#I can never freaking win
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Final Fantasy 16 is such a bull shit game, nonetheless it was the best game I think Iāve ever played.
100/10
#ā” adaurielle.talks#if you were curious#yes my favorite character died#once again Iām on a streak of simps who die#I can never freaking win
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posts for exactly three ppl in the world: two high status failgirls playing sycophantic second fiddle to ungrateful space war criminals become besties
#ianthe tridentarius#ianthe the first#starscream#the locked tomb#transformers#maccadam#fanart#literally brought on by nothing except the revelation that the venn diagram between them is a near circle#skilled at caste-assigned role but over-ambitious#employs underhanded tactics and deception with no small amount of relish#never really Wins but insistent on position of coming out on top actually#unapologetic sycophant to curry favour with higher ups#playing second to an ungrateful space war criminal#well-established freak i could go on#is anyone out there. can anyone hear me. hello.
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vriska is really funny cause when you look at the shit she actually does shes not the best at manipulating people or flarp or combat she just cant win at any of her hobbies
#just rereading some shit and they keep saying that tz is much better at manipulating people than vriska#and that vriska had to cheat at games when she played against terezi#and vriska never actually fully beat tavros on fair terms when it comes to flarp he ran away when shit got intense#which you can argue is little bitch behavior but also isnt exactly a win#depending on who you ask its just good tactics#shes so desperate to win and its not like shes not smart she is but shes also volatile as fuck and really easy to rile up#and starts making bad plays really fast#i like that about her though i feel like its really easy to read her as either 100% failgirl or classic girlboss of all time#but her scrappy freak behavior and desperation and the tragedy of it is so much more interesting to me#especially cause she loses her shit so fast but also a lot of the time she regrets it just as fast after you can see it with aradia#i guess on alternia being a sore loser and throwing a temper tantrum can be a lot more dangerous on earth#all this is to say#her natural habitat is probably freaking the fuck out on vc when she plays video games#and getting banned on twitch cause of that
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btw not to make everything about My Fucking Guy but i honestly think one of the things that seperates q!phil out from the other islanders is the approach he takes to dealing with the lack of agency + control all the islanders have over whatever the fuck the federation's doing.
it shows up most prominently whenever tubbo is excitedly telling him about the 'progress' he's made with cucurucho or various investigations (ie: trapping him into a corner with the 'do you have free will' questions), and phil always shoots it down w an immediate 'that doesn't mean anything. curucuho will say anything to mess with you. you can't take anything he says as true.'
and it's not that phil is... a paticularly pessimistic character? he's just EXTREMELY practical. like, he's yet to give up on anyone EVER finding ANY answers (he was the one who initially gave the federation that one week ultimatum w the cage for a cage stream), he just doesn't trust the idea that curucuho is ever going to voluntarily give them. they're uncontrollable + senseless - you might as well argue with the weather.
and like, if that's how he sees the one (1) and only point of contact the islanders HAD with the federation for months, it explains a lot abt his characters lifestyle! ofc he sits on the wall all day, talking to his kids, and keeping his head down. he believes that the federation wants nothing more than to drag the islanders into sick games + tasks just so they can fuck with their head (ie: curucuho revealing he was the one cellbit gathered all that information for). and while he can't totally PREVENT any of that from ever impacting him, he can make sure his kids are well fed, well protected, and as happy + comfortable as he can manage. this is objectively not a perfect situation, there is a guaranteed amount of suffering + fear that he can't mitigate, but he can at least account for it.
like, he REFUSES to engage. whenever curucho shows up, he treats them with total ambivalence. he's not going to get riled up by anything they do, he's not going to get super attached to the guy, he's just gonna laugh it off and irish goodbye it when things drag on. the ONLY time he's strayed from that general guiding principle has been since he's lost his eggs, and can no longer afford to let the federation's fuckery go: those are his fucking kids.
hence the completely unprecedented levels of outward rage and sadness and terror he shows throughout the birdcage streams - almost all directed directly to cucurucho. it's all a completely fair + proportional response to the horror the islanders are being subjected to, but it feels so different bc until now, q!phil has been so dedicated to not reacting, and not giving the federation any sign that they're actually getting to him.
