#I don't know how to tag my mom
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okay but like. I just had the weirdest thought about that ‘don’t look I’m naked’ comic. Which is that that’s essentially the same thing Adam and Eve did after they ate the fruit of knowledge of good&evil. So I feel like the theological implications of that could kneecap Gabe if he doesn’t think V1 is a being with free will.
yeah ok. i dunno man. is this anything
((side note. this isn’t necessarily meant to be in-character or story-accurate or take place at any particular point in time, just a way to explore some Thoughts. i was also imagining more that V1’s words aren't actually spoken, more like Gabriel’s more articulate interpretation of whatever garbled mechanical noise V1 is using to communicate. I think an angel could do that.))
and then they fucked nasty the end
#my art#my writing#who fuckin sent this. fuck you. come off anon so i can kick your ass. (the thoughts this ask sparked consumed almost 3 days of my life)#i dont know what this even is#i just work here#disclaimer i don't come from a particularly religious background so like.#most of my knowledge of christianity comes from when my mom sent me to vbs for cheap babysitting in middle school or absorbed via osmosis#so i have no idea what im talking about except for when i do! hope this helps#i love how i say that like i expect biblical scholars to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction#if you are a biblical scholar and you want to tear apart my ultrakill gay fanfiction please know i am not going to read the bible for this#ultrakill#v1 ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#gabv1el#blood#love tagging ultrakill stuff with blood. hmm yes the floor here is made out of floor
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We are one Iowa caucus into the absolute shitshow that is going to be the US 2024 elections, and I'm already sick of seeing takes downplaying the risk that Trump and his fascist followers represent.
Look. Around 1900, my mother's grandparents immigrated to the Lower East Side of New York City. They brought with them children born in Europe (Poland? Ukraine? which country they were in depends on what year we're talking about) - we're not 100% sure they were THEIR children, even, but there were three, and they were young, and they came. But my great-grandparents had siblings, parents, cousins, uncles, aunts, huge families. And while my understanding is that an attempt was made to convince those folks to move to the US, none of them ultimately opted to.
They all kept in touch as they were able, exchanging letters and pictures, but through World War 1, through the 20s, through the Great Depression, through the worsening situation in Europe in the 1930s, my entire extended family who chose not to immigrate...continued to stay.
I think we all know how this story ends.
I have an entire family photo album of people whose names I will never know, because after every single one of them died in the Holocaust, my great-grandparents and grandparents couldn't bear to even label them. And they were PEOPLE, poor, vibrant, eager to maintain connections with their loved ones abroad. One was a Klezmer musician, and we have photos of him with all the different instruments he played. They're so real on the page, and they all ended in ashes.
And you know how that started? Fascism started with every inch allowed, with every well-intentioned moderate who tried to maintain a middle position even as the whole ground shifted right beneath their feet and even "middle" became extreme, every "no that change isn't coming fast enough, I want instant full improvement NOW" liberal who felt that doing nothing was better than accepting a slower improvement in the (truly awful!) post-World War 1 living situation in Germany.
Most of the members of my extended family also downplayed the risks. They never imagined that the worst could happen to them. They never fathomed how bad things could become.
And now I have their example always before me to know and to scream:
I KNOW HOW BAD THINGS CAN BECOME. I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FAMILY THEN.
I WILL NOT LET THAT HAPPEN TO MY FAMILY NOW.
People look at me like I'm crazy when I say I've got our passports ready (and have had since before the 2020 election).
Look. I don't know what will happen if Trump is elected, but there's a very real possibility he will, and he's been extremely clear about saying what he'll do. He did a lot of the things he said he'd do last time. I expect he'll continue to do the things he says he'll do. And the things he say he'll do will lead to the deaths of more people than we can imagine - in the US, in Palestine, throughout the world.
Don't tell me there's a middle ground here. Don't tell me I'm over-reacting. Don't tell me the worst won't happen. Don't tell me the risk is mild. Don't tell me we're safe.
We. Are. Not. Safe.
The lives of dozens, hundreds, of members of family were lost in the 1940s amid the horrifying statistic "6,000,000 dead Jews."
I will not let my life (as a Jew), my wife's life (as a disabled woman), my son's life (as a biracial boy), my daughter's life (as a biracial trans girl), be part of the statistics that come from our a second Trump presidency.
