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princecharmingtobe · 5 years ago

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Rai tries to explain the furry fandom for non-furries for the 24963569356586th time because I have no life~

I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir posting this here, I just still often see people in the general internet being confused about or flat out wrong about what furries are and why we like the things we like. So here I go again, taking my frustrations out by making a long-winded tumblr post about it. But hey, if you’re confused by furries or know someone who is, maybe this will help idfk

Just be warned I am an ADHD motherfucker and there will be about 10x more words than necessary.

To start, What Are Furries?

Furries are simply self-identified fans of anthropomorphic animal characters.That is, a character that is an animal, but with many human characteristics. This can include speaking human language, human-like facial expressions, walking upright in a human-like way, wearing clothes, etc. Examples of anthropomorphic (or anthro for short) characters include Bugs Bunny, Mickey Mouse, Sonic the Hedgehog, Disney’s animated Robin Hood, Zootopia, and Beastars. All things in which the “animal” characters behave and express themselves like humans. Even movies like The Lion King and Balto have what would be considered “antho” characters, due to their capacity for human thought, speech, and facial expressions, though they would be in a subcategory often referred to as “feral” or sometimes “non-morphic” in which the character still moves and behaves largely like an animal.

So to reiterate, a furry is simply a self-proclaimed fan of anthro animal characters.

Why Anthro Animals?

I mean the obvious answer is, because it’s fun. It can be really fun and get one’s creative juices flowing trying to figure out how to blend human and animal characteristics. It’s an animal that moves and acts like a human. In what ways is it like a person, and what ways is it still an animal? Popular media like Zootopia and Beastars address that question as major plot points and worldbuilding elements. But it can also be fun to think about just when creating your own characters. And aside from just figuring out how to blend characteristics, the animal aspects of a character can offer more options of expression. Ears can perk up, droop, or fold back, tails can wag, lash, or tuck between legs, growling, hissing, etc. People often use expressions comparing human behavior and emotions to animals. You ever find yourself so happy or exited you think “If I was a dog my tail would be wagging!”

And aside from being an interesting concept to think about, sometimes it’s just aesthetically pleasing.

What is a “fursona”?

Fursona is short for “furry persona”. A BIG BIG part of the fandom is original characters. If you look at a furry art website you might see some art of Judy Hops, Legoshi, Sonic, etc. But mostly you’ll see original characters. They tend to be the main focus of the fandom. Because all the things mentioned above are fun to play with, and the fandom is big on creativity and self-expression. And what good is self-expression if you don’t use it to express... yourself? A fursona is an anthro animal representation of oneself. Basically “Me, but an [animal].” These can be an accurate representation of oneself (example: someone who is short and meek and skittish might make a mouse fursona) or a more idealized version of who you want to be (example: same short meek skittish person might instead make a lion fursona because they wish they could be more confident, strong, and outgoing). Some people even make multiple fursonas to represent different aspects of themselves (Think Thomas Sanders’ “Sanders Sides” but with fur). In the fandom, your fursona is also often how you represent yourself to others. In real life there are aspects of your appearance you can’t control, or that can be very hard to control. Your height, weight, bone structure, etc. But online as a furry, you can look like anything you want. This is also a very attractive concept to trans folk and queer people in general, which may explain why there’s such a high percentage of queer furries compared to the general population.

What is a Fursuit and Why do People Wear Them?

A fursuit is simply a costume made to look like a furry character. it is pretty much no different from cosplaying comic, anime, or video game characters, except that most of the time fursuits are of original characters instead of pre-existing ones. People wear them for fun and self-expression, just like any other costume. They differ from mascot suits in that they tend to be of higher quality, and more form-fitting and expressive. Fake furries are usually pretty easy to spot on TV because they usually end up in cheap Easter bunny costumes.

While “fursuiters” are often the “face” of the fandom to outsiders, most furries don’t actually own a fursuit. They are expensive, cumbersome, take work to maintain, and don’t always play nice with certain health conditions and phobias. I personally am apprehensive about getting one because I worry I’ll have difficulty breathing, and I easily overheat. Others simply don’t see the appeal of dressing up.

Do Furries Think They Are Animals?

Generally speaking: No. People often mix up furries with a subset of otherkin known as Therians. Otherkin are people who believe themselves to be in some way non-human, usually spiritually or mentally a non-human creature. Therians in particular believe themselves to be in some way a non-human animal. Furries are on the other hand, as I said, just fans of anthro characters. While there are likely furries who are also therians, most are not.

People who approach furry conventions to yell “You know you’re not really an animal!” at the fursuiters is about the equivalent of going to an anime convention and shouting “You know you’re not really Naruto!” at the cosplayers.

Is Being a Furry a Big Part of a Person’s Life?

It varies, just like any other fandom. Take anime for example. Some people just watch it and maybe talk to their friends about it and that’s it. Others might go online to view fanart and read fanfic, even go to conventions. And some people fill every aspect of their life that they can with it, filling their home with merch, getting tattoos, even building careers like being a youtuber around it. The same goes for furries. For some people it never goes beyond consuming media and art, while for others it plays a big part in their day to day life.

Is it a Sex Thing? (VERY ADULT AND SENSITIVE CONTENT BELOW THIS POINT)

I won’t beat around the bush here. There IS a sexual side to the fandom, just like any other fandom. Any anime, comic, video game, TV show, book, there is a sexual side to its fandom. Furries are no different. Just like it’s easy to find anime porn, it’s easy to find furry porn. People be making porn, idk what to tell you.

“Isn’t that zoophilia?”

Some people seem to feel that way about it, but no, not really. The thing that differentiates furry porn from watching two dogs hump at the park is that the characters are anthro. They think and express themselves like people, and fans relate to them as they would with human characters.

This

is in no way the same as this

“Do people have sex in fursuits?”

Generally, no, for various reasons. 1. They are expensive and take work to maintain and keep clean, and you don’t want to get various fluids on them. 2. They can be cumbersome and get really hot and stuffy, not ideal. 3. They just aren’t made for it. They don’t usually offer access to ones’ genitals, and thus having sex in them would be rather difficult.

There ARE some people who will get suits specially made for having sex in, with holes in all the necessary places, but you’re not likely to see those out in public. Generally if you see someone walking around in public in a fursuit, you can rest assured it’s probably not been used for sex.

“Ugh but that’s weird!”

I mean, people dress up and roleplay characters during sex all the time. Is dressing up as Krystal the Fox all that different from dressing up as Harley Quinn? And anyway, what does it matter to you what consenting adults get up to in the privacy of their own bedroom? Maybe don’t think too hard about other peoples’ sex lives.

And despite the availability of furry porn, it is not all there is to the fandom, and not everyone participates in that part of it. Heck, there are a lot of minors in the fandom, I was a tween when I was introduced to it, and the only times I was exposed to porn was when haters would “raid” our forums and spam it at us while calling US perverts, all the while being told “Hey, there are kids here!” But no we’re totally the sex-crazed perverts here right?

“I’ve Heard About Furries Who Are Bad People”

Yeah, you probably have. It’s a big fandom and inevitably some of the people in it will do bad things. Again, it’s the same for every fandom. You take any percentage of the human population, you’re going to get a few bad ones. Actual zoophiles, pedophiles, rapists, abusers. If they exist in the general population they’re going to exist in the fandom. But generally when their actions are brought to light they are driven out of our spaces, as with most fandom spaces. No group is perfect and without its bad eggs, but most of us work to keep our spaces safe.

In the end, people looking at a group from the outside tend to only see the loudest, weirdest, most outrageous members, and assume that’s what the whole group is.

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stanford-da-dragon · 5 years ago

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LONG OVERDUE UPDATE!!

Hi. Hello. It’s me.. With a.. Well An Update.. A WAY overdue update.

Firstly want to apologize for the wait of the next Chapter of Tales of a Dragon. What you see above is a WIP. Which mind you is actually almost done! :D I only got one more Dragon to draw in then this huge project is done haha...

Future Group photos I may just commission someone to do those >>

Anywho! Um... I came to remember why I hate doing multiple characters in the same photo haha My limit is 3 before I start to feel overwhelmed so doing 6 characters was way past my limit x.x So it was mostly me not being Motivated to work on this as I felt Overwhelmed. XP

Another factor to the lack of updates or posting is my job. For a good few months I was doing Doubles. So I was working Morning and Night Shifts and was just tiring myself out to the point I couldn’t draw anything... Now Overtime is a NoNo so no more Doubles. So I should have more time to draw again. :3

But my friend/sister who’s been helping me Beta Read my story has been going through some personal life changes that is making it hard for her to Edit and Fix my terrible grammar.. She’s able to do it still but not as fast as a weekly basis as we planned to post my stories at. So Updates will come slow to that as well. I may look for another Beta Reader just in case. If interested please send me a DM. ;w;

Also another cause for the slowness is that I finally got Stanford’s fursuit! :D As seen below~

And damn well believe I’ve been wearing this guy like crazy. Especially for TikTok. ;w; *cough-HeresmyTikTok-cough* He will eventually make an appearance here on Tumblr. Actually been planning on doing Q&A in fursuit if anyone is interested in that? If so shoot me a Ask and we’ll go from there.

Fursuit aside. I do have lots of commissioned art to repost. Um... Actually rethinking on reposting Commissioned Art here and just continue to share those onto Instagram. Unless it’s a posted Commission where I can reblog it then I will be reposting it that way.

But for now I believe I will just share my Story. My Art. and Fursuit Photos/Recordings. From here on out.

But yeah. Really distractions and life is what caused the in-activeness of Posting stuff. Soon I will be sharing my own content again! Promise! ;w; But for now...

This Art and the Next Chapter will be finished and posted up SOON :D

#Dutch Angel Dragon #Gravity Falls #Gravity Falls AU #DragonFalls AU #Fursuit #Update #Idk what to Tag here anymore #My LAST UPDATE WAS IN MAY!!#AHHH

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nattikay · 6 years ago

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Hey, can I ask for your advice on something? I'm writing an "article" for my college's parody newspaper about a furry student who disguised themself as a therapy pet for a friend in order to get free room/board. Do you have any tips on tropes/stereotypes/etc. to avoid about furries? Thanks!

Hmm…that’s a good question. Since this is a parody you’ll have to use your own discretion, but here’s some common false tropes/stereotypes and the corrections:

1.) “It’s a fetish” / “It’s all about sex”

Ah yes, the big one. While adult content does exist in the furry fandom (as it does in literally all fandoms), it is not the main point of the fandom as a whole. There are some individuals who are super into it, but most are either indifferent to “that” side or sometimes may like it but like, casually–they don’t consider it their primary reason for being part of the fandom. There are also folks like me who avoid “that” side entirely or even actively oppose it.

….you know, like literally every fandom.

2.) “It’s basically zoophilia”

Alright full stop NO. I mean I’m sure there’s a few gross nutcases out there who are into those things and are furries, but they are people who are gross and also happen to be furries, not people who are gross because they are furries. A vast majority of furries find zoophilia etc. as thoroughly wrong and disgusting as non-furries do, yes even the ones who are into the adult side.

These two, especially the latter, are the biggest misconceptions that give the fandom such a nasty reputation and inspires such vitriol–and hey, I can’t blame ‘em, if I genuinely thought these tropes were true I’d hate furries too. As such, while the other ones I list you can take or leave for your article, these two in particular I’d definitely advise avoiding with a 10-foot pole else every furry reader will be bashing their heads into the wall (especially us clean furs who just want to draw cute talking animals and not be associated with the gross stuff :P).

3.) “Furries want to be animals” / “Furries think they are animals”

This one is conflating the furry community with therians/otherkin. While there is naturally some overlap between the three groups, being one does not at all imply being the other. Most furries are 100% aware of and content with being human, and know that their fursonas are fictional.

The most basic definition of a furry is a person who is a fan of anthropomorphic animals, ie animals with human personalities and characteristics. That’s literally the only description that can apply to every furry ever, as it is the defining characteristic. There are other things that are common in the fandom but with pretty much anything more specific beyond that there are bound to be at least a few exceptions.

4.) “Furries are people who wear animal costumes”

Fursuits are probably the most visible and recognizable aspect of the furry fandom, but only about 20% of us actually own one. This is because they are difficult to make and very expensive to commission (a full-body suit from an established maker often costs at least around $2000). They are not something that is typically mass-produced–each one is hand-crafted and unique.

