#I don’t even need them for my job
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Chanting to myself, as uni results and my degree classification are being published in 5 minutes: *your grades do not define your worth. Your grades do not define your worth. Your grades repensent such a tiny thing of who you are and your skills*
#I don’t really believe they define me and I care a whole lot less#but still#being brought up to think they care makes it difficult to shake off#I don’t even need them for my job#uggggh I hate it#questwithambition#it’s two minutes now#studyblr#univeristy#rambles
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We all know Timmy is Wanda’s mama’s boy but we need to keep in mind he’s still Cosmo’s kid too and that Cosmo would love him just as vehemently as Wanda
#fairly oddparents#not that anyone has portrayed him different#certainly not distance he loves Timmy he probably says it the most in the show and in fanon#but still- watching New Wish there felt like there was a disconnect with Cosmos character-like he wasn’t as well defined as he was in OG#that’s in part due to them toning him down from being an idiot plain and simple but I feel like it wasn’t fitted with something else it was#simply taken away#just to say he didn’t have as much of a presence to me in New Wish as Wanda did and I crave spinning Cosmo around in my brain#I want to see Poof being his Dad’s Boy yknow and I want to see cosmo doting and I want to see when he gets like. parental rage for the sake#of his kids#yknow? Yknow? part of him feeling detached in a new wish has translated into him not wanting to get as close to Hazel as he did Timmy-#to try and play it more like godparents are supposed to- just a presence for a couple months#but also because like. he got SO attached to Timmy and he’ll never regret it and he’d never do anything different#but idk. if it were me I wouldn’t have the capacity to go through losing my godkid again after becoming that attached#that’s not even mentioning that they don’t HAVE to be in hazel’s life the same way they were in Timmy’s because Timmy was going through#neglect and Hazel has loving family and friends all around her at all times- her blocks are mental#in that way cosmo and Wanda just have to do the Typical Godparent Job of aiding her- not becoming people she desperately needs in life#which also bleeds into why I think Peri was having such a. difficult time#godparents aren’t supposed to be attached the way his family was to Timmy and that how he learned it#but his first godkid is Not Easy and lends immediately to the issues Timmy was having where he HAS parents he HAS things (though . Timmy#was not rich and would sometimes not be fed… dev’s dad also forgets to feed him but dev is still able to eat you know)#and how he grew up with his parents as godparents and how he’s been taught are conflicting and it’s nature vs doing a good job quoteunquote#I didn’t mean to ramble so damn much in the tags I’m really sorry#told myself if I had more to say I’d write it down and post it later but I must be heard.
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alright single digit days so it’s time for last-minute baseless + unfounded veilguard theories!!!!!!! I’ll go first: the reason spite can’t take over lucanis’ body is because that body is ALREADY being possessed by lucanis, who was in fact dead and buried in the wake and rebound to a new form in the ossuary
#dragon age: the veilguard#veilguard spoilers#datv#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#ANYWAYS additional spoilers/expansion on this theory in the tags ->#the whole ‘Zara thought it would be funny if you were the REAL demon of vyrantium’#but it’s about lucanis being the possessor not the possessed…. hmm hmmmmmmm hm#torn between that being done intentionally or them trying to bind spite but lucanis has already moved back in#and if I MAY#worldbuilding on this: flesh golem lucanis still bound to zara’s orders#so when you go to fight Zara and she orders him to kill you ohhh he is trapped inside his own(?) body watching himself try to kill yoj#and at the end of the fight you have the option to kill or spare him#and if you spare him ohohoho enjoy the KNIFE inside you!!!!#(post battle after Zara is killed not by his hands the GUILT the SHAME the HORROR)#(IF he’d even survive it!!!!! and what then!!!!)#anyways all this to say the tags aren’t part of the theory they’re just what I’d do to him ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#I do wanna hear other theories I do not care how outlandish and unlikely they are#I want to incorporate em into my worldview#da posting#OH YEAH additional crumb for this theory: caterina being 1) filled with grief and 2) an absolutely evil woman commissioned the new Lucanis#his scruples about blood magic are his OWN right like the crows don’t have a formal stance on blood magic#that’s all lucanis’ moral compass (which illario even comments on in the Wigmaker job)#caterina missed her grandson? WRONG the first talon needs the protege she poured three decades of torture into back
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there’s probably something deeply wrong with me because every time i see someone react to the pok gukgak interrogation scene it’s like “oh no oh my god is riz’s dad a bad guy?” when the first time i saw that scene my only thought was “oh my god is riz’s dad HOT??”
