#I cried while making this I feel so bad
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Photo
How much of me is me? (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Another one that I cried to while drawing hehe ♪ Hhhhh I love their dynamic so much <3 <3 ;;#Sans' apparent disinterest in hurting Gaster is deeply interesting to me - we see him punch Gaster in Mercyplates even! :0#I can't help but feel that a good portion of it is Papyrus being there with him when Gaster gives them his arm haha#Would he have been as well-behaved if he'd been by himself? I wonder :)#But generally I read it as him having grown up <3 They've both matured so beautifully by that point it's just ah- such a treat to read#Their transition from their childhood to their teens and young adulthood into themselves is just jdlksafhdsfd it's incredibly well written!#I say ''I wonder'' quite a lot lol but that's just speculation - watching them grow into themselves is So Incredibly satisfying <3#It feels so natural to watch them become themselves ♥ It's beautiful ♪♫#And their sibling dynamic is truly unrivaled <3 They support each other! Lift each other up! Where one stumbles the other catches him!#I love them so much ahh#Papyrus' emotional intelligence gets me so bad <3 The sweetest lad#I feel like it would bother Sans that he/they have Gaster's memories and not their own#It makes me especially sad to think about everything he missed of them - if only you hadn't fallen behind on the footage Gaster! >:0#They already have some pretty incredible identity issues just throw being pieces of him in every sense into the mix#They're grown from him and even when they got away and built themselves that still got subplanted with memories that aren't even theirs!#It's a rough spot#Papyrus though ♥ Always knows what to say hehe#Reaffirming that Sans is the most important person to him - that they are to each other - that no matter what they're brothers#And that no matter what - even having Gaster's memories or being without memories at all - that Sans is a good person#That it's not out of self-preservation or trying to do it for Papyrus' sake (even if that is a lot of it haha)#That /Sans/ is the one making that decision of his own volition and his own morals and beliefs#And that he loves and supports him no matter what <3#''I know you can be a good person. You can choose to do the right thing'' and ''I see you being a good person. You're doing the right thing'#Hhhh <3 I love them <3
532 notes
·
View notes
Text
thinking about yassen gregorovich instead of sleeping (because i love him) and how he is a catalyst. yassen stabbs ash -> ash kills john rider -> ian rider raises alex -> yassen kills ian rider -> mi6 blackmails alex into becoming a teenage spy.
i have so many thoughts that i can't properly articulate. obviously this is a simplified chain of events, but yassen and his choices set off a chain reaction of the world's most unfortunate dominos. especially when you read russian roulette. to be clear im not necessarily trying to blame him for everything because that feels very mean. he was also just a 14 year old kid when everything in his life went wrong, just like alex. only difference being yassen literally had no one.
i think i should write an essay about this because i haven't even gotten into my thoughts about what yassen and alex's dynamic would look like past eagle strike. i would imagine it'd be similar to ellie and joel from the last of us part 2.
where obviously yassen loves alex and alex on some level cares for yassen back but struggles to reconcile that with the fact that yassen is responsible for his uncle's death. a very unforgivable act. it would be so messy and complicated and angsty, because on one hand here is an adult who truly cares about him and has a connection with him through his father. yassen could tell alex about john, and trust that yassen truly wants whats best for him. but he killed ian, and he cannot take that back.
while alex reels from those feelings, yassen is also trying to reconcile his love of alex with the knowledge that he on some level is responsible for the suffering alex endured at the hands of mi6. and possibly even the fact that alex's godfather is the one who killed john and helen.
#btw i think anthony horowitz killed yassen off so he wouldnt have to deal with this lmao#and sidenote ash is responsible for his own shitty choices but i think itd be difficult for yassen to cope with the fact that stabbing ash#led to some very bad consequences for literally everyone#are there any fics that are similar to what im describing?? ?#i read a ton of alex rider fics but i mostly read fluff because im actually too emotionally fragile to handle angst#i cried while reading stormbreaker and that book wasnt even supposed to be sad#if this is doesnt make any sense its because i woke up at 2 am and wrote this#its just word vomit; pure not proofread thoughts directly from my fucked up little brain#idk maybe someone will enjoy reading this#alex rider#yassen gregorovich#alex rider books#ian rider#john rider#chaotic ramblings#and final note i do not ship yalex#i was thinking of this more in terms of yassen having a weird guardian/parental relationship with alex#if it wasnt clear from my ellie and joel reference from the last of us#anyways im gonna go back to making shitposts and memes so i never have to feel anything again thank you goodnight <3
55 notes
·
View notes
Note
not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.
anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.
like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.
