#I cant claim to fully know and understand them

[exlimix1a]

Quick piece of @luluyamofficial 's character Lucelia + a 30 second speedpaint!

[blackpilljesus]

I saw this from the female separatism subreddit & the responses are some of the biggest reasons for separatism et al (or extinction if I'm being candid here). Moids cant be reformed they are fully aware of the hell they force women to live in. MaIe achievement & happiness is rooted in female exploitation & life. Their glory days are based on our horrific days. No amount of love, kindness or facts will change maIes and we cannot happily or even neutrally coexist with them.

Main points across answers:

Many want to experiment but not permanently be women

They dont want to be in constant danger or lose their autonomy at the hands of maIes for merely existing

They dont want to deal with childbirth (& periods)

They dont want to have to share spaces with species much stronger than them with ulterior motives

It makes me go crazy seeing people give moids benefit of doubt for their evil like "maIes just dont understand", "we need to teach maIes", or claiming that maIe violence is a result of maIes struggling with (expressing) their feelings. I get that women love maIes and it can be hard to imagine that people can intentionally be so evil but it is what it is. MaIes have no problems expressing themselves, abusing women is what maIes choose to do because they enjoy & benefit from it - that is their expression.

MaIes see the same news of women being abused, raped, and killed like we do except rather than be disheartened or alarmed they're either apathetic or satisfied. It isn't aliens that's committing GBV it's maIes & maIes have no problem reminding women of this when women anger them (such as rape threats & threatening women they'll end up on the news/true crime). The victim blaming, denial, and derailment of misogyny is part of the game to keep the system alive, they know the events occured & are a systemic occurence they just dont care. Hell not only do they not care, they rejoice in it or get off on it.

MaIes set up environments that work in their favour which simultaneously ensures that women will lose. They know women are set up to live in damn near impossible conditions for us. It's normalised for women to defenselessly share personal & private spaces with beings much more stronger than them with ulterior motives for us, it's trap. It's interesting how these moids aren't saying that they'll just cover up and *poof* harrassment gone, or they'll just pick a nice guy & they'll be okay. MaIes know the net negative they are towards women.

MaIes know that childbirth is a painful process & what do they do? Demand it happens and make it even MORE painful for women. MaIes that impregnate women do not love or care for them. Pregnancy itself is dangerous & sometimes lethal, often comes with a range of health issues, to cause someone to be in that condition especially in a environment where abortions are illegal is reckless & unloving. Now imagine how sinister & full of hatred one has to be to impregnate someone and abuse them on top of that. Many women risk their health & lives to reproduce with a Y and they get abused by said Y instead of being taken care of. Deranged.

Realising that maIes are aware of the evil they inflict is one of the things that radicalised me. It isn't a miscommunication or ignorance issue, their violence is intended. They want control. The cruelty is the point. Instead of wasting time & energy trying to change maIes or hope that they "understand" one day, focus on yourself & other women (who prioritise women). Moids aren't oblivious to female pain they enjoy it. A lot of women treat maIe evil like it's a mistake on maIes part but it's calculated terrorism. I know that this will go over many womens heads as they refuse to hold strong negative sentiments about moids as a collective so if you're not a woman like that, take this post as a sanity check. You aren't crazy, it isn't all in your head.

[munsonsmixtapes]

Paint Me

Benedict Bridgerton x fem!inexperienced!American!reader

summary: An unfortunate funeral causes you and Benedict come face to face and he is your surprising shoulder to lean on. And after a secret moment in the garden, you become closer than ever before.

word count: 4k

taglist: @syraxnyra @turtle-cant-communicate @sublimepenguinpeach-blog @intothesoul

part one part two

February 13, 1817

There was a knock on your door after you had gotten home from the gallery. You had embarrassed yourself enough when you had insulted Benedict's painting and weren't in the mood to speak to anyone, especially not who you knew was on the other side of the door.

You had already felt like a disappointment to your father and you didn't need to hear him tell you as such. But he entered the room anyway and sat on the edge of your bed next to you. He went to wrap his arm around you, but you pulled away, moving closer to the other side.

"I am afraid that I have not been there for you when you needed me most," he went to reach for your hand, but you pulled it away, fully turning your back to him.

"I am afraid that is true and I do not wish to speak to you at this moment."

"Bunny," he went to use his beloved nickname for you which caused you to stand from the bed, turning to face with a kind of anger you didn't even know was possible.

"You do not deserve to call me that. I understand that you are my father, but you were also my best friend. So where have you been?" You asked, your voice getting louder. "Where have you been when your wife, my mother betrayed me? If you love me as much as you claim to, then why have you never defended me when you saw the two of them treating me so horribly? I know why. It is because you are nothing but a coward and I do not wish to speak to you any longer."

With that, your father left the room, leaving you alone again. All of your anger was getting the best of you, everything that had happened throughout your whole life, weighing on you. You went under your bed where you hid away your art supplies and began to sketch, the pressure of your hand pressing the charcoal to the page, causing it to break, both it and the tears that were falling from your eyes, ruining the picture completely.

It seemed that not even your form of therapy was working. The one thing that made you feel better in fact did not. As your anger reached its peak, you threw everything across the room in a loud clatter and changed into your nightgown, getting into your bed, pulling the covers over you and crying until sleep claimed you.

But your sleep did not bring you any rest whatsoever, the only thing happening behind your eyes was your father. You saw his carriage crashing into a tree, the ship he was on going down, him falling off his horse, all leading to his demise.

The guilt was eating at you for the way you spoke to him. Even though everyone was asleep, you couldn’t sleep any longer without apologize for the way you spoke to your father. Whether he accepted it or not didn’t matter. You just needed him to know that you didn’t mean a single word.

You snuck out of your room with every intention of heading to your parents’ room at the end of the hall only to your mother sobbing in the foyer. She was on her hands and knees while Lilith held onto her, rubbing her back while he cried tears of her own.

You approached them, looking around for your father only to not see him, and you expected the worst. It seemed that all of your nightmares were in fact not that, but premonitions.

You felt lightheaded, your vision going hazy as your sister told you what had happened. Augustus had gone for a late night horse ride and had experienced a heart attack, causing him to fall off and pass away right there because there had been no one had been around to give him the proper care nor get him to a hospital.

It was all your fault. Or at least, that was what you were telling yourself. He did, however, die in one of the ways you had dreamed about, so you supposed that you had spoken it into existence.

The next few days, the house was quiet, neither you nor your mother or sister uttering a single word, nothing feeling quite right to say as far as the loss was concerned. The funeral was the next week and the three of you stood together, weeping over your father’s grave.

You were approached by Kate and Anthony who pulled you into a group hug as your cried into their shoulders and they held you for as long as you liked. When you pulled away, you saw Benedict standing behind them, his eyes already on you. For once, the flirty look in his eyes was replaced with a look of sorrow. 

For a second, all of your dislike for him dissipated as he pulled you into his arms, his hands rubbing up and down your back as he whispered nothing but nice things into your ear as you cried into his shoulder. 

Kate and Anthony turned away to give you a private moment and whispered to each other about what was possibly going on between the two of you. Kate thought it was sweet, but Anthony was ready to nip it right in the bud. There was no way that he was letting his brother anywhere near you, not even in a friendly way as  Benedict was unable to be friends with women. He only bedded them and there was absolutely no way that could happen. 

You pulled away from Benedict and he was quick to wipe your tears. You hadn’t seen him that soft and gentle since you had moved back to England and you were happy to have your old Benedict back, even if it was just for a moment. 

Benedict didn’t know what had come over him. He wasn’t sure why, but seeing you so heartbroken broke his own heart. When he saw you sobbing when he got to the graveyard, he swore that he could actually hear his heart crack. Usually, he would only comfort a woman going through a loss for the sole reason of getting her into bed, but this time, that wasn’t even a thought. He just wanted to make sure that you were okay. 