Those are the main ones that I see a lot. Here are also a few that are actually true if you wanna include ‘em:

-Usually have an animal character they use to represent themselves like an online avatar, called a “fursona” (“furry persona”)-Fursonas can be any species, but the most popular are canines, esp. wolves, foxes, and huskies-Generally into art, be it making or just viewing – it’s a very creative community-Statistically mostly male (though there are plenty of females too, like me :) )-Often into other nerdy things, including but not limited to cartoons, anime, sci-fi, computers/technology, etc-Original Character Do Not Steal™-Drama is a thing tbh-Many use it as a coping mechanism for depression/anxiety, esp. fursuiters (not all of course but in my experience it does seem to be pretty common)

Hope this helps! ^^

#furry

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cumulohimbus · 6 years ago

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100 things I want to do in my lifetime

So, I had a really good conversation today with friends, and I opened up briefly about my stay in a psych ward a few years ago. It came up because I am acutely aware that I haven't been doing well, and am scared to return to a situation anything like my previous stay at said ward despite knowing that being hospitalized would probably be very beneficial at this time in my life. Talking about it did make me remember something though, something that gave me a lot of hope. While my experience with a psych ward was overwhelmingly negative, there was a part of treatment that really got through to me at the time. It especially helped with my suicidal ideation, which is something that's been really problematic for me again lately. Since I remembered it, I'm going to revisit the exercise, and I encourage anyone and everyone who also struggles with suicidal thoughts, thoughts of self harm, mental health issues, or even if you're just having a bad day, to give this a try. It's simple. Make a list of 100 things you want to do in your life. They can be as realistic or unrealistic as you want them to be. They can be big, long-term goals, or small, silly goals, and everything in between. The only rules are to write 100 things, and to avoid sarcastic or pessimistic things like saying one of your goals is to die or something like that. Save the list! Then someday you can go back and cross off things that you've accomplished or edit as you see necessary. Without further ado, here is my list:

1. I want to get my name legally changed to Larkspur Emmett so my dead name is no more

2. I want to get top surgery

3. I want to rekindle relationships within my family, especially with my cousins

4. I want to get scuba certified

5. I want to dive over the "sunken island" location on the lake my family had a cabin on that I visited frequently while growing up

6. I want to go diving in general, seeing a coral reef in person is an especially huge dream of mine

7. I want to rekindle my knowledge of the Spanish language and eventually become fluent

8. I want to continue learning American Sign Language

9. I want to learn more about my ancestry; I know I'm a vast mix of probably mostly European blood, but my family comes from so many different places and I'd like to know more about them

10. I want to finish the art commission I started for my close friend

11. I want to travel to places like Costa Rica, Japan, Chile, and Australia

12. I want to go on exotic travel adventures with a future romantic partner or close friend

13. I want to get my Bachelor's degree

14. I want to earn enough money to live comfortably, probably with pets

15. I want to adopt a pembroke welsh corgi

16. I want to beat my eating disorder(s) for good and be able to stop taking medication to help if at all possible

17. I want to go ziplining

18. I want to go skydiving

19. I want to hike through the Monteverde biological cloud forest reserve in Costa Rica

20. I want to develop a drag persona and perform as my persona on a regular basis

21. I want to make a fursuit (yes I said it, fite me)

22. I want to finish an entire animated music video

23. I want to learn more about plants and successfully keep one alive for longer than a year

24. I want to try my hand at raising an ant colony

25. I want to go swimming more often

26. I want to learn more martial arts

27. I want to learn to be a leader in my community

28. I want to work harder in my college classes

29. I want to learn to not fear loneliness and abandonment, and to appreciate my alone time

30. I want to get (many) more self-designed tattoos

31. I want to continue learning how to appreciate my body without caring about other people's opinions on what is considered "attractive"

32. I want to eat more whole foods both because they're healthy for me and taste far better than anything with chemicals in it

33. I want to meet a few famous people in person, can't think of many off the top of my head though, but I know there are a couple

34. I want to take dance classes again

35. I want to learn how to play a musical instrument (I mean, I took 7 years of piano and can kinda read music, but I wanna learn an instrument that's better suited for short fingers lolol, maybe french horn?)

36. I want to finish the paintings I've started

37. I want to learn how to digitally render things realistically

38. I want to finish the fanfiction piece I started a couple years ago

39. I want to become more patient and less envious

40. I want to heccing fly, okay?

41. I want to feel like relaxation is deserved and expected, and not a luxury only for those who can afford it

42. I want to reassemble an animal skeleton

43. I want to dig up a fossil (specifically of some sort of mesozoic creature, that'd be so cool)

44. I want to get back to using my planner

45. I want to play more (board, card, video, etc.) games with my friends

46. I want to disassociate less and be present in the real world more often

47. I want to be more informed about what is going on both in general, but especially in my more immediate environment

48. I want to take up better drawing habits (more life drawing, warm ups, breaks, etc.)

49. I want to try a real goddamn piña colada, bonus points if it's on the beach

50. I want to try existing in a portable living situation, like a renovated bus or van, for a while

51. I want to learn basic wilderness survival skills

52. I want to learn how to identify many different species of all types of organisms, especially plants and animals

53. I want to get my vehicle fixed up nice and maybe hand paint some things on it

54. I want to learn more about different cultures because they're fascinating and I want to be as respectful of all people as I possibly can be

55. I want to paint the waterfall jungle mural of my dreams in my future house

56. I want to gain better control of my emotions and my responses to them

57. I want to fabricate a working pair of wings for human beings

58. I want to learn/do more embroidery

59. I want to get a cerulean blue Corvette stingray

60. I want to get better about not procrastinating

61. I want to go to more events/be more involved wherever I am

62. I want to go for more walks to places I haven't been to before, bonus points if it's in the middle of the night and/or in the rain

63. I want to do things like play in inflatable obstacle courses and ride on roller coasters without caring about whether other people judge me for doing those things as an adult

64. I want to regain the physical strength I have lost from being sedentary while my mental health has been at its lowest

65. I want to spend more time laying in the sunshine, preferably with the bare minimum of clothes on because I enjoy the warmth on my skin

66. I want to cuddle more with others that feel comfortable enough to participate in that with me

67. I want to learn more about the fabrication of clothing and design/make some outfits for myself

68. I want to cosplay, maybe go to a convention sometime

69. I want to go skinny dipping >:3 (look, it's number 69 on the list, okay?)

70. I want to try all sorts of foods I've never had before

71. I want to see a butterfly leaving its cocoon in real life again

72. I want to read more of the books I own

73. I want to be kissed by someone again...it's been over 4 years...

74. I want to eliminate my habit of requiring a Youtube gaming playlist to be playing in order for me to fall asleep

75. I want to learn more about the history of the lgbtqia2s+ community

76. I want to learn how to cook for myself better, and like, actually use those skills on a regular basis

77. I want to learn how to take care of my vehicle better on my own, like how to change a tire and such

78. I want to learn to communicate better, and just, in general how to be the best friend I can be

79. I want to stop using all substances for the purpose of drowning out my surroundings and messing with my temporal senses, if I'm going to drink/smoke/get high/whatever, I want it to be because I want to for fun, not because I want the chemicals to take the edge off my mental illness(es)

80. I want to start taking better care of my dental hygiene

81. I want to learn more about my legal rights and finances and other "adult" stuff that doesn't really get taught to you unless you specifically go looking for it

82. You know the somewhat obnoxious game Bop It? Yeah, I want one of those again, keeps me entertained for a long time

83. I want to design more things in general, more characters and their outfits and personalities and the worlds they live in, I enjoy that

84. I want to spend more time outdoors with my friends, watch sunsets and collect miscellaneous objects from the universe and such

85. I want to teach someone something, sit down and maybe teach someone how I draw or about something that I am at least somewhat knowledgeable about

86. I want to go to more aquariums; if/when I travel more I want to go to every aquarium I come across

87. I want to start a legit collection of something and like, build it up over a long period of time so it gets pretty impressive

88. I want to get my eyes surgically corrected so I don't have to wear glasses or fiddle with contacts

89. I want to learn more about Greek and Latin roots and just words and symbolism in general

90. I want to lose the embarrassment I have about my hyperfixations because I deserve to not feel ashamed of the things that bring me satisfaction and joy, and it's okay if other people don't share my enthusiasm about such things, I just want to learn to not be embarrassed that I like stuff

91. I want to get over my fears/discomfort re: nudity, especially for life drawing classes; see, it's one thing to see someone nude and divert my eyes but for life drawing I'm kinda forced to look...

92. I want to understand myself better and learn to love me instead of the opposite; I want to be full of love for the beautiful people around me and I want to really solidify in my brain that I am one of those beautiful people

93. I want to do more things for others that are meaningful because that makes me happy, and I want to learn to do those things while also respecting everyone's, including my own, boundaries

94. I want to develop a sleep schedule that is healthy and appropriate, and that I'm able to maintain

95. I want to run in the rain more often and jump in puddles (edit: while typing this it started storming out and I had to run outside in my bunny pajama short-shorts, winter boots, and a sweatshirt, to grab my box of silly plant seed experiments before they blew away, so progress is already being made)

96. I want to get over my intense fear of making phone calls

97. I want to learn how to sing better with my new and improved deeper voice from being on Testosterone

98. I want to get my first tattoo fixed up and hopefully renew the meaning it had to me at the time that I got it -- I want to try to keep that promise

99. I want to spend more time actively working on improving my mental health

100. I want to see more, I want to learn more, I want to do more, I want to be the version of myself that is genuinely amazed and curious by all manner of things, and I know that part of me is still there

And now, once you've finished your list, you have 100 reasons to not give up, because there's no way of knowing what you're capable of doing if you don't exist to try.

#long post #for future reference #silver writes #mental health things #but positive #100 things i want to do #i'll add a keep reading thing later #can't figure out how to do that on mobile

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asexualzoro · 7 years ago

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list of reasons I find zoro ridiculous

after my similarly titled mihawk post took off I decided to make a zoro post, since he’s my second favorite character and also arguably the most ridiculous character in all of One Piece. here we go

- I know what you’re all thinking. i’m gonna open this list with how he wields three swords, right? no. no, Zoro has done so much ridiculous bullshit, this doesn’t even seem weird anymore. i don’t even bat my eye at this. this is nothing. now that i’ve got that out of the way, let’s begin

- this dude has like, an obsession with cutting off his own limbs? and MAYBE i can understand trying to cut his feet off when they were stuck in wax—you’re trying to save your friends, i get it—but what about when he was sword shopping in loguetown? who’s first response when buying a cursed sword and testing if it’s really cursed is “i’ll toss it in the air n see if I get amputated lol.” plus there’s that old filler where luffy gets his finger stuck in a bottle and, when he asks zoro for help getting it out, zoro tries to CUT IT OFF. im convinced he lost that left eye of his bc he got dust or something in it and then tried to stab it out

- there’s like, several occasions where Zoro has been directed to head up a staircase and gone some other direction. it happened in enies lobby and in dressrosa? like, what’s the dude got against stai—... oh, wait

- his reintroduction post timeskip. get on the wrong boat? just cut it in half! who even cares! how’d you even end up on the wrong boat? you had to walk towards that boat, which means looking at the boat. that boat looked nothing like the sunny, wouldn’t zoro have noticed that? he also has to make an effort to climb on, which means, you guessed it, looking at the boat! he probably sees the crew members, maybe even gets helped up by one or a few. how did he not at any point in time notice that wasn’t his boat?

- also when they landed on sabaody the first time and zoro was like “i’m gonna go take a walk!” and both Sanji and Usopp tried to stop him, talking to him like concerned parents of a troublemaking toddler, like “Zoro you can’t go out there you’ll get lost!” to which Zoro replies “yeah but the grottos are numbered, I can find my way back if I just remember the number!” and Sanji and Usopp are like “okay, solid logic, even YOURE not dumb enough to mess that up” and what does Zoro do? what does he fucking do?

- I want to emphasize he messes it up because a bubble covers the 4 in “Grotto 41” so he thinks it’s grotto 1. BUBBLES. ARE. TRANSPARENT

- “sorry, I don’t pray to god” fuckin edgelord

- Zoro’s epithet is “Pirate Hunter” and it’s super lame. he could’ve been “Demon of the East Blue” but they went with pirate hunter, even though he became a pirate. even Chopper’s is better than his lbr

- THERES A SCENE WHERE SANJI THREATENS TO PUT RAZOR BLADES IN ZOROS FOOD N ZOROS LIKE “do it u won’t” SO SANJI DOES AND ZORO JUST EATS THEM? ODA EVEN GOT ASKED ABOUT IT IN AN SBS AND CONFIRMED YES, ZORO DID IN FACT EAT RAZOR BLADES. THIS 2EDGY4U BITCH JUST. STRAIGHT UP. ATE RAZOR BLADES

- in film gold he wears that black jacket under the white one. mind you he had no way of knowing he would be trapped in gold by tesoro or that they’d all have a dramatic coordinated outfit change once he was free so what the fuck was he doing? why did he wear that? who wears two jackets for no reason?

- “if i’m gonna be a statue I want it to be in this pose” “i’m glad I struck a pose”

- remember when zoro fought mr. 1 in alabasta and mr. 1 dropped a stone building on him and he was just like “this is a rocky day” or smth equally awful? i hate him

- the tarzan yell in skypiea

- actually, the goggles too.

- didn’t he try to convince someone he was fighting they were sunglasses bc they had some blinding light-based attack? I feel like he did but I don’t remember skypiea well enough to be sure

- Zoro vs the bird in skypiea. spent a fair amount of the damn arc running around skypiea getting messed w by a bird (which, according to Luffy, was more evolved than Zoro bc it had developed a sense of direction. burned by ur own captain)

- when asked why Zoro was able to speak with a sword in his mouth, oda said “IT’S HIS HEART SPEAKING”

- that colorspread Zoro where he reads a book about weightlifting while balancing a weight on top

- when Zoro fights that masochist guy in film gold (I think his name was dice?) and said some cocky ass one liner after the guy fell unconscious that went something like “What's wrong? Didn't it feel good? Aren't you gonna scream in pleasure?" awful

- Zoro almost gets murdered by Mihawk and then, later that day, tries to take on fishmen underwater. others r like “you cannot handle this, you will literally die” and Zoro doesn’t even care bc Luffy is in trouble

- he was sailing bc he left home to find mihawk and then couldn’t figure out how to get back

- remember that filler where Zoro taught Luffy how to skate but then forgot to teach him how to turn. I love both that this happened and the implication that Zoro is a person who knows how to roller skate and therefore has spent time roller skating. Zoro roller skating backstory when?

- when Zoro was fighting oz, a 500 year old corpse, he licked his sword. now, on top of licking his sword being ridiculous as hell because, listen, there’s NOTHING cool about licking your sword. you just look like a loser. but a sword that just came out of a 500 year old corpse? really? i know it was preserved by the cold and all but there’s no way it didn’t rot at all. that’s a rotted, frozen corpse. Zoro what in the HELL were you thinking. I hope you get sick

- i’m sure it probably wasn’t even the first time he licked his sword in a fight but I will say with absolute confidence he looked like a loser every single time

- I feel like he licked his sword while facing mr 1 but I can’t remember. if he did, that’s honestly iconic. stare down a dude that’s made of swords while licking yours? power move. only decent time to kick your sword

- Zoro, joining Luffy: “if you stand in the way of my dream i’ll kill you!” Zoro, a day later: “of course i’ll carry my captain in this heavy cage on my back to safety. oh this gaping wound in my side? nothing. who cares about bleeding to death, my captain needs me!”

