#I don’t feel comfortable “diagnosing” characters exactly idk

[aptericia]

adding in a few of my own thoughts, hope you don’t mind op!

I really like this post because mental health is SUCH a big theme in OT2, possibly the biggest theme. I think the the “dawn” is a metaphor for the idea that things can get better, that one can overcome depression and trauma and start living a better life. Any therapist or self-help book will mention how mental health has highs and lows, and some days and even years will be extremely hard (the “endless” night), but that doesn’t mean it can’t get better again (the dawn).

(spoilers below the cut)

OP talked about how the Oboro, Ori, and Trousseau have fallen to such a low points that they can’t hope for things to get better (and Tanzy has become obsessively dependent on another as a way of coping). But I think even the villains who aren’t part of the OCTOPATH clique (Roque, Dolcinaea, Kaldena, Mugen, and Ochette’s final boss) have mental health struggles at the center of their villiany.

Kaldena, like Harvey, is driven to villainy by hatred. But rather than envy, her hatred stems from a place of fear (of the Moonshade Order) and betrayal (by the Sacred Flame). She was clearly traumatized by losing her family and community as a child, and I think her obsession with revenge is a form of perceived self-protection. In the same way Temenos seeks to reveal lies as a way of protecting himself when he couldn’t protect his loved ones, Kaldena seeks to destroy the people who hurt her loved ones as a way of protecting herself.

Roque and Mugen both look on the surface like typical rich privileged men who commit acts of villainy to keep and expand their power. But given that they have lived in very similar situations to Partitio and Hikari respectively, I think it’s more complicated than that. There’s no way Roque could have started out rich, meaning he had to deal with the same kind of poverty Partitio did at some point in his life. Mugen, like Hikari, was raised in a war-torn country while having to deal with the Ku bloodline curse, meaning he likely experienced a lot of the childhood trauma his brother did. The reason these two men ended up differently from their respective travelers is because they caved to the social pressures telling them they were weak and useless unless they took from others, rather than finding support in loving family and friends. Capitalism shames or destroys everyone who isn’t wealthy, and Ku’s culture shames or destroys everyone without military prowess. I think it’s clear that Roque, at least, has been hurt by those social pressures given that he changes for the better when Partitio makes it clear that he values Roque as a person.

Dolcinaea likely experienced something similar, as she grew up poor and ended up as an extremely successful, extremely arrogant tyrant with no regard for her humble origins. Unlike Roque and Mugen, I do think that she harbors a significant amount of guilt at the time of the story. She befriends Veronica and inspires her to be her own person, rather than going along with the whims of society, and more tellingly, she intentionally gives Agnea the opportunity to publicly show her up. Although she has become a spoiled, callous villain, she realizes that’s not truly what she wants, and when she sees her old mentor Cuani in Agnea, she arranges for her own empire to be taken down.

I think even Ochette’s final boss has a similar struggle of being shunned by society, but instead of seeking to become what it admires, they embrace being what it despises. Based on the themes of Ochette’s path and the sentiment expressed by the Creatures of Legend, I’d guess that both Akalā and Mahina viewed being accepted by Ochette as their only chance at having a community. They’re noted to both be very rare, meaning they’d always be an outcast. If they couldn’t impress and be useful to the dominant society, they were nothing more than a monster, either a threat to be purged or goods to be harvested. Being rejected by their last hope was distressing enough that the “darkness” (overwhelming despair) overcame them.

I think part of why I like Oboro is because I think of some of the stuff in OT2 as like "depiction of mental illness on fantasy steroids".

In real life, most people who are depressed aren't going to hurt anyone else (the unfortunate possibility of themselves on the table). They might hurt their relationships with others, though, because part of depression is your brain being stuck on only the negative. Oboro gets to raise his adoptive sister and be friends with a kind prince? That's because he's working for the prince's father who, going by Ori's journal fragments, went a LONG time ignoring any strategies Oboro proposed to avoid bloodshed in war and went the bloody way regardless. This same man is ultimately responsible for both Oboro and Ori being orphans, and Oboro didn't exactly enter his service freely. This man acts like this because his bloodline is cursed, which Oboro knows very well the prince has a second, crueler personality because of the curse too, and seems convinced that means eventually the prince will turn out the same way as his father.

He doesn't, but you know, even master strategists can ignore possibilities because of cognitive distortions.

Like this is the same setting where a book convinces a guy who seemed to be decent if extremely hard on himself "you can't save everyone from illness" means "you have to kill everyone so they don't suffer". Same book convinces another person that living is pointless too. Oboro doesn't find anything particularly noteworthy about the book...because he's already realized "the truths it laid bare on my own"... but I think it's noteworthy that even he, by his own account, "played my role" of "dutiful subject" until the day the man (I assume Claude) approached him with the book. Basically: Oboro was depressed and traumatized enough that if the book did change his thinking in any way, it did not register. But while his letter is somewhat ambiguous about when exactly the plan started, the implication seems to be the planning started then, either because he now had an accomplice in the man and/or because the book did nudge his thinking, even if it didn't register to him. (Which again, depression: sometimes you don't realize you're getting worse until it's suddenly like "whoa. wait, at one point in my life I did have more hope, but it feels like I might as well have been a different person then".) We don't have an account of a "normal" person reading the book and staying normal afterward (Castti might have read the book, because the opportunity was there, but there isn't anything saying she did) so it's...hm. That book definitely isn't doing anyone's mental state favors, huh.

Basically take the humans of the OCTOPATH villains: Oboro, Tanzy, Ori, Petrichor, Trousseau, Harvey. Petrichor is essentially a noncharacter, we never interact with her directly and she has very little description even in the infodumping journal fragments. Harvey, well, kind of seems to just be envy to the point of extreme evil. But I'd argue Oboro, Tanzy, Ori, and Trousseau all had depression even before reading the Book of Night (and iirc it's not even certain if Ori actually read the book or not; she's in close enough proximity it seems likely she did at some point, but it's not described). There are definitely other human issues at play behind the troubles in OT2, such as, whatever the hell Harvey's deal is, and while Roque is excluded from the OCTOPATH acronym clique (which seems a bit arbitrary to me given how far on the periphery Tanzy and Trousseau are, but yeah, sure, he's not in the conspiracy), greed certainly isn't helping anyone, but so much of the human side of Vide being brought back seems to be despair and trauma and depression being put on fantasy steroids. And in that context everything Oboro does is still terrible and wrong. But like I get how he screwed up that badly. (And still. Poor Hikari. AU where Hikari read the book as well everyone has the worst time ever)

[rawbin-hsr]

Hi! Could i request Feixiao, Boothill, and Argenti with a s/o who has panic disorder (or panic attacks in general). Just generally how they react and such :)

@dragon-anon

A/N: Surprisingly I found this a little difficult IUESJhief I have a lot of experience with. having anxiety when I was younger. I think I was even diagnosed with it at some point ? Which is weird because I’m not diagnosed any longer and I no longer really get anxiety attacks so idk what the fuck that was erm. Anyways that’s beside the point. I really struggled to make Feixiao and Argenti different because I think they would handle it similarly (hence why Argenti’s part ended up so much shorter than the other two, cause I didn’t want to just. Repeat Feixiao’s whole part.) and I’m a little worried Boothill is ooc because I haven’t done the new quest and it seems like it showed a lot of his backstory so forgive me if I’m not up to date on that. Sorry about rambling I’ll get on with it now help

Reader has an anxiety disorder

Characters: Feixiao, Boothill, Argenti

Cw: anxiety/panic attacks (descriptions kept brief, not very detailed), slight mention of self-harm inflicting behaviours in Argenti's part (only reader unintentionally scratching themself, not necessarily done out of a desire to harm oneself).

Lmk if there's anything else I should add !

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

╭──────────.★..─╮ Feixiao ╰─..★.──────────╯

Oh she’s great 

Amazing at picking up your signals, amazing at assessing what course of action would help you most, amazing at following through with it

She can tell what sets you off, even without you telling her, and she has a lot of firsthand experience with handling other people’s anxiety (both from more intimate relationships and from soldiers she doesn’t exactly know on any personal level). It’s not hard for her to figure out what calms you down most quickly. 

Your episodes have never been shorter than they are with her around 🙏🙏

I’m not sure exactly how I imagine her handling it, because I think it switches a lot depending on what she knows about you. If she knows you find physical touch comforting, she’ll hold you and gently talk you down. If you’re the type who doesn’t need much reassurance, she’ll firmly remind you of where you are, that she’s with you, that you’re safe, etc, etc. She’ll find whatever solution works best for you. 

Apart from being great with damage control if you do have a panic attack, she’s also pretty good at preventing them from happening in the first place. 

If she recognises you’re stepping into an environment you’re likely to have an attack in, she’ll either steer you out of it if she can or she’ll make sure you’re in there for as little time as possible. Like, for example, if you’re bad with large crowds, she’ll usually just find a less packed road to take around the mass of people.

Obviously it’s unavoidable sometimes, and she won’t always be able to adhere to you completely because she does have a very important job that she can’t really put on hold for your sake, but like I said, she’s great at handling it then too. 

If something needs to be done but you can’t do it, she’ll do it for you (after gently trying to encourage you to face your fears and do it yourself — but she does quickly relent if she notices you really, really don’t want to)

10/10 would recommend she’s amazing

╭──────────.★..─╮ Boothill ╰─..★.──────────╯

I feel like Boothill would be absolutely dogwater at preventing any anxiety attacks from happening, but he’d be great at stopping them once they do happen

Like obviously he won’t trigger you on purpose but he won’t tiptoe around the things that put you off either. Both because he doesn’t usually have much choice in the matter considering his line of work, and because he believes in exposure therapy. And because he maybe sort of kind of forgets. 😭

But he’d be great while you’re in the middle of an anxiety attack ! So that counts for something !!!!

He always manages to snap you out of it pretty quickly. Takes you out of the situation once he recognises the signs that the attack is coming, then gets you present in the current moment again. How ? That’s very simple. He confuses the fuck out of you

You know that tip about making someone having an anxiety attack bite into a lemon ? Yeah

(If you haven’t heard about it: a way to snap someone out of a panic/anxiety attack can be to make them lick a really sour lemon without any warning. The sensory input is really overwhelming and the person having the episode might be so shocked by it they kind of just snap out of it because who the fuck makes you taste a lemon when you’re at your lowest like that ???)

You’re curled up in a ball, hyperventilating because there are too many people, too many sounds, too many what-have-you ? Not anymore, now you’re too busy being confused and lowkey angry at him for shoving an ice cube down your throat. Like wtf are you doing my guy

Usually his little stunts do the trick to get you out of that headspace, and then he can just verbally talk you down so you’re nice and calm again. Will let you cool off while he solves whatever issue it was that led to your anxiety attack. Don’t worry about it anymore, he’s got this. 

If he can’t confuse you out of it, though, he’ll just do whatever you’ve instructed him to do while lucid. If it’s hugging you and talking gently until you’re calm, he can do that. If it’s to just take you into a quiet space and let you ride it out, no problem. If it’s to just continue on and let you just stand next to him, sure. 

Only thing he won’t do is to avoid your triggers altogether. He can give you a heads-up when possible, he can let you sit it out if you really need to, but he won’t (in his words) “baby you”. In his opinion, you’ll never get over it if you just avoid it forever. 

He says it in a kind of harsh way, but there’s genuine care in his tone and his expression, so you know he doesn’t mean it like that. 

All in all I think Boothill is really great if you’re the resilient type and you have the kind of anxiety that can actually get better through treatment, but if you’re sensitive and need someone who actively helps you avoid your triggers I definitely wouldn’t recommend him 😭

╭──────────.★..─╮ Argenti ╰─..★.──────────╯

Obviously amazing at handling it is there anything he’s not good at ? 🙄 (/j)

He immediately becomes very serious when he realises your control is slipping, falls silent and looks at you worriedly. He recognises surprisingly quickly what’s happening, and steps into your field of view and crouches down, makes sure you can see his face. Takes both of your hands in his, wishes he didn’t have armour so he could let you feel his heartbeat.

He calmly talks you out of it. He sounds so sure of everything he does, to a point where you’ll question afterwards if he has firsthand experience with this. 

(He does. He used to experience a lot of anxiety and panic attacks as a child, it is only natural when you grow up surrounded by war; you’d never guess just looking at him now, though.)