#i mean admittedly my instinct was that he was lying about what he was saying & he was a good guy (which i was right about) but#it truly was like pok: i don’t give a shit about my wife & kid i only care about this job / me: pok gukgak save me… save me pok gukgak#fantasy high#dimension 20#pok gukgak#riz gukgak#in my defense i really love spies so watching someone convincingly act indifferent about the most important part of their life… CRAZYYY#but i still feel like i’m setting back feminism so many years but also. he got acid splashed on his face & didn’t even flinch… that’s hot#guy who would literally go through hell & back bc it’s for the greater good but would also if he had to do it for the people he loves#but like. the greater good always came before the people he loves. that was the job. he loved them so much but he also missed so much#how much WAS he willing to sacrifice for the sake of the job? work is a great form of love but it can’t be the only form#especially for a young kid. but yea idk i have complicated feelings#pok gukgak u r so fascinating to me#pok sklonda riz & work as a form of love or whatever#truly would not work as a campaign & would be better as a book but young pok young kalina young sklonda… i need to know EVERYTHINGGG#the shameful thirst post -> character rumination journey of these tags is truly Something but also par for the course w/ my brain
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i took a sick day and took myself out to breakfast and baby waved me. life feels good again.
#im very lucky to get paid sick days (which is fucked that people don’t get paid days to begin with) but they don’t carry over#and work has been so stupidly busy and it will only get busier#and im changing roles at work which is nice (i guess) but its just a job and more responsibility#and im trying to always not treat my job like it’s my life or something that defines me or the only place where i give value#cause that’s not true but that’s what the corporate world WANTS YOU TO DO#and feel guilty when you take time for yourself cause if you aren’t around things will fall apart#but all of this to say: if you get paid sick days please take them. even if you aren’t sick or just need a break.#it’s so needed. life is so crazy busy and weekends are enough time to do everything#so taking a day to do the things you need to do or (like something I need to learn how to do) do nothing at all and just chill#my dream sick day is having the house to myself and i can take a bath and then go back in bed and read fic all day#and eat pasta#but one thing at a time
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my five surviving braincells when something remotely good happens:
#in other news… wORK IS OVER PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#man. i’m s o tired. i can’t believe i survived almost 2 whole years at this job…#huh. come to think of it… i started tling idol sengen before i even got this job lol. and i’m only 3/5 of the way through it…#can’t believe the idol sengen grind->hiatus->grind(?) outlives my time at [withheld] company…#i did end up spending a cool 20 mins cleaning out my work locker though. i found so many treasures i didn’t even know i had in there#like. there was an unopened 3-pack of wet tissues a n d an unopened box of pens that i don’t recall buying#and ofc the 3 random sponges i ‘liberated’ from the lab. don’t tell my boss lmao#w a i t now that i think about it i should’ve taken at least 1 vial of (allegedly) carcinogenic sand for the memories. dammit.#oh well. what’s done is done i suppose. i did receive way more chocolate than i could ever eat though…#y. yeah. i guess i’ll miss my coworkers (a little). they were fun to annoy every day. except for the new guy bc i don’t like him at all lol#i have never met someone who lacked as much common sense as he. i think he’s gonna get canned before he’s able to resign on his own terms#dude could be spoonfed through every single step of the testing process and *still* mess up somewhere smh#but no. this isn’t about him. even though he is the final straw that led to my decision to resign#hm. looking back on it now. i think i was pretty good at my job for the most part when it came to the things i could do#or maybe i was too good at it. like. to the point where even more experienced analysts were coming to me in search of help#prolly gonna miss being one of the very best (out of like a grand total of 10 people at the lab) at doing ftir-related tests#ehehehehehehe i wonder if that workstation will continue to stay as organised as it is now that i’m gone#a n d i wonder what my coworkers will do now that they can’t ask me for ms excel help for the smallest of things lol#sometimes i just wanna tell them to g o g o o g l e i t ! ! ! when they call me over for it. but alas.#can’t believe these guys know how to use c h a t g p t and not ms excel (despite having it on their resume) smh#omg wow this got long and incoherent sorry guys i think i need some sleep lol. idol sengen next week..#…maybe…? no promises though!!!!!