- all those big weights he’s got. all of them.

- especially that time he was lifting weights post thriller bark after barely surviving kuma, still heavily injuries, complaining about how weak he is. buddy...

- that time in drum island where he decided to train by going swimming in the freezing ice-country water, then when he got out he got lost in the snowy mountains until he wandered into a random battle and took out some guy just to steal his coat

- this isn’t the only time he steals some random dude’s coat

- the chimney.

- that filler in smiles lobby where he gets, like, abducted by a bunch of children for a day and integrated into their family?

- Roronoa Zoro went fursuiting in dressrosa and that’s a canon fact you all must acknowledge

- speaking of being a furry anyone remember mugiwara theater?

- THE FUCKING MUGIWARA THEATER NAMES. mugiwara theater is a gift, alright? here’s some: nakamura hanzorou. zobear. ZOROMILK

- I FORGOT TO MENTION. THAT TIME ZORO N USOPP WERE HANDCUFFED TOGETHER AND ZORO TRIED TO CONVINCE USOPP TO PLAY ROCK PAPER SCISSORS WITH HIM TO SEE WHICH ONE OF THEM WOULD HAVE TO CUT THEIR HAND OFF

- also the fact that his logic was “it’ll be fine cuz chopper can just sew it back on”

- can we also talk abt how later that fight he uses Usopp as a sword because holy shit Zoro

- this isn’t technically zoro’s fault but the guy who sold him his sword to him in loguetown has a giant version of bounty image up above his bath, which........

- barto asked for zoro’s autograph and Zoro just wrote “sword”

- the grave of the rumbar pirates was finished right around when Zoro woke up from his coma post thriller bark and Zoro decided to walk over while Brook is sitting there mourning almost everyone he ever loved and just. plops his sword—an inanimate object—in the dirt by the grave of BROOKS ENTIRE CREW like “hey i’m gonna bury this here u don’t mind tho right? cool”

- he’s lucky Brook is such a cool dude cuz if I was mourning the death of MY crew and some fuck decided to plant a rusty sword there i’d just fuckin kill em

- in Zou they were talking abt whatever and Luffy mentioned how Sanji was as strong as one thousand men and Zoro, clearly jealous that Sanji got praised by Luffy, butt in with a stuttery objection on how HE was stronger than Sanji and worth TWO THOUSAND men, which luffy ignored, and Nami had to reassure him that yes, Zoro, we know you’re strong. toddler

- this is also not technically zoro’s fault but one time someone asked oda in an sbs which strawhats would eat ice in their drink and oda answered who would n wouldn’t (Luffy, Chopper, Brook, Usopp, and Robin would, if ur wondering). Zoro was on the wouldn’t list, and some fan sent oda a letter informing him of a panel where Zoro was shown eating ice to disprove this. someone pulled zoro ice eating receipts on oda and that’s a fact we all have to live with

- the first time Zoro meets mihawk—the strongest man in the world, the man he wants to defeat someday, and incredibly powerful and impressive dude—he cries like a baby

- zoro’s been crucified like 4 times now. once in his introduction than in three movies (6, gold, nebulandia). idk why this keeps happening but honestly? keep it up

- when Brook joined the crew, Zoro said he was sorry for Brooks bad luck as if one of the first things Brook ever saw Zoro do wasn’t to try and die for the crew via Giant Paw Ball of Pain

- speaking of, i’m pretty sure half the reason zoro DIDNT die in thriller bark is because if he died via smth as silly as a giant paw ball his injured pride would kill him again

- I was going to make fun of Zoro for wearing only a suit and a fake mustache in dressrosa as a disguise but then I realized, like, given how absolutely shredded Zoro was in Punk Hazard and how that suit somehow managed to squish it all down without zoro ripping the sleeves off? solid disguise

- when merry was burning and everyone’s bawling and remembering great memories on the ship and Zoro was standing there, 100% stoic, remembering a nap

- Zoro saw marines (Garp) coming to Water 7 while Luffy was still unconscious and ran off to warn the others but couldn’t find his way back to the hotel

- that G8 filler where he falls off a cliff in pursuit of his swords

- speaking of fillers, remember that amnesia one? (ha). highlights include Zoro trying to physically fight a small sea horse (plus Usopp doing a bad lip-syncing) and Zoro swimming through the Grand Line with his swords tied to his head by his bandana

- meets a dragon, eats the dragon

- it got mentioned once that Sanji and Nami canonly help Zoro and the other guys get dressed. so every time Zoro wears something absolutely ridiculous (which is often), it’s probably Sanjis doing

- “I can’t believe I cut a freaking booger!!”

- speaking of, remember that time Luffy flicked a booger into Zoro’s drink at the Baratie and Zoro tried to force him to drink it?? remember that?? I hate them both

- that time Zoro was trying to find the Right Eye in Skypiea, said that (though the path to get there was STRAIGHT AHEAD) all he had to do to find the right eye was just keep going right (even though that would just lead him in circles!). and then after that do you know what direction he went?? do you know?? he fucking went left

- the time Zoro got lost walking on a straight path in a filler.

- Zoro lost to a guy in a fight and just fucking let the dude cut him in half. like, yes, the baratie scene was all cool as all hell and I love it but Zoro did in fact basically invite a dude to cut him in half

- when they were hit by negative hollows and everyone else said stuff that was kinda funny but Zoro went straight up “I don’t deserve to exist” please honey talk to someone

- he was fighting Kaku and kept engaging in Kaku’s devil fruit bs and then berating himself for being uncool as if he wasn’t already fighting a giant giraffe

- to end this list, I want to get to Zoro’s absolute worst offense. remember when Zoro fought Kaku and he did that asura form thing? where he straight up grew four extra arms and two extra heads, all wielding swords? what the FUCK was that? and don’t tell me “fighting spirit” alright. that’s bull. people don’t just GROW EXTRA SWORD-WIELDING BODY PARTS because they’re just REALLY INTO a FIGHT. like I know this is One Piece and shit’s ridiculous all this time but this? this is too much. even for One Piece this is too much. this is so ridiculous. there has to be a line, even in One Piece, with what these guys are allowed to get away with. I can accept haki so good you can see the future. I can accept spinning so fast you set your leg on fire. I can accept being made of springs. I can accept booger bombs. I can accept all that and more, but this? this is where i take my stand. Roronoa Zoro cannot keep getting away with this! fighting spirit is just not an explanation. and the worst part? the absolute worst part?

- Zoro makes four extra limbs and two extra heads, all armed with swords, MATERIALIZE out of THIN AIR with absolutely NO REAL EXPLANATION and then pretty much NEVER DOES IT AGAIN! he did it once in sabaody (and once in strong world) and then hasn’t done it since! everyone else uses the power ups they got in enies lobby all the time but Zoro, somewhere out there, knows how fuckin sick this attack is (bc yeah it’s ridiculous as hell but like I still enjoy it) and he just won’t do it again. not once post timeskip has he used it at all. Roronoa Zoro knows what he’s doing and he is out there, right now, laughing

- roronoa zoro is one of my top three favorite one piece characters and I make this list entirely out of love. (feel free to add on more moments I may have missed and i’ll add them)

#One Piece #roronoa zoro #Zoro #im making a tag for these lists and it is:#ridiculous lists #I love this man. hes awful and I love him #I also want you all to know ive had this list in my notes for like a month and ive been adding to it this whole time #roronoa Zoro is a piece of work #my posts

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one-of-us-blog · 6 years ago

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Licence to Kill (1989)

Today Drew is forced to watch and recap 1989’s Licence to Kill, the sixteenth James Bond adventure. Bond’s goin’ rogue, baby! When a drug lord almost kills his good friend Felix Leiter, Bond takes it personally and sets out to get revenge. Will Bond need to dig two graves before setting off on this quest for vengeance?

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, it was so great to hear how much you enjoyed both parts of “Seems Like Old Times”! I agree that it was wonderful to see Dorothy again, and I’m really glad this was a positive experience for you. I’m also glad that we had some real talk about James Bond Jr., because you really saved me from falling into a rabbit hole. I had some big ambitions about tackling the whole series, but after watching those first ten episode I had the wind taken out of my sails in a major way. I love some cheesy cartoons as much as the next guy, but the idea of covering all 60 or so episodes of that show made me dread making a new post every time I thought about it. I feel like a bit of a failure for not being able to power through the whole series, but you giving me permission to abandon that little side project took a lot of weight off my shoulders. Now I’m ready to finish off the rest of the Bond movies, so let’s get to it!

Buttocks tight!

Screenplay by Michael G. Wilson & Richard Maibaum, film directed by John Glen

Bond and his good friend Felix Leiter (David Hedison) (I can’t believe we’re getting two movies in a row with Leiter in it, and this Leiter even looks a bit familiar!) are on their way to Leiter’s wedding (I wonder how Gordo will feel about his new stepmom?) when they’re snatched up by some dorks from the DEA. Turns out Leiter has moved on from the CIA and taken up a post at the DEA, and now his new friends want his help in rounding up a drug lord and all around loony Frank Sanchez (Robert Davi). Leiter only lets Bond come along as an observer, but this is Bond so naturally he’s got to get involved and also make the moves on Sanchez’s shaken and abused girlfriend Lupe (Talisa Soto). We get a brief aerial chase and we see Bond grapple down to hook Sanchez’s plane to the DEA helicopter, and with the drug lord successfully snagged Leiter and Bond are both able to parachute down to the wedding. We get a genuinely funny sight gag of some kids lifting up Leiter and Bond’s parachutes like they’re trains on wedding dresses and then we jump right into this movie’s title sequence.

Miss Gladys Knight herself belts out “Licence to Kill”, which is a solid bop, as we get some shots letting us know that a casino is going to be involved in this plot somehow. Were you worried that we wouldn’t get some silhouettes of naked ladies dancing around? Well rest easy, because the ladies are back and the same as ever.

To just about everyone’s shock, the bit we saw before the title sequence wasn’t inconsequential to the actual plot of the movie and we rejoin Sanchez as he’s being interrogated by DEA officers. Sanchez tries to bribe his way to freedom, but it seems Officer Killifer (Everett McGill), who shares a name with my sexy teen serial killer OC, can’t be bought. We jump back to that whole wedding thing, and Bond and Della (Priscilla Barnes), Leiter’s new bride, share several kisses because that’s the kind of friend to Leiter that Bond is. Bond goes to Leiter’s office and finds him talking shop with Pam Bouvier (Carey Lowell). Bond chides Leiter for working while there’s a part going outside, but Leiter’s a real dweeb and would rather talk about Sanchez than get wasted at his own reception. Killifer shows up because I guess this is more important than cracking Sanchez, and that reminds me that I really need to get to work on finishing the ending for Killifer Krisch and the Case of Maul Madness (in which Killifer visits her local mall and gets into a competition with her rival Tuffany to see who can kill the most people before closing time). Killifer leaves immediately because everything he came to tell Leiter could have been said via a telephone call and Leiter goes out to finally cut the cake.

Killifer teleports back to the DEA so he can help transport Sanchez to jail or wherever, only it seems our beloved Killifer was not as innocent as he seemed (a similarly shocking revelation took place in Killifer Krisch and the Christmas Eve-il, in which Killifer reveals to her friends Tanja and Briff that it was, in fact, she who mutilated that Salvation Army Santa) as he immediately crashes Sanchez’s transport into the ocean and has a team of scuba diving friends of his scoop the drug lord up and doggy paddle him to safety. Bond is finally leaving Leiter and Della so they can get on with their honeymoon, and Della inadvertently stirs up some bad memories by tossing Bond her garter and pointing out the gross belief that a man who catches a bride’s garter will be the next one to be married. After Bond leaves Leiter lets Della in on the whole Tracy situation which I’d honestly kind of forgotten about at this point.

Leiter and Della prepare to leave, but they’re ambushed by Sanchez’s men. Sanchez’s henchman Milton Krest (Anthony Zerbe) wants to kill Killifer and make a break for it (a similar almost-double cross took place in Killifer Krisch and the Game of Truth or Die, in which Killifer’s friend Clairna attempts to sell Killifer out in order to survive the deadly sleepover they find themselves trapped at), but Sanchez is a man of his word and won’t leave without paying Killifer the money he’s owed. Sanchez’s personal henchman Dario (Benicio del Toro in the roll no one saw coming) lets him know Leiter has arrived and Sanchez goes to greet his friend from the DEA. Della is nowhere to be seen, and Dario implies that she’s been raped and killed. Sanchez arranges for Leiter to be eaten by a shark, and we see his leg ripped off. These movies sure are fun!

Bond’s at the airport and about to leave when he finds out about Sanchez’s escape. He arrives at Leiter’s bungalow and finds Della’s dead body waiting for him. He finds Leiter horribly mangled and barely alive. Leiter’s friend Sharkey calls and Bond tells him to get help for Leiter. Leiter’s in the hospital and Sharkey’s spirit bond with his namesake lets him know that it was a shark that got Leiter. A DEA agent arrives and says their case on Sanchez is somehow caput since Sanchez had all of Leiter’s notes destroyed, but Bond says he and Sharkey will take care of this themselves. Sharkey takes Bond to Krest’s aquarium and Bond knows Killifer is lurking around. That night Bond and Sharkey (by which I mean just Bond) break into the aquarium after almost getting attacked by an inflatable shark pool toy.