He’ll obviously switch how he handles your panic attacks if you ask him to, but his default is to hold your hands (both to prevent you from accidentally scratching yourself, and to remind you he’s there) and to softly reassure you

I think he becomes sort of hyper aware of what triggers you, and does as much as he can to avoid it. Lowkey starts to baby you a little, but just a little, and even if it’s annoying it’s done with love, done out of a desire for you to be happy. It does put him in some tough spots though, considering it means he sometimes tells you to sit an adventure out, but the plan was for it to have the both of you and it’s harder to handle a lot of things alone 😭

Overall super good though I love him <3

────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────

My inbox is open, feel free to send in asks or requests, I'd love to ramble about things <3

[anxietysroomsupport]

Hypermobile anon here. First, thank you so much. It's just nice to know there's someone here for me. And to give a little more info, I have a serious problem where if I'm not currently in pain. I don't remember how bad it was. I know everybody does this, but my brain literally checked out as I was going to bed recently and I fell on the floor. I nearly forgot to tell my physical therapist.about it because it didn't really hurt. So, I can't do the pain scale very well, and I never remember (1/2)

(2/2) It just makes it sort of hard for pain relief when I don't know I'm going to need it and don't have the energy when I do. Also, on the vitamin subject, I know that I've had vitamin d issues before (bad heat exhaustion and allergy scares = going outside less), bad enough that I was close to being diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I'm not sure about the others, but I do know I'm not amazing healthy, so? I take calcium pills for the vitamin d, though. Again, thank you guys for all your help.

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We just got a bill from my PT place that says we owe money that we can't pay. They told us up front how much it would be with our insurance, and my mom's been paying each time, but it says we owe 177 dollars. Sure, it's not a lot, but we're not rich and trying to send a sibling to college. If we can't get this sorted out. I can't just not go. 10 exercises I can do at home and 5 appointments is not enough to help a chronic disorder. I cant focus and I have practice in 30 mins. -Hypermobility anon

Same day but later when I'm feeling a little better (my director was very supportive though so that's nice), I'd seen the letter and heard my parents talking a bit, but my mom told be as we got to school for rehearsal about PT. I got upset, and I felt bad because I could tell she felt bad because she didn't expect me to be upset, and in the heat of the moment I said "chronic illness" in front of my mom for the first time. She loudly (not quite yelling) (1/?) - Hypermobility anon

said to me "That is the most self-pitying thing I've ever heard. Chronic illnesses are like cancer". Sure, I probably should've said disorder and not illness, but I'm scientifically right. Then I said "It is, it's chronic pain, I am always in pain" and she said "Well then clearly PT isn't helping anyway" - I??? When I went in after 15 minutes after another girl, since we were both there for an hour and a half, I decided to stop trying too much to hide my crying (useful masks) (2/?) -HSD anon

since the other girl was in the hall to eat, and when I managed to explain to the director, she was understanding and nice, and when I said chronic, she said that I should never have to live with that, especially at my age. And when I mentioned not being able to sing at that moment from my crying, she pointed out how I was singing an empowering song that was about standing against the bad stuff in life, and I was perfect for it. I know my mom was just mad, but it just drained me.

Sorry I keep sending asks so often, I just feel like telling someone this. I decided to put 'zebra' in my bio. It's a thing that people with EDS and HSD sometimes like to call themselves. I like it, so even though I just have my name and pronouns, plus a random joke, in my bio, I added it. It just feels like a step in the right direction to remembering that I don't need google to tell me I'm dealing with this every 5 minutes. Accepting it, I guess. :) -HSD anon

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My sleep schedule just keeps getting worse and I think it's my ADHD combined busy days and pain but I just never want to sleep anymore. I can't, I don't want to, and it hurts physically and mentally to just lie there and see if I can fall asleep. 80% sure my circadian rhythm changed to sleep at about 2 am but I get up at 7 and have a chronic disorder that's getting worse because of this I *need sleep*. And I'm so scared I'll mess up, want to make a side blog for it but want to make one (1/2)

for something happy first because I always figured that if I had side blogs they would be ask blogs or for fandoms or whatever. But I got a little better at not caring what other people think, so I haven't really needed one for fandom. But I looked through the tag and felt so comforted by some of the stuff that I just think it would help me. Maybe I'm just extra bad tonight because I went outside but also talked about it a fair amount with a friend I hadn't seen recently who didn't know. -HSD

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I wanna talk to my physical therapist about hip braces because I tried a knee one we have and it honestly helps, but my hips are worst so I wanna see if it would help, but they're pretty expensive. It's hard to find dual hip braces, from what I've seen in my research, and even though one more than the other, both cause me issues. Idk, I'm conflicted, because it could help but is it worth all the effort? Also, even if it's under clothing it's still physical evidence (1/2) -HSD anon

(2/2) of my "invisible" disorder. Also, stopping exercises for a few days because of not feeling well from my covid shot reminded me of just how much time I spend on them, so it's another thing to deal with this. . . Idk, sometimes I just wonder if it would be better to just deal with it. I still have pain anyway, though it might be a little better. Less often, maybe? I don't really remember. It's not stressing at the front of my mind all the time, but the back of it. I'm just conflicted. -HSD

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HSD anon here, idk if I mentioned it in an ask already, but recently I had a small breakdown because I was watching something where a character was in a car accident, as was trying to push through having trouble walking even with a hip brace. After a minute, I registered it and just thought "That could be my future". My joints had already been acting up and then they got worse, so I don't know if it was cause and effect? But I don't exactly know what to call it other than a trigger. (1/2)

Physical and emotional effect, at least I'm assuming on physical because I've had a bad reaction to something similar before, but like, I don't have trauma, I think it's more fear of the future. And I don't want to use trigger incorrectly, it's insensitive to those who actually have triggers. I'm just so confused.

Forgot to sign the last ask with 2/2 and HSD, whoops.

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Hfnsiwk I'm not ready to walk into PT tomorrow and say that I don't think months of PT have been helping but I have no way to be completely sure because for all I know it's the weather since this is the first year I've known/it's been noticeable. Maybe it's just change, I don't know, but it just feels like such a waste of time if it really didn't help. Plus, I'd stop, and while that'd be great, I do enjoy being stronger, even if it didn't help pain. I have 12 hours and a bad pain day idek. -HSD

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Hi Hypermobility Anon,

I think I found all your asks and got them in the correct order.  And found your last ask!

I’m so glad you kept writing in.  I think you should go ahead and make your side blog - you definitely have enough material for it.  Wanting to make a happy side blog also is a great goal to have, but if you don’t know what it will be yet, don’t let that prevent you from doing something you know you want to do and that will probably help you.  

You are dealing with So. Much.  Your mom especially sounds like she just is not ready to accept the situation.  It’s not self-pity to state your actual conditions.  It’s just reality.  

Forgetting about pain is normal, and really all you can do is try to write it down or make some kind of note about it in the moment or immediately after, so you can refer to it later.  Maybe you can track your pain events in your phone notes.

I think your idea to add “zebra” to your bio is a good one, this is part of your life and just something you have to deal with.  It sounds like you’re finding a community for this.  

Sleep schedules are tricky, and feeling like you desperately need to sleep can make it so stressful that it starts a vicious little cycle.  Some strategies to get around this are First, remember that just resting is okay and helpful too, even if you don’t fall asleep.  Letting your body lay there to rest is good for you.  

Second, if you’ve spent several minutes laying down without falling asleep, its okay to get up and walk around, or any small light exercise that’s comfortable for you.  The goal with this one is to get out of the bed for a bit.  It will help your brain to re-learn that the bed is for sleeping only, not for laying awake.  That association can help signal to your brain to start its sleep-process when you get into bed at night.

Third, it’s really common to have a changing circadian rhythm during your teens and twenties.  That’s just a thing that happens and you can’t do much about it, so just try not to worry too much.  Sleep when it feels right and when you can, instead of trying to force yourself to sleep when you’re “supposed” to.  

If hip braces would help you, you should definitely at least mention it to your physical therapist.  You might research online for any used ones as well.  A physical sign that you have pain can have good and bad consequences, but I think the good consequence of being in less pain far outweighs any others.

The triggering event you described is not so much a trigger as it is just a genuinely really upsetting situation.  You related really strongly to the character you were watching, because they’re dealing with similar problems to you, and to problems you could have in the future.  It’s a lot to process.  But while you could potentially be in a car accident, remember that television is made to dramatize events and probably made it seem a lot more difficult and scary than it really would be.   

Since we know you sometimes forget your pain, it’s safe to say that the exercises are helping you manage it, and you say that they’ve made you stronger in general.  Those are good things, and I would recommend you continue the exercises you can do on your own even if you end of ending  your physical therapy sessions.  We don’t know yet if your pain might have gotten even worse without therapy.  You’ll have to find that out on your own if you stop exercising, and then decide whether it’s more worth it to you to continue exercising or to live with the pain.  Whichever you choose, it’s Your choice, Your body.  Take care of yourself. <3

-bun

[welcometothenightcourt]

hi!! I had a few questions. I’ve been questioning if I’m a system for a while and I rlly don’t know at which point it’s ok to say I am(how do I become confident in that?). I truly feel like different people with separate identities at times, and like I possibly have passive influence..especially with gender and sexuality. but what if if my identity is just fluid? along with feeling like different people, at times I rlly feel like the world and body isn’t mine or that I’m not even real or human. I think im ghostkin(as in involuntarily I feel like I am a ghost..dinosaur too) but I wonder if these are actually non human (or “undead ghost”) alters? how do I tell? recently I also looked back on old(but honestly not even that old at all) conversations.. to find that I had an extremely different typing style and way of behaving.. it distressed me and I didn’t think I could ever behave like that… especially since the way I act/type has changed so much in a short period of time.. I don’t remember this change happening.. possibly it’s just me becoming more mature but I rlly felt disconnected from that “past me.” Ive also always had dissociation and have been forgetful at times… it feels like everyday besides the current present never actually happened and it’s hard to remember or feel like it was me that experienced it. I do end up remembering stuff (it depends-) but is that amnesia? bc I know to have DID and OSDD-1a u need amnesia… so I’m like .. if I don’t have it then would I have OSDD-1b?.. the problem I’m having though… is that I’m not exactly having any communication with ANYONE in any way and I know very little(no names and such) about any other alters except: one feels transmasc one feels transfem and I started calling the transfem one momo?.. there’s also me having a traumatic experience and started to identity 100% as a fictional character (two but mainly this one happens right at the trauma) so I wonder if it’s not a kin but a fictives? .. plus at a young age I do remember experiencing trauma … so it makes me wonder if I’m a system or not .. but honestly I don’t know how to tell at this point bc I’ve tried to talk to others and it doesn’t work … I don’t feel confident saying I’m a system bc my experiences are not the same as others.. (they have carrds listing s bunch of info on all alters) and I don’t…and I don’t want u to dx me!! I just don’t know what to do at this point in time..? I don’t know how to move forward or what I should do .. when is it ok to say I’m a system and how do I know which disorder I have?…I’m scared to tell my therapist ANYTHING mental health relays honestly

hi!! I had a few questions. I’ve been questioning if I’m a system for a while and I rlly don’t know at which point it’s ok to say I am(how do I become confident in that?). I truly feel like different people with separate identities at times, and like I possibly have passive influence..especially with gender and sexuality. but what if if my identity is just fluid? along with feeling like different people, at times I rlly feel like the world and body isn’t mine or that I’m not even real or human. I think im ghostkin(as in involuntarily I feel like I am a ghost..dinosaur too) but I wonder if these are actually non human (or “undead ghost”) alters? how do I tell? recently I also looked back on old(but honestly not even that old at all) conversations.. to find that I had an extremely different typing style and way of behaving.. it distressed me and I didn’t think I could ever behave like that… especially since the way I act/type has changed so much in a short period of time.. I don’t remember this change happening.. possibly it’s just me becoming more mature but I rlly felt disconnected from that “past me.” Ive also always had dissociation and have been forgetful at times… it feels like everyday besides the current present never actually happened and it’s hard to remember or feel like it was me that experienced it. I do end up remembering stuff (it depends-) but is that amnesia? bc I know to have DID and OSDD-1a u need amnesia… so I’m like .. if I don’t have it then would I have OSDD-1b?.. the problem I’m having though… is that I’m not exactly having any communication with ANYONE in any way and I know very little(no names and such) about any other alters except: one feels transmasc one feels transfem and I started calling the transfem one momo?.. there’s also me having a traumatic experience and started to identity 100% as a fictional character (two but mainly this one happens right at the trauma) so I wonder if it’s not a kin but a fictives? .. I also feel like often I’m possibly co con ?? bc I’ll feel unlike “me”/the body yet say “I have to be (body name) who else could I be)… plus at a young age I do remember experiencing trauma … so it makes me wonder if I’m a system or not .. but honestly I don’t know how to tell at this point bc I’ve tried to talk to others and it doesn’t work … I don’t feel confident saying I’m a system bc my experiences are not the same as others.. (they have carrds listing s bunch of info on all alters) and I don’t…and I don’t want u to dx me!! I just don’t know what to do at this point in time..? I don’t know how to move forward or what I should do .. I’m scared to tell my therapist ANYTHING mental health relays honestly Rn

Okay, first things first bud: slow down. Take a breath, and remember that there is absolutely no rush to come to these conclusions. Not about your system status, not about your gender, not about any of this stuff.

Next: As long as you’ve done your research, and taken time to really look at yourself and did/osdd/udd, and you feel like your experiences align with them, then it’s okay to self dx it.

