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capricores · 4 years ago

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✨ the signs and work (careers, needs in workplace, work-mindset, etc)

♡ check your sun, mars, ascendant, midheaven and sixth house signs. keep in mind your entire chart, especially planets in the sixth/tenth house can hugely change the expression of this. sagittarius mars + midheavens tend to hate routine, but if you have a taurus sun/moon, you’re likely to prefer routine and be more comfortable with it. the aspects to these planets and your midheaven/ascendant can entirely change things too. this is a general post.

i also recommend checking the position of your midheaven ruler and the sign/house it is in (ruler of the midheaven is simply the planet that rules the signs of your midheaven: sun=leo, moon=cancer, mercury=gemini/virgo, venus=libra/taurus, mars=aries/scorpio, jupiter=sagittarius/pisces, saturn=capricorn/aquarius, neptune=pisces, uranus=aquarius, pluto=scorpio). so if you have a gemini midheaven, look to what sign your mercury is in and read for that as well.

reasons for choosing these placements: sixth house represents routine, habits and service; it will more-so highlight how you feel about and approach day-to-day work and serving others. midheaven is your ideal career and ambitions in the workplace; it’s also your image while at work. ascendant + sun both blend together to create one’s general temperament and personality; as well as outlook on life. these two placements highlight hobbies, desires, wants; and therefore influence career needs and work habits. mars is your drive, ambition, energy, etc; therefore showing up in the workplace strongly.

bite-sized version (see the read more for full sign explanations)

aries: careers that allow independence and decision-making. careers in the outdoors. high-energy, physical careers; careers that allow them to use their hands. entrepreneurship is ideal as they like to have complete control over their projects and schedules. jobs with competitive factors will be most motivating to them. they do really well in high-stress careers that require fast-action. sales, any sort of business ventures, management, directing, athletics, construction, welding, etc.

taurus: careers that offer consistency, stability and security. careers that allow for independence. entrepreneurship; taureans aren’t good at taking orders. anything involving the environment, animals, or children. coffee shops, bakeries, childcare, environmental activism, tree nursery staff, animal rescue, etc. taurus placements hold high levels of creativity and are very good at curating styles that appeal to wide varieties: therefore design (fashion, interior - even food/graphic design) based careers are ideal.

gemini: intellectual stimulation, flexibility and frequent change are absolute requirements in gemini careers. without frequent mental stimulation, gemini placements get anxious and want to quit. it’s hard for them to stick to jobs that don’t offer lots of change, variety and difficulties. engineering, computer programming, math-based careers, etc. geminis are excellent communicators are thrive in careers involving writing, public speaking, sales, etc. the environment and people gemini works with are as important as the job itself for them. gemini needs to do multiple things at once; careers involving multi-tasking are essential. routine, predictable careers are the enemy.

cancer: cancers need stability and control in their career. they’re very nostalgic and can often be seen carrying on family businesses or pursuing careers influenced by their families. research & history based careers are great for cancers (historian, librarian, scientific research, detective, etc). cancers do well connecting with others; careers that allow genuine interaction are great (psychologist, social worker, human resources, etc). careers that allow them control. the environment of a cancer’s work space is extremely important: they usually do best working at home. careers relating to food. careers connecting to childcare.

leo: careers need to allow them recognition and praise; attention via career is important (social media, tv personalities, etc). careers that allow a creative outlet with high-energy; but still offer stability and consistency. competitive environments are best for leo. working with children, athletic coaching, fashion, sales, marketing, and so forth are all great paths. management positions or running their own business is ideal for leos who don’t take well to criticism or direction. leos love being social and enjoy careers that give them a social outlet. analytical careers pair surprisingly well with leo; i’ve noticed they’re often drawn to and successful with paths relating to computer science & engineering.

virgo: similar to gemini, careers that are fast-paced and challenging are essential. mental stimulation is an absolute must, and the most important factor for a virgo. careers revolving around healing, health and nutrition fit well with virgo. working with animals and the environment. analytical, logic-forward careers that requirement complex solutions and quick thinking. careers involving communication, especially written, are ideal. virgos are excellent with small details and do well with careers that focus on these. writing, computer programming, chemistry, engineering, teaching, vet tech, dietician, doctor, surgeon, etc.

libra: careers heavily connected to aesthetics: libras require beauty in every aspect of life, especially career (fashion, interior & graphic design; any art-related field; music, etc). careers loaded with social interactions, libras get drained and bored in a career that’s isolating and lonely. ilbras are charming and do well in positions like sales that utilize this charm for personal gain. careers that require a strong sense of justice and morals (law, judge, detective, managerial positions, etc).

scorpio: competitive, target based careers that give them power. behind-the-scenes careers that give them recognition but still allows their privacy. creative -heavy careers such as writing, art, fashion. careers connecting to the occult (ie: astrology/divination). careers that allow them to utilize their unmatchable investigation skills (detective, lawyer, scientist, etc). careers that give them flexibility, yet stability; the only change they want to experience at work is self-controlled. scorpios prefer to work alone than in groups; careers of solitude or ones that allow them to control others are best.

sagittarius: careers that allow them to channel their natural educator & humanitarian role (teacher, philosopher, lawyer, philanthropist, etc). careers that allow them to travel as part of their job (pilot, travel guide, trip planner, translator, etc). careers with huge amount of flexibility, frequent change; careers that give them independence and allow for constant growth, learning and expansion. they never want to be fully “comfortable”. athletic, physical careers; careers in the outdoors (ie: athletic coach, sports teams, etc).

capricorn: careers that allow for complete autonomy and control. entrepreneurship was made for capricorns. careers that promise stability, security, and a laid-out climb to the top. careers heavily based in logic & analyzing; finance-based careers are also ideal. financial analysis, architecture, CFO positions, etc. working with animals and being connected to the earth are beneficial. management positions are ideal, although capricorns tend to do everything themselves regardless of who’s working for them. careers that involve a lot of careful planning and thinking ahead; routine.

aquarius: careers involving music and/or art (nearly every aqua placement i meet is talented in + passionate about some artistic outlet, channelling these interests into careers is beneficial). careers involving technology, science, and lots of analyzing/logic. computer science, engineering, mathematician, data analyst, etc. careers that give them longer periods of isolation with healthy amounts of socialization in between; they require a good balance. careers that give them independence, yet structure; careers that change on their own terms only.

pisces: careers with complete flexibility: routines, heavy structure and similar are the enemy. careers that allow a channel for healing and/or spirituality (divination, astrology, nutrition, psychology, etc). careers relating to philosophy, humanitarianism, teaching; much like sagittarius - anything that allows frequent growth and expansion. careers heavy with travel and new experiences. careers that allow a creative outlet are best for pisces (design, photography, filmography, music), they also do well in social based careers such as being influencers or tv stars. avoid careers with rough environments as they’re the sign most likely to absorb negative energies.

♡ mutable signs (pisces, sagittarius, gemini, virgo):

these signs have busy minds. they always need to be moving, and require constant mental stimulation. work without mental stimulation will quite literally drive them up the wall. if their work traps them into non-challenging (gemini/virgo) or routine (pisces/sagittarius) environments, they’ll not only want to quit, but likely be negatively impacted in terms of energy and mental health. if you have strong mutable placements, it’s important for you to find a flexible and stimulating career; a career with a lot of socializing is often preferable as well. they require lots of encouragement and praise in their work to stay committed and on-track.

the ideal careers for mutable signs are ones that allow for stimulation and change (virgo is more comfortable with routine, gemini is *okay* with routine; but both requirement frequent challenges in the workplace to stay satisfied, they need to be “solving” things). mutable signs don’t mind working behind the scenes, or under the direction of someone else, so long as they’re in an exciting environment that allows them to fully utilize their wit, creativity and quick problem solving skills.

it’s very important for mutable signs to become friends with those in their workplace (especially pisces and gemini placement individuals). because of their constant need for mental (and also social) stimulation, it’s vital for them to be able to form friendships (not necessarily deep/close friendships, but at least surface level) in the workplace and have a frequent social outlet while working. mutable signs are also extremely susceptible to their environment and those around them (as are the water signs), so a toxic workplace will have a significantly harsher impact on their well-being than other signs would experience. their mental and physical health can both be immensely affected when they’re in toxic environments around toxic people (of course this is true for anyone, but mutables are drained by this on a whole other level). mutable signs can easily love a job they would normally hate, if the environment is positive and fun for them; and vice versa.

✧ sagittarius and pisces: no matter how much these two signs love their job, they will still hate their job. pisces and sagittarians tend to hate work. this isn’t because they’re lazy, or incapable of putting in hard work; because they’re more than capable, and do it frequently. but to them, work, especially routine work (nine to fives, forty hours a week, etc), limit them. pisces and sagittarius share jupiter as their ruler; jupiter is all about expansion, growth and freedom. these signs hate being boxed in and tied down. they require living lives that allow for frequent growth. namely, pisces and sagittarius love to always be learning and bettering themselves, especially spiritually and philosophically. if they’re stuck in a career that limits their expansion; or lacks “abundance” when it comes to choices and growth, they’ll be extremely unsatisfied.

pisces and sagittarians are free spirits, and these placements (especially in the personal planets and as ascendant) love physical change; aka traveling. a job that allows them to travel, especially to other countries/long distances, will be ideal and fulfilling for them. creative outlets, educational paths, or any career relating to spirituality, philosophy or similar will be best for them. pisces do really well in careers related to healing and helping; sagittarians do really well in careers related to teaching. sagittarians, being fire signs, also require careers that keep them relatively physically active.

some suggested careers (pisces, sagittarius): travel-related (flight attendant, trip planner, etc), translation/interpretation, photography, arts, astrology, divination, food (chef, front of house, etc), teaching, medicine (namely naturopaths, nutrition, etc), motivational / public speaking, philanthropy

✧ geminis and virgos: being mercury-ruled, these two signs need intellectual stimulation more than anyone else. they do not do well in monotonous or “easy/simple” jobs. although these two signs might not be as bothered by routine as their fellow mutable signs, they instead require a constantly challenging and stimulating environment. fast-paced, high-stress careers where they’re able to problem-solve and think on their feet are best for these two signs. although they have to be careful of overly stressful jobs and burning themselves out, due to their tendencies of overthinking, nervousness and how easily stressed they can get. it’s best for them to work in challenging environments, with kind and encouraging management, as to avoid any possible burnout or anxiety in the workplace.

again, thanks to their mercury influence, these signs have a way with words. anyone with strong gemini or virgo placements is bound to be great when it comes to writing and/or speaking. being an author is something those with either of these placements would really excel at. also, working in sales (mainly with gemini, virgo shyness and hermit habits may put them off of this career lol) is something gemini & virgo THRIVE in. they’re very good at speaking to others and swaying their opinions, so closing deals with people is a very easy and satisfying thing for them to do.

some suggested careers (gemini, virgo): computer science/technology fields, detective work, writing, research-based fields, nutrition/dietetics (virgo), sales (gemini), something with a lot of public speaking (but this likely freaks them out and makes them nervous- they are amazing at it though), event planning

some mutable careers (all/mixed): teaching, international relations, politics (sagittarius and gemini), music (pisces especially), comedy (gemini and sagittarius), marketing & sales, law, medical fields (virgo and pisces), travel & tourism, librarians/working in bookstores

♡ cardinal signs (aries, cancer, libra, capricorn):

these signs thrive most placed in roles of leadership and entrepreneurship. directing others and having control over their own actions and projects is most satisfying for these individuals. cancers and libras don’t mind working under the control of others, capricorn and aries do not do well in situations controlled or directed by others. however, capricorns and aries can handle working under others as long as they have a means for doing so (ie: they have some power over others at the same time, they’re awaiting a promotion, etc).

these signs are ambitious, initiators, and go-getters. they are the ones with the big ideas and the detailed plans of how things will go. they enjoy motivating others and seeing others succeed, so they make for wonderful managers. managerial positions are great for these signs, since they can struggle a bit with following through/staying on task, having a role where they create the ideas/tasks and have someone else finish it is more ideal.

✧ aries and capricorn: these signs, far more than other cardinals, really do better working alone or in positions of power. entrepreneurship is more ideal for these two than probably any other sign. additionally, both aries and capricorn are very connected to the physical realm. aries does really well in physically-active careers (manual labor, athletics, etc), and they also really love the outdoors. capricorn, being so connected to the earth, also loves any sort of outdoors/earth-connected career. jobs that allow them to be outside in nature, or directly working with nature, will do them both great.

these two signs are very good at managing and directing, however their styles can be a little harsh. they also tend to have the attitude where they’d rather do everything themselves so that it’s done “right”. because of this, it’s best for them to work independently at their own business, or to have someone working as a buffer of communication between them and employees when it comes to instructing and critiquing. they do, however, do very well as trainers, since they’re very to-the-point and enjoy allowing others to shadow them/vice versa. being trainers allows them to let out their overly picky/specific side for the better.

these two especially thrive in any career that allows them to showcase their straight-forward and analytical natures. fields such as law, are so amazing for both of these signs. aries loves the challenge of a field like law, and probably enjoys the ability to “argue” for work. capricorn’s interest will be held by the analytical, research based aspects of law, as well as the ability to “argue” for work. both signs enjoy being right, competitiveness, and independence, so fields similar to law are perfect.

both signs can also handle high-stress and high-pressure environments with ease, quite possibly more than any other signs. they also need frequent challenge and competitiveness in careers, so any sort of job that hits these requirements would be best. if they don’t feel as if they’re climbing a ladder, or achieving a visible, measurable level of success (ie: hitting/exceeding targets), they won’t feel fulfilled.

some suggested careers (aries, capricorn): entrepreneurship, instructing/coaching (athletics, etc), athletics (aries), project managers/management in general, conservationists, lawyers, food service, finance/accounting, any analytical/logic-based careers (capricorn), architecture, computer programming, sales (aries; they have the energy + charisma for this), marketing, real estate (aries), physical therapy, chiropractor, personal trainer (aries)

✧ cancer and libra: one important thing to mention for these two signs is they require a comfortable, positive work sign; almost to the extent that mutable signs do. their work environments have to be comfort zones, much like their homes, or they’ll struggle a lot in their career despite how much they enjoy the job itself. the people they work with and space they work in are extremely important to them. if they work from home, it’s vital they have a comfortable, well-decorated home office in order to be fully productive and in their “zones”.

these two signs have a very unique way of managing. they’re very good at getting people to do things, without realizing they’ve been influenced to do something. both of these signs can get along with nearly anyone, and have very warm, nurturing natures; which makes them highly successful in roles ranging from management to sales and anything of the likes. their social skills are impressive, as are their problem-solving skills, which makes them well-suited for fields like human resources, law (mainly libra), psychology, social work, etc. both do well in customer service and marketing because of their people skills.

the difference between these two lies in their public preferences. libra is a very public sign, and also the sign of justice. journalist, social media influencer/tv personality, publicist, judge/lawyer, and fashion design are some potential careers that align well with libra’s needs for recognition and admiration. on the other hand, cancer much prefers a more private life, although still enjoys (genuine) interaction with others. due to their nurturing personalities and creativity, cancers thrive in careers relating to medicine, food, design (especially interior, architecture, etc - anything related to the home as cancer is the sign connected with the *home*), and so forth.

these two signs are also highly creative and thrive in roles that allow for this expression. libra specifically thrives in fields like fashion or graphic design, cancer thrives in fields like interior design or baking/cooking.

some suggested careers (cancer, libra): law (libra), fashion (libra), interior design, graphic design (libra), childcare (cancer), psychology, social work, medicine (cancer), chef/baker/similar (cancer), real estate, sales & marketing (libra), journalist (libra), publicist (libra), architect (cancer), customer service, social media (influencer, marketing, etc), acting, game design/development (cancers especially - they seem to be so good with video games)

some cardinal careers (all/mixed): entrepreneurship, design, development & research, finance/accounting, architecture, lawyers, judges, detectives (especially libra & cancer), real estate, sales & marketing, management, human resources (cancer/libra)

♡ fixed signs (taurus, leo, scorpio, aquarius):

these signs do best in positions of total autonomy. working under the discretion of others is not ideal for these individuals. with creative minds and a need for independence and power; these individuals also tend to do best in fields relating to art, or creation of some sort. aquarius and taurus can handle working under others without much power, but leo and scorpio do not do well when given directions (they can handle it, but they don’t like it). it’s against fixed sign nature to follow orders. however, fixed signs do generally enjoy routine, so they won’t mind working under someone if it provides them consistency and stability. they might even skip on desired promotions, new/better job opportunities and more due to their fears/dislike of change (especially taurus).

fixed signs have this unmatchable resilience when it comes to work. these are the people that will easily put in 70+ hours a week with minimal complaints. they’re excellent at following through with things and sticking to their jobs/tasks, even when they hate them. fixed signs are also the only modality that’s consistent and excellent with following through. these signs have a bit of trouble getting started, though, and often need a push and help to get things going.

leo and taurus need stability and consistency in their career, whatever it may end up being. these two do not do well with change; and don’t usually like jobs that require them to frequently adapt or start new routines. aquarius and scorpio on the other hand, thrive within change; and are more than used to adapting to sudden, significant changes. these two, however, still prefer a more stable routine; as they tend to fear/dislike change that is not self-inflicted. the biggest things for fixed signs are stable, consistent careers. they also need careers that allow them power and individualism. aquarius and leo specifically need careers that allow them to “show off” or get recognition, preferably from a larger audience.

scorpios & leos thrive with incentives and praise, so careers that offer bonus pays, targets, and promotions with set goals will motivate them a lot more in work. any sort of competitive work will get those two signs going. aquarians however are more indifferent to these things, they tend to be more detached with the material benefits of work. taureans usually dislike these types of careers, they want work with consistency: consistent pay, consistent hours, etc.

✧ leo and aquarius: these signs require attention and recognition for their work more than anyone. they’ll do behind the scenes work if they need to, but generally they enjoy being the center of other’s attentions (aquarius won’t admit this though). these two signs have very unique ideas, and are bustling with creativity. more than anything, they need a career that allows creative expression and individuality. they don’t do well being boxed in and restricted in their endeavors. most of all, these two need careers that are challenging, consistent yet flexible, and allow both social and creative outlets.

aquarius is the sign relating to technology, so of course they will naturally thrive in technology-related careers. aquarians have busy minds and the patience to work out complex problems; so a career in computer programming, or something similar, would do them well. graphic design and architecture are two other careers that come to mind. engineering (but something more like music engineering, that allows them that creative outlet) is another great choice. aquarians are also humanitarians at heart, so charity-related careers, or careers of similar nature (ie: social worker) would be great for them. careers with a lot of either problem-solving/complex issues, humanitarian causes, or music/art are best for aquarians.

leos are natural born entertainers and story-tellers. they also can fit well into many social environments, and are so naturally charming it’s easy for them to get on anyone’s good side. because of this, any social-heavy career is great for them (motivational speaking, writing, acting, sales, marketing, etc). leos also have big hearts and tend to love children and/or animals, so i always recommend childcare or animal care to these types of leos. at the end of the day, despite leo’s need to be independent/not heavily controlled at work, they do love that social interaction that can come with working. leos are also bursting with creativity, and tend to have affinities with art, so any art-field is a great career selection for them. as a fire sign, leos also thrive in physically-active careers (athletics, manual labor, etc) that keep them up and moving.

some suggested careers (leo, aquarius): music (especially aqua), fashion-related fields; especially design, ANY sort of artistic field (design, painting, acting, etc), childcare (leo), marketing, sales, engineering, charitable organizations (aquarius), computer programming/science (aquarius), writing (leo), social media (marketing, management, influencer)

✧ scorpio and taurus: these signs don’t mind being behind the scenes, so long as they still have significant power in their work environment and control over themselves. overall, they’d typically rather work for themselves than someone else, they truly hate answering to others and generally don’t like being disturbed/overly social at work (it drains them, and they usually find it annoying/disrupts their work flow). i suggest more independent-work type of careers for these signs, or careers that allow them to instruct others on what to do, not the other way around.

both signs are very intense and investigative, and once they start something they have a laser-like focus that will help them see through a project to the end. scorpios specifically need careers that allow THEM flexibility and the ability to enact change when they see fit. taureans, however, need careers with minimal change, including self-inflicted. taurus requires stability and consistency more than any other sign in the zodiac, especially at work.

taureans have a very nurturing energy, including at work, and they have a natural connection to the earth/environment. because of this, i always see taureans fitting so well into careers involving the environment (think anything from environmental law to conservationist to florist, etc). personally, both taurus and scorpio i can see running adorable little flower shops, crystal shops or cafes and it would be too perfect for them. these two signs are usually bookworms too so i feel like working in a bookstore would be so perfect for them both. scorpios really do need that power and slight competition in work. they need to be challenged more than any of the other fixed signs, or they will get extremely bored. i often find scorpios thrive most in unfamiliar environments, so sudden switches in work may be a comforting thing for them.

some suggested careers (scorpio, taurus): investigator/detective (scorpio), research-based fields (scorpio), interior design, fashion, food-related field (taurus), childcare (taurus), architecture, divination + astrology (scorpio), office jobs (taurus - but more a WFH environment), work from home jobs in general (they don’t like leaving the house), working with animals/rescuing, environmental law (taurus), law (scorpio), environmental activism (taurus), conservationist (taurus), librarian/bookstore jobs

some ideal fixed careers (all/mixed): tattoo artist (this career always comes to mind with scorpio/taurus especially), design, any sort of arts-related career, managerial roles, entrepreneurship, athletic instructor/similar (leo & taurus), farming (taurus & leo), florist/anything working with plants (taurus & scorpio), childcare (leo & taurus), competitive environments (leo & scorpio)

#astrology #midheaven #sun #mars #sixth house #ascendant #mine #long post #decided to try to finish all the half-done posts in my drafts before starting new ones lol #this is like half a year old i rly just. never finished #m:lp #career #anyway i quite like this post but its not perfect im sorry!! my brain is still a little ~#the mutable one i 1000% love but i feel like i could've wrote the fixed and cardinal better but #i've worked on this post too long im done lmao #ALSO i feel like i know 8.5 careers im sorry i repeated so many #pay more attention to my paragraph rambles than the careers maybe 😭#idk how i feel abt this post anymore i've been editing and rewriting it for the past 48 hrs and im sleep deprived and over it lmao #i wrote the i quite like this post tag when i only had the mutable one written i take that back partially <3

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yumeyooa · 3 years ago

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revenge is brutally sweet | jeon jungkook

—jeon jungkook’s life so far has been going well. he’s the guitarist of the most famous band in the scene, he’s got the girl of his dreams, and everything he’s ever wished for is in the palm of his hands. what he doesn’t expect though, is to wake up one day in the middle of a controversy. what the controversy is, you may ask? a new band has been hitting the charts, and their lead singer is none other than you, a former member of the band and his ex-girlfriend.