Bond finds drugs hidden in some maggots that were being fed to fish, then locks a guard in the maggot pit so he can be eaten alive (a similarly gruesome death took place in Killifer Krisch and the MRSA-cre of St. Joseph Hospital, which won both a Bram Stoker Award and a Hugo). Another guard starts shooting at Bond, which results in some tanks getting smashed and some fish who ain’t never done nothin’ to nobody dying. Bond kills the guard by yanking him into a tank with an electric eel and electrocuting him, because why not get goofy from time to time? Killifer arrives and holds Bond at gunpoint and prepares to feed him to the shark that bit off most of Leiter. Sharkey manages to pop up like a whack-a-mole and knock Killifer off balance, and Bond seals the deal by tossing Bond into the tank where he’s chowed down on by the shark. I haven’t been this shocked by a character’s early death since Tuffany got killed off in Killifer Krisch and the Battle for the Gore-eria! The DEA is unhappy about Bond taking matters into his own hands, and Bond is taken to see M and his army of cats.

M tells Bond to drop the Leiter vendetta, so Bond quits. As we all know, Bond absolutely loves revenge and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with it at all. M revokes Bond’s license to kill and demands him to turn over his weapon, but instead he beats up M’s goons and flees. Aw, shit, y’all, Bond’s gone rogue! We get a disgusting scene with Krest gearing up to rape Lupe on a boat when he’s interrupted by some goon telling him their sonar is picking up something moving toward them. Krest says it’s just a manta ray, but it’s actually Bond in a manta ray fursuit. Bond manages to infiltrate Krest’s ship and finds more drogas stashed onboard. He holds a knife to Lupe’s throat and makes her lie to Krest when he comes to ask her if she saw anyone sneak aboard. Bond sees that Sharkey’s been killed by Krest’s men, and now he’s feeling like going roguer than rogue. He kills the guy that killed Sharkey with a harpoon and steals the man’s scuba gear as Krest tries to get a drug deal over with. Bond foils the deal by tearing open the bags of drugs underwater before they can get back to Krest (and presumably gets a bunch of fish high af in the process) and then after some waterskiing antics manages to get onto the plane that delivered the drugs, kill the two men onboard and fly away with about five mil.

Bond heads back to Leiter’s house and finds a disk that Sanchez’s men missed. It holds a list of informants, and the only one on the list who isn’t dead is Pam Bouvier. Bouvier had a meeting scheduled with Leiter, and Bond goes in his place. Bond barely has time to sit down before Dario arrives and joins them at their table. Bouvier plans ahead and has had a shotgun in her lap this whole time, which makes Bond’s pistol look a little inadequate. How’d she get into the bar carrying a shotgun, one might ask? Who cares! A barfight breaks out and Bouvier shoots a hole in the wall so Bond can shimmy out into a speedboat. Dario shoots Bouvier in the back as she joins Bond, but she’s wearing a bullet proof vest under her tank top. Bond condescends to Bouvier about almost getting herself killed, and she correctly points out that she saved his life back there. If there’s one thing Bong hates it’s a capable woman who doesn’t need him to save her, so he’s pretty miffed. The boat runs out of gas and Bond tells Bouvier that he’s going after Sanchez. Bouvier was an Army pilot, so he hires her to fly him into Sanchez’s compound. The two haggle over money and then have sex for no damn reason (a similarly unnecessary sex scene took place in Killifer Krisch’s Fifty Shades of Gray Matter, but in my defense the whole Fifty Shades thing was in full swing at the time and my publisher was really breathing down my dick to get something hot on the market).

Back in MI6, M chides Moneypenny for making typos or something and Moneypenny puts in a call to Q Branch. Bond and Bouvier arrive in Isthmus. Bond wants Bouvier to split now that she’s flown him in, but she insists on staying and getting revenge on Sanchez. Bond deposits the stolen drug money in a bank owned by Sanchez, and later he and Bouvier visit a casino also owned by Sanchez. I knew a casino was going to turn up sooner or later, but then again casinos have been on my mind ever since I finished Killifer Krisch and the Game of Texas Stab’em, in which Killifer, Briff and Tanja visit Las Vegas only to find themselves playing for their lives as the stakes get higher and higher. Anyway, Sanchez is busy being creepy with Lupe and smooching his pet iguana when he’s informed that Bond is betting a ton of money in the casino.

Sanchez sends Lupe in to take over as Bond’s dealer. Lupe recognizes Bond, and she tells him it would be best for him if he left. Bond demands that Lupe take him to Sanchez, and he ignores her protests and drags her into an elevator while Bouvier gets drunk at the bar. Bond is allowed to meet with Sanchez and tries to get himself hired as an assassin. Bond is sent away and he and Bouvier return to the hotel, where Bond is informed that his uncle is waiting for him. Turns out his uncle is none other than Q, who tells him he’s here at Moneypenny’s request. Q has all sorts of gadgets, including a Polaroid which fires a laser and takes X-ray images of both people and pictures of people.

Q poses as Bond’s chauffer and Bond leaves Bouvier at the bar once again as he poses as a waiter to get close to Sanchez. Sanchez is meeting with an international conglomerate of drug dealers, and one of them, Kwang (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa), insists on being shown to Sanchez’s drug production facility. Bond plans to use some Q Branch explosive toothpaste to break Sanchez’s bulletproof office windows. Bond tells Q to get lost prepares to snipe Sanchez after blowing the windows. He spots Bouvier seemingly making a deal with one of Sanchez’s men and panics. He blows the windows, but before he can take the shot he’s ambushed by two masked martial artists who knock him out and drag him to a cabin in the woods. Turns out they work for Kwang, who’s a member of the Hong Kong Police here to infiltrate Sanchez’s business. They’re joined by Fallon, an MI6 agent sent to arrest Bond.

Fallon and Kwang prepare to knock out Bond so he can be taken back to London, but Sanchez’s men have followed them and fire on the shack with a gotdamn tank. Kwang, his sidekicks and Fallon are all killed while just trying to do their jobs, but Bond survives. Bond wakes up in the heart of Sanchez’s base, and Bond says Kwang and Fallon were trying to arrest him for being an assassin or whatever. Sanchez assumes they were responsible for his windows being exploded last night, and he sends Bond and Lupe off for a tour. Lupe tells Bond he should stay put, but then she helps him escape by distracting some guards long enough for him to sneak onto a speedboat. Q and Bouvier are just chilling at the hotel when Bond bursts in, tosses Bouvier onto the bed, climbs on top of her and shoves a gun in her face while asking if she’s working for Sanchez. Bouvier explains she was trying to set up a sting in Sanchez’s office, and Bond blew all that to hell by being the big dummy he is.

Bond makes a plan involving Bouvier, Lupe and Q. He withdraws all of his money from bank and then his crack team infiltrates Krest’s ship and frames Krest for the theft of the drug money by planting the money on the ship. The money is found and Sanchez kills Krest by locking him in a decompression chamber and ramping up the pressure. Bond tells Bouvier and Q to get lost for the hundredth time and goes off on his own to get back to Sanchez’s compound before Sanchez notices he’s missing. Now that Krest is gone there’s an opening in Sanchez’s inner circle, so he invites Bond in. After Sanchez leaves Lupe lets herself in and she and Bond have sex. The next day Lupe goes to Bouvier and Q and tells them Bond needs to get the heck out of there, which is surprising to Bouvier as she assumed Bond had left the country. Lupe lets slip that she and Bond banged one out last night, and I haven’t seen a character feel so betrayed since Killifer discovered the truth behind Briff’s parentage in Killifer Krisch and the Die-NA Test of Doom.

Bouvier is pissed that Bond slept with another woman, because she’s a normal human being and that’s how you feel about that sort of thing. Q tells her that’s just how it is on this bitch of an Earth, and they plan to help Bond. Bond is taken to Sanchez drug lab, and Bond barely escapes being recognized by Dario. Bouvier plane is being worked on, so she has to hitchhike to the religious compound façade located over Sanchez’s lab. Bouvier tricks the fake cult leader working as Sanchez’s middleman into letting her tour the facility, while in the lab the process of smuggling cocaine out by dissolving it in gasoline is explained. I have seen science this faulty since Killifer went on vacation to Transylvania and wound up in a game of cat-and-mouse with a mad scientist in Killifer Krisch and the Clones of Dr. Funkenstein!

Bouvier pulls a gun on the fake cult leader and locks him up. Dario recognizes Bond, so Bond causes a distraction by lighting the lab on fire and making a break for it. He gets caught by Dario and Dario tells Sanchez Bond is an informant and Bond gets strapped to a conveyer belt headed for an in industrial shredder. Bouvier manages to sneak into the facility as it’s headed toward meltdown and shoots Dario before he can knock Bond down into the shredder. Bond tugs Dario down into the shredder instead, and we get a shot of Dario’s legs being torn apart that would make the biggest Killifer Krisch fan blush. Bouvier saves Bond for the hundredth time and the two barely escape the facility before it bows. Bouvier steals a golf cart so she and Bond can pursue Sanchez at break-neck speed. They make it to a plane Bouvier stole earlier and Bond hijacks Sanchez’s tanker full of cocaína-flavored gasoline.

Bond uses his tanker to crash a different tanker, which then gets accidentally blown up by one of Sanchez’s men with a rocket launcher. I haven’t come across vehicular mayhem like this since Killifer snuck into a monster truck derby in Killifer Krisch: Fury Road! Bond’s tanker gets its tires blown out, but luckily Bouvier arrives to spray Sanchez’s men with a cloud of Roundup. Bond’s tanker falls off a cliff, crashing into a bunch of other tankers and causing them all to blow up. Sanchez drives off in the last remaining tanker with Bond in hot pursuit. Bond puts his truck on cruise control and manages to climb onto Sanchez’s tanker. Bond turns on the tanker’s spout, causing all of the cocaine gas to spill out. Sanchez blows a hole in Bouvier’s plane’s tail with a rocket launcher, and she has to make an emergency landing. I haven’t experienced aerial drama like this since Killifer had to fight for her life against a talking bear while visiting the seaside town of Cape Suzette in Killifer Krisch: TaleSpin!

Bond and Sanchez fight while the tanker drives off a cliff. Both men are badly injured, but Sanchez gets to his feet and prepares to kill Bond with a machete. Bond stalls long enough to get a lighter that Leiter and Della gave him after their wedding (that’s right, the married couple gave this dude a gift at their wedding!) and uses it set the gasoline-soaked Sanchez ablaze. We watch a man roast alive for a minute or so while Bond scurries away and the burning Sanchez causes the last tanker to explode. Bouvier arrives in yet another truck and she drives Bond to safety.

Bond calls the one-legged Leiter, who’s conscious now I guess, and Leiter seems to be completely done grieving for his one-day bride. Bond and Leiter both presumably bond over both having wives who didn’t survive long enough for them to reach their honeymoons, then Leiter lets Bond know M has a job for him. Bond’s not interested and hangs up on his mutilated friend. There’s a big party at Sanchez’s house and Lupe puts the moves on Bond. Bond tells her to go jump off a cliff and jumps into a pool near Bouvier. He pulls Bouvier into the pool, ruining her gown, while Lupe, Lupe’s new man who’s the president or something and Q look on. Bond and Bouvier screw in the pool while an apparently sentient fish statue watches them.