As for the amnesia, yes. Amnesia is most commonly thought about as a complete black out, Idk what the hell happened at all kind of amnesia, but that’s not the only or even the most common type of amnesia. While black outs happen for some, grey outs (sort of remembering, but also not really, maybe like remembering big events but not any details of the event) or emotional amnesia (remembering something sort of but also feeling very emotionally disconnected) are far more common.

It’s important to remember that no ones experiences in system life are exactly the same way. Just because your experiences aren’t exactly the same as those you see doesn’t disqualify you from having the disorder at all. For every system you see out here having organisation and lists and blogs and whatnot there are three to five more you don’t see because their systems aren’t so comfortable with that or known or communicative or overt enough.

On a personal note, it took five years for us since we started questioning and noticing things to even accept and conclude that we were a system, and three years since that to get to the communication level that we have. Also, remember that here on Tumblr and on places like TikTok and whatnot, we get to choose how we present ourselves, what we do and do not share. We tailor how others see us. And most of the time for yalls viewing pleasure, we keep our dark shit off of this page. Our serious struggles and trauma and bad shit that comes with DID goes to our private vent page. What you see on social media is not ever going to be a 100% perspective of a disorder and all of the ways it manifests.

That being said, if you feel like you don’t quite fit the criteria for DID or OSDD, there is another diagnoses called UDD which can include those with systems. Please read this post for more on self dx, the criteria for DID, OSSD, and UDD, and related. (It’s also pinned in our pinned post, so you may or may not have read it already)

Lastly, the fact that you don’t feel comfortable talking to your Mental Health Professional about mental health is very concerning. I strongly recommend you get a new MHP asap with whom you can discuss these things if at all possible.

I hope this helps, and if you have any more questions or if I missed something you wanted a direct response to, don’t hesitate to ask. Always happy to answer to the best of my ability

[johannas-motivational-insults]

I'd like to read your commentary on the closet scene in Hail Mary!

Well ask and you shall receive, friend! (Commentary is bolded.)

I love this scene. Tbh I first wrote the sardines gag into an original fic I wrote in high school and I’m just nostalgic for it. But it is also a really great way to get characters in close quarters together, so... ;)

As it turns out, Adora does find Catra first. She knows her better than anyone, after all, knows how she gravitates towards small, dark, enclosed spaces for a sense of comfort. (Ah, here’s another instance of Catra behaving like a cat but hopefully in a non-distracting way.) Also, there’s the whole thing about how she used to hide in the closet at home when she was scared, or upset after a disciplinary encounter with Ms. Weaver. It was about the only place she could get privacy in that house, sharing a room with two other girls.

Adora remembers hearing her muted whimpers from behind the slatted doors, knocking gently and being yelled at to go away. She remembers sitting down leaning against said doors, guarding the space while Catra collected herself. (A lovely role reversal here!) In the times when she was scared, for good reason, Adora would eventually be torn away by threat or force, Catra would be ripped from her hiding spot, and the screaming would begin. The screaming and…

Adora prefers not to think about those times. She prefers the memories of after the danger had passed when she could just sit there, a comfort to her friend. On rare occasions Catra would not even allow her that, would shout at her until she left the room. Others, she didn’t tell Adora to go away at all, and Adora would crawl into the darkness and find her curled up on the floor, her face stained with tears. Adora would sit silently and take her head into her lap, gently scratching her scalp and stroking her hair, rubbing her back if it was safe to do so. It always calmed Catra down, and it was soothing for Adora too. It helped keep her hands busy and her mind off of what she’d just heard.

Oh hello my poor little traumatized neurodivergent children, stim to your hearts’ content. (And yes, Catra is also neurodivergent in this fic. It’s only been hinted at so far but later it’s revealed that Catra believes she’s ADHD but she never got a chance to get diagnosed because Weaver just saw her as a troublemaker. And because she’s brown many shrinks or social workers would tend to jump to that conclusion too instead of thinking maybe she has a disorder. It’s a little hat tip to the double standards and obstacles to diagnoses that neurodivergent women and POC have to deal with. And you all get to learn that early because you bothered to read this. :D)

Obviously the wave of nostalgia she’s hit by when she finds Catra once again hiding in a closet is not an entirely pleasant one. But she can’t help a small smile either, both at her victory and at seeing Catra’s face. It’s a natural side effect.

“Hey look, I won,” Adora brags when she spies Catra flattened against the wall on one side

Catra shakes her head slightly, amused. “Of course you did.”

Oh wow, I really didn’t hold back on Catra’s subtle resentment, did I?

Pulling the door shut behind her, Adora steps through the thick curtain of garments. Catra actually picked a pretty good spot - there’s a bunch of coats on that side of the closet that obscure her legs, and with how full the closet is it would be easy for someone peeking past the clothes to miss her.

The positioning may be different, the two of them on more or less equal footing and nursing no physical wounds, but Adora can’t shake the sense of awkwardness, her fear that their previous closet rendezvous are all Catra can think about too. (...Out of context this sounds a little bit like they’ve engaged in BDSM in a closet lmao but no, wrong fic.) And the idea of that is unbearable, especially if Catra’s already upset about Scorpia, so Adora takes it upon herself to break the tension.

“Look at us, back in the closet together,” she cracks, poking Catra in the ribs. “Who woulda thought, after all those Pride parades?”

This joke is stupid and I love it.

Catra brushes her hand away with a scoff. “Speak for yourself, I was never in any closet.” Despite her words of protest, she’s smiling a little. Eyeing Adora up and down, she adds, “And you were always like the ultimate sports dyke, so it’s not like people didn’t know about you either. Even if you didn’t figure it out until we met everyone’s favorite MILF.”

I will never let the Huntadora crush die. Tbh this is a little sad though because Catra doesn’t realize it’s always been her for Adora. She doesn’t let it show but she is kinda sad that from her perspective Huntara was Adora’s gay awakening, not her.

Oh, that definitely went a direction Adora didn’t expect. Brow furrowing, she purses her lips as she weighs the cost of the truth, how much she can divulge before it becomes incriminating. Her voice is quiet and eyes are down when she says, “No, I knew.”

It takes a second for Catra to respond. “What, really?”

Slowly lifting her head, Adora raises her eyebrows as she meets Catra’s confused gaze. “Just because I didn’t talk about it doesn’t mean I didn’t know.”

This is such a pivotal moment, just an understated one because it’s from Adora’s POV.  Catra thinks she knows Adora so well, and the idea that Adora not only intentionally kept something (her awareness of her sexuality) from her but was able to fool her is a shot to the ego.

A tiny scoff escapes Catra’s throat, eyes flicking away as her arms fold over her chest. “Never thought you were that good at keeping secrets,” she remarks. Finally she looks back at Adora, gesturing expectantly. “Well? How long have you known?”

Adora frowns in thought. Not because she doesn’t know the answer, but because there’s no casual way to tell your best friend ‘I’ve wanted to marry you since I knew what marriage was.’

I don’t remember what exactly possessed me to write this line, but once it did I knew it was going to murder you all in cold blood. I really enjoyed all the comments about this one. :D

“Always,” is what she says instead. “I mean I didn’t know what it was, but I was always drawn to other girls, always wanted their attention, wanted to be close to them.”

This is such a mood.

Nodding pensively, Catra stares into the darkness. After a moment she murmurs, “Yeah, me too.”

If only she was saying that to what Adora was thinking, not what she said. Because there’s no way Catra could know, right? She’s smart, but she’s not a mindreader. If she was she probably would have kicked Adora out of her room years ago for being a pervert.

Adora she means the exact same thing as you you fucking walnut!

The crack of the bedroom door opening jolts Adora from her thoughts, making her flinch.

“Shit,” she mutters, pushing forward and flattening against the wall, against Catra. In her haste she bounces off the wall slightly and starts to tip backwards, but a pair of quick hands steadies her hips, pulling her closer. Adora’s eyes flick down to find Catra’s already on her, widened in a clear order to be quiet. Adora can barely bring herself to nod apologetically, dazed by the sight. And their proximity. And the scent of sour candies on Catra’s breath.

Because being stuck in a closet together wasn’t taking advantage of the sardines gag enough, I threw this in here. And Adora’s clumsiness provided a great opportunity for Catra to touch her in an intimate way :D. And idk why but the described experience of the smell of the sour candies on top of the close up of Catra’s eyes and them being pressed together is just overwhelming. That sour candies thing gets me every time I read it.

Suppressing the urge to groan, Adora adjusts her positioning and tips her head down so her forehead is resting against the wall, removing that temptation before it can take hold. (Oh right, that’s why it gets me every time.) She breathes deeply, as quietly as possible, praying to god that Catra will interpret her pounding heartbeat as excitement purely from the game. She can feel Catra’s heart hammering against her rib cage too, can hear it echoing in Catra’s jugular mere inches from her ear. Catra’s hands are sweaty where they’ve wound into Adora’s shirt, trembling slightly in anticipation of being caught. Catra may act like she doesn’t care that much about winning and losing, but Adora knows better than anyone just how competitive she is, how wound up she gets.

Oh for fuck’s sakes Adora. I’m glad people asked for Catra’s perspective of this scene because I think confirming in the next chapter that her body was reacting to the exact same thing Adora’s was is valuable. At least a few readers bought into the ‘Catra is competitive/traumatized about hiding in closets’ thing I had going with Adora as an unreliable narrator, so it was probably best to clear it up.

The closet door opens and they both tense, not daring to breathe. The metal hanger hooks screech along the rod as the seeker parts the sea of garments, the sound making Adora wince. The light suddenly flooding their dark space doesn’t help in that regard either. She squeezes her eyes shut with the tiniest little whimper and one of Catra’s hands taps gently against her waist, acknowledging her discomfort and offering solace.

Idk how many people have noticed but I have this running theme of Adora being especially averse to sounds as a sensory sensitivity thing. And the fact that Catra knows and consistently acknowledges it in small ways just makes my heart happy.

In seconds it’s over and the person is closing the closet door, then the bedroom door on their way out. Adora expels as heavy a breath as she dares and whispers, “Phew, that was close.” She starts to pull away and lower her arms from where she’s braced them against the wall, bracketing Catra’s head. (That visual *eyes emoji*) But she doesn’t get very far.

Catra’s arms are locked in place, fingers still clinging to Adora’s shirt. Resting her elbows on Catra’s shoulders, Adora pulls her head back to get a good look at her face. She arches her eyebrows questioningly but Catra’s eyes are fixed firmly on the opposite wall of the closet, refusing to meet hers. Frowning in concern, Adora brushes a thumb over the baby hairs on the back of Catra’s neck. “Catra?”

Still Catra doesn’t respond. Not with words anyway. It’s just a tiny movement, but when her shoulders curl forward into Adora just a little bit, Adora clues in. Sometimes you just need a hug when you’re sad. She gets it.

God damnit. Catra doesn’t want to let go because she’s yearning, not because she’s sad. Why you gotta be like this, Adora? (She says as though she didn’t write it.)

Slowly leaning back in, Adora wraps her arms around Catra’s shoulders. She sighs in relief when she feels Catra respond, relaxing in her grip and slumping slightly to rest her chin on her shoulder. Squeezing a little tighter, she nuzzles into the curve of Catra’s shoulder in response, breathing her in. Catra smells… like Catra. It’s a scent Adora could never quite put a finger on, something uniquely her, but it’s the most comforting smell she knows. It smells like safety, and tenderness, and just a little bit of mischief.

Adora could fall asleep in these arms, in the peace they bring her mind. She has, many times. When they were kids Catra ended up sleeping on her bed more often than not, sprawled half on top of Adora with her head on her chest. Though technically she was usually the one holding Catra, and Catra was often the one seeking comfort, it made Adora feel safer too. It felt a little like Catra was guarding her in the night, and the pressure pinning her to the mattress felt so good. So… secure. They’ve always been better together, perfectly suited to each other’s needs. Adora can't even imagine a life without Catra as her closest companion, and she doesn't want to.

Is that a reference to the torment of canon? Yes, yes it is. Is it also foreshadowing of how agonizing it would be for Adora if she and Catra ever had a falling out? ...maybe.

Absentmindedly brushing her fingers through Catra’s hair, Adora’s pulled out of her head by Catra’s low hum next to her ear. The long lost sound makes her lips turn up. She always used to tease Catra about how she purrs like an actual cat. Not quite, but… it’s nice. It’s soothing.

Rubbing her cheek against Catra’s ear in a similarly feline fashion, Adora chuckles, “Yeah, I miss this too.”

A quiet snort is muffled in her shoulder, Catra’s back puffing out against the arm still slung across her shoulders. “Don’t ruin it.”

“Okay,” says Adora. So she holds her close, and doesn’t say another word.

Maybe this is all she’ll ever get from Catra, holding and comforting her after others have hurt her. But it’s enough. It has to be.

Adora, NO, shut up! She loves you!

