#I can’t hear any other people
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living in the rural Canadian prairies has its downsides for sure, but right now I’m sitting on my deck in the dark listening to the coyotes howl across the river and enjoying the last of the warm summer evenings and I’m so glad that I get to live here. It’s such a surreal thing I don’t know how to explain it, but this place at night is so so alive.
#I can’t hear any other people#Just the crickets and the coyotes and my cat in my lap and the wind through the long grass in the coulee#And two days ago I got to watch the most brilliant lightning storm from 5 miles away over the fields#I love my home
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Okay consider Bruce Wayne is the very well known bankroller for the Justice League. Batman is still part of the league, but they don’t know he’s Bruce Wayne. So, due to Bruce Wayne being such a well known figure and very obviously connected to the Justice League, that has kinda made him a target for certain people which means the Justice League has decided to assign one of their members to help keep him safe. Insert notorious billionaire fighter Superman becoming the part time bodyguard of Bruce Wayne in this epic superbat romance
#where Superman falls in love with Bruce Wayne because it turns out he’s not that bad of a guy even though he’s billionaire scum#and Batman is not getting jealous of himself no sir#you’re crazy#this idea came to me while discussing comic book iron man so if you’d like to marvel this idea go for it#also feel free to make it any other hero but personally I’m more of a superbat kinda guy myself#i honestly feel like Superman is a bizarrely logical pick#because sometimes Gotham and Metroplois are like neighbors and Superman has super hearing/flight/super speed#(and all the other super powers that make him practically invincible)#also Batman obviously can’t do it because he hates all rich people and clearly has beef with Bruce Wayne (hence why they’re never together)#and Superman is such a swell guy obviously he’d be down to keep their bank account- I mean trusted civilian ally safe#this idea could probably still work fine with all the kids snickering in the background and maybe sometimes helping covering for Bruce/Bats#but personally when I read superbat I kinda like it to just be Batman and Superman 😅 not really Batfam and Superman#like this it’s own genera to me#anyways#my post#dc#dc comics#batman#bruce wayne#superman#clark kent#superbat#batman and superman#fan fiction idea#justice league
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AU where Loki doesn’t interfere with Thor’s banishment at all and it takes Thor years to prove himself worthy and when he returns to Asgard everything is just. The same. Nothing seems to have changed at all and everyone greets him like his absence was a minor obstacle that didn’t fundamentally change Thor and the worst part is Loki stepped down from the place as regent without any delay and Thor can’t help but feel there’s something underlaying the way his brother looks at him now and won’t let him touch him and Thor doesn’t know what he could have missed because he doesn’t think he would have found anything wrong with the things around him and how everyone behaves if he hadn’t spent time on Earth reflecting.
#the warriors 4 not being interested in anything Thor ‘learnt’ at all#and making it clear that Thor was punished unfairly and the AllFather’s decision had been harsh#Loki saying he’s happy for Thor and Thor sees the way the smiles are forced and he sees the way Loki avoids any touch#Thor hating the way Frigga talks about Loki’s short regency and Thor’s absence like it wasn’t two whole decades or something#like she’s so grateful to have her other son back without ever addressing why he was gone#Thor just. growing during his time on earth and being much more aware of the behaviour around him#he learns to be critical and assess why people around him may act a certain way#once he realises that it’s possible for him or anyone else to be fallible and make mistakes it’s over for Asgard for him I think#Thor returns and Loki gives him the throne and everyone expects him to obviously have the throne#and Odin is sleeping and Thor isn’t comfortable with the way everyone accepts him as king regent after the banishment#Loki who either never lashed out against Jotunheim or did and it was brushed away and no one thinks about it as anything#but Loki is still deeply affected and acts the way he always would have but Thor can feel it’s not the same#he knows something is wrong and Loki won’t say anything about it and Thor doesn’t know how to bring it up#Thor sees Loki metaphorically receding into the shadows to become a nonpresence so loud Thor hears it even after returning from decades away#Thor goes to Earth and gets his priorities in order gets a new worldview learns not to take what he has for granted#and finds out he actually despised Asgard#he’s been back a week and he can’t stand it
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I’m hopeful.