#qsmp#q!phil#LIKE. does anyone else think this! i genuinely believe its like one of the major#traits of his character i feel like u can trace it through Everything.#the man lives with the constant knowledge that sometimes all it takes is a tempting ravine and a badly timed creeper to end a life#whether that life belongs to a stranger or someone you love more than anything else in the world#you COULD rage against that. you could scream and shout and tear your hair out and grieve for the futility of it all#but what does that change? the days march on. death waits either way#and that's not to say he's a laizesfair kind of guy. anyone who's seen him stress out abt chayanne's risk taking + freak out#whenever his kids don't have enough autofeed grist can see that he cares DEEPLY. which resolves into his very distinctive#defensive + protective playstyle. the goal is not to win the fight the goal is to *survive* the fight etc#but the only way that mindset doesn't spill out into unchecked paranoia + complete agoraphobia is with acceptance#'shit happens: the philza minecraft story'#i also think it even manifests in the nightmare sequence w his last words to chayanne? 'they didn't want us to live. we were never supposed#to survive' or whatever the exact wording was#he is FURIOUS and deeply hurt and sad abt the deaths he says so explicitly later#but at the time the first thing he reaches for is. exhausted acceptance. it wasn't their fault. it wasn't his fault. they did their best.#they could only do so much in the face of the federation's Overwhelming Hostility. y'know?#mine
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the Born Alive Survivorsā Protection Act is a great example of how the divisions in American politics are not manufactured, they are ideological. Democrat and Republican politicians do not have āthe same vision for America, just by different routes.ā Their visions are two opposite worlds.
if the Born Alive Survivorsā Protection Act cannot be a bipartisan bill, then all bipartisanship in the federal government is an illusion.
and itās not the Republicans who did that to us.
#I donāt want to freaking hear ANY condemnation of Republicans over ānot working across the aisleā#what Democrats mean when they complain about āparty tribalismā is just āRepublicans winningā#because Democrats NEVER work across the aisle#and the ones who do (Joe Manchin; RFK Jr) get anathematized by the WHOLE PARTY#stop trying to work together with Democrats and start winning instead.#because if you give them an inch they take a mile and they will NEVER give you an inch#and thus Republicans clutch defeat from the jaws of victory time and time again#respublica#mobile#x#pro-life#this is why nobody can be a lauded Speaker of the House. itās the worst job in government because itās just mediation#between two irreconcilable worldviews
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Me, reading the summary for TCF Part 2 Chapter 150 be like:
#tcf#trash of the count's family#lcf#lout of the countās family#tcf part 2#spoilers#like literally#what the F---#i can honestly say i NEVER saw this coming#i mean cale is gonna win because plot but like#oh my freaking god#i won't even post what i'm talking about it's too much of a spoiler#let me just say: cale's slacker life is more screwed than usual and that's saying something
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"She ruined Petrus for me" is NOT a phrase that should have came to exist. š¤¦āāļø
#/vent#personal#yes it is about anna again#I reflected on it again and I think I figured particularities of her betrayal#she has been playing both teams (lore council vs loozzers)#loozzers = lozza (their common nicknamw for laurence) + word looser#because this is what those cultish witch hunting freaks ARE#she's been playinh both teams seeking for the signs of which one will win#this is why she defended me this is why she followed saintmic this is why she lied about forgiving me#and when eugene started to publicly humiliate me again anna decided I was done for and-#-flipped on the dime showing her true face#not to mention how she only 'apologized' for her backstabbing because I was vagueblogging and-#-she hoped she could stop me#she supported very open public humiliation and hateful propaganda yet-#-vagueblogging was where she draws the line? lol lmao even#literally she admitted she didn't care about what alfred-chan did to me and fantomette because-#-it didn't concern her personally š¤¦āāļø#playing winning side instead of doing whats right + claiming to do good while being-#-vile and fake + being 'proudly christian' when there is nothing christian about her at all#absolute petrus behavior lol#I think she is the only one I still HATE and not just 'mad at'#i gave her THREE chances to make up for it and she blew up ALL of them#not to mention claiming me actually clinically depressed person is 'a danger for-#-depressed people' based on the notion that I blow up and get rude if someone hurts me.#not to mention saying I never changed from my awful behavior from six years ago based-#-on the same notion (plot twist even healthy people can blow up when they're harassed and hurt-#-on PURPOSE)#not to mention mocking me with subpar-zero when they were the one who fucked up#if you dont want to be hurt by vagueblogs then stop stalking me!!! its that easy?!
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Fishing my phone back out of the river....
OPEN ORBIT 90: Good-freaking-riddance š
#its only been A FREAKING MONTH š¤¦āāļø#i swear this shit is never ending.... I win one but im still stuck on the other trial. FU ice trial 110#ill take this as a win tho. hopefully i can steamroll at least a few Open trials now until im stuck again š¬#love and deepspace#deepspace trials#open orbit 90#lads zayne
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Guys I win. I am packed and ready and all my assignments and finals are done and I have talked to my advisor and the only stuff left is things I have to do with my parents anyway. I get to relax and drink the hot chocolate I bought a few days ago and play Control and all is right with the world.