He didn’t leave your side the entire day as everyone followed your family to your house to enjoy a meal together in your father’s honor. He kept his distance out of respect, but he wanted nothing more than to wrap you up in his arms and let you stay there as long as you wanted. He knew how close you were to your father and just how much it had crushed you to lose him. 

As day turned to night, you could feel your cold shoulder towards Benedict start to thaw. You were beginning to think that maybe you were being too hard on him when he had genuinely been trying to right his wrongs with what he had done to you almost a decade ago. You didn’t think that you should have let it hurt you for so long and that the grudge you were holding against him was really only hurting you in the end.

February 20, 1817

As a way to see your artwork, Lady Danbury had one of her friends host another gallery. You had told her that it wasn’t at all necessary, but of course, she didn’t listen to you. She assured you that everyone would love whatever you decided to submit and that they would all be lining up to purchase commissions from you.

You, however, thought it was a bold claim. Sure, you wanted people to see your work, but now you were nervous that none of them were going to appreciate it the way that you did. It was all very personal and you weren't sure that you wanted it hung for everyone to see.

Despite that, you still submitted your most personal piece. A painting of your father that was your own way of honoring him. A way to forgive him for all he had done to you and to let go of all of the guilt you felt for what had happened to him. It was the best form of therapy you could have ever asked for and easily your best work to date.

Benedict's piece had been coming along great as well. For once, he wasn't thinking about every single brush stroke and just went along with it, letting the brush guide him. He was going off of memory since he didn't have a proper photo of his subject, but he thought it was turning out rather well considering.

Instead of going to the studio, he decided to work in the garden, the sunlight being the best thing to point out all his imperfections if there were any. He was not going to have a repeat of what had happened last time. It was far too embarrassing.

"Ah, there you are, brother," Eloise spoke as she approached him.

"Here I am," he replied and was quick to stand in front of the painting so she couldn't see it, but it was too late. She had already seen it. She pushed him out of the way and let out a gasp as the painting before her.

"It that-"

"No," Benedict cut her off, trying to block her view of it again, a shade of pink apparent on his cheeks. Eloise just laughed and pushed him out of the way again, careful not to knock over the easel.

"It is!" She gasped. "It's the l/n girl that Kate and Anthony have befriended!"

"It is not." He didn't know why he was denying it. All the proof was right there.

"You cannot deny it. It seems that you have befriended her as well." Eloise could see the way that her brother looked at you and it seemed like he was attracted to you. She hadn't had many interactions with you, but according to Kate, you seemed like someone who keep Benedict humble and ground him.

"She doesn't like me, Eloise," he shook his head as dipped his brush into a shade that was the color of your skin tone and did some shading where he thought it would look nice.

"Why not? Did you hurt her, because Anthony will certainly-" Oh, Benedict knew exactly what Anthony would do.

"I did," Benedict nodded. "Eight years ago. When her family lived down the road, we painted a lot together in the study while Francesca played the piano, but one night-"

"What did you do, Benedict?" Eloise wasn't sure he wasn't going to say, but what she did know was that she wasn't going to like it.

"She told me-she told me that she loved." Her eyes widened at that and she wasn't surprised that she didn't know that fact because you would have been too scared to admit it to anyone and Benedict just felt horrible about the whole thing and didn't want to revisit it.

"And what did you say?" Considering the fact that you were ten and Benedict was twenty-one at the time, she could assume what had happened.

"The only thing I could. She was a child and I was certainly not interested in her and so I told her as much. Maybe a little too harshly and she ran."

"Benedict," Eloise gasped. So that was why you always paid almost attention to him. All of the dots were finally connecting. Now she was thinking that she liked you even more. That you were the first woman to not fall for her brother’s charms even though you were the exact one who should have. He definitely had a type.

"I know, and now she's here and beautiful and I'm afraid I've fucked it all up." Eloise was wondering what had gotten into him that he had such a defeatist attitude. He was never that way towards the women he was interested in even if they weren’t interested. In fact, that usually only motivated him even more.

"Maybe this might seem like a foreign concept to you, brother, but have you ever thought about apologizing like a normal person?" Benedict actually had thought about that, but he didn't think that was good enough, so that was why he had done the painting of you. He hoped that would help you see just how much he cared for you.

"I think it might be too late for that." He decided that his work was done and started to clean his brushes.

"It's never too late for an apology," she rested a hand on his shoulder and gave is a squeeze, leaving Benedict with much to think about.

February 21, 1817

You sat in the study with one of your books in your hand, but you couldn't focus on it. Your letter letting you know whether or not your artwork was accepted into the gallery was going to be there any second and you were terrified. There was a lot of riding on it and you were very afraid that they hadn't accepted it.

Kate and Anthony had insisted on being there when you got the good new and Kate clutched your hand as a servant entered the room with the envelopes on a silver platter and you reached for yours, feeling like time had stopped as you ripped into the envelope.

You read the first few words of the letter and let it drop to the floor, feeling your body go cold, collapsing into one of the chairs as you accepted defeat. They didn't want your piece. You should have known since they wouldn't have since you were a woman. They hadn't said as much, but you were able to read the lines.

Despite your sadness, you told the couple that you would join them at the gallery and felt horrible that Lady Danbury went through all that trouble for nothing. You didn't want to have to look her in the eyes, but the only worse thing was not going an accepting defeat. You were going to show everyone just how strong you were.

February 25, 1817

Practically everyone was already at the gallery when you had arrived and you felt dread come over you as you accepted that you were going to have no part in it. You had been rejected from many things like that before, so you weren't sure why it hurt so much.

Lady Danbury had approached immediately when you arrived and you really didn't feel like speaking with her but you plastered on your brightest smile, faking like you had interest in the conversation even though you would have much rather been in the study with your paints.

"Ah, there's the artist," she greeted. "You left last time before we were able to talk about your critique of the Bridgerton boy." Normally you would have felt guilty for something, but this time you couldn't have cared less. Benedict Bridgerton could have stood to be knocked down a few pegs and you were really enjoying being the one to do it.

"And I apologize for that. I was just letting my own issues take over." You were only apologizing because you felt like it, not because you meant it.

"No apologies necessary, dear. I loved it. I wish you would speak your mind more often. More people could benefit from hearing your thoughts. Especially ones like Mr. Bridgerton." Lady Danbury didn't mind Benedict, but often times she felt he had a big head and let his ego get in the way.

"I appreciate that, but unfortunately, I don't think that I'm up for it tonight."

"But what am I to think about the artwork without a lovely artist to give her opinions?" There was something odd about the interaction and you couldn't figure out what.

"You do flatter me, Lady Danbury. I suppose I wouldn't mind joining you."

So, you led her around the gallery and told her what you thought about the pieces, promising her to not hold back this time, suddenly not afraid to speak your mind. And Lady Danbury was loving every second of it, very entertained by the shy wallflower coming out of her shell.

She quite liked your company, amused by your little quips that you had come with on the spot. And she appreciated how you felt like you were able to be your true self around her, not the shy person she had met a few weeks ago. You were growing on her and easily becomg one of her favorite debutants of the season.

"Lady Danbury, who do you think your favorite artist is?" You asked as she got to the second to last piece. All this time you had been talking about the pieces in front of you, but you were curious as to what kind of art she liked since you thought a person's favorite artist said a lot about them.

"You." You were surprised to hear her say that considering that she hadn't even seen any of your work.

"Oh, that's very nice, but-"

"No, dear, it's you!" She cut you off and forced you to turn to the piece on the wall. You let out a gasp as your face stared back at you, feeling something very strange coming over you.

