drmissymaclean

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: ohhh the second picture @stageyhalliday i get it

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Exciting things coming. Finding my footing here in New York.

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: i’d be insulted there are no photos of me but i suppose i’m grateful seeing as that wine had me sleeping face down on bonnie’s boobs by 11

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A bit of last night

[drmissymaclean]

Missy craned her neck as she tried to kiss Colin again, trying to push past the ugly feeling creeping up inside of her when she realised he was avoiding her. Her lips bumped clumsily off of his in a way that made her top lip feel like it was aching for a certain sort of pressure in a specific spot. It didn’t make sense. She knew it didn’t make sense. But her lips hadn’t pressed against Colin’s correctly and now she needed them to.

Trying to explain this aloud would make her sound insane, she knew that. She’d tried to get it all out in the open before. Back in high school, she’d sat jiggling her leg in her guidance counsellor’s office, stumbling through an awkward explanation.

“It’s like if I step on a tile and I don’t step on the exact right part of the tile, everything feels off-balance,” she explained and her counselor, a tired looking woman with a ginger bob, had peered over her clipboard at her and offered her a kind smile.

“I understand. You’re scared of stepping on cracks. Like the old wives’ tale,” she’d said and Missy had felt like screaming.

“No. It has nothing to do with cracks,” she’d said, hysteria creeping into her tone and making the smile vanish from her guidance counsellor’s face. “It’s like… every part of my foot has to align perfectly where I step or I have to go back and do it again.”

The blank look she’d gotten from the other woman had made her sink back in the chair and eventually agree that yeah, she just didn’t want to step on a crack.

If she tried to explain all of that to Colin right now, she knew she’d probably be met with the same bemused expression, so she tried to kiss him again. To fix the issue. Press her lips against his just right so she wouldn’t spend the rest of the evening feeling that phantom sensation on her mouth and the sickening feeling in her stomach that made her believe everything was about to go south.

As she tried to lean in again though, he kept her at a distance. The realisation made her feel like someone had dumped a bucket of cold water over her and she stared up at him, brown eyes blown wide with hurt.

“What? No, I don’t… I don’t want a drink, Col,” she said, shaking her head when the latter end of his sentence caught up with her.

He thought she looked wiped.

She’d spent hours on end in the lab today, dusting off an old bone that had been shipped to them all the way from Peru. It wasn’t ready for inspection yet, but she’d been on her feet from 8am, skipping lunch to carry out the task as meticulously as possible. It had left her with a crick in her neck that she couldn’t quite shake and that only added to the sensation of wrongness.

Missy knew she wasn’t looking great. She knew she looked wiped, but hearing Colin say it didn’t help matters and she frowned up at him.

“It’s that smooth charm that gets all the girls, huh?” she snapped. Her skin prickled and she felt that one spot on her lip flare up with awareness again. As if to settle it, she trapped her lip between her teeth and pressed her tongue against the sensitive area, quickly turning away from Colin.

“Is this what the set-up for tonight is going to be? ‘Cause I know I said I’d slept with guys who liked degrading me but I didn’t think that was our thing,” she told him, voice hoarse as her hand gripped tightly at her own wrist. God, she wanted to claw her skin off.

Colin wasn’t unaccustomed to texts from Missy asking if she could stop by his after work. They had a routine that they’d happily fallen into in which she’d stop by the penthouse, or sometimes the boat, and they’d rarely do much else but fuck until they were sweaty and aching, Colin’s tongue lathering her skin as he pressed kisses to her most tender spots. Missy's company was a welcome comfort, the two of them maintaining a silent agreement that whatever shit was going on in their lives could be left behind the second she crossed the threshold into his bachelor pad. 

He’d been out when she’d texted him, getting in a little practice time with Tanner before meeting Ty for lunch. He’d happily agreed to have her over that evening, knowing that whatever plans he had for the day could easily be wrapped up by the time she got off work. After leaving Ty, he’d managed to pick up Bella, drop her off with her mom and still found the time to stop by Ariadne’s place. With ample time before he needed to be back home, he’d spent the better half of two hours tangled in the blonde’s bedsheets, fingers sinking into her thighs as she’d ridden his face before letting him fuck her senseless, filthy moans spilling from her lips. Then, he’d kissed her goodbye, headed home, and managed to sneak in a quick shower before Missy arrived. 