I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.
this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it
#skunk mail#Anonymous#ill be in a car with my dad fighting tears thinking about how ill miss it one day and there's no way for my brain to capture the moment and#make a simulation of it. and even then that wouldnt help. ykwim#sometimes i sit in my parents room while my parents and brother are there and i cant stop thinking about when ill see them for the last tim#and how i wish i could full really truly wring every last drop of ''appreciation'' from the moment.#i think about that time isnt linear thing. how everything that has happened or will happen exists on its own#and i think about the cheye experiencing the After tragedy. and i cant handle it. not now or then. i envy the past cheye#even the one of 5 seconds ago. because that was 5 seconds ive lost. 5 seconds closer to events that will#separate my life into Before and After. over and over again#(like you said anon. i think abt that all the time too)#i think this is also why im struggling with the thought of moving out#we all have so little time. dont even get me started on the fear and grief i feel for my own life#not only fearing dying but fearing the lead up where ive lost and cried over much. just me. alone.#ill never see them again. it will never be today again. we'll never be in my parents room like today again. i cant take it.#even if i spend every last second with everybody i still wont be able to take it. i cant believe it#human beings that were all somebody's baby once. tomorrow it will be like they were never here at all. all their memories#go with them. it hurts so bad. i cant take it#i cant even breathe rn ruminating abt it *peace sign emoji*
29 notes
·
View notes
Note
Can I ask, since you mentioned agreeing 'even if under duress' - how did the Watchers convince Player Grian to join them in hunger au?
So take this with the specific grain of salt that ive never watched Evo directly (but have friends who have ((thank you wren)), so i know tidbits via osmosis from them), but my thought has always been that the riddles the Watchers gave the Evo Players were all tests used to measure cleverness and intelligence-- the whole point of them attempting to copy the mind of a Player into a Watcher larva in the first place was to try and avoid the insanely high infant mortality rate their typical juveniles go through, bc they dont understand their own limits enough to even know they have them yet. So they needed a Player they knew they could instruct and who would listen to them, and, well. Grian, for all he was rebellious and outright defiant of the Watchers, still solved their puzzles and only had to be punished once before he stopped trying to mess with them
What ive always pictured is after the dragon fight the two main elders of the Watcher colony finally revealed themselves to Grian properly-- i have this crystal clear image of the two of them hovering above and next to the central end island, looming over Grian, and like, these guys are big. HUGE. A good 5x bigger than the ender dragon itself, at LEAST. It would be hard not to feel insanely intimidated by that, honestly, especially when there are two of them side by side, blocking your entire view of the End from that direction.
Anyway picture that with the context of these two giant floating winged worms youve never seen before, who have demonstrated their powerful ability to manipulate code in a way you cant.... telling you that they have chosen you to become one of them. Thats an immense amount of pressure, both from flattery and fear, especially considering theyve punished you before for defying them. I like to think even then, Grian balked a bit, and while i dont have exact dialogue beats here, i know the Watchers continued putting that pressure on him (likely while leveraging his friendships too-- like ive always said, if Grian hadnt been chosen, BigB wouldve been, and i can absolutely see the Watchers offering to take him in Grian's stead) until he finally caved and accepted their "offer" of joining them.
Unfortunately, he didnt find out exactly what that entailed until it was far too late.