Ughhhh well this scene is super cute and super frustrating, both of which want to make me throw things. But that’s very on brand for this fic.

[elliot-orion]

1-5! :)

Pretty sure this was from the deep dive asks a while back., sorry for it taking so long! i just didn't have a project to work on, but I do now!! I’ll be answering for the White Lake (temp title) characters, Logan, Nellie, and Charlie.  Thank you so much! 

1. Who are two characters that don’t like each other? What do they reveal about each other to the readers? Will they ever learn to put aside their differences?

Logan and Nellie have a bunch of tension at first, honestly. Logan is stubborn, but Nellie is more so, and both want opposite things. They also have a weird initial dynamic of “we were like... friend adjacent in high school, haven't talked to each other since, so we feel like we know the other but we’ve really barely exchanged a few words outside of class projects.” They were both the school weirdos and stuck together out of necessity, not real friendship, even tho both consider the other a friend even tho they really aren’t, so it leads to a lot of ‘i think you are this way but you arent behaving this way, why the hell wont you behave this way??” bc of the other like... placing what they want the other to be like onto them. if that makes even a lick of sense. I guess it all reveals what they want in a friend to the reader, bc they assume the other to be their Ideal Friend since they have nothing to confirm nor deny that. But its more of a ‘what you want versus what you need’ thing. Nellie wants someone who will listen to her and let her protect them without asking questions bc not listening and asking too many questions that nell couldn't answer got her one actual friend killed. Logan wants someone who just accepts his weirdness and doesn't try to push him. But Nell is pushy when she thinks she’s right (and tbh she usually is), and Logan is curious, and its a mess at first. They do put aside their differences tho. Nell is determined as hell and she realized at some point that she needs to work with Logan to keep him safe, and Logan learns that he needs to teach Nell how to accommodate his autism (that he doesn't know is autism because his parents suck) because she has no idea and just thinks he’s being difficult and has to meet her halfway too. Its messy but they work it out and become way way better friends because of it.

2. What do you hope readers will take away from your WIP? Is there an intentional theme (or themes) to the story?

I mean there’s not an intentional theme to it. I definitely want people to be unsettled and a little freaked out, I am intending it to be like... romantic era horror level horror book, if that makes sense. more atmospheric and eerie then ‘im actually going scream I'm so afraid’ horror. But also themes of friendship maybe? idk I haven't decided if there will be romance yet but definitely friendship and found family stuff.

3. What do you love most about your protagonist? (It can be something you’d admire in them if they were real, or something interesting about them as a character.)

Oh jeez. I love how determined Nell is to protect Logan. She doesn't always do it right, because misunderstandings and her idea of safe is different than his idea of happy and she needs to learn that he might be safer with her way but he’d be miserable. She just loves her people so much and she’s determined not to fail again, but its all coming from a place of deep love and I really admire how much she’s willing to put into keeping her family together. For Logan I admire how strong he is honestly. He lives in a really conservative, ableist town with parents who think he's just being difficult when its not his fault he's neurodivergent, but he knows who he is and what he needs and even when Nell is trying to push her beliefs about him onto him he stands strong in who he is. He knows he’s not wrong. He’s just lonely because no one else knows that. Its really admirable in my opinion (maybe because I've never been able to do that with my neurodivergencies and I'm definitely projecting but whateverrrrrrr). He’s also a really good friend, he’s just not given many chances to be that. As for Charlie I just love how happy they are. They try so hard to get Nell and Logan to get along, and they are always smiling even when they are the one who has the most reasons to be miserable (considering they did you know. die horrifically and are now trapped by an eldrich lake)They are always pushing themself to make others happy, even at their own expense, and while its not a trait I admire, it is one that I love in characters because I just love the hurt comfort when they break :3 also they are just fun as hell and I love my little extrovert cinnamon roll (who is way more devious than they seem but thats what happens when you basically grow up and then spend about 130 years with a ghost circus)

4. Is there anything in the story that is implied, but not directly stated? Will this become more relevant later on? How perceptive would a reader have to be to pick up on this?

A lot of the lake stuff is implied at first, and there's a big misdirect, but it gets cleared up after just a bit so I don't think it counts. Um... idk ok I haven't even written draft one yet so idk what will be implied vs told I'm a pantser I've got about 6 plot point checkpoints and a vague idea of progression here most of this is being bs-ed. Im not even sure yet if I'm making Logan a trans guy or if there will be romance or anyone’s sexualities besides Nellie (who is v much a lesbian) I’ll get back to you on this. Although wait actually - Logan never gets his autism diagnosed, I know that, so that is implied but it's like. heavily implied so you won't have to be super perceptive to figure it out. I’m not doing any -coded stuff, he is, he just lives in a shitty town with no therapists for anyone to talk to. kinda hard to go to a therapist not from town and go ‘yea my best friends are ghosts, my town is actively trying to kill me, sorry im late the road disappeared how are you today?’ you feel? no one in this town gets any goddamn therapy. But its not explicit no. 

5. Which character has the most intricate backstory? Is this backstory common knowledge from the start, or is it revealed later on? How does this backstory affect the narrative?

Oh man uh... I guess Charlie has the most intricate backstory? definitely, the longest since they did die in the 1890s. In a fire. While they were trapped in a tiny ass box. in the middle of said fire. and burned alive.  .... What i said it was horror didn't i?? Charlie has some SERIOUS claustrophobia my guys. It’s common knowledge to the circus folks how Charlie died, they sorta agree its the worst of them all. Everyone died from the fire but only Charlie was trapped in such a small space unable to get out. They are the contortionist of the circus, it was a combo act with the magician who locked them in this way-too-small box and was going to make them disappear when the fire started and he ran off to help people and forgot them in the box. He’s super apologetic and Charlie only sorta still blames him. Logan and Nellie know that Charlie died in the fire but they don't find out until later exactly how. Idk how much it affects the narrative yet, but it does affect how Charlie interacts with the other circus performers since they tend to be mother hen-y around them, tho that also has to do with, again, charlie basically being raised by the whole crew. they ran away at like 11-12 or so to join, so yea, especially the people who have been there forever tend to view them as their kid in a way. It takes a village after all. But whether it affects the whole story, idk, again haven't started it yet. 

thanks again for the asks, and im sorry it took so long! 

[skyfallensoldier]

Mobile Navigation || Rules & Mun ↓

DISCLAIMER: I just want to note here at the beginning that while I am considering this RP blog to be historically based, i.e. remaining true to the time period and overall details of John Laurens' biographical information and whatnot, I do not consider myself a historically accurate blog, not entirely. Historical fiction is a well known genre of literature and many, MANY creative liberties are taken within that genre. Think of this blog like you would if you saw an Anastasia Romanov blog. She's dead, we know she didn't survive, and she's been dead a long-ass time; so has Laurens. People still have included her in many works of fiction, even after her body was identified and it was proven she did not survive her family's massacre. I saw a romance book a couple of months ago where she survived that was recently published. Historical fiction, while a controversial thing at times, is a legitimate form of literature.

You don't have to tell me if you think John isn't acting exactly like the real man himself would have, I know that. I'm not going to call John my 'perfect sunshine boy cinnamon roll' or dismiss the privilege he was raised on due to his father, I'm aware he was a real person who had his own personality, virtues and prejudices. I won't deny that while he was certainly a progressive thinking man for the time he grew up in he definitely still had racist thoughts and actions that were indicative of his upbringing. But I'm not on here to debate modern, real life politics, or get into arguments about whether he was a good abolitionist or not. At the end of the day, this is still a hobby for me, and I'm writing for fun.

Basically, don't take it too seriously. I'm a 21st century bisexual woman writing from the POV of an 18th century (likely gay) male soldier, the way I write him is obviously not going to be a perfect representation of who he was. I know he wasn't an amazing, perfect person, but I've still chosen to write a fictionalized version of him for my own entertainment. Please try to respect that; thank you.

Mun Stuff

Name: Luna Gender: Female (She/Her or They/Them) D.o.B: July 23rd, 1996 Age: 24 Nationality: Canadian Sexuality: Bisexual Timezone: Eastern Time (US & Canada) Activity: Daily BIOGRAPHY (SORT OF)

Hello, there! You can call me Luna! I've been interested in writing ever since I first got the internet when I was 14 and discovered FanFiction.Net and now I'm an aspiring author and Roleplay enthusiast. If you include acting/talking out DnD like games with friends then I've been 'roleplaying' since the fifth grade, but I like to think there's always room for improvement. If you ever want to chat I'd love to make a new friend or plot out a roleplay, so don't be afraid to shoot me an ask or send me a private message. Just because my muse can be a jackass doesn't mean I am! I’m a huge advocate for mental health, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t ever hesitate to reach out! Some of my hobbies including literature and writing (of course), digging into mythology from various cultures, practicing solitary eclectic paganism/new age spirituality, drinking tea, and collecting crystals/minerals.

Please note that for the sake of disclosure, I am considered ‘Neurodivergent’, in that I suffer from ADHD, diagnosed at about age six, and have Anxiety and Depression which are directly tied to it. This doesn’t often effect my life on here, but I sometimes have an unpredictable sleep schedule (stay up all night, sleep in late into the morning, etc). I’m usually quick to reply to threads for the most part! I work every Tuesday and Thursday from 5pm to 7pm in addition to odd jobs here and there, during which time I won’t have access to the Internet. The rest of the week I’m on and off all day basically, so you can feel free to contact me any time.

RP Style

⭐️ Please use basic spelling/grammar/punctuation when you RP with me. I'm not a drill sergeant about these kinds of things, I know that typos happen, and if you have a vision problem or such we can absolutely find a way to work around that, I also have no problem roleplaying with people whose first language is not English, so that's totally fine and I’m happy to accomodate in whatever way I can, but it does make it a little difficult to play with you if I don't know what you're trying to say. For this reason I prefer if you not use any text shorthand (lol, idk, brb, jk, etc) unless our muses are messaging each other. Using it in the tags is fine.

⭐️ I roleplay Laurens in a past-tense 3rd Person Point of View (think story-telling format), and generally I don't use icons or text formatting unless I notice my partner does, then I will try to match their style (for example if you use icons and small-text, I will try to do the same, though because formatting isn't possible on mobile, any mobile replies might take longer to be posted than if I were on my laptop). If you have any issues with how I'm writing or need me to adjust my style for any reason don't be afraid to ask.

Contact

⭐️ If you spam me with messages over and over again about something I haven't replied to, chances are I'll drop the thread. I don't mind being reminded because I know Tumblr's notifications are notoriously unreliable sometimes, and humans can forget/lose things, but if you keep poking at me after I've acknowledged you the first and second time, I won't be pleased. Things can get busy on here, or in real life, or sometimes you're just lacking muse for that particular thread, y'know? It doesn't mean I hate you and don't want to RP, I'm almost always up for plotting, but muse tends to fluctuate.

⭐️ My ‘Discord’ is available to mutuals upon request. I don't mind roleplaying on there if Tumblr is being glitchy or you're just not feeling up to formatted/heavily plotted threads, sometimes Discord is fun in that you can do immediate replies without needing the effort of putting icons and formatting into it. I also have a Kik but I never use it. I don't RP in Tumblr's IMs, that's purely for OOC interaction.

⭐️ I also occasionally stream movies/TV shows in group chats or play “in character” Cards Against Humanity game nights, Among Us, etc. If you’re interested, lemme know, I’m always looking for more people to hang out with!

Important

I have no actual triggers that I'm aware of, although snakes do creep me out (mostly shots of them coiled up or images of their pupils), but there are some things I will not roleplay personally for comfort reasons:

⭐️ Cannibalism. You can mention it, for example I won't freak out if someone tells my muse that somebody else ate a person (he might, assuming its not a Supernatural type verse), but I won't RP him engaging in cannibalism, not even in AUs (blood-drinking vampires are fine). I'm just not sure I could stomach writing about eating people. I managed to watch Hannibal, barely, but writing about it? Nah. I can handle lots of horror, gore and disturbing content but not this. Sorry.

⭐ Incest/Pedophilia. I do not SEXUALLY ship with characters under the age of 18. John is not attracted to children, and would never consider sleeping with someone much younger than him.

⭐ I will not write anything sexual with muns who are under 18 years old, even if your muse is an adult. I'll still ROLEPLAY with you if you are under 18 but probably no younger than 16 just because things tend to get explicit on my blogs and I don't want to be accused of corrupting the youth with my foul language and weird opinions, lol. Seriously though, this blog covers a lot of dark subjects and while I’m all for minors exploring that safely through writing rather than in real life, some people aren’t comfortable with interacting with under age people for legal or personal reasons, please respect that.

⭐ Necrophilia. Just... no. Vampire threads don't count, as they're undead and not 'dead dead'.

⭐ Rape. I won't write it with you. I'm okay with mentions of rape, with rape/sexual assault survivor/recovery plots, and even with one character intervening to rescue another from an attempted sexual assault (if an attempted assault does occur, it will be thoroughly tagged and under a cut). I'm fully open to discussing rape recovery/trauma plots as those are things that happen in real life, and it can be interesting to explore how a character reacts to trauma. But anything else is a no-go, sorry!