The End

~~~~~

Phew, that was exhausting! Jumping from people getting limbs ripped off by sharks, torn to pieces by a shredder or roasting alive to goofy truck stunts practically gave me whiplash! I really liked Bouvier, but I wish Bond hadn’t been such a dick to her. It was fun to see so much of Q in this movie, but I wish he’d actually had a reason for being there. I know Bond going rogue is a pretty common thing nowadays, but I think this was the first time that happened so that was fun. I think this movie took itself way too seriously most of the time, and it made up for its own lack of dramatic tension with an excess of explosions and goofy stunts. Giving Bond a personal motive for going after a villain is an interesting idea, but making Sanchez a glorified drug dealer makes him seem kind of lame compared to villains who wanted to start a nuclear war or flood the planet. The treatment of Della was completely disgusting and unnecessary, and it set a pretty gross tone that never quite went away.

Overall, I give Licence to Kill QQ½ on the Five Q Scale.

Up next Eli will be covering the next two episodes of The Golden Palace, “Just a Gigolo” and “Marriage on the Rocks, with a Twist”, and after that I’ll check back in with my recap of the next James Bond romp, GoldenEye.

Until then, as always, thank you for reading, thank you for exploding and thank you for being One of Us!

#james bond #One of us #007

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shalliedragon · 7 years ago

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Fur Squared 2018: Convention Report

All right. I think it's official now. Fur Squared is now my favorite furry convention. Their attention to detail, the sheer generosity of the attendees, the utter insanity of the events, the fact that it's just the right size, the fact that 40% of the attendees either sponsored or super-sponsored... all of those things make Fur Squared unlike any other convention I've been to. It is rare that I attend a convention that is pretty much non-stop happiness and excitement from beginning to end.

I say this despite the fact that the weekend was more or less one big blur of awesomeness. There weren't a whole ton of standout moments, because it was all consistently fun and enjoyable. But I will try to recount what I remember (might be easier now that it's over).

Thursday

Got everything packed into my car before work, and left work early to head on the road. It's a long drive from home to Brookfield, so I had to put the pedal down and just go. On the road I listened to the Dragget Show and Feral Attraction podcasts (sidenote: FA's "keeping yourself secure on the internet" episode was extremely disappointing, but that's a topic for another day).

I got to the con around 10:15 and checked into my room. I met my dear friend (and roommate) Jake (AKA Cobbs) in the lobby of the Sheraton. After exchanging pleasantries, he helped me carry my stuff in, and then we went over to MST3K (stylized to MiST3Ke on the schedule). Registration had closed, so I didn't have my con badge yet, but the person at the door thankfully let us in just by showing our state ID's.

The panelists were Alkali, Pandez, Xander, Draggor, Dixie Lioness, and Furry Bobs (I believe). The movie in question was... some kind of bad fantasy adventure thing, I don't remember the title, but it was bad. The panelists had to drink when a weapon was drawn, when there was a typo in the subtitles, when there was "(dramatic music)" playing, or the secret rule: anytime the panelists ended a sentence with a vowel. I didn't stick around to the end, as I was exhausted (so did Jake), but I think the panelists ended up winning.

We made our way back to the room, where we ran into our 3rd roommate, Gotherine Foxx (Gothy for short), who was putting the finishing touches (read: a pack of googly eyes) on a very large and ornately-drawn painting for the charity auction. She subsequently left with her friends, and then Jake and I went to bed.

Friday

I. Slept. Like. GARBAGE.

It took me a very long time to finally fall asleep the night before, and I don't quite know why. I think I got like 3-4 hours of sleep. It was BAD.

Thankfully, Fur Squared made it up to me with FREE BREAKFAST. This is one of my favorite features of Fur Squared. Every day of the con, they give all of the attendees vouchers for the breakfast buffet, so that everyone always gets at least one of the two meals needed for the 6-2-1 rule. I ate my fill, assuming that I wouldn't really be eating lunch that day. Jake and I sat with my friends Angel and Gabi, and we also ran into my friends Linn and Xeila.

After breakfast, I meandered around the con space with Jake, and went to get registered. Two things of note. First, they were giving out ribbons to the sponsors/super-sponsors that had character classes on them: archmage, drunken master, divine oracle, and ... one other one that I don't remember (I think it was Bard or something like that). I chose Archmage. Second, they had little stickers that you can put on your badge for your preferred pronouns. This made me REALLY happy; I always love it when cons try to be trans-inclusive.

Then we did some people-watching. There were a lot of familiar faces, and the excitement was palpable (both from the attendees, and from the many happy dogs that the charity had brought with them). I managed to snag a picture of Axikor as they walked past (it was actually the only picture I took the entire con, foolish me). Finally, it was time for opening ceremonies. It was filmed, so I won't go into detail, but long-story-short: the GOH's were Furry Bobs and Cypher (sp?), the artist of honor was Golden Druid, the con theme was "Lizards and Labyrinths 2nd Edition, Revenge of the Top Hat", the Kalerati and the Church of Adam started a charity donation war to see which one was the best, and people were silly. Good times.

Also, throughout this time, my 4th roommate, Dezzi, was nowhere to be found.

After the con was open, I made a beeline for my room and got right into my fursuit. I traveled around the con space some, posed for a few pictures, gave a few hugs, and got some professional photos taken at the photoshoot area in the headless lounge (I was due for some new photos). They had a whole collection of fantasy-themed props there, which made for some fun photos. I did a couple photos: one where I had a veil and some potions and looked like an alchemist, and one where I had a fistful of gemstones. The photos should be processed in the next few weeks.

I ran into my friend Alex while I was there; he was wearing his Azriel Dreemur fursuit (he's the one with the big Save button you see gallivanting around the cons). We chatted for a bit, and he went on his way.

I also had a goal for the weekend. Earlier in the year, I had bought a pack of "sprouts", these little clip-on plastic plants that you can affix to yourself as decoration. I was inspired by a former MFF roommate, Sven, who was giving them out to people. I wanted to continue the tradition, so that I could help #SproutTheLove on my own. I had a collection of 5 that I was going to give out by the time the weekend was over (I had already given my other 2 to my roommates).

After getting my photo taken, I sauntered downstairs to the video gaming room. They had rockband set up, so I immediately sat down at the drum kit and started getting a song set up. A couple other furries saw me banging on the drums and went "I have to get in on this." There were 3 of us playing "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. And it was a cluster. We could barely hear the music, the instruments were all out of sync, and I was extremely rusty (and in fursuit). But it was fun, and it seemed like it made people smile, so it was worth it.

I said my goodbyes (I think we ended up attracting a small crowd), and made my way back to my room to cool off and clean up. I got a quick bite to eat at the con suite (which was decorated with candles, goblets, crystals, and even a little keg), and then made my way over to the Otherworld Stories panel. Alkali and a bunch of his Nero (LARP) friends told stories of their various experiences in LARPing, and hilarity ensued. It was a surprisingly popular event, and the individuals involved sounded pretty amazing. They also had a slideshow of old photos from Alkali's LARP days. I really wish they had Nero out where I live, because it sounded like a hell of a lot of fun.

After that I stayed put for convention horror stories. It's pretty standard for that kind of panel: old con chairs and con staffers talk about ridiculous terrible things that happened during their tenures, and hilarity ensued. I had heard many of them before, but it was still fun. It was filmed.

I got a quick bite to eat (#BeerCheeseSoup) between panels, and then went back for the 3-Headed Monster. As per usual, Alkali, Pandez, and Xander each did 15-20 minute comedy sets back to back. Xander got somewhat political, but also much darker than usual. Good balance of new and old material. Alkali ... was Alkali, and Pandez sang a song or two. It was filmed, as usual, and it is consistently one of my favorite events, so if you haven't seen it yet... see it. Seriously.

After that was QUIPFUR. This is Draggor's homebrew version of the popular video game Quiplash. Serathin was the MC (he basically just read off the answers and stuff) and the main panelists were Xander, Furry Bobs, and Huscoon. Unlike standard Quiplash (in addition to having furry-related questions), Quipfur was played where Draggor chose which two people played in a given round. He usually pitted one of the panelists against a random audience member. It was pretty hilarious, and I highly recommend it if you like fun events that you can participate in.

It was at that time that I noticed that Draggor still wasn't wearing his trademark skin-tight bodysuits. He was in a costume (broad-brimmed fantasy hat with feather, and tights), but he wasn't wearing a mask or anything. Indeed, throughout the entire convention, he only donned a bodysuit once: the fursuit parade (where he wore his Robbie Sinclair suit). Other than that, he was just his normal human self. He never said why he wasn't wearing them (to my knowledge), so I don't know what the reason was for the change of pace. I can only speculate: either a) he just wanted to change things up and do something different, or b) he was getting tired of being known as "the bulge" and wanted to be recognized for more than just his suits and his package. Maybe I'll ask him sometime...

After Quipfur, I went over to "Fox's Songs To Get Murdered By". Fox Amoore (accompanied by Flop the bass bunny) basically just played a bunch of random songs, and had Pandez, Alkali, and Boozy Badger sing along. It was definitely fun, and very silly. I think it was filmed (I hope so, because my memory for it was kind of weak).

Of note: this was one of the first panels I recall that made mention of the phrase "cripple fight." This phrase was to become a recurrent meme throughout the con.

Jake and I quickly went over to the restaurant and got some more food (I had a salad, and Jake had a salad with a brat sandwich, and also had the cocktail I got earlier that night, a variant of a sidecar). We often spent our time talking about things in the fandom and various hobbies. Jake's a soft-spoken guy, who often just responds with a "nice" or "I like that" when I tell stories. I worry that I am boring or annoying to him, but since he chooses to keep hanging out with me, I'm assuming my worries are unfounded.

After dinner part 2, we went to Whose Lion Is It Anyway (audience participation version). I've become more fond of the audience Whose Lion in recent years; people have gotten better at it, and the quality of the jokes has really increased. Further, I am SO HAPPY that Alkali specifically told people "please avoid insult humor and racist jokes" and encouraged people to get creative. That had been a problem in previous years; people had often used Whose Lion as an excuse to say terrible things to each other, in an attempt to be funny. But since they specifically quashed that this time, people actually tried different things beyond the typical "hey baby wanna do sex?" chestnut. It was great. Indeed, some some of the jokes were FANTASTIC.

Also more cripple fight. And Culver's. Culver's is apparently a thing now.

After that, we went to the bizarrely-titled "Boozy's Drunken Naptime." I honestly went into it expecting to see Boozy doing dramatic readings of children's stories or something. Instead, it was him, Huscoon, Fox Amoore, Nbowa, and Dixie Lioness just BS'ing for an hour. Weird, but still funny and interesting.

This seems to be a common theme for a lot of panels: get X people, put them on a stage, and have them tell funny stories and BS with each other, with pretty much no structure beyond that. There were at least 4 panels at Fur Squared that followed this format. It's a format I haven't really seen outside of furry conventions, and I am curious about how it came to be, and why it works so well. More research to come.

After that was the last panel of the night: Iron Alcoholic. It is competitive mixology. During each round, the competitors had to create a cocktail that met certain criteria (i.e. "must contain vodka, must be a shot"). They had a time limit to do this (2-3 minutes), and then audience members were the taste-testers for the event. Each round had a winner, based on how the audience felt. Me and Jake only stayed for 2 rounds, because the event started after midnight, and we were both exhausted. But it was pretty awesome. It was definitely filmed (thank you Silvergatomon, seriously he is a saint).

Saturday

I got up at around 8 in the morning, so that I could go to Xander's Saturday Morning Cartoons panel. I had been looking forward to this panel all year; it was a ton of fun last time. It's a great way to just relax and unwind on a Saturday morning. As usual, Xander created a "playlist" of various clips from cartoons and TV shows, and we just kind of sat and watched. It was funny, though some clips were better than others. Most of them were D&D or animal themed to an extent. Unlike last year, they didn't have cereal and milk, which was a bit disappointing. Still, a good time.

Immediately following was CHAIRity D&D. This was probably one of the best panels at the con. It was a one-shot D&D adventure, played by Alkali, Draggor, Dusty Montale, and John AKA Beardo The Magnificent, with Faelan as the DM. They were playing a variant of 5th edition, with some additional house rules to streamline things (each player had a deck of cards with spells on them). And it was BRILLIANT. The campaign was really smooth and fluid. Faelan was an EXPERT DM; he deftly made things up off the cuff, without batting an eye or checking a rulebook. All the players got really into their characters. And as usual, they were hilarious. To top it all off, the audience could donate money to the charity to both increase the difficulty of the adventure AND grant boons to the players if they so desired.

It was probably one of the best run, most entertaining D&D sessions I have ever witnessed. And it sounds like they'll be doing it again next year, so yeeeeeeee!

After the adventure, I booked it back to my room to quickly get into fursuit for the parade. While I was in the staging area, I ran into Xander (in suit) and gave him my usual hug. I also ran into my friend Angel, who was wearing her brand new wolf partial suit. It was super cute, especially because she had a big plush cookie in her mouth. After the group photo, the parade began. I was right behind Red Beagle (I think that's his name?) and I felt really bad, because I kept bumping into him as I walked. My vision isn't very good in-suit, so I had a hard time looking at the audience AND seeing where I was going. I'm going to make an effort to be aware of that going forward. Mustn't have been fun for Mr. Beagle (considering my head is made of resin and probably made for unpleasant noseboops).

On a lighter note, I do distinctly recall hearing people shout "Shallie!" as I rounded one of the corners (I think it was Leafy Greens?). This really made my day, as I rarely get recognized by name in the parade. I made an effort to get a lot of mugging and posing in, trying to do more than just wave. I think they like it when I act "fabulous", so I'm going to try and ham it up more next time.

After the parade, I rushed back to my room to get cleaned up before running back to attend Charity Whose Lion. Again, one of my favorite events. And again, more cripple fight (IIRC Boozy ended up swatting Propzilla with his cane). I highly recommend this panel; these folks are all experts at improv comedy. If you haven't seen it, watch the video when it comes out.

Following that, I went over to the dealer's room to take a look around, and collect my super-sponsor swag. This year's con swag: a Fur Squared beer mug, a t-shirt, a branded dice bag, a complete set of D&D dice, and a branded stemless wine glass for the super sponsors. As usual, sponsors got a copy of the poster, and super sponsors got to be IN the poster. I was pretty blown away by my picture: they knew somehow that I was a spellcaster, so they made me a sorceress (in a pretty dress no less). It was awesome.

After wandering around some more and snagging a bite to eat (while signing the super-sponsor poster for the charity auction and giving two sprouts away to some strangers), I went over to @FurSquared. This was a gameshow of some stripe, hosted by Iggy, where each round, people were given prompts, and were asked to come up with clever responses. For example, one of them was "what kind of fictional crossover have you always dreamed of?" The responses were pretty good, but I remember the game being a bit more... lively the previous year. Still, fun times.