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saw a tiktok that was like. Daily Affirmations: my work crush doesn’t like me. and now i’m like wow i wish i could send this directly to all of my new high schooler coworkers. who are all really annoyingly obsessed with our one male manager because he’s The Chill Manager. you may have seen me refer to this man before (it’s different when EYE love him because we are the same age. the high schoolers being obsessed with him is weird as hell and he DOES need to stop encouraging this) back in winterspring i was doing a lot of opening shifts with him and i was joking that we had the king and lionheart dynamic. which was real at the time but not so much the vibe now just because like. the vibe has shifted idk i work different shifts there’s different other managers i’m technically promoted there’s all these new people i don’t care about. the vibe is different. anyway. don’t care for these high schoolers and their obsession with him. especially because they’re like actual assholes sometimes to my friend managers… (they used to just work here and then two managers left and they got promoted) (i also technically got promoted at the same time but they rank above me and do more shit that i don’t want to do so like. obviously i’m not bitter or jealous about it. like if i had to manage a bunch of teenagers that didn’t respect me i might cry every single day) (which is happening to one of them fr. they’re literally such assholes to her sometimes it’s crazy like she’s not even as mean to you people as she should be…) not to side with like. The Man or whatever but unfortunately i’m not a teenager with a part time job i go to when i don’t have soccer practice so i cannot relate to the proletariat in this situation… like i knowww they’re seeing my girl as Bitch Manager and it’s making me hate them soooo bad. like you idiots can’t even fold jeans correctly!! i hate you!!!!
#literally the past three nights i’ve been working overnight with just the 2 friend managers and we’ve been having major bitch sessions#about these high schoolers…. sorry if this makes us bitches!!#maybe if more than 4 of them were literally any good at all at any part of their job we’d hate them less idk…..#like. if they sucked less it would mean i’d have to do less work. like girls work with me here im sick of covering your asses…..#can’t even put things back where they’re supposed to go correctly…#like why am i finding clearly marked clearance jeans mixed in the stack of full price ones…. stop pissing me offfffff omg#sorry again. but the next idiot teenager who asks me where something goes and i look at it and it’s clearly marked as clearance is going to#make me lose my mind for real. yes i do need a different job i know that im aware of this#the problem THERE is that all jobs look awful to me <3#and there’s genuinely nothing on earth i care enough about to make it a career!#i genuinely need to become a trophy wife and stay at home mom. like there’s no careers for me i fear#i don’t mean that in a ‘submitting to the patriarchy’ way i mean it in a ‘the only thing i’ve consistently known i want in my future for my#entire life has been kids’ way#anyway. having a job where you’re the fifth most in charge person there and third on an average day. makes you evil fr
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Hi loves I only have $109 in my account after buying groceries yesterday…
I’m waiting to hear back from jobs still. My only source of income currently is from online surveys & that does not add up to much at all.
Any help (tips, reblogs etc) in getting by until I land a job is extremely appreciated!
Venmo: @Grubcore
Ko-fi: grubcore (you can look through some of my art on here!)