#i had to walk all the way to downtown because the bus never showed up#and i had to get an uber back because it was dark and cold and i didn't want to make the 40 minute trek back#but!!!!! i got my classes figured out. so it's ok. i just have to clear the holds on my account so i can actually register for them#(which will hopefully be within a few days)#so things will be ok#i'm good i'm fine i'm winning#and i am still triumphing over my bitch wife (my computer that hates when i play control)#i hooked up my laptop to my tv so now i can play control on a bigger screen#so i'm like. winning tenfold#i also downloaded yuzu because i wanna see if my laptop will be able to run a couple switch games#though this software is confusing the hell out of me and also totk is taking FOREVER to unzip all the files#but it's fine it's fine#we stay silly#i will update y'all if i succeed at getting it to run#or if my computer freaks out and plays it at Ā¼fps#ANYWAY#tag rambles
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love paying thousands of dollars so I can sit in a lecture hall and over think my identity instead of maths
#its like. god idk. the more i think about it the more i feel like i have to accept that i am just aroace?#and the more i realise i really dont want that to be true?#it just. feels so fucking lonely#like. god.#all my friends are in relationships and im not. everyone was talking about childhood crushes yesterday and i just couldn't join in. we were#fillimg out these identity chart things and there just. wasnt an option for what i was#relationships are always going to be more important than friendships and that makes sense. i get that. but that also means im always going#to be lesser to someone else#like yes amato/allonormativity is bullshit and i shouldnt listen to it but. fuck its depressing feeling like im just missing a core part of#what makes someone a real person yk. it fucking sucks#like i think im already sensitive to that bc growing up trans and neurodivergent means i already feel like ive missed out on so many#milestones#and now i have this. and im always going to have this. and it fucking sucks#like idk!! i wanna date!! i want someone to care about me in that way!! but ill never be able to do that without feeling like im decieving#them so whats the fucking point yk!!#like im just overexaggerating the few hints of sexuality i have now to at least try to pretend i have one#because at least then i can be included in those conversations and not feel like a lesser person for those few seconds#but then it changes. and im back to feeling like a freak and half of a person !! and i feel like a freak and gross whenever i di exaggerate#my sexualoty at all so yk. no winning there ig#god idk#this got uh. more depressing than i thought#i think i just already feel lowkey like shit constantly so this just makes it worse?#idk. im too tired for this shit#thumbsup#i swear im normal
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lord i am thinking of solangelo. gods bless them. against all fucking odds like i cant even wrap my head around it sometimes. its literally fate. nico was in that damn casino for decades. will has survived so long for a demigod that was present for TWO titan wars. same for nico especially bc his powers make him bonkers close to death every time. and will has the power to HEAL HIM. EVERY TIME. he can help and be there for him. he WILL be there for him bc he loves him sm.............what the hell!!!!!!
#WHAT THE HELLLLLLLLLL#its literally fate that they can even meet and then they fall in love#like nico was such an angsty freak when he first got to camp#fun cool chill guy and freaky edgy emo boy........#how he managed to crush on nico is beyond me....#(not beyond me at all i Get It.)#and will was trying so hard and stressing tf out#trying to be like his brother.... trying to help out in every way possible........#them both having similar traumas and dealing w it in completely different ways.....#sunshine and darkness.............#they literally found each other and are in love forever and ever and its fate and its real and love literally wins#GOD. GOD. i love them. i have loved them for so long and it never ever ends i will always love them. god.#solangelo#pjo
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It always seems a bit unbalanced on The Great Food Truck Race when there will be multiple teams who are cooking a wide variety of complex dishes with 10 different components and a bunch of prep work, and then there's that one team who like... exclusively serves plain crepes with some premade nutella on them, or plain waffles with just some whipped cream and cut up strawberries lol...