#shouting speaks#asks#hunger au#evo watchers#watcher!grian#grian#evo smp#tldr they pressured tf out of him to do it#through both flattery and also leveraging his own fear against him#he was a Player after all. they were likely bumping his mood post-dragon fight to make him more suggestible#the most painful thing abt this to me is that the Watchers still werent being deliberately malicious here like#with the way they viewed Players this was NORMAL to them#they just. didnt rlly consider them as much more than food/hosts for their young. in their eyes the Watcher that emerged was different#than the Player it had hatched from#even though it had Grian's mind memories personality and stats#every day i feel shrimp emotions abt this#the horror he went through..... and they never once thought of it as torture#they never once regarded Player!Grian as something that needed to know what was going to happen to him#bc it was normalized to them. yeah sure Watcher juveniles hatch from Player hosts thats NORMAL thats part of their life cycle!!!#the only new thing is this one would still retain the Player's mind#it was a fucked up science experiment basically and grian wasnt told ANYTHING before it actually happened to him#sobs and cries ohhh grian i fucked you up SO BAD huh#also huge shoutout to my friend wren for giving me a little context while i wrote this and confirming my ideas slotted in#rlly well with existing canon. character understander status continues to stay intact im winning#txt
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy
#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her#she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy#and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general#HOWEVER#i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them 😭😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids#one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids#and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere#like im actually worried about it#i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly#and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on#so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention#anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho#and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job#but im so sadddd#also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group#its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff#and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly#literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving#things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much#but i literally can't see a future here#and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired#she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks#anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids#its just really hard#which is why i've stayed this long#i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
Still thinking about the scene where walt finds jesse in the crackhouse and tries to get him on his feet but jesse just starts sobbing so walt kneels there with him and holds him for a bit
#🧪💎#that scene makes me feel so many things cause like walt killed jane but jesse doesnt know that and just augh#im such a sucker for hurt/comfort especially when the hurt and comfort are done by the same person#the unhealthy relationship between walt and jesse makes me feel some kind of way like Imagine killing a guys girlfriend so you dont lose him#and then Holding Him while he Cries About It because you feel bad but you needed him for personal gain and just augh#i could write an essay i wont but i could#waiting to meet with the manager to continue my hiring process rn and i genuinely feel sick about that scene
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
finished Mercury Falling. what do I do. what do I do. what do I do. what do I do.
#I need to give all of them hugs.#what do I even do now. what do I do. what do I do.#it actually makes me feel so goddamn sick to my stomach#I don't think ive cried while reading comics in like. 2 years.#hgjfndjfn. they love eachother so so much.#god that part where he's running in the sphere saying 'I can do it I can do it I can do it'#and then Max just so so gently lifts him out and hugs him#this is not helping my headache#and when he's back in the simulation trying to save Dox but he can't#and the little moments where we can see Thad having his own likes and interests and sense of humor#and the little moments when Thad is just glowing after being praised or being told he's loved#and that moment when Max uses so much of what little energy he has to get up and give Thad (who he thought was Bart) a hug#I feel so so so so so so so bad for everyone involved. I need to hug all of them. I need all of them to be alright.#I'm going to throw up.#I can't do this. what do I do now. what do I do. someone. help.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sigchuuzai headcanon - Sigma having scars on his neck
TWs: Major Spoilers for Sigma’s backstory, mentions of slavery, description of injuries
Takes place in my BSD Fix-It AU (post-DoA arc). Sigma is a member of the ADA here and lives together with Chuuya and Dazai in an apartment.
The main reason why Sigma wears turtleneck sweaters is so he can hide the scars which go all around his throat.
The scars are from the time where he was kept as a slave at the organization which captured him in the desert and who used him for his ability. Back then was always wearing a heavy and tight shackle/metal collar around his neck which left his skin bruised and scarred.
When Fyodor told Nikolai to get rid of it after Fyodor took Sigma into the Decay of Angels, the skin underneath the metal had been irritated, red and bloody and there where the edges of the collar had been, the skin was bruised and had little cuts due to the metal being uneven and with sharp edges.
While the irritations and the bruises would disappear slowly after weeks, the cuts and bloody areas became scars.
They are very faint and one would probably only see them if they focused explicitly on his neck but for them, they will always point out. Whenever they wear something which isn’t covering their throat, they will feel as if the scars would be the first thing everyone would see when looking at them. Like they would be some colorful sign used for advertisement which blinks with obnoxiously bright lights.
Even after he exchanged his old outfit for a new one after he joined the ADA, he kept wearing a turtleneck sweater.
Of course, Dazai noticed that no matter which outfit Sigma would wear, his throat would be covered with something. A turtleneck sweater, a scarf, even in summer Sigma would find ways to cover his neck in a stylish way.