➢ pairing: jeon jungkook x female! reader

➢ word count: 14.6k+

➢ love letter: AH SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG T_T I kinda drowned in midterms AHSHSHs but I hope you enjoy this fic <33 there’s more to this angsty collection to come so stay tuned!!

navigation | collection masterlist

Life couldn’t be any better.

This is what Jeon Jungkook constantly told himself every morning after his short, fifteen-minute shower while messily tousling his hair in an extra-soft towel as he takes in the dreary yet somehow vibrant view from his penthouse apartment, soaking in the sun’s rays.

The city was busy, even though the sun had just risen and bloomed into full glory. The streets were filled with people rushing to get wherever they needed to be, cars driving past with the fervor of a shackled mad man on wheels. If Jungkook looked closer, he would have probably seen the black exhaust drifting in the air from the fumes of those ecologically damaging vehicles or the frantic looks on an office worker’s face as they hurriedly crossed the street obviously late for work.

But alas, Jungkook couldn’t care less about the trials and tribulations of some strangers he didn’t even know. After all, his life was going great. In fact, he was literally walking on cloud nine at this point and felt like nothing had stopped him.

Of course, it wasn’t always this way, which was why Jungkook appreciated his success tenfold.

He, like every other success story, had started from the ground up. Music was something he had always dreamed of doing for the rest of his life. Ever since his grandfather had first shown him how to play the guitar, the melodies had wrapped their whimsical tunes around his heart and made themselves stay. It was fascinating to him how playing a couple of strings could produce such music that could move souls and bring smiles to people’s faces.

And ever since then, he was hooked. Every chance he got, he would play the guitar even if his parents tried to pry him off it.

They wanted him to be a doctor after all, and there was no way in hell he was going to go by their wishes. While being a doctor was great, it didn’t ignite the same spark that music did, and for Jungkook, he would rather die than live a life without his flame running ablaze.

So, against his parent’s wishes, he pursued a career in music. It wasn’t easy, of course. At first, he had no support system for his dream. His friends and teachers ridiculed and discouraged him, saying that the future was bleak and he had no hopes of making it big. But if Jungkook knew anything about himself, it would most likely have to do with the fact that he was extremely stubborn and persistent, much to the disappointment of the adults in his life.

So he continued. He continued reaching his dreams, joining every music-related activity he could at his age until he finally met Mr. Park.

Mr. Park was a bright man who came in one day as a replacement for their music teacher, who was an old lady who stuck to the classics and had a somewhat deceiving grading system. He came into class with disheveled hair, an unkempt tie, and when he turned around to write his name on the board, the whole class laughed as they could see his heart print underpants peeking through.

But despite his clumsiness and seemingly carefree nature, Mr. Park was a master at his craft. He was the epitome of what a music teacher should be; exceptionally skilled, eloquent, and passionate about what he did. But Mr. Park had another talent that not many knew about, which was the eye for potential.

And Mr. Park saw potential in Jungkook.

He had taken Jungkook under his wing and taught him the ropes of music life. The keys of the piano, how notes were read, how symphonies were made. And the more Jungkook learned, the more he yearned for a life surrounding music. When he voiced his wishes to Mr. Park, expecting to receive the same rejection he had always known, he was pleasantly surprised to find out that he had his support.

Mr. Park was the very first person who saw that Jungkook could have a future in music. He was the very first person who showed Jungkook that there was a path for him to take that was far better than the path his parents laid out for him. A rocky path filled with trials and tribulations but ultimately reaped great rewards in the end.

Like a moth drawn to its flame, Jungkook was attracted to the seemingly devastating path because somehow, amid the darkness, there was hope. Hope for a happier future, a future that wasn’t filled with regret and mourning but full of triumph and satisfaction. Jungkook would be a fool not to pursue the latter.

And thus, in hopes of finally seeing the light, Jungkook decided to start his own band.

It didn’t start off right away, though. After all, no kid at his school wanted to be part of a band that, in the eyes of their parents, was a complete waste of time. Jungkook kept his small dream hidden deep within his heart, yet even so, it still burned with an unyielding passion. Even if years passed and no opportunity for him to start a band was in sight, Jungkook didn’t give up, knowing that his persistence would one day reap great rewards.

And finally, his chance came in the form of you.

From the very beginning, Jungkook had always thought you were strange. In a prestigious school known for being the epitome of perfection and class, you were the odd one out, sticking out like a sore thumb with your disheveled appearance and undignified manner of carrying yourself. Almost immediately, you were set to be the outcast, ridiculed by your peers for your looks and mannerisms, even if, in Jungkook’s opinion, you weren’t doing anything out of the ordinary.

Unfortunately, the world is never kind to those who are different.

Jungkook’s phone rings from where it is laid on his bedside table, the alarm blaring loudly, causing a shift in the once serene atmosphere of his apartment. Jungkook pays it no mind at first, choosing to finish drying his hair before finally picking up the phone, voice groggy and slightly annoyed from having his peaceful morning interrupted.

“Who is it?” He hastily asks, not meaning to sound as harsh. But could he really be blamed when it was 7 AM in the morning, and he wasn’t expected to show up to any scheduled event until noon?

“Jungkook!” An exasperated voice exclaims from the other side of his phone. It was Namjoon, his manager, Jungkook, quickly concludes. Although it was rare for him to call so early in the morning, especially in such a panicked state. Perhaps he forgot to inform him of a schedule? Although that was annoying, Jungkook wouldn’t really mind. After all, work made money. But if that were the case, it would have been odd for Namjoon to be so panicked about it. The man was known for being reasonably level-headed even in times of extreme stress, so perhaps it was something else entirely.

“Did you read the news?” Namjoon quickly adds before Jungkook could ask what was wrong. At his question, Jungkook’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, quickly sitting down on the side of his bed and grabbing his iPad from the same bedside desk, unplugging the charger along the way.

“No,” he says as he types up the password into the Home Screen, laying his phone in between the juncture of his shoulder and ear. “Is there something I should be concerned about? I mean, it’s not like I got into a scandal or anything, right?”

Wrong.

Well, partly.

The moment Jungkook opens his Twitter, he’s surprised to see more notifications than usual. Of course, it was a given for him to have a ghastly amount of notifications as a celebrity. He did have a large fan base, after all. But the numbers on his screen far exceeded that of what he was used to, and amongst those notifications tagging his account, one article stood out amongst the rest, and the headline made his blood run cold.

“What the fuck?” He whispers, staring at the article in shock as if he couldn’t believe his eyes. “Am I seeing this right, Namjoon?”

The man on the other side of the phone is silent for a while before Jungkook hears a sigh. “Unfortunately, yes,” Namjoon says, and Jungkook can almost imagine the way he’s probably rubbing his temples together while sipping his cup of black coffee in his office out of stress and frustration

“(Y/N) is back,” he says, causing shivers to run down Jungkook’s spine. “And apparently Jungkook, she wrote a song about you.”

The day Jungkook finally mustered up the courage to talk to you for the first time was an experience, to say the least. For what felt like years, albeit it was only a few days, Jungkook had been observing you from the sidelines, watching as you were berated by his classmates, who apparently had nothing better to do with their time.

A part of Jungkook always felt guilty for never standing up for you. He knew you needed a friend. Someone to confide in this hellish school that made it seem as if it were every man for himself. But he was a coward, raised and molded to never take a step outside the boundaries he had set for himself, like a doll.

Although, with Mr. Park's influence, Jungkook could finally break free from his shell, even if it were just a mere few steps.

"Here," he says nervously, handing you a carton of banana milk that he had picked up from the nearest vending machine the moment he saw you storm out of the classroom in tears. Even then, your classmates had laughed, mocking how sensitive you were, which disgusted Jungkook. Didn't they have any ounce of shame for making a person cry like that?

You look up from where you sat on the school's staircase, eyes puffy from crying so hard, a stream of tears still flowing down your face. You looked like an absolute mess, and the sight only caused Jungkook's heart to clench even more. He sat beside you, albeit a bit distanced because he couldn't help but feel awkward. This was your first conversation, after all.

You stare at him, not entirely understanding why he would extend kindness towards you. Was this a trick of fate? Was he doing this so you would someday do his bidding in the future? The kids of this school were scary, even scarier than the monsters that hid underneath your bed or the creatures that roamed around in the dead of night. Even amidst the light, they scared you, and you were terrified that the man offering you some banana milk would be just the same.

"You don't have to take it if you don't want to," Jungkook says, after realizing you were staring at him warily, cautious over whether or not you would accept his gift. "Sweets always cheered me up whenever I feel down, and I thought maybe it would cheer you up too!"

If anyone were to see your interaction, they would have burst out laughing from how awkward it was. You who were wary and cautious, and Jungkook who was awkward and shy. A stark difference between your usual timid behavior and Jungkook's confident act. In fact, if anyone else were to see this, they would have never believed their eyes.

It was odd, after all. And you knew this very well. Which was why you were so confused at Jungkook's behavior. Why was he approaching you so kindly when everyone else ridiculed and shunned you out? You were different, someone who didn't deserve to be there. An imposter, an intruder. It didn't make sense for him to act friendly.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Jungkook continues, setting down the banana milk in the space between the two of you as he fiddled with his fingers, a habit he had picked up over time. "I'm not doing this to mock you or make fun of you later down the line… I just really don't like the way they're treating you. It's not right."

You're stunned. Rightfully so. This was the first time someone had ever gone against what others did to you, despite him doing so behind the scenes. A weird sensation bubbles up from inside you, one you can't quite place. But what you do know is that amidst it all, there's warmth. Jungkook's words sounded genuine and sincere, not like the usual condescending tone you were used to hearing from the rest of your peers.

He genuinely seemed to care.

Jungkook's eyes widen in surprise when he sees you grab the carton of banana milk, opening the straw in pushing it through, taking a sip. You sheepishly stare down, not even bothering to look Jungkook in the eye before muttering. "I prefer strawberry milk… but this isn't that bad... I guess… Thanks…"

His eyes gleam, happy that you've accepted his offering and watching with a content smile as a small smile of your own forms on your lips, a far cry from the mess you were mere moments ago. He had somehow managed to cheer you up, and that was better than anything Jungkook could ever ask for.

"No problem. Next time I'll buy you a whole box of strawberry milk!" He exclaims, excited for what was about to unfold between the two of you.

But he would have never expected this.

And on this week's celebrity news: Former Vocalist of The 97, (L/N) (Y/N) debuts solo with her new single 'Move On', which fans speculate is a direct message to her ex-boyfriend and former bandmate Jeon Jungkook.

"Fuck!" Jungkook exclaims, overcome with emotion, as he watches the news unfold in the conference room of his label. He had quickly made his way over the moment he saw the headline, confused, devastated, and most of all angry.

What in the world were you thinking, dragging him down like that?

"Jungkook, calm down," Namjoon says from the other side of the room, trying to prevent Jungkook from destroying the room. Jungkook was strong. And if he really wanted to, he could turn the whole conference room upside down in a blink of an eye, and Namjoon really didn't want to deal with whatever consequence would follow should Jungkook actually decide that he'd destroy the conference room.

"How the fuck do you expect me to be calm, Namjoon?" Jungkook asks, exasperated as he walks from one end of the room to the other. "This is going to ruin my fucking reputation. And it's all because that bitch is too bitter about our breakup that she decided to fucking write a song about it."

"Hey." Another voice calls out, stern and ready to scold. Jaehyun, the band's bassist, glares at Jungkook with as much disdain as he could muster, not believing the words that came out of Jungkook's mouth. "No matter how you feel about the situation. I'm not going to stand by and let you call (Y/N) a bitch. She was and still is our friend. Just because you're so caught up in your perfect reputation doesn't mean you have to bring others down in the process, Jeon."

It was rare for Jaehyun to ever call Jungkook by his last name. The two were as close as could be, having been the best of friends for more than ten years and counting. Jungkook knew he could trust Jaehyun with his life and vice versa, so it shocked him to hear that his best friend was defending her.

"But Jungkook has every reason to be mad, Jaehyun!" Another voice pops up, this time a more feminine one that has Jungkook's heart-melting just a bit. Eunha, his current girlfriend, and the one who was there for him when you left him. She was the band's current vocalist, and Jungkook couldn't feel any more grateful to have someone as supportive as her in his life.

"She's using a personal situation to make her more popular, all the while bringing us down in the process! There's nothing else to call her but a bitch when she's hurting the band she started with! Is that how she says thank you when the band's been nothing but good to her?

It's incredible, Jungkook thinks to himself, how he was able to find someone like Eunha. She was the most compassionate and understanding person in the world, a far cry from what you had become. Bitter, selfish, and downright ungrateful. You probably wrote that song out of spite just to get back at him when he did nothing wrong in the first place. You were crazy, and he was glad Eunha allowed him to see through all of your lies.

"Shut the fuck up, will you?" Jungkook's eyes darted in surprise to Yugyeom, the band's drummer, who had just cursed at his girlfriend. He glares at the drummer, mad at the fact that the usual happy-go-lucky man was now acting bitter in front of his girlfriend, who had done nothing wrong. Were his bandmates woven that deep within your cruel lies?

"Excuse me, what did you just say?" Eunha asks, appalled, tears forming from the corners of her eyes, which only causes the anger within Jungkook to grow. How dare they. How dare they make Eunha cry when she was doing nothing but telling the truth?

"You heard me, Eunha," Yugyeom continues, paying no mind to the burning rage that was about to burst within Jungkook. "I said shut the fuck up. So what if (Y/N) wrote a song about Jungkook? Why does it matter? She has every right to. I mean, our next single is literally a song Jungkook wrote after the breakup, so why the fuck are you berating her for doing the same?"

"Because she's hurting our reputation!" Eunha exclaims, clearly frustrated at how Yugyeom and Jaehyun weren't getting her point. "And besides, she was the one in the wrong during the breakup. What right does she have to make a song about it?"

Jaehyun scoffs, glare intensifying, causing Jungkook to clench his fist at their hostility. "And how do you know that when you only heard Jungkook's side of the story and not (Y/N) 's? For all we know, Jungkook could also be in the wro—"

Before Jaehyun could finish his sentence, Jungkook explodes, immediately rushing over to where Jaehyun sat and grabbing him by the collar, causing the rest of the band and Namjoon to panic, trying to break them apart, while Eunha watches, scared.

"You motherfucker," Jungkook curses, hand raised into a fist, ready to punch Jaehyun in the face with all the force he could muster. But before he could do so, Namjoon and Yugyeom immediately held him back, causing Jaehyun to let out shaky breaths as he glared at Jungkook, hurt, confused, and angry. "Why are you defending her? She was the one who hurt me! You're supposed to be my fucking best friend!"

"Maybe if you actually listened to what she had to say and what she was going through, then we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place," Jaehyun screamed back, anger slowly growing as each moment passed by. "You've always been like this Jungkook, self-centered and fucking mean. (Y/N) was right for wanting to leave."

"What did you say, you fucki—"

"Enough!" Namjoon screams, holding his ground. This had gotten out of hand, and it was beginning to stress him out, and clearly, that same stress was spreading through every single person in the room. This wasn't even supposed to be that big of a deal. All they were supposed to do was listen to the song you wrote, and come up with a statement, So why the hell did this turn into a full-blown fight?

Gosh, Namjoon needed a raise.

"Jeon Jungkook calm the fuck down, or I'll have you on probation, you hear? The same goes for all of you. I don't want to hear any bullshit about who's right or wrong in the relationship. All I need is for us to listen to the song and figure out what we're going to tell the higher-ups. So stop acting like you're a bunch of teenagers and sit down."

Usually, Namjoon wasn't this scary. But there was a glint in his eyes that taunted the band. And they knew that in the heat of the moment, the best thing to do was to shut up and listen. Besides, he was right. The way they were going, no progress would have been made, leading to further complications. With a huff, Jungkook sits down, staring grumpily into space. He wasn't comfortable with what had just occurred, a frenzy of emotions bottling up inside him from the outburst.

Luckily for him, Eunha was quick to hold his hand into hers, soothing him enough to calm his nerves and mentally prepare himself for what was about to unfold. Because he knew he wasn't going to like it.

And true to his words, the moment Namjoon pressed play, he didn't like it. Not one bit.

Jungkook couldn't quite pin why your song made his blood boil and heart clench. From an outsider's perspective, it was a good song. A really good song. As a musician himself, Jungkook would never deny that. You had a knack for creating some really great tunes that were out of this world, after all. It was the very thing that made him ask you to start a band with him in the first place.

But there was just something about this piece in particular that seemed different. Your very aura was different, Jungkook concluded as he watched the video, listening to the way you screamed about how good it was that he was able to move on while you haven't. How you laced memories and fragments of your relationship and expertly wove them together to create a masterpiece that echoed into the very depths of his beating heart.

It left a bitter taste in his mouth. Because amidst the chaos, you looked free.

There was something beautiful about the way you were in the middle of a room up in flames, almost to the point where Jungkook knew that it was metaphorical. You liked metaphors. Jungkook remembers how long ago, when the band was just the two of you, you mentioned how metaphors brought out the beauty of the world. They made the ordinary extraordinary. They made the dull come to life. Metaphors were beauty itself, and that's precisely why you loved to play with them so much.

It's funny to see how that part of you hadn't changed, even after how many years.

"Jungkook?" Eunha calls out to him, a concerned look gracing over her face. "You okay?"

Honestly speaking, Jungkook didn't know. The high of his anger had finally settled, and all Jungkook felt was a burning numbness scouring through his veins. It's laughable how mere hours ago, Jungkook was sure that today would be another great day to celebrate how amazing his life was. Yet, here he is, in the middle of a conference room, watching as you submerged yourself underwater at the last scene of your music video, feeling empty.

He doesn't directly answer Eunha, afraid that if he were to say anything, unwanted words would slip from his lips, and he would unleash another round of chaos and hell. And he was too mentally exhausted to go through that again. So he merely nods, clasping Eunha's hand gently and sighing as Namjoon pauses the video, turning towards the group.

"Well," Namjoon says, surveying the room to see the band's reactions. But who was he kidding? He knew damn well that the band wasn't nearly overjoyed seeing and hearing what their old friend had to say, especially Jungkook. The poor kid looked lost. "That's that. It looks too vague to be considered a song catered to Jungkook, so I'll inform the higher-ups that it has nothing to do wi--"

Suddenly, Jungkook stands up, causing a deafening silence to befall once more as everyone watches him with cautious eyes, afraid of what he was about to do.

"I'm going to get a drink," is all he says, moving to head out the door. No one really says anything in protest, Yugyeom and Jaehyun still feeling the aftermath of the previous fight. Only Eunha seemed to be visibly bothered, scoffing at the rest of the team's reactions before quickly latching on to Jungkook's arm.

"Babe, it's still early in the morning. At least let me accompany you?" She asks, that hopeful glint burning brightly in her eyes, to the point that it makes Jaehyun recline back in his seat uncomfortably, not liking the way she seemed so unnatural. You were never like that. And while Jaehyun knew it was wrong to make comparisons, he couldn't help it.