If you won't vote like YOUR life depends on it, vote like someone ELSE'S life depends on it, because IT DOES.
And if you can't even do that much, at least shut the fuck up and stop spreading your poison around. You're wrong. The danger is real. Downplaying it now won't make your conscience feel any clearer when it actually happens, and comforting everyone else downplaying it will just make you that much more complicit.
#unforth rambles#politics#us politics#genocide#genocide tw#i don't know how to tag this#i wish the album was here instead of at my mom's#i want every one of you who think this doesn't matter#to stare at the smiling faces of my long-dead relatives#and see these people who were shot and stabbed and burned and raped and destroyed#who died in rebellion or despair in hopelessness or desperation#no matter how much or how little they fought#they're all ashes now and nothing will bring them back#i have no family in europe#not a single person survived#i won't let my family be the ones who stay too long because we don't take it seriously#and neither should you
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my mom has been a huge star trek fan since forever so i wanted her thoughts on this whole canon spirk situation and just as i thought, she just said aromantic rights
#are we gonna get flamed for this? most likely#anyways mom content is back yay#yes she's saved as terminator. because in this household we like FUN and WHIMSY. and NO LOVE 🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅🙅#<- jic that's a joke. i actually appreciate how she's able to see past romantic relationships and appreciate different connections#not everything has to be romantic and as an aromantic i like that she can understand that#anyways i don't know jack shit about st or spirk so. putting my hands up.#do i tag this as aro?#yeah sure why tf not. it's giving#aro#aromantic#arospec#not putting the spirk tag or anything cause im scared of shipping fandoms
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Hungry to write, not knowing what project to pick and work on.
#also straight up lonely rn#i know i'm not supposed to get tired of doing good but i am. i am tired of everything that goes wrong for my mom and the fact that she#can't even really do math or write legibly anymore and i think most of the reason i get so quick and short and to the point in those#situations is because i'm trying to pretend it's all fine when it is NOT but i don't know what to do i can't fix her i'm not a doctor#and i can't acknowledge to her face how bad it is because she is terrified of being 'sick' she hates this so much#nothing about my mom's situation makes sense i'm lost i want to go jump off a cliff and maybe find some peace on the way down#i don't even know what to pray for for her#just help#help God#raindrops#should i delete this#ugh#no one reads the tags anyway
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for the ask game (3)
au where all robins develop a mental link after fighting some magical criminal of the week. what would they see in each other's minds? what secrets and repressed feelings do they discover? how would they deal with it?
for the ask game!
oooh, i love telepathic links that end up revealing secrets. especially with a family like the Batfam, who are usually so convinced they're good enough at reading each other to not have many secrets kept. so weird reveals are always fun
if i did this, i'd do DamiTim. just because of all the like, "deep dark feelings that are being hidden" for Robin shipping, DamiTim is the most fun for me. you expect DickTim or DickJay or JayTim, even DamiDick. but there's something that's so enjoyable about Damian having his feelings forcibly outted. not just to Tim, but to everyone. the way it'd be an active landmine none of them knowing what to say but all feeling each other's reactions. i honestly think Damian would try to punch somebody about it. (also, if you do a history of TImSteph where they've had sex, Damian would be directly linked to Steph's memories of how Tim was in bed, so that's fun as both something horrifying and enlightening just to screw with his feelings some more.) would they end up together? in my head probably, but it'd be weird and likely toxic bc how do you date someone you know inside out and know exactly what they think of all your flaws and what parts of you they obsess over. the answer is not very well but hey, the sex is good-
i think Jason *directly* feeling how everyone felt about his death would really rock him. he's heard all the apologies, but part of him isn't convinced there's truth to them. so to be crushed by Dick's *grief* over his death would be a come to jesus moment for him. but on the less fun flipside, you have him feeling how Dick feels about him *now*. because Dick doesn't really *like* Jason and deep down, sees Jason as a lost cause. that's his "deep dark secret". and Jason would feel and know that from the one person who he still wants to believe in him. i really do think Jason would have the Worst Time with all this, overwhelmed with everyone's intimate and complex feelings over his death. Jason is a very defensive person when it comes to his death and how reactionary he gets when other people make it about them, not him. so for Jason to have to constantly deal with that in his head, i truly do think he'd lash out a bit. the arguments. yelling at Dick and feeling Dick's guilt and snapping bc Dick has no right to feel guilty now. feeling that Tim viewed Jason as a failure. it's just a damaging mindspace to be in and man do i think Jason would take a While to recover.