Following that, I went over to another bizarrely named panel: "Monkey Knife Fights." Following a similar formula as Drunken Naptime, they put Alkali and Boozy up on a stage and had them BS for an hour. As you might imagine, it was hysterical. But that wasn't the cool part. That came after the panel.

Immediately following the event, Alkali revealed that a hypnotist had come to the convention, and was in the audience with us. I think some people donated to the charity to convince Alkali to undergo hypnosis at the hands of this gentleman. I thought "Oh this'll be funny, we'll watch Alkali do stupid things". But what actually happened was even better. The gentleman, who was named Mark, was a professional hypno-therapist, and he spoke all about how hypnosis can be used to help treat psychological disorders and mental illness. He also explained how hypnosis worked, in an effort to allay Alkali of his fears (he was visibly nervous at first).

Eventually, the ferret calmed down, and Mark began his hypnosis regimen. He told Alkali to imagine that a helium balloon was tied to his wrist, and that it was slowly filling up with gas. As it filled, Alkali was told to imagine that his arm was getting lighter as the pull of the balloon got stronger. Eventually, Alkali's arm PHYSICALLY ROSE OFF HIS LEG, and he literally could not make himself put it down. Then, Mark cut the balloon's "string", and Alkali went to sleep. Mark told Alkali to envision that one of his friends had snuck in the room and put googly eyes on Boozy's eyes (Boozy had been sitting there silently the whole time), and to think about how funny that would be.

At the end, Mark told Alkali that he wouldn't remember any of this, but that he would feel very refreshed and happy, and that he would see Boozy's "googly eyes" upon his waking. Mark commanded Alkali to wake up, and Alkali had the biggest, most placid grin I had ever seen on his face. He looked so peaceful, so content, so relaxed...

And then he turned and saw Boozy and LOST IT!

Alkali honestly believed that there were googly eyes on Boozy's face. He was all like "You look like Dr. Doom from Roger Rabbit!" and he laughed so hard that he nearly fell out of his chair. After he had calmed down, Mark asked how Alkali had felt. Alkali responded that he felt "the best I've felt all day."

I really hope that was filmed, because that was an incredible experience.

Moving on, I went to the super-sponsor dinner. More accurately, I stood in line for the super-sponsor dinner. Apparently there were so many super-sponsors that they had to bring in people in stages. I was toward the end of the line. Alkali was really apologetic, and said he would try to smooth things out for next year. But it honestly didn't matter. They had enough food for everyone.

And what a banquet it was. They had a buffet with chicken and mushrooms, roast beef, roasted vegetables, dinner rolls, salad, beer cheese soup, potatoes, cookies, brownies, and Sprecher Root Beer on tap. It was pretty delicious, especially considering how hungry I was. I sat at the table, eating with my fellow super-sponsors, thinking to myself "I'm doing this every year!" And frankly, I think I will. All the cool swag, getting to be in the poster, AND a free catered meal? Considering a Fur Squared supersponsorship is $100 less than one at MFF or AC, I think that's a pretty solid bargain.

Also, there was a proposal at the dinner. It was pretty sweet. I think Alkali cried.

After that was the DRAGGET SHOW! Super fun, like always. The panel was Xander and Alkali, Boozy, Draggor, and Pandez. I forget what all they talked about, but it was recorded, so eh. I do remember Xander mentioning the video I made for them. Context: I had been working on a remix of the JAPAN SONG for the past several weeks (go to YouTube and look up "dragget show japan song" if you want to see the original, or my remix), with my goal being to get it done before Fur Squared. I was successful. I also wanted to get Xander's attention about it (he tends to not check his phone often), so I asked him about it on his Patreon. He mentioned it, and said that he had actually retweeted the song. So yeah, that was cool.

Of note: the Dragget Show was a charity panel, so people were passing around the hat. But towards the end, there were two huge donations. One person donated $666.66. And (IIRC) Tobe donated $1,000. Alkali cried. Combined with the other money, the show raised over $2000, which made it the most generous event at the convention other than the charity auction. It was amazing. And as usual, the show ended with a charity story. It was the story of what REALLY happened on Draggor's birthday, when they all got insanely high. I won't go into detail, though; you need to attend the panel to hear the charity stories. >:D

Following that, I went over to the Foxes and Peppers after dark show. It was pretty funny, like usual. Pepper's guitar string broke mid-set, so he had to fix it WHILE performing. They auctioned off the last printing of one of Fox's CD's. And they performed "Lighthouse", in memory of the kids who were shot during the school shooting in Florida recently. Pepper put it best: "I want to forget the reason I wrote this song, but there keep being more and more reasons to perform it."

The show ran a little long, so I ended up being late to Libation Appreciation. For those who don't know, this event is all about sharing knowledge about alcohol. They talked about various different types of booze, how they like to enjoy them, and various recommendations for brands to try (apparently Nika distillery is good for Japanese whiskey). It was pretty informative. Then Fox and Pepper crashed the panel, and Pepper (who was drunk) started playing around with the giant Jenga set in the corner of the room. Still, good times. They kicked us out at 1AM and I went to bed.

Sunday

Got up at around 9 for breakfast (someone ended up taking our spots, so we had to talk to the wait staff and get new vouchers), and then Jake and I went over to main events for Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes. For those who don't know the video game: one person has a bomb in front of them, with a bunch of puzzles on it. The other person/team has a bomb manual, with instructions on how to solve the puzzles. However, neither can see each other's screens, so they have to talk and work together to defuse the bomb. It's a pretty fun, but stressful, game.

And they took it further at Fur Squared. Firr and Zen Fox were running the panel. They had one audience member at the bomb, and a team of other audience members with paper copies of the manual. While the bomb was being defused, Firr and Zen would do everything in their power to be distracting. They would scream and shout, sing, dance and stomp around, blare annoying music, and more. They even set up crazy "house rules" to make it even harder. One of the "experts" had to speak in a Russian accent. Another time, only one of them was allowed to speak. Another time, the audience had to use their phones to use the manual.

And then it was my turn. I got to be the defuser once (I lost), and it was hilarious. Firr and Zen were yelling and making the stage shake, and they were moving my microphone around. Another time, I was one of the experts, which was shortly after they had taken all of the paper manuals and threw the pages all over the place. We gathered up the papers as best we could, and were ready to start.

And then Harvard walked up to the bomb chair. Harvard is a silent fursuiter. We had to play "Keep Talking" with someone who didn't talk. To make matters worse, Firr and Zen decided to play "helping hands" with us, where they came up behind us and put their arms under ours, pretending to be "our arms." I distinctly remember receiving a nipple tweak from Firr. At any rate, we lost, even on the easiest difficulty. Harvard had the foresight to hilariously dive from her chair just as the bomb was about to explode. "She was the only one who thought to do that," said Firr.

Our next "victim" was Razzy, another fursuiter. Thankfully Razzy could talk. We still had a hard time deciphering what he was saying for some of the puzzles. This wasn't made easier by the fact that Zen Fox decided to lie down on top of all of the bomb manuals. I had to physically roll him out of the way (I thankfully didn't push him off the table). But we won!

For the last bomb, I think it was Zen in the hot seat, and Firr reading the manual. They misread one of the puzzles, but I think they ended up winning? I don't remember. Regardless, Firr does a really good job with the Keep Talking panel, so you should check it out next time you go to Fur Squared.

Following that event, Jake and I went down to the "Coming and GOHing" panel. SemJay, Zen Fox, Pandez, and Firr regaled us with stories about being the previous guests of honor at Fur Squared. They answered questions and shared their thoughts about unexpected things about being a GOH, what their proudest accomplishments were, and how they messed with Alkali's head. SemJay even took off her pants for charity (she was wearing underwear, don't worry).

This panel bled into the following panel, Firr's "Go Forth And Suck." It was a pep-talk panel, where Firr (and the other former GOH's) encouraged people to just go out there and try whatever they wanted to do. If you have an idea, just do it, and don't be ashamed of sucking. We all sucked at one point. And sucking is how you get good. It was because they all took risks and did stupid things, some of which just blew up in their faces, that they ended up where they are now. Pandez's story was particularly poignant; one of his first solo comedy sets was to a crowd of 12 people in a room made for 500. But he kept going, and he learned a lesson from his experience (tailor the room to the size of the event, and do smaller sets).

I was reminded of my panel at the previous year's Fur Squared. The one that only had 3 attendees. As of writing this, I never attempted to try again after that dismal failure (even though someone thanked me for my time). So, next con I go to, I am going to submit multiple panel ideas and see which ones I get. I will do my best, and I will have fun doing it, no matter what happens.

Sidenote: because one panel ended up bleeding into the other, the panelists decided to combine the two and call it "Coming and GOHing and Sucking." We laughed at that for a good 30 seconds.

After the panel, I went with Jake back to the room and we said our goodbyes. He unfortunately had a plane to catch. But I was happy to have been able to share so much of the con with him, whether it was sitting together at panels, or having in-depth conversations during meals. He told me he remembered fondly the time at AC when we just sat and talked for hours at the end of the con. I hope that we can do something like that again sometime.

Then I went to the charity auction. As usual, it was fun times. Lots of great stuff up for auction. I unfortunately didn't win anything. But honestly, it wasn't even about that. The Fur Squared charity auction is one of the highlights of the con, because people really get into it. Cheering, jokes, huge bids; the atmosphere was electric! There were items that went for over $1000 apiece. My roommate, Dezzi, actually ended up buying the creative rights to the Kalerati AND the Church of Adam at the auction. Alkali bought the signed super-sponsor poster, as a way to say Thank You for all the hard work done by Axikor and their team. A mask made by one of Alkali's Nero friends went for $1500. It was incredible.

Oh, and someone bought a collection of Victoria's Secret perfume and then sprayed it all over Alkali, Firr, and Pandez.

Charity auctions, the bar has been set by Fur Squared. Both in terms of money raised, and in terms of the experience.

After the auction, I quickly went back to my room to get into fursuit. I decided that this was going to be a tradition: I would always do "This Is How You Kill A Con" and closing ceremonies in-suit. So I did.

I met up with my friends Linn and Xeila at the panel, and had some snuggles (I know Linn had previously asked for fursuit snuggles, so I was making good on my promise). I gave Linn one of my sprouts. But the real fun was the panel itself. For those who haven't been: "This Is How You Kill A Con" is basically just a time-filler while the board of directors meets to go over the events of the con. As a result, they give Firr free reign to do pretty much whatever he wants. And he took full advantage of that.

Him and Zen (and I think Furry Bobs was there for a bit) just kind of did whatever for an hour and a half. We had a mini charity auction. Several things ended up being up for bid. First, a small sketch done by an artist in the audience at "Coming and GOHing and Sucking". Next, a small piece of string. I think there was something else (I hope they filmed the panel).

And then Huscoon showed up. The conversation turned to Culver's, again. Turns out, the Fur Squared Twitter account only follows one other account: Culver's. This gave Firr an idea. He would put up for auction the ability to send a single tweet from the Fur Squared Twitter account AND the ability to have the account follow any one other account (no unfollows). I think the winner tweeted out that he wanted to be the GOH for next year.

They also managed to convince Huscoon to auction off the ability for someone to post a tweet on HIS account. Yes, you read correctly. The famously conservative, controversy-starting Huscoon. The one for whom #BlameHuscoon was created. Turns out, Dixie was the one who won that tweet. I think she posted "I give my undying love to my sweetheart, Pepper Coyote" or something like that. Good times.

In the middle of the shenanigans, I made my way up to the front of the room and gave my last two sprouts to Firr and Zen. Firr clipped his to his hat (where it stayed for the rest of the con), and Zen clipped his to his beard. I was happy.

Finally (after ending the panel with a round of "Bohemian Rhapsody"), it was time for closing ceremonies. They began with a big Happy Birthday song for Draggor, and he was blown away. He was grinning from ear to ear, and he turned beet red from embarrassment. Turns out he's as big a sweetheart as Alkali is. The staff also brought up a present for him: a hoodie featuring the logo for Dragon's Milk beer.

I won't go into too much detail, as this panel was filmed. I'll just go over the highlights. Kataze had his traditional power point presentation, going over the numbers at the convention. This time he had graphs, and they were HILARIOUS. Final head count: 1101. Total sponsors and super-sponsors: 485. That's right. 45% of the convention chose to upgrade their badges. By contrast, I think AC had a similar number of upgraded badges, but had 7,500 attendees.

Someone brought in a whole cart full of Culver's custard. I didn't get any (as I was in suit) but they had enough for... a lot of people.

And then the waterworks. Alkali read off the totals for the charitable donations from each of the sources. And as he read, his became more and more misty-eyed. But it didn't stop there. I think there were at least 4 or 5 instances of people coming up and going "wait Alkali, I have more money." Including my roommate Gothy donating a LITERAL BRA AND PANTIES MADE OF MONEY, that was worth $69 on the dot. As usual, Firr went around and rounded things up.

The final charity total was $21,000. They beat their previous year's total by about $6,000. Which, as of this post, puts Fur Squared at #3 in the ranking of most generous furry conventions in the world (total donated divided by attendance).

To top it all off, Cy, one of the guests of honor, said that when she sells her house, she would donate 10% of the value of the house to the charity, which was estimated to be a donation of about $12,000.

Lastly, they announced stuff for next year. Vegas themed. Title: The Mouse Always Wins. I do hope that means that Miko is going to do something ridiculous.

They also announced the guests of honor. They doubled up on the artists of honor (I don't remember their names), but they also had a new "Gamemaster of honor" title, which they awarded to Iggy! I was ecstatic, cuz I had roomed with him the previous year, and consider him my friend. I was jumping up and down and clapping like mad. I think Iggy was pretty surprised.

After closing ceremonies wrapped up, Linn went back to my room with me, and I gave her the Christmas present that I had been meaning to get to her for the past 2 months: a board game called Pitch Deck (look it up, it's fantastic). She was so happy, because she's a huge board game nerd, and she immediately recognized the game when I pulled it out. We sat and talked for a while, catching up and talking about future convention plans. After a while, I told that I had to get cleaned up (I was still in my bodysuit), so we parted ways.

After cleaning up, I went over to the hotel restaurant for dinner. This was where things took a bit of a dip. I got to the restaurant, and sat down. I waited for the waitress to come bring me a menu, but she never did. I went over to the bar and sat down, looking over at the bartenders. They never acknowledged me. I sat there for a solid 15 minutes, and was never even noticed. It was stupid. Upset, I decided to give up and head over to the Adventure Time marathon. Thankfully they had pizza there, so I was able to eat my fill without having to spend money.

I discovered that night that I don't like Adventure Time. While it has some funny jokes, it's too full of existential dark humor and body horror for me to enjoy it. Plus, there were like 5 people watching the show. So instead, I decided to take a look around and see what people were doing.