#AND then they'll be the winning team or whatever and its like... wow... imagine that... I wonder how its possible that they can get#more dishes out faster than the other teams... hrrmm.... lol#Not that they aren't still doing work like. obviously it's still hard and there's still a sales component and other stuff to be done#but It's just kind of unbalanced seeming when one group is serving like grilled shrimp sandwich with 3 homemade sauces and a#slaw and two sides and the other people are like... slicing fruit and drizzling a bottle of hersheys chocolate syrup on top of some thing#they just threw in a waffle maker for a few minutes#You see the footage of the teams cooking and everyone is like prepping a ton of different things and meat and vegetables and they have#boiling pots and pans and fryers going and tossing stuff in bowls and compiling these multi component dishes#and then That One Team is always just casually slicing bananas or doing some whipped cream in a bowl gbjhbhj#They usually dont even make their own caramel or chocolate sauces or anything. Nutella out of a jar babey!#So all you're really Making is like... whipped cream. and some sort of batter (waffle. crepe. etc)#If I got placed in a competition like that and I found out one of my opponents just sold waffles or pancake sticks or etc#like that I would just be like... okay.. I'm out then. bye. OR I would pivot and be like.. right I shall remove all complexity from my menu#whatsoever and just start selling plain balls of fried dough with powdered sugar or plain fries with nothing on them or something lol#update: OH my god.. one of these teams on a newer season is selling a 'bonus add on' where you can add#cinnamon sugar and caramel syrup (possibly not even home made by them???? just from a bottle) for $5 extra on your order#If I bought a $12 waffle from a food truck and they were like 'hey do you want to upgrade? for only $5 we'll drizzle a teaspoon#of caramel and sprinkle a little sugar and cinnamon on there!' I feel like I would cancel my order and walk away.#that is a $1 add on at MOST.. for a freaking DRIZZLE of caramel sauce LOL#and of course this team is in the top 3... squirrel.... come ON...#Which I know all these shows are fake and bad and whatever. I dont watch them seriously. I think I liked the first few seasons#but then anything past like season 4 (or whenever they started having established people who already ran food trucks on there#instead of taking a bunch of peope who had never run a food truck before and giving them one - which is a much more equal footing#premise to me) I have just been increasingly annoyed at and I really just have the show on for background noise#whilst doing chores or something and am not genuinely paying that much attention but... my god.. At least try to pretend its fair lol#WHICH I KNOWW... you can say 'well the other teams could do similar if they wanted.' or blah blah. tehcnically it's THEIR choice to#make stuff from scratch and not sell a bunch of packaged frozen chicken wings dropped into a fryer over a shitty 6min waffle or etc.#but... I will never respect a $5 for 1tbsp of caramel sauce type of situation.. even if they win.. you will always be losers in my heart#So many teams with real cooking skill & good concepts go home to the 'slap nutella on fried dough' people... how...
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never mind I have to temporarily give up. I canāt write under these conditions
#I have maybe 1k words though!#my mother wonāt stop talking to me about my shitty sister and the custody agreement sheās trying to get thrown out so she gets her kid back#and like. I have heard the update to the situation a dozen fucking times now. stop talking to me about shittany please Iām sick of her#and I try to remind her to stop talking like shittany is going to win next week at court and she snaps at me that we just donāt know#and yeah fair but my idiot sister lied in her court documents so I doubt she can prove our lawyer coerced her into signing the papers#when they never even met#anyway. Iām angry now djdjsjshhsha. my mother just catastrophizes and catastrophizes and catastrophizes#and changes the plan six dozen times. weāre supposed to go on a road trip but now we have this custody hearing#commit to a fucking plan and stop fucking talking to me about it!!#and Iāve got one brother banging on the piano or trying to talk to me#the other sulking bc heās pissy but no one knows why#my dad is mowing or something and itās so freaking loud#the deaf dog barks at nothing nonstop#and my nephew hums and sings to himself while he stims#Iām about to pull a grinch level rant about the amount of noise holy fuck#but hey! 1k words! and Iām not even finished with Marciaās section of this fic! five more people to go!
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Me: Oh wow, there's an opportunity to support Gaza as part of local government. But I'm not sure if I have the spoons for this...
Brain: Didn't you have a whole argument with the condescending bug guy on Tumblr about the importance of putting pressure on the Democratic establishment and supporting local government initiatives? About how voting for Biden without that (or in general) would be, at best, neutral towards Palestinians and more likely outright insulting? Are you going to let the bug man win?
Me: *sigh* No, no I will never let the bug man win. From the river to the sea.
#arguing with the bug man did actually help me hone my own political beliefs even if he never replied to anything I said#made me aware of what's important to me politically and why#and publicly stating what I believe in (even just on Tumblr) makes it easier for me to act in accordance with it#so thanks for that bug man#you argued your point so badly that I'm now strengthened against it#I can see he's still freaking out about random anti-Biden posters while I'm actually speaking out against Gaza#so I think I'm still winning
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The thing is my friends have actual success on dating apps so Iām like hmm maybe I should make one and just try it but the thing is I am genuinely a hideous beast so like how do you set up a dating profile where you have to upload pictures of yourself when you know there is not a single good photo of you in existence
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video call is seriously the worst thing ever what if i died
#got a serious video call coming up and i hate it i dont want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM GONNA DIE!!!#can i just put the camera on my cat. will that work#i also hate normal calls so. i can never win#its in 5 days and im already freaking out i haate this!!!!!!!
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