Yeah, it’s sucks.
But I’m hopeful.
Why?
Because my partner, who voted the same as me, greeted me with a pot of fresh coffee and a hug this morning.
Because my neighbor, who voted the opposite of me, greeted me this morning with a smile as she always does.
Because the person next to me on the morning commute, who voted who knows which way, asked how I was doing after the elections.
Because the bus driver, who didn’t vote, wished me a good day and a better week as I got off at my stop.
We are not our country’s political elite. We are family, friends, neighbors, and strangers who all share a common goal, we want to live our life as best we can.
We are a community no matter what side of the aisle you take. We are a community no matter which candidates are put forward or which win. No matter electoral college or popular vote. Conservative or liberal. Capitalist or socialist. Red or blue.
No matter what, we are a community, and it is through those bonds that we will move forward.
There is hope in community bonds. There is hope in your family, friends, neighbors, and strangers.
There is hope.
Remember that.
#us election#us politics#please have hope please stay alive please take care of your health and your community#we the people#not we our government#we can do this#they have proven they can’t#also for my own health i’m blocking any of yall that come across my dash calling for violence even violence in ‘jest’#we are better than the politicians we can treat each other with kindness rather than hate please let prove to them it can be done#is this naive? yeah probably but it’s what i need to hear and know
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I was watching lilo and stitch and that “you can never belong” scene came on and I got this idea in my head for that, but with ROTTMNT. So since I don’t do edits or draw, I wrote it out instead. Don’t think too hard about the logistics. :)
It is cold, when Leo slips out of the lair. He can feel Mikey’s gaze on him as he leaves, raising goosebumps over his flesh. He can’t bear to turn back, knowing that his resolve would crumble immediately if he did. His footsteps are too loud in the loneliness of the sewers. His heartbeat pounds in his head. He keeps expecting to hear a voice calling out for him, or the soft sound of footsteps following him.
But of course it never comes. Mikey had been so hurt. So sad. Of course he wouldn’t follow him.
When Leo finds a portal into the Hidden City, he doesn’t hesitate to throw himself through it despite the danger it puts him in to be there. The sounds and the sights are familiar to him, yet nowhere calls to him as loudly as the lair had. It’s only been two weeks since he was first brought into their home. They hadn’t even wanted him there, and yet the urge to go crawling back is so strong. He had messed everything up from the moment he’d manipulated his way into their lives. Of course they wouldn’t want him.
(Why don’t they want him?)
Leo wanders the back alleys and the side streets, letting his feet guide him to nowhere in particular. The picture he had swiped on his way out of the lair is stored safely in the pouch tied around his waist, and between steps he’ll reach in to slide his fingertips over the stiff paper. Just to make sure it’s still there. It soothes him.
He doesn’t stop walking until he’s far outside the city, tucked away in the scraggly rock forests that surround the Hidden City. The aching in his chest has turned into more of a twisting knife, the small knot of sadness becoming more like a gaping chasm. An open wound. A bottomless pit of longing and loneliness that he had never felt before he forced his way into the lives of the Hamatos.
He hadn’t had anything to lose, before. He hadn’t known the kind of pain that loving something would bring. He wishes he could go back to not knowing. He wishes he could return to a life of never having to make the choice to walk away, to spare them all the pain his existence brings them.
Leo settles on the ground, curling into himself, shoulders trembling under the weight of everything. When he closes his eyes, the image of Mikey’s face as Leo made his choice haunts him. Donnie’s quiet voice rings in his ears in the silence of the forest, you ruined everything, again and again. Raph’s soft squeeze on his shoulder lingers like a phantom. Leo trembles, tucking his knees to his chest. Then, he pulls the photo out.
Raph, Donnie, and Mikey grin up at him. It’s almost mocking, how happy they look here. A reminder that they are better without him around. He hadn’t seen them smile like that since the first five minutes they’d found him, back before they learned the truth of how much of their lives he can ruin.