You stepped closer to the painting and turned this way and that, convinced that you were looking into a mirror, but you weren't. You could very clearly see the paint strokes when you got close enough. Who the artist was was a mystery. You had absolutely no idea who could have done it and wanted to know their identity and why you had been their subject.

You couldn't stop staring, wanting to reach out to touch it, but you knew you weren't allowed, even if it was your face on the canvas. It was amazing how well they were able to paint your features and you wondered what they had used for reference.

"I hope this isn't too amateur for you," a voice whispered in your ear and you felt a chill go down your spin as their hot breath hit the back of your neck.

You turned around only to be face to face with the seconds eldest Bridgerton brother. You eyed him, wondering why he would have done something like that and what he would have gotten out of it. That had to be the reason why he would have done it...right?

So many questions were swirling around your mind, your main one being how he was able to make the painting so accurate that it felt like you were looking into a mirror without having you sit for it.

"What is this, Benedict?" You pointed to the painting and he just chuckled. You didn't like how much you enjoyed making hearing the sound and wondering how you would have been able to hear it.

"It's you." He was smiling brightly and you wished he had done it more often. The look was just too pretty on him to hide away all the time. You wondered why he always seemed to always look so serious. In the many times you had seen him, he had only smiled when he was with Eloise.

"I'm aware of that...but why?"

"I think the better question is why not."

"How were you able to do it without me sitting for you to paint me?"

"I will answer all of your questions, but right now, we must see the final painting."

He offered you his arm and you grabbed onto it, letting him lead you through the rest of the gallery.

"But this was the last one." 

"Not quite,” he winked and stopped at the last piece, causing you to let out a loud gasp as your own painting was staring back at you. But it had been rejected. How did he get a hold of it and why was it there? The man was confusing you even more by the second. You were convinced that he had just been trying to get you to forgive him just so he could feel better about himself, but now you weren’t so sure. 

You felt tears well up in your eyes as you turned to him. No one had ever done anything that nice for you before. Something so selfless that they only did because they wanted to and not to make themself look good. Maybe he wasn’t the same Benedict that your remembered. Maybe he was finally turning over a new leaf.

Benedict wiped your tears away and even though it was entirely inappropriate, you threw yourself into his arms and he was quick to catch you, almost falling backwards because of how much force you had used to push yourself in his direction. You squeezed each other tight, avoiding the gasps of the people around you. Lady Danbury shooed them away to give the two of you some privacy as you both pulled away. 

Without a word, you pulled Benedict away from the gallery and you both discreetly made your way through the crowd to get outside for some much needed fresh air. You looked out into the garden and couldn’t help but feel like home there.There was something that was so comforting about it that made it seem like you belonged there. You could see yourself there with Benedict right by your side, the two of you facing each other with your own easels as you painted your own portraits of each other. 

You hadn’t thought about him in that way in a long time and wondered where that had come from. Maybe you were overcome with gratitude to him, but that didn’t matter. What did matter was the fact that you couldn’t stop yourself from staring at his pretty lips, wondering what they felt like between yours. And how you could have taken the chance and it would not have been inappropriate.

Without a word, you grabbed him by his coat and pulled him down so that his face was only inches from yours. You pressed your lips to his with so much force that your teeth clinked together and you both were quick to pull away covering your mouths in pain. You couldn’t believe you had done that. That was exactly why you never acted impulsively. It always just ended in embarrassment. 

You just shook your head as you felt your cheeks heat up and turned back to enter the gallery. Benedict wasn’t going to let you get away this time, though. He lost you once and he wasn’t going to let it happen again. And this time, he was actually attracted to you and he was going to let you know just how beautiful he thought you were. 

He grabbed onto your arm just as you were going to open the door and turned you around to face him. His hazel eyes bored into yours as he grabbed onto your chin, lifting it as he bent down. He slotted his lips between yours and you tried to move along with him, mimicking his actions exactly even though you had absolutely not fucking clue what you were doing. 

Your hands moved to his face and pulled him closer to you so you had more access to his mouth, becoming addicted to the feeling of his lips on yours. You had only gotten a little taste, but already wanted to do that exact thing for the rest of your life. Benedict pulled away to let the both of you breathe, but quickly dove in for more as he grabbed onto your waist and pushed you against the pillar that was behind you. You let him lead, taking exactly what he wanted from you as you were pliant under his touch. 

He pushed your mouth open as he slid his tongue inside, letting it swirl around your own and a sound escaped your mouth that Benedict definitely needed to hear again. And the fact that what you were doing was considered wrong only made him love it more. He continued to kiss you like his life depended on it as his hand moved up to your breast, massaging it the best he could over your dress as you let out another moan, this one louder. You pulled away as you felt a weird sensation between your legs, a lot of wetness collecting there. You began to panic as you pushed Benedict away, embarrassed about what was happening. 

“I had a lovely time tonight, Mr. Bridgerton, but now I must go.” You curtsied and then rushed inside, gathering your dress in your hands as you did so. 

You made a beeline for the restroom and locked yourself inside it before grabbing the nearest towel-like fabric and pulled up your dress before wiping. You pulled the towel away not to find blood like you were expecting but found that whatever was between your legs was almost clear. You were convinced that there was something wrong with you, having never seen anything like that before. 

While you were panicking in the restroom, Benedict was pacing in the garden, debating running after you even though he was sure that you had already left. Had he made you uncomfortable? That must have been it because you looked so scared. He had taken advantage of you and now he was going to beat himself up over it. Not reciprocating your feelings when you were a child was one thing, but taking advantage of you was another and now he had ruined his chances with you because he was selfish. He didn’t think that another painting was going to fix it either. Perhaps it was time to finally let you go for good and let you find a man who was actually worthy enough. A man that was actually able to keep you.

[christinarowie332]

stoner chris and reader hc !!!

@lividnity literally fully inspired me for this and helped me cook last night !! creds to her 🤍🤍🤍🤍

(things u need to know) -

1. i am british!! so if i don’t understand any of the slang i use just dm me lmao i’ll explain it !!

2. i will not be writing smut !! i leave that to my talented writers like @daddyslilchickenfingers2 @daddyslilchickenfingers and @jcwrites-blog !!!

3. this is just for fun !!! i love the idea of a sarcastic jokey relationship with a side of droogs !! this is FICTION

4. I LOVE YOU SM - millz

——-

-reader met matt first at a party and smoked with him and nick , chris joined half way , became friends with “y/n” and the rest is history !!!

-chris gets his weed from matt , matt’s gf grows

-the moment you get irritated with him he just pulls out a bag and walks away, gesturing you to follow him . argument over , sesh starts !!!

-late night talks with him after smoking , he’s the best at them . constantly giggling at his stupid ass shit he says . little kisses cuz you just love his wierd annoying ass .

-has a tin for his joints , his brand logo sticker on the lid , has a polaroid of u and him in it and a hair tie for u . along with a condom lmao.

——-

-when reader gets kinda talkitive when she’s high , he don’t , he just wants to fuck . he’ll half listen for five mins “y/n bro . please shut up” grabs your face and immediately starts a heavy sloppy makeout .

-sat in his lap , he is the #1 shotgun(sharing smoke) lover

-u guys obviously have a shared playlist with songs u both love while u chill , but to be honest it’s mostly chris’s music

-loves a good group sesh with the whole group , and finds it absolutely hilarious to tease the fuck out of u and try not to get caught - you all go sit around your designated smoke table , after shotgunning you allways just stay on his lap and talk to the group . he then takes his chance to tease u as usual by putting his hand on your inner thigh , stroking it with his thumb before moving it over your *you know what* and gently stroking it like he did your thigh .

“cant sleep wanna smoke and chill” 3am texts constantly, you know exactly what chill means so your sprinting to your car everytime.