#ebegging#I’m canceling all my future therapy appointments bc I can’t afford them rip#groceries and subway fares are pretty much all I’m buying#HOPEFULLY I’ll hear back from some jobs I applied to soon but idk I’ve been searching for months with no luck 🫠#hard to get a job in NYC it’s so competitive even for min wage ones & i don’t have a degree#not glitter text#all my work experience is specific to environmental science n it’s impossible to find *paid* work like that in nyc without a degree at least#it’s all park volunteering I need something that pays & I don’t have to stand to do (POTS syndrome)#disabled trans college dropout problems
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both of the flashback episodes felt weak to me and i can’t figure out why
#eva.txt#eva watches star wars#acolyte spoilers#first of all i think they could have easily been combined into one episode. i don’t know if we needed separate eps for that#but other than that i can’t put my finger on it#it’s not the coven at all either it’s smth about the way the jedi were acting#also didn’t sol ever learn like. diplomacy. one of the order’s core jobs.#thinking about it more i think it’s because these episodes don’t COMMIT in a way that meshes with the rest of the show#the other episodes treat it as if the jedi did something wrong on brendok ON PURPOSE#but in the flashbacks it’s more of a tragic misunderstanding#if it was just mae and qimir i could see it as them being biased but sol and torbin act that way too#and to be fair it WAS their fault. but something about it just does not fit#honestly i think that’s been my issue with all of the sw stuff i’ve disliked#the ot pt tcw rebels resistance kenobi and andor are committed to what they are#the anthology movies and the high republic books too#even bad batch although i have many other gripes with bad batch#the st mando and acolyte… not so much
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So now that we know the marriage market/schemes of the ton are not Benedict‘s cup of tea & he spends the better part of s3 running away from debutantes who want to marry him… I need Sophie (or whoever is going to be his love interest in his season) to be the incarnation of the word no. I need this lovely lady to be absolutely uninterested in this jokester puppy of a Bridgerton so that he HE has to run after HER. And she’s just like no thanks & completely uninterested & pragmatic/down-to-earth all the time until he like…cries & begs her to marry her I guess?
#bonus if she has like a clear life goal that she is working towards achieving all the time bc honestly I need someone who has their shit#together for Benedict bc I feel like this loser is just floating through society without any plans whatsoever and it’s getting annoying#we don’t even see him draw as a background scene and not even a throwaway line said abt one of his sketches or smth?????#I really LIKED Benedict as an artist in s1 & 2 and NOW he’s just whoring around???? I am so confused by you puppy boy WHAT DO YOU WANT WHERE#DID ALL OF YOUR HOBBIES AND PASSIONS GO#but. like. on another note he did a rly good job hanging out *cough cough* with that widow bc I could tell she’s a badass so I can’t really#fault him for that one. but WHERE SRE HIS HOBBIES#which is also why I wouldn’t mind making his love interest older than him? bc maybe with an older women we can get someone who knows what#they want & who can give him a bit of direction in life????#benedict bridgerton#bridgerton#ignore me pls I’m just rambling and saving my thoughts here on tumblr so I can go back to them and see whether or not my predictions/wishes#came true:)#minee
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also it’s interesting because. my family is deeply unsentimental (in a very powerful way) and society is divided into the pretty heartless or the pretty sentimental (generally speaking) and I’m sort of this walking heart wound of emotion trying to straddle these lines (and having a hard time of it!) but one of the things that does guard me from being more sentimental than I am is the secret cruelty and unfairness that lurks at the bottom of all sentimentality.
#like. schools are just such an interesting example#because they HAVE to combat the cruelty of the world#and there has to be love and warmth and support#especially if the school is a good one or trying to be and especially if the staff cares (which good teachers do)#but all the awards and the celebrations and trying to make things feel special can breed bitterness and resentment and a certain#stale weariness almost?#and yes some of that is just the human condition#it doesn’t mean you should do away with all of them just because you can’t please everyone#some of it is just the nature of the game of it all#but there is something where it becomes cloying very quickly#when wanting to celebrate students becomes detached from quality or high expectations#and even when it is united there is something I don’t like about the continual celebration of one student over another#of the kind of instinctive favorite picking schools do in terms of like ‘these are the golden kids’#and I get it I get it we need things to keep us going too. something to celebrate someone who appreciates us#but it’s just. on some level no! no kid above reproach no kid beyond redemption#because that’s life but it’s also just kids!!!