oddly though, i think it'd be a good bonding moment for Steph and Jason. we really don't get much exploration of Steph and Jason bonding over dying. bc sure, Steph didn't actually die, but she *did* experience the social death where everyone believed she was dead and mourned her as such for a good while. she also felt *directly* responsible for her own death. a lot of blame falls on Steph for War Games (for the Doylist reasons of sexism but yk) and Jason feels responsible for his own death for walking into a trap. but unlike Jason, Steph had no suit in a case, no memorials, her name held no infamy. so i think she deserves just a bit of righteous fury about how dramatic Jason can be while she just has to move on bc hey, it's not like she *really* died. and she buries those feelings well, but not well enough to hide them from a mental link. and Jason, who hasn't really considered Steph before because he was so wrapped up in his complex over Tim, confronts those feelings with her. if anyone is going to know how he feels, it's going to be her. you could do it platonic or romantic, but i do think when Jason sinks to his lowest, she's the one who snaps him out of it, both with tough love and genuine compassion for his situation.
for the less serious crack of it all: they're all going to have far too intimate knowledge of each other's sex lives. everyone's gonna know Dick has fucked Slade. everyone's gonna know Jason has fucked Talia. in my heart, i believe Tim has slept with Anarky (Lonnie, not Ulysses) and everyone would *know* that too. absolute judgment all around. it's the spider-man meme of "wait you've done WHAT with WHO" and honestly, it gives a nice distraction for the more serious feelings. it's a palette cleanser they can default to. like when the fighting gets a little too serious and they're cutting too deep for comfort, someone's going to blurt out "well at least i didn't fuck Deathstroke." and the whole moment goes awry with laughter. bc i do think, at the end of it once they get through the worst of the angst, they'd be closer for it and self-aware of the ridiculous nature of all this. it's enlightening, in a way to see how they all felt about their time as Robin and the baggage/trauma they hold. even the ugliest feelings they hold for each other don't completely suffocate the fondness/respect.
that said, knowing the baggage/trauma. oof. i don't think Dick has ever fully opened up about his history with Mirage/Tarantula/Liu and now it's forced to sit in the open. Damian has never admitted the worst of being raised in the League. Tim hasn't fully faced the suffocating image of his dead father and his deep-seated want to kill Boomerang. all those ugly truths they stamp down bc well, either you're a vigilante or you're a well adjusted person, are out in the open now. and it's ugly and gruesome to force those thoughts to be shared. they all want to comfort each other for different reasons, while simultaneously not wanting their own trauma to be acknowledged. it'd be fun to see who'd instinctively react to whose trauma first. because it's an overwhelming rush of information, and you just naturally get pulled in certain directions. i think Damian would react to Dick's history of sexual abuse first, whereas Jason would be reacting to the murderous rage TIm is trying to fight off. Tim is reacting to just how much guilt Steph carries about War Games and all of it is very crunchy. there's so much they'd all have to talk about and it'd take days for them to address it all, between the arguments about the ugly parts. would they come out stronger for it? yes. but only if they didn't kill each other in the process. i hesitate to do a "and they come out one big happy family" ending, bc it's not very in canon, but i do think the bond of the Robin mantle is something special. even when the link is broken, they hold onto a freakish understanding of each other. they react and move in sync, can fight together without needing words. are they emotionally on the same page/have they forgiven each other for the worst of it? absolutely not. but they've got each other backs. it's a very much "if you called i'd drop everything to save you. but also we don't have it in us to hang out casually." bond, which i think is deeply underrated in fanfiction. sometimes, you can care about people but you have to do it from a distance.