“STOP BEING SUCH A HOGGER AND SHARE BRO!!” “one drag baby , ……PLEASE BRO?!?” absolute fein for nicotine and steals your vapes after a joint . which usually leads to you just buying him his own. which he loses in about 30 seconds .

he talked u into smoking in the hot tub once but u managed to drop the entire joint in the water and had to roll him another , now they’re a fave place to smoke with him , claiming it “gets the brain juices flowing , y/n , im telling you!”

——

“can u fucking pass it over chris”

“chris bro i’ve barley had any”

“CHRISTOPHER !!! GIVE ME THE FUCKING JOINT U PRICK?!?!”

as much as he loves you , he loves the za more and will hog it on accident “hold on “y/n/n ,lemme just finish my sentence first hold on !”.

_______________

tags 🤍🤍

@lividnity @mangosrar @jcwrites-blog @sturnphilia

[chaifootsteps]

idk i just feel like there's something particularly cruel about having a solid episode concept like "verosika hosts a fuck you party for blitz and everyone else he's fucked over," because its a great way to show a pattern of behavior in blitz and the effect he has on others he's been with and hurt!

then.. they put stolas there. stolas, "you have sex with me every month or your I.M.P is going under without my book you need, no exceptions until i legally gave you an asmodean crystal a year later, for your work", goetia, or whatever the fuck his last name is.

this episode is trying so hard to make stolas on equal levels to verosika and the other imps dumped by blitz, but if any of these hellborn actually knew how he got into a "relationship" with blitz to begin with, and how blitz never even had a choice in whether or not he wants to be with stolas, (even when they were kids!) i really doubt theyd want anything to do with him. stolas never explains that their relationship wasnt a relationship, just a transactional monthly hookup to literally keep blitz's business afloat. he doesn't, because he STILL doesn't fully understand what he did wrong, but understands it enough to know he had to be the one to break off the deal he made. i doubt he'll ever actually explain what the deal was to any outsiders who ask, because then stolas would be forced to actually be held accountable for his own actions, and we cant possibly have that! /sar

i think one of the worst lines from stolas in this episode, aside from most of them because i think hes annoying, was when blitz expressed he didnt know why anyone would care about him, stolas responds that this party, dedicated to blitz, because they hate him so much, shows how much they ""care."" and that might have some kind of point coming out of verosikas mouth- implying that these people genuinely cared for him at one point and he pushed them away- but absolutely not stolas's. so its no wonder that blitz responds by self deprecating himself, saying, "i dont even know why youd want to be with me." followed by stolas admitting that what he really wants is someone to care about him.

and honestly, thats another thing too. i cant believe that after everything, after everything stolas has claimed about wanting blitz because he loves and respects him, when blitz then asks WHY stolas wants him, stolas responds, "you know what i want? i want to know what its like to not be alone. i want to be someone's someone. i want someone to care about me." because it shouldve been his moment to explain to blitz what he sees in him, and why he fell in love with him to begin with the more they slept together. but it wasnt.

not only is it unbelievably selfish of stolas to make blitz go through all of this for almost a year, to not only have NO reason as to why he has/had feelings for blitz, (basically confirming to me that stolas never really cared about blitz or his feelings, still doesn't, and just needed to have an adult relationship someone who didn't outwardly hate his guts like stella did, because were 2 and a half fucking seasons into this show and still dont know why the love interest romantically wants the main character, and die hard viv stans still think the stoliz insta posts count as canon because they're on copium,) but to ignore the one good thing in his life that he insists that he genuinely loves, octavia, in favor of him acting as if he'll die alone completely if he doesn't have a partner..

y'know that one scene in adventure time where jake is like, "dude.. let's kill the horse."? thats how i feel towards stolas right now.

Let's kill the owl.

I'm so tired, Anon.

[loser-jpg]

me copy pasting my leona rant from that reblog in a separate post for all to see because i can

bro is just the smartest most cunning and intelligent guy ever. like yeah hes hot and strong but we NEED to talk more about just how much of a strategical GENIUS this man is. he knows just how strong and skilled he is which means in any situation he can immediately judge whoever hes up against and instantly know just how much strength and power to use to win. like he knew in book 6 the second he wasnt gonna win against the styx ppl and knew when to back down but every other situation he knows just how much power to use to win which they like confirm in book 6 he uses just enough to win and never more because he can perfectly judge a situation and like ik on the surface what most people notice about leona is how strong and powerful he is and i mean yeah hes like one of THE strongest people in nrc (in my personal opinion second only to malleus in magic but still more physically strong and more strategic than him) BUT WE NEVER TALK ENOUGH ABOUT THE CUNNING GENIUS THIS MAN IS he is so aware all the time and always knows exactly whats going on, so many events and chapters hes always mentally 5 steps ahead and knows whats going on well before anyone else. i cant remember the exact example but like in the halloween event from this year or smthn he like had a total understanding of the situation long before anyone else cuz hes just so smart and like hes smart like book smart but more importantly hes just aware in ways no one else really is. and about him being book smart i fully believe leona would have some of the highest grades in nrc if he applied himself. the few times he does he does like better than everyone else AND THATS W HIM SKIPPING CLASS SO MUCH imagine if he actually tried and went to class hed 100% have the best grade this man is so intelligent he just sees no reason to go to class because it is frankly useless to him he already knows all that stuff which is why he skips he already knows it so whats the point. like everyone sees leona as lazy but the stuff leonas lazy about is stuff that theres no point to try because he already knows hes better than everyone and thats his thing he doesnt need anyone elses approval he knows where he stands and feels no need to prove his worth to anyone else and i think thats actually so admirable. like for how much we say his low effort is depression (which it deff in part is) its also definitely him not feeling the need to prove himself to anyone because he knows how great he is and doesnt care if anyone thinks other wise because he knows theyre wrong so who cares. and i know he has a big ego but like.. HE CAN BACK IT UP. his ego is all from his own skill and talent this man NEVER claims something he cant back up which its like... ur ego is annoying but whats more annoying is theres valid reasoning behind it because HE JUST IS THAT GREAT

so i fully believe if leona had a significant other hed do everything to give them anything they could want. a lot of fics i read paint leona as this guy who wont really do something for his partner, or will just make someone else do it, and while in some cases i do believe hed deff like make ruggie go grab something or smthn i also believe hed want to take care of his partner. like sometimes its difficult to take care of yourself, but oh so easy to take care of someone else because its not you. and i fully believe this would apply to leona. if he has something, and its his he 100% takes care of it. he will put in the effort for someone else. he wont put in the effort for himself but for his partner? in a heartbeat. like even somethin small and typically annoying to do the only complaints youd hear are joking ones while hes already doing whatever you asked. and he also deff knows what to do for his partner before even they know. like i said before this man is canonically sooooo aware and that would deff hold up in a relationship. rarely have to ask for anything because hes already guessed what you want and is on it. also a lot of time i see people saying leona would want to brag about their partner and while i think this is true to an extent i also feel like hed want to keep his partner all to himself. something for just him that no one else needs to know about, or have their own opinions, or make their own comments.

[sun-stricken]

Gray & Mira Hcs!

the dynamic (demonic) duo **jazz hands**

* These two are like organized chaos together

* everything perfectly thought out to cause just the right amount of chaos

* They are the biggest instigators

* will lie their asses off to start fights when theyre bored

* Gray has a sensitivity to tears, and Mira can and will play on it at any given moment

* They have the same amount of arrests, its like a game to them, whoever has more wins

* [common conversations involving them]

* Mira: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail. 
Gray: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.

* Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests? 
Gray: Death penalty. 
Mira, from the gallery: Gray, it’s just a parking ticket. 
Gray, whispering into the mic: Please kill me.

* Mira: It’s nice to be wanted.
Gray: Even if it’s by the law?
Mira: Especially if it’s by the law.

* they are the epitome of “i have a problem” “*sigh* okay, put the body on ice ill be there soon” “ok— wait, no! not that kind of problem!”