You were his best friend just as much as Jungkook was.

"I'll go alone," is all Jungkook whispers, shrugging Eunha off who is about to protest, but Namjoon is quick to shut her up with a gentle hand on her shoulder, shaking his head when she tries to chase after him. Jungkook needed to settle down and sort his thoughts through if he ever wanted a chance at getting through this situation with you.

And maybe, just maybe, he could finally make amends.

“Do you have a dream?”

This was the question that started it all, Jungkook supposed. He remembers the very day you asked him that one decisive question that, looking back, changed both of your lives. For good or for worse, Jungkook wasn’t sure. But as he reminisces the memories of the past and tries to figure out where everything went wrong, he couldn’t help the gut-wrenching feeling that settles within him. It’s so upsetting, in fact, that the moment Jungkook arrives in the pub across the street, he immediately drowns himself in a bottle of soju.

The two of you were spending the lunch break in the empty stairwell, the same place where the two of you first met and the same place where the two of you gradually started to hang out. It was a quiet space, free from the condescending eyes of the perfection-seeking kids you called classmates. It was a space where you and Jungkook could be free, even for just a little while.

Sipping on his banana milk, Jungkook looks at you curiously. You were staring at the strawberry milk he had bought you, fiddling with it nervously, not even bothering to look him in the eye. He wonders what goes on through your mind, what thoughts dance around within its hollow crevices, shaking you up and causing you to become a nervous wreck. Especially when the question wasn’t as bad as you were probably thinking.

“Hmm, do you want the honest answer or the answer everyone wants to hear?” He asks back, looking up at the ceiling. For an elite school, they didn’t do well to maintain the more hidden areas. Was that a sign that they really didn’t care about things that weren’t relevant to them? Maybe. Maybe not. Jungkook didn’t particularly care. It was just more bearable t stare at the ceiling than sit in awkward silence,

“Honest,” you say after a few moments, much more confident than a few moments ago. After hanging out with you for a few months and observing you within the silence of your conversations, Jungkook somehow knows that no matter what he’d do, you would forever be shy. Regardless if you knew someone well or not, the first moments of conversation would always be parallel to a first meeting. It was a curious thing, honestly. But it was more intriguing once he realized that your confidence grew the more you spoke.

In a way, it was kind of cute.

“I wanna make music,” Jungkook says after snapping himself out of his trance. He once again averts his gaze from yours, but this time it wasn’t to avoid silence, but rather to think, to immerse himself in his thoughts. Because this was the first time, someone had asked him what he truly wanted to do with life. The first time someone wanted an honest answer from him, not a polished response set up to please his parents and peers.

“Not the classical kind, though,” he continues, smiling softly to himself. “Not really fond of it as much as you think.” From the corner of his eyes, Jungkook can see you gaping at him in surprise, and it causes him to chuckle. You were never really expressive beyond the weary walls of the seemingly abandoned stairwell. To the rest of the student body, you were expressionless. Someone who took all the beatings and ridicules with a blank face. As if you were a doll, waiting to be ruined.

But here, you were much more alive. Much more expressive than Jungkook was used to seeing. It was as if the (Y/N) beyond the worn steps of the stairwell was an entirely different person. A mask you placed upon yourself to protect your heart from the cruel reality you had come to face. And Jungkook was more than fascinated at the fact that you had brought that mask down for him.

“If I could, I’d do rock, maybe even some metal If I got enough courage,” he continues, smiling to himself unknowingly giddy at the sight of you. “There’s just something different about it, you know? The music runs through your system and gets you all hyped up; you just can’t resist it. And when the beat drops, it’s as if your emotions are on an all-time high, and it weirdly makes you kind of free. It made me realize that this was what music was supposed to be, I guess.”

“Wow,” you mutter, after staying within the silence of your initial awe. “That’s... poetic.” Jungkook laughs at the look of disbelief in his face, shooting his empty carton of banana milk in the air and watching in satisfaction as it lands straight into the empty trash can just right down the corner before turning to you, a grin high on his lips.

“Oh, come on,” he whines, rolling his eyes playfully. “Why do you sound so surprised? Do I not look like I’d be a good musician?”

“It’s not that!” You quickly exclaim in your defense, flailing your arms in the air to avert Jungkook’s thoughts about the situation. Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook was only joking, highly amused at your reactions, wanting to see more. “I just assumed you’d be more into sports, you know, since you’re so good at it? If you ask me, you kind of look like you’d do well in either football or basketball… so I just kind of assumed that was what you wanted to actually pursue. Not that wanting to pursue music is a bad thing! It’s great, it’s just that rock is kind of unexpected....”

You were beginning to ramble at this point, the shy sheep from within you bursting forth as you fiddled with your thumbs nervously, anxious to see Jungkook’s reaction. Would he be mad at you for assuming things about him off the bat? Probably not, right? You did initiate the conversation by asking him what his dream was, after all. Wait, maybe this was your fault. Gosh, you should have just asked any other question that wasn’t as deep.

This friendship thing was too difficult for your liking.

As you bury yourself in your thoughts, Jungkook couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. It was small at first, almost going unheard by you who was so deeply consumed by the matters of your mind, but the more Jungkook laughed, the louder he got until he was full-on cackling, much to your dismay, confusion, and shock.

“What’s so funny?” You ask frantically, trying to make sense of his actions. Did you say something wrong? As far as you knew, you hadn’t, but what if you had and accidentally crossed the line? You hoped not. You really didn’t want to screw any chance you had at having a real, genuine friend. But to your dismay, your questions remain unanswered as Jungkook continues to laugh, almost as if he wasn’t planning on stopping anytime soon.

“Hey!” You exclaim, pouting. “Stop laughing at me, Jungkook!”

“I-i’m sorry,” He says after a few more laughs, trying to wipe the tears that were beginning to form in his eyes. “I couldn’t help it,” He laughs again, although this time, it seems as if he’s calmed down, sporting a cheeky smile. “Your reactions are just something else!”

Jungkook watches as you become flustered, once more, much to his fascination and amusement. He’s never been the teasing type, or more like, he’s never had the opportunity to become the teasing type, especially with the perfect image he had to curate in front of his peers. But he liked this. He liked being friends with you. It made him all the more free.

“What about you?” He suddenly asks after a while, feeling that it was high time to cut you some slack. You look up at him in confusion as if you had entirely forgotten why this entire conversation had happened in the first place. “Do you have a dream?”

It’s silent, yet this time, Jungkook notes, the silence is uncanny. It’s not the same comfortable silence that Jungkook is used to whenever he was hanging out with you. It was as if the silence had suddenly crashed down and enveloped the cheery atmosphere in its deceitful arms. A trap, if you will.

And Jungkook was unsure whether he wanted to break free from it or stay there with you.

But you take the first step, finally looking up to meet him in the eyes, and Jungkook can feel his heart sink just a tad bit from how empty and solemn they were. “I don’t think so,” is all you say, brushing off the concerned look on Jungkook’s face with a smile. “I’ve never really given it much thought. That’s why I asked,” you chuckle halfheartedly, staring up at the ceiling. “Although I think it would be nice,” you say, smiling a bit more genuinely. “You know, to have a dream?”

Jungkook doesn’t know what to say. How was he supposed to react to that, anyway? No matter how difficult his life was, he had always had a dream. It kept him going, made him push through no matter the difficulty. Dreams were the driving force of life. The hope amidst the darkness. To not have a dream, even just a small one, rattled Jungkook.

It terrified him because now Jungkook realized that he knew nothing about you despite you being his first friend. He didn’t know the reason why you decided to become a living doll in the eyes of others. He didn’t understand why you subjected yourself to such suffering when, from the small talks you and Jungkook had with each other, you seemed to have a loving family.

He wanted to help you, to be there for you. Because he wasn’t sure whether or not you were actually feeling lost. That’s what friends were for, right? Jungkook wasn’t exactly sure on how to do this whole friendship thing, but if there was one thing he did know, it was the fact that friends helped each other.

And Jungkook would be damned if he couldn’t help you in any way that he could.

Soju bottles littered the lone table that Jungkook sat upon. At this point, he wasn’t sure how many bottles he had drunk, but it sure was many, more than he could handle if he were, to be honest, but amidst his drunken state, he just couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Why was he acting like this anyway?

He was supposed to be happy. His band was one of the most successful ones out there. He had thousands, if not millions of fans, who supported him in everything he did. So why, just why was this insignificant matter affecting him so greatly?

Was it because it was you?

“Dear, are you alright?” The old woman, running the pub asks, concerned as she sets down a piping hot bowl of warm hangover soup, which has Jungkook’s mouth watering to the point where drool almost seeps out, mainly because he only had a bite of a sandwich on his way to the office which Eunha forcibly made him eat. But even so, he couldn’t bring himself to eat, especially with the array of emotions that were burning deep within him. “Do you need me to call someone for you?”

Jungkook stays silent, not even bothering to respond to the old lady, who only grows wearier at the lack of response. He didn’t mean to be rude. It was just that he couldn’t find the strength to actually do anything but wallow in his own misery. His thoughts were going on haywire, with no place to land in sight.

What had he done to deserve this? He was sure he had done nothing wrong, so why were you doing this to him when all he had done was, be nothing but nice to you? He had supported you ever since the beginning, and this was how you repaid him?

He doesn’t notice how the old lady leaves to call someone from the company, despite him not saying anything. It was probably for the best anyway. He was too out of it to even ask for help. The old lady was right and kind for going out of her way to do this for him. Although it made sense, after all, this specific pub was where Jungkook had been drinking ever since he had reached adulthood.

Maybe she would call Namjoon? It was likely, but Jungkook hoped not. He was sure that if Namjoon were to see his sorry state, he would scold him until his ears bled out. Although he couldn’t really blame Namjoon, if any manager were to see their client drinking away their woes like he was, they would probably freak out. Primarily since he was known for drinking at most two bottles. Jungkook just really didn’t want to deal with Namjoon right now, especially after what had transpired earlier.

He hoped that she would call Eunha. Sweet, loveable Eunha, who was there for him when the shitshow that was his breakup with you went down. Even until now, Jungkook was still in the dark of why you had left him and the band, but Eunha was the one who stayed by his side. Ever since he had met her two years ago when she first entered the company, they had become the best of friends. And now she was his girlfriend, and he couldn’t be happier.

All of a sudden, a familiar voice wafts through the empty pub. One that has Jungkook’s head whipping everywhere it could to figure out where it was coming from. It was sweet, melodic even. But at the same time, it had a hint of melancholy and freedom? Why was the voice so familiar? Where had he heard it before?

Jungkook’s eyes darted around, trying to see if he could spot the culprit behind his dilemma until they finally landed on the wide TV that sat in the middle of the pub, presumably for their customer’s enjoyment. And lo and behold, in his eyes, he sees you.

It was a local music show where famous stars would often find themselves performing to promote their new music. He assumed you were there to perform your new single, the one song that had him sitting here broken and destroyed with pride in your chest. Did you enjoy this?

Did you enjoy knowing that he was broken because of you?

He hated it. He hated how bright your smile was the moment he caught sight of the camera focusing on you as the hosts began their interview. You were brilliant, cheery, happy. And it sickened Jungkook to the core. Why did it seem like you were doing fine when he was here all bothered? How selfish could you possibly be?

But as much as it hurts him, he can’t find it in himself to look away. It’s a strange sensation that Jungkook couldn’t quite explain. Why couldn’t he avert his eyes from you when all he’s been feeling today was pain? It didn’t make sense. But honestly, Jungkook couldn’t tell what made sense anymore.

He watches you sing, hearing those blasted lyrics that made him rage just mere moments ago. Yet, this time, the lyrics made his heart clench. Perhaps it was the fact that your performance seemed more genuine because you were singing live. But why? Why were you singing those lyrics as if they had genuinely happened to you? Jungkook never caused you any pain, so why did it seem as if you were hurting more than him?

The thoughts were too much. It was driving Jungkook crazy, and all he wanted to do was drown in them. He didn’t want to think. Thinking heightened the pain that brimmed deep within his chest. He just wanted to float in the ocean of his misery and stay there, hoping that someday he would land ashore and the pain would come to an end.

Maybe if he took one more shot, it would help?

He pours down the last remaining soju into his shot glass, not caring if it overflowed and spilled out on the table. Rationality was far out of his mind at this point. All Jungkook wanted to do was do anything that would make him feel numb.

He raises the glass shakily, ready to feel the burning sensation of the alcohol run down his throat, that temporary relief that made him sink deep down into this endless cycle of emptiness. Yet, it doesn’t happen.

A hand shoots down to stop his wrist. It’s a familiar yet unfamiliar hold, something Jungkook can’t quite place. Where has he felt this hold before? He looks up, his eyesight a bit blurry from his drunken state, so he squints, trying to see clearly.

Who was it? Namjoon? Eunha? Heck, Jaehyun?

Turns out it was none of them.

When his sight finally clears, he gasps in shock, breath hitching in his throat as he takes it all in. Because the person, whose hold was familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time, wasn’t his manager, nor was it his girlfriend or best friend.

It was you.

The person, the old lady, had called to get him was you.

Well, Jungkook be damned.

When you got the call from the old lady, you were on your way to your new studio after finishing up a schedule you had prior. The past few weeks have been busy for you. Leaving the band and Jungkook was no easy feat. It was a decision that you knew was a high-risk, high reward yet at the same time had higher chances of failure.

After all, even if you hated to admit it. Without the band, you had nothing.

Sure, there was the fame that came with all of the band’s success. You were the vocalist, after all. It was exhilarating knowing that millions out there would be listening to your voice, singing music you created with people you loved dearly. But in the midst of all of that, there was nothing.

Jungkook, Jaehyun, and Yugyeom had everything going on for them. A backup plan in case the band didn’t succeed. A plan B, if you will. It made sense. They had privilege dripping from the palms of their hand, after all. Even if they had their own troubles and doubts, they didn’t have to worry about finding another way out because there already was a path laid out for them in the beginning.

You went into all of this, risking everything.

It was a choice that you had seemingly made on impulse if an outsider were to look back at the situation. When Jungkook had asked you to start a band with him, it was during another one of your many lunch dates, as you two had jokingly called it. Only this time, the two of you weren’t sitting on the cold and empty stairwell, but instead, you were in the old music room.

“I can’t believe this,” Jungkook mumbles to himself as he cranks the rusted door of the old music room open. People barely used it nowadays, much to his disbelief yet relief at the same time. He couldn’t blame them though, the brand new music room was much more enchanting, filled with top-of-the-grade musical instruments than anyone would drool over.

Well, at least it meant that he could have autonomy over the room (even though that wasn’t really the case). “You’re telling me that you never heard rock or metal before?” He gapes in disbelief as he sits on one of the dusty desks, looking at you with an outraged expression. You sheepishly enter behind him, taking a sip of your drink as you took a seat beside him.

“You never asked,” is all you say, shrugging. Jungkook looks at you once more incredulously, as if he couldn’t believe his eyes and ears. “That’s because I assumed you would have known what rock and metal are! They’re like the greatest music genres of all time. How can you not know it?”

You shrug once more, not really having an answer. Well, you did, but it was probably stupid. After all, if this was his reaction to you not knowing about rock and metal. What would his response be if he were to find out that the only music you’d ever listened to was classical and nursery rhymes? Yeah, probably not a good idea.

“Well, get ready then,” he exclaims, bringing out his phone, much to your surprise. Model student and Mr. Perfect Jeon Jungkook breaking a school rule? Who would have thought that you’d ever lived to see the day? “Because you’re about to experience an awakening, I tell you. A revolution!”

It’s amusing, really. You had never seen Jungkook as passionate as he was at the moment. Was this what it was like to have a dream? His eyes lit up as if sparkles were floating around him. As if he were about to step on cloud nine and enter paradise. He was bouncing his leg lightly in excitement, a goofy smile on his face that kind of reminded you of a bunny.

Maybe having a dream wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

He immediately scoots over to you once he has his phone ready, grabbing his earphones and plugging it into his phone, handing you the other ear. You hold it, a small smile on your face, and hook it unto your ear, not really knowing what to expect but excited all the same. After all, this was the music that made your best friend passionate and hopeful for the future. For sure, it wouldn’t be bad, right?

Well, to say the least, it was an experience. An experience you couldn’t quite tell if you enjoyed or couldn’t fathom. It was entirely different from the music that you were used to. From the bright and soothing tones came ones that were heavy and thundered on your ears. Yet, in a way, it was exhilarating.

You could see why Jungkook was attracted to this style of music. In a way, it was unhinged, a little more rebellious than the traditional types of music you were used to. But that didn’t mean it was worse. In fact, that’s what made it more exciting. Jungkook was right. In those few minutes that he had introduced you to the world of rock, you’ve gone through an array of emotions, from confusion to thrill and excitement of the highest level. The rollercoaster of new sensations was, to say the least, intoxicating,

Because immediately you got hooked.

“Wow,” you mutter, looking up at Jungkook, who was looking back at you with lively eyes. “That was… something else.”

“Right?!” He exclaims, immediately jumping off the desk to grasp your hands in excitement; it was endearing to see. Jungkook rarely got riled up like this. Music truly brought out the best in him, you thought to yourself, watching as he continued to dangle your hands in his. “Isn’t rock just amazing? Oh, what I’d do to pick up an electric guitar and play,” He sighs, and you can tell from the far-away look on his face that he’s daydreaming about something and the sight warms your heart.

“You should,” is all you say, startling Jungkook out of his trance. “I think you’d do absolutely great in music, Jungkook! You should go for it.” Jungkook looks at you, stunned. He blinks, trying to process what you had just said, before clasping your fingers a bit tighter, unsure of himself.

“Really?” He mutters softly, “You really think I can do it?”

“Of course,” you encourage with a bright smile. “If it’s you, then you can do anything!”

It’s silent for a moment, with Jungkook deep in thought. But you don’t necessarily mind, as more than anything, you understood the weight of your words. Being Jungkook’s friend meant that you stuck by him through a lot of undesirable moments, moments that both of you promised to never speak of unless it was absolutely necessary.

You knew how much he longed for his dreams. Ever since that rather inspiring conversation you had around a week ago, you knew just how much Jungkook bottled up his true passions and desires, even though there were moments wherein he would freely let them out.

“Then you have to be there with me,” he says, eyes filled with determination. “I don’t think I can do this without you (Y/N).”

Looking back at it, you chuckle at how swooned you were with Jungkook’s words. It was crazy to think that he had swept you off your feet with a mere ten words that ultimately decided the course of a good chunk of your life. You let him, and for that, you were to blame, But that didn’t necessarily mean that you regretted your decision in its entirety.

Suddenly, your phone rings from beside you, and you grab it from where it lay in your purse, only to see an old number that you hadn’t seen in a while. It’s been a year, you think, as you accept the call, pressing your phone to your ear. “Hello?”

“(Y/N) dear! It’s been such a long time!” You smile at the cheery sound present within the old lady’s voice, although you can’t deny that you hear a twinge of worry within it. You used to go to her pub every so often back when you were still in the band. And the old lady had been such a sweet soul, acting as some sort of parental figure to you and your bandmates through the years.

“It’s good to hear from you again,” you mutter, pleasantly surprised at her sudden call but also a bit suspicious because you had no idea what she was calling for. “May I ask why you’re calling me?”

“Ah!” The old lady exclaims, and suddenly the initial chirp present within her fades into a frantic tone that has your eyebrows furrowing in confusion, not sure what to expect. “Do you mind picking up your boyfriend?”

You blink, confused and startled. “I’m sorry,” you say, still not processing it clearly. “What was that?”

You hear a sigh from the other side of the phone. It sounds tiring, exasperated even, Which shouldn’t be the case since the pub usually opens up later at night. It was only open during the day for company employees. And what sane person would cause trouble with this much sunlight out?

“Your boyfriend dear,” the old lady continues, sounding absolutely done, yet at the same time, the concern was still there, and you swear you hear the sound of glass falling in the back, causing your eyebrows to furrow in worry. “He’s been drinking for hours, and this is more than he’s ever drunk!”

You stay silent, letting it all sink in. The only person she could have possibly been referring to was Jungkook. There was no doubt about that. After all, the old lady’s pub was where you and Jungkook would often find yourselves having late-night rendezvous, drinking the night away as you bonded over whatever life was throwing at you within those moments.

But now, the pub gave you nothing but pain.

“Grandma, I’m sorry to tell you this, but me and Jungkook aren’t—”

“—So you’ll come, yes? Thank you, dear! Truly a lifesaver!”

She hangs up. You stare at your phone in disbelief, shocked at the predicament you had unknowingly gotten yourself into. What were you supposed to do now? The responsible thing to do was to probably phone Namjoon and tell him about the situation. But with what had just transpired earlier today with the release of your single last night and your performance this morning, you’re not so sure he would appreciate any sort of contact from you.