Clad now in a half open button-down (he figured his glistening chest should at least be on display if nothing else) and a comfortable pair of sweats – slung low at his hips and fitted perfectly to highlight the outline of his erection (boxers hadn’t been a priority when he knew they wouldn’t be staying on for long) – he smirked as he tugged the door open for Missy. Colin wasn’t stupid, he knew how good he looked, and he was certain Missy would agree. 

The door was barely open before she was on him, proving him right as she parted his lips with her tongue, hands scrambling to grasp at his shirt. His own hands found her waist, holding her steadily against him as he kissed her back, hungry and desperate for more. Something seemed a little off about it all, though. Kissing Missy was always fun, there was no denying it, but everything about the way she was touching him right now felt so forced, so precise. 

Positive he was going to live to regret it, Colin’s hand came up to rest against her shoulder, thumb tenderly tracing her clavicle as he broke the kiss and pushed her away. 

His eyes scanned Missy as she protested, their separation finally allowing him to properly look at her for the first time that weekend. She looked exhausted and so completely unlike herself. Not that she didn’t look great, she always did. Missy was arguably the most gorgeous woman he’d ever met, and Colin Nash was no stranger to sleeping with beautiful women. All the same, she wore bags under her eyes, hair spilling from the tight constraints of the scrunchie she’d opted for that morning. Even as she stared at him, her eyes glazed over, hardly seeming to see him at all. 

“Nothing wrong with me, baby,” he insisted with a sigh. 

Releasing his hold on her, he lifted a hand to rub awkwardly at the back of his neck, feeling guilty about deflated look she was currently wore. It wasn’t in Colin’s nature to reject pretty girls. He could just as easily lean in, pull her into his arms and fuck her there and then against the doorframe if that was what she wanted. That would be the easy thing to do, but not necessarily the right thing. 

“You wanna come in and grab a drink first? You look pretty wiped, sweetheart,” he shrugged. Colin wasn’t exactly good at feelings. 

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: my hangover has a hangover

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It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to.

[drmissymaclean]

TEXTING: ARIADNE Missy: happy birthday miss capulet

[drmissymaclean]

TEXTING: HANNAH Missy: happy birthday miss hannah banana i hope you're in the mood to celebrate

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: jesus is that you

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mom said to look cute for dinner and i just couldn’t disappoint jesus u know

[drmissymaclean]

TEXTING: ZAC Missy: happy birthday to the most important boy in the entire world Missy: i love you so much i can't wait to cover your face in one million kisses later

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: a north face puffer jacket in april he might actually be the most charming man alive! well done zac

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Made a new friend. :) Had fun seeing some live music! Archer has good taste!

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: would personally fight the universe with my bare hands if it ever thought about not lettng life be kind to you

↳INSTAGRAM: @talesofthetardis uploaded a photo:

Everything is good. :)

[drmissymaclean]

The humming under Missy’s skin was bad today. Normally, she could ignore it, by going left foot first up the stairs or flicking her wrist at just the right angle that the movement fit in her brain. Today though, she couldn’t stop the irritable feeling that pricked at her skin like dry heat. Every move she made felt like it had to be done in a certain way and she tried to remind herself that was just a rule she’d made up in her head. 

She checked her phone, a weak smile making its way onto her face as Petey sent another text, reassuring her with many exclamation points (she didn’t dare count them, knowing her brain would try and find something horrifically symbolic about the result) that Gramps was just fine, settling down for the night, and that she didn’t need to rush home. She fired off a response, telling him that he was a godsend and that she hoped to be home before Gramps’ evening detective shows were over. Firstly though, she’d agreed to pay Colin a visit. 

She’d messaged him on her lunch break, asking him if she could come over after work. He knew what a request like that involved, and he’d agreed easily enough, not sensing anything wrong with her tone. That was good though. Missy didn’t want him to think there was anything wrong with her; she just wanted him to fuck the wrongness out of her.

Standing outside his front door, her knuckles hovering above the wood, she paused. Her fingers twitched, hesitated. One-two-three, knock! She missed the count. One-two- She finally gave in and knocked clumsily, not in any sort of rhythm that quieted the pit in her stomach. Her jaw clenched and she felt a muscle in her neck twitch.