He runs a careful finger over those smiles, then he squeezes his eyes shut and holds the photo against his chest. His throat burns, and the ache in his chest feels like a black hole that will swallow his body whole. He does his best to breathe through the pain and when he opens his eyes again, the light speckled ceiling overhead is blurry and indistinct. It reminds him of the stars they had taken him to see, wind tickling his skin as they sat on the rooftop of the tallest building of their strange human city and stared upwards at something beautiful.
“Lost,” he whispers to the open air, and he can almost imagine that single word floating upwards, towards the city and the sewers. Finding its way into the only place he’s ever found that might have one day held happiness. But only for him. Not for them. There was only danger if he stayed.
“I’m lost,” he repeats, words like some trouble confession, and hot tears roll down his cheeks.
Some small, selfish part of him hopes they’ll hear. He wants them to come for him, and to bring him back home. It is a stupid, foolish wish. It’s better for everyone that he stays gone. He can’t hurt them this way.
He falls asleep with tears drying on his cheeks, and body curled tight around the only evidence he holds of a dream he knows can never be.
When he wakes hours later, it’s to the sound of heavy footsteps over gravel. He jolts upright, heart pounding, eyes wide, and for one foolish, terrible moment he really believes that his family has come for him.
But no. Of course not. When Draxum emerges with a weapon pointed at his head, Leo can’t find it within himself to feel surprised. He stares back blankly, shifting slowly to stand, halfway wishing that Draxum would just take the shot and get it over with. He doesn’t think he has the energy to raise a hand to defend himself.
The gravel has left his legs peppered with indents and marks from where they’d pressed into his flesh as he slept. They sound like something breaking as they shift and crunch beneath his feet. Draxum’s eyes dart between those markings and Leo’s tear streaked face, before his expression twists into something complicated. Almost pitying.
“Don’t run,” he says, voice low. If Leo hadn’t heard what true kindness sounds like these last couple weeks, he would have said that’s what he hears in Draxum’s tone. “Don’t make me hurt you. You were difficult to make. No need to ruin a perfectly acceptable specimen.”
Leo shuffles, eyes darting between Draxum and the stacked stones surrounding them. He makes a sound low in his throat, hurt and uncertain, but he does not bolt. Draxum smiles, already assured of his victory, and steps closer. Leo watches with wide eyes.
“Yes. Yes, that’s it,” Draxum murmurs, careful and soft, like he’s trying to soothe a scared animal. “Come quietly.”
“I…I’m waiting,” Leo admits, and he watches Draxum’s brow crease. His head tips, curious. He’s not used to this side of his creation — quiet, yet resisting his orders. Leo shuffles a half step back, heart pounding so hard in his chest that he feels a little dizzy.
“For what?”
“For…for my family.”
“Aahhh. There is no use in doing so. You don’t have one. I made you.”
Leo shakes his head, hands trembling, photo creased from how tightly he is clutching it in his fist. The thought of ruining the only evidence he has hurts, but the fear of Draxum getting his hands on it, of him finding out about the others, it terrifies him in a way he’s never felt before. He can’t let Draxum know about them.
“Maybe…maybe I could—“
“I don’t know what yokai fool you found, or what nonsense they’ve been filling your mind with, but banish the thought of family from your mind.” His voice has lost that careful, gentle farce. It is harsh and cutting now. A familiar sound that Leo had hoped he’d left behind forever when he ran away. “You are built to destroy. You can never belong. Now, come quietly and we can begin your reeducation once—no! No no, don’t run, don’t—!”
His voice fades as Leo darts through the towering stones, vines curling at his heels and snapping at his shell as Draxum tries to recapture him. The picture flutters from his fingertips as he trips, lost amongst the shadows of the stone forest. Leo sobs, but he does not turn back for it. It is better if it is lost; at least then, he may be able to move on.