* They were TERRORS growing up (still are) and while they weren’t necessarily friends they were like tentative partners in crime

* Mira claimed him as her friend after he tried to fist fight a council member

* at first he didnt fully reciprocate but did a 180 when she got into Erzas face and started a fight with absolutely no fear

* Gray still thinks shes one of the most badass people he knows

* Mira typically cooks for the guild and she will have Grays food ready before he even orders it

* Gray brings her tea from her favorite fancy shops everyday

* They bonded over being (partially) demons

* Mira helped Gray accept and deal with the non-romanticized parts of having demon instincts (gruesome intrusive thoughts, impulsiveness, apathy for humans, volatile moods, etc)

* As a side effect of being a demon, Mira (non transformed) has short talons, fangs, and horns (among other things). She truly loves them

* So when Grays started to grow in she didnt fully understand why he didnt; but she still did her best to comfort and reassure him and sympathize with him

* While she tried to hide her excitement at his physical traits while she was comforting him, Gray noticed and it was that that made him grow more comfortable with them

* They have rant sessions that are completely judgment free where they can talk on and on about their ugliest moments/thoughts, and basically most the things they cant tell others. whether it has to do with their demon side or not

* Miras demon has a constant thirst for mayhem, and Gray (being the instigator he is) will give it to them no questions asked

* in turn when Gray gets into arguments and hes wrong, Mira will update wikipedia pages so hes right

* theyre so passive aggressive towards each other

* When they fight everyone within a 8 mile radius needs to be evacuated, no matter how small the fight looks, they get vicious and it’s terrifying

* if you interrupt them you may as well be signing your death warrant

* They always act like nothing happened when they’re done, leaving everyone tiptoeing around them for weeks post

* Grays phone is on dnd constantly, Mira is one of the only few people that is set to come through

* and the local police station, but thats the same thing

* When Mira doesnt answer his calls he’ll leave incriminating voicemails and wont answer her calls for hours after

[neptunescore]

Literally started this blog just to say how hypocritical F1 – both the people working in it, and the sport itself – is becoming. The main 3 things I want to address is: no.1 women in motorsport, no2 the ongoing genocide in palestine and no3 F1's disallowance of anything political, yet enabling the absolute political shitshow that was the 2024 miami gp.

Numéro 1: I just think its absolute bullshit that the FIA genuinely created a whole ‘Women in Motorsport Commission’, assigned SIX STRONG ambassadors to it, and THEN proceeded (come 2023) to launch a wholeass unfair investigation onto one of them, based on the MOST groundless claims?? Like wtf?? (Talking abt Susie Wolff here). Also, the whole Cristian Horner situation really showed just how much they care about women working under them, bc tell me why the possible victim in his situation was the one getting SUSPENDED, while this possible filth of a man is still parading shamelessly around the paddock?? Like??? AND SOME OF THE DRIVERS COMMENTS ON THE SIRUATION?? pissed me off so much u dont even understand. Anyway, my last point on this convo is how women should ALSO be taken accountable of their actions, and not just glossed over because they’re ‘women’, over here im specifically talking abt Bianca Bustamante and her liked tweet which calls lance stroll autistic… girl :| and her apology was so atrocious as well. T-T

Numéro 2: The fact that not ONE driver (excluding Lewis Hamilton — that man is so much more than a driver) has spoken up/ posted about the situation pisses me off SO much bc?? THOUSANDS of people are dying, and with the platform you have, the fans you have, you could have such a positive effect! This is ESPECIALLY targeted on the drivers so I FULLY KNOW have control of their accounts (Charles Leclerec, Esteban Ocon, Lando Norris [GOD DO I HAVE ALOT TO SAY ABT HIM], Pierre Gasly, etc) bc tell me why drivers are fully capable of uploading a post 2 years ago stating how the WHOLE of F1 stands with Ukraine (which i do applaud them for) but cant say SHIT abt the same situation occuring in Gaza, but SO much worse?? Lando can genuinely go f himself, bc as much as i used to adore him there’s no way he did NOT know abt the atrocities happening in Palestine, no way he did not know abt the company boycott when he decided to fully display that Starbucks logo on his little reel. And IF (literally a 0.0000001% chance, bc by then a 1000 articles were already written on it and the WHOLE world was aware) he genuinely didn’t know, then that is just ignorant as fuck. Icel. Anyway, literally all drivers should be held accountable, no matter if they’re ur favs or not; I like Carlos a lot but that doesn’t mean i dont get the ick every time i think abt the fact he’s stayed completely silent on the matter. OH MY GOD, DONT get me started on lance stroll and his confirmed (yes, i DO fact check) Zionist girlfriend, like?? Ew.

Can i also just say, that if any of u are gonna msg me saying ‘oH bUt NeP, thE FIA BanNeD AnY anD aLl PoliTiCaL StAtEmEnTS’ Shut up. If you guys could just READ the rest of the statement, you'd know that this rule only applies to when the drivers are ACTIVELY in the paddock. The FIA has literally included the fact that driver can do WHATEVER the want, stand up for WHOEVER they want in their personal lives – which brings me to my next point,

Numéro 3: The FIA bans any and all political statements in the paddock, (without their written consent) YET INVITES TRUMP (a man who has been charged with EIGHTY EIGHT criminal offenses) to the race, is the most disgusting and hypocritical thing ive seen in all my years of watching F1. And don't even get me started on all the shit lando said abt him, like bro?? What are you saying?? Why are you saying these things?? I get u cant speak bad abt him, but that does NOT mean u need to praise him to the sun and back. T-T

That's my rant! Additional reminder abt ppl bringing up how '*retired driver (insert name)* would NOT stand for this, and would post and talk ALL abt palestine if they were still racing,' this is a reminder that those drivers are still alive and well, with WORKING platforms and can STILL do all those things now if thry CHOOSE to :]

-Nep○~

[multiplicity-positivity]

I know where very much not fake at all but it sucks specially as someone with OSDD-1B with the lakc of anesthesia that we fake claim ourselves at least once a week and cause we have really horrible communication with each other and difficulties even knowing who is fronting and such and them, of course the feeling of your trauma not being enough. It really sucks and we just want thoes feelings to go away :< Sometimes i cant even feal any of the symptoms at times and sometimes they all just hit us like a truck and me the host am front locked. Its not possible for me to even get out of front at all i can only be co conscious.

Hi! It sounds like y’all have been struggling lately, and we’re really sorry to hear that!

We know this is probably a vent, but if it’s okay, we’d like to offer a few affirmations for you. We’re putting them under a cut though since they are unsolicited!

- All these feelings you’re experiencing are natural and they’re pretty normal for most systems! They are definitely a pain to deal with, but we promise you’re not alone in feeling them. It’s okay to feel negative emotions and try to experience them fully! Your feelings alone are in no way an indication of the validity or lack thereof of your system.

- Not experiencing amnesia is not at all an indication that you’re not plural or not dealing with a dissociative disorder. As far as we understand, a lack of amnesia is even a qualifying criteria for OSDD-1B!

- Struggling with communication is also incredibly common and an unfortunate reality for many systems. Fortunately, for most systems, communication is a skill like any other and can be improved with time, patience, and lots of practice! Don’t give up - please keep trying to keep in touch with your system as often as you feel able to!

- It’s actually a common trauma response to feel like the trauma that you endured “wasn’t enough” or that “other people have had it worse.” You didn’t deserve any of the trauma or hardships you were put through - your trauma is real and your response to that trauma through your dissociative disorder is valid!

- There are lots of systems out there with frontstuck hosts. Our own system has a host who is nearly always frontstuck! There is actually a community-coined label (specutien <- pluralpedia link) that describes such systems with frontstuck hosts!