She couldn’t help but flinch as soon as Colin opened the door, looking sun-kissed and smug, but oddly comforting too. He looked like ease personified, in such a stupidly charming way that she was almost comforted by the sight of him. Usually, a night with Colin, whether it be in the confines of his luxurious apartment or aptly nicknamed fuckboat, was conquered with no real difficulty. She got along with him more than she did with most people outside of her ragtag group of Irishmen and Bonnie. Colin had never been the sort of person she’d have ever envisioned herself hanging out with - in fact, he was the exact kind of person she’d have started a fight with in high school - but the buzzing in her veins mellowed a little as he stood there, leaning against his doorway.

She knew how she looked, her hair scraped back in a braid, museum ID hanging off her neck in its lanyard and her blouse still covered in fragments of bone dust. 

“Hey,” she said. Her voice was tight, a little hoarse from the repetitive left-right, left-right, left-right pattern she had muttered to herself on her way here, keeping it up under her breath to keep the image of Gramps falling down the stairs out of her head. 

Before he could say anything in response, Missy leaned forwards and kissed him, pushing him backwards into his apartment. Her bag slid off her shoulder, landing on the floor with a thud. The way she kissed him was automatic, muscle memory, like a routine. 

Her tongue found his with a practised ease as she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to ignore the fact that it didn’t feel the same as usual. Something dark and ugly churned inside her as she grasped the front of Colin’s shirt, fingers scrabbling to find his buttons so she could undo them. 

It wasn’t desire she was kissing Colin with right now, it was desperation and as she deepened the kiss with a soft groan, she kissed him like it could erase her whole entire day and help her ignore the compulsions clawing at the back of her brain. 

She felt his hands on her shoulders, pushing her back a little and their lips separated with a wet click. She stared up at him, eyes blown wide as she tried to work out what he was doing. 

“Col…” she tried to lean into him again, craning her neck for another kiss before the stinging finality of rejection caught up to her and threatened to undo her completely. But he still kept her at arms’ length and Missy felt sick.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked, quickly deflecting. As if Colin was the one acting oddly. 

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: @bonniestew is this a langdon/mel safe space? i await their affair era

@missymac: @bonniestew actually what am i saying? that man will be divorced by season 2

@missymac: rory and i have been watching the pitt and first of all healthcare workers should be earning 400 billion dollars a day

@missymac: second of all he is pacing the floor because it’s affected his writing

@missymac: his little alien character’s heart is racing and he’s short of breath because but instead of saying that rory wrote “he was tachycardic and was there no good breathing sounds bilaterally”

@missymac: he’s furious about this meanwhile i want abbott to flirt with me over some random man’s open wound

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: rory and i have been watching the pitt and first of all healthcare workers should be earning 400 billion dollars a day

@missymac: second of all he is pacing the floor because it’s affected his writing

@missymac: his little alien character’s heart is racing and he’s short of breath because but instead of saying that rory wrote “he was tachycardic and was there no good breathing sounds bilaterally”

@missymac: he’s furious about this meanwhile i want abbott to flirt with me over some random man’s open wound

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: hot!

↳INSTAGRAM: @bonniestew uploaded a photo:

girls night

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: beach season is so close i can taste the salt air like i’m in that taylor swift song

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A little bit of this, a little bit of that. 1. Bella and mama. 2. Tennis with Rachie. 3. Ariadne needed to me a pitstop to check her makeup. 4. Practice. 📸: Tanner. 5. Smoke break. 6. Double trouble at mom and dad's place. 7. Some Bella and Uncle Coco downtime. 8. Dog walks with Teddy. 9. Beach days. 📸: Missy. 10. End of the week mess.

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: he's so humble i just know everyone's heart is going thud thud

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I’ve been interviewed!

[drmissymaclean]

@missymac: i need these men to die actually

@missymac: you look so beautiful i'm rethinking my decision to be an atheist

↳INSTAGRAM: @bonniestew uploaded a photo:

got stood up by user ‘eiffeltowerhour’ and received an unsolicited 🍆 pic from ‘bigdickbrian’ within the hour all while looking like this. if u care