He would never ask about it though, not wanting to make his partner uncomfortable or make them feel pressured to tell him. If Sigma wanted to tell him, he would be there but Sigma should come to him out of his own will, when he felt ready and comfortable.
Chuuya did the same. He too wouldn’t confront Sigma about it but in secret, he and Dazai were a bit worried about them.
Of course Dazai thought about possible answers to Sigma always covering his throat but he never did some research about the others' past. He knew a bit about it from what Fyodor told him when they both had been at Meursault but he didn’t know in depth details or what happened in this year before Fyodor found Sigma.
Even after work, when Sigma was alone with Chuuya and Dazai at their shared apartment, he would still always cover his throat. To bed, he would usually wear a kerchief, praying that neither Dazai nor Chuuya would ask him about it.
During their first night together at the apartment, Chuuya did in fact ask Sigma if he was feeling well and Dazai asked him if he felt sick or had a sore throat but after Sigma told them that this wasn’t the case, the other two simply exchanged a glance and never asked about it again.
It stayed like this for months until one evening, Dazai accidentally saw Sigma without his neck covered.
He forgot to knock before entering their bedroom despite the door being closed due to being way too caught up in thought.
He was startled out of his thoughts when the pillow which Sigma threw hit his face
He quickly apologized and left the room as quickly as he came but he actually didn’t even look at Sigma’s neck. Out of reflex he looked away as quick as he could and didn’t even think about stealing a glance out of curiosity.
However when Sigma came to him into the living room and sat down next to him on the couch where Dazai had been waiting until he could go into their bedroom to change a few minutes later, Sigma seemed incredibly nervous and when he asked Dazai if he saw “them”, he wouldn’t stop unconsciously picking at his fingers.
Dazai was completely caught off guard and gently took his partner's hands into his, asking what he meant.
He was already ready for Sigma standing up, hitting him with “nothing” and quickly walking away, telling him to forget it but instead of doing so, Sigma would take a shaky breath, pointing at his neck which was uncovered.
That Sigma had scars on his neck was one of the possibilities which Dazai considered but seeing that this really was the case, made Dazai’s heart sink a bit.
He just replied that he didn’t see them but he also thanked him for showing them to him, since he remembered that this was what Chuuya said when Dazai showed him his scars for the first time.
Sigma just nodded.
There was a long, heavy and awkward silence between them afterwards. Dazai didn’t dare to ask them the story behind the scars and Sigma didn’t dare to say anything, anxious thoughts filling up his mind.
However, Dazai wouldn’t let go of the other’s cold and shaky hands, gently caressing the back of them with his thumbs and squeezing them reassuringly.
Sigma was the one to break the silence, telling Dazai about the organization, the slavery, his time in the desert, the metal collar, what they made him do and everything else.
His voice was shaky and sometimes his voice would crack while his eyes were filled with tears.
Dazai listened to him quietly, holding his hands.
He didn’t show it, but hearing about what happened and what they did to him, made him feel more anger than he felt for months.
After Sigma finished telling him, Dazai quietly thanked him for telling him all of this.
Afterwards there was a short silence before Dazai pulled Sigma into a tight hug, which Sigma quickly returned.
They clinged to Dazai as if their life would depend on him as they couldn’t hold the tears back anymore
Dazai held them, burying his face in the crook of Sigma’s neck, telling them that they didn’t deserve all of this but also telling them that they stilled looked beautiful with the scars visible and he reassured him that he loved him (and Chuuya) more than anything in the whole world.
He also thanked him once again for the trust to tell him about it.
He let Sigma cry as much as they needed to, not letting go of them.
Sigma felt as if a whole mountain got lifted off his heart. He had never talked about this with anyone and showed his scars to nobody and even if he knew that there had been no reason to feel that way, he had been scared of the reaction of Dazai and Chuuya. Now that at least one of them knew about it and after being able to finally talk about it with someone dear to him, it genuinely felt as if tons of weight were lifted off his heart.
He apologized to Dazai between his sobs, telling him that he had wanted to tell him and Chuuya about it much earlier but that he had been scared to do so.