#Rottmnt#my writing#sort of a separated au?#There’s no real bigger story here#But basically the thought as I was writing it was#Draxum has leo and believes the other 3 experiments died in the fire#After 14 years leo decides to run away#He’s destructive and aggressive and also desperately lonely#Stitch style#And when his brothers find their presumed dead sibling mikey welcomes him with open arms#Raph is hesitant but affectionate and open to bonding#Donnie wants nothing to do with him but might possibly warm up to him over time#Of course any bonding he might do with his brothers is all ruined bc leo keeps messing things up#Hurting people#Ruining belongings#Etc etc etc#but he is beginning to love his family so so much despite how he can’t stop himself from hurting them#And when he hears that draxum is looking for him he makes the decision to leave#Mikey lets him go thinking that leo is making the decision on his own#Not realizing he doesn’t want to go#Anyways yeah#this idea put me in a chokehold and i wrote it in like 30 minutes at 1am#So i’m not thinking too hard about the logistics#rise of tmnt#rottmnt leo
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genuinely can’t understand character hate in a well-written show. I mean, I can understand here when the character is horribly written because that means they mess up the story, but. In a good show? What are you on about? You’re mad that they were an obstical to the hero’s journey? You’re mad that two character’s flaws interact in a way you don’t like? You’re mad about conflict? Dude. Dude that’s the whole point of a story. A journey without obstacles isn’t a journey anymore it’s just a walk down the road. A plot without conflict isn’t a story anymore it’s just some guy who doesn’t do anything.
#Sorry this IS about dungeon meshi but is a complaint I have about many fandoms#genuinely can’t wrap my head around it? I do not understand the appeal of hating a character.#I could feasibly understand if they get in the way of a ship. I don’t agree but I could understand.#If they’re poorly written and r just generally annoying I also get it!!! That’s a bad character and I want them off my screen!!!#But hating a character/their actions who is necessary for the progression of plot and character arcs?#Don’t you know they’re the most vital ingredient for a story??#Sorry for ranting once again I try not to get involved in any sort of discourse#but I feel that people have forgotten some important things about being normal#astronomically random#If two guys were best buds with no other issues it’s not interesting!!!!!!#Laios & shuro are great because their differences and argument mean that if/when they DO become actual friends it has that much more MEANIN#THE HEART OF EVERY STORY IS CONFLICT DO YOU HEAR ME IM SHAKING YOU BACK AND FORTH#BITINF STICK WIRH BLOOD IMAGE RAAHH#I’m normal. I’m normal.
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💙🌌💀🌌💙
#my art stuff#digital art#undertale#sans#human#humanization#gajinka#finally drew a human sans I’m happy with without copying someone else’s#I wanna do mars as well soon but I’m still figuring out how to deal with the sharp features#I can’t believe I forgot to post this the other day#I should draw a papyrus soon#I am gonna be completely honest and say that I’m terrified of drawing people of colour because I don’t know many personally#and looking things up can only take you so far. especially with mixxed info everywhere#and I’m prolly the most “woke” person in my family and I have a racist dad so it’s not like anyone of them would know any better#I just drew some hair that looked nice to me and picked a skintone that looked nice and gave him hazel eyes literally just cus I think they#’re pretty (and heterochromia on top of that but that’s just a sans vibe)#I know nothing about textured hair care so I couldn’t pic a style based on ease or anything etc etc#so if anybody has any thoughts on how to improve him. I’d love to hear feedback on it#I am literally the most white cracker you can find with straight blonde hair and blue eyes and all that shit so I know NOTHING about#anything else and I want to learn more from other perspectives in general#I know I could and maybe should have just kept this post as-is without adding all my hyper-worry (which really isn’t helping anybody)#but this is very outside of my comfort zone for character design and I’m terrified of designing anything without some kind of experience#TL;DR if this sucks in some way from a cultural standpoint please let me know#and… I shouldn’t apologize for the long ramble cus it’s my own post etc etc but I still want to apologize#and thank you. people often don’t read tags especially when they go on like mine do
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#everything’s fine and I’m fine I’m just saying this to say it rn#I don’t know what I would choose to do if he WAS still alive and I COULD still report officially#but a large part of me is really really glad that that mayor is dead. and I don’t ever have to hear him or see him at events or feel his#unusually long weird fingernails and iron grip while telling me to smile for pictures ever again#a part of me would love to confront him#but most of me is just glad he’s gone and can’t scare me or make life hell for my parents ever again#he never should’ve gotten away with all the things he did for so many years. but he did.#now that we’re here in the present. it’s a gift to get to move on from it knowing he’s not still out there at least#he was a gross greedy person with police and government power and never should’ve had those positions for so many decades like he did#but that being said. he can’t ever speak to or touch me again.#I’m not grateful now. I wasn’t grateful then after he stopped pretending either. but I’m glad I get to walk away and never live near#any subdivision or building or anything else with his name or picture#ever again. and he’s never able to touch another child ever. good riddance. you gross greedy poor excuse for a public servant.#now I’m gonna go try to write some of what I’ve learned into a fic to help my future self and others#who do you think came out on top at the end of the day mayor L?#I came out of this with friends and kindness and gentleness and healthy rage. you died just as greedy and fake and paranoid as you lived.#I hope you got better towards the end. for your wife and family’s sake.#I get to protect others from people like you for the rest of my life. and I’ll win.#because I deserve it and every current kid deserves it too.#shh katie
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pondering on this october afternoon, why is jed hoyer still president of operations? like, hasn’t it been enough? he can’t even have a group celebration pwp fic written about him as part of his legacy with the team. i don’t know guys, but to me that speaks volumes about his lack of success.