We hope this helps, even if only a little bit! We truly do wish that things get better for you soon, anon. Thanks so much for reaching out, and take care!

[astroninaaa]

Can I just.... cellbit suing these people on Twitter feels weird to me. Like they were just believing a potential victim and cellbit didn't exactly refute anything she said previously.

Like I fully believe cellbit and feel bad for him, but suing Twitter users that didn't know that sasa was lying is just odd to me. He should just sue sasa no?

okay yes yes yes yes this is a veeeery good point!!!! thats what i was saying in one of my previous posts - imo the BEST defense these people have is they were just trying to believe a victim, he never denied the claims, in some ways he even agreed with them! he admitted to making mistakes, said he got therapy and changed for the better! and he said all that regarding the accusations, so, like. it was easy to draw the implication that he was owning up to it.

the thing is that there was never any proof, never any investigation, never any judicial action taken against him, never even an official accusation, nothing. it was all sasa's words against his silence. and while yes people were just believing a potential victim, there are limits to things. i believed her for years. i didn't, however, harrass him online because of it. i think the only good way of understanding WHY he's suing specific people is to actually see the tweets, so i'll put some under the cut and talk about them:

[TWs: mentions of pedophilia, abuse, racism, sexual assault, domestic violence, suicide]

this says "here cellbit, a fan for you to abuse just like you did with sasa."

erm. erm. erm. i don't think i even NEED to say anything like what the FUCK is this about.

"Cellbit morally harrassed his ex, made nazi and pedo jokes in old minecraft videos and on twitter, now he changed and everyone likes him because he measures his words, why doesn't Forever get the same treatment? It's selective, admit it"

now, analogies to nazism and pedophilia are both crimes in brazil. this person is accusing him of both without even indicating any proof whatsoever? those are both very serious crimes with very serious punishments.

(i don't speak spanish bear with me. pls feel free to correct me if i translate it wrong)

"the hispanic QSMP community should ask itself if it's right to follow and support someone like cellbit, someone who abused his ex girlfriend, who is a racist and a pedophile, never apologized, and his fans say that his ex girlfriend doesnt want to keep talking about the topic but the truth is that she doesn't for people to keep associating her with something like cellbit, not that she wants people to forget what he did or to act like it never happened. being friends with roier doesn't mean he's a good person."

all the racism and pedophilia claims come mainly from a joke made over 10 years ago. again, he never got convicted of or investigated for anything. this is both difamação AND calúnia tbh

"people are calling him [forever] a pedo because he made a nasty joke lmaooo cellbit would beat the fucking shit out of his girlfriend and it doesnt matter, everything's okay lmaoooo i cant believe this"

there are actually quite a few tweets about cellbit supposedly beating his girlfriend up but sasa never claimed that he did that. she accused him of psychological abuse, not physical. so saying they were just "believing the victim" doesn't work with this accusation specifically, because they literally made it up and it doesn't match with any of her claims, specially back at the time when she hadn't accused him of sexual assault yet.

so interesting to see people literally admitting theyre accusing him of abuse without knowing the details

"people juggle like crazy to ignore the fact cellbit hit sasa, now understanding what Authentic said is impossible"

again, she never claimed he hit her. authentic is another minecraft youtuber who got canceled for saying homophobic stuff.

"is cellbit the one who abused sasa? i'm hoping he kills himself"

yeahhhhhhh there's over 200 of these.

the reason he's suing all these people isn't simply because they believed sasa - it's because they harrassed him. harrassed him, actively tried to harm his image, brought him up when he wasn't even a topic (like to defend forever or authentic) just to say he commited crimes without any proof that he actually committed. so while i think people will be able to say they were just believing the victim, the truth is that he has a lot of support to his claims of being accused of shit without proof. he even added documents to his action that prove he's never been investigated or sued for ANYTHING.

finally, regarding him suing sasa: i bet he will. i'm like, 100% he's already suing her. it's probably under judicial secrecy for now, and we might never get access to it, but,,,,, yeah. he's definitely suing her as well, i think he's just also taking action against people who harrass him online after seven years of taking it silently.

that's the overall i hope it made sense and wasn't too long asjkdbkajsbd still open to answer any other questions :)

[blackpilljesus]

As more women decide to not have children or reproduce, a popular talking point is that maIes will rape and kill us all for refusing them. For starters, this says it all about how everyone is fully aware of maIe evil & female oppression. If it was a tiny minority of maIes that are abusive as many pretend, then this wouldn't be the kneejerk response. The idea that maIes will protect us or not hurt us if we comply is a trap. They will hurt women & girls no matter what we do. This is said to shift the blame of their actions from them to women.

One crucial thing to understand is that maIes already mass rape and kill women & girls even when women partner + reproduce with them. Subconsciously we know this given the measures we take to navigate this world. Most times women are killed it's by maIes they know, in many cases it occurs when women want to leave or have left but it also occurs when women are in relationships because if maIes cant find a reason to hurt women they'll create one. They'll accuse women of cheating, bc food wasnt cooked properly, bc she got pregnant, etc. Speaking of which, murder is one of the leading causes of death for pregnant women & its typically done by their partner. MaIes rape women just after they've given birth. It can take months to years for womens bodies to heal but doctors say "6 weeks" as its unexpected that maIes will "wait" longer than that. So obeying doesnt stop maIe violence, it's just an excuse to justify their terrorism. There is no reforming the system nor is there getting by peacefully so long as we do what maIes want because their intention is destruction no matter what. MaIes lied & claimed women will be protected but it's slavery. MaIes dont protect women and neither does the system so dont buy their threat.

There are several cases where maIes have raped & killed women despite having a partner and children. Wayne couzens had a wife & kids yet still raped & killed Sarah Everard, lewis haines killed Lily Sullivan despite having a wife and child. The toybox killer, and ted bundy had partners yet they still raped & killed other women. Many maIes who rape prostituted women have wives & kids at home. This takes me to my next point: terrorists are never content. It doesnt matter how much you give bc all they want to do is take. They want to constantly reaffirm their beliefs, security, and entitlement to the world so they'll keep causing havoc no matter how much you obey. There's a reason why developed nations do not pay ransoms nor do they negotiate with terrorists in many cases because when you give into these peoples demands they do not go away. It may keep them at bay for a bit but they will only return with bigger demands and will be willing to cause more harm and damage. The same thing applies to maIes & their terrorism. Giving in wont stop their violence or change them. At first short term they're kept at bay (if theres other women they abuse in their vicinity) but long term it wont work. Women have loved, served, fucked, provided labour, reproduced with, and birthed maIes for millenias. Women have given everything to maIes and what did they get in return? More violence, more demands, more destruction we're all familiar with this. No amount of submission has changed maIes for the better.

What's actually dangerous is women trusting + living around maIes, we're expected to just rely on how they wont hurt women but believe me maIes gain a power trip from the strength differences between the sexes. Even if they dont actively hurt women, the threat lingering in the air alone is a power they enjoy. So dont be paralysed with fear or think our refusal to interact with maIes is a cause for their violence. I wont deny that it's scary but this isn't just about us. It's about the future, the world our offspring are coming to. Assuming maIes get everything they want, it'll never be enough they'll keep plundering for more so at some point we need to put our foot down regardless of the cost.

I want to conclude this by recommending reading this post. The key point is

Opting out is for the select few who want to do nothing with heterosexual nonsense even if the price of doing so is death because partaking in their drivel is death, physical and spiritual, and if they really did care about distancing themselves from it all that much they would know that death is the least you will be willing to put up with.