Dazai quickly shushed him, replying that everything was alright and that that wasn’t something he should feel sorry about and that he didn’t need to apologize for which Sigma thanked him and hugged Dazai even tighter if that was even possible.
They sat there for quite some time like that, holding each other and Dazai letting Sigma cry it all out until Chuuya suddenly came into the living room.
The redhead had been at work until evening and when he came home, he immediately noticed that something was wrong
When he found Sigma and Dazai in the living room like that, he felt his heart squeeze in his chest, quickly going to them, asking what happened, his voice thick with worry.
Sigma flinched upon hearing Chuuya’s voice, not having noticed that he came home and entered the living room already but relaxed quickly again.
Dazai just looked up to his partner with a small smile, greeting him and telling him that everything is alright again.
Sigma then looked up too, pointing at his throat and telling Chuuya that they’ve been talking about those.
Upon seeing the scars, Chuuya showed more openly his small shock and worry before sitting down next to his partners.
Sigma then proceeded to tell him everything he told Dazai too and while it was still hard for him to do so, it was much easier this time. He also apologized to him too but Chuuya told him the same as Dazai did.
He then thanked Sigma too for their trust and for telling him before pulling them in a hug.
Chuuya too had teary eyes after hearing what happened.
He not only told Sigma how much he loved him but he also mumbled that he will find the people who did this to him and that he will make them suffer just as much as they made him suffer.
Sigma looked at him a bit shocked but before he could say anything, Dazai pulled Chuuya back into a hug, telling him that he didn’t have to do that and Sigma quickly joined their hug, thanking Chuuya and telling him that he genuinely appreciated it but that he really didn’t needed to do it.
For the rest of the evening they sat curled up together on the couch, not watching TV but just enjoying being in each other’s presence and Chuuya told Sigma quietly how beautiful he looked, making Sigma blush before telling Chuuya that he looked even more beautiful.
Dazai then proceeded to whine, telling them that he felt left out, making them both laugh before kissing Dazai which made him blush in a dark shade of red as well as stop working for a second.
Ever since that day, Sigma would only cover his neck during work and when they would go out but not at their apartment anymore.
Only during bad days where he felt more insecure again or when he couldn’t stand seeing the scars since they would always remind him about what happened he would cover them up with something.
Dazai and Chuuya both told him that while his scars remind him of this awful time, they are also a reminder and a proof that he managed to escape and that he survived it, that it’s over now and that he’s safe now and it makes him feel a bit better.
Chuuya showed him his pencil scar the very same day where he told them about his scars, telling him the history behind it.
Sigma might have cried a bit again, making Chuuya feel bad which made Sigma feel bad so they ended up hugging each other.
When Sigma feels bad about his scars again, Dazai or Chuuya (depending on who’s with him) sometimes kiss the scars lightly
They also sometimes do it during more intimate times.
To this day, it always makes Sigma feel better, safe and loved.
During the first time when Chuuya unexpectedly kissed Sigma’s scars, Sigma teared up a bit but not out of sadness or any other negative emotion. Simply because he felt so loved.
The only other person who know about the scars and their history is Ranpo because Ranpo is Ranpo and after a year in the ADA, Atsushi and Yosano know about it too since Yosano saw them while she treated Sigma after a mission and Atsushi knows it since Sigma trusted him enough to tell him about it.
Only like 2 years later, he finally stopped covering his throat all the time, feeling more and more secure in his body and in the ADA.
Chuuya and Dazai still want to make the members of the organization suffer.
#Finally some real content again#I'm sorry for the long wait#Chuusigzai>>>#Sigma easily cries because I say so (I'm projecting)#Them#Chuuya was scared that he made Sigma feel bad when he teared up after Chuuya unexpectedly kissed his scars#Sigma just smiled and tried to wipe his tears away; trying to assure Chuuya that he didn't do anything wrong/didn't made him feel bad#but just gave up and pulled him into a kiss#I've listened to “Constellations” by “Duster” and other music with that vibe while writing this on loop#Sigma didn't deserve all that shit which happen to him. To think about all of this makes me so sad#bsd sigma#sigma bsd#bsd dazai#bsd osamu dazai#bsd osamu#bsd dazai osamu#bsd chuuya#bsd chuuya nakahara#bsd nakahara chuuya#bsd#bungou gay dogs#bungo stray dogs#bungou stray dogs#bungou sd#bungou stray dogs headcanons#bsd drabble#bsd headcanon#hurt/comfort#bungoustraydogs#bungostraydogs
27 notes
·
View notes
Note
The pattern is that people straight up do not read™. or they read a 3-5 tweet summary of what happened and treat it as if they did. or because shonen expectations based on "the classics" is bullshit and significantly rotted people's brains when deciding wether an ending is good or not.