With a sigh, you turn to head towards the pub. No matter how much you hated Jungkook for the way he treated you within the last few stages of your relationship, you couldn’t leave him alone to wallow in his misery (even though there was a part of you that was secretly glad that he was torn because of you). It would be too cruel of you. Especially considering that Jungkook had been a significant part of your life.

Huh, guess you haven’t moved on as much as you thought you had.

Even just reaching the pub brought back memories that you wish wouldn’t resurface. You and Jungkook used to wrestle over who would open the door for the other, and more often than not, Jungkook won. But you weren’t one to lose quickly, even to him.

The familiar jingle that came with opening the door brought a pang of nostalgia to your heart. When you and Jungkook would enter the pub, just ten seconds after the jingle faded away, the old lady would come out of her quaint kitchen and say

“Welcome home— Oh, there you are, dear!”

Not exactly how you remembered it, but it was still familiar all the same.

“Hello grandma, how are you?” You greet with a solemn smile, watching with fond eyes as the old lady comes up to clasp your hands within her own. “Oh dear, I haven’t seen you in forever. Why haven’t you visited in so long?”

You’re not sure what to say. How are you supposed to tell her that you left and broke up with the man she asked you to pick up? That would put her in an awkward position, and you didn’t want to cause stress for the already weary lady.

“Oh, never mind that,” she says, luckily dropping the subject. “Come in, come in, your boyfriend’s over there drinking in the corner. Did something happen? I’ve honestly never seen him drink this much before. At this rate, he’s going to finish my soju supply before I open up for the night!”

You enter the main area, and immediately you’re hit with the familiar, comforting scent of alcohol and home-cooked meals, as odd as it sounds. Although the smell of alcohol was by far heavier in the air, and as you turn to look for the source, your eyes land in Jungkook.

And you’re, for lack of a better word, shocked.

It was almost as if he was drowning in an ocean of soju bottles, with some of the alcohol dripping off the table and into the ground or his clothes. Partly because he was pouring himself another shot, which you know he can’t take.

He could barely handle two bottles when the two of you were dating, so why did it feel like he was drinking more than ten. If he wasn’t stopped now, something majorly damaging could happen to him, and as much as you never wanted to speak to him, you couldn’t just ignore him when he was literally on the brink of life and death.

You stomp on over to where he’s at, hastily quickening your steps as he’s about to down his last shot, and before you can even think about what to do, your instincts act on their own, and your hand reaches out to him, stopping him.

No words are spoken. Rather, you can’t find the words to say as you watch with solemn eyes as Jungkook looks at his hand confused. He tries to shake it, to move his arm so he can bring the shot glass to his lips, but you remain firm in your grip, clasping just a bit harder so he wouldn’t push through with the shot.

He looks around, following the trail left by your grasp until he meets your eyes, and already you can feel the whirlwind of emotions bubbling up inside you. This was the first time you and Jungkook have met after the breakup after leaving the band. You never expected the two of you to meet this way. Although, you supposed life was funny like that. It liked to throw unexpected situations in your face, especially in the most inappropriate times.

You watch as he squints, trying to make sense of who you were before he gasps, arm slacking, falling into the side as the alcohol from the shot glass splatters into the air. He squints once more as if trying to ensure that what he was seeing in front of him was real before stammering.

“(Y/N)?” He whispers, broken, voice breaking. You try not to let your emotions show, knowing that if you do, he’d only lure you back into him, which was something you did not want at all. You were done. After many months, heck years of being torn apart by him, you couldn’t afford any more pain. It would break you even more than it already did,

“Hey,” you whisper back, breath hitching as you watch the way Jungkook’s eyes widen at the sound of your voice, loud and clear for him to hear. Even with his drunken state, he can’t deny the pang of nostalgia that runs through his veins once he finally registers that it’s you standing before him. In the flesh. Not a vision on TV or a picture of you from his memories.

It was you.

“What are you doing here?” He slurs, trying to reach out to you, but you move away, refusing him any form of affection. Because you two were too far gone for that.

“Grandma called,” is all you say, the disappointed look in Jungkook’s eyes not going unnoticed. “Asked me to pick you up. Said you’ve been drinking more than you used to and… I can see that.”

You gesture to the empty soju bottles that littered the table with a grimace, turning back to Jungkook only to hear him scoff and point a finger to you accusingly, although with his drunken state, his posture was way off. “Who do you think’s to blame?” He asks, sarcasm laced within his tone. You raise an eyebrow at that, choosing to let him continue before you could offer back any sarcastic remark of your own.

“It’s you!” He continues, slamming his fist to the table, much to your surprise. “You and your stupid fucking song…. I mean, what the fuck is up that?”

“What the fuck is up with what, Jungkook?” You quip back, eyeing his fist cautiously in the case he would do something dangerous that would either injure him, you, or if worse comes to worst, both.

“Don’t play dumb with me,” He continues, and Jungkook can feel the irritation, frustration, and fatigue build within him now that he’s finally gotten a chance to let all these raging emotions out. “You know what you did! Why’d you do it, huh?” His voice grows louder, causing you to flinch as you move your chair back just a bit.

“Why’d you have to ruin my fucking reputation?”

All of a sudden, it’s like something in you snaps.

You can’t believe it. You can’t believe the audacity Jungkook had to say something as outrageous and stupid as what he just said. The emotions that were already burning up within you finally exploded as you stared at him with all the anger and disbelief you could muster.

And here you thought he was drinking because he had finally realized all the wrongs he had done to you. What a fool you were.

“Excuse me?” You say, exasperated. “What did you just fucking say?”

“I said what I said (Y/N),” Jungkook continued, not noticing the way rage was about to take you into its waiting arms, only to allow you to explode upon him with all the pent-up hurt that you’ve accumulated inside you. “You and your fucking song ruined the band any my reputation. Is this how you repay me after everything I’ve done for you?”

You blink. The words slowly make their way towards you as you try to process them, letting out a chuckle at how ridiculous his words were. “Are you being serious right now?” You say, scoffing at how there wasn’t an inch of regret on Jungkook’s face. “You’ve got to be joking, right?”

You want to give him the benefit of the doubt. You want to give him a chance to prove your ears, mind, and heart wrong. That he wasn’t actually thinking those absurd thoughts that had your gut-wrenching and your heartbreaking after already being broken. This couldn’t be the Jungkook that you knew, right? He wouldn’t be this cruel, right?

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“You piece of shit.” You spat without even realizing it, surprising Jungkook. He’s sobered up just a little from your outburst, looking at you like a deer caught in headlights. For a moment, you regret speaking without any thought. But the more you try to rationalize it, the more the anger burns. This was unacceptable.

“Reputation?” You scoff, looking at him incredulously. “You’re fucking worried about your reputation when there are bigger issues to be addressed here?”

“(Y/N) I—”

“Shut up, Jungkook,” you say, cutting him off coldly. “You don’t get a say in this when all you’re worried about is your reputation over a broken relationship with someone you’ve grown up with for the past thirteen years!”

Wide-eyed, Jungkook gapes at you, and you, in your disgruntled state, take this chance to get back at him, unleashing all the feelings you’ve buried deep inside you.

“You dare ask me why I’m treating you this way when you’ve been nothing but nice to me?” You mock, his words hurting more than they should. “Do you even bother to ask yourself as to why I broke up with you in the first place, Jungkook? Why I left? Did you even bother to listen to my song?”

His silence echoes throughout the pub, further shattering any lingering hope that you had about the situation. “No,” he says after a while, firm in his belief as he stared back at you, although his gaze seemed as if it could easily water away. “Didn’t think it was necessary; after all I did nothing wro—”

“—You treated me like shit for the last two years of our relationship, Jungkook. That’s what you did wrong.” You exclaim, not wanting to hear his excuses. “Are you really this blind to not know? To not see your own faults?”

How could he? You think to yourself, the unbearable pain of this revelation thrumming through every fibre of your being. It was painful. Painful to hear that he hadn’t even thought about the situation through your lens. He was too absorbed with what he had going for himself that he failed to see the world through your eyes, and it frustrated you to no end.

Because that breakup broke you like no other.

Choosing to leave wasn’t an easy decision, by no means. You had risked everything to help support Jungkook in hopes that you would find a dream of your own. You joined the band, knowing that you would put your family’s safety and security at risk instead of pursuing a more stable career like starting a business or becoming a doctor.

You became selfish to follow Jungkook, so of course, you were attached.

Jungkook, in a sense, was your world. You suppose, looking back at it now, that wasn’t the healthiest decision you took for yourself. But at that time, you could not help yourself. He was your first friend, your first love, your first everything. Jungkook showed you the ways of the world and then shattered it without a care. Of course, more than any other breakup, it would tear you apart.

Because to be honest, loving Jungkook made you happy. You remember when he first asked you out. Probably one of the best moments of your entire life. It happened after your band’s first major gig to open up the local summer festival. The two of you were still calming down from the high of the performance, excited, thrilled to have finally been given the opportunity in front of a bigger crowd. It felt surreal seeing the fascinated faces and happy smiles as they listen to your music.

Jungkook was right. This feeling was incredible.

“Holy shit. That was amazing,” Jaehyun laughs, hugging Yugyeom before turning to hug you and Jungkook. “I can’t believe we just did that!”

“Do you think they liked us?” Yugyeom, ever the timid one asks. “I felt like I made a mistake somewhere along the second cho—“

“—Who cares, man?” Jungkook says, cutting Yugyeom off with a playful slap to the back. “We just fucking performed our first major gig. This isn’t time to be wallowing down on our mistakes. This is a time to celebrate!”

You and Jaehyun hollered in agreement, following Jungkook as he dragged Yugyeom backstage where the four of you packed up, took a few commemorative pictures, and made your way towards the nearest convenience store to celebrate the night with some good old ramen, ice cream, and whatever your hearts desired.

It was a fun night, one filled with laughter as the four of you joked about whatever your mind could think of. Jungkook boasted about how he was right about their band getting somewhere, of how Jaehyun and Yugyeom, who were much more hesitant in joining the band, and after months of no progress, we’re beginning to regret it, had nothing to worry about.

Jaehyun and Yugyeom even mustered up the courage to do a speed eating challenge, grabbing about her round of hot piping ramen and racing to see who could eat it the fastest, despite the heat burning their tongues both literally and figuratively.

It was a night where for once, the four of you didn’t have to worry about life outside of the band. Didn’t have to worry about the social pressure from school or home, Didn’t have to worry about stupid tests or becoming the best, for once the four of you could just be yourselves. Unapologetic and free.

When Jaehyun and Yugyeom decided to pack it up and head home, saying that if they didn’t arrive before their dreaded curfew, then their parents would literally send them to the pits of hell, you didn’t notice the way Jungkook grew silent. Maybe you did, but you were too preoccupied with the nauseated looks on Jaehyun and Yugyeom’s faces as they headed towards the public restroom to flush out the ramen in their system.

“Hey (Y/N)?” Jungkook asks once Jaehyun and Yugyeom are nowhere to be seen. You hum in response, turning to look back at him, and immediately your eyes become overwhelmed with worry at the serious look on his face as he gazes up at the night sky, seemingly nervous and scared.

“Will you go out with me?”

It’s unexpected, a bomb to your heart if you could call it. You gasp the moment the words flow out of his mouth, staring at Jungkook in shock. Did he really just ask you out?

You think it’s a joke. A cruel trick of nature. But by the way, Jungkook nervously fidgets from where he sits, and his eyes nervously dart around. Like they usually do during nerve-wracking situations like these, you knew in your heart that his words were true.

And you couldn’t be more overjoyed because you had fallen for Jeon Jungkook too.

Throughout your many years of friendship, you had gotten to know Jungkook inside out. You were there when he threw a mini tantrum over missing first place in the final exam by one point, knowing that his parents would be disappointed in him. You were there when the two of you went out to buy his first-ever electric guitar after months of saving up money secretly. You were there for him when he was convincing Jaehyun and Yugyeom to join the band, even when he was about to get into a fight with Jaehyun over the matter.

And like clockwork, you had fallen.

It wasn’t particularly hard to do so. Jungkook had this certain charm to him, after all. He was an enigma. He could draw people into his rhythm like it was nothing and have them follow to the beat of his own drum. Sometimes you wondered if there was a hidden secret with the way he could so easily attract people, but the more you hung out, the more you realized that wasn’t the case at all. He was genuine in everything he did.

“Yes,” you say without hesitation, causing Jungkook to whip his head to face you in the blink of an eye, mouth slacking in shock. He blinks, you smile, and suddenly a smile of his own is forming on his face, reaching all the way into his eyes.

“For real?” He whispers, not wanting this moment to slip away from his grasp. He was so close to having you in his arms, something he’s wanted for the longest time, that he was afraid that if he spoke any louder, he would ruin any chance he got. But your reassuring gaze and gentle hold immediately calm the raging wave of anxiety within him. “For real,” you affirm, and suddenly you’re in Jungkook’s embrace.

It’s a warm embrace, one that has you returning it back with the same vigor, the same excitement bubbling in your chest. This marked the beginning of a new chapter for you and Jungkook, one where the two of you would walk down the unclear path you have chosen, still remaining by each other’s side, but this time, with hands intertwined.

You just wished it didn’t go up into flames like this.

You blink, snapping out of your trance as you gaze at Jungkook. Once more, seeing the way his lips were pursed into a thin line, his brows furrowed as if he had a lot going on through his mind. Which was only fitting. He had to, or else this wave of hurt and pain would only intensify and turn into something you would never be able to control.

Remembering the happy moments was something you had promised yourself not to do, for it only brought you into another world of pain after looking at how the two of you were faring now. But in the midst of agony staring right at you, you couldn’t help but let yourself reminisce in hopes of relieving some of that anger and hurt so you wouldn’t do anything out of hand.

“Tell me, Jungkook,” you finally say after a moment of silence, and you want to curse yourself for the way your voice cracks at the end. You had to be strong. You had to get through this. Because there was no way, you were going to let Jungkook ruin you once more. “How do you think our relationship was going within the last two years?”

Silence befalls the room for what feels like the millionth time, But this one is heavier than the last. Jungkook looks at you with such a severe gaze that you almost falter, forgetting the fact that he’s drunk with the way his eyes bore into yours.

You dread his answer, not knowing what to expect. With the way, he was acting, and with all the things he’s said and done, you knew that his words would only hurt you even more from here on out. You clutch the fanfic of your sweater tightly, hanging on by a thread.

But he says nothing.

The heavy silence lasts longer, and the more it persists, the more disappointment and disbelief creep into the cracked crevices of your already broken heart. Was he really going to act this way? Saying nothing at all? Did your relationship mean nothing to him in the past 2 years?

“Unbelievable,” you mutter, letting out a scoff as your eyes scan his figure. He’s hunched up as if unsure of what to do, what to think, or what to say. There’s probably a flurry of emotions running through his mind, but you don’t pity him. You hope it continues to weigh heavy, as it did to you for the last three years.

“I was miserable, Jungkook,” you whisper, recounting the memories you had buried deep within, afraid to open them up again at the cost of your already fragile happiness. But to be truly happy, one needs to let go of all the agony locked within. “Ever since Eunha came into our lives, you started treating me like a side character, as if I wasn’t your girlfriend.”

“And no,” you say sternly, already knowing what Jungkook was to say by the way his eyes widened and his mouth slacked, an arm up in protest for your words. “I’m not blaming Eunha entirely, contrary to what you may think. Sure, her arrival started it all. Sure, there were times where she acted so out of line that I wanted to slap her in the face n’s remind her who exactly she was talking to. But I couldn’t. Do you know why, Jungkook?”

His eyebrows furrow in confusion, and you take a deep breath as you gather your thoughts. This was the first time you were finally going to let out all of your frustrations that’s been building up inside you for the past few years. It was a nerve-wracking feat, but a necessary one nonetheless, as even in those few moments of speaking, you were starting to feel just a bit more free.

“Because I didn’t even know who I was anymore.”

Jungkook’s never been this confused in his life.

It’s as if you had dropped a bomb on him without warning, causing him to be in a frenzy. What did you mean? How could you blame Eunha? Eunha was a sweet girl who could do no wrong. She was there for him whenever he needed that extra support, whenever he needed someone to ground him in this cruel, unforgiving world.

She was there when you weren’t and was a constant in his life. How could such a sweet girl like her be the catalyst of this catastrophic situation? It had to be a joke.

“You’re lying,” he mutters, shaking his head in disbelief. The pain in his heart was coming back again, and just when he thought he had finally gotten rid of that after drowning in alcohol moments ago. This was your fault. You and your stupid song, your stupid lies. You were driving me crazy.

“I’m lying?” You ask, and Jungkook looks up to meet your eyes, feeling another burst of pain shoot through him at the agonizing expression on your face. Why did you look so hurt? He did nothing wrong. He didn’t hurt you. He couldn’t have. He had always been there for you. He was the reason you could do what you could in the first place. There was just no way that misery was because of him.

“Jungkook, did you even realize that with how much time you were spending with Eunha, you weren’t spending time with me anymore? Remember how you used to walk me home at midnight after your time at the studio and my radio show? You stopped doing that ever since she appeared.”

Lies.

“For days, I stood outside the company for hours, waiting for you to bring me home because you promised that you’d never miss it for the world. And on the day that I finally decided to check up on you, worried that you might have been overworking yourself? I see you in the studio, laughing with Eunha.”

Jungkook wanted to scream. He was stressed. He had to make music. Why couldn’t you understand that?

“And when I confronted you about it? You shrugged me off, saying I was overly dramatic.”

You are. Jungkook insists in his head, thoughts spiraling. What’s wrong with him not bringing you home. Even if he was your boyfriend, he was not obligated to, right? You were supposed to understand him, right? That’s what lovers are supposed to do.

“I thought to myself, maybe you were right. Maybe I was overdramatic, so I did what you asked and shrugged me off. Yet, with each passing day, it felt like I was a stranger in your eyes. Do you even realize Jungkook that ever since Eunha came into our lives, we’ve only been on three dates?”

You’re too demanding, his mind screams. Three dates? That was plenty for successful stars of your caliber. You had to understand that being under the limelight meant that he couldn’t reserve all the time in the world for you.

His heart clenches painfully again, and Jungkook feels a sob hitch in his throat.

“It hurt.” You cry, letting out the words that Jungkook wanted to say. “It hurt so much watching the love of my life and my best friend toss me to the side. Where was the you that promised that you’d always be there for me? Where was the you that promised to stay?”

You’re crying now, tears streaming down your face as the words you’ve kept hidden for the longest time finally make their way out of your system. Every part of you was screaming in agony and pain, and you can feel the mended parts of your patched-up heart slowly break again.

“Jungkook, I loved you. I loved you so much that I risked it all for you. I joined the band even though I wasn’t sure of our future because I saw how happy you were. You showed me what happiness could be, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that, but at the same time, you showed me firsthand real pain and heartbreak. And I don’t think I can ever forgive you for doing that.”

No. Why? You had to forgive him. You were his best friend. Stop. Stop speaking. Stop it.

“I left because I wanted to keep what we still had within our memories.” You whisper, remembering the night you finally came to your decision. Remembering all the times you cried and broke down, not knowing what to do or where you should go. All the times where you forced yourself to put on a smile on your face and act as if everything was fine even though it wasn’t.

“And I hoped that in leaving, we could pick up all the broken pieces and create something new with them. Maybe it would not have been a relationship as strong as the one we’ve had before. But at least it was something. And at least I would have still had a connection to you.”

You’re calm now, in a much better headspace than before. But that didn’t mean the ocean of despair that you surrounded yourself in dwindled in the slightest. It was still there, waiting in silence for the moment it could envelop you once more into its treacherous arms and drown you in its suffocating whispers.

“But what the fuck is this?”

You can feel the tides begin to sway, and you will yourself desperately to keep them down. With how the situation was unfolding, you needed to be the bigger person. For your sanity, For Jungkook’s, and for the closure that you both needed, which you weren’t sure would ever peacefully come to an end.

“I never thought that you’d think of us like this Jungkook,” you whisper, and much to your horror, a tear slipped from the crevices of eyes as you hurriedly wiped them, standing up to grab your purse as you stood to leave the pub, not caring one bit if Jungkook got home safely or not, you were too overwhelmed to care.

“I thought you loved me,” You whisper as you turn to look at him one final time, and all of a sudden, Jungkook is hit with wave after wave of sadness, anger, pain, frustration radiating from you. It suffocates him, and the only thought running through his head were questions of him hurting you? Was this really all his fault?

“But I guess you only loved yourself.” A chuckle falls from your lips as you make your first step out of the door. Not paying mind to the old lady who looks at you with a worried gaze, you turn to open the door of the pub, only for someone else to beat you to it.

Lo and Behold, It’s Eunha.