⭐ Please be aware that I write Laurens as a gay man. However! Because of the time period, violent homophobia and social stigma, he has slept with women before and may be seen flirting with or referencing relationships with women in the past. He is still gay, and still uninterested in being with women long term, he's simply closeted to all but a few individuals. So, unless your muse is Martha Manning (who Laurens DOES love in a manner, and he always will), shipping with female characters on here most likely isn't going to happen unless it's heavily plotted/developed and part of an overall plot, and you understand that it will not be a conventional sexual relationship. I'm sorry if that disappoints you but I've read Laurens as a gay male for so long I have trouble seeing him any other way.

⭐ I will not roleplay slavery plots. This is not up for debate. Roleplaying a highly fictionalized version of a long dead real person who existed during a troubling time is one thing, but I draw the line at that. For this reason, while I'll happily play with non-white muses, muses using non white faceclaims, and crossovers with characters of all sorts, I'll have to decline playing with any muse claiming to actually be writing slavery. There’s a difference between, say, roleplaying a character like Daenerys, a fictional character who was technically a slave-bride sold by her brother, and writing actual slavery from a very real, horrible time period. Slave ownership will of course be mentioned on this blog, that's unavoidable, but just like the mention of rape may happen on this blog from time to time, it will be in reference to a past event or speaking about the subject in general, not roleplaying a scene of it. Please respect this rule, I was hesitant to make this blog at first, because I know it makes some people uncomfortable, but I won't glorify such a horrible real thing that happened to so many people.

Exclusives/Mains

Just a head's up, unless I develop a bunch of chemistry with a particular portrayal of a muse I'm not likely to agree to being exclusives with anyone, unless perhaps it's a very niche or divergent character that has formed a good relationship of some sort with John and I'd have trouble interacting with other versions of that muse. For major characters I just feel it would be unfair to say no to someone who I click with in every other way, solely because I have already befriended someone else writing that character.

I will, however, discuss becoming mains with someone whom I've either developed or plotted out detailed storylines/interactions with regarding our specific portrayals of our characters. This means that I tend to reply to them quickly when I'm online, or may make little gifts (moodboards, aesthetic things, mini ficlets, whatever) for them unprompted, have a verse dedicated just to them, etc. Even if it seems like we haven't done much on Tumblr, there may be a lot of off-site development on Discord or whatnot that led to us plotting out intricate stories for our muses.

Current Mains:

Alexander Hamilton - @quillborn​

DO

⭐️ Send private messages.

⭐️ Send my character asks/starters/memes.

⭐️ Tag me in things.

⭐️ Ask to plot or ship.

⭐️ Ask for angst, fluff, etc.

⭐️ Submit things to me & my muse.

⭐️ Do crack and other ridiculous things with me!

⭐️ Like my RP threads.

⭐️ Like my personal posts.

⭐️ Comment on my personal/OOC posts (if you want to).

⭐️ Comment on my crack threads.

⭐️ Instant Message (IM) me if you'd like to talk, whether we're friends already or not!

DON'T

⭐️ Send hateful messages to me about other people and especially my mutuals; doesn't count if it's about the muse and not the person playing them, however. Also, if I’ve got beef with someone for whatever reason, don’t harass them/send hate to them on my behalf, please. I don’t condone anonymous abuse, attacking others, or harassment. I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself, I promise.

⭐️ Introduce yourself with ‘wanna ship?’ For one, I prefer if we’ve at least started a roleplay together, or have spoken OOC. Auto shipping doesn’t always work out and I hate promising people something only to realize there’s zero chemistry, because then I feel like I’m letting them down.

⭐️ Come into my inbox with just ‘wanna rp?’ and that’s it. Please at least have some idea of what you want to roleplay, it’s not very fun when someone approaches you to RP but then doesn’t offer up any suggestions at all. Remember, you are always free to send me memes, whether we’re mutuals or not, and hit me up for whatever plot you think might interest me! I want to hear about it!

⭐️ Spam me with "reminder" messages if I've already acknowledged you the first few times.

⭐️ Reblog my RP threads if you're not a participant in them.

⭐️ Send me anonymous OOC hate. Hate for Laurens is fine, it's just another form of roleplay.

⭐️ Kill off my character or severely injure/maim my character without permission or having plotted something involving that with me first.

⭐️ Follow me if you're a porn blog. I don't mind blogs that post NSFW content, or smut a lot, etc. I mean blogs that aren't for RP and are literally just a normal looking blog until you click on it and the header and first twenty posts are hardcore nudity and porn. I hate those things.

⭐️ Shame my ships.

⭐️ Complain about my tagging. I put my smut under a 'read more' without exception and tag them as "NSFW //" with two dashes. Things that are not necessarily graphic but still have sexual undertones go under "Suggestive //". I use these tags to avoid attracting attention from porn blogs and porn bots that track certain key words, as such I do not tag my content with "Smut" or trigger words such as "dick, oral, anal, nudity, etc", please block my NSFW and Suggestive tags if you're uncomfortable. Triggery subjects (mentions of rape, animal abuse, torture, mental illness) will be tagged under the name of said trigger with a space and two dashes, example: "Self Harm //", “Suicidal Ideation //” or "PTSD //".

⭐️ Godmod my character. If you’re not sure what is/isn’t okay, come talk to me! I don’t bite! If you’re looking for an example of god mod behavior, here: “X lunged at Laurens, taking him by surprise, and hit him square in the nose, causing blood to spurt.” It might not seem like a big deal but it means that you decided how your character’s actions affected my muse, and not only that, didn’t give him a chance to dodge or anything. Not cool.

⭐️ Ship with me without permission (sending in shippy asks is A-Ok if you're interested in exploring a ship between our muses, I'm talking about things like claiming that our muses are in a relationship without discussing it with me, referencing dates or sexual acts that never happened, etc. I ship mainly with chemistry otherwise things get boring fast.

⭐️ Assume/act like our characters know each other/are closely connected (friends/family/lovers) if we've never discussed it unless it is established in canon/history. This especially goes for original characters. I'm open to Laurens forming deep relationships with OCs obviously, but those have to be developed in character, not just assumed from the first interaction.

⭐️ Attempt to roleplay with me if you are not a roleplay blog/or if you're just trying to RP as "yourself." I don't do Character X Reader imagines stuff. I don't RP with 'fan' accounts, only RP blogs. You can still send asks so long as you're not trying to initiate an RP scenario. For example, asking Laurens what his hobbies are, asking for a blessing etc? That's fine. Spamming me with different actions "you" are talking to Laurens is weird. Stop that. I will also not RP with blogs that claim to roleplay as real life people, such as Markiplier, that's super creepy. This does NOT apply to "historical fiction" roleplay (obviously since that's what this blog is), which is considered its own genre of literature. I'm talking about the above where people will 'roleplay' as real life, currently alive people like YouTube celebrities and ship them with their friends, even if they've made it clear that they're uncomfortable with it. 

⭐️ Get angry at me for doing something you don't like if you don't even have a rules page for me to go by. It's not fair; you can't expect your partners to just read your mind and magically know how you feel. If something bothers you let me know, I’ll make a note about it so I avoid it during our interactions!

⭐️ Use me as a meme resource blog without ever interacting with me. I don't require "reblog karma" for you to follow me, partners are more than welcome to reblog from me, but if we never interact and I just occasionally see you reblog fifteen posts from my meme tag and then disappear again I'm not gonna be happy. Go to the source or to an archived blog no longer getting notifications, please!

⭐️ Reblog my Meta/Headcanons. If they're from a different blog it's fine but the ones I've personally written are for MY portrayal of Laurens. I work hard on most of my stuff and I'd prefer if you didn't reblog it, not because you aren't allowed to have the same headcanon ideas as me, but because then it ends up getting liked or reblogged by lots of other people, spamming my notifications, etc.

OCs & Multimuses

I love OCs and multi-muse blogs (I have my own multimuse sideblog over at @historyremembers, which has other 18th century characters including the Hamilton children and some OCs), so feel free to interact! That being said, please have an about page of some sort on your blog. I can't follow back blogs that have absolutely no information available regarding their character(s). I don't RP with OC children of Laurens. This is nothing personal, but I'm fairly certain he was gay in real life and prefer to play him that way, and he only had one child - who he never even got to meet - in real life, so it just wouldn't make sense to me for him to have other kids running around unless he'd adopted some. If you're a multimuse, I may not follow you back if I'm only familiar with two of your muses if you have a blog of fifteen characters, simply because I'd prefer to keep my dash clean and only have characters/fandoms I'm familiar with on it. I'll still RP with you if you have a character I'm interested in! I just might not follow back if the majority of your characters I do not know, I apologize for this.

If you’ve made it to the end of this, congrats! I know it couldn’t be easy (my ADHD brain was frustrated trying to just write all this up) but it’s necessary so there’s not misunderstandings on what I am/am not willing to RP. I won’t ask for a password since I trust most people to have the courtesy to at least skim the rules of those they want to RP with. 

Have a nice day!

[redandfranticfeelings]

an autistic analysis, lyric by lyric, of ‘i love play rehearsal’

ive been hyperfixating over bmc for the last month and i keep thinking about how autistic the main characters are and christine is so very very very autistic coded to me. so i decided im just going to straight up deconstruct the lyrics of her signature song in the context of her being autistic (and also having adhd, but my experience is mostly in autism)

this is very very rambley and based more on personal experience than research, so i doubt itll be interesting to anybody but me, but i just want to talk about christine, the autistic queen

I love play rehearsal Because its the best! Because it is fun. I love play rehearsal and I get depressed as soon as its done.

it goes without saying that chrstine’s special interest is theater right? the way she treats it as the “highlight of [her] life” and then switches into this song after acting completely awkward and disinterested in jeremy outside of the context of him being engaged in her special interest.

But not depressed as in like kill yourself depressed No, im not into self-harm Dude, I swear, here check my arm!

overexplaining in a way that reads very much like speaking before she thinks, even though bringing up self harm in casual conversation with someone you barely talk to is not exactly proper etiquette. i think this is also an adhd trait? going faster than your own brain. that’s basically this whole song.

See, I just use the word to emphasise a point, Show the passion I have got I am passionate a lot. I have mad, gigantic feelings, Red and frantic feelings, About most everything Like gun control, like spring,

a lot of people assume autistic people are typically emotionless but it’s also very easy for us to get caught up in emotional issues especially when it comes to stuff we love, and it catches us off guard. christine being hyperempathetic is implied later in the show when she has that awful survivors’ guilt over making fun of rich and jake, and it also plays into her being so socially conscious as well.

Like if I’m living up to all I’m meant to be.

being an high school junior is really rough bc of all the decisions that have to be made regarding college and your future as an independent adult, and being autistic just makes it worse bc it can easily lead to burnout to deal with so much at once, if you even can comprehend these things much at all (i had no idea what to do, lol). i doubted my ability to grow up and succeed constantly because i had no idea who to talk to and what questions to ask and how to present myself. that’s something that a lot of people worry about, but having social delays makes it way more of a pressing issue than it is for neurotypicals, i feel.

I also have a touch of ADD. Where was I? Oh, right!

self explanatory and very canon. adhd and autism can be diagnosed simultaneously nowadays and the symptoms overlap a lot, btw.

I love play rehearsal, Cause’ you are equiped with direction and text, Life is easy in rehearsal, You follow a script so you know what comes next. Anywho the point that I’m getting to is sometimes life can’t work out in the way It works out in the play

this part screams autistic culture to me. unpredictability is scary because social situations don’t always go smoothly like in fiction! this is why social scripting is a popular therapy tactic for autistic children- you have to manually study social situations like a script. theater is something meant to be memorized and recited until you’re able to process it and manufacture emotion, but honestly for autistic kids, life feels a lot like that sometimes. remember how miserable she got when one of her favorite plays had the script changed without her permission to make a whole new story she doesn’t know? of course that’s just upsetting on its own, but in the context of her knowing theater so well and being fully prepared for one story only to be forced to learn a new one? ouch.

christine is never shown as comfortable outside her element- she hides in a book during “more than survive” and shrinks into nothing at the party. it’s a recurring theme that she has no idea exactly who she is, struggles with her identity outside of theater, and despite not really caring about how people see her, she does care about her own ability. socializing makes her feel awkward, especially when something totally unexpected happens like jake or jeremy asking her out. if she doesn’t have a plan or routine or, well, a script, then she can’t trust herself to go forward.

Like the only time I get to be the center of attention, Is when I’m Juliet or Blanche DuBois

as an autistic theater kid, i just really do relate to being clueless and dumb in real life but being able to totally thrive on the stage, because you can channel the energy that is usually misplaced in real life social interactions, and transfer it through dialogue and song and dance that someone else laid out nicely for you.

and can I mention? That was really one of my best roles, Did you see that?

an epic combination of letting your mind wander easily without caring about making sense to the person you’re speaking to, and taking every opportunity to infodump. in a lot of productions she even mimics her blanche voice just for fun. jeremy tries to respond here but she doesn’t care because she’s in her own brain where everything only really seems to make sense to her.