I've noticed that most women who bring up the possibility of maIe retaliation are still seeking relationships with maIes in their lives so this seems more like another excuse in the end. The concern for maIe retaliation is real, especially among newer separatists, 4B, wgtow etc but the seasoned ones realise it doesnt matter and if deəth is what it takes to not be associated with maIes and their systems then so be it. Hell even the average woman would take another option or death if they were pre-faced with a situation where they have to be around maIes but there's no other woman to occupy them. You might wonder what the point is as the outlook is bleak; which is what the final part of this series of posts regarding the popularity of single childfree women is about - legacy & steering life with purpose.

Part 1

Part 2

This post is part 3.

[mcytshippystuff]

Can I ask how you view Brunim and Forever's relationship since you mentioned it in your last post? You said you viewed it as toxic on both ends and that it messed Forever up, can you go into more detail?

(as always, /rp, not irl) Also go here for more hcs on q!Forever's relationships this ask is referencing!

Okay so!! Like I said before in that posts tags, I dont know a WHOLE lot about the canon relationship between q!Forever and... c!Brunim? q!Brunim? Whatever, I dont know the canon but from what iv seen, in rp its very much not healthy. So I ended up building my own hcs for them and idk how accurate they are canon wise but I still like em regardless so im sticking to em lol!

(Tw for talks of abuse, toxic relationships, and unhealthy relationships!)

So first thing to note; These guys were really fucked up, toxic, and probs abusive in several places. They started out softer, kinder, safer, but it did not stay that way. Still, know that they loved each other regardless.

In my head, Brunim was very much the aggressor, and the one who started being toxic, abusive, and obsessive about Forever, and was worse about it. Forever ended up becoming toxic and doing toxic/shitty/obsessive things in turn as a by product. I wont say Brunim was the only one who had issues and did bad things but Forever only ended up becoming like that becuase Brunim taught him that's how he showed love in their relationship, so he showed it that way back ya know?

But thing is they stopped being happy, stopped awhile ago in fact and realized they couldn't keep doing this to each other, hurting each other, for both their sakes. Its hard to recognize you are doing something wrong, and it was even harder to let go, for real this final time, and only through help did they manage it but they did.

But the thing is, Brunim was Forever's first real relationship, and it had messed him up. Untangling yourself from that sort of thing is fucking hard, knowing where the line is or where something is toxic and unhealthy romantic wise (or even in general) is even harder when its pretty much your only real frame of reference and unlearning all that shit is hard and takes time too.

So when Forever got to the island, while he's made leaps and bounds from where he use to be, enough he can mess around and even joke with someone who reminds him of Brunim without actually having issues with it (at least at first lol), is still in the process of trying to unlearn his more unhealthy behaviors and expectations.

That's where some of his more concerning phrases or claims come from, either not knowing the line as he crosses it due to skewed misconceptions, saying it jokingly becuase he'd never actually go through with it (though probs shouldn't of said it regardless but hey that's coping with trauma for ya), or knowing the line but crossing it anyways on impulse and having to pull back becuase he doesn't mean it/regrets it. He would never on purpose dip back into those toxic behaviors but like I said, still unlearning and understanding those.

Forever would never actually go through with anything toxic, abusive, or unhealthy for the most part on purpose btw, if that wasn't clear.

There is a little bit, like mentioned in the main post, where when he does start to catch feelings it is becuase of him confusing Brunim with Phil, but Forever does beginning to actually fall for him and it takes a bit to fully separate them, and his expectations of it all. But hell he cant stop loving Phil even if he does eventually see Phil will not change his mind about Forever loving him.

But anyhoo enough about the main thing, smaller but still important stuff-

Like I said Brunim was Forever's first real relationship, and they did actually love each other under all the shit it became. Didn't mean any of what happened was okay tho.

Brunim is a vampire, and fed off regularly of Forever. He didn't have issues with it at first but quickly became painful and a bad time.

(tw for scars and a bit of gore) Forever actually has a horrific scar on his neck from the feedings, though its hard to tell if it becuase Brunim would very slightly shift around where he would bite in to feed over time so it became a mass of scar tissue, or if he ripped out a chunk of Forever's flesh for whatever reason. Forever usually keeps it covered but it burns sometimes.

Brunim's way of punishing Forever was usually to lock him up until he behaved again, specially if they were on "break" and Brunim wanted Forever back. Hence why Forever uttered "lock you up until love me." He wasn't serious about it but later feels sick he said it even jokingly.

Forever is surprisingly mentally stable despite all this and has worked hard on his mental health, thanks to therapy. Most of his issues, like I said, come from trying to unlearn all that toxic shit and unhealthy behaviors.

They really miss each other but tbh its more they miss what they had before, as well as the comfort in the not being alone despite the pain. Regardless Forever will never go back to Brunim, even if they both change for the better.

[the-astrophel-system]

Why Our Alters Mask

tw // brief mentions of ramcoa (no details), using peoples triggers against them, ableism, family being uneducated, brief mentions of deadnaming and misgendering

so, we have a therapist who doesn't specialise in dissociative disorders. but for right now, shes kinda our only option (which is fine, we like her).

but we were talking in our session yesterday and she asked if our mum was aware of our alters and was accepting and stuff. its complicated, but the answer is yes. she's still a bit hesitant, but accepts the fact that we think we have this disorder.

anyway, we mentioned to our therapist that she has been introduced to a few different alters, but we mask almost constantly, so its not like she picks up on it herself.

and our therapist was confused.

again, this is someone who doesn't specialise in this sort of thing, so we do have to talk about our experience and those of people in the community (but y'know she also does have access to scientific and professional stuff, so its not like we're going "our system is the only way it can present").

but i was SO surprised that she was surprised that so many systems mask.

i explained that if you freely drop the mask, thats gonna inform your abusers that what they're doing is working in their favour. they'll learn triggers and use that to their advantage. now, im coming at this from a organic system's pov, we haven't been programmed, nor am i claiming that if systems unmask, they'll automatically be a victim of programming, or later-in-life abuse where the abuser is trying to manipulate the system.

i told our therapist that if you give out your triggers, or you start presenting these switches, people can pick up on those patterns and then use that to their advantage. i clarified and said that i dont think our mum or family would do this to us, its just very very vulnerable and can be dangerous if we unmask completely.

even comments like "you're acting grouchy today", "stop being so childish", and "you never act like this". can all hurt so much and make the system or that particular alter feel guilty for existing the way they do. it would be amazing to unmask around family, but when i have before, i get told im being rude or mean, when thats just how i interact with people. i tease, im a bit blunt, and i tend to swear a lot. im not trying to be rude or offensive, but i constantly feel like an asshole if i do unmask, just because this edgy exterior is who i am.

it can also sometimes be embarrassing for other alters when you do unmask. im sometimes embarrassed by other parts interests, clothes, attitudes, and more. its internalised shit and im working on it. but if we were to unmask, im so worried people wont take me seriously, just because they know of a part who acts differently. and that sucks so much.

another thing is getting told shit like "this is all so confusing", "you have too many alters, how am i supposed to keep track", "you're placing the blame elsewhere because you dont want to admit what you did wrong". comments like that suck so fucking much. i hate them, they hurt, and they're based in misunderstanding.

having many alters (even just any number over 10) can be extremely confusing to others. but i haven't met a single system who expects others to fully know of, remember, and relate to all their alters. all i ask is you accept each new part and if you do happen to remember some names, thats awesome.

it also connects to a lot of gender shit, which our family struggles with. we still cant get them to use our preferred name or pronouns, and we feel like we're too much if we share that we have multiple parts that use different or multiple pronouns. i get that it can be confusing, i understand, especially because my family doesn't see me all that often and if my name and pronouns change each time we see them, it will be a lot to remember. i get it. but my family fills me with so much fear because i feel like they wont try. they wont try to connect with, or understand me. its not fair and its incredibly isolating.