#the only real safe space for me to interact with them is teacher / student and they are allllll my students#and I have a job to do by all of them not just the ones who love me#and many of them do and i love them in return!!#but just sort of letting the love hang in the air without immediately sinking it back into the work#or using it to redirect them#and at some point just stepping all the way back#to see and remind them that my job is to be a door and a guide into something bigger than me#isn’t good. it makes it sour more. and also in some way is me hurting people more#like this senior class is special to me. they just are. and yet to dwell too much on that in my speech (a temptation) actually has all sorts#of pitfalls attendant on it.#including exposing myself to the scorn of the kids who are like ‘who’s that lol’#which is funny and balancing in itSELF#but even if the whole class is on board the wave of sentimentality it actually shuts me off more from the students I currently teach#making that somehow seem less because they are not my ‘favorite’
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HEY FUN FACT YOU GET PAID FOR MANNING THE VOTING BOOTHS, OR AT LEAST YOU DO IN MY STATE
THEY PAY MORE THAN MINIMUM WAGE (significantly more) AND YOU CAN APPLY AT AS YOUNG AS 16 WITH PARENT/GUARDIAN PERMISSION
THEY PAY EXTRA ON ELECTION DAY
ITS A LONG ASS SHIFT (more than 12 hours) BUT HOLY SHIT
LIKE THIS AINT VOLUNTEER WORK THIS IS FOR PAY AND YOU GET THE DAY OFF SCHOOL WITHOUT IT COUNTING AS AN ABSENCE
OVER 200 DOLLARS PER DAY
#ya boy rambles#us politics#voting#election 2024#if I’m allowed to sit down for at least like half of it I’m gonna do it#like dude over 200 a day? PER DAY?!? and you increase voter turnout since some don’t vote cuz none of the booth runners look like them?#fuck yeah count me in!#they even give you lunch!#I need a job man and not only will this pay me a good bit but I can also put it on my resume#at this point I’ll take what I can get and this doesn’t sound half bad#relatively speaking of course#and since it’s in fall the weather shouldn’t be too hot?#not in the 110s for sure
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i called the ssa office to ask something and in the pre-recorded message they say, like it’s not fucking Insane, “if you’re calling with regards to a disability claim, due to a staffing shortage, current processing times for disability claims are between 250 and 300 days, after which it will take three to four weeks for you to receive your decision by mail” as though that’s just something that happens whoopsie sorry about that like die actually. how do these people sleep at night
#*#the welfare system has so many fucking hoops people have to jump through#for No reason#if you actually believe the majority of people on welfare don’t ~need to be#frankly if someone’s willing to go through all this bullshit to get a $200 unemployment check a week#they deserve it. like they make this shit stupid hard#when i informed the medicaid dept i had been put on leave from work#they requested - no exaggeration - Eight separate pieces of documentation#four of them needed to be signed and dated by people who weren’t me#one i didn’t have access to bc it was sent to my work email#which my workplace restricted my access to#and if i succeeded i would have gotten at most 60% of my average weekly paycheck#all of that bullshit. to - Maybe - get a minuscule amount of money#like. this system Exclusively oppresses people who are Already struggling#when you’re going through smth as hard as potentially losing a job#and then in order to have any sense of security at All#you have to do several difficult stressful tasks#in order to make sure you can Survive#life for ppl on welfare is already garbage i hate that these vultures make it even Harder
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thinking (and rewatching..) inside job again and i dont think rand is that bad of a father? i mean, he made a lot of mistakes and he doesn’t even feel bad ab it, even tho he traumatized reagan and a lot, but he was never absent. he acts like he cared ab reagan’s career just bc it could help his career, but that’s not true. he pushes her to be the best all the time and it’s bad, but he genuinely cares ab her so much. and the whole ‘creating crises to force her to hang out w him’ thing is fucked up, but it’s cute that he just wants to hang out w her that bad. most fathers literally don’t care enough ab their kids to do any of that. most fathers don’t even know their kids as much as he knows her. maybe my standards are just insanely low, probably, but he’s a better parent than 90% of the parents i know