#i’m dead serious#you shouldn’t want to be a president of operations people roll their eyes at bc they’re tired of hearing you say the same year after year#and nobody thinks of hoyer any other way than annoyance. so!#i’m not even mad at the players#i can’t even *fully* blame counsell#(although i do give him a big part of the responsibility bc you can’t come with that price tag and do exactly the same as my beloved rossy)#but what is the front office even doing#what is jed doing#does he even like this team?#it’s so… disappointing and tiring!!!!#ugh. whatever#chicago cubs#baseball
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I like to say I’m okay with my interests having very small/pretty non existent fandoms because that means no stupid drama even if I wish the things I liked were more acknowledged, it’s better to take them in a vacuum then mainstream cause some of the stuff I like if it got bigger would be more mixed, possibly even controversial-
and I still stay true to that but I also remember how my interests could’ve been decently popular yet all of them got screwed over in some fucking capacity somehow regardless if that was intentional or not and I low key get a little mad.
LIKE JUST AS A POINT OF REFERENCE (I’m listing these all in chronological release order):
Big O: flopped in Japan but when it was brought over to the states it apparently did well enough to get a season 2, but cn were fucking stupid and aired the second season on adult swim rather then its original home network toonami, which is likely why it fell into obscurity when it could’ve been up there with other old animes if people saw the entire thing because a lot of anime popular from toonami are remembered
Kikaiders anime: Was like only popular in Hawaii but the anime was dubbed and aired on adult swim- only problem is they gave it a 12:30 am time slot and even if it first aired in summer a lot of people probably skipped out on it- also I have a hunch that even tho big o on adult swim definitely got less traction it and kikaider afaik aired around the same time, and big o time slot came first. People if they did know big o got moved probably only watched adult swim for that then shut off the tv for kikaider, which further shows putting big o on adult swim was not a good idea. (Oh and the fact this was a anime reboot for a toku even if it was somewhat more accurate to the manga probably didn’t help the reception in Japan, next to how little interest there seemed to be for it given it was so short)
Shin Jeeg: Literally flopped so hard in Japan that it wasn’t even considered getting a dub besides Thailand and Italy, Italy being the only place Jeeg is fucking remembered. It’s no wonder this one probably the most forgotten among my interests despite being a dynapro mech and a reboot directed by fuckinv Kawagoe.
Casshern Sins: I have zero clue what japans reception of it was but probably not high when it’s “an edgy reboot”. As for the west it did got aired on toonami and is LITERALLY the only anime I like that is legally watchable on crunchyroll but it became forgotten cause it aired on toonami when people stopped caring for it, and crunchyroll only tends to show what’s popular so you’d only find this show from really digging.