#necrotic festerings#damitim#potential jaysteph#sladick#batcest#i actually really love this. i might try to write it.#like there are SO many complex interpersonal things happening and god it's good.#also writing this reminds me of tags you put on the post about batfamily fanon#where you said you shipped jaytalia noting how I critiqued it in the meta#and i never got to clarify but i do actually think jaytalia *could* be fun#it's just one of those ships that falls into the “i love the concept but i don't think i'd enjoy it in canon” category for me!#esp the way it was handled in lost days bc it dropped out of NOWHERE and felt ooc given talia's motivations#and i love shipping it but *only* using it for a “jason fucked damian's mom joke” always irks me bc. lord get new material yk#those are my thoughts on that anywya#this is so crunchy. forced mental links as a plot device. aways so good.#like the end result would be messy as fuck but in a loving way#the batfam can love each other fiercely without having sitcom movie night type moments yk#bc their bond isn't domestic it's shaped by their vigilante lives#they know each other as vigilantes first so like. they struggle to connect as normal ppl even if they love each other#and know each other that personally#it's nuanced. it's fun.
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Chapter 83 - Loss
#boku no hero academia#deku#izuku midoriya#bnha#my hero academia#the loss. the grief. the fear. the defeat. the genuine fucking tragedy in his face#the raw emotion#the scream that probably threw out his voice#the terror#there's so much to this panel#the blur effect on it to really drive home how hard he's screaming in pure genuine anguish#he failed. he couldn't save someone.#and that someone is... the person he genuinely cares about the most (besides y'know his mom)#that's his friend. that's his best fucking friend they grew up together.#imagine. imagine seeing the person you grew up with being taken away by villains.#you don't know what they're going to do to him#for all he knows they're going to KILL him. they don't know why they took katsuki yet.#for all he knows? they could be about to make katsuki into a nomu.#you just know all the possibilities are playing through his head so fast right now and all he can do right now is just... scream#it's the uncertainty. he doesn't know if he's ever going to see katsuki again.#and... he's sixteen.#he's a kid#he's a kid and he just watched his oldest friend. the person who he knows best and who knows him best.#get taken away from him by genuine actual murderers.#sure. they fight a lot. and they butt heads. and they don't really get along perfectly well at this point in their lives.#but the years before (and the years after)? they're friends who care about each other. and they still care about each other now.#even if katsuki doesn't want to admit that we know it's true from all the other shit he does#and now izuku is there. thinking that there's a chance that the last time he ever would see katsuki again was right then in that moment.#and you just have to sit back... and go... fuck. man. he's a child.#i genuinely almost hit tag limit on this post sorry guys KJDHJKH
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There’s something silly to me about Bluestar x Yellowfang
It’s just “yeah Firestar’s moms should date”
Old women with tragic backstories and the very orange boy they separately adopted
#it's a great ship I love it#listen you can claim Bluestar wasn't a maternal figure to Firestar & that she was just his mentor but you can't do that with Yellowfang#She canonically tells Fireheart that she wishes he was her son#That's not a thing left up to reader interpretation or anything. The direct quote (from Rising Storm) is#''I wished you'd been my son but I could not have borne a cat like you.''#(there's more to the quote but I can't fit all of it in the character limit of the tags)#(or technically I could but it would have to be several tags and I don't feel like doing that)#she also says ''I only regret that I will miss watching you become what Starclan has destined you to be.'' to him in that same bit of dialo#that is his mom. Like you cannot reasonably deny that#I'm going to shut myself up now before I actually write an entire essay about Yellowfang in the tags of this post#because I know myself and I know I'd do it#Warrior Cats#yellowfang#bluestar#bluestar x yellowfang#blueyellow#(I think that's their ship name?)#(I'd make a joke about how we should just call it ''Green'' but I'm sure that joke has been made already)#and because I mentioned Starclan's most special little orange boy#wc firestar#firestar#honestly if I ever decide to do fun character tags that's what Firestar's will be
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i think this was funnier in my head.