And no matter how hard I try, It’s impossible to narrow down the many reasons why, I love play rehearsal. I happiness cry whenever it starts!

if she isn’t being hyperbolic then this plays into my ‘so much emotion it’s hard to control’ thing detailed a bit above. either way, big special interest mood.

It’s just so universal Getting to try playing so many parts. Most humans do one thing for all of their lives, The thought of that gives me hives! I’ve got so many interests I wanna pursue,

it’s a lot easier to lose yourself and connect to your special interest than focus on your very complex, very overwhelming real life issues. escaping into fiction and being able to play in a variety of social situations as a totally different person, yay theater!

in general i just like the idea of christine struggling to visualize who she is and thinking about a lot of hypothetical but being unable to choose which one is most desirable or plausible. idk if that’s autistic or just a fun character trait lol. i know jumping from interest to interest is an adhd thing though.

this little passage is good for at least showing that christine distinguishes herself from ‘most humans’ in a way that isn’t so much ‘not like other girls’ but like ‘life is so much more confusing to me than it seems to be to others’ (which the show proposes isn’t exactly true and is the same closed-mindedness that jeremy has, though christine realizes it sooner; however; the sentiment rings true in that christine, as a neurodiverse young woman, has a lot more hoops to jump through than a neurotypical classmate.)

And why am I telling this to you? Guess there’s a part of me that wants to.

jeremy is also very autistic coded in my eyes, but that’s a separate post. i just like them being drawn to each other through that sort of kinship. also if you interpret her as having an unrealized requited crush on him…well, i think for a lot of us, romantic love is easy to confuse with friend love, if even that, because the specifics of emotions are a mess to unravel. (which also explains her confusion on her relationship with jake)

oh and right after this, she starts squawking just because she had the impulse to do so. vocal stimming, much?

Back to play rehearsal, My brain is like ‘bzzz’ My heart is like 'wow’

my brain is always like bzzz honestly lol. this is generally a pretty good way to describe being hyperfocused.

Because we’re here at play rehearsal, and it’s starting, We’re starting, It’s starting, Sooo-ooon.

it’s been confirmed as a deliberate decision that christine’s songs never end on a rhyme, except when she’s squipped and it isn’t ‘really’ her, because she subverts everyone’s expectations, including jeremy’s. i feel that could make for a nice simplified metaphor for autism, right?

[genetic-gamble]

🌺 - What was your first Bi experience? (both mun and muse) || ✨ - At what age did you discover your Bisexuality? (both) || 🙃 - Worst Bi experience/story? (both) || ♂️ - Current male crush? (for muse, just so you don't feel embarrassed or anything!) || ♀️ - Current female crush? (for muse) || 🌈 - Usual reaction to canon Bi characters in media? (for mun)

DAYUMMMM ANON

Warning: includes homophobia, biphobia, medical misconduct and abuse, religious households, just generally nasty stuff so please do not read unless you are comfortable with these subjects. 

Because I don’t want this to be a mile long I’m going to answer it in two parts, this will be the mun answers and I’ll make a post with the muse answers right after.

What was your first Bi experience?

Okay so….I don’t have many ‘experiences’ in general. (I live in an area where my pickings are pretty slim. Indiana wooo).My first ‘hands on’ (not like that don’t be gross) IRL bi experience also coincided with my first time going to a bar….and my first time being wasted lmao. (it was even in an LGBTQ+ hub!) It was fun though and it felt right. 

At what age did you discover your Bisexuality?

Idk,  about of the same age I discovered boys. I couldn’t stop staring lol (thanks, girls locker room!) . Though I feel like my ‘leaning’ towards guys stems from growing up in an incredibly homophobic environment.  (not saying that’s always the case but it’s totally my case)  Ngl, I was kind of homophobic as a kid, because my family had drilled the fear of hell into me so hard that it honestly kind of made me a nervous wreck, so when I ditched religion and really questioned my identity, ‘straight’ didn’t fit the bill. It didn’t feel right, but ‘gay’ didn’t either. I just liked pretty people! 

Worst Bi experience/story? 

 It’s a tie between my father and an ex psychiatrist. My father was very homophobic and always called me slurs and harassed me for not wanting a relationship in my teens and instead being more concerned about my friendships.  (I’m a few shades of aromantic to boot)   (ps. getting a boyfriend didn’t help)  He also banned me from seeing Rent because it would ‘turn me gay’ (I was also banned from Harry Potter for similarly stupid reasons. I’ve yet to read the books and I just saw Rent a couple years ago) 

My Ex psychiatrist tried to actually diagnose me with gay (first bi, then ultimately just ‘gay’) , notes in my folder and everything plus factoring that into my medication dosage, because the only reason I didn’t want a boyfriend was because I was ugly and that’s how gays are made.No, it doesn’t make sense.  And that’s why Goth doesn’t go to brain doctors anymore. 

Current male crush? (for muse, just so you don’t feel embarrassed or anything!) 

Lmao it’s fine. We all have celebrity crushes. 

I’m…assuming you mean 3D people so. Male? Chris Hemsworth. Easy. Like, how could you not? 

Donald Glover, those eyes dude…those eyes. 

And uh/cough/Andrew WK /cough/ 

Current female crush? 

Gal Gadot. Goddess. Enough said. 

…EmmymadeinJapan

Ellen Page, that might be stereotypical I know

Pretty much any female kpop member who I know is over 18 

Usual reaction to canon Bi characters in media? 

It’s a mixed bag for me. I love my bi peeps being validated on a mainstream platform, but ffs can we pease stop with the ‘is x actually gay???’ fake dilemma that doesn’t even consider bisexuality as a real and normal thing  (looking at YOU, OITNB) 

Or media that portrays bi people as seductive, home-wrecking sluts who only think with their crotch

Or characters that were ‘confirmed’ bi on twitter or something but their actual source material only has them interested in the opposite gender or it’s all just subtext. I want text, dammit!

In summary, I’m not exactly pleased and we have strides to make before we shake off the outdated tropes, but this scene is a big leap in the right direction: 

[falscheart]

What are the head canon influences on your way of writing him?

*grabs folders* ok here we go ( I say like I have shit there, but I find it hard to describe exactly. also I’m using this as an excuse to justify half of my shit so here we go. )

( this all depends on how you interpret canon of course. )

( side note: if I find out this is you, Nah, I’m raiding your stash )

the mental disorders ( my portrayal has him with ptsd  &. generalised anxiety, and to be fair, it isn’t really in canon ). not diagnosed, but I mean. if you go through what he did, I doubt you’d come out unscathed mentally. ( so I guess you could argue this is just my way of ‘fixing’ canon. )

he’s also not as sassy, cuz I dislike him snapping at literally everyone. more uncertain &. fearful, which stems from not knowing if it’s okay to be so without punishment ( but again, depends on how you interpret his character while reading it )

also the whole ‘disliking sunlight’ cuz I’ll be damned if he doesn’t look moodier when out in the day/outside in general. ( I mean that’s just me but ) I doubt he’d be comfortable there after being in a lab, &. then roaming the night ( see: the first arc…….. ). also the outside world does mean being largely unguarded &. anything could jump out at you so ya

if you think he knows his sexuality you’re wrong cuz the boy’s just tryna live his life without more bother ok

he never really grieved in canon ( aside from that one (1) scene + that smol arc ) ( going back &. revising &. idk what I meant by ‘smol arc’ if you know please explain me to me ) so I take it he’s in denial. heavy denial. probably stops randomly &. wonders if he saw an old comrade, then tears up when he doesn’t………………uh hey wanted plot

this is REALLY FUCKING MINOR but here, he dislikes spicy food. in one scene where t.ao &. tak.eo both request spicy food &. he’s all ‘idm’ I just sorta choked up cuz please say something you like………….I’m gonna assume you don’t like spicy food but just don’t want to disagree with t.ao &. tak.eo. ok? ok.

this is again, really minor, but while he doesn’t like spicy food, he generally can’t taste food at all unless he’s enjoying it with someone else. major headcanon here BUT ‘spicy’ isn’t really a flavour? it’s a sensation, iirc. &. what I’m getting at here is that m-21 dislikes the spicy cuz it’s painful what with his enhanced senses

but the enhanced senses is just another headcanon so moving on

this is pretty much agreed on by the fandom but m-21 has weirdly good hearing/taste/smell etc etc. so he’s uncomfortable with like really loud noises ( hence discomfort at watching the students play…………m a y b e lol ) &. all that

also he has really low self-esteem. like, lower than mine, &. that’s saying something. arguably he doesn’t, but you know what, this is my fucking blog ;D

I’m also inclined to say he’s got a terrible memory. mostly cuz of dissociation™ but I feel like that’s more me projecting—-on that note I also portray him with a very loose sense of time. he just...can’t keep track of it without a watch or anything, &. he doesn’t wear watches asdfgds

also he doesn’t like looking people in the face ( he’ll look at someone’s hands, torso or above their heads ) as looking them in the face/eyes is/was perceived as him challenging them. -throwback *spoilers* to that flashback in noblesse where they beat up m-21 &. m-24 )

idk if this answered anything for you anon cuz I just ended up rambling but here you go. hmu if you need anything specific ;D

[todokori-kun]

Ack

 that sounds horrible, getting sick is the worst ;-; get as much rest as you can! I really hope you get better soon<3

(omg the pics are GORGEOUS. Like, Wow. Once I’m done writing this message I’m probably going to go back to stare at them for like an hour and silently scream over how awesome everything looks)

Don’t worry about it, I admit that Stoki is pretty much a crack ship ^^;;

And, well, the redemption fic I mentioned helped me fall deeper into Stoki hell, but I shipped it even before that XD I think part of it is just because I think they could have a really interesting dynamic- they’re just so different, complete opposites. Steve would confuse Loki so much tbh

Also, I just think that Steve (or at least, post-CW Steve) might be one of the avengers most willing to at least try to understand Loki. Partly because Steve’s just a nice guy, and then because of his relationship with Bucky- ‘cause Steve-Bucky and Thor-Loki are really, really similar and I think Steve would realize that.

And then like I said, Steve cares a lot about other people. If Thor ever told him about everything that happened between him and Loki Steve probably wouldn’t have too much difficulty in starting to see Loki as a human(?) being instead of some one-dimensional fairy tale villain.

Lastly, I feel like Steve is just the best person to handle Loki’s issues. He may not be able to personally relate to a lot of it (Tony, Bruce, maybe Natasha would be better for that) but he can take a step back and think rationally about the situation, help convince Loki that just because the rest of the world sees him as a monster, doesn’t mean he has to be one.

Hopefully this made sense? lol)

yeah, that’s pretty much how I felt about it too. It was just so freaking frustrating OTL

(And yes that letter destoyed my feelings too)

btw, can I ask what you think about T'challa? He doesn’t seem to have that many fans yet but I think he’s really cool and possibly one of the more sensible people in the CW movie (once he stops being furious at Bucky). Also the trailer for his new movie is epic and I can’t wait to see his sister…

Hisoillu is bizarre (sadistic murdery Clown with no sense of fashion + sadistic murdery needle guy with dead fish eyes) but also makes a lot of sense at the same time? Like, Hisoka got away with joking about killing Killua in front of Illumi, so…yeah. They’ve got something special LOL

omg imagine.

‘Satisfied but when you fantasize at night it’s Illumi’s eyes’

'Helpless but look into Illumi’s eyes and the sky’s the limit’

'History has its Eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi’

Why do I want these memes to be a thing

With the new revelation about who Touka was visiting at the hospital, I’m beginning to have my doubts about how this will end…maybe they might actually both survive for now???

But I’m a bit miserable rn because if one of them has to die I’d rather keep Juuzou too but it seems much more likely for Touka to survive. She’s like the main female lead, plus she has Kaneki’s baby…

R.I.P Naki, the sweetest cinnamon roll who just wanted to see his big bro again ;-;

(Also: Wow, way to go Kaneki, you finally started acting like an actual leader (in a way)! But can I just say, what absolutely perfect timing)

WTH I had no idea Soul Eater’s art style developed that much???!!! That’s actually pretty amazing! (And yeah, I know that SE has some pretty complex characters and interesting stories in it :D it’s just still a lot lighter and has different themes from the mangas I usually enjoy ^^ I might try it out though!)