Getter the only thing I’m not listing here next to it’s still decently remembered-big o is too, but at the same time it goes under a lot of mecha fans radars-but also cause I’m perfectly accepting of “the times it aired on tv it was super old and only part of it got dubbed, then the rest of it were ovas before not getting anime content for fucking years” like that’s a fair reason to be forgotten- but everything else just feels like I’m cursed 💀 (and I wonder how the cycle will continue when I gain yet another old anime robot interest because it will happen- eventually)
#meg text#I will say rn I’m ranting to rant because my life ahah hasn’t been well but I’m not going into it here#but I was talking to my friend last night who likes some of the stuff I like + other niche things and yeah it’s a curse#because you either have niche but it still has a decently large fanbase it’s just not popular#or you have fucking dead ass fandoms that can it even be considered a fandom? Who fucking knows#legit I try not to care about liking stuff with dead fandoms because I like it and that’s what matters but man when it happens constantly#will I ever go into bigger fandoms? Fuck no. Am I still allowed to be a little annoyed? A bit.#I’m not gonna bother trying to get people interested cause I know it doesn’t work most of the time especially when your pushy#I don’t like people being pushy with me anyways so it be hypocritical#also if anyone knows about reception shit with any of these lmk id love to hear cause some idk shit#even though I didn’t tag fandoms but that’s mainly cause they don’t need to see this 💀#I think this shit is why I also feel inclined to get into mecha that’s like- more known rather then the forgotten ones#like dawg I love to embody a true mecha fan of knowing random 70s show with a awful title but I can’t take this shit anymore
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Not only is my therapist hella supportive of my weird ass goal in therapy to learn shapeshifting (in whatever ways are feesable but especially in dreams) and is cool with all the negative thoughts being a monster comes with (daydreaming about hurting and eating people as a monster doesn’t make me a bad person), but they are roping in a literal shaman to help me out. That’s only part of the reason why, I’m also plagued with sleep hallucinations that are distressing (these are unaffected by my antipsychotics directly as it isn’t psychosis so I’m not gonna request med changes). That is probably the more pressing matter for them but I will be sure to tie it back to my desperate need to be a monster. I need to figure out how to satisfy this need for my mental wellbeing. I want it so bad I have literally offered my soul to entities I perceive as real and evil, hell I do it completely unprompted at times. The fact that I believe it is real and do potentially dangerous things is alarming to me when awake and have my wits about me. It’s essentially like I am drunk and wandering up to random people with a weird request. Some have gently told me they can’t do that, some are rude and tell me horrible things about me and why I don’t deserve to be happy.
Part of this is being billed to my insurance company, which is funny to me, do have to pay the shaman but my therapist is so cool they are not charging me for their time even though it is over the hour limit. They are helping me out because they care/worry about me and it is very nice to feel supported.
#I’m actually not the most spiritual person but am willing to do anything to feel correct#pretty much any attempt at woo leads back to wanting to be a monster#otherkin#monsterkin#therian#my psychiatrist knows I have weird dreams and hallucinations but has no clue what they are and how to treat that#I will let her know they have been increasing#she hurt my feelings by once saying I had a delusion so I’m not sharing anything further than that#it does not matter if I am delusional because a) I refuse to try any other antipsychotic#for fear of side effects#and b) if I’m delusional then believing in a cure hard enough will make it work#placebo effect or mind over matter or whatever#I literally do not care all I know is other people are successful at doing what I want to do#text post#wearing a fursuit helps actually but those are my characters not me#I’m not at a point where I can comfortably commission someone else to do it for me#I do not actually linger too much on the gore aspect#I’d like to I think I ought to really think of the implications of what I want to do#but also obviously I will not literally physically be a monster so don’t plan on hurting anyone#sometimes I look at gore deliberately and am like hmmm#what’s this suppose to be doing this ought to be titillating me#however simulated gore in movies and art is DEF my thing#love to see a monster brutalizing a person#but looking at a bear attack victim with the same injuries I’m like hmmmm ok#I want to tear people limb from limb and eat them#but looking at a real person eaten and torn limb from limb is like ehhh to me#hearing about videos or pictures of people INTENTIONALLY hurt and tortured upsets me can’t do that#I don’t want to hurt people in the people way#just a predator way#it’s not cannibalism fantasies btw not cannibalism if you are not human
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ppl will go “i’d notice if society was going to sacrifice a marginalised group of people and if they said that it’s ok that a bunch of people would die then i would stand against it” and then they’ll hear people saying “well only disabled and vulnerable people will die of covid” and go “yes this is normal and ok and fine”