It was then that I discovered the "dead dog karaoke" happening. Firr, being a DJ, had set up a karaoke machine in the main events room. People could give him a card with their requests on it, and he would call you up when it was your turn. It started out kind of slow, but as the night went on, it became increasingly more fun. And there were some AMAZING singers. Citrine Husky in particular did an incredible cover of "Don't Stop Believin'".

People were really getting into it. I ran into Gabi and Angel again, and we hung out for a bit before they ran off onto the dance floor. There were a surprising number of folks dancing. Then Zen Fox showed up and things got a bit more rowdy.

Highlights: closing ceremonies had a big confetti cannon, so people were having confetti fights. A lady in a big white fursuit, with padded digi legs, sat down on Zen in the middle of the floor. She then proceeded to poke Zen with a big "phallic" balloon. At another point, someone had a cardboard cutout of Jesus, and they were dancing around with it. Someone did Andrew W.K.'s "Party Hard" and Firr was backing it up unenthusiastically. One guy serenaded Gothy with R. Kelly's "Bump n' Grind." They did the Time Warp.

And I sang "Your Song" by Elton John. I was kind of afraid of the high notes, so I started out singing the song and octave lower than the original. This ended up sounding bad, so I switched over to the original register and just did my best. Turns out I was able to hit most of the high notes after all. I distinctly remember doing a silly dance during one of the breaks. Firr came up next to me and sang along. And I held out the last word longer than I expected (I looked at my "watch" in an effort to be funny).

I'm not saying all that to brag. I'm trying to remember what happened, because I don't think it was filmed. See, the main reason I write these journals is so that I can re-read them later down the road, and have a solid recollection of the events of the con. My memory isn't that good, and most cons become a blur after a while, so I try to capture everything as best I can.

Anyway, the night ended with another rendition of "Bohemian Rhapsody", which concluded right before the hotel staff kicked us out of the room. Apparently there were business travelers, and we needed to be quiet after midnight. I think they said they'd put the karaoke in another room next year so that it would be less disruptive.

Exhausted, I wandered back to the room with Gothy. We chatted briefly about furry stuff before heading to bed.

Monday

Got up at a reasonable hour and got breakfast with Gothy. We ran into Dezzi at the restaurant. We chatted for a bit, about his newfound "power" as the new owner of a cult and a religion. He's apparently planning on handing over the reigns at next year's charity auction if someone can match his bid.

After our breakfasts, we went back to the room and got packed. Gothy had the foresight to request a luggage cart, which made things WAY easier getting out. However, in her haste to get home, she forgot her slippers, so I had to run them out to her before she left (made it).

I packed my things, and with a little finagling, I was able to get all my stuff out to the car in one trip. After checking out, gassing up, and getting a coke, I put the pedal down and drove home, listening to #Hashtag and The Dragget Show on the way.

Overall

I love Fur Squared. It is a magical, unique, wonderful convention, a true diamond in the rough. Every year, they have new surprises. Every year, new memes, new jokes, new stories, new insanity. They keep donating more and more money, and creating bigger and grander schemes and shenanigans. Every con is special, but Fur Squared is... different. Its craziness, its generosity, its attention to detail, its loving and close-knit atmosphere, its relationship with its hotel and charity... many cons have some of these things, but it is the confluence of all of them that makes Fur Squared worthy of being called my favorite convention.

You should go.

#furry #fur squared #dragget show #furry convention

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fangtaka · 7 years ago

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Can u tell me more about furries and anything related? I'd love to learn about that.

Sure thing, my dude! I’m going to put this under a “read more” just because I know some people don’t like furry-related things, but I would be more than happy to tell you about them!

So, I’ll give you a bit of background/definition of what a furry is to start off with. A furry, to me at least, is someone who has an interest in anthropomorphic animals. What are those? They’re essentially animals that reflect human characteristics!

Being a furry doesn’t mean you have to have a fursona or have a fursuit if you really don’t want one. Most people have fursonas, and a lot of people have fursuits, but that isn’t a requirement to be or associate with being a furry!

For me, I have two fursonas (and many people have many fursonas, I’ve seen some with upwards of fifty or more!) and they are a reflection of my own personality and goals. I made them (created their designs as well as make art of them) and my goal is to have a fursuit made of one of them (this would be my sona, Will). I currently have a fursuit head and tail for an old character that I wear to conventions.

That’s another point to bring up - conventions! This may seem scary, and trust me, for the longest time I actually feared going to furry conventions because, well, I didn’t know many people in the furry fandom. But I brought my fursuit head and I said, well, fuck it, I’m going to go. And I ended up having a lot of fun! Conventions are just places where people come together, admire other peoples’ sonas and fursuits, and just have fun! They have rooms where you can play MTG, Cards Against Humanity, and some even bring their game consoles for others to play. You also have large fursuit dance competitions and even nightly dances where you can just go and have the time of your life.

My actual first exposure to furries was with Renard and Furries in a Blender, but I actually found myself joining the fandom after watching the documentary “Fursonas”. It discusses a lot of politics in the furry fandom (which you can totally avoid if you don’t like drama or that kindof thing), as well as just how comfortable it is to be yourself as a character you made. I’d highly recommend watching it if you want to learn more!

There’s also websites you can join to make friends in the fandom! I first joined Ferzu where I met a lot of my current furry friends. There’s also Furaffinity, which is also a great platform to commission artists and post your own artwork/writing/etc. I’ve also made a few fur friends through tumblr because you’ll come to find that a lot of furries are really sweet and don’t mind talking to you and making friends! Twitter is also really great for meeting new people as well as seeing fursuit makers’ work (I personally love seeing the photos of fursuits because a lot of work goes into them!)

So, as a bottom line, being a furry isn’t all about the fetishes (though if you want to join for that, there’s nothing wrong with that!). There is a lot of porn in the fandom, but you can find that in any fandom really!

To me, being a furry means being a character you yourself made. When you suit up, you’re cosplaying. When you’re drawing, you’re drawing a character that you made and deserve to be proud of! It’s fun making your own characters and it’s even better to hang artwork that people make for you on your wall. I’ve had some people draw Will for me and it made my whole week because any art gifted to you is honestly the best!

SO - sorry for the huge post! There’s so much to the furry fandom that it’s hard to pinpoint a specific place to start, but I can tell you that if you’re ever curious, or if you ever want to know something, I am here for you! Even if you’re completely new to the fandom or want your first fur friend, feel free to drop me a message! Being a furry is not something to ever be ashamed of because, honestly, it can be one of the best fandoms to be in! People are accepting of you - whether you’re trans, have a mental disorder you’re afraid to talk about, or you just love animals - it’s honestly a great place to be.

I’m trans and I do tend to struggle with it, but I know at the end of the day I can come home and talk to my friends (fur and not), draw my sonas Will and Dipper, and just look forward to the next furry convention I can go to (which, for me, will be FWA)!

P.S. You can also meet people at cons in artist alleys and such - which is so much fun! I’m probably going to be seeing if I can set up at an artist alley this year at FWA!

Anyway, feel free to message me! I love making friends and helping you make your sona or even doodling your sona would be awesome to me! Or, if you’re curious, check out my Furaffinity! From there you can check out people I follow and start your own adventure into the world of furries!

And thanks for reading! ^^

#Algernon answers them q's #furry

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wylthefluffer · 5 years ago

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Hello

7/26/2019 3amish

***TRIGGER WARNING*** ANXIETY, GENDER DYSPHORIA, DISABILITIES, ANXIETY, FURRY, CHRISTIAN, NON-BINARY, TALK OF TRANSITION, TRANSGENDER, MENTAL HEALTH TALK, DEMIROMANTIC, PANROMANTIC, ASEXUAL, MOGAI

Hi, I'd like to introduce myself.

My name is Wyl. Pronounced just like "Will". My birth name has a "y" in it which I have always been fond of, and I like the idea of being called Will, but would rather make it more androgynous I guess, so I'm adding that letter in to substitute. It just makes it feel more familiar.

I am non-binary. The way I'd describe my gender is kinda MOGAI-y (no hate towards them, you're fine), and j don't know if anyone wants hear it, but I guess I will see what happens? I am like... There's the female side, and the male side, and they're like, orbiting each other kinda like a moon and a planet. So feminine lunar energy and masculine Mars energy, right? So basically I feel like my gender is another planet in the solar system. Not super far away, but distant enough. Kind of like a small star orbiting a big star. I feel my gender, but I don't feel a big connection to make or female. I'm not a gender, because I still feel gender. But at times I'm so far away I can't even see the moon and Mars. I'm setting else out there. What, I haven't discerned yet, as most non-binary people describe (at least Frome the ones I've met) this middle feeling between the two binaries, but never used the word "bigender", which is what I thought that was. Or there are non-binary people who describe being so removed from gender themselves that they call themselves "agender" or "demigender". I just don't feel like I'm there. I feel like I'm on the opposite side of agender, and male, and female. I just have to find time to research more descriptions I guess? I've heard of the neutral gender thing, and that's great, but I don't feel neutral either. I feel very biased towards something, that isn't in any of those categories.

I do experience dysphoria. I experience it with my chest, my curves, my hair. I dissociate from my reflection in the mirror as not really me, or I hide from it. That and photos. I hate photos. I have pretended or tried being a guy before. When I was little I would play the guy in games. One time I thought I was supposed to be a guy. A few times I wanted to pee standing up or a different way from boys or girls. I would play outside with the hose and put it between my legs (I know, I know) and say "I'm peeing!" knowing that's what boys did (kinda). I even once tried to walk around without a shirt on, and got yelled at for it. But things associated with male genitalia and pretending I had it made me feel icky too. When I realized I was gonna grow a chest, I was confused, then nervous, and then mortified when it started happening and I had to wear bras. I wanted to hide so badly and couldn't until after I turned 13 and my mom let me choose baggy clothes. I still felt uncomfortable because I didn't know any clothes that would make me feel better. I became self conscious about my chest, and my voice, which I wanted to be mid-range. But I knew I didn't want to be hairy or a deep voice, so I wasn't a boy. I hated being called "lady", "ma'am" "miss" or "woman". "Girl" wasn't much better either. I just felt this fear and uncomfortableness towards gender. Female chests, male groins, naked people. Just ew. I've always disliked my groin area, but I found out quickly I didn't want a male groin. Atm I don't know of any other options. So yea, a lot of things. I knew males didn't have to be masculine and females didn't have to be feminine. I wanted to be called a tomboy because it was the best I had and my mom said I wasn't a tomboy, which angered me. I guess she rather thought me either just a girl or something else that only could be called girl as that's what I was born as. It was not good.

My pronouns are... Ze/Zir/Zis/Zimself - confusing, I know. Me too, but I am more confused by she/her, he/him, they/them. I guess if I'd have to choose one I'd go with he/him?

I am asexual. This was my introduction to the lgtbq community. I realize I might be when I was 13/14ish but really began to take it seriously around 15/16. I then began to officially go by it at 19/20 and my friend group accepted it pretty well.

I am demiromantic. This means, for me, I only understand romanticism when I'm in the mood for it, and it's usually an intensifier of platonic relationship stuff, with exclusive companionship. I am attracted to masculine leaning people, and non-binary people. I get along with them better on a relationship basis. I currently am single.

I am also panromantic. "But how does that work!" I heard you saying. Well, "demi" is something that refers to half, or partial association with something. The part of me that associated with romanticism is panromantic. Why? Because I am romantically attracted and can form crushes on non-binary people. And considering non-binary is a collection of multiple distinct alignments, I count this attraction I feel as towards multiple genders. I do not feel romantic attraction to females at this moment. Being around them sometimes intensifies my dysphoria so that doesn't help? Maybe if I get top surgery I'll feel better.

I am a Christian. I believe in God and that he made you and me, and he made people whose brains and bodies didn't match in gender sometimes. There are intersex people after all, which is where the body is mixed up, so why can't there be people whose brains are messed up? There are even trans-intersex people who were assigned one gender at birth and identify as something different. I don't think people born this way are mistakes, I think it's a chance God gives us to help each other and express love and understanding. It's more a challenge than a curse. And that's okay. This world can be terrible, but that's because of Satan's influence. It's not God's fault people don't accept you. It's people's fault for not accepting you, and Satan's fault for tempting them. God wants you to beloved and to give love. "Love thy neighbor as thyself". This means if you accept yourself, and overlook your own flaws, then be tolerant and do the same for your neighbor. And if you're not loving yourself, and you're treating people the same way you're treating yourself, that's not okay either. To the best of your power he needs you to spread that love. That's the only way we'll make it.

I'm a Furry! Yep! I like to make anthropomorphic animal characters and get art and merchandise of them. I also use them online as a persona, as it's more comfortable for me. My main Fursona is Ridley, who is just like me. I'm a fursuit maker too, a decently popular one in the sense that I have a lot of commissions. I'm still working on them as I am behind ;-;

So I'd like to explain why it took me so long to come out as asexual, trans, non-binary, demiromatic, and panromantic. I got sick when I was 15. What with? GERD (stomach thing), POTS (heart thing related to nervous system function), and what they think right now is fibromyalgia (like a nerve disorder causing pain and cognitive issues). I also finally got diagnosed with anxiety at 18, and went on medication which helped control it. My GERD was cured, it flared up twice. My POTS and fibromyalgia won't stop though, and I've developed PTSD from years of isolation from people (social anxiety), unhealthy relationships, and social hardships and emotional hardships suffered from being sick. POTS causes me low blood volume, tendency to dehydrate, high heart rate, low blood pressure, and spontaneous panic attacks which are caused by an adrenaline release in response to the heart doing funky things. I can't control it, and I have no medication for it right now. The only thing that I've found to help sometimes is sedative antianxiety medications (which they won't give me for risk of dependancy) and medical marijuana, which is legal in my state. I get high sometimes to control my anxiety, and this is only just this week that I started. It's helped a lot as we just moved again and I can barely cope with moves anymore.