we've also been told that we're placing the blame of negative actions, onto other alters. which, we never do btw. the only time we "shift the blame" is if we try to explain that we don't fully remember what we said or did, because of amnesia. we always try to take responsibility, its just not seen as fair for people to say we're "shifting the blame" any time we try to explain what is going on for us internally. our did isn't an excuse, but its an explanation, yet no one lets us explain.

i explained most of this to my therapist and said that one day we can hopefully be able to unmask more around our family (or even just our mum and brother) so we're less drained all the time. we would get less comments like "why aren't you talking to me", "you're so grouchy", "why are you watching (x show) thats for kids". and more comments like "oh is it (x alter)? thats okay, i wont be mad if you need some time alone", "oh! watching (x show), is this a good episode?", "hey, it seems like (x alter) or (y alter) might be around. i know you're very blunt but just remember to be kind towards your brother", "im not sure if you remember yesterday, but (x alter) and i started this conversation, would you like to talk to me about this, or would you like to wait until (x alter) is back?". or whatever the comments are.

accepting that we are slightly different and not expecting consistency of behaviour, likes, or memories, is so important to us. who knows if this will ever happen for us, idk i guess we wait and see

- virgil (he/him)

[fictionfixations]

??

the game keeps acting like the screen of all the apps is still there so im just trying to do stuff and it keeps bringing me to places im not meaning to go to ;_;

it acts like its on the bottom part though. so im just trying to press the excluse AP so i can claim it all at once and then it takes me to club. which i cant even do anything on since its coming soon

so. that was weird. i ended up just claiming them all manually since its not a lot and then closing and reopening after it proceeded to keep getting in the way

just. very weird.

sometimes i genuinely forget that things that happened in the future havent happened here so theres like no purgatory hall i dont think (which was where the angels and solomon were in the first game right?)

i didnt even mean to choose it to be like 'haha i know things that you wont understand and make no sense' i just fully forgot that they dont have that here 😭

its kind of weird though that we're impacting the past this way though. like its never happened so it shouldnt be familiar. but because we're here we change that. and i have no idea how its acting as if they already have these memories but just fragmented or like bits and pieces that give off feelings that they dont understand

i mean. the fact that we're here in the past is probably a paradox itself right? cause theyve never met us before and yet now they meet us when they first come to the devildom.

and for some reason our presence makes their self and their future self have a sort of vague connection?

so basically its treating it like the first game came first

which. it did. technically. but not timeline wise. except it also sort of did because us from that first game ends up in the past. which SHOULD be before but since we're there then we'd have to be from a time of the future which makes it confusing

and im confusing myself trying to think this through

i dont even wanna think about alternate timelines agh

anyway i was late to making this post cause i think its gone now but

the amodeus birthday bash story is just ❤️ its just very sweet and i like going along with him (and hes just so clearly having a fun time that it makes me have an even more fun time)

[fite-club]

asexual who is not attracted to their friend: i consent

their friend, fully aware of that fact and chill with it: i consent

some fucking idiot on tumblr: i DONT!

anyways. no one said that sex involving asexuals is "less horny." youre making up a guy to get mad at. defining horny as libido based or attraction based is debatable but i think most people consider it libido based. so, yes, Asexuals Can Be Horny.

that shit about treating people as sex objects is so infantilizing. as if people cant discuss their attraction and/or lack thereof as adults and still consent?

"do you want to hook up?"

"im asexual so i dont experience sexual attraction, but if that doesnt bother you, sure, sounds like fun."

"cool, i dont mind. lets fuck sloppy style"

woah crazy how easy that was 💯

and you dont even really NEED to do this for something like a one night stand? like if youre hooking up w someone at a bar and both of you intend and consent to it to be a one night only situation, what does it matter if youre asexual or not. why do they need to know that. what does it change. how does the presence of attraction deem it NOT using them as a sex object, but the lack of attraction is? two entirely identical scenarios, the only difference being asexuality.

its really pretentious to act like youre some kind of expert on sexuality.

i'm not making up a guy to get mad at, you're the guy. you think your sex is less horny because you think it lacks sexual attraction somehow. horny asexuals masturbate, they don't have sex with other people.

if someone says "wanna hook up?" and you say "i'm asexual, but sure, sounds like fun" then you are associating asexuals with people who can want and enjoy sex. actual asexuals are BEGGING you to stop doing this, because they want people to hear "i'm asexual" as "no, i don't want to have sex with you." that's why it matters if you're asexual or not; because asexuals don't want to have sex with other people (because they don't experience sexual attraction). the fact that you're both consenting isn't what i'm trying to argue against, i believe that everyone is consenting to sex in these scenarios, and that's exactly why there is sexual attraction involved. people who do not experience sexual attraction DO NOT WANT TO HAVE SEX. why would they?

i'm not claiming to be an expert but like, i sure as hell understand sexuality a lot better than you do!

[compassionatereminders]

hi dokter (i think i spelled it right? sorry;;). im gonna sound like an asshole and i feel horrible about that but, i feel like a lot of people fake DID and multiple personality disorders. I know that i shouldnt fake claim people and such but, ive been on discord servers and theres a random channel dedicated to alters finding out who they are and then they always know how to set themselves up with a bot mechanic and switch between people rapidly. im a jerk for this, but genuinely in my head there is no logical explanation for how they have amnesia but know and understand discord completely. or how people will have fictives that are nothing like the source, just genuinely nothing like the character. its present in a lot of teenagers that struggle with mental illness and escapism, i think its less of a knowingly faking thing and more of a misdiagnosing themselves and truly WISHING there were more people there and they could share a body with dream. I feel like i do a fair amount of research, and looking into DID leaves me confused sometimes with how a lot of people online display their symptoms. why do alters all share an account and sign it? how do they all know the password? how do they all know how to operate it? (referring to tiktok because so much DID content comes from there, all with teenagers and young adults. i have yet to see someone over the age of like, 23 talking about DID. Not saying that just cause youre young you cant be blank, but i feel like its worth noting.) i guess i consider myself a kind person, and i dont care about what people do if it doesnt harm anyone. but this DOES harm people. i think its mostly people self diagnosing because they identify mood swings, different interests, and a yearning to be closer to their favorite fictional character or not be alone. so they truly do believe that this character is possessing them, even when its truly them changing their voice, putting on different clothes, adding an accent, and such. when people fake an illness, they dont fully understand what its like to have it and act in a way that is not accurate. isnt this the kind of thing that leads to stigmatization? to people completely changing their definition of DID since all they have seen is kids faking and acting like their favorite minecraft youtuber? i dont know. i feel bad since i hear from people with DID that they do feel this way, they feel like people now have a warped view of the disorder from people faking it online. Im not speaking for everyones experiences, maybe some dont care maybe some think its a coping mechanism, i have no idea. im sorry i went off on such a rant. i really like kats blog, she's helped a lot in ways. one last asshole note. A part of me is crying out that youre just kat typing while speaking her true and harsher thoughts under a different name, like an alter ego. im sorry, i know she wouldnt do that and im sure thats not what you are. i just had to ask, to clarify i guess (Even though i more just. stated it. sorry;;). i am probably not very nice in your eyes now, i dont mean to be the mental illness gatekeeper or anything but when you can very clearly tell so many are faking something serious its hard to just, go along with it. p.s. since youre a dokter who shares kats mind, how did you get all the education to be a psychiatrist? i feel like kat alone could be one, since she is very well educated and good at that stuff. is that why? or another reason. jsut genuinely curious;;.

None of us are psych professionals and none of us are claiming to have DID. Like sure there is a general issue of misdiagnosis causing the spread of misinformation which is to some degree harmful, but when I am explicitly stating that I don't have DID, how do you then read that as me faking DID? How is my experience inherently fake just because it isn't corresponding with the clinical experience of DID? Why is having the clinical disorder DID the only way my experience could be valid and real? Why is anything besides the clinical diagnosis DID fake in your eyes? Please spell that part out for me