#first of all it’s not only disabled people who are dying and also covid can disable you real quick and make you part of that group that#people are fine with dying#but also do y’all hear yourself bed sometimes. the amount of people who claim to be allies but with throw others aside as soon as it#interferes with their comfort#also there have been so many studies and reports and articles on how covid disproportionally affects poc. not to mention inequalities in#healthcare that come into play too when you’re dealing with a pandemic#but as soon as y’all have to stop going to parties or restaurants or isolating for two weeks when exposed or confirmed positive or even if#you suspect you have it. or any of the millions of other things that at this point are important facets of community care and protecting#yourself and others from a disease that has been proven and continues to be proven to do a lot of damage to the body#y’all just balk. you don’t drop your claims but that doesn’t mean you’ve dropped your allyship#I’d love to go back to normal. i’d love to go out without a mask and eat in restaurants and do all the things i did before covid#but i won’t. because i know that isn’t safe for me or my friends/family/community and also quite literally isn’t possible now because we’re#still in a pandemic. if you claim to be an ally to disabled people then prove it and mask#I can’t speak as fully on allyship to other communities who are disproportionately impacted but not masking harms everyone and if anyone#does want to speak on allyship to their communit(y/ies) feel free to go ahead#covid tw#fired up about this because i’m doing radioactive iodine treatment in a few weeks and my mother is taking no precautions. not only am i at#risk if i catch covid but if she gets sick i either have to postpone my treatment to care for her (which risks giving my cancer more time to#metastasise if there are cells left) or i have to figure out another plan for treatment since my current plan hinges on her help since i#have to isolate#im just tired and frustrated. a pandemic doesn’t stop just because you get bored#vent tw#this is not as eloquent as i wish it was and the lack of punctuation and tone can make parts confusing but i think y’all get my point
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We had to put him down this morning. His health was getting too bad and I couldn’t stand the idea of him suffering.
it’s just crazy to think I don’t really have puppy pictures of him because we got him before we even had cell phones. I picked him because all the other puppies had cute little shirts on and when I asked why he didn’t, the guy giving him to us said he was too rowdy and was a wiggly little fighter and I was so charmed by that. He had so much personality and would wake me up at ungodly hours in the morning for our walks. But like, he gave me a reason to get outside and see the sunrise everyday. I hope I took even half as much care of him as he did for me. Love you forever, fuzzy ❤️
#I feel so sad but I’m so grateful to have had this long. 15 almost 16 years is crazy#the grief will be forever but so will the love#animal death#fuzzy#animals#dog#sanchoyorambles#ive known it was coming but I don’t think any amount of time or knowing could really make it hurt less. it’ll just take time#he was safe and I hope he wasn’t scared#I did what I could to make him feel comfortable but it never feels like enough I wish I could’ve done more I wish he could’ve lived forever#I know it’s selfish but I wanted more time with him. I wish I could’ve got him a house with a big fenced in yard.#and always have fed him home cooked meals and spoiled him even more#not just any crusty little white dog. MY beloved crusty little white dog#he got along with cats better than other dogs and used to bark at even the WORD squirrel before he lost his hearing#he was so silly and I’m going to miss him so so much#I wish we could’ve seen a million more sunrises together buddy#it’s so quiet without him I don’t know what to do with myself#making this as an online memorial. but I did make him a shadow box with his collar and leash and paw prints and pictures and his#adoption papers and everything and his grave is going to be marked with a cute engraved thing it’s just not here yet#I’ll never love a dog so much again man I can’t handle this#but I want something online to look back on#I want people to know he was great and I love him and I’ll always love my baby#I’ve been trying to distract myself but god. ow
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Y’know if I’m gonna be homesick I’d like to at least remember what home was like -Party
#ventish#tw vent in tags#I’ve been feeling really bitter as of late#probably doesn’t help that some of the only stuff I can remember from my past is my shitty childhood#kind of hard to ignore when I get flashbacks that send me into a nervous breakdown every time I get close to crying#I hate it#so so much#all of it#not to mention my eating disorder is a constant pain in the ass#and i don’t know what to do#I don’t think any of my headmates have anorexia#so they can’t help me#and I can’t get help from externals cause singlets are too hung up on whether or not I exist#and it seems like other systems just want individual headmates to shut the fuck up about any issues they have and pretend they’re singlets#so what the fuck am I even supposed to do#how is it that I’m in a body with 50+ other people and I feel so alone?#I need help#i really do#but this isn’t something where I can pretend to be a singlet#no mental issue is#because it’s always in some way connected to our plurality#like almost everything else in our life#and others just can’t see that and it feels shitty#y’know back in the zones I was always seen and not heard#bl/is whole propaganda around me was that I looked different and was too ‘revolutionary’#people (in bat city) never cared about what I said just what bl/i said I said#and now it’s the opposite#people hear me but they don’t fully see me#they see a singlet I never wanted to pretend to be
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Yes danganronpa is mainly a battle of hope and despair, but to forget the third category can lead to a huge misunderstanding of some character dynamics. I’m talking about Takumi again. Spoilers for Killer Killer and Zero.