“You,” She gasps as she takes in your disheveled and exhausted state. Although that immediate shock quickly disappears as she catches Jungkook’s equally petrified state from the corner of her eye. She then glares at you, but you honestly can’t find the energy within you to care.

Because this was never about her in the first place, even if in some way she plays a small part.

“What did you do?” Eunha spats as she rushes past you to go to Jungkook, not even bothering to hear you out. You sigh, gathering the last remaining buts of courage within clenched fists, and make your way out of the door, leaving Jungkook, your broken heart, and the memories you two shared behind for good.

Not caring what he would do with those fragments in the end.

“Jungkook!”

Eunha exclaims, immediately hooking her arms around him and hoisting him up into an embrace. “What happened? What did that bitch do?” But Jungkook doesn’t answer, thoroughly overwhelmed by the range of emotions that had just surpassed him from his conversation with you.

Was it truly his fault? Was he the reason why things had turned out this way? There was no way right. He had treated you right, right?

Jungkook tries to convince himself that he’s done nothing wrong, that he was perfectly innocent in this situation. But that nagging feeling deep within his mind and soul screams at him to finally realize the truth. He’s scared. He doesn’t want to know what lies beyond the bubble of happiness he had placed himself in. He doesn’t want to feel the agonizing pain he’s put himself through without realizing it.

But not doing so would kill him more than knowing the truth ever will.

So he opens the door to the truth and wallows in the misery of what he’s done.

To be fair, there was some truth to Jungkook’s words. He had treated you like you were the most precious thing in the universe. And that was because, for the longest time, Jungkook did consider you highly special to him. You were his first friend, the first person he could confide his feelings in, the first person who showed him what love could be like.

You grew up together, cried together, had your first drink together, stood on stage for the first time together. You had done just about everything together, and Jungkook cherished you more than anything in the world.

In everything he did, he always tried to make you a part of it. Whether that meant buying your favorite drink or sending you pictures of whatever he was doing, Jungkook always wanted to help you see the world through his eyes because you deserved that much.

Ice cream dates, sneaking out at night to have some chicken and beer, random dates at the local arcade, a stroll at the beach. You and Jungkook had practically done it all. So, where did it all fall apart? Where did Jungkook go wrong?

“Jungkook?” Eunha calls out, and Jungkook finally musters up the courage to look at Eunha, who was worriedly trying to get him to answer her. Her hold is familiar, something he’s been used to in the past two years, yet at the same time, something was missing within her warmth. An unexplainable feeling he couldn’t quite describe.

And then he realized it wasn’t you.

Just when did he go astray? When did he start treating you like you weren’t the world to him? For sure, it wasn’t a singular moment. It was most definitely a culmination of many events that led up to his demise. But just how did it happen?

He looks at Eunha’s worried eyes, those same eyes that he thought meant the world to him within those two years of your break up. Yet, for some reason, he just couldn’t look at them in the same way anymore. Not when there was this hollow emptiness in his heart that called out for you and only you,

It was like a game of tug and war in his heart. He still loved Eunha; that much was for sure. But he couldn’t deny the love that he had for you as well. He remembered how Eunha was like a breath of fresh air for him. In the midst of all your nagging for him to take care of himself when he was working his ass off making new songs and dealing with management, Eunha was there to simply smile and encourage Jungkook.

Like a fool, he got lured into Eunha’s charm and held onto it, not noticing that he was letting go of you in the process.

His heart wails. It cries in pain and desperation of the love it has lost. Why did it have to be this way? Why was Jungkook such a fool? So consumed by his own selfishness, he abandoned the love you two shared and sought another, and now he was reaping what he had sown.

You were gone. You would never come back. Whatever love you had between the two of you had left and died out. The world was cruel. It had given Jungkook so much hope yet took it away from him the moment he slipped up. Yet, he couldn’t really blame them. He couldn’t really blame you.

Because he knew you had tried, he could see it in the way your eyes still cried out in pain when you see him. He could hear it in the agony of your voice as you sang passionately in your songs. He knew you did your best to pick up the fallen pieces and try to mend them back together. But all Jungkook did was rip them apart all over again.

Life couldn’t have been any better for Jeon Jungkook until suddenly it was not.

And he was the only one to blame.

➢ taglist: @wearenot7withu @nadiaislas @bbydoejk

#bts x reader #bangtan x reader #jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x reader #jeongguk x reader #jeon jeongguk x reader #bts jungkook x reader #bts fanfiction

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askthewvba · 3 years ago

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Hippo Island Culture 101 (Crash Course)

Everything you’d never think to ask! 🤪

First off! Hippo Island actually refers to multiple smaller islands surrounding a larger landmass. The King Hippo has one of these smaller islands all for islands all for himself while the larger island is occupied by his people and the other smaller islands are each used for their own special occasions.

🍍Characteristics

Hippoans are human beings. Despite their intimidating and foreign appearance (and lack of noses) they are just as human as the rest of the Punch Out cast with their own language, culture, history and struggles. Just to get that out of the way immediately! While it is commonly believed that King Hippo is kind of a kind, that's simply not the case!

The Hippoans do all just be Built Different! All Hippoans are heavy naturally, and the heavier you are the more healthy and desirable you’re seen in their society. Having especially chubby children or a chubby spouse signals to other Hippoans that you’re a generous person and they know whose hut to visit at dinner time! There are rare exceptions to this rule but big is the bar set and big is beautiful.

This weight does come at a price however. Hippoans are so heavy with all of their heft and dense bones that they are completely incapable of swimming. Hippoans will sink like a rock!!! This has lead to most of them being absolutely petrified of the sea. Traveling from island to island is fine because the water between the smaller islands is typically not enough to drown in and otherwise is only a short ride by boat away. Traveling any farther than the lands governed by King Hippo is out of the question, and King Hippo is seen as indisputably courageous for traveling to the Mainland regularly. If a Hippoan falls from the boat they must be rescued and pulled back aboard immediately or face certain death by drowning. There’s no recovering a sunken Hippoan. They will simply never be seen again.

The dark part of a Hippoan’s face actually isn’t a mask or facial marking, but rather a natural indent on their face! This indentation and their thick fleshy eyebrows are protection against the harsh sun on Hippo Island.

The skin of a Hippoan is thicker and more resilient than that of a non-Hippoan. It’ll bruise like any other and Hippoans will bleed like anyone else, though it tends to be just a bit harder to take them down with the usual means like sharp objects. They are built different and are built to take a ton of damage. That being said, their tummies are always a weakness without exception. Why this is as of yet unclear, but a blow to the stomach is so potent of an attack that when struck there a Hippoan is absolutely thrown for a loop. It’s like a complete system reset, going unconscious and often waking up disoriented and confused.

We also haven’t discovered why they evolved to not have noses, but it is suspected their sense of smell works like snakes. Rather than flicking out their tongues however it may be that they are smelling when breathing through their teeth.

🥥Names

Names don’t exist in the traditional sense on Hippo Island. Your name is typically your job, but even then there’s a bit more to it than that.

King Hippo was born Hippo Heir IV, as he was a potential heir to his father's throne along with at least five other siblings. When he dethroned his Father, who was then called King Hippo, his son took the title of King Hippo from him for himself.

Toddy is a nickname bestowed on him by King Hippo’s friend and personal translator, as it’s a name for Coconut Wine. This is a reference to the fact that his mother, King Hippo’s wife, was a brewer before she became Queen Hippo. Toddy would be known to his mother as “son” or “Coconut Son”, and had a collection of other names and titles over the years before he became generally known and accepted as Prince Hippo, most prominently “Coconut Servant”. Coconut in this case is used as an identifier to separate him from the other servants King Hippo used to have alongside Toddy. It was originally due to his haircut resembling a halved coconut.

Queen Hippo still prefers her ‘maiden title’ Coconut Brewer. To King Hippo she is Wife, to her he is Husband. Despite her elevated status she still goes to work as a Brewer every day, and it’s in being a Brewer that she’s nicknamed her children after her favorites fruits to ferment. Her son is Coconut Son, meanwhile…

Her daughters are Pineapple Daughters, Pineapple Princesses, and before King Hippo and Coconut Brewer got married they were known to the villagers as Shell Collectors. They are nicknamed Tepache and Neerah by King Hippo’s translator for convenience. The translator tried to nickname every Hippoan she’d ever met.

Other examples include the Ferryman, who simply goes by Ferryman along with a few other nicks, the Weavers (Elder Weaver, Loving Weaver, and Mischievous Weaver/also known as “Silkie”; three generations of Weavers), Lone Builder who is married to Loving Weaver, Boar Herder (“Tusk”), and Chicken Herder (“Drumstick”).

There are also unfavorable monikers for the less reputable villagers. Hippo Island is generally a peaceful, crime-free community, however there are a few outliers at any given time who serve as exceptions to this. The only noteworthy one who you may come to know is a hunter, formerly Ferocious Hunter, who is now widely known as “Bonehead”.

After losing his title of King Hippo, his father would go on to be known as “The Loathsome One”.

Related to names, “One” serves as a replacement pronoun for “I” and “me”.

King Hippo: Needs no introduction. He is simply This One. Used to refer to himself as ‘this hopeful one’ and ‘this victorious one’.

Toddy: This dutiful one.

Brewer: This hardy one. She too now has the credence to call herself This One.

🍌Jobs

Jobs are normally determined by the work already in the family, but there’s normally no shame in changing career paths. A Weaver Daughter could decide to be a Warrior. A Builder Son could decide to become a Craftsman or a Child Caregiver.

Brewer was originally a warrior in training during her youth, before deciding she wanted less to do with the battles and more to do with the merrymaking and celebration that comes afterwards. Toddy was a fire dancer for the better part of his teen years, but due to circumstances in his life decided he wanted to be a warrior.

Staying within your family’s line of work is a safe way to live since you’re surrounded by seasoned veterans of that skill set, but by no means are you limited to work within your bloodline. While everyone’s personality is different, most Hippoans are happy to teach.

Children of Hippo Island are usually given menial tasks, like collecting shells, to both prepare them for adult life and to educate them on the barter and trade system that Hippoans operate under by having them trade their trinkets with other children.

🌋Faith

The elements are Gods and Goddesses, plain and simple. The Volcano Gods must be appeased regularly and the Gods of the Deep must be respected and feared at all cost.

While all of their Gods command respect, each family tends to put higher value on different Gods in accordance to their job, and these families are at the forefront of all celebrations relating to these deities. The Ferryman, King Hippo and Toddy stand alone when celebrating the Gods of the Deep.

🏝Customs

This is a bit of a Work in Progress, but we do know their romantic customs. 🥰

Interest in one another is expressed through flower crowns and chains. There’s an entire color language when offering flowers with some signifying friendship, gratitude, or condolences. For simplicity’s sake we’ll focus on three such cases however.

Pink flowers are used when first pursuing another Hippoan that they fancy. It is the general color of a new love or infatuation.

Red flowers are a more passionate form of love and serve as making a much bolder statement. Typically you want to avoid these when you’re merely confessing your interest in another person, as red flowers are most commonly used in marriage proposals.

For extra points one may want to include their intended’s favorite flowers or flower of their favorite color to show consideration and a more genuine interest in who they are.

When offering the Infatuation Flowers, there’s not much fanfare involved. Simply get your loved one alone and ask if they’ll accept it. If yes, they’ll wear it on their head or around their neck. If you’re showing your feelings to a Hippoan and they reject you, they might just eat the flowers. A rude rejection will involve stomping on the flowers to snuff out the affections entirely.

Offering Proposal Flowers has a lot more symbolism, especially if, say, you’re King Hippo. When King Hippo proposed to his wife, he knelt before her and held his flowers for her up over his head. Slowly he lowered his head to bow to her until the crown fell from his head and rolled over towards her feet. Bowing is apart of every Hippoan proposal, but the Hippoan royalty exemplify it’s importance. Your intended is someone who you place above yourself, you humble yourself before them, and you sacrifice the symbol of your pride by allowing your crown to fall off. For commoners the practice is still meaningful, as it means you see your significant other as someone worthy of being royalty, as they are the only person other than your actual King/Queen who you would bow to.

Arranged Marriages used to be somewhat commonplace until some short time ago, when it was realized that matchmaking was a largely imperfect practice. It has always been preferred that either marriage occurred out of love, or when the arranged marriage elevated the family by means of having a relative become betrothed to Hippo Royalty. Nowadays marriages outside of love are met with scrutiny and discomfort and harems are completely out of the question. (Though that’s not to say our King Hippo hasn’t laid with a few Hippoan ladies before tying the knot with his wife… that just wasn’t their status in the hierarchy and wasn’t apart of their naming scheme.)

When Hippoans pass away, they are given a funeral similar to that of the Vikings, though without the fire. Hippoans don’t have the land and therefore the luxury of burying their dead, nor would they consider cremating them. Instead the dead are placed inside specially made boats, sealed inside with flowers and trinkets from the deceased’s family, and after a small service full of mournfully singing Hippoans, they are pushed out to sea to appease their ocean deities. Unlike the boats that serve the living on their journeys, these boats are designed to eventually capsize and sink.

Hippoans… don’t really have the capacity to speak in other foreign tongues. Not very clearly at least. King Hippo actually does speak some English if you listen closely, but even then it’s very difficult to fully understand.

Hippoans are called such for a reason. Their growls and deep bellows are reminiscent of a hippo, though their language and variants of it cover a wide range of other animals as well.

Child Hippoans typically sound like bear cubs whereas infants sound almost froglike. Some Hippoans have even been known to sound like elephants. Hippoan singing, as mentioned in a previous post, sounds like a mix of throat singing and a chorus of bull frogs.

There are words formed under all of these animalistic noises and these words can be learned, but few take the time. Until our King Hippo, the Hippoans were widely forgotten about by the rest of the world. Even now tourism to Hippo Island is very carefully limited by the King himself.

👑Becoming King

There’s a ton of Hippoan history being omitted here to spare time. What you need to know is that due to a change for the worse over time, in order to become King or Queen (or Sovereign depending on your identity) you would need to defeat the ruler of that time in a fight, one that strongly resembles boxing. Normally to postpone that from happening, the ruler would sire a multitude of children via a harem (or their spouse should they have one; our last King Hippo did not), and then those children would be trained to eventually do battle with one another for the right to take on their parent.

Upon meeting defeat the siblings would depart from the islands by boat, presumably to never be seen again. Same was the fate of The Loathsome One when his son dethroned him. As the new King he could have done away with the banishment tradition if he desired, but due to the damage callously caused by Loathsome (and the assumed loss of his family) it was decided he deserved no mercy. King Hippo would have executed him, but he wanted to herald in a new age for the Hippoan people that saw an end to violence and needless bloodshed.

#punch out #punchout #askthewvba #nintendo #punchout wii #punch out wii #king hippo #punch out headcanons #punchout headcanons

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lindasipsandspills · 2 years ago

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#1 - The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

General information:

Edition: I decided upon the 25th anniversary version of Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist - A Fable About Following Your Dreams. I didn't pay any attention to what kind of version I was choosing, since I decided to read it during my free time.

Author: Paulo Coelho was born in August 24, 1947 in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. He is now considered as one of the most influential authors around the world.

Short synopsis (via goodreads): The Alchemist tells the mystical story of Santiago, an Andalusian shepherd boy who yearns to travel in search of a worldly treasure. His quest will lead him to riches far different—and far more satisfying—than he ever imagined. Santiago's journey teaches us about the essential wisdom of listening to our hearts, of recognizing opportunity and learning to read the omens strewn along life's path, and, most importantly, to follow our dreams.

Page count: 171 paper pages (excluding the prologue of Warrior of the Light)

Representations: Religion

Initial thoughts post-read:

I wasn’t really expecting anything grand from such a small novel. If anything, I feel like this novel (for its fairly short length) managed to deliver a beautiful platter of many delicacies often gone unnoticed. Everything was written in such a gentle manner, and I felt like I was lying over my grandmother’s lap, listening to her soft voice describing Santiago's (main character) journey. It felt like a warm blanket on a rainy day, comforting in a way that I hadn’t been anticipating at first. Giving this book to my sister was my first thought after flipping the last page closed. It offers general adult wisdom in such an understandable manner that I was baffled of never even having seen a glimmer of it in school or other institutions. A classic, for sure, but it had never crossed my mind it could've been such an easy and rewarding read.

Sections that picked my interest & interpretations:

“Well, if you know how to read, why are you just a shepherd?” - The boy went mumbled an answer that allowed him to avoid responding to her question. He was sure the girl would never understand. (p. 8)

This is surely one of the main themes being followed in this novel: the inability to follow or pursue a dream or a path leading to a perhaps completely different direction than anticipated. It is, surely enough, later explained that Santiago hadn’t pursued the path his parents had laid out for him. But it didn’t necessarily mean he chose a path that fitted his soul, or rather, his mind. This girl managed to point out the obvious to the reader, and perhaps even Santiago himself: If he was this knowledgeable, why waste his time on something as easy as shepherding? Why not pursue something bigger, something he felt passionate about? Why confide himself to a position and a career that allowed him to wander to a certain extend, but never let him see what was going on outside those fences at the horizon?

"When someone sees the same people every day, as had happened with them at the seminary, they wind up becoming a part of that person’s life. And then they want the person to change. If someone isn't what others want them to be, the others become angry." (p. 18)

I found this passage interesting in its own way. Very applicable to everyday life, at the very least. If the people closest to a person don't evolve, change and grow with oneself they become collateral in their own way. The weight of dragging them along becomes too overbearing, too impossible of a mission. The question arises why some change whilst others barely do. One explanation: If a person is used to other people bending to how they see fit and feel most comfortable with, they're bound to move as little as possible. How can a person change if they're never made uncomfortable? If they never experience the depth of life and its lessons hiding at every corner?

""What's the world's greatest lie?" the boy asked, completely surprised. "It's this; That at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie." (p. 20)

I felt like this passage was very ambiguous in how it could be perceived. I don't think it is completely factual: It purposes the possibility of being in absolute control, or to at least have a choice in any matter concerning life in general. It is true to a certain extend - people can and will choose certain paths and make sure to either grow closer or distant to their surrounding, the people and experiences they encounter. But completely dismissing the force of destiny, or rather, fate as it is considered in the book, would be entirely wrong. Whilst a human can choose certain steps in their life, what experiences they encounter, feelings they're confronted with or the people they're met with can never truly be controlled.

What's the world's greatest lie? The boy asked, completely surprised. It's this; that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie. (p. 42)

Betrayal is an intense experience, leading to feelings such as distrust, emotional unavailability, envy, jealousy, close-mindedness etc. The list goes on until the person who had been betrayed becomes the one to betray to survive in their surrounding. An interesting phenomena, especially if one doesn't realize it's tight grasp in order to break out of the cycle.

But the Crystal merchant had no choice. He had lived 30 years of his life buying and selling crystal pieces, and now it was too late to do anything else. (p. 47)

I called this 'damnation of resting' and explained it as such: If one person does not grow and step over their shadows periodically, they don't experience new joys, passions, and love. They will be trapped in darkness and stillness without ever knowing how little it takes to get out of their self-built birdcage.

But I'm afraid that it would all be a disappointment, so I prefer just to dream about it. (p. 57)

This is a classic case of fear of disappointment. Since there is no experience to go off from, many people become too afraid to do anything considered not the norm – to unsure of the repercussion. It's the natural uncertainty of life that makes it impossible for them to step outside their comfort zone.

He suddenly felt tremendously happy. He could always go back to being a shepherd. He could always become a crystal salesman again. (p. 66)

All experiences that have been accumulated throughout the course of life will never be wasted. People can always revert until they are ready to take on the next adventure. Concluding, feeling lost sometimes is not a bad thing. It means that you need to step back in order to jump to your next chapter in life. And that’s okay. It should not be a burden.

Four Quotes that I loved and want to share:

"Isn't wine prohibited here?" the boy asked. “It's not what enters men's mouths that's evil,” said The Alchemist. “It's what comes out of their mouths that is.” (p. 119)

“Why don't people hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams?” The boy asked The Alchemist. “Because that's what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don't like to suffer.” (p. 136)

“What did you do that for?” – “To show you one of life's simple lessons,” The Alchemist answered. "When you possess great treasure within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed.” (p. 138)

“This is for you,” he said, holding one of the parts out to the monk. “It's for your generosity to the pilgrims.” – “But this payment goes well beyond my generosity,” the monk responded. “Don't say that again. Life might be listening and give you less than next time.” (p. 160)

#book recommendations #books #reading #aesthetic #book review #bookblr #booksbooksbooks #read in 2022 #books and reading #bookstagram #novel #books & libraries #critique #book classics #book commentary #book criticism

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azucanela · 4 years ago

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17. 2AM CALLS | TODOROKI SHOUTO

1K CELEBRATION MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: When Y/N can’t sleep, she decides, what better to do than call Shouto Todoroki himself. Of course, she didn’t actually expect him to pick up, seeing as it was 2AM. But when he does pick up, Y/N can’t help but feel comforted by his presence.