Which could be nothing right
yeahhh. i will forever regret reading the last chapter through leaks because it was a dreadful experience, and watching everyone ever shit on it for like a week after genuinely made me want to just get off the internet forever or something because i felt like an idiot for liking the ending (all this is my fault for getting too invested in both tumblr and mha etc etc).
All the "it's rushed" and pacing complaints barely matter to me at this point because you just cannot feel the pacing of something correctly when you're reading it exclusively through leaks. you can't absorb info like that. And don't get me started on the number of complaints and criticisms I've seen of the last chapter that are just provably bullshit (I saw someone say Izuku didn't get a statue lmao. yes he did, you just read the fucking leaks and watched twitter drama unfold instead of reading the actual chapter i fear).
#i just. do not think it is as bad as some people want to make it seem. i know not to take people who make cashier peaked in high school deku#jokes but like some of yall are treating this as if it's a major failure of the manga ? ? ?#it's underwhelming if you want#it didn't touch on stuff you wanted it to touch on whatever#i personally think that it did okay with the constraints it clearly had#like even without going into shonen jump conspiracy theories horikoshi had been doing 15 pages chapters for a while now#I also think that a lot of disappointment comes from fanon interpretations becoming canon in people's minds especially regarding izuku#and like do not get me wrong i had mixed feelings when i read the chapters i still have mixed feelings on some aspects (hawks what r you#doing etc etc)#i dont blame people who didn't like the ending for not liking the ending#i am just very annoyed by some justifications for not liking the ending#i don't even bother arguing with anyone at this point bc i don't want to be that person (too often) and because it just straight up makes m#feel bad lmao#anywayssssss i probably wanted to say something else but i forgor#oh no yeah listen. maybe you think it's lazy and maybe it is lazy to do an 8 years timeskip and leave a lot of stuff up to the reader#i personally really like this choice. important points were addressed and the rest can be speculated upon by the fanbase and by god.#we are the mha fandom guys. we can speculate. we love to speculate. we have EIGHT YEARS#you can do literally whatever you want man#i already have my personal canon for what happened during the eight years and believe me it helps a lot with the mixed feelings lmao#again. horikoshi did Not have a lot of space the story clearly had a lot of plot changes halfway through. i really do think this is more#than okay. this ending is not the end of the world i promise.#anyways i originally started like citing bs criticism i saw and then i thought ok lets not. inside thoughts etc etc.#i am not a meta analyzer i regularly learn i've misunderstood something about something or misremembered a plot point i am Not the person#for actually good meta and a lot of very insightful stuff on how we are very much not the target audience and lack cultural context go see#pikahlua lmao#mha manga spoilers#mha 430#mad mha ramblings//#ask//#i almost want to say ask to tag lmao? i have the mha cri/tical tag blocked so if anyone needs the opposite for me being overly positive
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
,
#talked about this leading up to it but they Did play like real people do#and i couldnt even see through my tears#hurts so bad on so many levels like i have never done All That. smthng so vital to My humanity#and then leaving the venue watching all the couples holding hands including the one that i came with.#pain just lots of pain my head hurts so bad i cried so hawrd#talkys#adn also he's literally so beautiful i hate my life#NOT in a parasocial way i jst do thingk he's handsome its the hair for sure#qlso remember how i wanted to make a piece about how like#i cant even look at old sculptures of humans bc it feels so. like. here i am looking at something resembling human-ness#and i cant touch it.#this felt like an extension in the way of the song being played ykwim#once again just spectating listening unable to do anything with my feelings#i crushed my best friends hand about it. while she leans over and kisses her boyfriend#it will always be something just maybe barely there in the distance. unattainable#i myself am an untouchable statue only human in resemblance etc
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
qaughhhhxhdhbebrrh
