt character design being used.
#briar answers#as much as i like the idea of lex & kon focused fic i'm always sooo hesitant to read a lot of it bc i'm so picky about them#and i am not a yja hater by any means#i actually really like the show for what it is even if it's very different from the comics#but i don't feel like the yja versions of lex and kon really lend themselves to that kind of dynamic
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something that fascinates me is the different sorts of aus different fandoms are drawn to. like i see a lot of canon divergent aus for isat, but then with other things like orv it's mostly different settings (classic fantasy aus and such). and then there's whatever the bnha fandom has going on where they just make the protagonist a completely new character
#drop#i'm not a bnha fan to be clear. But i have traversed the depths of the ao3 tag out of morbid curiosity#and i do mean new character. they keep his name and sometimes his appearance but like his personality and motivations will be changed beyond#recognition#it is so intriguing. i'm not even saying this in a judgemental way i'm just curious Why#anyways back to the main topic. i think ship-heavy fandoms tend to do alternate settings a lot?#they're mostly where i see royalty aus and modern aus and such#and then the more gen heavy ones are more canon divergence focused#it's interesting! i wonder why#i don't read many ship fics so i can't really guess the tastes of people who do#it could just be a difference in focus where gen writers are more focused on the overall universe whereas ship writers are more focused on#those specific characters#or it's just normal fandom trope stuff and i'm reading too much into it#but just in general it's also interesting to see how different people go about aus? you can really tell what their priority is i feel like#it's interesting#like some people just want to put guys in situations. others just want to put things that appeal to them personally. some people want to#expand on canon's themes#i mean sometimes it's all three. it usually is for me. i want to be more specific but it's hard to articulate without examples#In any case. i'm mostly a themes guy and that's what i prioritize but the other two are definitely there#idk this isn't going anywhere. i just think it's neat
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the vast majority of fanworks are bad, and that's fine, actually. they are bad for the same reason that the average number of legs for a human person to have is less than two: statistics. like with all endeavours and especially creative ones, most people who write fanfiction or draw art of their favourite characters are bad at it. if you line up all the crochet projects in the world, most of them will be, well, bad. some are bad because they're the first thing a person ever made, or the second or third or tenth, and this kind of thing takes practice. others are bad because the person who made them is just not very good at it. maybe they just learned how to make granny squares and they're perfectly happy to never expand or improve on that. most people who dance or bake or garden or braid hair are not amazing at it! and you'd never go to your kid's dance recital or eat your friend's homemade carrot cake and expect the same experience as you'd have at a professional ballet performance or award-winning bakery. And that's if we assume there is an objective measure of Good Art, which there isn't! Some art is just "bad" because you don't like it!
I think though that specifically with fanfiction, we sometimes forget that when we read a book or watch a movie, dozens of people have looked at it and given feedback and made changes and done quality control before the final product reaches our shelves or screens, and that's not counting the original writer's learning process and past experience. A published book is not anyone's first crochet project, even if it is their debut novel. But with fanfiction, the barrier to entry is so low (on purpose! this is a good thing!) that we do get to see a lot of wonky granny squares, and on sites like AO3 they're sitting on the same shelf as the hand-made silk lace wedding dress and you can't always tell just by looking at it which is which. The consequence of this is that we encounter fic that we think is unpolished, has bad punctuation, is out of character, and we are tempted to think "well, this is awful! how dare this person put this wonky granny square on the same shelf as the lace wedding dress!" But that's not how fandom is supposed to work! That wonky granny square is somebody who is really excited about this TV show they just watched and they are reaching out into the void to share their excitement with you. To scoff at them for not making a lace wedding dress is really, really rude. Even if they did make a lace wedding dress, maybe it's just really not your style, or you think they should have used a different pattern, and it's still their wedding dress. You don't have to wear the dress and you don't have to read the fic.
We all know that there is some fanfic out there that is incredible. I think it's important to talk about that! But the vast majority of people who post their writing online are just sharing their little hobby projects that they make for fun and I also think it's important to remember that.
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