WORD COUNT: 1.1k

WARNINGS: brief mentions of nightmares, brief mentions of endeavor[yes he has a warning],

A/N: as you can see im in the mood to write for bnha folks atm anyways its a lil short but like shouto os

If Shouto was honest, he hated structure. He hated the idea of a daily routine he had to follow, and it was probably because he’d been following a schedule since his childhood. He’d had the time he woke up, ate, trained, and slept all dictated for him, to ensure he was prepared for his future— more accurately the future his father wanted him to have.

Maybe that made him sound a little bit like an anarchist but Shouto didn’t particularly care. Now, that he was in the UA dorms, he’d never had so much freedom. He chose when he woke up, ate, went to bed, trained, everything was his choice.

And his choice was to stay awake until 2AM because it’s the weekend and he can do what he wants. Of course, Shouto was being mildly productive, doing his homework ahead of time for not just his sake but also Y/N’s, full well knowing that she hasn’t even started yet and he’s going to have to explain it to her.

He’s putting his things away when his phone begin to vibrate on the desk, causing his brows to furrow. Shouto was fairly sure that nobody he knew was awake at this time, so he couldn’t help but wonder who was calling him as his eyes fell on the profile picture that had filled his entire phone screen. He’d taken it while they were out at some coffee shop she liked, Y/N had been staring out the window while she talked about a book she’d recently read, coffee in hand. Shouto thought she looked nice and snapped a picture, not that Y/N noticed as she was too engrossed in her rant.

Why was Y/N awake right now?

He’d noticed her fatigue in class and asked if she’d been sleeping well. She’d answered yes, but that didn’t really soothe his worries, nor did this call. Shouto quickly realized that if he didn’t pick up soon she’d be forced to voicemail, and propped the phone up against the wall before hitting accept for the call. He couldn’t hear much except a small gasp, and her forehead was visible only for a moment before she directed her camera to aim towards the ceiling.

“Y/N?”

The face of the girl in question appeared the screen, albeit only the side of her face was visible due to the poor positioning of her phone. “Hi, Sho.” She mumbles, face buried into her pillow, turning so that only half of her face is pressed against the pillow as she continues, “why are you up?

She sounds tired, and looks tired— something Shouto had learned was not to be mentioned— which left Shouto wondering just why exactly she hadn’t gone to bed. “I was finishing up some schoolwork.” Comes his reply, “and you?”

A small smile comes onto Y/N’s face as she hums in reply, inhaling deeply, Shouto notices that she’s wearing a shirt he recognized as his own. He finds himself thankful that she’s struggling to stay awake, failing to notice that a blush had dusted his cheeks as she replies, “bad dream.”

His brows furrowed at these words, though they were vague, Shouto had a feeling it hadn’t been the first night Y/N had been plagued by ‘bad dreams’ and made a silent note to himself to ask about it in the morning as he asked, “and why did you call me?” His face remained rather apathetic but Y/N seemed to notice the worry in his tone.

“Just wanted to talk to you.” Y/N says, eyes finally flickering over to her phone screen, “you make me feel safe Sho.”

Shouto’s mouth gaped open slightly at her words, he found himself at a loss as he stared. Though the entire career path that he was pursuing involved making others safe, Shouto felt his chest tighten at the fact that she felt safe around him, and they weren’t even in the same room. He cleared his throat, shifting in his seat as he spoke, “I see.”

Y/N laughed at his choice words, pulling her blanket up over her chin as she mumbled, “could you just stay on call for me?” Y/N rolled over, arms stretching above her head before one of them comes to rest over her eyes, “you don’t have to talk or anything just— just stay on the phone for a little bit. Please?”

“Of course.” The words leave him almost instantly, and a small smile graces Y/N’s face as she shuts her eyes. “I will always keep you safe, Y/N. So, rest.” The girl’s eyes open, and for the first time since she’d called him, Y/N looks awake as she opens her mouth to reply, only for Shouto to continue, “besides. Your dorm isn’t too far from here, if you were attacked, surely I would know. Also, any villain foolish enough to attack a school of future Pro Heroes and actual Pro—”

A laugh escapes her once more as she rolls back over to her side, now facing the phone, “always so literal, Shouto.” Silence follows her words for only a moment, “but... thank you. Really.”

Shouto doesn’t know how to respond, so he simply offers her a small smile accompanied by a nod of reassurance—an awkward nod, but a nod nonetheless. But the silence that followed didn’t feel all the awkward, if Shouto was honest it was a rather comfortable one that came between them, the sound of Shouto typing away at his now open computer while Y/N laid on her bed. He doesn’t know exactly how long the call went on, but it wasn’t long til Shouto realized that her questionable late night ramblings had ceased, his eyes returning to his phone screen once more to see her asleep. Chest rising and falling slowly with each breath, Shouto couldn’t help but be captivated by the sight of her.

He murmurs her name quietly, a test to see if she’s awake, and Y/N stirs with a small hum in response. “You should go to bed, Y/N.”

“You should too.” She grumbles, eyes still shut as she presses her head into the pillow. “I’m not the only one who needs sleep.”

“Then we both go to sleep, alright?”

She nods slowly, shifting slightly in the bed as her eyes opened slightly. “Goodnight Shouto—” Y/N yawned, and Shouto could see her finger move towards the phone, “love you, bye.”

Maybe it meant nothing to her. Just another passing moment, something completely accidental caused by a mix of sleep deprivation and stress. But those words had meant everything to him. Leaving Shouto to sit in his room, shock flooding as he stares at his phone, the end call screen flashing on phone.

Shouto finds himself typing.

Shouto <3 Goodnight Y/N. I love you, too. [2:01AM]

TAGS[lmk if you wanna be added or removed via asks or replies]

@shawkneecaps

@shigarakis-fifth-hand

@beifongsss

#todoroki x reader #shoto x reader #shouto x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #shouto todoroki x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #todoroki shouto x reader #bnha #bnha x reader #bnha x you #todoroki x you #shoto x you #shouto x you #shouto todoroki x you

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kinktae · 5 years ago

Text

bitchin’ || pt. 7 (M)

↳ PART OF MY REWIND SERIES

The 80s were a time of choices. Which perm was right for you? What color neon would you wear next? None of these choices, however, were more questionable than a certain deal you made with Jeon Jungkook.

pairing: fratboy!jungkook x reader

word count: 3.4k

genre: 1980s au, eventual smut, e2l

warnings: sorry this chapter is so short :(

A/N: This fic was inspired by To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Thank you to @junqkook for letting me use her likeness!

01 | 02 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07 | 08 | 09 | 10

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PART SEVEN

Your fingers wrapped around the metal handle, prying open the door of your dorm.

Unsurprisingly, you were met with a mop of dark hair and a full set of white teeth, Jungkook's smile wide and blinding. You had figured the incessant knocking was his doing.

"Yes?"

Your tone was dry, clueing Jungkook in that despite the 24 hours that had passed since the day of your event, you were still, in fact, pissed at him.

Moving a hand from behind his back, he presented you with a bouquet of yellow flowers, jutting them your way. Your eyes fell onto the flowers with indifference, clearly not impressed.

"These are for you." He enthused.

"Is this your way of apologizing?"

Jungkook sighed, flowers falling to his side, “Change into something nice, we’re going out.”

You quirked a brow at him.

“Uh, or don’t! What you’re wearing right now is cool too! Totally up to you.” He backtracked quickly.

You were in polka-dotted pajama pants, a plain white t-shirt on your upper body– his shirt actually. You had stolen it from him some time ago, he was just good-natured enough to pretend like he hadn't noticed.

Rolling your eyes, you snatched the bouquet out of his eyes, the faintest hint of a grin on your lips.

"Fine." You agreed, hand coming out to press back against his chest as he tried to walk into your dorm. "But you're waiting here."

Jungkook pouted as the door shut shortly after, feeling very much like a puppy who had been put in time out.

And just like a puppy, any grudge he felt towards his owner was forgotten the moment you came back out, his cheeks warm as you intertwined your hand with his, unable to hold a grudge against him either.

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"Is the blindfold really necessary?" Your voice wavered nervously, a scarf wrapped tightly around your head to block your vision. You had both of your hands gripped around Jungkook's arm as he attempted to guide you up a set of stairs.

"Yes, it'll ruin the surprise if you see where we're going."

"My ass is going to be ruined if I fall and bust it."

"And what a nice ass it is." Jungkook tutted sadly, causing you to snort.

"Make sure you're paying attention to where we're going." You scolded, slapping his bicep.

Jungkook rolled his eyes, "Relax, nerd, we're here."

Your steps were brought to a halt, the sound of a heavy door opening ringing out. You cocked your head as a breeze washed over you, the kind that didn’t feel like it came from air conditioning.

"Grant me sight, oh powerful one." You joked as Jungkook began to untie your blindfold.

You squinted harshly as light flooded your eyes, blinking away spots the blurriness as you took in your surroundings.

"Where are we?" You marveled.

"The multimedia building rooftop." He informed you as you stepped out of the doorway, admiring the garden that was spread across the entire space. A makeshift greenhouse, you deduced. "It's where the Botany Club and Gardening Club meet and work."

You were absolutely enthralled, you hadn't the slightest clue that a place like this was sitting hidden on your campus. And as beautiful as it was up here, it was the woven picnic basket sitting by a bush of familiar-looking yellow flowers that caught your attention. Immediately, you recognized them as being the flowers Jungkook had gifted you with back at your dorm. You grinned.

Accompanying the basket was a pile of colorful blankets laid out of the concrete floor, along with pillows and another bouquet of yellow flowers, this time set up nicely in a glass vase.

"You know I don't cook, but, uh, I do know how to make a mean PB&J sandwich so..." Jungkook laughed nervously, gesturing towards the picnic he had set up.

A strange feeling fluttered in your stomach, and you brought up a hand to press up against it reflexively. He had arranged all of this... for you?

"Oh, wow." Was your response, the butterflies in your stomach hard to ignore.

Your reaction was hard to decipher and it made Jungkook incredibly anxious. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans, "Well, let's go, nerd."

You followed Jungkook over to the picnic scene, sliding off your shoes before stepping onto the blanketed spot, flopping down with an excited giggle. You had been toying with the tassels of one of the pillows near you when Jungkook pulled out a small portable radio for the basket, a word of approval leaving your lips. He really did think of everything, didn't he?

"How did you even find this place?" You marvel as he fiddled with the radio dial, flipping through stations until he found one he was content with.

"I went to a photography club meeting and they mentioned this place being a good spot for sunset shots."

You had taken note a little wooden popsicle stick poking up from the soil of the yellow flowers. Acacias, they were marked. Pulling your knees up to your chest, you considering his words.

"You went to a photography club meeting? Wait, are you–"

"I'm considering switching majors, yeah." He cut you off, leaning back away from the radio and taking a seat beside you.

"Not even!" You gaped.

"It's not that big of a deal." He shrugged nonchalantly. He was only changing his entire career path because you had told him you believed in him. No biggie, right?

"It's huge news, I mean, you're taking the initiative and pursuing your passion. I'm amped for you." You grinned to which Jungkook couldn't help but return, reaching into the picnic basket to pull out your sandwiches.

The two of you sat beside each other comfortably, washing your food down with sips from your respective juice boxes, which Jungkook had so endearingly provided. You hummed along to the radio as the sun slowly started its descent down the sky.

Suddenly, Jungkook cleared his throat, a clear sign that he was asking for your attention.

"So, you probably know why I brought you here."

You nodded.

"You're proposing, right?"

"Yeah, I– oh, shut up." He laughed, the serious mood shattering as you joined him.

“No, I just really wanted to apologize for the way I behaved at your event. I acted on impulse and wasn't thinking past my... raging man ego or whatever." Jungkook sighed, eyes meeting yours earnestly. You bit down on the inside of your cheek, eager to hear him out.

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I would never want to do anything to hurt my best friend and I know how hard you worked on this event and— why are you looking at me like that?” He huffed, cutting himself off mid-apology.

“You just called me your best friend.” You beamed, cheeks round.

Jungkook felt himself redden, turning away from your admittedly adorable expression.

“Yeah. So?”

“That’s so cute.” You fawned. “And you did all this for me. You can be really sweet when you want to be, you know.”

Jungkook wasn’t used to this kind of doting affection being directed at him, much less coming from you of all people. He swatted away your hand that had reached out to pinch his cheek.

“Yeah, yeah, just zip it before I demote you back down to classroom acquaintance.”

You hummed contentedly, “I accept your apology. And for what it's worth, I also consider you to be one of my best friends.”

"Ouch, just one of them? That's cold." Jungkook pouted, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"Sorry, Yara's got spot number one on lock." You shrugged, bringing your juice box to your mouth as you took a sip. "Chicks before dicks."

"Fine, but tell me I'm at least best friend number two."

"Hmm..." You tapped at your chin, pretending to think about your response.

"What the hell? Who could possibly be before me? Taehyung?...Kiri?" Jungkook teased.

At the sound of Kiri's name, you physically tensed, something Jungkook didn't fail to notice.

"...Yep, definitely Kiri." You played along half-heartedly.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" You straightened up suddenly, turning towards the boy. "You told me Kiri left you for Eunwoo, right?"

"Yeah... Why?"

"Oh. Well, I dunno, I heard from someone that you and Kiri were actually broken up at the time." You fiddled with your fingers anxiously, choosing to omit the fact that his ex-girlfriend had been your source of information.

The long-haired boy stared at you for a moment, expression unreadable as he took in your uneasy state.

"Well. Yeah. We weren't together." He answered finally, causing your stomach to drop.

Wait... Kiri had told the truth?

"But you said she left you for him? You lied to me." You breathed in disbelief.

"Hold on, I didn't lie." He pressed, brows furrowing at your words. "Yes, we weren't together, but we weren't broken up either?"

You flashed him a confused look, urging him to explain further.

He let out a sigh, stretching out his legs in front of him, "We had been arguing a lot, like more than usual, so we both agreed to take a break from each other– nothing permanent, just some time apart where we didn't see each other every day like we had been. The morning before I met you, however, I was coming down one of the halls at the Beta Tau Sigma house when I caught her sneaking out of Eunwoo's room. She broke up with me before I even got to say a single word. So yeah. She left me for Eunwoo."

You felt your shoulders fall, body relaxing at this new information.

"Oh."

"I was going to take her out for dinner that same day too. Clearly, we were on different pages on what this break was supposed to be for. Any other questions?" Jungkook quirked an eyebrow up at you pointedly, and suddenly you were filled with guilt.

Was this whole thing really just one giant miscommunication between the two? Kiri under the impression that they were broken up while Jungkook wasn’t? Jeez, you really jumped the gun there, didn't you?

"Ah, shit... Well, now I feel like a total wastoid for accusing you of lying." You expressed your regret, poking a finger into his thigh sheepishly.

Jungkook gave you a once over before chuckling, a hand reaching out to take your face between his fingers as he squeezed your cheeks.

"Say you're sorry."

"'M s’rry!" Your muffled words came through squished lips causing him to giggle.

"Say 'Gosh, Jungkook! You're such an honest and wonderful person. I'm a fool for ever doubting you.’'" He smirked. You rolled your eyes, face having grown sore.

"Asshole, let m’go! M'cheeks hurt!"

Thankfully, he granted your request, freeing your cheeks from their state of enslavement so that you could rub at them woefully.

"You're a child." You scowled.

"You sound like Kiri." Jungkook reminisced, recalling how his ex-girlfriend often said those very words.

"Yeah, well, soon enough it'll be her saying that instead of me." You joked.

The joke fell flat, failing to earn even a smile from him.

"Nah," he replied coldly, "like you said, if she wanted me back, she'd already have come back."

You cursed internally. You had completely forgotten you had spat that out while scolding Jungkook for nearly going apeshit on Eunwoo, and once again, you were left feeling shitty.

"Hey, I said that out of frustration, I didn't really mean it. I'm sure she'll come crawling back soon." You attempted to comfort him, hoping to sound sincere.

"Even if that's true, I'm not entirely sure I want that anymore."

"What?" You blinked. Jungkook shrugged.

"What about us?" He met your eyes, causing your breath to hitch.

"What about us?"

Jungkook stared at you for a moment, noting the way the timber in your voice had become higher pitched as if panicked.

"Yara told me how you'd be really bummed if you lost me once Kiri and I got back together. But Y/N, Kiri is going to think you're my ex-girlfriend... there's just no way she'd be okay with me hanging out with you. I don't know if I want to get back together with her if it's going to hurt you..."

The chirps of nearby birds slowly fizzed into a dull hum, drowned out by the deafening pounding of your heart.

Your face felt hot. When you told Yara all that stuff about how fond you had grown of Jungkook, you had been notably drunk from Roommate Wine Night, uncharacteristically vulnerable and in your head. Even so, you didn't think that Yara was gonna go and tell him.

She was so dead.

But what the hell was he saying? He would give up on Kiri just so you didn't have to lose him? He'd give up what he wanted just for you?

"Idiot." You scoffed suddenly, taking him by surprise. "Who cares about me? Yes, I'll probably be really sad that we don't get to hang out anymore but, whatever, I'll get over it. I got my event. You're going to get your end of the deal too, I'll make sure of it."

Your determination was hard set in your eyes which held his pensive ones.

"Kiri will come back, okay? Like, c'mon! She knows she can't do better than you."

Jungkook shot you an insincere smile, "Ah, I'm not so sure she thinks that's true anymore."

"Stop. Listen to me, Jungkook, you're a fucking great guy, okay? You're charismatic and funny and care about your friends... sure, you almost ruined my event, but it was mostly to defend my best friend when Eunwoo got too pushy, right? You're a good guy, meathead. I know I joke about your ego, but I really believe you're capable of more than you think you are. Seriously, Kiri is so lucky to be the object of your affection."

Jungkook watched the way the sun's orange light kissed your face, a bittersweet feeling growing in his chest as he contemplated the object of his affection. Just a couple of months ago, he would have had no doubt about who held his heart, but as you held his stare, he found himself unsure and yet, entirely sure all the same.

“Jungkook? You okay?” You frowned, catching in the sadness in his eyes.

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. I just… realized something.”

“Oh? What's that?”

“...It doesn't matter.” He smiled, the gesture hardly reaching his eyes.

You looked at him for a moment, skepticism evident in those beautiful eyes of yours that reflected the sky's deepening orange and red colors. Jungkook felt like he was sinking into them. Burying himself further and further into a hole that he was unaware had even existed until now and he was in too deep to pull himself back up.

"Kiss me." He spoke softly, making your eyes grow wide. "Please."

There was a note of melancholy to his tone, unlike you had ever heard come from him before. You fought back to urge to dissect it further, choosing instead to oblige his request and press your mouth into his, the thought that he was holding you tighter than usual failing to cross your mind.

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“Hey, hey, hey, hey! What is going on here?”

Yara giggled at the television show, popping a chip into her mouth, the crunching sound pulling you from the thought that had been occupying your mind. Tugging at scrunchie you had on your wrist, you searched for the right way to go about sharing your feelings.

“Yara?”

“Yeah?” The girl in question responded, eyes still fixated on the ever so charming A.C. Slater.

“...Nevermind.” You retracted, shaking your head dismissively.

And just like that, the Saved By The Bell episode was entirely forgotten, Yara's hands taking purchase on your shoulders.

“Bitch, you already have my attention, don’t just blue balls me like that.” She whined, shaking you slightly. You turned away from her curious eyes.

“It’s just… ah, seriously, nevermind, I’m pretty sure I’m just up in my head.” You shrugged her off, leaning back into the couch.

Your best friend watched your suddenly indifferent presence with pursed lips, not buying it for a second.

“You’re gonna ask about Jungkook, right?”

You turned towards Yara, suspicious written all over your narrowed eyes, “How did you know that?”

“I’m a mind reader.” She rolled her eyes passively, turning back to the television. “So, what’s up?”

“I dunno, I just feel like things are so... different between us.”

At your revelation, Yara’s eyes flicked back over to you, “Bad different?”

“No. It’s actually kind of nice. I think.” You frowned, trying to make sense of your thoughts.

“So... good different.” Yara concluded.

“It’s just funny. When I look at the start this whole deal between Jungkook and me—”

“You mean back when you and Jungkook weren’t going at it like animals and having secret rooftop picnics?”

You held her stare for a moment, teeth sinking down into your bottom lip.

“Yeah. Things are so different. I remember a time where I couldn’t even stand being in the same room as him and now…”

"And now you're completely infatuated with him." She sympathized, shaking her head sadly.

“W-What? What the hell are you yapping about? I was gonna say that I actually think of him as a close friend.”

“Oh, Y/N.” Yara let out a breath, her hand placing itself on your head.

“Poor, poor stupid Y/N.” She patted it with a sad look. “How blind you are.”

You swatted your best friend’s hand away, “Get your grubby paws off of me, weirdo. I do not like Jungkook!”