#everything is bad rn.#just had to get out of car after road trip (i’m sitting in the back) which is always bad#bad*#there’s a huge sleeping bag that was next to me which had the worst fucking texture ever#and my mum was constantly brushing against i with her clothes which also have a bad texture and together they made the worst fucking sound#there’s a kid in front of me who has been annoying me all day#and she always drags her fingers along the roof of the car and the seats and the sleeping bag and i can’t stand it#anyway just as i was about to go out#i dropped my phone and o couldn’t get it out again it was stuck in the trunk of the car#so i had to get out without my phone which is fine i don’t need to use my phone all the time but i like to hold it#it makes me feel more comfortable holding like. idk that shape and weight and stuff IDK it’s weird#but yeah i had to wait until the bags all got unloaded to get my phone back but before i got it back i went to the bathroom#which i couldn’t find so my dad asked the staff of the hotel where one was but he called me his mf daughter#😁👍#then i went to the bathroom#cried#my mum came into the bathroom and i hate it when she does this and i knew she was going to and she did#she called out my deadname in the public bathroom and told#me she had my phone#and i was so fucking stressed o did not want to talk i still do not want to talk#so i was just like ok#and she was like Ok???? like i had killed her fucking parents or something#so i had to be like thank you while i was having a meltdown#cleaned myself up and now i’m in the room and it’s hot and i don’t like it but whatever#shut up mars#:(
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Randomly remembered the half-reason i call my oc-verse by the name it has while laying in bed. One-half of the reason i still knew, but I had forgotten what had truly, really cemented it jointly until now
(it was a song from my favourite band I haven't listened to in a while.)
(the song fit so well at the time, still does, that i needed to hold onto it for the main protagonists forever, by partially naming their story in reference.)
Does this explanation make any sense? Does anyone know why I'm tearing up remembering this. Aahh
#(I'm emotional because I've been feeling bad about it all lately. enjoying things I make I mean—art or ocs or frivilous things.)#(So remembering that song and when it came out. That I couldn't see them in person. But i held onto it my own way. As something I loved)#(Something I still do love a lot... Parts of me saying no—you don't hate it. No. I'll help you remember more. I'm a little misty about it.)#The song is just The Killers - Run For Cover. I couldn't see them in person all those years ago—family went without me.#All my new oc rework with Zin and Hunter and Caia were like a year old or so.#It's a little silly. But the character Zin's derived from was a lightning mage so I stuck to it—I like monhun's zinogre for what its worth#So there's recurring theme and imagery. Thunder's not lightning but the sound and the feeling after the flash the flame and strike.#There's that meaningful thought—the story is the aftermath of a big tragedy. It matches what I like in monsters and other chars.#And at that time—my favourite band I missed out on puts out a really good song I download everywhere and it goes like:#He motioned me to the sky/ I heard heaven and thunder cry/ Run for cover/ Run while you can baby don't look back/ You gotta run for cover#And it goes on of course. The rest of the song's still really good. There's more that fits but point is; More evocative imagery.#So there. Why my bundle of OCs—Zinadia Hunter and Caia's story—is called Thunder 20XX. minus the 20XX. That's tongue-in-cheek#About some day I'll manage to make something tangeable or broadly shareable with them. I guarentee this century!#Thunder... oh my darling Thunder. Eight years man. More than that if I really want to count pre-rework INTO the complete original work. but#I like that it's definably 8. I like that I remembered I've always loved them a lot. Always been my thing to lean on even by name...#I need to get to sleep. Ive gotten a little more emotional over one song than I'd rather regularly be. Give it a listen maybe? Goodnight#Armour clanking#I need an oc tag#What have you gathered to report to your progenitors?🎶Are your excuses any better than your senator's🎶He held a conference#and his wife was standing by his side🎶He did her dirty but no-one died🎶#I saw Sonny Liston on the street last-night black-fisted and strong singing🎶Redemption song🎶#He motioned me to the sky🎶I heard heaven and thunder cry🎶RUN FOR COVER#What are you waiting for—a kiss or an apology?🎶You think by now you'd have an A in toxicology🎶#It's hard to pack the car when all you do is shame us🎶Even harder when the dirtbag's famous🎶#I saw my mother on the street last night all pretty and strong singin🎶The road is long🎶#I said 'Mama I know you tried!'🎶But she fell on her knees and cried🎶RUN FOR COVER#Just run for cover - you've got nothin left to lose...