#puppy draws#yo-kai watch#katie forester#jibanyan#whisper#whisper ykw#usapyon#hailey anne thomas#as a diagnosed autistic person i can confirm that the autism evaluation results#just being a picture of the autism creature with text saying you have the tism is accurate#i don't even remember how this idea came to me i think i was just overly tired this morning and then this happened#also ignore the fact that i refuse to accept nate as being canon protagonist katie is like way better sorry besties <3#that's like 80% a joke. every main yo-kai watch character is my blorbo and nate is included in that#i just also prefer katie. playing 3 and rewatching the anime + reading the manga did endear me to nate more though#i like how he's average but also totally bisexual. no i will not elaborate#why do my tags always get so derailed. uhhhh back to autism. hailey is so fucking autistic ngl#there's like at least five different instances in 3 of her just completely failing to read the room#she's totally hyperfixated on sailor cuties and next harmeowny#she has adhd vibes too i think but. the tism is very strong#i can't decide my favorite part of this between the “yippee!! you have the tism” image and jibanyan asking what autism is#he doesn't know because he has autism by default through being a cat he didn't need a diagnosis#i feel like all of them are autistic tbh but that's probably just me projecting. i totally gave katie autism in the rewrite though#i wasn't even trying to i just don't know what neurotypicals are like because i got that autistic rizz. and adhd rizz. mostly the adhd#i am definitely also autistic but i think my adhd effects me a lot more in day-to-day life#since i usually just interact with my moms who know i'm autistic and are also both neurodivergent#and people online. most of who are autistic because it's mostly on tumblr and this is the autism website#yo-kai watch more like yo-gay watchtism amirite-#oh also very amused by hailey just poofing into existence in the second picture. as you do
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easter gregg
#mom wanted me to draw something on eggs. blorbo time#i don't even know how easter works btw. i only paint the eggs every year bc my mom asks me to do it#grian#i guESS#have a main tag. enjoy.#also jajo means egg. in case anyone was curious#this is the shittiest pisanka ive ever done. and i do very shitty ones every year
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I can't edit to save my life but if any SoC editors read this:
PLEASE MAKE AN EDIT OF MARYA AND WYLAN WITH THAT ONE "MAMA'S BOY" SONG, I AM BEGGING
#don't mind me just asking strangers to break my heart#there aren't nearly enough edits with wylan and his mom and i see it as wasted potential#edtors you know what to do#wylan van eck#wylan hendriks#marya hendriks#wylan van sunshine#wesper#wylan angst#< how is that not a tag?#leigh bardugo#shadow and bone tv series#six of crows#grishaverse#six of crows duology#shadow and bone#crooked kingdom#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#jesper fahey#nina zenik#matthias helvar
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.
#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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Mani voice Collect My Pages
ELABORATE. ELABORATE FUCKING SHITPOST. That I simultaneously put WAY too much effort/thought into, while just. Giving up and half-assing it near the end LMFAOO
This was. An extremely funny characterization realization moment for me though, writing something else w Mani. The thought of, "Wait why the fuck does it have the same exact cadence of the Green M&M post???"
Anyways I absolutely cheated by editing this LMFAOO I'll put the typically edited version under cut! (For lighting/color correcting ect ect) Also a link to the post I'm reffing!
#okay. so minimal maintags. bc i am in some deep shit and mani is here. BUT. BUT. EXCITED ABOUT THIS#if i wasn't sticking to warm pallets for this thematically. i really wish the chaise was green... a deep green....#BUT. do you see what i was attempting here.... how much alfonse sticks out. ect ect.#i was split between coloring in the skin or making it extra monochrome. and tbh i do think maybe i overworked it....#esp for what i was aiming to do here.... some sort of sepia shit.... but that is also SO. SO OUTSIDE OF WHAT I USUALLY DO. IN GENERAL.#i FEEL like... maybe i'm onto something esp bc i think it would be cool to have that visual distinction#but i also don't know how strictly i'll follow that. i would need to refine it a lot too i think.#also if you wanna. get extra extra lore about it. beyond just the Theming and what that says about mani as a character#i was thinking of my mom's house too. she loves antiques. not dolls but like. she's very into the style/furniture.#the dolls are more my thing. the mannequin as well. i'm not a collector per se but it's about the Lore here#esp w moe's sewing hobby.#like... do you SEE. how everything is lining up. how it's all coming together. in. a fucking green m&m shitpost.#anways last bit of daylight i'm forcing myself to go outside. for at least an hour.#THE ABSOLUTE STATE. OF SHUT IN I AM.#mani tag#fe alfonse#summoner oc#kind of.#my art#my comics#suicidal imagery
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thinking about the person i could have been if i tried a little harder to find my own way