#not just fathers. my standards aren’t lower for fathers than they are for mothers yk. they’re both low#he’s a better parent than my mom#he raised her being completely emotionally neglecting and putting so much pressure on her to be the genius she is#but i mean#my mom was just as emotionally neglecting as he was. i like telling the story ab how she had me stitch up my own wound when i was 8#and always mocked me for being ‘weak’. exactly like toxic masculinity except that we’re both girls. i couldn’t have feelings yk#rand isn’t as toxic as her when it comes to that. he neglects her feelings and even mocks them too but she still seemed allowed to Have them#if my mom thought i was being ‘weak’ she would scream at me ab how much she wished i had never been born. he doesn’t do that!!!!#like when she didn’t wanna skip 4th grade. if that were me my mom would have made me feel so guilty for being born#like i had to skip grades and actively pretend (i’m talking real acting here) to not be upset or she’d go on her rants#ab how life is difficult and depressing for everyone and i gotta swallow it and like it cause she sacrificed her happiness and health for me#cause my being born made her life so hard etc etc#i don’t think rand make reagan feel like her continuing existence kept him from being happy or healthy#my mom started blaming her diabetes on me when i was 10.#like im not fucking kidding#cause my expensive private school (that she forced me to go to all my life cause it was semi boarding so i had someplace to stay all day and#so she didn’t need to leave me home alone) made her work too much which made her stressed which made her eat more so being diabetic was a#sacrifice she made for my future#that’s just how it was#inside job#text
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I love the sims 2 because it will completely wreck your shit right when you’re least expecting it
#i’ll set the scene for you: i’m doing the prosperity challenge (basically a challenge where you create a number of completely randomised#families and you play them in rotation. rules vary but generally the goal is to make all your sims as successful as possible#and it’s meant to add some variety and drama to the game)#so i’ve played through the first four families which were all some variation of either grandparents or teenagers looking after kids#just because that’s how my rolls fell. so i got to the last house which was just one adult man and i was like okay.#i JUST need an heir out of him. just ONE. and things were going great! he already had a boyfriend (the random uncle of the first family#i played realllly liked him and i was like ‘this might as well happen’) so i had them try for baby. then his dream job (slacker lol)#came up in the newspaper on the FIRST DAY and he kept getting promoted! i also had him adopt a stray dog i thought was cute#his pregnancy went unbelievably well. he only passed out while eating one time. i allowed myself to be lulled into a false sense of security#and then mans ✨WOKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND GAVE BIRTH TO QUADRUPLETS✨#look this is honestly on me for downloading the triplets and quads mod. i don’t even know why i do it. just for the risk factor?#regardless there was only a 3% chance for this and yet it STILL happened. on the first birth in the neighbourhood no less!!!!!#bear in mind this man is living in a 2 bedroom starter home; has one paycheque (GROCERY STORE CLERK) AND he’s just spent a bunch of money#on his new dog. and we can’t exactly sell the dog’s stuff because it’s essentials#i managed to find the money for 4 cribs and a nanny fucking Somehow. and then carnage ensued#i don’t think this man bathed for 3 days. i got the dog a job and then realised it got weekends off so wouldn’t be going#aging them all up into toddlers aged ME. i think they’re technically classified as some being a day older than the others but idc#i’ll rectify it at the next birthday. or at one of their birthdays anyway#it was just SO messy. next rotation should be better though??? i had him marry the kids’ other father (who is an elder so will probably be#around approximately 5 minutes) who bought in exactly £5 but at least there’s an extra person to change diapers and get bottles#i see a lot of nannies in these kids’ future i fear#personal
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me: i desperately need to finally clean up my room a bit and get some chores done on my two days off this week!
my period: uh well actually you’re going to spend all of both days being debilitated, curled up in your bed with a heat pad writhing in agony and being severely depressed!
#⟡ — kayleigh.txt#... i am going to do laundry later so i have clothes to wear to work all five shifts but other than that i am not doing anything#because i feel disgusting and gross and i am in so much fucking pain right now and my digestive system is fucked too#i was going to change my sheets but i don’t want to accidentally bleed on my brand new ones so like. just in case. i’m gonna wait 🥲👍🏻#everything can wait another week i guess ughhh#hopefully my fucking period is done and gone asap but especially by this coming tuesday morning 😭🤞🏻#didn’t account for my period when i started this job; definitely need to discuss possibly getting a hysterectomy with my rheumatologist#because like. my period is so fucking excruciating and debilitating. i am so fucking exhausted and miserable and sick of this shit#i am not ever having children at least not birthing them myself so why do i even need this fucking useless thing#my chronically ill body can literally not fucking handle this period bullshit it practically kills me every fucking month
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