There was an uncomfortable feeling in your throat as you said those words; you swallowed it down immediately.

“Seriously? Y/N, you’re whipped for that kid. Big time.”

“I thought I told you to lay off the crack.” You deadpanned.

“Funny.” Yara glared. “Seriously though, you guys are walking around in a fake relationship while having real feelings for each other and real sex. If anyone’s trippin', it’s you two.”

“Okay, just because people have sex doesn’t mean feelings are always involved.” You scoffed.

“Oh girl, you don’t have to tell that to me, my emotionally constipated ass knows that better than anyone.” Yara mused before shaking her head. “But it’s different with you guys. I see the way you light up whenever he’s near. It’s totally palpable the way you two yearn for each other.”

That wasn't true, wasn't it? Sure, you did notice yourself thinking about him whenever you weren't with him, but wasn't that just because he was a friend? Don't friends usually wonder what the other is doing whenever they're apart? Didn't friends spend hours thinking about the time they spent with each other after they parted?

Suddenly, you felt nauseous.

“Fuck.” You breathed out.

Yara pressed her lips together, taking in the way you suddenly looked like you were one second away from barfing into the bowl of popcorn you had on your lap. She had a reasonably strong guess as to what exactly was running through your mind at this very moment.

"Wanna hear something funny?" She said finally, offering you a change of subject should you take it.

"Yes, please." Was your weak reply.

“I’ve fucked Eunwoo. Eunwoo has fucked Kiri. Kiri has fucked Jungkook, and Jungkook has fucked you."

You blinked, "Yeah?"

"Hello!" Yara exclaimed, "Isn’t that wild? It’s like one big orgy!”

A sharp snort left your nose, sufficiently amused.

"Only one thing left to do for this love chain to come full circle." Yara's eyes suddenly grew mischievous, scooting in closer to you.

"Yeah? And what's that?"

"We gotta get it on, baby!" Yara waggled her eyebrows suggestively, sending you into a round of laughter. She grinned back at you. "Why are you laughing? You don't think I could rock your world?"

"I think you're insane and need to get laid by someone who isn't me." You reasoned, nudging your shoulder into hers.

"Ugh, you're probably right." She sighed in defeat. You knew Yara well enough that this was her attempt to distract you and make you feel better, and honestly, it had worked. For the most part.

You let out a sigh of your own, leaning over to rest the side of your head against hers.

"Do you really think I like Jungkook?" You asked quietly.

Yara let out a contemplative hum as if considering her reply before speaking.

"Honestly, what I think doesn't really matter. What matters is how you feel, you know?"

"Yeah," you exhaled, biting the inside of your cheek as a sinking feeling of understanding finally washed over you, "I think I do."

4K notes · View notes

mochimiyas · 4 years ago

Text

acceptance

pairings: pre-timeskip!miya atsumu x reader, somewhat atsumu-centric

warnings: slight angst, mentions of insecurities, lowercase intended

a/n: wow i got lots of love from my sakusa drabble and i can’t help but thank you guys for enjoying! this drabble is based on my curiosity when atsumu accepts the fact that osamu will no longer pursue volleyball by his side, and what he does after it. i feel like its something everyone goes through in their life, whether it may be concerning a sport, hobby, job, etc. and if yall had someone that was on that atsumu/osamu bond level. please enjoy! content is under the cut...

“atsumu! when are ya gonna talk to yer brother?! it’s been a week, son. just please talk to him...”

miya atsumu was considered one of the best setters during his high school years, and was widely known to be a threat along with his twin brother, miya osamu.

‘’samu...’

atsumu clenched his teeth at the thought of his twin brother. the fact that his brother had the audacity to confront him at school, nonetheless informing him that he no longer wanted to pursue volleyball with him and instead, take a step into the culinary business. atsumu felt like his world was crumbling into ashes slowly, as if time slowed down in that particular moment. he remembered feeling his heart beating painfully in his ears after the gut-wrenching declaration.

everyone else who was in the gym at the time waited for atsumu’s reaction. majority of the outsiders thought atsumu would be happy that his twin decided to pursue his true passion, but the team knew better. they knew atsumu like the back of their hands.

atsumu and osamu did everything together. they never once separated from each other and were each other’s greatest rival. atsumu would never admit it out loud, but he always considered osamu to be his motivation to improve and to become a better player. he never thought in a million years that osamu thought about ditching volleyball for cooking. how long was he thinking about this for? why would he suddenly quit? why is he leaving me behind?

as the blonde setter mulled over all the possible reasonings behind osamu’s sudden declaration, the grey-haired spiker was internally freaking out, his brother’s silence scaring him. he truly didn’t know what the setter was thinking this time, his facial expression void of any indication of what he was thinking inside. osamu let out as a shaky breath as atsumu lifted his head to look at him.

“can ya repeat that again, ‘samu?” osamu sighed as he braced himself for what was about to come.

“i said, i won’t be doin’ volleyball anymore after high school. i’ve decided that i wanna start takin’ cooking seriously and start my own business,” he stared straight into atsumu’s eyes, gauging his reaction.

“just because i ain’t doin’ volleyball, doesn’t automatically mean i’m less successful than ya by default,” he suddenly grabs the collar of atsumu’s jacket, “if yer so dang sure you’ll be the happier one, then come back to me when we’re old geezers! wait until then to frickin’ laugh in my face and say that you were happier!”

something inside of atsumu snapped and gave osamu a vicious glare.

he calmly stated, “if that’s how ya wanna do it, fine,” atsumu gripped his brother’s collar, “when we are on our death beds, i’m gonna look at ya right in the face and tell ya i had the happier life!”

it’s been a week since atsumu last spoke to his brother, the altercation being the last time. truthfully, atsumu was genuinely lost. the realization that his brother was pursuing a different career path than him finally sunk in, and so many emotions came at him all at once. atsumu didn’t know what to think, what to feel, and it scared him. it scared him knowing that he couldn’t do anything to set his thoughts straight. it also made him feel like he was incapable of keeping his emotions in check. he was miya atsumu, one of japan’s greatest youth setters. something like this should’ve been a breeze for him to overcome, right?

right?

atsumu sighed and glanced at the clock on his bedside table. 00:28 am. the blonde setter knew you were still awake, and decided to text you.

a loud ding! woke you up instantly and you hurriedly checked your phone to see your boyfriend texting you at an ungodly hour. you heard from suna what happened between the miya twins and when you asked atsumu about it, he ignored your question and walked away, your shouts of his name and pleas for him to come back fading into the distance. after that day, you gave atsumu some space, hoping that he would come talk to you about it but after a week of not hearing from him, you grew worried but still gave him the space he desperately needed.

tsum-tsum: oi, are ya still awake? lemme come over

you: i’m awake now! ill unlock my door for you. just lock it when u get inside please

tsum-tsum: omw now

twenty minutes later, you faintly heard the front door open and close, the lock sliding into place. footsteps were shuffling closer and closer to your room until the door opened, revealing your disheveled boyfriend. the under eye bags, his immaculately styled hair now sticking up in different directions; atsumu truly looked like dog shit, you thought.

you motioned for your boyfriend to come lay next to you, immediately curling underneath your comforter. atsumu laid his head on your chest as you gently stroked his hair and wrapped your other arm around his broad shoulders.

“‘m sorry,” he whispered.

“don’t worry about it ‘tsumu. your feelings and how you reacted are valid. i would’ve felt the same way if i was in your shoes, y’know,” you reassured him. you brought your hand from his hair to cup his chin, gingerly lifting his head to face you.

“do you mind telling me what was going through your head for the past week? you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

atsumu immediately poured out his feelings for you. his fear of losing osamu, his partner-in-crime, and being all alone. osamu was truly the only person that could keep up with him, and for that he was grateful, but what was he going to do now that osamu is moving on? atsumu always left people behind due to his hunger to improve his skills as a setter, but never once he thought that it would happen to him, let alone it would be his brother who ceased the “terror of the miya brothers.” he also recalled the memory to you, what happened at the gym and the aftermath.

he felt your body shaking slightly, confusion spreading across his face as he watched you fail miserably to contain your laughter.

atsumu pouted, “oi! is my pain funny to ya or somethin’?! yer supposed ta be supportin’ me through my troubles, babe,” you laughed even harder at his pout.

“oh ‘tsumu, you never fail to make me laugh,” he glowered at you, “it’s just- you and osamu will be just fine.”

before he could protest, you placed your hand over his mouth, “shhh, let me explain, love. ‘samu knew for a long time that you were gonna make it further into the volleyball path than he was. your love for volleyball is greater than his, and he knew that his time with you on the court wasn’t gonna last any longer,” you removed your hand from his mouth to cup his cheek.

“but the last thing ‘samu knew he can do for you before he officially left volleyball, was to challenge you. that’s why he taunted you that day y’know. he wanted you to keep going without him. he supports ya regardless of whatever path you take in the future. hell, maybe one day, your paths will cross when you both are older and happy in your future lives,” you chuckled.

it was silent after. you and atsumu laid in each other’s arms. while you were trying your hardest to stay awake, the blonde setter seemed to be deep in thought about what you said.

finally, after moments of silence, atsumu spoke up.

“i’m gonna beat him, ‘n i know damn well i’m gonna have a happier life than him.”

you giggled at his declaration.

“can’t wait to see you achieve that, atsumu.”

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #hq #hq!!#haikyuu drabbles #haikyuu writing #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu atsumu #miya atsumu #atsumu angst #miya atsumu x reader #atsumu x reader #miya atsumu drabbles

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oydan · 3 years ago

Text

Title: Childhood Friends

Pairing: Sanada Shunpei x OC

Warning: Angst. Alcoholism and abuse will be mentioned so please be aware for any sort of triggering content.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters let alone the entirety of Ace of the Diamond. I only own the OC characters mentioned.

A/N: Support by liking, commenting, reblogging my work. I do requests as well if anyone out there wants anything specific. Hit that follow button so we can interact.

Masterlist

It was a normal afternoon practice for Sanada. He decided that today was one of those special days he would show up to practice. Emiko was busy with her own practice and he was a bit bored just hanging out with his classmates. There was nothing out of the ordinary. He walked home from practice, back home in time for dinner, and sat beside his father on the couch to watch a baseball game that was on. Everything was normal for him. Until the doorbell rang throughout the small home of three.

He had a feeling it was just Emi stopping by like she normally did when her parents weren’t home. She didn’t like to say it out loud but she hated being home alone, so it didn’t bother the Sanada family whenever she would make her way over to their family home.

When he opened the door he was right to make assumptions but he was thrown off seeing her in tears. It wasn’t a trinkle or anything so miniscule rather, it was an ongoing flow of tears he had never seen from her before. Her violet eyes were puffy red along with a matching red nose from rubbing it so much, a red hand print imprinted onto her pale cheek, and her breathing was erratic. Like she had lost the wind in her lungs and was trying desperately to find it. He didn’t know what caused this but he gripped her close into his arms and let her cry while she held him close.

He was wrong to assume that was just a normal day. Instead, that was the worst day of Emi’s life. Once she calmed down he laid her in the guest room with a futon she borrowed pretty often when her parents were arguing. He found out later that her father had left their family to pursue his soccer career in America where he had met another woman. She had become pregnant with his child and he just up and left thinking that America was his new “destiny”. Sanada knew that her father always had his head up in the clouds but he didn’t think that he would leave Emi behind so easily. They seemed so close with their shared love of soccer but it seemed that wasn’t enough.

After that night Emiko became more closed off and chased everyone off with her arrogant and rough attitude. She never really got into serious trouble unless one of the boys on her team got tired of her personality but Sanada was always there to smooth things over with his laid back personality when he could. He found himself skipping practice more often until she decided to go to Seido instead. Somewhere close but still far enough away from him to avoid skipping. Which didn’t really work out since he just ended up skipping anyways for some time to visit the tea shop near school. Until he met a special father and son duo.

Ever since they were younger they had been best friends and somewhere along the way it became an unrequited love. For Sanada that’s how it always was. He was just the supportive best friend, which he didn’t mind. He liked to divulge the fact that no matter what happened he would always know Emi better than anyone else. That whoever gained her attention would have to compete with knowing everything from birth to however long he would get to be in her life. While he wouldn’t get to see the romantic side of her most likely he would get to know every other part since he had been there for every high and low. It wasn’t much but it was all he could realistically look forward to while they both continued on their own paths.

Sanada was the ace of the Yakushi baseball team, and Emi was the ace of the Seido soccer team. It was the first time in their lives where they were going to seperate schools, which wasn’t something he liked at first, but looking at her standing tall with her team at such a prestigious arena for girls soccer he couldn’t be more proud. He no longer saw the mask that she created for herself all those years ago. She had a genuine smile on her face whenever they would meet up, or when she would send a random picture through Line. He felt like she had been brought back to life which was all he ever wanted. It was hard to accept that he couldn’t help her directly but there was no ounce of animosity in him. Instead he was grateful that she came to Seido. They both had found themselves in their own schools that they probably wouldn’t have found anywhere else beside where they ended up. He could do without Miyuki Kazuya gaining her attention but everything else was just right for them.

During his break, Sanada decided to join his parents in supporting Emiko at the national tournament. He had met with them once his own practices had stalled since they were already in Kobe. They had gotten a room close by their hotel for the entire week they would be there. They were practically the only family she had since her own parents were far beyond help. When he had asked about them he discovered that they had also made an appearance during quarter finals and planned on staying until the finals. He wasn’t too happy to hear about this considering her father hadn’t shown his face since they were kids and his mom had been drinking her problems away. The only reason why they even made an appearance was because of their own selfish desires that had nothing to do with Emiko, in fact all they were doing was using her to get what they each wanted. Emiko’s father being the spotlight of having a talented prodigy daughter and her mother trying to lure her ex husband back. They deserved each other.

He didn’t want to think about them though since Seido had made it to the finals after facing off against a dirty team. When he got to watch the quarter finals he could tell that there was something on her mind but woke herself up from whatever that was seeing her teammate hurt. She had started to outshine everyone on the field that it made it hard to look away.

After the game Sanada followed his parents to the front entrance where the team would pass through. They did it after every game they attended and each time his mom would make the pair take a picture together like when they were kids. It was a bit embarrassing but he secretly looked forward to it since he was wanting to change out the picture he had of them in their first year in his baseball bag. “Sanada-chan.” The sickly sweet voice gave chills down Shunpei’s back. The familiar nasally tone could only come from one person and when he turned his head in the direction of their voice along with his parents it was sadly the truth.

Emiko’s mother stood about the same height as her daughter but was much more slender than her. She had honey colored eyes that he could remember when they were kids but had turned a darker shade while she dealt with her addiction. Her normally stringy black hair was now well groomed similar to how it used to be before her husband left. It had been a long time since she had taken care of herself so it was like a blast to the past seeing her dressed up once again. Most likely all due to her ex husband considering her daughter had attempted to get her out of bed so many times with no real luck. It was irritating to see but Shunpei just looked away while his mother politely conversed with her. “Have you seen my husband and Emiko?”

“…no we haven’t seen her but we were heading to the front door to-“

“Emiko! Thank you. I hope to see you both at the finals.” Without a second glance she ran off in the direction of where Emiko was walking. Sanada could assume that she was most likely looking for the father of her child rather than the actual child. In the distance when her mother caught up to her all Emiko did was point in the opposite direction which set her on her way. He was sadly not mistaken. His automatic reaction was to go comfort her even despite how accustomed she was to her mother’s neglect, but he stopped in his tracks seeing Miyuki holding her hand. It looked like he was dragging her off in the direction of the team before he disappeared in the crowd along with her. He didn’t think he would go out of his way to come see Emi play. It was a long trip just to come see an ordinary friend and that made him uneasy. He didn’t want to jump to conclusions but he would be asking her about this later. For now he walked with his parents to greet the ace before she had to head back to the hotel.

The interaction was quick since she was already running behind the rest so he wasn’t able to ask the question on his mind. Miyuki was here along with a group of his classmates. The other boys were all familiar considering they were all from the baseball team. His eyes met with the star catcher so he gave a little wave and smile before walking off. It was a bit annoying to see how close he was to Emi but he pushed that aside for her own good.

Later in the evening the Seido soccer team were gathered together in one of the inn’s common rooms. Everyone was showered and at this point just messing around after their win. They would have to wait and see tomorrow who would be their last opponent to determine who would be the national champion. There was no need for anyone to analyze the team’s just yet since they would be attending the game tomorrow. Getting to see first hand how to deal with both. As a result, the girls were left to enjoy their last tournament together with the current third years. It was loud and rowdy with Kurosawa and Kamada leading the pack into chaos like always. Meanwhile, Emiko was sitting close to the window lost in her own thoughts.

Earlier was exhausting for her despite her experience with dealing with both her parents' antics for so long. They had never really been great parents looking back but it had just gotten worse by the time she was 8. The first time they forgot about her was when she was 7 and had to walk home alone on her own for the first time. Shunpei and his father ended up finding her after she lost her way and went missing until late that afternoon. Her mother started drinking heavily by that time and didn’t even know her daughter was missing in the first place. Her father left their family when she was 9 for another woman that got pregnant. She was a younger blonde American that had traveled all the way to confront her father. In the end her mother was the one that had answered the door and almost beat her to pulp if Emi didn’t stop her by getting in between them. That was also the age that her mother had drunkenly hit her in her fit of rage. The last time she hit her was when she got old enough to defend herself at 12 years old. By that time she had become a pro at dealing with her mother. She had to clean her mess of empty bottles and trash, bathe her when she would throw up on herself after passing out, the nights she would have to spend sleeping on the floor to make sure her mother didn��t choke on her own throw up when sleeping, and simply becoming her carer. Until her father started seeing Emi in some soccer magazines for upcoming youth soccer players. His phone calls would sadly give life back to her mother so she would use his calls as a reward until she stopped drinking enough to start working again. She became a grown up already by the time she was 13. Emi already was aware of position and it made her angry that she couldn’t have a regular childhood. Her outbursts were constant and sometimes she wished someone would hit her hard enough to wake her up from this nightmare. Go back to the time when she was allowed to be a kid again, but it never came. Instead she had Sanada Shunpei.

He had become her oasis. His family home became her own over time until she went to Seido. Even now when she thought about her plans for the remainder of her break she saw herself spending it with Sanada and his parents like a regular family. He was home; and perhaps that was the reason why when those dark flashbacks made their way back into the forefront of her brain she thought about calling Shunpei. She went to Seido to become more independent from him in hopes that she wouldn’t have to depend on him so much one day, but here she was hovering her finger over his caller id. Sighing in frustration she went to put it down but the buzzing in her hand caught her mid stride. Turning it over, the caller ID read “Shun <3” and a breath she didn’t realize she was holding released itself from her chest like a mass had been lifted from it. She secretly walked out of the common room to the empty main hall.

Pressing the green button and lifting it to her ear she called out to him, “Hey Shun. How’s it going?”

“I should be asking you that. I’m fine.” She chuckled knowing that she must have seen her parents at the game earlier. “I’m fine too. You know how it is…”

“Mhm.” The line was silent and while most of the time Emi would find it awkward she knew that this silence was a silent encouragement for her to keep going. He always knew when something was on her mind and it was sometimes scary how he was able to read that without actually seeing her face. “…I’m exhausted. My father came to talk to me after the match and just upset me a bit. I was lucky that Miyuki just so happened to be there and pulled me away.”

“So that’s why he was holding your hand earlier.” That realization made the girl blush looking back. She was a bit embarrassed that Sanada saw the pair in that position. “Yeah that’s all it was.”

“Well I’m glad he was there too. Your dad is a lot to deal with alone.”

“Yeah you could say that again.”

“Do you still need someone to vent to?”

“Well I really don’t want to lose focus but I have a feeling I won’t be able to until I do. Are you able to sit here on the phone with me all night while I go on and on about my crappy parents?” She tried to joke about her situation but Sanada could hear how weak she sounded beyond that tone she tried to use to hide her pain.

“I’m outside.”

“What?”

“I’m outside your hotel. Are you near a window facing out? Look outside.” When she did look out the large panels of the hallway she could make out a small figure waving up towards the hotel. He would look crazy if anyone else saw and it made her laugh to imagine. Tears made their way back into her eyes that she had to wipe them away to get a better view of her sweet friend. “Come out and we can take a walk like we used to.” That was the only invitation she needed before she ran down the hallway and down the stairs to get to him faster. It was only the third floor anyways and in her rush she skipped down the stairs to get to him.

When she finally made it outside she looked around for the familiar figure who was standing just a few feet away. “I could hear you sprinting like a wild woman.” He teases her while holding the phone up to show her the screen still on the call. This was ignored since she silently walked up to him to hug him tight. Her tears were now flowing and it felt like she was the little kid that ran away from her home the night her world fell apart.