Death The Kid seems really cool! (does he really have OCD in canon, though? Like, I’ve seen a lot of Soul Eater fans talking like he does but idk if it’s actually a thing? Maybe I sound weird but it just seems insensitive to say characters like DTK and Levi have 'OCD’ and talking about it jokingly when it’s actually incredibly difficult and stressful for people who actully have OCD, so I’m not sure how to feel about those fans)

Yay! Gotta go and try to find that fight scene now…

Join me in my suffering. I loved L so much ;-;

(But hey, don’t be too sad (what’s this? Is Evans actually COMFORTING Queen Luna for once instead of rubbing salt in the wound?!)! There’s always the book Death Note: Another Note (The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases)- it’s a prequel to the Death Note manga/anime with L chasing a murderer known as Beyond Birthday (…no comment on that alias). It also shows how he met Naomi Misora which is awesome if you like Naomi (I did, and kinda screamed when Light kiled her))

Eh, I think I’m one of the few people who doesn’t mind it being set in America because what’s the point of making an American adaptation if it’s going to be set in Japan anyway? I also don’t really have a problem with 'white-washing’ for this same reason (though I am disappointed because being Japanese-American would have added an interesting layer to Light’s character; despite fighting for justice, in canon, LIght’s never actually been victimized or discriminated against. He’s a handsome, intelligent young man who appears to be cisgender and heterosexual (even if it’s never confirmed) and is Japanese, just like everyone else around him. Japanese-American Light, on the other hand, would have really experienced how the 'rotten’ world could hurt people, so his acts as Kira might have more personal emotion in them)…like, it’s possible to cast a white actor as Light without it being white-washing, and since they changed the entire setting I think it’s fine to change other things too. Just, I’m cool with anything as long as they portrayed Light’s character properly…BUT THEY DIDN’T SO

I’m really just disappointed that they botched the characters and all the themes of the original Death Note story so badly. Sure, change the setting, change the circumstances, change the plot, changehe designs, but why did you have to take Death Note’s philosophy away?

But, because I might have been a bit too mean:

I will say that the movie LOOKS really good. The visuals are great. The soundtrack seems decent too. Also, though Ryuk’s motivations/role also weren’t done very well, Ryuk’s actor did an amazing job…and while I’m not happy with how L was portrayed in this movie, I do think that the actor they cast for him could have been a good L if not for the bad writing.

Well…from what I know, Light Turner ends up in a hospital at the end of the movie with his One True Love Mia(Misa) dead, so nah. The Keikaku failed.

(which just proves that Light Turner really is nothing like Light Yagami, because Light Yagami’s keikakus never fail.

Until the end of the Death note manga/anime, that is.)

Yeah, I know about SU’s terrible fandom, so I’m not going to actively participate in writing fanfic, drawing fan art or making HCs/theories with other people…I’m just gonna watch the show with my sister and look at pretty fanart XD

Tysm tho!

(Question: Which character do you think you are? And what kind of gem do you think you’d be?)

Aww, I’m so happy my awkward rambling actually made you feel better??? Like. Come on. You have no idea how much our convos helped me with anxiety and stress, so I have to thank you for that too <333

(And seriously, Queen Luna is amazing.)

For most people, they start going to elementary at seven (in international age) as far as I know, and then go to middle school at around thirteen. Then high school at…um…sixteen? Maybe? I’ve never really gone to school here so I might not be 100% correct but it’s something like that ^^;;

I really wanna try Mystic Messenger but since my phone is an old flip phone…I like my phone but sometimes this can be inconvenient LOL

(I’m totally fine with messaging here, but are you really ok with it? 'Cause if you’re not, we can try to work something else out!)

hi im luna and i wanna die.

HNNNNNNNNGH have i ever told you how much i hate school?  because i freaking hate school from the bottom of my heart i can’t feel my neck anymore from the amount of studying ive been doing that’s depressing.

anyway. heartfelt advice: do not fuck your stomach up in any way, because you will suffer if you do. take it from me, i’ve managed to develop this amazing thing called Gastritis and now i cant eat anything without getting the feeling that im gonna throw it back out which is absolutely wonderful. thankfully, i don’t throw up, but it’s freaking annoying and ive lost waay too much weight already. best part? the whole reason why i have it is apparently purely psychological,  too much stress. i got it in the middle of july. HOW my mom is also being INCREDIBLY helpful by basically telling me to ‘get over it’ like i can just snap my fingers and tell myself ‘oh yeah this is only in my head’ and it’ll all pass over. cause that’s how it works.  so is my sister by always laughing at me

oook moving on.

yep, school started and i am suffering. ive already gone through 4 tests and a bunch of oral quizzes. yay. thanks teachers for totally not putting horrible pressure on us from the start.  i stg, one of my most common thoughts these days is ‘see, this is exactly why i have a psychosomatic sickness.’ they’re sending my to a psychologist to see if i can let everything out and maybe get some advice on how to handle things better. i will laugh my ass off if i get diagnosed with a mental disorder. that’d be absolutely hilarious (I am in no way trying to make fun of people with a mental disorder, I’m just saying I honestly wouldn’t even be surprised if they said something like Burnout Syndrome or Depression (im not even joking when I say that I’ve been sleeping pretty much all afternoon + night these days, cry way too often, feel no motivation for anything, feel worthless, no apetite and also occasional suicidal thoughts which is oh so fun (ok but in my defence, the thoughts are really rare, probably caused by the fact that I feel nauseous like 90% of the time, and I would never ever do it, mostly because some people would miss me (I hope). there are moments when I go ‘wouldn’t it be easier to disappear?’ tho))

sorry about that rant

MOVING ON TO HAPPIER THEMES (and proper writing):

Yeah, Norway was truly gorgeous ^^ I don’t think I’ve ever felt more at peace than then. I fell asleep in the car at one point while watching the scenery outside, and it was one of the best sleeps in my life, despite being in the car. I’m glad you enjoyed them ^^ If you want, I can upload random pics like that every once in a whole.

Aaah, that’s pretty good reasoning! It makes a lot more sense now, thanks for explaining! 

Yeah, I kinda see why you’d ship it. Steve is a pretty understanding person and, like you said, would probably understand Loki the best ^^ Recommend me some fics and I might even start shipping it myself ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I LOVE T’CHALLA THANK YOU FOR ASKING YES.  I mean, he angery™, but also freaking cool! Not to mention crazily powerful *^* I’m pretty excited for his movie, cause more badassery from him!

Wow those sound like genuine memes. Seriously why can’t i draw XD

Also HIstory has its eyes on you but it’s actually Illumi will give me nightmares.

GODAMNIT I JUST WANT JUUZOU TO BE HAPPY IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?? (apparently yes)

Yep, since I have all the volumes, I like to flip through them sometimes and I’m blown away every time by the development.  I also cosplayed the main character a while ago, so it holds a high sentimental value to me. But it is a lot lighter than your usual reads, true...

Well, uh, it’s kinda hard to explain? I mean, DTK is obsessed with symmetry and will go to crazy lengths to preserve it, get mad if someone disturbs it, will jeopardise missions if he’s not sure if he left something perfectly symmetrically at home etc, but it’s not so much as a mental illness as it is a consequence of who he is (part of the Grim Reaper)? Like i said, it’s really had to explain.

Did you manage to find the fight scene?

My reaction to Death Note in general:  FUCK YOU LIGHT YAGAMI. oooh, I’ll search that manga up!

Well, I’m not so much upset about the whitewashing, more about the fact that I feel like the japanese general ideology plays a big role in why light decided to start killing bad people? Idk how to explain it... 

Oh, Japanese-American Kira would’ve been a really interesting thing to see!

Yay, at least you found some good things? Well, it’s nice that you managed that ^^

Damnit, so it didn’t go according to Keikaku! It’s all because they didn’t include the potato chip scene.

Uuh, i don’t exactly remember much of SU, but I guess I’m most similar to Pearl? I didn’t really sympathise with any characters that much tbh. As for gem. Uuuuuh *quickly googles gem meanings* ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.  I like Zircon because of the colour and alexandrite because it changes colour which is incredibly cool!

Your rambling always makes me feel better tbh. It gives me a looong message from a friend I appreciate incredibly much so, yeah, I always smile when I see a message from you (even though my replies are so slooooooooow)

Aaah, I see! That’s pretty interesting ^^ Quite different from our system.

Ah, shame, you would’ve liked the most recent route, there is so so so much suffering.

Yeah, I am 100% fine!! Don’t worry about it! The reason why I suggested something else is because on sites w an instant messaging system, my replies would probably be a lot quicker,

I AM IN LOVE WITH THE AESTETHICS, ESPECIALLY LIZZY, THAT IS GOALS

and the drawings are adorable ^^ Hide tho ;-;

[skamfairy]

I want to hear about cleo and willow's relationship!!! You can't just mention them and not tell us how they are doing dhdjej also, I'm the anon that asked about the society and idk if you got my last ask, but i want to hear more about that too

Snsjwkwkwkwkwk OKAY OKAY OKAY So I gotta explain everyone’s personalities because they are all different! Go ahead and tag yourself after reading

Oscar

Oscar is an absolute sweetheart. He sleeps, he eats, he gets super close to you because he needs the comfort and love and he will follow my dad EVERYWHERE. he also lets Cleo kick him out of his bed and he’ll sleep next to her on the floor. He’s pretty clingy but it’s just cos he needs love and attention because he’s getting older and sadder everyday. It’s not a lie that he has a sad soul, there’s something in his eyes that share so much sorrow but he keeps going and he loves people so much. He’s a good baby he’s just so tired he’s had a god damn life you know? He’s for sure a hufflepuff

Cleo

Alright this gorl, bless her god damn heart I love her but she’s so fucking dumb. I’ve never met a more stupid cat. She’s an idiot but she’s a happy idiot you know? She’s got the spirit. SHE LOVES FOOD and she’s super enthusiastic and happy she even let my sister put socks on her. She’s just like sure man do whatever I’m a free spirit. She never thinks of the consequences and doesn’t understand anything but she’s living her life to the fullest and that’s all that matters. She’s a gryffindor. She’s just so happy and optimistic and carefree I love her she’s like a sunshine.

Willow

Okay sup here’s the best one. Willow is the smartest binch in the house. She knows exactly what’s up and how to dodge any activity she don’t want in on. We have to tie her travel cage up because she knows how to unlock it FROM THE INSIDE. She is extremely anxious. She’s been diagnosed with anxiety from the vet. She hates it when I leave her :(( but more than anything she is anxious of the vet hence the survival instinct with the cage. More than anything tho, willow is the most loving angel in the world. She don’t trust many people but when she does it’s like you’re her whole world. She’s so sweet and loving and would never hurt a fly. She is so good at understanding when someone is sad too like she ALWAYS KNOWS and will come and cuddle you which is amazing because cuddles are on HER TERMS. Willow has resting bitch face and looks done with life on the outside but on the inside she’s the most softest angel in the world. She’s a slytherin.

Okay so willow and Cleo’s relationship is complicated because Cleo wants to play with her all the time and willow is like no bitch I want my space leave me alone. They will play but sometimes Cleo doesn’t take willows hint that she’s not in the mood and will go too far and willow will be like bitch leave me alone and then come cry to me about it. (Willow goes all draco on us and is like “wait til my father hears about this” im the father) so yeah you think these siblings just don’t click BUT THEN when it’s sleepy time and Cleo comes to sleep with willow I’ll catch willow GROOMING HER and my heart explodes it’s so cute they basically have a normal sibling dynamic. They love each other but Cleo can be an annoying little sister and willow will be all LEAVE ME ALOOOOOONE MUUUUUUUUUUM. I love them.