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ough. Post-session fatigue is hitting harder than usual today.
#i think it's because it's um. a friday after school. and also we picked up after like a 2 month hiatus. and also it's my new player group#as much as i love them (truly they are Amazing players in terms of creativity and roleplay and scheduling and such) it is a little...#it feels like higher stress because i want to match their level of detail and like... creativity (which i did)#but also i want to make sure that they are having fun which like. dms always want to do. but them especially#bc this is their first experience w/ dnd and i don't want to turn them off it. bc your first dm can really make or break it yk?#but like hhhhh after my players left i just. kinda cried. and it's wild bc it was a good session and they said that they enjoyed it#but the crash was still So real. also like explaining the rules (it was our first combat they know the rules In Theorybut yk how it is)#like tbh explaining the rules wasn't even that bad it was just. i think it was also just i was tired bc of school#(tbh this year i've just gone home midday on fridays bc i get so exhausted on them) and also first sess in a while and cetera#anyway i'm feeling a little better now bc i talked w/ one of my players and she was like. enthusing abt it. and i listened to good music#but like. wooo. that was a REALLY bad post sess crash i haven't felt that bad in ages#d&D#dante dicit#might delete#dming#dm'ing#dungeon master#dm#dungeons and dragons
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
One thing that goes crazy is those distant screaming calls for help you can hear in the background of off to the races. Like the whole basic premise is this lolita inspired dynamic between this young lonely girl and this much older man where she swears that nobody else in the world would even have her except for him and this in itself is a feat because she’s ‘crass’ and has a ‘broke down life’ etc and the whole thing is entrenched in denial. He loves her in spite of all these things wrong with her, all he asks is that she does what he wants, he’s like an omnipresent figure for her - watches her in the bathroom, getting dressed etc. and the almost hyperbolic way she describes herself smitten with him and how she believes she needs him, she’s nothing without him, the dependency borders on the paternal. It’s not that she’s unable to leave it’s that she believes she has nowhere else to go, he’s made it so she’s so enmeshed that she simply thinks she could not survive without him. he’s ‘saving’ her from herself and she’s in even more debt to him for it (sorry that im misbehaving!!!) and imo she’s almost a parody of herself bc she doubles down on this narrative that’s she’s a seductress and insane and crazy and she needs looking after by this mature older man when in reality she’s so troubled, under constant observation but she twists it so it’s like she’s running away to be caught by him rather than to escape. And in the end her calls for help can barely be heard under the passionate repetition that he’s her one true love
#plus lana’s voice going higher during the chorus as if she’s making her self sound more youthful and childish compared to ‘says it sounds#like heaven to him’ which is so sardonic and cry. almost as if she’s making fun of him. and the gimme those gold coins line. like it’s equa#*dry#in some way if she’s getting something out of it too. waving golden jewelry in her face buying her things etc#like the fire of my loins line is not misplaced at all bc this song is so obviously abt lolita. but it’s like. humbert humbert’s perspectiv#almost completely overshadowing dolores’ i.e the calls for help in the background . like soo much of it is based on lines and passages from#the book . she literally cried every night !!! . ‘you see she has absolutely nowhere else to go’ + i love you i’ll never leave you they#would rue the day i was alone without you. like it’s so obviously humberts perspective on himself and how dolores feels abt him. but#modernised in a way. like i fully believe lana knew what she doing with this one. her philosophy degree coming thru …#sorry for analysing and going crazy over a lana song do u stil think I’m sexy ….#but also! that’s why this song pertains so well to fucked up paternal dynamics this is why you see every sicko on this website use this son#like there’s so many layers to it. like sorry but if i think abt succession and breaking bad to this song no i don’t. there was a while#where i was like this is sooo pre s1 tomshiv also. but yeah lol#just.. SONG OF ALL TIME#.
8 notes
·
View notes