Hope is typically watered down to the “good” side. It can be flexible because “goodness” in itself is a complicated subject, but in the face of disaster and destruction, hope is needed to rebuild, example of course being Makoto risking it all to try to save people who “don’t deserve it” because giving up on people is against everything he stands for. Okay, clear enough, that’s easy.
In the opposite side, despair is chaos and destruction, but more basic it’s the “bad” in the world. Hurting people because there’s nothing else to do and nothing matters. Of course, this is Junko, we know this. A great example is the opening to DR Zero, where she’s killed the entire reserve course but specifically realizes when she’s coming down from the misery of it she doesn’t hurt enough. Despair is the destruction of everything you love because misery is all you know.
It’s stated pretty clear that Yasuke doesn’t align with either side. His motives are our secret third option; love. Love is like a wild card, it’s the grey area between hope and despair. He’s a doctor, he has spent his entire life only wanting to help people out of love for his mother. It’s his love of Junko that allows him to be blackmailed into comprising his morals and working for Jin Kirigiri.
The there’s Takumi. I think when people frame him as the protagonist of DR Killer Killer, they’re making a huge mistake. Misaki is the protagonist, and I believe has the potential to the an ult. hope. Shinji is despair, he’s destructive out of disgust of destruction, he tries to kill Misaki more than once and is upset Takumi cares about her. Takumi though has his own code. He’s obsessed, he wants to be just like Mukuro, and his love of the “perfect” murder motivates everything he does until Misaki is in his life. Once she’s there, however, and actually tries to understand him, his goals shift. While murder is still important to him, so is Misaki. Killer Killer ends with each of them fulfilling their roles perfectly; Shinji has become the thing he hates most, Misaki has put the fate of the world on the unmovable hope Takumi will to the right thing, and Takumi destroys the “perfect murderer” for Misaki.
Takumi isn’t the hope in Killer Killer, he’s LOVE. He’s the wild card, the grey area. And isn’t that more fitting?
#danganronpa#danganronpa killer killer#I love this stupid comic and I’m happy to hear any other options I just love them#and I want people to stop sleeping on Misaki she is a POWERHOUSE#That girl is crazy and powerful and so so good#Takumi just isn’t /good/#he’s so neutral on everything outside of his goals#he can’t be hope. I believe he’s just like Matsuda and can’t truly fall into hope or despair no matter how hard anyone tries#blah blah blah
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here’s the other thing.
#our ‘main boss’ was my bad (not bad) boss’ mentor. so he sticks up for him REGARDLESS.#so it’s hard to talk to him about any grievances i have#I can’t talk directly to boss causing the problems bc he’s so void of like. empathy for others that it goes over his head (I’ve tried)#and my good boss has my back and is wonderful and lovely but I don’t want it to seem like im constantly ‘tattling’ on people to him#especially bc him and my bad (not bad) boss don’t get along and the way bad (not bad) boss treats me is a point of contention between them#literally my other bosses who I don’t rlly do work for and am more just acquaintances w will hear me bitch and make me tell good boss 😭😭😭😭😭#idk. IDK!!!!!!!!!!!!
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