My little sister thinks it’s funny because willow is my cat but she thinks she’s more like willow than I am and thinks I’m like Cleo who is her cat. So yeah I’m the happy idiot snwjwkwkwkwkwkw

OKAY THE SOCIETY I’ll put this under the cut cos spoilers

I don’t think I did get your last ask! So let me know what you wanna hear specifically but basically I found it entertaining anajakak I dislike so many characters including Allie whoops (i haven’t been in the tag so i have no idea if this is an unpopular opinion. let me know!) but yeah she just annoys the CRAP out of me it just got worse. 

 but I like a few like kelly I got super attached to kelly, i really love her idk why. sam and Gareth ofc are the goods and becca too love her and sams friendship. Oh and I like Helena A LOT I think she should be their leader she’s the most adult like I’d let her lead me sure. Maybe I’m saying this cos I’m a lesbian tho asjhasjhjahs

i wish cassandra didn’t die so soon like i was digging her for sure. like she did have this whole perfect thing happening but i wanted to explore her as a character more it would have been interesting if they touched on her flaws and shown that she was still a kid just like everyone else you know she don’t have all the answers. but nope. 

i think them making allie the fucking leader just cos her sister died was so dumb like what a stupid idea. like “oh they respect you cos you’re their leader” bitch i would be annoyed, like sure lets make the grieving 16 year old the leader of us. (i forgot her age so this might be wrong) im sorry allie is just asjhsajhasjhas so annoying to me if she’s your fave im sorry and im sure she’s great and i just missed something 

oh and yeah i like Elle, i just hate seeing her in pain all the time, save her already. 

also her boyfriend and sam’s brother i just. my issue with him is how he is written? i think it’s pretty lame for a show or a movie to just say straight up “oh he’s a psychopath so this is our bad guy” like what?? where is the depth and the story and the characterisation? like okay not to be like this but imagine if he was clearly a horrible human being in the real world and someone else is like !!!! so perfect and respected, but then they go to this crisis world and somehow the situation changes him and he has a whole character development and our BIG BAG is someone we never would have expected who seemed so good and innocent. 

idk that just would have been a better story than just creating a shit human being right of the bat in every way possible and even having to tell the audience HE IS EVIL FAM like lol what. so yeah from a nerdy storytelling view, not a fan of the character writing of that guy. 

man i love kelly tho, to be fair not sure why cos it’s not like the story focuses on her much but i’m just a fan of these kind of stories, showing how someone changes and she had a lot of change and i support her learning and helping becca and just GIRLS. 

im sorry this seems very negative but i actually enjoyed watching the show a lot there was just a lot of annoying characters which i’m sure you’ll feel it can’t just be me. i hope shjashjas 

i have no idea what the world is or whats happening pls tell me any theories if you have any!!! i really liked that scene at the end with peter pan that was great. OH ALSO I LIKE THAT GUY the smart guy who was into cassandra and bean!!! 

if kelly has to be with a guy i want it to be him defs. 

anyway omg im so sorry if my opinions were like sahashjashjahjs frustrating for you let me know what you think!! change my mind sjahjsajh my mind can be changed for sure with this. but yeah i did like it because i was super entertained and i wanna know whats up. 

oh and i didn’t mention sam and gareth much but yes love them they are so sweet help

[antichrist-vevo]

Im gonna post my WIP of my Arcana OC

Hope y’all like her. I’ve been working really hard. I’m taking a break from working on her to work on some other Arcana ocs I plan on making so look out for those! 

Legal Name - The Viscountess Sofiya Alexandrine Castessier Of Vesuvia 

Any Nicknames - 

Sof - A nickname given to her by her brother. Just a shortened version of Sofiya. Count Lucio once overheard her brother calling her this nickname and adopted it as well. Even after her brother's death, he continued to use it. It didn't bother her, however, as it brought up happy memories of her brother upon hearing it. Allows her friends to use it. 

Sofi - Just a shortened version of Sofiya. Her friends typically use this if they don't use "Sof." Doesn't bother her. 

FiFi - Count Lucio calls her this on occasion. Why? Just to annoy her. It's what he does. She doesn't like it. It sounds like the name of someone's pet dog. She's not a dog, Lucio. Please stop. 

"Ma petit choupette" - A French term of endearment directly translating to "my little cabbage"?? But it's English equivalent is something akin to "Pumpkin." The only place where this nickname is confirmed is in letters and notes from her father to her. She keeps these letters in a jewelry box under her bed. They're some of her most prized possessions. 

Age - 25

Place of Birth - In Vesuvia under the rule of the former Count. (Prior to Count Lucio)

Date of Birth - October 23rd 

Zodiac Sign - Scorpio, though her personality seems very mixed with a Libra's but I don't make the rules, the stars do. 

Family -

BROTHER

- (Deceased) (former) Viscount

Maximilien Valère Castessier

of Vesuvia 

Became the Viscount of Vesuvia after their father's death. Was quite close to Lucio despite being a nicer person. He would often attend Lucio's extravagant parties, dragging Sofiya along to try and help find her a proper suitor. 10/10 wing man. Passed away before Lucio's death. Had contracted the plague around the same time as the Count, however he was not as lucky to last as long. Did not have the constant care the Count had. Passed the title of Viscount to his sister as he was never married and had no children. 

FATHER - (Deceased) (former)  Viscount Jonas Cesaire Castessier of Vesuvia

Was appointed the title of Viscount by the former Count of Vesuvia. (More info will be added later - I just need to organize what I have) 

MOTHER - (Deceased) (Viscountess) Elizaveta (Liza) Mariya Castessier (Maiden; Boytsova)

(Info being reorganized) 

Appearance -

Skin

- 

She's pale. Many people have joked about her being a secret vampire. She doesn't really tan either. Rather - she burns, peels, and is still pale. Doesn't really get freckles either. 

She has one scar on her face that cuts down across her right eye. This scar was recieved from a childhood accident, causing her to be blind in her right eye. The blindness affects her in that she gets headaches due to the difference between both her eyes. Will sometimes be seen wearing a silk eyepatch if she gets a headache. She will also wear the eyepatch if it's a formal event - she doesn't like having a visible scar in formal situations (especially if she's in a pretty dress, she thinks it ruins her look.) 

Hair - 

Sofiya's hair is rather long, reaching down to her lower back. It's wavy in texture and blue-black in color. She typically wears it up and in a hairstyle that can be best described as a smaller "gibson girl" hairstyle - paired with smaller ringlet curls framing her face. She rarely wears her hair down unless she is just lounging around the house. Her linage has seen loose hair as a very intimate thing, which is a common sentiment among women in the past. 

When her hair is down, it's either about to get saucy or she's going to bed/just got out of bed. 

Eyes - 

Her eyes are reddish-brown in color with the right eye being more "fogged" and glassy due to the injury causing her partial blindness. The best way to describe her eyes is "doe-like." They are more round in shape which is a trait carried over from her mother's side. Her brother did not have this feature as well, which made her appear to be the "young fragile sister" trope to a T - yet we know this is not what she was. 

Height - 5'3''

Body type - A curvier form, waist having been corset trained since she was in her early teens - as was the norm for her French heritage. Her father had people hired to assist in her corsetry due to the complications self-corsetry can cause. She has them to thank for her spine not being absolutely destroyed. She can in fact go without a corset. Her bust is not exceptionally large, it's slightly above average at best. (Not ur big tiddy goth gf) She has a booty. It's not a big booty, but there's something there for sure. 

Dislikes - Plague

Romance? - Probably Lucio, but I'm not happy about it. (I also really like the idea of her and Julian. I think it would be a cute dynamic idk she’s multiship do with her what you will) 

What do they smell like? 

Being of a noble family, she owns quite expensive perfumes - some gifts, some purchases. However, despite this, she gravitates toward using essential oils for their scents. Due to her blindness in her right eye, she gets migraines from time to time so to combat them, she uses lemongrass oil as a remedy, which is what she will often smell of. 

What are their four trinkets? 

Her father's nobility medal, an embroidered silk handkerchief that her brother gave to her as a birthday gift, old letters with a monogram wax seal with the initials "J.C." and a silk eyepatch. 

What kind of magic are they good at? 

Despite having a strong aura, she's not that in-tune with magic. Almost as bad as Dr. Devorak when it comes to it. 

What kind of magic are they bad at? 

ALL

What tarot card do they connect with the most? 

Minor Arcana - Knight of Pentacles Major Arcana - The Chariot 

What is their favorite color? 

Emerald Green

What were they like as a child?

She was rather quiet as a child, most vibrant when in her brother's company. Since her brother was older than her, she looked up to him for guidance or for comfort when she needed it. As she grew older, she became more independent, but she still came to her brother for guidance in important situations. 

What were their parents like? 

She never knew her mother, but from what she has been told, she is a lot like her. Her father, however, was a very caring one. Toward his children, he was a kind and loving individual. To everyone else, he was of nobility. Due to his status - having gained it through Lucio's predecessor - he was kind, yet guarded. One has to be guarded when they are of noble status (except Lucio apparently), especially when the new Count (Lucio) had no concern about the state of his citizens and lower districts. Being under Lucio, her father bore the repercussions of Lucio's poor decisions. Wasn't under Lucio for long as he passed away soon after Lucio became Count. 

Do they have any other relatives they are close with? 

Her brother is the only one she was close to. She never knew her other relatives. 

What are they afraid of?

Being truly alone. The return of the plague (how ironic). Storms. 

Mental health issues?

Other than the occasional sadness accompanying grief and mouring, which is perfectly normal, she has no diagnosed mental health issues. 

Favorite type of weather? 

Clear and crisp. Prefers chillier temperatures. 

What is their favorite season? 

Autumn.

How many languages do they currently speak? 

2 fluently, 2 conversationally. 4 total. 

Do they sing or play any instruments? 

She is classically trained vocally and can play the piano and harpsichord.

After a stressful day how do they relax? 

You will typically find her sitting in the garden of the estate enjoying the fresh air. If it happens to be storming, she will be sitting at her piano busy drowning out the sounds of the storm with music. 

Guilty pleasures?

She enjoys sneaking around off to taverns around Vesuvia. It isn't very ladylike to partake in drinking anything but the occasional champagne or wine, but she will have stronger elixirs on these secret solo pub crawls. Favors whiskeys, spiced rum, cider, or sometimes absinthe. (Mulled wine is also really good in the winter ;D) 

Hobbies? 

Anything musical, light gardening (tending to pre-gardened flowers is more accurate), attending palace events (masquerades, dinners, etc.), people watching/observation. 

How do they react to (both verbal and physical) conflict? 

Sofiya responds to verbal conflict with diplomacy. She attempts to solve the conflict with as little shouting as possible. Physical conflict, however, can result in her trying to fight for herself and getting injured (this has occured in the past). She had a brother, physical conflict occurs between siblings sometimes, what do you expect? 

What kind of character faults do they have? 

JEALOUS, can be secretive about how she feels, tends to hold grudges and can attempt to "get even" more often than not, can be overly submissive personality-wise around overly dominant personalities.

What's their best trait in their opinion?

Her intuition! She can often read a room well, which helps her socialize with other Vesuvian nobility (and other noble people) and pretty much everyone she's around. 

How do they interact with people in a position of authority? 

Having been taught proper etiquette, she knows exactly how to behave around the Count, Courtiers, and other Vesuvian nobility. Being a noble herself (she IS the position of authority), she doesn't always HAVE to be respectful, however she definitely tries to be. 

How do they interact with kids? 

She ADORES children. She'll show off her finery and tell stories of her journeys and other noble people she has met in her past (although they may/will be embellished for entertainment purposes). Will DEFINITELY play dress up. 

What do they think the meaning of life is? 

To be truly happy. 

What do they want to do before they die? 

She would love to see Vesuvia restored to it's former glory. 

How do they express affection? 

When she is following proper etiquette, it is quite reserved. However, as a passionate (and jealous) person, she craves open displays of affection. She finds it validating. 

Do they like spicy food?  

No, she has the taste buds of someone who has been locked in a closet for centuries with only saltine crackers to eat. Good thing she's rich because rich people don't have taste buds. (Rich people food sucks? bye) (She prefers savory foods.) 

Favorite fruit or vegetable? 

Pomegranates.

Do they like sweets? 

She loves sweets!! 

What food would they refuse to eat? 

Caviar? Squid? Yikes gross with a capital G. How to rich people do it? Eck. 

Is there anything they eat that most people would find unappealing? 

Brussels sprouts? Turnips? Things like that? Had a Russian mother. Good girl. Eat vegetable. 

When going on the road, what food could they not live without? 

Pomegranate tartelettes? Heyoo 

What meal gives they a sense of nostalgia? 

Gratin de pommes a la dauphinoise (basically au gratin poratoes.) Her father wasn't one to cook often as they had a small kitchen staff in their estate to do it for them. However, once in a while he would make gratin dauphinois as it was his children's favorite dish. It would be a side to whatever the kitchen staff decided to pair with it. Nobody has been able to make it for her the same way her father did. 

Someone just threatened them what do they do? 

Threaten them right back. Or alert the proper authorities, but usually the former over the latter. 

What's the worst thing someone has said to them? 

There have been countless times where Lucio has said some offhanded comment to her (as that's just how he is), but the worst had to have been after her brother died of the plague. He told her that she shouldn't be grieving for so long and that "crying over it wasn't going to bring him back." Surprisingly that was the first and only time she has ever punched Lucio in the face. He deserved it. (also may or may not have apologised he won’t admit it) 

What is the strangest thing they've ever come across? 

Being sheltered by nobility, the strangest things are seen when she sneaks away from the estate. The streets of Vesuvia hold some bizarre characters at night. The people in the taverns are also quite strange. 

What/who do they find disgusting? 

Not exactly the people themselves, but the actions and behaviors of some of Lucio's Courtiers and Lucio himself are disgusting in her opinion. She was raised to believe nobility should have dignity or at the very least, basic manners. She is civil with most and friends with some, however she wishes they were more well-behaved. 

What upsets them the most? 

The state of Vesuvia's lower districts. The potential return of the plague - rumored by the reappearance of the red beetles. 

What mythological figure would they be? 

Erato or Euterpe. Both being one of the nine Greek muses. Erato is the muse of love poetry and Euterpe is the muse of music.

This is a few character templates mashed together (one of which is one I made a long time ago). Honestly, feel free to use if you want to. I do not need credit as one of the templates used was not created by me. I don’t know the creator. 

This is also really long I’m sorry. If she’s no good, whoops I’m sorry. I’m actually kind of proud of what I’ve been able to develop (with the small amount of past Vesuvian lore :/)