I have a Service Dog for my disabilities. My doctor approved it last year after I asked if she thought it was okay I got a dog and trained it as one, and she agreed it would be best. So I did! I am working with a private trainer, and owner training. I actually have researched the topic of Service Dogs a lot and federal Service Animal laws, so youcna ask me questions. Ty, my SDiT (Service Dog in Training, because he is learning tasks) is 20 months old. He's medium sized, almost large, slightly smaller than the average golden retriever but bigger than a border collie. He developed a natural tendency to alert to panic attacks, light headedness, migraines, and to key in to my anxiety. He goes with me almost everywhere now and his tasks are medical alert and physically contact. Physical contact is a task in this instance because it helps my nerves calm down, helps overstimulation, helps anxiety, and keeps me from dissociating and I have him within reach to pet if I need to stim ("stimulate" an action that someone uses in order to focus, deal with stress, or manage attention). I am waiting to see a therapist for PTSD, gender dysphoria, and possibly autism. If I seem a bit disinterested, it's because I do develop special interests, which is one clue that may mean I am autistic. We'll see. One of my special interests is friendship.

So yea, that's me. This'll give you an idea on what you might see in this blog, if anyone actually wants to follow me. If I don't answer, I'm likely working, having anxiety, or sick. Don't feel bad.

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anautisticdragon-blog · 7 years ago

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Sonic Kids: An Introspective

I'll open this with a bit of truth that's going to leave a lot of middle-aged men angry with me, unfortunately. I didn't think that Sonic Mania was very good, at all. In fact, I don't believe that it was even necessary.

In my opinion, Freedom Planet did more to move the genre forward than Sonic Mania had at any point. Mania is no more than a mere revisit to a different time, it hasn't really evolved beyond that at all. It still has the same litany of poor design choices that don't stand up to modern scrutiny.

Take that timer, for example. The one that forces you to rush through a level rather than taking the time to actually examine, explore, and enjoy your environs. That's such an archaic, outmoded concept to even begin with. If I were involved in the development of Sonic Mania, that's one of the first (of many) elements I would've dropped. Though to put it frankly, my attempt would've just looked like Freedom Planet.

Freedom Planet is essentially why we didn't even need Sonic Mania. I think that anything that Sonic Mania does with at least some competence, FP does better on every level.

So why does it exist?

Middle-aged men. And don't fool yourself, the people who complain about Sonic OCs on forums aren't youngsters. I'm too familiar with their lexicon to be fooled by that argument, their terms and language are too outdated by even contemporary teen standards. No, these are middle-aged men.

So why are middle-aged men clamouring for Sonic Mania, whilst putting down everything else that dares to be something different? Why did the same kind of middle-aged men try to tell us that Science ruined dinosaurs when we learned that many had feather-laden hides? Nostalgia.

It appears to me that the more lacking a person is in self-awareness (which some hipsters would like to rebrand as its hip, shades-wearing uncle 'Theory of Mind,' but let's not go there), the more prone to nostalgia they are. They're frozen forever in a moment of time, unable to free themselves.

I mean, sure, there are periods of time that I liked, too, but I'm not beholden to them. Nor do I see those as being superior to any other. If I were riddled with nostalgia then -- being in their age bracket -- I'd be all about the 8- and 16-bit eras. What I've found is that under modern scrutiny, those don't really stand up to contemporary examination.

I have been known to wistfully long for development houses and genres lost to the sands of time, but that isn't quite the same as nostalgia. That's more of a feeling of disappointment that a form of entertainment was robbed of its potential to evolve. Consider that most of the Japanese video games industry has disappeared, then look at titles like Xenoblade Chronicles X to see what they could be if they were still at the height of their power.

That there's so little like Xenoblade is a point I mourn, but it isn't quite the same thing as the nostalgia goggles worn by the hordes of middle-aged men who're clinging to Sonic Mania as though it were some kind of fursuit-clad son of Christ.

Saying that, I do want to see Jesus in a fursuit.

And here's another unfortunate truth for those lost in their special moment in time: I enjoyed Sonic Forces. I thought it was aces because I was able to see beyond myself and understand why it would appeal to children. To give a child the opportunity to create their own character and play alongside another that they love the media of? That's something special, and I'm pleased with Sonic Team for realising what their core demographic actually is.

Children. FYI. In case you hadn't figured that out.

You see, SEGA is pandering to the middle-aged men with average titles like Sonic Mania, which are essentially dressed up fan-games so that these unfortunate individuals can rant on about a 'return to form for Sonic,' showing the least amount of self-awareness possible. All the while, the youngsters get to enjoy Sonic Forces, unbeholden to this nostalgia.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that SEGA is figuring it out. They're getting smart about it. They're throwing scraps (Mania) to the middle-aged men so that Sonic Team can work on titles for younger audiences without drawing so much attention from a crowd of adults who really shouldn't be paying attention to it in the first place.

So, I suppose this leads to the question of why these middle-aged men feel so angry and violated when a developer chooses to make a title that's clearly aimed at a younger audience, eh? That comes down to the incorrect perspective they have of 'what kids enjoy.'

Before I get into that, though, you know it's funny that even Game Grumps had the self-awareness to understand that there would be kids who'd be absolutely delighted with Sonic Forces. They were able to abstract themselves with the possibility of growing up in today's world, and they realised they'd be smitten with a game like Forces. Good for them!

All the middle-aged men reviewing a game like Forces and smiting it with their angry, bile-ridden words because it isn't Mania? Well... Let's just say that Mania/Forces is turning into the most successful litmus test of self-awareness that I've witnessed in quite some time.

So! Middle-aged men tend to view console gaming as 'for them.' They grew up with it, so they 'own' it, you see. It's their 'territory,' and children don't 'belong' there. Now whilst you might roll your eyes at this (understandably!), that is how many of these middle-aged men feel. So I'm rolling my eyes right alongside you, here. It's not exactly a great situation.

Every G4M3R out there, the kinds of middle-aged men that made up G4M3R-G4TE! for example? They think that they own the entertainment medium of video games, and that all titles should be crafted to suit their needs and desires. This isn't that different than the privilege problem that cishet, white, and healthy people experience.

"PROPERLY DRESSED BLACK WOMEN AS HEROES IN MY VIDEO GAMES????"

And that's one of the reasons we have the Alt-Right, conversely. Angry middle-aged men who can't deal with an ever changing, evolving world that's left them behind.

And Sonic is one of the things of the Olde Wurlde that they cling to. So they cling to Sonic Mania with dear life as a sort of shamanistic totem of what their reality used to be like. That's part of how nostalgia functions and why individuals like myself (whatever the fuck makes me like I am) aren't so beholden to the allure. Nostalgia preys on a lack of self-awareness.

Feathered dinosaurs were a litmus test of self-awareness. And now Sonic Mania/Forces is a litmus test of self-awareness. It's actually helpful, though, to find out the kinds of people who're worth bothering to listen to and to try communicating with as what I've found is that people who're devoid of any form of self-awareness are equally devoid of empathy as well. They're not exactly the most fantastic people, even though their ilk seem to be the most commonplace.

And if you doubt anything I've said? Consider the facts.

Middle-aged men really do consider console gaming to be a field that they exclusively own. Do you think that those who're reviewing video games now are younger than 30? I invite you to research this as I have! You'll find that most of them aren't. In fact, a lot of them are approaching or even over 40.

Middle-aged men are clinging to Sonic Mania like it's some second coming or however that works. I'm not a very religious person even though I do try to practice tolerance so forgive me if I get any of my terminologies wrong, here. They treat Mania as though it's the only kind of Sonic game that anyone would want to play. Thing is? Kids don't really like Mania at all.

It's funny. Sonic Boom, the game, was a deeply flawed title to be sure, but at the same time it was a bit of fun and certainly a title that the kids could enjoy. It had that Skylanders magic about it. I noticed, at the time, that there were some younger folk putting up videos saying that they quite liked it despite whatever flaws it had. Do you remember that?

Probably not. They were drowned out by middle-aged men spamming YouTube with videos of how awful it was and that SEGA needs to learn from this and make another 2D Sonic game because self-awareness is a sin, everyone! Did you hear the news? Self-awareness is a sin!

Yes, yes. I know, I know. Sonic Boom was an over-ambitious, buggy mess. I know. However, it understood the much younger audience that SEGA was trying to tap into and that younger audience actually enjoyed Boom for what it was. And despite middle-aged men raging about the 'terrible designs' of the Sonic Boom TV show, there are plenty of kids who simply love the show. Thing is? It seems like SEGA knows how to listen to those kids better than their own nostalgia-laden parents do. That's... kind of sad.

Then again, as an autistic person I've noticed that neurotypical parents would rather listen to Autism Speaks (as horrible and unethical as they are) telling them that their autistic children are demons who need cures, rather than realising that their kids are simply different and that they need to learn to accommodate to their child's differently functioning mind as opposed to demanding that their child be some kind of witless clone of their parents.

And it all comes back to self-awareness, doesn't it? I wonder to myself sometimes if the reason autism is becoming more prevalent is because humanity is -- in general -- too lacking in self-awareness to be able to survive. I usually want to think that autistic people appear to be, on average, fairly great at introspection and self-awareness. I’m prone to thinking that we're here to do the thinking that other kinds of minds aren't really able to. At least, that's how it feels, sometimes. I am making efforts to not think like this any more, but some days are more trying and difficult than others. It's just false association, of course, I feel that because I am actually autistic and because neurotypicals are always telling me I lack 'Theory of Mind,' I tend to reflect that back on them and attribute my self-awareness to autism out of my association with it and my spite toward them. I'm aware of that. It's not great. Definitely a character flaw.

So... I know that's simply not the case, but it feels like so many people out there are so lacking in any kind of self-awareness and/or empathy that they can't see beyond their own nose. They can't ask why any particular game might be popular with their own kid. Instead, they'd rather force their kid to like the same kinds of games that they like. Which is likely why many kids have felt obligated to turn to mobile gaming just to get away from their... over-enthusiastic parents.

"Oh! You're sitting at the console! Turn off that Minecraft junk! Here, let me put on this game that I like and you can play that instead! It's called Sonic Mania, you'll love it! I just want to watch you play it, okay???"

Essentially, there are kids out there who'll love stuff like Minecraft, Sonic Forces, Skylanders, and so on but because it isn't like what their middle-aged parents (who also grew up with consoles) enjoyed? It's not the kinds of games that their parents think they should be playing. Their kids should go through the same gaming history that they did.

I actually had a moment in the past where I wondered if I'd introduce any kid I choose to have to my history with games, it was an interesting exploration in my head but I realised that it would lead them to resent me for forcing them to be out of touch. Introspection for the win, I suppose. I realised it'd be okay to present them with a lot of options, both old and brand new, and let them figure out what their tastes and opinions then are. I'd support them in whatever they wanted.

Sadly, most parents don't even think about this. They don't seem to think about a whole lot of anything, frankly, which is why most of them go into parenthood unprepared and fail spectacularly at it. Even though I don't know if I'll ever choose to have a child (it's a huge responsibility, and I'd adopt rather than procreating due to the feelings my partner and I have about over-population), but if I did? I'd be ready.

I watch most parents stumble into it, though. And... well, their kids end up scarred, fucked up, and generally a mess because their parents weren't even remotely ready. I know mine weren't. I didn't exactly have a great childhood, and I see many kids out there being exposed to the same. There's this part of my brain that just nags at me and says that every would-be parent should have to apply for a license and pass tests of introspection, self-awareness, and responsibility to even have their first child, and then even those who do should be limited to just one child regardless of their financial status and privilege (or even lack thereof).

This has been a very weird little piece and I apologise. It's just why this journal of mine exists, isn't it? I vent here, I do so because I feel that need. Sometimes I look at this world and I want to say something about it, though I'm not the sort to burden anyone with it so I'll just leave it here.

Anyway, to wrap up? My experience is that Japan has been better at understanding what a younger audience wants than the West. I think that, generally, this comes from being a more introverted nation that has a more natural introspection. That might just be my biases at work and I accept that, so I'm not saying that that's absolutely the reason but I do know that they're better at paying attention to what kids want.

Sonic Forces is just Japanese developers being attuned to what would make children happy these days. And injecting their own characters into a Sonic game is what the younger generations have wanted to do for quite some time. Consider how many kids created 'zoosonas' when Zootopia happened, it was such a hit with younger audiences that their imaginations ran with it and they all wanted a character of their own to live in this world. Being a kid is all about imagination, after all.

Sadly, it seems like a lot of people leave imagination behind when they leave being a kid behind. You hit 18, your brain gets pruned, and now you've no longer got any imagination, or any capacity for self-awareness, introspection, or empathy to speak of. You know I'm not generalising when I say that this applies quite broadly. I might be being a touch cynical in saying that it even goes as far as most people, but it's not exactly wrong.

Sonic Mania teaches us that it's not wrong.

See, what's actually happening here is that these middle-aged men are longing for a time when they had an imagination. They envy kids for still having one, it's a sort of secret, subconscious envy that they aren't aware of but they'd ruin something kids love just to feel better. That's how people are. It's sad. It's genuinely pathetic. Still, that's people for you.

Yeah, there are exceptions but unfortunately they tend to be those that prove the rule, rather than being enough to disprove it. The McElroys stand out by being an exception, if everyone was as accepting, open-minded, and as capable of the levels of self-awareness, introspection, and imagination that they are? Well, we'd have a lot of goddamn funny podcasts now!

But we don't, do we?

What we do have is a bunch of angry, middle-aged men ranting about how Sonic has changed, hating the Boom incarnations and their designs, and generally just... yeah. I know that Chris-chan is exemplary of a certain kind of mental disorder but the sad truth is is that if these middle-aged men had impaired impulse-control and didn't feel any shame?

Well, they'd all be Chris-chan. Every last one of them. Chris-chan is just a middle-aged man with no shame or impulse control. He's a low functioning sociopath, which is very unfortunate for him but he serves as an example.

And whilst these middle-aged men would ridicule Chris-chan, they hold Sonic up in exactly the same kind of way as he does. They treat Sonic like a holy symbol, a religious icon.

And that's why Sonic Mania exists.

I don't like Sonic Mania very much, you know. I'm just not a fan. I don't think the game is all that impressive, but I also generally don't appreciate the scene, either. I wish these middle-aged men could just enjoy Sonic Mania and allow younger audiences to like whatever it is that they like.

And yes, I am saying that fans of Sonic Mania are effectively Chris-chan but WITH impulse-control, the capacity for shame, and even less imagination. Is that wrong? I don't think it is.

If the white-striped, red shoe fits...

So hopefully that's going to be an overdue jab in the arm of self-awareness for anyone who happens to read this.

#sonic #sonic mania #chris-chan #self-awareness

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