It wasn’t like this was anything new. Her mother’s neglect and rejection was nothing new. Her father’s narcissism and sickly sweet words laced in threats was nothing new. Nothing about her world was fixed and probably never would be but Sanada’s arms felt like she was able to keep that world from spilling out into orbit so far gone beyond repair. He kept her going in these broad arms and she found it so hard to let go anytime soon.

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undertalethingems · 5 years ago

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Bark at the Moon, Chapter 3: Lost Patience

Or read on my Ao3>

Rating, Setting: Gen, Pre-canon

Chapter Warnings: None

Chapter Summary: Reunited, the brothers try to get things back to normal. Sans thinks going back to where it all started holds the answer... but it’s never so simple.

Nearly a month had passed since Sans had retrieved his brother from his self-imposed exile. Despite wracking their brains and recalling trials no creature should have endured, neither had gotten any closer to remembering or rediscovering anything useful, and the stress was taking its toll. Papyrus collapsed from lack of sleep one day, and only reluctantly explained he was avoiding nightmares after Sans uncharacteristically snapped at him. They’d had their disagreements over the years, but this was the worst in a series of fresh spats that had erupted in the brothers' household as frustrations mounted. Sans hated it, maybe even more than Papyrus did.

He was supposed to be the chill guy who stayed calm no matter what... But he'd found himself in increasingly bad moods as time went on. It was getting hard to be as friendly as usual when he went out, and though no one had said anything they were starting to notice. Passers-by would give him a bit more space if they crossed his path, and the other regulars at Grillby's were hesitant to joke with him as much as usual.

And then one night, he was awoken by his brother and found he’d punched a series of holes in the wall with a bone attack in his sleep. So he’d started avoiding sleep too. His mind buzzed with too many thoughts anyway as it tried to find a solution. He didn't care too much what happened to him--not while Papyrus was stuck like this. All that mattered was making sure he could be happy again.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, brother, but you need to rest,” Papyrus begged him one afternoon as he stubbornly read a book on magical theory. “You look terrible, and I think it’d be for the best in this instance.”

“what’d be best is if we could get this figured out. i’m not gonna let you be forced to live as what he wanted you to be,” Sans retorted, eyes fixed on the page in front of him, and Papyrus made a worried hum.

“Well, yes, that would be ideal, but, I think at the moment it’s best you, er, returned to your lazy ways and got a nap.”

Sans stiffened and didn’t answer for a while. “… bro. we escaped that place and got him back for everything he did to us. knowing you’re stuck as something you never wanted to be, something you shouldn’t have to be… i can’t rest until you’re free to be who you want again. y’know?”

“Oh Sans…” Papyrus sighed, “I really appreciate how much effort you’ve put into this. It’s… more than I expected, if I’m honest, and it means a lot to me. But I don’t want you making yourself sick, or, hurting yourself somehow, or—or anything of that nature, so please, go take a nap. The book will still be there when you wake up.”

“yeah, and i’m reading it now. aren't you always saying sleep's a waste of my time?”

“Sans... I, um, think I may have been slightly. Wrong. About that. Because you without sleep is not a very good version of you. I hate to do this, but... please go sleep. If not for yourself, then… for me?” Papyrus pleaded, tilting his head sadly.

“... ok,” Sans finally conceded. He flipped the book shut, slid from the table and trudged up to his room—but not to sleep. That had been a lie. He waited, listened to Papyrus nervously approach and hover around his door for a few minutes before slowly returning downstairs, then took a shortcut into the abandoned, sealed-off section of the labs in Hotland.

He was glad he was a skeleton as he inhaled stale air a monster with real lungs would have suffocated in and stalked through the pitch-dark halls, his way illuminated by his eyes alone. Turning corners and passing ragged, deteriorating equipment, he indulged the flashbacks that followed him through the facility. It was worth pursuing whatever memories surfaced, even when they were painful, on the off chance it'd unlock what he needed. He’d done this before, another time when Papyrus thought he’d been napping, and put together more of what had happened to them here. Days of tests, procedures he'd never understand, harsh words that left him aching even now, years later, after he'd failed to meet some expectation. It all would be worth it if only he could remember the right thing.

He mostly seemed to remember the wrong things. He shut his eyes against the apparatus that had once drilled into his magic and stretched it so thin he thought he’d shatter right then and there; his fingertips itched at the memory of claws and he rubbed them in his palms, grounding himself on his blunt digits. He’d once been so comfortable in that other form, once believed that man and his claims he was no more than an animal, and it had taken so much fighting—mainly on Papyrus’ part—to help him reclaim everything he could be. And after everything that had happened, somehow a dead world and its ghosts were threatening to unravel all they'd done to bury it.

Sans flicked his wrist, and the apparatus shattered under artificial gravity. He wondered why he hadn’t done that before—maybe some lingering fear of retribution. He left the splintered metal and plastic behind, idly considering what else of this hateful place he could smash. Turning the corner, he came to a vaulted room lined with large cisterns that had been the holding tanks for living weapons as they grew. Only two had ever released successful constructs—before that, who knew what had met its end before it lived.

“YOU’LL NOTE THE SUBJECT APPEARS TO BE WELL-BUILT, WITH A STURDY AND ELABORATE BONE STRUCTURE,” the man said, gesturing at him, “BUT UNFORTUNATELY, LOOKS ARE DECEIVING. AS YOU CAN SEE, ALL BASE STATS ARE SEVERELY STUNTED. SPECIAL CARE MUST BE TAKEN IN ALL CASES OF HANDLING AND TESTING TO MITIGATE RISK OF FRACTURE AND METAPHYSICAL FAILURE. RESEARCH WITH THIS SUBJECT WILL BE OVERSEEN BY MYSELF AT ALL TIMES. VIOLATORS... CAN CONSIDER THEIR CAREER TERMINATED. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?”

Sans grimaced at the unbidden memory, the thought of being seen as an object leaving a slimy feeling in its wake. Even when he’d worn that form, he’d been more than that, he’d been a person in his own right. That man had thought because he’d made them it gave him the right to control them, to coax and prod them in equal turns until they became what he wanted them to be. He’d nearly won, but Papyrus—oh Papyrus, the best thing this place had ever produced, undeserving of all it had done to him—had seen through his manipulation and come through. And now he needed someone to come through for him.

Sans left the tank room behind, resisting an urge to tear it all down with blue magic. He needed to poke a little further, push a little deeper. He'd make this place give up its secrets, but he could feel his patience wearing thin. He was running out of ideas, too. Maybe if he shifted, he could work out what to do from there? No, that would be—

“NO. IF YOU WANT TO TEST WITH YOUR… BROTHER TOMORROW, YOU WILL CHANGE BACK THIS INSTANT. SHIFT NOW.”

Something in Sans’ soul wrenched free, and he staggered, doubled over, clutching at face and chest. If he’d been well-rested, if he’d been his usual laid-back self, maybe he could have resisted the way he had a month before. But worked up by both past and present, he was too out of sorts to quell the power tearing through him; he only had the presence of mind to shortcut home as his body warped and became what he’d tried so hard to fight.

It was the buildup to the final romantic scene in Metatons's latest soap opera when Papyrus’ viewing was interrupted by a rounded form appearing in front of the TV and landing on the floor with a thud.

“Sans!” he barked, trying to stay focused on the show, “you’ve got to stop using shortcuts in your sleep! One of these days you’re going to—Sans?”

Papyrus stared at his brother’s prone form. He didn’t like how still he was. And he especially didn’t like how he was no longer round and friendly, but round and spiky.

The romance was forgotten as Papyrus leapt from the couch to shake his brother’s shoulders, words catching in his throat. Not Sans too, not again, surely this was a bad dream only it was Sans who wasn’t waking up. He whimpered, and looped an arm under him to drag him to the couch and curl around him. How often had he done this when they’d shared only a bare cell, how many times had he feared that last round of tests had finally done his brother in? How long would their past hold them captive?

Sans awoke with a start the next day, sometime mid-morning. Papyrus watched him rise blearily and stumble over unfamiliar feet onto the carpet; his eyes came to rest on the hands he’d caught himself with, and he slumped to the floor completely. After a silence that stretched on for minutes, he spoke.

“welp. sorry bro. i messed up. guess that’s the last time i try hard on anything ever...”

“Oh Sans, don’t say that!” Papyrus cried, getting up himself to roll his brother over. “Come on, now it’s even more important we work to solve this most elusive of riddles! As outlandish as it may seem, maybe you’ll have even more success than me! Come on, it's already late in the day--let’s have breakfast and then we’ll get to work.”

Sans only groaned. “i want grillby’s… but i can’t go to grillby’s like this… i’ll never have grillby’s again…”

“Sans! Cease your dramatics!” Papyrus demanded. “We have toast, which is perfectly good breakfast fare and certainly better than some grease-drenched horror! I’ll even make it for you since you probably have to learn how to use deadly claws again.”

Sans moaned from his place on the floor, and Papyrus left him to get started. As he waited for the toaster to warm up, he grabbed his phone and delicately entered Undyne’s number. He was getting much better at using his own deadly claws for fine motor skills again--it was one thing he was proud of in all this mess. After a few rings, Undyne picked up.

“Hey Papyrus! How’s it going?” she asked cheerfully, and he hesitated on what to say.

“Greetings, Undyne! Everything is going well! But I called to let you know that Sans won’t be able to work today. He’s, sick,” he replied, wondering if it was really a lie as his brother continued to rest limply on the floor in the next room.

“I take it you guys still haven’t made any progress, huh?” Undyne asked sadly, and he sighed.

“None. We’ve almost made backwards progress, really.”

“Ah geez, well, I know you won’t but don’t give up! And kick your brother’s butt into gear too, I’ve seen what happens when you let him slack off and it’s not pretty. Hey, I KNOW! I’ll stop by later tonight, how about that?”

Papyrus’ mind raced; it’d be no good if Undyne found out Sans had changed too. “Oh! Well! That would be okay! But my brother will probably be asleep and totally unavailable for interaction.”

“Nope! He’s not getting out of socializing THAT easily!” Undyne quipped brightly. “I’ll see you punks tonight!”

She hung up, and Papyrus was left staring blankly at his phone. Once Undyne had decided on something it was very hard to talk her out of it. He had to think fast or they’d get the chewing out of their lives and more questions than either of them wanted to answer. It was better the world didn’t know about their abilities and the man who thought he’d play god.

The toaster popped, and in an instant it was pierced by a bone. Sparks showered from the ruined appliance, and Papyrus slowly sat, staring at what he'd done. All this tension was getting to him, and he sighed. He stood, shaking his head. He could only feel frustrated with himself as he salvaged what he could of breakfast from the wreckage. He was better than this! He had the best control out of anyone Undyne knew, and he knew she was telling the truth—not a half-truth or white lie some people felt they needed to tell him to soften a world he’d already seen the sharp edges of. Undyne was guilty of that, and even Sans was, but he forgave them. They were trying to keep him safe and happy, and he appreciated that much, but he wasn't a child and it had worn on him for years.

At least Sans was doing it less now, after they'd spent the last month admitting what had happened to them back in the lab. Papyrus was certain, though, there were still things he was hiding from him. The fact he’d either transformed in his sleep, or not been sleeping and doing something he shouldn’t while pretending to sleep was proof enough of that. Huffing another short sigh, Papyrus glanced out to the living room, saw his brother was still on the floor, and put the two ragged slices of toast on a pair of plates and brought them out wearing his best smile.

“Well, we’ll need a new toaster but I’ve managed to prepare a simple one-course meal to tide us over until lunch. Up and at ‘em, brother!”

Another groan, but at least Sans slowly propped himself up. “hey, it’s not burnt. see bro, you’re improving all the time.”

“Indeed! I’ll be renowned cook and Royal Guardsman very soon!”

The rest of their meal was quiet—mostly on account of it being so short—and after brushing crumbs from his mandible Papyrus stretched and stood at his full height. “Alright, brother! We have until evening to finally make a breakthrough and pretend none of this ever happened! So! Get those mental bones shakin’!”

“… just don’t see what we could do differently. we’ve thought of everything,” Sans mumbled, sinking back to the floor. “i oughta just accept my fate.”

“No, I won’t let you,” Papyrus refuted, picking him up by his ragged hoodie with one hand. “You were right, earlier. It’s not fair for us to still be at the mercy of our past in this way. I’m even thinking, that, maybe it was bad we stopped being all of what we are… because we should be proud! No other monster can do what we do, and we are monsters! Not weapons like he wanted us to be—never like he wanted us to be. We should take back this part of us, because it never wasn’t a part of us.

“We’re going to change back, but, maybe it’s not a thing that can be forced. Not anymore. We’ve… accepted there’s a lot we can’t change, haven’t we? So, perhaps, this is. One more thing. We can accept…? We'll keep working! But! Not be so hard on ourselves if we don't get it right away.”

Sans blinked slowly at him. “bro… you’re so cool. if anyone can own this, it’s you. i just… yeah, i like bein’ that other shape, a lot more than i like being this one, but… i dunno. i think deep down i know… this was what i was always supposed to be. so... i'm accepting that.”

Papyrus gave him a very long, sad look. Slowly, he turned, and walked to lay Sans on the couch before joining him, and Sans eyed him warily the whole time. Judging by the look on his face, Sans regretted saying what he had.

“Sans,” Papyrus began, “I know he always wanted you to only be this way, and just be an animal. He never let you change, don’t think I didn’t notice! I think, in your rounder, friendlier form, it reminded him… that you were so weak? And you know how he hated, er, failure… His! His failure. He made us, so anything we’re bad at is his fault! Nyeh!”

Sans huffed a short laugh.

“In any case! You are just as entitled to owning all of who you are as I am! You are just as smart, and kind, and friendly and everything else in this form as you are in the other, even if it is easier to be all of that in the one you're not in now. And no matter what, just know that I love you, and nothing could ever change that!”

“… of course bro. right back at ya.”

But Papyrus could tell Sans didn’t really believe him. Or, it wasn’t that he didn’t believe him—it was more that he didn’t believe in himself, and that had been the hardest thing to work through as they’d put their lives together. Sans had never really done anything wrong, but he’d often done things in ways the man hadn’t liked—they both had, really, but somehow Sans always got the worst of it. He was too clever, too eager to take shortcuts and do things his own way. It wasn’t fair then, and it wasn’t fair now. All the more reason to work extra hard on mastering the quirks of their beastly forms all over again.

"Well, you think about it for a while, and I'll keep trying my way!" Papyrus conceded, leaving his brother to sit in the middle of the living room. They had to keep trying...!

He went through every method he’d thought of again, calling on his reserves of magic, remembering how it felt to walk on two legs and not have claws or a tail, to no avail. He even meditated for a while, and that was hard to do when he always had so much to think about. Sans had fallen asleep on the couch—which wasn’t so surprising as it was annoying. He'd told him to think of a solution--he’d never change back if he just slept all the time! Papyrus shook his head with a huff, and reached out to jostle him awake.

Fangs snapped inches from Papyrus’ forearm, and he leapt back with a yelp. Sans’ eyes focused, and widened as he realized what he’d done. Wordlessly, he began trembling, and buried his face in the couch cushions; Papyrus bounded back to his side and gently patted his shoulder.

“Brother, it’s okay, I startled you. I know you don’t want to hurt me,” he comforted, trying to nuzzle the face still wedged as deeply into the old cushions as it would go.

“i—i thought you were him, i wanted to—i wanted to snap your arm,” Sans admitted in a quiet, panicked rush. “i’m sorry papyrus, i’m sorry. you were right, i shoulda just napped, i shoulda stayed here and just been my lazy old self, instead i’m this and i’ll never not be this again. i just… i’m just gonna give up now, get it over with…”

“No Sans, you can’t! Yes, you should have stayed here, but we’ll get you turned back! We’ll both turn back, and be who we want to be again, just like I told you! I know we can! I believe in us!” Papyrus assured him, trying not to sound desperate. “Truly, it’s okay brother. Come out of there, you’ll never get who knows what out of your sutures.”

But Sans only groaned softly. With a worried huff, Papyrus grasped his brother’s skull and pulled it free. Sans offered no resistance as he was curled up and encircled by a blanket, and then his brother’s bony form; Papyrus knew he should have been continuing his work, but if he was honest he couldn't think about it at all. Sans was too close to letting himself go.

“Alright Sans, we’re going to rest,” he spoke as he folded his forelimbs under his chest. “But it can’t be for long! Undyne’s coming over and we have to be ready.”

There was no reply. Papyrus laid his head down next to his brother’s, tried not to think about how miserable he looked, and found himself drifting off after a while. Maybe some rest really was in order. He curled a bit tighter around his brother, and let his eyes close.

They snapped open when heavy knocking sounded on the door. Oh no.

“Hey Papyrus, open up! It’s hang-out time!” Undyne called, sounding cheerful. Papyrus leapt from the couch, which startled Sans awake. He blinked sleepily, then snapped into alertness when he realized what was going on. And in a blink, he was gone.

Papyrus groaned. He hoped Sans hadn’t gone too far, but at least it solved the problem of Undyne trying to interact with him—for once he was grateful for Sans’ avoidant tendencies. Mustering his usual high spirits, he answered the door.

“Hello Undyne! Welcome to the humble abode of the humbler Papyrus! The greatest skeleton you will ever meet!”

Undyne laughed. “Hey Papyrus, it’s good to see you. Still stuck as a horse lizard thing, I see.”

“Yes,” Papyrus huffed, “the tragedy of our time. I’m close to a breakthrough though, I can feel it!”

“I know you can do it!” the captain beamed with all her fangs. “Where’s Sans? I don’t care if he’s sick, he’s not getting out of at least a little noogie from me! Oh, but I also brought soup, I thought it might help him feel better.”

“How incredibly thoughtful of you!” Papyrus uttered, taking the small container Undyne handed over. “As it happens, he’s just stepped out for some fresh air.”

“You told him I was coming, right?” Undyne said with a frown, and he nodded.

“Of course I did! But you know Sans does as he pleases.”

“Yeah,” Undyne griped. “Well, hopefully he’s back soon. We're gonna have fun, but I wanted talk to both of you for a moment.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I’ve been hearing some things from the other guards. I… guess we could talk about it now, but I don’t want you to worry and it mostly concerns him.”

“Oh no, go on! I worry anyway, it’s no big deal!” Papyrus assured her cheerfully, and she gave a bittersweet smile.

“Okay, okay… Well, I guess Sans has been kinda… irritable, lately. Dogaressa told me the other day. She said he hasn’t been joking around, or going to Grillby’s as much—which, normally I’d say is a good thing, but knowing your brother I know that means something’s up. I guess he snapped at Jerry, which, if it was anyone else it'd be totally understandable, but Sans never snaps at anyone.”

“He’s… stressed,” Papyrus admitted. “He doesn’t like that I’m stuck like this.”

“Hmm... I guess I can see that, but he’s normally so… unflappable,” Undyne said. “If this is just something you can do, why’s he so worked up that you’re stuck? Unless he’s actually an even crappier brother than I thought and thinks he can decide what you should be like.”

“No! It’s nothing like that!” Papyrus refuted, internally horrified at the thought of Sans being so controlling. It’d be too much like him. “He hates that I’m stuck, not that other preposterous thing you said.”

“Psh, okay, I get it,” Undyne laughed. “Still. It’s putting him in a pretty bad mood and it’s got people worried… and maybe it’s why he got sick, y’know? He threw himself out of whack with all this…”

“Yeah, it’s really unhealthy…” Papyrus agreed, looking away. “I’ll talk to him when he gets back. A grumpy Sans is hardly a Sans at all! Now! What did you want to do on our hangout?”

They ended up watching one of Mettaton’s new cooking shows where he competed against and judged himself with various dishes made under both time and ingredient limits. The clips were cut so it really looked like there were three of him in the kitchen at a time, and he played up the tension when he judged himself harshly on a failed dish. Of course, even the failures were absolutely perfect—he just liked the drama of elimination. It was good, bad TV, and for a little while Papyrus could forget his predicament. After a few hours and an attempt at making their own versions of some of the dishes they’d seen, it was time for Undyne to head home, and Papyrus was left with a quiet house once more.

“Alright Sans, it’s safe to come out now!” he called, on the chance Sans had merely taken a shortcut up to his room. There was no reply. Papyrus leapt up the stairs to poke his head into his brother’s room and found nothing out of the ordinary—but it was empty. Sans wasn’t home.

Papyrus returned to the living room and sat on the floor, tail flicking idly as he wondered what to do while he waited. Sans was fine--he’d be back eventually. He wouldn’t leave like he’d so foolishly run away--Sans liked the comforts of home too much. Even if he relapsed and sank into the cloying lull of instinct and everything he’d been trained to be...

He'd still know where home was and couldn't be gone for long.

... Right?

#undertalethingem writes #undertale au #gaster blaster au #bark at the moon fic #it..... continues.......#it's 'sans makes bad decisions' time! our favorite right?#sans (undertale)#papyrus (undertale)#Undyne (undertale)

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