#probably the thing i am resenting my parents for right now is how good they were at convincing me#not to pursue any career paths other than the ones they laid out#every time i was like hey this seems interesting should i check it out? they would be so quick with the#do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it? to do it for your whole working life?#and obviously 8 yo 12 yo 14 yo 17 yo 18 yo me would get terrified and go no sorry and just not look into anything further#supposedly this is the safe option but everything i do feels meaningless#all of the jobs in this field seem meaningless#the job market in this field right now is dog shit and I'm fighting like hell for positions that just make me sad to think about#but every time i think hey what if i tried another thing#now my brain shuts me down with the do you care enough about it to stake your livelihood on it#your whole life on it#and the answer is no and it's gonna be no for a long time i bet#don't know if I'll ever find my way out of it#told my roommate's boyfriend about my general dispassion for pretty much everything in life#he asked me if I'm even a person#which feels very true#i feel like this path I've followed if i keep following it#I'm not going to be a person i can be proud of#i know it's really early in my life to say but#idk if it's nature or nurture or my own damn fault but all the ambition has been weaned out of me and I've been getting just surviving#i just wish i got told more you can be whatever you want to be :)#instead of whatever you'll do you'll be good at so do what makes money and push your hobbies to the side you can do them after you retire#your mom likes this and you're good at it so you'll like it too it'll make you money this is the best thing#the other thing is harder and doesn't make as much money don't do that you won't like it that much i bet#when i was younger#maybe I'd be struggling more but I'd be really happy and fulfilled#or maybe this is genuinely the best timeline and eggs who tried to pursue art hates it now#maybe I'd be really stupid at all the other things i gave a passing glance at#eggsistential speaks#tag rant
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my dog might die tonight
my mom's depressed and emotionally exhausted, to the point she slurs her words and feels like a zombie most days
has said to my face she doesn't want to fix it
that soon her mom will die and me and my sister are grown so...
we don't need her
and my dog's old and sick
in pain
at the vet getting oxygen and medication
to see if he'll make it through the night
and thank god he's there, so he doesn't have to suffer
but he's not next to us
he might die alone away from us
i think there's some poetic bullshit there
he would die in pain by our side
but he has a chance to survive away from us
and if he doesn't make it till the next day he'll die alone, but without pain
i just want to take everyone's pain away
but I can't
i can't fix it
it's not up to me
i can't do shit
#i was already expecting it#my dog's old#and he hasn't been well for a while now#it's fine#just want him to go in peace#i'd like it if he was comfortable near the people he loves#but like as long as he isn't in pain i'm happy#it's everything else that's making me have a breakdown#i was already tired and mentally unwell before learning WHY my mom had been like this#when she finally fessed up about the depression/exhaustion it took away the weight of not knowing how or why she got like that#but it's not easy hearing your mom basically says she wants to die#don't worry my sister already scheduled an appointment with a psychologist for her#she also got tests done to see if she had signs of dementia and shit#and she's working where i am right now#and i can see how hard it is for her#but i can't do much to help her#and i can see how everyone else is kind of done with her#but she isn't incompetent...she's smart and a good worker#but her brain is fucking cooked and i dont think she should be working#by now i'm literally just venting#in the tags#and just ignore this#ignore me#this was just a long time coming#everything is fine#mine
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actually, gotta say, it's fucked up that today, which would have been my dad's 67th birthday, is the day that I'm dealing with enough pain that I gotta resort to a bit of daytime weed to halfway function. never felt closer to the old guy. fuck this year.
#bert's dead dad tag#listen a load of people commented on my mom's photo of me on her facebook to say that i looked like him#and like i still don't know how to deal with that because OOF#on one hand i know that's just what you say to a son when his father dies#and also that for most of these people who i haven't seen since i was a small child i DO look a lot more like him now than i did#but it's still weird as hell that I've never in my life been told i look like my father until he was on his deathbed#and since then it's been weirdly constant#but not only that- the testosterone is kicking in#and now i can see him more in MYSELF. idk. standard 'my dad loved me so much and he never learned my name' angst
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RENEÉ USED ICON PHOTOS FROM “DON'T TELL MY MOM” IN REGINA'S CLOSET. BABY RENEÉ IS BABY REGINA AAAA
#aesthetic#im so happy#renee rapp#mean girls#mean girls 2024#mean girls the musical#art#life is beautiful#regina george#janice imi'ike#don't tell my mom#original content#renee rapp songs#auli'i cravalho#mine: please don't steal#easter egg#film#film is not dead#mean girls movie#janice ian#2024#2000s nostalgia#cinema#i never know how to tag these#this is so cute#2000s aesthetic#mean girls 2004
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